#id say i want what they have but then i remember all the abuse

[wouldyoustilllovemeifiwasacar]

Funny to me how Utena is the one who can beat you up for sure but I’d be way more afraid of Anthy were I to piss them off

[sicksorrows]

dont get annoyed at me, sorry in advanced

would it be too crazy to say this about nanami? hes fictional anyway so it wouldn’t matter. but as much as I say this, yeah I do want him to fuck the living shit out of me until I pass out.

I want him to show me off so bad to the point he literally makes a pornhub page and posts the both of us fucking in every fucking position possible and doing every kinky thing possible. id let him rail me as my wrists are chained up on the bed frame and im gagged (or blindfolded) with his tie as he fucks me so well. I need him to cum inside me, continuously until I end up almost pregnant with just his cum and he has to shove his fingers back inside me to pull out everything. as much as I hate the thought of period sex I wouldn't mind trying it out just with nanami. I wish I could give him head while hes in a work meeting and he has to refrain himself from making too much noise while talking. I wish he could cheat on me and fuck another girl in front of me so I could just get mad at him. I wish I could peg him. I wish he would let people watch us fuck. I wish he could fuck into my mouth until I remember each vein and how long and thick it is, (hard and soft). same goes for his cum, I wish he would load a nut into my mouth until I remember the exact taste. I wish he would jerk off in front of me everyday so I can watch his rough large hands wrap around his cock so perfectly, as he strokes up and down faster and faster while staring into my eyes with his flushed face. I wish he would let me ride his nose every day and let me ride him every day, until he memorizes the rhythm and he fucks me in the same movement. I wish he could kidnap me and trap me in his place forever, id develop Stockholm syndrome if it meant staying with nanami. I wish he stalk me like a creepy man and take secret pictures of me, framing them all over his room and jerking off to them every night. I wish he could eat me out every night and drink up all of me, I want to disintegrate in his arms and make sure im left with my soul-less body with him and he has to keep it as a memory, caging up my remains and keeping it by his side until he dies, and we die together. I wish he could fuck me in semi public areas to the point we almost get caught. I wish he could slit my wrists and fuck the cuts. I wish he could love me to the point im all he needs. I wish he could fuck me in the small bathroom In an airplane and only telling me we have a few minutes before they call everyone back to their seats, I wish we could drink all night and get severely drunk to the point of almost getting alcohol poisoning but we still have time to fuck. I wish we could have sex in the ocean as he dunks my head towards the deep end letting all the sea animals see us, I wish he could watch me fuck myself. I wish he could fuck me with his weapon, I wish he could use ratio on me.

he could chain me up and blindfold me with his tie, but yet, thats still not enough. I need more. Ive never been a sex addict in my life and or never had sex before, so of course I sound like a loser virgin with no logic in sex but this man makes it seem so UGHHHHH. my biggest hc is that hes an experimentalist and he will try ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING no matter what. this part may be weird but I kinda want him to abuse me.. I dont even know where to let this out but I know as bad as it sounds I actually wouldn't be mind thrown across the room, pushed, slapped, punched, anything physical I wouldn't mind. I honestly would let him leave bruises on me and mark me as his any way he wants (ofc my statement wasn't a healthy option though) but still!!!!! fucking hell I feel the things I say aren't enough and im just repeating myself a bunch of times without actually thinking of anything new to say but I swear theres so much I wish to say but I can't seem to word it properly. anyway this obsession has gone way too insane if I see other people mention nanami and say that hes their man, my mood immediately changes, like this is MY MAN. MY MANNNNN MINE MINE MINE MINEEEE we are literally soulmates and everything!!!!! this is probably the second or third fictional man ive self shipped myself with because I genuinely love him so much and I dont think this obsession will go away in the next two or so years but telling people I know about this obsession is such a struggle mainly cause they think im a weird gooner or that I sound dumb so I only ever told my close friends who actually watch jjk and they dont get me at all :( sighs nanami is so adorable I want to squish him and hug him and throw him across the world until he comes crawling back to me cause GOD as im writing this im listening to music and everything reminds me of him, I can't handle this I wish to have a read man who can act like nanami and come to my life because im so close to manifesting nanami to come to me. I can't even handle this obsession enough I dont know why but I want him to be my everything I need every person in my life to be replaced with nanami. my doctor, dentist, teacher, friend, LITERALLY ANYTHING!!!!!!! ugh those fuckign biceps pleas ehe can choke me with them and id literally beg, BEG, for moreeee I need more, I need everything, and I need Nanami.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Adventures of YOUR part time job in the Lookismverse

G/N. You work the graveyard shift in a convenience store. You meet bizarre characters on different nights. Part 1 | Part 2

The customers can usually be separated into 3 categories.

Drunks, students, and weirdos.

Unfortunately for you, lately the weirdos have turned into regulars. But fortunately the weirdos aren't so weird.

The one that made it a habit to check in on you, with the scars and the cheesy wink wasn't so bad. Jack, was it? You can't remember and it's been too long for you to ask. You awkwardly address him as 'you' and avoid any situation where you need to use his name.

He likes to ask how you are, tell a few jokes. Spirit undeterred even when you look at him with a blank face because bless his soul, he's not funny at all but at least he tries and he's a lot less weird than first impression.

He hangs around at odd times, then again you do only work at odd times. Telling you stories about this and that. Something about Big Deal, something about a guy called Sinu and something about another guy called Samuel.

It's difficult to keep track. It's like he wants to talk but he's cryptic and god, it's 4am who can blame you if your eyes are glazing over.

John, or is it Jerry, is waffling again. He seems to always be talking about Samuel. Who he apparently misses and wonders where it's gone wrong and hang on, he's never been explicit but you just had to know.

When he takes a breath to munch on a cookie, you ask, "Hold on, is Samuel your ex?"

Wait no his name is Jason, definitely Jason- freezes mid-chew, "Why would you say that? He's my friend!"

Joshua sprays crumbs all over you but you note how he doesn't say no.

(You think you see this Samuel one early morning. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen him before and man, he really looks like shit.

Looks like the breakup is getting to him too.

Poor Samuel and Poor Jim.)

.

.

But sometimes weirdos are just weirdos. 

It's ok. It comes with the territory so long as they're not in the habit of hurling abuse or whatever, you can deal with it.

In recent memory, there's only been two people that you have had to almost chase out with a broomstick.

You should have known they would be weirdos when one of them walks in in surprisingly teeny tiny purple camo shorts. Not that you're a pearl clutcher, but you're worried that one wrong move and he could be dangling out.

Besides. Purple. Camo. Shorts. Those words should never follow one after the other, and you repress a shudder at this guy's hideous dress sense when he comes up to you.

You thought the other one was alright, at least there's no hideous purple camo shorts in sight and his hair is nice (huh, this style must be popular, you’ve seen a lot of guys with this hair)-

But then he opens his mouth and asks for snakes and you think it's karma for judging camo-guy for his appearance when his friend is equally odd.

"We usually keep the snakes next to the ramen," you deadpan and the two men actually go to seek out the supposed snake (meat or pet purposes?) only to return moments later, empty-handed and looking confused.

"I think the snake is all sold out," Non-camo guy says as camo-guy glances around as if you might have hidden your snake stock elsewhere.

They must have thought you were stupid as you stood there opening and closing your mouth like a fish (or maybe a snake, do snake do these things), because come on, how are you even supposed to formulate a response to that?

Then you look at their eyes and also notice them looking snakey and surmise it must be some weird fetish thing. Pretending to be snakes and eating snakes and having pet snakes.

You want no part of this and tell them to get out.

.

.

"I'm Baek Hangyeol," a new face says, pointing to his ID badge pinned to the white coat. 

"Doctor Baek Hangyeol." He stresses Doctor and Hangyeol and you wonder if he is waiting for a round of applause.

You don't say anything but you do notice he looks like a teenager and what idiot would let a teenager operate on them. (Drunk, student, weirdo. He could be all three.) Doctor Baek Hangyeol must be bluffing.

You decide not to call him on his bullshit. 

"Cool," is all you respond with because you don't want another complaint for being too mouthy. You are half tempted to tell him you're not a doctor, that you just work here but that seemed kinda redundant so you keep your mouth shut.

"Do you believe in true beauty?" he asks when you finish bagging up his goods (a plain water with added minerals, a bottle of multivitamins and a protein shake) and you think what sort of question is that.

You give a halfhearted shrug and say "Sure" and he hands his business card over.

"If you're ever considering it," he tells you with a wild smile. After he has left you look down at the lettering, eyes zeroing in on ‘Plastic Surgery’.

Excuse me?! What is he trying to say?

You thought he was a weirdo but now he has firmly shifted over to asshole. You regret not telling him to go fuck himself while you had the chance. The complaint would 100% be worth it. Zero regrets.

On your break, you burn the card and feel a small sense of satisfaction.

.

.

A tall blonde guy with a creepy vibe (hold on, have you seen him before, he seems familiar. Then again, creepy blonde guys seem to be quite common around here-) walks in with the most billowing coat you have ever seen.

The entrance is kinda cool but the actual coat is kinda tragic with the cheesy red lettering and you wonder if you can pull it off any better than him.

You're still wondering about his coat when he's paying you, and hang on you have definitely seen him before because he says arigatou and hands over yen and you tell him no. Won only.

The idea of the coat, which has evolved into you fantasising about having a full blown cape, quickly loses its charm however, when the blonde gets caught in the automatic doors and you have to wrestle them open to free him.

Afterwards, you ask if he's ok, if he is harmed and can’t resist asking if the coat is ok too. You really don't want a lawsuit on your watch especially when the malfunctioning doors are not your fault.

