#ideally i want them all some day
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they only had the first issue of star trek bodly go at the only comic book store in the city :(
#the other ones (for the reboot so set between the 2009/2013/2016 movies) were there sporadically#ideally i want them all some day#but i REALLY like boldly gos first few issues esp the one about kevin#and esp cos its the most recent content for the reboot universe we have#and cut off at an INSANELY interesting point#with a hesitant truce between the romulans and the federation after borg vessels#sensing neros entering of the timeline#sent a scout mission out that attacked vulcan and romulan vessels#kickstarting the introduction of the borg DECADES before they ever arrived in the original timeline#which is fucking SCARY
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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My ST5 DNA Board is finally here!
It’s more of a bingo card, featuring over 200 movies that I think have the potential to be used for inspiration in s5, though I know for a fact most won’t make their final board.
I still wanted to have some fun with this because there are so many movies out there with interesting elements that I could totally see play out in the final season.
Now we just wait and hope we’ll get the official one soon (ST day?? 😩)
#byler#stranger things#stranger things day#st5 dna board#st5 predictions#dude I know we’re probably not getting that dna board on st day#just let me get this out there so I can move on to another fixation#I’ve probably only watched 1/4 of these films#but I do intend to watch all of them#at least until we get the official one#let’s hope that’s sooner than later#st5vision playlist for songs that could be used next season coming soon!!#ideally before st day#just in case the wsqk account is the real deal and they plan do some sort of reveal next week#I want my predictions out there!
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Look at these stickers my brain is literally so huge. God. I love them so much.
I hadn't tried to do a sticker sheet at home before because I knew it would be difficult, and I was right! Getting the cut lines to line up with the print was super hard and there were many failed attempts, but it was so worth it I'm so happy with them!!!
This sticker sheet is for my patrons this month ^^
#like seriously I wasted like 10 entire sheets#normally when I do stickers I get to arrange them on a 'print and cut' sheet#which basically has these black marks in the corners that the machine can scan so it can cut based off of where those marks were#so it gets to line up muuuch easier#but with this I didnt want to have just like 2 sticker sheets a page... I wanted to have 4 for an 8.5x11 piece of paper?#cause of obvious reasons I feel#cause the print and cut takes an inch all around#I'm not sure it would be replicable either tbh? like if I were to design another sheet I would have to waste a bunch of papers again#cause for some reason the individual cut lines werent like... it wasnt like it was just entirely offset or entirely scaled 1:1#it was like some parts had to scoot up some spots had to scoot over some down whatever#so I think I would have to print cut and test again#but. also I did all that and realized. I could have been testing this on normal pieces of paper... I didnt have to use sticker paper#its fine! just makes me feel less bad about trying to do this again in the future#the sticker paper isnt that expensive this wasnt terrible#anyways. might do more in the future! I only have one other idea right now for a sticker sheet bt I wanna do it eventually#not like I wont ever have other ideas. obviously.#I just generally try to only make stuff that i'd actually wanna have so i'm not trying to make a ton of designs or whatever#this is actually also why i'm often sort of... late? on the patreon designs#not late like i send them out as soon as payments get processed for that month the design was for#but ideally id be making them ahead of time enough that people could sign up or sign off if theyre interested or not...#but I just dont wanna make a design that feels procedural... I CAN but I wanna make things that are creative and worth paying for!#so. I often will spend multiple days mulling over ideas for that months designs. so I'm not very ahead at all haha#anyways. yeah these are for october and then I've also gotta draw a halloween themed drawing for this year in general that will be the prin#i lov halloween#anyways.#patreon#merch#my bf didnt get it the gravestone box. its like a nerds box shaped like a gravestone...#and the nerds are. ghosts... its good. its good okay you agree
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like why did they change where Vegeta was when Cell announced the cell games in the anime
why did they make this vegeta starting shit with yamcha instead of chillin in the lab with his family? why did they take Bulma out of the lab? Why'd they say she was Out while Dr Brief was repairing 16? Why did they change Bulma working on advanced robotics to running in late with her baby?
it's the same scene except: - Bulma's actively at work being a scientist - Vegeta's not being rude to her (or anyone else!) - Vegeta waits for Trunks instead of leaving the room - Cell interrupted the airwaves, which means Trunks and Vegeta were just hanging out with Bulma and Dr B while they were working
Those are all Great Character Details!! That the anime rails against!!
