#i............. simply feel like this cannot be true

[julietcpulet]

Why Jinshi is perfect for Maomao 💜

Some people think that Maomao and Jinshi couldn’t work because she lacks any ability to feel romantic connection. That she rejects his advances because she either doesn’t like him personally or that she was born with an inability to feel in that way at all. Neither are true. In actuality, Jinshi is the one person best suited to Maomao. Why? Because she doesn’t lack the capability to feel romantic emotion, she’s just emotionally closed off.

Due to an upbringing where her needs and wants were ignored, along with abuse and complicated early relationships, Maomao has learned to shut herself off out of protection. She’s come to believe she’s incapable of feeling love because to her love is something seen as undesirable and scary. Viewed through the lens of the pleasure district, love was always a game. It was likely if you love someone you’d get hurt. Also, when she cried and expressed the need for something, no one answered her so she simply stopped expressing those needs and wants.

“You’ll never find some fine prince whose heart will never change. That’s one lesson you can’t escape here. What does trust ever get you? When you come down to it, I’m a whore, and you’re a whore’s daughter.”

So, I would argue that Maomao, as a person who has become emotionally reserved or closed off due to past experiences, is best suited for Jinshi who is very emotionally available. He counters her reservation head on. While this is often what is seen as “forceful” or ignoring her wishes, I’d disagree. It’s him trying to break through an exterior Maomao has learned to put up to protect herself. When she only sees herself as a tool and expendable, Jinshi finds ways to make her feel valuable, to work within how she sees the world and hopefully expand her view of her own worth little by little.

"Do you hate me so much?" he asked, his face now less like a wild dog and more like a puppy. Love, hate some people wanted the world to be so black and white. Why wouldn't he give her the choice of a gray area? "I suppose I don't hate you as such," she said. She might even think of him favorably.

"If you want to send me off wherever, well, if I'm just a pawn who makes no difference to the strategic situation, I guess I have no right to object. Am I a pawn to you, Master Jinshi?" He was silent. "Is there something you'd like to say to me?" - "Yes, I want to..." He started to answer, but refused to look her in the eye. Finally, he said, "I want to have another bowl of that stew." - "Sure," Maomao said after a second. "I'll go get some more." Apparently, she figured, this was his way of saying she was useful enough to keep around.

Jinshi’s steady and honest nature is what allows Maomao to feel comfortable enough in their dynamic to push back at him, to demand things of him and banter with him and be herself with him in ways she cannot express with others. Because he proves he is safe. That he will not hurt her, that he will not leave. He shows she isn’t just a crush of proximity but someone who matters to him and continues to show that over and over through words and actions.

"Jinshi was a man who could have had anything and everything he desired. And yet, he was such a straight shooter that it caused him to beat around the bush like this. He didn't want to take the shortest route to what he wanted, but the one that would be best for the other person."

"Jinshi suspected that if he asked Maomao what had happened to her since he had seen her last, she would give him only the most businesslike report. There would be no attempt to make him worry for her or sympathize with her. - Did she do that so that she wouldn't be a burden to him? Or simply because she saw no point in getting emotional about it? If the former, then Jinshi wouldn't be content until he had done something about this infuriating, cat-like creature."

He shows her he will give her what she needs, he will listen to her when she expresses a fear, a reservation, a want. And that's not something she's had in this particular way before. She's used to being ignored, so Jinshi's ability to push past her outer defenses of nonchalance and ambivalence reveals that she may want things, she may have desires but fear and insecurity often keep her from voicing them. In this way Jinshi's unwillingness to let her be continually evasive is a kindness.

"So I should be clear, should I? Unequivocal? I should say what I mean? If I did, would you actually listen to me? Is that what you're telling me? I'm going to hold you to that! Right this minute. I'll say it all. Don't plug your ears, listen to me!" He grabbed her hands as she was in the process of trying to put her fingers in her ears. He took a breath. He was looking at Maomao, but somehow he seemed almost embarrassed. Finally he managed, "Now listen to me, y- I mean, Maomao! Listen close! I am going to make you my wife!"

"But then, was it any less mad, what Jinshi had been forced to live with? He had the power; he could have done any number of even crazier things. That he had the generosity of heart to listen to Maomao's words made it hard to shout at him now."

This availability and openness is what I’d say is the perfect counter to Maomao’s inner deflective tendencies. In his prodding and affectionate pursuit, he gives her time and the opportunity to open up to someone in a way that feels comfortable to her. It allows her to see that any heartfelt reciprocation will be met with appreciation by the right person. Something even others affirm for her.

"I know you have your circumstances, Miss Maomao. It's important not to get carried away by your emotions! But..." - "You can't let that be an excuse either."

“Maomao, you're very fortunate. This person is clearly very persistent, extremely stubborn, doesn't know when to quit-" - "and is good enough that even you were willing to let him win." Maomao looked down, which was something Joka knew she did when she was trying to hide embarrassment.

So Jinshi truly is the perfect person for Maomao because she doesn’t lack the ability to love, she simply needs someone who can wait for her to express it. Which Jinshi has been able to do because of his growing appreciation of Maomao as a person and willingness to understand her gentle displays of affection that keep him eagerly pursuing her as he can see her sincerity underneath layers of feigned disinterest.

