#i've got less than a week to write a four loves story

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Number of stories I would like to write: Many.

Number of stories I find myself able to write: Zero.

[writingforstraykids]

Addicted to you Chp.21

Pairing: Minchan (mention of OT8)

Word Count: 4613

Summary: Chan and Minho organize a long break for the whole group, knowing they all need one after these troubling times. Five months later, Chan gets a taste of Minho in his best form, and he couldn't be more proud.

Warnings/Tags: fluff, cuddles, smut, min is insecure about his weight gain, small misunderstanding, the boys are in love

Chp. 20 | Back to the beginning

A/N: Thank you to everyone who made it this far and enjoyed the story. Thank you for the lovely requests and comments, they made the whole process so much more fun. My first Stray Kids project is officially "done". As always, I am open to writing more as long as you have concrete wishes and ideas. I've enjoyed writing this series a lot, delving a little more into the aspects of their hidden relationship, the insecurities and challenges that come with that, and so on. So please, if you'd like more, maybe also about the other pairings in this specific setting, don't hesitate to let me know - Nat🖤

Setting fire to my already tamed feelings Don't make me bad, bad Addicted to you Once we've started, you must be mine Addicted to you - Lee Know, Felix & Hyunjin

“I need a break,” Chan announced to the room. Everyone stared at him, surprised but curious about the sudden confession. Everyone just finished lunch and gathered in the living room to relax. 

“Uh, thanks for the warning?” Felix chuckled.

“We all do,” Chan continued on. The boys began to share confused expressions. “We���ve been working our asses off ever since Minho came back. None of us has had time to rest.”

“That’s true,” Changbin nodded.

“I talked to our management and got us all a month off,” he said and smiled as they all looked at him with a mixture of shock and excitement. “I want you all to go home for a while. Check in with your families, spend some time with them. I’ll be leaving a few days earlier than you all. I promised my mum to stay with them for a while after they found out most of what happened through our recent interviews. If you’d like, we could still go on vacation together during the last week. Maybe you all could come to Australia again.”

“That was quite fun,” Jeongin nodded excitedly. 

“And they approved all of us leaving for a month?” Jisung asked, stunned.

“It took some work,” Minho admitted. “But we’ve told them that the past few months have been too much not only for Chan and myself. I, more or less, let them know that they’d have to deal with more public breakdowns if we wouldn’t get a break soon,” he laughed. 

“Which was quite convincing, apparently,” Chan giggled. “So vacation starts in two days. Felix, you’ll still have to attend that fashion event in four days, but then you’re free to leave.”

“Sounds good to me,” Felix smiled excitedly. He couldn’t wait to go back home for a while. “My parents would love to see you guys again.”

“My mother hasn’t been talking about anything else since I suggested it,” Chan snorted.

“As long as she makes us that amazing dinner from last time again,” Hyunjin grinned.

“I bet she will,” Seungmin laughed.

"Australia it is then," Minho nodded, chuckling at his friends. As everyone continued the conversation, his heart warmed seeing the people he loved most…happy. 

-

Chan had been gone for a week now. Everyone else, besides Felix and Minho, left for home two days ago. Minho decided to stay with Felix before he flew to Australia so he didn’t have to stay at the house all by himself. 

“How’s Chan?” Felix asked one evening as they sat together on the sofa. 

“He’s having a bit of a hard time, I think,” Minho told him. “His parents are still really worried. His sister was pretty pissed he didn’t tell her how he was feeling instead of having to find out through the interviews.”

“She’ll calm down in a few days,” Felix chuckled. 

“That’s what I told him,” he nodded, but a slight unease still lay in his tone. 

“But?” Felix asked, picking up on it.

“You know Chan, he always gets a little depressed without us there,” he shrugged and leaned back. “He keeps telling me how much he misses me. He never did that before either. It’s not like we haven’t been apart for this long before,” he giggled softly.

“You never meant this much to him before,” he reminded him kindly. 

“Fair point,” Minho sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I have an idea,” he told him excitedly. “You’ve just visited home, and you always visit your parents after therapy. I bet they wouldn’t mind if you’d come with me instead.”

“To Australia? So early?” he asked, opening his eyes to give Felix a confused look. 

“Yeah. I always book two seats to have some peace during the flight so I can take you with me easily,” he told him. “We could surprise Chan with you just showing up at the front door.”

Minho giggled softly. “That would actually be fun.”

“Come on, call your mum. I’m sure she’d agree,” he laughed.

Minho quickly grabbed his phone, calling his mother. “Hi, mum,” he said cheerfully. “I have a question,” he got straight to the point, putting her on speaker. But there was no response, to Minho’s disbelief. “Mum?” he called out with a small whine, a cute pout beginning to rest on his lips.

“You’ll be leaving for Australia early?” she asked, laughing as Minho gasped.

“How the hell did you guess that?” he asked, stunned. Felix started laughing at him in the background.

“Oh please! You were talking about your boyfriend nonstop when you came over last week. Also, you’ve been visiting here so often now that I knew you wouldn’t feel bad not coming to stay with us for a few weeks,” she laughed. “I bet he really misses you, Min.”

“He does,” Minho nodded.

“You should go,” she told him kindly. “Felix?” she asked, quickly identifying him by his cheerful laugh. 

“Yes?” he asked politely. 

“Take care of him on that flight, yeah?” she asked. 

“Of course I will,” he promised. “I’ll bring him back to you safely.” Minho’s mom gave her goodbyes and ended the call. 

Minho smiled widely and pulled Felix into a warm, gentle hug. “Thank you, Felix.”

Felix nodded and hugged Minho, squeezing him tightly. “Of course, Minho.”

-

Chan was still lying in bed, scrolling through his phone and trying to stay awake. He tossed and turned all night, and the lack of sleep was trying to lure him back into a deep slumber. He yawned softly and stretched his tired body. He began smiling as he heard the small patter of his dog coming down the hallway and into his room, hopping on the bed. “Hi Berry,” he said softly.

“Chris?” his mother called out for him from downstairs.

“Yes mom?” he shouted back, not really feeling like moving. 

“Someone’s here to see you,” she said. “Can you come down here for a moment?”

He groaned softly. If his mother asked in that tone, he was sure it was a friend of theirs wanting to see how their idol son was doing, maybe even collecting a few autographs on the way. “Fine,” he groaned, quickly pulling a sweater over his head to cover his naked chest. He walked down the stairs, not noticing the person standing next to his sister with a grumble to himself. “I swear if this is another - Minho?!” he asked, his jaw dropping as he finally looked up at the visitor in question. 

“Surprise?” he asked gently. Before he knew it, Chan was in his arms, lifting and spinning him around. “Channie, nooo” he giggled, wrapping his legs around his waist. “I just stepped off the plane, go easy on me!”

“What the hell? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I could’ve picked you up from the airport,” he pouted, a whine can be heard through his tone. 

“Hannah did,” Minho said gently. Chan looked at her surprised, not believing she was in on the surprise. “Felix had an extra seat, and we decided to surprise you.”

“When do you leave?” he asked.

“Whenever you leave,” he told him. Chan’s smile widened. Minho laughed as he put him back down on the ground and hugged him tightly. 

“And where will you be staying?” he asked, still not fully grasping that he was actually there.

“Here, you dumbass,” Hannah told him, rolling her eyes at him.

“Your mum said it would be alright,” Minho said gently.

“Of course it is!” she assured him with a bright smile. “You’re always welcome here, Minho.”

“Thank you,” he smiled at her. Chan couldn’t help himself anymore and kissed him passionately, pulling him in close. Minho grunted softly, but returned the kiss happily. He pulled back and stared at him, a bit dazed. “I suppose you told them about us?” 

“Obviously,” Chan laughed.

“I told him fighting to get you back to the group was the one thing he did right the past few weeks,” Hannah said teasingly. 

Minho giggled softly and pulled her into a hug. “I missed you too, little sister,” he said fondly. “But don’t be too hard on him, alright? I wasn’t exactly easy to be around either.”

“Fine,” she rolled her eyes, but they knew she meant well. Minho was always fond of Hannah since the day they met. 

Minho smiled at Chan and reached out for him, grabbing his hand. “I think I need a nap.”

“That’s the jetlag,” he chuckled. “I had another shitty night myself, let’s go.” Minho followed him upstairs to his room, giggling as Chan threw the door closed and kissed him needily. “Fuck, I missed you, baby.”

“I missed you too, love,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around his neck. “So, so much.” Chan buried his face in his shoulder, hugging him even tighter. “Are you okay?” his voice laced with care and warmth, fondling his hair. 

“Yeah,” he whispered, hot tears burning in his eyes. 

“Channie?” he asked gently, pulling back a little and lifting his face. “Oh, angel,” he whispered.

“I really fucking missed you, that’s all,” he assured him.

“You’re so cute,” he told him, pressing their foreheads together. “I’m here now. I won’t stop getting on your nerves for a whole month,” he smirked. “There’s no staff to stop us either. And the others get here in three weeks.”

“Sounds perfect,” he smiled and brushed their noses together. “Just you and me.”

“Mhm, just you and me, Channie,” he smiled softly, cupping his face and kissing him gently. The two almost got lost in their embrace, until Minho pulled back to speak. “Uh, before I forget, my therapist asked if you’d like to join the next session?”

Chan frowned softly at the request. “Why?”

“She thinks it’ll be easier to work through certain things that happened with you there. Like collapsing on stage and getting to the hospital after. I don't have many memories of that night,” he shrugged. 

“Alright, sure thing,” he nodded. “Now let’s get some sleep.”

Five months later

Minho looked at himself in the mirror, carefully fixing his hair. He was wearing a perfectly fitted dark suit that hugged him in all the right places, the vest painted with blue stripes. A delicate necklace rested on his skin, and a ring on each hand completed the look. The one on his right ring finger being a present from his boyfriend. The color definitely complimented his dark hair. He crouched down a little, testing his trousers, which were a little tight. 

"Minho hyung, what are you doing?" Felix laughed at him, leaning against the vanity not too far from him. He was walking around looking for his friend, just to make sure he was doing okay. 

Minho met his eyes through the mirror and started to laugh as well. "I'm scared I'll rip them. They're not the best fit for this dance." 

Hyunjin looked up from his phone, sitting comfortably on a nearby couch. "I bet Chan wouldn't agree with you on that." 

Felix grinned and made his way over, taking a closer look. "I think you look stunning. Time to tease your boyfriend." 

Minho chuckled at them and playfully rolled his eyes. "Don't think Changbin won't drool over you either," he winked at him, making the younger one blush. "Oh wait, we have another style expert right here. Doesn't our sunshine look handsome, Hyunjin?" he asked the younger male and turned Felix in his direction. 

Hyunjin smirked and put his phone aside. "What do you think made him blush so hard a minute ago?" 

"Oh, I see," Minho chuckled. Hyunjin got up and made his way over, gently grabbing Felix's chin and looking deep into his eyes. The shiteating grin on his face not leaving for a second as his gaze devoured Felix. Minho sensed it and took note. "That's my que to leave. Remember, we have to be on stage in ten minutes. I don't want either one of you to go out there hard."

Felix quickly grabbed Minho's hand and held him back. "If you leave, he won't stop being a tease. I’ll definitely be in trouble then." Felix pleaded with the cutest pout on his lips.

Minho giggled softly and stayed where he was, taking out his phone. With a chuckle, Hyunjin decided to have mercy on Felix and gave him a sweet, loving kiss. Meanwhile, Minho saw a few messages from Chan pop up and smiled stupidly, reading them. 

I’m so proud of you, baby! You’re gonna be amazing out there. Good luck!

Minho texted a few hearts back and chuckled as Chan asked for a picture. He told him he had to see his reaction live, which made Chan send a bunch of emojis. "Alright, let's go," he said, putting his phone aside. 

The three of them made their way to the side-stage and looked into the audience. "That's a lot of people out there," Felix whispered. The older two took his hands, squeezing them encouragingly. 

"Perfect audience to perform this song for, for the first time ever," Hyunjin told him, winking cheekily at him. 

"Look, there’s Channie and the boys," Minho said, pointing at the first row a little to the right. Chan and Changbin were sitting next to each other, almost placed perfectly in his opinion, to watch Felix and himself. Jisung, Seungmin, and Jeongin were sitting next to Chan, all waiting curiously for their friends to come on stage. They began to walk out on stage as their names were announced and smirked at the screams, combined with Chan's eyes widening seeing his outfit. They both knew Chan was a sucker for him in blue. The lights only increased the effect. 

As they waited for the music to start, Minho met Chan's eyes and teasingly opened his suit jacket with a winning smirk, putting the ring on display. He had trouble holding back a grin as Chan licked his lips. The fans started cheering at his action, and Minho turned his attention to the audience. He chuckled into the microphone and did it again, this time for the audience, before getting shy at the screams and smiling brightly, looking down at the floor. Felix and Hyunjin giggled at his antics, trying to stay serious themselves. 

Changbin and Chan exchanged a look, knowing the other probably had the same impure thoughts about his boyfriend. "Fuck me," Chan breathed out quietly, and Changbin chuckled at him. 

"I'm sure he would if you'd ask nicely," he grinned and earned a punch in his arm. The others laughed at them, not needing to hear them to know what they were talking about. 

The music started, and Minho locked in, starting to move to the beat. It was kind of funny that not even their members knew what they were in for. The moment Felix's beautiful, deep voice rang through the air, the fans started shouting, and honestly, he didn't blame them. Minho started his verse, and to his surprise, he got about the same reaction to his smooth, soft voice. A rush of adrenaline filled him, and he knew he was performing well, judging by the looks of his members as he danced during Hyunjin's part. Minho took a deep breath and casually strolled to the side before starting to sing the higher notes, hitting them all beautifully making the crowd go wild once more. Chan beamed at him proudly, knowing how hard he had worked to perfect that part. 

Chan was mesmerized, looking up at his boyfriend on stage in awe. He looked beautiful in this outfit, and his heart warmed seeing him wearing the ring he bought him. His voice sounded amazing tonight, and his stage presence was undeniable. Thinking about it, Chan couldn't remember ever seeing him so in his element like this, which meant a lot, considering Minho was their main dancer. 

What didn't help was watching the way his body moved in front of thousands of people and knowing how he looked beneath the many layers of fabric. Chan did, in fact, appreciate the tight suit pants, and his jaw dropped as he got down on the floor, rolling his hips with his hand placed dangerously close to his crotch. Jisung nudged him gently, and he quickly closed his mouth again, shifting a little in his seat. 

Minho moved into a sitting position, continuing his dance movements. His intense gaze locked into Chan’s, captivating him as he continued singing. "Don't make me bad, make me bad, I'm addicted to you….Don't make me bad, bad, addicted to you." 

Chan's eyes clouded with desire the longer he watched him. He couldn't help himself feeling like Minho put on a perfectly balanced show for him and their fans. 

The performance came to an end, and they took their ending pose. Minho panted softly before meeting eyes with Chan and smirking succeedingly, knowing exactly how much he had just worked him up. He exchanged a look with Felix and Hyunjin before they all left the stage, waving at their cheering fans and friends. 