#these cowards afraid of showing Vegeta actively choosing to be around his wife and child even when he's Bad#Because Goku who is Good never ever even once makes that choice onscreen outside of filler#and then they justify that choice by making Chi-Chi seem horrid and unreasonable for (checks notes) Not Wanting Her Child to Die#anyway I am once again being bitter about anime vs manga klasjdklasd#I can't believe I let the anime convince me I hated Goku man Goku's SUCH a good and ridiculous character in the manga#the anime just SUCKS at letting him be who he's always been#and has to reframe and recontextualize and reword everything he does so that it seems like he's Actually Quite Mature and Thoughtful nO#THAT's VEGETA YOU COWARDS#also the fact that bulma said she wouldn't live with him at the beginning of this arc to him casually hanging out with her and trunks#after cell beat his ass and humbled him is REALLY GOOD SUBTEXT for their shared relationship having improved without showing it#it's great subtext for all three of them and toei just went 'nah' and decided to make it a whole group shot so ...? Master Roshi could sit#and explain how ??? Tournaments Work??? Just so Cell could log on and also explain how tournaments work?? God it's been so long#since I've watched the anime and now when I do it just makes me mad aklsdjskja the manga is SOOOOO much better#there are some spots where the pacing is more ideal in the anime like goku turning ssj for the first time but like man. everything else is.#like why are you making Goku snarky with Vegeta dude his clapbacks are SO much funnier when they're just Tactless Honesty#like Vegeta's not insulted by Snark bitch he grew up in the Freeza force that man was raised by THE bitchiest drag queens#Vegeta's insulted by someone saying something deeply and insultingly True to his face as if it's the fucking weather#Goku in the anime is like 'a battle of wits hoho' but Goku's purity is part of the joke he's not snippy he's just got no social etiquette#He's just honest! He's not trying to be insulting. That's what MAKES it insulting! That's the WHOLE GAG of why Vegeta can't stand him#Goku is always just telling the truth and it's always the rudest shit Vegeta's ever heard in his life#'it's a sunny day! i'm way stronger than you! see you out there bud!' 10000% Genuinely Friendly. Golden Retriever-Ass Pure.#Infuriating. Hilarious.#anyway I looked at anime clips to make sure I remembered things right and that was a mistake#as someone who has a soft spot for it and grew up on it -- compared to the manga it's bad and it's always been bad#and toriyama was right to be disinterested in watching it jesus christ they BUTCHERED his work#anyway this has been another shot of haterade with sketches thank you for scrolling my rambletags askljdask#dbtag#i just truly can't get over how they make Vegeta call her 'woman' in the anime and he literally only ever calls her Bulma in the manga#except for on namek when he refers to her as 'the/that woman' because she is a complete stranger#why is he calling her woman like he's a 1940s american husband and not an extraterrestrial from a deeply advanced society toei
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doodle dump
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#lobotomy corp oc#pretty sure i have more i missed. just doodling since i cant get myself to make more than bare minimum effort rn#ocs as well so i dont need to think abt how to properly portray another. considering i literally made them up#personality wise anyways. took some creative liberties when it comes to actual gear and random generated agents anyways#maybe ill actually ramble abt them on the sideblog. Eden and Eliza mirrors to one another and picking specific aspects of humanity to cling#to. Eden deciding the subconscious and concepts of humanity brought to life is more ideal that humans themself. the more one loves of human#ity the less one begins to love of humans. Eliza becoming subservient and wanting to activly love humans and her kin even when they hold no#love for her in turn. Both needing to be rewarded or feel rewarded for their dedication. Idealizing each side. the idea of everyone is capa#ble of good and thus should be forgiven and unquestionable love and loyalty. Eden viewing people as senselessly killing oneanother in furth#er elaborate ways and rejects the idea of people all together and finds solance in the Concept than the Living#Angelina and Ryn with how one views time and survival. One hyperfocused on surviving of the current day and neglecting their own very self-#and desires while the other only looks towards the future and idealizes to the point where they dont even see the today. delusion to claw#through reality. Safety team w Brook Eliza Evgeni and Katya is a little harder to explain but the main concept with them as a Group being a#a jab at the happy workplace family that gets along. nuh uh#i guess another idea that is weaved into them is 'survival' and how one sees they can be fit to live or find a meaning to live. and the con#tradictions that arise from anothers perspective and how people 'ought to live'. a clash of either accepting or denying anothers way of#how one should survive. and the projection of a way to live. of 'i view this to be right and thus i will have you do this thing' saving an#aspect or person that they can see themself in to then essentally save themself.