#i've just gotten better at using them!
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soft-serve-soymilk · 6 months ago
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And for the record, 2021 vs 2024 art progression :')
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Literally the same assignment, 3 years later-- and he looks so beautiful ;-;
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kuromi-hoemie · 1 day ago
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girl who made a whole pound (470g) of nearly set compound butter before realizing she didn't season it 🥲 i broke it down again lol. behold.. my savory child
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i am making those potatoes again bc god damn... tysm queen
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camellcat · 2 months ago
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I need an answer why do y'all hate on s7 like it's in vogue here what is going on I fucking loved that season. like hello? I can't decide if s5 or now s7 is my favourite of the show it was that good of a watch to me
I missed the closeness of the scoobies so bad I didn't even realize until we hit episode three and I was aching for it. oh, god. and the spuffy of it all! I can't even get into it right here but ohhhh. oh. and DAWNIE my sweet girl oh sweet niblet I love her so much. anya's episode? probably one of my favourite episodes of the entire show tyvm. I really liked kennedy and honestly I think she made a great second in command for buffy when she actually listened, though I think she'd be a god-awful leader. almost all of the episodes held my attention that weren't, y'know, bewitched bothered bewildered part two electric boogaloo over there. and DRUSILLAAAAAA ik she wasn't real but IDC I was fawning every time she was on screen both as the first as actually her oh I just adore her I'll never understand her and I don't even care. taking it back actually getting into the spuffy of it all for a second because oh my GOD they had an actual conversation about themselves where she neither ran away nor punched him!! and the montage of everyone screwing, only to cut to spuffy simply cuddling? to show THAT'S their intimacy? 'bout fuckin killed me it did
them kicking buffy out of her house and then literally no one saying ANYTHING about how she was RIGHT except spike ofc really bothered me. and gosh the way they just kinda... did buffy's plan anyways. a little different, but not really? still invaded the vineyard when half the reason no one was listening to her was bc they didn't wanna go back that. but that was like the biggest issue I had the entire season honestly. there was no riley to make me furious, 15 minutes of angel that I hated every second of but is so small it's whatever, and robin wood kinda annoyed me once he turned on buffy and spike there but y'know he gets less relevant so pshh. I'll admit I also got a bit peeved at myself every time I smiled at something andrew said but he grew on me wayyy quicker than I was expecting or wanting I get why he shows up in fics so often now he's entertaining to watch
anyways. I'm sure there's like a billion million things I've missed in my endeavor to simply enjoy myself while watching but as it stands? I love this season. I love it to bits and pieces and I think it was incredibly fun. y'all might just be the biggest haters in the world cause I am SO glad I decided to actually give it a go
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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago
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the average person doesn't expect you to be a perfect ethical consumer, that's not possible for the vast majority of us. but what youre saying is it's better to do nothing at all and choose the worst possible options (sweat shops, overseas shipping waste, idea/product theft, all wrapped up in SHEIN) than to put even the tiniest effort in where you can.
[they are referring to this post]
What I said was "some people are doing literally everything they can to survive and have no extra bandwidth to spend extra time and money on their purchases, and it is cruel and therefore un-punk to gatekeep punkness and add additional shame to these people's lives based on that fact."
I think it's still a good thing to try to ethically consume; I literally never said it wasn't. I had never even heard of SHEIN before. Rather, I am much more concerned about what I saw as arbitrary gatekeeping based on ability and income.
And frankly how dare you claim that I am supporting sweatshops and abuse by saying that this additional work you are demanding (in this case, presumably, vetting every clothing company you buy from) is not always possible for people. It is not a light accusation to accuse me of supporting abuse.
"How dare you say we piss on the poor", Etc. 🙄 this isn't Twitter. You are determined to enforce moral purity, but you are failing to see the nuance.
Because when I say "no extra bandwidth," I mean no extra bandwidth. This is not the "car shows it's on E but actually secretly it has a lot of gas left" situation that abled people constantly assume disabled people mean when they say they are at their limit.
This is "the car has stopped moving, and to move it I'd have to break my body pushing it." This is "at a certain point, people will hit a wall in terms of money and time and energy, and any energy spent after that comes directly out of their life force."
