#idek what issue this is
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sorry for posting cringe. Sorry that was also cringe, I need to stop posting stuff like that. Sorry, again, I don’t know if that one was cringe but it probably was so sorry. Sorry that was a really cringe apology for posting cringe. I keep pouring my heart out in hopes that someone will tell me that my repentance for being this unmolded and perpetually unadjusted thing is enough but it never is, it’s never enough. Or at least, I’m sure that it’s never enough, because it would be annoying and strange to ask people if it was, anyways. So I assume everything about me is wrong, because what else is there to do? And when I speak, my wrongness lingers like a great black cloud in the air around me for everyone to witness. So I am sorry, sorry for giving myself away. I am sorry for hiding from you too, for pretending I was not wrong, not cringe, when I really was. Sorry, I keep doing this, and it’s cringe every time. sorry for posting cringe. sorry for
#idek what issue this is#I think it’s just me trying to mask increasingly hard#and being perpetually upset that I can never get it perfectly right#this is legitimately what goes through my mind whenever I type on my computer
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Transandrophobia theory is not incompatible with transmisogyny theory. Look into my eyes and understand this, I’m begging you.
Quote from Julia Serano’s 2021 article “What is Transmisogyny”: “For others (e.g., certain nonbinary people, trans male/masculine-spectrum people), misogyny may intersect with transphobia in different ways that aren’t adequately articulated by transmisogyny. This doesn’t necessarily make transmisogyny ‘wrong’; it may simply mean that we need additional language.”
From her 2016 article “Articulating Transmisogyny”: “I have observed people using ‘trans-misogyny’ as shorthand to suggest that ‘trans men are privileged, and trans women oppressed, end of story.’ I reject such oversimplifications.”
We are not on opposite sides. There are large misunderstandings at work here. Transmascs are as capable of (trans)misogyny just as much as anyone else, AND they have experiences with the intersection of transphobia and misogyny. These things can both be true.
#I sincerely haven’t seen anyone arguing transmascs cannot perpetrate misogyny/transmisogyny#I have to assume that’s happening somewhere or idek what’s going on. but it hasn’t been from transandrophobia circles that I’ve seen#she also disagrees with the ‘all men are evil all women are virtuous’ brand of oppositional sexism#which is what those who believe in NON-SYSTEMIC androphobia are trying to articulate as it’s a problem in queer/trans/feminist communities#transandrophobia#transmisogyny#intracommunity issues tag#mine
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Forever, For Always
Steve had called her 'mama' once. Just the once, because he'd heard one of the kids in first grade calling their own mom that as they streaked towards the pretty lady already kneeling, arms open wide to receive them. He can't remember who it was anymore, only that at the time it seemed like 'mama' was a magic word like 'Alakazam' that had the mystical power to make moms drop everything and wrap their kids up in their arms and cling to them, nose pressed right up by their ear and swaying back and forth on a laugh and he'd wanted that for himself but he'd wanted it for his mom, too.
Victoria Harrington had tutted when he tugged at her pant leg, head tilting to cradle the phone between her ear and shoulder, and her mouth had quirked up a little, and she'd ruffled his hair - that was before it became His Hair, when it was just a flop of golden-brown that the lady at the salon always cut just like his mom showed her - and then she'd turned away and it turned out 'mama' wasn't a magic word at all.
When Steve was thirteen Carol's mom drove them to the movie theater and halfway there someone ran a stop sign going way too fast and blowing straight through the two way stop and they'd almost been t-boned. Steve and Carol were in back, because Tommy had had a growth spurt and his legs were long and gangly and he'd been so fucking pleased with himself when Carol's mom told him he could sit up front with her.
And then the car almost slammed into them and Carol's mom slammed on the brakes and they skittered and slid and the speeding car clipped Carol's mom's bumper and Steve felt like he might throw up but instead he caught the harsh features of Carol's mom in the rear view, thought for a second he and Carol had been too loud and she was mad at them for distracting her, but then he saw the way her arm was out to the side, bent at a weird-wrong-bad angle with her plalm still facing towards Tommy, and sound had come rushing back in his ears when the chief of police jogged past the line of cars behind them and yanked open the door.
She'd been fine, mostly - arm stuck in a cast for six weeks and laughing at Steve as he hopped up on the stool next to her to help her stir her famous goulash and Tommy whirled around her grabbing things from cabinets that needed two hands, and he never said anything, because by then he was already eating dinner at Carol or Tommy's four nights a week and mostly he only saw his mom in the weekends but -
For years after he remembered the way she hadn't even noticed her arm was broken until Hopper eased her out of the driver's seat, the way she'd reached out to protect Tommy who wasn't even her kid and how she hadn't even thought about it, how her first words had been 'everyone alright?' even though her elbow was totally bent the wrong way.
