#i've waited almost 4 years i can do this... i can wait 5 or 6 more months........

[viir-tanadhal]

i have to force myself not to think about the next psb album coming out soon or else my impatience will consume me

[wxxpingangxls]

ur nerdmin works are literally the best, idk i feel like u capture him so well? i’m like a dog licking every crumb u make of him

can u please make one inspired by the fanart where’s he’s at the party and he shows his tongue piercing????? he’s a freak!!!!!!! i would eat this up so good 😋

omg stopp that's such a sweet damn compliment, i love you for it baby!!

ouuuuuuuu boy do i have something for youuuuuuuuuuuuu....

visuals: 1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 5 … 6 … 7

baby yuh tight!

now after you and armin's little escapades of yk mostly oral, it led you to believe that it was just that. a little dalliance. you helped him and his oral fixation, and he helps you relax. it's the perfect thing to get you through the grueling years of university especially with your course dragging your ass.

it'll start with him watching you scratch your head, huffing and puffing, sighing and exasperating over those stupid essays. and he'd crawl between your legs like a sneaky cat, asking for snacks. and then straight to pleasure palace for both you and him!

yet armin couldn't help but clench his jaw at the sight of you with another man around your arm. it made him, angry? jealous? possessive? he didn't know, all he knew is that he didn't like it.

so you can't blame him when his fists started clenching at the sounds of your giggles and some random bastards voice. amidst the sweaty bodies, with the loud music blaring and lights flashing, he could still hear your sweet voice engaging in conversation with that bastard eren. he didn't like it, not one bit. but what could he do? snatch you away? beat eren up? fat fucking chance. armin had fought eren once and got beat the fuck up so he knew he stood no chance. i mean look at the poor kid. those thin arms. who the hell was he going to fight? his hairdresser? i mean i wouldn't blame him.

either way, he had to come up with something, fast. he liked you. like, like liked you. a lot. before he could think, he found himself walking towards your beautiful figure, watching as that strange man leeched and leered at your full tits.

he watched as eren's eyes moved up and down with every jiggle of your boobs. fuck, that should've been him not eren's fatass. now armin was mad.

"hey, Y/N?" armin's meek voice made you turn around to face him. the flashing lights of blue and purple gave him an eerie almost alien like look.

"omg, eren look! it's my roommate; armin!" you squealed, drunkenly.

"yeah, i've seen him around," eren faced to armin and gave him a nasty stare.

"can i ask you something?" armin asked somewhat reluctantly.

"really? now? can't it wait?" you deadpanned.

"please?" he whined.

you tutted and gave eren an apoligetic look before pulling his arm. "what is it you want? me and eren were...hitting it off," you giggled, twirling your hair.

"yeah, i saw. i just wanted to say you looked great," he slammed the bathroom door as you took your place onto the counter. goosebumps from the cold ceramic rose all across your skin. armin noticed and started rubbing his hands up and down your arms. "what are you doing armin?" you smirked. armin cocked his head as his face moved closer to your own. "what does it look like?" he shoved his tongue down your throat as you pulled that back of his hair. he moaned into your mouth like a whiny baby.

honestly, it was cute. armin was cute; with his whimpers that were high pitched and breathy. his fingers trembled as he held you face in them. see, that's the thing about skinny men. despite being thinner than a victorian child, they sure knew how to hold it down. i mean, armin would be munching on your pussy all night long, yet he'd be able to hold your legs up all the way to your ears and keep them there. he had some sort of hidden freaky strength. almost as if your pussy juice gave him the invisible muscles he needed.

all you could think about as his lips grazed your neck and his hand slipped down your dress to fiddle with your nipples. "armin, please...." you breathed out.

"please what?" he slyly smirked. that was the thing. armin was a munch and it make your coochie go woowoo. if this were any other circumstance, you'd probably shake him up a little, i don't know maybe punch him in the mouth. but right now, armin had that pussy in control. you were talking straight out of her, and there was nothing you could do.

"eat me out, make me cum like you always do," you stared into his ocean eyes with heart eyes in your own. as you stared into armin's eyes, he stared into your drunken ones, while your hands fiddled with the button of his trousers. "please, baby? just for me?" you pouted, staring up at him. how could he say no? getting his face wet with your slick was the best part of his day. it was all he thought about, all he dreamt about, all he wanted to be honest.

he bent you over the counter, before scrunching up your dress. "no panties? what a nasty girl," he snickered.

"watch yourself armin, or say goodbye to this pussy," you wiggled your ass as he watched your cunt drip slick all over the place.

armin was a messy eater. as if your pussy wasn't messy enough on it's own. he knew it was a matter of time before your slick would flood the room, and there was only one thing he knew he had to do.

eat you out to completion.

and eat is what he did. his hands stayed spreading your cheeks apart, slapping and jiggling the muscle. he stayed moaning into your sweet hole, tongue piercing flicking against your perked up clit. he groaned into your cunt as you moaned out loud. you had no reason to muffle your moans because of the loud music blaring. his face dug impossibly deeper into your tight hole, with his nose poked at your puckering hole. if its one thing armin knew, it was that playing with your winking hole made you gush.

you squealed out loud while his tongue kept flicking at your clit and he thumbed on your asshole. "armin! tha's nasty," you hummed out as his thumb popped into your tight hole. "that's how you like it, no?" he pulled away and slapped your ass. he sucked on your lips before tonguing your pussy down, stretching it open. as his tongue entered inside, you could feel the ball of the piercing inside your clenching walls all while his thumb stayed in your butt.

you clenched impossibly tight around his tongue, sobbing out loud. it was too much, but nothing you couldn't handle. it was nothing you haven't handled before. "armin!" you squealed loudly. you moaned out loud making him groan even louder. his hands squeezed your cheeks. "fuck, m'cummin! s'too quick!" you whined, wiggling your butt away from his grasp. at least, trying to. his grip tightened hard, giving you no choice but to take his munching. bit by bit.

you didn't know if it was the alcohol in your system, or the blunt you smoked earlier, but you could feel every part of his slick, sharp tongue dragging itself all over your wet pussy. sounds of slurping wetness resounded so loudly, you could swear it would drown out the music. your mouth started watering, with every inch you got closer to your orgasm. "shake it," he moaned out.

"what?" you sounded genuinely confused.

"you heard me. shake your ass," and so you did, without thinking. if only you could see how armin smiled like a fool behind you, huge hearts replacing his pupils. at this point, he was more than desperate to taste the sweetness of your cum on his tongue. he shoved two fingers into your clenching hole before immediately working them in. his lips wrapped around your clit while his two fingers played with your pussy. at this point, you could barely concentrate and hold yourself up while he grinned at your vulnerable state. you started clawing for something to hold, trying hard to run away from his assault on your cunt.

and then his fingers found it. he knew, because then you started screaming and your leg was twitching. like, actual screaming. like, blood curdling screams. all he felt was your cunt clench incredibly hard around his two fingers before you gushed all over him, soaking his face. "oh armin!" you yelled, tearing up. the substances flowing in your system heightened your senses, making you even more sensitive and armin was eating it all up. literally.

"fuck baby, you're so good to me," you whined out loud, as he moved away from your cunt. "armin i want you to fuck me," you ordered, turning around to face him. armin stood up now, his face messy with your slick, blushing hard. you wrapped your legs around him, staring expectantly. "well? don't tell me you're scared?" you teased knowing that your pussy was throbbing from overstimulation.

you cooed, while your fingers toyed with armin's button, pulling down the trousers. "now you're being shy? seriously?" armin patterned up, replacing your hands with his own as he pulled down his boxers. his cock strung up.

it stood, tall and proud, the tip leaking profusely. it was a bright strawberry pink. his cock was long and skinny, and looked like it could reach deep inside of you. it curved upwards as if it were showing off. your cunt clenched around empty air and your mouth watered. you wanted to be stuffed by him. he stood, hand rubbing his neck as he shyly chuckled. you adjusted yourself onto the counter, lifting your legs up so that you were completely spread open for armin to see. your slick cunt dripped all over the surface as your clit visibly throbbed. you took your left hand, spreading your lips apart, the nasty sound of drenched pussy lips making armin sigh out.

he watched as your hole practically invited him in, and started to get impatient. "what are you waiting for, pretty boy?" your breathed. armin hooked your legs and pushed them up to your ears. you could feel his cock rubbing up against your cunt as you bucked your hips. "come on, please..." you whined, while he grabbed his cock and lined it up with your hole.

he winced as he felt you clench around his throbbing tip, he could damn near feel the tears in his eyes. despite his ability to munch on your cunt until you fell asleep, actual penetration was completely different. at least when he was eating you out, it was easy to muffle his moans when he was face deep in your cunt, but now? there was no hiding his whines.

he pushed his cock through the rings of your gummy walls, reaching deep. the stretch was delicious, and you swear you could've cum all over his long cock. "armin, fuck," you moaned out, hands placed onto his chest. he finally bottomed out, his pulsing cock throbbing inside of your pulsating hole. you clenched and couldn't stop while he tried to push in deeper. he whimpered out loud before looking down at where the two of you were connected.

"fuck, Y/N? you feel so good around me," he sobbed. he couldn't move. he knew if he moved, he would've came inside of you and made a fool of himself. "gimme a minute," he grunted, his fingers wrapped around your legs that kept you in place. like i said, he had that weird strength.

he instantly came closer to your body, basically crushing you, so that you could feel him deeper. his bob swayed in your face, as he practically humped you. armin finally found the courage to start moving inside, his cock bumping your cervix.

he whined as your hands started pulling his hair, making him tear up. "fuck, armin..." his thrusts becoming more desperate and intimate, causing your legs to shake. the tighter you clenched, the more erratic his thrusts became. honestly, he was like a dog in heat, desperate.

armin was smart, like really smart. this time, he thrusts again, but more slow and deliberate. you stopped your sighing and small moans, head thrown back. he grinded his cock head into your sloppy cunt. you closed your eyes bracing yourself for whatever fuckary he had up his ass. your back arched, face scrunched and your eyes teared up. "what are you doing?" you asked.

armin shushed you with what little strength he had. the fringe of his bob stuck to his head. you had to give it to him, as wacky as his haircut was, he had such beautiful thick hair. his face scrunched up in concentration, trying his hardest to find that spot. your g-spot.

armin had watched enough porn to know what squirting was. sure, he could eat you out until you sobbed all night, or fingered your pussy until your squeal and scream, but he wanted to dick you down until you couldn't stop squirting. and he was gonna do it, if it was the last thing he would do. to be completely drenched in your nasty juices that he'd happily drown in.

one more calculated thrust from the nerd, and that's where he found it. he knew because he made that grunt you do when he's made you feel especially good. armin practically started glowing as he realised that he's actually found your g-spot. he knew that this was the perfect trick to make you squirt everywhere. "armin, move!" you screamed, tearfully, a ring of thick cream leaking on his base. a sensation - unfamiliar - built up inside of you as he kept hitting that same spot over and over. you tried hard to move him away, the pleasure becoming more and more overwhelming for you ( and himself ), pushing on his stomach with no avail.

"armin, pull out, please! just a bit, it's too deep," you groaned out tears streaming down your face. "oh fuck!" you whined. you babbled senselessly, "let it out, please, i wanna hear you," he whimpered out. and then he saw it. your clit, practically gleaming at him. one of his hands started playing at your clit as you struggled to breathe. you couldn't even moan out his name as you tried so hard to wriggle out of his grasps. your hands flew at his face in attempt to push him away, doing everything you could.

"armin, you have to move, m'gonna pee!" he smirked, completely ignoring your plea's if it meant you'd squirt all over him. "my-" a guttural moan left your throat. you pushed at his abdomen, once more as you gushed all over him, his cock suddenly leaking everywhere. hot cum spurted out of the tip of his cock, while streams of squirt splashed all over him. you squirmed, trying to get out of his harsh grip. while you had quietened down, armin's moaned hadn't, in fact this is the loudest you've heard him.

he practically sobbed, as you watched him hump the air. by now, his hand had left your clit and you had the bright idea to overstimulate him. you know, give him a taste of his own medicine. you slapped his hand away and started rubbing at the tip of his cock vigorously. "Y/N! wait...!" he whined out loud, his hand shaking as he full on sobbed shamelessly. you egged him on as you tried gaining back your composure after the world shattering orgasm he just gave you.

his hips bucked into your hand, almost pathetically, his glasses fogging up as he came again all over your hand this time. "fuck Y/N, you're killing me!" you could barely keep it together, watching him pathetically fall apart in your hands like putty, as if you weren't doing the same earlier.

armin leaned against the counter top while you both worked on catching your breaths.

"you shouldn't trust eren. he's not a good man," he said, in between breaths. "yeah, he doesn't make me cum as hard as you do," you giggled. yet armin didn't laugh. you slapped his shoulder: "i was kidding,"

"i'm not. i...i don't like seeing you with other guys you know," he whispered, somewhat ashamed.

"yeah, sure ok," you agreed.

"why don't we go back and you can sit on my face," he suggested as you pulled your dress down and tried stabilising yourself again while armin pulled up his trousers. "where did you learn about squirting by the way...?" you enquired.

"porn," he chuckled adjusting his glasses, as the two of you left the bathroom. you cussed him out for being such a loser while he whined some bullshit in your ear about how mean you were and that men had needs, blah blah blah.

[noxemma]

Parts 1&2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

--- Sorry this part took so long. I thought I could avoid the AO3 curse by keeping it to tumblr but it hunted me down anyways. I'm still a little burnt out (being primary caretaker for two nonagenarians and still managing a 40hr work week will do that to a person) so I'm sorry if this is a bit shorter and heavier than the previous parts (I promise there will be fluff and regularly scheduled shenanigans in future parts) 🫠 --- Too many emotions swirl in Cas' brain for him to think past simply getting him and Dean away from his family and back to the relative safety and sanctuary of their room. He wants to close the blinds and pull Dean into bed and do his best to travel back in time to this morning when Dean's arms were wrapped around him. He wants to kiss Dean again. He wants to- "Dude, what- What was that?" Dean asks breathlessly, Cas assumes from being dragged down flights of stairs in his rushed escape, not daring to hope it could be from anything else. "What was what?" Cas answers, purposely trying not to understand. Because he knows he'll have to apologize for springing the kiss onto Dean with no warning, especially after he'd been the one to suggest minimal displays of affection in front of his parents and family. And the truth is, he's not sorry at all. Even though the circumstances were not ideal, not one molecule of his being regrets kissing Dean.

Not after he'd defended him in a way no one else had against the doubt he was up against. He hadn't truly even been aware of how heavily his own fears and insecurities about his ability to raise Jack had been weighing on him until Dean had declared, to everyone, how good he was doing. He'd wanted to cry in that moment, had felt lighter than he had in years to have someone, aside from Gabriel who really didn't count, tell him he was doing a good job, that all the stress and strain and worrying was worth it.

"You know what. That, the, uh, the kiss," Dean huffs. "What about the kiss?" Cas stalls again, their footsteps ringing in the stairwell. "I thought- I thought you said you didn't really have much experience-" "I don't," Cas confirms, cutting off the rest of Dean's sentence. "Okay, so, again, what the hell was that?" Cas spares a glance back and sees Dean's fingers pressed to his lip, green eyes burning into him. He gulps and opens his mouth to try and give some kind of explanation. "I, I don't know. I learned that from the pizza man?" "The pizza man?" Dean repeats incredulously. "I- uh," Cas starts, realizing they've stalled somewhere between the penthouse and their floor. "Castiel! Dean! D-damn you two are, are fast," Gabriel wheezes, placing his hands on his knees and gulping air. "Gabriel? You followed us?" "'course I did. Had to- Had to make sure you were okay. And I wanted to thank Dean for standing up for you," Gabriel manages once he's mostly recovered. He turns to Dean. "Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen anyone stand up to them like that. It was truly a pleasure. If you want anything I'd be more than happy to-" "Who the fuck is the pizza man?" Dean blurts not even waiting for Gabriel to finish. "The pizza man?" Gabriel asks in confusion. "We really should get out of this stairwell," Cas says, trying to distract them and cringing when Gabriel's eyes light up. "Gabriel, no!" "The pizza man! God, I almost forgot about that!" "Gabriel, please-" "Back when Cas was a teen and just sort of figuring everything out, he was kind of nosy and too damn curious for his own good. He found my stash of porn tapes and," Gabriel covers Cas' mouth before he can protest again, Cas clawing at his strong grip. "And it was sort of traumatizing to him. You wouldn't believe the questions I had to answer like 'If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep smacking her on the rear?' and 'why didn't the repairman and the pizza man kiss?' I tried to tell him that there's plenty of good porn, he just happened to pick a crappy one, but, well, he was thoroughly traumatized. Pretty sure it's still the only porno he's ever seen. Ouch!"

Cas finally gets desperate enough to bite Gabriel's hand. His brother jerks back with a pout, shaking the wounded limb but Cas just rolls his eyes. "Thank you so much, dear brother, for expounding on my porn preferences, or lack thereof," Cas growls in his direction, though he keeps his eyes focused on the stairs, wondering if Dean would hold it against him if he escaped down them away from the awkward bubble they're now in.

"Bullshit," Dean finally says, "There is no way you learned to kiss like that from just watching a crappy porno." "Well, believe it or not, that's the truth. You're the first person I've ever kissed," Cas huffs. He doesn't understand the edge of hurt and disbelief in Dean's voice and honestly doesn't have the energy to try and figure it out at the present moment. The bed, several more floors beneath him, calls with a siren's voice and all he wants to do is shuck the uncomfortable clothes he'd shoved himself into and hide from the world for a few hours, preferably with Dean. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! That was your first kiss," Gabriel states, eyes darting between Dean and him. "What? Pshh, no, we've just, uh, we've never-" Dean immediately responds, defending Cas yet again, though this time it hurts. Pain makes him go rigid, his lungs brittle.

Dean is lying for me, even when he doesn't seem to trust that I've been honest with him. Perhaps it's not just me then, maybe he's defensive of everyone? Or maybe he just sees me as someone to take care of, like his brother.

The thought is unbearable, so Cas blurts, "Gabriel, we're not actually dating." Two sets of eyes and slack jaws swing his way. "I'll explain, but can we please go back to the room." Neither Dean nor Gabriel objects nor stops him as he begins down the stairs again, only the echo of their footsteps breaking the silence. --- Once the hotel door has shut behind everyone, Cas heaves a sigh of relief and yanks off the button up so he's just in an undershirt and the slacks that will have to do until he's done answering the millions of questions he sees bubbling on his older brother's tongue. "Dean and I met several days ago when he accidentally abducted Jack-" "He what!" "Jack had heard me on the phone describing my fake date to you and Dean was supposed to be picking up his brother at the same corner I asked Jack to meet me," Cas continues on flatly, ignoring the concerned looks he's getting from both Gabriel and Dean. "Jack mistook him for the 'date' and got into his car. Dean had just worked for a long time and was too tired to realize it wasn't his brother. He returned him as soon as he realized his mistake and he offered to help me out as an apology and, well, things just kind of spiraled into him pretending to be my boyfriend and then my fiancé in order to get Chuck and Naomi to stop threating to petition for custody of Jack. Now if you'll excuse me, I plan to sleep for the next few hours so I don't go out, find a liquor store, and drink it." Cas finally finishes, throwing himself onto the bed as all his remaining energy leaves him. "Castiel-" Gabriel starts and Cas buries his face in the comforter to keep his brother from seeing or hearing how he's gasping for air and fighting against the hammering of his pulse, anxiety raising its hands to choke him again. "Gabe, I think it's best if you go." Cas hears Dean's voice interrupt firmly, drifting away from the bed and towards the door amidst Gabriel's protests. "Look, I'll have Cas text you as soon as he's up again, but right now I think he needs some rest. This morning was ... a lot. For everyone." There's a pause like Gabriel has his mouth open to argue, but then Cas hears him agree, threating some creative form of bodily harm if Dean doesn't take good care of him. The door clicks shut and he can hear Dean come back towards the bed. "I'm, I'm fine, Dean," Cas lies, his watery words and hiccupped breath betraying him. "You're not, and that's okay. What do you need from me?" "I- I don't-" Cas can't manage to finish, the weight that had been lifted by Dean earlier seeming to crash down on his chest tenfold heavier. "Okay, it's okay. How 'bout I give you a few suggestions that usually work for me and we can see if one sounds good to you?" Dean asks gently, the bed dipping from where he sits next to Cas' prone, heaving body. He must manage a nod or something close to an approximation of agreement because Dean continues. "One thing that helps me is movies or tv shows, something to play in the background and drown out all the shit going on in my head. Or, um, I could help you try to regulate your breathing. Um, or, well, I don't know if it would really help or not, but I could, uh, I could hold you? Like this morning?" Cas bites back a sob long enough to whisper "please" and he hopes Dean understands. He does and Cas can't help but question whether or not he's a real person and not some divine being.

