#idk I just didn't expect that
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wait why is the Ted tv show actually super wholesome
#max squawks#I've never watched the movie but all I knew was that it was an edgy teddy bear#but I decided to give the show a shot and it's like... actually super sweet?? 😭#idk I just didn't expect that#maybe I should watch the movie#ted#seth macfarlane
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two primates
finally drew the tf2 baboon!! + some doodles i wanted to feature mostly heavy in since i haven’t seen nearly enough art of them together. i think he is a proud and loving dad. more under the cut
#my art#team fortress 2#tf2 heavy#tf2 baboon#tf2 medic#tf2 zhanna#heavymedic#i realized that i Love drawing baboons. so expect more. non human primates are so cool#also i made myself slightly emotional while writing out the words in the first pic#idk man i’ve just seen too many jokes where heavy thinks the baboon is weird or ignores it. i wanted to do something tender#lol also i didn't mean to make the first image tumblr dark mode gray. sorry it looks odd
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So. I decided to doodle ghosts au etho to get his design down and I. uh. thought a little too hard about him
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#mcyt#hermitcraft#hc ghosts au#ethoslab#blood tw#violence tw#gore tw#idk if this counts as gore but i'll tag it just in case#i'm not usually one to draw particularly bloody or violent art idk what came over me here#just. the logistics of it all hit me#love that I was all like 'come on guys it's a silly sitcom au calm down with the angst' and then pulled up with this#whoopsies 😅#also love that this is an au involving a bunch of people who died in violent ways and are stuck that way#and somehow the bloodiest art piece I've made is of one of the three living characters#call that the milo underthewillow difference or whatever#honestly if you didn't expect me to get carried away with the part of the au involving helsknight do you even really know me
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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May not feel sexual/romantic attraction but that doesn’t mean we don’t exist
#just a random idea I had idk#asexual#aromantic#aspec#aroace#pride#low quality#legit didn't realize a typo for days lol#zero is an integer#just enjoy it#people enjoyed this wayyyyyyyy more than I expected haha
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I think the aspect of the 2.7 story that felt most impactful to me was something that was previously addressed in the Penacony main story, but was reemphasized and expanded upon with Sunday being the narrative focus of this update:
Sunday is scared.
His motivation to protect the people and things important to him -- Robin is an excellent example -- manifests as a desire for control, to eliminate potential dangers. This motivation is based in fear; he's afraid to lose what he has to factors beyond his control, like the bullet that nearly took his sister's life.
And part of the "true paradise" he longs for involves preventing the sense of powerlessness that accompanies that fear. He believes that humanity sleeps because "we are afraid to awaken from our dreams." Indeed, the appeal of the "sweet dream" of Penacony is freedom from the uncontrollable and inevitable tragedies of the waking world.
It's part of what made him such an effective villain in the Penacony arc; even though you may disagree vehemently with his actions, you can understand with and sympathize the rationale behind them. In his mind, absolute control over the Dreamscape -- the elimination of frightening unknowns -- is the most effective way to keep everyone safe and happy. However, this undermines the real freedom and autonomy of the affected populace, many of whom are unaware of the Dreamscape's true nature.
In the 2.7 update, Sunday is "nerfed after turning into a good guy," to use March's words. Previously, he enjoyed immense social status as the head of the Oak Family -- and as the imposing, invulnerable, "final boss"-style antagonist. Now, his role is effectively reversed; he's a fugitive who has to disguise himself to evade the potential consequences of simply being seen.
He's an incredibly vulnerable position.
Not just physically -- as the audience, we also get intimate insights into his feelings and thought processes. Now he recognizes the scope of the harm he was previously willing to cause in the name of absolute control, and shoulders the responsibility of dealing with the repercussions.
His newly evident guilt and shame is emotionally moving on its own...
...and becomes even more poignant when you realize that guilt and shame and vulnerability has been a crucial aspect of his character from the very beginning. After all, so much of his deep-seated fear of the unknown stemmed from him blaming himself -- his lack of control over the situation -- for Robin's unforeseen injury.