Your kindness is repaid by him telling you he's not interested (what the fuck) and that his heart will not stray (again, what the fuck).

.

.

You accidentally eavesdrop on a couple of students lamenting about missing out on school work. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop ok, the aisles are tight and cramped, it’s a small space. 

You peek over, and the one with big ears (seriously, they are huge) is telling the one with his back to you (goodness, his back is huge too) that school is important and he’s got notes the other one can use. 

It’s sweet, you think. School is important and it’s good they recognise that. Nice of them to help each other out too.

When they both come to pay (holy shit, that’s a fuckton of chocolate milk), you’re surprised to find Big Ear’s friend, Big Back, looks anywhere between late 20s and early 40s but it’s never too late to catch up on education, you suppose.

You spend the rest of your shift feeling motivated.

.

.

“Going camping?” you ask the guy with the sandy blonde hair, chuckling nervously and ringing his items through. 

Either he’s going camping or he’s gonna kill and hide a dead body in the forest.

He’s pretty stoic, only giving you a curt nod. You can’t help but probe him a bit more. You’ve got a feeling that if or when the dead body turns up, you want to at least clear your conscience that you’ve tried your best so you make some more idle small talk.

You mention how you haven’t been camping for ages, not since you nearly burned your tent down and singed your hair after you tried to cook some marshmallows over a fire that turned out to be more of a raging bonfire (and might have awoken your pyromaniac streak, but you keep that to yourself).

The blonde guy actually pipes up and says “Master Taesoo would never do that.” 

You almost apologise out of principle due to how earnest he sounds, then he mentions something about how good this Master Taesoo is at catching and cooking snake and you wonder what the fuck is up with people and the snake obsession.

Either way, it doesn’t sound like someone is getting murdered. Only a snake (poor snake) so at least you can sleep easy later that day.

.

.

“Oh hi DG,” you say, “Sorry about your cryptocurrency falling through. Diegocoin was it?”

He blinks at you a few times in surprise and heavens above. What’s that saying, fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on you? This guy has fooled you exactly no times with his shitty disguises and his effort has substantially dwindled too. 

He has only put his hood up and you did think you might get mugged at one point-

It’s an empty store, for crying out loud. Who comes into an empty store in the asscrack of night with their hood up, not wanting to draw attention to themselves.

Then you notice the pink hair and shifty glance and duh.

“Is it the-?” he asks, putting his hood down and signalling to his hair.

“Yeah, it’s the-” you signal to your own head of hair. “Dude you really need to dye it if you’re going for subtle.” You pause, consider something, “Hold on.”

You walk over to the beauty aisle and grab the black hair dye.

“On the house,” you tell DG because this guy really has no self awareness.

.

.

“What do you mean no?”

“No." Your boyfriend peers down at you, arms crossed and at the end of his patience with you.

You open your mouth to argue- 

“No. You know nothing about Taekwondo. How can you work here?”

You look around helplessly at the studio. He’s not exactly wrong but you’re sick of dealing with the weirdos and the snakes and the creepy blondes. “But your dad-”

“I don’t care what that stupid old man says,”

“Taehoon!” Hansu scolds from the other side of the room, and Hansu's class of toddlers all whirl their head around to stare.

“I can learn?” you offer and Taehoon raises one skeptical brow.

“So you’re going to be a student?” You nod enthusiastically, “And we’re going to pay you for that?”

Oh. Damn. 

He’s got you there.

[barblaz-arts]

HELLOOO!! Im in LOVE with all your Chaggie (and Wenclair obv-) art!! I was wondering if youd be up to share your thoughts on the other hazbin characters? Simply cuz Im very curious and youve been a favourite content creator of mine for a while whose opinions and takes on different things i value A LOT! So id love to hear your thoughts on the rest of the main cast(and more if youre up to it hahha)!

@phantoswordsman15

The main cast huh

Hmmmmm I dont particularly hate them, but I have some opinions that people might not like and I'm aware there's a lot of uh sensitive people in this fandom, so I never said them unprompted

But since you asked!

Alastor

Let's start with the infamous Alastor. I think he's a very entertaining character! His horde of simps annoy tf outta me when they're being misogynistic and homophobic towards Chaggie and Vaggie, but I quite liked him when I make myself forget certain parts of the fandom. He's funny and conniving and intriguing. The fact that he apparently sold his soul is super interesting to me. I'm on board with the people theorizing that he sold his soul to Lilith. I bet he's cozying up with Charlie so that he can use it to break his contract somehow. Feel like he also used the deal with (presumably) Lilith so that he could be strong enough to be the overlord he became.

With that being said, I'm really surprised with the direction they took with him. You'd think that with him being a favorite of the showrunner and the fandom, he would probably be portrayed as the coolest mf in hell. But I really like that it isn't really the case within the show. Certain denizens dont even know him and older overlords like Zestial seems to scare him and Carmilla just dgaf about him. Hell, Alastor's loss to Adam was a lil embarrassing ngl. Like. I know he's one of the oldest human souls and that's why he's powerful but... It's Adam.

Something about him that I noticed is that he seems to be more bark than bite. In particular in his duet with Lucifer, initially Lucifer had the upper hand because he's objectively more powerful, humiliating Alastor with his angel magic, but what Alastor used to his advantage was his words and charisma, as can be expected of a radio host. He's always taunting his enemies, but does it actually make him stronger than them? He "won" that duet with Vox but Valentino said Alastor only"almost beat" him when they had an actual fight. He ruffled Lucifer's feathers but at the end of the day Lucifer is still leagues more powerful than him. He talked big when he was fighting Adam but he almost died and had a breakdown over it.

He's really a lot less "cool" than I expected the show would have him be portrayed as. Kinda pathetic honestly, how he's so insecure and angry whenever he isn't the strongest guy in the room. And i actually really like that! He reminds me a lot of Rumplestilstkin from Once Upon a Time.

Something I kinda hesitate to say tho is... I dont want him redeemed. I dont want him to actually care about the hotel crew and change his ways. I like him as the fucked up man he is and really want to see how fucked up he can be, just so that if he ends up being the huge antagonist, his downfall would be all the more satisfying. Like yunno that moment when Light/Kira was finally defeated? I wanna feel that again.

Angel Dust

I love him! We found his dialogue a lil annoying at first in ep 1 but the writers did a lot better in ep 2. He's a neat guy. His character gives interesting implications for me as to what makes a person a sinner in this show. While you have people like Alastor who obviously ended up where they did because a cannibal murderer, I get the feeling Angel ended up in hell because he was abusing his own body, which is a sad thing to think. If I remember right from my own catholic upbringing, abusing the body is considered a sin because your body is a temple. To think that Angel could be in hell for poisoning himself, not for harming others, is just sad man. I look forward to seeing more of his journey.

I'm not touching on how his SA was tackled btw. While I'm a victim of sexual assault myself, what i experienced was far from what Angel does on a REGULAR basis,so I don't feel like i have any personal or professional right to say anything about it. Not every victim's case is universal anyways. All I can say is, his line about purposefully damaging himself so he could be broken enough to no longer be Valentino's "favorite toy" hit me harder than I ever expected this show to.

Husk

Confession: I... I dont feel all that attached to Husk at all, I am so sorry Husk stans 😭

Okok that feels so mean to say I'm so sorry. I actually hesitated to say anything because I dont want to hurt people's feelings. But since you guys are asking and I dont like not being genuine, I'm telling the truth.

A lot of my feelings about Husk is heavily affected by the fandom anyways to be perfectly fair. Why? Because a lot of criticisms against Vaggie is easily applicable to Husk, maybe even more so, and yet I dont see even the same level of hate towards him that Vaggie received because his chemistry with Angel is so much better than Chaggie... Apparently...

I just dont see Husk as a character outside of being a plot device for Angel's development yunno? I get it, he isn't a main character like the main 4 are(Charlie, Vaggie, Alastor, and Angel), i just find it hard to well and truly like him because of the fandom's double standards. When we found out someone was gonna die in the finale, my brother and I actually thought it was gonna be him because he doesn't have a big enough role to play in the plot to be a HUGE loss, but has a significant enough connection to a main character to have an EFFECT. He very much just felt like the love interest for Angel and nothing else. Which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but is frustrating when i see sooo many people label Vaggie as such(when she isnt!) and hate her SO MUCH for it.

I wanna see more of him tho I really do. Like the man used to be an overlord. He said he wanted to find someone who could relate to "the gruesome ways in which he's damaged" but what does that even mean? Yes i know about the castration but aside from that what suffering is Alastor putting him thru when all he has to do is be a bartender rn? There must be more and I wanna see it and finally feel for him.

