#i've wanted this game for 20 years I deserve to buy it to have it languish in my steam library

[femvaylin]

Gal that buys video games before finishing the ones she's bought previously: yeah I definitely need VTMB

[dr-spectre]

man i saw your last two posts and i wanted to tell you, you're not cringe, and you're not unlovable

i've had like, one full conversation with you going back and forth on both shared and unshared interests and it had a profound effect on me at the time

I need to unlearn shame, i need to be more open with what i fixate on and what i'm doing (and also the realization i'm definitely on some kind of spectrum), from one chat with someone *loud and proud* like you, how fucking crazy is that?

I hardly know you personally, but it's not hard to gauge how awesome you are, in face of your perceived faults, several of which i share myself, you yap so much but you're so genuine and passionate i and pretty much everyone who sticks here loves to read it, it never gets old, it never gets annoying

you put your whole pussy into innocuous little things about the subject matter, and it's a wonderful thing

you can find friends, you can find love, and you deserve both of those things

this is a little long but it's sentiments i've had for awhile now but no good opportunity to share......

I.... I..... WHA.

WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS?!?!?! YOU CAN'T DROP THIS IN MY INBOX LIKE THAT!!!

LISTEN... ITS JUST.... I aint awesome!!! Im some 20 year old autistic dude who's too obsessed with a squid woman! How's that awesome!!?!?!? I haven't made an impact on anything... not on the community... not on inkipedia... not on anyone... I have 300 followers... that's nothing...

...or have i?!?! There's no way I could have had an impact on someone... hell even SEVERAL PEOPLE! I just overanalyse stuff that seems so cut and dry but... people are actually positive about my stuff? People say to me that I changed the way they see this important character to me.... BUT THERE'S NO WAY RIGHT?!?!? I still feel like a drop in the ocean. Just a spec of dust!!! I haven't made real change yet... OR HAVE I?! I DON'T KNOW!!! WAAAHHHH!!!

Maybe.... maybe if I have changed one person's perspective, then maybe it was worth it in the first place...

You know. I wanna say that the reason I came to tumblr was because my irl friends aren't into Splatoon and my family gives me a meh shoulder shrug to my interest. It was so difficult for me to explain Splatoon to my parents when Splatoon 3 came out and I picked up the game at launch! So I went here because I felt like it was the best place to express myself. And yeah I'm glad I stuck with it honestly.

I get why my irl friends aren't into Splatoon, they need to buy a multi hundred dollar console that's about to get replaced soon just to play 2 games. And trying to explain to them Nintendo Wii U and Switch emulation is just... I dont even wanna attempt that HAHAHAHA!!!! So I often felt lonely and it felt like I was screaming into a void when talking about Splatoon to them in a discord server. I guess that's where my sense of loneliness comes from.....

I genuinely have NO ONE in real life to talk to about my interests and have someone ACTUALLY listen. I guess that's why I feel cringe and not cool at all. My interests are so nerdy and I'm on the spectrum, my social skills are like D tier. I genuinely cannot talk about myself, i really cant. Its why i have never been in a romantic relationship before.... As a 20 year old dude, that shit fucking stings I'm not even gonna lie. I think about that shit every day. LITERALLY EVERY DAY I'M NOT LYING!!!!

But anyways, I'm getting way too personal on the internet. I don't wanna be some sad sap.

Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I'm not sure if I truly feel like I deserve love but. Thank you anyways. I guess it is a good quality to have that I can ramble and yap and become really focused on something, even if it's not adult things like... getting a job, paying taxes or whatever HAHAHAHA!

[godtier]

so i got an email from RT about the last season and i'm kinda annoyed

first there was this:

brother, just say it was because of the strike lmao c'mon now. we all know that's why you're pushing it back

tho don't get me wrong, i will always support a creative team pushing a release date back to perfect the product (whether it's a show, movie, or video game), but this was just stupidly phrased and they coulda just said it. i'm guessing WB was like "no don't mention it at all for the love of god"

then there was this:

now the way this reads to me is that only first members get to watch the season?? traditionally, first members got the release ... well, first. then, non-paying members got the release a few days/a week later. that makes sense to me and it's how it's been since forever. the last time i bought a first sub was for the shisno paradox trilogy and i didn't need to be coerced into it; i wanted to see it as it came out. doing it like this seems really fuckin stupid.

and, in case anyone missed it, rt already removed all seasons of rvb off of their youtube channel. so the only "official" way to watch rvb (aside from DVDs/blu-rays) is their site.

not only that, but just seven episodes? and yet it's gonna be released as a (presumably) feature-length film? so if we're to assume the "movie" cut is gonna be about 90 mins long (being generous here), that means each episode is gonna be about 12-13 mins long, which is fine... but just seven? idk, for the last season, i would have thought they'd have gone all-out and produced a more "standard" length season.

for reference, the average season length (not counting rvb: zero) is about 19-20 episodes. the season with the smallest number of episodes (again, not counting zero) is s17 with 12. i'd have been satisfied with 12, but 7 is just... what. how are you gonna wrap up an entire 20+ year-long series with 7 episodes?? if the episodes were 30 mins long each, then i'd be like "aight let's go son" but if my assumptions are correct, 12-13 min long episodes isn't enough

idk, i was probably gonna renew my first sub anyway, but the fact that they're locking it out entirely unless you either buy first or buy WB's movie-version... it just seems yucky

tbh, if you ask me and consider all the main cast seasons, rvb ended with s17. it had the best wrap-up imo (aside from s5, but only OGs will agree that's a good ending point, myself included), and it tied up everything neatly and left it open-ended. the boys had their biggest adventure, donut got to shine (yes i'm biased), and it ended in a place where you could feasibly imagine them living out their lives in peace, like they deserve.

it's been a long time since i was active in rvb fandom (and it was here, on this very tumblr!) but i'm wary about going forward now. i'm gonna watch it somehow, but i've gotta figure out the best way to do so. i'm hoping they either clarify that they meant that first members are getting it ... first (as it has always been) and the wording was just bad, or they roll back on that stipulation and just leave it the way it was.

[danwhobrowses]

So I Finally Finished a Playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3

It's been months of playing over my holidays and the weekends, but I've finally completed my first playthrough of what was deemed Game of the Year for 2023.

As someone whose only D&D experiences come from the two movies (the bad one that traumatized me as a kid by killing Snails and the good one that deserves more love) and Critical Role, I didn't know much of what I was getting into, only my coworkers saying 'buy it, it's a masterpiece' unanimously when I inquired about it. Having no idea how to play or the lore, I was very much entering blind.

Continued down the Keep Reading

So, I'm sure we gotta get through the first set of questions so let's get to them.

What was your Tav? It took a long time to realise that 'Tav' meant your player character among fanpages, I can't tell you why it's Tav still, but I only pieced it together from Durge naming too. My Tav is Dec, short for December because that's when I started playing and I couldn't waste too much time on stream thinking up a clever name. He was a High Elf Guild Artisan, for Class I started as a Beast Master Ranger, ironic that Ranger is deemed one of the lesser classes among the community, I was adamant to not use archery at the start but by the end of it I was a Crossbow Expert. I went 9/3 with Rogue to get Assassin, but then respec'd my Ranger into a Gloomstalker, since I never really summoned the bear (probably should've learned from Sam's constant dissing of Trinket eh?) plus when I remembered Dread Ambusher it gave me 3 attacks on the first turn. He has combustible blood thanks to Araj and some tadpole powers after consuming them after the creche incident made him more open to trusting the Dream Visitor; Charm - which failed 90% of the time - Psionic Backlash, Favourable Beginnings and Luck of the Far Realms used mainly, I had Stage Fright and Force Tunnel but didn't use it, same for Cull the Weak. Likes to talk things through, especially with Persuasion/Charisma buffing invisible hats. Has the Duellist's Perogative Sword and the Swire's Sledboard Shield for Melee, and the AC bonus, plus the Armor of Agility giving him an evasive 24 AC with Advantage thanks to 20 DEX and the Cloak of Displacement.

