#id like to think ive improved?
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evolution of my misfits patches
#the first one was a struggle#ill give myself credit tho its a hard logo to get right#so easy to screw up and have it look weird and/or stupid#id like to think ive improved?#all of these are freehand#also i like to show my progress#especially for beginners please don’t be embarrassed if your diy starts out looking like shit!#we all start somewhere and making bad art is punk rock as fuck#i just show these to say you will probably improve#and if you don’t that’s okay too#your art doesn’t have to be good to be worth something#punk#punk patches#diy#patches#punk diy#patch inspo#misfits
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terrisas really funny ithink
#kingdom hearts#kh#my art#image id in alt#kh fanart#Saix#saïx#isa#terra#kh terra#terrisa#Moonrocks#<-? I think people call them that sometimes. I think its cute#Kh saix#kh saïx#kh isa#Not tagging this xemsai because its only a little bit about it. I mean xemsais the joke but ykwim#Ok for real though ive been thinking about them these last few weeks and actually they're really cool 2me#Like theres whole “came back wrong” dynamic since isa remembers everything and terras basically a whole different person#And adding onto that saix and xemnas relationship wasnt exactly. Normal. So i could totally see something like isa-#-subconsciously reverting back to how he acted in kh2 while terras like ‘? You dont have to do that?” And like theyre both AFFECTED by-#-xemnas but in different ways and terra can see how xemnas was through isa and augh#Anyway. This is still an akusai house but i think isa can have an unhealthy one sided attachment to a person he barely knows out of their-#-resemblance to someone he ‘sacrificed himself to’ (kh character files words not mine).#It improves the biodiversity.#terraisa
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i miss her...
#i miss drawing#id like to say ive improved since last may but i havent been drawing enough to claim that#the colors are bit nicer on the eyes#if anyone knows a better color for her boots please let me know#im begging#hilda#hilda (netflix)#hilda changeling au#hilda and the mountain king#i think ill start drawing with more pastel pallettes
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got asked to draw two of my old wc rp ocs :-) left is cicadahop, right is scallopstar
#my art#wc oc#squints. its been a dogs age since ive posted anything wc oc related#oc#BUT YA!!!! these guys are old. i think i made cicadahop 2018-2019 but i could be wrong/i have no way of checking haha#and scallopstar was made 2020.? i think? both are vaaastly different#if i were to play them today i think id keep a lot of things the same for cicada. shes just a silly girl who wants to make friends and#and be kind. as for scallopstar. i think id change a lot#one reason: ive gotten a lot better (I HOPE) with storytelling now that ive been playing dnd for a well over a year#and since i also run two different campaigns. two: i have more experience writing a character with an arc that turns them into a villain#three: i was really going through it at the time so. erm. LMFAO plus i was like 16 so ANDKJFGNJDFHBGJH#but yeah!!! kinda crazy looking at my old art and seeing how much ive improved#also a weird feeling to draw them again but not a Bad weird feeling. been doing a lot of reminiscing#thank god we can copy/paste tags bc if i had to rewrite this all id be so sad HAHA#the crop was weird so i wanted to fix it before it was too late lol#since these 2 are ocs im not gonna indicate this was a request the same way i will with the other requests lol
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Sone notes:
FFXI & FFXIV are excluded due to the nature of being MMOs- they are, quite literally, impossible to remake (And XIV is getting a graphical update anyway, so it's not like it needs one)
(FFXV & FFXVI are excluded for obvious reasons) (FFXIII/XIII-2/LR are also excluded for similar reasons)
By 'benefit from', I mean that the narrative/characters/world and general story experience would be enhanced due to modern tech/hardware and what they now do with it. For example, FFVII really benefits from the remake since there's a lot of things they can portray more subtly and delicately than they could in the OG (such as Cloud's hallucinations & memory issues and how other's react to it)
(And also for some of the older titles there are things in the writing that may have aged poorly- in a remake they could rework it to be more tasteful)
#i debated whether or not to include the xiii games#but while they are sorta old by now there isnt really anything in them that could warrant a remake#graphically they look fine and i cant think of anything that would need/be improved by a remake#(then again i have yet to play xiii-2 & lr so maybe but idk those are the ones ppl like more so i cant imagine theyd benefit from a rewrite)#anyway im curious what people would want and id love to hear ur thoughts/reasonings!#final fantasy#final fantasy 2#final fantasy ii#final fantasy 3#final fantasy iii#final fantasy 4#final fantasy iv#final fantasy 5#final fantasy v#final fantasy 6#final fantasy vi#final fantasy 8#final fantasy viii#final fantasy 9#final fantasy ix#final fantasy 10#final fantasy x#final fantasy 12#final fantasy xii#xander rambles#btw i think vi is most deserving i think a modern retelling of the story would definitely enhance the experience
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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heyo! i have been. Incredibly busy with art fight last month and i figured id post some of the attacks I was most proud of here.