So the argument "okay but just spend a little more time money and energy actually" is not a valid one.
And the argument "if you are not able to do this specific task, then it means you're not doing anything else to make the world a better place" doesn't exactly impress me either. You said yourself that it is impossible to be a perfectly ethical consumer for most people.
How do you know what else people are doing to resist oppression? How many hours per week until your standards are met?What if someone works 3 jobs? Does that mean it's harder to be a good person if you're poor?? Why do you get to decide what specific avenue of bettering the world is the most morally repugnant or acceptable? What kind of proof of goodness and effort would make you satisfied enough to lay off on the shame?? Who are you helping??
Clothing is a fundamental human need, and some of us have to buy cheap fucking clothes quickly. Billionaires are buying their seventh yacht this month. The people who own fast fashion companies are abusing their workers and putting local affordable clothing stores out of business - and this applies for basically every company with price points that low because governments are failing to regulate corporations to enforce basic human rights.
I have $300 to spend on a new wardrobe as my old clothes have fallen apart or become too small. Do you have a way for me to get a new winter coat, 3 flannels, 10 shirts, 3 dress shirts, new sandals, 10 pairs of pants, 5 bras, 12 pairs of socks, and 10 pairs of underwear within that budget and also definitely 100% ethically sourced, with free returns in case it doesn't fit? Or will I simply have to use the cheap stores?
I have about an hour to spend on this per week. Many mainstream stores doesn't make clothes in my size, and I am now in *year 5* of needing an electric wheelchair and being unable to get one; plus I live up a flight of stairs, so I can't even bring my walker out with me - so thrift shopping is not gonna cover this. Should I continue to wear small and tattered clothing until I have the time, money, and energy to meet your standards?
Did you know there are more empty homes in this country than homeless people? If I decide to splurge on only 100% ethically-produced products, and I can't make rent, and I become homeless, are YOU going to be there for me?? Or are you too busy litigating the endless tiny shames of poverty in your own community?
So I ask you again, are you SURE this is where you want to direct your punk energy?
Because there are a whole lot of rich people relying on people like us punching down and to the side instead of looking up to see where the money is going.
Because energy and time, as it turns out, are limited resources. And I would never expect you to secretly have more than you claim to have.
#original#punk#hopepunk#cripplepunk#i swear to god#reading comprehension website#how dare you say we piss on the poor#jfc 'what you're saying is we should do nothing' - what I'm saying is YOU are doing nothing by enforcing this boundary#you have to give people more credit than this. i believe you want a better world too. and it would be cool if you used your energy to#instead ask 'how do i fight for the people in my community to be clothed and have the time and income to shop ethically?'#or 'how do i support activism that pushes for regulation that could control these companies?'#monitoring how poor people spend money is a supremely Republican thing to do. as is demanding clear moral purity from every scenario.#you want a better world too. you want to demand your peers do better. - fine. good.#but you need to be asking if you have remembered and included everyone's needs when making statements like this.#capitalism is all for forgetting about poor and disabled people and refusing to believe their limits.#shame is a necessary weapon in fighting greed but it IS a weapon. be so careful where you point that shit. enough shame can kill a person#and a lot of us are already defending from it from all sides.#shaming a person who is already at their limit for not doing more is an act of cruelty. think very carefully about what that means please.#i literally don't even know what SHEIN is lol i just know classism when i see it#but I've had friends whose clothes were visibly falling apart with no income and so much so shame so deep in their hearts they were dying#and if they had seen that post it would have made them even sicker and gotten them no closer to the dignity of being properly clothed#shame is a weapon and /you need to be careful!!!!/
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solivagantingrebel · 2 months ago
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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joyridingmp3 · 2 months ago
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2 years to the date that all of my hard work paid off and i was able to buy a home for myself and finally, at long long long long last, able to escape my abusive parents house. not just a house, but a home, and that difference has always been important to me. i feel mostly astounded by how quickly the years have passed since then, but also proud. not just of the achievement but also the way that i've been able to get to know myself, develop my identity, and figure out who i am in that short period of time. it's amazing the way you get to flourish in a world with stability (and not just in the material sense but that too!) when you're not spending every second running from and avoiding life altering trauma. i have some really exciting opportunities coming up to better help me work towards that very soon and hopefully the trajectory continues. it was such a difficult 24 years in getting there a couple of years ago and i really didn't think i'd even make it at times but my god it was so worth waiting for.