“What she felt for Jinshi was not, she suspected, a burning passion. She couldn't respond to him with the same feelings he brought to her, but at the same time, there weren't that many people in the world with whom she could feel this safe.”

Their love isn’t about one being forceful and the other relenting to it. It’s about one creating a sense of comfort through persistent faithfulness, so the other isn't afraid of expressing emotions they've always had but felt were inadequate or were given no outlet for. By Jinshi giving Maomao a feeling of protection and love beyond what she expects, she can come to the realization that it’s not all a game, some love can be real, honest and selfless 💚

[cloverapple]

You Can Still Shift/Manifest If You Waver, Check the 3D, Doubt, and Have Contradicting Assumptions. None of It Matters

Actually, what if I said I want you to waver, to check for proof, to crash out crying that you “haven’t shifted yet” because you “don’t have your desire”? Wild, right?

1) I encourage you to waver, because once you realize it doesn’t matter, you’ll catch yourself mid-waver and go—“wait, this doesn’t even make sense” and it’ll reinforce that you already have your desire, if anything.

Why would wavering delay your desires, if you’re the source? Why would contradicting assumptions matter if, once you do the action, you have the outcome? If intention is cause and you’re the observer that makes it so, then wavering is just background noise, never the thing that decides what’s yours.

2) I encourage you to check for proof—not because you need to, but because if there’s proof to see, why wouldn’t you look? Why wouldn’t you let yourself feel the thrill of confirmation? The proof is that you did the thing. You decided, you intended, you took the action—so the effect must exist, because cause and effect is all your mind has ever known. You cannot do ABC and not have XYZ. It’s impossible.

3) And I encourage you to crash out, to spiral on your bathroom floor at 3 AM about how you “haven’t shifted yet” or “don’t have your desire yet,” because it’s in that crash and burn that you’ll see how ridiculous and impossible it is. That you—who poured decision, action, and weeks/months/ years of intention into this, could somehow not be the master shifter you already are?

Could somehow not have your desire?

Not be in your DR? It’s insane. It’s impossible. It’s weird.

And you need to notice how weird and uncanny it is. Because that’s the crack in the illusion. That’s the moment you blink and realize:

“Oh! It’s an illusion!”

What Are Illusions?

By illusion, I don’t mean the rainbow spiders you see on shrooms, or the whole “put your hand through glass because glass isn’t real” trick (I mean, I do, but that’s a conversation for another time).

What I mean is: it’s all an illusion tied to the laws you think this reality runs on—continuity, time, linear cause-and-effect, “realistic” expectations. These laws are just the house rules of a dream you forgot you’re lucid in. You assume that because yesterday looked a certain way, today will follow, and tomorrow will play the same song. You think your five senses are the final gatekeepers of truth, that the consistency of waking up in the same bed means “this is real,” that seeing the same face in the mirror means “this is me.”

But these are illusions of consistency. Illusions of repetition. Illusions that make you think you haven’t shifted, that you don’t have your desire, that you aren’t the source.

Because when you zoom out—like really zoom out—you realize these “laws” only bind you if you agree to play by them. And when you realize that, the whole “If I waver, I don’t shift” narrative becomes laughable, because it doesn’t even make sense under the truth of what you are.

Put simply:

• Intention (cause) results in the experience (effect) within awareness.

• The appearance of “no change” is just the illusion of continuity tied to how your awareness filters perception, not a true counter-proof that the cause-effect did not occur.

And from that place, it doesn’t matter if you waver, doubt, check, contradict, spiral, or affirm “I can’t shift”. None of it has ever mattered. Because it can’t. And that’s how you wake up.

I don’t know if I’m losing my mind, but the more I sit with this, the more I pick at it, the more it unravels. Circumstances, negative thoughts, wavering, checking your reality, contradicting assumptions—all of it starts to look absurd under the harsh, irrefutable light of what’s actually true.

Because if you are awareness—and you are—then everything flows from that awareness. Strip away awareness, and nothing remains. Take awareness away, and you are no longer aware of reality. Reality cannot exist without awareness.

You live and breathe because you are aware of it. Take that away, and do you exist?

Whether you believe you are THE creator or A creator, it doesn’t matter. You are the source, you are awareness, so you create everything. You are the creator, the source, the god of reality, whatever you want to call it.

And if we look at cause and effect—or call it decision, observation, assumption, whatever label you want—if I decide to do something, and I take the action, even if that action is simply affirming “I am in my DR,” there must be an effect because of that cause. The effect is that I shifted. I intended, I did, so it is. It’s impossible for it to be otherwise.

You can’t intend to do something, do it, and then not have it. Action is intention, and intention is action. And if you are the source, then wherever your observation goes, your awareness follows, and that’s the reality you’re living. It’s all in your awareness.

And that alone is the proof. The proof is that you did it. The proof is in the intention, the action, the decision, the observation, the assumption. So automatically, you MUST be in your DR, you MUST have your desire, because the cause is there, so the effect is there. You did the thing, so you have the thing. Full stop.

