#but she just kept prescribing it for my sleep even though it fucked up my sleep so I stopped taking it

[neverendingford]

.

[fanficfanattic]

Normally I don’t look at the Screentime Notification because it just silently screams at me to please do literally anything else.

But I accidentally clicked it and I have never been able to visualize my sleep so clearly before. And sure, that’s mostly due to my lack of inner eye. But even then…

This is the most sleep I’ve gotten in my life! Part of that is me getting a cpap like five years ago. We realized I kept waking up about every two hours. You know. Whenever I was hitting REM sleep. Because that’s when your body is at it’s most lax and that’s when my tiny obstruction could actually close my airways.

But that was only keeping me asleep once I actually got there.

I have tried almost every sleep aid medication possible. I tried each Brand New The BEST™ meds. Nothing made me sleepy. I take 50mg of my allergy meds each morning and I’ve seen a half dose put down fully grown people.

So what changed?

Getting my a u t i s m diagnosis!

You know why? Because my psychiatrist has found the most success with autistic patients when she prescribes TWO different sleep meds. They each work different ways. Together they beat back my insomnia.

I realize that averaging 5 hours a night doesn’t look that impressive. But this is after three decades where actually sleeping every night in a week was rare. Now I only have a fully sleepless night 1-2 times a month.

I don’t have any kind of overarching wisdom. It’s luck that I was able to get an accurate diagnosis for autism. And luck that I have access to healthcare (even though its expensive as fuck). I’ve had to search and experiment and test drive providers until I’ve found ones that take me seriously. But even that comes down to luck.

The only thing I’ve done is hold on long enough to reach them. And I’m not knocking that. Every day we wake up, we’ve held on long enough to have another chance, and that takes strength.

I love Ted Lasso and “it’s the hope that kills you” being rejected was wonderful. Hope gets us up and trying and loving and searching.

[ineedtobeheardnotseen]

Went home early again today, barely got through the morning

My coworker kept going in the lead's office to bitch to her about who even knows what and leaving me alone in the front office

I took as many calls this morning as I did all day yesterday because she wasn't watching her phone

I hate this fucking job and all of the fucking calls, it's starting to feel like a call center

I was so tired this morning

I've been sleeping like shit, dreaming constantly and waking up a handful of times in the early morning

I did the responsible thing and made an appointment with my psychiatrist

Tried to make one with my therapist, but she's on leave again and they don't know when or if she's coming back

I don't blame her, I wish I could disappear too

Not like she can really help me anyway, I don't even really know what my psychiatrist will suggest apart from increasing or changing my medication

She can't prescribe me an affordable home or a better job or a maid service

My house has been such a wreck this week

Part of the reason I left early and came home was to clean because even though I'm exhausted I couldn't focus on anything, I kept thinking about the messes at home and knew I wouldn't have the energy to deal with them after work

One of the cats peed on the floor because their grass pads were in the wash and I hadn't had the strength to finish washing them, another cat had puked on the floor and I had just thrown a towel over it, I haven't showered in 3 days, I was out of clean pants, the dishwasher needed to be emptied, and I can't finish restoring the color to my black garments because I need the stockpots to boil water for the dye and they're both dirty

I've been prioritizing my basic needs the last week or so, but I'm still not getting any better

I made myself do a bunch of chores, but I'm still only halfway done and I'm in a sour mood, my fuse is so short

I keep getting frustrated and angry at every little thing

I just keep thinking I hate this, I hate that

I want to finish because I feel anxious knowing there's still work to do and I want it done before work tomorrow, otherwise I don't think I'll be able to rest

I want to do something nice for myself, but everything costs money, so what?

I just don't want to be here

[jenniefromdblock]

Drained

[Originally posted on JULY 21, 2021 ]

I rushed my mom twice to the ER the other day (7/16/2021) due to her complaining about an excruciating pain on her left side.

I woke up with her moaning in pain around 7am, so I immediately got up and packed a lot of disinfectants and my laptop (I had to work) and drove to 2 goverment hospitals’ ER. The 1st one just referred us to the 2nd, the 2nd just prescribed meds. They were prioritizing COVID patients, even though their ERs are empty (shoutout to the 2nd which is QCGH). I’m not going to comment on how they handled our situation because I know they have their “reasons”. Since Mom was still in so much pain, we went ahead to Capitol Med. Yes, I know it is private and expensive but fuck it. It’s Mom.

We arrived at around 11am (I had no concept of time, I just wanted the day to be over) and we were immediately attended to. Mom was hooked up to an IV (omeprazole at first, then liquid paracetamol), blood works, urinalysis, and xray were done. When I asked her, she says the pain was level 8 and went to intermittent. There were also times that it goes away. According to her urinalysis, they found specks of blood, so they Rx’d Mom to be CT scanned for suspected kidney stones. During that time I kept on asking her if she can manage the pain, etc. She was like meh, and we were already given prescriptions so we decided that we will sign the waiver to not perform the CT Scan at that moment (the reason and backstory later). We were discharged around 4pm.

I was able to settle a bit when we got home and go back to working. Not even two hours later, Mom was again writhing in pain and she was crying “Lord, please make it stop.” Her pain tolerance is so high that seeing her in that situation was very alarming, so thats when I decided to ask my sister to call an ambulance (I was no longer in the right mental and emotional state to drive at that moment) while I prepare the stuff we need in case she gets confined.

We were brought again to Capitol Med because at least they already know us, the guard was literally like “Uy, parang kanina lang…”. We agreed to do the CT Scan and results says the pain is caused by kidney stones.

Also, even though my Mom doesn’t feel anything, they saw an 8x12x12 benign cyst on her right ovaries. While the doctor assured us its nothing and can be treated easily, they referred us to an OB GYN, who explained the next steps for treatment to us.

Honestly at that point, I hear garbled messages. I can no longer process anything because all I worry about was how the fuck am I going to pay for the hospital bills because I am super bankrupt.

The Backstory: I was retrenched in December 2020 and we were trying to survive off my separation pay (which isn’t that big amount so if you ask me, no I didn’t even have the chance to enjoy it). In April 2021, I got a freelancing job and I am in contract until December, which I am very thankful for. But what I earn is just enough for the utility bills and monthly groceries for 3 people. Yes, I also have been the provider in this house.

I only have Php 1,000 ($20) in my bank account. I have 2 credit cards that I have not been using and been paying off so I can cut it.

But I had to. I maxed out the limit of my first credit card to settle the hospital bills during our ER Visit #1. I had no choice but to do the same for my second to pay off ER Visit #2, not to mention the prescribed medicines worth 2 weeks. Oh btw, the OB GYN consultation fee needed to be paid in cash, so yeah goodbye 1k. Before, I psych myself bankrupt but I still have like 10k+ in the bank. But now, I am literally, really, very, zero balance.

At this point I am not sure how will I be able to bring her to a urologist, another OB GYN session and possible operation.

Well, going back to the main story… we got home around 12am. Mom was still in pain but at least we know the cause. Also, the pain reliever works so Mom was able to sleep enough.

I am still mentally and emotionally drained. Most of all, financially.

So that’s how the day went.

[subwaysurf45]

Code Star

Summary: a code word you and Bucky share is used; but it’s not in a good way.

Warning: panic attack, ripping out hair, addiction(little bit)

Words: 2030

Masterlist!

"Agent. Agent. Copy agent?" Friday spoke through the speakers in your room, it was louder than normal and also in the middle of the night which was the reason you woke up with a gasp.

"C-copy," you spat out, you typically sleep with your mouth open, so it gets dry when you first wake.

"Mr. Barns is calling you, he says it's 'code star'." Your stomach dropped, from all the adrenaline from waking up with a scare and the code, you sprinted down the hall way.

-

It was late and you were in the kitchen, you were trying to separate from your sleeping pills because during your last mission you couldn't sleep because you forgot them, you were addicted to them. So you needed to take a step back, learn to fall asleep on your own.

After asking around there was a tea Wanda recommended, it was lavender tea and she said it's the best with honey. You were currently steeping your bag and had honey beside you.

You took the soggy bag out and turned to the compost bin, after dropping it in and turned around you almost slipped because Bucky was right there.

Standing frozen. Dead face. Staring at you.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" You yelled, not caring if it woke someone up, "what's wrong with you?" You realized you clutched at your heart through your sweater.

He was on the other side of the island, but he seemed to be leaning over a bit, he looked down at your steaming mug and then back at you.

"I- I was going to say hi and then I liked the smell of your tea and then when you turned I looked up at you, I-I didn't mean to freak you out, that must have been really scary, sorry." He looked down into the cup again. "What is it?" He finally asked.

You let your guard down a bit, "lavender," you never looked away from him, "and honey." That was the most he'd ever said to you since he showed up two months ago, he stayed in his room the first month.

"Nice," he nodded, his metal arm coming up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"There's extra water, I can make you one." You knew he was going to ask for your cup, but you really need to hit the sack.

His face lit up in the dark, "perfect!" He half smiled.

You poured the other cup and steeped the another bag, then added honey as well. You both stayed where you were on either side of the island.

"Why are you up?" He asked while blowing on the tea, his voice was below normal level.

"Just can't sleep," you sigh and look over to the common room, no one was there but you really didn't want to meet his eyes.

"I get that," he spoke awkwardly and looked over as well, thinking you were studying something.

"I'm-...I'm trying to get if sleeping pills my shit therapist prescribed for me," you looked back at him, his eye brows raised and his head tilted forty-five degrees.

"Sleeping pills?"

"Insomnia."

"Oh..." he spoke to himself and looked down again, his thumb rubbing the smooth ceramic handle of the blue mug that wasn't his. "I get nightmares." He stated blankly, but he didn't look up at his statement.

"Is it..." you tried to find the right words to not trigger him, "before the war, like America...or later on…in life...?" You danced around the question, Steve had told you mentioning certain things can get Bucky really freaked out.

"My mind," he laughed sarcastically, "it likes to mix the two," he pulled one side of his mouth tight.

"Double-whammy," you whispered, then froze at the sound of a giggle, Bucky chuckled. "What?"

"No-I-I just...I get that reference," he seemed proud, his face seemed to fall quickly though, circling back, "my arm is weird, it's like my human arm but the star," he points to the red, "is like sewn in, I don't know what it means but..." he trialed off.

"Well, if you need help, just call a code star, I'll come to your room and bring you some tea, how about that?" You smile.

"What? Like a friend?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Okay," he smiled and nodded, "alright," his fingers drummed on the counter, "I'm gonna take this back to my room, but I'll remember that." He nodded and left, but caught himself at the corner to the rooms, "hey, agent," he spoke normal, you looked, "if you're gonna be my friend, don't ask 'what's wrong with me?', because trust me...I’ll talk you to your grave." He smirked.

“Noted, Sargent.” You’ve never seen him joke with you before, it felt comforting.

-

'Code star' had never been used for its newer purpose before, as the friendship and relationship grew 'code star' became 'code lavender', it happened after Bucky called 'code star' once while he was having a panic attack, you took so long to make the tea he was passed out by the time you showed up.

'Code lavender': make a tea, meet in the kitchen.

'Code star': panic attack, drop everything a come.

You sprinted down the hallway to the very last room, you could hear laboured breathing as you got closer. Typically you'd knock softly and come in quietly, not this time.

You whipped open the door to see Bucky staring slightly down on the edge of his bed, he was rocking back and forth as his fingers ripped and pulled on his long hair. His pupils blew wide and his lips curled causing his teeth to flash, he didn't even look up at you.

A loud bang from your knees hitting the hardwood didn't phase him either, you tired to duck down to meet his line of eye sight but you couldn't get down enough.

"Bucky, look at me!" You pulled his hands out of his hair, as you made him drop them to his side you found a pile of hair outside his thighs, "oh god," you whispered, your hand unlacing with his to pick up the locks, the free hand of his went straight back to tugging. "Don't do that, don't do that." You hushed and took it out again, a tuff came with it. "Bucky, look at me," you said calmer now, you needed to be the example. "Bucky, nod if you can hear me."

He didn't nod, his eyes stayed locked on your chest. They didn't move there, he was already looking there, it was like he was looking through you.

You kept his hands clumped in your right hand and your left hand began to trace around his face, starting at his cheeks that were dry, little circles led to cross the bridge the nose a couple times. You also started humming, a song you heard Bucky and Steve sing once while drunk and having fun.

His eye brows seemed to raise for a second at the tune, but he quickly fell back into his short shallow breathes. You kept going, your finger gently tracing his cleft chin, it was always something you pinched when joking around with him.

"Wake up, Bucky," you whispered after finishing the song, you started the tune again. His breathing seemed to slow a little and his almost black eyes moved around a bit, "there you go," you cupped his cheek, now just shifting your thumb back and forth. You didn't know if he'd start to pull his hair out again so you kept both the metal and flesh hand covered with your left.

His breathing went to normal, his rib cage expanding wide as he took voluntary breathes. His eyes were shut tight but you felt him lean into your hand that was still holding his cheek.

"Are you with me?" You asked softly, he leaned into your hand again, his hand slowly made it up to his face and he placed his hand over yours, gently guiding it down to his lips; his kisses to your palm were long and filled with their own language.

"I'm here," his voice cut out and became a breath, but you heard him. His eyes looked up before his head moved, he locked eyes with you and something changed.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time, eyes a little wide and confused; but knowing at the same time. They became misty the more he looked, he was never one to cry so he dropped his head to cover the tears.

"It's okay," you hushed, he dropped your hand and leaned forward, basically throwing his entire body weight onto you. You fell back to the floor and he cried in your chest, you saw some of his hair fall with him. "Let it out," your arms wrapped around him and began to rub all along his back, huge, gentle, soothing rubs.

"I-I killed you all," his voice sounded like a dog panting from his short breathes that came when he talked, "I- couldn't s-stop," his 's' slithered like snakes as he tries get sufficient air and talk.

"We're all here, just a dream." It was the same mantra, "we're all here, you're safe, it was a nightmare, you're out of it now. There you go, big breathes, you're doing great, you're a pro at this, keep breathing." You let the broken record play, he seemed to get smaller at every praise.

He sat up and leaned against the bed, Bucky pulled his sleeve around his fist to hold it tight. When he wiped his face it was aggressive, like he was mad at himself. He just stared at you like he always did, you were alway involved in his dreams so he needed to look at you to stay grounded.

"Sorry," his 's' still slurred, "I-...I'm sorry," he wanted to say something else, you could hear it in his tone. His head dropped, Bucky almost fell over at the sight of his hair, "did I do that?" He asked, his nose turned up.

All you did was nod, any verbal answer would've sounded almost grossed out or accusatory. He sighed and looked between the hair and you, he wanted to say something, he'd already stopped himself once.

"Tell me," you whispered.

"I want to cut my hair," Bucky responded softly, "I-I also want to sleep on the floor from now own." He seemed ashamed of the second ask.

"You like the cold?" You tried to figure him out.

"That and it's...comforting...I think," Bucky scratched his head, his metal hand slowing at the thin spot from tugging, "it just grounds me, I'm not used to fluffy things- nicer things."

"How about a mattress pad, you're back will scream at you in the morning." You tried to lighten the mood, he smiled a bit and then nodded. "How about you come sleep in my room tonight, just so I can keep an eye on you and if you want to sleep on my firm mattress you can hop on, how's that?" You stood and held your hand out, Bucky nodded and clapped his metal hand to yours.

You led him down the hallway and to your room, it was really quiet and almost off putting. You slept barefoot so the sound of soft footsteps from your feet was the only thing you heard, Bucky wore socks.

He went straight to your bed and felt the mattress, both hands pressing down on it to see the give it has. You felt a little happy when he was nodding in a positive way; his bottom lip also pouted out.

Bucky slipped in and you joined as well, he stayed still for a while, on his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Y'know, you can cuddle," you whispered, without another second to blink Bucky's face rested on your chest, his arm circled your body completely in a tight hug. Your hands found their way to his back and to his hair, softly lulling him to sleep, "I'll cut your hair in the morning."

"Love you," he murmured.

[lazysimp]

Normal Again /// Bakugou x Fem Reader (18+)

✧Click HERE to read Male version ✧

Rating: Explicit

Summary: A sequel to fine. You never expected recovery to be easy but you never thought it would be nearly impossible. In the weeks since your torture things between you and Bakugou had only grown more strained. Will you be able to save your relationship or is it a lost cause? 

Word count: 8.7k 

Warnings/tags: TW: Self hatred/violence, degradation (not in a sexy way), Angst, Explicit sexual content, Oral sex (giving and receiving), Anal play, She/Her pronouns, All characters are adults, SMUT 18+ Only

masterlist┃AO3

A vicious laugh filled the air as Bakugou’s boot connected with your cheek sending your body flying towards the ground. His deep red eyes were full of glee watching you spit out blood from your busted cheek. He crouched down, looking at you as if you were filth. 

“Look at you,” he sneered. “Just lying there taking it all. You are pathetic, honesty how did I ever see you as more than an easy fuck.” 

“Stop it Bakugou,” you beg weakly. You could not bring yourself to understand how such cruel words could come from the same mouth that used to worship you. 

His boot connects to your head once more sending blinding pain shooting through your skull. “Did you really think you were going to be with me forever? That I would tie myself to someone who can’t even stop themselves from getting kidnapped by a B-ranked villain.” 

His boot rests on your face, its thick rubber sole indenting its print into your cheek. “The only reason I kept you around this whole time was that you spread your legs whenever I wanted. You are easy, too easy and the whole office knows it. They all laugh at you, at how much of a whore you are.” 

Tears begin to leak from your eyes as he brought to light all your insecurities. You would rather he kept beating you than continue to torture you with his taunts. After every night of the same torture you had grown numb to the physical pain but no matter how hard you tried you could not escape his words. 

“If it wasn’t for you I would have already climbed my way to the top. All you can do is hold me back from my dreams with your constant failures. You make me despise you.” 

His heel digs into your temple creating an agonizing inescapable pressure. You were helpless to stop his merciless assault and you were not sure you even wanted to. All you really wanted was for all of this to stop. The constant pain and guilt had worn down your spirit, it was as though you had nothing left to even lose. 

