#idk I just feel like I should be doing something
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riize when you're on your period ā®āĖ
pairing: bf!riize x fem!reader, genre: fluff (tiny bit of crack idk), warnings: menstrual cycle, blood, medication
ā”āøāø how he'd spoil you rotten during that time of the month
shotaro . . .
ā¦ oh how sweet he'd be :(
ā¦ taro is always the sweetest to you, treating you like a princess every waking moment of your life.
ā¦ but when you're on your period, he does everything in his power to lift your spirits and make you feel better.
ā¦ he wouldn't shy away from buying your feminine hygiene products! a real man, we love to see it!
ā¦ he'd be at your house every day, calling you beforehand to ask if you need him to get something for you.
ā¦ even if you say no, he'll never arrive empty-handed. he'll bring your favorite ice cream and maybe even a new teddy bear!
ā
- "i'm sorry you're having a tough time, honey... is there anything i can do for you?"
eunseok . . .
ā¦ not a single day goes by where eunseok isn't spoiling you, waiting for your every request
ā¦ nothing changes during this time of the month; your caring boyfriend still stopping at nothing to make your life as easy as it can be.
ā¦ the only difference is that he'd never leave your side for even a second.
ā¦ he'd be sat beside you stroking your hair, occasionally checking to see if you're in pain or need anything from him.
ā¦ in the morning he'd ask you what you feel like eating so he can plan out today's meals, always ensuring his baby is happy and well-fed </3
ā¦ once he notices even a small wince from you, he wastes no time, rushing to grab a hot pack and leaving soothing kisses on your forehead.
ā
- "i know it hurts, darling, i'm sorry. i'll take care of it, i promise."
sungchan . . .
ā¦ your cuddle buddy!
ā¦ whenever it's that time of the month, really all he wants to do is scoop you up in his arms and hug all of the pain away :( ... which conveniently works!
ā¦ when you're experiencing cramps, sungchan is always beside you, gently rubbing your tummy. he holds you delicately in his arms as if you'd shatter with too rough of a touch.
ā¦ his large, warm hands work wonders for your minor cramps and he knows that, so he never stays far from you in case you need him.
ā¦ but when your cramps are intense, sungchan always feels so sad and helpless :( he frantically researches remedies while you curl up in his lap, crying against his chest.
ā¦ he wipes your tears and kisses their trails, trying his best to soothe you in any way possible.
ā
- "i'm so sorry, princess... the medicine should be kicking in any second now. should we try to take a nap?"
wonbin . . .
ā¦ a clueless cutie (ć»ć» ) ?
ā¦ he'd be helplessly sitting beside you, too scared to touch you in fears of hurting you even more.
ā¦ nevertheless, he'd still be layering you with blankets and googling how to help his suffering gf (he's a loser and you love him!)
ā¦ in the end, he asks you to tell him whatever it is that you need, but all you want is cuddles and snacks :( so ofc he delivers!
ā¦ he'd order a bunch of your favorite snacks and find a good movie to watch
ā¦ would put on a comedy but laughing hurts your stomach so you watch a sappy romance instead, aaaand now he's stuck wiping your tears while you ugly cry over some cliche movie...!
ā
- "you're such a crybaby. come here, let me kiss you."
seunghan . . .
ā¦ the way he treats you when you're on your period alone is already grounds for marriage
ā¦ seunghan would cater to your every needā buying your hygiene products, running errands, completing house chores, shit maybe even doing homework for you
ā¦ he just can't see his baby in pain :(
ā¦ the second you're leaning over in pain, he's running over to hug you probably with tears in his eyes
ā¦ every little flinch and he's asking if you need to go to the hospital
ā¦ he's the most caring boy in the world and he'd do anything for you <3
ā
- "i'm sorry it hurts so much, angel... but i'm so proud of you, you know that?"
sohee . . .
ā¦ sohee would wear a stoic and confident act, but the poor boy is just a confused, scared, anxious little dude...
ā¦ he would be less clingy than the other members but would still travel lengths to make you feel better.
ā¦ sohee would work on lifting your spirits! he'd love to pick up food from your favorite restaurant and eat with you :3
ā¦ he'd do anything to make you smileā often ordering frozen yogurt at 2am and watching naruto until sunrise
ā¦ he knows how excruciating your menstrual cycle is, so he does everything in his power to make you happy even if its just for a split second.
ā¦ he's just your little ball of sunshine <3
ā
- "i know it hurts, pretty girl... how about i order froyo? would that take your mind off of it..?"
anton . . .
ā¦ GOD SAVE THIS POOR BOY
ā¦ he is just about as emotionally drained as you are...
ā¦ every time you'd whine in pain, he'd hold you close to him and cry with you, constantly whispering apologies and comforting words.
ā¦ he goes out to buy your hygiene products but probably ends up calling you to tell him which one to buy... poor boy is super shy but he reminds himself it's for your girlfriend!
ā¦ he probably asks you questions about your period so he can become more prepared and knowledgeable, but you're not in the mood to talk so you end up cuddling instead (ā”ļ¹ā”)
ā¦ you lie cuddled up against his chest as he strokes your hair with one hand and rests the other on your lower back, soaking in each others' presence.
ā
- "you're so admirable, my love. you're doing so well."
#taojjang ā#riize#riize scenarios#riize x reader#riize imagines#riize soft hours#riize shotaro#riize eunseok#riize sungchan#riize wonbin#riize seunghan#riize sohee#riize anton#osaki shotaro#song eunseok#jung sungchan#park wonbin#hong seunghan#lee sohee#anton lee#shotaro x reader#eunseok x reader#sungchan x reader#wonbin x reader#seunghan x reader#sohee x reader#anton x reader#kpop bg#kpop
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ĢĢĢĢā BUSY
warnings: just pure angst
wc: 1,800~
SYNOPSIS: sheās always working. and your drifting apart because of it.
an: idk about this one guys
She was always working. Couldnāt last an hour without writing something down on her notes app, or fucking relax for a day. you quickly got tired of it after a few weeks into your relationship.
She was always out. couldnāt stay still or stay at home. whenever you did agree to go out, the only thing you could think of was all the cameras you knew were on you.
You loved billie. you loved her to death. she was the love of your life. but sheās never around. and on the rare occasions that she wasnāt working, she would be too tired to do something fun with you.
You were desperate all the time. practically begging for her attention. you felt like a stranger in your own skin. having to sleep in an empty bed nearly all the time, even when billie does sleep with you, you still feel uncomfortable in her arms. because you werenāt used to having her near you. not used to having someone hug you from behind. not used to being so warm and safe.
You knew you were falling apart. you knew months agoāyouāve been knowing. but you still chose to ignore it. the way sheād slowly forget about some things you said when her usual arm around the shoulder turned into nothing. the usual giggles when she did something stupid slowly turning into sighs.
It was depressingānot saying anythingārefusing to even believe it yourself was depressing. that you were drifting apart. that she wasnāt your billie anymore. she was her job.
You loved her passion. you loved when she rambled about her music and how she creates. but whenever sheād mention a tour your entire brain turns into mush. you know you should be happy for herāproudābut you couldnāt. going on tour means that you couldnāt even have her. couldnāt hug her or lay your head on her lap.
The tour ruined you even more. as if you werenāt already on the edge. You used to call every day, her voice that kept you from spiraling too far. You used to sleep on call, her soft breathing on the other end a lullaby that made the distance feel less suffocating. But now, but nowāthere was only silence. She didnāt call first anymore. Didnāt check in. Your phone stayed painfully still, the void between you stretching wider with every passing hour.
When you did call, it rang too many times. Sometimes she answered, distracted, her voice tinged with exhaustion. Other times, she didnāt. Excuses piled upāinterviews, rehearsals, travelābut they felt hollow. Like maybe you werenāt worth the effort anymore. Like maybe the space she filled in your life didnāt exist in hers.
You tried telling her about your concerns, you tried. a million times you tried. but they never work. so you thought that maybe when she comes back from tour youād try again. to tell her. so she can fix it. She always fixed everything.
She came back from tour exhausted. She was free for a whole two months. even though she wasnāt totally free, she still had to work and prepare but you were still ecstatic, and billie couldnāt be happier to see you.
āBaby!ā Billie gasped, her arms sweeping down to catch you as you practically launched yourself into her embrace. Your feet barely touched the ground as she lifted you, holding you close, too close, like she was afraid to let you go. Still in your pajamas, with mismatched slippers, you looked ridiculous, ridiculous on camera. But you couldnāt care less. All that mattered was her, the warmth of her body, the scent of her hoodie, the soft thrum of her heartbeat that grounded you.
āBillie,ā you mumbled into her neck, your voice muffled against the fabric, but she felt so real, so solid in your arms, you almost forgot how much youād missed her. She hummed softly, she hummed and you could feel the vibrations through her warm chest.
āI missed you so much,ā she whispered, her words catching in your hair as she pressed a lingering kiss to the top of your head. Her hands slid down your back, steadying you as your legs dangled. Her arms tightened around you, pulling you even closer, and you felt that familiar tug in your chest like you could lose her if you werenāt careful.
You nodded against her shoulder, fingers clutching at the back of her hoodie, desperate to keep her there, like if you let go for even a second, she might slip away. āI hate it when youāre gone,ā you admitted, the words feeling heavy as they slipped out. You didnāt want to be this vulnerable, but it was too late.
āI know, angel,ā she murmured, her voice soft, but firm, like a promise. She cupped your cheek, tilting your face up to meet her gaze. Her blue eyes sparkled in the harsh airport light, but there was something else there too, something that looked like guiltāor maybe it was relief. You werenāt sure anymore. āIām here now. Youāve got me.ā
You bit your lip, trying to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to spill over, but before you could speak, Billie leaned in. Her lips brushed over yours in a kiss so gentle, so tender, it almost made your chest ache. Time seemed to slow, the noise of the airport fading away, until it was just you and her in your own little world. When she pulled back, she smiled, brushing a thumb over your cheek.
āAnd by the way,ā she teased, her voice lighter now, but you could still hear the exhaustion in it, ānice pajamas. Truly a statement.ā
The bus door closed behind you, the hum of the city fading as the world outside was left behind. Billie dropped her bag on the seat with a soft sigh, her shoulders slumping slightly as she slid into the booth. The energy between you felt different now, quieter. You had tried to keep the lighthearted mood going, but the silence between you two was thick, almost palpable.
You sat down across from her, legs curled up beneath you, waiting for her to say something, anything. She glanced up briefly, offering you a quick smile that didnāt quite reach her eyes, before looking back down at her phone.