Joyce Byers is fierce and protective and totally not worried about going a little fucking crazy for her kids, and -
When Steve was seventeen Karen Wheeler pressed a kiss to his forehead and a Christmas gift into his hand and then scolded Mike for not telling Steve Merry Christmas and when Nancy and Mike and Holly and Ted weren't looking he'd just sort of watched her, teasing her kids and curling hands around their shoulders and getting So Mad at Mike for being such a dickhead but then still curling her arm around his shoulder and tugging him in for a hug Mike was too young to savor like he should.
Dad's are - dad's have always been complicated, and Steve mostly thinks they're all, at a minimum, a little useless, when it comes down to it. Hopper was maybe an exception, but even that was sort of hit or miss, and Hopper wasn't like, a real dad. (Anymore)
So. The kids fall into his lap, one after another, tumbling into his life like little fucking parasites, and Steve just -
Dads are useless, and Steve wants to be useful, and so when they start mockingly responding to his "Get your grody sneakers off my dash." and his "You all need to eat a meal with vegetables or you're gonna get goddamn scurvy." and the way he takes two large steps forward even as he's telling them to get behind him with "Yes mom," or "Whatever, mom," he doesn't actually stop them. He complains about it, loudly and with a hip cocked and a frown on his face, but even that is more Mrs. Perkins than anything else.
And -
When he tells them all to stop fretting and go home, take a shower and eat a real meal, he remembers the way he'd looked at Mrs. Perkins, all fond exasperation as she craned her neck to check on Carol and Steve while her arm was bent the wrong way and he doesn't fight them on it when in unison they all murmur mocking but still quiet "Yes moooom"s at him.
When Steve is twenty he spends six days in a hospital bed with Wayne Munson hovering over him like a nervous hen and Jim Hopper yelling at nurses on his behalf because "He's been here goddamn enough for you to notice, he passed out the migraines were so bad, are you telling me you never told his parents to look into it?" and the kids all hush when they pile in around him, Dustin over his legs and Max's chair slid as close to the side rail as she could angle it and Mike white knuckling the end of the bed and refusing to make direct eye contact and Lucas distracting him from the way they're all fretting with absolutely terrible puns he huffs a laugh at anyway.
Later, he'll tell Eddie about the magic word that turned out to just be plain old love and devotion, and Eddie will frown and roll his eyes and thread their fingers together and mutter some shit about Victoria Harrington that Steve still wants to deny even if it's all accurate, and Eddie will whisper him off to sleep with a story about his own mama catching a still hot frying pan with her bare hands when the elder Munson's aim was off and it'd nearly brained Eddie instead of it's intended target. Later he'll accept the exasperation in Karen's eyes when he apologizes for passing out at the barbeque, and when she ruffles his hair she'll be looking him dead in the eye. Later, much later, he'll type up his resume and leave Victoria Harrington off as a reference, and Eddie and Robin will glare at the back of her head when he hefts the last of his boxes into the back of Eddie's van and she holds out a stiff hand for him to shake.
Later, he'll forgive her, and secretly (never-tell-a-soul-especially-not-eddie-or-robin secretly) be grateful that he'd taken her lessons and overcorrected in the opposite direction.
Later, when the adoption agencies realize gay men are generally completely willing and eager to take in kids that white-picket-fence families aren't, he'll get into a screaming match with a twelve year old and when they're both out of breath and sullen he'll poke his head in his daughters bedroom door and she'll pretend to be sleeping but he'll still press a kiss to her temple. Two years she'll call him "Ma" in that fond teasing way of hers and something in him will just break - and he keeps it together through her recital and a late dinner and the movie they all watch before bed but Eddie will curl his arms around Steve and rub his back while he chokes on silent sobs because they'd been pretty sure they'd never get kids of their own and the last year has been hell trying to convince Mary they give a shit about her and even if she'd been joking, a bit, she'd still reached over and pressed her palm to his, and he's understood since that night on the train tracks exactly why Mrs. Perkins had broken her own arm in that car crash but now he knows 'mama' DOES have some magic to it.