You can't see his scar and tattoo too well from here but I had to show off his Black Furnace and Red dye on his armour it looks too good. Here's a better look of his face:

For his tattoo and scarring I like to think he got the tattoo after the burn, in some ways distracting it from the scarring.

Did you Save Scum? Don't Lie to Me! Yes and I'm not sorry about it. If you wanna invite me to a D&D table I'll follow the rules and how the dice lands but there's a lot more wiggle room there than in a game where there's finite dialogue options. I was also not going to sit there and let my companions turn against me just because the game fancied throwing continual Nat 1s or low rolls at me, nor would I let Omeluum die in the Iron Throne, or end up leaving the Mirror of Loss empty handed. I bought the game so if I wanna carve this experience this way I shall carve it this way, I get some people see the Morally Good path as boring for this kind of gaming but I like to be good, it feels good, and I want good things to happen for my allies, even if it means having to undo most of their religious indoctrination. But, it did take a while for me to start save scumming, really it was freeing Halsin that started it but it didn't become regular until Auntie Ethel. I only really did it for dialogue/lore expansion (or when there were two dialogue options I was between which I hoped would be interpreted how I expect it to) and for necessary buff rolls like the Mirror of Loss, but sometimes I did it to keep some key NPCs alive like Jaheira, who died at Moonrise the first time.

Who did you usually team up with? Kinda a harem squad since I had Lae'zel, Shadowheart and Karlach. I was very combat-oriented; Lae'zel adding support to Karlach's melee or Dec's ranged combat while Shadowheart made up for most of the magic with heals, summons and like 100 scrolls in her bag (Dec horded about 100 different arrows and poisons too, sometimes pays off). I respec'd her to Light Domain after the Nightsong stuff to fit her character and hair change - though I must admit I preferred the black hair - and gave her my Adamantine Splint Armour for defences plus the ring and Balduran's Helm for +5 healing each turn. Lae'zel was a Battle Master, clad in the Helldusk set, though I didn't use much of her Superiority dice moves; the enemies often made saves against it even with 18 strength (20 after the mirror of loss, and higher at endgame thanks to an Elixir of Cloud Giant Strength), I relied more on her brute force, plus reaction skills like Executioner and Sentinel, plus the Silver Sword of the Astral Plane. Karlach was a 9/3 Bear Heart Barbarian and Champion Fighter, I did respec her for the Feats but the Bone armour, Balduran's Greatsword and Brutal Jump also helped at times, plus the Gauntlets of Hill Giant Strength and the Amulet of Greater Health made her a high damage, near-200 Health-on-Rage machine (over 200 thanks to the +30 extra health at the final battle). I tended not to swap around a lot, I couldn't abandon my healer, loved Karlach's personality and I had sentiment for Lae'zel being the first person I encountered, she has the sad eyes too, but I did do some rare switching for personal quests. Initially I started with Astarion, but that's because of a misunderstanding of who Karlach was - more on that later - and it turned out that I wasn't doing much for stealth, I brought him for Cazador though, much like I brought Wyll for Ansur and Gale for the Book of Karsus. Later in Act 3 I played around with dyes and equipped everyone, out of fear that I may be sprung unprepared like with Orin - Halsin only had a torch - by all campmates joining the fight, it didn't happen but everyone at least looks stylish.

I go between whether I like Wyll's colours though, on one hand he looks like a Templar and the white would stand out in Avernus, other times he looks like a cosplayer XD Minsc and Jaheira needed no dyes the colours already suited well, but I do love the colours I chose for Astarion, Halsin and Karlach.

Who did you fuck? (romance) Probably would've been asked sooner but sadly Dec became an unintended bachelor, at least outside of the headcanon. He did share a night of passion with Lae'zel after freeing the Emerald Grove but it wasn't something he wanted to pursue further, our dynamic was more befitting of two soldiers, or at least a dynamic where we think we're the General and the other the Advisor. Had Shadowheart took 'later' for her drink offer as 'I want to see all the dialogues other characters have first' rather than a refusal there might have been a romance there, instead I feel we fell into a more sibling bond, she can be a bit too sassy at times in passing dialogue - I had hoped to see more development with her and Lae'zel eventually being friends. Wyll did his best to throw sad puppy eyes at me when I refused to dance with him but it just made things more awkward, Gale meanwhile probably was gonna make moves when teaching me the Weave but he was very hung up on Mystra for me to entertain it, I sat with him when he felt the mortal coil though. Astarion I think made a passing suggestion but nothing of substance, Halsin left it late after he got kidnapped by Orin - I didn't realise he had to physically join the party to be a part of the group until Act 3 - coming onto me right before I confronted the Brain which was quickly turned down. I believe Minsc and Jaheira are unable to be romanced atm, and I did not fuck the Emperor; it weirded me out that he just was there shirtless chilling next to my unconscious dream state. We killed Minthara, didn't know you could recruit or romance her in a Morally Good path. Which left Karlach, fuck did I want to romance Karlach, not for lack of trying either; but because when I met Wyll he was talking about killing her I immediately assumed 'oh Karlach must be that woman on the cover with him' (aka 'the bitch who could've been cool if she wasn't such a bitch' Mizora, who I also wouldn't have romanced given the option) and stuck a pin in it, I was also unaware that most Act 1 romance stuff would come to a head at the end of the Emerald Grove quest which I prioritized so I only encountered Karlach after I saved Halsin and the Grove, meaning I couldn't reach Dammon until Act 2. By then Karlach seemed to be locked out of romance, perhaps for another misunderstanding on my part too since I did upgrade her engine twice at Lost Light very swiftly, but it still was a knife to the heart after all that and the date at the circus that she called us 'just mates' to Fytz. All this and then they give us a better kissing patch ¬_¬

Yes so sad, anyway what about ~Astarion~? Astarion is popular, and I know why he's popular, and the scene of him killing Cazador was very well done...but Astarion for me though was just fine; I mean you guys see Karlach right? Part of the reason she stays my group was that I can't bear to part from her. A lot of the times my Morally Good options didn't align with Astarion's brand of pessimistic chaos, so he spent a lot of time in camp as I mispronounced his name until I heard it be properly said, which probably hampered his story a bit more, but we had a close enough friendship that he heeded my advice with the Ascension and the spawn, wish he reacted to me getting a painting of him since he can't see his reflection though, felt like something could've been done there. Jaheira was a fun personality too, angry old lady who says it like it is, kinda wish we had more to her quest, seeing her home and her interacting with her wards/children was interesting, Minsc was charming too in his simple way, would've been cool if he had more of a presence as well, like we could hear about Minsc and the Stone Lord in separate lights earlier in the game to build up to him. On that topic, I was surprised to find that there wasn't a companion for each role, I suppose there were constraints but Aylin and Zevlor both worked as Paladins, Alfira a Bard (though I don't think anyone would dare put her in the line of fire), I suppose there's little need for a Sorcerer when you had a Wizard or a Monk when you had a Fighter and Barbarian but it was strange, you get 2 Druids and your Ranger is built more like a Fighter or Barbarian (the latter I added to Minsc). I'd later learn that there was cut content for a halfling companion who was a werewolf, but I can see why that one was cut, with Chetney and all, but yeah not any halflings, Barcus could've been a companion even without the Artificer class, or a Dragonborn.

