#i've got so much planned

[allastoredeer]

Hola I was wondering if you are planning to dive more deep in the hypnosis headcanon, or if Vox will try it again on Alastor later on, in your fic, and Lucy will smack the shit out of him.

Like is your plot gonna have the vees as secondary villains, who tries and fail to sabotage the hotel or are they gonna totally give up on conquering hell now that the king is back?

I know Alastor made them think that he and Lucy are together, but Vox didn’t actually believed that they were a thing the first time they were presumably caught in sexual activities. I felt like he just wanted to rile Alastor up during the meeting and getting any reaction out of him, probably cause he craves Alastor’s attention…so i don’t think he fully believes that Alastor loves Lucifer still, cause in his mind Alastor is his. He saw him first kinda of logic XD

Like Imagine if Vox convinces himself that ‘his Alastor’ is being forced to do what the king wants cause of a supposed deal, made after he disappeared, So he tries to save him or whatever, always getting between Lucifer and Alastor, asking him out in front of Lucy, and overall being a gentle soul to Al which only scares the shit out of the deer, who wants nothing to do with him. Eheh I love Vox being a delusional IPad

Also is Lucifer gonna get possessive of Al later on? Cause that’s my fav kind

Thank you for listening 🫶

Oooh hooo hooo twosouls out here asking the real questions. Some of which I can't answer due to spoilers, which in and of itself is an answer, I guess.

With Vox in "Damage Control," he was in a very weird, confrontational, possessive state about the whole thing, especially during the Overlord meeting. He kept going at Alastor and accusing him of things he was doing with Lucifer, and being a general out of control mess, but when Alastor more or less "confirms" that it's true, his immediate reaction is to deny it. He may have been going at Alastor, demanding to know what these rumors were about, but deep down, you're right, he didn't actually believe they were true.

He was just acting out because of his own complicated feelings for Alastor. He doesn't like this rumor and how much it's spreading throughout the city. It brought out a lot of old, ugly memories and he is not reacting to them well. Seeing Alastor face to face again, for the first time, definitely doesn't help.

As for Lucifer getting possessive of Al 😏 I guess we'll see, won't we.

All I can say that Vox and the Vee's are going to get involved later on in the series, and I'm excited to get into it.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Hi! I don’t have an AO3 account just yet so I don’t think I can comment directly on Space and Time Takes Violent, Angry, Things (and Makes Them Kind), but I just want to say that this fic has become one of, if not my FAVORITE fics of all time! As someone who loves 11, Amy, and Rory but wishes they had a better arc in series 6-7a, I love love love seeing them get the stories and character growth they deserve. And Torchwood being included! River/Tosh! The Doctor apologizing! Family bonding! Angst with a happy ending! This fic has checked off every single one of my boxes and I love it with my entire heart. I keep rereading the chapters posted and it just gets better! I can tell that this fic will be one of those permanently engraved in my brain and I will be rereading it for YEARS to come. I can’t thank you enough for writing it. Please take this ask as a billion kudos and all of the hugs in the world <33

First off, I literally shrieked with delight when I saw this in my inbox (and then proceeded to shed a small tear). You are so very sweet and this means so much to me I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this. It means the absolute world to hear that you're enjoying the character growth and the Torchwood additions and the way I took the Eleven/Amy/Rory relationship and the family bonding (all of which were big goals for me). Also to hear that you're rereading it is the biggest compliment in the world as a writer, just behind the fact that this will be "permanently engraved in your brain" or that this is one of your favorite fics of all time! When I tell you I am going to be riding this high for the next couple of days, I mean it!

Second off, all of my fics should have anonymous commenting on (save a couple from older fandoms I had to turn off due to hate spam), so if you also want to comment on the fics themselves, you can totally comment as a guest if you'd like.

Third off, I really do hope that you continue to enjoy the series as it goes on! I know that the most recent update leaves on quite the cliffhanger (sorry not sorry for that one), but it's the inciting incident for planned character development for Eleven's Season 7 arc as well as priming Thirteen's arc (I don't know if you've followed this account at all, but Eleven is going to be regenerating directly into Thirteen because I really wanted to continue exploring how regeneration and gender interact in this series + give the other "lonely" Doctor a chance at happiness like I did Eleven) and so I'm really excited to see how people react to it.

