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#i've wanted to kill myself all week lmao
aweirdbugcreature · 11 months
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Guy who buys the groceries left at the cash register, girl who drinks the milk and cheese packet from Mac and cheese, nby who stares at a gif listening to music for 10 minutes
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TBH the best case scenarios in my mind for Fit's lore ending on Thursday are either:
Madagio has mercy. They know what it's like to lose everyone they love, and seeing what's happening on Quesadilla Island is just a reminder of everything they loved and lost. Madagio releases Fit, and he reunites with Pac e Mike and Richarlyson, and they're all able to leave Quesadilla Island.
Or:
Madagio and Fit destroy the Federation together. Fit goes full 2B2T mode and there's nothing left of the Federation once they're finished. Madagio and Fit finally have their revenge. (And then maybe Fit can reunite with Pac + all his loved ones and they escape the Island, or reclaim the island for their own since the Federation no longer has any power over them).
Bonus: A very unlikely but "Wouldn't it be fun?" scenario would be Pac and Mike flying down on a fully-grown dragon Richas and rescuing Fit from Vacuus Island and they fly away and live happily ever after.
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bladeofthestars · 20 days
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#personal#i used to constantly be so emo on here lol#i probably still would be if i still felt all the same feelings#i feel like i'm a better person now#i feel like i have more talents now#i've been breaking into a job field that doesn't make me want to kill myself#i'm trying to make a game with my partner and maybe that'll finally be our big break. who knows.#but.......#i still feel like i don't super have friends#i've tried to be friends with some new people and it keeps not working out#i have a hard time picking good people#i don't live near most of my old friends any more so i can't osmose their friends#it's rough#i thought i could maybe be friends with my boss from my last job but HAHAHAHA#i thought i WOULD be friends with someone i worked with in the job before that but i fucked that up real good#the friends i have in town don't see me often#the person i currently think of as my best friend (other than my partner) is good friends with me and my partner#we were hanging out really frequently#but he's started not responding to invites to even say no#he's got a lot of anxiety and depression and frequently self isolates for weeks at a time#but it's just. i've been dropped so many times now that i'm kind of conditioned to think i must've done something wrong#and that he must be mad at one or both of us#it's hard to get some of my other longer distance friends to agree to hang out. partially bc they're so freaking popular#they've always got something going on#i have to get in the rotation lmao#i miss being in the dorms -_-#guaranteed had multiple someones to hang out with daily#wish i could grab lunch and dinner with two separate friends and study for a bit after dinner with a third#i cherished what i had while i had it#but still feel like i somehow didn't appreciate it enough lmao
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neverendingford · 8 months
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#tag talk#they're putting me on mood stabilizers cause they don't want me to kill god 😔#I'll see how I feel. I get to decide whether it works for me or not of course. feeling manic is fun but maybe not ideal#very hard to get things done when I can't slow down enough to do them. also hyperactivity fucks up my stomach so bad.#I've been listening to my insane-mood playlist for the past week which is way longer than usual#if it were only a day or so I wouldn't have said anything but it's been a while so it's significant enough to bring up#I just found out this morning I have to put in for refills myself which I was like oops cause I'm almost out#but I'm getting them refilled before I leave today. all except the estradiol cause I need Dr authorization for that so I need to see#see if I need to schedule a follow up to get that refilled or if I can just message her and request that refill#also I need a follow up to check my hormone levels they just didn't schedule me a follow up at all so I need that done#thanks tumblr for teaching me what I need to know about hrt so I can make sure my medical professionals do their jobs right#I still need to call about dental and ice needed to since November but eh. I've been brushing and flossing to put off the dentist#I think I'll do that today hopefully. it's on my list to do so we'll see if I get to it or not.#it's nice that I can put in for my refills though. my last place just refilled automatically and I told my Dr to stop prescribing trazadone#but she just kept prescribing it for my sleep even though it fucked up my sleep so I stopped taking it#but I kept picking it up cause I didn't know I could just not pick it up and get it sent back but I ended up with five bottles#and was like bro please stop giving this to me. so it's nice that I can control my refills myself#plus I got told to take my adhd meds twice a day but I'm a lightweight so I only take it once a day so I don't need a refill of that yet#the proper term for lightweight is “sensitive to medication” but let's face it I'm sensitive in general lmao#blah blah. feeling great today will prolly go home and work out to rid myself of this god-killing energy then shower then make phone calls
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piplupod · 1 year
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the brain better figure out a way to fix this shit real quick or idk what is going to happen honestly. i feel very sick
#counseling appt tomorrow (well today now lol.) and it is very hard for me to not ask to be put in psych ward#i would be free from spiders there. they would feed me meals. i would be given sleep meds#i would still be able to kill myself or hurt myself bc they're so shitty abt safeguarding things there but I'd at least have ppl around#i feel really sick and really awful#i just cannot stop having my heart pounding from anxiety and its been all day and I'm so tired#i dont want to do this anymore#i feel like im going to die from all this honestly even if i dont kill myself fjfkdl like this has to be taking a toll on the body#idk ! i would honestly go to psych ward tomorrow if i could but unfortunately my mother is an issue lmao#i hate that the ward feels like the safest place rn i hate that i dont have a safe home i hate this house I want out of here#im trapped and stuck and even if i filled out all the applications for everything possible tonight i would still be stuck here for weeks#at least weeks lmao its more likely months to even potentially like... 2+ years#and theres no way out !!!!! i dont know what to do. im very scared#sorry im just. really reaching the end of my rope and ik I've said that a lot lately but this isnt even pmdd rn#this is just me rn fjfldl no fucked up hormones at play#im very afraid and i feel very sick and i cannot sleep and i just feel like i want to go home and when i question myself on that-#-i think of the psych ward as the place i want to go and thats rly bad fjfldl thats rly rly bad that that is what my brain wants#okay I'll stop now sorry#i hope everyone else is doing okay fjfkdl i am glad ppl exist and live their lives and have ppl around them#it makes me very happy that other ppl are real and alive and are doing okay#idk . im tired. i hope i can sleep soon and i hope my heart stops acting up. i hope the holter monitor on thurs can get me help for this#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide tw
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honeyviscera · 2 years
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what if i just stayed up all night to get this done
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urprettylittlething · 11 months
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In The Shadows
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Purge Alternate Universe
Yandere - Gojo Satoru x Reader x Geto Suguru
A/N - Okayyyy I've been working on this for like a week and it's the longest I've ever written for one thing, I had a shoulder injury which is mostly healed up now during the week which hindered my progress a little because I originally really wanted this to get out nearer Halloween time, but oh well TT at least its here now right? Lmao, but I hope you guys enjoy it, I tried my best and lowkey kind of hate it, I wished I could've done more or something, but if you have any ideas around this for a possible part 2 let me knoww, although no promises ;) Consider this a massive thank you story, I now have over 100 followers and the likes and reblogs and comments, you guys, I'm crying, I love you all so much <333333 I love interacting with you guys and your comments on my stories or in my inbox <3333 you all make my day ilysm <3 :( AND IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP IT, they're kind of really mean so its more harsh yandere than the soft you all wanted :( I couldn't help myself its a purge AU TT, but I promise ill make something softer in the future <33 sorry this is so long omfg, but let me know your thoughts pretty please &lt;3 and if you actually read all of this ily
summary - Another purge night is here and you think your safe and sound, but let your guard down and you'll find yourself bound.
warnings - purge, mentions of 'off screen' murder, actual 'off screen' murder, kind of gore but reader doesn't see it, blood, rope, reader gets tied up, gags?, tape over readers mouth, they're actually kind of really mean lol, especially Geto, descriptions of panic, anxiety, overthinking, stalker situation kind of, swearing, crying, brief hair pulling, if there's any more let me know ml <3
genre - Oneshot
wc - 7.2k
~spelling and grammar fixed already~
Edit - the top photo 6/11/23
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The tip tapping of fingers on keys echoed around the silent room. The occasional footfalls of people around her walking up and down. Picking up books to further aid their studying would slip past the music playing in her ears when they were loud enough.
Every time she would hear someone being a little too loud for the library they were in she would glance up and shoot a half-hearted glare their way.
They’d never see her but it was the thought that counted. A barely audible sigh escapes her as she brings a hand up to massage her cold fingertips into the throbbing skin at her temple. 
Nervous nibbling was occupying her teeth and lips, chewing away the flesh and creating tender spots her tongue would soon soothe. 
She’d been staring at the same empty document for two hours now. No more than two sentences she was able to come up with before she’d erase them in a fit of frustration.
Abandoned textbooks lay closed behind her laptop, she’d deemed them no use around thirty minutes in, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and search for better ones. 
She was antsy, not able to focus on her assignment due in a week's time. Her brain was all fogged up, too many thoughts going through her mind and yet she's not able to focus on a single one.
The purge was tonight. March 21st. And it was currently 1pm. 
Why did she even bother to come to the library in the first place? Was she hoping to distract herself even just a little bit before she had to hunker herself down in her dorm for twelve hours? 
Maybe. Yes.
Was it working? Absolutely not.
She was too skittish. Overthinking everything that had the potential of happening later and things that have previously happened. 
‘Someone's not going to come and try to kill me just because I forgot to return their pen that one time, right?’ 
The amusing, albeit a little dark, thought did make the corner of her lips twitch just the smallest amount. 
Taking off her headphones after stopping her music, she closes down her laptop and starts to move it into her bag. 
She spares a quick glance around the few tables next to hers as she stands with the library's books in her arms. Her eyes locked with a man sitting roughly two tables down. Slumped back in his seat.
Gojo Satoru. Bright white and fluffy hair paired with a set of dazzling blue eyes. The ones currently peeking over the tops of his round shades that had slid down his nose as he tucked his head down slightly. 
Sitting in front of him and abstracting her view of Gojo only slightly is who she assumed was Geto Suguru. Two peas in a pod and never seen without the other. The long black and silky strands of hair tied up in a half up bun was a giveaway to who he was as well.
Both of them were originally from Tokyo, Japan. Coming over to America over five years ago. Or at least that's what she’s heard from around the place, not knowing them personally. They were the most popular boys in school when she had joined a little over a year ago and they still held the title strong.
She doesn’t think she's ever really interacted with them. At Least not on any kind of personal level. Sure, maybe from a few friends of friends or passing each other in the hallway and being polite to her upperclassmen, but nothing all that memorable. 
Which is why this prolonged eye contact is sending a very noticeable shiver down her spine. The smallest twitch of a smirk on his face and she was breaking eye contact, gulping down the pooled saliva in her mouth as she turned around and hastily made her way in between the towering bookshelves.
Leaving the library after stacking the books she’d previously taken back on the shelves, she hastily makes her way down the long corridors. Keeping her head down, her hands clutched tight on the strap of her bag. She passes very few people in the hallway.
Even after pushing through the doors and trekking her way to the dorms at the end of the path, there were very few people loitering around outside. Some of the people she passed looked like they could be stoned, not that she could really blame them. Some looked a little too relaxed and happy and some were just trying to get to their destination as quickly as possible. Like her.
As the doors came into view, and then the stairs, she slowly began to relax, her fast pace lessening up. Successfully getting to the safest place she could for when the purge would start. 
It was also a massive relief that her two good friends would be staying with her during the twelve hours of horror. Last time she was by herself there had been multiple scares throughout the night. Nothing too big but something she didn’t think she could handle alone again. 
Reaching her door on the third floor she fiddles with her keys for a few seconds before her door clicks open and she pushes her way inside. Closing the door and locking it again for good measure. 
It was 1:43 pm.
A few minutes after she had arrived back at her dorm did she realize she still needed to pick up some food items. Being a broke student meant she had essentially nothing in her cupboards or her fridge. And if she was ‘hosting for the purge’ this year, it meant she had to stock up at least a little bit. 
‘Imagine trying to hide from a killer and your stomach growls, I think I would just die on the spot.’ She thinks, the smallest smile gracing her face. Humour is usually her way to cope in situations like these. It’s either that or panicking and she’d rather try to save that for the main event.