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quibbs126 · 3 months ago
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I’m very much not done with this character, but I guess I wanted to at least display what I’ve been trying to work on since yesterday. It has been a struggle
So this here is another character who’s part of that Evoland 2.5 thing or whatever I’m calling it, being specifically related to these guys, as Solus’ father and Juno and Jovi’s uncle. And also, the current leader of the Demons
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Brain worms have been telling me to call him Glaucus, and so Saturday night I decided to actually look up what Glaucus is and meant, and honestly I think it works
So Glaucus has a number of ties, but it’s the name of a Greek god of fishermen, which works with Juno and Jovi’s names being Roman gods, as well as apparently the son of Minos. Which also works because he’s supposed to be the direct descendant of Menos in the story. Glaucus is also a genus of sea slug, specifically the blue dragon ones, which I thought sounded cool, so all in all I decided to stick with that name for him
It also made me think of what to do with the character to tie him into these inspirations, which kickstarted me actually thinking about him proper, and so I decided to start trying to design him
I think in the original vision in my head, Solus’ father was supposed to have purple hair and skin, but with the name Glaucus having a lot of ties to blue, I figured I should probably make some part of him blue. I chose hair since blue skin and purple hair is literally already Arthus’ color combo, and he’s Evoland 2’s Demon king, so it’d be too close for my liking. Also that’s the color combo of Menos, which could tie into the “Glaucus, son of Minos” part
When I was first trying out his colors, I thought he looked like a darker color version of Menos, and it needed more tweaking. I eventually got it looking how I liked it in the younger version of Glaucus. I admit that in that one, his hair color is more similar to Menos’, but his skin is dark enough that I think it looks distinct
That young Glaucus is probably my favorite here, and it’s gonna be my main reference for him going forward. Which may cause problems because he’s much older, but whatever
I want to give him a large ponytail, which I actually sort of took from this one small sketch on one of Menos’ pages, which is basically my only look at proper concept art of Menos
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But in all honesty, I’m struggling with what to do for the front of his hair. Yes, I could stick with the hair slicked back into the ponytail, as I had on the original
But my main problem with that is, if I were to do that, Jovi here would literally be the only one of these guys to not have slicked back hair in any way. I already feel like I’m struggling to diversify the hair styles, and this does not help
His wife maybe doesn’t need the slicked back hair, but she has a reason to have her hair like that
I’ve also been debating giving him a beard, but the problem there is that I still don’t know how to draw beards right. It’s why I haven’t drawn Arthus this time around. But I also feel like it would make sense to give him a beard, so I don’t know
There’s also generally the issue of how to draw him older. I’m bad at drawing age on my characters. I think I’m learning, at least with some face things, but I’m still not good at it. He’s supposed to be at least in his mid 50s-60s relatively, given Solus, his son, is around 30 ish
But right now my main big issue is that I don’t know what kind of outfit to give him, I’m really struggling
I’ve tried to search up monk character designs on here, since that’s kind of the vibe these guys are supposed to have, but the additional problem was making him look formal enough, since he’s supposed to be the current Demon king, even if that title is a bit lesser than in Evoland 2 times
I think I need to solidify what this group of Demon’s style is, and what I want to do. Because I’m mostly working off the idea that their style is derived from the Temple of Menos Demons. This would be true, but also these guys are supposed to be 500-600 years later, and most don’t live there anymore, so they should probably have some change
I have some ideas for a new Solus design, so it may help me flesh things out, but on this page I still don’t know what to do
Now I might as well talk about the ideas I have for Glaucus, because what I drew isn’t indicative of everything I have in mind for him