Lastly, the next fic is going to reveal something I've been foreshadowing from almost the beginning of this series (it might be my favorite plot twist I've ever written), so I hope to hear if you like it/if you think the set-up pays off well.

Thanks once again for the ask/comment- I'm going to be smiling so wide for the next couple of days!

[delicourse]

i miss them a little if im gonna be honest

[the-nothing-maker]

Holy blemishes

(Mel is my main D&D guy from @luposlipaphobya's campaign, Val Cardinal !)

[ecoplasma]

Messiah

[chalkrub]

art fight is once again drawing near and i will once again be very enthusiastically participating! i love artfight i LOVE ocs and i love drawing other people's ocs - feel free to reblog/reply with your artfights, I always go through and bookmark my followers' characters <:^) above, you can see a small sample of my guys, both old and new, if you wanna draw them! it always makes me more happy than i can say to see my ocs in other peoples styles. tbh. if i'm being honest.

my artfight username is also chalkrub, pr alternatively you can click this funny little link HERE

I’ll be team seafoam, easiest choice of all time even if my idealised version of seafoam does not match up to the reality of the gross beige clumpy froth I see on estuaries sometimes

[demaparbat-hp]

crawling up the walls over zuko kyosho makeup concept uGH

Bit of a sneak peek!!!

In this AU, Zuko is sort of an unofficial warrior. He wears face paint, but the style is mixed with that of a river spirit from home. He has a headband engraved with the character for fire. He fights, sometimes with the fans, sometimes with the niuweidao. Armor? Sure, but does it come in black and red?

There's definitely some Kyoshi influence in his life, but he's still Zuko. And that's something I love about him.

[comfortzonelol]

♠️

[mroddmod]

voltron in 2024 lets goooooo 🔥🔥

[t-u-i-t-c]

Taiya & Genba │ Lap 3

"Genba has just lost track of his wheel. That's all."

+ bonus

[coern-art-very-cool-and-nice]

sekai au 👊😔

[skibasyndrome]

.

[peaches2217]

Perhaps some 🤒 for Luisley?