They made their way back to their room and weren't even able to sit down as their friends and boyfriends stepped inside. Minho's eyes widened at how loud the room suddenly was, and laughed at their friends, telling them how amazing their performance was. Locking eyes with Chan made him shiver with anticipation. Chan simply nodded at the door before leaving again. Minho slipped outside as the others were busy and frowned softly when Chan was nowhere to be seen. He walked down the hallway, and a door to his left opened. Chan grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside, throwing the door closed again. Minho found himself pressed against the door within seconds, and a low moan fell from his lips as Chan braced himself next to his head, looking down at him with nothing but desire in his eyes. "Hi there," he said innocently. "You liked the performance?" 

Chan grabbed his chin and searched his eyes. "You think it's funny making me hard in front of I don't know how many people?" 

"You…wow," he grinned proudly. 

"Don't look so smug," Chan giggled and groaned softly, pressing their foreheads together. "Fuck, you looked hot up there, baby."

"Thank you," he smiled sweetly and nudged his nose. "What's the secret room reserved for you only about?" he asked, spotting the name sign on the desk right in front of the mirror. Catching his reflection, he had to admit he was looking great tonight, even now that his hair was a bit of a mess. 

"So I can kiss you without anyone seeing, of course," Chan answered casually. 

"Oh," he nodded and couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. 

"You sound like that's a bad idea," he commented, frowning at him. He almost looked a little disappointed. "Did you think we'd - Minho!" 

"What?" he asked, slightly offended, and ducked down, taking a step to the side and away from him. "I'm sorry. I thought that was your intention, leading me away from everyone. You could've kissed me in our room." 

"You can't possibly think I wanted to have sex right here? With so many people passing by that door at all times?" he was a little in shock, and Minho rolled his eyes at him before sitting on the desk. 

"Why not? When did that ever bother you before, huh?" he asked and started fiddling with the necklace to take it off. "Forget it. This was a stupid idea," he said and took off the necklace, slamming it down on the table. 

"Baby, are you okay?" he asked softly. 

"No, obviously not. I'm making a fool out of myself here hoping this-," he gestured at himself. "-would finally make me attractive enough in your eyes again to go further than a kiss." 

"Wait, what?" he asked truly shocked now. His eyes widened at what he thought Minho was insinuating. 

"Two months ago, you would've gotten into my pants before I properly locked the door. You've been locking yourself up with Hannie and Changbin lately. And it's starting to piss Felix off, but I guess it makes me question myself. I don't know when the last you actually touched me and…is it because I gained weight again?" he asked, a flare of insecurity igniting in his brain as he glanced down at how his form-fitting. "Or-," he stopped as Chan was suddenly in front of him, cupping his face. 

"Baby, take a deep breath," he said kindly, and Minho glared at him, huffing softly but doing it anyways. "I'm so sorry for neglecting your needs. We've just been creating so much for the group and working on new stuff. I didn't know it was making you question yourself." 

"Well, of course it does," he pouted and nervously played with his ring, looking down at it. "Just forget it, Channie. I'm being stupid, this whole idea was stupid from the beginning." 

"What idea?" he chuckled softly. 

"All of this," he said grumpily as Chan seemed to find it amusing. 

"A warning would've been nice, kitten," he said, his voice growing smooth and low. 

Minho blinked at him, and his stomach flipped at the desire dancing in Chan's pupils. "About what? The outfit, the flirting, the dance..the intention behind all of it?" he asked innocently. 

Chan fondled up his thighs. "All of it?" he asked quietly and leaned in closer. 

"Well, where's the fun in that?" Minho asked and sank deep into his eyes. 

"I would've come prepared," he told him. 

"Check my pockets," he smirked and hopped off the table. 

Chan frowned softly before reaching into the pocket at the back. He couldn't help himself, teasingly squeezing his ass before pulling out two condoms. "Did you..?"

"No, I didn't carry them around on stage, you dumbass. I had them stored away in the waiting room," he protested, taking out the small bottle of lube from his jacket. 

"Fuck Min. Are you sure we can do this now?" he asked, checking his phone for the time. 

"Seriously? There are twenty performances before ours, which gives us at least an hour," he groaned impatiently. "But if you keep wasting time, we can't do this."

"You really came prepared, huh," Chan giggled, watching Minho impatiently unbuckling his belt. "You're in a rush?" 

"Whatever you plan on doing, these trousers come off," he told him. 

"That's a bummer. Your ass and thighs look really great in it," Chan pouted playfully. 

"They look even better when I’m straddling your dick, now move or I'll do it myself," he gave back smoothly with a hint of sassiness. Chan pulled him into a very passionate kiss, intoxicating enough to keep him dazed. His hands grabbed his ass, pulling him close as their lips met. "That's more like it," Minho smiled as he pulled back.

Chan hummed gently and unbuttoned the blue-striped vest, kissing down his torso as more skin slowly revealed itself. "By the way, you look beautiful as always, and I don't mind you gaining weight one bit," he assured him before planting a loving kiss right on the scar on his stomach. 

Minho smiled gently and brushed his hair back, looking down at him. "I know…you know how I get sometimes." 

"I do," he smiled and squeezed his hips before coming back up and kissing him on the mouth instead. "I think after delivering such a show, you deserve to see how stunning you look when you fall apart."

Minho gasped softly and looked at him with wide eyes, darkening with passion. "Just be careful and don't leave a mark in places people will see with the new outfit." 

"I'll be careful," he promised before turning him around so he was facing the mirror. 

Minho leaned back against him, inspected their reflection, and met his eyes through the mirror. "Don't we look good together?" 

"I think we fit together perfectly," Chan hummed, agreeing, and reached down into his pants, stroking his dick gently. Minho's eyes fluttered, lips parting with a gasp. Chan growled lowly and buried his nose in his neck. "Fuck Min, please tell me you're keeping this outfit. I need to fuck you properly in it tonight." 

Minho blinked at him through the mirror. "Shit, is this one of your kinks, hyung?" 

Chan pressed himself against him and gently wrapped his hand around his neck, careful not to leave any marks. "Call it whatever you want, kitten." 

Minho shivered at the contact and melted against him. "I mean, I can ask if I can keep it," he said and chuckled as Chan let go of him, dropping down to his knees in front of him. 

"You're right, I haven't been appreciating what I come home to every night enough," he tells him and fondles up his thighs. "Let me make it up to you," he said, taking the band of his boxers between his teeth and pulling them down, along with his pants. 

-

"Where's Chan hyung?" Changbin asked, confused. 

"Probably fucking Minho hyung's brains out, why?" Jeongin gave back dryly. The painfully loud silence called him to look up from his phone. "What?!" 

"Sometimes it scares me how grown-up you are now," Hyunjin said with wide eyes. His words were rewarded with him sticking his tongue out at him. 

"Maybe it's the other way around," Seungmin suggested with a shrug, casually scrolling through his phone. 

"The suit might work," Jisung hummed, agreeing. 

"I hate you all," Changbin groaned. 

"Loosen up, babe," Felix smirked. "We all know he's right." 

"Exactly," Jeongin grinned before squinting his eyes at Felix and Changbin. "Also, weren't you doing the same thing just minutes ago?" 

"Darling, that's enough," Seungmin said softly. 

"At this point, we should be allowed to do it on the sofa. Everyone knows anyway," he shrugged. 

"Minho hyung, help!" Hyunjin shouted in shock, making everyone laugh. "He'd kick your ass for that." 

"I'll go and get some coffee. Let's hope they're back to collect their kids after," Changbin sighed, and Felix giggled softly. 

"You're their kid too, dumbass," Jisung pointed out. 

"Yeah, fuck you too," he laughed. 

-

Minho pulled up the zipper of his pants, smirking at Chan, fixing his messed-up hair. Their eyes met through the mirror, and Chan turned, again dropping to his knees. He hugged him tight, burying his face in his stomach for a moment before looking up at him with dreamy eyes. Minho beamed at him, gently brushing back his hair. He hadn't been this happy in a while, being on stage without thinking about his knee anymore. He had his friends there, a very supportive boyfriend, and gosh, he loved him. All that stupid drama, those many lows and equal ups in between had made them grow much closer than before. He wouldn't want it any different now. Minho was finally truly happy, ready to face whatever was coming with Chan right by his side. This time, he was sure he'd have his back. "Channie hyung?" 

"Yes?" he asked sweetly. 

"I love you," he said. "Never forget that." 

"I think I'm addicted to you," Chan breathed out, and his eyes grew incredibly soft. "I love you more than anything else." 

"You'd die for those kids out there. Don't put me first," he giggled softly. 

"I'd die for you too," he told him. Minho believed him, truly. 

"Stay alive for me, baby boy," Minho shook his head, crouching down and kissing him hard on the mouth as tears brimmed Chan's eyes. 

"I love you too," he whispered and took his hand, kissing the ring. He got up and held up his pinky finger. “You and me against the world?”

“Forever,” Minho answered smiling, sealing the deal.

Chp. 20 | Back to the beginning

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@atinyniki @kailee08 @mal-lunar-28 @aaasia111 @lilmisssona @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @malfoygalaxies @rebecca-johnson-28 @mellhwang @lixie-phoria @michelle4eve @xxstrayland @lost-in-avoidance

[elizabethshaw]

hm. thinking thoughts

under the cut for spoiler reasons:

this is literally just me writing stuff up in no real order so there is probably not all that much coherence to it. ah well

loved how unsettling it was having something wrong with the tardis! the tardis (in the tv show at least) is usually the one guaranteed safe place in any given dr who episode and so to have it suddenly a threat like that felt genuinely unnerving

the time window sequence was cool. really liked the fuzzy, there-but-not-quite-there visual effects

i also loved the monologue/prophecy/whatever, built things up very nicely and idk. i just vibed with it. i have more to say but the words are not coming to me right now

"and standing on high is the Mother and Father and Other of them all" i haven't even read lungbarrow but them saying "other" here immediately got my attention lmao

for an episode called "the legend of ruby sunday", it felt like (particularly in the last third of the story), there was remarkably little actual focus on ruby. while i do genuinely like her as a companion, i do feel like she's been one of the biggest casualties of the shift to a shorter series length with less time for "filler" episodes - we simply haven't had the time to get to know her on a deeper level, and i was hoping, given the title, that this story would do something to rectify that a bit. and then it didn't.

saying that, i did appreciate them giving her some more scenes with her mum this episode, i think she has a really nice dynamic with her family and we haven't seen enough of it since the christmas special imo

no trickster :( he got a mention at least but i was hoping he'd be the villain ngl

i have watched pyramids of mars once, four years ago, and barely remember the plot (my main memories of that episode are sarah with a gun ngl), probably going to have to rewatch it before next week. dailymotion you may have to be my saviour once again

not entirely sure how i feel about sutekh as the main villain. this is at least in part because my memories of pyramids of mars are hazy as anything, but i'm just... undecided. to its credit, the episode itself actually did a good job of getting me very excited about the reveal while i was watching, but as an overall thing? i don't know yet. i think i'm going to have to wait until i've watched the finale next week to form a full opinion

i reckon he must have hitched himself onto the tardis around/during "wild blue yonder" though - this is the first time where the tardis starts making The Noises, and is also the first time susan twist turns up, and that can't be a coincidence, especially given that, as previously established, it was likely fourteen's salt trick in this episode that let the toymaker back into the universe

i rewatched "the church on ruby road" earlier this week bc i figured it'd be a good shout and i hadn't watched it since broadcast, and during that i felt like mrs flood was maybe a "retired" companion, possibly a future companion (maybe of a future doctor) that we haven't met yet. after this ep though, i'm not so sure. she seems at least aware of sutekh in some way, and also seems potentially antagonistic, but i'm not sure she's actually directly linked to him. i'm fairly sure as well rtd said at some point she's more of a mystery for later series so. hm. it'll be interesting to see what more we get of her in part two

i can't shake the feeling that they are going to do something with susan further down the line. there have been more mentions of her in this series than in basically the rest of new who put together and i can't help but think that this must be for a reason even if susan twist wasn't her

anyway the real mystery for me: what is the vlinx. i have been thinking about this on and off since december. what is it. how did it get into unit to begin with. i need answers

[sharkneto]

hi!!!! I was rereading the shifting mirrors and holding it together since you finished joining together recently (it’s SO good, it’s so so SO good, your writing is always so well done and flows so well) and I had a couple questions. Sorry if this is weird - if you don’t want to answer them feel free to ignore this ask, I’m just curious!

1.) did you start writing joining together while you were still posting holding it together? a lot of the details I noticed in HIT were referenced in JT, and I was just kind of like ‘that’s a LOT of details to remember’ so I was wondering if you were working backwards !!

2.) have you ever thought about what happens at the end of HIT? do you think they would actually end up stopping the apocalypse, or would the commission try to come and correct them? I thought that was interesting - that the commission said they were done with five, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re done with the offshoot timeline ; if they hadn’t interfered prior, that would mean they were still on track for an apocalypse, right ? I like to speculate about this. with sheer strength of will I think that five would probably end up stopping it, mostly because he knows how to work through his rage rather than act on impulse again - and now he has the knowledge to try and connect the others so that viktor doesn’t feel so isolated.

3.) what was your favorite part of writing the story / what kept you motivated to keep it going ? I’ve started a couple chaptered fics, and then I get three or four chapters in and lose it completely.

I love, love, love the world youve created - I love the characters youve built and the personalities behind them. the dedication youve held on to to keep the series going is admirable; I can barely write 20k, much less hundreds of thousands of words. I was actually thinking of asking your permission to maybe write an offshoot of your offshoot (it might be the thing that gets me back into writing for tua) but idk if I’d have the imagination or creativity to make it nearly as compelling and fun as yours. Congratulations and great work on finishing it !! <333

this got long - feel free to ignore it if it’s overstepping or weird, lol !! I hope you’re doing well - have a great night, shark :)

Hey Toby! Glad you enjoyed it all so much and thanks for the kind words! It's a little surreal to have it done, JT has been a WIP almost as long as I've been into TUA.

I started writing JT before HIT. This whole series was supposed to be a Just For Me Fun Project while I rotted alone during the pandemic that I ended up sharing with permission from orsumfenix and encouragement from friends. I was a bit into JT, I think, when I started thinking about how fun it would be to get more siblings in here, and those musing became HIT. HIT got posted first because it had a lower barrier for entry, with more focus on the Hargreeves we know instead of OCs. So, because the stories were written more-or-less simultaneously, it was easy to reference one or set up something for the other. Working forwards and backwards, with the end of JT already written (in a rough draft) when I was writing HIT, so I knew where Rob, Sarah, and Number were coming off of at that point. (The tiny detail I'm most fond of is Allison in HIT noting that Number broke his nose at some point, and then in JT we get to see the stupid scenario in which he broke his nose.)