#will i be able to handle such ideas with finesse? likely not i dont have faith in myself to properly encapsulate such topics to a perfect#enough degree but it is interesting to explore
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Take some Fydd's I just realized I never posted
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#fydd is such a comfort character to me rn its not even funny I adore this lil lad#hes been helping keep me sane#Ive also been keeping sane by brainstoriming more abt how I wanna make eternal gales someday which is also helping#and lemme say its getting real ambitious folks this bad boy isnt getting made for a While lol#the more Ive been thinking abt eternal gales and how I want it to be formatted the more certain I become that while its not going to be a#game Im probably going to be making it within a game maker engine#like Ill still look into how feasible making it all into a website would be but I think for what I want to make this would work best#which is! very ambitious and is definitely not smth I can manage rn! but I have been wanting to re learn to code anyways so!#its mostly just a matter of like. doing some smaller projects first and getting my shit together#ideally I want to be able to be in a place to get started in about 5 years maybe? idk that feels reasonable to me#but Im fine if it takes longer as long as Ive gotten at least some actual real project started and worked on#Ive been playing around with the idea of maybe trying my hand at making a small game for fun#not right this second but maybe soon? idk depends on a bunch of shit#honestly eternal gales has dragged me through so much whenever I feel hopeless I just have to remember that I Need to make it some day and#imagine ppl asking me questions abt it and analyzing my writing and I go ok so I must persist no matter what I need ppl to read abt them
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Aspect of Order: Primordial & Present-Day
One of the first deities, part of what is known as the Primordial Triad. It created the planes alongside the Aspects of Chaos and the In-Between and held dominion over the Material Plane. It embodied order in the way nature has order: the life cycle, gravity, the tides, the surety that the seasons will change, the patterns that appear in flora and fauna alike, the symmetry of pinecones and butterflies. It was associated with the night as a time of quiet preparation where the world rests, and when one can see the remains of creation in the darkened sky. It is said that the two moons of the Material Plane are its eyes, watching over its creations.
All three members of the Primordial Triad are referred to with "it", so ancient and unfathomable that applying a mortal, transient concept of gender to them seemed almost blasphemous.
Almost.
The modern-day conception of Order is quite different. Though she still reigns over the night and natural laws, her followers have placed her at the forefront of the creation process, reducing the In-Between's role and rejecting Chaos altogether. Though most present-day cultures think of her in this way, many of them do not emphasize her: she is an invisible Over-God, keeping the other deities and forces in line and maintaining cosmic balance from behind the scenes. In places where she is worshipped heavily, however, she is placed at the forefront of the pantheon. In those cases, worship of deities with overlapping domains is either illegal (ex local gods of justice) or considered secondary to her (ex the god of the Wilds). The worship of smaller, local deities is usually discouraged or suppressed over-all in these areas in order to encourage a more structured, uniform religious practice. While both aspects of Order championed paladins, Primordial Order also championed druids and rangers while Modern Order champions clerics.
Ancient theologians debated whether or not Order and Chaos were two aspects of the same being (ironically, there was no question that the In-Between was its own separate force). However, following the iconoclasm that effectively forced Chaos out of the pantheon and created the modern conception of Order, such lines of thought were considered heretical, and then blasphemous.