With a heavy sigh and hesitation weighing her limbs down, she slowly puts her shoes and jacket back on. She can make this quick. In and out. Easy peasy. 
With a quick jump while shaking her limbs out to get rid of her last minute hesitation, she quickly opens her door and steps out before shutting it behind her. No going back now. Locking the door behind her, she starts making her way back down the stairs and out the doors, walking in the direction of the food store. 
Her nerves were still playing up though, eyes darting this way and that as if trying to find a reason for her to panic. ‘It’s okay, the purge hasn’t started yet, all those things are still illegal.’ Is what she keeps telling herself while taking a deep breath. But the fact they won’t be in a few hours was still cause for some panic. 
Arriving at the store, she wizzes around, collecting any good looking snack and throwing it in her basket before hastily paying and leaving. The heavy plastic carrier bag hanging from her fingers gave her reason to think she went a bit overboard. 
Her quickened steps and accelerated breathing were all she could hear for a while. Her walk back to her dorm was supposed to be a quiet one, less and less people were loitering around meaning less and less noises to distract her. 
Especially from the new set of footsteps that have appeared behind her.
As soon as her mind clocked the extra set of footsteps there, it went into overdrive. ‘Who is that? Are they following me? No, you're being delusional, they're just trying to get back home. But are they? They just appeared out of nowhere. Are they going to try and kidnap me? Rape me? Stuff me in a van? Drag me down a dark alleyway and murder me?’
Her mind was racing, steps quickening and breathing silenced under the new threat. ‘Oh god, what if they’re stalking me? Waiting until the purge starts to come and slaughter me? They’re going to kill me. They’re going to kill me. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?’
And then they were gone. 
It barely registered in her mind that the fast paced footsteps from behind her had vanished. A sharp breath escaped her before her head whipped around on a desperate whim. No one. Not a soul on the path behind her. 
Her shoulders sank with relief and a watery laugh broke free from her trembling lips. ‘I’m losing my mind.’ She thought. Even though that feeling in her gut had faded, it never fully disappeared. Her racing heart never slowed and neither did her footsteps. 
Y/n hurried back to her dorm, almost running through the doors and up the stairs to fumble with her keys and quickly burst in. Double checking she locked the door behind her, and then checking every other lock on her third story apartment. Only when she had made sure they were all secure could she finally relax. 
Her body shivering and hands shaking from the after effects of adrenaline. Her breathing is still a little shaky as she pulls a bunch of pillows and blankets into her tiny living room. Pushing her chair and sofa away to make more space as she lays everything out as neat as she could, making the floor a comfy space for her and her two friends to crash for the purge. 
She empties the snacks from out of the plastic bag and piles them in a nice little corner near the TV. A small stack of movies there for when they’re all waiting for the purge to start. Some cards in a pack were also placed there. 
The three of them are wanting to be as quiet as possible while the purge is going on. Everything locked, curtains drawn, lights off, TV with no volume and only subtitles, quiet games to play in case they got bored, etc. 
They weren’t taking any chances. It was doubtful anything would happen, since nothing really ever did in the dorms. No student here would go as far as murdering somebody, everyone mostly stayed inside, not wanting to risk anything. She only knew of a few people that have snuck out before to rob a few stores, or do some petty revenge like smashing someone's car without getting into trouble.
But overall, it was best to remain quiet. They didn’t want to get murdered because the TV was turned up too loudly and attracted some wrong attention. 
It was 5:15 pm.
This is the time her friends arrived. Knocking some made up code on the slab of wood before messaging just for good measure that it was really them outside. 
After unlocking the door and letting her two good friends inside her dorm she swiftly closes and locks it again. Relieved greetings transpire as well as nervous whispers about the purge and some small gossip of who they think would actually go out this year and who are likely to stay inside. 
The three of them start to make their way around her dorm, closing all the curtains and double checking the locks on all the windows and doors. Especially the balcony and front door. 
After they’ve secured the apartment, they turn off all the necessary lights, flicking on a few electrical lanterns and setting them up around the living room, but away from the windows. They’ve left one lantern in the bathroom and one in her bedroom, both turned off, just in case of emergencies.  
The three of them settle in a spread out pile on the blankets she put down in the living room. Some snacks are passed around already and a movie is slotted into the TV, playing as background noise mostly while they talk.
Erica, a sassy but kind of dumb girl, with choppy shoulder length hair that had been bleached and dyed a light green. She's donned in a crop top and sweatpants, comfy.
Don, a friendly giant, very kind in nature but also a little muscly. He has short black hair and a sculpted jawline. He also came in sweatpants and a baggy white T-shirt, also comfy.
Her two very good, and only, friends here. They’re in a few of her classes and all regularly hang out together. 
“So,” Erica begins after her mouthful of powdered donut. “Who do you think is going to actually purge tonight? Like, actually actually. My moneys on them two hotties in my class.” She finishes, wiggling her eyebrows..
Don hums around his half empty soda can. “Yeah, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they did.”
Y/n pipes up, “Wait who?” sitting up against the sofa behind her, getting comfy like she's about to hear the gossip of a lifetime.
“Oh, Em, G! You haven’t heard of it? You’ve seriously been, like, living under a rock or something.” Erica says jokingly. Picking apart pieces of her donut and eating them. 
Don perks up too. “Really? You haven't?” Y/n shakes her head in denial as Don shrugs. “I get it, it’s mostly stayed in our class, hasn’t spread much further than that.” He says before crawling forward and rummaging around for more snacks.
“So get a load of this right!” Erica sits up too after finishing her donut. Waving her hands excitedly as she tells her latest gossip. “You know them two really hot upperclassmen right?” She draws out her ‘really’ and waits patiently at the end of her sentence for the other girl's confirmation. 
When she nods in slight confusion, Erica continues, “There were some major rumours in class that the two of them were late this one day because they were beating someone up. And I don't mean like a few slaps or hair pulling, I mean punches. You know?”
Y/n nods again, this time with furrowed brows and Erica continues, “At first, I didn’t believe it, obviously. But then, the two of them came into class and I swear there were blood stains on their clothes. Blood stains! Not to mention all the plasters and bandages all over their hands! I just had to believe it then! Wouldn’t you?”
After the end of her long rant she slumps back against the front of the sofa and mumbles incoherently to herself shaking her head while pouting.
Don, who had been listening silently, pipes up, “It was true, I was actually there for once.”
Y/n’s eyebrows raise in disbelief at what she had just heard. Fighting, here? She couldn’t help but to doubt it, if only just a little. Stuff like that has never happened here. Or at least while she had been here. It was just unheard of.
And for an attack so vicious to result in blood being drawn, then there must have been somewhat of a good reason for it. That was the conclusion she came to.
“I mean, there had to have been a good reason for it.” Y/n says, “They’re pretty nice people aren't they? It is Gojo and Geto were talking about here, right? They’re really popular here too.” Her eyes darted between her two friends, looking for more answers on this unexpected juicy gossip.
Erica sighs wistfully, “No, it got shut down pretty quick, which I guess is why so little people have heard about it. God, would I pay to see them fight though. Their muscles must have looked amazing.” 
They stop talking about it after that, Don getting distracted by the snacks and whining about how she didn’t get his favourite. Erica smacking him with a few pillows and complaining how he’s getting in the way of her movie she was barely even watching. 
Their playful banter did little to distract from her inner turmoil. A small shiver went down her spine again. The memory from earlier in the library resurfacing in her mind. Gojo staring her down, the creepy walk back from the shops and now learning the two had at the very least helped in injuring someone.
It could just be because it was purge day, but everything was beginning to creep her out and she was overthinking again. ‘What if he wants to attack me next? What if all of those things were connected and someone really was following me home? What if he wants to kill me? What if both of them want to kill me? Have I ever done anything to offend them? I haven’t, have I?’ She knew these were far fetched and ridiculous, but she couldn’t help but think of them anyway.
Her spiralling thoughts were halted when a stray pillow smacked her in the face. “Oops, haha, sorry.” Erica sheepishly apologized, bringing her hand up to smooth down Y/n’s ruffled hair. Don was laughing in the background.  
Y/n was stunned for a few seconds before replying, “Oh, don’t worry. How about we put something else on? This movie is kind of boring.” crawling across the piles of pillows and blankets to reach the stack of movies.
This caught the other two’s attention, eagerly rushing to the stack as well to try and get first pick. Arguing for a few more minutes before settling on a movie they all loved. Snuggling back into their original positions.
This was how the next few hours went before the announcement appeared.
It was 6:59 pm.
At exactly 7 on the dot, the TV went black before turning blue, the government announcing the commencement of the purge. Big bold letters and ‘Emergency Broadcast System’ and ‘This is not a test’ were displayed on the screen.
They were all quiet as it played out. The mood quickly turned sombre.
“Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted.”
Don gulped.
“Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.”
Erica huffed.
“Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.” 
Y/n shivered.
“Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 am when The Purge concludes.”
She released a shaky breath. The announcement ends with “...A nation reborn.” before stopping. The screen turned black again.
No one moves or says anything. Each of them were frozen in an array of emotions. Fear being the most prominent. 
The silence stretched on for minutes. Eerie in its wake, not even being able to hear other people in their dorm rooms like she normally would.
Eventually, after releasing another shaky breath and rearranging herself with trembling limbs, they all snap back into the present. 
Don coughs and Erica shuffles awkwardly. 
“Cards, anyone?” Y/n meekly speaks up. The other two nod as they sit in a small circle. 
It was 7:36 pm.
This was when the first explosion of some kind was heard by them. Each of them froze in the middle of playing their mostly silent game of cards. The noise was distant, but the impact remained.
A scream from a few doors down echoed in the silent space.
They waited with baited breath for any follow up, but when nothing happened, they slowly relaxed. Each of them assumed it was the explosion that must have scared someone. Sometimes it’s better to think of the positive, rather than what that scream could have been for.
A few minutes later a siren bellows in the distance, a few car alarms wail.
Nothing too bad, but knowing that it could mean someone was being murdered out there didn’t give them any ease.
It was 8:02 pm. 
This is when the banging starts. Y/n thinks it could be a few doors down again. Erica thinks it’s below them and Don thinks it’s above them. 
Wherever it was, it was concerning. 
Erica releases a small nervous chuckle. “Maybe someone is just having a good time?” A fake smile plastered on her face to try and mask her worry. Even she didn’t believe her little theory. Not during a time like this, during The Purge.
It was a few minutes later, after they had quietly resumed their game, that footsteps were heard.
Clacking down the hallway. 
1, 2.
1, 2. 
1, 2. 
1, 2. 
They were walking at a leisurely pace. Taking their time. Strolling down the hallway and getting closer and closer.
All three of them looked towards the door, as if someone were to burst in at any moment.
The footsteps slow before coming to a stop. Right outside her door.
The three of them hold their breath, bodies flinching when a light knock rings out into the open space.
Complete silence.
Another knock.
None of them had even noticed the earlier noises had stopped, too focused on the potential threat now right outside the door. Seemingly wanting someone to open up.
Three pairs of eyes dart between each other. Silent questions trying to push their way out without being heard. A few panicked half shrugs and furrowed brows with downturned lips later, another knock rings out.
This time it was a little louder.
Barely audible whisperings of ‘you go’, ‘no you’, ‘fuck no’, ‘who even is it?’ cut through the silence. No one wanted to ask the question. To even speak a hint of it lest it result in it coming true.
Eventually after a solid minute of panicked, almost silent, squabbling later. A frustrated and frightened Erica pushed herself up. Taking a very obvious deep breath. Eyes closed and silently mumbling to herself before taking a few steps over to the front door.
She tried to be as quiet as she could but each step sounded like it weighed a ton. Every creek and every wobble made to sound the loudest. 
Very quietly bracing her hands upon the door, she leant up on her tiptoes. Peeking into the peephole positioned in the centre of the door.
The two left in the pile of blankets still. Not wanting to even breathe in fear of disturbing whatever was happening in front of them.