here is 3 for @blaiddraws!
some for @fourphoenixfeathers!
some for @ingo-ingoing-ingone!
me and @drag0n0fbutt3r traded a lot of attacks this year! here's two of mine!
and some ones i had a lot of fun with- in order, Pitdoom_ for the first two, @narikine, awoomode and @the-pocky-stix!
#ray's art#ray rambles#i had a lot of fun this year!#i did a total of 100 attacks last month#so im. absolutely exhausted lol#with being kinda burnt out and sick and also Other goings on irl#im probably not going to be working on much for a little#dw im sure ill be bored out of my mind soon enough hfujoehfgb#oh yes- i also got so many attacks and revenges this year#it made me so happy to see! i think me and dragon got to like. a chain of 23#and pitdoom and i got to around 7#i think ive improved a lot!#which makes sense seeing as sometimes id do upwards of 8 drawings in one day#i think my record was 12.#for the record: not all of my drawings this year were this quality#this is just the 15 out of 100 i liked the most#there's some others i kinda want to share... maybe later#OH SHOOT#tw blood#i nearly forgot T-T
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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality
#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh#like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good#but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees#the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support#and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well#like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people#maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a#whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously#women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women#or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak#like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years#but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people#i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse#drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles#+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries#and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation#isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote#*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now#and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad#but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing#and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol
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My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things
#im sorry i cant be her (my searching lines)#i cant stop thinking about this drawing i have a sinking feeling that im gonna be very unhappy when its done#or. not unhappy. but not as excited as i feel about it now!#i only worked in two short chunks on it but both were pretty productive#i have a feeling that when i take the time to really dedicate myself to it im gonna fuck something up#like i can see areas i need to/can improve already but the glaring flaws are ok! bc it's not finished!#it OVERALL looks cool and LOOKS like it has the potential to turn out well#but will it... WILL IT??? WILL IT EVER?#i have never been so totally completely satisfied w any finished drawing ive dedicated myself to fully.#tales from diana#this is also only the second time ive done a really deliberate self-portrait that wasnt in some for or another. practice#like of course ive drawn my face before. not that often actually. but since yes i do draw. i have drawn myself#i probably should've drawn myself more times for how often i think id like a nice picture of myself#but then again its not gonna be so 'nice' if i make it and am not totally happy w it?#see one of the ppl who inspired me to learn to draw is ned @sneez my dearest. he's spoiled me before#and drawn me very beautifully on several occasions and it's very much a thing to move one's heart#to see someone dedicate their talent to depicting YOU.#and i might say HE has made me look more beautiful in art than i think i'll ever look in the flesh#which is not to say he drew me inaccurately. but he's so talented that his art is more beautiful than life.#and i dont compare myself in skill to him bc he's been doing it for YEARS and way more trained than me in the visual arts.#like it simply wouldn't be fair so i only compare myself to myself. naturally#but i used to think. very VAINLY i might say. that if i could draw like him id draw beautiful pictures of myself all the time#well ce n'est pas ca mon ami. since learning to draw i've found im much more interested in drawing ppl i find beautiful#rather than myself. im not art. not through my own eyes at least.#i should really draw ned sometime. i really should.#actually somewhat embarrasingly i tried to draw him like 5 or 6 years ago. and i NEVER tried to draw then#i did show him tho and he thought it was very impressive but that's probably just bc he loves me. xoxox#maybe ill post that someday as a throwback just for the hell of it. lol. thatd be cute
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Keep me from shattering...