🤒 - Needing to be looked after

Overstimulated

~~~

The click of the front door opening, muffled though it was through the walls of his bedroom, brought Luigi out of his self-induced trance. That would be Mario. Back so soon?

When there was no call of “Weegee, sono tornato!”, the dread fluttering within Luigi’s stomach beat its wings even harder, exacerbated by the perpetual overstimulation that buzzed throughout his limbs and core. A silent Mario was rarely a good thing. That usually meant he was angry or deeply saddened or so thoroughly baffled that he had to retreat into his thoughts to make any sense of his own feelings, and given the context under which he had left the house…

What did he say? Was he upset? Those thoughts tumbled through Luigi’s head in a maddening rush, and as terrified as he was of the answer, he needed to know. As unusually light footsteps padded towards his room, he cocooned himself beneath his blankets, as if their soft fabric could cushion the blow of whatever he was about to hear, and steeled himself.

“Ch-che ha detto?” he called out to his brother. “Era… arrabbiato?”

The voice that responded was not Mario’s.

“Ah! There you are!”

Luigi’s blood froze within his veins.

He tossed the blankets aside and sat up just as the door was thrown open, and the sudden slam of wood against wood sent a jolt through his body that made him clap his hands over his ears. The all too familiar figure in the doorway, his bold chartreuse and white and gold standing in stark contrast to the cottage’s cozy interior, jolted as well.

“Commoners’ abodes,” Peasley muttered beneath his breath, eyeing the door with a mix of contempt and bemusement. “Why must your doors be so ludicrously lightweight?”

The disdain in his eyes might normally draw a chuckle from Luigi — he could practically see Peasley storming into the office of Toad Town’s primary contractor and causing a scene, because how dare the great heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom be given a home constructed of anything less than marble and solid gold — but today he flinched away from it. 

This wasn’t happening. Surely this wasn’t happening.

Remembering all too suddenly the state that he was in, Luigi dove beneath the covers once more. Maybe he hadn’t been seen. Maybe he could still save face. Maybe the fabric could swallow him whole and put an end to this nightmare before it began. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing?” Peasley repeated, his tone thick with mock-offense. “My love, what wouldn’t I be doing here? Is it not one’s most sacred duty to tend to their loved ones in times of need?”

His voice came nearer as he spoke, and beneath his shroud of cotton and down, Luigi gulped. His pulse throbbed in his ears, his heart threatening to rip through bone and sinew right out of his chest. “Please don’t worry,” he said, though his voice shook far more than he would’ve liked. “I— I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today! It’s just, y’know—”

“‘Shroom fever’, correct?” Peasley drew the question out, his voice calm, but laced with something that sounded like amusement.

He didn’t buy it. Immediately Luigi’s throat tightened, and he inhaled sharply, willing himself not to start tearing up.

He expected his blankets to be pried away any moment now, for Peasley to expose his unkempt, lying face and see him for the great big mess that he truly was. The mattress dipped beside where he was curled into a pathetic heap, and his muscles tensed, preparing for the worst.

But it never came.

“Yes, that’s what the red one told me.” The amusement was still there, but now it sounded softer, more affectionate than accusatory. “I must say, he’s not too terribly convincing a liar. He would have held no qualms in seeing me to your bedside if you were ill, but he couldn’t give me a good answer for why this time was different.”

Luigi winced. He hadn’t considered that.

“You can’t tell him what’s going on,” he’d pleaded to his brother half an hour earlier, arms hugging his chest tightly in a futile attempt to stave off the effects of sensory overload. “Just, like… tell him I’m sick. Tell him I’ve got shroom fever or something!”

Mario, though sympathetic, had been disapproving. “He’s gonna have to know eventually. Come on, you know as well as I do that it won’t change anything.”

“But what if it does? What if he thinks I’m pathetic?” 

“Then he never deserved you in the first place,” was Mario’s response. 

Of course, that answer brought Luigi very little comfort. He felt bad enough when this happened, when his oddly-wired brain decided for no good reason that all sensory input was suddenly a thousand times more overwhelming than what he was used to, that getting out of bed was just too great a struggle as a result. For it to happen on a day he was supposed to meet up with the love of his life? The thought that he might lose said love for something so pathetic as this? Luigi couldn’t even begin to comprehend the ease with which Mario suggested that might be okay.

Peasley chuckled now, the sound resonating from deep within his chest. “Your fraternal devotion to one another will never cease to amaze me. No matter my insistence, I couldn’t drag an answer from him. He merely said that my right to know was entirely up to you.”