“Look at you just lying there taking it. Why don’t you fight me you pathetic bitch? Why don’t you ever fight?” He screamed, emphasizing each with a blow to your head. You reach up to cover your ears not wanting to hear anything else but your arms were trapped down at your side, held by some invisible force. 

You try again to lift move your arms and then your legs but a warm tight hold tightened even further. Needing to escape the suffocating warmth you thrash around, lashing out at the invisible force. 

“Shh, baby it is ok,” Bakugou said above you his boot still on your head. “This is all just a dream.” 

You slam your eyes closed needing to escape the glaring red eyes that only brought you pain. 

“Mimic is dead and will never hurt you again I promise,” Bakugou’s voice grows closer to your ear. This was your chance! You manage to free one arm and reach up, blindly scratching at any body part you could reach. 

Your nails scream for mercy as you drag them viciously down his arm, their gliding made easy by blood. Despite the pain you know you must have caused, the invisible hold only tightened, trapping both of your hands. 

“Please baby open your eyes, you are safe I promise.” Bakugou’s voice cooed softly trying to pry you away from your own mind. 

You shake your head not trusting the voice, after all, it was the same one that had just been hurting you. With both your hands held still you are left with no choice but to use your teeth. You bite down on one of the arms holding you, sinking your teeth deep into the flesh until a rusty taste fills your mouth. 

“Open your eyes my beautiful girl please,” Bakugou’s voice grew clearer, the malice you had been expecting surprisingly absent. 

Reluctantly you relax into the warm hold and crack one eye open. A sweet smelling black tank top was the first thing you recognized. You blink your eyes a few times to clean them and get a better look around. 

The cold dark room you had been in only moments ago was gone, replaced by a soft bed and warm blankets. The tight suffocating grip that had held you earlier is now a warm embrace. 

You look at the strong arms holding you to your fiancé’s chest and wince. Deep red scratch marks littered his muscles and an already bruising bite branded his shoulder. With you no longer resisting he released your hands and started to run his fingers up and down your back. Despite his mask of relaxation, you could tell he was shaken up. 

“I did it again didn’t I?” you ask weakly already knowing the answer. 

Bakugou let out a sigh, “Yeah, it took me nearly ten minutes to get you back this time.” 

Overwhelming guilt filled your mind for the second time tonight. You had hurt the man you loved because of some stupid dreams. It had been months since your rescue and still every night without fail you dreamed about it happening. It was like the torture never stopped. 

“It is getting worse,” Bakugou says, continuing to pet down your back. 

You nod weakly. He was not wrong. Neither of you had gotten a full night’s rest since the incident. No matter what pills you took without fail you dreamed about Bakugou. Logically you knew it was not Bakugou who had been the one to hurt you. He was your hero and his reward is you flinching from his touch and attacking him in your sleep. None of this was fair. 

Bakugou’s lips softly pressed against your forehead as he pulled you in even closer. You ignored the spike of fear being close to him caused and tried to remember this was your Bakugou, not the sick twisted version Mimic created. 

“We can’t keep going like this baby,” he says weakly. “I think I need to leave for a little bit.” 

Absolute panic grips your heart, “No! Please don’t leave me. I’ll get better I promise. I will find another sleeping pill that one doctor prescribed worked for the first couple of weeks. We can figure this out, please don’t-” 

“Shh,” Bakugou pulled you in closer. “Right now I am not good for you.” 

You open your mouth to protest but he places his hand finger over our lips. “Baby you flinch every time I look at you.” 

You wanted to deny his claim but remember how his eyes felt on your skin and shutter. 

“My face, my voice, hell my smell are all triggers for you. I am hurting you by being near you. I am causing you pain by serving as a living reminder of your pain and I can’t do it anymore.” 

Hot tears start to fall from your eyes. You hated how everything he is saying is not wrong. He is a walking trigger for the memories of that night and you had no idea how to get over them. 

“So this is it,” you say, defeated. 

“No, baby god no. You and I just need some time apart until you are ready to see me again. I am planning on staying at Deku’s for a bit, the nerd offered me his spare bedroom.” 

Despair was the only thing you could feel. All of this was your fault and he should hate you for it but he doesn’t. Why doesn’t he hate you like you hate yourself? He should be screaming at you for causing all of this. The blame is yours and yours alone. If you had been just a little stronger you would never have been taken in the first place and none of this would have happened. 

“Until I can get you to talk to me about how you are feeling I can’t help you. All I am doing is making this worse.” His arms started to loosen their hold around you and for the first time in weeks you wanted them back. 

His arms pulled away completely, taking his warmth. “This is not permanent,” he assured. “It is just until you are ready for me to come back and I will wait as long as you need.” 

You start to reach out for him, to beg him to get back in bed but the silhouette of him above you sent a chill down your spine. You wanted to rip everything apart, every time you made progress there was something dragging you backward. 

You watch helplessly as he quickly dresses and leaves the bedroom, not looking back. You can’t blame him, you want to be free of yourself too. You could hear the front door to the apartment open and quietly shut, the lock clicking into place. 

Life moved slower when you did not have your angry gremlin by your side. It had been a few weeks since he left and you had never been more miserable. At first, you had agreed to the separation, after all, he was a giant trigger but you were quickly realizing it was worse without him. 

The anxiety of being alone at night had you reaching for your phone nearly every night, wanting to call him. It was a miracle you had managed to resist. With you not there to bother him maybe he would finally be getting some sleep. 

The only communication you had gotten from him was a couple of texts letting you know he was still alive. You know he was trying to give you space but the longer he was away the more you wanted to drag him back home. 

Your therapist had still not cleared you for fieldwork so the only thing you could to distract yourself was binge a couple of shows and try some cooking. Of course nothing you made tasted half as good as Bakugou’s cooking. By the end of the the first week your life consisted of sleep, tv, and takeout. 

Your glazed-over eyes half focus on the tv in front of you as you are lost in your thoughts. You hear a knock on the door and rush over to open it. Could he have changed his mind and come back? For the first time in a long time hope filled your chest but it was quickly shattered as you look through the peephole. Uraraka stood still outside your door holding a few grocery bags. 

You try to plaster on a fake smile and open the door. Uraraka did not wait for an invitation and barreled her way into your apartment. 

“Hello to you too,” you mumble, closing the door. 

She sets the floating bags onto the counter and releases her quirk. “Whew, you would believe the line at the store this morning. All the old ladies were fighting their way into the store for the 20% off sale. Of course none of them could beat me from being first in line.” 

You snort, no matter how many brand deals and hero contracts Uraraka had she never stopped being frugal. 

“How was your morning?” She asked, unpacking the many goods from the bags. 

You shrug, “Same as always, watched some tv and pretend my life isn’t falling apart.” 

Uraraka pauses and gives you a look of understanding. “You know he hasn’t forgotten about you, not for one minute.” 

You look away, “What does it matter, our relationship is practically over. I have not seen him in weeks and even if I did see him I would make everything worse with my stupid fear.” 

“You fear is not stupid, you went through something traumatic and need time to heal.” 

You scoff, “I have had time. But every time I make any progress something triggers me and I fall right back down to where I started.” 

“That is normal though! It took me weeks to even look at Deku without crying. You are both being too hard on yourselves.” 

“I am tired of waiting!” You yell, finally letting your anger out in the open. “I miss him so much it hurts. I miss how he would hold me every night after he helped me bathe because I was too sore to even lift my arms. I miss how he would pack my lunch every day because he could not stand watching me go hungry. I miss my Bakugou.” 

Uraraka wraps her arms around your shoulders pulling you in tight against her chest, letting you sob. It was the first time in weeks anyone had touched you. Her soft hands traced up and down your back, trying her best to soothe the pain. 

“I miss him so much,” you cry between hiccups. 

“So why don’t you call him? I am sure he would be happy to hear your voice.” Uraraka pulls out her phone and starts to dial his number. 

“No!” You snatch the phone from her hand and toss it over your shoulder. You wince as you hear the phone connect with the hardwood floor. 

The hand on your back stills, “You are going to replace that you know.” 

You nod, a worthy expense if it meant you did not have to confront reality just yet. At least with him gone you could pretend your relationship was not over. 

“Stop saying that! Your relationship is not over. What the two of you need is a good conversation.” 

You must have said the last part out loud. “What does it matter, even if we have a conversation and he moves back in I will end up having nightmares and keep him up for weeks. It is not fair for him to suffer through that for me.” 

“Ugh!” Uraraka shoves you off her chest and stands. “Both of you keep pushing each other away based on some convoluted idea that you are actually protecting each other. It makes me want to pull my hair out!

You cross your arms over your chest, “Well I am protecting him.” 

She rolls her eyes, “Sure.” 

“Hey, don’t make me regret teaching you sarcasm. I’m being serious, my nightmares were getting so bad I started to attack him in my sleep.” 

“No offense but Bakugou can handle you with his hands tied behind his back.” 

“But he shouldn’t have to! It is not fair for him to have to worry if his fiancé will attack him in his sleep every night.” 

“News flash, life is not fair. It was not fair when I watched the love of my life get skewered in front of me. It was not fair when I could not look at him for weeks without crying. And it was not fair when Mimic tortured you. None of this is fair or just, it is all shit we are given and sometimes it is more than we can handle.” 

She holds your chin in her hands, “The only thing you are doing wrong is pushing away the person who you need the most.” 

“But I hurt him when he is close,” you argue weakly. 

Uraraka’s eyes softened, “You hurt him more when you push him away. His quirk is not mind reading, he has no idea how to help you, how you can both help each other.” 

You knew she was right, that what you were doing was not working. But you were stuck, unsure how to even start talking to him again. Even so, you had to try. 

“Alright, I will try giving him a call-” 

Behind you, Uraraka’s phone rang, its piercing ring tone cutting you off. Your heart sinks, that ring tone only went off when a hospital was calling. Without a word, Uraraka bends down and picks up her phone from the floor. 

“Hello, this is Uravity speaking,” she said into the phone. 

You watch her face for clues and your heart grew even heavier as worry danced in her eyes. 

“Are you going to transfer him to the Hero’s hospital in Tokyo?” 

Your breathing stops. No, the world could not be so cruel. Your hearing grows fuzzy making it impossible to tune into the rest of Uraraka’s conversation.

“Hey,” someone said in the background. “Hey, I need you to focus. Bakugou is hurt, I am not next of kin so they won’t tell me anything about his condition. I am going to drive us over to the hospital, he should already be there by the time we arrive” 

You nod, too stunned to speak. He was hurt. Your Bakugou was hurt and you were just standing around. Ignoring the pain in your chest your mind finally snapped into action. 

Wordlessly you and Uraraka rushed down to her car below. The drive to the Hero’s hospital was short, only a few blocks from your apartment. The front entrance was already packed full of reporters trying to catch a glimpse of your injured hero. 

You bite your tounge to stop yourself from cursing the reporters out. Those nosy assholes wanted to broadcast Bakugou’s pain to the public for a quick buck. Luckily disappeared from your sight as Uraraka drove past the and into the private parking lot. 

Uraraka had not even put the car in park when you shoved open the door and ran to the sliding doors. You could hear her yell to wait behind you but you kept running until you found the front desk. 

You skid to a stop in front of a shocked receptionist and slam your palms down on the counter, “Where are they taking Hero Dynamight?” You ask, holding your hero license out so she would know you were not a reporter. 

The receptionist winced, “I am sorry but only allowed to disclose information to the family of the patient.” 

“Well I am his wife and I am demanding to know where he is.” You retort, not caring about the implications of the claim. 

“Dynamight is not married, his paperwork states he is a single but nice try.” 

“Listen here you-” your rant was cut short by a soft hand on your shoulder. 

“It was a private ceremony, they have still not made it public yet so there is now paperwork. I know that is not protocol but won’t you please let it slide this once ” Uraraka smiles sweetly trying to play cute to get what she wants.

The receptionist shook her head, “ I am sorry but I cannot allow anyone who is not documented family to visit any patient.” 

You open your mouth to yell but Uraraka beats you to it. 

“That is fine, thank you for doing such a great job protecting our heroes.” She gently grabs your bicep and pulls you away from the desk before you could say another word. 

“What are you doing she is our only way of figuring out anything about Bakugou.” You hiss trying to pry yourself free from her hold. 

“No she’s not,” Uraraka turns her head to look at you and smiles. “I spent a few weeks coming in and out of this hospital while Deku was recovering. Going through the main entrance is the easiest way but there is a locked side door. With enough force, it can be wiggle open.” 

“Won’t it have an alarm?” 

“Of course it has an alarm this is a heavily secured building. Luckily they have a well-trained hero there to investigate the disturbance,” she winked. 

You laugh, being a hero did have its perks. It only took a few more turns before she found the small door. 

“Now when I open this door a blaring alarm will go off and two security guards will come rushing from either end. I will handle the one on this side but you will be on your own for the other. Try not to hurt them too much.” 

With that Uraraka wraps her hand around the door handle and pulls, her arm muscles bulging from the effort. You stand still, stunned to watch your friend pry open the solid steel door.

The door finally gives sending out a blaring alarm but you had already made it past the first couple hallways, hiding in a small doorway as a guard runs past. You wait another minute to make sure the coast is clear besides casually walking down the hallway until you found a nurse’s station.

“Excuse me,” you say, trying to sound as polite as possible. “The front desk told me to ask you which room my husband is in.” 

The oldest nurse looked you up and down skeptically, “What is your husband’s name?” 

“Bakugou Katsuki.” 

“Uh-hu sure, wait here a minute for me while I go find his nurse.” She turned and disappeared into the room behind the station.

Fuck, she was onto you. You slowly walk backward away from the door’s line of sight and rush down the hallway looking desperately for Bakugou. He had to be here somewhere but the hospital was a maze of hallways and doors with no names on them. 

You could not yell out for him that would only alert security to your position faster. You spin on your heels looking frantically for any sign of him but the more you look, the more lost you become. 

“Hey! You cannot be back here,” A security guard yelled, a taser already armed in his hand. 

You put your hands into the air, looking to your side for an escape. You could handle one petty security guard but you did not feel like explaining to the commission why you beat a guard. Sucking in a deep breath you run towards the officer who was too shocked to pull the trigger on the taser. Sticking your leg out you kick his feet out from under him sending his back to the floor. 

Without looking back you run down the hall taking as many turns as you could to find a hiding spot. One of these rooms had to have no camera in it. 

In your frantic looking, one door stood out. It was off to the left in a dead-end hallway. It had to be a good enough hiding spot as any. You sprint to the door and swing the door open into a pitch-black room. 

You felt bile rise in your throat at the thought of entering the darkness but you had no choice, security was hot on your heels. You close your eyes and step into the darkness, closing the door behind you. 

Your back rests against the door and you listen to the guards run past the hallway. For now they had no idea where you were. You let out a sigh of relief and feel around the wall for a light switch. 

Mercifully, you find it and switch it on. The room looked like any other hospital room except for one thing. There was someone in the bed and they were about to look up. 

Shit! You duck under one of the tables in time to hide from their view. 

“Oi, I thought I told you people to leave me alone! I already took the damn pills and agreed to stay the night.” 

Your breathing stops at the deep rough voice of Bakugou. You found him; he is not in a coma fighting for his life. He is in bed resting safely just feet away from you. A sob of relief climbs your throat, and you have to slap your hand over your mouth to mute it. 

The rush of blinding fear to find Bakugou suddenly turns into fear about seeing him. What if he did not want you to visit? Fuck you should have thought about this more before you left. 

“I can hear your breathing! Don’t make me get out of bed or I will kick your ass.” 

Not wanting him to hurt himself by standing you relent and force your weak knees up. You keep your eyes to the floor not daring to look at his face, “Surprise,” you tease weakly. 

“W-what?” Bakugou said, his voice high and full of confusion. 

“I-I heard you got hurt, no one was telling me anything, so I decided to come and check up on you myself. But I see you are fine so I will leave you alone. I am sorry for barging in.” 

“Wait! Don’t leave,” Bakugou winces as he sits up in bed, his abdomen covered in bandages. Instantly you rush to his bedside. 

“Don’t move that fast you will hurt yourself!” You lecture, gently pushing him back down to the bed. Bakugou looks down at your hands with shock, you had not touched him caringly since the incident. 

You quickly realized your hands were still on him and snatch them back to your side. You stand there awkwardly, unsure what to do. It was like the months of being together had been erased since he had left. 

“W-what happened?” You finally ask to break the silence. 

Bakugou looks down at his hands, “Some stupid kid ran out in the middle of the fight and almost got themselves killed. I didn’t have enough time to get them out of the way, so I had to shield them instead. Damn villain managed to shoot me.” 

“You got shot!” 

“Yeah, pathetic asshole knew he could not take me without a gun. Lucky for me he had terrible aim and managed to only graze my side. The only reason I am still in this stupid bed is because Rescue Girl is on vacation and refuses to come in and heal me.” 

The heavy weight on your heart lifted slightly knowing he was not seriously hurt but you still worried about his current condition. Bakugou was not one to sit around until he felt better. In the time the two of you had been together he only got sick once and it took tackling him to the ground and tying him up in bed to keep him from working. 

You knew him and Deku were on good terms now but dealing with a hurt Bakugou was a full-time job. “How long did the doctor say you have to be off work?” 

Bakugou scoffed, “She thinks I have to wait at least a week even with Recovery Girl. As soon as I can escape this bed I will head back to the office I have a villain to hunt down.” 

You put your hands on your hips, “Oh no you won’t. If the doctor tells you to wait a week you will wait a week.” 

A mischievous grin spreads across Bakugou’s face, “Oh, and how are you going to enforce that?” 

Blood rushes to your face making your cheeks feel like they were burning. To keep him from fighting his restraints the last time he was sick you had to fuck him until he was too tired to care he was chained up. By the time he had recovered from being sick you could barely walk and he had to be the one to take care of you.

“Don’t look at me like that when you are hurt.” 

“Then answer the question, how do you plan to keep me from working this week.” 

“What are you five? Do you really need an incentive to be good?” You taunt. 

A wolfish grin spread across his face, “Yes.” 