#ariart#isat au#isat spoilers#<- cuz of the red...#ogap odile!!! can yall believe it? i drew this today. finished it today. LIKE! IVE IMPROVED! I GOT FASTER! YIPPEE!!!!#first time ive drawn odile and ofc its her being in pain. thats how odile is gonna look in this au#she has cracks. and well-- if i draw smth from this au again id make a bigger drawing so i can show#whats going on in the cracks more. basically like-- imagine a rock. but then you crack it open and Whoa! its actually a gem!#but then also imagine the gem inside that not Actually a gem and more so a material that Looks like a gem#so then imagine glass But make it slightly melted and flowing. so yea thats whats inside the cracks on odile#actually i got a better explanation. think of kintsugi but instead of gold its melted sugar. there we go#of gems and pages au#ogap au
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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redraw of an older fredgar piece 😊
#my art#fredgar#edgar valden#freddy riley#idv#you all WILL love this. OKAY? PROMISE. NOW.#i mmight turn on reblogs for this one because i like it a little bit#but thats only if someone wants to rb it#OH i can respond to REPLIES with THIS BLOG now too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so exciting#it took me ~5-6hrs to make?#so thats pretty awesome i think im getting Faster#i really need to work on my actual things now though#decided to make the sketch runaway and record keeper again because i realized the poses between them were similar#and i wanted to see if i improved (kind of? i definitely shade more complicated but comparing this to my other pieces its not as much impro#ement as id like)#anyways i hope you guys like it#hopefully i can get back into drawing again soon#this is the first fanart piece ive made all of 2024#:(#wanted to make one earlier but im just. ugh
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Hey if anyone wants to check out Moving Pictures Redrawn [a fan-made remake of the first chapter of BATIM that Mike n Meatly may have ordered to be taken down? It's unsure at the moment] Guess who downloaded a copy before they did that~
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#honestly if they did order the take down um lmao tbh#I guess Id do the same it must be embarrassing for a fan to make a better game than you did literally improved your damn#flagship title bc it fucking sucks#but yeah in the name of preserving this piece of art this person mustve spent forever making hmu if u wanna download it <3<3#its genuinely so cool I hope it turns out someone was posing as the bendy devs bc like this is so awesome#to have it taken down just feels so shitty#idc if its just a better batim if I could fucking sue Meatly n Mike for selling me a piece of shit of a game#thats not fun to play buggy as hell and has some of the worst storytelling ive ever seen#then took this down bc actually we cant let ppl play chapter 1 for free anymore ugh its just salt in the wound of how shitty they r#this remake is so cool I cant believe I got it to run on my computer#the way they redesigned the general areas is so damn cool too this is genuinely such an improvement and meatly n mike should be fucking#begging on their knees for the fans to forgive them if they did take this down fuck them so so much#mike literally has flaunted his fucking wealth in the past do we really think he needs the extra 20 bucks from some poor soul#buying his elaborate scam of a game that has a broken save system really? Does he need that money? No the fuck he doesnt#ramblez
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2009 Chinese Grand Prix - Parc Fermé - Sebastian Vettel & Mark Webber
#MY FAVORITE RACE IVE WATCHED!!! IT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY????#the way theyre in sync serveral times! the way mark helps seb down by tugging him a bit!#(i did in fact write a post abt why this race is crucial to me but i dont think itll ever see the light of day LOL)#okay sry in advance theres gonna be so many tags:#i didnt rly wanna gif any other ssn before finishing 2005 but this is the first older race i watched and its still stuck in my brain#so im obligated to myself from several months ago to at least do a bit#and heres the thing w seb races: id love to contain them to one post like i do w fernandos but I CANT AAHHHHH#theres so much content!(tbf this is less bcs personal seb bias and more bcs theyve def made improvements in production quality since 2005)#i was drafting a post for this race a bit ago and realized 'oops yeah i dont think i can keep this in one post' so ye ill prob post more!#like bro i could make a full post of before they even get to the podium#but this sebmark section in parc ferme has been haunting me since the beginning of this yr#(i was looking thru my insta cf story archive and saw the vids i took of this moment while freaking out and im like okay fine ill do it)#sebastian vettel#mark webber#sv5#sebmark#martian#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#2009 chinese gp#(2009: 1/17 races watched)#(out of order but who cares lol i think 2009 is what ill watch after 2005 anyways!)#season: 2009
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Don't feel bad about needing a break. Not dying is more important than any fandom.