āIām just really tired,ā Billie murmured, the words barely above a whisper as she tapped on the screen, distracted. āIāve had a long day.ā
You nodded, unsure of what else to say. The warmth that had been between you earlier felt like it had slipped through your fingers, leaving you in the cold space that now seemed to stretch between you. She didnāt look up again, her attention solely focused on her phone, her fingers swiping with mechanical precision.
āYeah, I get it,ā you said softly, glancing at her, but she didnāt seem to notice.
Billie let out a soft sigh, the kind that spoke volumes without a word. She finally looked up at you, her eyes softer now, but her voice still distant. āIāll be better tomorrow. Justā¦ tired, yāknow?ā
You nodded again, a faint ache tugging at your chest. Her words were meant to reassure you, but the emptiness in her tone made it harder to believe.
The seconds stretched into minutes, and the space between you felt wider with each passing moment. Neither of you spoke, the quiet pressing in on you both as the bus moved down the road.
When the bus finally came to a stop outside the house, you felt like you were stuck in slow motion. You stepped out, your legs unsteady, but you couldnāt shake the weight in your chest. Everything around you was the same, but the air between you and Billie felt differentācolder, heavier.
The door clicked shut behind you, and you lingered for a moment just inside the entryway, eyes on the floor.
Billie moved past you, her footsteps echoing softly through the quiet house as she dropped her bag by the door and hung her jacket on the hook. She didnāt even look at you.
You took a breath, trying to steady yourself, but your heart was already pounding, the words stuck at the back of your throat. You didnāt want to do this. Not now. Not like this. But you knew if you didnāt say something, youād lose her completely.
You barely whispered her name. āBillie?ā
She didnāt turn to you right away. āHmm?ā Her voice was soft, tired, distant. She didnāt sound like she was really listening.
You swallowed hard, your chest tightening. You could feel the pressure of four years, of everything youād been through together, weighing down on you. It felt like you were standing on the edge of something, like if you took one wrong step, it would all fall apart.
āIāā you faltered, your voice trembling, but you forced the words out anyway. āI feel likeā¦ youāve been so distant. I donāt know whatās happening, but itās like youāre not here anymore.ā You winced as you said it, like admitting it would make it all real.
Billie stopped what she was doing but didnāt turn around. The silence between you felt endless, like she was taking her time to decide how to handle it. You could feel your hands shaking at your sides, a deep ache in your chest that made it hard to breathe.
āIām just tired, baby,ā she said after a long pause, her voice quieter now, almost apologetic. āTour, everythingā¦ it just gets to me sometimes. I didnāt mean to shut you out.ā
You nodded, though it didnāt make you feel better. You wanted to believe her, you really did, but the distance between you felt too real to ignore. You took a shaky breath, barely able to meet her eyes. āI donāt know if I can keep pretending like everythingās fine when youāre like this.ā
Billieās shoulders stiffened slightly, but she didnāt turn around. Her hands were still on the counter, gripping the edge like she needed to steady herself. āIām sorry,ā she murmured, barely loud enough for you to hear. āI didnāt mean to make you feel that way. I justā¦ sometimes itās too much, you know?ā
Your heart sank at her words, but you didnāt have the strength to push her further. Instead, you took a slow step toward her, voice small but desperate. āI just need to know that you still want this. Want me.ā
There was another heavy silence, and you werenāt sure if you were ready to hear what sheād say next. You stood there, trying to keep yourself from shaking, barely able to breathe as you waited for her answer.
Finally, she turned toward you, her face soft but guarded. āOf course I do. I just need a little time, okay?ā
You nodded, but it felt like a fragile promise.
taglist: @chrissv4mp, @billiesguitar, @ilovebillieeilish2000, @d14n4ol, @raspberrymacaroon if your not a part of this list but want to be comment under my taglist post, which is on my masterlist.
b.e masterlist | m.b masterlist | s.r masterlist | taglist
#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish angst#billie eilish imagine#billie eilish fic#billie eilish oneshot
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Was it just me or was viktorās writing kinda ableist. Like one of arcanes main villains is *checks notes* poor oppressed disabled man who wants to help other poor oppressed disabled people. And I know itās bc he was taking peopleās autonomy but thatās a lazy cop out to present a societal problem and not address it bc a crazzzzyyy person brought it up. Like viktor to me represents the perfect zaunite who does everything ārightā- worked his way to the top, gave himself, his work, his life- for piltoverās benefit but was still casted aside. HIS technology was twisted to their image and he was told he could die now bc they got what they wanted from him and werenāt gonna help him or his ppl. So he dips and tries to do it himself instead of feeding into piltovers power bc they wonāt accept zaunites no matter how perfect. And then his feelings abt this werenāt even validated at the end either, Jayce was just like, I liked when you were disabled??? (And was viktor ever really trying to cure himself or was he receiving no help and was scared of dying?) Like sure there is critique to be made to the trope of magical cure that says there is something wrong with disabled ppl and their lives can never be fulfilling unless cured. Itās an ableist trope. But making a victim of a system like that a villain??? For offering help to an oppressed class??? I guess if we consider how Viktors arc was treated, itās no surprise the story ends with Zaun receiving no help or improvement. Arcane saying poor oppressed disabled ppl should just idk die or become martyrs for their oppressors? Kinda.
BRO MY THOUGHTS ON VIKTOR EXACTLY. The final boss of the show is friggin. Viktor???? HUH?????? Not the system????? Not the oppressors??? No, the oppressors redeem themselves by stopping VIKTOR, A CAUTIONARY TALE OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A ZAUNITE JOINS PILTOVER. When Jayce started giving his speech about how Viktor's problem was that he was trying to "heal his weaknesses instead of embracing them" I was like'????? Tf????? No????? Viktor's problem was that he decided to become part of the system. He believed the system was unfair to his people because it had no choice, so if Viktor provided the tools to stop the oppression, he could save them. He was trying to heal himself because he was ACTIVELY DYING and he WANTED TO KEEP LIVING SO HE COULD LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO INVENT SOMETHING THAT COULD TRULY SAVE ZAUNITES ONCE AND FOR ALL. But they mischaracterized him and turned him into someone who just felt bad about his disability. It was all so icky
#eernask#eernanon#eernask talk arcane#arcane spoilers#both viktor and vi were zaunites who joined piltover and got fuckall for it#they were used and discarded by the council and the show is just like. teehee happy ending for both!#aren't you happy jayce and viktor are hugging! aren't you happy vi and cait are hugging! NO DUDE I FEEL REALLY REALLY BAD
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I hate BPD so much, i hate it so much, i just want it to stop being like this.
I'll just go to sleep maybe I'll dream something nice but my god i hate my brain so much I don't even know who i am or what i need, i just want to feel okay i feel like im never enough for anyone. Im just tired and scared,ni hate how life isn't like the movies, i want my life to be a big fiction where im the protagonist, i watch movies and series and i just feel so much jealousy.
I wonder where my friends are, i wonder where my parents are. I wonder where's that childhood I've always wanted. I know I only have one chance to be alive and this is what i get? Remembering my childhood with a 8 year old me begging my mom to kill me bc i didn't want to keep being alive, i just wanted life to end at the tender age of 8 years old and my mom only laughed at me. And my dad doesn't even love me, he never did, i hate him so much as much as he hates me or even more. Idk what to do.
I ain't no perfect human, I'll never be as im sick since i was born and everywhere ill go I'll disgust everyone. Idk what to do anymore. I just want this suffering to stop. Talking isn't useful either, i just want some lovely arms to rest on and feel like I'm in the home i never had.
I hate to know how tough it is to have someone with mental illness as your friend or family, i hate to know im a burden and i hate to know that nobody will actually relate to any of my interests. The world should have stopped in 2015. i envy people that have friends and still do that bullshit of "no, im fine" and say internally "oh i love them, they're so lovely but I'll just keep quiet so i don't bother them" and their friends and family would die to know their state, selfish bullshit, i know you're sad and all but where tf did you get that idea??! I literally would die for your situation. My lord. I wish i could just have what you have. I wish i was skinny, i wish i was innocent, i wish i was a kid again and stop everything that's coming to me, i wish i had born somewhere else, i wish i wasn't me, i wish my brain wasn't like this, i wish nobody hated me, i wish i didn't hate everyone, i wish i could live, i wish my dad love me, i wish my family love me, i wish everyone love me, i wish i was a good person, i wish i was somewhere else.
I won't accept im 20 next year, I won't accept my life is ruined, I won't accept i am still alive.
I wanna be an idle teen. Something i couldn't even do. Im that autistic girl that died in her couch, that's me, it's just that nobody know it, nobody knows my parents don't care enough, nobody knows i drop off school bc of bullying and depression at 13 and that i rot in my bed.
The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.
#Spotify#SoundCloud#adolescence didn't make sense#the ugly years of being a fool#diary post#actually bpd#bpd vent#vent#I'm fucked ip#hikineet#hikikomori
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Pathetic
āā āā
āā
ā āā āā
āā
ā āā āā
āā
ā āā
Pairing | Stepbro!Neil Lewis x reader
Summary | Your stepbrother is weird and annoying, but youāve found a way to make good use of him.
Warnings | Smut, dub con? but like not really, incest technically, dry humping, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, heās very pathetic, and subby, reader is very mean.