#steve harrington ficlet#mama hen steve#steve x eddie#steve and the party#steve harringtons parental issues to mama pipeline#idek what this is i rebageled that gif set and this came tumbling out#steve harrington has mommy issues
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HAPPY BDAY FOX FNAFHS1!!!!
him and his sibling when they were litollll They were so cute it'd be a shame if as teenagers you didn't talk that much. who said that
#πa art#fnafhs#fnafhs au#our au#fhs#fhs fanart#fnafhs fanart#fox fnafhs#aiden fnafhs#I REFUSE to call him aiden btw#fox fhs#i tried to make it look nostalgic but also what does that mean#he misses his best friend being his sibling.....#rip skill issue#meg doesnt have a full tail he has a stub-thing. cut off...wiwi#THAT WATER COSTED ME MY LIFEEEEE AUGAHGH#i feel like foxs arm is a bit wonky but WHO CARES LOOK AT THAT WATER WOWWWW#but also dont look TOO closely it WILL start falling apart#dont even ask me whats wrong with the shoes idek im not the shoe guy loops is#meg's holding a bottle of chocomilkkkk auagahuaghgh small.#“ill stop posting on twitter” I say but AUGH i really wanna post this on twitter.#though id probably get like 2 retweets and called an idiot or something idek
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🐰🕸🌙
#i have so many behaviours and fears and#no emotional regulation and issues and disorders and fearrrrr#and i do not know how to explain it so that ppl who dont relate can possibly understand it#but it is like i am trapped in a nightmare dimension where everything is always bad#my brain isnt even wired to see anything in a positive or hopeful light#which is how humans are wired typically to ensure survival lol#in swedish avpd is also called anxious personality disorder#which can clue in on the fact that if you know what a personality disorder is#(your brain hasnt developed normally but in a disordered way. often bc of trauma etc)#my brain is wired to be anxious abt wverything all the time#so i always naturally see everything in a negative and dark and bad and horrible light#which is fucking terrible. it makes life exhausting and like a constant fight#other ppl dont get that bc their brains arent wired to have this horrible outlook on EVERYTHING#so thid just gives me extreme trust issues and my brain always fights to make sense of things#bc it cannot do so in a rational manner#and basically i just feel so ashamed when i think of how like... overly emotional and fearful i am#as soon as anything happens im like wow this person literally wants to kill me bc humans are evil#which i know intellectually isnt tru bc if it was i'd be dead by now 💀#ig i just feel so lucky that one person still is my friend after almost 2yrs now#despite my whateverthefuck moments when idek what im saying..#'working thru my emotions' in a way that doesnt make sense#esp when hes seen some of what i've written and im like NOOO i was spiraling when i said that i dont mean that i think most likely i dont#anyway.. feeling grateful 🙏 i wish i was normal#or at least had th ability to have connections and relationships most ppl w mental illness are still capable of having#avpd is fucked upppp it is such a weird mental disability.... 0-o#bc of my fear i also struggle with relaxing into it bc im like no imma fuck it up soon or no hes gonna leave me soon bc i suck and dont#deserve having him in my life at all. i really wish my brain wasnt wired to be terrified like i hate my brain and myself like why cant#i just be normal!!!!!! ☹️ i am thankful for every moment still.
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a needed update:
i would have updated on saturday but life decided to throw one last curveball at me :'). that said, i apologize for my sudden silence but life comes first
on tuesday my father suffered not one but two major heart attacks, and we nearly lost him in the er. on top of that he had 100% blockage to his heart; no oxygen to it, nor could it pump blood. it has been immensely hard to deal with, cope and what else. he's thankfully doing much better now but the scare is still there and always a concern now.
he was meant to come home on saturday morning, but life decided to be cruel one last time. around 5am lightning struck a tree near my house, causing it fall. it took down the power and cable lines to my house and .......... struck and crushed my dad's car. definitely an unneeded stress for me and my mother + my dad. i didn't get power back to roughly early afternoon yesterday.
please give me some patience as i slowly try to get back into the swing of things. now that he's home i'll likely have to act somewhat as a caregiver for a bit to him as he's unable to do much due to dr's orders.