Nifty

I love her a lot. That's it. The character ever. Her gremlin energy reminded me so much of Peridot, it's great. Kimiko Glenn did a fantastic job as the comic relief character and I hope she gets her own song next season. Her basically being everyone's little sister was kinda adorable even tho she's probably the scariest person in that hotel next to Alastor. I hope she gets to stab Valentino next. Just kill that MOTHerfucker

[savthemusic]

i need to put this somewhere that someone might see is someday so a part of my story can be told.

a couple days ago, i was on the verge of taking my life.

i had the pills in my hand and nearly downed the rest of the bottle before calling it a night. i didnt tell anyone. i didnt have anyone to tell. didnt write a note or anything cuz i figured nobody would care about what i had to say, they never cared before. all my life ive lived in an abusive household, always looking over my shoulder wondering if id suddenly set my stepdad off, never knowing what would make him tick. threats on my life had been made many times for small things, i never knowing if getting a glass of water would be the last thing i do. ive also been struggling internally with my gender and my identity, who i wanna be, what i wanna do. ive made attempts to take my life before, none of them successful, but i didnt expect to make it past 20. i always told myself if i wasnt out by 20 id just get it over with. im about to be 21 soon and i didnt plan to even be here, i have no direction, i dont know who i want to be. ever since i was a child i've always had flickers in my mind of wanting to be a girl, wishing i was born a girl, maybe id fit in. all of my friends have always been girls and id get teased for it by the adults in my life. calling me a "ladies man" and stuff like that, i hated it. not only did i hate that i didnt fit in with them enough to just be friends, i hated being considered a man. i didnt find out what "transgender" was until middle school and soon the pieces all clicked together but i had to hide it. from friends, from family and eventually from myself. my stepdad has told me many times that if he were to find out i was gay or anything that he'd kill me on the spot. just the thought of what he'd do if i told him i was a girl made me feel sick, so i hid. all of this has built up until the other day i decided id rather no longer live than continue to live like this.

i remembered seeing online people talking about a movie that every trans person must see. I Saw the TV Glow. i decided to watch it, it'll be the last thing i do. cross off one last thing on my forever-incomplete bucket list.

the movie saved me. if it werent for this movie i wouldnt be here today typing this. i related with the MC in every way and it hurt to see her live the life i wanted to avoid. i cried. i cried for the rest of that night, i apologized to people in my life and let them know i appreciate them and i vowed that i wouldnt let myself fall down the path of hiding from my true self until its too late. "there is still time". that quote has been playing in my mind ever since that night. ive had regrets of not ending it that night, knowing that if i did i wouldnt be feeling this way anymore, but the quote is true. just a few more years and i'll be out of this house, out of this state that wants me dead, i'll be free.

my mind is drifting, starting to overthink, i'll cut the story here, but i just wanted it to be known that anyone that comes across this that even tho things are hard now you just need to keep holding out, patience will pay off in time. even if things change and i end up grabbing that bottle of pills again or if my stepdad does it instead i'll know that at least my story is out there.

there is still time.

[icarusredwings]

would you recommend takin' over the asylum

Yes! And not only because of David but also the other charater's arcs are very intresting too!

It's on youtube for free and is only about 7 episodes.

TOTA discusses topics that were seen as very taboo at the time it was produced/written.

While we as mature veiwers can watch this and say "Okay yes there is misinformation" we have to remember that this was made before even going to a therapist was something people did regularly and openly admited it. If you went to a phycologist back then or even a therapist you were looked down opon.

This show shows and talks about things so subtly that you won't pick them up unless you've been there, OR you pay attention well. For example, one of the things with Campbell is that he is very "ego" driven, and Eddie has to learn how to balance him to keep him from toppling over and becoming manic. For example you'll see a lot of episodes Eddie will praise Bain and then scold him afterwards because in the begining episodes he gives Campbell too much praise/trust and it makes him have a break down because as I explain it to some "Once you get to the top of that cliff, you fall off"

At the very begining the viewer and Eddie are mislead to assume Campbell is a staffmember or a volunteer because of how open of arms he has, hes so eager to help and be useful, hes kind, and as eddie says "He dosn't *seem* looney?" And this is because he's very managable but his parents couldn't so sent him away.

Another reason I recommend it is the diversity of the acting and patiants. People often pin him as the silly side kick charater but Davids acting brings his story to a whole new level.

Campbell is also very energetic compared to most patients, and I think he's one of the youngest ones they have so he gets excited about things VERY quickly. He's jumping all over the place. Lil manic puppy. He always gets so happy to Eddie too, its very clear hes attached to him which (if you know) its very common for bipolar/ manic deapressivss to have that *one* person. This is what I mean by subtleness.

This show also includes topics such as (count this as a trigger warning too)

Giving up your boring job to follow your dreams (which was just ridiculous back then)

Immigration

Unfair justice system

Adhd

Ocd (id say her charater is most likely the worst portrayed but when you realize why it breaks your heart)

Abusive relationships

The taboo idea of dating a 'looney'

Quiting smoking for the better

Bipolar /Manic depressive disorder

Child loss

Self harm

Self ending

Grief

Mutism

Autism

Medical abuse of patiants/manipulation

Substance abuse

Different coping mechanisms

Homelessness

Another thing about this show I like is Eddie is very open to them, he treats them like people, he gets nervous and worried they wont enjoy his company even which means he cares enough about them to think their opinions matter whilst another worker states that they're loonies, no one cares what they want.

He takes care of Campbell a lot as well because- well.. He's a bit of trouble. A little scamp he is. But hes so cute tho. And YES David Tennant's accent IS in this one. It's SO much more thicker then say Crowley or the Doctor.

SPOILERS

Hell there's a woman who they claim is speaking in tounges but she's just speaking a foreign language in which Eddie only takes like 2 days to figure out because he had the nerve to LITSEN to her and try to see what she was saying instead of telling her to speak english and to take pills. The sad bit about this, though, is she becomes homeless because of getting kicked out of the mental hospital.

Yet another theme I like about this show is that A. The colors are just bright enough to keep attention but not get a head ache, B. Bain behaves exactly the way you would expect a teen experiancing issues would, happy, snappy, sad, overly confident all at once, in a blink. C. Eddie meets this woman with a mean dog and yet Eddie forgives this dog many times despite it tried to bite him.

The woman was older and was testing eddie to see if he's a good person or not, no matter how annoying she was to him, he treats her with upmost respect and kindness. She ends up paying him a lot to fix the windows, which gives him extra cash to spend on one of the girls he was intresting seeing as hes very respectful to her despite her depression and I want to almost guess Post Partum but I actually don't know,

ANYWAY He even takes her to see his grandparents and adopts kittens just for her because she loves kittens and some delinquents killed her other kittens.

In most stories, the doctor or patiant is odd and tries to manipulate the other into going out with them, but whenever she declines, he only nods and goes away. It doesn't feel forced either. It's very sweet.

Anyway YES. Please watch it like holy shit I don't have anyone to talk to about it!! The lady who wrote it was actually bummed it flopped because of how progressive it was but is happy its becoming popular now! Love you Donna Franceschild!

[olderthannetfic]

I think you've talked before about how it's wrong to assume the only people who enjoy taboo kink like race play are bigoted white people, right? Tumblr's search remains garbage. I've been trying to formulate some thoughts on it after seeing some videos on "bad books" but I don't really know enough about real world kink culture to know what's valid critique of racism or anti-kink just hiding behind it. So I remembered you'd mentioned the topic at some point and might have some thoughts?

--

Well, first, one should apply basic logic: If shittons of women kink on the ways in which society abuses women, why wouldn't at least some ethnic minorities kink on the way society abuses them?

Second, social media overflows with jackasses saying "Listen to POC" as a thought-terminating cliche, but it's good advice as long as you grasp that you do have to evaluate which people you're listening to and what basis you have for trusting that they know something about a subject.

Honestly, I don't think this topic is that complicated. There are just a lot of cowardly white people around who are too scared of ever being seen as wrong to be willing to do a little research or stand up for anything even remotely controversial. They'll parrot the first anti they run across but not bother to engage with the comments of nonwhite kinksters who are long-time community members with informed opinions.

The person I'd listen to, personally, is Mollena Williams-Haas, a kink educator and submissive. She has talked about race play here, among many other places.

Her comments boil down to it being about consent. If kinksters want to play with a concept and everyone involved is on the same page, it's not the business of outsiders to tell them it's off limits.

Playing with heavy topics in an agreed upon way is completely different from having that thing sprung on you without warning. We're used to making this distinction when people are playing with the trappings of rape but, somehow, lose our goddamn minds when the topic is racism.

Now, yes, there are plenty of gross white creeps who think nonwhite kinksters will inherently be interested in this sort of thing and should cater to them... but how is that any different from your usual pest in a bar chatting up uninterested parties and refusing to take no for an answer? The problem isn't squicky kinks that many of us don't want to hear about: The problem is jackasses treating others as a fantasy and/or kink dispenser instead of a person with feelings and needs.

Frankly, most of the arguments against this sort of kink are your usual "As a woman, you should be setting a good example!" bilge that's leveled at all submissive women but on steroids because a woman of color is extra, extra, extra responsible for living her whole life as An Example. (And I notice that it's generally submissive nonwhite women who come in for the most abuse even though plenty of other dynamics exist. Quelle surprise.) It's bullshit. People should mind their own damn business.

As for "bad books"... Are we talking bodice rippers with nonwhite heroines or what? Are we back to colonizer romance wank? Books about characters engaging in race play in a BDSM context? I think it's reasonable to critique books that don't seem to know what they're doing—e.g. not seeming aware that a rape scene is one—but stupid to worry about iddy trash that is trying to be iddy trash. People will always like socially unacceptable id fodder. Some books will always cater to that.

[star-dust-stuf]

Albert Shaw x fem!reader

title: in your embrace, I will stay

warnings: cursing, angst, rotting fluff

a/n: as always this has nothing to do with sex or abuse. listen to the song pretty girl by 4ever falling. I hope you like it, it's a little sad but as always, with love!

-

I woke up in a cold sweat, on the mattress. The moon was shining in from that small window up top making light in the dark basement. I sat up a little dizzy and tired, it wasn't the usual time id wake up nor did I even think Albert was down here either. 

I stood up, my bare feet on the cold pavement, I destinctivley remember when he left the basement before I went to bed he left the door unlocked. 