I found the scene at the Dream's Edge the most touching in this update. Sunday's conversation with Robin is a bit of a paradox: he is deeply sincere and vulnerable in speaking to his own sister, yet guarded because he must avoid revealing his true identity. And Robin, in turn, directly provides an alternate outlook on Sunday's character, describing him as though to someone who's never met him, as though he isn't there.
And Robin's perspective reaffirms that Sunday's apparent invulnerability was essentially a facade. He may have been the head of the Oak Family, and the imposing final boss, but at the same time, on the inside, he was continually paralyzed by fear.
Sunday has always been vulnerable. He has always been scared.
And I think what makes the conclusion to the 2.7 story so satisfying and triumphant is that Sunday begins to properly address his fear, his persistent guilt and shame. He moves beyond simply acknowledging it, and recognizes not just how indulging his fear can bring further harm, but also what good things (that otherwise wouldn't occur) can happen when he overcomes it -- as it were, when he doesn't let his fear control him.
I'm going to be real, I probably had an intelligent-sounding conclusion for this, but... it took me several weeks to write this and I've forgotten any idea i might have had previously, so let's just say he definitely hit me right in the feels. 🤣
#sunday#hsr sunday#honkai star rail#hsr#star rail#hsr spoilers#sunday hsr#idk man just. AAAGH#idk if I'll ever be over how sunday played with my feelings#i started the penacony main story back in like march or smth and this update came out in december#so that's a solid 9 months i spent legitimately terrified of sunday#like that one scene in his office with aventurine gave me probably some of the worst nightmares i had all year#so like. idk if i realized it consciously at the time going through this part of the story but#i think it hit me particularly hard learning that he was never as invulnerable as he seemed#like not that him being a big scary villain was fake per se#but in that his invulnerable persona was a fundamental misconception of his character#that is perhaps deliberately cultivated (he talks about how he never wants to share too many of his worries with robin)#i feel like that could be its own separate post because AAAH#there's so many feelings and so much dramatic irony in sunday and robin's relationship#demonstrated very well by this conversation at the dream's edge#anyway. so i just.#like i definitely didn't doubt that this part of the story would do his character justice#but given my previous feelings on him i just never expected to fall for him like i did#well played hoyo. well played
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thinking about 109 + yesterday's episode and Dazai cussing at Chuuya is kinda funny bc he rarely cusses. like he’s been shot and stabbed before and never uttered a fuck....imagine if this actually IS all his plan but Chuuya wasn’t supposed to shoot him like that but he’d never used a gun before so his aim is terrible 😭
like if you think about how chill he was when Chuuya pointed the gun at him initially (and even after when it was held to his head) it’s like. did you think he WOULDN’T shoot you or did you already plan that he would but just. not in the way he did.
(going with the scenario that this is all Dazai’s plan I can just imagine them bickering afterwards like:)
Dazai: you were just supposed to GRAZE my shoulder with the bullet?! Chuuya: i'm sorry. my bad fr Dazai: and you were standing A FOOT AWAY Chuuya: IT’S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS
Dazai: how did you miss THAT BADLY at THAT CLOSE OF A DISTANCE? Chuuya: technically I didn’t miss bc I got your shoulder. in any other situation that would’ve been a 10/10 hit. my first time using a firearm too Dazai: … Chuuya: but my bad fr
#enas.txt#bungou stray dogs#bsd s5#bsd 109#bsd s5 spoilers#skk#Dazai's reaction was so genuine i fr don't think he was expecting it AT ALL#like i remember when he got shot in the back during cannibalism arc#and stabbed in dead apple#not a shit or fuck heard#which makes me wonder if that's bc he'd expected it to happen#whereas here he didn't expect this shoulder shot#idk kinda just saying shit#but yeah
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TRICK OR TREAT! Mind giving me some sweets?
HI!!!