(rest under a readmore because I ramble)

I do have thoughts on what happens after HIT! More of a time jump, to Number's Apocalypse Week, and I've got words in a WIP started about that (and a few snips shared in my snip tag, although some I think I've changed some of the details, now). It goes... less smoothly than it should, for a guy who has (almost) all the details he needs. If motivation continues, I'll share that eventually. If it doesn't, I'll word-vomit an outline so at least people who are interested can know how it goes down. I don't see the Commission coming back - the people obsessed with Five are dead, and the organization is done with him. They don't have the resources to spare to keep going after him, so at least in Five and Number's timelines, they're out of the Commission's scope.

What kept me going was a combo of things. 2020-2022ish, I had a fuckton of time. I only worked three days a week because of covid protocols, I couldn't go anywhere because of covid, and I couldn't see anyone because of covid. I had four days a week to fill, and a lot of that time got filled with writing - all of HIT and the first draft of JT happened during this time, plus all the other fics I published throughout that time. What kept me going is that I was having a ton of fun writing and fun interacting with other people about my fics. Love, love, love talking about them (so never apologize for an ask like this, every fic writer is begging for an excuse to ramble like this). I liked thinking about the characters, thinking about Number doing mundane things I was doing made them more interesting, I liked thinking about Rob and Sarah's little romcom life, and I'm fascinated by Five's whole deal. My favorite part of writing these is Five (both versions of him) - thinking about him and how he'd react to x or y, how others react to him. I love that, at his core, he's kind of a loser. I love what an incredible vehicle for grief he is. He's a character of all time for me.

How to keep going, I don't have an easy answer for it. Some people outline, so they have the skeleton of what they're doing and where they're going. I'm not one of those people, I have an idea of the general shape and trajectory of the story and go from there, splitting up chapters as needed. I think it's important to not force it, or the writer's block gets worse and then you're stressed about writing instead of having fun with it, and that's no good - the point is to have fun. If you run out of steam, you run out of steam and you have to take a six-month hiatus until life calms down and you have words again (as a hypothetical example). Don't be afraid to poke at other ideas even if you have a giant fic unfinished. For having 25 fics on AO3, I have 35 other WIP files on my computer. Some of them have a couple hundred words, some have tens of thousands of words, some of them I'll come back to finish, some of them I won't. Such is life - some ideas have legs, others don't. I don't set out thinking "Oh this fic is going to be 50k words with 10 chapters". I just write until it feels done; sometimes that's 2k words, sometimes it's almost 200k words. The point I'm trying to make, here, is that we're all just fucking around having fun, and words flow easier when I'm remembering that and not stressing about being done or trying to finish for a self-imposed deadline. You've got it :)

Feel free to write in my little world! Would love to see what others are thinking about, what stuck with them. Just give me (and orsumfenix, if you use Number) a shoutout if you share it! And don't sell yourself short - I'm sure you've got great ideas and the chops to write them out. Don't compare yourself to me; you might write in a world I helped shape, but you've got your own voice and style to give it. I, for one (if you end up writing and sharing it), would love to hear your version of it all :)

[wishingicouldfly]

Favorite Fics 2023

Happy 2024! I always have a hard time narrowing down my favorites. A few stats this year, I read 155 fics (according to my admittedly not 100% correct database), and it's low because I've been watching LGBTQ+ media and reading less. I had 50+ fics that I rated 5/5, so narrowing down to 14 was me cutting out shorts, holiday fics, and rereads. These are in no particular order.

All is now Harmed by Fondleeds

It's still that dreamy kind of dark, nothing seeming real, but he knows that it's time to go, to whistle for Pippa and eat whatever he's got left in the fridge and start the drive down to Molly's. He can't seem to open the door. Maybe he doesn't want to face it, this new thing. Having Louis here feels like a betrayal. Harry tries not to think about what his Dad would have to say if he saw the journo sleeping on their pull-out, here to shake a settled sheet and watch the dust fly again. - AU. Harry's a farmer, Louis writes for The Age, and it hasn't rained in the Bourke Shire for six years.

Why I Like It: This is Excellent, but after 123K words, it's a WIP. Unfinished since May 2022, but that said, the writing is gorgeous, and I think that alone makes it worth the read.

2. Angels Fly by LilyBlue28

Harry is a lonely omega in the North Western White River Pack who is uncharacteristically drawn to nature and his now outdated primal instincts. He fills his days with going through the motions and clinging to the one actual friendship he has in the omega Zayn, and when he gets a chance he sneaks away to the edge of their territory to sit with the trees and the wildlife and sketch his favorite part of the river. But what happens when one day he spots the pack alpha, Louis, having an intimate moment with something, or someone, unexpected? Suddenly his quiet, nearly invisible existence gets upended, and secrets he never wanted to know quite literally won't leave him alone, and even when he tries to stay away, he keeps being pulled back into Louis' turbulent orbit. A magical love story featuring a generations long grudge, a menacing curse, and secrets that keep pulling them apart. Will they be able to find a way back to one another through the dark?

Why I Like It: Really integrated plot, soul mates/wolf story. ABO, but more wolf than human. Very involved plot. Well done.

3. Be There by mission2feelike

Niall sits down dramatically, arms flopping to his side before he leans forward and looks right into Harry's eyes. "So, your ex-boyfriend, who broke your heart four years ago, is coming to stay at your house for six weeks? And his daughter, your daughter, is coming to stay tonight?"

Harry nods, worried if he speaks, he'll be yelled at again, but then Niall's face softens, his ever-present smile is back and Harry hears him breathe out a small chuckle. "Okay, for the record, I think this is the worst idea you've ever had, but how can we help?" or The one where their family has been torn apart and their hearts broken, but an accident, a snowstorm, cinnamon rolls, and the adorable Josie force Louis and Harry to finally face the truth, and each other.

Why I Like It: Harry and Louis take custody of Lottie's baby, but Louis breaks H's heart by sending him away. pining. kid fic. Harry is famous. Had some very lovely domestic moments, and some tear jerkers. Louis was a bit of a jerk at the beginning. Side of Ziam.

4. Butterfly Gun by Eravain - no link, this is off AO3, but DM me if you want me to share it with you, as I have a PDF.

Harry has never been much of a fighter, but—as always—where Louis Tomlinson is concerned, a lot of things stop being true. 1940's AU. Even after six years apart, they can't forget their shared wartime childhood.

Why I Like It: I loved this gem--childhood friends to lovers. Historical Fiction. Really well written.

5. Counterbalance by YesIsAWord

Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis "Tommo" Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry's class.

Why I Like It: Pretty short but very effectively written story. Pacing was good. Loved the dichotomy of Harry as a ballerina and as a motorcycle driver. 

6. Danger I Can't Hide by CelticSky

"Don't," Tomlinson's voice was low, gravelled, hiding out in the night where only Styles could hear it. "Stop it. Calm down. You can't do anything." Styles' chest heaved. Tomlinson had him pinned against the wall, his forearm strong against his ribs. The night air crackled around them and all he could hear was the overlap of their breath, desperation, exquisite need and pain and desire and longing and lingering resistance. He couldn't take his eyes from Tomlinson's lips. The way they fell open to expel air against Harry's jaw. His tongue darting out to wet them between desperate words, making them glisten in what little light there was. His eyes were lidded and unseeing as he himself looked down to stare at Styles' mouth. ~~~ Flying Officer Styles and Sergeant Tomlinson would have likely never crossed paths in a time of peace, their ordinary lives laid out neatly, predictably before them. But then the world became unrecognisable. All too soon they grew accustomed to fear, surrounded by death and destruction, not even their very freedom a certainty anymore. Until they found each other. Comfort. Companionship. Understanding. Another person to lose.

Why I Like It: Amazing. Research into WW2 and what it was like to be queer and hiding a relationship. loved the love story, but also the human side of the war. Very well told.

7. Have Love, Will Travel by Kingsofeverything

Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there's something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

Why I Like It: super cute. Road Trip Larry. Lots of state parks, travel. Louis has a crush and of course they end up together.

8. Heading for Limbo by KingsofEverything

Childhood best friends who've fallen in and out of touch with each other since Louis' family moved away when they were thirteen, Harry and Louis find their paths crossing again and again. Each time, no matter how many miles apart or how many years it's been, it's as if no time has passed. They fall back into their easy friendship, until life intervenes and sends them on their separate ways once more. When Harry discovers some life-changing things about himself, Louis is there for him, however he needs. But it's all temporary because Louis has plans that will move his life from New York all the way to L.A. and the distance isn't the only thing between them. The pieces of their twice broken hearts are scattered from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

Why I Like It: I really liked this one. Slow burn, friends to not-friends, to lovers, to exes, to lovers. Word of caution, H has a gf for part of it, but it's a really nice slow awakening of his sexuality. TW for some angst/pining.

9. Glass Closets and Greenhouses by TiredTiredTz

Charlton Athletic defender Louis Tomlinson and worldwide sex symbol Harry Styles are rumoured to be hooking up after a viral video filmed at Harry’s Wembley show was posted online by Tommo’s twin sisters. Sources close to the pair tell us the couple have been dating for a while, with rumours of house hunting, marriage and even kids on the cards! Styles, 29, is as well known for his whirlwind love life as his chart-topping music. Most recently linked to British fashion designer Alex Millet-Sloan, Harry has stayed tight-lipped on rumours of any romantic rendezvous between himself and footballer Tomlinson, 31, yet fans online are convinced that all evidence points to #Tomlinstyles being the real deal.

Why I Like It: Could have been longer. A bit over the top meet cute w/ the twins setting them up, but over all well done. 

10. It's Fine to Fake it 'Til You Make ('Til It's True) by Sunflouwerhabit

Harry dreads an impending visit to his hometown, where he’ll be forced to reunite with a newly engaged ex-boyfriend, a childhood best friend turned near stranger, and a family who never understood just how desperately he needed to leave. In the midst of it all, a ludicrous Twitter proposition brings him to Louis.

Why I Like It: I loved this one. Super cute characters, a little bit of miscommunication, lovely, lovely boys. 

11. Like an Endless Summer by objectlesson - no link, I have this as an epub

Louis is an riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor wh he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two years. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’ formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

Why I Like It: absolutely lovely. GREAT depiction of the uncertainty of a crush liking you. slow burn, but you see it coming the whole way. 

12. The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by KingsofEverything

Louis' life is steady and calm, moored by his marriage, and tied to his hometown, but after a chance encounter with another man, it'll never be the same.

Why I Like It: really liked this one. TW for cheating. Middle aged man in a loveless marriage realizes he's gay and falls in love with a co-worker. Could totally be a Hallmark movie.

13. Until the Pearls get Lost by LadyLondonderry

London, 1933. Harry Styles, alpha, elusive bachelor and happy third wheel to his coupled friends, receives a visit from one Liam Payne, begging for his help. Liam’s childhood friend Louis is about to become the talk of the city; left at the altar because the mating bond was rejected, Louis will spend the rest of his life in an institution unless Liam can find someone to take him in and care for him as he recovers. Most omegas with failed bonds are never the same again. With rumours swirling around about the reason for the rejected bond, Harry gives in to Liam’s pleas. He hasn’t the slightest idea how that decision will shape the rest of his life.

Why I Like It: This felt like a fairy tale. Great writing. A bit left to the imagination. Almost werewolf-y. 

14. Write This Down by Sunflouwerhabit

"And Louis responds by kissing him. He closes his eyes and presses their lips together and hopes it’s enough to distract from how those words cut and extracted critical pieces of his heart, his soul. Louis kisses Harry to avoid sobbing, yelling, pleading, begging him to never, ever use words like always or never or I promise, because they can’t. They don’t have an always. Nevers will forever remain a mere dream. Time has run out for commitments or oaths or pledges and if Louis is going to be okay- if he’s going to enjoy this time with Harry and then let him go and still feel whole- he can’t let himself start thinking long term. He can’t let this become emotional; something more than silliness and fun and sex. He can’t hear Harry say he’s proud of him when he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see him again after this week. 'I miss you,' Harry murmurs, his breaths warm and equally shaky. 'All the time.' Louis kisses him harder."

Why I Like It: I really loved this contemporary romance. Lots of angst, boys being stupid thinking they are protecting each other by not communicating. But ultimately a lovely story. New favorite.

[gcantread]

September 2024 reads

[loved liked ok nope dnf bookclub*]

Agnes Grey • The Empire Wars • Vita Nostra • 17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future • Somewhere Beyond the Sea • A Sorceress Comes to Call • Tress of the Emerald Sea • Long Live Evil • Books Do Furnish a Room • A Sunny Place for Shady People • Mansfield Park* • The Butcher of the Forest

I read 12 books in September, though several were short (and one was a... multimedia experience? What are we calling 17776 anyway?) I've been feeling a little burnt out on ARCs and @bellasbookclub -screening reads, so after the first week I took a break from those. Just as well, because I was once again abruptly drowning in new releases! Luckily only four library holds were ready at once this month. Have I learned my lesson about hold requests? Not at all.

Agnes Grey ★★★☆☆ - I enjoyed the semi-autobiographical "being a governess SUCKS" parts of this book (that bird scene holy shit), but I think I would have liked it better with a less milquetoast love interest.

The Empire Wars ★☆☆☆☆ - Oooooof. I thought there was no way any of the books in my self-imposed Bombed Books Week Challenge could be worse/less enjoyable than Hurricane Wars and TGUWG, but this one took the cake. There's "I wrote this at age 15" (impressive) and then there's "I wrote this at age 15" (and it shows/and I can't believe multiple literate adults in the publishing industry greenlit it.) "Hazen Creed" is the new Xylen Rayder or whatever the 4th w!ng guy's name is

Vita Nostra ★★★★☆ - I was promised weird shit and this book delivered! You don't get it? Good news, nobody gets it, we're literally just vibing

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future ★★★★☆ - Some interesting themes and a lot of fun! (I liked when it started zooming in on Denver and I was like wait a fucking second is that Ball Arena??)

Somewhere Beyond the Sea ★☆☆☆☆ - Yeah, I can't lie, this was a hateread. No other series makes me feel more like the child in "The Emperor's New Clothes." Like, people enjoy this?? Adults?? Adults think this is good storytelling??? I'm not even trying to be mean (well, maybe a little), I'm genuinely baffled. Remember when I described Book 1 as "like driving behind a Coexist bumper sticker for several hours"? Book 2 is like driving behind a Coexist bumper sticker while also listening to someone read you the worst parts of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix but in Kindergarten Teacher Voice, and for even more hours. Lesson learned: I have got to stop picking these up imagining I'll somehow see the appeal this time.

A Sorceress Comes to Call ★★★★★ - My first ever T. Kingfisher! I've always been hesitant to believe the hype, but to my pleasant surprise, this one was fantastic. The stakes, the characters, the evil fucking horse had me on the edge of my seat. Pretty crazy when the interior of a book lives up to its gorgeous cover. Had to rush out and buy this one from my local bookstore!

Tress of the Emerald Sea ★★★★☆ - Fun and cute! The main draw is definitely the silly writing style.

Long Live Evil ★★★★☆ - Took its time to get going, but the second half really gained momentum. This book's main flaw is that it isn't In Other Lands, but it's nevertheless nice to see SRB cut loose and write a silly isekai/harem trope pastiche that is somehow also a thoughtful cancer survivor catharsis.