You throw your hands up in the air, “Ugh, you are terrible!” 

His hand reaches out and grabs your wrist to pull you in closer to the bed and for a second fear flashes in your eyes. All of the teasing had made you forget your fear but his touch brought is all back. 

Bakugou sensed the change in your demeanor and opened his hand to free you from his touch. 

“Wait, don’t move your hand,” you suck in a deep breath. “Just give me a second.” 

His warm long fingers wrapped themselves back around your wrist, holding still as you try to calm your heart. You were stronger than this fear. You could do this. 

“Baby, you don’t have to push yourself, I understand-” 

“No!’ You yell, taking a step closer to his bed. “This is ok, I will make this ok again.” 

You avoid looking at his face, needing to build up your strength before testing your limits. Being separated from him had helped your memories heal some but it was still difficult to see him. 

Forcing the tight fear in your chest down you intertwined your fingers through his and pull them up to your lips, gently kissing his knuckles.

“It is easier when I control where you touch,” you mumble to him, trying to follow Uraraka’s advice. 

“What?” Bakugou asked, unsure what you meant. 

“When you are the one controlling the touching, it makes me nervous because I don’t know what will happen next. It makes me feel like I have no control and that is when I start to freak out.” 

You look down to where your hands were joined, “When I am leading the touch I have some idea of what will happen next and it is easier to not feel scared.” 

“So you have to be in charge?” 

“I don’t have to always be in charge, I just need to know what you are thinking, what you are doing before you do it or I need to be guiding it.” 

Bakugou smiled, “So if I told you to sit on my face would that work?” 

A few incoherent words fall out of your mouth as you try to process what he just said. 

“Well, maybe, but you are hurt and need your rest. Besides, you should not be thinking about that while you are lying in a hospital bed. When you are discharged, we can try something like that.” 

Bakugou sat up straighter, “Oh no you don’t. I have gone without your taste on my tongue for too long. You are going to get that sweet ass over here and sit on my face.” 

“No, Bakugou. Look at the state of you. I could seriously hurt you.” 

That was the absolute worst thing you could have said, in seconds his teasing eyes filled with fiery determination. The last time he gave you that look was when you rejected going on a date with him. A week later he had your legs wrapped around his waist. 

He lifts his finger and points to you and then his face, “Come here.” 

You stubbornly shake your head, “This is not happening Bakugou. You could tear your stitches and have to stay in the hospital even longer.”

He shrugs, “Fine with me as long as you are here.” 

This damn man must be suicidal. “We need to talk more about our relationship before we dive right into sex.” 

“Your mouth will be free and clear to talk.” 

“This is an awful idea. What if I get freaked out in the middle of it all?” 

“That’s easy, we stop,” he gently pulls you in closer his face now only inches away. 

“Please baby I have missed you; I promise I will stop if it gets too much.”

You were conflicted. Neither of you were in a state where you should be fooling around. But the feel of his hand on yours was so calming and warm that you wanted more. 

“Alright,” you whisper. “But If you are in any pain you need to let me know.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I promise. Now get that pretty ass up here,” he pats his shoulders. 

“This is such a bad idea,” you mumble to yourself as you slip off your pants while Bakugou lowered the head of the bed. This could go wrong in so many ways but the longer you thought about his tongue on you the less you cared. 

“Fuck baby,” Bakugou groaned, “Climb up, you won’t hurt me.” 

You toss your pants to the side and do as he said. Climbing up onto his bed and carefully lowering yourself over his face. Your face was burning at the thought of what all he could see. Needing support, you grab ahold of the headboard. After all you did not want to hurt him. Bakugou was not having that. He wrapped his arms around your thighs and pulled you down until you had no choice but to rest your weight on his face. 

“Wait, you could hurt yourself,” you protested breathlessly. 

He only laughed, his hot breath teasing your aching cunt. He sat still under you for a few minutes letting you get adjusted to the feeling of his touch, and it let him soak in the sight of you above him. 

“Such a pretty pussy,” he mumbled against the soft skin of your thighs. Not wanting to move too fast he first places a few sloppy kissing along with your inner thigh, giving you ample time to mentally prepare for his mouth on your cunt. 

You try to stop yourself from shaking but it was impossible. It had been months since someone had touched you and to have Bakugou beneath you, ready to worship your body, was almost too much for your brain to process. 

Bakugou’s mouth teased your other thigh before settling on your already soaking wet pussy.

“That’s my good girl, already wet for me. This pretty pussy knows who it belongs to, but does its owner?” 

“Bakugou stop talking to my pussy and get to work,” you growl. 

“Tsk, when did you become so greedy?” The hands on your thighs shift around until they were able to spread open your sex giving him complete access to you.

“You are lucky I miss this just as much as you do or I would tease you for hours. Tie your ass to the bed and not let you leave until neither of us could move.” 

You rock your hips trying to egg him on, “Sounds to me like you are all talk.” 

The hands on your thighs tighten forcing you to put all your weight onto his face. You try to pull yourself up, not wanting to suffocate your boyfriend but he refuses and goes straight for the kill. His soft wet tongue drags a straight line up the slit of your cunt, gathering up your juices. 

Your hands abandon the headboard and thread through his hair. Bakugou groaned, settling into feasting on your cunt. His soft lips slide through your folds, looking for your hidden button. 

“Ah please Bakugou,” you beg, “it feels so good.” 

You could feel his smile against your skin before his mouth latches onto your throbbing clit, dragging it into his mouth. 

While his lips teased your clit, one hand left your thigh to snake around under you. You lurch forward as two thick fingers slip through your folds, wetting themselves in your slick before they gently press at your entrance. 

Your hips buck away from the combined sensations fearing to be too much but Bakugou was not having it, he strengthened his hold on your thighs and pushed you down on his fingers. You sob at the feeling of being stretched, it had been so long the burn was more intense than normal. 

“Fuck baby you are so tight around my fingers, I can’t wait to have you wrapped around my cock,” he groaned. 

“Bakugou,” you whined. “You can’t just say things like that.” 

He releases your clit with a pop, “Like what? Like how I want to feast on this pussy until you are all I can taste for weeks. Like how by the time I am done with you, you will be a sobbing mess that I will have to take care of. Just listen to this sloppy pussy take my fingers. Fuck baby people would kill for even a sliver of this cunt but too bad for them it is all mine.” 

You shove a fist in your mouth to stifle a loud moan. The last thing either of you needed was someone barging in. 

Bakugou pulled your aching bud back between his lips and got to work. The two fingers inside you started to pump, curling to hit your sweet spot each time they were inside you. His delicious tongue flicked up and down on your clit driving you mad. 

Trusting you would not run away he releases your other thigh and reaches under your shirt. His large hand stroked up your stomach, caressing the skin there before latching onto one of your nipples. He pinches the soft peak between his fingers, rolling it until it pebbles. You arch your back into his hand and start to rock your hips wanting more. 

Bakugou moans into your cunt, able to tell you were growing lost in the pleasure. He loved it when you were too engrossed with feeling good to care about anything except him. 

Looking down in between your legs you could see his light blonde hair peeking out from the apex of your thighs and had a devilish idea. 

“Bakugou stick out your tongue,” you order. 

He releases you from his mouth and looks up, his chin soaking with your juices, “What?” 

“Stick out your tongue, like this,” You show him with your own mouth. 

A spark of recognition flashed in his eyes and he smiled. Good, he liked the idea too. With no delay, his tongue stuck out of his mouth. You reach down and spread yourself open, settling back over Bakugou’s eager tongue. His fingers abandon you in favor of holding onto your ass while you dig your fingers into his hair. 

With both of you settled you slowly begin to rock your hips, riding his tongue. You start off slowly, watching closely for any sign Bakugou was not comfortable but judging by his growl of pleasure you would say he is just fine. 

A red hot warmth started to grow in the lower half of your body, slowly spreading its tingle to your lower belly. Fuck, the image of Bakugou beneath you, letting your ride his face was almost too much to process. 

“Oh god Bakugou,” you moan. “Please, it feels so good.” 

He could only groan in response, his mouth too busy bringing you to your peak. When you looked down at him between your legs you could only see his bright lust filled eyes. They were intensely watching you fall apart. 

White spots started to grow in your vision and you increase the speed of your thrusts. The fingers in his hair tighten, now holding onto him for dear life. It only took a few more rocks of your hips before the white spots grew into a blinding white light.

Overwhelming waves crashed into you, sending glorious pleasure pulsing through you. Your body was not your own as the electricity ran through you making every muscle grow taunt and release in a never-ending cycle. 

Bakugou redoubled his effort, not letting you even finish your first peak before he was building you up to another. The idea that you would feel that pleasure again was enough to make you mad. 

His fingers slipped into your clenching entrance and curled forward, teasing your sweet spot. His lips returned to your clit, sucking it gently into his mouth and lashing at the tender bud with his tongue. 

You release his hair, afraid you will rip it out, and hold onto the headboard as all the clenching tension finally releases, sending you spiraling. Loud wanton moans ripped from your throat and you could do nothing to stop them. 

Bakugou toyed with you until you could no longer hold yourself upright. Only then did he gently lift you off his face and down onto his lap. You slouch over and rest your forehead on his shoulder. The world around you was fuzzy, your mind still reeling from how hard you finished. 

“Wait, Bakugou you are not supposed to be lifting anything!” You yell when your mind finally returns to reality. 

“Tsk, I already told you I am fine.” 

You fought the urge to slap him, “You idiot what if you had busted open your stitches!” 

“You did not seem too worried about that when you were rubbing your cunt on my tongue.” 

“Well, obviously I was not thinking straight,” you mumble. Damn him for being right. 

Bakugou gives you a sly smile, “You know I am feeling a little sore.” 

Regret slams into you, “Damn it Bakugou, I was worried this would happen. Where are you hurting.”

His hips thrust upwards forcing his rock-hard cock against your ass. “Right there baby.”

You flick your finger against his forehead, “I was really worried you asshole.”  

“But it aches, won’t you make it feel better?” 

“You are lucky you are hot,” you whisper into his ear before carefully descending his body. You settle in between his legs, pulling down the blankets to free his cock. 

You have to stop and stare at it. Everything about your boyfriend had to be perfect. His cock was long and proud, resting on his stomach with a small tuft of blonde pubic hair at the base. His cock had one large vein running up the length of it, pulsing with each heartbeat. God, you wanted to trace that vein with your tongue. 

Reaching up you wrap your hand around the base of his cock. He was so warm on your hand, like your own personal space heater. You shuffle your body to get your mouth a little close to his cock and then before he could say anything bring the head of his cock into your mouth. 

His reaction was instant, his hands shot down to grab at the sheets beside your head. You could feel his hips flex under you as he fought the urge to thrust up into your mouth. 

Feeling emboldened by his reaction you relaxed the muscles in your jaw and took more of his length into your mouth. His salty flavor spilled across your tongue as he started to release pre-cum. Your poor baby had gone too long without any attention. 

Redoubling your effort you bring up your free hand and wet it with your spit. Reaching under your busy mouth you slide your finger down until you find Bakugou’s tight entrance. 

“Hey, what do you think you are doing?” Bakugou growls, grabbing your wrist. 

You let his cock fall out of your mouth and look up innocently, “I am making you feel good baby, just lay back and relax. I promise this will feel good.” 

He looked conflicted but slowly the iron-clad grip on your wrist loosened enough to set you free. Not waiting for him to change his mind you begin to circle his hole with your wet finger. Before you could even try to push your finger forward you needed him to relax. You return to teasing his aching cock with your mouth, sucking on his tip just the way he likes all the while circling your finger around his hole, waiting for him to relax enough for you to slip it in. 

As you take another inch of him into your mouth you could feel him relax enough to slip your finger slip past the tight ring of muscle. You could feel Bakugou tense so you did not move the finger forward, giving him time to adjust to the intrusion. 

With your tongue on his dick it was easy enough to distract him as you slowly inch your finger in. Once you went in far enough you twist your finger around, looking for a soft spongy spot inside him. A sharp thrust up into your mouth signaled you had found exactly what you were looking for. 

“What the fuck,” Bakugou groaned, his hands going to hide his face. You smirk, finally, you were the one driving him insane. 

You benign to move your hand and mouth on his cock in time with your finger in his ass. Small pathetic whines were leaving Bakugou’s mouth and you felt like a god. You were so engrossed in bringing him pleasure you had no time to think about anything else. 

You could hear his breathing begin to grow more labored and his cock grow even harder in your mouth. “Fuck, baby I am going to-” Was the only warning you had before his cum shot to the back of your throat. 

You swallow his release down, making sure to ease your hold on his cock, now only gently pumping your hand and finger to lengthen his orgasm. 

Slowly the pulsing of his cock stopped and you released him from your mouth, wiping the spit on your chin off with the back of your hand. You could not help but smile as you watched Bakugou slowly come back into the real world with a beautiful dazed look on his face. 

He slid his hand under your chin and lifted your head to meet his eyes, “Where the fuck did you learn that?” 

“Being away from you for this long made me desperate so I watched a couple of videos to make it easier.” 

“Right,” he said breathlessly, “You need to show me that shit later if it taught you that.”

You laugh, “Gladly. Now lay down you need your rest.” 

Bakugou tilts his head, “What the hell do you mean rest? I have not been away from you for too long, I can rest later. Now I am going to get my cock into that tight pussy.” 

“Bakugou you just finished.” 

“So,” he thrusts his hips up, rubbing his already erect cock against your ass. 

“How?” You ask in amazement. 

“I have been fantasizing about fucking you for months baby. Did you really think once would be enough to satisfy me?” 

Without waiting another minute his hands grab into your hips and lift you up. Lining your entrance up with the tip of his cock. In a flash you involuntarily tense your body, the memories of that night rushing back into your head. No, no, no, not now, not when you were so close to being one with Bakugou again. 

His bright red eyes meet yours as he feels you tense. Fuck, why did you always mess everything up, this was all your fault. Why could you not just be normal, that is what he deserved a nice normal happy girl. 

“Hey,” Bakugou whispered softly. “Talk to me, what is wrong.” 

You wanted to keep your lips shut, to pretend that everything was fine but that would be lying. You never wanted to lie to him. 

“I can’t stop thinking about Mimic. One minute I am fine and the next he is all I can see.” 

Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed, “You were fine with what we did earlier? What triggered it?” 

You shake your head, “It is different every time. It is just hard for my mind to differentiate from my Bakugou and the one Mimic made.” 

“So call me Katsuki.” 

“Huh?” 

“If you are having a hard time with there being two Bakugou’s, then try calling me Katsuki. That way there is at least one easy way to tell me apart from him.” 

“You want me to call you by your first name?” 

His eyes softened, “Yeah baby, I want you to call me by my first name.” 

“Katsuki,” You test his name out, loving how it feels on your tongue. You watch his face to see his reaction and see lust fill his gaze. Oh he liked it.

You start to whisper his name over and over again, like a prayer to remind yourself you were no longer under Mimics thumb. You were with the man who would kill anything that tried to hurt you.

“If you keep saying my name like that baby I am going to fuck you,” Katsuki growled into your ear.

Oh would he now? You wiggle your hips, teasing the head of your cock with your dripping slit. Pulling him in close you whisper one little word, “Katsuki.”

“You asked for it,” He laughed, hauling your hips back up until they hovered over his cock.

The hands on your hips gripped down with bruising force and his cock slipped into your entrance. All the play from earlier had left you more than prepared enough to take his length. The familiar burn started as his cock sank deeper inside you, opening you wide for him.

“By the time I am finished with you, this tight cunt is going to be fucking dripping in my cum. I am going to fill you to the fucking brim.”

A low groan was your only response he bottomed out inside you, his cock leaving no space unfilled. You could damn near feel him in the back of your throat. Normally he would be the one to initiate thrusting but you were growing too impatient.

Bracing your hands on his chest, careful to avoid his bandages, you lift your hips up until only the tip of his cock was inside. Then you slam your hip down, marveling at the feel of him entering you again.

His cock was perfect for hitting all the sweet spots inside you. Not wanting to be left out Katsuki grab ahold of your ass and uses his own strength to strengthen each thrust.  

You look down to where you both were joined and almost came on the spot. The sight of his cock pistoning into you was mind-shattering. He looked like a god beneath you. His large muscles building with effort, the thick veins in his arms standing elevated.

“Look at me,” he ordered, his bright red eyes filled with determination. “Right now you are mine, that means the only thing you are allowed to think about is me. About how good my cock feels splitting you open. Is that clear?”

You weakly nod your head, too overwhelmed to speak. A soft smile spreads across his face, “That is my baby, so good for me.”

His praise felt like a caress on your skin. You needed to distract yourself or this would end too soon. You lean forward and press your lips onto his. His tongue glided along the seam of your lips, demanding entrance. You happily opened your mouth allowing his tongue to slip inside. The taste of his spit was mixed with your own flavor, and you still had some of his taste on your tongue. The combined flavor was so fucking lewd and hot.

The familiar tingled started to grow in your pussy, you were not going to last long. The muscles in your legs begin to tremble making your thrusts grow sloppy. Katsuki was not having it. His hips rose to meet yours, forcing your body to endure even more pleasure all the while he toyed with your mouth.

It all became too much, the different sensations all worked together to drive you up, higher and higher you were climbing until it was hard to even breathe. Then, just like that, all the pressure released sending you spiraling.

Your pussy clamped down on his cock, forcing Katsuki to erupt. The thought of him filling you only lengthened the brutal pleasure filling your mind. There was no room in your mind for anything but him. You had no care in the world but him just like he ordered. 

As the pulses of pleasure slowed you were able to finally catch your breath. You both laid still in each others arms for a few minutes, letting you come slowly back to earth. Of all the times the two of you fucked this definitely had to be in the top three. Though they did say that makeup sex was the best. 

“How are you feeling?” Katsuki asked, his voice rough. 

You rest your ear against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, “I feel good.” 

He places a soft kiss on your forehead, “Do you think you are ready for me to come home?” 

You take the time to think about it. Having him back in your life did not set off fear like it used to. Instead, it made you feel warm inside. You looked forward to going to bed with him instead of dreading it. 