Words | 1.2 k
Notes | Idk in my head theyāre both in college but still living at home lol. Also once again, I canāt think of a titleš
Ao3 link | <3
Masterlist
Kinktober | day 17: degradation
You thought your step brother was super weird and honestly a little annoyingā¦ but there were some redeeming qualities. Heāll pretty much do whatever you sayā heās only a few months younger, but he acts like it. Even though heās taller and probably stronger, you can still boss him around like an older sister should. Then there wasā¦ his other useful quality.Ā
āYouāre such a fucking pervert.ā You spat, almost disgusted, and he whined behind you as his hips sped up. You were currently on your hands and knees on his bed, wearing just a shirt and panties. Neil was behind you, holding your hips still so he could dry hump you with his clothed dick in the cleft of your ass, over your underwear. āThis is what gets you off? Humping your sister like a dog?ā You snickered.Ā
āOh godā¦ā He moaned, rutting against you harder and faster. āFuck, I- Iām gonna come.ā He whimpered and you barked out a laugh.Ā
āAlready?ā His whines got louder and louder until his hips stilled a little and he was moaning and whimpering instead. You could feel his come soaking through both pairs of underwear and his cock twitching as it stayed pressed between your cheeks. āThatās all it takes? You just rub your dick on something and come in less than five minutes?āĀ
āStop..ā He whined pathetically.Ā
āGet off me.ā You huffed, leaning up to push him down on the bed. You got him on his back, then straddled his hips and began grinding on him again, this time with your cunt.Ā Ā
āWait- wait,ā He choked out, grabbing your hips. He let out a pained whine at the overstimulation, only encouraging you.Ā
āDonāt be such a baby.ā You started grinding down on him harder, mostly to make it hurt more for him, but also to finally get yourself close to the edge.Ā
āPlease stop..ā He threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut, barely coping with the overstimulation.Ā
āGod- do you ever shut up?ā You groaned, leaning over him to put a hand over his mouth. The new angle was stimulating your clit even more, making you curse under your breath.Ā
He sobbed out a moan behind your hand and looked up at you with glossy eyes, his brows scrunched together in pain. Pink dusted his cheeks and you couldnāt help but enjoy the sight.Ā
Heās never looked more pathetic.Ā
āYāknow, if you actually knew how to make a girl come, I wouldnāt have to do this.ā You said bitterly, making him whine. āOf course I had to get stuck with a fucking virgin for a step brother. Maybe Iāll go find one of your friendsā see if they have better stamina than a fucking teenager.ā His hips bucked under yours, making you smirk a little.Ā
āOh, do you like that?ā You sneered. āIs that what you are, a cuck? Should I let you watch your friends do a better job than you ever could?ā In response, he whimpered and shook his head.Ā
āYouāre so fucking useless. This isnāt even worth itā Iām just going to get off by myself.ā You started to lean up and when he reached out for you in a panic, you slapped his hands away.Ā
āNo! I- Iām sorry. I can help.āĀ
āCan you?ā You scoffed. āI donāt think your pathetic excuse for a cock will help me very much.āĀ
āMyā my mouth..ā You huffed, but laid down on your back, making him frown when your come soaked underwear got on his sheets.Ā
āGet to it then.ā You snapped, bringing him into motion. He laid down between your legs and wrapped his arms under your thighs, then pulled your underwear to the side. He started with slow kisses and licks, quickly testing your patience. āWhy am I coming like this and not with my vibrator?ā You asked sarcastically, egging him on. Which got him to start moving more enthusiastically, sucking on your clit and slurping up your arousal.Ā
āGod, you even eat pussy like a fucking virgin.ā You muttered, sounding almost bored. He whined against you, sucking on your clit even harder and occassionally fucking his tongue inside you.Ā
You waited for him to bring you to the edge, but it was taking a while, so you decided to grab your phone and watch something to help you get there. The movement of you picking up the device caught his attention and he looked up at you without removing his mouth from your pussy. When moans started playing through the speaker, he immediately frowned and his ministrations faltered.Ā
āI let you come. Do the same for me or Iāll tell your mom about how much of a pervert her āprecious baby boyā is.ā You snapped. He stared at you with slightly wide eyes, then reluctantly put his attention back on your cunt.Ā
The porn was definitely helping, as was knowing how degraded he probably felt. After a few minutes, he pulled back and you looked down at him, raising your brows.Ā
āMy tongue is getting sore.ā He explained with a pout, making you scoff.Ā
āYouāre the one who begged to eat me out. Stop fucking complaining.ā Using your free hand, you grabbed his hair and yanked his head back down, burying his face in your pussy. You held him in place like that for a few minutes, but when you started nearing the edge, you put his head in a leg lock, keeping his mouth pressed firmly against your cunt, giving him no other choice but to make you come.Ā
When you finally fell over the edge, you squeezed his head with your leg even tighter and your back arched off the bed. He was moaning against you and humping the bed, apparently enjoying your orgasm almost as much as you.Ā
After the pleasure faded, you let out a heavy breath and sagged back onto the bed, closing your eyes. Neil let out a soft sound against your pussy, so you sighed, but let your leg fall back down onto the bed, allowing him to pull off. The bottom half of his face was completely covered in his spit and your arousal, and he panted heavily for a few seconds as he wiped his face with the back of his hand.Ā
āCan I please come again?ā He asked timidly, waiting until you had mostly recovered from your orgasm to ask.Ā
You looked down at him, then rolled your eyes and reached for your phone again. āWhatever. Hump my leg I guess.ā He whined quietly, but straddled your thigh and started rutting against you while you scrolled through your phone, waiting impatiently for him to finish.Ā
Soon enough, his breathing was starting to pick up and his hips were moving more desperately as he neared the edge. āFuck.. Iām gonna come.ā He choked out, humping you frantically. When the front door slammed shut though, both of you froze.Ā
āCan you help bring in the groceries?ā His mom called out from downstairs.Ā
āBe right there!ā You yelled back, then sat up, making him whine loudly.Ā
āNo- please.. Iām so close.āĀ
āNot my problem, loser. Get off.ā You spat, pushing him off your leg onto the bed. You stood up, but paused when you heard quiet whimpering. More come was leaking from his underwear and he quickly reached down to try and salvage the rest of his ruined orgasm. You watched him stroke his erection through the fabric, getting his come all over his hands and crotch, making an even bigger mess.Ā
āYouāre so fucking gross.ā You scoffed, making him whine pathetically. Before leaving, you picked up his shirt from the floor and wiped the rest of his come from your ass, then put your shorts back on and walked out.Ā
#neil lewis smut#neil lewis x reader#neil lewis#Neil lewis x reader smut#cillian murphy#kinktober 2024#kinktober
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dancing phantoms on the terrace; are they second-hand embarrassed, that i can't get out of bed? cause something counterfeit's dead; it was legendary; it was momentary; it was unnecessary āāā PBāµ
ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ ā š°šØš«š ššØš®š§š | 6.4k
ā¢ ā š¬š®š¦š¦šš«š² | you and paige have always danced around each otherāan intricate waltz of unspoken words and fleeting touches, each step pulling you closer to the edge of something you both feared to define. but when your feelings finally bubble over, paigeās silence cuts sharper than anything you could have imagined. in the wake of her denial, you vow to let her go, but itās hard to sever the bond when she keeps lingering in the corners of your world, drawing you back like gravity. what happens when you canāt be friends, but letting go feels impossible?
ā¢ ā š°šš«š§š¢š§š š¬ | angst w/ no happy ending. weird fwb, cheating (kinda?), toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, unhealthy attachment, and cycles of miscommunication and unresolved feelings.
ā¢ ā ššÆ'š¬ š§šØššš¬ | this is lowkey just a word vomit... idk how to feel about it. i've been on an angst kick lately and i'm apologizing for this fic right now, it's EMOTIONALLY DAMAGING. um anyway, don't even ask how i am right now... enjoy?
The gym smells like worn leather and ambitionāPaigeās favorite cocktail, if you had to guess. The echo of bouncing basketballs fills the cavernous space, and there she is, effortlessly commanding the court like itās her birthright. Youād think the sight of herāgolden hair slicked back, sharp focus slicing through the roomāwould dull with time, but it hasnāt. If anything, itās worse.
You donāt mean to stare, but when itās her, you always do.
āHey,ā her voice cuts through your thoughts, soft but with a rasp thatās always felt like a secret shared just between the two of you. Paige jogs toward you, her smile easy, but her eyes? Complicated. Like she knows. Like sheās always known.
āHey,ā you manage, though your throat feels tight, your body betraying you with a spark of something youāve tried to douse for months.
She stops just short of you, close enough that you can smell the faint citrus of her shampoo. āThought you were too busy to come by anymore.ā
You shrug, trying to play it cool, but the weight of her gaze makes it impossible. āIām not staying long. Justā¦ passing through.ā
Itās a lie. Youāve never been able to just pass through when it comes to her.
Paige grins, wiping sweat from her brow with the hem of her jersey. Itās a fleeting movement, but it leaves your pulse racing, and you hate yourself for it. She doesnāt noticeāor maybe she does, and thatās worse.
āYouāre a bad liar,ā she says, her tone teasing but gentle. She tilts her head, like sheās reading something written on your face. āYou okay?ā
Itās such a simple question, but the weight of it threatens to shatter your resolve.
āIām fine,ā you say too quickly. Too sharply.
Her brows knit together, but she doesnāt push. Paige never pushes. Itās you who always falls, silently hoping sheāll be there to catch you.
But youāre tired of hoping.
āI should go,ā you mutter, turning before the cracks in your chest start to show. But her hand wraps around your wrist, stopping you.
āWait.ā
Itās a single word, but it roots you in place, her touch burning like truth against your skin. You turn back to her, and for a moment, thereās nothing but the sound of your breath and the ache of everything youāll never say.
And Paige, looking at you like she wants to say it too.
SIX MONTHS AGO
The party was already half a blur when Paige walked in, but her presence made everything snap into focus. You hadnāt been looking for herāyouād told yourself you wouldnātābut there she was, a magnet pulling every molecule of you in her direction. She wasnāt dressed for the occasion like everyone else, no glittering dresses or expensive heels. Just a hoodie, sneakers, and that disarming grin.
You were nursing a drink, not for the taste, but for the illusion of control. People were scattered across the house in little clusters, and you were tucked into a corner of the living room, balancing somewhere between tipsy and regretfully sober. That is, until Paige caught sight of you.
Her gaze found you through the crowd like it was the easiest thing in the world, and you felt itāreally felt it. That invisible thread between the two of you, taut and unyielding.
āHey, stranger.ā Her voice carried over the low hum of music and chatter as she slid into the empty space beside you on the couch.
You laughed softly, but it came out more nervous than amused. āStranger? I didnāt know you even remembered my name.ā
She tilted her head, her grin shifting into something softer. āI remember a lot more than that.ā
The comment shouldnāt have sent a shiver down your spine, but it did. Paige had a way of saying things like they were just words when they were anything but.
āDidnāt expect to see you here,ā you admitted, your fingers tightening around the red Solo cup in your hand.
āYeah, wellā¦ā Paigeās eyes dropped to your drink before returning to your face, and it made you feel naked somehow. āNeeded a break. Thought Iād find you.ā
Thought Iād find you.
The words hung in the air, charged, and you couldnāt tell if she was teasing or telling the truth. Maybe both.
The night blurred after that, the two of you falling into a rhythm that felt far too natural for how often you tried to keep your distance. Drinks were passed back and forth, jokes were made, her laughter melted into yours. Every time her knee brushed yours, your pulse spiked. Every time her fingers lingered on your arm, your stomach flipped.
At one point, someone turned up the music, and people started dancing in the center of the room. You didnāt want to, but Paige grabbed your hand, her touch electrifying. āCāmon,ā she coaxed, her eyes gleaming with something dangerous.
You followed, of course.
The two of you didnāt so much dance as sway, caught in your own little bubble amidst the chaos. Her hands found your hips, and she pulled you closer, so close you could smell the faint tang of beer on her breath. The way she looked at youādark, intent, unflinchingāmade the air between you too thick to breathe.
āHaving fun yet?ā she asked, her voice low.
You nodded, though fun wasnāt the word for what you were feeling. It was something else entirely.