I walked to the door and open it. I didn't think anything of it of course I was either stupid or didn't care. When I took the first step on the stairs I saw the warm light from the top, it made me go up further so I did. 

When I reached the top I saw the kitchen it was small and to my right there was a table, to my left there was garbage can and a fridge. 

And then him... He had his mask on, only the top half, a belt in his hands, he was asleep. Why did he leave the door unlocked and was he waiting for me?

I was oblivious to the situation at hand, he snored softly and I couldn't help but smile a little, I looked at him for a moment but then something happened out of my control.

I stepped not feeling a bit of need to hide in fear but that was only as of right now. I reach my hand, I gently touch the side of his temple, his soft wrinkles. 

His eyes opened just as fast as I could step back, he stood up and gripped the belt in hand. I fell back on the floor a little shocked by my heart stopping for only a second.

"What did I say... Didn't I say if you came up here, I would make you beg me to stop!" He yelled.

I flinched, it was hard to see his eyes so angry. "Albert..." My voice was only a whisper.

"The shit you have to make me worry about-." He sounded so sad yet so mad.

"I wasn't going to escape, you know that!"

He held up the belt, I cover my face in absolute fear and start to cry, he just couldn't do it. Watching me as I cried in fear and confusion, he knew I wouldn't leave him and he knew he'd never hurt me no matter how hard I can be on him, he really only knew I didn't understand. 

He groaned in anger, he threw the belt to the floor and yelled aloud thrashing the dishes on the counter and breaking them, he was so angry at himself, he could bring himself to hurt me. I yelled for him. "Albert!" 

He was breathing heavily, his heart aches at the sound of my desperate voice. He got to me, he grabbed my wrists and made me look him in the eye, he didn't say anything cause the fear, the sadness in his eyes said a lot. He pulled me back down the stairs. "Albert, you're hurting me!" 

He pulled me to the bed, "do you not understand why you stay down here..." 

"Yes I do!" I shout at him.

He grew even more angry, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. "ID FIND SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY LOVED ME BEFORE I WAIST MY TIME ON YOU!" 

I fell against him, sobbing in his arms. He didn't know what came over him, he wrapped his arms around me, he was so tall only my head reached his chest and he was able to cradle me. I look up at him, sobbing. He wiped my tears gently. "Shh, shh, shh." He cooed. 

"I-i though maybe s-since you l-left the door open I'd be a-able to see you. I d-dont want to sleep alone!" I cry.

He wiped my tears with his thumb, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. "I left the door open... On purpose." 

was confused, "Why? You didn't think id actually run away from you." 

He sighs, "Bunny, you make me worry." 

"You don't trust me?" My eyes water and his heart aches at the sight.

"No, no bunny. I needed to make sure you weren't scared of me." I tilt my head. "I couldn't hit you with that belt. You stood there confused and scared but I knew you weren't scared of me." 

"How could you know that?" I ask.

"Because you looked at me like you didn't know me at all." He put a lock of hair behind my ear. 

"I just wanted you." 

His eyes gazes down at me, his large hand cupped my cheek and he sighed softly bending down to my level. "Go on, Bunny. I'll tuck you in."

When I got on the mattress and pulled the little blanket he gave me over my legs. He sat beside me and rubbed his thumb over my forehead. "I won't ever let you go, you know that?"

He covered my eyes, I heard a rustling and a kiss on my head, he took off his mask though he covered my eyes I still felt his warm breath on my forehead. Another rustle was heard until he uncovered my eyes. his mask was back on.

"I'll sit right over here until you fall asleep, okay Bunny?" His voice was soft as he crouched down against the wall on the far left from the mattress. 

[sharp-rosee]

Hey funny story: I haven't been around Tumblr at all for months, but today someone told me menalez had deactivated or something so I came on here and looked it up. First result was a post by you, i checked out your blog and wouldn't you know it your most recent post had you defending me post mortem lmfao. I sent an anon to the other woman too but it seems she won't post it so to clarify to you: when I supposedly said "studies showing violence suffered by bisexuals are cringe and useless" what I remember thinking about that is that those studies that I've seen are never used to try to understand why bisexuals suffer such insane rates of violence (more than homosexuals) and trying to stop it. I've only seen them be used as battering rams in discourse when homosexuals criticize bisexuals. Which is crazy for such a serious issue and totally trivializes it lol. Also that my explanation for it was that such studies show that many abused people incorrectly id as bi for a time. You can disagree or wtv just those were my points, she made it sound like I'm cheering on women beating if they're bi or something. Also your defense of me (thanks queen lol) is accurate if you were wondering. I used to be sorta pro strict separatism but I outgrew the anger/ denial phase of "most women will partner with men" and reached acceptance. Most people are built for romantic partnership, that's just human nature, I can't be hating het women just because their lot in life in that means they're more likely to be abused. Just because I'm not drawn to men, or even much to romance, doesn't mean I should act like that's everyone else too and judge them on that standard, I accept reality and want women to be safe within that rather than pointlessly hate on them and get all worked up because some women have boyfriends..

Well I'm also a mean asshole, I'm sure you noticed, and I definitely would give the bi girlies on radblr a hard time here at the time lol. I don't have the "one side" sort of takes on this divide on radblr. It was funny but I can't feel the energy to that anymore since leaving tumblr, way too few bis or gays irl to care about that stuff. But at the end of the day these are my actual takes on all that disk horse. Funny to see it immediately on such a causal stroll around here lol

-sleep3r4gent

QUEEN I used to follow you ♡ at least when I was crypto a few years back I did.

Also, I'm glad you clarified because the way some women on here seem to hallucinate things they read almost makes me feel insane as well. Like you sending an ask saying you never thought of a certain perspective is not indicative of you agreeing and obviously one can change their opinions over time.

I really have no opinion either way tbh, I myself am straight and in a relationship, and have had others on my last blog send some anons calling me a "dick worshipper" and other misogynistic BS, but they stopped once I didn't let it bother me much. It's so obviously a group of trolls that it's embarrassing that they still believe it enough to keep bringing back the same users, some like you who aren't even misogynistic, to further their persecution complex.

It even is more annoying because these are the women who made Mena/Moideater leave, the above drama is a big reason why. The way radblr will still reblog posts from very racist blogs and not bat an eye but then freak out over a clique of women who aren't even radfems really does show what demographic makes up this site.

I know it gets exhausting to be involved in arguments, but it's nice to know you're still somewhat around. I hope you, Mena and Moid come back someday. If not I understand. But I'll never forget any of them and I haven't forgotten you 😭😭😭

[captain039]

Part 6 The lords servant

Astarion x reader

Warnings: plus size reader, light swearing, vampire things, sexual, first times, eventual smut, harassment, sexual harassment, angst, past abuse, past trauma

Previous part <-

You had decided to stay, though things were different now, he didn’t make you clean, cook or check over things in the house. You were more of a guest now than servant, he gave you your own room despite your words of not needing it. He insisted greatly, saying you could decorate as you pleased. He wished to go with you to the shops so he could show you the best places for silks and blankets, clothes and perfumes. It saddened you, he had this glint in his eye of wanting to explore this new bond you shared to its fullest, only to be stopped by the sun. You didn’t go shopping, you kept your clothes simple with the ones you had packed, though it made him huff saying he wished to lavish you in wonderful things. You would just shake your head and say you were happy with what you had, he would pout like a child and it would make you laugh though. Honestly you were scared to buy new clothes, you’d have to be sized and measured, you didn’t want the scrutiny of some seamstress judging your body, you also felt wrong for such beautiful things to be waisted on your body, but the lord didn’t need to know that.

You were rather lost in thought, thinking back to your family when you felt arms around your waist and a head bury in your neck. Had you not recognised the soft curls and smell of your lord, you would’ve slapped them. You simply smiled as he pressed light kisses to your neck humming gently.

“What’s my little pup thinking about so deeply?” He asked and you shrugged lightly.

“Just home, well, where I grew up” you muttered frowning lightly. You were still off with the whole touching thing, you stepped out of his hold turning to look at him instead making him frown lightly.

“Tell me about it?” He asked head tilted slightly in question.

“It’s really boring and depressing” you chuckled but the laughter didn’t reach your eyes.

“Nothing about you is boring my dear, please, I’m all pointy ears” he grinned lightly and sat making you huff with a smile.

“My mother was named witch of the town, my father was in trades, he wasn’t home often. My mother was good with potions and alchemy, not really any magic in her unless she tried hard enough. She was, well she was odd to caught up in her old books to really see what was happening around her” you sighed.

“Too busy to see what was happening to me” you added quietly as the lord kept his attention on you fully.

“Like I said I’d get bullied a lot and beaten, she’d never notice, I’d try to tell her and she’d mumble something about a potion or herb before going back into her room, when i tried to tell my father he’d either pretend to be too busy or just ignored me, it was really just me growing up, and the donkey we had” you chuckled at the last part remembering.

“His name was Al, short for Albert, I loved him so much, id talk to him, sounded like a mad child now” you shook your head with a smile.

“He was too dumb though, didn’t know what was what and died out in the woods from a bear” you grimaced at the memory of finding him.

“I knew i had locked the gate that night, somebody opened it” you huffed.

“Bastards” the lord said frowning.

“I found him torn to shreds, horrible sight for a youngen” you shuddered.

“My parents didn’t care obviously, just told me to go work the barn, there was nothing in the barn to work with though so I just read books” you shrugged looking to him.

“Hopefully your parents were better than mine, I mean they did raise you” you smiled before it faded. His eyes went blank, his lips drawn into a thin line.