A sudden screech of pure panic and fear tore from Erica’s throat. Flailing before landing with a harsh thud on the floor beneath her. Scrambling backwards on her hands and feet, keeping her eyes on the door the entire time.
The two startle and immediately jump up, laboured breathing hindering their lungs from the sudden scare.
“What the fuck? Erica what happened? What was that?” Don frantically whispered. His eyes were also locked on the door. 
Y/n also whispered to her, “Who was that? Erica?” her eyes locked onto her friend, not able to bring herself to look at the door yet.
“It was.. Oh god.. The peep..” Erica wheezed out. The fright took too much out of her with her frantic gasps for air.
A sudden bang echoed into the room. A few more followed before they all realized it was coming from the front door. 
Erica screeched and threw herself back into a standing position, rushing for the kitchen and grabbing any sharp knife her eyes first laid on.
Don stood frozen in fear. Not able to move or barely breathe from the looks of it.
Y/n wasn’t any better herself. Downright terrified. This was her dorm. Her dorm. Which means whoever was outside, was looking for her.
The banging persisted, the person on the other side seemingly determined to get in. This proved correct when the handle started turning whichever way it could. 
She didn’t even realize, terror clouding her senses because when she looked back to her two friends, Don had collapsed into himself, wheezing with little air entering his lungs amidst his panic. Erica was cornered in the kitchen, sobbing, tears flooding her cheeks and ruining her mascara she had in place.
The persistent banging stopped for a second. The faint sound of another pair of footsteps approached from the hallway outside. Muffled talking pursued but it was hard to make anything out, between her pounding heart, Erica’s sobs and the slab of wood in the way, didn’t make for easy hearing.
For Y/n, it seemed there was one second of complete silence. No sobbing, no voices, no distant alarms or explosions, no racing heart, no wheezing lungs. Before chaos sprung onto them.
Suddenly the people outside, because there was another person now, resumed banging on the door. But it didn’t seem like they were ‘just knocking’ anymore. No.
They were trying to break the door down. 
She could see it from the way the door groaned and creaked under the relentless kicking. She couldn't quite tell if they were using their feet, or an object, or whatever. 
All that mattered was that they were trying to get in. And they were going to succeed.
“Move! Hide! We need to hide!” She whisper-yelled. Rushing to Don and tugging on his arm to try and get him to move. He stared at her for a few seconds before his brain caught up, registering what was happening around him. The real danger he was in right now.
“Hide.. Oh god..” He panted, sprinting for the bathroom, the first place his eyes had landed on.
With Don now searching for a place to hide, she ran her way to Erica. Still trying to be as quiet as she could, in the little hopes that they would think she wasn’t here.
“Erica, we need to hide! They’re getting in!” She frantically whispered to her hyperventilating friend. Trying to shake her shoulders, even resorting to lightly slapping her face to try and get her attention. She was desperate.
“Please!” The sound of splintering caught both of their attention. Heads whipping towards the door starting to cave. She wasn’t all that surprised, that slab of wood was a shitty excuse for a door anyway.
Erica suddenly sprung up and dove for the piles of blankets in the living room. Trying to bury herself amongst them, taking the knife with her.
And now that all her friends had been taken care of, she ran for her bedroom. Trying her best not to stumble and fall in the dark hallway. 
As soon as her door came into sight, she gently opened it, gunning for her wardrobe tucked into the corner of the room. Not even looking towards the turned off lantern, she didn’t need them knowing her hiding spot from something so obvious. 
It was already messy anyway, so in her frazzled brain she didn’t bother caring where she tossed piles of clothes and shoes in her room.. They’d hopefully think it was like that in the first place.
After quickly clearing a space big enough for her to curl into, she did just that. Situating herself just right, back pressed against the side of the wardrobe, knees tucked to her chest and pressed against the boxes in front of her. She was sitting on old shirts she hadn’t seen for months.
Hearing the door breaking even further, she grabbed any clothes within her reach and threw them over herself. Shutting the door when she was mostly covered, she could have sworn she could hear laughter coming from the hallway.
A loud crash and splintering tore through the air. She knew it was her front door. And now they were inside. 
Her hands slowly went up to cup around her mouth, trying to muffle her breathing as much as she could. Her body froze. Even when she already began to feel muscle cramps settling in, she dared not move. She forced herself to breathe slowly. Every inhale a struggle along with a reminder that she was still alive at this very moment. Even if she was convinced she wouldn’t be for much longer. 
The thought brought tears to her eyes. The original shock wears from her body and settles into something akin to despair. 
Her throat started clamping up, muscles seizing and throbbing with the need to cry. 
It was the thudding of footsteps that shook her out of it. Snapping her half way back into a nightmarish reality. 
She gulped. Closing her eyes and straining her ears for any information they were willing to receive.
Just as she thought. Two pairs of footsteps. 
With every thud of a shoe or a spike in their muffled talking, her body would tremble. 
It remained like this for a few more minutes. The footsteps or talking occasionally pausing. 
It was during one of these silences, where a different sound was heard. She couldn’t identify the exact sounds, just ones of commotion. They were still all muffled. And then she heard muffled yelling. 
It sounded so dulled, between the walls and layers of wood and clothes, she could barely make out anything, her ears straining for any hint as to what was happening. Being left in the dark like this, literally and figuratively, was terrifying her. 
And then this horrible, awful noise carried its way between the cracks in the wardrobe. Crunching. Cracking. Stomps. 
That muffled yelling from before kept getting cut off. Eventually dwindling down into a barely audible groan. Those thuds never seemed to stop either. Never ending, crunching, cracking, and now wet thuds. 
Her brain was trying its hardest to process, to catch up with the information that it has been provided with. 
More footsteps, only one pair, accompanied with muffled laughter. And a more distinct sound traveling through the air. 
A scream.
Even more laughter, hurried footsteps and pleas of ‘no’, ‘please’, ‘don’ts’. 
It was now, with the wet stomps still in the background, her screeching friend, that eager laugh, that her brain had finally caught up.
She was going to be sick.
They’re hurting them. Killing them.
Her friends.
Her body moved out of its own violation. Shaky hands and feet kicking and pushing their way out of the pile of clothes. Wardrobe door swinging open with a creak.
She collapsed out of it. Slumped on the floor, dry heaving. Her lungs not seeming to take enough air in but yet holding in too much. She couldn’t function. Fear overwhelmed every part of her. As well as grief. 
Her ears were ringing and she was left gasping, drool dripping onto the hard floor beneath her as a result of her attempted vomiting. Eyes wide open, blurry when she tapped back into her mind. 
Tears, clouding her vision and dripping audibly on the floorboards below her. 
In the distance she could hear muffled talking. Two men, she could make out more clearly. Not only that, but squelching, wet, gooey noises seemed to mingle in the air. Gurgling was the next before silence.
A minute passed, maybe two before the footsteps started up again. Those goddamn footsteps. 
1.. 2.
1.. 2.
1.. 2.
But they were slower than before. Steady. Taking their time. 
And getting closer.
Her instincts kick in, blinking profusely to try and clear her eyes from the tears, looking up and darting around before landing on the space under her bed.
She wouldn’t have enough time to fix her spot back in the wardrobe. She couldn’t run past them, not even in her best state which she certainly wasn’t in right now. She had considered her bedroom window as an option, but it was locked, which would take time to open. Not even mentioning the fact she was on the third floor, so jumping out would break at least something important. They would be quick to notice as well, and if they came for her, it was likely they would decide to chase her down.
Under her bed seemed to be her best option at the moment, and she was running out of time. Scrambling as quietly as she could, she slid herself directly under her bed, trying to center herself in the middle of it, tucking herself into a tight ball.
The footsteps stopped right outside her bedroom door, she had enough sense to shut it on her way in, thank god. But that clearly wouldn’t be enough to stop them. 
Almost as if the person was teasing her, they slowly clicked the door open. The distinct creak she had grown accustomed to over the months making itself known. 
Her muscles are tense, tightening in the presence of her predators. 
In the dark space from under her bed and in her room, it was obvious when the light from inside the hallway started spilling in the more the door got pushed open. In the vague depths of her mind it registered that they must’ve either turned the hall lights on, had taken one of her lanterns,  or were carrying one of their own.
Her lungs were burning with the effort to keep her body running with the little air she was allowing them to have, all for the sake of trying to keep quiet.
It was all too silent once again, only for a second or two before the second pair of footsteps came towards her. A lot more hasty compared to the other ones. 
Her breath silently hitched, the new person pushed their way into the room, stepping past their company before a thunk was heard. The sound forced her body to startle, jolting her muscles and kick starting her trembling again. An uncontrollable reaction to the fear she was under, the unrelenting motions causing a deep ache in her ribs.
The sound of rustling was now heard. It seemed they were looking for something. ‘They’re going to kill me. They’re digging around for a weapon to stab me with, to bash my head in, to murder me like they did my friends. I’m dead. I’m dead, I’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdead-’
Her racing thoughts consuming her fear riddled mind failed in picking up the sound of the other pair of footsteps slowly creeping round to the end of her bed. 
The person paused, silently crouching down low before a pair of hands reached under.
The sudden tight grip on her ankles followed up by the sudden pull had her screeching. Pure terror flooding her veins. She had been yanked out from under her bed, lying sprawled on the floor and gazing up at the towering man stationed above her. 
Her lungs burned, seizing up before a sickening scream escaped her. Fuelled by genuine, unrestrained horror. 
They had found her.
One of her lanterns they had brought in illuminated his face in a haunting light. The darkened shadows stretching and contorting behind him to create the most grim image for her mind to paint. Not that it was far off.
A foot standing on either side of her hips, straddling her if it wasn’t for his standing position. Hands nestled comfortably back in his trouser pockets now they had done the job of retrieving her. A comfortable looking long-sleeved shirt adorned his figure. Dark splatters starting from the bottom of his shoes and creeping their way up his legs, tapering off into a few spots that painted one of his cheeks.
An easy smile softly ingrained on his face, followed by gentle looking eyes peering down at her if it wasn’t for the malicious spiral she found herself paralyzed in. Dark locks of hair extended down his back, past where she could see from her position, with the top layers sectioned off and tied back into a bun.
His mouth opened and he spoke. “Well, well. Look what I’ve caught for us Satoru.”
Satoru. The other man must be Satoru Gojo, and this was Suguru. Suguru Geto. The most popular guys she knew, the supposedly kindest. And then staring in the library, the walk back from the shops, the gossip her most likely dead friend had told her.
Her body suddenly felt like it was pumped full of adrenaline. Pushing herself up as fast as she could, using the bed as support all the while stumbling over her numb riddled legs. She took off, running towards the open door she so desperately wanted to pass through. 
A sudden arm snatched her from around her waist and she screeched. Pure instinct driving her at this point as she scratched and kicked and flailed in his, Satoru Gojo’s, hold.
The sound of something dropping before his other arm came round, collecting both her wrists in one hand of his. His grip tightened the more she fought. Her body pressed tight against his, her back to his front. His head situated itself on her shoulder, tucking over and pressing his cheek to hers even while she cried and panted and kicked.
She could feel his grin pressing against the side of her face. “Such a pretty little thing we have here. Can’t let her get away so easily now, can we? Not after all the trouble we’ve gone through.” The last part practically whispered into her ear as she turned her face as far away as possible from him. 
A little laugh boasted out from Geto. “Of course not.” He strolled over to them, bending down to pick up what Gojo had dropped in order to restrain her.
Rope.
Fucking rope.
The moment her eyes zoned in and processed what Geto was unravelling in his hands she tried to fight back even harder. Eyes flooding with tears that spilled down her cheeks. Short mumblings of ‘no’ being repeated over and over while becoming louder until she was yelling. 
“Please don’t do this! Let me go! Please, please.. Stop!” She shrieked while sobbing, convinced they were going to kill her or torture her or something horrible like that.
Gojo walked the two of them to the edge of her bed before forcefully pushing her down, manhandling her onto her front and bending her arms to rest pressing against her back.  