āGood,ā she murmured, leaning in. Her lips brushed your ear as she spoke, sending a shiver through your entire body. āāCause you deserve it.ā
When you pulled back to meet her gaze, you saw it: the crack in her armor. That small, fleeting look of hesitation before she leaned in and kissed you.
It wasnāt gentle. It wasnāt shy. Paige kissed you like sheād been holding back for years, and maybe she had. Your drink slipped from your hand, forgotten, as your fingers found their way into her hair. The rest of the world vanished, the party, the music, the people. There was only herāher lips, her hands, the heat of her against you.
Somehow, the two of you stumbled your way upstairs, her hand firmly gripping yours as she led you to a bedroom. The door clicked shut behind you, and suddenly it was just the two of you, no distractions, no pretense.
You shouldnāt have let it happen, but you did. And it wasnāt just the alcohol, wasnāt just the heat of the moment. It was years of longing packed into a single night.
When it was over, you lay tangled together, the glow of the moon casting soft light across her face. Paige was quiet, her fingers drawing absent patterns on your bare shoulder. You wanted to say somethingāanythingābut the words caught in your throat.
āI canāt do this,ā she finally whispered, her voice breaking the fragile silence.
Your chest tightened. āWhat do you mean?ā
She turned to face you, and the conflict in her eyes was enough to make your heart ache. āIāmā¦ Iām trying to focus on basketball. Thisāusāitās too much.ā
Her words felt like a slap, but the way she looked at youāregretful, hesitant, almost desperateākept you from walking out right then and there. Instead, you forced a nod. āOkay.ā
āButāā she added quickly, her hand finding yours, āthis doesnāt have to be it. We can figure something out. Later.ā
It was a promise she had no right to make, and deep down, you knew that. But when she kissed you again, softer this time, you let yourself believe it.
That was the beginning of the end.
Paige had a way of engulfing your life without even trying, and the worst part was, you let her. She wasnāt yoursāyou werenāt hersābut she consumed you, seeped into the quiet corners of your world until there wasnāt a part of you she hadnāt touched.
She made it look so easy, too. Like you were the one complicating things.
Every time you tried to pull away, sheād reel you back in with a text, a glance, a late-night phone call that started with āI was just thinking about you.ā It was never enough to feel like a relationship, but it was always just enough to keep you tethered to her.
You told yourself it didnāt matter, that you didnāt need a label, that you could handle the messiness of it all. But then youād see her with someone else at a party, her arm slung around a teammateās shoulders, her laughter spilling over like champagne, and itād feel like your chest was being hollowed out with a dull spoon.
Still, you stayed.
You stayed because of the way she looked at you when no one else was around, like you were the only person in the world who mattered. You stayed because of the fleeting moments when she let her guard down, her fingers lingering on yours a second too long, her voice soft when she whispered your name.
And you stayed because of the promises.
āI just need time,ā sheād say, her hand brushing a strand of hair from your face. āYou understand, right?ā
And youād nod, swallowing the lump in your throat, because of course you understood. What else could you do? Tell her no? Walk away? The thought of losing her entirely was worse than the slow, aching heartbreak of being caught in her orbit.
But it was exhausting, being held at armās length while she continued to live her life exactly the way she wanted.
There were nights when sheād come over, late and unannounced, her hair still damp from the shower after a long practice. Sheād climb into your bed, curling into your side like it was the most natural thing in the world, her hand slipping under your shirt to rest against your stomach.
āI missed you,ā sheād murmur, her voice drowsy.
And for those moments, youād believe her. Youād let yourself believe that she meant it, that maybe this time things would be different.
But the mornings always came.
Sheād wake before you, slipping out of your bed as quietly as sheād slipped in. By the time you stirred, sheād be gone, her spot cold, the faint scent of her shampoo lingering on your pillow. She never left a note, never sent a text. Youād see her later that day, laughing with someone else, like the night before had been nothing more than a shared dream.
It wasnāt fair. You knew that. But Paige wasnāt the kind of person who played fair, at least not when it came to this. She played basketball like her life depended on it, with precision and purpose, but with you? She was reckless, careless, and sometimes it felt like she didnāt even realize it.
āYouāre overthinking it,ā sheād say when you finally mustered the courage to confront her, her tone light, dismissive. āWeāre good, arenāt we?ā
And every time, youād cave. Youād tell her what she wanted to hear, because the alternativeācalling her out, forcing her to make a choiceāfelt too dangerous.
So you kept waiting.
For the next stolen moment, the next broken promise, the next time sheād pull you in and push you away all over again.
It was a slow unraveling, and you didnāt know how much more you could take. But as much as you hated yourself for it, you knew one thing for sure:
Youād keep waiting. For her love. For her to choose you. For something you were terrified might never come.
The gym was cavernous, every dribble of the ball echoing like a drumbeat in your skull as you stormed in. You didnāt stop to think. Logic and restraint had abandoned you the second you saw the picture. Paige, her hands on someone elseās waist, her lips pressed to theirs in a way that made your stomach churn.
Her laugh was unmistakable even above the squeak of sneakers and the occasional shout from her teammates. It grated on you now, sharp and mocking. She didnāt see you at first. She was mid-layup, her ponytail flying behind her, the sweat on her brow catching the fluorescent lights. The picture was still fresh on your phone, the brightness of the screen almost taunting you.
You didnāt care who was watching.
āPaige!ā you barked, your voice cutting through the gymās rhythm like a knife.
The ball thudded against the floor, rolling away as she froze mid-turn. The laughter stopped. Heads turned.
Her eyes found yours, widening slightly before narrowing. A flicker of annoyance crossed her faceāthen something else. Panic? Regret? It didnāt matter.
She jogged over, wiping her hands on her shorts. āWhat are you doing here?ā she hissed, keeping her voice low.
āWhat am I doing here?ā Your laugh was humorless, loud enough for the whole team to hear. āWhat the hell are you doing, Paige?ā
āLetās talk outside.ā Her voice was tight now, her eyes darting toward her teammates, who were whispering among themselves.
You ignored the way she grabbed your arm, the way her fingers pressed a little too hard against your skin as she dragged you toward the double doors. The moment you were outside, the cold air slapping your face, you yanked yourself free.
āI saw the picture,ā you snapped.
āWhat picture?ā Her face was the picture of practiced innocence, but her tone was wary.
āDonāt play dumb, Paige. You know exactly what Iām talking about. You were kissing her!ā
Her jaw tightened, and her eyes flicked away for just a secondālong enough for you to catch it. āItās not what you think,ā she said, her voice measured, like she was trying to calm a storm.
āNot what I think?ā You could feel the heat rising in your chest, your hands trembling. āYou had your hands all over her. What is there to think, Paige?ā
She took a step closer, lowering her voice. āYouāre making this a bigger deal than it is.ā
āA bigger deal? Are you serious?ā Your voice cracked, the anger spilling over, loud and raw. āYou told meāno, you promised meāyou werenāt seeing anyone else!ā
āIām not,ā she shot back, her own voice rising now. āIt was just a stupid kiss, alright? It didnāt mean anything.ā
Your laugh was bitter, cutting. āIt didnāt mean anything? Do you even hear yourself? You think that makes it better?ā
Her frustration boiled over, her hands running through her hair as she paced a tight circle. āYouāre acting like weāre in some committed relationship or something!ā
The words hit you like a slap, your chest tightening as your breath caught. āSo, what? Thisāusāitās just nothing to you?ā
āI didnāt say that!ā she yelled, her voice echoing off the empty hallway. Her eyes blazed as she stepped closer, her finger pointing at you. āBut you keep pushing me, and I donāt know what you want from me!ā
āI want you to stop messing with my head!ā Your voice cracked, raw and thick with something you couldnāt quite name. āYou canāt keep pulling me in and then acting like I donāt exist whenever itās convenient for you, Paige!ā
She blinked, the words hitting her harder than you expected. For a moment, the anger on her face faltered, replaced by something softer, something youād almost call guilt.
But just as quickly, her defenses snapped back into place. āI told you I needed space,ā she said, her voice quieter but still edged with steel. āI told you from the start this wasnāt going to be easy.ā
āEasy?ā You shook your head, a humorless laugh bubbling up. āNo, Paige, this isnāt hardāitās cruel. Youāre cruel.ā
Her face fell, the anger draining from her expression. āI didnāt mean to hurt you,ā she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
But the words felt hollow, like a script sheād practiced too many times. Your fists clenched, nails digging into your palms, trying to anchor yourself in something, anything, besides the spiraling frustration.
āYeah?ā Your voice was low, trembling under the weight of restrained fury. āYou didnāt mean to hurt me, Paige, but you knew. You knew how I feltāhow I feelāand you kissed her anyway.ā
Her eyes darted away, lips pressed into a tight line. āI told you this wasnāt... I told you I didnāt want anything serious.ā
You laughed, sharp and bitter, the sound bouncing off the cold concrete walls. āNo, you didnāt want anything serious, but you didnāt want to let me go either. You wanted me close enough to have whenever you felt like it, but not so close that you had to be accountable for it.ā
āThatās not fair,ā she snapped, her voice cutting through your words. She squared her shoulders, looking at you like you were the unreasonable one, like this was all spiraling because you couldnāt control your emotions. āYouāre acting like Iām the bad guy when youāre the one who stormed into my practice and made a scene.ā
āA scene?ā Your voice rose, the sharp edge of disbelief slicing through the tension. āYou kissed someone else, Paige. What the hell am I supposed to do? Just sit at home, pretend it didnāt happen, and wait for you to toss me a few scraps of affection when itās convenient?ā
āThatās not what this is!ā she shouted, the crack in her voice betraying her frustration. āI didnāt mean for it to happen, alright? I didnāt plan it! God, why canāt you just trust me?ā
āTrust you?ā The words tore from you, laced with incredulity. āHow the hell am I supposed to trust you when you do things like this and then try to make me feel crazy for reacting?ā
āIām not making you feel crazy!ā she fired back, but the flicker of guilt in her eyes betrayed her. She stepped closer, her hands gesturing wildly as if she could will you to calm down. āI just... I didnāt think this would turn into... into this.ā
āThis?ā Your voice broke, the vulnerability slipping through the cracks in your anger. āPaige, I let you have all of me. You knew that, and youāre acting like Iām the one who crossed a line.ā
Her face softened for a split second, and you saw the Paige you thought you knew, the one who made you laugh so hard you cried, the one who looked at you like you were the most fascinating thing in the room.
But then she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. āI didnāt ask for this to get so complicated,ā she muttered, almost to herself.