So as mentioned, Glaucus is the leader of the current Demons, as well as Solus’ father, and Juno and Jovi’s uncle. He had a younger sister who was Juno and Jovi’s mother (I also drew something of her above), but she and their father died when they were children, and so he took them in, and he’s basically their dad now (at least for Jovi, who was basically a toddler when his parents died)
Glaucus has somewhat of a water/sea affiliation. As a child, he really liked to fish (is maybe autistic for marine life? I don’t know), and it is still a favorite past time of his, as well as something he’s taught his charges. He also wields a spear and probably has an amount of water powers. I personally imagine one ability of his is to create water clones of himself during a battle, as well as probably clones of his spear
In a hypothetical game, you would definitely have a boss fight with him. In the story, he’s supposed to be under some evil influence, so he’s an antagonist, at least initially
He’s fairly powerful, though not as much in brute strength as Menos or Matchos
There’s also his wife, aka Solus’s mother. She’s still alive, but she doesn’t live in the tower with her family. She still lives in the Temple of Menos, as an active custodian of it, which is considered more important, so she stays there. The temple isn’t that far though, so she still sees them relatively often, whenever they come to visit. I don’t know what to name her
Funny enough she also ended up basically having Juno’s old color scheme, but it works here. Her having the long braid and slicked back hair is also because she’s even more based on the Temple of Menos guys, since that's literally her job
I don't know what to name her though. Maybe something sun/light related, I don't know
There's also Glaucus' sister, whom I also don't know what to name. She doesn't really have anything about her, in part because she's long dead in the story and I really only need her and her husband to figure out Juno and Jovi's genes and how their colors are supposed to work. I think I'm sticking with that color scheme though
Oh also one more thing I forgot to mention, so the Demons were supposed to have come back to the surface around 200 ish years prior to the story or so. And with this, Glaucus and his generation would thus have been the first generation born back on the surface and not at the Temple of Menos. I haven't done anything with this concept, but it is a fact and I need to figure out how to incorporate it
I think my biggest issue with Glaucus, as well as the other two, is that I don't have enough ideas to know where I'm going when drawing. I know part of the point is to try and work out your ideas while sketching and drawing, but I don't have enough of a road map for it. So I guess I put Glaucus in more stasis until I fully figure out what I want to do with him? I'm really not sure
But I guess I'm posting this to show off and talk about what I got, because I want to. I was hoping to have something more fleshed out and an actual character by the time I was done with this, but alas. This is how I am now
But at least hopefully some of you get value out of this. Provided you care at all about this
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veilk · 19 days ago
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not often i return to an old-ish draft of a song and not only am i not repulsed by it, i'm actually able to work on it more. cool!
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blujayonthewing · 6 months ago
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aesthetic as fuck
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dravidious · 3 months ago
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You're more amazing than functionally no rares
Made some Duskmourn cards and also thought about the upcoming set currently known as "Death Race" and got in a vehicle mood
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#asks#custom cards#custom magic card#just checked and saw that the comprehensive rules update for duskmourn released. toy is indeed a creature type. not an artifact type#however: wotc is wrong and i'm better than them#anyway i have NO idea how strong Elian Purr of Unity is#i've barely gotten to use enlist so idk#the buffing effect probably isn't TOO strong since it's weaker than those “power/toughness are equal to number of creatures you control”#but 1 mana to give everything enlist? that's. big. idk if it's good but it's big#i made Kitty Joyrider because red-white and white-blue have gotten vehicle themes so i gotta complete the jeskai vehicles trio#vehicles triggering prowess is a silly little synergy that helps it crew vehicles and passing the buff onto the vehicle is cool i think#granting haste ties the whole package together. no reason for the kitty itself to have haste but it felt obligatory#i modified it just now to make it properly grant