Dean rises from the bed. Cas briefly hears the television flip on, volume low enough that it's not overwhelming but loud enough to distract from the noise of his panicking mind.

Then Dean is there beside him. The heat of him warming the parts of Cas he hadn't realized had gone numb. Cas instinctually turns toward him, a far reach of his brain whispering something about heliotropism before it's drowned out again. Dean's forehead rests against his, their feet tangled together, one of Dean's arms around him. Cas can feel Dean's heartbeat from where his hand ended up flat against Dean's chest. It's strong and steady and soothing. Slowly, Cas feels his lungs give up their rebellion, his mind raising a white flag as he leans into the comfort Dean offers, his breathing and heartrate slowing to synchronize with Dean's.

"There we go, sweetheart," Dean murmurs, breath hot against Cas' face. "That's it, just breathe." "Dean, I'm. I'm so sorry. You," Cas sucks in a deep breath as his lungs still ache, "You didn't ask for any of this." "No," Dean agrees, but the free hand not pressing against Cas' back comes up to grip his neck and cheek, "But no one really does." Cas tries to laugh, but it comes out as another sob. "Dean-" "Shhh, Cas. You probably had or are having a panic attack and the adrenaline crash is imminent. Let yourself rest for a bit and we can talk when you wake up and feel better." Cas wants to give in to the soft words, wants to slip away into sleep in Dean's arms, but he can't. A sharp kernel of worry refusing to let him be totally comfortable. "I'm sorry about the kiss, or whatever was bothering you about it after. I really didn't plan on doing it, but well, the way that you stood up for yourself and for me? I needed to do something. And I didn't mean to upset you in the stairwell or-" "Cas, shit. If anyone needs to apologize, it's me. You were clearly already freaking out and distressed and I made it worse because, well, uh, because that was probably one of the best kisses I've ever had and, it just didn't. I mean, I'm really supposed to believe that a guy like you hasn't been kissed?" "Well, I have been kissed before, but I don't like to count those as none of them were with people I wanted to kiss me. They were all women my mother set me up with to try and 'straighten' me out," Cas tries to laugh at his own joke but he can't, eyes scrunch shut so he doesn't have to see how Dean's reacting to this information. "I have never been the one to initiate the kissing and well, you are the first man I've kissed." Dean pulls him tighter, the unexpected reaction forcing a soft moan to escape from Cas as Dean buries his face into Cas' neck, his chest crushing into Cas' arms, their hips now flush as Dean leaves no space between them. "I'm so fucking sorry, Cas. That's- no one should- It's fucked up." It feels validating and different to have Dean telling him this. He finds himself able to believe it more coming from the man holding him than from his own brother or even from his therapist, both of which feel like they are obligated to respond that way. "Thank you, Dean." He wants to say more, to tell Dean how grateful he is to have the acknowledgement, to have someone here to listen and hold him. He wants to kiss Dean again. He can't quite bring himself to do it though, can't quite override the anxiety still swirling in his brain. So, he settles for pressing his lips to Dean's temple and letting his hands unlock from their protective position in front of his chest to wrap around Dean's back. Drawing as close to Dean as Dean had drawn to him. Dean hums into his neck, his hand rubbing up and down Cas' back and more tension slips away. --- For the second time in twenty-four hours Cas wakes wrapped in Dean's arms and feeling lighter than he has in years. "Hey, you feeling better?" Dean whispers, somehow sensing that he's awake.

"I, um, yes, thank you. This, you, were really grounding and," Cas finally opens his eyes to see Dean's green one's staring back, full to the brim of compassion without an ounce of judgement.

I don't think I've leaned on anyone so much besides Gabriel. And he pretty much blackmailed me into it because taking his, or rather, our family's money, was to better provide for Jack.

It makes his stomach clench with guilt and regret. If he had been overwhelmed enough to have a panic attack, he can only imagine how Dean must be feeling.

"I'm sorry again, Dean. Dealing with my family was probably hard enough with them questioning you and then you had to deal with my ... breakdown," Cas whispers, not even sure that Dean can hear him. "Hey, hey, none of that!" Dean grabs Cas and keeps him from accidentally scooting himself the whole way off the edge of the bed. "Cas, seriously. It's fine. I've had my own 'breakdowns.' And if all this shit is a normal occurrence? I'd probably be more worried if you were able to keep it together." Dean reaches out and brushes a thumb across his cheek.

Cas sucks in a breath and closes his eyes, turning his face into the pillow when Dean doesn't let him escape to the floor. "Sweetheart." The petname and the gentle way he says it makes Cas bury his face further into the pillow and away from eyes that are too kind and too understanding. "Cas, I know you probably feel embarrassed, but really, it's not like you could help it. Trust me, I know. Sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere." "You have panic attacks," Cas realizes far too late for all the signs that have been flashing right in front of his face. Sam helping calm him down when he was starting to panic about Jack, Dean knowing how to get him calm and grounding him, even getting Gabriel out of the room, giving him options but ultimately taking control when Cas couldn't. "Yeah," Dean lets out a shaky breath and Cas can't resist the urge to look at him. "Yeah, I do. Not so bad anymore but they used to get really, really bad. Mostly after fights with my dad, so believe me when I say I get it. I thought I was dying the first time Bobby found me dry heaving on the kitchen floor. He's the one who taught me it's better to have someone to hold on to whenever the bad one's hit." "I'm so sorry, Dean," Cas finds himself saying, mirroring Dean's touch.

Dean closes his eyes and leans into it and Cas has the overwhelming desire to give him the world, though he's not even sure himself what that entails. He just knows, like he knows how to breathe, that Dean deserves more than what life has given him, deserves good things. And Cas desperately, perhaps selfishly, wants to be the one to give them to him. Cas is just leaning in to press his lips to Dean's again when Dean's eyes pop open and he heaves in a breath. "Well, I guess you should probably let Gabriel know that you are up. I'm sure he's still worrying." "Oh. Right. What time is it?" Cas replies as he pulls back, his little bubble bursting and reality rushing back in. "Uh, not sure. But my guess is probably around two-ish?" "Two? And you've been stuck here with me the whole time?" "Stuck? Cas, you act like you handcuffed me to the bed or something. Besides, what else would I do, huh? Go downstairs and play slots? Hope to run into your family at the bar or casino? And leave you here by yourself? To wake up alone and feeling guilty or ashamed? Nope, sorry. Like I told your family, you're stuck with me, babe. At least until we get back to California."

Cas doesn't try to stop the smile or the warmth that fills his being at the thought of being stuck with Dean, even if it's just temporarily. "Now, I'm pretty sure I've heard your phone buzz at least six times so you should let Gabriel know that I haven't killed you or whatever he's probably coming up with since he found out I'm practically a stranger. Not to mention the fact that I flipped the dead bolt so he wouldn't be able to sneak in like this morning." "Oh, god! He's probably two seconds away from breaking the door down with the cops!" Cas groans, as he flips around to scramble for his phone on the nightstand. But it's not messages from Gabriel that he's missed. Or at least not just from Gabriel. Mixed in amongst the suggestive jokes and true brotherly concern are several messages from Jack, the most concerning of which being: See you soon, Dad!

Tag List (hopefully I got everyone but just shout at me if I missed you 😅)

@destielfangirl24 @chokinghazardchirp @o-birdseed-o @examishbookwyrm @planterflush @t0asssty @dead-sirens @hate-babe-27 @profanitybasedfun @azriel-rodas @ghost-in-the-light

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Birthday! I'm dying to why Hokage's daughter Naruto is so strong when everyone who knows seals thinks she should be weak. so more of that AU please.

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

Naruto pulls tight on the chains restraining Gaara, waiting.

Her father stands, flash stepping to her side. Her mother stays seated, but she'd expected that. She hasn't been able to form chakra chains since she had Naruto, her coils too badly damaged by Kyuubi fighting out of her during the birth.

"What's going on?" he demands. "Naruto, stop, this is dangerous!"

She stares. She honestly hadn't expected this out of him and she thinks she would be touched if she weren't so mortified. "Do you have a way to restrain a demon that I don't know about? Because if I let go, Shukaku here is going to go on a little rampage."

She's the only one in the village who can use adamantine chains. It's a good thing her mother hadn't gotten rid of her scrolls about the technique even though as far as she knew none of the remaining Uzumakis could make them. Maybe she intended to pass it on to Naruto's children.

"I'll call the ANBU," he says, eyes scanning for whichever of them are hidden. Kakashi is staring at her, one eye still covered, which almost makes her weak with relief. This is already going to be pretty difficult to talk her way out of, but if Kakashi were using the sharingan, it would be impossible.

There's a shift of air next to her and Fugaku is standing there. He gives a the giant restrained demon a glance, but nothing more. "Hokage, sir, the invasion of the Sand has been thwarted per your orders. We currently have all the criminals in custody." He tilts his head to the side. "Almost all of them."

Her father isn't stupid. He knows the village is watching them and his spine straightens and his mouth thins, but there are no other tells. No one watching would guess that he had no idea what Fukagu was talking about.

There's another shift and then her classmates and Team Guy are moving, a coordinated attack they'd gone drilled until Naruto was sure she wasn't about to get her friends killed. The Sand genin find themselves restrained, now that it's safe to do so, now that the invasion has been made public.

The Uchiha police are not shinobi and not subject to a shinobi's laws. If they aprehend foreign shinobi for questioning, if that questioning gets a little out of hand, it's not an act of war. They're civilians, technically, trained as shinobi but removed from the established chain of command. If Naruto had been wrong, then having the Uchiha do the investigating would have prevented the Kazekage declaring war on them in retaliation anyway.

Uchiha police appear around the arena, Sand shinobi restrained in their arms as they break the genjutsu they'd been using to hide themselves, to ensure that no genjutsu could be cast over the arena while the Uchiha's sharingan watched over them.

Naruto has almost relaxed, everything having gone exactly according to plan, when her mother appears next to her grabs her wrists.

"You cant!" she cries hysterically. "It'll kill you, it'll kill you! You have to stop!"

Naruto's eyes widen and she strengthens her grips on the chains, trying to pull away. "Mom, stop! I've got it! MOM!"

Kushina doesn't listen. She sends a powerful burst of chakra through her hands, more than she's done in almost thirteen years, and severs Naruto's connection to the chains and taking them into her own hands.

Except she can't control them, of course, and as soon as she has them they break apart, shattering into pieces around them, and Shukaku tears himself free with a roar of triumph and rage.

Despair overtakes Naruto, a selfish grief she's been avoiding most of her life settling deep into her bones.

She doesn't have to do this. She could let the ANBU deal with it, leave it to her parents who's fault it is, no one would blame her for stepping back.

But if she does, her people will die. Not all of them. Probably not even a lot of them. But one dead from her cowardice is one too many.

She yanks onto Kurama's chakra, pulling it out around her, chakra claws and a thick red auror surrounding her, nine three tails of chakra swaying dangerously behind her. She already hears the screams of her people, the cries of demon ringing in her ears, but it doesn't matter.

She'll always choose her people over herself, no matter the cost.

At the end of the day, she's still her father's daughter.

[lizzieisright]

Moon peppers (6)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

were!Abby x witch!reader

Summary: Abby runs away from her (former) pack and into your forest. You're not happy with your new (woods?)mate.

Tags: fantasy au, sloppy worldbuilding, fem!reader, alpha!abby, witch!reader (so not an omega), sentient forest, stubborn idiots in love who annoy each other.

Notes: as I finished writing this chapter, I felt sad for Abby. Wish I could hug her.

Taglist: yikez-on-bikez beanbagbitch (if you want me to tag/untag you for the whole series dm me please)

Also I really appreciate your comments if you have any! ✨

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The next day both of you wake up not feeling murderous towards each other, which you count as a win. Abby still freaks out when she sees you, but at least she finds it in herself to smile at you. The morning goes better than yesterday's, and even better for Abby since her senses come back.

She is cooking eggs on the small stove that, like everything else in your hut, is powered by your magic. It's been the most stable you've felt in more than ten years; it reminded you of walking with a lit candle: once it was the fire that burned everything you touched, then one day the fire became weak, almost going out if you were not careful shielding it from the world; now, it was a torch that was showing you the way, steady and reliable as it can be.

Guess you both got something good out of this horrible situation.

Abby looks at the eggs and takes a sniff - and then who whole face lights up. She smiles brightly and looks at you, while you watch her carefully in case she's gone insane.

"My senses are back." She closes her eyes in concentration. "I can hear your heartbeat again."

You blink, a little weirded out: on one hand, it sounds creepy; on the other hand, it sounds romantic, which makes it even creepier.

"Did your elders teach you to not tell the person that you're in constant state of violating their privacy or is it normal for wolves?" You joke and Abby rolls her eyes, but she smiles instead of frowning.

"Of course I'm not going to tell someone they smell, or that they're pregnant. I was brought up properly."

"Wait." You blink. "You can tell if someone's pregnant by the smell?"

"I can tell if someone's scared, or sad, or happy by the smell." Abby looks at you like you severely underestimated her. You roll your eyes: you know that weres can smell emotions. "Telling the change in hormones is like- like it's written on their forehead. I know how to tune it out, but everything that is connected to sex is almost impossible to ignore. Shit, I can tell how close you're to your period and I don't even want to know."

"Wow. And I thought feeling everyone's energy was bad." You think for a moment, and then look up at Abby. "If your senses came back, I need to check how the healing is going."

"You told me it would take a week."

"From three days to a week. I can't be super sure, it's not like I resurrect people every week. I've done it, like, three times."

"How are you even able to do this? No one can." Abby squints her eyes suspiciously.

"I like loopholes." You shrug. You're not about to tell Abby your life story and what this knowledge cost you. "I don't have to blood bind because I can energy bind. And this is all I need to resurrect someone. Well, this, and a lot of fucking energy."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Yeah, well. You can smell my period and tell if I'm lonely, and you also make it sound easy."

Abby shrugs and then puts the breakfast on the plates. You eat in a pleasant silence and think about your plans for the day: you have a free day, no patients, no herb gathering (although you need to check the still room), no cooking or cleaning. You go through the list of possible activities to not die of boredom, and then you remember.

"I want to check out what the woods were so excited for yesterday. Are you up for a walk?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Well, the choice is: stay inside and rot from boredom or go check out a rare baby animal."

"When you put it like that."

Abby lets you check how she is healing, and she can admit that after yesterday's tree hugging it's hard for her to be afraid of you, or your eyes, or tattoos. She is still curious about why you have them, but she can put two and two together. Right now, when your hands are so close to her face as you hold them above her head, she can see the runes - not that she can actually read them, but she knows what magical runes look like. You said that you needed energy to resurrect her, a lot of it, so when you got it, it probably activated your tattoos. Abby doesn't want to ask where you got the energy - for some reason she is not willing to harm this hesitant friendship you two formed.

"Okay. It looks good. I'd say by tomorrow morning the bond will cease."

"Great." Abby takes a moment. "Thanks."

"Look at us, from trying to kill each other to saying thanks. Team work, huh?"

"You not being a blood binder definitely helps." Abby looks into your eyes and she has her hearing back for sure, because she can hear your breath hitch and your eyes go big just for a moment. For just this millisecond you look young and flustered.

It's not so uncommon, especially for non-weres, to get flustered when there is a direct eye-contact, and weres are starers due to their need for hierarchy and dominance. So Abby doesn't even notice she stares you down out of her instincts - and then you lower your eyes and Abby can't help but smile. It means nothing to you, but for Abby it's a sign of submission, of acceptance, and honestly? It makes Abby feel good. (it also makes her protective of whoever submits to her, but she is not unpacking this right now).

"You using your words and not growling at me is also a bonus point."

Abby huffs and you chuckle in return.

"Make sure to put the shoes on, the ones that Coen gave you." You lower you voice like you're afraid someone will overhear. "The forest ground is like a prickly cold maze."

Abby doesn't question this: you may sound kooky, but after experiencing your connection to the forest first hand, you make perfect sense to Abby.

You don't pack anything with you, just put you warmer clothes on, and then both of you head out. Abby follows you, but she also listens closely to everything and sniffs around, making sure her senses function properly. When you leave the shielded territory, you crouch on the ground and put your hand into the soil, talking to the forest of whatever it's called. It should look cool, but Abby can't help her little snort.

"You're a fairy, not a witch." She teases you, but then a root trips her, clearly irritated with this remark. Abby only laughs harder. "You just proved my point."

"It wasn't me." You smirk. "I don't have control over the trees."

Abby looks at her feet, confused. The woods tripped her?

"How does this whole thing work? It didn't seem so protective of you when I tried to kill you."

"Eh, the woods have the mind of their own. They like to help, but they also like to be entertained. And they saved your life, so don't complain."

"You saved me." Abby corrects you, but she feels and sounds confused.

"Without their energy I wouldn't have been able to. I'll show you."

You change the path and Abby can smell a faint scent of comfreys as you go further. It's probably somewhere close to the place where she fought Isaac. As you walk, you stop and pick up a straw, clutching it in your hand.

"You see, energy binds don't have to be two-sided, like ours. I can do this."

And the straw in your hand turns into ash that crumbles on the ground.

"And you gain the energy of this straw. Got it." Abby murmurs. Your scent becomes stronger just for a moment before going back to its usual intensity. "So the forest gave you the energy. Um." Abby looks around, looks up, just in the general direction of trees. "Thank you?"

The warm wind blows in her face and you smile, pleased. Then you motion to follow you and Abby obeys. You walk a little more, and then Abby sees a patch of land fully covered in ash - her feet sink in it up to her ankle when she steps closer. It looks like the tree burnt down completely, but the fire didn't touch the rest of the woods. Just one, singular tree, fully gone.

You smell of regret, but it's not strong, and Abby finally connects all the dots.

"You took the whole tree." Abby states and you hum in agreement. "That's why you're glowing. Too much power?"

"No, not to much." You say quietly and crouch to touch the ashes. "I don't know what too much is, to be honest." You probably say it to yourself, but Abby hears you. She doesn't like the implications. "Well, this is where you died." You spread your arms out to the sides; Abby looks around the place and it makes her just a bit sick. The smell of ash is sharp and itchy, and Abby thinks she remembers it falling on her fur as she was choking on her blood.

"Yeah."

"Wanna stay and contemplate the meaning of life or can we go back to the baby animal?"

"We can go." Abby says, but her mind is elsewhere.

As Abby walks through the ashes of the dead tree, she doesn't contemplate the meaning of life, but rather the meaning of second chances. She got one, a damn big one - she came back from the other side. She should make the best of it, but the truth is - she doesn't feel different or changed. Well, no, she did change in these few days - she got friendly with you, after all - but it doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't feel like she did something good with her second chance. She guesses the death was not enough to terrify her.

You don't need super-senses to know that seeing her death site was not easy for Abby - she has been deep in her thoughts since you left the place. You can't say you know the feeling: you haven't died, and even if you did, there are only two people in the Lands who can revive others and one of them is you, and the other one would never revive a witch, so your chances on being brought back to life are zero. Having nothing to offer in terms of comfort, you leave Abby alone to work through her feelings.

You make your way to the west side of the forest and you feel the small, precious energy of the new life - it's something very small, not a cub or a deer, but it's strong and hell-bent on surviving. It makes you smile and you motion Abby to move slower. Abby snaps out of her thoughts and concentrates as she follows you.

In a few meters you see a bright ball of a baby bird. It's flapping its wings awkwardly, but it's already curious enough to leave its nest and come here to the ground to look for food. The fledgling doesn't notice you yet, so you carefully point at it for Abby.

"Is it-"

"A Firebird, yes." You smile. "It's small yet so we can look at it, but in a week it will grow and become so bright it will blind us. I haven't seen one in twenty years."

