#i've gotten several already
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So with the no fan art of your characters thing…. It seems a bit odd and I’m sorry for saying that,but it intrigues me why someone’s wouldn’t wanna see other people draw their characters
I've been asked this 100s of times, and have had people constantly question this boundary of mine and ask me to explain myself.
I've exhausted all my energy and patience for questions about my stance on fanart. I don't feel like having to defend myself again, and again, and again.. 😞
I don't expect people to understand my stance on fanart, and you don't have to understand it in order to respect it. Just as I don't have to understand anyone else's boundaries to stay behind the line.
I am very uncomfortable with any form of fanart being made for me. Of my FNAF redesigns, my sona, my ocs, you name it, it counts. I don't expect anyone to understand it, I just want people to respect that boundary.
"How are we supposed to show our support for you then?" Comments. That's it. All I look forward to when I post art is reading all the nice comments people have left me. Truly, comments are all I want. Fanart just makes me feel awful.
#my response#i usually delete asks like these because ive already talked about it like 1000 times#but recently ive gotten several people draw fanart of all different kinds of stuff I've made#and then this ask#felt like i had to come back and defend myself just oooone more time 😔#please guys#no fanart just comments is asking so little of people..#and please don't send asks trying to pry into it or understand it#“does it feel like this? or like this?”#ill just delete them#i dont wanna talk about this stuff no more you get what im sayin-
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Okay but I need to know what the people who have only watched c3 think about Beau and Caleb because I've been rotating them in my head for three years too long to be objective anymore but like. Getting to see them through the eyes of a new party just reminded me that even though so much of our delight in C2 was focused around the constant indignity of the Nein, they are objectively a flickering metronome between "how the fuck are these people alive" and "this is the most hyper competent group of mercenaries I've ever seen" and I just. Do they know. Do they know that Beau is so fucking cool. Are there people who learned these two npcs have a whole campaign and want to learn more about them. I look at these two and see a montage of tiefling dicks and red eyes and promising to kill the other if something goes wrong. I see Caleb smearing mud and bat shit on Beau's face and Beau just resigned even as she makes the most aggrieved and annoyed sounds, Beau hauling Caleb's dissociated ass over her own skinny shoulder and walking him to safety. I look at them and see 500 hours and more of the empire siblings. The weeks and months they spent going from hating the parts of themselves they saw in each other to loving in the other what they still struggled with in themselves. I see chosen siblings, best friends. What do other people see?
#Do they know how much went into Beauregard Lionett asking 'you got my back?' knowing he did#How earned 'what's the play Beauregard' is#beauregard lionett#caleb widogast#CR spoilers#Critical role#CR c3#Bells hells#Edited to add: don't use this as an excuse to bitch about C2 please#I've already removed and blocked one person#I get some frustration on the attention c1 characters have gotten but don't get mad at c2 fans for it#We've been starved and we're just excited#And this is just wondering your impressions of Beau and Caleb#'Beau is a dick' yeah you're right! She is and I love her so much I wrote 800#Sorry eight hundred thousand words about her#Several thousand of them also about Caleb#So don't be a dick please#Whatever your thoughts these characters brought people out of some dark dark places#It's me I'm people
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Give me your lunch money
#HE HAS FOUR ARMS#I've gotten several comments about that already THEY'RE HIS ARMS#just like look at it slightly better and you'll get it#anyway this was fun to work on!! :]#oc:bucket#oc#my oc#original character#ocart#art#my art#furry#furry art#sfw furry#demon#demon oc#multiple arms#multi arms#fat#chonky#round
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Y'all have to be patient with fic writers.
We have jobs, lives. We can't be spending every second of every day writing and even if we could, we still don't owe you anything. Fics are updated and chapters are posted when they can be. All you have to do is be patient and not hound the writers about their next update because even if you say you're not being pushy, you kind of are.