And if the question is, “Okay, if I’m in my DR because I decided and took the action, why am I not seeing it?”—the answer is: you are seeing it. You are. It doesn’t matter if your plan was to be in your DR already or have the ability to shift to it on command, YOU HAVE IT ALREADY.

“But my reality is that I’m still in my CR right now,” or “but my reality is that I still can’t shift no matter how hard I try.”

No. It’s an illusion. If you intended to have your desire, you have it because intention is action, and there cannot be action without an outcome.

The outcome cannot be that you failed, because you did not intend to fail

Your CR is an illusion layered on top of whatever your desire is. You’re not seeing it. It can’t be real, not if the cause has already created the effect. If you’re seeing your current reality, it’s illusion, illusion, illusion.

If you “don't have your desire right now” it’s an illusion BECAUSE you already have it. It’s not real.

Of course, you can explain it a million ways—“you’re observing not being there,” “you’re identifying with the one who hasn’t shifted,” “you still need to work for it a little more,” “Your assumptions are that you can’t shift so just change your assumptions”

Those explanations can be comforting, but they all collapse the second you go back to the irrefutable truth:

And the source is this: if you decide to do something and you take action (intention) to do it, you can’t not have the thing.

“But what if I failed—”

YOU CANNOT FAIL. YOU CANNOT CREATE FAILURE IF YOU DID NOT INTEND TO CREATE FAILURE.

Having the thing doesn’t always look like holding the end result in your hand immediately. You have it because you took action. You intended to shift, you did your method, you did your process, you assumed you would shift, you rolled over and went to sleep after saying “I’ll wake up in my DR.”

So you have shifted. It’s impossible not to.

And when you take this in fully, you see it: wavering, negative assumptions, all the noise—they’re illusions. None of it matters. They’re background static, clinging to a dying continuity that has no power over you anymore.

If I’m lying in bed at night, saying, “I’m shifting to my DR, I am in my DR,” I took the action, so I should have the thing. Any wavering, any “but I don’t see it,” is illusion. It can’t be real, because you already created it. Every bit of noise that shows up—“I’m not there yet,” “I can’t shift”—is illusion, illusion, illusion.

Wavering, contradicting yourself, doubting—yeah, all of that props up the illusion, sure. But none of it touches the fact that what’s done is done. If you intend to have your desire—by any action, whether it’s a split-second decision, a method, or months of trying—you already have it.

So even the “contradicting assumptions” like “obviously I don’t have my desire” are flimsy at best. Because under the larger observation—understanding that you did the thing, so now you have the thing—it doesn’t matter. It can’t matter. The noise of contradiction doesn’t override the fact that you claimed it, and so it’s yours.

And once you see it for what it is, you can’t unsee it.

It doesn’t matter if you spiral at 3 AM whispering “I’ll never shift.”

It doesn’t matter if you open your eyes every morning and think “Guess I’m still here.”

It doesn’t matter if you side-eye the 3D and think “Obviously, I don’t have it.”

None of it matters. Not the doubts, not the contradictions, not the bad days you think ruined everything. They’re background noise. They’re illusions. You’re still getting what you decided on.

So yeah, go ahead and waver. Have as many negative thoughts and contradicting assumptions as you want. But know this:

The moment you truly understand that nothing—no dumb rules and restrictions—can stop you from having your desire because they are ILLUSIONS that don’t even make sense.… this will be you, mid-waver:

[holylulusworld]

An absent mate

Summary: Your mate cares more about a taken omega.

Pairing: Wolverine x Omega!Reader

Warnings: a/b/o, a/b/o dynamics, abandonment, emotional cheating, heavy angst, pregnancy, loneliness, language, shitty friends, shitty alpha, Jean being the worst ever, Jean hate (sorry)

Square filled for the Wolverine bingo @buck-star created for me: Square 23: a/b/o

In the beginning, you believed everything would turn out for the better. Everyone encouraged you to pursue the alpha you fell in love with. You believed their words, their lies, so easily.

Logan wasn’t happy with all the attention you gave him at first. But the more you threw yourself at him, the more he got fond of you. Or so it seemed.

You spent many nights tangled in each other, touching every inch of your bodies, while you got more and more lost in Logan.

His mark soon was on your neck, indicating that he finally settled for an omega and forgot about the one he couldn’t have.

You soon would find out that the passion he showed in the bedroom did not dull the ache whenever he ignored your needs.

Hugs, a no-go. Kissing, only when it was to start something else. Being around you for longer than needed was out of the question.

Day by day, you realized that you got trapped in a loveless bond by no other but your chosen family. The people you trusted the most.

“Logan, where are you going again?” You almost pleaded while grabbing his arm. “I told you I need you today.”

“I told you that Jean needs me. Scott is on a mission, and she’s all alone,” Logan bites back, wincing as you flinch at his harsh tone. “Give me an hour or two, and we can do whatever you want to do.” He tries to charm his way back into your good graces, but you only scoff.

“What if I ever get pregnant? Will you be there for me, too, or just ignore me?” Your questions make Logan stop in his tracks. He considers your words before walking toward the door.

“We shouldn’t have a baby.” His words cut deeper than any knife. “I’m too old to have children.”

“You will outlive all of us. Me…anyone,” you scoff. “You’re not too old. You simply don’t want to have children with me.”