"I haven't seen one ever. Holy shit. A Firebird. A real Firebird. I thought people imagined them, like phoenixes." Abby whispers energetically, her eyes sparkle with excitement. "What do you know about them?"

"Not much, except what my elders told me. The legend says that they're pure fire and they appear to bring hope, usually in the spring. Maybe it appeared now after I took the tree to counter balance." You shrug as you watch the chick poke around with its beak. "They are extremely rare and one of a kind. This one doesn't have parents. All brave and bossy from the beginning."

"Can we get closer?" Abby asks, already moving. You chuckle.

"I can't, but you can, as a wolf. They let other animals come to them."

Abby doesn't hesitate - she changes into her wolf form and you take a step back when instead of a blonde giant that Abby is there's no less gigantic wolf that scared the shit out of you a few days ago. Abby doesn't growl at you this time, but she does push you with her giant butt to the side. Being so close to her lets you see how big she is - her head is somewhere around your chest when she stands, her paws are the size of your head, but she somehow manages to make minimal sound as she slowly walks to the chick: she makes herself known in order to not startle it, and the baby Firebird stops poking around. It looks at Abby and lets her come to it just to flap its wing in her big face. You snort loud enough for Abby to look at you, and you just shrug in response.

The chick plays with Abby for a bit, but then it loses interest in the giant wolf and flies away, living you alone with Abby. You feel longing - you can't come closer to such a creature, being the opposite of what it is, and seeing it for so short is not enough. Abby changes back just as fast and walks to you, also disappointed.

"Well that was anticlimactic." You chuckle.

"It's warm this close. And the eyes are just-" Abby takes a pause, definitely stopping herself from saying something*. "They glow."

"Nice glow or my creepy glow?"

"Nice glow." Abby says and there's a small tense pause, but it doesn't come from hostility. It's entirely different and you press it down hard.

You decide to change the subject before you both trap yourselves in an uncomfortable conversation about (your) eyes.

"What are you going to do now? Tomorrow morning you'll be good as new and free of the bound."

Abby stops when she hears your question. The truth is, she has no fucking idea. She didn't plan on anything that happened: not on rebelling against Isaac, not on giving Owen and Mel a chance to escape, and sure as hell not on dying and meeting the kooky witch in the kooky woods. It's not like she had an amazing relationship with Owen or Mel - it was civil at best - but she wasn't going to let Isaac hurt the only members of her family pack. She has lost enough already.

"O-okay. I guess you haven't thought of that." You interrupt her thoughts politely. "What happened to you, by the way?"

Abby looks at you for a moment, deciding if she can trust you. Then she thinks - to hell with that.

"My family pack was killed a few years ago, and the those who survived needed to join a new pack if we wanted to live peacefully. We joined one, but they were- are greedy, want a lot of territory for themselves. It was fine to fight other wolves, but a week ago our pack alpha decided to attack humans and take away their land."

"Dumb idea."

"My- what was left of my family pack thought so too. They're mates, expecting in a few months. Did Isaac care? Not so much. He wanted to kill them for betrayal when they protested and I couldn't let it happen. So I fought, let them escape. Ran here, met you, tried to kill you, died, you know the rest."

"Shit." You seem like you're about to squeeze Abby's shoulder, but you stop mid air. "That's awful. Do you want to find them? Do you know if they're safe?"

"I don't know if they'd want me. Plus, I don't want Isaac's mutts sniffing around and finding me. It might lead them to Owen."

"Do you share blood with any of them? Owen and his mate?"

Abby recoils out of habit when you mention blood, but you haven't hurt her this far, only helped, so Abby allows herself to listen to your idea.

"No. Just pack bond. Why?"

"Pack bond will do too, actually. Blood lets me track anyone anywhere, I think you know that. You make a deal, I'm practically omnipotent in the area you asked for, blood magic is this unlimited."

Abby hears her own gears turn.

"But you can energy bind."

"Yup. I can energy bind. Not right now, we're still bound and it will fuck it up, but tomorrow? Chop me some wood and I'll be able to sense them. You know, to give you peace or whatever. And when all of this dies down, you can go to them."

"Can I talk to them?"

"Do I look like one of these assholes who close their eyes and pretend to talk to ghosts?"

Abby rolls her eyes, but the deal is not in blood - it's enough for her.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Why not? Again, you're gonna chop wood for me. It's not like I'm doing it out of pureness of my heart."

Ridiculous, silly witch, Abby thinks as she listens to you saying this seriously - you can ask for undying loyalty, you can ask her to do your bidding for the next thirty years and instead you ask an alpha to take care of your hut. Abby would do it for fun.

You walk back to the hut, and Abby thinks about what she will do tomorrow, after the deal - when she will be completely free of you. It sounded like a damn dream the day before yesterday, but now, with her heart clean of her anger and her head not worrying about survival, Abby doesn't know where to go. No plan, no options, nothing. Literally a clean slate.

She decides to stay in the forest for the time being, while she figures it out - she will be in her wolf form so it will be easier to hunt and take care of herself, she can live in the bear den: she is healed and strong now, she can fight for territory, and that den is pretty nice. It will be harder without a pack - hell, Abby has never been without a pack, but it's her only option.

You go to meditate when you two come back home, and Abby starts working on the dinner - the forest is big and you've spent the whole day walking around, missing lunch but catching the still warm weather. As Abby chops meat, she sees you on the front porch, glowing like the candle in the evening hours, your tattoos showing how the energy circulates in you. It's weirdly mesmerising, like watching a wheel spin, and not creepy at all. Not anymore.

The next day you wake up and grin in relief - maybe you and Abby are now friendly and there's a weird tension between you, it's still nice to have your energy flow to yourself. There's also a sound of an axe hitting the wood outside. It seems Abby decided to not waste time.

You put your clothes on and go outside - it's something past midday, based on the sun. You find Abby and immediately regret coming here to check on her.

Listen, it's embarrassing - Abby can fucking smell you and what this shameless display of strength does to you. She is panting a little as she swings the axe, and she doesn't wear a damn shirt! Just her chest coverings! It's autumn! And oh she is sweating all right, the whole- Fuck, you now understand what does it for Caitlyn - if you had to watch Vi half-naked, sweating, in the forge, you'd also call her your "starlight".

And it's not a revelation for you - you know you like when people are strong as fuck and have their bodies to prove it with every dip and curve of their muscles. But you've never had the knowledge that some of them can fucking smell it on you! (you're going to give Sevika so much shit for this when she comes back)

So yeah. You want to turn around and bolt out of there, but you also want to stay and watch. Before you make up your mind, Abby puts the axe down and turns to face you. Holy shit.

"Decided to start on your end of the deal now?" You ask weakly, praying that Abby won't bring this up.

"You were sleeping. I got bored." Okay, the way Abby smirks definitely means she is enjoying embarrassing you. "I left the breakfast for you."

"Thanks." You mumble, trying not to look at Abby's shoulders. Or chest. Or abs. (Is it a v-line?) "Not a fucking word."

"Wasn't gonna say anything. Go inside, it's cold here."

Cold here my ass, you think as you go home. You eat your breakfast and try not to catch glances of Abby, but she is right there, where you usually meditate. You can't escape her. So you finish your breakfast fast and go to your still room to prepare everything for the ritual.

You isolate the still room from any other energy flows so it won't distract you, clear it out with the rosemary and then start drawing the runes you need - it's been a long time since you did it, so you have to look up the runes on your left thigh, where your mom weaved it when you were little and tend to wander off. Thankfully, there is no need for blood bind between the mother and the child, so your innocence was saved that day.

You draw them all over your stone table with the charged white charcoal and then call for Abby.

"Are you done with the wood?"

"Yeah. Unless you need more."

"Fuck off." You huff, but Abby smiles. "Sit down and give me your hand."

Abby does as she is told, and you put your other hand on the runes.

"Are we going to see them in a vision?"

"In a v- No. Where did you get this staff?" You say, offended. Vision? The fuck? "You will see nothing and pretty much feel nothing. Just think of them. I don't know, go on a nostalgia trip, relieve some memories."

Abby's playful mood disappears and instead the corners of her mouth turn down. She doesn't close her eyes, but they gloss over when she fully zones out, lost in her memories. The runes on the table glow and you follow the energy flow of the pack bond. There are several of them, but only four feel welcoming, and only two feel old. These bonds are not as welcoming, but they're strong - like the bond between family members who don't like each other, but will be there when the push comes to shove. That's when you know you found them.

"They're stable. Maybe not to their full strength, but there's no danger to their life. They seem to be on the move, and- oh." You feel the devastation, the grief, and for a second you're scared they lost the kid, but the woman has zero signs of loss. "They're grieving, but the child is fine."

"They probably found out I'm dead." Abby says quietly, and you feel how upset, worried, and given up she is. "It's better this way."

You say nothing and check the other two bonds. There's also grieving, but there's rage and fear as well - nothing good to bother to tell Abby. You're not kicking her when she is already down.

You finish the ritual and break the bond between the two of you. It's quiet and sad, and you want to comfort Abby.

This time, you place your hand on her shoulder.

"At least now you know you've died for something. They're as safe as they can be."

Abby doesn't say anything, but gently squeezes your fingers in return.

"Thank you. For everything."

"Ah, don't mention it."

Abby spends the next hour alone - she feels bittersweet. It's good, knowing that the last memory Owen and Mel will have of her is her doing the right thing, protecting them. But she feels hollow - as far as her favourite people knew, she was dead, permanently out of their lives, not giving them more reasons to worry about her. Abby was right - it's better this way. Maybe when she licks her wounds she will go and find them, but, if she is honest with herself - she's happy they're free of each other. Yeah, at some point she will tell them she is alive, when it'll be safe, but for now - for now she has nothing and no one. Bottom is a great place to start building, after all.

Abby wants space, she wants time. So she comes to say goodbye to you when you're finishing up cleaning the still room (you might not be creepy anymore, but your still room sure is).

"I'll be going." Abby tells you and you look up.

"Where?"

"Don't know yet."

You're silent for a moment, clearly thinking her words over.

"You can stay here, if you want. I'm not kicking you out." You seem a little vulnerable as you say it and Abby chuckles.

"Thanks, but, uh. I want to be by myself for now."

"Well. You know where to find me if you need anything." You offer her, and now Abby can't help but smile.

"Thank you. Take care."

"You too."

Abby leaves you hut, trying not to smell the sadness and pity that you reek of, and takes off deep into the woods, somewhere where no one will find her. Not even a one silly witch that she grew to like a little.

_

*What Abby didn't say: "It's warm this close. And the eyes are just- like yours."

[kedreeva]

I am curious... peafowl breeds seem to focus entirely on the colouration, which is understandable given what the bird is known for. But I was wondering, could other traits have been bred for? Cats and dogs, for example, have been bred for tameness and good attitude with humans, while chickens have been bred for very large and small sizes. Could a few generations of dedicated breeders make bantam or jumbo peafowl, or peafowl that take well to being pets? Is 'it's just not a priority trait for an ornamental animal' the only reason such things haven't been tried?

Peafowl don't have breeds; they have color and pattern mutations, but those are not breeds. If one color is bred to another, it doesn't produce an in between, it produces a wild type bird carrying the mutations.

Breeding cats and dogs for temperament ("tameness" is not something that can bred; taming is a type of behavioral training) is also not a breed trait. It's a part of domestication. Temperament breeding is something all people breeding domestic animals SHOULD be doing (even if that temperament isn't "sweet," breeders should be in control of the temperament of their animals), but it's often a trait that breeders, particularly novice breeders, do not have a handle on HOW to choose for it or what they're even looking at. With mice, I've seen even experienced breeders be unable to articulate how they pick temperaments. With peafowl, there are huge gaps in understanding behavior at all, much less what makes for a good temperament, partially because imprinting factors into so much of bird breeding, and it can hugely affect a bird's behavior, and mask the true, genetic temperament of the animal.

The only "breed" trait you've mentioned here is size- and that COULD be picked for, but most people again wouldn't really know where to begin, and don't have the patience to wait 3-6 years with large groups of peafowl to weigh and see who is the largest. And you WOULD need to wait likely at least 4 years.

You'd also want the ability to grow out groups of 30-50 birds that hatch at the same time to choose from to actually have a chance at selecting birds with an appreciable difference to breed with. With chickens, you can hatch 150+ individuals from a single hen in a year, and they'll be mature and ready to produce the next generation in under a year, meaning you can usually get 2 generations a year instead of 1 generation every 4 years. With peafowl, if you treat them poorly by forcing them to lay the whole season, you will get around 30 eggs at all from a single hen (and if you aren't forcing them to lay the whole season, you'll get at most 6-8 babies and more realistically 2-6), so you'd need way way more peafowl hens than you'd need chickens, to get the same group to choose from.

There's also housing to consider. You can keep 10 hens and a rooster in around 150 square feet (run and coop included), meaning it's easy to hatch 30-50 babies per week from that kind of group (or more likely for fertility and control, 2 groups of 1 rooster and 5-6 hens). For peafowl, you need 500 square feet + 100sq/ft coop to keep a trio (1 male, 2 hens) at the minimum ethical housing size. That's a HUGE amount of space, if you're trying to grow out groups, and a lot of care- to the point that breeding peafowl on that scale results in poor quality of life for the birds, in almost every situation. EVERY large scale breeder of peafowl - yes, even the ones I generally like - have this issue with their young birds, because they simply do not have the space/money to grow out large groups, and instead of not doing it, they do it anyway and the birds just start with less.

Which is all to say that most people just don't have the means or time/patience to make a "breed" of peafowl, or the knowledge of what to do to make it happen, and even if they had both, ensuring quality of life for the birds gets dicey the larger the operation is. There's also just not been a demand for anything like that; maybe people joke about wanting bantam peafowl, or jumbo peafowl, but no one has put their money where their mouth is. Even if they did, you are looking at a minimum 6-10 generations to see the sort of appreciable change that would go into making a new breed (and longer for test breeding and health testing etc), and unlike in chickens where that might only take 3-5 years, it would take 20+ years for peafowl people to even get to the low end.

So there's a LOT of reasons that hasn't been attempted by anyone, and is unlikely to be attempted by anyone that hasn't won the lottery.

[nanpecan]

₊✩‧₊˚once more to see you˚₊✩‧₊ pt 3

{nanami x f!reader}

pt 1.  pt 2. pt 4. pt 5. pt. 6

˚₊✩‧₊summary: You’re a manager at Jujutsu Kaisen and you've now had two extremely intimate encounters with grade 1 sorcerer Nanami Kento. You're doing your best to go back to work like nothing happened. You're attending meetings, running a few errands, and having a very very close call with a curse and an ancient relic.

˚₊✩‧₊tags: nanami x fem!reader, slight angst, gore kinda (you're fighting a curse and it gets intense fast)

˚₊✩‧₊word count: 6.8k (do i even have to apologize at this point)

˚₊✩‧₊author’s note: this chapter is a little more centered around Y/N as a character. Nanami IS in it but i feel like he isn't the focus so i apologize. but ! i've attached pt. 4 as well because that does have nanami and a fun little hook up hehe. I won't be offended if a lot of y'all skip this to get to the next part. I know i would

˚₊✩‧₊this is the mitski song i had in mind for this chapter idk

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You shut the car door and put your seat belt on wordlessly. “You okay? I’ve never seen you so quiet after drinking.” Akari said, breaking you out of your daze. 

You looked at her and considered telling her everything. “Akari…” she looked at you with a questioning look. She smiled. 

“You know, Nanami was asking questions about you while you were up singing with Ijichi.” 

“What?” 

“It was little things. Like he kept asking for clarity on things whenever we brought you up. I don’t know if you even noticed.” 

“What kind of things?” 

“Well he was asking how long you’ve been here. He seemed to know that you’d joined the school when you were 16, during Ijichi’s third year. But he wanted to know how you did.” 

“What did you tell him?” you asked. 

“Eh, I said something about how your classmates were assholes. But that doesn’t matter. He also asked about your relationship status.” She glanced at you with a cheeky smile. You gave her a blank stare. “Well, not directly, but Shoko asked about my dating life and I told them how we were both hopeless, and I may have mentioned that date you went on where the American called you exotic and tried to grab your ass.” She laughed as she remembered. “He smiled when I mentioned you kicked his ass.” 

You smiled and she seemed happy that you were more relaxed. “I could just tell he was interested in you, and you know I’m good at reading people.” 

“You’re too flattering.” You said. “I don’t think he’s interested in me like that.” 

“You’d be surprised, maybe he feels connected with you after he saw your IBS crisis.” She laughed. “Too soon? I’m sorry.” 

You smiled and shook your head. You felt a burning in your chest. “You don’t think he was talking so much because he was into you? He didn’t talk to me at all.” 

Akari scoffed. “If he was into me I’d turn him down immediately.” She frowned. “If I didn’t know his age I would have thought he was in his late thirties, and I’m not into dudes that much older. You know I like them hot and stupid.” 

“That hasn’t worked out so well for you in the past, maybe it’s time to change it up.” 

Akari furrowed her brows. “Why are you pushing him on me, fight for your man, girl.” 

You slumped back into your seat. “I’m telling you he doesn’t like me like that.” 

She rolled her eyes. “And why are you so sure?” 

“Because he told me so.” You muttered. 

“What?” She suddenly got serious. 

“...Can you keep a secret?” 

“What happened? Y/N??” She looked over at you. “Hang on, we're almost at my place. I need to be all ears.” 

“You can’t tell anyone, and you can’t judge me.” 

“Wait! Don’t tell me anymore!” 

Akari quickly parked the car and ran out. She practically pushed you all the way into her apartment and onto her couch. She quickly poured you another drink before pouring one for herself. 

“Okay,” she handed you the cup. “I had a feeling something happened, you’ve been acting so weird.” 

“You wanna take a guess?” You said before taking a drink. 

She hesitated. “My gut was telling me that something happened with the curse he exorcised yesterday. And I thought that maybe it had gotten to you and you were overly flirty and confessed or something.” 

“We had sex.” 

She choked on her drink. “What!” 

You buried your head in your hands and groaned. “The curse injured him and infected him with lust. I was just standing outside the barrier. I was checking my phone when he came stumbling out into the car, and well…things escalated and…yeah.” 

Akari looked at you in shock. She put her drink down. “He didn’t report an injury. Was he in his right mind?” 

You understood what she was implying. “He wasn’t violent. The opposite actually. I was surprised too, he wouldn’t let me tend to his wound.” You took another drink. “It was great.” 

She still looked concerned. “But he told you he wasn’t into you.” 

You frowned. “We didn’t really talk much afterwards. I think he was more embarrassed or maybe he regretted it… Anyway I ran into him at the bakery that I like and we talked for a bit there.” You sighed as you remembered. “I confessed that I liked him and he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship with me, so I said we should forget everything that happened.” 

“I’m sorry.” Akari said. “What an asshole, I bet he said it just like that too. He’s so blunt. You didn’t deserve that.” She looked at you. “I’m sorry he showed up tonight. I can’t imagine how awkward that must have been for you. But I’m serious. He was asking little things about you. So maybe there’s hope?” She turned her head and scowled, “If it was me I wouldn’t want to see the bastard.” 

You took a deep breath, you didn’t want to tell her about the bathroom. Not that it was wrong, you just wanted time to process everything. You frowned. You had just ruined his chances with her, you were painting him out to be a villain. “He was very sweet though. I understand where he’s coming from. I mean, I don’t think he really had any control over his mood and I should have turned him down. I have regrets too. I think it’ll be easier to just forget. If he does want something he should be the one to approach me.” You laid back on the couch. “The shittier thing to do would have been not to acknowledge it at all. He’s a good guy, it’s just like you said. He’s blunt.” You smiled at Akari. “This is our secret, okay?” 

Akari nodded looking at you sympathetically. “Of course.” She came closer to you and hugged you. “Other than the mess, I’m glad he was nice to you. You pulled your long-time crush, that’s powerful girl.” 

You smiled and hugged her back silently. 

You both went to bed shortly after and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

The bathroom. He had said he didn’t want to talk, fucked you, and even wanted to take you home. This sort of contradicted your theory of him liking Akari, right? No, he just thinks you’re easy. You frowned. You should have let him speak before you cut him off…twice. You’d just been afraid that what he’d say would hurt your feelings. 

