#cannot believe my blood oxygen % was so low at the doctors office that the PA was like uhhhh def tell your doctor that

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

I was supposed to do homework on my lunch break but instead I spent it wedged against the wall trying to get my heart and lungs to cooperate :( :( :(

[iwasthereason]

The Beginning

“I can’t breathe”.

These are the three little words that changed my life.

It was July 28, 2020, cold midnight when I woke up with this heavy feeling in my chest. I picked myself up from the bed and started breathing -- but I can’t. Panic rose, both my hands and feet are cold. I walked for a bit, trying to calm myself and get all the air I can. ‘What’s going on? What’s happening with me?’ I asked myself over and over again. Then I stopped and this dreaded question came to my mind ‘did I get infected with COVID?’

Prior to this happening, I remember eating Budae Jjigae (Korean Army Stew) twice in the last two weeks as it’s my go-to comfort food when I don’t feel okay - who wouldn’t feel good after eating noodles with spicy broth, SPAM, sausages, fish cake, and Kimchi? Well, I was nursing a broken heart so I gave myself a break and indulged. I have also eaten Indian food twice in a month. I went back to smoking, not eating on time, and drinking wine at night. Simply put -- I wasn’t living the right lifestyle.

Going back to that night, I messaged a friend about what’s happening and we talked for a while. I calmed for a little bit. Then the feeling went back again. Now, I messaged my then ex-boyfriend and told him about my condition. We were supposed to be on a break but I was in the moment of panic and desperation so I reached out. He replied and we talked for a long time. It was an odd start, but somehow he was able to calm me down and we talked until I fall asleep (he said I snored haha). The day went by like a normal day, though it was still hard to breathe and I’m feeling very low in energy so I made myself tons of hot tea with ginger and lemon and drowned myself with lots of water.

Days and weeks passed and the feeling came on and off -- there are times that I’m feeling all better and moments when I feel like I’m being suffocated. I can’t sleep well at night, sometimes I’d be waken up with strong palpitations or most of the time just waking up after only getting an hour of sleep. I’ve bought all the medical checking apparatus I can buy from a thermometer, digital and manual blood pressure monitors, and oximeter. I’ve not had any fevers, sore throat, my blood pressure was okay - the highest was only that one night (130/70) but usual was 110/70. I have tried everything I could from drinking hot tea with ginger and lemon, eating vegetables and fruits, hot compress, drinking Vitamin C, tons of water, still, episodes of anxiety and difficulty in breathing occurred. I’ve not told any of my closest friends, not even my family as I don’t want them to worry. The situation’s draining me mentally, physically, and emotionally. At that point in my life, I started praying to God.

I pleaded to him in my language, “Lord, wag po muna ngayon. Ayoko pa po mamatay. Kawawa naman po sila Mama at Papa, kailangan pa po nila ako. Lord, please, wag po muna” (Lord, don’t do this now. I don’t want to die yet. It’ll be a pity for Mama and Papa, they still need me. Lord, please, not now”). I cried hard. I remembered when I’d tell everyone “pag oras ko na, oras ko na” (when it’s my time to die, it’s my time to die). I was so wrong for saying that. I am not ready to die.

August 7, 2020 at 3:00 PM, I started feeling bad. I can’t breathe, my hands and feet are cold, I’m panicking/anxiety attack. I told myself, I need to tell my friends now else, this could be that day I fear. So, I messaged my best friend and told her about my situation. She immediately sent me a rapid test kit (for COVID), masks and face shield. When I got the kit, I calmed myself. I was on a call with my boyfriend and started doing the test. We waited for around 12 minutes, it showed negative. Somehow, knowing that it resulted negative comforted me but it is common knowledge that rapid tests are not reliable, so, I still fear that I have it (COVID).

August 8, 2020, 2:00 PM, same scenario as the other day. I can’t breathe again, my hands and feet are cold, I’m panicking/anxiety attack. I decided to message my cousin who works in a hospital. I told her about my situation. She asked me some questions and asked me to go to the ER to get myself checked ASAP. And so I went to the nearest hospital - Chinese General Hospital. I arrived at 4:00 PM only to be told that they cannot admit me as my oxygen levels are normal. I softly insisted to get myself sent to the ER but the nurses told me that they can’t do that as I’m not showing any other symptoms -- unless I want to be in a ward full of COVID patients even though it’s not yet determined that I have COVID. So they suggested I go back the next day to get tested.