“Yeah,” you smile. “Yeah, I am.” 

The arms around your waist tighten pulling you impossibly closer to his chest. You snuggle in closer, getting comfortable. Katsuki would never admit it but lying here with you in his arms safe and happy was one of the happiest moments in his life. 

Neither of you was healed from what had happened but you refused to push him away again. You will get past what happened and you will do it with him by your side. 

[chocominnie]

One Last Time 06 —  Pjm. (M)

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Word Count : 3k

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

‘‘ I swear I am going to have someone beat your ass Park Jimin!’’

‘‘ It’s not my fucking fault! I broke up with her but you lead her to the apartment  knowing she’ll follow!’‘

‘‘ Damn it Jimin im going to kick your ass!’‘

Your eyes pop open just in time to see Jungkook on-top of Jimin hitting him repeatedly on the face while Jimin manages to push him off of him and begin his fist fight against him. He straddles Jungkook to the floor and punches are thrown left and right. Now the sudden headache of seeing the two brothers fight has began in your head and you cannot stand hearing the groaning and yelling between them. Bringing your hand up to signal them to stop, you realize they don’t even know you’ve awakened.

 Jungkook on the other hand is not having it so he throws Jimin off of him harshly making Jimin groan. The way he grabs Jimin’s collar with venom fast strength finally gives you the courage to yell out to them.

‘‘ Stop! Damn it, you two are like literal fucking teenagers. Act your age!”

The both of them turn their heads toward you slowly. Jungkook drops his fist, which was going to connect with Jimin’s face. You take a good look at them. Freshly bruised from each-other. Great.

‘‘ You think fighting is going to solve this problem huh? Get over here now.” You say, eyebrows furrowed in anger.

Jungkook gives Jimin a death glare before rushing to your side and feeling your forehead. You slap his hand away and pull him down by his shirt only for him to recieve a harsh slap to the forehead.

‘‘ Shit!” He stumbles back and rubs his forehead. He shoots you a glare, wanting to yell at you but doesn’t.  You motion for Jimin to come to you too. He raises his eyebrows in amusement.

‘‘ I don’t think it’s necessary for you to do that..” He says, as if your death glare towards him isn’t enough to tell him you aren’t joking whatsoever.

He gets the memo when you disregard his comments before hanging his head low and bending down a little to your height. One slap against the forehead and two across the wrists.

‘‘ That’s for you fighting He was only looking out for me. The last two were for having a psychotic girlfriend who almost killed me. Look at my wrist!’‘

You hold them out to see two I.V’s, one for blood transfusion and the other a regular for nutrients on your right wrist. Both of them bandaged up which does need to be changed because of the old blood.

‘‘ I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t know she would be this upset.’‘ Jimin says, hanging his head low. Jungkook rolls his eyes at him out of annoyance.

‘‘ Whatever. I already called my lawyer for your case. Since Isabel tried to attempt murder to you, you will win this case for sure.’‘ He proudly leans against the wall hoping to atleast crack a smile from you.

You don’t smile though. The last thing you need is another scandal. If this were to make the news and blogs right now then it could be a bad thing. You’ve just started your modeling career again and right now would be the worst time to have something like that. 

Jimin leans on the wall with his hands in his pockets, still avoiding locking eyes with you which is something he usually does. Something tells you that he’s hiding something. Something that you just can’t put your finger on.

‘‘ The police will come shortly for witness statements and your statement. Then they’ll call for a court date as soon as possible.’‘ Jimin’s voice low, illuminating with a hint of sadness.

Out of curiosity you want to say something more. To ask him whats going on and why he’s acting rather like this. It’s really not like him. He’s hiding something for sure and you just cannot put your finger on it. You just agree and pull out your phone. A missed call from Ryan. You try texting her and she almost always responds immediately. This time she doesn’t. What’s really going on?

You don’t know but Ryan took it upon herself to pay Isabel a visit. Usually visitors aren’t allowed for people in holding but with a little sweet talk of hers she got to get atleast 10 minutes to talk. That’s all she needs. When it comes to you, her bestfriend, she never messes around. Hearing the news from Jungkook yesterday she almost went luncatic. Throwing things at him, calling his brother every disrespectful name in the book. Oh she hates him now for sure.

Jungkook had to stop her from going over to the hospital to beat his ass into a bloody pulp for causing you pain and getting together with that crazy girl just to break up with her. Ryan was heated. 

But now she can take this heat and serve some to Isabel right now. She walks with confidence into the room. Nothing and nobody can stop her and if they even try, she’ll chew them up and spit them out. Catching a glimpise of Isabel sitting at the table with her hands cuffed and security next to her, Ryan shoots her a devious glare.

‘‘ What brings you here? I expected my boyfr-’‘

A harsh slam from her hands hit the table as she bends a little to her seated level, ‘‘ He’ not your fucking boyfriend. You were lucky I wasn’t there to beat your fucking ass.”

The guard tenses up at the sounds and sudden movements. Ryan notices, and decides to take her seat to calm down before she’s the one sitting behind the jail bars too. 

‘‘ Ryan.. I thought we were friends?’‘ She frowns, pouting her lips while fake wiping tears away. 

Ryan scoffs,shaking her head ever so slowly with a devilish grin on her face. “ We aren’t. Don’t let me catch you un-attended without your manager or body guard.. Isabel.’’

Isabel laughs one of her evil laughs, throwing her head back then coming back up, “ Oh how cute. Is this a threat from little ol’ you? Me and Jimin were doing just fine before your bestfriend had decided to enter his life again. I’m not the only bad guy here. She should know boundaries for taken men. Ex’s aren’t supposed to be firendly and lovey dovey. Spending nights and going everywhere with each other. Especially when one’s a famous idol with another idol girlfriend. Do I make myself clear?”

“ Maybe you should take that up with your hoe of a boyfriend. He’s the one who can’t leave her alone.” She yells, inches away from Isabel’s face. The two stare at each other long and hard. Isabel is no match for Ryan though.

The guard clears his throat to break the two’s glares. The tension is thick in the air.

“ If you ever touch yn again, I’ll make sure you’re the one in the hospital this time around.”

‘‘ You’ll all see. I’ll win this court case. Trust me… there’s things you do not know.” 

Ryan rolls her eyes, strutting her way out the room with the sound of her heels clicking right behind her. Consider the message recieved. 

It’s been one week after the situation. In which in between those days you were dismissed from the hospital and have been in at Jimin’s house ever since. You didn’t want to be here. You want to be at home with your cat, Clara. Jungkook’s been going over to feed and play with her. Jimin kept pleading for you not to return home just yet because it could be a danger to you. It makes sense. You never know what Isabel has up her sleeve. 

So you’ve been sitting here doing the same old thing everyday. Eat, watch movies and netflix tv shows,  sleep, and repeat.

Jimin would come in and out of his home studio to check in on you. He still has to work on producing and singing his songs. He’d bring the food and your medicine he prepared per usual,  kiss your forehead, and go right back out to producing his highly anticipated album.

It all seems fake to you. Something is off. Something is not being told to you. You can feel it in your gut but can’t put a finger on it.

‘‘ This is so cliche.’‘ You murmur to yourself, switching the flat-screen T.V off.

And as if on cue Jimin comes inside your- well his room with a glass of water and prescribed pain killers for you. The slight smile on his face makes you want to smile but you don’t.

‘‘ Smile for ocne yn. Do you not like staying here?’‘ He says, sitting next to you on the side of the bed and places the glass in your hands.

You furrow your eyebrows at him, taking the two pills out of his palm. “ No.. but be honest with me Jimin okay?”

His face turns a quick shade of pink then pale as if you had said the wrong choice of words at the wrong time. As if he had seen a ghost at this very moment. That’s not a good sign at all.

‘‘ Are you.. hiding something from me?’‘

The atmosphere is thick and silence fills the room. You don’t say anything and he doesn’t either. Your eyes meet his and for once they don’t pull away first. 

Jimin doesn’t know how to break it to you though. It’s now or never.

‘‘ She will never leave me.”

You bite your lip hard, “ What do you mean?”

“ That she said that she’d do everything to ruin our relationship if we continue to persue one. She’d spready rumors about you to Dispatch. Make a scene whenver you’re near me. Anything she can do, she will do it.”

You don’t know how to take this all in. You knew Isabel was possesive but not this possesive. The thought of her doing things on purpose for you to make everyone hate you makes you want to cry. To just bawl your eyes out right here right now. You can’t.. you won’t do it. 

You won’t give in because thats what she wants. To make you cry. To ruin your reputation and work. Jimin came back into your life and of course you don’t know what to do or how to deal with it. But this is what you wanted right? You’ve been longing for you and him to get a second chance. It’s you. You’re the one who’s been putting things off and not letting things go with the flow. Maybe he came back to you because he realized how wrong he was for cheating on you. For leaving you behind. For not seeing things for truly how it is. 

You knew Isabel was bad luck from the beginning. Now is the time to try and take back what was originally yours. That will hurt her more than ever. 

“ She needs to have a reality check. Not everything revolves around her.”

‘‘ I agree. Putting her behind bars might give her a reality check. It should serve her right for harming people.” Jimin sighs. 

The silence is thick. You both don’t know what to say and it’s sure as hell awkward more than ever right now. Until that silence breaks. 

‘‘ I feel like you aren’t being your true self to me. If we are getting things out now.” 

His sudden comment makes you lift your head up from playing with the comforter. “ What do you mean?’’

‘‘ You.. don’t want to take actions on what you feel, say, or want to do with or about me. It’s killing me inside.”

He’s right. You do try to push your feelings aside no matter what the cause is. It’s just you trying to not set yourself up for hearbreak again. You do want him. You do want everything to do with him. Considering the things that happened in the past, it’s no doubt theres a fence guarding your heart from intruders. 

You exhale out heavily, “ Im just.. scared.’’

‘‘ Of? “

‘‘ Being hurt again.”

Dead silence again. This time he’s the one trying to come up with words to redirect your view of him. Yes, he broke your heart in the worst way possible. He wants you to see he’s changed. 

Jimin bites his lip, voice shaky when he begins talking again. ‘‘ How can I show you that i’m not the same anymore. Im not I promise you. I want you to see I have changed. I know it’s my fault. I destroyed you but let me fix it.”

It’s all come down to this. You’ve wanted this and now is the chance to get it. Now is the chance to have what was once yours. But the feeling of doubt had taken its course on you at the worst time.

‘‘ Jimin.. how do I know that for sure?’‘ You say, unintentionally fluttering your eyes at him. To you it’s to prevent from letting tears fall. 

Jimin see’s it as that specific thing you used to do when you wanted him. When you craved him and would drop hints. To be completely honest, you do crave him. You do want him. Make-up sex was something you two used to do often. It was your toxic way of saying im sorry. 

Somehow you want to put that toxic thing into action right now. As fucked up as it is, that’s how you two know you’re sorry towards each other. Actions speak louder than words. 

He closes his eyes for a quick second before clenching his jaw to contain himself. Your weak spot.

‘‘ Stop doing that. Unless you want to start something you don’t want to finish.” 

You smile just a little, hoping he’d get the memo. “ What if I do want to start and finish it..”

As if a car alarm went off, Jimin’s eyes pop back open with a suprised look. That’s the last thing he’d thought he’d be hearing from you. “ Are you sure about that? I mean we don’t have t-”

You lean in closer to where you guys are inches apart, his lips softly rubbing against yours. “ I’m all for it.”

Within seconds, Jimin’s shirt is removed off of you only revealing your blue panties which have became a little soaked with your wetness. He takes in the scent of you before his mouth connects with your thighs, slightly sucking to leave bruises on you.

‘‘ Jimin.. don’t tease me.”  You sigh, laying fully down to spread your legs even more. He hums against your skin making you catch chills up and down your spine.

‘‘ That’s my specialty baby. You know that.” He trails a kiss with each word all the way down to your core where he dips a finger inside. You tense up attempting to close your legs. He doesn’t allow it, spreading them open harshly again. 

‘’ Jimin-’‘ You barely utter before he begins to move his fingers in and out of you slowly. You let out a whine to try and make him go faster but it doesn’t work.

He comes up to your mouth and plants a wet, sloppy kiss. “ No whining. You’re gonna get what you want. Just relax baby.”

Is all he tells you before he goes back down to your core to tend to your desires.

The first lick between your legs is ever so gentle. Too gentle for you right now considering that you want release badly and Jimin knew exactly that. He opens his mouth and swirls his tongue up and down your slit. A groan leaves his mouth once he gets a taste of you which sends a vibration to your sensitive bud.

Each time his tongue laps against you your body jerked and shook but that only makes his tongue go faster. Sending you into a moaning and groaning mess as you tug on his hair.

“Mmh you even taste the same like always.” He moans with a smirk.

“Jimin please-” you cry out, locking your fingers into his hair when a finger is inserted into your dripping wet hole.

‘‘ No whining babygirl.’‘ His voice gentle as ever when he removes the finger inside of you making you pout a little. But that pout soon turned into your eyes becoming wide when he starts to take off his shirt, then grey sweatpants, then his underwear where his thick cock springs up.

Your eyes can’t leave his body. God it’s been a while. He looks pretty damn good. You wan’t to take all of his length in your mouth right now. To hear him praise you about how good your mouth feels against him. God you want it right now. 

He gives it a few strokes before walking over to you. Just before hovering over you, he gives you a passionate kiss while lifting up your legs and positioning them to his liking. Missionary.

The tip of him pokes at the entrance of you, teasing in and out. Soon enough he enters you slowly making both of you moan together.

You still wrap and fit around his member smug as ever, and he could not believe it. The feeling of familiarity of being inside you sends him into a moaning mess with each stroke. You can’t contain your moans and screams. He feels way too good. 

Jimin begins to deep-stroke you by pulling all the way out and slamming back in. You scream his name out in pleasure as your nails scratch up his toned back. Wet sounds fill the room with him picking up his pace. You take a glimpse of him only to admire his figure right now. Forehead forming sweat beads while he groans and moans biting his plump pink lips.

Your breathing becomes faster when that familiar feeling soon starts to take over. You turn your head to the side and let out a string of moans. Jimin isn’t having that though. His hand grabs your face gently and makes you make eye contact with him. Your legs start shaking as your head tilts back moans getting more faster. You finally let out one last one in sync with him, his hot sperm shoots inside of you.

Jimin pulls out, breathing heavily and collapses ontop of you. You let out a small grunt with the sudden extra body upon you, then giggle at him when he lays his head lays against your chest. This is what you wanted. He’s true. He’s sorry. 

‘’ I love you.”

That word surprises you. You weren’t prepared for it. Somehow though, you enjoy the fact that he’s said it to you. Love. Jimin’s love. Your love. 

‘’ I love you much more Jimin.’’ 

[whumperooni]

Thinking about being Enji's sad little housewive. Taking pills all day long and taking naps on every room until Enji gets home, pets your head, pump your pussy full of his cum and tell you how you've been such a good girl for him.

Mmm this is my favorite kinda thing ngl. Legitimately one of my favorite flavors of angst.

Like, what a sad life you would have being Enji's housewife.

(thirst/ramble under cut. tw angst, tw neglect, tw toxic relationships, tw depression, tw suicidal thoughts, tw misogyny)

Perhaps it's something you thought you wanted. Perhaps it's something you were coerced into.

Regardless, melancholy is unavoidable whenever his displeasure is so thick and crushing, whenever you fail to earn his approval no matter how hard you try.

And that's the thing- you won't earn his approval. Not until you're broken and dull; not until your resentment and desperation and frustration and sadness gets blended into a grey slur of disillusion and disassociation. Then, while you're in your slump of misery, you'll be able to see what Enji wants from you, what will keep that cutting disapproval away.

It's sex, of course. It's pulling your soft, limp form into bed and fucking you until you feel something, until you're crying out for him and begging for more, please- desperation roaring through you as you try to cling to something other than a dull grief. That's what pleases him- your clinging hands and the clench of your cunt, your sweet tears and the way you mewl his name, your glazed over eyes staring up at him like a supplicant meeting God and the needy whimper that leaves you whenever his steaming seed fills your cunt.

Sex is what Enji wants. Children is what Enji wants. You're less wife and more prized breeding stock- a pet kept to be fucked and bred, made to nourish his brood and expand the bloodline.

It doesn't mean that you're treated horribly. No, no. Just...just neglected. Cut off from the outside world. Isolated from anyone that isn't his family, the staff, the doctors he takes you to in an effort to make you even more fertile.

It all feels so...slow. The same patterns and routines, the same lines you're supposed to give. Everything is dull outside of the passion of the bed and it's not like you're expected to do anything. Your job is to be bred- Enji has maids for the cleaning, a chef for the cooking. There's nothing for you to do- there never is- and there's no one to talk to when the effort of keeping your eyes open is too hard.

The children, at least, take some pity. Not Natsuo, maybe, but Shoto will sit with you quietly as he studies and you stare at the wall blankly for hours- unaware of your step-son until he gently leads you to the bedroom to lay down. Fuyumi will drape a blanket over you whenever she stumbles across you napping in some quiet room and she'll coax you to eat, bring you out into the backyard in the hopes that the sunshine will perk you up. Surprisingly enough, Fuyumi is also the one with the courage to bring up your depression to Enji.

Though, of course, it's nothing that he cares about- he can still fuck you so why does it matter if you're sleeping the day away? You still part your legs for him when he gets home and you still whimper as you cum on as his cock, clench around him weakly after when he's got you pinned under his sweaty form and is grinding his seed deep into your aching womb, mumbling out absent praises as his balls twitch and throb and pump more of his searing cum into you.

You're better now, actually, to Enji- quiet and out of the way, obedient and quick to fall asleep once more after he's finished fucking your cunt sloppy and slotted a plug into your oozing pussy. He might even gain an absent sort of fondness for you- something akin to a person that feeds a stray cat, something like a walker that pauses during their trip to pet a neighbor's dog. You might even get a few presents tossed your way for the good behavior, some reinforcement that doing nothing and living like a ghost is okay- that you're okay, that he's not a bad husband, that you don't really think about taking the bottle of pills that Enji had the doctor prescribe you and downing the whole thing.