You tossed and turned thinking about him, remembering his touch, his lips. Despite it all he had been so gentle, so desperate to have you again. It hurt your feelings thinking about it. He had done all that but he didn’t really want you. You sighed, if he asked to have you again, would you do it?, you wondered. Yes, you decided, feeling hopeless. You felt very strongly about him and despite him not reciprocating your feelings, yours hadn’t diminished. You might have liked him more, or at least the idea of him more. You slowly dozed off. 

You were pretty quiet the next morning and Akari let you just exist. She drove you to work, talking about things here and there but not bringing him up. You were grateful for her. “You know I do love you.” 

Akari smiled as she turned off the ignition to the car. “I’ve always got your back.” 

You both rushed into the meeting room afraid of being late but when you got there, there were only two other managers including Ijichi, and Principle Yaga sitting silently with a frown on his face. 

You checked your watch. There were two minutes until the meeting was supposed to start. No other sorcerers were here. You sat down next to Akari and Ijichi. You looked at the empty chair beside you and for a moment thought about switching sides with Akari but you decided it was too much. You were thinking too much about it. He was not going to sit next to you, that would have been bold and stupid. 

Suddenly the door opened and Shoko walked in giving you and Akari a smile. Two more sorcerers came in with a minute to spare. You watched the clock strike 7 and the door opened again. You didn’t have to look up to know who it was, his aura gave him away. You heard him head in your direction and you whipped your head in surprise as you heard the chair next to you slide out and Nanami sit down. 

You clenched your jaw and felt Akari poke you from the other side. You looked at her.

 You okay? She asked with her eyes. You nodded and rolled your eyes with a smile. She smiled back. You didn’t turn to look at him. 

This wasn’t the first time he had sat next to you in a meeting. The first time you had been way more nervous. It was about a year and a half ago; after he had just rejoined Jujutsu society. You had already started crushing on him and he had asked you for a pen to jot down some small detail about a schedule change. The rest was history.

Your thoughts were interrupted when the doors burst open and you heard a familiar chuckle. “Okay, okay, we can start now. I’m here!” Gojo. He walked in cockily and sat down in the front row of seats. Yaga gave him a scrutinizing look before standing up, ready to start. 

“You’re just the man I wanted to see, I have a mission for you.” Yaga grumbled. Gojo yawned in response. “Good morning everyone, I’ll make this short.” He shuffled some papers. “An update on the Okkotsu case, the boy’s violence has escalated resulting in the death of three high school students on Thursday evening. Yesterday Kisagari and Harutomi were sent to investigate and were instructed to bring the boy back.” He clenched his jaw. “They did not check in last night and upon further investigation Harutomi was found dead this morning a little outside the school grounds.” 

The room went silent. You frowned, this was more serious than anticipated. Both of the sorcerers were grade two, it came as a shock that one of them was dead.

“Satoru, can I rely on you to pick up where they left off?” 

Gojo stretched his arms and leaned back on his chair. “Of course,” he responded. 

Yaga went over some other brief reminders before dismissing the meeting. You’d volunteered to deliver some items the school was exchanging with the Kanagawa Prefecture Cultural Museum. You stayed in your chair a little longer reading over the file Akari handed you. Nanami slowly got up from his chair and you could sense him staring at you. He probably wanted to talk. You owed him that much. You turned to look at him but before you could say anything Ijichi appeared next to him. 

“I’m ready to head out whenever you are.” He said to Nanami. 

Nanami turned to him and nodded. “Let’s go.” 

You looked at Nanami but he turned away and started heading towards the door. You frowned and turned back to the papers in front of you. 

“You okay?” Akari said. 

You looked at her and smiled. “Yeah, I think I’m over it. It was a one night stand situation, I’m overthinking it.” She didn’t look convinced but you shook your head. “Believe me I’m not angry or hurt. Life’s too short for that.” 

    -

You headed out to your school assigned car and sat down. You glanced at the back seat in the rear view mirror. You felt your cheeks get hot as you remembered what had happened, and smacked your hands to the sides of your face. You could try to talk to him later…maybe.

As you drove towards Naka you thought about what you might eat for lunch. Along with bringing the items to the museum and picking up the ones they were trading, you were to go around and check the shrines in the area. You’d had a mission around here a while ago and remembered a soba restaurant close to the museum. Since you had spent the night at Akari’s you didn’t have the sandwich you had planned to eat today. Oh well, you thought, at least I wasn't the one that paid for it. 

You noticed you were getting close and called ahead to the museum. “Good morning, this is Y/N with Jujutsu Tech. I'm about 30 minutes away.” 

“Oh perfect,” A woman answered. “Head towards the employee parking, we’ve told the guard to let you in. By the way, we came across a new artifact donated by the estate of one of our late patrons. It looks very old and was kept in a special box, would you be able to take it to get it assessed?” 

“Yes of course!” You were a little hesitant to pick up unregistered cursed objects but usually it was no big deal. Especially if it was kept in a special box. It would be fine. 

As you walked into the back of the museum, a shiver went up your spine and you got a terrible feeling in your gut. You took a deep breath and went in, a little on edge. You went to the room you’d been instructed to and waited. Some of the items you were expecting to pick up were already laid out. An old cursed katana in need of restoration and a few Edo period items. You put down the box you were carrying. You were exchanging these items for an ancient tea set from the Nara period that was in prime condition and a painting scroll from around the same time. 

“Sorry for running a little late.” You jumped as a voice came from behind you. You tensed as you turned, you hadn’t even felt the person’s presence. 

“Oh, no problem, I’m Y/N.” 

“Yes, yes, this is the item I spoke to you on the phone about.” 

The lady put down an intricately decorated green box about 6 inches long and 4 wide. “We just got it in this morning. Our staff decided to open it to see what was inside, but only found one small object wrapped in a sort of paper wrap with writing on it. We couldn’t decipher the language, but right after we opened it the lights in the museum went out so we closed it.” She laughed nervously. “None of us are very superstitious, but we did get spooked.” 

She picked up the box to hand it to you. You grabbed it but felt that she had a tight grip on it. You pulled a little harder to take it from her but she just stared at the box. “Ma’am?” You pulled again but her grip hadn’t faltered. 

“I just…would like to see it one more time.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good-“ she yanked the box back and quickly lifted the locking notch to open the box. She stared inside. 

You went around her to look inside as well and gasped. You knew what this was. You had only seen one brought to the school when you were a student. It was one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers. You quickly shut the box and yanked it out of her hands. 

“I’ll take it from here.” She seemed to snap out of her daze and nodded. 

“Yes- uh. Let me find a box to put these loose items in so you can carry them easier. Excuse me.” The lady left the room and you stared at the box in shock. You needed to get this out of here.  

You quickly pulled your phone out and called the school. 

“Hello, this is Y/N. I’m picking up items from the Kanagawa Cultural Museum and they have given me one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers.” 

The person on the other end let out a small noise. “Is it bound?” 

“It’s wrapped in a talisman and contained in an emerald box.” 

“Okay... We can send the closest available sorcerers to assist you in ensuring it gets returned to the school without interruptions. Do not worry about your other tasks, the finger is the new priority.” You looked back at the box nervously. “Do you know if they unraveled the talisman?” 

“They opened the box and examined the finger but quickly closed it back up. The finger appears to still be partially wrapped in the box.” 

“We should assume they unwrapped the finger, even if it was only for a little bit, so there might be curses coming that way, and the talisman is probably weakened if not all together useless.” The guy sighed on the phone. “You said this was Y/N correct.” 

“Yes.” 

He was silent. “Take the finger and run, you won’t be able to handle whatever curses are coming your way.” 

You were hurt by his comments but knew it was true. You thanked him and hung up. You looked at the door. The lady was taking a while. You quickly began to unload your box and started loading the other contents into it. The sword was going to stick out too much so you quickly stuck it to your hip using your belt. You placed the finger in last and picked up the box. You went back into the hallway and once again felt the energy sour. 

You headed towards the exit when you noticed a shoe in the hallway. You clenched your teeth. It was a woman’s high heel, the same kind the lady had been wearing earlier. Your instincts told you to run to the car but then a smell hit your nose. Blood. Blood and the sickeningly bitter scent of a curse. 

Run. Your body was telling you to run. You were close to the exit, the car was parked right outside the door. You started to move your legs and turned towards the exit. You had been told the nearest sorcerers were heading your way. Someone else would be here to help. You would just get in the way and end up dying. You couldn’t fight, not well anyway. You didn’t have any weapons, you needed to leave, you needed to - you stopped in your tracks as you heard a small noise. You listened intently. 

“Help!” It was a whisper. “Please.” An agonizing voice coming from behind you. You turned trying to find the voice. “Help.” It was coming from the hallway to your left. You hesitated. You blinked and took a deep breath. You clutched the boxed items closer to yourself and your hand went to the katana on your hip. It was old and rusted but it was something, you weren’t completely unarmed. You quickly went toward the noise and peeked around the corner. 

You stood there shocked. The lady was sitting on the floor, her back to the wall, her face twisted in pain. She had a deep purple bruise on her right ankle and her left foot was gone. It looked like it had been hastily bit off. Where she was bleeding there was a small yellow curse lapping up the blood. 

“Help! Help me! Help.” She started yelling as she saw you approach. You ran over to her and shushed her. The little yellow curse didn’t even notice you, it was too busy drinking the blood, but it was growing in size. You put the box down next to her and looked at her wound. It was big, an injury like this required immediate attention. Your mind raced as you thought about what to do. You could try to heal it, try to use your RCT. However you had no medical knowledge whatsoever so the chances of you messing it up were greater than you fixing it. But you had to do something. Even if you didn’t understand, stopping the bleeding or scabbing it over would help tremendously. 

I don’t have enough CE for this, you thought bitterly. It would take a lot. You looked at the little creature in front of you and something clicked in your brain. You couldn’t explain it but you just knew what to do. You grabbed the creature by the base of its neck. It didn’t even flinch, it was too preoccupied consuming the trickling blood. That was until it started shrinking, its fingers curling, the tips of its ears wilting and then it started thrashing in your hands. 

You were absorbing its cursed energy. Your hand burned as you felt the rotten energy enter you. Your veins ached and you winced, feeling like you were going to be sick. The input was foul, you felt like you needed to expel it, quickly. You placed your other hand on the bloody stump and tried to focus on your reverse cursed technique. You laughed when you noticed something was happening only to flinch as the creature started to kick and scratch at you. You slammed it onto the floor trying to subdue it. It became more and more withered as you became accustomed to the feeling of absorbing its energy. The wound was looking much better. Almost. 

The yellow creature let out one final shriek before it completely deflated. The lady’s ankle was now a hardened scab. You knew it hadn’t healed completely but it wasn’t going to get any worse. You looked up and saw that she was staring horrified at your hand wrapped around the stump. In your other hand, the curse was now a grey lump of flesh. You clenched your fist and it disintegrated into ash. 

You looked up at the lady and let go of her leg. “We need to get outside.” Once outside you could make a veil and prevent whatever was inside from getting out. You had quickly deduced that the small yellow curse was not the one that had done the damage. There was something bigger and stronger and it was looking for the finger. 

You grabbed the green box with the finger, tucking it under your arm as you helped the lady up, letting her lean on you as you started for the door. You quickly hobbled there together. You were going to make it. You were two feet from the door. One foot. Your hand reached out to push when you suddenly felt the wind get knocked out of you. Your mouth flew open and released a stream of blood. The world went black for a second and you felt yourself falling. You came to, right before you hit the ground and regained your balance. You turned around quickly but your body was overcome with pain. Your hand went to your abdomen, you had broken some ribs. But what had hit you? You looked over at the lady and saw she was unconscious. “Shit.” You slid her off your shoulder and looked around for a curse. Nothing. You quickly checked her pulse. She was breathing. You sighed and stood up looking around. 

The box! You looked around the floor for it. You had dropped it when you had been hit. It was nowhere to be found. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You realized now the curse had probably slammed into you while trying to get the box. You had to get it back and fast. You stopped. No this isn’t right. I need to get this lady to safety and set a veil. I need to wait for the closest sorcerer to arrive, I can’t fight. You heard screaming from the hallway again. You clenched your jaw. You were terrified. 

You looked down at the lady and quickly picked her up. You were right by the door. You pushed open the door wheezing a little and trying your best to ignore the pain as she leaned into your broken ribs. You set her down on the steps outside and turned to the building. The curtain! you needed to put one up. You lifted a hand and muttered your phrase. 

You opened your phone and dialed the school. The same person picked up. “The situation has escalated. I was attacked and the curse got a hold of the finger. So far there's only been one confirmed injury, but I think many others are in danger. I’ve placed a veil for now,” you said.

“Stay put, help is almost there.” You looked back at the building and frowned. You hung up. You heard another yell and your stomach dropped. You felt yourself tearing up. There had to be something you could do. You needed to do something, anything, you couldn’t just stand there while everyone inside was in danger. It wasn’t fair. 

You felt your body move and before you realized, you found yourself stepping into the veil. You quickly went to the door and stepped back into the building. You saw more of the little yellow creatures climbing up and down the walls. You counted seven. They were all moving towards the same place. Looking along the wall, you spotted what you were looking for and quickly hobbled over to push the fire alarm. 

The alarm rang in your ears. You coughed and winced as more blood came out of your mouth. Your chest ached with every step, every breath, but you kept going. Someone was yelling for help. Without thinking you snatched one of the little yellow curses and started absorbing it. You were careful not to heal your own wounds. You’d been able to help the lady, but with little understanding of internal anatomy, something told you you’d do more damage than good. 

You turned the corner and found a man in shock staring at where his hand once was. You rushed over and grabbed it with your free hand exerting the cursed energy into it. The little fiend shriveled in your hand again as the wound scabbed over.

As the alarm cycled you hoped people in the museum were evacuating. Since you were in the employee backrooms you couldn’t tell. The man stared at his hand traumatized and you left him there to try to find the creature. The closer you felt you got, the more of the little yellow demons swarmed the walls, like vultures waiting for prey. You pushed past twenty trying to get through a door frame and you were surprised to see that there were at least a hundred in the next room. The curse you were looking for was there too. 

It was a large pudgy creature, around 6 feet tall with frog-like features. It had grubby hands and ornate green stripes along its back. It was muttering something, you couldn’t make out the phrase. It had a disembodied human hand in its mouth and it was sucking on the exposed wrist draining it of blood. Every time it slurped, the fingers of the hand would contract open and closed. It made your stomach uneasy. 

The curse didn’t notice you coming in, it was too preoccupied trying to open the emerald box. You noted the curse had it backwards and was trying to pry it open on the side with the hinges. You didn’t know how much longer you had. You debated what to do. In this room the curse was isolated, it couldn’t access any more victims and hopefully a majority, if not all, of the people in the museum had evacuated. There was a sorcerer on the way, you could leave it here or wait outside of the door to direct them towards the curse. 

But the finger….You could get it while it was distracted, or at least try to. You had the katana and even though it was old, it was still a weapon. As you pondered what to do you noticed the room had gone silent. The creature was still mumbling and trying to get the box open but the other small yellow creatures had gone quiet. You put your hand on the hilt of the katana once again uneasy. You made your decision. Even if you were useless you could buy some time. You slowly crept closer and closer to the curse. You took a quiet breath before pulling out the sword and swinging it at the monster's neck. 

The sword hit the curse’s flesh with a loud thunk. It was blunt. Practically useless. The creature stopped struggling with the box and its head quickly turned to look at you. It had two sets of eyes, although they all seemed to be looking in different directions. Suddenly the curse made a dive at you, mouth open ready to bite. 

You attempted to dodge to the right but you were too slow to completely move out of the way. You felt a cool sensation on your arm and you turned to see your left arm in a sorry state. The skin on your forearm and elbow was gone. Blood poured out and you could only stare in horror. The pain hit you all at once and you barely managed to turn away from your arm, trying to locate where the curse was now. It was staring at you seemingly confused as to how it had missed you, the sliver of your flesh hanging down out of its mouth like a tongue. 

It looked like it was going to charge at you again and as you started backing away you realized your back was to the wall. It realized this too and moved forward at a ridiculous speed. All you managed to do was bring up the old katana. You shut your eyes embracing yourself for the fatal blow but you only felt the curses’ plump body falling into you, wriggling around. The sword was in your hand but your wrists were twisted awkwardly around the handle and you realized it had become stuck in the creature's mouth. You let go and pushed against the creature with your leg. 

In its shocked state, it stumbled backwards and you were able to see what had happened. It had opened its mouth wide and lodged the katana between the top of his mouth and his jaw. He couldn’t shut it. It reached desperately to try to pry it out but its stubby arms couldn’t reach inside its own mouth. 

You quickly took advantage of its distraction to try to locate the green box. You spotted it on the ground in the middle of the room.You looked back at the creature making sure it was still distracted and started sneaking away. 

It suddenly let out a loud screech and its body started contorting. Its head grew bigger and smaller, arms longer and shorter. It seemed to be trying to molt out of its body to get rid of the sword. But no matter how much it twisted and yelled the sword wouldn’t come out. You wondered for a second, what kind of curse was imbued on the sword. 

You took another step away and suddenly the creature’s attention snapped back to you. You tried to make a run for it but it hurtled its way in front of you and slammed you back into the wall. 

You yelled out weakly, more blood spilling from your mouth and your left arm sending a shooting pain throughout your body as your exposed muscle stained the wall with your blood. The curse moved its hands to your neck and lifted you up, choking you against the wall. You desperately tried to inhale and tried not to panic, but the combination of the pain and lack of oxygen wasn’t letting you think clearly. You kicked desperately at the curse but it wasn’t budging. You put your hands up to its wrists and tried to budge them to no avail.   

As you started to see dots, your kicks got weaker. You felt its grip tighten and your hands fell weakly onto its arms. You began trying to take the energy out. Your body felt almost as if it was on autopilot. No air and feeling defeated, you started to allow the cursed energy you were absorbing into you entirely. You felt a burning sensation on your arm and coming from inside your chest. Your entire body felt hot as you felt things fixing themselves. You also noticed the grip around your neck had faltered some as you took a desperate and choppy gulp of air. That little flow of oxygen allowed you to think a little more clearly as you kept absorbing the CE. 

You didn’t want to finish healing yourself but you needed to put the energy somewhere. You looked at the curse in front of you. Its face was right in front of your chest. You reached down with your right hand and grabbed the blade of the katana. You began transferring the energy into it. You felt the sword get hot and push back, almost as if it was refusing the new input of CE, but after gripping the steel tighter you felt the sword lose its dullness. 

The rust started to fall away and the metallic sheen of the blade began to glow. The edge of the sword was becoming very sharp. You wanted to let go but found that your hand was bound to it, the transfer requiring more and more CE and blood and pain. You felt the blade cut into your palm and you ground your teeth. You needed to stop. You ripped your hand away from the blade and removed your hand from the curse’s arm. You quickly put your hands into the curse’s mouth and grabbed its teeth and lip. You pulled its upper jaw down hard for it to close its mouth and watched as the newly sharpened sword point pierce through the creature’s palate and skewered out through the top of its head. As the tip of the blade suddenly appeared through its skull, the grip around your neck loosened and the curse dropped flat on the ground, twitching. 

You could only stare in shock at what had just happened. 

Suddenly a rush of the small yellow curses began moving forward to consume the liquids oozing out of the curse. You felt your stomach churn as you watched them lap everything up. You turned away from the sight and looked for the box. You took a staggering step towards the item, still laying in the middle of the room, and let out a yelp. Your entire body felt heavy and tired. You felt sick. You still had an excess of CE and your body couldn’t handle it. You collapsed to your knees as you neared the box. You placed your palms on the floor and tried to expel the energy from your body. The floor beneath you turned black and cracked. You poured it all out and felt slight relief, but still felt sore and achy. You looked back up at the box and reached for it. You took it in your hands and sat back. You took a shaky breath and laughed. That could have been bad. 

You jumped as you heard the door open and quickly turned towards it. You felt a slight pang of relief as you realized it was a pair of sorcerers. That relief turned to anger as you realized it was two students. 