“I’m sorry-“ you stuttered as he stood, you began to panic as he simply left making you sigh. Even a hint about asking about his past he’d shut down and leave, maybe it wasn’t the right time, but he was a mystery to you, you knew nothing about him and he knew your life story.

You wandered around the mansion, exploring the rooms you could go in, wandering the library before finding a book and settling down. When dinner came you headed to the kitchen, smelling some delicious stew. You got looks from the servants now though, you grabbed some food and left back to your room passing the lords on the way. You froze though seeing one of the servants against the wall, his head in their neck. He was feeding, just with less activity now, but their moaning and fingers in his curls made your stomach churn with jealousy before you stormed back to your room. Of course he had to fed how stupid could you be. You packed your room if possible there would be an angry dark cloud above your head. Gods you felt so stupid, caught up in this new love. You groaned in frustration wanting to throw something breakable before you heard knocking. You took a quiet breath before opening the door seeing the lord there, not a drop of blood on his face.

“Evening my dear” he said and you wanted to scoff.

“I wish to be left alone” you said as nice as you could with a smile and he frowned.

“Are you not feeling well?” He asked and you felt like slapping him.

“Yes, just a bit feverish, I’m going to bed early, goodnight my lord” you said curtly and gave a small bow before closing the door. You clenched your jaw and fisted your hands before sitting by your desk.

Astarion stood confused outside your door, you didn’t look feverish to him. His mouth was bitter with the servants blood, he simply needed to feed, nothing more, however the servant had other plans moaning against him. It made him growl in annoyance, but they only took it as a spur and continued. He couldn’t handle it so he forced them away seeing the confusion. You had pressed about his past again, you told him about your past and he kept his hidden in the shadows where it belonged, the invisible collar around his neck tugging in reminder. He wouldn’t bring you into that, wouldn’t let his past consume you like it has everything else, not when you were this light in his life. When he first spotted you he’d never seen something so divine and swore on getting a taste, however that proved difficult. His usual charms and flattery didn’t work on you, you had high walls and something held you back. Gods know he saw red when those bastards touched you, saw the fear in your eyes, he almost slit their throats and drank them dry there and then had you not been there. He meant what he said when he would kill them, but your too kind heart didn’t see it fit. When you entered his room after days of him not feeding and being in his bed he hurt you. He felt nothing but hunger as the sweetness of your blood flowed into his body for the first time. It made him shudder till he realised what he had done. He’d been so close to having you, after his brood he swore he was going to have you, but you came in, checking on him like a wounded animal. Where the hell was Daenan? He’d tear into him later, right then, he was chasing you through Baldurs gate and into an alleyway, your blood tingling on his tongue. He’d taken too much and your burst of escape caused you to pass out against him. He hated being out in the city, it was too exposed, too many eyes in the shadows. He hastily got home with you in his arms, his guards giving him odd looks before he sneered at them. Your unconscious form made his heart stir for the first time in 200 years, you looked at peace, not like the gut wrenching fear from before. He stayed by your bed, held your hand made sure you were comfortable before you finally awoke. He had gone back to check on you only to find you weren’t there and his panic settling in. He saw the balcony doors open though and sighed seeing your form lit in the moonlight. Gods what a sight, you almost glistened in light, the wind gently blowing through your hair and white robe, you looked like a goddess. When you kissed him he felt like his heart leapt out his chest, your desperateness and needy noises made him crave you, though this was probably the first time you’d ever initiated a kiss from someone. Seeing you smile and giggle softly made him swoon like a young vampire again, hearing you say you’d stay made his heart leap. He’d been too excited he knows that now, giving you your own room, wanting to buy you dresses, silk sheets and blankets, perfumes, anything good gold could buy. It made you uncomfortable, he saw the way you’d look to the ground and gently shake your head with a small thank you. You weren’t from this life, a simple village girl with no one, but herself, he craved you though, craved your touch, craved your lips, your blood. He fed more regularly, trying to rid of the cravings he felt, but it never worked. He felt how you’d shy away from his touch and keep a safe distance should you need to run. He’d broken trust and he was trying to hard to get it back, for the first time in 200 years he didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t know how to win your affections, it seemed so simple when doing it for ‘him’.

Next part ->

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[mrradmccoolman]

hello everyone...today...we have a very special post...

welcome again to

ELLIOTT'S ANDERPERRY SONG ANALYSIS

today is an Unfortunate day...rip neil perry you would have loved being a hater online 😔

all jokes aside, i wanted to do sometbing unique to commemorate today, but i haven't finished any of the fics im working on and art block has been kicking my ass for the past three years, so i thought instead, id do a neil perry focused analysis of one of my favorite songs of all time. sooo, i present

All I Need by Radiohead

this song has been beloved by me for a few years, now, but it was only recently that i saw it used in a neil perry centric dps edit and it. broke. me. this song is so incredibly insanely beautiful for so many reasons, simply by the way it's composed, but with neil?? OTHERWORLDLY. if you haven't heard it, listen to it. for the best experience, id recommend listening to it while you read this:)

"i'm in the next act, waiting in the wings" for obvious reasons, this lyric connects to neil in several ways. this not only alludes to his dreams as an actor, and the night of the play, but also where i believe his mental state is all throughout the night and leading up to it. before the play, there's a scene where neil talks to keating to try and express his terror of explaining himself to his father, and ultimately, he feels even more alone as keating doesn't quite understand what he means. he's in the "next act", apart from everyone else. it's also indicative of his mental state towards the end of the night. i remember reading something that said you actually make decisions a split second before your mind catches up to your choice. on top of that, contemplating committing suicide-- it's an out of body experience. neil is so removed from everything around him that his body is only waiting to join his mind under the lights of center stage.

"i'm an animal trapped in your hot car" repeatedly, neil describes feeling as if he is trapped in his life, both by his father and the expectations set before him. he is unable to express himself, or do the things that give him joy. animals that overheat due to being left in cars are not only entirely helpless in their predicament, but also reliant on somebody noticing them to survive. leaving an animal in that situation implies a lack or care/attention, being so negligent as to leave your animal trapped in what is virtually an oven. neil is in the same situation. his father doesn't even see him gasping for air, or chooses not to.

"i am all the days that you choose to ignore" neil's father and the people around him are not entirely clueless. they clearly understand, at least to some degree, that neil is unhappy. however, they choose to turn a blind eye to it. his mother is possibly the biggest perpetrator of this. she's complicit in mr. perry's abuse, as she doesn't do anything to stop it. now it is important to note that as a woman, the amount of power she actually had in this situation was very little, and the situation she was in was extremely complicated. for that, it's needed to give her some grace. even so, she still never reached out to neil or stood up for him. it wasn't because she didn't love him; in fact, both of his parents' actions were out of love for neil. they just didn't know how to love a neil who wasn't the version they'd imagined him to be.

"you are all i need" i personally view this as neil thinking this to himself about multiple things: todd, the dead poets, acting, keating, etc...i say this because sometimes, when you are incredibly depressed, it can be easy to convince yourself that if you just get this one thing everything will be better. especially when you don't really understand depression, and so your only idea to help yourself is to reach for something to fix the feelings you have. if i only get this, surely ill be happy again. surely ill be normal again. similarly, this reflects how reaching out and providing neil support could have changed the outcome of his decision, and finally, the line represents the idea of suicide as a final solution. it's all he needs to get away, to gain control.

"i'm in the middle of your picture, lying in the reeds" in the actual song, this is a possible reference to a painting of ophelia from hamlet (also written by shakespeare, the same one who wrote a midsummer night's dream, interestingly enough). i won't go into much detail about her story as i don't have the time for it here, nor have i gotten the chance to read it extensively-- but after reading a paper analyzing her character, she parallels neil in many ways. as a woman, she is frequently and consistently ignored and belittled. her life is controlled by those around her and their expectations for her, and when she finally tries to speak up and assert herself to others, she is labeled as crazy. this cultimates in her death by drowning, which, albeit never explicitly stated, is widely considered a suicide. to compare neil to ophelia would not be far off.

"i am a moth who just wants to share your light" for one, moths are generally considered pests. they are attracted to light because they use the light of the moon and stars to orient themselves, and change where they are flying to keep the light above them. when under artificial light, they get confused and fly in circles. a moth, who's natural instinct to move beneath the glow of the night sky has been smothered again and again would of course gravitate to artificial light. when it comes to neil, this means many things. his 'moon', or what comes naturally to him/who he truly is, is blocked out again and again by the people around him. in this sense, the artificial light could represent his manufactured future as a doctor, forced upon him by his father. he tries to follow the path set out for him, but is left confused and disoriented, feeling like he's going nowhere, flying in desperate circles while nothing changes. alternatively, the artificial light could represent the dead poets and todd. they are the only light he can find in his increasingly dark world. and when that light is snuffed out, he has nowhere else to go.

"i'm just an insect trying to get out of the night" going back to the pest metaphor-- not only does neil feel small and helpless like an insect, but perhaps also unloved and disgusting to those around him. depression warps your sense of self immensely, and can lead to intense self hatred. neil feels so pathetically miniscule beneath everything happening to him that he sees himself as a bug trying to escape the night, or, his life. i imagine this as an internal self monologue; by committing suicide, he is doing the last thing he can think of to escape.

"it's all wrong, it's all wrong, it's all wrong..." after a devastatingly beautiful instrumental, the song comes back in with this soft mantra. neil's thoughts are buzzing through his ears until he can't hear anything else. he is entirely disconnected from the world around him. everything is wrong, everything is over, and there's nothing he can do. i think of him in the silent car ride home with his father, silently but frantically trying to think of any way out of what's about to happen. maybe he even thinks of something, before along with everything else, that idea is crushed by his father's ultimatum. maybe his mind finally quiets down, at the end. maybe it doesn't.