The iconoclasm did have an unintended consequence, however. Crying motifs appeared in some art of Primordial Order around that time, particularly in the areas that resisted the iconoclasts more intensely. Some scholars believe that it may have been a direct reaction to the event: Order mourning the loss of its counterpart. Others have argued, however, that the lack of such motifs (or equivalents) in depictions of the In-Between prove this wrong. After all, why would it not also be grieving?
#irredeemed project#<- the working tag for this for now#i've been working on this project off & on for a couple years now#and the primordial triad has had a chokehold on me the entire time#i dont have names for any gods but the in-between (i think i'm gonna keep erasmus)#because i'd gotten stuck and wanted a clean slate. if i name a deity i feel like it has to have a solid form of some sort#and not all of them will#i'm not doing these in any sort of order. i have two other pages done#one of them is for a goddess that i've also been turning around in my head this entire time#i dont have many of the actual historical events fleshed out or any plot points for the 'present day' of the world#so stuff is going to be vague for a moment#i fucking. love the idea of writing/drawing about the world from the perspective of the people who are in it#so historical eras/distinct art movements across time & cultures/theological debates that people disagree on#and how that last thing works when the gods are undeniably & obviously real in some way#im sure the 'right' answers came through in this but that's okay b/c it's just to get my thoughts out of my head lol#worldbuilding#my art#character art#brainstorming#fantasy worldbuilding#my post#worldbuilding project#fantasy pantheons#the mortifying ideal of being known (talking about a creative project online)#hopefully this makes sense and isn't too silly lol
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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.
#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need#to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how#correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see#me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help#create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal#myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing#about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just#hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn#great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows#I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent#to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.
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oh yeah i went to a uni open day and allergies decided to pummel me in a rather quiet room with over a hundred other people during a law course presentation when i had ONE tissue that had previously been a bookmark. i only sneezed four times but my right eye and nostril could NOT stop watering i gave in and used my sleeve and it got absolutely soaked in snot 😭😭
#anyway the uni was pretty whelming but i got some useful info about ways to get into the course i want if i don't qualify initially#and some actually really useful info about a lot of work opportunities during the degree. there's an on campus law practice :0#and a lot of places offer jobs through the uni instead of putting them on market#so pretty good stuff#tho i did see my almost-ex (we never really dated but he liked me and i humoured it for a couple days before i realised i did not like him)#and he was pissing me off there i dont feel strongly negatively but man i do not fw him#oh man we're tumblr mutuals hi if you see this.... i would block but i forgot his URL. dont think he uses this often?? ill have a look#and maybe block. yeah#update i scrolled through my tumblr messages to find him and it says his blog does not exist#anyway. wow i got off topic#oh yeah i didnt fw him during our short ideal either#bc i was all uhh yeah im not sure about this lets take it slow bro did NOT take it very slow#anyway it was kind of funny he very obviously liked me for weeks before i caught on it he said 'i like you' and i still did not realise#on halloween he was eager to suggest doing the lady and the tramp spaghetti move on a pocky stick as a 'challenge' and i thought nothing of#it#so that was a cool insight into how oblivious i am in the romance department
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finally settling once and for all... with the evidence laid out plainly.. which of these brother boys is more stinkys ,,,
#also please for the love of gourd do not take this seriously i am joking I do not hold any of these behaviors against my cats I know that#all cats are a little stinky and weird I have had cats all of my life I am not genuinely condemning my cats i am being silly please lol#(some of my goofy cat posts in the past will always get like.. one or two people taking an issue with something incredibly#mundane. like me saying a cat is being rude or somehting and someone being like 'um actually cats cant process the concept of#rudeness. he has no idea he did anything wrong!' ........ yes...... i am aware.. that my cat has the brain of a cat lol#ANYWAY.... polls!!! so excited to have polls.. I will try not to be annoyig but I just love asking random things to the general#public. in friend groups I am always the one asking people to taking surveys. quizzes. making surveys and handing them out. etc.#the rare times I can partially overcome my social anhedonia/inability to socially function properly/etc. is when I'm interviewing people or#socializing specifically in the context of like Information Gathering lol#I love running questionairres and stuff . even about the most mundane pointless topics. there's just soemthing really interesting#about like....... being able to ask people stuff and then look at and analyze the results.#Even though that's an incredibly simple average thing. idk.. my brain loves information even if it's pointless silly information.#I Just Think It's Neat. I have so so sos os oso many ideas but I wanted to make the first poll about my cats#of course because I'm also obsessed with them lol. I was thinking of taking some of the pictures of them in front of a blank#canvas and doing a poll of 'what are they painting?' or 'what should they paint?' but I decided to go with babey crimes#for now. inspired by various baby crimes committed just this morning. Fresh on my mind..#I wish they had a middle option though between '1 day' and '1 week'. I think a week is too long for a poll like this but also#one day is not long enough because I dont really have THAT many active followers. if it was just a day it would probably reach like 5 poepl#people. I want to at least be able to reblog it a few times maybe. lol#I think 3-4 days would be ideal. Its a new feature though. I'm sure they'll modify things as time goes on.#Still feeling sick and bad and weird and not being that productive at all generally but... I have just enough energy stores..#using up every ounce of my power to make a goofy poll... a worthy sacrifice....