She sobbed into her ruffled sheets as she felt Geto fastening the rope tight around her wrists, the rough material digging into and pinching the sensitive skin. Raw and red marks already forming amidst her struggle. 
Her legs still hung off the bed, trying their best to kick and hopefully injure one or both of them, but she knew it was a losing battle. None of her landing blows made them falter in any way.
When her wrists were successfully restrained Geto kept them pressed to the small of her back while Gojo let go and reached down to grab her ankles. Pulling them up and bending her legs at the knees while they both worked in finishing the task of tying her up.
When they finally stepped back to admire the work they’d successfully done, Y/n deflated. Tears soaking into her bed in which she rested on top of. Her lungs still burned, having never stopped. The hogtied position she had been forced into leaving her nothing to work with in terms of escaping. Not that she could think clearly anyway. The distress she was under proved too much.
“Oh, Shh Sh Sh… There, there, sweet thing. Settle down for us now. We aren’t going to kill you.” Cooed, who she could only guess right now was Gojo.
Geto reached forward from his position of kneeling on the bed, gentle soothing pets stroking her hair. Her sobbing tapering off into hiccupped breathing even while flinching with every touch. “There you go, good girl. See that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”
He pulled away from her, stepping down off the bed and heading towards the previously discarded bag on the floor Y/n hadn’t noticed before..
Y/n slowly turned her head round, no longer pressed into her sheets. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, swollen from all the crying she’d been doing. Little hiccups and groans left her while her lungs tried to recover. She’d given up struggling right now, it had done nothing but cause her pain as the rope dug and squeezed the skin of her wrists and ankles. 
Gojo piped up from behind her, only now feeling the heat from his legs pressing into hers causing her to flinch. “You know, this would’ve gone a whole lot easier if you had just let us in sweetheart.” She could practically hear the smug smile in his voice. “Look at where you are now, tied up all pretty for us. Ripe for the taking.” He pressed closer to her at that, voice practically dripping with need. 
She whined in fear and started squirming at his words. Panic flooding her senses again for just a second before a sharp tug to her hair had her yelping, halting her movements.
“I thought I told you to quit that.” Geto was back to kneeling on the bed in front of her, his hand gripping tight onto her hair, eyes narrowed. 
Her bottom lip trembled, breaths picking up with every second he glared down at her. 
“Don’t be so mean, Sugu.” Gojo said, a teasing lilt in his voice. 
Geto glanced back at him before humming and letting go of his harsh grip, her scalp burning in turn. “I suppose you’re right. She’ll have plenty of time to learn when we take her back home.”
Gojo hummed and she felt him leaning away from her, hearing him crouch down and fiddle with something from the bag as well. 
“Back home?..” She stuttered, voice hoarse and throat dry.
Geto looked back down at her, amusement painting his face. “Yes. Home.”
“Where..” She started, face formed in a twist of concern and confusion. “Please.. I.. Just let me go. I won’t- I won’t tell anyone, I’ll- I’ll leave you alone, I’ll do anything, please..” She gasped out, tears gathered freshly in her eyes again, voice cracking every few seconds. 
An amused eyebrow raised with the hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth was all she got as a response. 
Gojo had come back, reaching round and fastening a strip of duct tape around her mouth in a sudden flurry of movement. Giving her no time to process what he had done until after he had done it. 
She cried out, the sound muffled thanks to the tape, worried eyes darting around in panic as she tried squirming again for the third time. 
Gojo pressed up behind her once again. “You’re not going anywhere, sweet pea! You’re ours now. We’ve had you picked out for a long time now.” The joy in his voice didn’t fail to put her on edge, his words doing their part in helping the tears gathered in her waterline to finally spill down her cheeks. Wetting the tape situated over her lips.
“He’s right.” Geto replied. Bringing one of his hands up to show what he had collected from the bag a few moments ago. The mobile phone in his hands glowed brightly in the dark room, the lamp from before having been moved, the light now dim.
“We’ll bring you back with us soon enough, but we still have a few more hours to kill before that. And why waste them.” Gojo said, the grin in his voice unsettling her, keeping her frozen in fear.
An easy smile pulled at Geto’s cheeks at that, head tilting to the side to gaze down at their pretty prey. 
“Well what are you waiting for then, Satoru?”
A pause. Smile pulling into a predatory grin.
“Have at it.”
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goomyloid · 1 month
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What was your process for making the Noelle amv, if you don't mind sharing?
hii! im not sure how eloquently or clearly ill be able to explain it but i definitely have some pictures you can look at!
(the video)
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i actually got the idea while i was away on a trip with very limited wifi -- it wasn't Trust Me that i got an AMV idea for first, but instead it was one of 4syu's other songs, There's Nobody. for such a happy sounding song it really made me so sad, to the point where if i tried to sing it to myself id get choked up by the chorus LMAO. it was baddd
but basically i was rapidly trying to find both songs on spotify so i could listen to them offline, and it only took me a few loops of Trust Me and thinking about the original MV to make me go "ohhhh. how can i make this about noelle." And so i did .
i was thinking about doing a storyboard, but in the past, i've found that doing storyboards for animations/AMVs lowkey... kills my motivation altogether... SAD... but i saw the whole video so clearly in my head, and i didnt want to make the same mistake i made before... so i went right to doing quick sketches (while still on my trip...) just so i could get the ideas out of my head
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i was torn on what to do with my style at the time, whether i wanted to make it more similar to the original video, or to her canon appearance, or to MY style and how i draw her. i think it kind of ended up as an amalgamation of all three...? at the very least, her light world color palette definitely was more bland and desaturated, like i purposefully wasn't trying to do anything special with her colors.
after that point, and getting maybe a few of the actual drawings done, my motivation crashed again, and i left it all to marinate for nearly a week. it was baking, guys, it wasn't abandoned, listen to me, why are you throwing tomatoes at me,
i had up to about the "I dreamed about that again" animation done and stopped, and it wasn't until i decided to sit down and start editing it anyway that i really got in my groove again. i got all my little assets into a workable state so i could really try to sit down and make the video come to life and all
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the really fun part was honestly working on the desktop backgrounds. i really wanted to limit colorpicking from the original video as much as possible, but i decided that making look as similar as possible to the original could help with the contrast i wanted to add later.
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i drew these two backgrounds first. i was hoping i could somehow fit the bunker into the second one, but decided to do something different anyway. the second one's ui didn't actually change until later in the editing process.
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drawing THESE were fun especially, and im happy with how they came out. i think the dark world icons are really cute still. one thing i really did know i wanted to do from the beginning was to turn the soul/undertale icon into the deltarune one.
i was worried if the shift from the Windows Field Background to the dark world would be too sudden, like you would just blink and suddenly it was all different, but i think it ended up all right...?
the not so fun part was drawing all the different boxes, lmao. it go really tedious by the end, so i tried to reuse as many of the same ones as i could.
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a lot of copy-pasting and tracing rectangles for sure.
i also had to make sure the animations didnt Suck. i brute forced those things and used every last braincell i had in order to make those pictures move bros
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fun fact. ive never animated hair like this before. or in any complex manner really. i had to use sooo much brain here... heres how it started vs. how it ended up
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had my animator gf hype me up thru the whole thing... i was having a great time based on the filenames alone
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aaaand then ummmm i edited it. i learned after effects like 1 month ago. never touched it before. i learned it for internship purposes and then used my newfound powers for evil it seems
i split the whole thing up into multiple compositions of course, but i probably could have split things up more... im sorry for having 84 layers on comp 3 its not my fault
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editing a video in 12 fps was a fun change though -- very easy for my brain to go frame-by-frame, and yet still some of the timing ended up being off... tis the goomy way
like i said before, i started editing when i barely had half the drawings done, but seeing it all start to be in motion really pushed me to finish it up. and i mean Really. like i finished the whole thing maybe 48 hours after i first started editing.
and...i think that's it? i do a lot of discord art streaming to friends lately but i kinda kept this one more under wraps compared to usual, i think i just wanted to surprise everyone... look guys i remembered how to make a video! and it's three minutes! waow
sorry if this is way more than you asked for LMAO
also, the AMV hit 5k views on youtube today! ive never had a video do well like that so quickly! thank you!!
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doberbutts · 3 months
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I have to ask like. When you harass someone, what is it you're looking to do/accomplish?
Are you just hurting them because you can? That makes you an asshole.
Are you trying to resolve a conflict? If it's making you follow that person around the internet goading them into responding, then *you* are *causing* the conflict at that moment.
Has that person truly hurt you? If there's not authority or staff to report them to (or rules stating that you even *can*) then the best thing for you to do is to block them.
I've been there. Dogblr fucking turned on me over 2 sentences said as a tongue-in-cheek reply to someone in the doberman tags. People who I thought were my friends, people I'd happily interacted with prior, sending me death threats and telling me to kill myself and spreading all sorts of terrible lies and rumors about me for MONTHS. Because, to them, I spoke out of turn. They blatantly admitted to wanting me gone and stated they were happy when they thought they'd chased me off for the week or so that I password protected my blog to make the harassment stop. There were posts by people I'd had extensive conversations with just days prior, stating that they had never actually liked me and were celebrating that I was "gone".
Most of them have not apologized. Most claim that they did nothing wrong, or that I somehow deserved it. I have a few dogblr friends who still reblog from these people even knowing that this happened to me. One of them fucking recently reblogged one of my posts on their newly made blog because I'd long since blocked their other blogs.
Unfortunately sometimes that's how conflicts resolve. Where people are unspeakably cruel to you and nothing ever happens to them. You tell your friends about it and they say "oh yeah I've seen this behavior from them and they suck" and yet don't stop interacting with those people.
I'm not saying it doesn't suck. It does. It hurts.
And I'm sure if any of them were to read this they'd go "lmao it was years ago get over it" as if I'm the one in the wrong for being upset about the betrayal and harassment I received at their hands.
But naming and shaming would accomplish close to nothing. I already know I'm not going to get an apology from these folks and honestly I don't think I'd accept one at this point even if they did (even if they still SHOULD). I *have* had a few apologies trickle in over the years, and have discussed at length why I'm not particularly willing to trust again, and so far that has been accepted. But not from those who were the worst about it, who still to my knowledge act like they're fucking paragons of compassion and empathy.
And certainly continuing to follow them around the internet harassing them into admitting wrong-doing would accomplish pretty much next to nothing.
Sometimes when someone hurts you, the only thing you can do is block their access to you to do it again.
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askblueandviolet · 1 month
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Ask Box for Both is Open!
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Fellas, is it gay to ask your buddy to go on a hunt, kill a guy together, and then harvest/eat the guy's organs together? I dunno, what do you think?
Ask box is open again! We are back to normal in terms of how asks are done :)))).
Update: Ask Box is NOT closed yet BUT- there are already so many asks in the box this time around that it's a bit crazy XDDDDDD. If this keeps going then I will have to close the box prematurely for my own sanity. So if you do have an ask that is not specifically related to this week's chapter (aka a general question) I highly recommend you saving it for next time! Thank you so much everyone :)))).
Double update: Seeing how many asks have already come through the box, I've decided to close it prematurely :'))))). The thing is, I do want to let more through, but the more that comes in, the lower the quality the answered asks will be 😭😭😭. I need to uphold some sort of standards for my own dignity and I can't burn myself out. So to those of you who couldn't get anything in, I really am sorry! Hopefully next week it might be better (but considering the content of next week's chapter, I highly doubt any of you will be any more tame than this week lmao). Perhaps one day I can figure out a solution to all of this if the packed inbox keeps happening (maybe I need to start being more selective with what questions get answered?)
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talisidekick · 2 years
Note
Thanks for being so compassionate! As someone who's had to defend himself from assault pre transition and assault and attempted trafficking during transition which has contributed to some agoraphobia centered on thoughts like "damn, wasn't safe off T not safe on it", it's been rlly scary seeing ppl shrug off how transmascs are endangered in real life in service of discrediting transandro discourse. Cool seeing who's really real I guess????? anyways hope you're well and warm. Srry about my run on sentence lmao
There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. We only get to see one side publically, and that's pretty much just trans women issues. Media likes to cover just us. I rarely see news stories about just trans men. We don't see the stories about trans men getting stalked or followed around in stores by total strangers, getting attacked in public, rarely a mention if a trans man gets killed. It's happening but you don't see it. You don't see a flood of forum posts about the constant dismissal of, unique brand of hatred around, or the types of dangers faced by trans men.