We're just glad you're back.
Thank you, and that's true I've been trying to look at it that way, I've just missed being here
#There are so many kind people here#I try not to think of anything as an obligation especially with my health and disabilities and also just life#but i missed blorbos and interracting with everyone even if im bad at it#Ive been doing some personal art/oc work so Id like to think my art has improved too :]#and also writing but thats a harder rock to start rolling again I promise i havent abandoned my ao3 SDKFJSD#ask#anon#thank you
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i just. remembered again that i have a fembaru fic but also the premise is. Very Messed Up hah and also it was written before the canon genderbent au with its official genderbend names for everyone so its also outdated on top of that T^T i had like. Genderqueer subtext going on too. but i also wrote this fic like almost two years ago and havent touched it in forever so im unsure if i should go back to it…. o.o but i would love to finish it one day if only for my own satisfaction hah… i had a very detailed outline for ch 2 (its a twoshot) and several scenes written already anyway!! (and also i would probably update those names, make minor edits, etc etc hmm…)
#just thinking about this wip again………… mmmm….. not super confident in my older ao3 fics but the premise for this one was like. i think i#ended up brainstorming it with a friend or two and then i was like wait holy shit howd this play out. and then i took about two weeks to#write ch1? :o#and then i like. REALLY got into revolutionary girl utena after finishing ch1 so like that def bled into um. the themes.#just. thimking…….. bc ive had so many ideas to explore like. themes regarding gender and misogyny and Choice and destiny and queerness and#all sorts of things….. bc rezero Touches on them and is even Detailed on them sometimes and id Love to go in depth. but im also a bit#nervous to bc 1. writing fic is….. so much work sometimes fr and i am but a lazy writer and 2. the slight anxiety of what if i get flamed#o.o wild to think about…..#like. i have ideas for emilia fics that are. definitely darker maybe a bit controversial but i will go off the walls with writing for the#sake of answering the questions of. can this be done. and is it possible to narratively critique canon and fandom treatment of emilia. that#sort of thing.#not that im the best writer ever akdbdnd but i do like darker fiction sometimes. and i also like being meta about things in fiction. and i#also like writing to get out a tiny bit of salt. etc etc.#i tried to write these kinds of thinngs with my atm sole emilia centric fic that i wrote. uhhh more than a year ago? and i would love to try#again one day bc ive def improved and changed as a writer since then. u know what i mean?? :o#just like. rezero and queerness is very interesting to me.#suffaru post#saving this on the blog bc i talked Too Much about my writing process here HAH#my writing process being: HOW FAR CAN I TAKE THIS IDEA AND HOW OFF THE WALLS CAN IT GET????#in reality tho im really just a massive nerd whos gone down a massive rabbit hole of writing anime fanfic. 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#if you actually read all these tags big thank you HAH
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