#ideservethis

[melneedsakidney]

Everyone meet Scarlet, my new(ish) ride. #IDeserveThis #Kia #KiaSportage #SportageClub #NewCarVibes #NewCarWhoDis #Scarlet (at Fort Myers, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/Con6hn6tjxW/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[secret-thoughts-of-an-artist]

If you see this, you can be angry.

There are a lot of things no one talks about when you leave your first “long term” relationship. They don’t talk about how empty you feel, how much you may lose or how much of yourself you struggle to find after months and months of trying. 

So much of who I was became “us”. My mannerisms, my friends, my everything. The biggest thing for me is that I lost almost every single person I had known since 2019. I had graduated college and truthfully, no one really stays in contact after college, not easily anyways. I lost all the friends he and I had, which was pretty much everyone I knew at the time. It’s taken me until quite recently to realize that I wasn’t allowed to be friends with people my ex didn’t know.

There were a lot of things my ex(J) didn’t let me do. As I previously stated, I wasn’t allowed to be friends with people he didn’t know, and god forbid if I socialized with the guys at work. I couldn’t much come home and talk about work without him getting irritated because for the last eight months of the relationship, I worked in an environment filled with men. To add insult to injury, we lived with his mother and up until the day I left, I wasn’t allowed to say anything to her about the cleanliness of the living situation. I was really the only person who kept up with it and it was a struggle to fight through working 40 hour weeks, (for a bit) full-time school and maintaining a house that wasn’t even mine. Until the day I finally told him I was leaving, I wasn’t able to do anything to better myself.

Now lets really get into the nitty gritty of it. In April of 2022, he and I went to a concert where I met one of my favorite social media influencers. It was such a blessing that my ex had pushed me to at least say hi. Little did he know how much that would snowball into me finally leaving. I joined said influencers discord and was finally able to start having a “safe space” to vent about whatever was going on, until my ex joined the discord just to make a point that i was talking about him. More concerned about random people on the internet knowing how I felt about him that what my own counselor thought. Same counselor that could have said something if she were to suspect I was in immediate danger if I went home. Everyone else in the discord realized the red flags, the people I had been working with for four months at that point saw the red flags and I was still choosing to ignore them.

I had told my now ex multiple times before I finally left that I wanted to leave. Sat in the bedroom he and I had spent many, many days and night in crying, telling him I was ready to leave. When I finally did, I brought those nights back up and was told that he thought I was “gas lighting” him by saying it. I meant it every time I said it. I was so burnt out, so tired and so scared. I am into BDSM, and this man had no issue working with that, but there were times when I was genuinely scared for my safety and didn’t have a safeword to use. More than once I was put into a position where during intercourse and play, I completely shut down and started crying because I was GENUINELY terrified of what was going to happen. It took me only until recently to see just how dangerous this relationship was.

I was cut off from most of the world, could hardly visit my family, he would talk more shit about MY family than I would, he kept me isolated, scared and in a cycle of mental games so I stayed... What I could never actually admit to until now is that in order to get out, I cheated. It’s not what you think, the plan was never “oh, I should cheat on him so I have a reason to leave”. No, that wasn’t the case. Truthfully, I reached out to an old friend(M), someone I had known and had been on and off with prior to being with J. I had only reached out to check in. Only person I had ever looked up obituaries for as I knew I would struggle to continue if he wasn’t around. With reaching back out to this friend, I was invited to go and photograph him and a few friends playing in a flag football league. I went and did this, lied to J about what I was doing, who I was doing the photos for and what was going on. When I met up with this friend, I planned on just doing the photos and leaving, nothing more.

Little did I know at the time, but that one day out, lead to the end of it all. i was going to leave that day without my payment. I realized how much I still loved M. As I walked away that day to go home, I cried. I sat in my car in that parking lot and just cried because I realized how much I still needed and loved M. We agreed to let me accept the lunch portion of my payment for doing the photos and that when it came out. M and I talked, realized how much we both still wanted things and after lunch, before I left that day, we kissed. Something with so much more passion than I had felt in a long time. In that moment, I realized I was home and that going back to Massachusetts was a loveless place for me. Over the next week, I tried to convince myself that I didn’t need to leave J, that M and I were still just friends and that I could stick it out... I left a week after the initial photos.

This is the shit no one talks about. This is the stuff that is so difficult. I didn’t realize I was in danger until it was almost too late. Now, I’m planning my wedding for later this year with the man i’ve loved since high school. It’s scary, it’s new and it’s so difficult to adjust sometimes, but I wouldn’t have my life any other way right now. I know I’m loved, I know I’m safe and I know that no matter how much I may wonder, he isn’t going anywhere.

Cheating on J possibly saved my life.