So how did your story go? Being the Morally Good Guy I was I went through most of the best options I could, but I also tried to avoid combat earlier on when I was struggling to work with it. I was friendly with the Goblin Camp for starters, since they thought I was with the Absolute and Dec is willing to put shit on his face to avoid conflict, it all went tits up after freeing Halsin and having to kill everyone but it may've had some benefit to how I could walk freely through Moonrise. Ironically it was the same with the Githyanki, friendly up until they wanted me to hand over the prism, though the Creche was a lost cause anyway, they're lucky I didn't ransack the place, could've gotten a lot of xp and loot there. I let Viconia live, so she can dwell on that burn Shadowheart gave her but oftentimes I was not so merciful, do wish I didn't kill that one Sharran with the letter of hating being there though, why'd you fight me girl? Same with the Bhaalist with the parents at Elfsong, and the goblin children, I was using nonlethal but arrows don't count as I'd soon learn. Allies were mostly good-to-neutral creatures like the Tieflings (though I wish I saved more, nobody told me about the harpies and I thought convincing Rolan to stay would mean the Grove not the Shadow Cursed Lands - also why send refugees who struggle with goblins through the SHADOW CURSED LANDS?) and 90% of the Ironhand Gnomes because fuck Wulbren - I didn't like Barcus too much at first, thought him rude, but when Wulbren didn't even show gratitude for his attempts I softened to him. Kindness made me quite the enemy to others however; the infernal naturally did not appreciate my deeds of pact breaking but saving the Duke anyway and pilfering the House of Hope, but to be fair Raphael (and his clear portrait of himself I clocked onto immediately when he was in his human guise to know he was untrustworthy) never repaid me in-game for 'killing' Yurgir, and Mizora would've squirmed a lot more in her Ilithid pod had it been a table interaction - though, the latter two were more than willing to help me with the Absolute, 'cept Raphael because he's dead - but in my defence I loved outwitting and being a sassy little shit to demons. Slaying the Chosen was a given, as a very Pro-Karlach guy I was never letting Gortash live, got the Father/Grandfather-Daughter set with Bhaal too. Killing the former Balduran was disappointing; as much as he was on my side he always felt like he had his own ulterior motives, he also had a superiority complex to him with his constant urging of being half-Ilithid; thinks it's not important that he's Balduran either, dismissing Ansur's legend until confronted by Ansur's spirit. Stealing the Orphic Hammer was an insurance policy at first, I could understand Voss' disdain for us using Githyanki Jesus in a box like a forcefield, but it's a shame that the guy who was all about trust decided not to trust me in releasing Orpheus; we could've stopped the brain together! Omeluum would've heard me out. I mean Orpheus was a bit salty but he at least was willing to negotiate and not immediately side back with the brain like a petty bitch. I'd say the gods have mixed feelings with me; friendly with Selune and Lathander at least, and whatever Withers is - though the guy roasted me about my love life. The rest either neutral or anti; Shar and Vlaakith (if you can call her a god) definitely hate me, because they're sore losers, think Myrkul and Bhaal likely hate me, Bane however seemed to respect game not sure how I feel about that. I don't quite like Mystra, think she's a bit extreme with her treatment of Gale, but I understand her role, valid god but shitty person. On the other hand I probably have Cyric's favour for helping the Strange Ox, which might be bad...but Milil was happy to be recognized.

In the end, most of the allies got to live somewhat happily; Gale got the orb out of him and became a professor, Lae'zel - having dealt the final blow to the brain - leads the charge against Vlaakith after Orpheus became a Mind Flayer and was mercy killed, Shadowheart has her family (Shar would've always been with her regardless of her choice), a bunch of pets and can maybe reminisce with Nocturne again one day, Jaheira and Minsc - once he survives Zhentharim execution, didn't realise I needed to have him talk to Nine Fingers - also can rest with her wards and probably share drinks with Nine Fingers until the next fight, Astarion sadly has no cure for vampirism but he is owning it and killing the right people (I like to think he'll get to see the sun again, maybe Omeluum and the Mycolids help), plus Halsin has a bunch of kids in Moonrise to look after, plus Thaniel, Oliver and a new Owlbear who I'd rather had left with Dammon given the option. Isobel and Aylin can settle down, Rolan runs the Sundries, Hope is free, Alfira and Lakrissa got their bard's school, Florrick and Ravengard resume leadership to rebuild, Dammon has his forge, Scratch found a new home in this Mindy (but I remain best master), Mol I'm sure will be running the Guildhall in a few years, Thrumbo has a shelter for his brothers, Mayrina will raise her son without the threat of a hag, Vanra won't become a hag (but does need therapy), and Arabella will probably be the next Withers after reading some more rocks. Yenna didn't seem to have an ending so I'll assume that she found a loving home too, maybe with Halsin or as one of Jaheira's wards, or maybe Gale wants a Sous Chef since she did bring her own carving knife if you didn't know. I wish Alfira got invited to the epilogue, god of song is fine but not the familiar face and it would've been cool for them to meet, nice to get a letter at least, and we'll have to visit Art's grave sometime. Surprised we got no word about Mizora, I didn't get a letter from Geraldus even though he survived, Naaber apparently had more in him after wanting to be a dog, sad not to get anything from Rolan, Devella (I know Valeria mentioned her but c'mon), the Gondians, Mol, Omeluum, or Aylin and Isobel from the epilogue, did we really need the ramblings of Ettvard? Plus the papers must've glitched they said Stelmane's killer was still at large? Post-credits scene felt a bit weak mind you, but guessing Withers is that old God of Death Jerghal? Least he's not a surprise villain to fight. As for me, well, I was never one to give up on people and neither is Dec, and thus Dec and Karlach brave Avernus to seek a fix for her infernal engine, punch a few demons and whatnot, Wyll is there too as the Blade of Avernus, a role he embraced twice after barely contributing to killing Ansur but that's more proximity. We'll chill in the House of Hope especially after her letter, but soon enough we'll all return to Faerun on a more permanent basis.

So you enjoyed it? Yes, very much. I did of course make a lot of mistakes though; kept forgetting about Dread Ambusher for one, my earlier failures at romance still stung, I think the game wasn't as welcoming to those unfamiliar to it. The dice did not like me many times, I once got a Nat 1 in a 2 DC with +2 bonus, I also have had several instances of back-to-back Nat 1s, even had 6 in two different streams. Combat was an adjustment period, I missed a lot of the time which was frustrating, or the enemy would make saving throws on my gambits, Karlach even got pushed into the abyss at the Temple of Bhaal, I was livid. I think I probably would've experienced more if the game established better that you can long rest as much as you like without turning into a Mind Flayer, because much of Act 1 was me reluctant to Long Rest because they say you can change 'within 2-3 days', as a result that affected some romance options too, nobody to spend the night with if there's no night, as well as other in-camp interactions - Astarion never tried to bite me for instance, and I'm sure Raphael would've arrived to reward me for killing Yurgir had we not dealt with a backlog of interactions. I remained quite the hesitant player too, I ignored Gale stuck in a portal for a while fearing some magical backlash was gonna vaporize me, oftentimes I expected worse than what actually happened. Graphically there were a few characters whose cheeks were being pulled to the far left side of the map which was weird, and some battles would have enemies who would just do nothing for their turns, and some areas didn't render quick enough to not be noticed, but it was small stuff in comparison, I didn't do much for camp clothes or dyes until late on but probably for the better since style should be for the final act. I also keep seeing stuff that I somehow missed in my playthrough; like there's an angry squirrel near the grove? A frog in Ethel's house? A bird who wanted help with the giant eagles? What? Where?

What was the most difficult part? Act 3 had a lot of tough shit going down, though one of my most memorable struggles was against Auntie Ethel in Act 1. Already deep in her domain at lv4 it was a rough run to start with, continually hit by Hold Person by her projections, only when I learned they were one-hits did it become a little easier, but without Extra Attack it was still difficult. After that combat was here and there, sometimes it was just the environment like being jammed in a pipe when fighting Minsc; Lorroakan was annoying, Grym I had to be tactical with the hammer, the Assassin at the Facemaker was quite difficult too because he'd Haste himself and hide. The Death Shepherds in the Mountain Pass were surprisingly difficult without the Blood of Lathander, much easier with its Sunbeam. The companion quest final battles of Cazador, Ansur and Viconia were each difficult in their own way; the former was most annoying because my party would be downed but the thrown healing potions weren't working (plus those downed members were the ones with Radiant damage and holy water), wasn't even Bone Chilled like with Viconia, Ansur was difficult because of his burst attack. Raphael hits fucking hard, but once I realised that Hope kept dying because she was getting backlash from dealing Radiant Damage it was just attrition and lots of potion throwing. Combat-wise I think the toughest battle was Cazador due to the glitch of thrown potions not healing, otherwise the toughest boss was Ansur. Overall the most difficult experience I found was the timed operations of the Iron Throne.