Books Do Furnish a Room ★★★☆☆ - When I picked up this coffee table book at the library on a whim, nothing could have prepared me for its Caricature Of British Aristocracy tone. Like at one point this author calls Africa "a country." Seriously, they do not edit the text of these things. Pretty pictures, though.

A Sunny Place for Shady People ★★★★☆ - I'll read Mariana Enriquez's grocery list. On the whole, Sunny Place wasn't as gripping as Our Share of Night, but some of its individual stories (it's an anthology) stood out—I loved the nuance of My Sad Dead and the nightmare fuel of Black Eyes! Some choice body horror in here.

Mansfield Park ★★★☆☆ - A reread for Bella's Book Club's September discussion! I think I liked it better this time around? I definitely noticed more of the character arcs. I like that this is lowkey the messiest Austen. [Community episode voice] now THIS is a man who KNOWS HOW TO MARRY HIS COUSIN

The Butcher of the Forest ★★★★☆ - I'm slowly working my way through Tordotcom novellas and so far they all slap. This one had such an interesting ending, ngl I'm having to quash the Fanfic Urge about it!

DNFs: None, but boy would I have dropped The Empire Wars like a hot potsticker on about page 2 if it wasn't the last (or second-to-last, if you count control group Crown of Starlight) book in my own challenge.

September superlatives

tbh a lot of these books could swap spots with each other. I'll definitely be rereading Sorceress, and probably LLE when the next book in its series comes out!

Next up:

I still haven't gotten around to Crown of Starlight, so it looks like I'll be finishing up my Bombed Books Week Challenge in October. Nor have I gotten to my ARCs of Ruin Road or Sundown in San Ojuela, so those are both on this month's agenda. My current read is A Dark and Drowning Tide (I seem to be the one reader on the planet who didn't much like A Far Wilder Magic, but I like to give authors a second chance, and that cover + the fact that they're lesbians, Harold got to me.) I'd love to squeeze in a King in Yellow reread if possible, and our Bella's Book Club pick this month is Murder on the Orient Express, so...perfect October rereads? I'm kinda stoked!

previous months:

july august

[t1meslayer]

Busy with important family events over the next couple of days, and so I thought it would be good to get a day-and-date release for this Debrief on the latest entry in my Sapphic Valley series, "How You Get The Girl." Be sure to read the story before jumping in!

Did you do it? Did you read the story?

Alright, I'm trusting you. Go ahead and hit that 'Keep Reading' button you scamp.

It only seems appropriate to start this Debrief off by addressing the elephant in the room. I haven't posted anything in over a month, and "By Moonlight" came about a month after its predecessor, the conclusion to "Stone-Cold Lovers."

Work, naturally, has been a major factor.

You can see me talk about that almost two weeks ago in this Tumblr post I made about writing in a coffee shop, which came weeks after I actually started writing during a trip to a friend's house.

===

Side note:

Just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge my beautiful Haley and Emily keychains. My friend who's responsible for the affairs of one ghostly farmer named Jizzabelle (Gisabelle to the laymen) got them for me! Only appropriate after I commissioned some art of her and Abigail.

Emily was my first Stardew wife, and Haley currently holds the biggest place in my heart. They make a lovely duo!

And I'll avoid any sister-wife jokes

===

While I've had some other projects like Zine writing to take care of, work and life can't explain the full absence.

The best way I can think to explain things is that:

I had the general writer's block, and

Despite the best intentions and advice of my irl friends and online pals like @alchemicallymoon and @duelbraids, I couldn't force myself to "break" that block by just... Writing something else.

This is entirely the result of my own psychosis. I have a tendency to carefully plot things out and impose a timetable that really doesn't need to exist. When I feel the cause is righteous enough, it's hard to get around that. In this case, I knew I needed to get my poll-winning idea out after dawdling for holidays like Valentine's Day, and then I knew I only wanted to post one more story before jumping on a very special event for my upcoming 30th AO3 post.

Thus, here we are: arbitrarily forcing myself into a spiral of writer's block misery because of a silly promise on Tumblr and my own sense of ordered chaos.

At the very least, this meant it's coming out not long after my AO3 pal InsertACatchyPennameHere also emerged from the woodwork to tell me they're working on something INSPIRED by my four-person friend group farm adaptations.

Much love to them, wherever they may be.

I'll probably start writing more eclectically now that my shoulders are unweighed, but don't expect my next publication to hit until I'm finished working on teasing the big event. All you Pokemon fans better get hype!

And oh how sweet this publication feels. Between my great set of recent ceramics, the figure drawing class I've been attending, and creative writing, I've felt more fulfilled than ever.

You're here to talk about Stardew, though. So let us talk.

This idea began less with any one event as it did a desire to advance the Alexis/Haley relationship, and Haley's characterization in particular. It was always going to end with watercolor painting reference, but 2 Willow Lane was what I really wanted to dig into.

As I see it, a lot of what keeps people invested in Stardew when its comfy vibes becoming routine is the air of mystery in Eric Barone's worldbuilding. Haley and Emily's parents being some world-traveling duo who left their home in the siblings' care for who knows how long (and who knows how many times over their lifetime) really piqued my interest. So much so that the new writing challenge I set for myself in "How You Get The Girl" was crafting a particularly long set of descriptions that emphasize how overwhelming the parents' influence feels — without creating an impenetrable wall of text.

Hopefully I succeeded in that. Let me know!

I tried to include some vaguely real world-adjacent references into that description of the house, as happens with the magical-realism world of Stardew Valley. For example:

The computer sitting next to their bonsai tree is an iMac G3, the kind of old 'futuristic' tech that my dad loves!

A Speedwell refrigerator is based on even more vintage tech, the Mayflower fridge, but named after a different ship ridden by Pilgrims coming to America.

That city that the family visited in an old photograph with a "monument of arching, interlocking steel" is, of course, Paris — with the statue bookends referencing any number of statues in the Louvre.

Haley's FAD magazine could be referencing any number of publications, but Vogue is probably the closest analogue to what I imagine her reading.

Furthermore, I took some notes on describing the home's layout off of my sister's apartment building, and I asked my bestie @trybard for input on what kind of hanging plant should be used in the transitional hallway. Hanging pothos, philodendron, and spider plants were the three options provided, and my response was appropriate:

They know so much about plants.

Go bug them about it.

I drew on other friends' knowledge to help decorate the house. Specifically, I asked one of my witchiest friends what kinds of protective wards someone like Emily would leave around doorways and windows. She had... A lot of reference material.

I picked Hazel given it purportedly "protects against evil; encourages abundance and inspiration." I also picked Amethyst as one of Emily's loved gifts, one that purportedly "absorbs negative energy, promotes harmony."

My witchy friend is the same one who provided the TikTok that I referenced in my advertisement post:

Perhaps the most important thing about 2 Willow Lane was the recurring motif of Barbie's Dream House.

As a surface-level reference, I think the groundwork is clear. Blondie's love of fashion and general queen bee demeanor fits comparisons to Barbie well, and she lives in a big ol' house full of stuff. We all saw Greta Gerwig's Barbie movie last year. It's still in the cultural zeitgeist.

I'm hip with the kids.

Yet, early on I also tried to make it clear that if this is a "dream" house, it's neither Haley's nor Emily's dream. Haley is a Barbie in that stereotypical sense, but also there's much to be mined from the analogy of a sort of powerless doll in an immutable house, constrained by social obligation to her family rather than literal plastic and stickers.

The cold open of Jodi and Sam was meant to stand alone, but in execution I also think drawing Kent's absence into the conversation makes for a more thematically rich comparison to these sisters who appear to have themselves more put together.

My beta reader said this wound up being one of my stronger stories because of how all of that intertwined, which I appreciated given how down on myself I was following the whole writer's block thing.

But also.

Also.

Alexis gets to be horny. She's hitting on lonely MILFs and watching girls shake their asses to the tune of bad reality TV.

We love a buff dommy mommy farm girl in this house.

Haley is probably horny too, she just doesn't realize it yet. For now I think it's fun enough to play into her being coy about building excuses for Alexis to come over, and then getting incensed when Emily barges in on their private time meant to learn more about this farm girl she just can't get out of her head.

===

Fun fact:

Every story in this series is named after a Taylor Swift song, but I know next-to nothing about her discography. All of them are suggestions by my friend whose house I was at when starting this story — the same one who controls Gardenia on the farm.

While I went with "How You Get The Girl," her alternative suggestion was "The Man."

===

All that w|w talk aside, I also want to give Sam the loveable idiot a shoutout. Had to do a fair bit of research into how skateboards are constructed for his failed ollie, and I slipped in a reference to shitty old technology that's exclusively for my beta reader to enjoy.

I also tried doing some agricultural research to figure out how the folks at Kevin Farm could have grown cucumbers so there'd be a jar of legitimate pickles... But that was getting too in the weeds.

Insert laugh track here

Decided to just go with pickled artichoke hearts to save everyone a lot of trouble.

And where does "Kevin Farm" come from, you may be asking yourself. Or the fabulous "Kevin's Special" with its definitely not innuendo tagline.

That story will have to wait for another day, my friends.

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

Lovers & Friends (18+ Fic)

Pairing: Keigo Takami x Black!Fem!Reader (Friends to Lovers)

Synopsis: In which you and Keigo have begun to realize the strange new feelings you both have for each other after one drunken night at a close friend’s wedding that ends with you in his bed, but because of your longtime friendship and committed relationships with other people, you’re more than happy to forget that night even happened and keep your mutual feelings in the dark…for now, at least. 

Story Warnings: Smutty smut; 18+ (MINORS GET AWAY); Cheating/Infidelity; Mating; Light Degradation; Spanking; Exhibitionism; Multiple Positions; Creampie; Unprotected PIV Sex; Facials; Scent Play; Marking; Spitting; Deepthroating; Cunnilingus; Begging; Edgeplay; Power Play; Daddy Kink; Some Angst; Hurt/Comfort; Mild Violence

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer's Note: I'm sorry I didn't update last week. Work has been kicking my black ass. I've been going through wicked burnout lately, but I think it'll get better by the time October rolls around. Enjoy! -Jazz

Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Bonus Chapter.

Read on AO3 here!

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Chapter Eleven: A Shift in the Universe.

The next Monday morning you awaken for work, you finally like you’ve got some good sleep after two weeks of tossing and turning to the image of Keigo’s body haunting your dreams. 

You thought you were doing well distracting yourself from him with work, food, alcohol, and exercise. But seeing him last weekend at that restaurant when you went in for takeout shook you to your core.

You were happy to see him, yes, but you couldn’t even let yourself feel that. Especially when he was so angry that you hadn’t called. You knew it was wrong, but you just can’t look him in the eye right now. You felt guilty. Ashamed. Disgusting. 

Especially with how you felt seeing him and Sakura together. You had wanted to bolt out of the restaurant when you saw them in the restaurant through the window, laughing and holding hands, like a beautiful, loving couple. The jealousy that flared inside of you was frightening. You had no right to feel like that, especially to Keigo’s own girlfriend. You were his friend! Nothing more. You just had one night that was a complete, drunken mistake.

That still didn’t stop the low feeling you felt coming home whenever you thought of Keigo’s hand in Sakura’s. Or the memories of that night in the hotel. 

You don’t stay in bed for too long though, so the haunting visions disperse as soon as you get up to stretch and hop in the shower. When you step out smelling like the juiciest peach thanks to your Native body wash (A/N: Pleeeease buy that shit!! It’s so good!!), you feel less like shit after your last encounter with Keigo and ready for a day of work and proactivity to begin.

After dressing in a bright, sleeveless blouse that compliments your melanated skin, a black pencil skirt, and flats, you venture downstairs with your tote bag to find Rumi sitting in her silk robe at the kitchen island eating a bowl of fruit and sipping on an oat-milk iced latte. 

She turns around with her phone when she hears you, her white locks piled up on her head. “‘Morning,” she murmurs as she nibbles on a strawberry, like a little rabbit. “You look nice.”

You smile at the compliment as you skip into the kitchen. “Thanks; got a meeting at the agency today, so I wanted to look good.” Your eyes trail over to the coffee pot sitting on the stove. “Oooh, did you just make that?” you coo, already moving toward it. You could use some iced coffee this morning. 

Rumi glances up at you briefly as you walk over to the coffee pot. “Help yourself.” You smile happily, taking out a glass from the cabinet above, some ice, and your creamer from the fridge before proceeding to whip yourself up a nice glass of iced coffee. Once you’re finished, you take a slow sip, already feeling like nothing can ruin this sun-shiny day for you. 

“So when were you gonna tell me that you and Keigo fucked?” Rumi asks. 

You spit every ounce of the coffee that you sipped out of your mouth. You press a hand to your lip, wiping at it as you gape at your friend. “What?” you croak.

She stares at you, unblinkingly. “When were you gonna tell me you and Keigo had sex?” she asks again, just as blunt and brazenly as before. “And don’t lie to me either because I can tell when you do. You’re a shit liar, Y/N.” 

She places her phone down, stops eating her fruit, and fixes you with a pointed stare like a Black mother would. Heat pricks at your face and under your clothes when you realize that you’ve been caught. “I…” Words fail you for a moment. You can’t think of a way to get out of this. You sigh, your shoulders slumping defeatedly. “Who told you?” you weakly ask.

“Who do you think?” she sharply asks. “The bird brain came around wantin’ to check on you, but he didn’t count on me doin’ my late-night training.” She places a hand on her hip, leaning against the counter. “Were you really not gonna tell me?” she asks, sounding extremely hurt. “Your best friend and the best roomie ever? We tell each other everything, Y/N!” 

You shrink under your scrutinizing gaze, feeling the guilt eat you alive. The tears of shame come fast and you begin to cry, overwhelmed with guilt and disgust for your actions. “I’m so sorry, Rumi!” you sob, ruining your eye makeup. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just scared you’d judge me and I…I…” The sobs eat you up, bubbling out of your throat. 

Rumi shushes you, quickly moving across the kitchen to come to your aid. “Okay, okay,” she says, soothing you. Hurriedly, she grabs a Sailor Moon glass off of the drying rack and fills it with tap water before handing it to you. “First, take a breath and sip this before you have a heart attack. I’m not havin’ you die on my kitchen floor.”

Hiccuping pathetically, your wobbly hand grasps the glass and take three big gulps. “Two, you should know damn well I would’ve never judged you, babes,” she continues. “It ain’t my style; you know that.” 

You feel somewhat better knowing that, but you still feel like shit for not telling her. Or Dabi. You can’t imagine how he feels. Rumi waits until you’re done calming down and your breathing as regulated to ask her next question: “So how did it happen?” She leans against the counter, giving you a soft, compassionate look that makes you feel even worse. 

You exhale deeply, trying your best to ease your racing heart. “We just got really drunk at Clubhouse,” you sigh, hugging yourself for self-soothing. “I barely remember anything except for being in a pool with Keigo and then waking up beside him ass naked.” You groan and turn to lean your head against the cool, tiled counter.