āComplicated?ā The word fell from your lips like venom. āYou made it complicated. You wanted me enough to keep me on a leash, but not enough toāā
āStop,ā she cut you off, her voice sharp. āJust stop. Youāre spiraling, and youāre putting all of this on me like you donāt have a choice in any of it.ā
The sheer audacity of her words made your chest tighten, heat flooding your face. āA choice? Paige, I chose you. I keep choosing you, even when it hurts.ā
For a moment, you thought she might say somethingāan apology, an admission, anything to make this feel less like a freefall. Instead, she just stepped closer, her voice softening. āYouāre overthinking this. You always do.ā
Your body went rigid, the casual dismissal slicing through you like a blade. āDonāt do that,ā you warned, your voice trembling. āDonāt make this about me being too much.ā
āIām not,ā she said quickly, her tone too smooth, too rehearsed. āIām just saying... maybe weāre both a little out of line here.ā
āOut of line?ā You scoffed, the hurt morphing back into anger, fueling the fire between you. āYou kissed someone else, and Iām out of line for calling you out on it?ā
Her jaw clenched, her shoulders squaring as her frustration boiled over. āWhat do you want me to say? That Iām sorry? That Iāll never do it again? Because I canāt promise that, alright? I canāt promise to be someone Iām not!ā
The admission knocked the wind out of you, the raw honesty of it cutting deeper than any excuse ever could. You stared at her, your heart pounding so loud it drowned out everything else.
And then, without thinking, you grabbed her face and kissed her.
It wasnāt soft or tenderāit was a collision of lips and teeth, anger and desperation crashing together in a way that felt like drowning and breathing at the same time.
She didnāt hesitate. Her hands found your waist, pulling you closer, her frustration melting into something else entirely. For a moment, the world disappearedāthe hurt, the anger, the confusionāand all that was left was her, her lips moving against yours like she was trying to prove something, to take back control.
When you finally pulled apart, both of you were breathless, your foreheads pressed together.
āThis doesnāt fix anything,ā you whispered, your voice trembling.
Her lips brushed yours again, softer this time, almost apologetic. āI know,ā she murmured.
But it didnāt stop her, or you, from letting it happen again. And again. And again.
This was the beginning of a vicious style. Paige would do something ā something reckless or selfish or dismissive, something that cracked the fragile balance you were barely holding together. You would crash out, spinning into anger or heartbreak or desperation. Then, when the storm was at its peak, youād collide in a mess of kisses and tangled limbs, pretending the hurt didnāt exist. And for a little while, it would work.
Rinse, repeat.
It was like a drug. The highs were euphoric ā the way sheād whisper your name in the dark, the way her hands knew the map of your body like theyād been there a thousand lifetimes. But the lows were brutal. Paige wasnāt just in your life; she engulfed it. Even when she wasnāt physically there, she was everywhere ā in your thoughts, in your chest, in the hollow ache that came from wanting more than she would ever give.
And yet, every time you told yourself this was the last time, sheād reel you back in.
It was always the same. Sheād make promises she couldnāt keep. Iāll do better. Iāll be better. I donāt want to lose you. They were just words, fragile and insubstantial, but you clung to them like a lifeline. Because even if Paige didnāt love you the way you needed her to, she made you feel.
But feelings werenāt enough. Not when the cycle kept repeating, each round leaving you a little more frayed, a little less whole.
Looking back, you didnāt see it at first. How could you? In those early days, it all still felt new, like you were learning each other in ways no one else ever had. The tension, the passion, even the arguments ā it all felt alive.
But what you didnāt know then was that this wasnāt building toward something better. It wasnāt growth or healing or progress. It was just a loop, and the more you gave, the more it took.
And it all started here ā in a practice gym with her teammates staring after you, with a kiss that should have been an apology but felt more like a warning.
This was how it was going to be. You just didnāt know it yet.
It was over long before she said it. That was the truth youād been carrying for weeks, maybe even months, like a stone in your chest. The late nights tangled together, the whispered promises that never quite landed, the explosive fights that burned hot and fast ā they were all just delaying the inevitable.
Paige didnāt love you. Not the way you loved her.
And even though youād told yourself a hundred times that youād walk away first, that youād save yourself the heartbreak, there was a part of you that had been waiting for this moment. Waiting for her to finally say the words so you wouldnāt have to.
When she said them, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hair messy and her lips still swollen from the argument-turned-kiss that had just played out like a broken record. Her voice was quiet, careful, like she thought if she said it gently enough, it wouldnāt hurt.
āI think we should just stay friends.ā
Friends. As if that word hadnāt already been stretched beyond recognition between the two of you.
You didnāt cry. You didnāt yell. You didnāt say anything at all. You just nodded, a single dip of your head that felt like letting go of a thousand unspoken words.
Because by then, you were too tired to argue. Too numb to care. Youād given everything you had to Paige Bueckers ā your heart, your time, your trust. And in the end, sheād left you with nothing but empty promises and the ache of what could have been.
She watched you, her expression unreadable, maybe expecting a reaction. But there was nothing left to give. No anger, no tears, not even the kind of hope that had once kept you tethered to her.
And thatās when you knew.
It had been over long before it was over.
The first few days after Paige walked away, you told yourself you were fine. Numbness had a way of masquerading as strength, and for a brief, fleeting moment, you believed it. You went about your routine mechanically, ignoring the ghost of her laugh that seemed to echo in every corner of your mind, or the phantom sensation of her fingertips trailing down your skin.
But it didnāt last.
The cracks began to show in the quiet moments, the ones you couldnāt fill with distractions. Youād see her everywhere ā not in person, but in the lingering memories that clung to every inch of your life. The way she used to leave her hoodie draped over your chair. The playlist she made you that now sat like a ticking time bomb on your phone. Even the way the air smelled after it rained reminded you of her, of those late-night walks when the world felt small and it was just the two of you against everything.
Now, it was just you.
The nights were the worst. That was when the realization hit hardest, settling in your chest like a lead weight. She wasnāt coming back. And not only that, she seemed fine. Perfectly fine without you.
Social media became your own personal form of torture. Paige smiling with her teammates, Paige at practice, Paige at a party with her arm slung casually around someone elseās shoulders. She looked radiant, unbothered. And why wouldnāt she be? You were the one left unraveling, trying to pick up the pieces of something that had already been broken long before it officially ended.
You tried to bury yourself in distractions, in work, in friends, in anything that could occupy the space she used to fill. But nothing worked. Everywhere you turned, there she was, in your mind, in your heart, like she had embedded herself into the very fabric of your being.
The worst part was the silence. Paige hadnāt reached out ā not once. Not to check on you, not to see if you were okay, not even to pretend that she cared. She had moved on seamlessly, like you were just a chapter she had finished reading. But you? You were stuck. Stuck rereading the same lines over and over, trying to figure out where it all went so wrong.
You hated her for it. And you hated yourself more for still wanting her, for craving the sound of her voice even when it was the last thing you should want to hear.
Sleep became elusive. Youād lie awake, staring at the ceiling, replaying every argument, every kiss, every unspoken promise. Your mind refused to let go, clinging to the hope that maybe, just maybe, this wasnāt the end. But deep down, you knew better. Paige had already moved on. And she wasnāt coming back.
It was a cruel kind of clarity, realizing how little you seemed to matter to her now. While you were drowning, she was breathing just fine.
And so, you began to sink. Not all at once, but slowly, steadily, as the days turned into weeks and the weight of her absence pressed down on you. You stopped checking your phone, stopped looking at her social media, stopped pretending you were okay. Because you werenāt. You were a mess, and she was gone, and there was no fixing what had been broken.
For the first time, you understood what it meant to lose yourself in someone. Paige had taken pieces of you when she left, pieces you werenāt sure youād ever get back. And as much as you hated it, as much as you hated her for making you feel this way, you couldnāt deny the truth.
You still loved her. And that was the hardest part of all.
The first time you saw the picture, it felt like the air had been knocked out of your lungs. Paige stood there, her arm draped casually over a girl you didnāt recognize, her smile so effortlessly carefree it made your stomach churn. It wasnāt just the pictureāit was what it represented.
She wasnāt hiding anymore.
For months, you had clung to the idea that Paigeās reluctance to be with you had been about timing, about her career, about her focus on basketball. Youād told yourself over and over that it wasnāt about youāthat she wasnāt ready for anything, not just you. But seeing her like this, so at ease, so perfectly content in someone elseās arms, shattered that illusion into a thousand irreparable pieces.
It wasnāt that she wasnāt ready. She just didnāt want you.
The realization hit you harder than any of the fights, any of the cold silences, any of the times she had pushed you away only to pull you back in. This was different. This was final. And it sent you crashing in a way you hadnāt thought possible.
The next few days passed in a haze. You couldnāt bring yourself to eat, to sleep, to function like a normal person. Every time you closed your eyes, the image of her with that girl played on a loop in your mind. Her hand resting on her shoulder. The easy grin that you used to think was just for you. The sickening thought that this new girl got the version of Paige youād always wanted but could never have.
Your friends tried to help. They texted, called, even showed up at your apartment uninvited, but nothing seemed to pull you out of the spiral. You were stuck, trapped in the memories of what could have been, haunted by the ghost of what never was.
And Paige? She was fine. She was more than fine. While you were unraveling, she was out there, living her life like nothing had happened, like you had never happened.
It wasnāt fair.
You replayed every moment in your head, dissecting every word, every touch, every promise she had made and broken. You thought about the nights sheād held you, the mornings when sheād whispered things you now realized she didnāt mean. You thought about the times sheād called you "important," like that word was supposed to mean something, like it was enough to keep you tethered to her while she gave you nothing in return.
The more you thought about it, the angrier you got. Not just at Paige, but at yourself. How had you let it get this far? How had you let her take so much of you, only to leave you with nothing?
But even as the anger simmered beneath the surface, it couldnāt erase the pain. Because no matter how much she hurt you, no matter how many times she let you down, a part of you still wanted her. You hated yourself for it, but it was the truth.
She was the love of your lifeāor at least, thatās what you had convinced yourself. And now, as you watched her move on so effortlessly, it felt like you had lost not just her, but a part of yourself.
You thought about the nights youād spent together, the dreams youād secretly dared to have, the way she had made you feel like the center of her universe, even if it was only for a fleeting moment. You thought about the way sheād look at you sometimes, like you were the only person in the room, and you wondered if she ever looked at her new girlfriend like that.
The jealousy burned, but it was nothing compared to the ache of knowing you werenāt enough.
And that was the hardest part. Not the fights, not the breakups, not even seeing her with someone else. The hardest part was realizing that no matter how much you loved her, it was never going to be enough. She was gone, and she wasnāt coming back.
But you still saw her everywhere. In the songs that played on the radio. In the basketball games you couldnāt bring yourself to watch anymore. In the small, stupid things that reminded you of herālike the way she used to steal the last piece of pizza or the way sheād hum under her breath when she thought no one was listening.
You wanted to hate her, to erase her from your mind and move on with your life. But how could you hate the person who had been your everything, even if only for a little while?