Here you go :) nice ghost costume
#Ask#inbox trick or treating#I didn't expect to see you here how cool :) wish you a nice ween!#This is metrilaku which is just like. Basically meter long flavored licorish#Kinda like twizzlers Idk I think the English countries have their version of this
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hm. idk, maybe the reason Luke Newton isn't announcing new projects or posting any Bridgerton content is because some of you demons treated him like hot trash instead of a creative that you wanted more work from and he decided fuck it, this isn't worth the stress. you know, like a lot of creatives who get mistreated do?
like this is a man who went from couch surfing in a friend's house and bartending to make ends meet, deciding that the Bridgerton audition was the last one he'd do before he quit, to suddenly being recognized on the street because that last audition propelled him to star in a global show where fans who have zero media comprehension blamed him for his character's actions and literally stalked him at any hotel he happens to stay at. he went from being a dude doing musical theatre and shopping at thrift stores and recording random songs with friends and posting silly memes on Twitter to being harassed on his only social media page and his friends insulted and his partners bullied by his supposed 'fans' and anything he posts being so microanalyzed that he can't do a damn thing without someone coming out the woodwork screaming about how he's the WORST and won't he think of the FANS!?
like damn he can't have a girlfriend without being harassed, he can't travel without being harassed, he can't like or not like social media posts without being harassed, he can't post a fucking MEME without being harassed, he can't take a vacation or cut his hair or hold someone's hand or just live his life without being blamed for some bullshit or another. but yeah, okay, 'when will Luke Newton come back?' as if it isn't your fault he's AWOL now
#luke newton#colin bridgerton#polin#lukola#bridgerton#bridgerton has a bullying problem- from kanthony fans to benophie (i see y'all with your anti blogs and your mean opinions) to polin#y'all lukolas say you're fans but most of you are the ones microanalyzing and feeling entitlement to this dude#and you know what?#jakola#because y'all straight up sip the hateraid and lbsr rn and call a spade a spade: you don't know this jack (jake? idk and idc) dude#you don't care about his achievements and aren't fans of his 'work'#you just want your stand-in avatar nic to have male attention as if male validation is the end all be all of a woman's success#and you see luke as the stand in for all the men who hurt you in the past but like he is literally not doing anything and y'all will be mad#and project that he somehow hurt nic as well by 'rejecting' her for his girlfriend who you hate because lbr she's conventionally attractive#when NICOLA Is conventionally attractive TOO ffs#how dare y'all make me step up to bat for a white man this way#leave him alone#aren't you exhausted?#'he didn't like xyz social media post and his girlfriend gives me the ick and he's not posting and appeasing me and blahblahblah' shut up#like y'all shut down at someone so much as raising their voice at you or posting some mild criticism for your bad takes#but you expect a man who has openly revealed his ADHD and anxiety to be the punching bag for all your vitriol#because he's not living his life in a way YOU approve of? like who are YOU to dictate how someone does and does not exist on this earth?#do some soul searching#do i love Luke's acting and want more of it and for him to star in everything i wanna watch? of course#but rn i'm gently cradling his face going 'baby you should RUN' because y'all are the PITS#YOU are the problem#one day y'all will realize that
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I know you don't like discussing the muses but i love your takes and perspectives and i had to ask you about this. after listening to ttpd, did you have the impression that she really loved matty more than any of her exes/previous relationships?. And listening to the whole album as a whole would you call it the ''matty album'' or do you think there are more prominent themes in there than their period together?. (hope this doesn't bother you, feel free to delete if you don't feel like answering it)
hey anon! You're right, I don't really like to get into the muses as I don't really think there's anything to add to the conversation at this point, and ultimately I don't think it matters.