My introduction to questioning my gender was actually FROM transandrophobia. The reason for this is I've had more of a curvy figure since ... well forever, even though my body was producing T on it's own. I got A LOT of compliments on it by pretty much all my friends (which were mostly girls, and yes that probably should have been a sign but I'm a bit thick sometimes, okay?) because I was "unconventionally sexy" because of it. I'm now remembering I do have a shirtless picture somewhere from before I was on HRT ... I'll work up the nerve to show that at some point to prove that point. Anywho, because of this, a random ass stranger had been following me as I went to grab a few things from a walmart after my shift. It was weird as fuck. Uncomfortably close, constantly looking at me but not what they were pretending to, and I kind of knew this dick was waiting until there was no one in the aisle before pulling something. I'd been mugged before at 14 and 15 so at 24 I was kind of like "I'm not getting stabbed in a damn Walmart" and just made sure to be quick. I got out of the store and met up with some old work friends and just let them know someone was following me and I wanted to wait them out. Props to my friends at the time, they bullseyed the dude (to be fair he wasn't being stealthy) and called him out. And he yelled back "You'll never be a real man" to me. My friends laughed at him because as far as we all knew, I was cis. But this would happen two more times in the same week. A lady would tell me I shouldn't be doing "this" to myself with a full body gesture, and that god "loves" me; and a college colleague flat out dismissed my concerns on something because "only a real man would need to worry about that". It got me wondering if this was a new fad, to hate on someones manliness, and upon looking that up I learned about what exactly transgender meant, the experiences of trans men and women (just a bit on women, my concern was on trans men at the time), and thought it was kind of cool there were people who'd know two sides to the gender spectrum. But it must SUCK to have to go through the bullshit I did and actually be affected by it. Like, no one has any right to tell another man they're less of one.
This whole situation would actually come back to help me 2 years later in finding myself. I'd only really looked up trans men and curiosity mid covid lock down would lead me to look up non-binary and then trans women. However, transandrophobia is how I, a trans woman, got her start. So it boils my blood when I see people talk about T being toxic or trans men having it easier. It shows a complete lack of understanding and a lack of acceptance and willingness to empathize. Trans men and trans mascs have different issues, that doesn't make them lesser, and while those issues may not affect me, it doesn't make it less of my problem to help deal with where I can. I know certain issues I'll have no experience on, no idea how to help, but that doesn't mean I can't still offer to be support. Everyone should be doing the same, and shame on those who aren't.
You deserve equal treatment and support in your fight for it, not dismissal. Those that dismiss the issues of trans men aren't allies, they're transphobes. And fuck transphobes.
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queenofmistresses · 4 months
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can you do headcannons of blitz and a reader who has c-ptsd? like him accidentally triggering them, and then the reader tells him (or not) about what happened, then him trying his best to comfort whenever another trigger happens or sees them in distress? or smth like that (i have c-ptsd and it’s been a rough week lmao)
a/n Hey lovely! hope that this is good!! sorry you've had a tough week babes, and I hope that this makes it feel a little better!! I used my experience with c-ptsd and how easy it is to get triggered and spiral from the slightest change in other peoples behaviours so I hope it resonates with you... or I hope it doesn't because it's not nice... you know what i mean...
He doesn't even have a fucking client to kill for and he's still at work. I've asked Loona and she said that they haven't had a new client all week. Jesus if he didn't want to spend time with me he should have just said so, I can take it! But why doesn't he? He normally seems to like it. Did I do something? Okay calm down. There's no reason to panic right?! Let's just... make him some lunch and take it in for him and I'm sure he'll explain everything then and it'll be fine!
I desperately try to keep telling myself it'll be fine as I walk into IMP with 2 packed lunches in hand. I drop one of them off on Loona's desk where she's on her phone and she looks up and gives me a small smile, thanking me before she looks back at her phone. Okay so nothing weird there, Loona would know if something was wrong so everything must be fine right?
I lightly tap on the door with a warning and let myself in, trying to smile brightly and walk to the desk. He doesn't even glance up at me. "H-hey Blitzø, I brought lunch!" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, which isn't much. He makes a slight grunting noise in acknowledgement and doesn't stop working.
Oh god. I've messed it all up. I don't know what I did but I must have done something. I feel tears filling my eyes as I stand over his desk. Shit. I quickly rush out of the room, shutting the door gently behind me and avoiding making eye contact with Loona as I sniff and wipe my eyes. I feel Loona look at me but I practically run out of the room and the building, heading straight home.
By the time I get there I can barely breathe and I'm heaving in the smallest amounts in the hopes of getting something in. My eyes search the room and I find the smallest corner that I could fit myself into a rush towards it, squeezing myself in and bringing my knees up to bury myself into them.
Now the tears are streaming down my face faster than I can breathe and I want to die and I can't breathe and why can't I fucking breathe? I've started to feel light headed and I don't know how long I've been sat here for but I know that I'm taking up too much space and I need to shrink. My arms tighten around my knees and I pull myself into an impossibly smaller ball and fucking hell it isn't enough. I barely know where I am. Am I 5 years old hiding in my room after being shouted at? Am I 9 years old crying because everyone in my house keeps ignoring me and why does no one ever want me around? Am I 21 with my boyfriend telling me just how stupid and pathetic I am? Am I 23 with my next boyfriend telling me that I'm making shit up just to make myself the victim? I don't know. I can't tell anymore. It's like every moment of my life is happening at once and at the same time my mind is empty and numb and hollow.
Somewhere in the distance I hear a door open but I can't register it over the fog of my mind and the ringing in my ears. Hands touch me and I flinch, pulling away hard. It must just be another part of my mind. But then, I don't know when anyone's touch has felt so gentle. I can hear them talking. Some part of me feels safe at the sound of their voice, and while my head is screaming at me to run and hide, I try to focus on their voice, on what they're saying. To focus on where they're touching me.
The tears slow and I can breathe again and I realise where I am. And more specifically who is holding me so sweetly. I feel his tail wrapped tight around one of my legs, and his arms holding me against his chest. When did he start holding me like this? I didn't even feel him move me around.
“Shh shh it’s okay, it’s just me.” I hear him whisper among a series of sweet sentiments as he tries to reassure me. I look up at him, barely registering how awful I must look, and meet his eyes. He looks so scared, but at the same time I’ve never seen him this soft. “Here there, you’re back!” His voice has turned nervous now as he looks away and scratches the back of his head.
“I- um-” I sniff, "Oh god Blitz you must think I'm so fucking pathetic I'm so fucking sorry." The fear starts to set in again, knowing how this goes every single time. Why was he even here? But now he just looks confused.
"Sorry?! Why are you sorry?? I mean I don't really fucking understand what's going on but I don't think you're pathetic babe. Know who's pathetic? Moxxie. And you are no Moxxie." He looks both serious and distracted at the same time, clearly thinking about Mox for a moment before bringing his attention back to me. “W-what is going on?” He stumbles on his words as he asks and even though it terrifies me to bare my soul to him, I can see the concern on his face and I can’t keep it in.
Next thing I know I’m talking way more than I had planned. Spilling my entire life to him. And he listens. Somehow he doesn’t even interrupt, and Blitzø is the king of interrupting. But he stays quiet, and I can see that he’s absorbing every word.
He holds me for the rest of the night, reassuring me that he’s not going anywhere, apologising for brushing me off and explaining he was trying to come up with an idea for advertisement of the business. I feel exhausted after my breakdown but I force my eyes to stay open as long as possible until I fall asleep, comfortably surrounded by his entire body.
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slashthrashandcrash · 4 months
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Okay, I had to go see what JedMEg was for myself and now I'm hooked. Can you talk more about them? Like does Meg ever find out the truth and how she reacts, for example?
I had to go digging for the last ask (here) about them just to remember where I left off in my insane ramblings lmao
So my original idea for this AU was that there is no fog, meaning once the Jed Olsen cover is purposely blown as per the lore, then it's totally game over, there's no Entity to whisk Danny away from the fall out. But that's part of the problem, isn't it? He's gone and gotten himself a little too attached to what was supposed to be a fake girlfriend, a girlfriend who's in love with a man that doesn't exist rather than the actor playing him.
Normally when he would snag himself a partner to accompany whatever persona he was putting on, Danny would kill them just before he skipped down. That satisfying moment of betrayal in their eyes, the soul crushing realization that everything was a facade, a convenience, that he never even liked them enough to give them a quick death no matter how many sweet "I love you"s he told them prior. As well as just another "fuck you" to the cops and community for how close under their noses he had been all along.
But he can't do that with Meg. He has no idea why, it was never this difficult before, but he's also never felt this way about any partner in general either. Fucking hell, he's really gone and gotten a crush on a pretty little redhead, huh? It doesn't matter, Jed Olsen was never someone who was meant to be around long term, and it's about high time he moves on since eyes are starting to shift towards him a bit. As much as it weirdly twists his heart to abandon Meg and leave her behind with the awful truth of who he really is to come out to the public afterwards, he knows it's for the best. Well...best for himself, anyways. And maybe for her, too, so that she's not entirely caught up in the shitstorm (of course, being the very public girlfriend of the now most wanted suspect in an ongoing murder case isn't going to be an easy ride...)
And Meg is beyond horrified to say the least. She still can't comprehend the entirety of the betrayal, that not only would her boyfriend leave her without a word, but that he would leave her because he was the very same murderer who had been harassing her for weeks! The one he was closely reporting on, the one whose ass Meg would try to kick every time he broke into her home, the one who used to threaten her "boyfriend" when they were in fact the same person. Everything she ever knew about him was a lie while she unfairly shared her whole heart to him. Not only that, but it's near impossible for her to try and imagine sweet, dorky, shy Jed being anything remotely close to a coldhearted killer. He couldn't even open a sauce jar half the time!! And you're telling her he can easily overpower multiple victims and haul their bodies around for sick poses???
Now Jed (?) is still out there, still on the loose, and Meg has no idea what to do. Reporters are hounding her for a statement. Police want to wring her dry for any clues or information that might help. People stare and spread rumors about just how "involved" she might have been from the start. And what if he decides to come back in the end, to tie up the loose end he left behind for whatever reason, is she even safe here anymore? Well, not for long, because that stupid ache in Danny's chest still hasn't subsided...it almost feels like it's gotten worse. It's not remorse or guilt, it's longing. He wants his bunny back, he liked how she felt sleeping in his bed and holding his hand and smiling so perfectly for a candid shot when she wasn't looking.
The dirty laundry has already been aired. They could start fresh, in theory. Whether she wanted to or not.
Although again, this was only the original idea I had when I first started making brainrot. There are so so so many new paths I've ended up concocting for them...if Meg found out Jed was a killer right before he left by catching him in the act or fitting in too many pieces herself...if Meg refused to believe Jed was the killer and was instead framed by Ghostface who she now has to hunt down for answers about Jed's real whereabouts...if they got taken into the fog shortly after that anyways per canon with Meg either not knowing or not believing that Jed is Danny/Ghostface while he keeps up the ruse to avoid her truly hating him (plus the outcome for when Meg does find out the truth while they're stuck in this hellhole)...if they were taken into the fog while he was still Jed and then him having to painfully confess why he was put into the killer camp and having to live with the heartbreak he's trapped her with...
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toycarousel · 4 months
Text
Hiiiiiii! I don't know how to title this, so I'm just going to get into it. I know I've talked about going through University and how that's kept me from doing any voice work for the past couple years (and that's true, but I mean... I've been in University for a long time now, and I wanted to get into the reasons for that).