So you sat with the pain, let it wash over you like a tidal wave, drowning in the memories of a love that had never really been yours. And for the first time, you let yourself admit the truth: Paige had been the loss of your life. And no amount of time, no amount of distance, was ever going to change that.
PRESENT
Youāre standing there, caught in the pull of her gaze, the space between you both charged with unspoken words. It feels like youāve been here a thousand times before, standing on the edge, your heart teetering between wanting to stay and knowing you should walk away.
Paigeās hand still grips your wrist, and the simple touch feels like a tether. A lifeline. But you know better than to think itās something more. Sheās always been like thisāholding on just enough to make you feel wanted, but never enough to pull you all the way in.
āAre you really fine?ā she asks, her voice lower now, softer, like sheās trying to break through your walls. Her thumb moves in slow, deliberate circles against your skin, and for a brief moment, you feel the weight of the last few monthsāhow everything has spiraled, how much you've tried to hold it all together.
You want to scream, to ask her why itās always been this way, why she makes you feel like youāre the one losing the fight when you never even had a chance to begin with. But instead, you swallow it all down, pushing the rawness deep inside, out of sight.
āIām fine,ā you repeat, and this time, it sounds almost like a plea. A hope that if you say it enough, youāll start to believe it.
Paige doesnāt let go. She studies your face like sheās looking for somethingāsome crack in the surface that would make everything make sense.
You hate how easily she does it. How she makes you feel like you could fall apart right here, and sheād still somehow be the one holding it all together.
But sheās not the one holding the pieces anymore.
āDonāt do that,ā Paige says, her voice a little rougher now, her grip tightening just slightly. āDonāt close off from me. Weāve never been good at that.ā
You canāt help the bitter laugh that escapes you. āWeāve never been good at anything,ā you snap, but the words feel too raw, too real for this moment.
She flinches, just barely, but you see it. You see the way her shoulders tense, the way her jaw clenches. Itās a reaction youāre so used to by nowāthe shift in her, the way she pulls back whenever you push too hard, whenever you force her to confront the mess between you two.
But this time, thereās something else in her eyes. Something you canāt quite place. Maybe itās guilt, or maybe itās regret. But itās there, lurking beneath the surface, and it stirs something in you.
āI didnāt mean that,ā you add quickly, your voice softer now, almost apologetic. But the damage is already done. The walls between you, the ones youāve spent months building and reinforcing, are beginning to crumble.
Paige shakes her head, a wry smile tugging at her lips. āYou never do.ā
You donāt know what to say to that. The truth is, youāve always known. Youāve always known that Paige was never going to be the one who could fix this. Fix you.
āIām sorry,ā she says after a beat, and the words hang in the air between you like a promise you both know she canāt keep.
Itās the same thing sheās always said. The same thing she said when she left. The same thing she said when she came back. And each time, it meant less and less.
You swallow hard, blinking away the sting in your eyes. āItās fine,ā you whisper, but the words feel hollow. Because it isnāt fine. It never will be.
Paige looks like sheās about to say something, but she doesnāt. Instead, she leans in, her lips brushing against your cheek in a fleeting, soft kiss.
Itās nothing. Itās everything.
And just like that, everything falls back into place, if only for a moment. She pulls away, her hand still around your wrist, keeping you there, keeping you closeābut not close enough.
You donāt know whatās worse: the way she makes you feel like youāre everything sheās ever wanted, or the way she makes you feel like you were never really a part of her at all.
You look into her eyes one last time, and for a moment, you see something thereāsomething that makes you think maybe, just maybe, she feels it too.
But before you can get lost in it, sheās already pulling back, walking away. And youāre left standing there, once again, at the edge of it all.
The gym feels cold now. The bouncing basketballs echo through the space like the rhythm of your own heartbeatādistant, unsteady, and out of sync with everything else.
And in that moment, you realize something.
Youāre never going to be okay with this. Not really.
But youāll keep pretending, even if she has a girlfriend. Even if you've "moved on". Because thatās all you know how to do.
ā³ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
ā³ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ā”
#paige bueckers#paige bueckers fic#uconn wbb#paige buckets#uconn huskies#paige bueckers uconn#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers smut#uconn#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers x female oc#paige bueckers x y/n#uconnwbb#wcbb#uconn x reader#uconn womenās basketball#wbb x reader#ncaa wbb#wbb smut#wbb imagine#wcbb x reader#wcbb smut
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i saw james multiple times in the couple of years before covid, and after each gig i would come on here and talk a bit about what a bust most of the shows were ā how angry he was, how he belittled and humiliated audience members, how he ended shows early because he didn't like how jokes were landing or how the audience could see through to his frustration, how he fobbed people off after the shows ā and so many people didn't believe me or called me a hater. "you're taking it the wrong way" "he's joking" "it's literally comedy it's not that deep" "just say you hate him and stop going" (fwiw some people were of course nice and curious about my experiences, last time i talked about it was probably here) meanwhile, my only argument at the time simply was that he's obviously not Doing Great so maybe he should chill on the number of tour dates ā because it was uncomfortable to watch! lmao and now he's opening his new special admitting in detail everything those of us who were put off by the live shows were saying at the time...! idk it's not vindication or something like that, it just makes me feel like 'okay so i wasn't crazy when i thought it was deeply uncool that james acaster made a woman cry over having to change her tampon in the middle of his set at that one gig in brooklyn in 2019', and that i'm...allowed to admit that i'm uncomfortable sometimes. anyways. glad to see he's come to some realisations ā and accepted them āĀ about his relationship with an audience and with standup in general. that honesty and introspection makes for an interesting set, absolutely!
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Who is more into commoners vs idols/celebs?
Skz limiting beliefs
Can you do these in between husband series?
Ugh those guys just can't give a straight answeršš
Who in Skz is more into celebs/commoners?
Chan: not a definitive answer, rather he says when the chemistry's there its there, doesn't really matter what the person is. Although i believe thats what he would say but how it actually is, is that he prefers having someone thats equal to him in the sense that they're both are on the same mental&emotional level. So thats a pretty big indicator for me that for serious stuff he probably leans towards celebs cuz they share a similar lifestyle and understanding of that life.
Lee know: bro just said nonešš although when i look past that there's a heavy commoner energy. It just feels simple. Theres no better word to describe the feeling. So i guess he's someone that appreciates simplicity in relationships especially and by logic commoners are simpler than idols or celebs.
Changbin: my guy tells me he likes people who reject himš„²š¤” he likes chasing after something he can't have. I had to pull 3 cards for him cuz bro kept repeating the same thing in each one. Idk guys, i guess he doesn't have a preference or if he does his need to chase and be rejected and wallow in his own tears and despair is way higher on his priority list when looking for a partner than if the person is famous or notš
Hyunjin: ehm so...he has had a pretty bad experience with someone so he's shaken in his preference. Idk which one it is tho. Once ahain clarification cards aren't of any helpš„² after long, long, long shuffling i finally got a card which gives me groups & peers vibe so maybe he tried something with a person from his circles and it wasn't good at all so now he's confused as to if he should remain open to idols or not. That being said, my guess is that for now he's keeping it low and kind of in the middle. Maybe not dating complete commoners, but also not celebs, maybe he's oriented himself towards influencers or something of that sort.
Han: Def commoners. He needs to be the star, to be admired, to get lots of attention and having many hypemans. Among other celebs he would be just one among many, but among commoners he's a star. And he lives that. So his choice in partners also def reflects that.
Felix: he likes a good variety. A bit of everything. So i think he may not habe a solid preference but rather be in the mood for this today, and net week in the mood for the other. Yk. For now his new "mood" is wise people. I think he's really into that - people who see through others shit, who cant be fooled easily, who can teach him a lot and have a "godly aura".
Seungmin: he likes celebs, well mannared and pretty. Also may not necessarily be entertainment celebs like idols. Could be actors, ceos, owners of something, just affluent people with status, means, manners and just overall are a "good, valueable contribution to society".
I.N: so either he's saying he likes heartbreakers or that he's a heartbreaker. Boy what?! Ok i think a commoner may have broken his heart so now he's gotten cold towards them or something. Maybe he wants to repay now in ignoring "them" and focusing and considering only options that are more affluent.
#skz#stray kids#tarot reading#kpop#asks#bang chan#lee know#seo changbin#hyunjin#lee felix#han jisung#seungmin#i.n#skz tarot#stray kids tarot#kpop tarot#headcanons#reaction#skz imagines
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tumblr wont let me post anymore pics for the night so
āØRandom Xmen Hcs that i just thought up recently based on xmen tas s1e3 and 4āØ
(these are mostly sabretooth related cause big angry kitty man got my brain)
Harnesses: Logan actually (based on the animal) loves harnesses, but probably has bad past experiences w harnesses, so hed need positive reinforcement training (like how you train dogs to not hate muzzles or crates). Victor however L O A T H E S harnesses, based on those videos of cats being unable to function when theyre wearing those walking harnesses for the first time
Scott doesnt know how to properly interact with pets, hes the type to just awkwardly start petting a cat or dog thats sat on his lap and he doesnt know what to do
SCOTTS SO AUTISTIC I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS HES AUTISTIC AS FUCK
Vic does that flehmens response thing whenever he smells somethin, its not that its a bad smell (half the time it Is a bad smell *cough cough logan*) its that hes trying to process the smell and what the source is
not based on the episodes i just think its fun: kurts like a weird and adorable mix between a cat, gecko, n owl (i saw fanart of kurt with owl feet and i fuckin love that idea, and hes flexible, he can probably turn his head almost 180 like owls)
OH ABOUT CATS VIC DOES THAT MOUTHING AFFECTION THING BIG CATS DO CAUSE PRESSURE ON TEETH FEELS NICE
Victor also has the tapetum lucidum thing (like logan) so i cant help but always imagine he n Logan are fighting or something in the dark and when they hear a noise they just look up and 2 sets of blue-ish green/copper-red eyes are reflectin whatever light there is
When Victor stretches, he stretches his hands and claws, so his claws like grip onto a table or somethin and he stretches so hard his arms do that shakey flex thing and his claws just rip and tear whatever theyre stuck on, i think theres a video of a tiger doin this somewhere
Logan prob also does the claw stretch thing, hes gotta, claws are the entire length of his fucking forearms, and kurt maybe if he does have claws
idk, this is mostly just talkin about victor bein a 7ft tall cat
KURT IS DIGITIGRADE, kinda/somewhat, ive seen kurt in some of the cartoons be shown as digitigrade and it should be talked about more
not a hc but actually kinda canon SCOTTS A REDHEAD, HIS HAIR COLOR IS LIKE THE SAME AS ROGUE AND GAMBITS
another hair hc/somewhat canon: MAGNETO ALWAYS HAD WHITE HAIR, THATS WHY PIETRO HAS WHITE HAIR ITS FUCKING GENETIC
#x men#logan howlett#xmen wolverine#kurt wagner#nightcrawler xmen#sabretooth#victor creed#scott summers#x men cyclops#.txt post#xmen headcanon#i wanted to talk about the harness n flehmens response#and scott being just a guy with autism#and it evolved into this#still mad tumblrs got a post limit specifically for images thats fuckin dumb#WE CAN LITERALLY SEE IN THE ANIMATED SERIES S1E4 THAT MAGNUS/ERIK ALWAYS HAD WHITE HAIR EVEN AS A KID#or it was just a really light blonde STILL#jus a lil magnus n pietro mention im not sure if its enough for em to be tagged
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Ok lemme talk about this season of Arcane, the ending, and most importantly, Sevika. If you don't want spoilers, back away now but I'm leaving this open because people have a tendency to not open or read my posts with read more cuts after them š
[SPOILERS BELOW]
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First off, I will say that I like Arcane a lot. Like a LOT. I've watched the first season 4 times (rarely do I watch anything more than once) and I think it's a masterclass in adult animation. Fortiche really put everything into this series.