It's a sad life, a tragic life.

But just wait until the first baby is born- then you'll really know what misery is.

[lethargicsunlight]

Dabi XSpookyQuirk!Reader 'Phantasmagoria' (Part 4)

Another oneshot, and continuation of the SpookyQuirk!Reader series!

Please see my Directory for the other Parts to this series : Link

I'm organizing these tonight, I swear. Actually, I need to redo ALL of my stuff. lol

This is happing shortly after Part 3, and is more of a mini.

WARNINGS: phantasmal injury (burning), SFW, FLUFF, PINING.

━━━━━━━━━𝕯𝖆𝖇𝖎 ━━━━━━━━━

At first, it was just the taste of ash on your tongue.

Literally, like you had licked the bottom of a fireplace--or as though you had left the marshmallow in the fire too long and ate it anyway.

But soon, things escalate.

Like you were waking up in an inferno, and everything was just engulfed in white hot agony--scorching across every surface of your being. You knew it was fire, it was burning; but as though your nervous system couldn't calculate the right amount of pain to distribute, it also felt like falling into a frozen lake. Everything was sharp. Every nerve ending was screaming.

Some inner voice tells you not to open your eyes, but you do anyway. With some resemblance of a rebellious nature at the corners of your consciousness, like you could tell this was a dream, but who you were wasn't you.

It's unfortunate, though, because even with your eyes open--all you see is blue. A bright cerulean ocean of heat and violence.

----

When you awake, your body had jolted upright. It spasmed with a chill, and you fisted the sheets while your chest heaved--desperate for air.

You could swear you still smelled smoke.

You calm down, looking around the room, focusing on the texture of the bedding.

"...Well, that's a new one." You say, then swallow the panic for good.

You were pretty familiar with bad dreams. Seeing corpses walking around as a kid had quite the effect on your sleeping schedule. (As did the medications prescribed by your psychologists)

But, with the eventual understanding and then development of your quirk--random blood-soaked ghosts didn't wake you up anymore. The tendency for nightmares diminished to the normal standard. And, remarkably, they rarely involved corpses or ghosts; it was usually something living that tortured you.

But what the fuck was that?

You had been on fire--it definitely felt like you were dying--and the fire had been blue. It goes without saying that Dabi was involved, in some fashion. Perhaps that night the two of you had fought near the dock, the fire had scared you more than you realized. Maybe it was subconscious.

Or, maybe it was nothing and you were overthinking it.

There's a knock at your door, blissfully interrupting your inner debate.

"Yes?"

"Just checking in. You are usually up before this hour." Kurogiri.

There's no windows in your room, but Shigaraki had given you a cell phone when they realized you had actually joined the league, rather than being an unwilling participant in their endeavor. It was an odd exchange of trust. No windows, but you could call the authorities if you wanted.

Not that you wanted.

You tap the screen and check the time--indeed, it was a good hour past your regular schedule. It made you wonder if that nightmare had kept you asleep that whole time.

"...Yeah, sorry. Had some difficulties sleeping, I think."

"If it happens again, could I suggest some tea?"

You resist the urge to start your quirk up early. You wondered what emotion was bleeding into his aura. Would it be concern? Or was he faking it?

There was definitely something off about him, but you appreciated him nonetheless. He was a walking mass of misty purple.. stuff, so maybe his emotions didn't work like everyone else's.

"That's really nice of you. I'll let you know. I should be down in a bit," And you're already crawling out, finding your clothes.

"Understood. See you downstairs."

----

"What color is loooove?"

"Wh--" You blanche at Toga's question, peering at her with blurred vision over the glass of water you were sipping on.

"You see emotions riiight?" She asks, way too close to your face, way too loud for this time of the morning.

"Yeah," You set the glass down on the coffee table, waiting for her to continue. Don't complain, don't say anything mean, keep a little smile--don't forget to show her the drawings later, it'll keep her happy..

As much as you monologue about her creepiness, you weren't blind. Her aura bled the most melancholy of deep blues. She was the most sad when she was smiling.

"Well, then, surely you must know what the color love is right? Is it.. Pink? Red? OooH! I bet it's red like blood isn't it?" She puts her hands together, hopping and swaying her hips.

You offer a raised brow. "Why are you asking?" You lean in, feigning some interest. "Do you have a crush on someone?"

She gives an exaggerated gasp, hands flying to her mouth. "...Maybe." Then she's a giggling fit as she sits beside you, swinging side to side. "So tell me! What is it, what is it?!"

You let your shoulders follow your sigh. It's a little fun to act childish like her sometimes; even if it was demented. "Well.."

You can hear ice clinking, and your gaze slips past Toga's blonde locks to see Dabi seated at the bar. His head is tilted, just a bit, so his ear is towards you.

Well this is awkward now.

You clear your throat. It's not like this was something to hide--he didn't care. Right?

"I just want you to be okay."

You had both admitted it. Every hour since, you chest felt heavier and heavier--And, of course, you had both avoided the topic ever since. It was only a few days ago now, but there was always someone else in the room.  Thank god.

How were you even going to tackle that mountain? How would the dynamic shift?

You just didn't know how to handle it right now.

"Love doesn't really have a color. It's.. More a combination of colors. Love itself, really, is more complex than an emotion outright. There's a lot of factors involved."

"Hm?" Toga's head tilts and she looks a little disappointed. "So, how would you know if someone liked you? How do you know what all the colors even mean?! Ugh! I have so many questions!"

"Issalright, it takes a lot of practice." You try to de-escalate her excitement by sounding softer, "but, really it's hard to tell if someone.. Likes you that way. A lot of the time, our emotions can conflict with how we explain them. Like.."

You try to come up with an example, "When you're upset with someone. Obviously you're angry right? But, then, if it's because they've done something to hurt you; you're sad too. So you'll have two colors."

You watch the disassociation in her features in real time, and you can tell she's bored with you.

"Yeah, okay." She pouts, "I was just hoping you could look at someone and tell if they like me back.."

"Mm. I wish it was less complicated too."

Dabi shifts back into his original position to stare at the still full glass of whiskey he wasn't going to drink.

Back to old habits.. He muses, but the grin never graces his features. He never asked you about yourself; he simply eavesdropped or deduced everything, laying it all out in his mind and trying to piece you together.

Things were different now.

He couldn't completely return to the way he was before the escape and the dock and the way he had just--spontaneously combusted in the middle of nowhere. He couldn't return to loathing you for how kind and interesting you were.

But he also didn't know how to approach you.

He figured it would probably be easy. Everyone else was open with you. Even now, Toga sat at your side and didn't feel the need to twist a blade in her fingers or put on a show. You didn't judge, condescend, or conspire against anyone.

Yet the reality of it still scared him and kept his body rigid in place when you were close by. Accepting that you meant something to him was easier in his head--but doing it in real life meant... change.

It didn't change how he felt about his father, nor did it change how he felt about the League's mission.

But his priorities had undoubtedly shifted.

Inwardly, he groans, and his hand finds a way into his hair as he leans over the bar.

"I just wanted you to be okay."

His heart dances along with the lilt of your voice in his mind, thudding harder at the catch in your breath between the 'you' and the 'to be'. The rapture that small inflection causes is astronomical--and it makes the world spin from his stool at the bar.

It meant everything to him.

He just didn't know how to handle it right now.

[hesgunnalovethis]

Not That Bad

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: You have the severity of your injuries in a twist sending Leonard McCoy’s blood pressure through the roof

TW: injury descriptions and strong language 

ft. bestie Jim Kirk <333

Masterlist!

Word Count: 1737

“Yes. No. I understand Mr Spock. Cuttings on your desk in 40 minutes. Got it.” You closed your comm and checked your watch. 

 You’d spent 16 hours Planetside and after a complication that had landed most crew in the MedBay, you agreed to help out botany to complete the mission report. Really you didn’t have a clue what you were doing but you concluded it couldn’t be that hard. 

 Cross referencing the plants in front of you to the list on your PADD, you picked up the plier looking utensil and began clipping the stems from the root. 

 “Maybe I should transfer to science.” You muttered to yourself after you’d successfully pressed the first few cuttings into their sample bags. 

Taking the next stem between your fingers you picked up the pliers and cut through the green and your fingertip, simultaneously. Blood shot upwards from your finger. You scoffed at the inconvenience. 

 You grabbed the first aid kit and examined the content that your Chief Medical Officer boyfriend had once talked you through and began to wish you’d listened. 

 Failing to remember anything, you wrapped a plaster around the top of your finger and watched it turn from white to red almost immediately. You tried layering another on top which bled through just as fast. After a failed third layer you took yourself from the lab and started towards the MedBay. 

 You stopped for a moment scouring your brain for which corridors to take. It had been so long since you’d actually journeyed to the MedBay by choice. You’d been utilising your doctor shared quarters. 

 Arriving at the desk you checked your watch again. 20 minutes before Spock was expecting you. You began to panic and turned to the receptionist. 

 “Could you ask Doctor McCoy to see me? It’s pretty urgent.” You said, grabbing a bundle of tissues from the display to contain the droplets falling from your finger. 

 The receptionist did as you asked and you heard Leonard through the comm.

 “On the bridge?” He asked. 

 “No, Sir. Here in the MedBay.” The receptionist in front of you responded. 

 “In the Med-“ You heard a fuss beginning through the comm and then a room number you were to be assigned. 

 No sooner had you arrived, a half scrubbed in Leonard burst through the door desperately searching for what heinous emergency had beckoned you to his MedBay. 

 “Are you being serious right now!?” Leonard asked ripping off the last of his scrub uniform. 

 “Always good to see you too, Lee.” You responded, smiling. 

 Sighing softly he shot you an apologetic look and planted a kiss on your cheek. 

 “Hi, darlin’” He whispered letting down his doctor guard and allowing his southern drawl back in. He began to look you over again, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

 You lifted your hand removing the tissue to reveal your slightly bloodied finger. Leonard took a step back rubbing his temples. 

 “Y/N, darlin’. PUT A PLASTER ON IT?!”

 “I tried that! It keeps bleeding though!” You whined. 

 “There are people DYING in here, Y/N.” 

 “Oh go on, please. I have lab work due in 15 minutes and I can’t work with this bleeding all over the samples!” 

 Leonard sighed and moved to the other side of the room to collect the dermal regenerator. Taking your hand in his he kissed the cut before placing it under the machine.

 He caught your eyes with his. “I left a 6 hour surgery for this.” 

 - 

 The next day you took your healed finger with you on your next mission where your team successfully released several hostages and transported their authoritative grasp to Enterprise Security.  

 “All clear, Jim.” You said to your comm after clearing the last room on your final check. 

 “Received. Take the turbolift to the bridge and let’s get out of here.” 

 Stepping into the foreign tube you found it very similar to Starfleet’s and got it moving towards the bridge. You began to hear Jim’s voice on the other side before the lift stumbled to a halt. 

 “Um, Jim?” You shouted through the metal. 

 “Great.” Jim said clocking the flashing error sign on the lift. “Don’t worry Lieutenant. We’ll... pry it open.” 

 “Full proof.” You said to yourself, getting ready to pull from your side. 

 After a brief plan outline and a countdown you began to pull. A small gap opened to the side and you managed to squeeze your body through before the door clattered closed on your newly regenerated finger. 

 “Again?! Why is it always you?” You asked your finger, pulling it from the metals grip and eying the purple residue left on it. 

 “Me?” Jim asked, doubled over from the effort he’d just exerted, before being distracted by his comm, “Bones! Yes, just calling to let you know of the ZERO injuries incoming to the MedBay!”

 “Zero injuries?” You cut him off. “This is a broken bone for sure.” 

 “Oh my god.” Jim said in disgust looking at the weird purple oil all over the metal, your finger and subsequently his uniform. “Why is it that colour?!” 

 “Dammit, Jim.” You heard through the comm before Leonard hung up and Jim reconnected to the transporter room. 

 You arrived back on the transporter pad to Leonard’s eyes burning a hole in you and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

 “Broken bone?” He said walking towards you.

 “This bastard finger.” You said and Leonard took your wrist to examine it.  

 “THIS-“ He stopped abruptly and calmed himself. “This is a finger, Y/N. BARELY a bone.” He examined it further, “I’m not even convinced that’s broken?” 

 “Tell you what though, it really fucking hurts.” You petted your lip at him. 

 Slipping an arm around your waist he led you out of the transporter room and towards the MedBay. “Let’s get you patched up sweetheart, but we really have to talk about your hyperbole.” 

 -

 It was a few days before you were due to arrive at your next destination and Jim had roped you into helping with his ensign combat training. 

 “It’s basically target practice.” Jim said in conclusion to a confused looking group of redshirts. “The phasers I’ve given you won’t shoot, but will read on the side if you’ve hit your target. It’s like laser tag! You’ve all played laser tag, right?” The room was silent. “And that’s another added to the list of shore leave activities.” 

 “Captain Kirk and I will be over here as moving targets.” You started, taking over from Jim. “Try and shoot me without hitting the Captain. Got it?” 

 You and Jim moved over to the course beginning the same choreographed fight you’d been using for years. You heard the pathetic fake phaser shots over and over and were beginning to question almost all of your life choices as a deafening shot fired and struck your side. 

 “Y/N!” Jim fell to your side, “PHASERS DOWN!” He shouted to the group briefly trying to determine which one hadn’t followed his only instruction ‘Do not bring your own phaser.’ 

 There was a small commotion before you heard Jim’s voice again. “Kirk to MedBay I need a team to training room 1 immediately.” 

 You found yourself back in the same biobed you’d frequented for past 3 days consecutively and tried to keep up with the nurses’ quick conversations. 

 “Someone page McCoy now.” You heard one of them say. 

 “Not Leonard-“ You interrupted, “He’ll jus- is there anyone else?”

 “Not anyone who could patch you up like Doctor McCoy.” One of the nurses stated opening their comm. “Doctor McCoy to room 6. On the double. It’s-“ 

 “Lieutenant Y/L/N?” Leonard cut off the nurse. 

 “Yes.” She replied. 

 “For once I’m not even surprised.” 

 The nurses continued fussing around you and your biobed beeps became angrier. 

 You watched the door open and Leonard’s face turn from passiveness to urgency in a millisecond. 

 “My god!” He shouted, dropping his board and beginning to order nurses to different machines connected to your bed. 

 “Listen, Leonard it’s not THAT bad.” 

 “NOT THAT BAD?! YOU’VE BEEN SHOT?!”  Leonard flicked his eyes between you and your vitals. 

 “Yeah, but, shot in a controlled environment.” 

 “You’ve been in here with a cut and a stave, guns blazing, and now you’ve been shot it’s ‘NOT THAT BAD?!’” 

 “Granted this doesn’t look-“ You were cut off by a wave of pain that sent you wincing. 

 “Hell.” Leonard turned to his own station briefly. “You’re not gonna like this sweetheart but you can tell me all about it when you’re back in one piece.” Leonard planted a kiss on your head and a hypo in your neck, sending you into sleep. 

-

Coming back to, you heard your biobed beeping at a normal rhythm and a strong accent beside you. 

 “I don’t care what his test scores are, he shot a Lieutenant I want him gone.” 

 “Leonard.” You scolded. 

 “Darlin’” He moved to you instantly closing his comm without a word. “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m fine. Sore neck.” You said rubbing where he’d hypo’d you. His eyes were still racked with worry. “It was an accident. That’s why we train them we-“ 

 “Darlin’ if he isn’t removed from this ship the only accident will be me prescribing him with cyanid capsules instead of his iron tablets.” He looked over your vitals again before picking up his clipboard, “But you let me worry about that. You can worry about this.” He handed you a laminated sheet entitled ‘Doctor McCoy’s Guide to a Serious Injury.’ 

 You shot him an annoyed look. 

 “Just so there’s no more confusion.” He winked at you. You glanced over the ‘Serious Injury: To Be Reported’ column. 

 “I hardly think ‘A sudden cough’ is a serious injury, Leonard.” You scoffed. 

 “Oh sure. Let’s just let your DNA de-evolve into non humane codes exterminating crucial pairings.” 

 “Noted.” You said admiring the doctor’s bedside manner, “Is there a second page?” You said spotting another sheet in his hand. 

 “No. This is Jim’s copy.” Leonard replied. 

 “Of course.” 

 Leonard brushed your hair behind your ears and smoothed your forehead. “I’m glad you’re finally visiting the MedBay doll, but I would prefer if you kept your trips to mandatory immunisations and essential check-ups.” 

 “I wouldn’t hold your breath, Doctor.” You said brushing your lips against his. 

“And somehow I still wouldn’t change you for the world.” Leonard said quietly before closing the space left between you.

[ithebookhoarder]

can i request a peaky one-shot with tommy and he's with a reader who's kind of similar to him (can be closed off/mean when they're mad lol) and tells tommy off when he's rude to her and he ends up trying to make it up to her. just because sometimes i feel like he should get a taste of his own medicine 🤨 sorry if this made no sense :(

Fire Meet Gasoline: (Tommy Shelby x Reader)

A/N: Sorry this took me a couple of days! Life got a bit hectic, but I finally got the inspiration I needed to get this out. Thanks for sending this in, and it made perfect sense! I hope you like it x Also, side note - I just love how all my recent requests for Tommy have been about making him jealous or putting him in his place XD Clearly, we all love a power-Tommy moment, but we LOVE making this poor man suffer. 

Warnings: Alcohol, swearing, smoking, references to violence, references to drugs, references to death (let me know if I missed anything)

Masterlist:

——

“Where were you?”

You froze at the sound of your husband’s voice, echoing around the all too empty hallway. Whereas once it would have filled you with excitement and comfort to hear it, tonight, it made you feel exhausted. As if sensing the confrontation awaiting the pair of you. 

Part of you had hoped he may have gone to bed and allowed this to wait until morning. But no. Apparently Tommy wanted to do this here and now, and who were you to deny him?

“Out,” you replied, beginning to shed your coat and hurling it on to the stand. “I’m surprised you’re still awake.” 

“Out where?”

You sighed, turning to stare at the man loitering in the doorway next to you, a glass of whiskey in hand as he clearly waited for you to return to your home. The clock on the landing chimed, cementing the fact it was late. Very late. 