"it's alright, it's alright, it's alright..." not only is this lyric the opposite of the one previous, but it also has a double meaning. it is not only alright, but all right. directly opposing what was said before, we are told that everything is okay, and even more than that, it is right. it is how it should be, maybe even how it was meant to be all along. how it was always destined to be. neil didn't do what he did to hurt anyone. in fact, he did what he did because in seeing it as the only option, he convinced himself it was the right one; that by taking himself out of the equation, he was doing what he had to. on top of this, he wants everyone to be okay. his self-hatred mixes with his love for his friends and family. he truly believes they'll be better off without them, and he wants them to be.

as always, let me know your thoughts.

<- prev | next->

[marinettesaltprompts]

Cat in the Belfry (Part 1)

Adribaten x Gotham City Sirens

Prompt by @somereaderinblue

OP NOTE: I got sent this prompt but posted them in the wrong order. Sorry😅

Instead of Marinette/LB going to Gotham & finding the Batfam, what if Adrien did it instead? So, Fu & LB continue to leave CN out of the loop. Their partnership deteriorates thanks to secrets, miscommunication & the whole Lila dilemma. In their civilian life, Mari’s already written Adrien off as a ‘traitor’ & gives him the cold shoulder whenever he tries to be civil or offer some modicum of support outside of class. One day, CN tries to ask LB if she’s made any headway on HM’s ID & she blows up on him, ranting abt how stressed she is from her responsibilities as the Guardian, hero & team leader and verbally attacking him, calling him a bad hero, a worse sidekick & a nuisance. 

CN is hurt. He’s dialed back on the flirting, esp after Plagg gave a stern talk abt boundaries when Lila went too far. He fires back at LB that she wouldn’t be so stressed if she let him help only for her to once again remind him of all his shortcomings. They go back & forth until LB just yoyos away.

Adrien decides that if she won’t let him help her, he’ll do it on his own. Instead of hiring a normal PI, he takes it a step further: tracking down the Bat Family themselves. The fact that his dad is going on a business trip to Gotham soon is the perfect opportunity.

He tells LB he’ll be absent. She scoffs, unsurprised that he’s ‘slacking off’ & smugly says she’ll get the temps to fill in for him. At least they know how to do their jobs & respect her leadership. Instead of anger or jealousy, CN just feels….pity. And worry the more he imagines the temps doing what he does: being the distractions at best & meatshields at worst.

He has to find the Batfam ASAP.

Here’s where some deconstruction kicks in. He tells himself he’ll wait for the Batfam to show up at a crime scene. While looking for said scene, he stumbles upon Catwoman who’s fighting with Penguin over a relic both of them want to steal. CN intervenes to save the relic & can’t help but save Catwoman too. Then the cherry on top comes: Firefly who decides to burn the place down bcz clearly someone has to die tonight.

Luckily, before CN could lose 1 of his 9 lives, Harley & Ivy arrive as Catwoman’s getaway & CN is brought along for the ride. Cue a car chase that’s intense enough to push CN into unlocking a new ability: Black Storm. Plagg is so proud.

And that’s how CN found himself sitting in Ivy’s greenhouse, stroking Bud & Lou while Harley demands Selina explain who how when & where she got her new stray. Sipping Ivy’s herbal tea, he awkwardly clears his throat & reveals he’s looking for the Batfam. Harley continues to prod until CN ends up telling her everything.

“You must think I’m crazy.” he says at the end….only to remember he’s talking to Harley Quinn & 2 other women who were born in Gotham and bred to bleed for it.

This leads to some research & after seeing footage of the fights and more concerningly, the imbalanced power dynamic, Harley asks CN more questions that confirm their worst fears: that he’s unknowingly being abused & worse, has likely been abused before he put on the mask. 

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but the Sirens show him more support than he’s gotten since Plagg. It’s already 5 AM but those hours he’s spent with them got months worth of stress off his chest. Sadly, all things must come to an end & he reluctantly prepares to leave.

S: Are you still going to look for the Bats?

CN: I have to try. 

S: Wait, you told us Hawkmoth’s source of power is a piece of jewelry, right?

CN: Yeah, a brooch. Why?

Selina gives him a cheshire grin & he realizes that detectives could solve mysteries but thieves could steal jewelry. Plus, Selina loved a challenge & what could possibly be bigger than magical jewelry? Payment-wise, Adrien had already accumulated some Gabriel accessories to pawn off. Also, compared to the vigilantes, Selina has more freedom to leave Gotham.

(Selina would also be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit tempted to see more of CN’s potential.)

And thus, Selina books a ticket to Paris. Oh, and Harley & Ivy come too. Time to psychoanalyze the hell out of the Parisians & check out the gardens.

[hangesdarling]

housepet — h.zoë

PAIRING. Hange Zoë x fem!reader (Kakegurui AU)

SYNOPSIS. Being a housepet in Hyakkaou Academy was a hellish life until you met Hange.

CONTENT. 18+, implied abuse (from a side character), make-out session, peeping, mentions of masturbation, fingering

WORD COUNT. 1.8k

A/N. hearing rei batsubami's voice from the anime gave me ideas... lots of them...

The room grew heavy after the loss was announced, the game facilitators just looked upon the man clutching tightly on his last few chips. He had his face buried in his hands before grinning menacingly.

He turned to Hange on the other side of the poker table and said, "I have a proposal.”

Hange was playing on a few chips before gently shoving the poker chips towering in front of them to get a good look at the man. They knew these types of pathetic gamblers. Making a proposal to pay off their debt to avoid being a housepet. Hange glared at him.

"And what is that? Hange asked, still toying with the chips in their hand. The man knew that one wrong word would get him into a worse situation.

He looked over and signaled over to you, your head bowed down as you approached him. He harshly tugged on your housepet ID until you were kneeling where Hange had a good view of you. You winced but knew better so you stayed quiet. For a moment, you looked back at Hange's face. What stood out was their handsome, androgynous features, their eyepatch, and their single eye met yours before you bowed your head lower, missing the concern behind their eye. 

The man petted you in the head as he said, "I'll sell off this pet to you in exchange for my debt. Do whatever you want with her. She's quite smart."

"You know housepets are not to be sold." Hange's glare grew, their disgust at this maltreatment evident. 

The man only laughed before saying, "You're too kind, Hange-san. You know you can do anything to housepets, right?" 

He eyed you over before saying, "And there are much worse things you can do than selling them." 

This caused your insides to crawl, remembering all you had to endure with such an animal– that filthy disgusting monster.

You grimaced before turning your head aside just to get him out of your periphery. As you turned, Hange caught a glimpse of the bruised side of your face. Their hand unconsciously clenched on the table. A few minutes passed and the man endorsed you like a toy, but Hange heard none of it as they were thinking hardly. The man ran out of words but found hope when Hange glared at him for the last time before saying, "Fine. I'll take her." 

The next moment, you found yourself being helped to stand up, a pair of strong arms gently pulling you up. Your knees tingled and grew numb from how long you were kneeling and almost fell over but Hange was quick to grab your waist. 

"Sorry," you muttered in shame as Hange remained holding you in the hallway. 

They only said, "No need to be sorry."

The next minute you found yourself in their bedroom, and were told to sit down. A tear slipped from your eye as this was the queue for someone new to tell you to undress and lie down or do something much worse. 

Your hand reluctantly went for your loose blouse but Hange immediately stopped you before saying, "No need to do that."

You shut your eyes tight, expecting the worst, and gasped when you felt something cold being pressed on your cheek. 

Hange held a cold compress by your bruise, kneeling before you as they asked, "Did he do this to you?" to which you nodded in silence. 

You heard them mutter a tch under their breath before pulling something from the drawer for an ointment they cautiously spread over the bruise. It felt cold and soothing against your cheek.  All their actions made your hand pound, it felt so long ago since you were treated with kindness. You couldn't help but tear up which Hange gently wiped down and reprimanded you because tears might wash off the ointment. 

"Lie down and rest. It looks like you need it," Hange said and was about to leave the room before you tugged their hand back.

"There must be something I can do for you,” you told them.

You saw their lips curl in a small smile and patted your head before saying, "Sleep. Get some rest. That's my command."

They then left the room and shut the door close. 

You crawled onto the warm sheets of their bed, sinking in the softness. A sigh escaped your lips as you cuddled their pillow. Hange had been so kind. A part of you was overjoyed and another part doubted whether they were planning something else twisted. After all, all that you knew about Hange Zoë was they are the smartest gambler at Hyakkaou Academy. You drifted off to sleep with Hange on your mind. 

Later that night, you stirred awake and found yourself in between Hange's arms, their hands wrapped around your stomach as their head rested on the crook of your neck. You stilled, and if you could silence your breathing, you would have. Hange was fast asleep, the quietness of the night allowed you to hear and feel their heartbeats. It must be midnight already. Your body relaxed on their arms as you thumbed over their arms. You were about to close your eyes when Hange sat up and withdrew immediately as they noticed you were awake. 

"Sorry. That was rude of me to hug you like that," they muttered, head turned away. 

You squeezed their hand and pulled them back to bed, "It's alright..."

It must be your welcoming nature or Hange's desire to be close to someone that prompted your relationship to escalate. They did their best to be a gentleman, always looking after your needs and such, even apologizing when they got touchy. However, you knew they couldn't hide their desire much longer when you decided to kiss them that one afternoon after a successful game. They pulled you by the wrist and shoved the both of you into an empty room, probably a storage room being cleared up. Moments later, they have their hands all over you, pinning you against the wall as they pressed deep bruising kisses on your neck. 