That being said...
While I did like season 2, I don't think it was enough. Animation wise it was phenomenal, writing wise...I think it could have been better. As I've learned through doing research for my Sevika fics, the League of Legends universe, lore, and worldbuilding is fucking MASSIVE and even if I don't give two shits about that community or game, I have to give it props in that department because they really put a ton of work into it to make it feel alive. Maps? Short stories? Timelines? Race and culture? Apex could never...
That ofc is why it's hard for me to say that the writing is amazing. We had far too many characters to keep track of in season 2 with far too many plot threads to finish in two seasons. I think ideally, this series should have been 3 seasons instead of 2. Acts 1 and 2 could have been its own season, and Act 3 could have been its own season. If not that, then at least one more episode per act would have helped a lot. Things just progressed and wrapped up far too quickly for my liking.
Also not a huge fan of how quickly video game related media tends to dip into the whole timeline and multidimensional business. It def works well for some games but here? Idk I guess it was bound to happen given some League character's abilities, but the stakes just elevated far too quickly for me. Not a fan of Viktor becoming one of the main antagonists at all, and DEFINITELY not a fan of the conflict between Piltover and Zaun being sidelined for an "enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing with the war against the Noxians. It makes sense, I just wish "war with the Noxians" came at a later date so we could focus on the twin cities.
And speaking of the generational conflict between Piltover and Zaun, let's talk about Sevika.
As I said before, Sevika is the most qualified person to become the leader of Zaun and I stand by that even after the ending. But first....what about her found family? Isha sacrificed herself and Sevika gets no on-screen reaction? The last two episodes just progressed SOOOO FAST that we and some of the characters didn't even have time to breathe. Did Sevika even get time to mourn for Isha? What about Jinx, who is now gone? Sevika barely even encountered Vander! I would have loved to see some of the aftermath there because I think season 1 did a better job of allowing characters time to process their emotions and grief, even if the pacing was still kinda fast. It was acceptable!
I am sad af she didn't get more lines, but remember, Sevika has always been a side character in this series. An important side character but a side character no less. The promo shot of her now feels like...what was the point? (more on that in a sec) but considering how many characters and plot points and plot threads they had to account for, I am not surprised she didn't get more screen time. Hell, Vi and Caitlyn didn't even get a chance to have a full conversation on eveything that happened and Caitlyn didn't even apologize on screen. The fuck bro.
Now about Sevika's ending....I am very happy she isn't dead. Like dawg, you have no fucking idea how happy I am about it. SHE FUCKING LIVED. But....
I am seeing some people saying they're not happy or they're confused or that her ending doesn't make sense. And I just disagree with those points. Let me explain why.
I posted something earlier today about it, but again, as people don't open my read mores, I'll repost it here:
We absolutely do not know how much time passed between the war and the final few shots of the season. So Sevika joins the council. I DO NOT THINK she would do this unless there's a good reason for it, and that's why I'm guessing she will be Zaun's ambassador on the council. That war probably significantly changed the relationship between Piltover and Zaun and while old wounds will take more than a fucking war to heal, her being on the council now means she directly has a say in Zaun's future. Remember, the council was literally about to hand Zaun their independence before Jinx blew it up, and Mel was in support of it. As I said before, Sevika is respected down there at a bare minimum with all the factions. She would know better than anyone how to lead Zaun at this point. So yeah I get the hesitation, but it makes sense in my eyes. And it makes it likely that Sevika could show up again in a future League animation, if not become a whole champion.
I like her ending. I am sorry but it just makes fucking sense. Sevika is extremely loyal to her home and her people of Zaun. We've seen that time and time again. She was willing to go to war and die for those people not just against Piltover but also the Noxians, so why on fucking earth would anyone believe she's making a bad choice here?
She is now in the best possible position anyone in Zaun could be to advocate for their independence and support their growth. She knows the chem barons and brought them to peace, she gained the respect of the Firelights with Scar leading them in Ekko's absence, and she even got the Jinxers together with them before the Noxian attack on Zaun. Sevika has experience, she has the ear of the people, she knows what it's like down there, she is made to lead and help advocate for them!!!!
Believe me I get that whole "changing things from the inside" angle doesn't work more often than not, but this doesn't feel like "changing from the inside," it feels like "let me advocate for my people's actual independence so we have a starting point to become self sufficient." Again, Piltover was literally about to let Zaun gain their independence, and while none of the previous council members that agreed to it are there, Mel is/was. Who's to say she didn't help negotiate for Sevika to sit on the council and start (or complete!) the Zaun independence process before she left for Noxus? I can't imagine Sevika would just show up to the table and sit there if she didn't have a damn good reason. Like come on now. This woman has seen first-hand what Piltover is capable of and does not like them nor looks like she wants to be there. But she's seen what Piltover has done to her people first-hand, and after learning from both Vander and Silco, this is how she feels she can best protect her people.
She IS the new leader of Zaun and their ambassador at the council.
And lastly, we've been told that some characters will be returning in future League animations. Mel seems like an absolute given, but what about Sevika? Zaun's story is only just beginning, and yeah they said they'd like to branch out to other regions, that doesn't mean a cameo or maybe another medium can't be used to continue that story (a book, perhaps??).
Anyway yeah those are my thoughts...
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Jude chapter 3 silly but kinda detailed summary
ź° Ö“ Öŗ ā¹ @ notice ā¹ Öŗ Ö“ ź± any pretty translation you may see in here may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. this is a sort of summary as well. if you enjoy, though, please consider reblogging, but please donāt repost these or claim these as your own!
kate successfully completes sortin out letters so she heads to the port where jude is talking with the foreman. its there she sort of thinks back on her time at raven co and the long and short of it is that jude, as the ceo, is actually really outstanding, and he acknowledges the efforts of those who work hard, produce results and whatnot, and rewards them in turn.
(that said he could work on his wording ,,)
time skip to night after judes done and they all walkin back tgt where kates like āi think iāll be able to have a good dinner todayā and jude scoffs at her callin her a twit. and shes all defensive like hey whats wrong with wanting to eat good food and judes like when did i say that was wrong?
all of a sudden they stop in their tracks and jude tells kate āon the count oā three, crouchā and kates all panicked like tf is going on but jude already starts counting down so she crouches anw (in a panic!)
some guy in a suits out to kill jude. god knows who too bc apparently jude donāt know him either š
Jude: Who are ya? Canāt say ya look familiar.
[ insert some lines im lazy to tl ]
Jude kicked up at the manās chin, causing the manās body to do one smooth flip before collapsing onto the ground.
Man in a suit: Judeā¦ Jazzaāā!
Jude: Nā like I was sayinā, who the hell are ya?
ok turns out jude does remember him in the end, its just another dude who broke his contract with jude and was selling up some illegal drugs and whatnot.
Jude: I told ya, didnāt I? That if ya breach your contract Iād show ya so much oā hell youād wish you kicked the bucket?
J: I fulfilled that promise for ya. Havinā a grand old time in hell, arenātācha?
omg he pried open the wound on the mans face and he let out a cry to the night sky that could shake anyoneās soul silly.
kate then thinks or foreshadows (yk how like ikevil stories r kinda told like kate is recalling the past? like āi didnāt realize it then, but xyzā kinda like one of those moments) that what she witnessed that night was but a prologue of whatās to come bc they get attacked over and over again.
kate and jude get into another argument like āi feel im gonna die every time! im at my limit!ā and judes like āwell ur in the way loiterin round like thatā then jude just yeets off w/o listenin to another word.
she does feel something bothering her tho
(For someone like Jude, he should be able to avoid these grudgesā¦)
When I thought this, I came up with a theory that relieved me of this unsettling feeling.
(ā¦Could it be heās making himself an enemy of many on purpose?)
āYeah, right,ā was what I thought, but also, somewhere in my heart, I felt such a theory may also be true.
shes like thereās not enough info rn but if i do know anything its that
Kate: At this rate, if I stay with Jude any longerā¦a hundred lives would not be enough!
and so shes like i gotta learn self defense! so she goes knocking on a certain someoneās door like pls teach me le jutsu of self defense!
Ellis: Okay. ļ¼ā¹ā”ā¹ļ¼ā”
turns out ellis was also thinking of teaching her some stuff abt self defense soon.
so ellis takes kate to the lobby and kates like why the lobby and ellis goes to a bookshelf to take out a book which actually reveals vics weapon collection and takes out a gun, telling kate to try and hold it.
idk if this is a real gun or not (as in it exists irl), apparently its made of silver with a wooden grip.
ellis thinks its well suited for kate. like its lightweight yk. hes like you may need to use it jic. and then hes like
Ellis: But, itās kind of refreshing.
E: Other than me, Jude seems pretty adverse to putting people by his side.
E: So, maybe he wants to get along with you?
kates like mmm doubt but at the same time she has this question in her mind w/o an answer of why he went and wrote a whole contract and let her stay by his side then? shes abt to cook up a theory in her head whenā¦
just then jude comes in.
Ellis: AhāāJude.
Jude: We got a job to do.
so they head off to some noble mansion.
Jude: How do ya do, weāll be here a while.
Nobleman: Ah, Mister Jude?
apparently this nobleman is connected with the guy in the suit jude beat up in the beginning of the chptr. he made him spit out info.
Jude: If ya just were sellinā somethinā shady Iād let that off the hook. Illegal drugās some childās play.
J: However.
Jude raised one leg and rested it atop the long table.