That being said, and with the caveat that I am not Taylor and I do not know Taylor so I cannot speak to her thoughts and can only make relatively educated guesses based on being an avid consumer of her work and a student of the human condition (lol), no I do not think Taylor loved Matty more than anyone else. I think there was maybe a brief period in the thick of things where she *thought* she did because she was not thinking clearly and was in full-on denial, but to me the message that is loud and clear in the album (and more or less explicitly stated in the epilogue) is that it was not any kind of real love affair. It was certainly infatuation and lust and the promise of something more, and there may have been some love as well, but he was in no way the love of her life by any measure.
I would call it a "Matty album" insofar as they're about events in which he was present, sure. But I feel it much more as a Taylor album, if that makes sense, even though I know that's a cop out because every album is to a degree. I can't explain it well, but I don't see TTPD as a Matty (or Joe) album in the way that I would maybe say Red is a "Jake" album or 1989 may be a "Harry" album or even Lover being a "Joe" album whatever, because even if they don't figure in all the songs, that kind of heartbreak permeates so much of the material.
The thing about TTPD and the Matty situation is that the Matty situation is really a Joe situation (which in some ways is actually partially a Jake situation). I always say I hate treating Taylor like a character so I hate speaking about her and her work in this way, but you don't get the Matty situation without the Joe situation precipitating it. It's @taylortruther's now-infamous donut vs. hole analogy. The reason Taylor makes the choices she does with Matty is directly tied to what happened with Joe that made her feel she needed to. Which is not to say Taylor isn't responsible for her own actions or doesn't have agency in her own life, but I mean it in that the situation in which she found herself with Joe, and the pain it caused, is what made the alternative so comforting and perhaps even necessary in her mind. It's why it makes it so hard to "paternity test" the album, because the stories are inherently intertwined and you don't get the former without the latter.
The major "theme" of the album to me is the loss of a very specific, very personal dream, and the way in which she lost it, and the way in which grieving that loss drove her to make the choices she did. We're all talking very delicately about it because it's a sensitive topic, but it's late on Friday and few people are going to see this, so I'm going to say it: it's the give you my wild, give you a child of it all. The yearning she expresses both overtly and sub-textually for having a family in the album is palpable in a very iykyk kind of way, and it's the realization that those plans are not going to come to fruition in the way she had once imagined that drives a lot of the pain she experiences, and makes her jump at the chance to find that again with someone else.
I started a draft post about the theme of womanhood and motherhood on TTPD three months ago that I never finished because I ran out of time and ran out of steam, but it was the most striking thing to me on the album, not because I didn't know that she wanted those things because that's been obvious for years (definitely since Lover, and again, peace put it all on the table), but because the vulnerability she expressed about it on the album is incredibly moving, and it's so generous of her to trust listeners with those feelings and experiences.
Again, it's the thirtysomething of it all.
She is in relationship A which she at one point believes is forever, one which she at one point believes is going to lead to marriage and children. She is so committed to that dream that she either ignores or tries to fix serious issues that may otherwise lead others to think the two people in the relationship are incompatible, both because she loves the person deeply and because she feels that this is meant to be the way she achieves that dream. She gives it her everything, and it still dies a slow, painful, onerous death, and she feels like it may take her along with it. The dream of getting married and presumably having a family gets taken off the table: how we don't know and will likely never know because that is private between the parties involved. All that matters in the context of the album is that those plans never come to fruition and never would.
Then you have relationship B, an old flame who knows just enough buttons to push both to trigger and to flatter. A person who she presumably trusts with very sensitive, personal information as her life slowly crumbles, and this person is telling her all the things she wants to hear because he knows about what is happening in relationship A because she's told him. Person in relationship B doesn't get an "in" with her and sell her this dream unless what happens in relationship A precedes it. It's not a grand love affair for the ages, it's not a mutual decision on building their own dream together. It's Person B learning about what is happening with Person A and saying "I can do that!" even if he can't or doesn't. The dream he sells her is a rental car; it's not his own, he's just borrowing it from someone else and selling it back to her.