“I’m horrible, aren’t I?” you sniffle. “Not only did I ruin my friendship, I possibly ruined Keigo’s relationship with Sakura…and then Rei already thinks I broke up with him because of Keigo.” The tears rise to the surface again, filling your eyes with water. “I’m the worst person in the world!” 

“Okay, stop,” Rumi sternly says. She pries you away from the counter and glares down at you. “First of all, you told Rei you wanted to take a break and you were feelin’ like shit anyway. Second, you made a mistake, Y/N. You just need to try and fix it.”

Fix it? The very idea fills you with anxiety. “But I don’t know how!” you frustratedly whine. “How am I gonna tell Rei that I–” 

“Forget about Rei for a second,” she cuts in, firm enough to make you button your lip. “I’m talkin’ about Keigo. You two haven’t spoken in two weeks and that’s a long time for someone like Keigo. To him, it feels like two years! You guys can’t just not speak to each other. Especially when we’re all friends.” 

You gnaw at your bottom lip guilty. While you know she’s right, you also hate that she is. “Why don’t you just call him?” she pointedly asks, raising an eyebrow at you. The very idea makes your stomach turn. “It’s not that simple, Rumi,” you sigh in frustration. “I want to, but it’s really awkward between us right now. I’m not even sure I could look at him without seeing…” 

You pause as images of Keigo’s luscious body and dick explode in your mind’s eye. “All of that,” you weakly finish, flushing in embarrassment.

Rumi nods as if she understands, but you know she doesn’t. She can’t. Nobody who is a good friend would! “Just think about it, okay?” she suggests. “Ask him out to lunch or somethin’ so you can move past this.” She places a hand on the small of your back, soothingly rubbing it up and down your spine. “You know Keigo cares about you way too much to just forget that you exist. That’s why he came over last night.” 

Though her words fill you with comfort but also know that you hurt Keigo’s feelings that night at the restaurant. What if he doesn't want to talk to you? What if you really fucked up this time? But instead of spewing your anxieties to Rumi, you just nod. 

“By the way, how was he?” she asks, grinning at you. “Did his wings get in the way?” Wordlessly, you push her hand off of you, grab your coffee, and exit the kitchen. “What?” she calls to you with a laugh. “It’s just a question!” 

************ 

You don’t call Keigo. Surprise, surprise. 

You want to! You truly do! But every time you press on his contact and see his number, you feel like you’re going to throw up. You’ve felt like this ever since you left home and clocked in for work at 9 AM.

Four hours later, after your meeting and a relatively smooth day with only a few calls and some papers to fill out and file, you still feel bad. It’s gotten to the point where you’ve been doing extra work around the office just to distract yourself, such as organizing your personal office and doing data entry meant for next week. 

Only a half an hour until lunch, you know you’re out of luck on work until later when you do day patrols from 2 PM-5:30 PM. So you decide to distract yourself by filling out your calendar for the next two weeks instead of looking at your phone. You tick off each thing you’ll have to do each day, mumbling quietly to yourself as you do: grocery shopping this Saturday; go to your cycling class on Sunday; next Tuesday– 

Your stream of consciousness is abruptly stopped by the sudden shrill ring of your work phone that sits next to your laptop and framed photo of you, Keigo, Rumi, and Dabi in high school. You sigh in relief, glad for some work to do. You pick it up and clear your throat, putting on your poised "working girl” voice. “Y/N L/N,” you greet as you usually do on your work phone. 

“Good afternoon, Ms. L/N,” Keigo says in his laid-back tone. The sound of his voice filling your ear makes you sense. “This is Keigo Takami speaking. I’m sure you’ve heard of me; everyone has. You mind puttin’ the girl who ghosted me for two weeks on the phone please?” 

You look outside of your office for a moment, trying to see if anyone is lingering outside your door. Everyone is luckily doing their own thing, not paying any mind to what is going on behind you door. You immediately let Keigo have it, gripping the arm of your plushy chair as you do. “Why are you calling my work phone?” you whisper-hiss. 

“‘Cause you’re not answering your cell phone,” Keigo replies, sounding just as irritated. “What the fuck else was I supposed to do?”

You go to argue, but you find that you have nothing. Because he's right. You haven’t been answering his calls nor his texts. At some point, he had stopped, but he’s obviously trying something different now. You feel horrible for ignoring him, but it isn’t easy to talk to him right now, especially after your mini-fight at the steakhouse.

Keigo sighs, exhaustion clear in his voice. “Look, I didn’t call to argue, okay? I wanted to ask if you were free for lunch so we could talk.” You bite your lip, silent and unsure. You know that this is what could ease the tension or fix you two, but something in you is still holding you back. May it be your fear or your pride. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry about what happened last weekend,” Keigo says, sounding absolutely gutted, "and I know things are still awkward between us, but you can’t just act like I don’t exist. We’re friends, remember? Best friends?” His words sound so similar to Rumi’s that they give you whiplash. 

You feel stupid. Guilty. Horrible. They’re both right. You can’t just go through your days and act as if what happened didn’t happen, or that you don’t want Keigo back in your life. You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I’m free at 1,” you answer, defeated. Keigo sighs, sounding relieved. “Where’d you wanna meet? You pick the place and I’ll be there.” 

You tell him about a little bistro only three blocks up that you have no problem walking to. Keigo agrees, knowing the place due to having a meeting there once. “See you at 1 then,” he replies, a sliver of happiness in his tone.

You don’t answer. You hang up the phone and put your head in your hands, groaning to yourself. You’ve never dreaded your lunch break more, yet you also anticipate it so you can get it over with. Maybe things might even go well, though the pessimistic side of you thinks differently. 

After locking up your office and clocking out for your 30-minute lunch, you walk to the bistro in your pretty pumps and sharp work dress, feeling somewhat good about yourself. At least you look presentable. When you get to the bistro, the place is already packed with people on their lunch break or out with friends for a quick cocktail. You find Keigo almost immediately standing by a table in the outside dining area, gorgeous flowers and a bubbling fountain a few feet away from him. You push down the urge to vomit and instead walk up to him, gripping your tote bag as you do. 

When he turns to see you, something in you shifts. It happens when you get a good look at him. He looks so…different. You can’t quite put your finger on what’s changed in him…or in the way you see him, rather.

Maybe his V-neck shirt is just a little too tight on his upper torso, the cotton fabric clinging to his toned pecs and abs.

Maybe it’s his jeans, ripped at the knees and sagging a bit low on his slim hips.

Maybe it’s the way his boots look on his big feet.

Maybe it’s the way the sun glints in his blonde hair and crimson wings, making him look almost angelic.

Maybe it’s the cologne that wafts off of his skin, so sweet and tempting.

Maybe it’s the shades sitting on his golden eyes that trail over your form joyfully or the way he sexily chews his gum, his jaw popping as he does. 

Or maybe it's the way he walks straight up to you and lays a hand on the small of your back as if nothing has happened and everything is normal. But it’s not, and you know it’s not. Because now you find your best friend unbelievably attractive.

“Hey, mama,” he greets you, giving you that same dazzling smile that always puts a smile on your own face. This time, it doesn’t.

You just gap at him, becoming aware at the way your heart pounds and your pussy tightens at his closeness and the nickname. And he always gives you nicknames! Why is now so different? ‘Because you think he’s sexy, dummy!’ your conscious screams at you. 

You must have been staring at him for quite a while without saying anything because Keigo’s brows furrow in confusion above his shades. “You okay?” he asks, concern lacing his tone. You snap out of it, moving to wipe your lip.

Luckily, no spit is there even though you were just salivating for him. “Y-Yeah,” you stutter, clearing your throat to compose yourself. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” 

You two don’t hug. You’re afraid that if you do touch him, you’ll spontaneously combust at the whiff of his cologne. He just smells so good! Why the fuck does he smell so good? It’s like a mixture of spicy and sweet, like cloves and Madagascar vanilla.

He doesn’t try to hug you either, sensing that you’re uncomfortable. “Uh, should we sit?” you awkwardly mutter, nodding at the chairs. He picked a good spot by the fountain with a striped umbrella above you and two wooden chairs. 

You pull your seat out and sit down, but Keigo pushes it in for you. Your body grows hot at the feeling of him so close to you, his hands on either side of your head as he pushes your chair in for you. Like a date. Like your man. “Thank you,” you softly say, but it comes out as no more than an exhale. He hums in reply and goes to sit across from you. 

You busy yourself looking at your menu, going straight for the cocktails. ‘That Cherry Blossom one sounds good,’ you think distractedly. ‘Or maybe a Lemon Drop would be better….it’s small enough and I don’t wanna be drunk…I still need to go back to work…but it’s only one drink! I’m not driving and it’ll help me loosen up…but not too much. I don’t wanna start looking at my friend like he’s a four-course meal…even though he looks like one today. Dammit, Y/N, you’re supposed to be thinking about drinks!’ 

Luckily, your waitress comes up to you and stops you from shoving a fork into your neck. She is a cute little thing with a blonde bob, long lashes, and glitter on her nails. “Good afternoon!” she chirps. “My name is Rin and I’ll be your…” She stops short when she realizes who she is serving. Her glossy, pink lips fall open in shock. “O-Oh, my God, you’re Hawks and H/N! Oh, my God, I’m such a big fan of yours!” She blushes red as she stares at Keigo adoringly. “E-Especially you, Mr. Hawks.” 

Keigo, ever the nicest guy in the city, gives her a friendly smile and a peek over his shades. “Thank you.” You swear your waitress has a heart attack right there. “Oh, my friends are never gonna believe this!” she excitedly boasts before composing herself. “U-Um, can I get you two a drink for starters?”

You go for the Cherry Blossom cocktail while Keigo sticks with an iced tea. Once she leaves, Keigo leans in, apologetic.“Sorry about that,” he whispers. "You wanna go?” 

You shake your head, barely having paid attention to the whole exchange because you were too busy trying to figure out how to start this conversation. “No, let’s just stay since we’re already here,” you say, immediately going back to browsing the lunch specials. “I’ve been out with you many times, Kei. I know how to handle adoring fans.”

Though Keigo leaves it alone, he still looks unsure and slightly bothered. After a few minutes of horrible, awkward silence, Rin returns with your drinks and writes down your lunch orders. You go for the Cobb salad special while Keigo does a fried chicken sandwich (of course) slathered in mango co-slaw and orders sweet potato fries for the table. 

Once the waitress leaves, you take a long, needed sip of your cocktail, the pink liquid and ripe cherries floating in the wine glass beckoning you forward. Strawberries, vodka, and a slight hint of lime hit your tongue immediately. “Alcohol at 1 PM?” Keigo chuckles, sipping on his tea. You snort at him poking fun at you. “Hey, with the convo we’re about to have, I need it,” you dryly reply. 

Silence dawns on you again, creating a thick wall of unsaid words and bottled-up emotions. It’s starting to piss you off. He asked you to come out here, so why isn’t he saying anything? “So you wanna start this or should we just sit in silence for the next hour?” you ask, way more sharply than you wanted.

Keigo’s eyes narrow behind his shades at your tone. “Well, if you wanna give me attitude, sure,” he shoots back. “You know me: I like it rough.” And he does. You know from experience. 

You instantly flush with shame and embarrassment at your attitude. You shouldn’t be so cross with him just because you feel awkward and you hate yourself. “I’m sorry,” you immediately apologize. “I’m just…not used to this.” You look off towards the bubbling fountain behind him, watching two kids toss pennies into it with their parents. They look so happy. So blissful. “Used to what?” Keigo asks, confused. “Y/N, it’s still me.” 

“But it’s not,” you protest with a sigh. “Keigo, what we did that night completely crosses every boundary between friends. Not to mention I’m the reason you cheated on Sakura.” You see him flinch slightly at the sound of her name. “Did you tell her?” you ask in a hushed voice, afraid someone will overhear your conversation. 

His lips tighten into a thin line and you regret asking the question. “No, I’m still workin’ on that,” he admits, sounding guilty. He takes off his shades, revealing the dark circles under his eyes. They make your stomach drop. How has he been sleeping lately?

“But right now, this is about you and me. You’re not the only one who feels like shit here, Y/N. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to see you and talk face to face, but I didn’t think you would since you never answered my calls or texts.” Now, with his glasses off, you can see the hurt in his golden eyes. You’ve hurt him deeply by avoiding him, acting like he doesn't exist. 

When Rin comes back with the fries, you don’t feel hungry anymore. You just want to crawl into a hole and die. You’re a horrible friend. “Keigo, I’m so sorry,” you say, your voice cracking. “I didn’t know how to talk to you. I was scared to see you because of what happened.” Your head droops in shame, tears that well in your eyes threatening to drip down your cheeks. “This is my fault.” 

“Hey,” he says, the firmness in his voice making you look at him. His expression is stern, his eyes narrowed. “Don’t do that shit. I’m not gonna let you feel this way about yourself, especially since it’s a two-way street. We both made a mistake.”

He moves his hand toward yours, his fingers brushing your knuckles. “It’s not possible to forget it, but we can move forward from it and move past it. I’d gladly agree to that if you will. We have too much history to let this stop us.” 

Suddenly, the fog that has been clouding your days since Fathom’s wedding clears, leaving everything crystal clear. He’s absolutely right. After years of friendship, you can’t just let this one mistake ruin what you two have. It’s something special. A once-in-a-lifetime relationship. Keigo knows and loves you like no one else does, except for maybe Rumi and Dabi. You all are four peas in a pod, after all, and to separate two would be ruining the little family you’ve grown to love for so long. 

With tears in your eyes, you turn your hand over and interlace your fingers with his, not caring if anyone notices. He stares at you, shocked. “I missed you, Kei,” you softly say, emotions overflowing inside of you.

Keigo's eyes soften and a smile curls onto his handsome face as he squeezes your hand. “I missed you too, Y/N,” he replies. For a moment, you two hold each other’s gazes, forgiveness and joy in your eyes. It feels good to be like this again. Maybe even better. 

The rest of your lunch break is filled with catching up and cracking jokes with Keigo. You laugh so hard that you nearly choke. You convince Keigo to get a rum cocktail so he can drink with you, leading him to becoming giggly and way more talkative as he usually gets when he’s tipsy.

You talk about everything, from how things are going with work to the dating scene. You confess to him that after what happened with Rei, you’re taking a break from dating to focus on getting your money and your performance as a pro hero. Keigo nods, listening intently to your reasoning. “Well, if you ever decide you get lonely and want a guy in your life, just know you deserve better,” he says, giving you a wink that’s supposed to make you laugh but only makes you feel flustered. Probably from the cocktail. 

When lunch finally ends, you’re due back at work. By the time Keigo pulls up to your agency with you in his car, you have about five minutes to spare. You were originally just going to walk, but Keigo insisted he drive you. “You just drank that cocktail like it was juice, man,” he chortled. “You really think I’m gonna let you walk back to work?”

So you jumped in his Benz and he made his way to your job, blasting his music as he did so and exasperating you with his horrible singing to Jodeci. 

When he pulls up next to the front doors, you smile at him gratefully. “Thanks for driving me back to work.” Keigo shrugs passively.