Jude: I seem to recall the contract prohibitinā the sellinā and buyinā of humans, or am I wrong?
ko-fiāļø ā commsš¤
#ikemen villains#ikevil#ć¤ć±ć”ć³ć“ć£ć©ć³#ikevil jude#ikevil jude jazza#jude jazza#ikemen villains jude#cybird ikemen series#cybird ikemen#cybird otome#ikemen series#otome game#otome
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Just some rambles about packers and sexualisation, idk where else to put it and idk if you care, so feel free to ignore me, haha.
A while ago, I saw a post (or video? Not sure) where someone said that "packers shouldnāt be sexual" when talking about realistic looking packers, and thereās two main things I want to talk about here.
First is that realistic looking packers just straight up arenāt sexual. No one would think a cis man walking around with a "realistic looking dick" in his pants is sexual, and itās no different when the dick is made of silicone.
What pisses me off even more is the trans guys in the comments who were like "yeah I pack with a pair of socks I donāt need that shit" and similar sentiments because like. Good for you? But for some trans men just making it vaguely look like they have a dick isnāt enough. Some trans men do have very bad bottom dysphoria, and using realistic looking packers might help with that, and something like a pair of socks or a jock strap or a crocheted packer isnāt the same! The latter does work for some ofc, but not for everyone, and putting down the guys who want realistic looking packers is just shitty.
And also the disgust at packers that can get hard (like 3-in-1 or pack-and-play) is so fucking infuriating. No one would act like a cis man is sexualising all people around him just because he has a dick in his pants that can get hard, but when a trans man wants that? Heās a perverted piece of shit running around with a "dildo" (yes I saw people call pack-and-play packers that) in his pants.
How about we stop sexualising everything trans people do and stop acting like trans people are disgusting perverts just for wanting sex like most cis people do? How about we stop talking like that about people's genitals, wether they were born with them or chose to put them there (with packers or surgery, bc people say the same type of shit about phallo- or metoidioplasties (and vaginoplasties ofc), too)?
Why do we have to sensationalise every choice trans people make so much? Itās just a dick made of silicone. It looking realistic doesnāt make it sexual? Like. Most people arenāt even going to see it. Itās inside someoneās underwear. Why do some trans people care so much (negatively) about what makes other trans people happy?
And second: Who cares if it is sexual?? Who cares if a trans guy wants a realistic looking pack-and-play or 3-in-1 packer specifically so he can have sex with it? Itās not affecting any one else in any way. They donāt have to have sex with the guy if they donāt want to, theyāre aware of that, yes?
And the implied assumption that a trans person is more likely to harass or assault someone is just straight-up transphobic, no matter what is used a "justification" or reason (here being that the guy chose to put on a realistic looking silicone dick thatās capable of penetration).
Itās just some guy. Some guys have dicks. Some guys dicks can get hard. Itās not that deep (insert sex joke here/lh).
Like just. Idk. I wish people would just shut up about other peopleās bodies, especially trans peopleās bodies, and stop judging trans people for the way they deal with dysphoria or the way they want their body to be. It shouldnāt be that hard to just not do something. But ig people just want to find a kind of trans people itās okay to accuse of being predators and perverts and packers (esp. packers that can be used for penetration) are an easy target.
Itās just so tiring. I just want to find some guys talking about packing and stuff like that and I immediately have people calling them disgusting rapist-perverts who are sexualising themselves and everything they look at. Just because they want dicks. Or because they want to be able to penetrate someone (oh the horror. Some trans people (want to) have sex, and some may experience dysphoria around sex. We should kill them, right?)
I donāt even want to pack myself. I just like knowing things. But everytime I research personal experiences with packing, I find shit like this and itād getting on my nerves.
Okay Iām done now. It got a bit longer than anticipated, Iām a bit worked up about this topic. Thank you for reading all this, hope you have a good day.
If it helps any anon, I feel the same way about needing breasts that cartoonishly massive to ease my dysphoria but that's a much bigger problem for me than it is for any of the cis women who have famously gotten breasts that large.
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Girls like you should spend more time looking at more attractive girls. It gives you something to strive for.
So initially I was about to say something very angry about how I don't want you to say that to girls that have less self control then me, and that people like you are worth going to jail for. Which is 100% true, yeah? And if Tumblr asks I'm taking about defending you not giving you what your bitch ass deserves
Anyhow, I just want to say to any girl that's not into this, that you take that hate you have for yourself and direct it towards pieces of shit like this guy here. Perhaps you do fit into the modern beauty standard and perhaps you don't, but fuck you have two hands (probably) and a leg you can kick him in the balls with, who needs more?? So let's free America and idk man I feel like I'm giving a cheesy speech, but my point is. Not everyone is beautiful, because beauty is a social construct. Created by society. That's ruled my men to make you buy stuff. Don't hate yourself, hate the men that made you hate yourself.
Also, because I'm in the mood for advice and I truly hope this reaches the right girl, this guy makes me love myself out of spite. Whatever gender or sex you are, people are shit, you're ugly, so love yourself to hurt your haters.
Also if anyone here has body dysmorphia and want to talk about it or just vent or needs an advice bc this community is awfully toxic, DM me on my sfw account, I'll answer every DM that's not some guy sexting me.
#may3505#attention wh0r3#attention slvt#desperate for attention#cvm in me#give me attention#please praise me#praise k!nk#cnc free use#cvmdump#rough cnc#r@pe play#bd/sm breeding#cvmslut#cvm wh0re#cnc fr33use#fr33use k!nk#fr33 us3#free use slvt#g@ng r@pe#rough daddy#rough k1nk#degrading k1nk#degradation k1nk#degrade and humiliate me#bd/sm degrader#bd/sm switch#bd/sm kink#g@ngb@ng#age g4p
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the character assassination of viktor is something i will never recover from like what do you mean that a victim of oppression who rose into the elite makes the realization that its the system, not the development of hextech, that needs to be dismantled in order for any of its benefit to reach the undercity, ends up becoming an embodiment of that very said system itself by robbing people of their choices and autonomy to .. achieve perfect society ??? or whatever ?? i mean writing the corruption of characters is something i eat up but i feel like it was so distastefully done with his character.
like if i squint i can see the angle the writers were going for by creating a common enemy to unite piltover and zaun but idk how they thought VIKTOR should have been the choice for this. he deserved so much better .. and by the end topside is just. absolved from their oppressive behavior iguess. like where is the accountability and justice yall .. what actually societally changed from s1 other than them plopping sevika down in the council
EXACTLY I remember the discourse around Noxians uniting the cities from back when the trailers dropped, and I wasn't ENTIRELY opposite to a "a foreign enemy unites us" storyline... But the way it was done was simply Not It. What was done to Victor to achieve that unity was simply insane. Choosing a Zaunite to represent a system even worse than the current one was simply insane. Letting Piltover get away without any significant economic changes other than shutting down the Hexgates was simply insane.
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SPOILERS(me just yapping about arcane)
I donāt know how to feel about the 2nd season to Arcane. Like I was crying for one second and then the horny mfs did it in what was JINXES JAIL CELL. I was like āWOAHHHHH OKAY-ā I had to pause to cry and then like lock in to something else.
Also Iām glad that Viktor didnāt just die without not knowing what wouldāve happened, Iām glad he saw what Jayce saw so he knew what he needed before he went. I am very glad that they died together. It think the idea that they started with them and ended with them was so perfect so good.
Also- Maddie being a little two time bitch- omg. To be fair. She is a victim to manipulation as well but we canāt excuse that. But for Maddie I feel neutral- like yeah I donāt like her but I get it why she is who she is.
Seeing Jinx in the jail cell picking at her fingers till they bled made me realize I was doing it myself. Like I had never seen anyone in my real life and in tv shows go to that extent like I do. And I donāt do it for anxiety or anything, I do because itās like something I need to pick at with my nails and when I say Jinx do it I was likeā¦ āI feel seen?ā I mean not really, the situations are drastically different and way worse for Jinx.
Also MY WIFE SEVIKA???? Barely in the show and I know that she becomes counselor and shit but that doesnāt excuse the fact that she was barely there?? I mean yeah she comes for the big fight and itās really powerful but I canāt help but feel way too neutral about it.
Ekko learning about timelines and loops was probably the only thing I had enjoyed while watching the whole thing go down. Like idk why but the fact that it was just so different was refreshing. I found it interesting and I wanted more of that without like any rushing.
I also felt rushed? Like everything was going all over the place- it was really fast and I canāt tell if Iām just a loser or Iām missing obvious lore that I canāt really get into right now. (Thatās how I am with FNAF like I know the lore but idk about any of the books or the extensive lore stuff like my friends- I just donāt think I could get into like that.) I loved arcane. It made me cry, fear, laugh a bit- and we got the scene of sex we wanted. But like after watching it I felt strangely empty about it. Idk but the sex scene felt very inappropriate where it was set and I canāt help but feel that itās kinda perfect for them. Like it seems like something exactly that Caitlyn and Vi would have but yet I felt reallyā¦ uncomfortable? And that weird because like that shit donāt happen- I was very happy it was going to happen but maybe not the way that it did.
Itās not a downgrade. Itās a slight upgrade in my book on the terms of content. Donāt come at me but maybe I should give it a second watch when itās not 3 AM.
#arcane#sevika#arcane sevika#arcane season 2#arcane league of lesbians#arcane season two#ekko arcane#ekko#ekkojinx#arcane jinx#jinx arcane#jinx#viktor league of legends#viktor arcane#jayce x viktor#violet arcane#vi arcane#vi#vi and jinx#vi and caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#caitvi#caitlyn kiramman
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On the topic of the Mouthwashing discourse...
cw, mentions of sexual assault and Mouthwashing spoilers
Wrong Organ (developer of the game) spoke up in response to, well, the fandom being full of antis.
I believe this was mostly in response to a fanart of Anya showing skin and whatnot by a Japanese user, who then received a lot of harassment because Anya was sexually assaulted by another character in the story.
First of all, obligatory "Based Organ" joke.
And before I get into the second point, I will say that I am NOT an SA survivor, so do not take my word as final. It is only my own personal opinion, and every person that IS a SA survivor will not hold the same exact opinions and attitudes as each other because no one's experience is universal and no one is a carbon copy of another.
Second point, just because Anya is an SA survivor doesn't mean she should be held to some standard of never being sexualized? Of course first and foremost it's because she's a fictional character, but also just because someone has been sexually assaulted doesn't mean they're suddenly a sexless person who doesn't want any sort of sexual intimacy? I'm sure it's true for some, but SA survivors are still allowed to want to look good, or wear sexy clothes if they so desire. Being a survivor doesn't mean you suddenly have to abstain from anything to do with sex.
idk, it feels as though antis already like to baby fictional characters, especially one that was SA'd, and don't end up really thinking much further than "must protect the interpretation of this character and keep them *pure* and *untouched*" or something.
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