And the reason she falls for it is because it is what she aches for the most in her personal life, and she is grappling with it disintegrating, so she (unfortunately for her) falls for the easy way out, and in turn sells herself a story about how this must be fated, and this must be meant to be, because this person wants all the same things she does and she didn't even have to bargain for it! Well, yes, because she fed him the dream in the first place. (Like a mark falling for a sleeper cell spy.) It's too good to be true because it isn't true. IMO Person B doesn't come running out of the gate with the marriage/baby/dream life promises unless he knows that is what she most desires. But what's left unsaid out of all of it is that: those dreams were her dreams because they were her dreams with Person A. It was a whole life they had together, and a whole life they had planned for in some fashion, and a whole life that has to be dismantled in the aftermath.
So all this to say, yes, on the surface, Matty is a "main character" on the album, but truly he's a side character to Taylor as the narrator and person experiencing it and Joe as the ghost bit-player-who-haunts-every-scene. (Again, I hate referring to real people as characters, it gives me the absolute ick, but in this case it's the only way to answer the question.) I jokingly call it the Matty album for shorthand or when I want to say something out of pocket, but really, it's a disservice to the album to say that because it's not a muse album as in it's about the romance (like, say, Red often is), it's about a soul-crushing heartbreak that goes beyond it. The romance is the symptom, not the cause.
The loss of youth is tied in with all this: she's not 22 anymore. She isn't even 32 anymore. She had a very specific idea of what her life was going to look like at this point and had planned for that life, and it goes up in smoke. But again, to bring the womanhood into it all: there is, unfortunately, a deadline for these things. You're with someone for over half a decade you think is going to be your life partner and father of your children and and then he's not. You spent half a decade building this relationship for it to crumble, but now you're in your mid-30s and you don't necessarily have another half-decade to build that trust and faith in someone else before being ready to start a family. And maybe you're scared that anyone else who may become your partner will need that much time to build that trust and faith, because that's kind of all you've ever know in relationships. But lo and behold, someone comes into your life you once had feelings for and maybe now do again and is offering you everything you want and thought you'd have by this point in your life right now. It feels like an elixir that as we find out is actually poison.
That youth is not just the chance for motherhood, but it's also the hopes and idealism and belief in the future that often gradually erodes as we age. But for Taylor as well, it's also tied into the trauma of what she went through particularly in 2016, which kicks off a lot of things on the album as well (her retreat, her relationship with Joe, the pivoting in her career, etc.). That event caused a pretty clear before/after in her life (like a few other events, I suspect), and another major theme in the album is her finally grappling with the full weight of that. They're all different branches of the same tree of the story of TTPD and her life.
I could talk about this stuff forever, but I'm going to stop here because it's long enough and I should save stuff for one of the dozens of drafts I have half-baked lol. But this is just something I needed to get off my chest perhaps.
#Anonymous#the tortured poets department#again I am trying to be very sensitive in this#and am trying not to project or speculate too much on main#which is why I'm... cutting it off here#but it's just... there are very specific Things in TTPD and Things in general that you can pick up on in the last few albums#and we don't talk about them in public for good reason#but I think it's also sad that we can't speak generally about these very common experiences for women#because as I've said before I have SEVERAL friends who have gone through similar situations in their 30s#it's just-- all our friends smell like weed or little babies idk#it's tied in to society and expectations and pressures and desires and conflicting signals and--#ANYWAY#writing letters addressed to the fire#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey#cause I know that it's delicate#<- new tag for ~sensitive~ things if I can remember to use it
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Sweet Chanterelle, if only you knew what you will risk, what you will give, all to keep your kingdom safe.