prowess so that it synergizes with combat tricks. because of course#also i'm really satisfied with Elian Cozy Plushsuit#not much to say about it i just love everything about it#oh wait i do have a thing to say! rule 208.3a#if a power/toughness changing effect is applied to a noncreature permanent the effect still applies and will work if it becomes a creature#so Cozy Plushsuit gets the buff when you tap a creature to crew it even though the trigger resolves before it becomes a creature#technically Kitty Joyrider and Veteran Motorist also take advantage of this rule but “crews a vehicle” is a little vague on timing#so you might assume the ability triggers after the vehicle becomes a creature#Anyway! the plushsuit works exactly as intended and synergizes beautifully with other vehicles#i'm not sure whether it synergizes with enlist#you tap the creature “as” you attack. does it become tapped at the same time as the attackers?#wait! 508.1f and 508.1g! tapping attackers and paying “as you attack” costs are separate steps! it synergizes!#actually 508.1g is deciding whether to pay costs. 508.1j is when you pay the costs and it says you pay them in any order#that means that multiple enlists happen separately! perfect synergy!#i had to make it “one or more” because otherwise it would be really easy to get multiple triggers just by attacking with lots of creatures#so as a side effect i get to dig around in the rules to analyze the timing of exactly when things happen#okay i'm approaching the tag limit now so bye
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insomnya777 · 8 months ago
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hi! how do you. describe characters so you don’t just use pronouns like 37 times in a row
(Especially when characters all use the same pronouns 😭)
omg ok wait this is one of the hardest things ever. i hate using like descriptive words like "the blonde man" "the taller one" etc because it just like icks me out for some reason so usually i just use character names often and then switch to pronouns. it can still get vague or confusing sometimes so then i try to just reorder the sentence/phrase it differently
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neverendingford · 1 month ago
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#was gonna pierce my lip but I realized I lost all the caps to my barbell piercings and I didn't even realize. I'm so fuckin mad#now I have to get more#idk if I can just get the screw on heads. idk what mm size they are#anyway. bone broth is successful. it's been slow cooking all day and looks and smells good. it's gonna make for hella nutritious soup base.#also I've been hunting down Spanish vocab audio because that's how I learn best.#listening to more language transfer and adding music to my Spanish playlist.#still definitely not conversational but my comprehension is going up quite a bit.#I had a grumpy Russian man come through my lane today and the desire to communicate better was so strong.#I just wanna learn all the languages.#I just need to find more resources that work for my brain.#I have a Spanish vocab book and I hardly touch it. duolingo sucks for me. I hate Rosetta Stone.#but there's resources out on the internet I just have to find them and use them.#there's a few good ones on Spotify I've found. as much as I hate Spotify conceptually for music artists it's still a resource I can use.#as much as I don't wanna apply for new jobs I don't wanna work in the same place next year when we move.#I still really wanna try food service. my speech has gotten way better and my stutter is almost never present#so job interviews should be way easier to pull off. I hope. I really hope.#I really wanna get back into nursing but idk if we're moving early enough for me to get into a cna certification class for spring semester.#I really should email the local community college and find out if I can pull off a late start or jump into a class already partway through.#I could look that up right now actually. find out when classes start there and how much I would be missing.#because I've passed the certification before it shouldn't be hard to jump in partway through I think.#hah. I'm so competent. I just looked up the information right now. there's an adult education center where I'm moving that offers the course#but not until halfway through spring.#so I could work food service for the spring and then switch to cna after.#I'm medicated so it's entirely possible and feasible. I have the ability.#hmmm. if I'm going into nursing maybe I should reconsider the lip piercing? hmmmm.#I can just let it heal over if it's an issue.#plenty of time between now and then.#anyway I'm going to bed good night.#well. maybe going to bed.