“No…I…” Logan shakes his head. “I’d outlive our child, too, Y/N. I don’t want to see them die like everyone else.”

“You could play with your grandchildren, and their children,” you sniffle. “Anyone would kill for that chance, but you…” You protectively wrap your arms around yourself. “If Jean’s child were yours, you wouldn’t hesitate.”

“That’s not…true.” He tries to argue, but you are too wound tight to give in today. In the past, you endured the pain in silence.

“Forget it,” you sniffle and already turn back around. “I can handle my problems on my own. I’m not a weakling like Jean.” You grab your jacket and bag and storm out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Jean stands in front of your room, running her hand over her visible bump. She smirks, knowing you got into a fight with your mate because of her.

“Get fucked.” You curse and storm past her. In your condition, you shouldn’t stress yourself or always get into fights with your mate. It’s no use. He will not turn toward you, and Jean won’t stop playing the victim.

“I’m so done,” you think in your mind, catching Professor Xavier’s attention. Usually, you guard your mind like a dragon guarding a captured princess. Today, your heart and soul a screaming because you cannot endure more heartbreak. “That’s enough heartbreak for a lifetime.”

After returning from your doctor's appointment, you decided to talk to your fellow X-Men.

You don’t understand why Logan claimed you if his heart was still hung up on Jean.

They all assured you that Logan feels the same, but now you feel like they lied to you.

If you are right, the betrayal cuts even deeper.

Walking along the hallways, you change your mind. If you ask them directly, they’d only lie to you to shelter your feelings.

It’s against the rules, but to get the truth, you are willing to break all the rules.

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath before using your powers. You focus on everyone telling you to make a move on Logan.

Not only did Logan and Jean underestimate you, but your fellow X-Men did too.

In full control of your powers, you can read their minds all at once.

Your eyes fill with tears, realizing, they knew Logan would never reciprocate your feelings all along. None of them was truly on your side.

“All of you.” You accuse, pointing at Professor Xavier in particular. “Every single one of you told me to give Logan a chance. You told me he’s bad at admitting feelings.”

“We only asked you to give him a chance to make him happy,” Storm tries to save the situation and calm you. No such luck.

You scoff at your stupidity and shake your head. “You didn’t ask me to give him a chance to become his mate, his partner, or the mother of his pups.” You emphasize your last words, running your hand over your swollen bump. “No. You did it, so he got someone to fuck!”

Professor Xavier flinches at your outburst. Not only because your words are true, but also because you screamed in his mind.

“You wanted me to let him fuck me while his whole attention was focused on Jean. A taken woman. A mated omega. Someone else’s wife.” You sniff and look away from them. “You made me believe he’ll reciprocate my feelings one day.”

Professor Xavier wants to say something, but you raise your hand to stop him. “Save it, professor. He doesn’t care for me. Logan is all over Jean all the time because she won’t leave a taken man alone.” You snarl the last line. “She’s nothing but a homewrecker, and all of you decided to look the other way. I’m done.”

Logan finally joins the others, staring at you as if you lost your mind. He heard every word thanks to his higher senses and advanced hearing.

“If you are unhappy, go.” He growls and points at you. “But before, give me my favorite shirt back.”

You can’t believe his cruelty, but you are not surprised either.

“Fine, have it.” You drop your bag and jacket to take off his shirt, throwing it at Logan. Everyone gasps, even your mate, looking at the prominent bump you hid so well over the last few months. You’re five months pregnant and are already showing a big belly.

Logan’s shoulders slump, and he gasps loudly. “You’re pregnant too?” He asks, as if you tried to hide your pregnancy from him.

“Yeah, that,” you run your hand over your bump, “isn’t your problem, right? That’s what you told me last week when I, once again, tried to tell you about my pregnancy. But you were busy rubbing Jean’s back because she was nauseous.”

You laugh loudly at the absurdity. “She’s pregnant with another man, and you do anything to make her feel better while your mate suffers alone, hoping her mate will at least help her with her nest. I was only ever an afterthought to you, nothing else.”

“How did you not know she’s pregnant?” Ororo’s eyes clouded watching you grab your jacket to cover yourself. “Logan? How did you not know?”

“I…” Logan averts his gaze and shakes his head. There’s no excuse for not knowing about his mate’s pregnancy. For months, he took care of another omega.

You look Jean straight in the eyes and say, “Don’t worry Jean, I give my mate free. You should ask Scott to do the same so you and your chosen mate, the one you love, can be together.”

Jean looks anywhere but at you. Her hands tremble when she places them on her belly. Her pup kicks, and she feels bad for you for a moment. She had the attention of two alphas, while you had to do everything on your own.

Your features darken, and you smirk cruelly as she looks flustered.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you only wanted Logan to give you his full attention out of jealousy. You never wanted him, but seeing him become my mate didn’t sit right with you. Correct me when I’m wrong.”

Jean doesn’t answer. Her silence speaks volumes, though.

In the beginning, she kept her distance and watched you get closer and closer to Logan from afar. Until one day, she decided not to let Logan stop yearning for her. It didn’t matter that you wore his mark, and that he called you his omega at that time.

“I still don’t understand how Logan didn’t know about Y/N’s pregnancy.” Ororo looks at Logan. “Logan?”