Frustration and gratitude grappled for superiority in Luigi’s mind. Of course Mario would never go spilling Luigi’s business. But he would have allowed it just this once, just to save himself some heartache.

If he was going to lose Peasley’s respect, he would have preferred it to happen from a distance. He didn’t want this front-row seat to his own undoing. The air beneath his flimsy fortress was hot and stale, and he felt sweat beading at his hairline.

“…It’s nothing,” he finally attempted, meekly.

“Hmm. Well, it’s something to you, and thus it’s something to me.” A rustling of fabric, and then the lightest of indents in the mattress next to his head. Peasley’s hand. “Do you mourn, my love? Might this be the anniversary of some tragedy? Or perhaps you’ve lost something dear to you?”

Not yet. Even thinking as much constricted Luigi’s airway once more, so he shook his head in response.

Peasley hummed again. “Might this have to do with your condition, then? Your anxiety, or your… awe-tee-sum, was it called?”

“Autism,” Luigi corrected automatically, and instantly he flinched at his own haste. “It’s… it’s nothing, I promise. It’s dumb.”

“Ah. So that’s a yes.”

Peasley still didn’t move. He sat perfectly still, his hand never once inching closer, an invitation that Luigi was welcome to accept or decline as he saw fit. He wanted nothing more than to reach out into the still air and take that hand, hold onto it with all his might, have some sort of solid proof that he wouldn’t be abandoned in spite of his brain telling him such an outcome was inevitable.

“…What else did Mario say?” he ventured instead, because Peasley had never been the sort to keep his hands to himself, and he had a sneaking suspicion his elder twin had something to do with that, too.

“He said I would do well to speak quietly and refrain from touching you without your permission,” Peasley confessed, “lest I would have scooped you into my arms the moment I heard your voice.” Another chuckle, and this time Luigi almost had the heart to join in. “I confess, I still don’t quite understand. But I would like to help. Will you acquaint me with your struggles, my dear?” 

Acquaint me with your struggles. Now this was the phrase that bounced about Luigi’s skull, because it made no sense whatsoever. They were supposed to be on a date together. They were supposed to be out and about, enjoying food and nature and being a normal couple (as normal a couple as a human nobody and a Beanish prince could be, anyway). But instead Luigi was cooped up at home, too overstimulated to function like a regular personal, and Peasley had every right to be upset with him for balking on their plans and being a waste of oxygen and organic matter.

And for some reason only the Star Spirits could attest to, he wasn’t. Literal royalty sat at Luigi’s side, addressing him with fondness and requesting understanding of his inadequacies. 

That was reason enough for Luigi to untangle himself from his blankets and pull them down, just enough to peek up and ensure the creature beside him was, in fact, not some fantastical fabrication from deep within his own fantasies.

“There you are.” Deep brown eyes beamed at him, revered him as a god among men, and for a moment Luigi felt that maybe he really was. “I feared I might not get to see that beautiful visage at all today.”

A swirl of conflicting emotions bubbled up within Luigi: confusion, joy, sadness, shame, filling every crevice of his body and compelling him to act. Hesitantly, he pulled the covers all the way down; the shedding of those protective layers made the buzzing in his limbs intensify, and the fresh air sent a chill through him, but breathing it in felt refreshing, even renewing. He filled his lungs, reached out, and accepted Peasley’s invitation at last.

The prince’s hand was pleasantly cool to the touch, and just as he had hoped, its stable presence calmed his racing heart. He tightened his grasp and tugged in order to pull himself up and scoot into an upright position. His head spun and his mouth was dry, but Peasley was here, and he would at least hear him out, and the loving gaze he fixed Luigi with gave him the courage to explain.

“Sometimes,” he began, “I… I mean, half the time, n-nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine, but for some reason the world is too loud and too bright a-and everything… hurts. It’s all just…” He balled his free hand into a fist and clenched as tightly as he could, and that at least lessened the buzz in the corresponding arm. “...too much.”

“Is that so?” Peasley said. There was genuine curiosity in his tone, sympathy in his eyes. “And today is such a day?”

Luigi nodded. “And I-I promise I tried fighting past it today. I didn’t wanna let you down, but…”

“Let me down? Luigi, I would never ask you to exceed your limitations for my sake.”

“But my limitations are—” He swallowed as well as he could, given his tongue felt woolen in his mouth. “Don’t you think it’s… don’t you think I’m kinda… kinda pathetic?”

The question gave Peasley pause, and where Luigi half-expected a denial, he was given only silence. But this silence wasn’t tense or uncertain; Peasley touched his index finger to his chin and cast his eyes aside, lips puckering and brows furrowing, the charmingly goofy expression of a Bean deep in thought.

He was… he was actually giving it serious consideration. And somehow that made his answer mean so much more than an immediate reassurance would have.