Will you play again? Most likely, which is something I don't tend to say so Larian did do their job well. Though I might wait a bit to play other games first and give Larian time to add more content and finer polishing, I think I'd have a better time with it the second time around, would definitely try to resolve previous wrongs or missed opportunities, though I doubt I'd look forward to everything there; killing the Goblin Camp was still difficult work, same with the Steel Watch and all the turn limit stuff, I'll at least wait until I have Extra Attack before dealing with Ethel in Act 1 and take more Long Rests, maybe rotate the party a bit more and try out some other classes - but you will pry Speak with Animals out of my cold dead hands! Learning later about there being a bunch of cut content would entice me to play a third time if they reach a stage where all the intended content has been added in, but there's not exactly a time frame for that or a clear show of intent so far, so we'll see in that one, for all that is cut it seems like the end product is the tip of the iceberg. Enjoyed the play, played for a long time, would play again: money well spent.

[avakitsune]

Vulnerability posting time, cause he's asleep and I need to talk about my feeeeeeelings again.

Last night, I broke down. Told him some very deep, vulnerable shit after getting worked up into a frenzy and hitting a bit of an adrenaline high. He didn't run, didn't bail on the rest of the trip, and didn't show a lick of disgust or annoyance. He listened. He told me I didn't do anything to deserve what I went through. He was kind. It just made more shit tumble out of my mouth. He still didn't change. He didn't become a judgemental asshole. He didn't ask me, "Why don't you just" questions.

I'm not used to his kindness. I don't think I deserve it. I don't even know why he wants to give me his time or attention. I don't know why he's so generous with me.

I want to know. Maybe he'll tell me. But I don't want to pry. That's the kind of person I am. I'll drive myself mad trying to read little signs, facial expressions, and body language, just trying to feel a person out. All because I'm afraid that they'll know how much skin I really have in the game. Or maybe they don't trust me. Which is fair. I have the awful gift of being able to talk about my emotions with a level of honesty and rawness that only comes from 20 years of therapy, a dissociative disorder, and having the heart of a Disney Princess.

I'm dopey. I miss social cues, and sometimes i dont understand sarcasm. I'm too smart for my own good. I'm naive, but I'm jaded. I'm a mess of conflict and contradiction, and all I ever think about is how fucking nice it would be if everything and everyone—especially me—would just calm the fuck down for a second because nothing is that big of a deal.

I lose my mind and can barely contain myself when I see beluga whales swimming in their tank. I'm too picky to buy a souvenir because I want something that I have a gut reaction to; it's not enough to have something just because. I have to want it. I'm sentimental, and I cry about everything. I'm afraid of animatronics, of heights, of traffic, and of open water. When I see a stranger in pain, I can't walk away. I care what people think of me. Worst of all, I care what I think of me.

He exudes a strength that I envy. I want to be close to him because I want to learn more about him. He's not callous or walled off; he's right there, and I can feel him there. He's compassionate, in a quiet way. When he needs to take charge, he does, and he does it efficiently, with no beating around the bush. His warm stoicism intimidates me. I have no idea how to emulate it.

But most of all, he's honest. He makes a genuine effort to connect. He's communicative, and he thanks me for communicating back, even when I say things that step outside of typical banter for a dynamic like the one we've begun to foster. He's so much more gentle with me than I anticipated, but in the ways that I need gentility. He gives me physical pain, but he makes sure that if I'm crying, he knows why.

I've never met anyone like this man before. I'm scared I'm not good enough. I'm scared that I can't give him what he needs in every area. I am afraid of getting my heart shattered yet again. It's also a risk I'm more than willing to take. I'm also scared that I'll hurt him. I don't want to do that. The idea that I might makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide.

I have 2 more days with him. And it's not enough. I don't want him to go. It's not enough time.

[kurczeno]

ok so a little rant about DA:V, because I feel like it needs to be said. First a disclaimer: if you are hyped, thats good for you, really. Enjoying the final product is absolutely fine. However, I've seen SO MANY people, especially here on tumblr, but also on tiktok and reddit acting as if any criticism of the game is just people being mean haters or homophobic.

And don't get me wrong - there are probably people taking things too far, just for the sake of it. There are also people mad about the wokeness - though as a person that is very interested in the topic, I've seen only one? discussion about this matter and it wasn't even made by people that like the series, they just wanted to complain about wokeness in games, etc.. But I'm not saying these people don't exist, because I haven't seen them.

However I am seeing so many valid criticism of the game being discredited for no reason and I feel like there is at least one thing that needs to be said.

I played Origins over 20 times. DA2 and DA:I - also more than once, but I didn't count it. I loved all of them - even the Inquisition, despite its many flaws. But it's not a post about them - the thing is, I am a fan of a series. I've been since I was little and later I got that stupid hyperfixation. I was extremely excited about the game, despite SO MANY red flags - I'd say it's still Dragon Age and I'm sure it won't be that bad.

But at this point even I can't cope that hard.

First of all - it's barely Dragon Age at this point. I just want you to remmeber that most of the staff that was working on the first three games got fired or resigned themselves. The LEAD WRITER himself, David Gaider (he's incredible btw, go follow him on twitter and play stray gods!!!) has been trashing Bioware on TT for years and he's been there for 12 years. He tried to highlight just how badly the company treats its workers - and it's not only Bioware, it's gamedev in general. I have many friends that work in gamedev and whenever we talk about situations like this their reaction is "yeah, but thats what happens in gamedev every half a year". You know, it's so bad, we just treat it as a standard. Why am I bringing all this up? Because I think that countering every argument with "you haven't played the game yet" or, even worse "people are only complaining because woke" is just buying into their narrative, taking the responsibility from them. When the truth is that every single teaser looks, to say the least, outdated. The graphics are very, very bad, the designs are mid at best (I'd single out Neve and technically? Emmerich, but he looks horrible because of the graphics, so...), the reps show that they know little about Dragon Age (I'm in love with that one recording in which they collectively barely remember Zevran. The companion in the most beloved game. The guy that is basically the only source of info we get about the Crows. The Crows that are a fraction in their game???), they have already stated that your choices don't matter. I can elaborate on each of these, but the post is already to long and my point is different - don't excuse Bioware. And I'm sorry, but "play the game first" shouldn't be the argument here, because the things that should be good, regardless of the game itself fail - I'm sorry, but this isn't an indie game. It's made by a huge company, with loads of money after two commercial flops. I know some of you (including me!) are nostalgic towards Bioware, because of their games and what they meant back in the day, really. But at the end of the day, the games were made by people and Bioware is just a company. A big corporation, that just wants to make money, has a long history of mistreating their employees and has delivered the worst teasers I've seen in a long time.

TLDR: I'm not trying to tell you, you are wrong to be excited. I'm just kindly asking you to stop coming to Bioware's defense at all costs, because they don't deserve it.

(also I know David himself has reacted to the teasers and reviewed them in a positive way but I am talking mostly about the things that I blame on higherups. However I personally think that Gaider, as someone who's worked in the industry knows that there are many people there that ARE actually passionate about the product. Not the reps, please, they are embarassing, but the animators, writers, etc. And trashing their work as a lead writer of the first games would be a little too much, even if the final thing is not their fault. They don't need any more shit)

[tododeku-or-bust]

☀️Raybearer, by Jordan Ifeuko

I am so full of emotion rn, having just finished this book. So I'm just gonna list off all the top great things I've found during this adventure:

The protagonist, Tarisai, is a Black girl. God knows I would have loved to have this when I was 13 bc I was (and am) a fantasy fiend. And she fights the status quo that is the unjust system she lives in, that wants to weaponize her in many ways? I'm seated! 🔥

Reading this as a grown Black woman, I feel the frustration at the world behind it. I feel the frustration, from a Black Woman Author, when I see the world around me making the same poor choices over and over and parroting it "unity", "justice", "peace" and "order", especially at the sacrifice (instead of the priority!) of those who need us most. That's what's filling me with the most emotion, though there are so many things I relate to in this story. I feel....seen. seen, heard, validated.