I've mentioned this before on this account, but I've been struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD), social phobia, PTSD, constant nightmares, and related hard drug and alcohol addictions since around 2014. Sometimes things got better, oftentimes they got worse. I quit cocaine in 2016 and crystal meth in early-mid 2017, but never quite kicked alcohol (the worst one imo, because it's dangerous to quit it cold turkey -- that one can kill you).
So I'm writing this from a detox centre right now, pumped full of valium and clonidine so I don't die from liquor withdrawal seizures or sudden cardiac death.
Everyone here complains about it (and the food does totally suck lmao), but the centre is actually pretty great! At least compared to the first one I went to in Alberta back in 2016, and I'm only here for a week. Detox is different from rehab -- it's basically a short term medical thing where they have nurses and doctors on staff to make sure alcohol withdrawals don't kill you. I've had several related seizures in the past, and every time you have one of those, your risk of having another rises, so I'm at high risk and they're monitoring me carefully.
So yeah, that's why I haven't been around much. Going through a lot. I'll get more into the reasons for it all sometime, as well as the follow-up steps I'll be taking for mental health and addiction maintenance.
Also, during my more stable/good days, I will be getting back into voice acting. It's one of my favourite art forms and it means a lot to me! I miss that part of myself and getting to share it with people!
***EDIT: Oh, yeah, and in the meantime, I've been spending more time on my personal blog manicpixiedreamtwink.
(There isn't any voice work over there, it's kind of just a personal update/aesthetic/meme/poetry/art inspiration sort of place! I try not to romanticize anything dire in terms of mental health, but I do discuss my own experiences with BPD, OCD, trauma, etc., so fair warnings for that!)
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garfield-milk · 10 months
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pspspsps. transfem zuko headcanons? im all ears please tell me
you have no idea how much I've waited for the day someone asks me about this...
ok so I want to start about how I think her childhood was like. pretty much everything happened the same as in canon but!!! ursa realized that there was something going on with zuko (she was showing her feminity) she didn't know exactly what, but she neither wanted to dig too deep. she just went "oh wow my kid is a queer, I personally don't care but I don't want to see him get hurt" so she let zuko try some jewelry and do femenine things with her but letting her know that it was seen as something "bad". HC that zuko secretly loves (both in canon and in this au) when azula calls her zuzu bc it's not a masculine nickname. anyways stuff happen, zuko started hiding that part of herself and then Ursa leaves and the agni Kai happens and she had to cut her hair (ouch). she didn't let it grow back or have it united bc she felt ashamed about everything about her !!!!! (I know I'm making this up myself but IM GOING TO CRY UGHHHH). there's more under the cut, I just don't want to make this too long lmao
ok so 3 years go by she gets really depressed and angry and blah blah blah your average zuko angry but with more flavour. then she a iroh have to flee from de FN and she cuts her hair!!!!! and lets it grow longer (it grows really fast ok?) which feels great for her and when they get to BBS and trans stuff start to happen. I have this idea (idk if this works well with canon but idc) that, meanwhile in the FN lee is a masc name in the EK the only name similar is Li (a femenine name) so one time iroh is talking to a costumer and calls "lee" to help him and the consumer just says something like "oh I didn't know you had a daughter" and iroh doesn't correct them (old man suspects a few things) and neither does zuko so iroh looks at her with that knowing smile but let's it be hehehehehe.
also I have a feeling that in BBS they arent really lgbt friendly but they let queer people live their lifes freely bc they want everyone to be "happy", so there's a ton of LGBT paces. zuko just happens to stumble in one and there's a lot of queer people and when zuko tells them that her name is Li they share a look and go "li girl come here, let us give you a makeover" and they dress her and put make up and jewelry on her. zuko starts coming over and meets a bunch of trans people and realizes that there's nothing wrong with her (after this is by the time she catches that 'im becoming good' fever, because she's also redeeming herself). she doesn't tell iron but!! she start wearing a bit more femenine clothes and some jewelry and pretty much everyone in the tea shop calls her iroh's niece/daughter so...
oh!!!! and zuko and jet have a thing bc jet didn't realize that she was a firebender until after the ferry. so one time zuko takes the courage to tell him that she's a girl (first person she actually came out to) and jet is completely fine with it bc why wouldn't he?? and then he finds out she's a firebender and tries to kill her (jet is a dumbass, he doesn't die and 5 years later they find each other and jet sees her and is like wow I shouldn't have tried to kill her but Zuko doesn't want to know anything about jet bc #girl boss). also the blue spirit is believed to be a girl and when zuko first heard someone say "oh wow do you not know about the blue spirit? she's like the coolest folk hero ever..." she got really fucking happy but attached it to the fact that that way people wouldn't associate the blue spirit with her (lie).
and this is without going too much into what would happen after she joins the gang (not really sure when that would happen, if in the bbs catacombs or like in canon after going to the FN) but she and Katara would be absolutely besties after the firsts weeks and Katara would be GLAD, even if she tries to not show it, to finally have someone to be girls with (no, she insists that toph doesn't count because she's just as nasty, if not more, as the boys) and Katara would say stuff like omg im going to teach you how to be the perfect girl, and even though it might sound weird bc katara wtym perfect girl, but they are both excited asf and loving the concept so it doesn't matter (they are doing each others hair while shit talking about people)
i would love to know your opinions about what would she change her name to bc, yeah she prefers li over zuko but it's still very much a masculine name to her fire nation ears. so I have a few opinion but in not really sure witch one I like the best: suzume, sao, sakda or kuniko. but I'm open to hear any suggestions tho! and about head canons too, and pretty much anything related to transfem zuko!!!!!
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frenziedslashers · 1 year
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I've had this imagine for a long time but I suck at writing and never know how to like kind of put it into words myself so I'll try and keep it short-ish 😭.
So it's based in s1 and it's Glenn's sister x Daryl (Daryl is like in his mid thirties and reader is in her mid twenties and one day she goes up to him maybe while he's in one of the trailers or in his tent (this is pre-rick grimes but during the beginning of the apocalypse when they're all in atlanta) and basically asks him if he wants to fuck cuz she knows neither of them have really had any kind of "release" (I hate the word so much but I couldn't think of another way to describe it) and he's like "are you crazy" or something like that and she says something like "way to let me down easy." But they end up sleeping together in his tent when merle is out on a hunt. And then it just kind of keeps going like that. Whenever they can get time to have sex, and know they won't get caught, they do it. And one day they're like kissing up against a tree and Glenn sees them and totally freaks out.
Dirty Secret;;
A/N: I really like this idea!! And don't worry if you can't keep them short-ish. I tend to ramble when I request stuff to people as well LMAO. Sorry if this isn't the best either. Been having a rough couple of weeks, but I still wanted to write something haha
Pairing: Daryl x Glenn's-Sister!Reader
Warnings: AFAB! Reader, She/her pronouns, PiV sex, Vaginal fingering, Oral (Male receiving)
TWD MASTERLIST || REQUEST INFO
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No matter how much he denied it. He liked you.
Daryl hardly knew anything about you. He wished that was different, but it was so hard to talk to you. Let alone look at you. Every glance he would steal from you he'd be averting his eyes the moment you looked his way. His cheeks flushed a soft pink at the mere thought of you catching him looking at you. He felt weird. Like he was creeping on you. He couldn't help it.
It seemed like with each passing day he wanted to look at you more and more. When he would come back from his hunts he was looking for you in the small group of people. Asking his brother or anyone else who wasn't Glenn where you were.
"See ya got a thing for the Asians little sister huh?" Merle would ask, and Daryl would roll his eyes in return. The last thing he needed was his older brother teasing him. "Nah, jus' makin' sure she ain't out there dead," he scoffed. Merle knew better though. That knowing smirk on his face as he watched his brother stomp away from him. He knew he wasn't just a worried civilian. He was a worried guy hoping his potential woman wasn't out there dead.
Daryl would never admit to that, though. He hated the fact that he liked you. He wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was because you smiled at him anytime he looked at you. Or when he would come back from hunts you would congratulate him for the kills and always thank him for providing you all with food. Or maybe it was just because you were so damn pretty. He swore you were an angel or something. With how your smile seemed to make his chest clench each time he was lucky enough to see it. Plus, your eyes were so mesmerizing. He just wished he had the balls to talk with you.
Little did he know, you looked at him the same way. You looked at him with an expression that he didn't seem to catch onto. He never quite held eye contact with you long enough to notice. The way that you would watch him with such sweet admiration.
"Daryl," His body froze when he heard you calling his name. Anytime you said his name he swore you said it differently than anyone in his life ever had. With such kindness, and that voice of yours that could make him do anything.
Just last week Merle was on his ass about him doing anything you asked. You had asked him if he could look for some medication on a run he was going on with Glenn. You could have asked Glenn, but you asked him. So of course, he listened and went out of his way to find them.
"That girl got ya whipped and y'ain't even stuck yer dick in 'er yet," his older brother spat, and Daryl snapped. "Don' ya ever talk 'bout 'er like that again, ya hear me? She's better than that," and Merle just smiled and laughed at his baby brother's rage. "Pathetic."
When you got to where he was standing at his tent he snapped out of his thought. Shaking his head before looking down at you with a soft gaze. He didn't say anything, though. Just simply acknowledged that you were there by looking at you.
"Do you think I could ask you something?" You questioned with a raised brow. Daryl felt his palms clam up with how close you were to him. The fact that you were going out of your way to talk to him was mind-boggling to the archer. He nodded his head reluctantly, keeping his mouth closed.
You cleared your throat, eyes darting down to the ground. He was scared, to say the least. You'd never looked so nervous around him before.
"I see the way you look at me, and uhm.." you licked your lips and he felt his heart drop while he processed your words. "I think we feel the same about each other, do you maybe wanna..." You rocked back on your heels before mustering up the courage to say what you wanted to say. "Sleep together?" You nearly squeaked out, cringing at your choice of wording. You had thought of another way to phrase it earlier, but saying it to him was a lot different than thinking it. The first words that came to mind gushed out of your mouth like an idiot.
He was flabbergasted. It wasn't often that people could leave Daryl without something snarky to say, but right now was one of those moments. You were asking to fuck around with him? You, the pretty Rhee girl with those eyes and smile that made the archer's knees wobble? That had to be a joke. Glenn had to have set you up to this. Or Merle did. That had to be it.
"Look," you spoke up, seeing the gears turning in his head. "We don't have to, I was just figuring that since the apocalypse is among us that it'd be fun." You told him and he scoffed, "Plus your brother and my brother are gone on a run! It'd be the only time we really have to." You told him with a small frown, noticing how his scowl returned to his face.
"Yer crazy," he snapped, and you felt like you could crumble to the ground. "Merle put you up to this 'in't he?" He barked, and you shook your head. "No, I don't even talk to your brother, Glenn doesn't like how he looks at me." you frowned, and when he looked up and saw how to hurt you looked, he recoiled. He hated that he made you so upset, but this couldn't actually be happening. "Ain't happening, girl," he sneered, and you didn't think you could sink any lower.
You ducked your head down when he went to push past you. "Way to let a girl down..." you pouted, and he felt guilt course his veins. You were running off before he even had the chance to run past you himself. You practically dove into your tent. Your knees were brought up to your chest after the door was zipped. Hiding away from the world as embarrassment took over. You didn't care if it was still sunny out and the heat only seemed to make you bake alive. Maybe it'd put you out of your petty misery.
Daryl on the other hand resorted to the forest where he hid for what felt like hours. With the sun setting now, and how low the sun was before. It was probably only tinkering on one, maybe two hours.
He couldn't quite gather why you would come to him with such bold words. He always took you as someone too meek and shy to say something like that. Obviously, he was wrong. That was one thing you and your brother seemed to have in common. You both spoke your mind; regretting it would be a problem for later.
It wasn't like Daryl didn't think of you that way. Hell, he hadn't slept with anyone since well before the apocalypse began. He didn't have the time, and he was tired of sleeping with people that would leave him the next morning without a goodbye. He was tired of feeling so goddamn alone.