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sysig · 9 months ago
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Size difference.png (Patreon)
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#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Crackship#Teisel#Meme#I am on a roll with these lol#I knew adding Teisel to my list was only a matter of time#I am a weakwilled individual with one fatal flaw#Anyway (lol)#ZEX really has his work cut out for him with Teisel haha - it's very fortunate he's so determined and enjoys a challenge 'cause otherwise!#Teisel is hard to pin down - I mean Other Than That lol - he's an interesting guy :0#Rough around the edges and a family man ♪ And if I get to draw long hair and big muscles then all the better hehe#And he has a cute nose! He has the bridge of the nose thing that I like so much!! Yes!!#As for the rest of him - hm! I've only had passing thoughts up to this point and getting into his head is...Something lol#It's well done to be certain it definitely Makes Me Feel it's just hard to ascribe a name to that Feeling just yet#Needs a bit more time to tumble smooth I suppose lol#One thing I know I like because it makes me sad - lol - is ZEX projecting some of his feelings about DAX onto Teisel - unexpected!#It's extremely interesting how despite his deep abiding love and fascination with Otherness he's gotten increasingly homesick#Finding things charming about humans that remind him of VUX! You can tell he's a bit desperate for the familiar :'0#So isolated from even himself ah 💔 Hang in there ZEX!#At least he has some fun distractions hehe ♪ New things to learn and consider! Teisel keeps throwing him curveballs!#Both of them circling each other like ''? Isn't it your turn?'' lol#They both come off as aggressive in their own way and then swing-and-a-miss lol#And then there's how Teisel frames him as far as age goes - or really how everyone does pffft#It is So funny to me every time anyone refer to ZEX as ''old'' now that his age has been more or less established - at least pointed at#The fact that he might not even be in his human-equivalent 50s what is this who this lol he's not old! And Max /definitely/ isn't haha#He is the slightest itty-bittiest willowiest little twink y'ever did see pfft#I have been waiting to use that meme template for someone for ages I am so glad that I finally got the chance ♪
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sondersil · 11 months ago
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note to self: if you have repeatedly been made to feel some type of way about your silly little doodles by someone in the past, don't fucking draw them something for their birthday.
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gxlden-angels · 1 year ago
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Hello! I apologize if this is a nosy question, but what is the silly feelings wheel app you were talking about in a previous post? My therapist and I have been working on identifying feelings but I still very much rely on a list of feeling words to have any idea what I’m feeling, so it could be a helpful resource. No worries if you don’t want to share, just thought I would ask :)
It's called How We Feel! I'm not sure if it's available on all devices yet, but it's on ios and the google play store for sure.
I've been using it for about a year. It's more of a chart than a wheel but people usually recognize the wheel better so that's what I call it. When you first start it has a 10-part tutorial about emotional acceptance and regulation, then it has suggestions for each category of emotion. You can access both at any time tho after those first 10 days.
It has a share option so you can have friends, which has been great for me cause it prompts me to check on friends and them to do the same for me. It allows you to just respond with a little emoji in like a "I'm here for you" little notification to your friend, or you can reach out to your friend on your own. Its really helped me cause I'm bad at reaching out when I need support so to me and I'm bad about taking on other's problems even when I can't handle it so being able to send a little emoji instead to make sure my friends know I'm there if they need me and them doing the same has been great
#I know I sound like I'm a being sponsored by this app but it's genuinely been incredible for my mental health#whenever I get frustrated in therapy now about not being able to describe a feeling my therapist asks me to think about the chart#he'll ask me what color I feel and go 'good! do you want to narrow it down from there or continue with just that?' and it's so helpful#I have such terrible alexithymia from both cptsd and autism#it took a year of working with him to even recognize when I felt angry or hungry or sick#my friends and I check in on each other regularly now but it feels less intrusive#cause it feels like indirectly reaching out so it's less pressure to directly respond#and it might not feel the same for everyone since it could be jarring to get a notification saying friend feels miserable#but now that I've gotten used to it I don't feel like I need to solve their problems and make them feel better#Like they might be miserable because they're sick! So I check in and they say they're sick but okay and I don't feel the impulse to solve#like I would if I just didn't see them then saw them in person and saw they looked miserable#I don't blame myself or feel like I personally need to fix everything because I know they felt like that from an outside source I can't#control but I can certainly help them if they want! It's their choice tho and I don't feel bad if they don't/I can't#I feel less need to control my emotions/force them to be positive like I used to cause nobody feels positive 24/7 and I can see it#I don't feel the need to be politely content like I did in church because no one can be 24/7. I've attempted to get my family to start but#they're still stuck in needing to not be openly negative. It also helps me accept that negative feelings don't last forever#Someone feeling miserable because they're sick eventually puts they feel tired. Then chill and I know they feel better and I feel better too#Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about my silly little feelings wheel app I hope it helps you like it helped me anon <3
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ame-to-ame · 6 months ago
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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