I read more characters of color in the first 20 pages than I have read in 27 years of fantasy books EVER. The countries are fantasy, but the characters' names show the influence. (Nigeria, China, Korea, West Asia, India, and more). The author is putting everyone's "brown ppl break the illusion of fantasy" bullshit in the DIRT.

The main romance is between an Indian boy and a Black girl. I've seen that ONCE! Very rarely do we get interracial romance where the Black person is the girl, let alone in pairings between different people of color! (Black girl characters deserve to be loved XOXO)

Queer people exist in this universe and it is no sweat. Like, they just do!

The plot of this book!!! It's some heavy shit fr! It keeps you on edge as you follow Tarisai. She's weighed down by so many expectations, and you want so badly for her to break away from it and do what is Right. I love a 'Sins of the Parent/Lineage' story, and I especially love a (thanks ATSV) "imma do me" story.

Imma reemphasize this bc it's my favorite: one point this book has that I REALLY appreciate is that it emphasizes the idea that those who want to change the world should be willing to do so at the risk of themselves. So often in our society it's always "things will get better but you have to suffer in order for us to get there, not Me-," and its frustrating bc a lot of those who speak a big game politically are usually never the ones willing to go First. The claim that things will get better is always at the cost of someone weaker and less heard.

The worldbuilding of this book is rich. You will be plied with visuals and information in this universe. And if some of the cultural concepts are confusing (given that we live in a White Western default world for writing)..... Learn it. Get comfortable with it. Kids should grow up learning new things in fantasy (I had to learn Irish to read some books and I'm better for it; you'll be okay!)

This is more personal, but I love reading about my hair in fic. Curls, coils, locs, braids, beads, afros like clouds. It's so nice. Our hair and skin are beautiful and I want to see more that actual effort put into describing us in writing.

There are a couple things that I think could be better/paced differently, but overall the experience is very, very good. I am absolutely going to buy this and the next one in the series. Jordan Ifeuko did an excellent job with this and I would highly suggest it.

[unitedbydevils]

Match review: Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 Manchester United

Another game, another struggle, only this time we got the defeat we deserved.

Last time we played, we beat Spurs 2-0 in a performance that was one of the most controlled I've seen from a United team in years. It was clinical, efficient, and assured. Yesterday we saw quite the opposite.

United started brightly and were fair for the first 30 minutes, but as the first half wore on the tactical discipline - or perhaps just comprehension of Ten Hag's tactics - fell away.

Garnacho played like a youth prospect; without discipline or focus.

Antony was incredibly wasteful and drifted inwards so often it forced Bruno to move out wide right.

Casemiro and Martinez seem off the pace still.

Rashford does not want to be CF, for all he says he's happy to do it. He does not have the discipline or know-how.

Mason Mount - what he do?

The second half saw Postecoglou's Spurs sharper, and United fall away. The midfield battle was a whitewash, which put the defence on the back foot and left the forwards unable to have any impact.

Subs of Sancho, Eriksen and Dalot helped matters a little, and late additions of Martial and Pellistri didn't get much chance to impact, but all in all it felt like the end of the road for Erik Ten Hag's current strategy with this first XI.

Midfield cannot control a game at present. Amrabat, or even McTominay, might bring some balance to proceedings. The problem is Mount; he's an ideal rotation with Bruno, or a 10 if Bruno's an 8. We know the captain CAN play as an 8, so why is ETH not pushing that matter?

Beyond that, a lack of a CF is criminal. Greenwood shouldn't return but United also have an injured Højlund who's yet to make his debut (and is 20) and an Anthony Martial who is seemingly fit? but also as reliable as a Tory MP. Rashford is being asked to lead the line as a wing forward who likes to stretch a defence. Two different styles.

We face Arsenal soon but Nottingham Forest are next. Rashford left, Sancho right, Martial no9. Lets see how that works for us. Similarly, fucking buy Amrabat already. He's cheap. We're just bad at sales. Van de Beek's sale is dragging. Bailly is still here despite his fee being £0 for prospective buyers. Williams and McTominay might go. These are all tasks for the pre-season, not post-kick off. We should have the funds from these sales to bring in Amrabat and maybe Pavard. It's frustrating that we're still seeing shortages in the team.

I know, I know, Mount was £60m, you get Amrabat and Pavard for his fee. It's true. I still think he has a lot to offer though and needs time to bed in, to understand. He tries hard, has good technical skill, and I think will perform better than Antony's first season. Pressure is far higher at United than Chelsea though, especially after a tough year with injury, Chelsea's managerial merry-go-round... it's hard to settle mentally.

We're only two games in. This isn't disaster territory. It isn't as bad as last year either. Both our opponents had new manager bounce too. We just have to fix up quickly and click, because Arsenal and Brighton are in better shape than Spurs and will do a number on us. Maybe the old baptism of fire might galvanise the squad, but I don't back these lads under the cosh too much. Plucky game vs Barca? Sure. Underdog vibes, shit's exciting. League vs Brighton, who constantly trouble us? We'll panic or get frustrated and sulk our way out of a gameplan and into a 3-0 panning.

[etraytin]

I posted 566 times in 2022

That's 328 more posts than 2021!

55 posts created (10%)

511 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@beingatoaster

@vaspider

@bethanyactually

@memetrash-coyote

@tanoraqui

I tagged 497 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#loading ready run - 16 posts

#the west wing - 16 posts

#btvs - 12 posts

#hermitcraft - 10 posts

#the good place - 5 posts

#youtube - 4 posts

#encanto - 4 posts

#journal - 4 posts

#lmao - 3 posts

#this is cool! - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#this is a callout post for all the eighties and nineties kids who read fantasy obsessively and wanted a fire lizard more than anything else

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Watching the news this morning (awful, I know) and they're reporting on a program that builds bunk beds and hands them out "to deserving children." I couldn't help but wonder what a child has to do to be deserving of a bed. Then I realized that the much more vital question is "What could a child possibly do that would make them not deserve a bed?"

19 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

#4

I end up asking myself lots of existential questions every time I move but "Why do I have SO MANY MICROWAVES???" is not usually one of them. In other news, I have one week to sell three microwaves.

20 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#3

So I was watching Loading Ready Run last night and they were doing a very funny bit on weird superheroes and supervillains. One of them was named 50% Chad, and he basically won the "weirdest superpowers ever" by a long shot. Not even a close race. I was texting with my husband, who is a big fan of superhero comics, and I sent him a picture of 50% Chad.

"Oh yeah," he sends back, "if you think that's something, the creator of that character is the lead singer of My Chemical Romance."

I looked it up, and yeah. The lead singer of My Chemical Romance (who I already knew did comics, but seriously?) is also the same person who created This Guy.

And now I know what it is like to take psychic damage at instant speed.

22 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

#2

Desert Bus for Hope 2022 starts rolling today at 5pm, EST! Raising money for Child's Play Charity to not only buy toys and video games for kids in hospitals and domestic violence shelters, but also to provide grants for child life specialists to make the best use of those resources.

Come watch Canada's funniest nerds play the world's worst video game for days on end to raise money for an amazing cause!

25 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So I've decided that what I like best about Hermitcraft is that it is Minecraft for grownups, but not like you'd think. It's absolutely not "Minecraft with sex and adult language," instead it is "Minecraft where the players make jokes about Top Gun and Alanis Morissette and commiserate about those 25 year old youngsters who just don't understand." It is exactly in my lane. Of course the only person in my life who hears about my new fascination and doesn't immediately go "you're watching _what?_" is my twelve year old son, so I guess I also like Hermitcraft for being Minecraft for bringing generations together. Anyway, it's funny!