“No problem, babe,” he easily says, waving it off. “Don’t need you breakin’ your bank for a Lyft or ruining these pretty shoes.” He nods down at your pumps. For some reason, you flush at the compliment and him considering your safety and finances. But isn't that what friends do? Yes, of course, it is! It’s what he’s always done! So why does it feel so different to you now? 

Keigo suddenly turns down the music so it’s a soft murmur in the background. He peers at you over his shades, suddenly making the car a lot hotter despite the AC blasting. “What are you doin’ this weekend?” he asks.

You think hard. Mostly, it’s just chores so you reply with, “No clue, why?” Keigo almost looks nervous, making you wonder what he has in mind. “Dabi is coming’ out to the bar Friday night if you wanna come and watch me die. He wants to do a fireball challenge.” 

You giggle at the idea, picturing the both of them absolutely wasted with their throats burning after one too many fireballs. But you’re already thinking against the tempting idea of coming out for Dabi, because that means you’ll have to sit with your friends as if you didn’t sleep with one of them. Though you and Keigo have made up, it will be awkward pretending to still be “the same” with each other, especially when Rumi knows what happened between you two. Plus, with Dabi being so observant, it will be impossible for him not to notice the difference in your dynamics and not ask about it.

“Shit, I can’t,” you say in fake disappointment. “I took up a shift for evening patrols that night. I’m sorry.” 

You believe you see disappointment in Keigo’s eyes, but when he blinks, it’s gone. “It’s cool,” he replies with a smile. “What’s on after the Hero’s Gala? Don’t forget, my after-party is right after the event. You’ll still be comin’ to see your ranking too, right?” 

“Uh…” That’s all you can say as your brain processes his words and attempts to think of a good answer.

“Probably not the Gala since Rei was my date,” you finally reply. “But definitely your afterparty. I wouldn’t wanna miss that for the world since it’s all you’ve been talking about for a year.”

Ever since he found out this year’s Gala would be in Musutafu, Keigo vowed to throw an afterparty in celebration of it, whether you won your awards or not. Since then, he’s been planning everything, from the music to the food to the guest list. It’s a very important event for him, so how would you look and feel if you didn’t show up? 

He smiles then, looking hopeful that you’ll show up. You advert your eyes from the painful smile to look at your agency building, remembering that yes, you have to get back to work!

“I guess I’ll get back to the grind then. See you later?” You turn back to him, offering him a small smile. He doesn’t reply and you don’t look for one. Instead, you quickly open the door and jump out with your bag. You can feel his eyes on you as you begin to walk up the steps to the agency door. 

“Y/N!” he calls. You abruptly turn, finding him staring at you from the open car window. He looks as if he wants to say something to you, but decides against it.

“Never mind,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Just have a good day, alright?”

You nod, giving him a wave, and enter the building. You can still feel his eyes on you even when you’re finally inside the building. 

[beefromanoff]

Going Under Ch. 20

summary: after a week of living at the compound, some things begin to calm down, while others....

characters: Bucky Barnes x OC

soundtrack: open your eyes - snow patrol

warnings: fluff, pop star fantasy x love story, set in an AU where the Avengers reunite after Civil War, pre-infinity war, slight angst, hurt/comfort, lonely reader/OC.

author’s note: another long chapter! i've been working on it all week, but finally got to a good stopping point. can't wait for the next chapter already! thanks for reading, xoxo!

chapter list

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The next week flew by. 

Gianna developed a new routine, one much less structured. She’d wake up around 8, take her coffee to the lake, and write. Sometimes she’d journal, sometimes she’d write snippets of song lyrics. She’d stay out there until the sun rose into the sky and the morning was over. Then she’d pop in to watch Bucky in his element. Most of the time he worked with the agents on hand-to-hand combat or weapons training. He usually did so in conjunction with Steve, although it was clear to anyone watching that he had a gift for instruction. 

When he’d finish for the day, usually around mid-afternoon, they’d get a late lunch and walk around the compound. There was still so much to see, even a whole week later. Sometimes they’d sit in the back of the intelligence room and watch as the team intercepted and interpreted information from all across the galaxy. Other times they’d crash a private sparring session between Avengers, with Gianna serving as the ring girl for the brawls between Black Widow and The Falcon -- and Sam had yet to win one. Everyone admired his tenacity, though. 

Once the afternoon turned to evening, Gianna had started helping Wanda in the kitchen. There was no shortage of technology to help prepare the food, but she knew Wanda liked the nostalgic feeling of cooking the old fashioned way. It was some small reminder of the life that was taken away from her. Gianna knew that feeling all too well. So they’d pitter around the kitchen like old friends, dancing and singing while they worked. When they’d finish, they’d call the team to dinner and they’d sit around the table like one big, dysfunctional, dangerous family. 

They typically didn’t eat together, which was a fact Gianna was shocked to learn. Before she’d arrived, everyone fell into their own routines that seldom aligned with each other. Half the team stayed at the compound, the other half preferred the tower and city life. They’d interact, all got along great, but somehow it never quite clicked that they could live in sync. 

Now, as Gianna set the long dinner table for seven, she swore her heart could burst. For the first time in years, she’d eaten dinner in the same city for an entire week. She hadn’t had a single paparazzi photo taken of her. She’d slept in the same bed, one that wasn’t in a Hampton or Four Seasons bedroom. For the first time since she’d lost the last of her family, she felt the slightest bit of home. 

That, and she was sleeping one door over from the man who made love songs write themselves in her head. Musings and lyrics flew out of her faster than she could write them down most mornings. And they hadn’t even kissed for a second time yet. 

“Oh MAMA, something smells divine in here,” Sam called as he swaggered into the kitchen, reaching for the dish in Wanda’s hands. 

“Ah, ah!” She swatted his hand away, the pot levitating in midair in front of her so she could take a swipe at him. “You know the rules. Sit.” 

Shaking his head, Sam did as he was told. Behind him, Nat and Steve filed into the room, rolling their eyes as Peter rambled on about his latest invention. Peter spent quite a bit of time at the compound, something about shielding his eyes from his aunt and someone named Happy. Apparently they’d been getting pretty cozy at his home back in Queens. Gianna liked having him around, though he was younger than her, he and Wanda were the two closest to her age. 

The sounds of chairs being pulled out filled the air as Wanda floated a fresh pitcher of lemonade around, filling each glass. 

“Where’s Bucky?” Gianna asked, trying to sound nonchalant, as though she hadn’t been anxiously waiting for him to walk in the door since they started cooking. 

“Right here.” Bucky’s gruff voice called from the doorway. He stepped through, his combat boots heavy on the floor. Eyes darting up, Gianna saw what had kept him. 

Clutched in a metal fist was a bouquet of wildflowers. 

“Growing out by the lake.” He stepped forward and held them out to her. “I thought they’d, uh, look nice on the table. My mom used to like to keep fresh flowers in the house.” 

Blushing although they weren’t technically for her, Gianna took the bouquet from his hands. “You’re full of surprises, Sergeant.” Her eyes looked up through her lashes at him. 

“There’s a vase under the sink.” Wanda’s voice called. The table had gone quiet, letting the sweet moment unfold with the rare absence of teasing. 

Bucky took his seat at the table, telling Sam to shut up when the inevitable side comment was made. When the flowers were rinsed, Gianna placed the vase on the center of the table and took the last empty seat. 

Just like every night, Steve insisted they bow their heads while he said grace. Just like every night, they laughed and ate and sat at the table long after the food was gone. 

Just like every night, Gianna felt so incredibly lucky that this one was just like every night. 

After dinner, the team made quick work of the dishes. Seven sets of hands can be incredibly efficient, especially when one set can move things telekinetically. Gianna grinned to herself, wondering how the “normal” version of her life involved a trash bag tying itself and floating out the door. 

“Anyone down for a movie?” Sam called as he walked towards the living space.

“As long as it’s not Rush Hour again.” Nat elbowed him in the ribs, Wanda and Steve following behind. 

“I’m gonna head back to the city, I’ve got some stuff to take care of.” Peter said. “I’ll be back this weekend! Don’t watch anything good without me! I mean it guys, no Star Wars.” 

A chorus of ‘goodbye’ and ‘later kid’ followed him out the door, leaving only Bucky and Gianna in the kitchen. She dried her hands and hung the dishtowel back over the sink, turning to face him. 

“I think I’m feeling a walk tonight instead of a movie. Thoughts?”

“After you.” He gestured towards the door. 

________________________________________________________

The air was cool once again, a few beams of sunlight illuminating the grounds. In a few moments, the landscape lights would kick on. Walking slowly, the two approached the trail. 

“So, how are you adjusting?” Bucky asked, eyes down. 

“You asked me that this morning,” Gianna rolled her eyes. “And last night, and the morning before that.”

“I just want to make sure you aren’t, I don’t know, bored. Or unhappy.”

She was quiet for a moment. “I definitely haven’t been bored…but it’s been nice to have the chance to be, you know? It’s been nice to have so much freedom.” 

“I don’t know if I’d call being relocated to a secure compound for your own safety, freedom.” He chuckled. 

“Well, when you phrase it like that,” She laughed. “You know what I mean. How it was on the road. It’s not that I didn’t love it, I did, it’s just that…now I’m wondering if I really loved it or if that was just the only life I knew.” 

They walked in silence for a moment. 

“Now, I feel like I’m seeing a different version of my life…a slower version. I feel like I always felt like I had to choose between being free and not being alone. I could keep working forever, keep touring, keep people around me. Or I could stop, rest, but where would I go? Back to an empty penthouse somewhere, I guess.” She turned when they reached the dock, steering them down the wooden walkway. “Now, it feels like I have it all. I’m free, but I’m not alone.” 

“You make it sound like a dream.” He sat down on the edge of the dock, holding a hand out for her to join him. 

“Isn’t it?” Gianna’s eyes glittered as she looked at the sky above them, decorated with millions of twinkling stars, a sight only visible this far away from the city lights. 

“Yeah,” Bucky said, almost to himself, as he watched her gaze upward. “Yeah, it is.” 

They sat for several moments, just taking in the night sky and the quiet around them. 

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Bucky was the one who spoke first. 

“I really, really am. Thanks to you, you know.” She turned her gaze on him. “If you hadn’t done everything you did…saving me, telling Tony and Pepper about my contract, making them care enough to do…all this.”

“I didn’t have to make them do anything.” He shrugged. “You’re easy to care about.” 

Gianna blushed. “James Buchanan Barnes, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were sweet talking me right now.” 

“Old habits die hard, I guess.” He smiled his adorable half-smile.

Scooting closer to him, Gianna laid her head on Bucky’s shoulder. He had his weight on his hands, leaning back. He held his breath for a moment, the weight of her against him reminding him of the night they’d spent together. 

Why is it that all of our closest moments have been after disaster? His mind never failed to intrude on his fleeting happy moments. Shifting uncomfortably as he attempted to block out that train of thought, he accidentally nudged Gianna. 

“What’s wrong?” Her brow was furrowed, clearly reading the look on his face. 

“What? Nothing.”

“Bucky.” She gave him her come-on look, making it clear she saw right through him. 

He sighed. He’d gotten himself into this conversation, and now he’d actually have to have it. 

“I just…I like this.” He gestured to their general proximity. 

“I like it too, Buck.” She breathed. 

He stood suddenly. “I just wonder…all of our closest moments. They’ve all been because something bad happened, or almost happened.” 

Gianna’s face reflected her confusion as she turned, still sitting, to watch him pace. 

“We got close because there was no one else, I know that. I slept over because you were scared. You kissed me when you were drunk.” Gianna blushed as he finally put words to the topic they’d danced around for so long. “You’re here, living here, because something awful happened.” 

He took a few steps down the dock before turning back to face her. “I don’t know, I guess sometimes I just wonder if it’s real. This…” He gestured between them, his metal hand glinting in the moonlight. “Or if it’s just…bad things happening and me being the one who’s here.” 

Seeing the pained look on Bucky’s face nearly broke her. Standing to her feet, Gianna walked slowly to him, putting a hand on his chest. She met his blue eyes and spoke slowly. 

“We were together every day because there was no one else…we got close because I wanted to know you. I was the one who asked you to go to that boardwalk fair, remember?” 

His soft smile encouraged her to keep going. 

“You slept over because I was scared, but you were the one I wanted with me when I was. I almost asked you back the next night, but I chickened out. I stood and stared at your hotel door for way too long before I convinced myself you wouldn’t have said yes anyways.” 

His smile faded but his eyes were locked on hers. 

“I kissed you when I was drunk because that’s the only time I wasn’t petrified of you…not feeling the same. When I was looking at you that night, it just all hit me at once. Everything I’d wanted to do for months. I just said…fuck it. I, the next morning, I was so scared. Shitless. I thought for sure you’d tell me I misread things. I felt like such an idiot, here you were just doing your job and I’m -”

She froze, looking up at him. 

“You’re what?” He spoke softly. 

“You were just doing your job…and here I was, falling in love with you.” 

The world seemed to stand still for a moment, the only thing proving they weren’t frozen in time was the light evening breeze flowing through their hair. 

“You’re…” 

“Yeah.” 

Gianna’s eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips, desperate for any indication of what was going through his mind. 

“There’s…nothing bad happening here.” He spoke slowly, eyes drifting down to her lips. 

“No…there’s no disaster,” She took a step forward, closing the gap between them. 

“I don’t think this counts as doing my job,” His hands gently grasped her hips. 

“I’m most definitely not drunk right now,” 

He tugged on her hips ever so slightly, closing the gap between them. 

“Are you afraid?” 

“Terrified.” Her voice was a whisper, inches from his face. 

She went up on tiptoes, her left hand sliding up the back of his neck. Unlike that night at Tony’s, when every good memory between them flashed through her mind, this moment was different. There was nothing else outside the two of them. No interruption, no distraction. Just the cool night air and his hands on her waist. 

This time, it was Bucky who moved first. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, familiar and foreign all at once. It wasn’t hesitant like the last time. He felt desperate, hungry. One of his hands moved to her lower back, pulling her flush against him. She felt encompassed by his arms, strong and firm and all around her. 

Fingers tangled in the hair at the knape of his neck, Gianna sighed into their kiss. She couldn’t get enough of him. He consumed her senses. The taste of his lips on hers, the warmth under his fingertips, the smell of his skin, the sound he made when her free hand slid under his sweatshirt and grazed his taut abdomen…

Intoxicating. 

When his mouth parted to let out a soft moan, Gianna took the opportunity to catch his lower lip between her teeth, biting ever so gently. Their kiss paused as his eyes flew open to meet hers, still wrapped in each others arms. For a moment, she wasn’t sure what she was seeing in his eyes as they flicked back and forth between hers. 

Intense. Predatory. Lustful. 

Eyes dark, he moved faster than she could process. In one movement, his left hand was underneath her, lifting her into the air. His right hand cupped her cheek as his lips crashed into hers. Wrapping her legs around him, her arms draped over his shoulders and hands in his hair. 

When she felt a metal hand squeeze her ass, still fully supported in the air by his left arm, Gianna moaned against his mouth. Bucky took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth, barely breaching the kiss. 