#I just started a new job and it's taken all my time up and I've already gotten several comments asking when I'll post the next chapter#or if I'm even going to finish it at all#and the answer is yes#just in my own time whenever I'm able#I'd apologize for the wait but I don't have to apologize for things out of my control#you'll get it when you get it and that's when it'll happen#fanfiction#fanfics#writing#fic writing#fic writers#malpracticemd
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the clock tolling in the wedding scene in elisabeth das musical is 1) sexy 2) so labyrinth-coded
#i finally understand why several treasured mutuals have gotten brainworms from this musical#also s jae-jones' w.intersong was already incredibly made for me (phantom; l.abyrinth; e.rlkönig; & the circle of works in those fandoms)#but i feel like i've unlocked so much more of that book's lore/lifeblood now that i finally watched this lmfao#elisabeth das musical
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I think the problem with internet horror is sometimes you get a good idea like Slenderman or the Backrooms and it catches on too much and suddenly there's all this extra lore and fan content and it kind of ruins the mystique of the whole thing because now not only do we know too much about it but there's all these separate canons and fandom things and it doesn't feel like an immersive horror experience anymore
#musings#on a similar note i've tried to get into analog horror but i just can't stick with any of them#closest i've gotten is greenio's series because i loved the mario 64 iceberg stuff#but really i like the idea of it but it's just like. not that interesting to me on its own#maybe it's just my brain poisoned by youtube and social media deteriorating my already poor attention span#but i can't really sit through several videos in a row of weird confusing stuff happening#i love the retro aesthetic but that's not enough to keep me interested#plus the whole fnaf craze kind of got me tired of all this 'deep lore' stuff#either tell me the story or tell me just enough to get my imagination going#funnily enough the latter is how most things like slenderman and the backrooms started#only people filled in that void and now there's too much information and it's not cool anymore
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Aw geez, Depression Hell has absolutely chewed through my ability to write for more than 2 years and counting, but the reviews I've gotten since I began posting Your Head Will Lie in Dust have been reminding me of why I write fanfiction at all: wrecking absolute havoc on the mindscapes of total strangers I will never meet and at best will exchange a truly delightful comment thread or two with
Thank you all for every view and kudos and bookmark and comment and everything else
#your head will lie in dust#look man i've been so divorced from writing i basically don't even work here anymore#but the COMMENTS i've gotten this week are SO GOOD#y'all're just ranting at me wholesale AND loving my OCs??? i'm not okay#and there have been SEVERAL people going 'oh shit ANTHROP posted?!'#like i'm somebody worthwhile for my sadsack nonsense#i keep 98% of my venting off the internet but just. thank you. thank you so much.#your appreciation of whatever i can muster an effort to in my veteran migraine hellscape means the world and more to me#i'm already embarrassed by the earnestness i put forth in the 1st chapter but still i must say#i love you i love i love you#i'll never know any of you beyond the input you put into my silly fanfiction but i love you
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ducks in the forbidden west
bird experts correct me, but I think this is a cinnamon teal duck? i'd never heard about them until i was trying to figure out what duck i was looking at for this post - they're quite beautiful!
#horizon forbidden west#hfw#hfw duck#hfw wildlife#hfw birds#hfw little details#i've been glacially slowly working on Organizing my stupid captures folder#and do you know how many shots are in in right now (after i've already gotten rid of/moved several hundred)#over 11‚000#eleven THOUSAND#oh my god why#what the fuck past me#i mean i know why#often i take 4-10 different shots of the same setup#with different light or sometimes a filter#and usually end up only looking at one or two once i get them on a computer screen#and then just leave them in the folder like a dumbass#and there are ones that are automatic trophy screencaps and spots on the map and other things that aren't actual interesting pictures#but fuck#hlep
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lads it's so fucking frustrating when you desperately want to learn and understand something but u just can't fucking get ir
#because of various reasons I've accidentally skipped up a level in physics#so im learning calc based physics instead of basic physics#which is fine except the physics I'm currently taking expects me to have already taken basic phsyics and so im just confused and behind#this is like calc 2 all over again#but ten times worse because since it's a summer class im learning way more stuff at a way quicker rate#and i can't even go to the tutoring center bc again. summer school. it's not even open#im so stressed I barely understand how to solve these and i don't have anyone I can ask#and we have a test on Monday and i have a bad feeling about it#it's not even difficult math it's basic algebra we haven't even gotten to the calc yet#turns out not solving word problems for 3 years severely hinders your ability to solve word problems#and i also just cannot fuckin focus at all and it's frustrating#this homework is due tomorrow and im tired and wanna go to bed but none of it is done#lilac post#if this doesn't work out idk wtf else to do im hinging all my hopes on this
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I liked doing this last week, but it will get kinda repetitive in the coming weeks. So I'm not sure if I'll do it often while I'm posting the modern/band AU, but oh well!
It's another Saturday morning in a blanket with new music. Truly all I could ever need to write.
Here's what I've been working on...
Modern/band AU is fit and ready to start posting this upcoming week. Chapter [redacted] is complete, and I'm now far enough ahead that even a few weeks of busy life won't stop a regular posting schedule. And if I keep up writing then I'll be able to post around Xmas without needing a break!
Chapter [redacted+1] has an opening sentence, which is often the hardest part.
The outline for the AU has been modified a little. Combined three chapters into one, split out another chapter into two. Probably lots of consolidation to be done otherwise. There's a weird bit in the outline that's kinda fuzzy, but I'm sure I'll knuckle my way through it since it's not thematically deep. Might even be another chapter consolidation. This fic is definitely going to be longer than the 40k I was hoping it would top out at...