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so.. i accidentally touched a trash can which made me feel like my hand was burning so i went to go and wash it and in the process i nicked the faucet with my fingernail and i got like dirt(?) under it. which. terrifying???? anyway i started hyperventilating and my hand started burning again but worse and i was trying to figure out what to do bc i was in the bathroom of all unsafe places to be, so i like ran out to the hallway and my hands are covered in soap and water which feels unsafe enough as is, and everything is just dangerous and i feel like someone's wedged something under my fingernail and tried to pry it off me and i'm trying so hard not to scream again bc i don't want to freak my mom out and i'm still hyperventilating bc there's this unknown thing on me. so anyway. it took a bit to get it together enough to like. go back and wash my hands again. and now i'm like. completely exhausted. aaaaand i still feel like i can't breathe like an hour later :') i had lovely plans to go out this evening and maybe walk and watch the sunset but now i feel like death! point being. fuck ocd :)
#boink#vent#ocd#i think i might've had a panic attack?#idk#i don't really have those very often or very severely#but that might be the worst like contamination ocd event i can really recall#which is good ig#but still not so nice seeing as i'm supposed to be better after going to therapy and i am most definitely not#normally it's just like a general veneer of complication and anxiety on top of everything#but this was like#this was terrifying#i'm still kind of rattled ://#maybe i'm being overdramatic#i don't know :(#i'm super ticcy now too lol#unsurprising ig#and ofc i'm not actively panicking anymore#but still nothing really feels safe rn#my coffee cup smells like ice which is scary and my clothes were in the cabinet and maybe even on the floor so god knows what's on them#i'm glad i took a shower earlier today already or else i wouldn't hardly be able to move at all#i had to use some fertilizer in the garden and ofc it got on me bc gardening is messy so i already had to shower after that#unless i wanted to be stressed all day and contaminate my clothes and my bed and any food i wanted to make#not ideal#ough#it's just so fucking tiring isn't it#god it's exhausting#and what makes it worse is that i can't even deal with it on my own when everyone's around#and when everyone's around there's so much more chance that things are unsafe#it's been so much worse at home
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Oh ok wait i think i finally got it ok
#grahambles#this is about like 'transandrophobia' as a useful term#and also how like gender and the patriarchy work.#like sometimes i forget how complicated some of the nitry gritty ideas are#but i did a few days of thinking and i think i have a conception of it#not actually posting a take.#at least unless its super polished#but like basically. yes the transphobia transmen and transwomen face is different#however trans men arent opressed for being men#maybe a better way of putting it is tbat trans men are opressed for being trans men#or that the way trans men experience transphobia is tied to the patriarchy (because the gender binary and patriarchy are inherently linked)#but trans men are oppressed in the way that patriarchy sees us as 'not man enough'#so we arent oppressed for our maleness but for our transness and our failure to adequately embody patriarchal masculinity or femininity#idk if im wording this well#basically its like how the racism black men experience is colored by the fact that they are men but they aren't oppressed for being men#their maleness allows them to attempt to approach patriarchy in a way black women areny allowed to#in a similar way trans men experience the social pressure all men experiemce to fit the idealized patriarchal man#and that ideal man is a man who has and enacts power over women#even if the world beyond doesn’t accept a trans man or it sees him as a woman he will still be influenced by that social pressure#trans men don't want to be excluded from manhood so we may attempt to approach power seeing it as masculine#of vourse we will still be excluded from holding this power because we will be excluded from manhood#however we can still access this power a little.#idk if this makes any sense#and i do think trans men can access patriarchal power sometimes but not in tge way cis men can#this is rambly as hell thats why its staying in the tags#these are half formed thoughts
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Red lights spin, the alarms are going off
-An intruder.