#» time to roll the dice ( ooc )#tw: heart attack#tw: health issues#tw: hospital#idek what to tag anymore#im very tired everyone
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#JOB SEARCHING ON INDEED IS HELL I CANT EVEN GET PAST STEP 1.#how do i even pick what to apply for idek what 99% of these listings are talking about.#and 99.9% of them are scams im sureand im too stupit to sniff them out#talkys#the issue is i dont even Need a remote job as a whole#but i do need one while i live here bc taking comms pays more than any of the physical location jobs in my area#ykwim.#i need a remote job in order to save more to move out and maybe get a better one that is or isnt remote. and its#hard to find. augh#doesnt help that my home also sucks for remote job what with constant noise#like what else can i do. im not taking an $8/hr job here.#maybe i jst need to keep saving with comms...#figure smthng out. idk. but then ill just stay here forever bc i dont think i could find a job thatd help me move out to work at a new loca#ion ykwim#I WILL KEEP LOOKING o7
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How it feels to run a tumblr for a fandom that has no fans
#fandom issue#funny#the heist at the ball#shitpost#plz follow me#book blog#book tumblr#booklr#books and reading#booklover#bookworm#readblr#fandom#fandom meta#idek what to tag this
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one of my flaws is that i don't trust people i didn't train myself with certain lab tasks, but also because i spent the first half of 2023 doing a stupidly labor-intensive set of experiments, i have only actually trained one other person bc of time constraints. anyway now i have to do weekend work to have supplies for next week >:(
#other people just have SO many contamination issues... idek what they're doing but i don't want them to touch my samples#also a lot of the trainees just.... forget tasks??
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I am not a fan of this whole “having a body” thing, actually. Not a fan at all.
#body dysphoria#sensory issues#sensory overload#idek what it is tbh#it’s just uncomfortable as hell and I want tf out of here#why does it look like that#why does it feel like this#why is it in general
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another day another shit take on catelyn
this one was “catelyn is classist for calling the smallfolk edmure is bringing into riverrun useless mouths” and my main thought is “do you guys read with your eyes closed or what.”
let’s look at the passage:
“My people,” Edmure answered. “They were afraid.” Only my sweet brother would crowd all these useless mouths into a castle that might soon be under siege. Catelyn knew that Edmure had a soft heart; sometimes she thought his head was even softer.
now let’s look at catelyn’s other disapproving thoughts throughout the chapter:
Her brother’s voice was full of brusque confidence, but Catelyn found herself wishing that Robb had not taken her uncle Brynden west with him. The Blackfish was the veteran of half a hundred battles; Edmure was the veteran of one, and that one lost.
She was suddenly weary. Perhaps she was wrong to oppose him. Perhaps it was a splendid plan, and her misgivings only a woman’s fears. She wished Ned were here, or her uncle Brynden, or …
and later, when edmure puts his plan into action:
Her brother had taken every able-bodied man for the fords, leaving Ser Desmond Grell to command a garrison made up of the wounded, the old, and the sick, along with a few squires and some untrained peasant boys still shy of manhood. This, to defend a castle crammed full of women and children.
Do you see what happens when you actually read instead of simply deciding that Cat is a huge bitch who hates all Northerners, smallfolk, bastards, tomboys, and all things good and great? You see what she’s actually upset about, which is that Edmure’s plan hinges on luring a man with 3 times his host into battle while leaving Riverrun full of women and children and no one to protect them but old and wounded soldiers. She’s judgemental because she doesn’t think the plan will work and as far as she knows, Robb doesn’t approve of the plan.
And she’s RIGHT - Robb is pissed at Edmure in a storm of swords because he had wanted Edmure to hold Riverrun and that’s it, to lure Twyin deeper into the Riverlands where he’s cut off from refreshing his host, and cut off from King’s Landing, which is tearing itself apart unbeknownst to Tywin. Catelyn was right to question Edmure’s call here because it was a super risky plan with absolutely zero pay off and only serves in prolonging the war.
And Catelyn is right to fear a siege! The most famous siege we’ve had mentioned on page, stannis’ holdout against the reach lords at storm’s end was brutal, and a siege of Riverrun would be no different if it were to last overly long:
Ned found it hard to imagine what could frighten Stannis Baratheon, who had once held Storm's End through a year of siege, surviving on rats and boot leather while the Lords Tyrell and Redwyne sat outside with their hosts, banqueting in sight of his walls.
she calls them “useless mouths” because she’s worried they’re about to enter a siege and she knows a siege can get real desperate when you have a lot of people who need to eat. she’s not making a comment on the uselessness of the smallfolk, she is pointing out the flaws in edmure’s battle plans, which she thinks have a small chance of working - and once again, she is proven to be right! when robb shows up he’s livid about edmure’s blunder! it’s one of the key missteps during robb’s war against the lannisters!
like yeah, a lot of these characters are classist and one of edmure’s defining traits as a lord - his care for the smallfolk - is one of the main positives about him, and also why so many are still willing to flock to the Tully banner! but crowding a bunch of scared and starving people into a castle that is about to be brutally attacked by a man known for the brutality of his armies is not the smartest move!
that’s it!!! that’s all she’s thinking!!!!!!