Editing the previous chapters has been a fun exercise in trimming the fat! I still want there to be scenes that are just ~vibes~ but I axed 1k words and the whole thing is cleaner for it.
More Minthara/Lae'zel is in the works, but it's mostly only the skeleton of an idea as I've had to rework it multiple times. I've a little under 1k actually written, and I'm not too convinced of what it is at the moment either. Quite frustrating.
Another seedling of an idea for non-smutty Asheera/Shadowheart fics. But it's really just "Shadowheart meets Asheera's parents" and boy I'm not ready for the mixed emotions Shadowheart's going to feel in that one. You know it's not just going to be fluff.
The Gauntlet/Nightsong segment for my core Shadowheart/Asheera series has a skeleton of an outline now. The POVs have been picked, the core beats are there, and I know it's going to hurt like a motherfucker to write some of this.
#random rambling about writing#anotheropti fanfiction mind soup#OK a lot of these tags are truly mind soup so I don't advise anyone to take them as anything but letting off steam#if I was smarter I would just type the shit in these tags into a word doc and delete it lol#in which I look at the modern/band AU and wonder what I've gotten myself into#the anxiety of feeling like it's a disaster already and mentally preparing myself for that#mixed with the panic of realizing I'll be locking myself into months of it#bc I *cannot* stand having unfinished works#if you've been wondering why I'm writing as much as I can before posting anything this is why!#if I get hit with a week of hating what I've put out in the world then I can recover and still have chapters out#which is...#it's the same feeling I get when I submit writing to literary agents#except agents will tell you bluntly that they don't want it whereas people in fandom just glide by#as is everyone's right don't get me wrong#but I have severe problems with imposter syndrome and it's always worst when I'm posting longer stuff#and translating these characters to a modern setting and struggling with their characterizations gave me -10 to Will saves#so it's like “who is this for? is this for me and only me? does anyone need this? why make myself upset?”#anyways that was a lot of venting so now I write
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For the writing prompt, something about a space kid, if you like?
"I'm telling you, I saw it myself!"
Jason rolled his eyes at the grease-covered kid standing in front of him. At twelve, Jason was far too old to fall for every story the local kids told him about their space station. "I'm not some idiot dirtfoot. I've been on gate stations before. Portals don't work that way."
The kid--he couldn't be more than eight--crossed his arms and defiantly stuck out his chin. "They do too!"
Jason gave the kid his most skeptical veteran-spacer stare. "You expect me to believe that every time the station opens a spaceship-sized transport portal outside, the mystical portal energy opens tiny little magic portals to who-knows-where right here in the halls?"
"Not every time," the kid said, like Jason was the dumb one. "Just sometimes. There's one in the maintenance corridors that gets really big."
"You're lying."
"You're scared!"
That was an accusation Jason couldn't let stand. A new kid on a station was easy prey if the other kids thought him a coward. "I can't be scared of something that doesn't exist."
The kid gave Jason a condescending stare; he knew he had Jason on the ropes, burn him. "Then come look. Midnight. The portal's biggest then."
The kid really seemed to believe it. Time to poke holes in his story. "How big?"
"Almost as big as me."
"Where to?"
"You can't see through portals."
"Then how do you know it's a portal?"
"Because I saw it!"
Arguing wouldn't get Jason anywhere. At least a midnight outing would at liven things up a bit in this rinky-dink station.
He met the kid near the maintenance halls at five to twelve. The kid led Jason through corridors he never would have thought existed. This station was ancient--no decent station would make corridors this small and twisted.
Finally, at a junction, the kid motioned for Jason to stop. He pointed to the intersection ahead. "Right there."
Jason's chronometer chirped the hour. He smirked at the kid. "Nothing--"
He was cut off by a flash of light that blinded him and seemed to such all the air from the room. A green laser light, same color that outlined the deep-space transport portals, formed a rough oval in the wall near the junction. As big as the kid? It was as big as Jason! This broke so many safety codes.
"We should get out of here."
"Scared?" the kid sneered.
It didn't matter how right Jason was. If he backed out now, the kid would have the whole station believing him a coward by morning.
Jason stepped in front of the kid. The kid's jaw fell in astonishment.
Jason smirked. "Told you I'm no cow--"
The world tilted. Jason felt himself falling toward the portal, as if the gravity had switched off, even though the kid stayed right where he was.
The kid screamed and reached toward Jason.
"Get back!" Jason roared.
The kid ran away at light speed.
Jason continued to fall--endless seconds. The portal came closer, loomed larger, caught him in its jaws. Light flashed, Jason's bones turned to jelly, and the station disappeared.