He wanted to find you and tell you how he felt, but he didn't know how. Daryl never knew how to express his feelings. Unless it was anger, disgust, distrust, or any negative emotion. It came to him like flying came to a bird.
He thought about you that whole time out there. The look of fear on your face when you asked. How anxious you looked when he didn't respond. Most of all, how saddened you look when he basically said no. It wasn't that he didn't like you. He just didn't want to like you too much. Daryl didn't want you to use him like every other person in his life. A part of him actually wanted you to be his girlfriend. A word foreign to him, but he was so eager to try.
He hadn't even noticed when he was heading back to the camp that his feet were leading him toward your tent. Both you and Glenn chose to sleep more on the outskirts of the camp. Daryl and his brother clear on the opposite end of camp.
Carol had seen the archer wander, and a small, knowing smile crept on her face. Hopefully he'd do something to give you something to gossip over while you, her, and the other girls did laundry. They gave you the idea of confronting Daryl, after all.
"You have to be blunt with men. Tell them what you want." Lori had told you earlier that day. "Just grab him by the face and kiss him!" Amy squealed, and you had shaken your head. "That's too blunt for Daryl," they all nodded at your words. You were right. Too much physical contact and he'd run. "Just tell him you wanna have sex, guys normally go for that. You can work it out from there." Carol told you with a kind smile, and you listened to that advice.
Now you were sulking and wishing you hadn't. If you hadn't then you wouldn't be in this mess. Too afraid that if you left the safety of your tent he'd be there. Just instead of catching him staring and bashfully looking the other way. He'd be glaring and looking at you like you were some disgusting cheap whore.
Your tent shook and you almost jumped out of your skin. A small shout left your lips before asking who was out there. "Jus' me, keep it down, gon'a have everyone over here," Daryl rasped, and you felt your body grow hot with embarrassment.
You didn't know what to say, falling silent while you coiled more into yourself. Your face hiding behind your knees while you chewed on the inside of your cheek. He did the same, standing there with racing thoughts. The hell was he even supposed to say?
"Hey, look, 'm sorry," he muttered, and you almost didn't hear him. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have thought you liked me like that, too," he felt his stomach flutter at those words. Oh, but he did like you like that. He hardly knew you and he liked you a lot more than he cared to admit. "Nah, jus' ain't used to pretty girls wantin' t'sleep with me." He admitted while scuffing his foot on the ground. Your heart lept in your chest.
"You think I'm pretty?" You asked, and he nodded. Until he realized the tent was still zipped up, meaning you couldn't see him. "Yeah, real pretty," he almost whispered.
You couldn't hide the smile that was on your face. You were glad that the tent was hiding you from his view. You were practically beaming with pride over his words. A little bit of the boldness from before sneaking back into your head.
"Did you want to come in and sit with me?" You had asked, expecting him to say no or call you crazy again after you did. Before you could overthink it too much you heard him shuffle around in front of your tent. The zipper let out a hiss as he pulled it up and around the door.
He put his crossbow inside first, crawling in after. The weapon was set to the side and off the blankets. You had even noticed that he set his boots outside beside your shoes. A small smile on your lips with how considerate he really was.
Once the man was inside and sat beside you it was quiet again. Neither of you knew what to do from here.
"That offer still up?" Daryl blurted, and the both of you were a little shocked by his words. You cleared your throat, the hunter looking over to inspect your face. You were flustered. He could tell by the way you tried to hide your face behind your hands while you rubbed at it. It made him smile at the fact that he could make you feel that way.
"Uhm, if you want to, I don't want you to pity me or anything," he chuckled softly at your rambling. "I ain't pityin' ya," he sighed, reaching out to brush his fingers along your jaw. Grabbing your attention so you would look at him. "You were right, I've been lookin' at ya same as you look at me," he told you with a lopsided smile, and you felt your stomach doing flips. He just wished he knew if you only looked at him with sexual attraction, or maybe more.
"Can I kiss ya?" he asked, and you felt your heart melt at the fact that he asked. You knew a lot of guys wouldn't ask. They'd just take what they want, but you could tell Daryl was different. It's one of the reasons you trusted him out of everyone in this small group to get some relief out of. Plus, a part of you hoped that something might stem from it.
When you nodded and told him it was okay he crawled over to you. His hand was on your jaw and he kissed you a lot differently than you imagined from the hunter. He was gentle, yet rough. A mix that you didn't expect from him. You had expected him to be all rough, nothing soft.
Once your lips were locked he was pushing you back onto the bed of blankets. His body climbed in between your thighs while he hovered over you and just kissed you for a while. You expected him to get right to business, but he took his time.
He was pretty nervous. He wasn't a virgin, he'd had sex a few times. Not enough that he knew what he was doing, though. He didn't have the charm that most guys had. He was awkward and over thought everything that he did. Plus, he hardly knew anything about peoples bodies, let alone the opposite gender.
He pulled back to lean down. Pressing a kiss to your jaw, then down to your neck. The scruff on his chin and upper lip tickling your skin. Smiling lightly at the sensation. A light giggle escaping your lips. The sound causing him to stop and look up at you. Blue eyes full of worry and curiosity.
"That tickled," you whispered, and he felt his heart flutter. He swore you were cuter than any girl he's ever met.
"Yeah?" He asked with a small smile. You only nodded back with a small snicker. Reaching out to run your hands over his chest. The action making Daryl suck his bottom lip in between his teeth.
The more you touched him the faster he wanted to get you both undressed. Though his hands were still shaky and clammy. Worried that he may end up doing the wrong thing.
His lips only kissed on your neck. He caught your skin between his teeth here or there, but nothing enough to leave a mark. The last thing he needed was Merle or your brother catching on. He knew Merle would just tease the holy hell out of the both of you. Glenn on the other hand, he was a little scared of how the younger man would react. Daryl knew best that family was important. Fuck around with the wrong family and a death wish may be in place.
His thoughts all came to a blurry stop when your legs wrapped around his waist. Pulling yourself up against him so your crotch met his own. The action pulling a moan from the both of you.
"Shit," he spat, nose nuzzling against your shoulder. "We gotta be quiet, darlin'," he gasped, and you nodded. Your head swimming with all sorts of thoughts. The fact that you were about to have sex with the man you had been eyeing for the past couple of weeks. The fact that you hadn't done this in what felt like years. And the fact that he was calling you 'darling'. You were in heaven.
"Can I?" he murmured, kissing your shoulder while tugging at the bottom of your shirt before he leant up to study your face. He couldn't get enough of your pretty eyes.
Once you gave him permission he was pulling your shirt over your head. Instinct settling into the hunter. He knew what he wanted, and knew how to get it. He just needed to know how to give you what you wanted.
"Tell me if I do anything wrong," he huffed out, to which you nodded. "You're doing great so far," you assured him with a chuckle. He didn't respond too much, though. His eyes were too fixated on your upper half. A bit of your own self-consciousness rushing through your body when he stared for a little too long.
His hands were quick to pin yours to the side when you went to cover up. Shaking his head while his eyes drug up your body to your own eyes. "Yer beautiful, none o'that." he stated, and you felt your whole body heat up with bashfulness. You wish you'd met him sooner, truthfully.
You nodded, agreeing with what he had to say. You probably agree with about anything the archer above you said. A small hum leaving your throat when he leant down to kiss your chest. He left soft butterfly kisses over your breasts. Soon leaving hungry open mouthed kisses on your mounds of skin. Licking and biting, gathering all the reactions that the hunter could spur from you.
"Like that, huh?" he growled against your skin when he began nipping on your left nipple. Flattening his tongue over the sensitive bud before he kissed over to the other side.
His mind was a bubbling mess of pleasure and nonsense. He hardly knew what he was thinking. Other than how perfect you were. He felt like he was worshipping an angel.
Daryl kissed further down to your stomach. Both of his hands removed from yours to explore. One hand rubbing and squeezing at your breast while the other reached down for your pants.
A grunt left his throat when you tugged at his locks of hair. Raising his head to look up at you. His pupils blown wide.
"Can you take your shirt off?" You nearly whispered, and he felt his heart sink. He almost said yes, but that familiar dread settled in. He didn't need you pitying him right now.
"I can't," he told you. He half expected you to question him, but you just nodded. You nodded with a smile. Reaching down to cup the side of his face with such care. "That's okay," you told him, and he swore he could have broken down into a weeping mess if it weren't for how horny he was.
He crawled back up and over you when you pulled him towards your face. The two of you sharing a look before he leaned down to lock your lips in another kiss.
His hand ran over the hem of your pants that you had changed into to sleep in. Running his calloused fingers over the soft fabric.
"Daryl," you whined against his lips. He nearly cursed in response at the sound of it. He only hummed in response. Refusing to part his lips from yours for too long. "Hurry up," you huffed.
Daryl smiled a little at this. He parted his eyes with a faint nod before pulling back from you. His hands quick at hooking under the hem of your pants and panties. Looking up at you to make sure everything that he was doing was all right. Tugging the clothing down your hips and then thighs.
You listened as he took in a sharp breath. Your eyes watching his face with caution. Making sure that he didn't look disgusted or like he was regretting to ever agreeing to do such things with you.
"Jesus," he huffed, and you shifted a little. "What?" You asked, and he shook his head while moving so he could pull your pants off the rest of the way. Tossing them aimlessly beside the both of you. "You're just a lot prettier than I imagined."
You felt your heart flutter at his words. Not only was he complimenting you, but he was also admitting to imagining what you looked like beneath your clothes. Was he thinking about you before this? Or was it only after you asked him if he wanted to fuck earlier that day?
He was quick to distract you from your thoughts again. Heat pooling in your stomach as you watched him tug his own pants down. You saw the reluctance in his movements. Your own hands reaching out to help him. Glancing up as if to ask if it was okay, and he nodded. Of course it was okay. It was more than okay, really.
The hunter pursed his lips as he watched you pull his pants down. Watching as your eyes danced over each sliver of skin that you exposed. The way that you licked and bit on your lips. Especially the way your eyes seemed to widen at the sight of him when he was finally free from his pants. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing, though. He only hoped your shocked expression was good.
"All good?" He blurted, cringing a little at his wording. He didn't entirely know what to say, though. "Daryl," he froze, waiting for you to finish. You were going to insult him, weren't you? "You're more than just all good, you're..." You pondered words, smirking as you helped him get the rest of the way out of his pants. Leaning yourself up in order to kiss his chest. "You're lovely. Words can't even express how handsome you are," you praised, and he felt his skin burn red. His heart leaping in his chest. Soft grumbles leaving his chest while you kissed over his chest. Lightly biting every so often.
His eyebrows furrowed when your fingers wrapped around his shaft. Hissing as your thumb ran over his tip. Allowing you to pull him back on top of yourself. "Shit, you feel so good," he murmured, kissing your cheek and then your lips.
Daryl brought a hand down to your own sex. His fingers running over your damp entrance. His body was buzzing with excitement. You could tell he was almost as nervous as you were, though. If not, maybe a little more.
His movements were slow and a little awkward. You let go of him in order to reach and grab his hand. Guiding and showing him what to do. Showing him where you liked to be touched the most, where your clit was, how to rub it. How to finger you. He was certain that by the end of the night he'd have you cum at least once. Or God smite him now.
He rubbed where you told him too. Watching with an intrigued gaze at how your hips bucked and rolled against just his hand. It fed his ego more than it probably should have. Smiling lightly when you began pressing frantic kisses to his neck and shoulders. The way your hips rolled, your hands pawed at his body, and most of all the way you moaned softly in his ear. It was enough to make him buck his hips against nothing.
"Daryl, please," you whimpered, and he felt his stomach do flips. There was no way you sounded so pretty. "Please what?" He drawled. His voice already deeper that before. "Fuck me," you gasped when his fingers curled into you once more.
He was shocked with how bold you were, but he wasn't going to deny what you wanted, either.
Daryl was quick to pull his hand away from your entrance. Replacing it with his throbbing dick. He wanted to watch you cum on his fingers, but that wasn't for now. Right now he needed to be inside you. He needed to feel you squeezing down on him while he fucked you into the stupid blankets below the both of you.