Inumaki and Maki. They stared at you curiously and looked around trying to make sense of what had happened. You looked around too. The place was crawling with little yellow curses, a horde of them concentrated on the still twitching body of the large curse with a katana stuck through his skull. There was a human hand just laying limp to your right and you were sitting in the middle of the room. You bet you were a sight to see. Your suit was torn in various places, soaked in blood from wounds that had healed. 

“Are you okay?” Maki asked. 

“The curse-“ you stopped and put a hand up to your throat. It was burning and speaking felt difficult. Your voice had a heavy rasp to it due to your windpipe almost being crushed. You tried to clear your throat but it sent a sharp pain down it. “The curse has been defeated, I secured the finger.” You finally said fighting against the fire in your throat. You held up the box. “Are you two the only ones here?” 

“Daisuke is outside, he drove us here.” Another manager. 

“Tuna.” 

“We’ll take care of these creatures, Daisuke is waiting with another secure container to put the finger in.” 

You sighed and nodded. “Any casualties?” 

“None, almost everyone was evacuated. Police and firemen have arrived on scene. The veil you placed is very good.” Maki said. 

You slowly got to your feet and tucked the box under your right arm. You had healed your previously flayed left arm but it still felt sore. You put your hand on your left elbow to try to comfort it. “Be careful. He’s down but he’s got razor sharp teeth. Also we need that sword. If you could get it for me that would be great,” you said with a smile. You could tell from their faces that it wasn’t very convincing.

You limped out of the room and collapsed against the wall once you were out. They sent students? If the curse had gotten a hold of the finger the students would have been in serious danger. You would have surely been killed, and they wouldn’t have known what they were walking into. You were going to say something when you got back. You got back to your feet and started heading towards the exit. 

You spotted Daisuke talking with some policemen as you emerged from the veil. He looked at you shocked to see the state you were in and quickly pulled out a wooden box to put the cursed item in. You dropped the box into it and he quickly shut it, muttering some kind of extra enchantment on it. 

You leaned against the car exhausted and still feeling off. “Are you okay?” 

You looked at him and nodded. “Yes,” you hesitated. “But I think I’m going to need you to give me a ride back to the school.” 

The students finished up quickly and you sat in the passenger seat sleeping the whole way back. You felt uneasy still. Your bones creaking and your entire body sore. 

Once inside the school you insisted on taking the box and delivering it to the main office. You wanted to talk to the staff member you had talked with over the phone. 

You swung open the door to his office and stormed up to his desk. You dropped the box onto the infront of him and stared the worker down. “Here it is. One of the legendary Ryomei Sukuna fingers, one of the most powerful relics in the world, previously unwrapped and unbound less than an hour ago.” 

The guy looked at the box and then up at you giving you a criticizing glare. “You seem upset.”

“Why the fuck would you send two students instead of a high ranked sorcerer?”

The guy looked away from you and smirked. “They were the closest available and besides, if you were able to handle it why would I waste someone’s time?” He gave you a snarky smile. 

Your blood boiled. He had a point but you had gotten so lucky. “They could have gotten hurt if the curse had been able to get the finger, you didn’t know the whole situation of what was going on.” 

He shrugged. “It looks like I made the right decision. If you, out of anyone, was able to defeat the curse, there was no real danger. The curse even cauterized the wounds. None of the victims were in grave danger.” 

“What?” 

“Two of the victims were found with missing limbs but not even bleeding out or anything.” He started to act annoyed. “Look I have things to do, I expect your report by tomorrow, let us know your thoughts in the appropriate feedback section. Have a nice day. Get out.” 

You stared at him frustrated before storming out of the room and almost running into someone. “Sorry,” you muttered before looking up. It was Nanami. 

He looked down at you concerned by the state you were in, bloodied and sweaty. “Y/N are you okay?” 

For some reason that was your last straw. His question made your eyes start watering. You rolled your eyes blinking hard to try to stop the tears. “I’m fine.” You said not meeting his gaze. He didn’t move. 

“You should go see Shoko.” He said, his voice now softer. He moved his hand to your face, carefully placing it under your chin to make you look at him. His thumb grazed your cheek. You looked up at him and frowned, tears leaking from your eyes. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Nothing had been going your way and you were exhausted. You took a step forward towards Nanami and wrapped your arms around him. 

It was stupid, but you desperately needed some kind of comfort. He didn’t move at first but he eventually put his arms around you. You buried your face into his shirt and felt yourself relax for the first time in hours. You felt your eyes close right as your legs gave out beneath you.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

˚₊✩‧₊nana here: okay okay i got a little (a lot) carried away with the fight scene. I just love making Y/N a badass and I promise it makes sense later. Again theres a lot added in thats part of a longer story but idk...if anything i'll cross post here and ao3. Thank yall for reading and as always if you saw a typo, no you didn't.

please click on through to pt. 4 and if you did read this all, I love you.

super duper shout out to @zoldsick for reading and editing my crazy ideas, thank you cath<3

pt. 1 pt. 2. pt. 4 pt 5. pt. 6

˚₊✩‧₊ taglist: @wrldtups @rjreins @phattyboo90 @tnyblacklesbo @silkija @justwantedachange @inthedarkshadows000 @nniiyyaa @starkmila09 @sikuthealien @wifenanami @bloombb @kentos-glasses @inciteterr0r

[honghwalvr]

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Epilogue

m.list atz.list

genre: fan fiction, smut, friends-ish to lovers

wC: 786

- synopsis: Working as the daycare instructor was the most boring job you've ever had. Worse than being a cashier at a store almost no one goes to.

But when Mr. Kim first came to drop his kid off? Holy shit, things got interesting.

And the best part? He was single.

He, in your perspective, was a certified DILF.

pairings: dilf & producer ! hongjoong x young daycare worker ! reader

- warnings: swearing, drinking, dilfs, age gap

Prologue

"Yes, of course, Mr. Choi," you said to the last parent, Choi Yeonjun, who picked up his kid and informed you of a new allergy his son had.

Waving him off until you were out of sight, you sighed and walked back into the daycare with that sullen face of yours.

"Bored again?" your friend, Jeon Soyeon, asked.

"Outta my mind. The most exciting thing that's happened to me all my life was getting accepted to do this job." you mumbled, playing with the straw from your coffee.

"Let's go out tonight," Seoyeon's eyes light up yet dim once she sees you shake your head.

"Can't. I have to pay my rent and can't unless I take my shift at that fancy restaurant tonight. Which means," you grabbed your stuff and stood, "I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, Soso!" You hugged Soyeon and made your way outside.

You walked to the bus stop and waited there patiently, ignoring anybody who attempted to have conversation with you by making sure your airpods were visible.

It wasn't until some guy forcefully ripped one out of your ear that you turned around, absolutely furious.

"What the fuck, dude?!" you shouted, snatching the device back.

"I'm trying to talk to you! Goddamn, fucking slut!" the older man shouted.

"Excuse me?" you said. The hell crawled up his ass tonight?

"I said," the man grunted, coming closer till his hand touched your breast.

Absolutely appalled, you pushed him backwards with a disgusted expression.

"Don't touch me." you said firmly, feeling slightly disgusted with yourself.

How could you let him touch you like that?

"D-did you just push me?" he asked, anger filling his voice.

Just as you were about to start running away from the man, who seemed to be firing up to touch you once more, you heard the man shout in pain.

You turned around only to find another older, but definitely younger than the man who groped you, man squatting over the handsy one.

"Repeat after me," he said to the man on the floor, "'I will not touch women or men without consent'." The old man repeated it and the other one smiled, tapping the olders cheek.

"Good job. Now get out of here before I call someone." The man said, turning to watch the other run away.

"Miss!" he shouted, standing. "You dropped your wallet, dear." He handed it to you with a smile.

"I'm sorry for pervs like him. Not all men act like that."

"Thank you," you whispered, still a little shocked.

This guy sounded to be about in his late thirties to early forties.

His looks? He easily could pass as a 24 year old.

Maybe he was.

"I understand if you aren't completely comfortable or convinced I'm good because I am older." He said, a chuckle escaping his perfect lips.

He was older than you? Really?

"You're older?" you asked instinctively, slapping a hand to your mouth instantly.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"No, it's okay. But yeah, I can tell you're in your early twenties. I'm 36." he explained, shocking you.

You're 23 and he's 36 yet he looks like he's just 2 years older than you.

You thought him to be 25 at max.

Never 36.

"Wow."

"I know, right? I'm old!" He laughed.

"No! Not like that! I'm saying I just thought you were a lot younger.." you mumbled, looking down at your shoes.

"Really? How young?" he asked, interested.

"I thought you were at max 25."

"No way. Thank you so much!" he laughed again, you joining this time.

"Of course. I hope the fact I've been informal hasn't disrespected you at all." you rush in, forgetting that he was an elder.

"Nah, don't sweat it. I'm not huge on the whole "formalities" thing. I have 7 other shit heads i'm with daily and they don't respect them often anyways."

"7 kids?!" you asked, astounded.

"No, god no! Friends. One of the 7 is my hyung but that's it." he smiled, turning his head to face the incoming bus.

"I actually don't need to take the bus. I just stayed to make sure that guy wouldn't come back and try again. You have a nice night, though." He chuckled before walking off.

You got in the bus and sat in the furthest seat, needing to distance yourself from everyone to properly think.

That guy was hot. Hotter than any other 36 year old you've ever seen.

You knew you weren't gonna see him again but, there was a sliver of hope that kept you up all night.

The hope being that he has a kid to bring in to your daycare.

And I guess the universe was listening.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 796: The strongest cheer!!

Pag 1

4: You're coming soon, huh, Onoda?

Pag 2

1: Beyond the

Pag 3

1: “peak of their limits”!!

Pag 4

1: Here at the point of 300m left until the mountain stage line!! Gaha!!

3: I think I've seen him before, that huge guy there

That's Tadokoro! He was a third year when Sohoku won two years ago!

Ahh... the one who won the green bib!

4: Oh, it's you?

Did you see that?

5: Tadokoro Jin

6: Any time now!! They're almost here, I can feel it on my skin

Pag 5

1: The wave of cheers is getting closer with huge pressure!!

3: The two people in the lead are passing the 500m left point, and Manami is accelerating!! And he's getting a little ahead!!

Pag 6

1: They passed the 400m left mark!!

Gooo Kanagawa!!

Sohoku is being left behind!!

Pag 7

1: Hakogaku's Manami accelerated!!

2: I'm hanging up, Toudou!!

4: This is the most difficult distance

What are you gonna do, Onoda? You're being left behind!!

Come on up

If you don't catch up now, it's over!!

5: It's you, can do it, right, Onoda!?

Pag 8

1: Turn your legs, Onoda!!

Persist, Onoda!!

3: “The right way”....

4: “The right way of life”, where does it lead? I don't know...

Pag 9

1: You're wondering who I came to cheer on this Inter High first day with!? Here in Kyuusu

2: It's Toudou!! The former climber of Hakone Academy1?

3: After graduating from Sohoku, I failed the entrance test for Meisou, so I enrolled in Tsukushiba University

But it didn't have a bicycle racing team

4: As I was going through hell, he appeared right before my eyes

5: It was Toudou!!

Pff, he hanged up, that Tadokoro Jin

6: He was in the same university, and moreover he was already founding the bicycle racing team himself!!

Pag 10

1: Thanks to him I could come back to the world of racing!!

2: And then this year, that Izumida who I raced against at the Inter High when I was a third year, enrolled in the same university as a first year!!

3: I don't get it

4: It's unpredictable!!

Pag 11

1: So you too, line up to Manami, and then pass him!!

2: After all you're the first one who “doesn't know the right way of life”!!

3: Kinjou said it, you're the “element of surprise”!!

The strongest beginner!!

4: You joined the club with Naruko, and you were an humble and little guy

5: I asked Imaizumi after that

Pag 12

1: And apparently you were planning on joining the anime research club!!

What a course of events!!

2: You received your road bike while running in the first years' race

Kinjou pushed your back

3: You caught up to Naruko and Imaizumi and then you surpassed Imaizumi at the mountain's peak

4: Honestly, I thought you would stop soon...

What's with this guy...

What's his driving force when runing

He didn't win, but he didn't lose either

I was interested

5: You became a Inter High member, and on the first day... and you caught up to us after falling from your bike

You pulled the team and supported Makishima during the mountain stage

Pag 13

1: And then, on the second day....

My condition was bad and I couldn't move, and you waited for me

2: I came to help you, Tadokoro-san

We'll definitely catch up

What are you doing

Go back right now

No... I...

3: You took me and ran

Do you mind if we pass that guy?

Well, yeah but... how do we pass him?

Can you please match with me and say “princess”?

Pag 14

1: Princess princess princess!!

You sang a weird song

Because you, you're the princess!

One by one we passed the guys ahead

And then, carrying me with your little body

I'm so grateful to you I can't say it enough

I didn't think I would see those jerseys again with my own eyes

We're back, team Sohoku!!

you brought me back to the team!!

Pag 15

1: And then Onoda....

3: The jersey we entrusted to him, our dream

4: he delivered them to the finish line!!

Pag 16

1: That's why I came here!!

2: Are you going to pass on the first day's mountain stage? Since you're a sprinter. I think Manami and Glasses-kun are going to race

Huh!? Onoda!? Onoda will run!?

Then I'l deeefinitely come!!

Huh, is that so

3: Onoda!!

4: Deliver it!!

6: Since I couldn't do it last year!! I'll give it to you, third year and captain!! I'll give my all so that these loud cheer don't drown me out!!

Pag 17

1: I'll sing!!

Lovely chance pettanko-chan!! ♪

Huh, he's singing!?

What!? He scared me

Pag 18

2: He's suddenly singing an anime song?

Huh

What's that

3: Even with a spell to grow bigger ♪

Onoda

4: Can you hear this song?

If you can hear it

Hn hn hn ♪

5: A princess is a princess ♪

Come up, Onoda!!

Pag 20

1: You're the princess♪

Pag 23

1: Manami and Onoda came and they're neck and neck!!

Onoda is catching up!!

Mountain King..!!

Amazing!!

2: There are 300m left and they're neck and neck again!!

Pag 24

1: A princess is a princess, that's who she is!! ♪

Onodaa!!

3: Ah, Tadokoro-san

4: Princess princess ♪

It's him

Pag 25

1: I thought I heard it wrong

Pag 26

1: Thank you so much!!

2: Onoda...!!

3: The right way is interesting

He really did it!!

4: You're struggling, having a tough time, yet your shape changes as you move forward

Pag 27

1: We're headed to a future I never imagined!!

Give it your all!!

2: Onodaa!!

3: Yes!!

[discoursecatharsis]

I've noticed this pattern with antis in fandom where, in their attempt to distance themselves from anything and everything "problematic" in their fandoms, they refuse to acknowledge when they DO enjoy something problematic. Therefore, they don't recognize the problematic elements of the ship, character, media, etc. They'll also heavily downplay or deny any problematic. aspects of their favorite fandom thing.

I just saw an example of this and it is blowing my mind right now and I need to share this with y'all.

It involves the comments on this video.

Some context for Princess and the Frog: the blonde girl is Charlotte, also called Lottie. She's the main character Tiana's best friend. Charlotte's goal was always to marry a prince, and she almost marries (who she believes to be) Prince Naveen, but once she sees that Naveen and Tiana are in love, she tries to help them turn back human so they can be together.

At the end of the movie, Tiana and Naveen get married, and this scene plays after. Charlotte dances with Naveen's kid brother, and says "I've waited this long" in response to him saying that he's 6 and a half years old.

Now Charlotte's line here, if you look at the context clues of her story line, implies that she's saying "I've waited this long for a prince to marry, so I can wait longer for Naveen's younger brother to grow up." It's just a joke. Albeit, a joke that many will find to be very uncomfortable and inappropriate, but a joke nonetheless. I highly doubt Charlotte is actually going to "wait for" this child to grow up to marry him. She's making a joke at her expense, about her desperation of her dream to marry a prince.

BUT FOR SOME REASON.... many of the comments are like "she means that she's been waiting to DANCE with a prince."

I'm completely and utterly serious y'all. Here are some of the comments along those lines, with thousands of thumbs up each.

If you've seen this movie, you'll realize that these comments make absolutely no sense for more than one reason.

1) Charlotte danced with Prince Naveen (or at least with the villain disguised as him) earlier in the movie. She danced with a prince already. Why would that still be her dream if she already accomplished that?

2) Lottie speaks multiple times (during her childhood and in present day as a young adult) about her dream of "marrying a prince." Not dancing with a prince. Not meeting one. No, she wants to MARRY A PRINCE AND BE A PRINCESS.

This video has some clips of her saying this, at the time stamps 0:20, 2:52, 4:08, and 5:21.

Charlotte does give up her dream of marrying Naveen specifically for Tiana, because she see that he makes Tiana happy. But with how she jumps in like a wide receiver to catch the bouquet at Naveen and Tiana's wedding, it's clear she still has her dream of marrying *A* prince, just not Naveen.

But back to the comments on that video.

The comments seem to be downplaying the actual implication of her line. It's almost like they're desperately trying to ignore what she actually meant and make it more wholesome because they don't want to admit that their favorite movie has an uncomfy and inappropriate joke.

It's disturbing that this is yet another example where people in fandom (who are fantis or have been influenced by that fanti mindset) are downplaying a scene (or a ship, trope, etc) that is ACTUALLY problematic because they personally like the movie or the character and they don't want to admit that it has some issues. Instead of just admitting "yeah that scene/line was kinda fucked up and gross," they are jumping through HOOPS to make it seem more innocent than it was. And this is completely blowing my mind and is honestly concerning.

If you want to personally interpret it in a different way, in a way to make it more palatable to you, be my guest. That's what fandom and fanon is all about and I do that a lot too. But to see so many people outright deny the actual implications of this line is... bizarre af. It's one thing to be like "hmm yeah I don't like that, so I'm going to personally interpret this ship/trope/scene differently so it's more comfortable to me." It's another thing entirely to be in complete denial and ignore the actual context of the character and their story.

Also, so many of the other comments on the video aren't even commenting on the actual scene or on what Charlotte said. They're just generic comments on how much they love Charlotte as a character or how they miss this 2D animation. It's like they're trying reallyyyyyy hard to ignore the joke that's being made.

On the grander scheme, this is concerning because these people are refusing to acknowledge something that's inappropriate at best and predatory at worse (an adult "waiting" for a child to grow up) because they don't want to be caught enjoying/supporting something "bad."

All their talk about normalizing and normalization, but they're the ones kinda normalizing bad things by downplaying them or being in denial of it when it's in THEIR favorite media. And that is very concerning and a big issue.

[circus-clangen]

Hi I’m a new circusclan enjoyer and I am SO confused on what’s happening. Can I get a rundown of the current lore we know? Or like links for me to understand because like who is marquee?? I read the moon updates how do I not know them. Also monkeypaw was only mentioned once I believe? What’s their deal??

You got it! I'm not planning on posting here until I finish the next moon--which most likely wont be until the new year, so it'll be nice to have this sitting at the top of my blog for a while! Here's the official Circusclan Lore rundown, including what happened in the moons, the lost moons, the puzzles, and the 10th ring of HELL that is the discord server: First, the starter cats: Ringstar--previously Ringtail of Heronclan, and brother of @echoes-in-echoclan 's Kestrelstar--and his two kits, Clownpaw and Tigerkit.

The pre-moon events: Ring left his clan and his brother to join the circus and be with a cat he met, named Goldmask. Suffient to say for now, Goldmask's treatment of Ring was less that ideal, but he loved her all the more. They had a son together, Clown. The birth was INCREDIBLY taxing on Goldmask, and almost killed her (detailed here https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/768067551594987520/wait-if-goldmask-wasis-paralyzed-how-did-she?source=share). A little while later, Goldmask became pregnant again. Ring was there when one of the kits was born, and knew it was not his. Goldmask knew she would die in this kitting--she'd barely survived having one kit, and this time, she'd had two. Only, Ring never knew the second one existed, because it's father had stolen it away before Ring could arrive. Goldmask didn't make it, and Ring was left alone in the circus, with Clown and Tiger.