"You're not making this easier for me, you know," they managed to mutter, their teeth ripping off the loose buttons of your uniform. "Kissing me like that... you know you'll get in this kind of trouble, right?" 

Their face was dusted pink, their heavy eyes set on having you as sweat rolled off their temples. They buried their face back to your neck, wanting to hide their arousal from you. You held their head in place as they suck on your neck, gently nipping on the skin. Their hand slithered under your shirt, their thumb gently circling on your breasts. 

"I... I couldn't bear seeing you touching yourself when I knew I could be doing that for you..." you muttered in heavy breaths. Despite Hange's efforts to be subtle, they couldn't escape from your observing nature. 

"What else did you see...?"

"I know you're peeking when I'm dressing. Pervert," you chuckled slightly. 

"Sorry..." they muttered shyly on your neck which earned them a chuckle.

They removed the housepet ID from your neck and tossed it across the room, never to be seen again. 

"You won't be a housepet anymore after this," they vowed as their hands unbuttoned the rest of your shirt. Their gaze went back to your eyes. 

"I'll free you. Be a gambler again. Take risks with me," they said intently. Hange saw your hesitation, maybe even the fear to gamble again. But they knew your potential, you listened to their statistical theories and even added effective ideas of your own. It can't be that bad, right? 

"Are you sure...? If I lose and become a housepet again, I can't repay you..." 

"That won't happen again. I'll take care of you from now on, alright?" they reassured you. Their hands toyed around your skirt.  

"Tell me if you want this," Hange looked back at you. "I'll still free you no matter what your answer may be."

"Oh, you silly, you know the answer to that..." you muttered as you kissed them again, sucking on their neck and chest to which they inhaled sharply. Their hands hiked up beneath your skirt, gasping as they felt the lack of underwear beneath. 

"Surprised?" you smirked and kissed their cheek.

"Did you do this on purpose...?" they grinned. 

"I'm not wearing anything under my clothes whenever I'm with you," you whispered teasingly in their ear. "I guess you're not peeping hard enough to know that."

They gulped down their arousal and only responded by kissing you more aggressively. Their fingers teased your inner thighs, before tracing a strip off your slick cunt. They attached their lips to yours, muffling the moans erupting from you as they teased your folds with their digits. After a few seconds, you felt their fingers curling and pumping against you in a way that drove you to the edge.

It was fascinating to know that Hange was such a talker during sex. They would whisper how good and warm you felt, how your kisses and touches felt, or how long they've wanted this from you. Sometimes you kiss them to shut them up as their voice is louder than your moans. But there was one thing Hange said that surprised you.

"Give me all the names of the people who took advantage of your housepet status before, and I'll make sure they'll become housepets themselves for as long as it gets them to follow a cruel life plan."

You sensed the intent of their voice. They are at this point of infatuation where they might even ask you to marry them after this. You only kissed their lips in response and said, "Don't bother with them. It's not worth your energy."

They pumped faster into you, drilling into your insides with their fingers, hitting that spot that drove you crazy. You bit on their shoulder, a hand clawing on their back as they pinned you steadily on the wall.

"As of now, I'm insane enough to do whatever you want," Hange muttered on your neck. "Wouldn't you like that?"

You didn't manage to answer as your abdomen tightened, your hips bucking on their own against their fingers as your release came sharply. You bit down on their shoulder once again as they held your hips and helped you through the last few seconds of your climax. You shivered as they went down to clean up the release off your thighs before kissing you again. Hange lets you lean onto them, arms around your back so you won't fall off.

"I think you can answer now, sweet girl," they said moments later after kissing down your exhaustion and remnants of arousal.

You held them tighter and said, "All I want from you right now is to get me to bed so I can please you in return..."

Hange laughed softly, a thumb swiping on your lower lip.

"I assume you'll get this pretty mouth of yours to use, hm?" Hange smirked to which you nodded.

They quickly fixed you up and carried you outside, promising you a long night before getting you back to their room once more. 

likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated, sweethearts <3

[king-of-a-kingless-world]

oy yoo joonghyuk, your looking kinda rough there. you good blud?

ok i really like this because i feel like previously the comic had an issue with making me care about yjh regressions. like theyd say they happened but didnt show it in a way that made me actually care but like with this now i understand and i can care about the pain his character went through more rather than just 'oh yeah the regressions happened hes sad about that but your not gonna get to see why and any of the pain he went through'

WHAT FHE FUCK WHY DOES IT HAVE A MOUTH. WHAT FHE HELL NKOOOOOO I DONT LIKE THIS

oh gohd. i. i dont like this.

YEAH. YA SHOULDVE. ok so i didnt take screenshots for a while but i think its really funny she got eaten. i dont like her. i know she tried her best and was going through a tough time but when your a parent trying your best isnt enough. you are raising a human being obviously your not going to be perfect but being a bad parent and trying to excuse it with 'i tried my best' is crazy. any other situation trying your best will always be enough because thats all you can do but a parent should do more than their best. i just. ugh. i think shes a very interesting and compelling character and a very realistic and human one at that but if she was real id want to fist fight her.

YAH KILL HIS ASS. her only saving grace in my eyes. the only thing ill ever say she did right. but then she went and put dokjas traumatic childhood on blast to the whole world while he was still a kid without his permission so i still dont like her 😋

honestly outside of writing the book and not getting dokja away from the abuse eairlier she was actually an amazing mom, she taught him many important things and even here always taught him the right lesson. BUT WHY THE FUCK YOU WRITE THAT DAMN BOOK-

also she basically abandoned him in a sense so hate her for that too ✌️

WHAT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS. ok most big twists i was already spoiled for but- ARE YOU TELLING ME DOKJA WAS THE ONE TO ACTUALLY KILL HIM?!??!!? OHHHHHH OH MY GOD. ok thats gonna fuck up his psyche to remember that but good for him yes kill that dude. also more points for her your slightly less of a shitty mom in my eyes you took the fall for him thats wonderful thats good parenting there (not the murder the being willing to take the fall in this situation)

thats actually insane because that means there was a reason behind the book. the book was to make sure no one ever thought it was dokja. i mean i dont think anyone wouldve suspected that so still she prob didnt need to write it but. THAT MEANS THERE WAS A REASON FOR THE BOOK. MY WHOLE ARGUMENT HAS BEEN THROWN OUT THE WINDOW I LOVE BEING PROVEN WRONG OHHH THIS IS AMAZING AND CRAZY. i still have my annoyances with her parenting but like. +50 parent points for this you go girl AND YOU GO DOKJA MURDER HIS ASS

oh. LMAO. DUMB ASS WAY TO DIE FUCKER. HAHAHAH DOKJA DIDNT EVEN MURDER HIM THIS DUMBASS SLIPPED AND FELL ONTO THE KNIFE AS DOKJA WAS HOLDING IT LMAOOOOOOOOOO THATS SO HILARIOUS. FUCKING IDIOT. so neither of them actually killed him thats hilarious thats so fucking funny pathetic death for a pathetic man.

ok but objectively letting him die was the good choice. like. mf deserved it.

[bonefall]

This is kinda a funny comment but @ Brambleclaw telling Hollypaw how smart she is, i remember reading an article about how corporate spies (YES THIS IS RELATED) got information. The article was mostly one person's retelling about how it was entirely though phone calls where they just ask for information, and whenever the person on the other side started questioning them for why they needed the information, they were told to switch to praising the person on the other side for sticking to the rules and 'authenticating/checking' everything. That they'd 'put in a good word for how dedicated they were', basically buttering them up and making them feel good about catching what they were doing specifically to nudge them away from actually catching on.

I find it WILDLY interesting how the Erins just ACCIDENTALLY put actual manipulation tactics in their books when trying to make a male figure seem like a good person, almost like they're writing from experience in some kind of elaborate essay to themselves about how that behavior is okay and justifiable. They write in another character, Crowfeather, who abuses in a different, more noticable way just to compare and go "At least it's not this bad!" (the scene where Crowfeather chews out Breezepaw and one of them goes 'id rather Brambleclaw any day of the week!'), and then have Ashfur butter up Brambleclaw so that him excusing Ashfur's abuse can be claimed as Ashfur manipulating him.

ANYWAYS a question so you can properly add to the ask: How DOES the Ashfur buttering up Brambleclaw thing go down? Does Ashfur even NEED to butter him up? I think it'd be a little interesting if Hollypaw telling Brambleclaw was the first time he's actually heard of it happening, but he either confronts Ashfur and THEN gets buttered up, or he heards, thinks about it, and goes "nah its good actually I'd do the same".

There's actually a name for the tactic Ashfur uses that you saw in that spy article. It's called Ingratiation.

It's the act of making someone have a higher opinion of you, therefore putting more trust in you, by simply getting them to like you. Flattery, posing yourself as an in-group, and even using humor can all be part of ingratiation.

Now-- Ingratiation isn't ALWAYS nefarious. It's normal to try and make a good impression, or want to be liked by a possible friend or coworker. We try to influence other people all the time, we're social animals. It's just good to know that it CAN be used maliciously.

So I'm not too surprised to see a manipulation tactic in the book. I was using "buttering up" exactly because most people know WHAT it is, and that it IS a way to get people to do stuff, but don't connect that to its academic name. Like you said though what's so BIZARRE about it is how they really DO sometimes seem to be writing this looooong essay to themselves about how that was all Fine, Actually.