Once he was aligned he was looking up at you as if to ask if everything was all right. Your soft nod and 'yes' was all he needed to keep going. Pushing forward in order to slide into you.
His brows furrowed when the tip of himself was inside you. Pushing forward while huffing out breaths until he bottomed out in you. Your own face was scrunched. Reaching out in order to claw at his clothed back.
Daryl saw how uncomfortable you looked by your expressions. The man leaning down in order to pepper kisses on your lips and shoulders. "If I need'a stop, ya tell me," he grunted, and you nodded. "I'm fine," you told him, and he only nodded. He wanted you to know that if you wanted to stop at any time he wouldn't be mad. He'd stop.
Once you were comfortable enough you shifted your hips. The both of you inhaling sharply at the pleasure that shot through you both like bullets. "Shit, I might not last long," he told you, and you chuckled, nodding softly. "Feel that good?" you teased, and he let out a soft moan in response when you rolled your hips up. "Y'ain't got no idea, woman."
He started a pace that was a little slow at first. An attempt to savor the moment, but it wasn't long before the hunter was lost. His hips pulling back before snapping into you. He occupied his mouth with your own. The both of you doing your best to stay quiet. Thankful that the tent wasn't too close to any one else's since Glenn's empty tent was beside your own and then Jaques.
"Daryl," you mewled, and he nodded. "What is it?" He asked, his hand coming between the both of you to press his finger over your clit. Just like you showed him earlier.
He smirked when your back arched. You couldn't even finish your thought from earlier. Your head craned back. Leaving the hunter ample room to kiss and bite. It was hard to remind himself that he couldn't suck on your skin. A temptation that he wished no one would think anything of.
His thrusts only seemed to get rougher. The sound of skin on skin growing louder as he fucked into you. His fingers rubbing your sensitive bud a little harsher than before. Trying to get you to meet your high with him. Which was only growing closer for the archer.
"Shit," he mumbled against your skin. His free hand gripping your hip harder than before as his thrusts grew more sloppy and rugged. "God, 'm close," He hissed against your skin. To which you nodded with a choked mewl. "Me too," you cooed out, and it wasn't long before your body was coiling in on itself. The coil within your stomach snapping.
Your arms wrapped around his body. Your legs around his waist in an attempt to pull the man further inside you while you came around him. Daryl fought hard in order to not cum inside of you. It took everything not to. You just felt too good. The way that you squeezed and pulsated around him. The way your fingernails dug into his back through his shirt. And the way you whispered his name into his ear, over and over like a frantic prayer. A few more thrusts and he was pulling out of you, spilling his seed all over your stomach. He hadn't came that hard in God only knows how long.
The both of you laid there for a few moments. Daryl on his back beside you while the both of you tried to regain your strength. Both of you floating back down to earth. Slow, but sure.
"That was..." He started, searching for words. "Wow," he finished, and you giggled. Leaning over to press a kiss to his shoulder. "Think we could do it again, sometime?" You asked, and you were thankful you were looking over at the hunter. Catching his smile as he stared up at the roof of your tent. "Yeah, I'd like that."
It did happen a lot more after that, too. You were both as good as rabbits. Fucking anytime the two of you got the chance.
Daryls favorite was when you asked Dale if the both of you could take his Canoe out onto the water to "fish." Daryl did try and fish, the only thing you really fished was his dick in his pants.
He was oblivious when you offered to fish with him that morning, though. Only thinking that all you wanted to do was fish. He wasn't opposed to that thought, though. After sharing such an intimate moment with you the other night he liked the thought of spending actually quality time with you.
He wasn't exactly complaining when you slid down to your knees in front of him, either. He was telling you that you didn't have to. That if you didn't want to, he wouldn't be hurt. He never really thought he deserved head from anyone.
The moment you had your tongue on his shaft, licking up to his tip. He was a goner.
His head tipped back and his eyes fell shut with a groan. The fishing pole in the holder on the side of the boat while one hand gripped the seat and the other was tangled in your hair. With each bob of your head he fought the urge to thrust up into your throat. Not only did he not want to hurt you, but he also didn't want to move the canoe too much and tip the both of you.
"Fuck, like that," he purred, watching you through half lidded eyes. Practically melting into the seat of the boat while you gave him the best head of his life.
He thought about that morning anytime he had free time.
The both of you had quite the experience streak going on. Anytime the both of your brothers were away from camp you were in one or the others tent. Soon it wasn't even for sex. Some nights Daryl would just lay with you. Your head on his chest or vice versa. The both of you just lying in one another's presence. Some nights the both of you would swap stories. You typically did most of the talking, but he'd open up to you the more time that you both spent together.
"Daryl," you sighed as he trailed beside you. "I'll be fine out here by myself, we haven't seen any walkers this far out at all since we've been camped out here." You just wanted to go looking for anything. Whether it be a rabbit to kill and bring back to the camp, or maybe just something that was left out in the woods that could be used as something useful. You weren't exactly complaining that Daryl was acting so protective. It was nice. If it was your brother, you'd be throwing a fit and telling him to leave you be. Daryl following you like a puppy was a lot nicer. He didn't talk as much as Glenn, either.
"That's the thing, we ain't seen many up here, but we will," you frowned a little at his words. "So you're just going to follow me around like a body guard from now on?" You asked, and he shrugged. "Guess so." He told you, and you nodded with a chuckle. "Sure thing, Dixon," you sighed, reaching out to link your pinky with his. The hunter didn't argue, either. If anything it eased his anxiety more than just walking beside you. Now if he needed to he could pull you from harms way.
You slowed your pace, Daryl looking over at you with a brow raised. "Well, since we're out here." You stopped, and he turned a little to look at you a little better. "Do you think you could teach me how to work that crossbow of yours?" You asked, and he froze. It took him a moment to process what you were asking, but it wasn't long before he was smiling a little. Glancing down before looking back up at you. "You know how to shoot a gun?" He asked, and you nodded. "Glenn taught me." He nodded this time.
He led you over to a tree. Carving an 'X' with his knife before leading you so far back. "All right," he started, parting his feet so far while he held the bow in his arms. "Ya gotta make sure yer standin' right first. Gotta stand with yer feet so far apart or else yer gonna lose balance and fall on yer ass," He told you, and you nodded, watching as he brought the weapon up to aim. "Then ya just aim and shoot. Gotta just breathe." He finished before squeezing the trigger and firing. Looking up at the target where he hit a near perfect bullseye. Soon looking back over at you.
You reached your arms out for the bow that he offered to you. Smiling as you held it in your arms and struggled a little at cocking the weapon. Soon bringing it back up and into your arms. Raising it to eye level. "Like this?" You asked, and he chuckled.
You flinched a little when he put his hands on your waist. "It's okay, jus' me," He spoke when he felt your body jerk. Turning your hips a little and kicking your feet a little further apart. "Now bring the bow more here," He ordered. Moving the butt of the weapon more in the center of your shoulder. "Then just breathe," He told you, staying close while you aimed. Finally firing the weapon.
You lowered the crossbow in order to see where you fired. Daryl giving your waist a light squeeze. You peaked over your shoulder to catch the proud grin on his face before it mellowed into a softer smile. "Come on," he told you, leading you closer to the tree so the both of you could get a better look.
He whistled lightly, and you giggled. "Yer a natural," he boasted, and you rolled your eyes. "I wouldn't say that, I didn't even get a bullseye." You pouted a little, and he shrugged. "Nah, but you still hit in the x. You were close," he added in attempts to make you feel better. You did do exceptionally well for it being your first time shooting the bow.
You shrugged, looking up and over at the male with a soft smile. "Better luck next time," you told him, and he chuckled. The man was already looking at you. Your faces mere inches from each other. It wasn't long before he was turning to pull you in for a soft kiss. "Could practice some more." He told you before kissing you again. You just let out a soft laugh against his lips.
"Daryl! What if Merle or Glenn comes out here," you whisper yelled against his lips. He didn't care, though. "We're fine," he muttered, and you didn't argue anymore. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders while his hand not holding the crossbow came to pull you closer to him by your waist. "God, you're the horniest guy I've ever met," you teased him, and he chuckled. Pulling back to look over your face. "Yeah? Hard not t'be when I've got you here," He murmured, and you felt your skin grow warm.
You leaned in to give him another kiss. This time running your fingers through the hair on the back of his head. Which from what you've learned in the few weeks that the two of you had been doing this. Only seemed to get him more in the moment.
"What the hell's going on?" You both jerked away from each other when you heard a shout. The color draining from your face when you saw Glenn standing behind Daryl. A large stick in his hand that he was ready to hit the archer with.
You stood there for a moment, noticing the way Daryl backed away from you both. He did his best to show and tell Glenn that he didn't want any trouble, but you could tell by the look in his eyes that Glenn didn't care what Daryl had to say.
"I made one thing fucking clear to you all and it was to not fuck with my sister and here you are! What, did you think you weren't included in that statement?" Glenn shouted, and you shoved at your brothers chest. "Leave him alone, Glenn! I'm an adult, you've got to stop treating me like I'm still eighteen!" You barked with a frown. Your brother only glancing down at you for a second before he looked back up at Daryl.
"You stay away from her," This time you shoved at Glenn's chest harder. "Glenn Rhee, shut up!" You snapped, and Glenn shook his head. "Look, I'm not letting my sister last resort to someone like him!" He snapped, and you shook your head. Daryl shifted a little uncomfortably behind the both of you. Looking down at the ground. The mix of yelling and insults thrown at him making him uncomfortable.
"Yeah? Last resort or not, I wish I met him sooner," you snarled, and Daryl peeked up at that. He was about to walk off. He was worried that you would insult him next, but he was interested now.
"The hell do you mean by that?" Glenn asked, and you felt your hands grow a little clammy with a mix of embarrassment and anger. "He treats me nice." You told your brother, and you noticed the way his brow relaxed a little. "Really nice. Better than any guy before all this ever did. He treats me like I'm someone, and not just a toy. I like him and I'm not letting you scare him off, Glenn. I'd do anything for you! You're my big brother, but Daryl's not a bad guy," you told your brother with a slight frown. Trying your best to convince your brother that Daryl wasn't using you. Or at least you hoped he wasn't.
Daryl couldn't believe that you were standing up for whatever the two of you had going on. He was shocked to hear that he treated you better than any other guy you had been with. Either you had only been with one other guy, or you had as good of luck with relationships as he did.
He was just glad that you thought whatever the two of you had going on was as nice as he thought it was. It was the nicest thing he's had in years, honestly.
"Fine." You both looked at Glenn this time. Your brother meeting Daryls eyes. His glare settling back on his face. "But if anything, and I mean anything happens to you," He looked back to you, "And I find out it's his fault," He looked up at Daryl again. "He's dead." Glenn snarled, and you nodded. Reaching out to give him a hug with a smile. "Thank you, Glenny." He nodded with a sigh, returning the hug. "Just, stay safe..." He muttered in your ear, and you nodded. Pulling from your brother before watching him wander back towards camp.
"Does that make us something?" Daryl asked, taking a step closer to you. You froze at his words. Looking over your shoulder at the male. "What?" He shrugged. "You fought for whatever we got goin' on. We more than just a dirty secret?" He asked, and you brought your lower lip between your teeth. You shrugged, reaching up to rub your jaw. "I guess," he smiled softly. He didn't say anything more. He only motioned for you to follow him back to camp.
From then on, though. You and Daryl were practically inseparable. Especially since you didn't necessarily have to hide it from Glenn anymore. Merle was another story.
Daryl was far from touchy when it came to being around the others, but he was always right there with you. Whether it be standing by you, sitting near you, lying with you at night, or watching you as you talked to someone. He was making sure the others who got too close knew that you were off the table. He considered you his now, as he was yours. Whether you liked it or not. You were stuck with him.
More so, whether Glenn liked it or not.
Taglist: @ambassadortotrilliusprime @tuttifuckinfruttifriday
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