The lost moons: I wasn't intending for Circusclan to become a comic. This, coupled with some technical issues, means moons 1-5 were lost. The technical issues were caused because, around moon 3-4, Tigerkit was taken by an eagle and killed. I wasn't ready for her to die, so I went into the code and brought her back... only, something strange happened. Before her in-game death, she was definitively Ring's favorite child. So much so, that I made jokes about it to my friends. He LOVED her. But after she died--after I brought her back--he hated her. He hated her so *viscerally*. A non-secret about the clangen save behind this comic is that both Ring and Clown's hate stats for Tiger are COMPLETELY maxxed. I knew I had to do something with this lore-wise, which I've detailed here (https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/769542088687747072/anything-youre-dying-to-share-3?source=share). Monkeypaw: In a tale I've yet to reveal, Monkeypaw left Heronclan with Ring, but not long after, became the Starclan guide for my clan. The reason you don't see much of him is some lore I've added. There's a lot to it, but the basics of it is that Monkeypaw is only remembered by Ringstar--none of the ever living cats have met him, and so he can't directly interact with him. Unfortunately, Ringstar's connection with Starclan right now is akin to an Internet Explorer browser windows connection to the internet. So, Monkeypaw is a somewhat abstract figure for now. Marquee: Marquee is the father of Tigertoe and the mystery Tigersibling. He's Goldmask's other mate--one Ringstar didn't know existed until Tiger's birth. A staple of Circusclan is the cats affinity for human culture, and their imitation of it. Unknown to them, Marquee was "there first". He's from an almost cultlike group of cats that have been trying to not only imitate, but steal, humanity, for many many years. It's unclear as of now which of his actions are on behalf of this unnamed group, and which are on behalf of his deceased mate Goldmask. Moons 6-14: These moons were drawn when Circusclan was a fun meme project for me to share with my friends. I had no intention of posting it on Tumblr, much less giving it this level of lore. You CAN glean some lore from these wretched posts, but most notable in this era, is the infamous "hide and seek game", in which the player's failure to correctly solve a puzzle (https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/746608261062639616/you-have-successfully-determined-that-ringstar?source=share) left Ringstar trapped in a burning caravan--the blaze implied to be set by Marquee. The players decided to let him burn, and he lost five lives. Moons 13-18: By this point, Tigertoe got the patrol event where a secret, outside-clan mate joins the clan: Trapezetangle. Also by this point, an outside-clan apprentice named Whippaw joins. Moon 19: I forgor Moon 20: The Experimental Era of video moons that were SUPER fun to make but took my entire life so I'm not going to be doing them every moon. Some people expressed they weren't comfortable watching a scary video, so the rundown of moon 20 is this: Ringstar died again, and Tigertoe found out she was pregnant. (For a rundown of that whole mess of a puzzle, look here: https://www.tumblr.com/circus-clangen/761426559722782720/i-try-my-best-to-never-explain-my-puzzles-even-if?source=share) Moon 21: Present day! Horrible things are going to happen very soon <3 Present, currently-alive (or dead) characters that we're AWARE of, even if I haven't properly revealed them: Monkeypaw, Ringstar, Tigertoe, Tigersibling, Clownwish, Goldmask, Marquee, Trapezetangle, Whippaw Nicknames you should be aware of for clarity: Dave is Marquee. The discord server will only call him Dave. His name is Marquee. Please help. Hope this helps at least some!

[festiveferret]

Wipdate!

Well. It's been like three years since I've done one of these, hahaha, but I've been missing fandom life so I thought it'd be fun to share an update of where I'm sitting. Toddlers manage to take like 140% of your time and energy, even though they sleep a lot, so I've mostly just been parenting, but I've been getting the writing bug lately, so there's very slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

Basically, I have a list of fics I want to make sure I finish. They're the ones it would break my heart to look back on twenty years from now and realize I put all that time and those words into something that never got shared. I haven't been having new ideas very much, so I'm putting all my creative energy into things I've either promised to other people or to myself.

I'm not going to list everything I've posted since my last wipdate, since that was a looong time ago and you can always sort my works page chronologically! But here's the latest ones...

Posted:

Do Not Reply  - Tony replies to a Do Not Reply email address thinking he's shouting into the void. Spoiler alert: he's not. Runaway Train - Preserum Steve and Prince Tony meet cute. Entwined - The aftermath of Ults Stony being magically soulbound and then separated. Lost and Found - Winteriron - Bucky finds a lost dog. Vacation Days - SHIELD needs Steve to take his PTO Sanguinary Revelations - Tony and Steve go on a date with a twist Kindly Calm Me Down - Ults Steve knows how to calm his Tony down after a mission First Christmas - Stony's first xmas as parents Even of My Secret Soul - Secret soulmates

Updating:

Second Chance Summer - Stony with a 20yr age gap. Pre-written and posting on Saturdays. Up to chapter eight. A Good Thing - Comic collab with Askafroa - Alpha!Tony and Omega!Therapist!Steve - almost done! Yet I Will Try the Last - Truck Stop Hooker AU with hooker!Steve and flashy billionaire, Tony Stark. Up to chapter four! (I swear I haven't given up on this) Held Remix - A rewrite of Held with Tony as the sub and Steve as the Dom. Up to chapter twenty-nine. Ashy and I are making a point of getting our chaptered version of Held edited and posted, and then we're cracking on with Remix. We may or may not do both seasons, but we're at least going to finish out S1.

Beta Queue:

Bro Code -  This is one of my 2023 MTH fics Rented Family - I started this one in like 2019 and finally finished it. It's a no-powers Ults AU where Tony is dying of his (canon!) brain cancer and Steve is a security specialist/bodyguard who Tony hires to be around while he dies. Yay for finishing old wips!

Wips:

This wiplist is basically just going to be my list of "I'll be sad if I never finish them" fics I mentioned above. I have no plans to stop writing fic entirely, but I'm definitely slowing down, and I want to focus on the stuff that will feel really good to have done so I don't ever leave myself or you guys hanging!

1) Held edit (the chaptered repost) and Held Remix (at least S1). @ashes0909 and I are picking away at it, but between three kids, two jobs, and two timezones, it's slow af. But we'll get there.

2) My other 2023 MTH fic, older professor Tony and young flirty student Steve for @sabrecmc pod bid. It's maybe a third done.

3) My contribution to the Stony Dating Sim game from MTH 2024 (I'm doing Ults Tony as a love interest. If you want to know more, check out @stevetonydatingsim).

4) My Stony Twilight AU. I posted a snippet of it here a long time ago and I've been picking at it ever since. It's at 33k and probably about halfway done.

5) Fangbait 3. My Fangbait series was always intended to have three parts. Two are up already. The third was on hiatus for a long time, but I just abruptly wrote 80% of it last night, so once I get the sex scenes (and a title oh no) done, she'll be good to go!

6) Yet I Will Try the Last has been waiting for waaay too long for an update and I feel really bad about it. It was the one time I experimented with posting an unfinished WIP (mostly because it started as a oneshot and then I started adding to it) and I regretti spaghetti every day that I did that lol. I. Have. Not. Given. Up. I have the outline for the rest, I know what I want to do, I just need to do it.

7) Brooklyn is a canon divergence from right after Avengers 2012 where Stony travels on a modified quinjet together, cleaning up the chitauri weapon's market. It's maybe a third to a half done? Another one I started a loooong time ago and never got my steam back with, but I would really like to. I really like that one.

8) A Venom/Eddie fic from right after the first movie. It's not too long and it's probably also about halfway done, so I believe in myself. It's called Parasite.

9) A collab started a few years ago that I'm not going to out here in case my collab partner doesn't want to do it anymore, but we did a fair bit of it so I'd love to get it done.

Writing comes in little spurts, but I have to pick and choose between my hobbies now, so I just have less time and energy to spend on one thing. I've been trying to read more to fuel the words! I also have OG stuff I'm working on, but that's just as slow as the other stuff lol. I miss you guys! Hope y'all are doing well. (Happy Easter if you celebrate!)

Thanks as always for reading! <3

[ghostf1ux]

5 Times Jason Saved his the Flock and 1 Time they Saved Him: Batman's Number 1 Rule

Day 9: "I didn't have anywhere else to go."

Words: 1.4k

TW/CWs: Injuries

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 (here) | Part 6

-------------------------------------------------------

It's a quiet night, as far as nights go.

The rain is pounding on his windows, and occasionally thunder and lightning split the sky, but by Jason's standards, it's pretty quiet.

He had decided not to go out tonight, not because of the weather (that only got so bad about ten minutes ago) but more at his family's… urging for him to rest. He was still healing from a sprained ankle, a bullet in his shoulder and a different bullet in his thigh (the same one with the sprained ankle).

Normally this wouldn't even be close to stopping him from going out tonight but his family thought of some real creative threats to stick him with so he's opting not to call their bluff. He also has some research on some other things he's been meaning to do anyways, so he supposes it works out. 

So here he is, holed up in his actual apartment in the Bowery, sitting on the floor so he can have all his papers spread out around him. It's late in the evening, dipping into morning, though not enough that the sun is going to make its appearance on the horizon. Even with the rainfall, there's still at least another hour before daylight graces Gotham's streets.

Which is precisely the reason why when he nearly jumps out of his skin and suddenly has a knife (Talia's knife, the one she gifted him all those years ago, the one that never leaves his ankle sheath in case of emergencies) in his hand at the sound of the fire escape outside his window rattles concerningly loudly, he has no problem admitting that he was genuinely startled by it. Well, maybe a little problem. But that's besides the point, because even over the rain he can hear the way someone is dragging their feet up the stairs.

And then they get to his level, and they stop.

In a flash, Jason is poised to strike behind the wall to the window's right. He waits stock-still while the person– intruder?– fumbles with the latches, with his security system, before seemingly giving up.

He almost relaxes, assuming the person, whoever they are, is going to leave, before there's a short rapping of knuckles on the window.

1-2-3-pause-4-5.

Wait.

But that's–?

That's the way Talia would always, always knock on his door back in the League, to let him know it was her. Its rhythm never changed, not once, no matter the situation.

But she's not here.

And nobody else knows it, as far as Jason knows.

…Except for one person.

Jason rushes to disarm the various security systems he has in place before throwing the window open, uncaring of if its a trap or not because only Damian knows that pattern and–

And a black-shrouded figure is hunched over himself and leaning against the wall right outside his window, head hanging over his chest as his breaths puff out into the air. Thank fuck it's cold enough to actually see those, or Jason was about to have a very different reaction.

“Damian– what the fuck?” Jason scrambles to hop out his window to actually see the baby bat and he–

His vision tints with green when he sees the hints of a large wound over Damian's stomach that he's holding his arm at an awkward angle over, presumably to keep pressure on it. In the darkness and the rain he can't make out much else, but for Damian to be this exhausted that he can't even disable Jason's security means it's bad.

“I've got you, baby bat, c'mon.” He goes to pick Damian up, but as soon as he makes contact there's a blade at his throat. Jason freezes. “It's just me, Dami.”

“Akhi…?” Damian croaks out, finally lifting his head to look at Jason. His domino has been broken off of one eye, leaving it bare for Jason to see just how desperate he is. Blood streams from a cut along his hairline, but there may be another head injury based on the blood on the side of his neck as well.

Jason offers Damian an easy smile as he lowers the knife and allows himself to be hoisted into Jason's arms, but it falls when Damian's whimper at the movement stabs him in the gut.

“Why did you come here?” He asks genuinely as he gets the both of them back into the apartment and Damian on the second couch next to the window he has just for this purpose, before closing it and actually taking stock of Damian's situation.

“I– I didn't have anywhere else to go,” Damian mumbles, turning his gaze away from Jason. Now that he's seeing him in the light, there's a lot more blood soaking his uniform than Jason thought. It's not clear what it's from, because the rain has blurred all sense of pattern from it, but based on the sheer amount he thinks it's not Damian's. If it was, he doubts his little brother would be walking around and making it however far he made it just to get here of all places.

Jason decides to forgo asking why he didn't go to the Cave, which has much better medical equipment than he does.

“Dami, what happened?” Jason murmurs instead as he gets to work maneuvering the Robin suit off him with as little movement possible. It doesn't work super well, but hey, points for trying.

“I was… foolish. I allowed myself to be–” his breath hitches and he grits his teeth as Jason works on getting his very clearly injured arm out of its glove and sleeve. “–led into a trap. I was not skilled enough to fend off the masked men that came, and I was tranquilized. They brought me to a nameless facility, where I was tortured for hours, according to my internal clock.”

The Pit flares up at this, hissing venomously. Where was B during all this? Why was Damian out alone? If it's been hours, why hadn't they found him yet?

“They made a mistake,” Damian continues, “and I was able to escape my bonds. However–”

Damian cuts himself off, but Jason doubts it's from anything he's doing, at least for now. Currently he's just assessing for internal bleeding, broken bones, the works. He's found none of that, though some of his ribs do seem to be cracked. His gaze, a glowing acidic green right now, he thinks, flicks up to meet Damian's for just half a second before he averts his eyes again.

“In my… in my altered mental state, I was not able to stay my blade,” Damian finishes almost in a whisper. Translated, ‘I was scared and desperate and fought my way out with everything I had and now people are dead.’

Jason pauses what he's doing to kiss Damian's forehead, smoothing his sweat and rain plastered hair back. So this is why he came to me instead of going to the Cave. 

And he was right to. With B's reaction to murder in the past, even in self defense, it doesn't paint a very reassuring picture.

“I'll take care of it, akhi,” Jason murmurs,  carding his hand through Damian's hair once more before going back to patching his injuries. There's a long cut on his stomach that needs stitches, but everything else just needs some bandages and a few splints.

When he's done, he finds some painkillers he has from the last time Steph was over while injured. Before offering them and a glass of water to Damian, though, he first taps the little one's shoulder to get his attention.

“Dami, I need to know where this happened before you can sleep.”

He rattles off the vague location, and Jason helps him take the pills. He then brings Damian to his room and gets him situated on his bed.

“I'll be back soon, okay? Just get some rest. B's not gonna find out about this, don't worry.” He leaves Damian with one last kiss to his head before soundlessly shutting the door behind him.

With his duffel of gear in hand he makes his way to another location where he can change, and then heads to the building Damian was being kept at.

It doesn't take long before a modulated voice is speaking in his ear.

“Hood. I thought you were refraining from going out tonight?” Oracle greets.

“I was, but something came up that needs my attention. Are we on a private line?”

“Yes. Why, what's up?”

“I need a favor, and this can't get back to B.”

“...Did you kill someone?”

“No, I didn't.”

There's a pause, and then:

“What do you need from me?”

[imaginespazzi]

Part 1: Don't Be A Stranger

Masterlist - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

But if (my) world was ending, you'd come over right?

(In which UCLA anon's roman empire became this writer's roman empire and we've finally reached the beginning)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and a little bit of Fluff

Words: 8.4 K (other parts will be shorter....maybe)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Gonna keep this as short and sweet as possible but we've finally, finally gotten to the UCLA fic. A huge shout out to UCLA anon, because this is their master idea. Couple of things, I've never been to LA or UCLA and therefore some things are out of whack. The timeline is also a little out of whack but I swear I will try to keep it as consistent as possible. In the mean time, just ignore some of the inconsistencies pretty please. As always, feel free to let me know what's bad, what's good and what else you'd like to see. I hope y'all enjoy this first part and let's get another W today!

August 2021

where are you 

i literally have to be at the airport in an hour paige where are you 

dude 

are you on your way?

you better be driving and that’s why you’re not answering 

PAIGE

i’m sorry about last night i shouldn’t have said that 

but you said a lot of shit too so call it even?

this isn’t funny where are you?

i have to leave in 15 mins 

are you actually not coming?

wtf????

this is actually bullshit

get over yourself bueckers 

wow 

fuck you

just landed 

thought you might like to know 

sorry my plane didn’t crash i guess 

September 2021

dude enough okay 

can you just call me back??

i just wanna talk 

i know you're mad i get it but i miss you   

November 2021 

hi i’mma be in dc over christmas

nvm 

idk why i’m trying again  

maybe i should block you 

this is kinda pathetic of me what the fuck 

December 2021

i thought i saw you today but idk

couldn’t have been you cause if it was 

would you really not even say hi?

i’m done trying paige 

merry christmas i guess

March 2022 

i misz you 

lyke a wot

love uuuuu pppppp

even if ur a bwtich 

pkese pick up 

ignore that 

people drunk text exes apparently i drunk text you 

wait 

i don’t need to tell you that 

you already ignore it all anyways

 

August 2022 

i heard about the acl 

i’m sorry 

idk if it means anything, but if you wanna talk

nvm 

***

September 2022 

When the doorbell rings, on a quiet Thursday afternoon during a rare moment of alone time, Paige expects it to be a lot of people. One of her parents deciding that they actually weren’t going to leave her alone. Someone else in her family showing up out of the blue to provide comfort. Maybe one of her teammates popping up to keep her entertained. She even thinks it might be some random fan who got too invested and figured out the address for her air BnB. It’s the saddest testament to how broken they are, that the idea of it being Azzi Fudd standing outside her door, never once crosses her mind. But there she is, when Paige opens the door, dressed in ripped jean shorts and a light blue tank top, the girl that had been her best friend, and maybe a little bit more. 

Silence stretches between them as Azzi fidgets with her hands and Paige continues to stoically stare at her. It’s been almost a year since they’ve seen each other, even longer since they’d last shared a happy smile. And you’d have to go back to before she’d told her about her future plans, to find the last time Azzi had properly looked Paige in the eyes.  

“Hi,” Azzi says finally, mustering up a small smile. Paige doesn’t know if hearing that voice, soft and subdued but still so familiar, fixes a crack or breaks her heart even further. She wills herself to be polite in response, to match Azzi’s polite greeting with a greeting of her own. But there’s clear discord between her mouth and her head, because her words are harsh and hollowed. 

“What are you doing here?”

Azzi swallows, smile disappearing as she immediately digs her fingernails into her palms and Paige feels the guilt settle into her stomach. It’s like the night before all over again. If she closes her eyes, Paige can still hear her voice loudly echoing in Azzi’s childhood bedroom. She can hear the angry words that she’d hurled at her best friend, each one like a well-aimed arrow piercing the other’s girl's heart and tearing into Paige’s own soul. Some would call what she’d done self-preservation. She’d call it her biggest mistake. 

“I um-,” Azzi sucks in her bottom lip, “I was in the area and thought, maybe I’d check in.”

“How did you even know where I was?” Paige hates how cold and accusatory her voice sounds. It’s a version of herself she doesn’t quite know how to deal with, one that hasn’t ever appeared for anyone other than the girl in front of her, “I know I didn’t tell you.”

Any semblance of calm is gone from Azzi’s face, as she seems to realise that she’s not going to be getting any cordiality from her old friend. 

 “And we’re off to a great start,” she mutters under her breath before replying to Paige’s exact question, “no you didn’t. Your dad-”

“You talked to my dad?”

“Yeah. I mean you know Drew looks up to Jon and José so much and they still talk and stuff and he came over- Drew I mean- and then your dad was there and we just got to talking and you came up and yeah. He told me and well I live here, kinda, so I thought- well I thought maybe you’d like some company?”

As Azzi’s rambling explanation comes to an end, Paige doesn’t miss the tinge of hopefulness in her voice at the last bit. The younger girl shuffles her feet, as she stares at the blonde expectantly. 

“I don’t-” Paige struggles to draw in a breath as the voices in her head argue, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her words are met with silence as Azzi stares at her blankly. 

“I- you,” she blinks rapidly, clearly at a loss for what to say at the blatant rejection, “I can’t come in?”

“It’s just- I’ve had a lot of people visit you know,” Paige bullshits, suddenly feeling very exhausted, “and my family were here a couple days and my friends are coming soon and-”

“And I’m neither of those things,” Azzi says, her tone low and breathy. 

“That’s not what-”

“It is,” Azzi closes her eyes for a brief second, when she opens them, the flash of hurt in them feels like a dagger through Paige’s chest, “it is like that and it is what you meant and it’s- it’s fine.”

“Az-” Paige chokes out, feeling her lungs collapse when the other girl moves to leave, “please,” and she’s not even sure she’s asking for, but it’s not this. It’s never been this.

Azzi stops and when she turns back around, there’s a determined look on her face.

“I just-” she rubs her face, composing herself before focusing her eyes on Paige, “you’re the strongest person I know. And you’re going to come back from this, better than ever. I know it. The whole world knows it. Because you’re Paige Bueckers. You’re something else.  You’re the hardest worker, you’re just- you’re the best.”