#THEY THEN DECIDED TO ADD SOME RANDOM SANSA SHIT TALKING#IM SORRY DOES MY NAME MEAN NOTHJNG TO YOU. YOU REBLOG FROM ME AND ALSO SOMEONE WHO HATES MY GIRLS? JAIL FOR YOU.#catelyn stark#getting on my soap box#me shit talking people in the tags#catelyn stark defense squad#apparently i’m doing a defense squad bc this reread has made me re fall in love#also if u don’t think arya doesn’t have issues with classism when she purposefully makes gendry feel less than her bc he hurt her feelings.#idek what to tell u
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I was supposed to do homework on my lunch break but instead I spent it wedged against the wall trying to get my heart and lungs to cooperate :( :( :(
#cannot believe my blood oxygen % was so low at the doctors office that the PA was like uhhhh def tell your doctor that#and I did#and my doctor was like no if it was that low you’d be really sick#like right now???? sick like right now?????#fuck my stupid fucking life and my stupid fucking body that doesn’t work#cripple punk#chronic health issues#idek what this is tbh wtf is wrong with my lungs#fever’s vibe check#feverdreamsandlucidnightmares
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...Huh???
Anon... I don't think you read my post at all? It was about boycotting them, not supporting them? And how to best put pressure on them and EA for their actions? How to organize the boycott, affect their revenue the most, and spread the most awareness? And with the main point that their parent company is doing something abhorrent by partnering with zionist organizations, and despite not directly funding the IDF they've partnered with someone that probably is, and need to be held accountable & boycotted for that? I never said anyone should forget or that they apologized(?), in fact they absolutely didn't, they actually just covered up what was really going on which is even worse. And that that needs to be mentioned specifically when addressing their wrongdoings. Like, are you sure you read it? Or was it just too confusing for you to understand properly?
I knew reading comprehension was at an all time low on tumblr, but jeez. I almost thought this ask wasn't intended for me lmfao. Honestly why I hate writing long posts on here anymore bc there's always people that just miss the point completely... gonna post this so hopefully people can have the little tl;dr and maybe understand what I was saying better.
"Overwolf/Curseforge is bad. Saying they're funding the IDF with Curseforge revenue and nothing else isn't a good strategy because it likely isn't true, so they're using that as misinformation/a way to brush off and ignore concerns. They're actually partnered with the ILF so that that organization can use their Home Support crowdfunding campaign in ways that most likely benefit the IDF under the table. That's what we need to talk about to get a different response than "oh, we don't do that!" from Overwolf. In order to boycott effectively, we have to actually have a plan of action of what our demands are as a community and who exactly is being targeted. The best plan of action is to gain the cooperation of creators with large influence/connections to EA and shine a light on EA's partnership with parties that are Zionist so that they will cut ties with them."
Is that easier to understand?
#asks#anonymous#ceci speaks#negative#i genuinely think some people on here are just plain stupid#like this is so off on so many details idek what to make of it 💀#'no one knows me'#well thank god for that#i think ill survive losing the respect of some dummy on the internet lol#the curseforge issue
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🤧🐀🌧️🌊
#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn#trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come#nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired#i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u#also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my#eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm#bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna#be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk#idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not#sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow#nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just#dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol#im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired#i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do#anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can
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I honestly have REALLY mixed feelings on full-blown anti-psych / anti-medication / anti-diagnosis / etc. etc. movements because while yes, being critical of psychiatry, the DSM, and the misuse of psychiatric medication is extremely important and necessary, every single time I hear someone say that everyone can just be fixed with therapy it makes me want to eat glass
#like yes therapy definitely helps and I'm definitely not opposed to the idea of therapy being destigmatized or treated as solely medical#but at the same time I need adderall and anti-anxiety Carol#idc whether or not I'm considered ''normal'' by other people. i care about my mental problems being distressing for *me*#all this to say I detest the massive over-correction into NOBODY SHOULD BE LABELED ANYTHING EVER AND MEDICATION IS BAD#because I've personally found diagnosis to be highly helpful for communication; understanding myself; as well as advocating for what I need#again these things have Issues i'm just. not super on board with ''it all sucks tear it down''#idek how to tag this lmao
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I actually think the most terrifying part to me about pregnancy is how i'll have to be weaned off ssri's before trying for a baby
#awesomepie3221#ive been taking antidepressants since i was eleven#im terrified to know what im like without them#maybe itll end up being a good thing or maybe ill be extremely depressed and anxious the entire pregnancy#issues for future me i guess#im so far from being in a place to have a baby idek why im thinking abt this
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