“…Not particularly, no,” he ultimately decided. “There are days where even I, skillful as I am, don’t feel quite up to par, and oftentimes there’s no good reason for it. Would you think less of me for such a thing?”

“Wha—? O-of course not!”

“And I think no less of you in turn.” Drawing Luigi’s hand to his lips, he pressed a tender kiss to his knuckles, his well-moisturized lips soft against the tight and dry skin.  “Thank you for teaching me more about yourself, Greenie. I loathe to see you struggle, but I’m grateful that you would share those struggles with me.”

Once more Luigi’s heart raced, but no longer with fearful anxiety. Was this really possible? He was so certain he’d ruined Peasley’s day, so certain the repercussions would haunt him for years to come, and yet here he was, showering him with love and accepting him at one of his lower lows.

This wasn’t happening. Surely it wasn’t happening. 

But it was, and the relief and gratitude and affection that flowed through his perpetually overstimulated body made Luigi want to slump forward, fall into Peasley’s arms, wait out the unpleasantness in the safety of his embrace.

At the same time, the thought of so much physical contact… he shuddered and relaxed his balled fist. Maybe holding hands was as much as he could manage today. But suddenly the thought of being alone again terrified him. “Will— will you stay? I-I don’t know where Mario’s at but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind—”

The smile Peasley flashed was both pleased and knowing. “Oh, rest assured, he’s not too far. He said he’d remain in the living room while we spoke.” Leaning in, he added beneath his breath: “Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been listening in all this time. You know you have an excellent brother, do you not?”

At that, Luigi laughed, a mousey but authentic laugh. “You have an excellent brother” was Peasley Code for “Your brother has implicitly made threats against me that could have him declared a war criminal in the Beanbean Kingdom because he cares far more for your well being than his own.”  Mario trusted Peasley and the two were good friends, sure, but he could get… rather intense when it came to his beloved little brother’s heart.

“Sorry about him,” Luigi whispered back.

“Rest assured, I’m happy for it! The more people looking after you, the better.” Peasley leaned back once more and stood, but he didn’t let go of Luigi’s hand. “Would you like some water?” he asked at his original volume. “And perhaps some lip balm? You’ve been licking and smacking your lips this entire time, you know.”

Luigi’s tongue darted between his lips automatically at that statement, and he realized Peasley was correct; not only were his throat and mouth still dry, but his lips were cracked. A bad habit of his, admittedly, and one he was never conscious of until someone else pointed it out. “Please. But—” He paused then, because making requests of a prince still didn’t feel quite right.

Thankfully, he didn’t need to make the request. Peasley gave his hand one more tight squeeze before dropping it and answering the silent question aloud.

“I’ll be only a moment,” he promised as he backed out of the room. “Nothing in all the world could convince me to leave your side, my love. You have my word.”

And though he still trembled in discomfort as his boyfriend took his leave, Luigi relaxed against the headboard, closing his eyes and sighing softly, because he knew it was the truth. Come hell or high water, full-functioning days or overload days, he knew now more certainly than ever that Peasley had no intention of abandoning him.

And he had to admit, that was a nice feeling.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Alright! It is finally time to face the Elder Brain and end this run. For a little disclaimer, I did complete this run just a few days before Patch 7. I just have posting paralysis and shit sits in my drafts forever before I post things.

Shadowheart tried to dominate the Elder Brain. But, her plan was an abysmal failure.

And doomsday has arrived for the city of Baldur's Gate.

Pro tip: before walking into the apocalypse, make sure your pet illithid is well fed. Locally sourced brains are the preferred nutrition, but store bought is fine.

Despite the apocalyptic scenario she finds herself in, Minthara is enjoying herself and having a grand old time. Definitely the kind of person who thrives in chaos and is her most calm when shit hits the fan.

At the beginning of this all, Shadowheart was alone, trying to navigate the dangers by herself. She felt that she did not need any allies as they would be nothing but liabilities. But Minthara was the one who, ironically, pulled her out of the darkness and gave her the push she needed to step away from Shar. She never could have made it this far without her.

A failed Sharran, a drow, and an illithid walk into a bar...

Meet my friends!

RAWR!

Now this is what I call some quality gameplay! No one can attack you if they can't see you. And even if they could see you, you've evoked the "you can't touch me" rules!

In a final act of desperation, the nether brain pleads for its life, trying to entice Shadowheart into becoming Absolute. Of course, Minthara wants Shadowheart to take the brain and they can rule the world as gods. Sadly, Shadowheart has turned into a helpless do-gooder and destroyed the brain. Lame.