“I went to see Polly, if you must know. After what you said earlier it was pretty clear you didn’t want me here so I did what you asked,” you explained calmly, despite knowing the impact your words would have on him. “I wanted her advice on a few things.”

“Oh? Like what?”

Tommy’s tone was dangerous, but nervous. You could sense it in the way he was watching you, as if afraid you’d march back out of the door again and leave him there. After all, he wouldn’t have been able to stop you. Not in his state. 

It had only been a month since he’d been discharged from the hospital, having survived the attack that had caused him to collapse in Ada’s house. The damage had been extensive, and the drugs he’d been prescribed to handle the pain had only made everything else worse. 

Tommy Shelby was dangerous. An idle Tommy? Well, that was positively lethal, as you’d found out. 

Today had been just another in a long list of spats you’d been having recently. Nothing you did anymore ever seemed to make Tommy happy, always irritating him somehow. 

Sure, deep down, you knew his frustration lay with himself and the fact he was essentially bed bound but it didn’t make his temper or harsh words hurt any less. 

“Like what to do when the man you love doesn’t want you around him anymore,” you stated coldly. “Like, what does it mean when he’d rather re-injure himself than accept your help because he can’t stand to think of letting anyone in. Letting anyone care for him.” 

“Y/N,” Tommy began, reaching for your hand as you took a hasty step away from him. Even now, he seemed unsteady on his feet as he tried to make you look at him but you couldn’t give in. Not when you knew that was what he wanted - for you to act as if this had never happened. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, eh? I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Not when you were trying to help.”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“Because… I…” 

“There’s only so much of this I can take, Tommy. You’ve always shut me out before, but you almost died,” you snapped, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. You didn’t care if the entire staff heard you as you stared down your husband. It wasn’t like they weren’t used to this kind of scenario by now. Frances, in particular, often ended up in the middle of your rows. “You did die, Tommy, for a minute in that operating theatre and I… I had to sit there and watch, looking like a fucking idiot because I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know what you’d got us into or the threat we have hanging over us until it almost cost you your life.” 

Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose at the hurt in your tone. 

“And now you do, you know why you can’t just take off like this,” he continued. “You left without telling anyone where you’d gone. You didn’t have anyone watching out for you.”

“I was at Polly’s! I didn’t know I needed a fucking armed escort. How could I when you don’t share things? After all, as you said earlier, I just get in the way. It would be easier without me here.”

“Y/N-“

“No. No, don’t you dare take that tone with me,” you seethed, hating how he stepped towards you, looking at you like you were simply a worked up toddler, having a tantrum. The arrogance was breath taking, especially considering it was him who had exploded at you for trying to help him down the stairs earlier. That was what had started this whole mess; his pride would be the death of him. “I am your wife, Tommy. Your wife. So start treating me like it and fucking listen to me.” 

The depth of Tommy’s rage and pain was evident in his eyes. It was a look you had hardly ever seen in your life; Tommy was scared. He’d been worried for you. 

Good. 

He’d felt a slither of the pain and agony of being kept uninformed, just as you had been. You were relieved a little to realise that, even if deep down, you felt guilt at being the cause of it. 

He was your husband after all. You may have hated him at times, but you loved him too. 

So, you took a breath and turned to make your way up to bed. You were too tired to fight and clearly neither of you could be trusted not to say something you’d regret in the morning. 

“It’s late, Tommy. I’m going to bed in the guest room. Frances can help you to bed and we can talk tomorrow.”

“Y/N, don’t be ridiculous,” Tommy pleaded, startled by your resolve. He’d rarely seen you like this before and he knew it was never a good thing when you sealed yourself away, as if trying to play him at his own game. To his horror, you were even better at it than he was. “Come to bed, eh? You don’t need to sleep in the guest room-”

“But I do, Tommy. I have forgiven a lot of sins on your behalf,” you hissed accusingly. “Over and over again you fuck up and leave the rest of us to put the pieces back together again. Well, guess what? Some of us are fucking sick and tired of it! So I am going to sleep. Alone. So I can fucking think about whether or not I can deal with this - with you - any more.”

Like that, you turned and marched away, leaving your husband staring after you with pain and disbelief in his eyes. 

———

Three days. 

It had been three days since that night in the hallway. Three nights since you’d spoken to your husband, or even looked at him. 

Yes, you were a grown woman, but you could be every bit as petty as your husband when you wanted to be so giving him the cold shoulder seemed a fitting punishment. As your mother had always said, if you didn’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all. 

It was this mantra you’d taken to heart as you carefully avoided Tommy for the following days, allowing Frances and the rest of the staff to watch over him and see to his needs. 

As you’d expected, however, that had gone down with Tommy about as well as a lead balloon, to hear you refused to see or speak with him. 

Even when he’d managed to convince Frances to help him downstairs into the sitting room, you’d simply moved yourself out onto the lawn instead. It was rather childish, but you couldn’t help it as you chose to sit in the afternoon sunshine to read, leaving your husband to watch from the window. 

Now, though, your temper had simmered down. Three days had been just about long enough to make your point to Tommy, but it had also been long enough to make you miss him… not that you would admit that, not until he’d apologised for his recent treatment of you anyway. Which was why you’d indulged Frances when she’d suggested you both had breakfast together in the dining room this morning.

“The sunlight would be good for him, Mrs Shelby,” she’d suggested softly, the twinkle in her eye enough to tell you she knew exactly what she was trying to do. Perhaps she’d had enough of him, and his Shelby temper, too. “He’s been in his room for the last few days. Perhaps a change of scenery would offer him a new perspective on things?” 

You scoffed. “Why not? Perhaps it will, Frances.” 

“Very well, Ma’am. I’ll see to it at once.” 

And she had. 

So, here you were, at opposite one another at the mahogany table, silently scraping your cutlery against the china plates breakfast had been served on. 

Not even Frances’s eggs, sunny-side-up, could brighten the dark cloud that hung over the pair of you. You didn’t think you could ever remember a more tense meal in your entire life - and considering the amount of Shelby family dinners you’d been to, that was saying something. 

Why had you chosen breakfast as the meal to do this confrontation? It wasn’t exactly acceptable to break out the whiskey before noon, even if that was precisely what you wanted. 

Instead, you had to make do with smoking instead, letting the process of inhaling the smoke soothe you. 

“I thought you quit smoking?”

Of course that would be the first thing Tommy said to you. It was almost comical given everything that had been happening. 

“I did, but it’s been a difficult morning.” 

“I see.” He cleared his throat, hearing the accusation loud and clear. “And what are your plans for the rest of the day? I thought I heard Frances saying something about you planning on going to see Esme?” 

You didn’t respond, simply blowing a thin stream of smoke out of the corner of your lips in reply. 

It was comforting to see the way Tommy squirmed under the weight of the silence that hung between you both, as if scared you were going to erupt any second. 

Maybe it was the blood red tone of your lipstick, but he could sense the danger lingering beneath your fixed smile.

You really were his equal in every way; no one else could meet his temper with a fury as strong as his own. 

“I… need to apologise.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” Tommy stated firmly, throwing down his cutlery and turning his gaze to you. “I… I have been a fucking bastard, the last months, and a terrible husband. I work too much and I take you for granted.” 

You paused, your small encouraging nod a sign that you were listening. That he should continue with the direction this conversation was taking. “You do.”

“And my frustration at being injured has nothing to do with you and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” Tommy continued breathlessly. “I also know I shouldn’t have said the horrific things I did the other morning. Not when you were just trying to help, just trying to take care of me. It was cruel and I’m sorry, eh? I really am. I can’t stand it when you’re angry at me.” 

“I’m glad you think so,” you whispered, daring to look at him properly. “I love you, Thomas Shelby and I’d do anything for you, just as I know you would for me, if our situation was reversed. That’s why I allow you to lash out at me, but there’s only so much I can take.”

“I know-”

“No, no you really fucking don’t, Thomas,” you snapped, stubbing out the cigarette against your plate and sitting up straight. “You don’t know. You don’t know what it’s like to have your partner not trust you, to keep things from you. You don’t know what it’s like to have Ada call you in the middle of the night, screaming and panicking that you might be dying because of those secrets you’ve been keeping. I can’t… I can’t do that again, Tom. I can’t… Thinking I’d lost you…”

The tears that had been brewing in the corners of your eyes finally broke free as you bit back a sob. You immediately hated how embarrassed it made you feel, to crack in front of him when you’d been trying to be strong for so long.

You’d hidden your tears with impeccable skill whenever he’d been awake or talking. You’d also lost yourself in seeing to his recovery since that night in the hospital, knowing being busy was the best way to distract yourself from your terror.  

“Y/N,” Tommy whispered, reaching across the table. His hand caught yours, grounding you to him as he watched your tears fall. The sight was enough to hurt him more than his lingering injuries. This was why he’d hidden as much from you as he had. He’d only wished to save you from what he deemed as pointless worry, but clearly he’d been wrong about that too. “I’m here, eh? I’m here and I’m alive…. thanks to you, most likely, given your nursing. It won’t happen again though. I’m handling it. This matter is going to be resolved and we’re going to be able to move on. Be happy. Be safe.” 

“Then why don’t I believe you?”

“Because you’re too wise for your own good,” he teased. “Because I’ve been so terrible a husband that you have no reason to trust me - I get it. I’m going to do better, though. I promise.” 

You sniffed, allowing yourself a watery smile as you watched him rise from his seat and hurry to your side. Having him hold you was all you’d ever needed to feel safe, to feel loved. 

So, you wrapped yourself around him in return, sighing as he kissed you softly. 

“I’m holding you to your promise, Thomas Shelby,” you whispered. “Don’t betray me or my trust. This is your last chance - I won’t always be so forgiving.”

You knew he’d heard you loud and clear. He’d learned his lesson, for now. You were his entire world and he was in no rush to risk losing you again. 

[yoiku]

Some ramblings about depression, medication and whatnot. Positive overall tho there are some trigger warnings!

So last november I dragged my ass to the on-duty clinic because boy was I feeling suicidal, enough to be sent to urgent care unit, which was new. There I actually got a psychiatrist and a psych nurse who I would work with me the entire time. For the first time in the 3,5years I've been trying out antidepressants and having to meet with an entirely new doctor almost every time, I finally had a person who -kept- my case, who I could contact in need. I'd also meet them every week/every other week depending on how i'm feeling. What a fucking difference that has made. I haven't had to start from the beginning every goddamn time i go in, and get a different doctor's opinion each time. Also the psychiatrist at urgent care was the first medical professional who has just flat out gone: "You haven't been able to sleep properly since you were a teenager, which is also when your depression kicked in? Well, there's the reason, and we'll need to work together to see what options would work for you." Until now my sleeping problems have always just been a "lifestyle choice" and I've simply been told to fix it myself and I'd start feeling much better :)

Also she saw that I've been in the queue for adhd/add evaluation and tests for 6months and asked straight away why haven't I been prescribed Bupropion, since it's an antidepressant but also works the same way that adhd medications do, it's just like a lighter version more or less. So she put me on that, and for the first month, nothign really happened. Then she maxed the dose saying if that won't work in a month or two then we gotta look for other options.

Well, 3 weeks after that stuff started to happen. After about 7months of not being able to really even draw anything, not feeling any motivation for anything I usually enjoyed, really, I just somehow got a really frustrated feeling about not doing anything productive or fun. Dusted off my tablet and started drawing. Mehhh felt like shit everything looked like shit. The next day though, looked back at the stuff and yeah, it still looked liked shit, but the feeling of having done something creative was suddenly immense. Like wtf is this feeling of... satisfaction?

So I picked up the pen again and just kept going. That was uhhh.. a month ago now? And I'm still fucking going. I've had 2 days in the last 30 or so where I've actually just had to stay in bed and recharge after several days of 12-18 hours of drawing or WRITING, which is something I've never been able to start, suddenly that wasn't a big deal to start off either. Wtf. I'm drafting a comic, another thing I've never been able to start because I've felt too shit about it/myself beforehand. Again, wtf?

I've also started to talk more, which actually weirds me out. I'm used to being way too anxious to actually initiate conversations, or got stuck on worrying myself into an anxiety attack about entirely useless/stupid things. I feel generally way less stressed somehow? Like it's not like "it's all gone I'm no longer mentally ill", but parts of my anxiety have lessened to a degree that makes me uncomfortably comfortable, if that makes any fucking sense?

While I know it's entirely dumb to think about what could've been, recently I can't help but think that man, what would've my life been like if I'd gotten this sort of care and/or meds... Say when I was 25? or 20? or 15? Would I actually been able to get through school instead of dropping out from 5 different colleges? Would I've been able to land a job for more than a month because I would've not been too anxious to do any level of socializing? Maybe not. But maybe some things could've been better.

Better late than never I guess. I'm experiencing things and drive at 33 that I haven't experienced... Since I was a kid, really? Wtf.

ngl at this point I'll be really surprised if I don't get diagnosed with adhd/add once I get into the eval. and tests sometime this year hopefully...

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

I JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK AND SAW YOUR POST SO I HOPE I SENT THIS IN IN TIME, BUT DADDY!CLYDE TRAINING HIS BABYGIRL TO LACTATE WITHOUT BEING PREGNANT (BECAUSE THAT IS 100% A CLYDE KINK) AND BEING SO PROUD OF HER WHEN SHE FINALLY STARTS PRODUCING AND HE CANT STOP SUCKING ON HER TITS. OKAY LOVE YOU BYEEE!!❤️❤️

@clydesfavoritegirl SO, I HAVE BEEN WRACKING MY BRAIN ABOUT THIS AND I HAVE A WIERD THOT ABOUT IT. 

So, little fun facts about Sara, I have had a baby (she’s five now), I breastfed for about a year (very hard to keep up), and I have also donated my eggs for other people to have babies in the future. All of this mentioned above is not easy to accomplish and requires patience and willpower to do. 

Any way you have a child is valid no matter which avenue you are given in life. If you want kids by all means have them, if you don’t that’s totally and completely fine. If you want to use formula to feed them, do it queen all the power to you, the same goes for breastfeeding. Adoption is just as important as shooting baby out yourself and surrogates are true angels in my eyes. I had not considered this lactation thing until I did research on it, because I really wanted to know if it was possible to accomplish, and it is. 

Upon my research I saw that it takes months and months of hormone therapy to produce milk without being pregnant and even then, doctors prescribe it for couples adopting and or trying surrogacy for new babies coming into the family. SO, that being said, I can twist this into maybe Clyde and yourself looking at adopting or using a surrogate for a child, and you want to try to breastfeed them because you want to bond with your new baby. And of course Clyde is ALL about it because anything that makes you happy and comfortable!

PLEASE INDULGE MY THOTS ON OUR SOUTHERN BELL CLYDE AND HIS INEVITABLE LACTATION KINK.... 

**I’m gonna put warnings on here because it mentions some heavy stuff (plz don’t read if you are triggered by any of this): Infertility, hormone therapy, angst, depression, adoption, and surrogacy**

“Baby girl?” Clyde calls from the living room, his nose deep in the baby books you both had purchased over the months of trying to start your big happy family, fumbling though his phone at the same time.

“What’s goin’ on big bear?” you chime, busy fixing yourself up in the mirror after a relaxing shower to wash the sex from your skin after a session with big daddy. 

Adjusting you hair, wincing as you lifted your arms, “Jesus,” groaning out, feeling the soreness from your heaving breasts as they felt like concrete on your chest. 

_______________

Ever since you'd begun the injections and pills, your body was hating life. The raging hormone cocktails running through your bloodstream causing every single emotion to emit from your body at once. 

You’d be happy and cheery one second, followed by crying in your shared bed under the sheets in the fetal position, and finally raging about the fact that the TV was turned too damn loud in the other room, when it all actuality it was the same level you’d always kept it at. 

No matter the tears and agony, Clyde and yourself took all of this one day at a time, just as you had when you found out that children may not be a possibility when it came to the old fashion way of doin’ it. The pain was so hard to bear that day. You cried and cried, locking yourself away from the world as you cursed whomever was in charge of your fate, feeling like less of a woman the more the days droned on. 

It took a few months for you to smile again, Clyde painstakingly trying to solve your problems with everything under the sun, reading books, catering to your needs, holding you when you sobbed yourself to sleep over your vacancy. 

Cradling you when you felt like less of a person for not being able to accomplish one simple thing you’d both hoped for in the future. He’d hush your tears away, forcing you into him as he felt you shudder during the night, silent tears falling from his face as he prayed for some kind of sign or solution to all of this. 

Then it all fell into place one day. Clyde was working his ass off during the nights, leaving you to stew about things at home, which inevitably led you to the internet. 

You looked up all kinds of solutions, message boards talking about infertility, therapies, injections, adoption, and surrogacy. All of them possible in your eyes if it played out like it had for the folks at the various agencies you’d looked up. Finally, a glimmer of hope in this shit-storm of uncertainty, as you glanced over the testimonials and pictures of various families, so happy with their children healthy and happy. 

“This is it,” you had muttered under your breath, a flutter from deep in your stomach causing tears to well up in your eyes as you thought about Clyde and you taking home a sweet new addition. 

You’d brought it up to him immediately upon entering the house at and ungodly hour, to which you were scolded by your big bear after you’d made your sales pitch to him. 

“I think it sounds perfect baby girl,” he cooed as you both laid in bed that night, caressing your sweat sheened skin after a good punishing from his cock, “if ya want ta do it, m’ happy with anything ya want,” whispering as he felt you sink into him to relax for the first time in months. 

“I jus’ wanna make ya happy to big bear,” kissing his thick chest as you inhaled his musk, “I think this is the way we can have that family we want,” ghosting your lips up his sternum as he sighed into your touch. 

“Mhmm,” he embraced you further, “I’ll adopt as many babies as ya want honey. Yer jus’ gonna be the best momma regardless,” hearing your light cries in the quiet of the darkened bedroom. 

“T-thank you big bear,” you strained out, still hiding in his neck as the tears spilled, “I can’t wait ta make ya a real daddy finally,” gripping the back of his neck as you fell into another chorus of cries. 