“You don’t-”

“Just- just let me finish okay and then, then I’ll go or whatever but Paige, you’re all of those things you know? Strong, brave, the best fucking player- but, it’s also okay if sometimes-, if sometimes you aren’t. It’s okay because this- this is hard, I know it is. So if sometimes you’re not strong or-, or brave- or not feeling like working hard- it’s okay. And if there are moments where you- where you want to give up, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you- it doesn’t make you any less than what you are. It just makes you human, and it’s okay you know- to be human. It’s okay if- if you hurt and it’s okay if you’re not okay. It’s- it’s okay.”

The two girls stare at each other, eyes shining with tears, as Paige let’s Azzi’s words wash over her. She’s been told a lot of platitudes about her injury, from her coaches to her teammates to her family. And she knows she has plenty of people in her corner, who root for her and who genuinely do believe she’ll have the greatest comeback ever. But the motivational speeches get draining after a while and all she’s wanted to do for the last couple of weeks is wallow. Then she felt guilty about wallowing, that little voice in her head yelling at her to be productive and work on getting back to herself because that’s what everybody expected. Paige hadn’t even realised how badly she needed someone to give her permission to not be okay, not until the only person who’d ever known that part of her, had finally said the words she so desperately needed to hear.

The thing is, when she was younger, Paige used to keep everything bottled inside. She’d always been hyper aware of her privilege and her problems had always just seemed so insignificant in front of her parents’ or her friends. So she’d kept them to herself, trapping herself in a web of her own burdens that sometimes threatened to strangle her. And then she’d met a girl at a USA basketball camp when she was 15, a girl who had gently flicked her fingers and Paige’s walls had fallen like dominoes. She hadn’t even known she was drowning, until Azzi had shown up with a lifeboat.

“I just-,” Azzi breaks Paige out of her trance by breaking the eye contact between them, “I didn’t know if anybody had said that to you yet and I just- I wanted you to hear it.”

In the span of a minute, a thousand and one phrases take birth in Paige’s mind and then die on the tip of her tongue. She opens and closes her mouth, trying to express even one of the myriad of emotions that are swirling like a tornado in her brain. But nothing comes out except a litany of incomprehensible noises. And Azzi seems to find the wrong answer in the silence, giving the blonde a timid nod. 

“Take care of yourself P,” her voice catches on the familiar nickname, as she shoots Paige a sad smile, before beginning to walk away. When Azzi chose UCLA, she’d lit Paige's heart on fire. So, Paige had drowned their friendship. And while all this time Azzi has struggled to breathe, Paige has burned but god, is she so fucking tired of it. 

“Fuck, Azzi wait,” Paige curses, hobbling to catch up to the brunette, who stops with a sigh but doesn’t make a move to return. Stubborn as always, Paige thinks, continuing her way over. When she does catch up, she’s not fully sure what to say and so,  “I uh- I’m out of milk.”

Azzi raises her eyebrows in question, crossing her arms protectively around her chest. 

“I can’t drive,” Paige explains slowly, “or walk obviously.”

Realisation dawns on Azzi’s face, “you’re asking me to drive you to the grocery store?”

“I guess,” Paige shrugs, trying to be nonchalant. 

“Seems like the kind of favour someone asks of their family, or their friends,” Azzi emphasises bitterly, never one to let go of an opportunity for sarcasm. 

Paige flinches, “right, I kinda deserved that one.”

She gets a raised eyebrow in response that very much says “ya think?”

“I’m trying here,” she says quietly, and Azzi’s hard demeanour softens, “I’m raising a white flag Az, calling a truce or whatever but it kinda needs to go both ways.” 

“What do you think me coming here was supposed to be?” the younger girl says exasperatedly, but she’s smiling again. It’s the third one Paige has gotten out of her today, and finally, she smiles back. They look a little foolish, standing in the apartment hallway, cheshire-cat-grinning at each other like idiots, but it feels like something has clicked into place again.  

“I’ll go grab my wallet, you go heat up the car.”

“It’s like 110 degrees dude.”

“Bro shut up, you know what I mean,” Paige huffs and when it makes Azzi laugh, she feels like she’s floating. It’s not as if she hasn’t been happy in a year because won’t you look at that, her world did keep turning after that one decision. But this is different. She feels airy and light, like she could jump off a cliff and fly instead of fall. 

“Well hurry up, I have things to do outside of just being your chauffeur.”

“Poor passenger princess, how the roles have reversed,” Paige mocks and it earns her an ever so familiar fond eye roll and for the first time in a year, she feels free. 

***

When she gets downstairs, Azzi’s leaning against her car door, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes. The hot California sun shines brightly against her tan skin, and Paige’s heart stutters because fuck, Azzi is golden. She looks every bit reminiscent of the girl Paige still has memorised and yet, every bit the promise of a girl Paige wants to learn by heart. 

“Nice car,” Paige smirks, alerting the younger girl of her presence.  

“It does the job,” Azzi says, looking up with a smile of her own, opening the passenger door for Paige to get in, “not all of us are raking in NIL deals to get the big guns, but we make do.”

“Steph Curry brand ambassador say what now?” the blonde girl teases as she slides into the car. When she looks up, Azzi’s frozen in place, “what?”

“Nothing I just-” she’s wearing sunglasses, but Paige knows Azzi's trying to avert her gaze, “I’m kinda surprised you know that.”

It’s Paige’s turn to look away, their newfound comfort giving away to that old awkwardness, “I keep up with most basketball news.”

To Azzi’s credit she doesn’t push. Instead, she makes her way into the driver seat without another sound. She’s about to connect her phone to the aux but Paige beats her to it. 

“Hey,” Azzi squeals, making grabby hands, “my car, my rules, my music.”

“Nuh-uh injury privileges,” Paige gloats, sticking out her tongue. 

“That’s not a thing.”

“Is too.”

“Fine, we’ll listen to your crap music.”

“I resent that,” Paige retorts, as Drake blasts through the speakers. The sound of it makes Azzi groan, and she dramatically bangs her head against the steering wheel. Paige spends the rest of the car ride singing at the top of her lungs. Azzi spends the rest of the car ride alternating between shaking her head and joining in with the singing. It’s like they’re back in 2020 all over again, back before they found themselves in the whirlwind of life, back when they were just Paige and Azzi.

*** 

Their trip inside the grocery store takes less time than the ride to get there, even if Paige takes her time dilly-dallying in the dairy section, pretending she’s going to get anything other than just regular milk. She’s overly conscious of the fact that their time together might be coming to an end, that this time she might actually have to deal with saying goodbye. But she’s not ready to go back to missing Azzi just yet. 

“Maybe you can show me your dorm,” she says quietly, once they're both back in the car, playing with the hem of her shirt. Beside her, Azzi draws in a sharp intake of breath, clearly not having expected Paige to want that of all things. In all honesty, the idea of stepping into the world that had stolen Azzi from her is not all that appealing to Paige but she wants to hold onto this moment just a little bit longer. 

“You wanna see my dorm?” 

“A chance to see how the non-blue blood peasants live? I’d never pass it up.”

“Non blue blood,” Azzi scoffs, "Ever heard of John Wooden?”

“I was talking about women’s basketball but yeah I have heard of him. I won the award last year. Over you,” Paige smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Not everyone’s a phenom their freshman year,” Azzi retorts fondly, unable to mask the hint of pride in her voice. 

“Well we’ll see this year-” Paige stops herself, cold seeping into her lungs, as she remembers why she’s in the stupid state of California in the first place. The lighthearted mood in the car goes tumbling out the window as her words hang like a dagger in the air. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, trying to wrap that one syllable in comfort. She reaches out to touch the blonde’s shoulder but must think better of it because her hand hovers mid-air for a second, before she pulls it back. Paige is suddenly hyper aware of the fact they haven’t touched yet. It’s a reminder of the fact that whatever progress they’ve made today, there’s still so much they haven’t even begun to unpack. 

“It’s fine,” Paige’s voice is steely, “just drive.”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, before simply nodding and starting the ignition. She’s clearly holding back and Paige doesn’t know how to feel about it. There’s a part of her that wants Azzi to push her to talk like she would before, but there's another part of her that knows this new rope they’re trying to string between them is fragile. 

They ride in silence to Azzi’s apartment, both of them too caught up in their own thoughts to bother with music this time. As the UCLA campus nears, Paige can’t help but hate it just a little bit. She’s aware she’s being petty. Acting like Storrs, Connecticut is some hub of beauty is probably a stretch of the imagination for anyone but she’s determined to dislike this place out of principle.

“Hmm not too shabby but like where’s the fucking cows?” Paige jokes, as the car comes to a stop in front of Azzi’s apartment building. She steps out gingerly, pretending to inspect her surroundings, making tsk-tsk noises at the most random things. 

“I’ve seen your apartment Bueckers, don’t even try,” Azzi retorts. 

It shouldn’t surprise Paige to see one of Azzi’s teammates when they enter her living room. It’s just like UConn really in the sense that there’s always someone there when you walk in but something about seeing Charisma Osborne just chilling in Azzi’s space suddenly makes it more real that the younger girl is definitely a UCLA Bruin. 

“Oh,” Charisma gives Paige a once-over, clearly not having expected to see her, “hi Paige.”

Paige waves, shuffling her weight on her crutches, unsure what to say. It’s not like she doesn’t know Charisma, they’ve literally won a gold medal together for USA basketball. She’s even met the girl a couple of times after and she likes her, she does. But her bitter brain is focused on the fact that this is one of those girls who had gotten Azzi as their teammate, one of the girls who got to see Azzi everyday. All things Paige had not gotten. 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing company Az,” Charisma says pointedly, looking at Azzi and Paige bristles at the use of the nickname. She’s being all sorts of ridiculous but at least she’s self-aware of it. 

“Last minute decisions,” Azzi replies airily. The two girls lock eyes and Paige can tell they’re having some sort of unspoken conversation and now the green-eyed envy monster is out in full force. 

“I insisted on seeing her dorm,” she says finally, breaking into whatever staring competition the two UCLA guards are having. 

“It’s not a problem,” Charisma reassures, standing up from her position on the couch, and coming over to give Paige a tentative hug, “I just didn’t know you were coming. But it’s good to see you, Paige.”

“Yeah,” Paige tries to muster up a proper smile as she leans in to return the hug but it comes out more like a grimace, “you too.”

“We’re gonna go chill in my room,” Azzi says, beckoning to one of the doors in the hallways and Paige obediently follows her, waving a half-hearted goodbye to Charisma. She’s secretly pleased to have Azzi back to herself. 

The room is nothing out of the ordinary except it has Azzi all over it. She’s in the pink comforter that is thrown haphazardly over a clearly not made bed. She’s in the unicorn plushies laid delicately over a dark blue couch. She’s in the little flower stickers that outline the mirror on the far side of the room. There’s a wall dedicated solely to pictures and fairy lights on one side and Paige is immediately drawn to it. A familiar ache reverberates in her chest as her eyes flicker over the pictures of Azzi’s family. She’s missed them. Then there’s the photographs of Azzi in her UCLA uniform, her teammates surrounding her and Paige has to resist the dangerous urge to rip those off the wall. Be happy for her happiness, the logical part of her brain yells, not seeming to realise she’d left any chance of that in the dirt a year ago. As she tears her eyes away from those offending pictures, they land instead on a whole other set of photographs and she feels her heart catch in her throat. 

It’s a set of three images of her and Azzi, taken at various moments. Paige brushes her thumb against the one of the two of them with their arms around each other at the Minnesota  state fair. Azzi’s beaming at the camera and Paige is beaming at Azzi. They look so young, so naive, so happy. 

“I’m on your wall,” Paige breathes out, turning to face her best friend, “Fuck, I’m on you wall.”

“Of course you are,” Azzi affirms, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world but she shuffles nervously, giving away the reality behind her stable demeanour. 

“I never answered your texts. I didn’t call you back,” Paige lists quietly as the first tear falls from her eyes; she’s been holding them back all day, “and I’m on your fucking wall.”

Azzi looks away, unsure how to deal with the fact that apparently they’re no longer tip-toeing around the past. She doesn’t know how to tell the blonde that there had never really been a second thought about whether or not those photos were going up on the wall.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs finally, “you’re my best friend. You’re always gonna be my best friend. Ride or die right?”

“Ride or die,” Paige repeats in a whisper before she all but throws herself at Azzi, practically moulding herself into the younger girl’s body. Caught off guard, Azzi stiffens for a second, before relaxing into it. It’s late outside and the sun has set, but in this moment, the world shines the brightest it has in a year as two stubborn girls finally find their way home to each other. 

***

That night, Azzi asks her tentatively if she wants to stay over and of course Paige agrees. Lying awake next to a familiar stranger, she lets herself finally remember the day things had first started unravelling.

November 2020

“You’ll probably get one of the upstairs apartments, so we probably won’t actually be living together which is good because can you imagine if I had to see your goofy ass 24/7?” Paige puts a dramatic hand to her forehead, as she leads Azzi into her room.

She’s too caught up in her excitement having Azzi at UConn, and planning what’ll happen next year, to notice that the girl in question isn’t participating at all in her enthusiasm. Paige has been waiting for what feels like a year (in reality it’s only been a few months) to finally have her best friend come visit. The minute the car had pulled up, she’d taken it upon herself to start her sales pitch all over again, missing the sympathetic smiles she’d gotten from the rest of the Fudd family as she pulled Azzi away to show her the glories of the campus. 

“Did you see my assist to Christyn today?” Paige gloats, falling onto her bed with a smirk. 

“It was pretty great,” Azzi concedes. 

“It was fucking perfect thank you very much. I set her up perfectly, exactly how she likes it.”

“Right.”

“And then did you see how excited the team was for her? For everyone? Never gonna find a greater group of girls.”

“They seem wonderful P.”

Paige furrows her eyebrows as she catches Azzi still lingering by the door instead of joining her on the bed. The brunette fidgets with the sleeve of her sweater, chewing on her lips.

“Are you allergic to my bed?” Paige waits for some smartass response. When she doesn’t get one, she frowns, instincts going haywire, “Az, you good?”

“I- '' Azzi looks away, swallowing nervously, “I need to tell you something and I- I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.” 

“You get a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something in the last few months that I don’t know about?” She says it light-heartedly enough, but the thought of it sends a sharp sting through Paige’s heart. In hindsight, she thinks maybe she could have dealt with it having been that. 

“What? No. Just- just don’t- dont take it personally okay. Like you can be upset about it but- but don’t hold it against me yeah? My parents- they said- they said you’d get it. You’d be upset but you’d- you’d get it because you- you get me right?”

Paige’s chest hammers as she watches the younger girl draw in a deep breath, “you’re scaring the shit out of me right now.”

“I’mcommittingtoUCLA” Azzi says all in one breath, the words blending together. 

She’s sure she’s heard it wrong. There’s no way. After all this time, after all their conversations, all the pitches, how hard she had worked, there was no way this was going to be the end to all of Paige’s efforts. 

“What?” she whispers, crossing her fingers that she has in fact misheard. 

When Azzi averts her eyes, she knows she hasn’t, “I’m committing to UCLA.”

The first time Paige and Azzi met was somewhat awkward, what with Azzi’s shyness and Paige being slightly overeager to make a new friend. When they’d become bus buddies, they’d progressed to being casual acquaintances who could small talk and share smiles. And then the flight back to Minnesota happened and everything had changed. Every moment after was filled with conversation or laughs or a comfortable silence. Until this one, where the sudden silence between them foreshadows an ominous future.

“Say something,” Azzi says finally, her voice shaking. 

Paige stares at her for a second before, “you named your dog Stewie.”

“What?”

“You named your dog Stewie. After Breanna Stewart who played at UConn. It’s not-” Paige wracks her brain, hands flying animatedly “it’s not Meyers or something, after someone who played at fucking UCLA. You named your dog after a UConn great. How are you going to take him to UCLA with you?”

Azzi stares at her, clearly not having expected that level of questioning of all things. Who could blame her when Paige herself feels a little insane. 

“This is a joke right? You’re fucking with me? Ha ha ha very funny,” she claps deliriously,  “hilarious prank seriously, like hats off you’ve outdone yourself but enough okay? Say sike right fucking now.”

Azzi makes a strangled noise, “it’s not a joke Paige. That’s- that’s my decision.”

“Then change it,” Paige yells, catapulting off the bed.

“Paige-”

“Have you told UCLA yet?”

“I wanted to tell my family and you first.”

“Oh wow, how kind of you. How fucking generous of you to do that Azzi,” Paige bites back sarcastically and Azzi flinches. 

In a flash, Paige’s expression goes from angry to desperate, “you still have time to change your mind . Please just- just think about it again okay? You still have so much time and you know what, stay here for a couple more days. Spend time with the team, with the coaches, with me and you’ll see-. UCLA just sounds nice you know? California, the sun, I get it, of course it’s tempting. But just- just stay here okay? And you’ll see this is where you belong,” she leaves the, with me, unsaid. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s voice cracks. She takes a step toward her and then pauses. It’s the first time in a long time that Azzi’s hesitated when it comes to Paige. It won’t be the last. And when she looks at Paige through her long eyelashes, tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes, Paige knows she’s lost. 

“No,” she’s pacing now, chest heaving up and down in a combination of frustration, anger and misery, “this is not fucking happening. We’re not doing this. I made you a whole recruitment video. Did you watch it? Do you know how long it took me to make it? Has the last year been a fucking joke to you?”

“Of course not-”

“Don’t even. Because clearly- clearly it has. Must’ve been hilarious watching me beg and plead with you when you already fucking knew you were going to committ somewhere else.”

“That’s not fair,”  Azzi’s voice rises at the accusation, “I had no idea where I was going until a couple of weeks ago. You can’t seriously think that low of me.”

“Not fair? You know what’s not fair, Azzi? We’ve been talking about playing together, about finally being on the same team, the same fucking state, for years. What’s not fair is you throwing all of that away on a whim.”

“I’m not committing to UCLA on a whim. This is my whole future we’re talking about. You don’t even know how much thought I’ve put into it. And I’m choosing what’s best for me. You can’t hold that against me Paige. You can’t.”

They stand on opposite sides of the room, taking in harsh staggered breaths and glaring at each other. The tension in the room is electric as the string connecting them frays. Paige and Azzi bicker, they don’t argue. Or at least, that’s how it used to be. 

“Az?” their stare down is broken by a knock on the door as Katie Fudd lets herself in. Immediately, as she stares between her daughter and the girl who’d become just as important, Katie knows what has happened, “we’re going back to the air BnB, are you staying here?”

The answer should be obvious, like it used to be. Of course she would stay here. It was meant to be a no-brainer. But before Azzi can say that, Paige intervenes and the string snaps. 

“She’s going with you,” the blonde says firmly, before turning her back. She won’t let Azzi see the tears, she won’t. For her part, the brunette stares at Paige’s back silently for a couple of seconds, before a mask of determination slips on. 

“Fine. If that’s what you fucking want,” Azzi sneers before brushing past her mom, eager to get away and hide her own tears. 

When Paige turns back around, Katie is already looking at her. The older woman walks the length of the room and pulls the younger girl into a hug that she readily melts into. Paige sniffles as Azzi’s mom soothingly rubs her back. 

“We’re driving back tomorrow morning,” Katie whispers quietly into Paige’s hair, “I know you’re mad sweetheart but come say goodbye okay?”

And she does. She shows up with only half an hour or so remaining before Azzi leaves, but Paige shows up. They hug stiffly, exchanging maybe a sentence or two but in that moment it’s enough. They’ll call later when Azzi gets home and it’ll be awkward for a little bit but they’ll break through. They’ll figure out a way to go on without having to talk about the “big thing”. They’ll hold on as long as they can, until they can’t anymore. 

***

September 2022

After the night Paige stays over at Azzi’s apartment, they're attached at the hip for the next few weeks, just like old times. They’ve fallen into a routine of sorts. Azzi shows up without fail every day after practice to pick Paige up from her rehab, and then the rest of the younger girl’s time is Paige’s. The first time she’d seen the brunette leaning casually against her car, Paige had had to stop herself from jumping into her arms. She’d played it as nonchalant as possible, joking about Azzi being stalker, but inside, she could feel it again, the dangerously familiar tap of this is all I’ll ever need. 