Yay! They saved the city and Minthara unintentionally did a good thing! Now, she wants to get shitfaced so she can forget the awful experience of being a hero against her will.

So, Shadowheart sleeps and Minthara trances, right? Meaning Minthara wakes up long before Shadowheart does. Therefore, Minthara has spent at least 4 hours just sitting here, staring at Shadowheart and waiting for her to wake up. I mean, I would do the same thing too...

Babygurl, it is just me and you here. Who the hell do you think I've been partying with without you? Who are you so afraid of? Who are you trying to poison?

You know, Withers could have just visited the evil lesbians in Baldur's Gate instead of throwing this lavish and extravagant party in the middle of nowhere.

Whoooo boi! This has probably been the longest it has taken me to ever complete a run in Baldur's Gate. Not because it was difficult, but because I was fighting burn-out at the same time, and, well, life stuff happened. But now with Patch 7 being here, I can finally download and install some mods to bring back that spark and replay Daedra and maybe complete that Karlach origin that I keep putting off. This will probably be the last time I do a Shadowheart origin as I have already done it three times and I miss her as a companion.

This is my first duo run and I have had a lot of fun with it. Knowing that I only had two companions and limited resources really made me approach combat and scenarios more tactfully and prepare in advance. It also provided me with some really good RP reasons to make some not so morally good decisions. This was a run that started off with Shadowheart making evil decisions out of necessity and survival, but then her selectively choosing to be good and to be better as she knows she has the power to be better. And having a powerhouse like Minthara at her side certainly gave her the confidence. Of course, Minthara had to get dragged through all this character development, grumbling and bitching about it the entire time. Although, I do not think she learned the same lessons as Shadowheart did as she is still up to her same old drow shenanigans.

This entire run was completely inspired by a random Shadowthara gifset I came across months ago and I knew I just had to do it. Shadowheart and Minthara have very quickly become one of my favorite ships and is my second favorite ship for Minthara specifically. I always knew that Shadowheart and Minthara had some overlap in their stories, but I didn't realize just how much they did overlap. I feel most people probably would have had Shadowheart go the DJ route with Minthara (and would be the canon route if Shadowheart only had Minthara by her side). So I went the opposite direction and found a good RP motivator to make Shadowheart reject Shar instead. To be honest, I think Minthara and Selunite Shadowheart mesh better together than DJ Shadowheart (although DJ Shaodwheart and Minthara are delicious in their own way).

Now that the run is completely over, I will get to my final wrap up in the next coming days. I will also polish out the chapters I have already written for my Shadowheart fic and start getting it published. And for all those who have followed me through this run when you really didn't have to:

Thank you!

< Orin |

[nikolas-ghostbusters-fixation]

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how everyone thought Egon had gone insane. What Happened that made them think that. They've fought a gigantic Stay Puft Marshmellow Man TWICE (counting the 2009 video game because iirc it's canon? Correct me if I'm wrong), fought an interdimensional god, fought a blood thirsty ruler that killed thousands and was hated by all that was trapped in a painting (and managed to get in to beat him by making THE STATUE OF LIBERTY start walking down the street with slime that reacted purely based on vibes), found an underground abandoned transit system full of the moodslime, had a bathtub try to eat Dana and her baby, fought a giant murderous black widow lady, fought the fisherman ghost who turned an entire hotel floor into the bottom of a ocean, and that's not even mentioning them getting trapped on an island that randomly raised up from underwater that had been abandoned for decades created by Ivor Shandor who worshipped Gozer. So what did he do or say that made everyone else think he'd gone insane?? All I can think is maybe he was acting strange / eratic before, but he's always been like that to some degree.

I don't know. It's something that I've been thinking about. The correct answer is 'it's not that deep and they needed a reason that the others weren't together anymore and weren't aware of Egons death or know what was going on,' but also. What Was He Saying that prompted everyone, including Ray, to think he lost his mind when he'd been right almost every time before that.

I'm genuinely so curious as to what he was up to before this. What was he doing. What insane idea was working on prior to this or was he even working on anything at all??

Also want to clarify this post isn't negative 😭 I really love the newer movies and their lore / the newer storyline / characters, I just like thinking about small stupid things like this. Gives me something to think about / speculate about / figure out an answer to.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3