“Because he gives a shit about me. I was only good for getting off. I have no worth to him. Not when Jean is all over him most of the day and night. I always wondered if Scott loves being a cuck.”

Gambit snorts at your comment. He shakes his head and shoves people out of his way, holding out his hand. “Do you want me to drive you somewhere?"

“No,” you slap his offered hand away. “I don’t want anything from you or the likes of you.” You walk past him, not sparing Logan a glance as you walk toward the front door. “I hope you all go to hell.”

With that, you slam the door shut behind you, leaving them alone with their regret.

[tilltheend153]

My daddy deep thoughts on this scene

There is something you might miss if you didn't pay close attention...

There's something red on Ivan's collar...let's rewind a little to take a closer look-

Oh? Is it just me or is that a heart hidden right at Ivan's collar? Could it be...Till's heart?

If that's the case, I find it interesting how Till's heart is already with Ivan, he just doesn't notice. Giving someone's heart is an act of vulnerability; you're allowing the person to hurt you. Till may not have noticed how much he cared for Ivan, unknowingly giving his heart, and had to face the reality of his shattered heart after round 6.

Meanwhile, Ivan had to take the heart out from his own mouth - his insides - where his true feelings and deepest desires lie, something he ultimately forced onto Till in round 6.

I have three interpretations for the symbolism of the heart being at Ivan's collar-

1. Overlooking affection

The heart is hidden under the collar and obscured by the shadow, but the red stands out enough that you can notice this detail if you simply paid attention. The heart's main symbolism is most likely love, hence the fact that it's easy to overlook this heart might just be symbolism of Ivan overlooking Till's affection.

Something I noticed was that the heart is hidden specifically right at his neck...somewhere Ivan cannot see. No matter how he can try to crane his neck, I don't think it'll be possible for him to see it. This symbolism probably highlights just how blind Ivan is to Till's affection for him, how he doesn't stop to consider if Till might care for him.

2. Unapparent affection from the audience's perspective

Maybe I'm overreaching, but the fact that it's also hard for the us, the audience, to tell if it's a heart at first glance might be deliberate too.

At the start, we've been constantly fed the perspective of Ivan; that Till doesn't care about him, doesn't look at him. But as time went on, it grew apparent that this was false and that Ivan was an unreliable narrator.

While Till's affection isn't necessarily hard to infer or see, it's something you can only see if you pay attention, just like how you can only notice the heart in the collar if you paid close attention.

3. Obscurity

For the longest time, Till has been running away from his more complicated feelings. His coping mechanism is escapism, finding comfort in simplicity, in uncomplicated feelings and ideas (an example is his crush on Mizi, an unadulterated crush from the distance, an idealisation personified).

And if you observe...the collar obscures the heart. Perhaps this represents Till's obscured feelings for Ivan, messy, complicated and only faced when he was forced to, right after Ivan selfishly forces him to process his love...

But hey, I might just be overreaching🤷

[twoidiotwriters1]

Chapter 37. What Is It to Truly Admire a Woman?

Summary: Turning his back on things has never made them vanish, and God knows that going without saying goodbye won't make him any wiser. Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Words: 1,231 Listen to: 'Still' -by Niall Horan A/N: You BETTER comment on this one bc I wrote it while still having poor eyesight from the surgery and it sucks ass -Danny

Dear Diary,

I have so much to be proud of, but now that Benedict is leaving... I'm afraid I don't have the strength to face it.

I must go.

Benedict's been up a whole hour by now, dawn barely breaking. He's standing by the window, mind clear yet troubled, when he spots Reaper —and you— galloping at a considerable speed in the opposite direction to the castle. He knows what you're doing, and at once his mind switches from brooding to resolute; he turns from the window and walks out of the room, crossing the hall, descending the grand staircase, and exiting to the gardens, striding towards the stables.

He doesn't know why he's doing this; perhaps it's simply that he feels it's silly, all that sneaking and avoidance he so loved before meeting you. Turning his back on things has never made them vanish, and God knows that going without saying goodbye won't make him any wiser.

Benedict has no trouble catching up to you once he gets a horse, and he's grateful that you're not speeding or ignoring his presence as he reaches you. He catches your eye, and you throw him a tight-lipped smile, the kind you give when you've got plenty in your mind and no way to articulate it.

"Quite early for a ride," he says once you slow the pace to match his, "cold, too."

You hum, staring at your hands, so firmly wrapped around the reins of Reaper. "It's a bit unpleasant at first, but then the sun starts to show, and it gets fresh instead of cold, then warm... I've timed it perfectly so I get home just in time for breakfast."

Benedict smiles. "I used to tell my mother that's where I was whenever I would get home in the early morning—Riding at Hyde Park, looking for inspiration..." he looks around, his breath going up in a swirl of vapour. "I think... that if I had done that, inspiration would've found me. Or at least a more fulfilling kind of enjoyment. This is rather nice even without the sun."

"Is it, now?" You look at him, head tilted down bashfully. 

"Yes, quite so. Genovia's weather isn't as cold to me as it is to you. I shall miss the scents, too. Everything here has personality and..." he realises halfway through that this is not what he wants to be talking about at all, and loses interest in finishing the sentence.