ESPECIALLY the way Bramble and Crow were contrasted in the Dog Scolding Scene. I left most of Bramble out because I was trying to focus on proving that Breeze was abused, but Nonny... the way the Three get chewed the fuck out by Bramble, as he insults them, assures Crow he won't be stopping for their exhausted sakes, and doesn't indicate that his anger is coming from concern...

It massively reminded me of when one neglected kid sees another kid get abused too. "Oh, well, what I'm going through isn't so bad, because it's not like THAT."

THEYRE SO CLOSE. ALL THE TIME. Like an INCH away from the point and it's AGONIZING.

Anyway... in BB, Bramble's enabling of Lionpaw's abuse is a WATERSHED moment for a bunch of the character arcs, especially Hollypaw.

I plan to keep it very similar to canon actually, I think it's stainless steel the way it is.

Ashfur KNOWS what he is doing.

He wasn't rolling for a save. It was calculated. Brambleclaw is someone who could have stopped his abuse, so he sought him out.

Can you see how inescapable that makes it, for Holly and Lion?

Holly finally worked up the courage to say something and stand up for her brother, only for her father to coo like she's a kitten who doesn't understand the world.

Even Lionpaw's father believes it's good and right to BLEED for your Clan. That this is normal... that this is even what love can look like.

BB!Lionblaze is the adopted father of his bio-nespring, Ivypool and Dovewing. What he internalizes here as a child is going to hurt BOTH of his daughters down the road, as he shoves them into the Dark Forest and a Prophecy, respectively.

Even after Brambleclaw disowns him and Lionblaze rejects him in response, adamantly saying he has ONLY a mother, he won't reject this lesson until it's TOO LATE.

And Hollypaw is so damaged by this scene that it's going to be the first domino towards her murderous break in Cruel Season.

"I need you to keep your brothers in line, Hollypaw" is soup stock, and then add obsession with the Code, constant betrayal from the relationships she forges in other Clans, her near-murder at the claws of Ashfur when he finds out the Power of Three + Fire and Tiger prophecies, and the murder of her mentor and grandfather.

And then she finds out her HalfClan brother, a Cleric, angel-punching blasphemous wretch he is, has gotten Poppyfrost pregnant. Just like Leafpool before him.

What else IS "keeping them in line" supposed to be, when he's gone this far? He's had enough chances. She will do what she's meant for. Jayfeather must DIE.

Bramblestar himself is notorious in BB for being incredibly controversial as a leader, taking power in Cruel Season just after Firestar is killed by the Dark Forest assassins.

This is part of his personality. He is easily blinded by his own feelings, and it makes him a good target for manipulation.

His first deputy, Thornclaw, exploits many of the same weaknesses Ashfur did. All part of the Dark Forest's plan.

And even Ashfur. Up in StarClan, he continues to plot, eventually leading to the events of TBC and his time as the Impostor.

[iminthetunnels]

i cannot bear the pain. it is an embarrassment. i am a fool. how could i have done this. i wont hold back. i cannot lie. my entire life is filled with pain and regret. i’ve been given a horrible hand. i hate i have to make myself withstand it. i hate i have to be strong and bear the sorrows. i am not a victim. i refuse to make myself wallow in pity. i’ve written it before. i have spoken about how you’d never expect me to have lived the life i did. abused at 3, abused continually through adolescence. my entire childhood, sexualized. the one person, never believing me. my believer and confidant, my one true hero, died in a horrific accident. she was taken too soon. but it’s also gods time. this is probably where i developed chronic vaginal pain and back pain. from being penetrated at 3. i remember this all. i remember the day. i never, ever blocked it out. i had a baby sister shortly after and i remember her birth too. it was normal to me. 3. from then on, just abused myself the way i was abused as a toddler, as a child. went on to be abused by others as well. seek out thrills and “exciting” life of drugs, sex work, partying, addiction, homelessness, eventually loneliness. i pulled myself out of all of this by myself. i picked myself up. i got myself a career. i found what worked for me. i eventually went on to travel more. met someone who i loved endlessly. had their child. turned extremely abusive as the pregnancy began. and what’s cruel is, he comforted me in all my miscarriages. i had a traumatic one, where i saw the sac. it was large and i was 12 weeks along. he helped me tremendously. only to slam my head into a window and break my tooth out. it was a porcelain tooth anyway. still. my tumors and pelvic inflammation from when i was a toddler grew even larger in my uterus and pelvic floor. my entire pregnancy was agony. i even struggled with wanting to get an abortion. but i didn’t really want that. i really wanted my baby. i had dreams of him, and truth be told. i thought id miscarry. even ultrasound i expected the “im so sorry” but i eventually got to end mark. and i wanted this baby so bad i prayed for it. i almost died during labor. preterm laboring for lord knows how long. leaking fluid and my stomach clenching with each contraction. i almost died on the OR table. so did my baby. he suffered loss of oxygen and by the absolute grace of god, he came out only having minimal damage. we are on our way for testing for cerebral palsy. he has seizures, and nystagmus. he’s technically blind and developmentally delayed. but he’s so intelligent. singing to sade at just 2 years old. he’s very musically inclined. he’s a miracle. i saw angels surrounding me on the or table. i saw lights. i felt angels talking to me. nurses laughing at me. i remember so vividly. all i wanted was for my baby’s father to reach out and hold me. what a common theme. just wanting to be held. i had the worst time breastfeeding and horrible panic attacks over formula feeding. don’t care what anyone says about formula. i hated it. i switched to goats milk at 6 months old. and donated breast milk. he never slept, in fact, he was a “colicky” baby. he was angry. looking back, i had no idea he had brain damage. the only thing i noticed immediately were the eyes. the nystagmus. diagnosed retina damaged due to non delayed cord clamping. resulting in the nystagmus. tried fighting a case. completely dismissed because i had no money for a lawyer. no legal backup. the caused so many interventions. pitocin should be illegal to gove to women. induction due to preterm labor should be banned. i’m not even making a harsh claim. against all odds, i feel my child saved my life. my baby is 3. the age i was changing diapers, feeding my sister, abused. i remember it so vividly. i couldn’t imagine this life for my son. he’s so happy and so full of bliss. no matter what. i pray to god we make it thru. no evil intentions shall prevail. for the lord has me. i don’t feel scared saying anything. because the lord has me.

i looked at my blog from years ago. when i was a sex worker, when i was trafficked around and raped by several men, they shoved money in my mouth and spit on my face. they tormented me and told me my life was worthless. all for the “kink” i was a sex worker at 15, meeting up with men. men in the military, police men, hospital workers, pediatricians. the worst one was a dentist who paid for my dental pictures and teeth work. it was so insane. he literally went mia one day and could never find him. all these men told me they loved i was underaged. they knew. that’s why they were around me. and even more strange, i would go in public with these people. i would drink, smoke, do all these things in public with no ID, no hope, no anything. it truly makes you wonder how these things can even exist? the world has always been so gray and cruel to me. i know the advantages people in power get. i know the world is ran by filthy, nasty people. men and women. i know i felt like cattle. i knew they knew i was just “waste” i could die and no one would even bat an eye. i was homeless. but to everyone else, i was just a “runaway” i could of seriously been hurt. i don’t even know what happened when i would pass out. even more curiously, i never blacked out. no on alcohol, not on xanax, or mdma, or acid, or mushrooms, or coke. i was always so very aware of what was happening. and i took a lot. just crunching on 5-10 bars 2x a night. what is that? i can only think of it as it is happening in my head right now. what is that? what kind of life is that? i know that when i got older, past 13-16, men loved hearing how damaged i was they got off to it. i took the attention as love. oh these men want to hear me and listen to me. i became a mute at what?? 18. i was institutionalized and drugged at the mental hospitals. i struggled with panic attacks my whole life. different ones too. i feel like im floating talking about this. i’ve never typed it out. i’ve always written it down. i have a son who loves me very much and i love him very much. he is the light in such a dark place

my boyfriend broke up with me because i’m too negative. i had just taken my son to the cancer specialist and eye doctor. i was so overwhelmed with everything. all i wanted was a big hug and kiss. instead. he treated me like an anomaly. he treated me like i was insane. all these men. they look past men. all these men, they only see value in me when i give them my fake little happy faces. what if i told u i loved life. but i’m tormented. i have flashbacks every single day. i am not healed, i am only existing in such a world that i can’t even believe to be real. the only thing in my entire life, that has ever grounded me, that has ever felt real, are the words my son says to me. my son. the only thing that feels real. i feel pain in every fiber of my being. i feel it so deeply. i haven’t slept in days. i cannot eat. i am getting sick, throwing up and shaking. i can tell ive lost weight, in just 2 days? i was happy and eating before. this person gave me such clarity and hope. i thought i had an angel by my side. i thought the world wasn’t as cruel as it is. i thought i found true and honest love. i thought i was to marry him. the way my son would look at him and love him. they way my son grew with this person by them. only to be terrible betrayed. are all men like this. is this how my life is to be. i want only the best for my son. i will be going to school soon and finding a job thru my degree. i hope i make enough. it doesn’t need to be a lot. just enough for my son to be okay and know i did this all for him. because he’s the most important person in the world. i would lose all my color and oxygen to give him it all. he is my rock in this world and nothing will ever change that. i hope and pray no evil intentions prevail. he is the best thing to ever happen to me. he is why i still try. he is the reason. i dreamt about him before i ever had him. voices in my head told me he would protect me and that this is the life. voices in my head tell me i chose this life in particular. i am so glad i did. if it meant i got to meet my beautiful son.