_____________

“What’s up?” your v-neck t-shirt straining on your heaving tits, the bra you’d picked certainly not fitting you as the days went on and on. 

“I think I found the pump ya were wantin’,” he gulped, seeing the peaches poking through your top half as you bent forward to look at the contraption he’d found. 

“Oh ya!” you jumped slightly, your tits bouncing in a ripple at your excitement, causing Clyde to salivate at the sight. 

“Thank ya big bear!” jumping into his lap as you pulled him to you, kissing his cheeks as he buried his face in your pillows, running his thick hands over your sweatpants. 

“A-anythin’ fer ma baby girl,” he panted, burying his prominent nose deeper into your rock hard tits, “Gah damn yer so juicy darlin’,” lifting his head to place pecks all over the tops of them. 

“Ya like ma milky titties baby?” biting your lip as he started sucking a mark over the soft skin, “ya wanna taste a mama’s milk?” cooing in his ear as he moaned into his make out session with your chest, rubbing his head to press it further in the valley of them. 

“Ya think they’re finally full baby girl?” he glanced up, his eyes glimmering with love and lust in the same gaze. You pet his precious face, the hopeful look only making this more special as he’d been helping you with your injections since you’d gotten the go ahead from the doctor and the agency. 

“I think so daddy,” feeling them tense up at your words, the soreness pulsing all the way to both nipples as you tried to avoid making faces in front of him. He helped you remove your fresh top, exposing your lacy bra, the skin popping out with colored veins, gravid from the fullness of them. 

“Fuck me,” he drooled, reaching behind to undo the clasp, eyes widening even further when he saw them perked up out of their hiding spot. The nipples taut and ready for his lips to suck on at his leisure. 

“Ya look so damn perty baby girl,” raising his hand to grip the skin, feeling how heavy they were on your chest, “ya want daddy ta see if they’re ready ta go?” practically begging as he ran a thumb over the sensitive nipple. 

You reared your head back at the slight touches he made, “please daddy,” whining as he watched you fall apart from his motions, “suck on my tits big bear,” shoving your chest closer to his waiting mouth as he inhaled deep, a growl brewing as he went to latch his pink lips on your areola. 

“Mother fuck!” you cried out, the pleasure releasing from your throat as he sealed himself on your tit, massaging the sore skin as he coaxed the sweet liquid to fall from it. 

He vacuum sealed his lips, sucking lightly at first, feeling you writhe and find the back of his to grip his mane, pushing him further into your warm skin. 

“O-oh g-god baby,” you moaned out, feeling a burning feeling build in your boob that felt both uncomfortable and welcoming as he sped up his jaw on your nipple. 

“Mhmmmm,” he whined out, feeling the body temperature liquid seep from your tit, coating the insides of his mouth in a warm embrace as he sucked more and more. 

Just then, you felt your other tit release a trickle of fluid, the stream of white beautiful in contrast to your skin as you glanced down in awe and pleasure. The cement block feeling escaping as Clyde sucked down your sweet nectar. 

“Oh f-fuck d-daddy,” you gasped, a mixture of elation leaving your body, “I-I’m l-leakin’,” you winced out, feeling Clyde let up on your boob, picking his head up to reveal a white sheen covering his lips and part of his mustache. 

“That ya are darlin’,” he eyes completely dilated as he looked over at your stream sliding down the underside of your neglected tit, making its way down your stomach in a perfect line, “yer doin’ such a good job baby girl.” 

Gripping the other tit in his large hand, coaxing the nipple into his mouth sucking your sweetness down in a frenzy. Your hand massaging the back of his head as you arched your back into his motions, feeling a huge relief as he emptied your other aching tit. 

He lifted his head in a gasp, wiping his mouth from the mess he’d made, watching as your sultry eyes bored into him. The both of you panting and elated at the hard work it had taken to accomplish this huge step. 

“Ya perfect, baby girl,” inching his lips to yours as you tasted your milk in his mouth, sighing into his tongue wrapping around yours. 

He pulled away for a moment, the noticeable bulge in his jeans ever present as he fulfilled his fantasies he’d had since he’d met you, “I don’t think m’ gonna be able ta keep up with these tits though as much as I’d like ta suck on ‘em fer every damn meal,” giggling as he lowered his mouth to your neck, sucking more marks on the skin as you mewled under him. 

“Don’t worry big bear,” you purred, gripping his hair again, arching yourself into his lips, “ya can help me when I get that pump we saw,” feeling him smirk under your neck at the prospect of him watching that show. 

“But fer now,” you lifted him by the ears to gaze into his precious eyes, “I think mama needs ta take care a daddy,” gesturing to his now tented erection. 

“Please mama,” he begged, watching you get up from your spot to curl and index finger as you backed into your bedroom again for round two. 

___________

God I hope I did this ask alright for you honey! Thank you for sending it in so I could learn something from it, as well as indulge in this juicy Clyde thot!

oneshot taglist: @maybe-your-left, @safarigirlsp, @clydesfavoritegirl, @emeraldsiren20, @thepalaceofmelanie, @bpdbensoloblog, @hopeamarsu, @caillea

🖤,

ray-nal-beads 

[binniedeactivated]

saint. || soobin (2.5)🌪

a/n: ya’ll if falling in love with this man was a sport---I’d win the world championship.

🖤┊𝔰𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱 . ೄྀ࿐ 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: 𝖘𝖔𝖔𝖇𝖎𝖓 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝖘𝖒𝖚𝖙/𝖆𝖚 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙; 2789

“he didn’t throw the first punch I saw it all from the bathroom. the guys were threatening to kill him i swear”. the principal pushes his lips into a thin line. yeonjun is just drumming his fingers on his lap hoping he’d believe him and soobin was sitting aside, still trying to fix his uniform and look presentable while michael was in the nurse’s office. he was surprised yeonjun was even in there defending his name like that. 

“are you sure choi yeonjun?”. the principal asked skeptically. he wanted to believe soobin was in the wrong here, for some stupid sick reason. but yeonjun didn’t let that happen. he nodded confidently. the principal huffs his breath. 

“fine, I’ll believe you since you’re a trustworthy student. choi soobin I’m not going to suspend you since you were defending yourself against a group. however I will have to notify your parents”. he informed. and soobin had no problem with that considering the fact that he blocked the school’s number from his parent’s phones. soobin nodded gratefully, his parents would’ve tried to beat him until he couldn’t breathe anymore if they found out he got suspend from school. 

“thank you”. the boys both bowed before exiting out of his office and the principal was set to call the other boys involved them and notify them about their suspension. it was weird walking in the halls with someone he wasn’t that fond of instead of his boys. well, his ex-boys. soobin pushes his hands in his pockets trying to figure out how to speak.

“you know um- thank you. you didn’t have to do that for me”. he finally said after a moment of awkward silence. 

“don’t thank me that’s weird. I still hate you”. yeonjun pronounces with a small grin. soobin laughs. 

“that’s how it’s gonna be?”. 

“hell yeah. I still don’t forgive you for pushing me on the floor of your house when you first met me”. yeonjun admitted. soobin laughs again. 

“I didn’t know you. barely even knew you were a fucking choi”. 

“I’m convinced that even if you knew you’d still try to beat my ass because that’s who you are”. 

“touché”. soobin agrees. they both were just following one another, going nowhere in particular. 

“so um--have you told her yet?”. yeonjun asks. soobin shakes his head. 

“not yet”. 

“why not?”. 

“you know why”. 

yeonjun breathes hard. “you’re just digging a deeper hole for yourself soobin”.

“I can’t do it man..”. soobin trails off. 

“how is she doing anyways? mia?”.

soobin shrugs. 

“I went to apologize to her the other day she looked... like a zombie but I don’t want to get too involved with her because I don’t want to get blamed for shit else”. 

yeonjun shakes his head laughing, “you’re crazy for doing it in the first place”.

“you want to know whose crazy? olivia”. 

“how?”.

“she’s been trying to get with me ever since mia stopped appearing so much at school. what the fuck type of best friend is that?”. 

“that’s pretty fucked up. but that’s how girls are. well, except for your little girlfriend”. yeonjun teases and soobin shoves him to the side to keep from blushing. 

“shut the fuck up”. was all soobin could say before he waited outside your classroom door for you. yeonjun knew what he was up to so he didn’t bother hanging around for long. he hated being around couples anyway, they were annoying. 

making the absolute wrong decision soobin decides to scare you while you’re walking out of the classroom and you jump back with your heart at the pit of your stomach. once you noticed it was him he decided to run down the hallway and you weren’t afraid to chase him since you both shared the next class. turning down 2 corners and 2 more more hallways later you finally catch him in the cut of two lockers. “why would you do that you scared me!”. you playfully yell and he holds his hands up in surrender. 

“alright i’m sorry I’m sorry. I just thought it would be funny”. soobin stares trying to look serious but you knew a laugh was coming. you roll your eyes and walk the other way back to class. soobin follows after you and grips your waist from behind. 

“are you really mad? I said I was sorry”. he begs. you thought the way he was acting was kind of cute so you furthered your agenda and kept ignoring him. he noticed you weren’t speaking so he steps in front of you. you cross your arms and glare up at him. “forgive me”. he pleads again and this time you step to the other side and continue walking to class. “mama”. he calls out. you ignore him again and arrive in your classroom grabbing the assignment sister helena had laid out for you both. you got a head start with writing your name on the paper and getting settled before soobin slid next to you. he turned to speak but sister helena decided to lay down the rules for today’s video, as if you all didn’t know what to do each day. you had to say though, class was so much better without kevin and his obnoxious antics. you didn’t know where he was but you hoped he stayed there for the rest of his life.

anyway, sister helena turns off the lights and turns on the tv instead. half of your classmates were already ready to go to sleep including you. you decided to stay up a little more last night to study. but it was hard to go to sleep with soobin landing his hand on your thigh. you jump up a bit with shock. you glance at sister helena to make sure she wasn’t looking. 

“what are you doing?”. 

“oh now you want to speak to me?”. you swat his hand away. 

“yes because you’re touching me. move”. you demand. but you knew deep inside your heart you didn’t mean it. you found yourself wanting soobin more and more each day. you kind of thought being horny was like some sort of drug now. it was a thrill you couldn’t resist. 

soobin smirks and leans your ear, letting his veiny hand wrap around your thigh even tighter. “who do you think you’re talking to hm?”. you shuddered even harder than you did the day before. you had to give yourself a pep talk to stay strong. you lay your hand on his. 

“ssoobin we can’t do this here”.

“we’re in the back of the classroom no one even notices us”. he whispers. he moves his hand closer and closer to your heat. 

“soobin I said mmove”. you shakily respond. and he does nothing but chuckles in your ear. he make sure sister helena is occupied before he continued. he lets his tongue drag from your neck to the back of your ear and tongue kisses it softly. “listen to me. you? don’t give orders. only I do that. and if I want to play with your pussy I will. do you understand me?”.

you sit calm feeling moisture pool into your panties. his voice was darker than you ever heard it. it made you kind of scared and suddenly you forgot all possible ways to regulate your breathing. “say yes daddy”. he orders. your heart races faster at his fingers brushing against your clit through your panties. “say it”. he demands again through clenched teeth. you did as you were told and you could feel him smile prior to kissing you on your cheek. “ good girl”. he snatches his hand away from you pretending to be focused on the tv screen. 

you were going crazy on the inside. you wanted to be touched, you wanted to be yelled at, you wanted to be punished. maybe you did have a daddy kink. you’ll admit that. but you couldn’t admit how horny soobin made you. you were trapped in a daze and soobin knew it. he was filling out the answers on the paper smoothly. you sat uncomfortably in your seat until class over. he shouldn’t have left you wet like that. 

“I told my mother you were tutoring me again today. not that she gave a fuck anyways”. soobin mentions while you grab your things out of your locker. “who said I wanted to tutor you today? what if my parents don’t like you?”. soobin scoffs. “yeah right. and you know you want to tutor me you just don’t like being nice to me for some reason”. you laugh a little. “I have to see if my parents are home”. soobin shrugs. “so what if they are? we’re just studying right?”.

you give soobin a glance almost as if to say, “yeah right”. he laughs in exchange. the both of you head towards his car. “I promise I won’t touch you this time. I really need to pass these exams. maybe i’ll prove to my parents that I’m a good kid after all”. you slide into the passenger seat, “you are a good kid. you just have bad kid tendencies”. soobin thinks about it for a moment until you decide to change the subject. “I have to call mia today to see how she’s doing”. you mention slipping out your phone. you dialed her number and it rang a few times before going straight to voicemail. you decided to call again getting a little worried. after the third ring the phone was answered but you could tell it wasn’t mia. 

“hello? whose this?”. the voice asked. 

“hey it’s me. the girl that brought mia to your car. I wanted to ask how she was doing?”.

“oh hey, this is mia’s mom and she’s doing okay. we took her to the hospital and the doctors prescribed her medication that has a bit of a side effect on her so we don’t know how much longer she’ll be out of school”. 

“aw, well. I hope she get’s better soon. school is boring so she’s missing out on nothing”. 

her mom chuckles lightly, “I’ll tell her you called for her okay?”. 

“okay. see you soon”. 

“okay, bye”.

you pressed the button and slide your phone back in your pocket. 

“i missed you”. soobin muttered. you suck your teeth and laugh. “oh shut up soobin”.

“do you want to get something to eat before we go to your house?”. 

“no we can eat there. I don’t want you to keep spending money”. 

“money grows on trees you know”. 

“says one of the richest guys in town”. soobin laughs this time. he never minded spending money when it came to you but he didn’t want to sound cheesy so he kept quiet. 

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

you tell soobin to keep quiet just in case one of your parents were home. your house was weird, the parking spots were at the back so you couldn’t exactly tell if your parents were home unless you went back there. you open the door with your key and spot absolutely no one. But you couldn’t make assumptions so you snuck soobin to your room as fast as you could and locked the door behind you.

You figured you were pretty safe but you still requested the soobin keep his voice low. you kick your shoes off and sit your textbooks out. soobin does the same on your bed, making himself at home. you thought he looked rather cuter when he looked nerdy. “do you remember what I taught you?”. you asked now moving your textbooks and notebooks to the bed. soobin nods. “internalize more than you memorize right?”. you pinch his cheeks and smile. “good job! do you want a sticker?”. it sounded like you were mocking him, but you actually did have a sheet of stickers in your drawer. soobin creates a pout with his lips, “yes please!”. he says like a child. you roll your eyes and smile, going to your drawer to fetch them. you held the sheet and peeled off a gold star sticking it to his forehead. he looked so pleased with himself it was adorable. 

you open your textbook and you instruct soobin to open his and start from the first chapter review and take notes. he nods and does as he were told. while the both of you studied you watch him steadily making sure he was writing down things that were relevant to the chapter. so far so good, his notes looked pretty neat and organized. you decided to catch yourself up on your own notes. you were practicing math, the subject you hated most. the good part about this was that you were already prepared to not do well on the exam so it wouldn’t be much of a shock if you didn’t. 

time progresses and the both of you filled your notebooks with notes. soobin now writing down important information from the chapter 3 review and you, going through several steps just to solve another math equation. you had to admit soobin was doing really well and he was paying good enough attention. you smirk. “how come you couldn’t do this in school?”. 

“everyone thought i was stupid so i didn’t care enough”. 

“that’s all it was?”.

“well sometimes it takes the right person to believe in you for you to do well. especially when you can’t believe in yourself”. 

“if you keep studying like that you can pass any exam in that school I’ll tell you that. you have good focus”.

“yeah well, thank you for believing in me if so”. you blush, pushing his shoulder playfully. 

“stop being cheesy soobin”. 

“hey since i’ve been studying well do I get something else?”. 

you slide a strand of your hair back putting your pencil back to your paper. “what do you want? another sticker?”. you were halfway through the equation when you realized soobin was still quiet. you glimpse at him for an answer and he was just staring at you. he waited until your eyes gave him permission to speak. and they did. 

“when initiating sex theres the kissing, theres the hickeys, the touching and the feeling. but the most important thing you should do before you have sex is perform oral sex. do you know about it?”. 

your heart started to race. 

“was it in the video we watched?”. you question. soobin nods. his face was so unreadable it became scary. “so what are you saying soobin?”. 

he positions your body on the edge of the bed before he gets on the floor in front of you setting a hand on your knee. you glare down at him in shock, you were nervous beyond words. 

“would you like to see what that feels like?”. you fixed your mouth to answer but soobin was already planting sloppy tongue kisses along your thighs and inner thigh. you panted softly, “ssooobin we can’t make noise”. you stuttered. soobin flips your skirt up giving himself more access to you. “you better keep quiet then”. he mumbles. you were about to say something else but soobin thought it was best to lick your pussy through your panties. you felt yourself growing weak and you were growing hotter at the feeling of his mouth. you started panting even heavier agreeing that if this wasn’t the best feeling in the world you didn’t know what was. 

with lustful eyes he glances up at you and slides down your panties with ease, putting a finger to his lips signaling for you to be quiet. but it was hard to do that when soobin immediately wraps his lips around your clit sucking it softly. you let out a high pitched moan by accident, slapping a hand over your mouth shortly after. his lips were so delicate on you and he looked so invested in making sure you felt good. he could feel your legs trembling as he licked around your folds. so he made it his duty to intertwine his hands with yours so you’d have something to grasp onto when you couldn’t handle it. as his tongue traveled you you squeezed his hands harder. 

you were whining and squirming on his tongue and that didn’t make things any better. you bit your lips and cried, “ssoobin i don’t knnow if I can stayy quiet for this long”. you moan and he’s ignoring you, tongue kissing your clit over and over as if it were your tongue. you open your mouth and exhale trying to keep yourself in order but you couldn’t help your small cries. you were throbbing harshly and beyond wet at this point. 

that was, until you heard your dad calling your name and walking up the staircase.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Motion Sickness Chapter 68

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It was one of those old crush dreams. And I could tell it was a dream. It had Weiss in it and she was wearing her old Beacon era outfit so I knew it was fake. That it wasn't real. It put the dream in that odd category of semi-lucid.