"Have you come to say goodbye, then?" You ask after a second of subdued silence. 

"Yes. I could've waited for the sun to be fully out," his gaze turns playful. "But something tells me I wouldn't have gotten a chance."

If you weren't already pink on the cheeks thanks to the cold, that would've made your face blush instantly, and just like he's got no interest in talking about the weather, you cannot bring yourself to defend yourself against his accusations. There is something strange about this morning, now that all has come and gone, that you've had him, and he's had you. Is it a sense of finality, knowing it's time to move on to new adventures? 

"Well, may you return home safely," you say. "I hope to see Eloise in college. I want all of her dreams to come true."

"And what of mine?" He asks with a strange look on his face. "Can they be held close by you, too?"

You soften, holding back tears. "Your dreams were the first I ever fought this hard for, and I'm so very glad that I could help. I'll always have you in my thoughts, always hoping for riches and prosperity to carry you through life."

He nods. "Took the words out of my mouth, Your Highness." He laughs shortly. "And it is not the first time that has happened." You laugh, teary-eyed but happy. He inclines in a respectful bow and lightly pulls on his horse's reins, a lovely white stallion. "Goodbye."

He turns back to the castle and trots away. You watch for a few seconds before facing forward, knowing at last that this tranquillity isn't peace but utter desolation in your heart. Your sob is barely concocting at the base of your throat when your ears pick up on the fast thumping of hooves against the grass, and a second later, Benedict rushes past you a few meters.

He stops abruptly and gets off his horse, all with stunning swiftness and speed. His face is distraught, mouth half open as he breathes in rough pants as if he's the one who's been running up and down the area. "I won't be going home," he starts, eyes locked on yours. "The truth is that I am home, but I wasn't brave enough to admit it. The truth is that since we met, my life has been just that—life.

I can feel myself breathing for the first time. I look at myself and like what I'm seeing," he reaches your horse and looks up at you longingly. "Dear Y/N, without you, there is no riches or prosperity. I can't go back to London without confessing that I am an utter fool. I have fallen in love with you."

He takes the hand that's closest to him and kisses it earnestly, not bothering to remove the glove. Even through the leather, you can feel its heat. He continues in a choked voice, pressing his face to the back of your hand. "How am I to live on now when I know... I know now that I'm but a conglomerate of chances, purpose, and fancies, and you the path I was meant to walk, the wonderful arrow through my heart, keeping me balanced?"

He presses his brow to your knuckles. His hand shakes, but doesn't let you go, and you stare at him, full of heartache. "I don't know where to put all this love," he cries, "what to do with it—I have done canvas after canvas, written on both sides and margins of every paper I can get my hands on, and yet this love will not let me breathe unless I hand it to its rightful owner—you, Y/N. My heart... Please forgive me..."

"There is nothing to forgive," you say quickly in an affected voice, shaking your head shortly as your hand moves to lift his face so he can see you, and see the emotions flooding your gaze. "If I am your path and arrow, then know a path is nothing without its traveller, and an arrow serves no purpose unless it connects to something. Do you wish to know my dream?"

"Yes," he replies in a breathless whisper. 

"The diary I started in London," your free hand moves to cup his other cheek, "hard as I tried to make it about what I thought was the right thing for a princess to be writing—there is only you. Even the parts that do not mention you, are carried by the absence. Oh, Benedict, I dream of being yours..."

He reaches for your waist and pulls you off Reaper easily, lifting you in his arms as you come down, and you wrap your arms around his neck without a second thought, lips colliding in a passionate kiss. "I will take your love, all of it," you mumble, hands holding the back of his head so he can't go anywhere. "I want it."

"Y/N... Y/N..." he sighs, melting in a way that makes him sway in your grasp. "As I, it belongs to you."

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

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[kalosinflames]

The fact she wanted to learn more surprised him, even knowing what he did. She was dipping her toes into topics that no doubt made her uncomfortable - if not risked souring her on him again - but wanting to. It was not something he was used to.

At least, not without intent to judge him from the outset. He supposed she wanted to understand, though, from a more genuine place. And that was something he could certainly work with.

Elina, for her part, continued to simply relax on Serena's lap. Her breathing slowed to the point that she very well might have drifted off to sleep.

"I admit I am not so used to that. Not without preconcieved notions, at any rate." He admits gently. While her question is not loaded as such, it is something he does have to give some thought to. He does not want to lie to her or make her uncomfortable through sounding like he glorified what he had done. That was not true regardless - it had been an awful neccesity.

"I will not pretend the efforts to rebuild have not been difficult - if not outright exhausting." He begins, clearly considering his words as he speaks them. "There were several things that were either entirely unforeseen or had not been accounted for at all. Attempting to make up for these things is what brought me here in the first place."

Adam did not want anyone to suffer more than they had. And yet the scale of the problem had only grown. Strict and suffocating? He had to admit he would struggle to be objective on that front, nor would it be fair to judge too harshly given current events. He exhales.

"As you said; Lysandre is nothing if not a man of vision. He does not tolerate disappointment or, worse, failure from anyone. I would be a terrible liar if I said that I have not seen and felt that myself. But I must also acknowledge that I would not expect anything else during a period of rebuilding and restructuring."