Run around, pick what you gotta fast, they know I'm here
-This is gonna be fun.
Shit. They got me
-Too easy.
...
-...
Here my life lies, my future spilling from my head, I can barely feel my body
And they laugh, they laugh so bastardly, I wish I could have the strength to cry it out
It's helpless. I'm helpless
...
And then, the first hit
And the second
And the third
All cooled out
Do I have to wonder where I got this from? I can't afford that, the pipe leads my way
-Oh, it's you again.
Rush through, knock them, it's about survival now
-Now this is where the fun begins.
Gunshots
-My specialty.
And I bleed
-And you bleed.
The adrenaline gets to me
-Precious wounds from you for me.
Your boys are down
-We're alone
You're alone
-And so scared. My heart rushes. You...it's you!
-You're War! You're what I have been looking for!
-Please...! Your end! My end! All here and now!
I'm just so tired, and I don't feel like working overtime
-What...?
My shift's over. I'm done here.
-No...! NO!
#perceptive little crow#omg hiiiii hi hello. i made some connections and I'm going insane <3#'have you completely misunderstood another character?' yes i did <3#i just believe it would be super cool if he was like. completely idealizing the idea of teo as like. a symbol of violence and war#man so obsessed with that bitch he'd go insane over one (1) woman almost killing his stupid ass#bc he didn't feel that kind of rush and struggle and fear and ecstasy for so long. he wants more#and he dreams of the day they can finally get each other's hands on each other. and fight tooth and nail til one falls#and only bc this is about him specifically but I'd also love to talk about teo's potential weight on her shoulders that would be being#the first of like. an entirely new professional career? and a potentially dangerous one at that? like how she'd be the one to set just *so*#many standards about how to deal with myths...oh. how lovely that sounds#ok enough rambling for tonight#I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION#bc he doesn't get to fight his 'goddess' he lashes out to anyone on her same field. bc he seems them as mere troops which do nothing but#stay in the way of 'their righteous fight'#but also as a way to get even a drop of the same adrenaline he felt that day#ok that's all
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pumpkin gnocchi with sausage-based ragú spoke to me in a dream so I think I should really write tonight
#sneaky niki#lamb loose liveblogging#theme of the day: HDS’s philosophical regression#walk with me here for a bit#he ended the series full of himself. enough to read nietzsche#but then I decided I didn’t like the natural progression of things#so he will read philosophers that have come before nietzsche one after the other#in order: schopenhauer. kierkegaard. kant. rousseau.#I’m keeping away from idealism and the likes bc they don’t talk at large about the question around evil or happiness#even kant only briefly touches on that at large but I think HDS would be pompous enough to think himself worthy of kant#all of these people had their flaws btw so this is not me putting any of them on a pedestal#I’m just wearing my HDS goggles right now#but yea I wouldn’t call this story a redemption arc bc I don’t think any of these characters can be redeemed#but evolution also has its regressions and I think HDS needs to take some steps back and remember humanity is not all to toss in the garbage#himself included. he used to be kind. I wanted to explore that sense of regret and guilt and grief starting from his final form in the show#HDS does very heinous shit in this fic to the people around him#he did it in the show and he is doing it again#and his actions will make us pity SDY (incredible! ik!)#also HDS is making new friends (*cough* found family whomst *cough*) and that will remind him of what he had lost along the way#will he be deserving of connection? is a honeymoon phase enough to restore his husmanity? feeling empathy again is worthy of forgiveness?#these are the topics of this writing session#wish me luck :*#niki out!
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