(To be continued)
#answered asks#three sentence fic#adventures in writing#sci fi#i've had the idea for this almost since it was sent#but i raised the bar too high by filling the last prompts with full short stories#and i've finally gotten the courage to try my hand at filling this one#several prompts fit together nicely into one story#but this one already took longer than anticipated so i'll have to wait for a different day to continue
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how to be normal about someone telling you they want to sit down and talk with you instead of losing your mind about it until it happens
#if you leave a blank space about what this conversation is supposed to be about my wretched brain will fill that space with certainty that i#have done something unforgivable and what youre going to tell me is that i am getting kicked out or something equally severe. btw#a thing about me is that i've gotten in trouble so much for 'normal' things that my already faulty 'normal' sensor is now completely useless#do not say 'we need to talk' to me please just pull it out of thin air or i will assume i've committed a war crime. NOT that this is healthy#what having evangelical severely repressed parents will do to a mf i guess. idfk but these therapy sessions need to pick up the pace#me
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Nothing makes me feel immediate overpowering resentment and envy like hearing about people who have D&D campaigns that last years. Meanwhile every campaign I've ever done with my friends has choked and died four sessions in due to schedules getting too fucked and tangled to maintain ANY kind of consistent play schedule
#like i know that campaigns that run for years are extremely rare and ultimately a result of relentless determination to keep it alive#especially as adults with full lives and busy schedules#but i'm the only one in my D&D playing friend group with a fully open schedule at all times#because i'm disabled and home bound and literally cannot do anything. so I just end up feeling so fucking shitty about these campaigns dyin#the obvious answer would be for me to DM but I don't want to fucking DM!!!#I want to play my morally dubious characters with no responsibilities involving keeping the plot going beyond my own character roleplay#I have FIVE evil aligned characters sitting around that I've never gotten to play in a session that I KNOW would be so fun to rp as but ALA#not to mention my fd up teenage warlock who did manage to exist in a campaign for several months but the DM overworked themselves and quit#i am still upset about that#besides if I decided to DM a campaign it'd literally never start because I'd get hyperfocused on the minutiae of random encounters#also i already tried to wrangle schedules once before for a raid group in a video game and I am NEVER FUCKING DOING THAT AGAIN#fivertalks.txt
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#need to vent somewhere might as well do it here#I'm honestly not doing well#I've always tried to keep positive no matter how grim it all looked but I'm so tired#I can laugh about things and enjoy things#but everything seems deafened somehow#helmer being gone hurts but for some reason it feels like my body does not allow me to grief properly#not in the way it needs to#whenever I feel a strong emotion if feels like I'm suffocating or put in a room too small for me#doesn't help that physically I've been in a downward spiral for a while now#I was already tired and depressed for a few years but when I got covid a few months ago after managing to avoid it for 3 years it amplified#since covid allergies have become more severe to the point I can barely go outside when there are a few pollen in the air#other physical issues I had also seemed to have gotten worse#I'm tired all the time and unable to maintain social contacts I really want to maintain#I've been unable to draw like I used to because it tires me out too much#I'm not sure how to claw myself out of this hole#I'll keep trying but fucking hell I'm so exhausted#I'm also very worried for my dad and his health#I don't want to talk too much about it right now but it's bad#as in the doctor gave him a year a year ago bad#I love my dad very much and I'm scared
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#just had a strange dream#actually not all that strange and could easily be a reality if I'm not careful#in the dream my sister was desperately trying to get pregnant and I was desperately praying I wasn't#the dream ended before the test showed if I was or not but dream me was already making plans to get an abortion#I have never had and desire to be pregnant or have a baby#irl my sister has had a hard time getting pregnant. they're not actively trying but her husband doesn't like condoms#so she's gotten pregnant a few times#and miscarried several times#and that's tragic and I feel for her#but if I wound up unwittingly pregnant I would still make sure my family never found out and I'd get rid of it#I know my sister would probably pay me out the ass for the baby#but I don't want to sacrifice my body and potentially my life for her#the idea of being pregnant and giving birth is horrifying to me#besides my sister won't be a good mom especially if it wasn't hers#she's a wannabe influencer and any children she has will be props to make her look good#she and her husband are far too selfish and emotionally immature to give a kid the emotional support they'd need#and I wouldn't put any child of mine through that#I woke up with only one thought: that I need to get an IUD before they wind up banned across the US#I'm afraid of how much it will hurt because I've heard some horror stories but I'm terrified of getting pregnant more#tbh I'd get sterilized if I could
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As always, I'm curious...
Poll incoming:
#5 or 6 on an average day#despite how much else is going wrong this week I've had a few 3 days for the first time in ages#so that's been nice and I've gotten a lot done around the house cuz of it#this chart actually is like one number more severe than I'm used to actually?#as in what is 9 I am used to reading at 10 etc#but most charts I read are already inside doctor offices or the hospital SOOOOO
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