Adam falls quiet again, for perhaps so long as to be on the cusp of thinking he had dropped the topic before he continued, his voice quiet.

"... And yet I cannot pretend that seeing my world as it is, is not difficult. Perhaps even painful. I can see the future vividly, but getting to it has been a trial. That is not to say I am so ignorant that I expected it to be done in a mere flick of a switch - I have always said the reverse - but I do not enjoy pain or suffering. The lingering radiation means that Pokemon must either be kept in their balls or in specialised preserves. Anything else is lethal to them."

A soft frown touches his lips as he looks to Elina, lightly dozing away on Serena's lap.

"That is another reason I stay here as much as I am able. For their sake. I am one man; if I could do it all myself I would - but I cannot. And our humanitarian efforts for people and Pokemon have always felt-"

He struggles for the words as he looks out over the hills with an exhale.

"They almost feel like a mild afterthought. I do not understand it, and never have."

     A small laugh hits her lips at his apology—something clumsy and small and entirely reactionary. As though the sound could deflect the compliment before it could take root in her heart. Her posture slackens the smallest amount, eyes cast downward before a succession of blinks and they fall back upon him again. Against the twilight, he could almost fade away and become one with it, or so she believes. And in admittance of greater expectations waiting to take hold of him back in his world, confirmation of the ever-growing visions of a constrictive prison for the deceived where life lays butchered. Dreary and sterile to suffocate the spirit. To subjugate free minds. A bottomless and festering wound.

          "You don't need to apologise," She says, "I don't mind it—really. I want to hear about you."

     He has said it himself, yet it would not be needed to see it so plainly—that Adam is not one to freely speak on vulnerabilities and things that might compromise an image constructed with so much care. Yet it is a gentle push Serena offers instead of mocking or changing the subject. A chance, perhaps, to talk on what could only otherwise be confined to his mind, or behind several closed doors for the ears of his pokemon.

          "...What is it like back at your home? The expectations, I mean."

     A question she could guess part of the answer to.

          "You do not have to talk on it if you would rather not. I... struggle to see a world that isn't horrifically strict and suffocating. A world that wouldn't make you prefer spending your time here."

     And he seems to spend so very much of it not in his own. Too much. A line of questioning for later, she supposes—when it would not be too layered and guarded a subject. Or at the very least, when the two are not so out in the open. She continues to pet Elina, the slow rhythm not faltering.

          "I don't mean any offence towards you. It's only based on what I knew of Lysandre, and how I can see him running something of that scale. Like..." A light knit of her brows, the shifting of lips off to one side. "Like a machine. An efficient and well-oiled one, maybe, but... with very little room for much else outside of his vision."

[eaterofdust]

Behold! A mild comparison/rant on Snotlout from the first movie, and his latest adaptation. I apologize for any error and the lack of visuals, though hope this is enjoyable, nonetheless.

Now, starting off simple with dragon training. In the original, the teens are quick to scatter, with Snotlout specifically having the unique path of running right rather than the left all the other teens take. In the Live Action, however, he simply backs up- though seems to shield Hiccup slightly judging by how his hand is outstretched to the only path Hiccup could take. Interestingly, it doesn't seem like Live Action Snotlout stepped forward when/if questioning Gobber as he's no closer to the camera than Astrid.

When entering the arena, he lacks the enthusiasm of his animated counterpart, seemingly furthering the idea that the riders were dragon sympathizers rather than the reality of what canon implies to us: Snotlout wants to kill a dragon because it is why he was spawned in the very first place, but upon seeing a dragon save Hiccup* from the Monstrous Nightmare (aka. the dragon that only Stoick and Gobber are ever shown to fight)- something he's very clearly stressed by judging by how he climbs the bars when Hookfang attacks.

When Hiccup is revealed however, the difference is most notable; Live Action Snotlout appears nearly disgusted at the sight of the heir, whereas the Animated Snotlout glances him up and down incredulously, starting to smile when Gobber begins the lesson.

Considering this, there is an inferable trait of Live Action Snotlout that differs from Animated Snotlout is that he seems to genuinely dislike Hiccup- which combined with his supposed "be cool" mindset serves as evidence for him actually going out of his way to bully Hiccup. This is far different from Animated Snotlout whom actually does the opposite: go as far out of his way as possible to make sure Hiccup stays away from him (think his jibes and moving so that Hiccup can't sit with them). This is given motive by Spitelout: status is all he cares about and if Snotlout were to hang up with Hiccup, he'd effectively telling his dad to screw off.

Live Action Snotlout prioritizes being seen as cool by his peers, Animated Snotlout prioritises surviving living with his father.

Both Snotlout's are a product to their environment, but environments seemingly different to each other. Both wants fame, power, recognition-

One to be "cool" and one to cope with the fact that deep down he knows his father is willing to leave him once the moment arrives. Sure, he's delusional, he thinks that his father knows best for everything and that all the injury he gets he must deserve for something he's done, but that doesn't mean he isn't scared of his father, doesn't know that his childhood is one unusually* unpleasant.