I was dealing with the Boarbatusk in Ports's old classroom. I was using my old sword. I felt small as I fought it.

"Save that kid!" Weiss shouted down at me. It was disorientating like she was shouting through molasses. "Jaune, save him."

I turned away from where she was alone in the seats calling to me. There was this kid down in the pit with me. I couldn't make out his face. It was that kind of dream. Colors blurred and I slew the professor's Boarbatusk.

Instead of dissolving into ash it turned into a matted mess of worms and centipedes. They overran the kid who called out something as a centipede slid over his wrists and locked tight.

I took a step forward but my legs got wrapped up by one of the Grimm worms. It wrapped over my flesh and the slime it left behind stung me.

A centipede wrapped around both my wrists and locked tight. It looked at me. It made a smug, Grimm face at me.

I tried to scream as the bugs ran over my body.

I woke up trying to scream but it only came out as a meek groan. I couldn't move and my wrists and legs still burned where the bugs had touched me.

I was awake enough to know what I was going through. Sleep paralysis, they called it. I drooled on myself a little and couldn't shut my mouth as I lay in the cot they'd stuck me in.

I waited and eventually I was able to move again. I sat up. An orderly came by in the hospital. They had to check on us every thirty minutes just in case one of us tried to commit suicide. That was the kind of ward I was stuck in. It seriously sucked.

I stood up, tired of being watched from the doorway when the nurses came by. They hadn't taken my armor or my huntsman clothes. That told me that they wanted me comfortable. Just so long as I wasn't dangerous.

I was still dangerous. I had my gods damn semblance. Nothing could take that from me.

I striped the clothes off and hung it all next to the sink as I stepped into the in suite shower and washed myself down. I felt fucking disgusting and my dream had left me shaking. My wrists and legs burned still.

Sleep didn't even hit the same anymore.

I couldn't trust it. I couldn't trust in my mind while I rested. I wasn't allowed to rest. It fucking sucked. Plus they took my weed from me and I hadn't had the chance to talk to a doctor who could prescribe something real for me.

All I had was reality. Cold and sober even in the hot shower. At least Neo could bust me out anytime I wanted, basically. They'd taken my scroll too so I couldn't call her but she'd be around. I might just take her up on it, too.

They had me locked in this place. This hospital had us under watch from the doorways at all times even through the night so my rest wouldn't have been restful even if I didn't have the nightmares.

I scrubbed at my eyes hard and thought about the people I was doing this for. Ruby. Weiss. Yang. Blake. My old friends. I had to give this a try otherwise I was a coward. Otherwise I wanted to be sick.

I picked at the inside of my ear as I stood in the shower. I could feel things crawling around beneath my skin. The shower water pounded against the ground and with it came the whispering sound of Mother's voice.

“Come to me… lend me your strength…”

I shuddered.

“I have a favor to ask you, child. Run. Run away.”

I wanted to slam my head into the shower tile wall. I hosed myself off with the little soaps they'd provided me and tried to relax as best as I could. It wasn't working so great. I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to smoke. I wanted to die. I wanted to see my friends.

My feelings were all bottled and mixed up into a hue of utter nothingness.

It was still fairly late and I was sure I wouldn't get any more sleep tonight. Nothing good would happen to my thoughts if I did. That was when she got me. While I was sleeping I was vulnerable to her.

I was so fucking unsafe and had been for a long time. A month or more. Ever since that day I'd murdered my own friends nothing had gone my way. The things I'd learned about myself only dragged me down.

I hated it. I hated being alive. For the thousandth time I cursed Merlot who'd doomed me to this existence without a care in the world. My creator… I would make him pay. He would suffer for bringing me into this world and dooming me to be tortured so. I could feel her fingers on the surface of my mind.

They were surgical and touched me so gently but they were there, digging deep into my thoughts like tentacles. It would feel so good to give in to them. It could be everything I ever wanted.

"Mr. Arc? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I called out to the nurse outside of the bathroom. "I'm the same as I've always been," I whispered in a quieter tone.

I could get through this. I was a hunter damnit. That meant something to me.

Does it?

The voice questioning me was my own. And it had a good point. All my dreams about being a hunter were fake. It was as fake as my name. It was given to me by an alien goddess.

She was working her way into me. She was breaking me down. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it up. It felt like water against a rock. Eventually it would erode. Except the rock was my mind. It was my psyche pit against hers.

"Can I get you anything Mr. Arc?"

"Something to help me relax and sleep?" I asked back.

"Just a moment." The male nurse walked away. He came back and placed a pill on a counter. "It's Clonazepam, just let it dissolve under your tongue. It should help with anxiety and sleep."

"Thanks," I breathed.

I stepped out of the shower and dried off. I savored the rough feel of the towel against my skin. The cloth was low quality and boy it felt good. I took the pill and let it dissolve under my tongue. It was incredibly sweet to the taste. I swallowed.

I immediately felt a little more relaxed but it was a bit more relaxed about being mind raped. There was only so much the drugs could do, surely. I was in it for real and I was in deep.

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"So tell me about what brings you in here Mr. Arc." My counselor was a woman. Middling height with brown hair and green eyes. She looked trustworthy. A strong jaw and high cheek bones made her classically good looking, too. She was maybe fifty, maybe a bit older. She didn’t have the good looks of a hunter, though.

Dr. Caulbaugh was her name. And after a short introduction I was supposed to share with her my deepest darkest secrets. It was necessary for this thing to work.

"The general didn't tell you anything?" I asked. We were locked alone in a room. If I so chose I could rip her in half. Probably not a good sign that I was thinking like that. But I was.

"No, he didn't. It's up to you what you share with me. But the more honest you can be the better we can make things for you." She smiled at me and picked a pen at the corner of her mouth. An actual pen as opposed to a data pad.

"And you work with hunters?" I asked.

"Primarily. My background is in trauma victims. The overlap, I think, would surprise you."

“Not really.” As far as trauma went hunters had to be up there. Between killing people and watching their friends die day in and day out there was a lot of trauma to be had. I maybe knew a thing or two about that. I nodded and flushed out my half cape in the chair. I swept it behind me."That's why you lot let me keep my armor and clothes."

"Hunters are more comfortable in their wear. And armor isn't exactly a threat." She smiled again, trying to disarm me. That's the real reason she let me keep my cloak, armor, and clothes. That's the real reason I wasn't in a gown.

I kept nodding anyway.  

"Please, tell me about yourself, Mr. Arc."

"My father was a test tube and my 'mother,'" I gave the word quotation marks. "Was an incubator. I was created in a laboratory by a scientist named Merlot from the genetic material of a woman named Salem. My other mother."

"You're serious?" Her jaw dropped a little. It shouldn't have been outside the range of possibility. Especially in a technophilic place like Atlas.

I nodded again.

"Okay." She started writing.

"I'm biologically twenty but I'm chronological three or four."

"Oh my gods." She swore a little. She seemed a little shocked. I had been too, though. So there was that.

"Yeah. I joined Beacon academy when I was 'seventeen.' I was there when the academy went down. My partner was killed in the action. Her name was Pyrrha."

"Okay." She murmured scrawling at her clipboard.

"I killed for the first time maybe nine months after that. I just ripped this bandit in half."

"How many people have you killed?"

"I've lost count. Maybe a hundred. Maybe more," I confessed. "A lot of people."

"Okay. Alright." She kept writing frantically. "You're very young to have such a high body count."

"You've met other four year olds with a higher body count than me?" I laughed.

"N-no."  She mumbled. She picked the pen at the corner of her mouth. A nervous habit, maybe.

"Sorry. Bad joke."

"No, please go on."

"I was there when Haven was attacked. A month ago or so. Not sure if you heard about it."

"I hadn't…"

"I'm sure some details are classified. But while I was there my Mother, Salem took control over my mind. She made me kill two of my friends."

"You mean, like with a semblance?"

"Kinda," I shrugged. "I bet details about my Mother are classified above top secret. I'm sure I can't share much with you."

"That's alright."

"And ever since then I've had tactile, visual, and auditory hallucinations. I hear her voice. I see shadows. I feel bugs crawling around in my face and in my eyes."

"I see. I see. Then what happened after Haven?"

"I found my 'father's' laboratory. That's where I learned the truth about me. I had fake memories, you see. Then I came here."

"From Mistral?"

"I snuck into the country. Report me."

"I'm not going to report you."

"I was so worried you would," I said facetiously. "So what do you think, doc? Do I have PTSD?"

"Almost certainly," she was still writing very quickly. "Mr. Arc you have quite the tale to tell."

"Do I make your list of top ten weirdest patients or what?"

"You just might." She laughed. "Have you ever tried to take your own life?"

"Just after I killed my friends at Haven I tried to kill myself."

"What happened?"

"Couldn't focus. My aura wouldn't let me." I squeezed a fist as I recalled the memory. I inhaled deeply and tried to relax like I was about to try it again now.

"I see. I want to run through some mood scales with you. Is that alright?"

"Sure." I shrugged. I had no idea what those were.

"Now I want you to tell me if you've experienced these things over the past month. If you've experienced it all of the days, most of the days, half of the days, a few of the days, or none of the days."

"Shoot."

"Feeling down, depressed or hopeless?" She asked.

"All of the days."

"Feeling like a failure, like you've let yourself down?" She went on.

"All of the days. My father classified me as a failure of an experiment, even."

"Feeling like you'd be better off dead or having thoughts of hurting yourself?" She was unrelenting.

"All of the days."

"Poor appetite or the reverse, over eating?"

"A few of the days."

"Poor sleep or the opposite, getting too much sleep?"

"All of the days."

"Which one?"

"I have nightmares from Mother. I can't sleep. I'm even afraid of sleeping. She gets me while I sleep."

She wrote notes on her clipboard. "How have you been sleeping since you arrived?"

"Poorly."

"Okay, I'll prescribe you something for that. Next scale. Moving too slow, to the point someone would have noticed or the opposite, being more fidgety than usual?"

"None of the days."

"Fear or worrying about a great many subjects?"

"All of the days."

"Well Mr. Arc…"

"What? Never had a mind controlled patient before?"

"I can't say that I have. It seems to me you don't believe I'll be able to treat you."

"That's because I'm not actually crazy. I have someone else in my head."

"I don't think you're crazy Mr. Arc. That's not what PTSD is. I'm going to get you started on some of our atypical antipsychotics. They'll help stabilize your mood and you should notice the effects immediately."

"Which one?"

"It's called Asenapine. Have you heard of it?" She asked.

"No." I shook my head. I hadn't heard of any of the medications. I was no expert. My brain was in this woman's hands. I had to just trust her.

"Well it should help stabilize you. I want to run a genetics test on you to see which medications you'll respond best to in the meantime."

"I'm willing to bet my genetics are classified."

"Because of your origin?"

"Yeah. Because of my creation."

"Well I'll see about getting through on those. In the meantime I'm keeping you on Clonazepam and Asenapine."

"And you think that'll help?"

"Well it's not an exact science but we should be able to find a medication combination that works for you," she returned.

"We'll see, doc. I'm told you're who I should talk to about being released. About getting my weapon back, too."

"You hunters are all about getting your weapons. You're not ready to leave here, Mr. Arc. I'm putting you in for a three day hold."

"Three days?"

"Three days minimum. It's my professional opinion that you need serious help. You don't need a weapon in your hands right now."

"I could be doing real serious good. I could be saving lives."

"You could also be taking them."

"That's the job. That's what hunters are for. Let alone what I am for. I was made to kill people. I think. I’m not sure."

"You mentioned your friends. What were their names?"

"Ren and Nora." She looked over her board at me, looking deadly serious.

"Unless you want there to be more like that you'll remain calm and go through the therapies I recommend."

"Very well."

"You still seem doubtful. That sort of obstinacy is counter productive to your treatment. A large part of it is your belief."

"I'm being mind controlled. There's no cure for that. And the things I am? Where I came from? That shit's permanent."

"This mind control event is where your psychosis started? It's why you resorted to marijuana?"

"Maybe. There might have been psychosis before.."

"Then let us help you Mr. Arc. This isn't forever. You'll be back out in the field. It's my firm belief that your stay here is temporary. Have faith in the treatments. I think we can make some serious progress with your psychosis."

"I agreed to this in the first place."

"Then have faith. You're not doomed, Mr. Arc."

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-WG

[shslpunkartist]

All in My Head

(This is an au I've had in my head for months, but I never talked about it because it's VERY ooc of Keith and Pico. This is a basic explanation of it through Keith's eyes. If people are interested, I'll talk more about it.

Btw, the only characters that would be involved with this au is Keith, Pico, Amelia, and Otis, but Ami and Otis aren't mentioned here)

He's always been there, for as long as I can remember.

I can't think of a time when I was younger that he wasn't around. He was there every time I woke up, when I went to school, when I played games at home, and when I went to sleep. He wasn't creepy though; he was a kid, just like me, and he was my friend. He played games together, we did my homework together, we talked together.. We did everything together. 

His name was Pico.

My parents told me that he was my imaginary friend, which is something all kids had. I didn't quite understand it though, because he felt real to me, and he wasn't based on anything I have ever seen before. But he was my friend, and it got my parents and sister to act like he was around, so it was nice! 

But.. Pico never went away, like most "imaginary friends" did. He grew up with me. I never had a problem with it obviously. I didn't WANT my best friend to disappear! But it got my parents worried.. I was talking to what seemed like nothing, which confused a lot of people at middle school and their friends from work, who were judging me for being a lonely weirdo. They didn't want my life to get harder when I continued to grow up, so..

They tried to give me "medicine". They said it was to make me "feel better". I didn't know what they meant, but I didn't think much of it, so I took it before going to sleep.

The next morning, Pico wasn't there.

At first, I thought he had gotten up before I did and left the room, but he never did that; he always waited until I got up, so that we could have breakfast together. I got up and looked around the house, but I couldn't find him, no matter where I looked. I called for him, I tried to listen out for his voice, but.. nothing. I started to panic. He's never left me before, but now, he was nowhere to be seen. 

I cried to my parents. "He's gone!" I said, "Pico is gone!" 

"It's ok!" They responded. "It's ok that Pico is gone!"

"That's what is supposed to happen!"

…..

I felt sick.

That's when they explained what that "medicine" was: it was a drug prescribed by my doctor to help fight "delusions". "Schizophrenia", the doctor said I might have. If I take that medicine for a long time, Pico will stay gone, and I can finally live a normal life..

They gave me that drug again. I put it in my mouth, drank my water, and opened my mouth to prove I took it. They were happy that I was doing this, and they promised it was for my own good..

Once they left, I threw it up.

It hurt so much, but I did it anyway. No way in Hell was I going to keep taking something that took my best friend away! I might as well have murdered him when I took that drug! That whole day was absolute torture because all I could think of was how I killed Pico.. even if I was tricked, I still took that drug, and that's what killed him, and I didn't know where he was anymore. Everything felt wrong, everyone felt against me, I was scared, cold, I wanted to cry, I wanted to find him..

The next morning, he was sleeping by my bedside.

He wasn't sleeping on the bed with me, but rather resting his head on the side while sitting on the ground. I shot awake and shook him, and he looked up with dull eyes. His whole face looked paler than normal, and he looked very weak.. but he still smiled and said, "Good morning, Keith. Did you miss me~?"

I told my parents I wasn't feeling well, so they let me stay home from school. I kept myself locked in my room and laid in bed the whole day, hugging Pico and crying out apologies until my voice gave out. He didn't hate me at all, though. Not once did he blame me for what happened. He was mad at my parents for tricking me, but he didn't hate them either. 

I kept pretending to take the medicine. I pretended Pico wasn't around when I was near people. But I always saw him, and I always talked to him through my thoughts.

Years later, he's still with me. He's still my best friend. 

When I'm thinking about something I saw, he acts it out in front of me to help me remember. When I listen to music, he moves along with the song. Even the scenery begins to change once he starts dancing. When I wake up from a dream, he tries to tell me as much as we can remember about it. 

When I'm sad, he's there. When I'm happy, he's there. When I'm lonely, he's there. 

….

He was my first kiss, too.

It happened after a girl confessed to me in high school. I didn't know her very well, since she was only in one of my classes, and we hadn't talked much at all with each other. It left me confused. She wasn't ugly at all, really pretty actually, but I didn't know anything about her, so.. y'know, why would I go out with a stranger? 

"Have you ever had a crush on someone before?" Pico asked.

"No," I answered, "But you already knew that answer."

"Heh heh, true." He laughed a bit. I remember him swaying a bit in his seat, until he leaned closer to me, his expression turning soft. "Y'know, I have a crush on somebody.. Do you know who it is?"

I didn't answer. Because I already knew the answer.

So that's why I didn't move away when he pressed closer to kiss me.

That kiss? It felt so real.. it was sweet, it was gentle.. he tasted like apple and cinnamon, which was his favorite flavor in anything. I wanted him to keep kissing me, so he did. He gently pushed me down onto the bed and climbed on top, kissing me more and more. I could feel his hands travel under my clothes, raising my shirt to touch my chest, slipping into my pants to rub between my legs..

"Pico.. Pico, nn.. a-anh~"

"I love you, Keith.."

"I-I love you too..!"

"Let's stay together forever, okay?"

"Y-Yes..! I-I wanna be with you, I wanna love you more, I.. Ah~!"

A loud knock on my door startled me awake. "Honey, dinner's ready!" My mother called out. 

I looked down at my body. One of my hands was grabbing my chest, while the other was buried beneath my pants and underwear. I looked back up to see Pico at the door, facing away from me, rubbing and squeezing his own arm. 

.. I started to cry. 

I know Pico isn't real. The countless pictures taken, the way he ends up in places no normal person can get to, the fact that nobody else can hear nor see him but me.. I've accepted the fact that Pico was just someone my brain created for some reason, ever since I was a baby. No matter how hard I wished.. no matter how hard I tried to think of him as a real person.. 

He will always be something my fucked up brain thought of. 

.. but I never want him to go away. Even though I know and accept the fact that he's a hallucination, he's always been there for me in ways that nobody else would ever be. He helps me sleep at night, he makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, he's always supportive of me..

And he'll always love me, just as I will always love him.