35 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sofarsofastmp3]

i'm back with less books but more to say. you decide which is worse!

blood on blood by devin kelly

perfect. to me. this poetry collection communes HEAVILY with bruce springsteen's album nevada, which i admittedly was not deeply familiarly with before reading. however, i don't think you really need to be to appreciate these poems. though i WOULD recommend diving in before or after reading. just a stellar album front to back, and one that deserves such a carefully crafted collection of poems. highlights for me included: watching your father drive, why i might coach the little league team, every body is sick with the flu, and how to use old sparky. not a lot to say besides please. please read.

someone to watch over me by lisa kleypas (bow street runners #1)

it's not lost on me i keep singing the praises of the historical romance genre, and yet in both wrap ups i've posted i'm complaining loudly about books i didn't care for. i LOVE kleypas so much, she's one of the authors who got me to fall in love with the genre! but this book just kind of annoyed me!! here's a chunk of my goodreads review: "morgan's whole revenge plot isn't interesting enough to justify how cruel it is, and even for a book published in 1999 it has weird baggage about courtesans" i didn't hate this book by any means, but it's just bleh. 2.5/5

my year of rest and relaxation by otessa moshfegh

i'm late, i am so so late! fun fact: i joined a zoom book club in april 2020 and this was supposed to be the first book. i got as far as buying the book before ghosting the book club and instead spending that month watching all the mission impossible movies. priorities. the book sat on my shelf until this month when a work friend who had also owned it for ages suggested we finally just read it together, and i'm so happy she did. most people have said that reading it in 2020 was kind of trippy, due to the isolation and staying at home, and while i feel a kind of fomo for that level of immersion, the place i was in during those first few months would probably not have benefitted from that experience lol. regardless, it's just a really interesting book, and one that definitely launched 10,000 imitators of varying levels of quality! i was worried i burned myself out on Woman Who Kind of Sucks lit, but i think my love of reading about Women Who Kind of Suck transcends trend. if you have also still somehow not read this book by 2024, i recommend! interesting meditation on depression and escape and grief.

sidney crosby: taking the game by storm by gare joyce

this book took me forever to finish, at first because i didn't want to rush through it- i'm running out of sid-centric books!! - and then because it became my Bag Book and i almost fully stopped reading it at home. it was my lunch break companion! my main takeaway here is i will always enjoy reading about sid, but if this book was about any other player i would've been begging joyce to pull back a little bit and talk some more about junior hockey. i think he starts conversations he doesn't have the time or space to finish. conversations he honestly probably could have had while using sid as a frame for it! anyways, it's not a bad book and it has its moments, but in terms of the sidney crosby season deep dive, i prefer shawna richer's the rookie. 

your blood, my bones by kelly andrew

i wish this was an adult novel, and i don't say that in the way some Adults Who Only Read YA wish that their ya books had sex scenes, i say that because i think a lot of the themes explored here would have benefitted from a darker, more visceral lens. which is not to say that you can't do good horror or horror elements in ya, please understand! i do just kind of tire of new ya being filled to the brim with these 18-20 year old characters in what feels like a bid to Adults Who Only Read YA, rather than the actual teens these books are supposed to be for. where are the 12-15 year old protagonists, i beg!! anyways i liked this book a lot, i read it basically in one sitting after the panthers lost game 5 and i was feeling really unmoored. i was awake until like 3:30, and it was honestly worth how terrible i felt at work the next day lmao. i'm bad at plot summaries (these wrap ups are less reviews, more stream of conscious thoughts on how i feel while i'm reading) but if you like haunted houses, doomed characters, and Breaking the Curse; i'd wager you'll probably like this one. i don't really read ya anymore except for special cases with beloved authors, but i'm rooting for kelly andrew (i got her debut the whispering dark as an arc and thought it was solid, though weaker than this one. i also got this one as an arc lol).

a river enchanted by rebecca ross (elements of cadence #1)

i inhaled this thang. a really good time that i absolutely was not expecting to have. i am frankly scared of the second half of this duology, a fire endless, but i am going to be incredibly brave and read it anyways. magic that slowly kills the user, two sides of an isle that have been at odds for generations, and sentient elemental spirits? i'm all in, babe! only real qualm is the twists don't really feel like twists, but the writing for the characters is good enough i kind of don't mind. secondary characters sidra and torin have the most interesting dynamic To Me (which makes sense because this is ross' adult debut and the reason she shifted it to being adult is because their story felt both too important to leave out, but too mature to stay ya. sorry this month has me talking so much about the transition from ya to adult lmao i have a Lot Of Thoughts) but i’m really interesting to see where this next book takes adaira’s development. fun time! i recommend 

all about love by bell hooks

one of those books where every few paragraphs you just kind of shout "god i KNOW" to yourself. self help/personal growth/relationship books are so personal, i think each reader will get something different out of it and will even pull different conclusions depending on the period in their lives when they do read it. that's the ideal, at least. and to me, this is kind of the ideal form of relationship writing. each focused chapter builds on the last, and while some of her conclusions feel like ones i may have already come to myself, the way she gets to them feels like she's giving me the full context after only ever reading the last page of a book. my only real complaint about it is how definitively every statement is made (idk man I Think It Depends), but i also wouldn't want someone to write one of these books if they didn't believe their point with every fiber of their being. so i know it's just an annoyance i have with the genre at large, not with this particular title. 

once again let me know if you read anything life changing this month. thank you love you bye

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

Life is genuinely shit right now... I haven't felt this depressed in nearly a year, possibly longer...

All my friends are unavailable to hang out in person, and I have seen 1 friend in person in the last 6 months for 1 singular hangout of just a few hours. I'm isolated and alone, and I can't even go out to do fun things because it all costs money to go places, and I have absolutely no money whatsoever.

I would love to go to Pride, but today was the festival and I couldn't go because, again, no money for gas or tickets or food or anything.

All my friends are planning these HUGE summer vacations like cruises and worldwide trips and shit, and I'm forcibly stuck here in my room at my house doing not a goddamn thing going nowhere, because I have no money and no friends available and even if I did I wouldn't want to be a financial burden on them.

And what's worst of all is that I haven't spoken to any of them really about any of my problems, or how I've been doing, or what I'm going through, because I just don't want to be an emotional burden on them. They deserve to live happy lives. They shouldn't have to shoulder what I'm living through, or take on my troubles, and be weighed down terribly as a result. I'm alone to handle this shit, and I hate it. I hate being fucking depressed with no help. But I can't even get therapy because again NO FUCKING MONEY and my parents REQUIRE that I pay my own therapy bills.

Every day my father forces me out of bed ay 7:30am to start job hunting even though I've gone to every fucking in person location in a 20 minute drive radius of me that I can possibly find work that I'm capable of or qualified for, only to be told, "I don't know if we're hiring, check online." And yet my father keeps forcing me to go in person and hound these people and keep looking and motherfucker it's not fucking working I've applied to over 40 jobs in the last month alone and I got 0 interviews anywhere period!!!!!!!!

I can't take this. I am a fucking mental mess, I am a disaster, I cried myself to sleep just a few hours ago, and my whole body hurts like fucking hell and I can't do anything about it because I've taken so many goddamn painkillers for months straight now that my stomach is aching consistently and I have to stop.

I'm fucking done. My favorite game ever that's been my hyperfixation for many years now is coming out with an expansion tomorrow, and it's the first time I can't get the expansion at all. I've gotten every single one since release, I played them all many times over, and this is the one I just can't have, and it honestly feels like I'll never have it and never play it.

I can't even play any of the games my friends do. They've got like Helldivers and keep begging me to join them, to buy it already, but I keep telling them I have no income at all, and literally $4.80 to my fucking name right now. That's it.

I'm alone. I'm isolated. I can't reach out to a friend without feeling like a fucking burden. I can't go hang with them at renfairs and LARPs and concerts like we used to do because money is inexistent. I can't play games with them from my home because we don't have any games to play together and I can't buy any. And I can't even get help with a therapist because yeah I have no godsforsaken money and I therefore can't get therapy and I just hate being alive seriously.