At this point, this becomes more opinion, but I imagine that such is why he leans so hard into being what his father wants. It gets him food, it gets him affection and yet he never gets love. He's weak, too weak, so he needs to prove that he's not the worst by fighting fights he knows he'll win- to retreat from a fight is a sign of weakness, of losing the battle. If he must smother the guilt, the affection he feels, then it is simply to do as his father wants, it is to ensure he gets a "well done son, I'm proud". Perhaps if he pretends he only cares for what his father does, that he has none of the wild thoughts Hiccup has always had that his father hates so, his father will finally tell him he loves him?

And then there's dragons. He is to be like Hiccup- and so he leads the dragon riders until Hiccup awakens. He can't play the facade for long, and as soon as Berk realises he provides so very little, not even the leader his father desires of him, he's hated. He returns to his roots, for Berk is still a land of Vikings, and he knows it'll get him back the praise, back to being the second best-

It doesn't. Nobody likes him, no matter how he tries, so he decides to hate them back. His loyalty keeps him from betrayal, but is it not sweet vengeance to force them to pay for life giving water, to leech them of their wealth? It is immoral, and yet wealth is power, and his father has always taught him to aim high no matter if by playing clean or dirty.

* Spelling error correction

[elspethofalba]

“Oh, um… no, that’s alright. I’m sure there is plenty accommodation within the fortress,” the Princess smiles. In truth, she was sick of every one of them. Domnal, the guardsmen… even her lady’s maid. They were all insincere connections, and she had been feeling like she was simply going through the motions for a long time. It was not only to bathe, but to be in nature that she craved — to be amongst the true Gods.

Uhtred’s gaze nearly sears into hers, and she realizes with a drop to her stomach that she is in dangerous, dangerous territory.

A distraction? She thinks. I cannot be that for him. Even he knows that reputation is all… he even speaks of it. The way she so nonchalantly keeps his company would probably be looked down upon, but it’s the first reprieve she’s had in as long as she can remember. That, and the utter attraction she already had to him was possibly doomed from the start. A heartbroken man— a warrior. A Dane. Someone who could so easily break her if she let him. She had just met him, for God’s sake. But damn, did she feel drawn in by him like a moth to a flame.

“I have enjoyed your company as well, Lord.” She says almost shakily, her smile ever present in an effort to stifle any sense of nervousness from her.

“I am sure we will speak again in the coming days.”

@askuhtredragnarson

Why in God’s name did I agree to this?

As the Lady Elspeth rides next to Domnal, her father’s nephew and commander of his armies, she wonders why she would ever agree to such a perilous journey south for the likes of politics. The thought itself intrigued her, but the journey had been strenuous, and she admits that Danes often strike a fear within her despite being raised to banish the heathen at all costs from their lands.

Her father, King Constantin, had sent them on an inquiry mission. The lands of Bebbanburg were sought after, by none other than King Alfred’s infamous Dane Slayer. They were his rightful lands by name and by birth he claims, and so this fight between Dane and Saxon as well as the rumored manipulations of the King of Wessex had finally landed on Alba’s doorstep.

By Constantin’s request, they were to seek Uhtred of Bebbanburg and find out whether or not he was truly untethered from Alfred — and if so, aid in keeping the disputed lands far from the Saxon King’s reach, perhaps with an alliance if it was in Alba’s favor.

As the troop arrives at Dunholm, Elspeth feels a shiver run down her spine at the sight of large Danes on the ramparts. She wears a cloak to cover most of her long blonde hair and the deep blue gown she wears underneath, but she couldn’t possibly feel any more bare surrounded not only by the guardsmen of her father’s fleet, but now of heathens galore.

Domnal would protect her, she assures herself. After all, her presence is in her father’s stead given his recent illness, and surely Danes respected nobility in some regard.

“In King Constantin’s stead, we seek to negotiate with Uhtred of Bebbanburg!” Domnal yells to the Dane’s above.

@askuhtredragnarson @warriorabbesshild @asksihtrickjartansen @libertasutile

[milfbrainrot]

a lot of fandom exchange/events etiquette seems very strongly agreed upon by people whose entire lives are devoted to fandom rather than juggling it as a hobby alongside school/work/childcare etc, which makes sense because i don't think anyone else would have the time to be this passionate about the rigidity of those rules, and man it shows

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Madk's mangaka is one of the few people who truly understands the old adage

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin

[poisoned-pearls]

Finished the line art for them!! I have both toned it irl and plan to digitally color it, but I like how this looks too so

Fankid run through under cut

From right to left: Vivienne Schoenheit (Rookvil) Faraja Kingscholar (Leona) Ellie Felmier (Epeldeuce) Samir Al-Asim (Silkali) Nami Ashengrotto (Jamiazu) Neo shroud (Idikei) Emil Schoenheit (rookvil) Tamaki Leech (Treyjade) Mallerie and Malick Draconia (Malleyuu)

[andrastesgrace]

man getting older hasn't changed my ships but it has changed the way I think about them and my reasoning for the ones I don't love

[bitegore]

Genuinely fucking batshit how some people will act as though the bare minimum level of care + respect for the people around them with different problems is like, an insurmountable fucking bar

[andragoras-in-vanity]

i have literally never lost interest in something so fast.

[mystiika]

garrett tag drop