#look at me uploading stuff at 0:40am#this is what fridays does to a person#Chanterelle my babbyyyy!!! Ive had this idea rotating in my head for like two months why didn't i draw it before?#she wants to be just like her mama ends up like her papa#ooh but shes like them in the most tragic way. the high expectations of a princess and a hero#smok shrooms#yea sure ill tag shrooms Mario is here twice#m&l: fireheart#Chanterelle Toadstool (OC)#will I tag the twins? will i tag Peach? idk dont think so they only show up once each
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The more you think about it, the most pressing question about Fenoglio's Inkheart isn't "who in the hell was the protagonist of it?" (it's either Cosimo, the Prince, or, y'know, the guy the literal title refers to - or all three of them), but rather "what in the raging hell was the Shadow's deal?" considering he was immortal, implied to be invincible, could only be destroyed by being rewritten, and as much of an asshole as his boss to the point where you wonder how this guy was dealt with in-story unless the ending saw Capricorn not just get away with everything but also win
#inkheart#tintenherz#i KNOW the answer is that miss cornelia didn't intend to write another book and said 'it is simply not important haha <3'#but like? in-universe? the shadow is OP as FUCK. again he needs to be given a conscience and feel guilt to be beaten#and there's the implication that he DIDN'T die in the book bc otherwise Fenoglio wouldve told Meggie to read the bit where the shadow croak#so you have a guy like capricorn with the magical equivalent of a nuclear reusable warhead running around that he had already unleashed#and dont expect me to think that the shadow wouldve just idk eaten the adderhead once his master grew tired of serving him#... unless Fenoglio wrote the Shadow as an allegory for the nuclear bomb. which wouldn't even be that much of a mental jump tbh
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All my mornings are Mondays. Stuck in an endless February.
#buffy the vampire slayer#btvsedit#rupert giles#jenny calendar#calendiles#rupert x jenny#tvandfilm#otpsource#cinematv#sorry sorry sorry#the way i could even do a jenny pov version of this since she didn't expect to fall in love with him...just do a task#idk how i feel about this it's been months since i've giffed#ugh im rusty
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now that we don't talk by taylor swift is so jimmy to tango during the hermitpires crossover
#see the vision.... i'm taking u by the hand and showing u the vision#you grew your hair long you got new icons and from the outside it looks like you're trying lives on#Like. Jimmy seeing the whole new decked out aesthetic ... blue hair .. freaking emo ass coat (love) .. like ur all seeing what im seeing#i miss the old ways you didn't have to change#☹️#truth is i can't pretend it's platonic it just ended??????????#truth is i can't pretend it's platonic IT JUST ENDED??????#had to say that twice. to get the full effect you know#tell me u all see the vision#i remember when the song first came out i was Also in such a ranchers phase and at one point and i was like god this song is so ranchers#and i began to associate it w them Si Strongly#that one day my sister was scrolling tiktok and the sound started to play and i literally whipped my head around#fully expecting it to be a ranchers edit#and then somehow was Sincerelt Surprised that it ended up being harry and taylor ..#idk guys#relatable moment perhaps#nya talks#trafficblr#hermitblr#tangotek#rancher duo#team rancher#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming
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something something cesare always falling for rodrigo's ploy to pit him against his younger brother by rubbing in the fact that juan leads the papal army (aka cesare's greatest desire) so he mocks juan out of bitterness at every chance vs. rodrigo threatening juan to strip out his position (aka his honor and entire sense of being despite his incompetence) and giving it to cesare but juan doesn't fall for their father pitting him against his older brother and doesn't spitefully put him down but only begs their father not to take it away...
#cesare is way too funny for “dreamed up in last night's whorehouse” wkkawk TAKE THAT JUAN !!#but that being said#idk it's just juan's resilience that made me go 👀#like he didn't fall for what rodrigo is trying to do but instead he remained steadfast since he holds no ill intentions towards cesare#then pleads for the importance of honor and duty...#while cesare is focusing on undermining juan's position and take it for himself !!#i mean the green eyed monster trope is a defining character trait tbh#juan didn't ask for the burden of the position but he'd also willing to measure up to the family's expectations#hell he didn't ask to be pitted against cesare either !! after all it's the belonging and closeness is what he really desires#thank you david and françois for your insights and helping me understand their dynamics even more. bless.#the borgias#juan borgia#cesare borgia#rodrigo borgia#tv shows#period drama#neil jordan#tb text post
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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