Fuck this. Fuck me. Fuck my life!!!!!

[ursbearhug]

Imagine being 40 something and needing someone to explain to you how certain experiences are self contained.

Because being serial complainer and professional hater is my favourite past time, I'll do the thing: to comment on something I saw that upset me, whilst never name dropping, just before I go to sleep.

Games can be self contained experiences. I remember similar 'scandal' happening when Elden Ring was just released and people were appalled that after a month or two the interest/buy/play rates have dropped. Of course they did. Players who considered getting the game resolved their interest, players who played the game did everything they wanted and there was nothing else for them to buy. Now, I haven't played Elden Ring myself, but, going off my impeccable gamer's instinct, and common sense, I glean that as with other souls games; you're with nothing else to do after your 3rd play through. I remember my fascination with Nioh; my first play through cheesing all of the bosses (exept Hino Emna and Giant Toad. Fuck these hoes), second when I tonfa my way through and third where I wanted to be a great magician. But what else am I supposed to do after all of that? I've tested all of the weapons, I tackled almost all of the content, I know the game in and out. That's 200something hours and finite things to do. It's impossible to came up with a game with infinite stuff to do. Even games like Minecraft or Terraria, Sims, or whatever have you, where you make your own fun with given tools, are finite. There is only so much to do. And that's fine.

Games are about fun and interactive experience. After the fun ends, it's time for some other media or a break.

So it makes it hard for me to put myself in a mindset of somebody almost 20 years older than me, incapable of grasping such simple concept. Do you grab a book and get upset after you finish it that the story reached it's conclusion? There is only so much paper for one book, there is only so much words somebody could put on a word document. Things start and things end, that's only natural.

As with the release of pokemon S/S, I was of the impression the game was rushed. Which was all but confirmed when it launched with bug list and 'features' list so long, it got it's own post on reddit. Pokemon SwSh, scarlet and violet and probably Arceus could use some extra time in development oven. A lot of games could. Sometimes they release games and the problems become more apparent because of foresight. These days they still have it better because they can fix it with simple patch notes. But sometimes, some problems, are not as readily visable and obvious.

I am a long fan of Tomb Raider series. But even I eventually out grew my fascination period and realised that last releases have close to nothing to do with tomb raiding and that's disappointing. Tomb Raider 2013, while not perfect, made a perfect set up for future games. And they did not deliver. From puzzle solving, platforming exercise, with tomb raiding and big tiddy lidy vignette to a pseudo survival game question mark. Tomb Raider 2013 (survival in Japan). Rise of the Tomb Raider; still not tomb raiding, survival but this time in Sybir. Shadow of the Tomb Raider, still no tomb raiding, survival but in America, ohh uuu so exotic. Might as well rename the trilogy to 'Daddy Issues' Raider: Survival in (throws the dart at the board) random place on the earth.

But these are not thoughts or feelings I had immediately after playing the game. This comes from some amount of time to mull over how I really feel about these. These are also not thoughts of a hater. Beside atrocious optimisation of Rise of the Tomb Raider, I really liked the games. I enjoyed playing them at the face value. But again, with experience or time, come new perspectives. And games, movies, books and all sorts of media deserve a little grace period. I'm sure even medias that do deserve critism (like Antisemitism The Game: Transphobia Crowdfunded or whatever Colleen Hover did), have gotten their somehow graced period only to inevitably flop.

So maybe don't pretend that drop of interest within 2 months of existance of a game is some loud statement. Not everyone has the pleasure of playing games 12 hours daily. Some players have to speed run the content to get the most of it in their busy days. Some will do the stark opposite. Some played and had to drop it. Some play little by little. Some got bored. Some got disappointed. Everyone is quick to judge too. 2 months is not that long. Think of it this way; Aristophanes had more than 2000 years to get better and have nicely established career as a funny man and his comedies are still dog shit.

Anyway, garlic bread and gay sex. Tell your friends you love them and drink your water.

[thewalruswasmostdefinitelypaul]

If you give me money, I will buy things just for the concept of being able to use said things in the future.

I am playing dress up with my bank account. I am buying conceptualized variant personalities of myself. I've had a metal detector for 3 years now... I have never used it once. I just wanted to collect the capability of being my metal detecting self. My entire personality is centralized on gaining new LEGO Batman suits in case I need/want them. We've got everything from metal detecting me, to epoxy resin me (unopened, I want to preserve leaves), to Python coder me (I just bought a new masterclass on Python, I don't know anything about coding I just wanna be make a game from my imagination), all the way to the most recent basketball star me. Haven't played basketball in years, but I've got the full getup now. Basketball, pump, new athletic shoes are on the way (I wear $20 shoes, I deserve to treat myself to marshmallows), knee brace... I've even got the sweat band for my head that doesn't actually help me in any identifiable way. I did all of this because the park near me just constructed a new court, and I want to feel joy again.

I am a collector with no specific collection. I feel like a ghost looking for the finalizing closure to pass on to the beyond. I am also radically poor and should not be spending money on anything other than soup. Every time I buy a new personality to hang in the closet, I feel simultaneously connected and disconnected with myself. What does the original suit look like? I don't remember. Maybe it's buried in a pile of dirty laundry. Maybe I'm fooling myself into thinking there ever was an original suit.

[myaquariusheart]

15/4

"Today, the best way for you to help others is with a dose of honesty. They'll be grateful for your directness. You can bring out the outcome you want." We had a heated discussion with Mum in the front room just before everyone went to sleep. She wants to retire by 50 and wants us to all support her financially, which, I guess she deserves, she has been looking after us all these years but I just find it ridiculous to have little to no savings and want to retire. She was telling me how she wanted Bab to get a better job but constantly putting him down is not going to motivate him to do better. Knowing were struggling sometimes isn't enough when someone's self-esteem is down and I do know a lot about low self-esteem. I gave her the example of me and Z doing our theory once she stopped forcing us to do it and making us feel bad that we basically don't drive, we finally wanted to do it ourselves with our own inspiration and determination. I don't know who wrote the rules to be Bengali because I hate them honestly. You're all washed up and unwanted if you're a woman whos not married by 27. It's so backward and not fair. We're expected to be married so young and enjoy no freedom. I literally wish I could travel the world and do some things that I love and can do without feeling the guilt of leaving Mum and Dad behind but I guess that's my sad little life. I can of course try and find a really good paying job and save enough to start alone somewhere but I also do want to be loved by a man and be married one day, I guess at my own pace. It's difficult and hard but I guess that part of my journey can start when I finally pass my driving, otherwise, I'm going to have to rely on TFL to get to places. After graduation I need a week at least of nothingness, I want pure relaxation and to do nothing with myself. I'm going to buy myself some new alcohol markers and really practice and focus on drawing and creating some art, I haven't been able to do much of it but I want to make a nice collection again and discover my own personal art style because I don't have one. I've also lost all my old art but luckily I have some pictures. I'm still going to work at the cafe or I will go crazy but you know, no stress. I want to go on holiday to Italy but I have no one to go with (that I would even want to go with) so it's all a bit shit. Anyway, tomorrow is the last day before I go back to my normal routine of Uni and work. Kinda can't wait to go back and kinda can't be bothered too. It's nearly over, five years of a really stressful university journey and I'm proud of myself because I honestly didn't think I could do it. Today was really nice, we watched the Super Mario movie. It was super funny and we were all laughing lots. I loved the silliness and the lightness of the movie and I'm so happy Alv enjoyed it because she's not too familiar with Super Mario brothers. It brought back a lot of childhood memories of playing the DS games and Mario Kart. I loved it and would want to watch it again but somewhere cheaper. The adult ticket was like £16 and that is literally too much. We had the worst pizza hut experience ever, I think it's under new management and that man was a bit horrible and did not have good customer service. I ordered a meal deal for about £20 for one pizza about 11 inch, and then properly reading the menu I saw kids could get their own personal 9inch pizza, with a side, bottomless drink, AND A DESSERT? for £7 so I asked the guy for a refund and he was being arsey about it. On top of that when the guy served the pizza he dropped half of it on the table and we were just wishing we went to Burger King instead. I'm in bed now, gonna try and sleep in a bit. I managed to finish my philosophy essay yesterday but when I go in on Monday or Tuesday I need to re-read it and include some references. Tomorrow my to-do list consists of me collecting my laundry, getting some hair dye, and getting ready for the first day of Uni on Monday.