August 9, 2020, 6:45 AM. This day was excruciating. I arrived in the hospital at 6:45 AM with hardly any sleep as I was told to be there before 7:00 AM. So, I listed my name on the sheet, then the officer told me to go back at 2:00 PM as that’s the schedule for walk-ins. Somehow, this irritated me knowing that I had to wait for 7 hours to get tested, but I was already feeling tired so I decided to wait. My ex boyfriend kept me company for a while. Good thing I bought water with me, it kept me going while waiting. It was around 1:00 PM when the nurses started calling the names on the list. My name was called, got myself tested and went home. I had a funny situation during the test - I coughed so hard when the nurse swabbed my throat as it was super itchy. Two nurses looked at each other and told me to put back my mask on my mouth. I got anxious as I’ve not seen anyone coughed when they were being swabbed.  

August 10, 8:30 AM. The hospital texted me that my results will be up in 10-15 minutes. Waited and tried a couple of times. I was cooking my breakfast when they messaged so I told myself to sit first just for good measure. So, I went to bed, sat there, clicked the link and added all necessary information. I opened the file and to my relief, the test showed negative. I cried to the Lord. It was an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. I called my best friend and told her about the good news. I messaged my cousin as well. I told my boyfriend about it too. I was able to breathe again. Praise God!

But, I had a hard time breathing again. This time, I thought it could either be my heart, lungs, or thyroid (mom had thyroid issues). Reading all the symptoms, I was sold that I had a thyroid problem. So I talked to a doctor (endocrinologist) about my situation and she told me to do a general check up. I went to a diagnostic center and got myself checked - blood, x-ray, and ECG. The results came the next day and saw that I’m super unhealthy. Thyroid is out of the picture as mine’s normal. I’m borderline diabetic. Cholesterol though is normal. Good cholesterol is low. Heart and lungs are normal. I was confused what’s causing the breathing issue until I told the doctor that I feel a lump in my throat whenever I try to swallow, but there's actually nothing there when I try to drink water. It’s when she mentioned GERD, a disorder I knowingly feel is the cause all of the issues I experienced - I’ve talked to my ex boyfriend about me being acidic and could be a reason for why I’m feeling sick. All the symptoms blinked Green when I researched about it:

Difficulty in breathing

Sensation of a lump in your throat

Disrupted sleep / trouble sleeping

Anxiety

Chest pain

Difficulty in swallowing

Trouble eating normally

Weight loss

It all made sense to me why I had those symptoms and the exact time I experienced those - I’ve been drinking lemon water (lemon is a citrus, thus a no-no to me), I ate very spicy Indian food, drank wine, smoked, took acidic Vitamin C (I was drinking twice a day previously cause I thought it was COVID) and ate noodles. All these made my acid worst.

Now, what I need to do is change my lifestyle drastically. This means cutting out all the bad habits like smoking, drinking alcohol, eating spicy foods or any food that will aggravate my acid situation. I need to exercise daily, eat fruits and vegetables that are high in alkaline, drink lots of warm/hot water, eat lean meat, and make sure I only drink non-acidic Vitamin C (sodium ascorbate).

I’m very thankful to God because if not for that night, I would not know that I’m already at this certain state of my health. I still have time to fix my lifestyle and live for the better.

With this life changing experience, I’m urging everyone to never take their health for granted - young or old, fit or unfit. At one point, our bodies will surrender to our bad habits and it may never function like it was before. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, mine was a wake up call. I'm already forgetting about my relationship with God. He’s been faithful in providing all of my needs, even blessing me more than I deserve and I took it all for granted. I didn't even take a moment to express my gratitude and love for him. This experience has brought me closer to him. He’s always been there for me -- all the nights, hospital visits, getting myself checked, he used different people as channel of his love and assurance that I am not alone.

Praise God!

PS. This song has been my companion and source of strength since that day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_aIauL2xKA