Gentle. Greedy. Desperate. 

She couldn’t tell who’s need for the other one was stronger as their emotions intensified. Bucky took a step forward, never ceasing his sweet and hungry kiss. She wrapped her legs tighter around him, wanting to touch him at every opportunity. 

“Have dinner with me.” Bucky groaned into their kiss. 

“We,” more kissing. “Already ate,” 

“No,” He pulled back, blue eyes bright in the darkness of the evening. “Tomorrow night. Friday. Have dinner with me. A date.” 

She grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.” 

“Thought it might be a conflict of interest.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the wind and his hands having taken their toll.

“And now?” 

“Fuck the conflict.” 

Gianna leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, something she could only reach from her position in his arms. As she pulled back, he slowly lowered her back to her feet. Both of their breathing returned to normal as they stood there, as if wanting to live in this moment forever.

Without breaking eye contact, Bucky ran his fingertips down the back of her arms, sending a shiver down her spine. When goosebumps erupted on her arms, he couldn’t help but smirk at her involuntary reaction. As his fingertips traced the inside of her palms, he lazily spread his fingers through hers. 

“God, you’re pretty.” She breathed out. 

“I’m supposed to say that to you.” He chuckled. 

“So say it.”

“God…” He brought her hands to his mouth one by one, planting a kiss on the back of them. “You’re so fucking pretty.” 

Something had awoken inside Gianna that she wasn’t sure she could put back to sleep. Need for him burned so deeply it was almost painful. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him if she wanted to. 

“Bucky, I…” Her eyes traveled over his jaw, stubble making him look so ruggedly handsome. “I don’t want to go to bed.” 

He chewed on his lower lip. He wanted to say something…inappropriate. He resisted. 

“You have to go to sleep so we can make it to tomorrow. The day I finally get to take you on a date.” 

She smiled, eyes still pleading with him. “You know what I mean.” 

“I do. Believe me.” He slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, walking them back down the dock to the trail. “I want to do this right. You deserve that.”

She blushed. “Goodness, Sergeant Barnes…so old-fashioned of you.” 

“Hey, it may have been 80 years ago, but I still remember what my mom told me about dating.” 

“Oh yeah, what was that? Make sure you find a girl who can iron your pants and have meatloaf ready by 5?” Gianna teased.

He looked down at her. “You only get one chance to create a story worth telling to your grandkids.” 

Blue eyes. Sweet words. Everything.

Her heart swelled as she sucked in a breath. A dangerously goofy smile threatened to overtake her face, but Gianna chewed the inside of her cheek to keep it contained. She didn’t know if there wasn’t an adequate response to his perfect words or if her muddled brain just couldn’t think of one, so she stayed quiet and leaned her head into him as they walked. 

Bucky saw her face contort as she suppressed a smile, making him unable to resist a small grin of his own. 

When they stepped out of the elevator back onto the floor, the team was finishing up their movie on the massive sectional that spanned the living room. Sam, whose idea it had been in the first place, had passed out open-mouthed with his hand still in the popcorn bowl. Steve sat with Nat’s feet in his lap, focused on the movie. Wanda, ever the touchy-feely type, had her head leaned on Nat’s shoulder as they watched, cuddled under the same blanket.

The soft light from the elevator lit up a strip of the kitchen. Steve, always the one positioned towards the door, looked towards them. It only took one look at Bucky for Steve to know something had gone down. He could read his best friend like a children’s book, but in all fairness, it wouldn’t take much for someone else to infer the same. Cheeks flushed, lips swollen, both of their hair tousled…and the two of them walking as close to each other as possible, as though there was a gravitational force pulling them together. 

“How was the walk?” Steve called as the duo crossed the living room. 

“Hot,” Gianna said.

“Great,” Bucky grunted simultaneously. They shot a quick sidelong glance to each other, grinning. 

Steve chuckled, the girls smiling but choosing to keep their comments to themselves. Wanda dug an elbow into Natasha’s ribs, making sure she was seeing the same thing. 

When they got to the far end of the living room, in front of both of their doors, Gianna paused awkwardly. The room was dark, but nearly everyone in the room had enhanced vision and hearing and she knew they were only pretending to watch the movie. 

“Goodnight, Buck.” 

“Goodnight, Gianna.” 

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear. “I’m glad your mom gave you that advice…because what I had in mind wouldn’t have been appropriate for telling grandkids.” 

With that, she slipped into her room, winking at him just before she disappeared behind the door. 

Bucky groaned, leaning back against his bedroom door. 

“You know Barnes,” Natasha’s voice called across the room. “If you wanted to try out lipgloss, I have a shade that’s much more you.” 

Wiping the back of his sleeve across his mouth, he glared across the dark room as the two redheads giggled. 

“No, but seriously, I love your hair like that. It’s very rockstar.” Wanda joined in. 

“I hate you guys.” 

“Night, Bucky!” 

“Love you, too!” 

He let the door slam closed behind him, but couldn’t do anything but smile like an idiot once he was alone. 

Tomorrow night better get here quick.

[flightfoot]

So I've been thinking about this poll by @rolo-potato, which at the time of writing this (less than a day into a week-long poll, but there are enough responses at this point that I doubt the overall conclusion of it will change much), has the ace spectrum as being Miraculous fans most common sexuality. I hadn't really expected that, given how heavy it is on the romance.

But then again, I'm ace myself, and I love the show, and I love the shipping in the show. The amount I'm invested in the couples is actually pretty unusual for me, I'm normally fine with a wide range of ships and tend to gravitate towards canon ones since those usually have the most textual support. When it comes to fanfics though, I'll often seek out the gen fics specifically, because while I'm fine with romance being included in a story, it rarely carries the story by itself.

But Miraculous has been different, and it's something I noticed even before this poll reminded me of that fact. The romance makes sense on a level that most other media doesn't for me - for most other media, I think of the pairings as being just a part of the story, an in-universe thing, but it doesn't usually connect with me on that deeper, more relatable level, because I haven't had that kind of depth of experience personally.

For Miraculous it's different. The romance doesn't just connect to me on a story level, but on a more visceral level somehow? Like when I watch the show, I can actually put myself in Adrien's and Marinette's shoes and get the way they're so head over heels for each other in a way that doesn't normally happen for me, even in well-written, well-built-up romances like between Percy and Annabeth in PJO, and Luz and Amity in The Owl House. I'm not even sure how to explain it fully, because I wouldn't say that the Lovesquare is better written than Lumity is, yet there's something about it, with the way it's presented, that hits me more deeply.

I do think that seeing the different ways Adrien and Marinette interact helps with that. I mean, they've got four distinct relationships with each other, and two of them - Adrienette and Ladynoir - are particularly important and common. For the first four seasons of the show, those relationships are also platonic on one side and romantic on the other, giving both Adrien and Marinette both the overwhelming attraction and secure friendship to each other, but in different ways. It helps that both their superhero and civilian sides, and the relationships between them, ARE true sides of themselves, so we see them get to be close in all these different facets that are still themselves - it's not just "oh this is a romance relationship, this is a platonic relationship" - it's both at the same time.

I'd like to ask other Miraculous fans on the ace spectrum what about Miraculous is special to them though, see whether they can articulate things better. But for me, Miraculous, and the Lovesquare especially, give me a sort of vicarious romantic experience that I just don't get normally.

[todays-just-a-daydream]

Saturday, November 16, 1996 Book looks for Oasis from press Invasive tabloid stories prompt third Gallagher brother to tell his own

By JANE STEVENSON Toronto Sun

Don't Look Back In Anger appears to have double meaning for British supergroup Oasis. It's not only the title of the band's current single, but also the mantra of Paul Gallagher, the older brother of notorious band members Noel and Liam. "I mean, if it helps one person, then it's done its job," says Gallagher of his book, Brothers: From Childhood To Oasis, which details the three siblings' violent childhood at the hands of their brutish, mean-spirited father. "There's other people growing up in the same environment -- the only difference is they haven't got two brothers who are the biggest rock and roll stars in the world." Brothers, which was only released in Canada two weeks ago, is already a huge success in England, where it's sold 45,000 copies since mid-September. It helped that the publishers (General Publishing in Canada), who had only expected it to sell about 10,000, moved up the release date to capitalize on the band's headline-making cancellation of the remainder of their U.S. tour. "I expected it to do more but I expect more than anyone else," says Gallagher, sounding a lot like his ambitious brother Noel, who has already layed down four tracks at Abbey Road Studios for the new Oasis album expected next April. Book sales will likely pick up again given the recent Group of the Year honors for Oasis at the MTV Europe music awards, not to mention Liam's arrest on suspicion of possession of cocaine. "It's just mass hysteria over here," Gallagher says. "I mean if Liam walked backwards in the street, they'd say he was retarded and make a story out of it. The press over here is just like scum, basically, and I'm not afraid of saying that. We get doorsteps every day of the week, which means the press just arrive on your door." In fact, Gallagher had just arrived back from London where he was visiting Liam, who has to report back to police on Dec. 30. "I've been doing my Highway To Heaven bit, which means angel of mercy sort of stuff," Gallagher jokes before adding that Liam is holding up well. "He's fine, he just doesn't want permanent press attention 'cause he hasn't really got a private life anymore -- and it's very, very sad that it has to come to this." Understandably, neither Liam nor Noel initially wanted their older brother writing Brothers, but it apparently had less to do with airing their dirty laundry in public than with Paul's choice of collaborator, Manchester-based journalist Terry Christian. "They still don't like him, probably because he's a Man United fan, but there you go." (Liam, Noel and Paul are supporters of Manchester City, the local soccer rivals of Manchester United.) But Gallagher decided to proceed, with the blessing of their mother, Peggy, and says the book has now brought the three siblings closer together. "I think Noel has read it, and he's behind it. Liam probably read the bits about himself 'cause his attention span isn't very large, and he says it's okay. "In the end, I don't really care, okay or not. I mean it was a book that was personal to me and everyone says, `Well, why share it with the world?' And I say, `Well, the world is on my nerves at the moment.' Cause the press was just digging up stories just for the fun of it, trying to disgrace us." There are actually nine books about Oasis currently in Britian, but, as Gallagher points out, "I'm the only one with the divine right to write one. "Brothers are brothers and they'll fight anyway but at the end of the day they still love each other. They've got a stronger bond than anyone on the outside could ever have. You can have lifetime friends until you're ninety-nine but your brothers are forever." As for their estranged father, who still lives in Manchester and has sold his own stories to the tabloids, Gallagher doesn't think he's read the book. Nor does he care. "He just thinks that nothing's happened. He thinks we're his three darling little sons. Well, we're not his sons, we're me mom's sons."

Toronto Sun on Paul Gallagher’s Brothers book release, as copied/transcribed by a fan and posted in the Oasis Usenet (24 November 1996)

[modern-inheritance]

Rank at least 5 characters in the order of how much you love them. Then do the same but with how much your au changed them compared to the canon ♥️

Ooo that's hard. We can start with the obvious and somewhat less obvious:

Loved Characters:

Arya. My girl, my badass crazy elf chick, my damaged string bean, the person who kicks me in the head at night, the character that got me into writing when I had spent my entire life abohoring writing my own words in all forms.

Brom. What can I say? He's everyone's dad.

Saphira! Sassy! Young, definitely wise beyond her years, but still young.

Here's where you typically lose me, or I lose you. but! we will indeed continue, with the ones that make people question my sanity:

4. Durza. Delightfully, deliciously evil, and just for the sake of being so. Many doors opened for me to explore due to this thing's depravity. 5. Uuuuuuuuuh. You know what? Yeah! Eragon! He learns! And he loves learning! How slow and painful his life would have been without the space, opportunity and means to explore himself and the world the way he did through his travels and training with Saphira! He hungers for knowledge, the hows and whys. And though he's young, and he makes mistakes, he learns from them and takes responsibility as he matures. And I have mad respect for all of that.

Rankings by MIC Character Changes:

Arya. Yeaaaah. I know we know very little of her true history and life, but MIC was sorta started as a way to explore PTSD and Arya's life. She's far more brash, wild and spitfire in MIC, but, when you look at how she acts when in 'public' in MIC (and I've not...really...written anything that shows this yet I'm realizing), she's damn near the same to her canon counterpart when acting as combat liaison officer in the public/court/official eye. But I wanted to give her space to breathe, I guess, and a chance to process and go through her trauma. Iunno. I prefer my version of her to the canon, but without the canon I would't have her!

Brom. There is a lot that you guys haven't seen or heard about Brom that I've had planned for years. A few moments that I have in mind: We get Brom's rage-revenge years in the pre-Eragon/pre-war era stories of Arya and the Squaddies. Brom causing the death of civilians, including children in a pinpoint focused drive to capture/kill an agent of a Forsworn that was using a town as a meatshield, so he lies to Arya about there being no one else in the building they need to target so that she'll agree to allow him to cast magic through her (conduit casting, useful for spellcasters who have a better understanding of a spell yet a weakened connection to magic but have access to a willing, stronger spellcaster who can open their mind to them to use their energy and 'scaffolding' in a way to channel the spell, or just to amplify a normal spell by 'bouncing' it around the 'scaffolding' and am i making sense it make sense to me i'll do more later sorry) but she senses the lie at the last moment due to their minds being linked which leads to an explosion due to the conflict between spell directing and yeah uh...things are bad between them for a while (this is the Thornwell incident mentioned in 'Collateral'). Brom, like Arya, is given a long stretch of time in Ellesmera and Eragon and Saphira's training where he has little to ground him or work to distract him and he eventually spirals into alcoholism, end of life ideation and is eventually chained to a toilet for a week or two to sober up and get his head on straight. Oh, and he lives. That's big.

Glenwing! We know absolutely nothing about Glenwing other than that he liked birds. I tried to give him a character, and while I do sometimes feel like I don't give him enough individuality, I'm trying to do that more often. He also lives, but like...only...if we're going by burn percentages for like body percentage then he lives only 91%. Cuz...the arm. Yeah.

I...don't have anyone really for four.

Eragon and Saphira! I know I don't show them much, but I feel like they stay fairly true to their baseline and merely branch out rather than be completely changed from their original. People can correct me on this though, if they can find enough posted material for either of them!

I can't even say I changed Durza, just...made him worse. Amplified his weird and ick and bad.

TORIN! JFC, I LITERALLY MADE ROSE GUY A CHARACTER.

I am low brain right now but thank you for your patience on this one, anon. It's very hard for me to actually pick up the changes after so long with MIC. I feel my versions are canon more often than not. Which might be why I'm having such a hard time finishing Murtagh.

Cheers mate! Thanks for the ask!

[fiveisnumber1]

The Worst Isn’t The Worst When I’m With You - A “Remembering The Past/Fixing The Future” Side Story

Timeless Fanfic Main Story Parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35

Hi everyone! Sorry that it's been a bit since I posted. I've been focusing very hard on finishing my master's degree, but now that I know I am officially graduating I will have plenty more time to write. To make up for things though here is a side story that I have slowly been working on in between portions of my final paper. I will be getting back to the main storyline and start working on the next chapter sometime next week. I'd also like to thank my trans bestie Georgia for her assistance on the last section of this side story, her advice and input were very much appreciated.