[journalofsorts2]

okay so my family isn't religious or anything, never has been never will be, if anyone in my family is religious it's by their own choice. so it doesn't really make too much sense why we celebrate christmas, but at this point christmas is more of a commercial holiday than a religious one. anyway, every year the rule is everyone gets $20 per person to buy gifts with, and it's more of an unspoken rule but definitely understood that you have to get at least one thing for each person. anyways, my mom's already broken the $20 rule, which like whatever ig, she's dropped like 80 bucks on just shit for my older two siblings. so like with her spending problem i was like 'ooh she's going all out for them, i wonder what crappy excuse for a gift she's gonna get me' and also a little bit like 'ooh maybe she'll get me something good to pretend she loves me' y'know? and like i'm not spoiled, i grew up lower middle class, christmas isn't always like "spectacular" but i'm thankful for what i get, i'm not expecting people to like drop $60 to get me a new game or anything, like i'd be fine with just some cheap stuffed animal or something y'know? this isn't about money at all. but my mom finally wrapped all her gifts for people and me and my sister sorted them under the tree and y'know what she got me? me neither because there isn't a single present under the tree addressed to me from her. everyone has six or seven gifts to their name because she splurged on people, but i have 4 gifts to me and one of them is for both me and my sister. and like i'm not trying to be greedy or anything, i could have like 2 gifts address to me and i'd still be happy, as long as those two gifts were from everyone. like one christmas i think my brother got like 3 things cause everyone chipped in to one of his gifts cause it was expensive and he really wanted it. but there's not a single gift to me from her. and i think it hurts more because she splurged on everyone else. she really shows her love through gifts this time of year and i got nothing. nada zip zilch zero. and i'm not upset because of the missed out potential for what she could've gotten me. i'm not like 'oh man i could've had more stuff but now i have less!' i'm upset because she couldn't even bother to fish something out of a dollar bin for me. she couldn't even be bothered to haul her ass down to the dollar store and pick something at random. and it's not like she didn't know what to get me. i gave a very long list because in the past people haven't known what to get me so i've been writing stuff down for months, and half of the stuff on there are categories, not even specific things. like one of things i put on there was sanrio stuff, she couldn't even be bothered to buy some random shitty hello kitty thing and wrap it? and she spews shit about how she doesn't know what happened between us, where she went wrong, she spews shit about how she doesn't understand why i don't talk to her, how she still loves me, how she wishes we could have a relationship together. but then she does shit like this! and christmas eve is tomorrow, if theres a present it would've already been wrapped. and i can't even pretend that whatever she got me is still shipping or something because we have a tradition with that where we print out a picture of it and wrap it because then it still looks like you have stuff under the tree. and my dad and sister are mad about this, and so tomorrow they're going to target to buy me a couple gifts. and like i appreciate the thought, i really do, but i don't want my dad to have to spend more money on me, i was raised a penny pincher y'know? and i don't really even deserve more gifts. it doesn't matter, i shouldn't even be upset about it. i feel like an idiot. idk idk. and like i held my tears in front of my dad and sister when they were getting mad about it, because it's really not a big deal. but now i'm sitting in my room writing this and i'm tearing up. idk idk. this was a really long way to explain that my mom doesn't love me. who cares? not me, it whatever, rant over

[thecrimsonmonarch]

I posted 1,111 times in 2021

69 posts created (6%)

1042 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 15.1 posts.

I added 242 tags in 2021

#batman - 44 posts

#dc - 37 posts

#incorrect quotes - 31 posts

#kas talks - 25 posts

#batfam - 22 posts

#bruce wayne - 22 posts

#superbat - 19 posts

#superman - 15 posts

#tz reblog - 14 posts

#kas draws - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 82 characters

#this show still has one of the most visually stunning cinematography ive ever seen

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

*Bruce and Clark going undercover in a hotel*

Receptionist: Business or pleasure?

Bruce & Clark: *at the same time* "Pleasure" "Business"

Receptionist: ...

Clark: Both.

Bruce: We're in the business of pleasure.

*later, in the elevator*

Clark: Pretty sure the receptionist thinks one of us is a prostitute

Bruce: Dibs on being the prostitute

Clark: You do remember we're actually on a mission? And that we already have assigned identities?

Bruce: *ignoring Clark* I'll have a lucrative career as a prostitute

Clark: B, you're a billionaire

Bruce: *already thinking of a stage name* I'll be excellent. My theatricality will finally get the applause it deserves

765 notes • Posted 2021-07-27 10:14:36 GMT

#4

Damian: There will be a family talent show at school--

Dick: *excited* Yes! I know exactly what to do. I've been waiting for this opportunity for years--

Dick: Hello, Gotham! Welcome to the first ever gig of Bats out of Hell!!!

1672 notes • Posted 2021-08-17 00:19:33 GMT

#3

[Wayne Manor Study]

Bruce: *sleeping on an armchair, mouth slightly open, surrounded by whispering batkids*

Dick: *flicking a bread crumb into Bruce's mouth* 13...

Jason: *following suit* 14...

Tim: 15...

Damian: *watching, but not taking part* You'd think he'd have woken by now.

Dick: 16... Maybe he's just tired.

Damian: Then why are you imbeciles trying to wake him?

Tim: Maybe he's hungry?

Jason: 17... Yes. We're just doing our duty by feeding him.

Tim: Because we're worried. 18...

Jason: Like the good sons we are.

Dick: The best sons. 19...

Damian: You are all horrible.

Jason: *nodding solemnly* 20...

Damian: ...You've convinced me. I'm joining.

Tim: Alright, after me. 21...

Damian: *pushing sleeves to his elbows* Whoever wakes him up gets to take the blame... and buy the rest food.

Everyone: *vigorous nodding*

Damian: Very well. Good luck, gentlemen. 22...

Everyone: 23... 24... 25...

Bruce: *has been awake since breadcrumb #1, finding it increasingly hard to find a non-awkward way to wake up the longer the game goes*

Everyone: ...51... 52... 53...

Dick: We're getting low on crumbs, lemme get more. Anybody need anything?

Jason: Bring snacks--

Damian: Lots of snacks--

Tim: Coffee for me--

Bruce: *coughing on 53 bread crumbs* And water--if you don't--mind

1973 notes • Posted 2021-08-04 10:23:36 GMT

#2

[Watchtower Cafeteria]

Green Lantern: Uhh, why is there a bomb schematic taped to the fridge?

Flash: Shhh, no *whispering aggressively* Don't ask, he'll hear--

Batman: *materializing out of the shadows* Did someone say something about the bomb schematic?

Flash: Too late, save yourself *speeds away*

Green Lantern: *blinking at Batman* Uh, yeah... Is it yours?

Batman: *standing beside the fridge, gesturing to the schematic like a tour guide at the museum* It is, but I didn't make it. Robin did. It's brilliant, isn't it. If you direct your attention to this part, you'll see that he wanted to use aluminum instead of--

Green Lantern: *growing more confused* Isn't he like, 13--?

Batman: 13 and already revolutionizing bomb technology. Amazing, isn't he.

Green Lantern: Not the first word I'd use, but yeahhh, sure, amazing--

Batman: Since you expressed interest, let me show more of his work--

Green Lantern: Uh, no, it's okay, I'm sure you're busy--

Batman: *clasping a hand on GL's shoulder* No, I insist. Come with me.

Green Lantern: *resigned, cursing Flash for leaving him behind* Well if you insist

2019 notes • Posted 2021-08-08 10:16:27 GMT

#1

Bruce: Some investigative reporter you are

2155 notes • Posted 2021-08-25 10:22:09 GMT

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