[witchblade]

pinky got slammed in door strongly a few days ago and now the nail is loose on the bed #IDeserveThis

[indigonelj]

#ideservethis

I looove ppl with praise kinks like god let me praise you when you do something cute,,, let me shut off your brain with compliments and make you desperate for more,,, hang onto my every word and I'll show you how good it feels to be adored

[lamepawsz]

thanyuy anon but pleasknow it's okathat imdying,thinhhs happen for a reason and ifeerrv this,ideservethis life and death,noonne caresanywauys

[ezboldogsagtekurva]

Szeretnék valami igazit, ami felemel, megment, és amitől úgy érzem én vagyok a világ legszabadabb embere

[brainb0mbs]

i move so quick but this girl is so beautiful and sweet to me so i don’t care

[fooddigest]

“Hello, old friend. I forgot about you, hiding away in the freezer. Let’s send you on a wondrous and exciting journey into the center of my belly!” #dessert #food #foodblogger #pie #chocolate #ideservethis #hersheys https://www.instagram.com/p/B3vaI4qlahr/?igshid=1iueopvbmme34

[iwanderiwonder]

in my natural habitat (📸 @speedymac ) #pizzalife #pizzaislife #pizzaislove #pizzaisbae #viatribunali #kallio #helsinki #iamsohappyforme #ideservethis (at Kallio, Etelä-Suomen Lääni, Finland) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1EIHwoIYZR/?igshid=1l0hl1voqewzy

[honeychildoz]

Why does my clarifying 'beauty' mask make me feel like a chimney sweep? 🤔👌🏽 We'll it worked for Cleopatra! 🙄 #beautytreatments #claymask #chefsdayoff #ideservethis #tingly https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Nok_Zphba/?igshid=18ir9kd8zvsgx

[doronjosama]

Under the weather on my day off, so had lunch with @joeartguy and @mikevsuarez at Blanco Cafe down on Blanco and Hildebrand. Tortilla soup, a flauta and a Dr. Pepper bearing an important message for me. #ieatfoodjustlikeyou #noms #undertheweather #tortillasoup #goodforwhatailsyou #flautas #drpepperismykryptonite #ideservethis #ihavethebestfriends #ladyproblems #texmex #blancocafe #eatlocal #cheapeats #tastycakes #delicious #witnessmybeanchewing https://www.instagram.com/p/BwknN1sDtWk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xs8dd5z4jlzy

[estobrotvpodcast]

We ran into a little trouble with recording the week prior, so we had a delay with producing something new for our listeners. And you truly deserve a new episode for your listening pleasure. EstoBro and TV took the L with not seeing The Batman in theaters, so they’re ready to discuss it on the podcast officially, followed up with Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter. The NFL draft was boring, so the Gents are left talking about the “best draft movie” between Jerry Maguire and Draft Day before leading into Stanley Cup playoffs. Finally, with the meme wars under way, EstoBro celebrates TV leaving the service industry by enabling their favorite pastime game: “I Hate My Genitals When…” Listen to where you stream, download, or play all your podcasts! Submit your stories to us if you ever felt the same way when you were caught in a sticky situation 😉😏🤣. . . #podcast #podcastersofinstagram #podcastlife #coffee #takethel #ideservethis #thebatman #robertpattinson #zoekravitz #dc #comics #elonmusk #twitter #tothemoon #spacerace #nfldraft #football #hockey #stanleycup #tampabaylightning #sports #sportsbetting #rolltide #ihmgw #games #funny (at Tampa, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdLsEA8uKMv/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[blog-amaris]

Where I should be but also, it’s Sunday and sometimes I just have to give in to romantic comedies, naps and a small bowl of ice cream. Sometimes, it’s nice to say I deserve this and enjoy the small luxuries in life. I’ll get to the gym, just not today. Lol . . . #Sunday #lazysunday #happysunday #cheatday #gym #fitness #ideservethis #timeforabreak #itsokaytorest #restday #justchillen https://www.instagram.com/p/Boo8q1RBVeQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jjdkqmahg9mu

[angryluca]

beer o'clock.. 🍺 #ideservethis #brewkettle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • • • #samsung #food #foodofinstagram #foodie #toptags #instafood #pinoyfood #sharefood #instaeat #foodstagram #heresmyfood #foodiegram #foodlovers #amazingfood #foodforlife #foodpictures #foodlover #foodph #foodstyle #foodpic #foodie #foodpics #foodblog #foodtime #foodheaven #foods #foodblogger #igfood https://www.instagram.com/p/CXA9EBCBhtB/?utm_medium=tumblr

[naydesignstudio]

And now it's my turn to get pampered y'all! #westgraynails #justonenail #beautifulprettyperfectnail #pedifablous #instabeauty #pedicure #hernameanna #yousoprettylikemodel #sheready #pampered #beauty #ideservethis #Htown #midtown #naydesignstudio #payyourselffirst #colorscolorscolors (at West Gray Nails & Spa)

[bisspa74]

A hard earned glass of wine. #workingonsaturday #IDeserveThis 🙂👍 https://www.instagram.com/p/CSSoGAhlc26/?utm_medium=tumblr