On days Paige doesn’t have rehab, Azzi still shows up right on time on her doorstep with a board game or food or something.  It’s gotten to the point where every time the doorbell rings, Paige opens it expecting Azzi. The couple times it’s not, she tries and fails to hide the disappointment on her face. It earns her an eye roll from the delivery guy but it’s worth it for the laugh it elicits from Azzi when she tells her the story. They fall back together as if they’d never fallen apart. And what’s more terrifying than finding out that she’d never truly gotten over old Azzi, is realising how easy it would be to fall in love with new Azzi. 

When Caroline, Nika and Piath come to visit the weekend after, all three of them can immediately tell that something's changed. Their teammate seems lighter, as if she’s finally found a sense of calm. But their incessant prodding and raised eyebrows are only met with shrugs from a tight-lipped Paige. It isn’t until Azzi calls, and Nika snatches the phone out of Paige’s hands, gasping at the callerID, that they finally figure out why their point guard has a new kick in her step. 

“You should invite her out with us tonight,” Caroline is the first to speak, giving Paige an encouraging smile. 

“Carol,” Nika hisses, “we can’t just invite the enemy.”

“She’s not the enemy,” Paige defends immediately, “we don’t even have a rivalry with UCLA.”

Nika scoffs indignantly, “of course she is. She picked a different school over us. Over UConn! That’s weird. Who even does that?”

“Lots of people do,” Caroline, who occasionally texts Azzi (albeit she’s kept that somewhat of a secret), supplies helpfully, shrugging when the Croatian glares at her. 

Piath nudges Paige when she notices the other girl has gone quiet, “ignore Nika. She doesn’t mean it, you know that. If you wanna invite her, invite her.” 

And she does, she wants to so badly. It’s insane really because it hasn’t even been a full day since they’d last seen each other but Paige swears something inside her has been missing since. There’s something awfully terrifying about letting Azzi back into the UConn version of her world, the world that the younger girl had once rejected. Still, if they’re going to try this again, she supposes sooner or later, it’ll have to happen. 

“Put her on speaker,” Nika orders when Paige grabs her phone back from her. 

“Nika,” Caroline, younger only by age, warns, pulling the other girl away, “we’re supposed to be cheering her up, not making life harder.”

Azzi answers on the third ring, her voice teasing  “miss me already?”

Yes, Paige thinks, sometimes I think I miss you even when you’re right here next to me, sometimes I think I’ll miss you forever. But she doesn’t say any of that. 

“Not a chance,” she scoffs instead, “besides you called me first.”

“Butt dial.”

“Mmmhmm I’m sure.”

“Shut up,” Azzi laughs and Paige is glad her teammates aren’t here to see the goofy grin that appears on her face at the sound of it, “I just wanted to see if we were doing something tonight?”

“Yeah- umm- you remember I told you about the girls coming down this weekend. They- uh- they wanted to go out tonight and uh- you could come along?” 

There’s a pause on the other end and Paige knows Azzi’s going through the same thought process as her. 

“I don’t wanna intrude on your time with your team P-”

“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Paige cuts in immediately and although she figured her teammates were definitely eavesdropping, Nika cursing about her being “pussywhipped” followed by in-sync shushing from Piath and Caroline, gives them away. 

On the other end of the line, Azzi’s quiet again, “it’s okay P, you go have fun with your friends. We don’t have to spend every night together. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

What she doesn’t say is that maybe they need to learn how to live like that again, how to live apart again. Paige is almost done with the LA part of her rehab, something both of them are still in denial about. It’s only a matter of time before they return back to their two separate worlds and neither of them are sure they’ve managed to repair their friendship enough to not slip back into their foolishness again. 

“But I wanna see you tonight,” Paige whines, her tone teetering on the edge of sounding like a desperate girlfriend, “please.”

“Paige-”

“Pleaseeeeeee. I’m literally injured and begging Az, it’d be mean to say no.”

“What does your injury even have to do with any of this?” Azzi sighs exasperatedly, “but yeah okay fine calm down Bueckers. Send me an address, I’ll be there.”

“You don’t wanna come pregame here?” 

“Dude, let's not push it, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay see you,” Paige pauses, “hey Az?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really happy you’re coming tonight.”

“I’m really happy you’re happy P.”

***

Azzi Fudd is a menace. See, people often get fooled by her soft-spoken nature and shy demeanour, but Paige has been around her long enough to know the truth. In the beginning it was the witty quips the younger girl always had ready whenever they were having some ridiculous argument. After that, it was the direct pranks that wreaked havoc on Paige’s life. But tonight, in Paige’s opinion, tonight is Azzi’s worst offence. She had to have done it on purpose, had to have known the sheer effect it would have on Paige to see her dressed like that. The red criss-cross tank top fits her like a mould and the way her ripped jeans shorts cling to her hips leaves little to the imagination. Her diamond belly button piercing shines against her skin, taunting Paige. She wants to touch, she wants to feel, she wants to do all the unspeakable things in her mind but she’s forced to just watch. 

What she hates most though, is that everybody else is watching too. Since Azzi’s walked into the club, Paige has had to fight the urge to strangle every stranger who had given her best friend an appraising once-over. Some of them let their eyes linger long enough to give her time to plot out the perfect murder strategy (it’s the only way she can stop herself from actually committing a crime tonight). And, as Azzi dances with Caroline, hips swaying to the beat and holding the other girl a little closely, Paige has the irrational urge to hit sweet, kind Caroline of all people. 

The thing is, Azzi’s been a little too attached to Caroline since she got here in Paige’s opinion. And she gets it. Piath, bless her soul, is trying but has always been a little awkward around new people. Nika is definitely not trying, loyally holding onto a grudge on behalf of Paige. Which leaves Caroline, who’s already familiar territory and the younger girl has grasped onto her like a lifeline. But enough is enough Paige decides, as she slips out of her seat with a determined look. Smoothly, she cuts right in between Caroline and Azzi.

“Nika’s a little wasted and I don’t want to deal with,” it’s a blatant lie but Paige knows appealing to Caroline’s more motherly instincts will get her what she wants. She gets a raised eyebrow in return, her teammate clearly catching her ruse because Nika looks visibly fine. But it works anyway and Paige gets Azzi to herself. She reaches for the other girl’s hand, twirling her just so she can hear that stupid silly laugh, and then pulling her back so she’s facing Paige. 

“You having fun?” 

“Always have fun with you P,” Azzi replies. She’s clearly tipsy but there’s no hint of insincerity in her voice. It makes Paige’s breath hitch. 

“Yeah?” she whispers, taking a step closer, “more than with Carol?”

Azzi giggles, “more than anyone.”

The song in the club changes and as the crowd adjusts to it, someone jostles Azzi and immediately Paige grabs at her hips to steady her. As she finds her balance, Azzi’s giggles subside, realising just how close she is to the blonde now. They’re stuck in slow motion as the world dances around them. The combination of adrenaline and alcohol pumping through her veins is what convinces Paige to test the limits. One hand still squeezing at Azzi’s bare waist, revelling in finally getting to touch, she brings up her thumb to trace around Azzi’s lips. The younger girl gulps, but when she doesn’t try to move away, confidence pulses through Paige. Her heart is beating frantically out of her chest, years and years of want and need that she’d shoved as far away as possible, desperately fighting to get to the surface. 

Pushing herself closer, so their chests are now pressed to each other and Azzi’s hands have no choice but to latch onto her biceps, Paige places a delicate, teasing kiss to the corner of Azzi’s lips. She wishes she could record the whine it elicits and listen to it on loop for hours. Smirking, she moves to place another one on the other side, this time pressing her lips a little harder, a little longer. Azzi’s eyes are closed shut, hands gripping onto Paige so tightly, she knows there’ll be a mark on her biceps tomorrow. She cups Azzi’s face with both hands now, her own eyes shutting involuntarily, as she finally, finally brushes their lips together. 

This time, the strangled noise that leaves Azzi’s throat, is one Paige wishes she could forget as the younger girl rips herself away from Paige, the force of it creating almost a foot of distance between them. It doesn’t take long for the familiar sting of rejection to make itself home in her heart. Azzi’s eyes are brimming with tears as she manically shakes her head. Without a word, she rushes through the crowd, making a beeline for the exit, leaving Paige confused and craving for another taste. 

***

It takes Paige a second to gather her thoughts before following the brunette. She ignores the confused glances from her teammates, making some bullshit excuse about fresh air as she fights her way outside. When she gets there, Azzi’s leaning against the wall, eyes closed as she takes in long deep breaths. 

“That’s not usually how girls react when I try to kiss them,” Paige says after a second, trying to make light of the situation, even if her heart is heavy with anxiety. 

It’s the wrong thing to say because Azzi scoffs, “you kiss a lot of girls don’t you.”

“Yeah and most of them kiss me back,” Paige bites back. 

She’s taken aback by the fire in the darker-skinned girl’s eyes as Azzi finally opens them, heaving herself off the wall. 

“I won’t be one of your groupies Paige. I won’t be one of your desperate one night stands. I won’t be just some other hookup. I won’t!”

Frankly she’s a little offended Azzi would even think that of her. She’s aware of her reputation. In fact she’d probably fed into it a little bit, exaggerating her escapades to Azzi on the phone her freshman year, when they had been on the verge of combusing and she’d been desperate to get a rise out of the younger girl. Last year though, last year was different. But Azzi doesn’t know that. 

“I don’t want you to be any of that,” she replies feebly. 

“Then what, do you want me to be?” Azzi’s voice rises with each syllable. 

Paige stutters, the words getting stuck in her throat. The truth is she wants Azzi to be everything. The truth is, Azzi already is everything. Except there’s too much between them and she just can’t say it. They stand in silence until Azzi finally breaks it.

“I think these last few weeks of summer might have been the best of my life,” she says miserably, “and that might be the worst thing ever you know? Because it’s not real. You’re gonna go back to your world and you’ll- you’ll stop replying to my texts and you’ll stop- you’ll stop calling me and I- I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“That’s an awful lot of assumptions you’re making about me,” Paige is on defensive mode now, feeling a fight brewing. 

“Because that’s what happened. Go back through your fucking phone Paige. Look at all the times I tried. And all the times you never did. You just- you cut me out Paige.”

“That’s not fair. You chose fucking UCLA. Over me.”

“No,” Azzi corrects immediately, anger seeping into her tone, “I chose UCLA over UConn. You made it about yourself.”

Paige swallows back a bitter response in favour of trying to prevent a full-fledged argument, “okay, okay let’s not- let’s not do this okay. It’ll be better this time- I- I won’t ignore your calls or texts or you okay? Just- can we just go back inside please?”

“That’s the thing,” Azzi’s anger is gone, replaced by a sad wistful smile, “I don’t know if I believe that you will,” a single tear rolls down her cheek, “I- I don’t fully trust you and you haven’t fully forgiven me. So where do we go from here?”

It’s a lie what they say about the truth setting you free, Paige thinks as Azzi’s words squeeze at her heart, because all it’s done is unleash shackles of despair that holds them both hostage. It had been easy the last couple of weeks, to pretend the last year had never happened. It had been easy for Paige to pretend that she was over what happened, to ignore the part of her brain that still felt so utterly betrayed. 

“Azzi, what are you saying? You don’t- you don’t wanna be friends?” Paige feels nauseous even saying it. 

“No I-” Azzi chews at her bottom lip, “I’m saying this- us- we’re too fragile to complicate even more. I barely- fuck- Paige, I barely survived losing my best friend. I don’t think I could survive losing something more.” 

The worst thing about it all, is that it makes sense. And really, Paige doesn’t know what she’d expected to happen if Azzi hadn’t pulled away when she did. They’d kiss, maybe give in and do more and then what? Shake hands and walk away? Or make false promises that would ultimately lead to resentment? No, Years and years of something deserved better than either of those masochistic endings. It makes sense, it does but it doesn’t mean Paige has to like it. 

In front of her, all the fight evaporates from Azzi’s body, as the younger girl leans back against the brick wall of the club, sliding down and pulling her knees to her chest. She looks every bit as miserable as Paige feels and all the blonde wants to do is wipe away the stress lines creasing against the younger girl’s beautiful phase. She moves to sit down next to her best friend, shuffling so their shoulders are pressed together and intertwines their fingers together. A sigh of relief escapes her when Azzi doesn’t immediately pull away. Instead, she squeezes their hands tighter, as if she’s scared that if she lets go, Paige will disappear. 

“You didn’t lose me you know,” Paige says softly after a second, nudging Azzi’s shoulder when the other girl lets out a noise of protest, “I know, I know it feels like you did. It felt like that to me too except- every time something good or bad happened to me, I heard your voice or- or maybe I just really wanted too. We got lost a little bit but I didn’t- I didn’t lose you and you didn’t lose me. There’s a difference. I don’t think we could ever lose each other like that. Not really.”

When Azzi turns to look at her, the golden glow of the street lights illuminate the emotions in her eyes. She gives Paige a soft smile, “well Bueckers, if basketball doesn’t work out, maybe you have a future in poetry.”

“I could do whatever I wanted,” except what I want to do the most. 

It doesn’t take long for the Uber Azzi’s already called to start pulling up and that familiar ache of longing creeps into Paige’s spine. She knows tonight isn’t their final goodbye; they still have a couple more days. But those days will be spent ignoring and pretending, unlike tonight and the firm grip they have on reality. They rise off of the cold pavement together, dusting themselves off. It takes a second of awkward glances before they’re surging into each other’s arms, squeezing each other so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. Paige wills herself not to cry, hiding her face in the crook of Azzi’s neck. 

“We’ll be okay,” she whispers, unsure if it’s more for her benefit or Azzi’s. 

The unwanted beep of a car is the only reason they reluctantly pull away, hurriedly wiping away unshed tears, they pretend the other can’t see. Azzi musters up a brave smile, before slowly moving away and it takes everything in Paige not to crumble and begs her to stay. Azzi’s halfway to the car when she turns back and it feels like Paige can breathe again. The brunette’s face is conflicted for a second before turning determined, as she starts walking back up. 

“Az-”

Paige’s confusion is stifled as Azzi fists her shirt, pulling her into a searing kiss. It’s desperate and needy and it’s only a few seconds before the dark-haired girl is pulling away again, but it sets Paige’s entire world off balance. 

“I just-” Azzi’s breathing is rapid and uneven, “I’ve wanted to do that since I was fifteen and- just- fuck- I just-,” she blinks up at Paige, “I hate- I hate leaving things unfinished and for fucks sake if you don’t call me back this time Bueckers- just- don’t be a stranger.”

Paige doesn’t get time to answer, she doesn’t think she could even if she did, because Azzi scurries away almost immediately. She stops when she gets to the car, turning back to give Paige one final look, a look that will haunt Paige forever, before getting into the backseat. As Paige watches the back of Azzi’s uber gets smaller and smaller, her tongue darts across her lips as she tries to memorise the faintest taste of Azzi’s strawberry-flavoured lipstick. And she knows, she’s so utterly and completely and terribly fucked.

[probablypeoplepleasering]

Things that I couldn't do before starting this blog, that I now can do (as a 16 year old female on the waiting list to getting an autism diagnosis):

1. Swallow tablets. I take this small tablet everyday that stops my period because it causes a lot of sensory issues for me. Because its so small, it's easier to swallow. I can now swallow the big paracetamol tablets as I'm used to swallowing them now. This is very helpful as calpol doesn't help.

2. Putting the washing on. This may sound stupid, but I always struggled with remembered what order to put the washing powder and liquid and what buttons to press. I now know how to do it and offer to help.

3. Wash my hair!! This has been a massive struggle for me. All my life I've struggled with the feeling of water. I never learned how to wash my own hair...until now. If you've followed my blog for a while you'll know how much I've wanted to be able to do this. I have thick,long curly hair and awful dandruff. This with my awful motor skills and hand eye coordination, means I've never learned how to wash my hair. But at 16 years old I am washing my own hair :)

4. Shave. As I've mentioned, I have awful motor skills. I never seemed to press down hard enough when shaving, or I pressed too hard and made myself bl33d. I can now shave by myself! It's still a learning curve, I get it wrong sometimes, but I'm almost there!

5. Cook meals. Though I've not fully mastered this, I'm helping my mum cook a lot of homemade meals. This is at the weekend though, because when I get home from school I'm exhausted and then I have to revise. I do find it fun though and I hope I can cook more!

6. Go out by myself. A few months ago after school, I walked 10 minutes into town and brought something from the shops that I needed by myself. I did panic a lot but I did it!

This is it so far but I hope to master more skills that will hopefully allow me to be more independent. Please no hate, I'm trying really hard to learn.

[ecogirl2759]

THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!

Here it is, guys!

The Kiyotaka Ishimaru Mastermind comic from 4コマ KINGS Vol. 4!

SPECIFICALLY CITING THIS SO THAT OTHERS KNOW WHERE TO FIND THIS COMIC!!!

Huge, HUUUUGE thanks to @panicuriprince!!! They helped me with clearing the text, rewording panels and putting everything together! Pages 4, 5, and 6 are her doing! PLEEEASE go send her some love, they REALLY helped me get this done and I literally couldn't have done this without her :D

There's a document below the break with more literal translations for the comic, as well as translation notes, a link to a Google Drive folder with ALL of the pages, and other interesting tidbits! Please give it a read!

The Japanese pages will also be below the break! (As well as a little spiel of mine. It's quite long, so be careful!)

(also please forgive how many tags there are here-)

Remember to read right to left <3

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As promised, here are the Japanese panels:

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AND HERE'S THE DOCUMENT!

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✨ WOW ✨

I can't begin to describe to you all how AMAZING this feels!

I've spent the past 2 years on what felt like a wild goose chase, desperately searching for this one comic that I wasn't even sure existed.

This all started with me finding a photo on Tumblr of this comic and spiraling into this deep dive. First I didn't know if this was even real, then I found out that this comic series had ceased printing, then I couldn't be sure which book it was actually in.

There is literally almost no information out there about the fourth volume of this anthology series. I've said this before and I'll say it again, volumes 1 and 2 both have full translations that you can download off of other websites, and while 3 doesn't seem to have that, there are a lot of separately translated comics floating around out there, namely on Pinterest.

The 4th volume had NOTHING! No matter how hard I searched or how many links I clicked, no one has really said ANYTHING about this book, which was why this specific comic was so hard for me to find.

But I have all of the books now, so I definitely want to do this again for all of them so that people have easy access to these translations. I'll start with book 4 though haha.

Also, I'm not sure who it was, but HUUUUGE thanks to the kind stranger on Ebay who was willing to sent me the whole series!! I literally don't know where I would be right now if these books weren't with me, so thank you <3

Also, thank you to all of my Japanese teachers that I've had throughout the years. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have been able to understand the comic, haha! One even helped me out in the early stages of this process, so extra thanks to him <3

I feel really passionate about accessible media. I think that everyone should be able to read and find whatever they want. That's part of the reason that I've endeavored on this project. I want everyone to be able to seek out and find these comics if they really want to. And, of course, I want everyone to be able to understand them, too.

So please enjoy this comic! If you'd like to repost it, I'd appreciate being credited just so that others know where they can go to find the full comic.

This one-man project isn't so one-man anymore, and I seriously can't thank everyone who's helped me enough!!! I'm honestly so glad I didn't have to go through this alone <33

ALSO

If you see anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING, that you think I could change/improve (like formatting or different interpretations of the Japanese text), PLEASE shoot me a message!! I want to make sure this comic is as good as it can be, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Even if you don't have a suggestion and would just like to reach out to ask a question or something, PLEASE don't be afraid to do that! I know I get really cold feet when sending people asks, so I'm going to reassure everyone who needs to hear it now: You're never going to be a bother to me! I love getting asks! Whenever anyone sends me something, I get really excited <3

So ask questions! Tell me I did a horrible job and got none of the text right! Ask why Ishimaru literally cannot be evil! I don't know the answer, either!

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Thank you all so much for the support and the kind words you've been giving me ever since I first announced I was translating this comic! Your support has been extremely motivating to me! Also, you guys are hilarious with your tags!

Seriously, thank you so much! Words literally can't express how I feel right now, but I guess the best way I could describe it is cathartic. I'm REALLY happy that I finally get to share 2 years worth of work with you guys! You've all been a massive help to me in more ways than one <333

KEEP BEING AWESOME <3