Thank you all for your patience, and much love <3

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse (section 1/Lucas) and deadnaming/misgendering (section 7/Viktoria). If those topics are uncomfortable feel free to skip them.

_____________________________________________________________________

This is the story of Lucas Alexander Klein. Born June 16th, 2001 at 1:37 am to Austin and Meredith Klein. With two older siblings, Jackson and Katherine, he was the youngest and last child of the Klein family. From the outside life in the Klein household looked as golden and shiny as the hair on all their heads, but inside it was much darker. Rules and standards were engrained into the family structure and stepping outside those bounds led to one thing. Punishment. Physical punishment. But in the house, those rules were arbitrary and ever-changing. What was fine one day was wrong the next and it was entirely at the discretion of Austin Klein. He was an abusive man who relished the power he had over his children and his wife Meredith felt no need to step in as she idly let him parent the way he did.

Their children however were completely unlike them. Jack, Katie, and Lucas stuck together doing their best to keep each other safe rather than leaving each other alone to face things themselves. They were kind and empathetic to each other and other people because none of them wanted others to feel the way they felt. None of them wanted to be like their parents and did everything they could to make the world a better place, from activities, to volunteer work to just helping random people because they all knew how terrible it could be sometimes. Being the oldest, Jack took the brunt of the punishment in order for his siblings to face less. But when he turned 18 he knew he couldn't stay any longer. No matter how much he loved his siblings, for his own sake, he had to go, no matter how much he wanted to take them with him. And so he left.

Lucas was 12.

It was then that Katie tried to step up to protect Lucas just as Jack had done for them but as Lucas got stronger he instead stepped in to protect Katie even if it meant he got hurt more. But that didn't last long as two years after Jack left at age 18, Katie did too. She cried the day of her birthday as she packed her bags to leave and go live with some of her friends. She wanted to take Lucas with her, she told him she'd find a way to get him out, but Lucas refused. Jack had tried the same thing and Lucas remembered how their parents made his life a living hell until he stopped. Lucas, still trying to protect his sister, told her that he was strong. Strong like Luther Hargreeves, his hero and inspiration. Strong like he was in all the comics she and Jack gave him since he was six. He didn't want her life to be difficult because of him and he would be okay. And so she left.

Lucas was 14.

And so Lucas was all alone, with four years left til he too could leave and never look back. But until then he was stuck in his shitty situation. He stayed away from home as much as possible to try and minimize his time in his father's presence. Between school and sports and activities and friends he managed to stay away for the most part but not entirely. And it was on those days that he was stuck at home with no excuse or got home before his parents went to bed that times were tough. Very tough. But he never told anyone, not even his closest friend brushing stuff off as a thing he got from football or at the gym or being clumsy. Except for one night, when he was 16 and he finally came clean to one person. You.

June 16, 2017:

Today was a good day celebrating Lucas' 16th birthday.

Your friend group had a tradition of always saying yes to whatever people wanted to do for their birthday. It made for the best celebrations and always made the birthday person happy. And for Lucas, he decided he wanted to get away and go to the beach. And so you did. Getting up early everyone had piled into Dean's car and driven to Rockaway Beach. Together you swam in the warm salty water, collected shells on the sand, and even indulged Lucas in an impromptu game of capture the flag. You soaked in the sun and watched as Dean used a toy shovel to scoop up a tiny crab and fling it toward Kenny. It was hilarious. And once Lucas was satisfied with his beach day you moved on to the next thing.

And so after washing off in the bathrooms at the beach, you piled back into the car once more before coming back to the city and going to your favorite comic shop. You all scanned through all of the vintage comic collections looking for more Umbrella Academy comics for Lucas to take home and add to his collection, especially the ones that focused on Luther. Lucky for him you were able to find one, which of course you and all of your friends paid for him.

And then finally to end the day you went to the local arcade pizzeria to eat shitty pizza and play overpriced and definitely rigged games. And as you sat cramped together in a booth you presented your birthday gifts to Lucas. He loved every single one of them but you knew he really liked yours. You had gifted him an astronomy book that had Luther's signature in it. Granted, all you did was steal the book from Luther's room, but it's not like he was using it anytime soon and it made Lucas happy so what was the harm? As the day ended you had all gone your separate ways but you knew that you had given Lucas the best birthday you could. But as the night drew on, and you wrote about your day in your journal for Five to read one day, your phone began to ring.

Looking at the caller  ID you saw it was Lucas. It wasn't odd that he was calling you but the timing was. It was 11:18 pm. The latest he had ever called you before was 9 pm. Picking up your phone you could hear his voice on the other line.

"(Y/N)?" He questioned

He sounded out of breath and clearly upset.

"Lucas? Are you okay?" You asked concerned

"Can you come to the park?" He asked quickly "To the sitting area by the pond."

Something was off. Something was very off. You had never heard Lucas sound so panicked. Your heartbeat began to pick up its pace as you worriedly asked,

"Lucas, what's going on?"

"Please," he begged, "Please just come to the park."

He sounded like he was crying. There was no time for questions. Something was wrong and you needed to get to him. Immediately, you sprang from your seat and quickly replied,

"Don't move. I'll be there soon."

You could hear Lucas whimper a tiny sound of acknowledgment before the call ended. Rushing to your closet you quickly threw on a pair of shoes and a jacket before dashing out of your room and towards Reggie's office. Entering you looked around before finding the key to Hermes, the car the academy used to drive around in. Everyone was asleep at this point so no as was going to stop you from taking them. Running out of the office you transported your molecules outside and into the car. Placing the keys in the ignition you turned on the car and peeled out of the driveway behind the academy and onto the road toward the park. It took you practically no time and if Eudora had seen your reckless driving she would've been highly disappointed but the urgency was needed. Parking the car you immediately jumped out of it and ran down the pathways to the area he had told you to meet him. The park was dark and empty and your voice echoed throughout the area as you called,

"LUCAS? LUCAS?"

As you neared the area by the pond you could see a figure stand up and look your way.

"LUCAS!" You shouted

Quickly you spatial jumped over toward him but as you regained your focus and looked up at him the sight you saw shocked you. His face was wet with tears, streaks of dried blood ran from his nose and he had the beginnings of a black eye.

"Oh my god, Lucas what happened?!" You asked panicked

But instead of saying anything he just hugged you and began to cry. Wrapping your arms back around him your heart broke as you heard him sob into the quiet night. Just a few hours ago you both were having an amazing day together with your friends, what happened to make it go so wrong? Pulling away from the hug only slightly, you guided him over to one of the tables and had him sit down. Gently, you placed one of your hands over his black eye and made it colder in an attempt to quell the swelling and bruising. You could feel the wetness of his tears on the palm of your hand as he placed one of his hands over yours and pressed your cold hand against his eye more.

"Lucas, what happened? Who did this?" You softly asked

Lucas tensed up for a second. The fear of being honest was so ingrained in him that even the mere thought of opening up scared him. What if he was found out? How screwed would he be? But then he let out the breath that he was holding in and his shoulders dropped. He called you for a reason.

"M-m-my dad..." Lucas stuttered out "He did it."

His dad did this? Why the fuck would he do this? What reason did he have to harm his son like this? Not that any reason would be acceptable in the slightest but you needed to know what happened so you could help.

"What? Why?" You questioned more urgently

"Because I apparently got home too late." Lucas answered

"He did this because you were home too late? You've gotten home later before though." You mentioned

"I know...I- he's always changing his mind on what's allowed and not. It's always been like this..." Lucas responded sadly

Even with one eye covered, you could see his thousand-yard stare. You recognized that stare not only because you had caught glimpses of it on him before but because it was the same one you would get when you thought about the pain of your past. When he said it's always been like this he didn't just mean his dad changing his mind, he meant this. The injuries were not new. And that's when it clicked. The long sleeves in summer, the last-minute canceled plans, the way he would occasionally flinch if you approached him from behind or called his name too loud.

Your brain felt like it was running at a million miles per hour. Sadness and anger filled your system with adrenaline as you sprang to your feet and began to pace back and forth. You needed to help him. He didn't deserve this. Nobody did, but especially not your friend. Especially not when you could help.

"Oh my god, Lucas. We- we need to tell someone about this. We can go to Eudora, she's a cop-" You ranted your thoughts

"No- I-" Lucas tried to interject

"I mean I know the whole department. The detectives, the chief, the district attorney. They all like me and would be willing to help." You stated

As you paced past him Lucas grabbed your wrist catching your attention. You stopped and looked at him, tears in his eyes and the hand that held you visibly shaking.

"(Y/N), please. No." Lucas begged, his voice trembling "I can't go through the hell Austin put Jack through."

Jack was Lucas' older brother. You had met him a few times before he had moved out of Lucas' house but it was never for long. He was nice but also stand-offish, wary of people, and very protective of Lucas. But now it all made sense. You had no clue what type of hell Lucas was talking about but if he was begging you not to do anything you would put the subject aside for now. Even if you hated the thought of doing so, Lucas came first.

Relenting you sat down next to him once more, his hand still shakily gripping your wrist. And with a question nagging at your mind, you quietly asked,

"Dean is your best friend and Addison is your girlfriend so why did you call me?"

"Dean and Addison would be on a war path the minute I told them my dad did it regardless of whether I wanted them to or not." Lucas explained quietly "But you- I know you can keep a secret."

You looked at him confused and slightly concerned. How did he know you kept secrets? Did he know the truth and hadn't said anything?

"What makes you say that?" You asked

"When you talk about your past, you choose your words carefully so you don't lie, but I know you also don't tell the full truth. You have habits with seemingly no explanation like how no matter how old you are you insist on only 8 candles, the way you start to panic when it snows unexpectedly, or the way you grab onto people tightly if they walk too far ahead of you. Without fail, you refuse to leave the house on November 22nd every year but won't tell anyone why. Certain topics cause you to have a 1000-yard stare and I know on occasion you've hidden power-related injuries from the group." Lucas explained

You were taken back. He had seen all of that? You knew some of the things he mentioned were things you were actively hiding but you didn't expect him to notice. It seemed like none of your friends had noticed. And then there were other things you never realized you did. You grabbed onto people if they walked too far ahead? You would stare off blankly occasionally? He had noticed these things the whole time?

"You noticed all of that?" You questioned

"I did. Because it reminded me of myself." Lucas replied "And I don't know what it is and I don't expect you to tell me, but I know that whatever it is, it's something you feel you can't talk about. So I felt like...I felt like you would understand."

You did understand. Maybe not like how Lucas had experienced, but you held a lot of pain within you that you felt you couldn't talk about. You didn't know how people would feel or what they would think if you told them, especially your friends who knew the bare bones of your past. And for the people who knew a bit about your situation, like Diego, they already had their own biases so you'd never be able to have a true discussion with them. It was tough keeping all of your pain to yourself. You could feel tears come to your eyes as you somewhat understood how Lucas felt. How he was probably feeling now. Gently pulling your wrist out of his hand, you then took his hand in your own.

"Whatever you need, I'm here for you." You stated

"I just need you to hold on to this for two years. I'm used to it, I have strategies and I can get through. Once I turn 18 and get out there's nothing else my dad can do. And he never bothered Jack or Katie once they left and didn't bother him." Lucas explained "I don't know how he's going to react when he has no children to directly control but we'll get there when we get there. And if he does pull some shit I promise I'll let you get involved then."

"If that's what you want, that's what I'll do," You replied softly "But if you ever change your mind before then I'll help. Whatever you need I'll be here to support you."

Lucas looked at you. There was sadness in your eyes and the light of the lamp illuminated the tears that were beginning to form. There was something about seeing the pain reflected in your eyes whether from calling you out about your own secrets or finally admitting his that made him feel overwhelmed. He tried to hold it back, to not worry you further but sadness washed over him as he began to cry once more.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Lucas apologized through tears

"What are you sorry for?" You asked confused

"F-for crying and making you s-sad. For being scared an-and waiting this out. For not being st-strong enough to deal with i-it now." Lucas cried

Without even thinking, as those words left his mouth you let go of his hand and pulled him into a tight hug. You loved your friend dearly and to think he thought he needed to apologize for wanting someone to be there for him, for someone to let him be vulnerable, it broke your heart. He didn't deserve to feel this way. He never should've had to feel this way. You couldn't go back in time to change it, as much as you wish you had the power to, but you would do everything you could to help him now and going forward. As his head rested on your shoulder and tears stained your shirt, you stroked his hair gently trying your best to calm him. He wrapped his arms around you tightly once more, his body vibrating from the weight of his emotions. You had trouble breathing from the strength of his hold but it didn't matter. What mattered was Lucas.

"Lucas, you have no reason to be sorry." you cooed "You're the strongest person I know."

The strongest person you knew? Lucas couldn't believe it. There were way stronger people than him. He could think of a few but especially, one. Pulling back from the hug to look at you Lucas quietly questioned,

"As strong as Luther?"

"Stronger." You stated firmly

Now Lucas was especially confused. Not only was he the strongest person you knew, but he was stronger than Luther Hargreeves?

"How?" He asked

"Because even through all the unjustified malice you've faced you still choose to be kind." You answered softly "And there's a lot of strength that comes from still trying to be good even when everything seems so bad."

"I just don't want anyone to feel the way I feel or experience what I do." Lucas explained

"I know and if it means anything, you're doing a great job." You mentioned

"It does." Lucas replied before slumping against the picnic table and remarking "What a way to end my birthday, huh?"

You watched as he looked up at the dark sky above. The vast expanse of space covering the sky, but no stars to be seen with the lights of the city surrounding you. And then an idea hit you. Looking at the clock on your phone you saw it was 11:51 pm. You still had time. Quickly standing up, you exclaimed,

"Come with me, I have something to show you."

Lucas looked at you surprised but stood up anyway. Grabbing his hand, you ran off towards the hill at the center of the park, Lucas keeping pace with you. As the hill got closer you called back,

"Run to the top and look at the sky."

Lucas nodded his head and when you both got to the base of the hill he began to run up it. But when he saw you weren't following he stopped.

"Aren't you coming?" He questioned

"No, I need to be here." You quickly replied

You saw as Lucas still hesitated. Checking the time once more you saw it read 11:57. You were running out of time.

"Lucas trust me." You told him

Seeing the pleading sincerity in your eyes Lucas finally turned around and ran up to the top of the hill and looked up at the sky like you asked. Rushing over to the closest lamp post you dropped to your knees and phased your hand through the locked electric plate at the bottom. Placing your hands on the wiring inside you hoped you could recreate what you had done once before by accident. Looking at the clock once more you saw it said 11:59. It was now or never as you focused on the electricity inside the wires. Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and then-

It was dark.

Lamp by lamp, building by building the lights shut off.

Lucas saw as the sky grew brighter and brighter. New stars became visible by the second as the world above illuminated with twinkling lights. It was so bright. It was so beautiful. He had never seen anything like this before except in pictures from his space books. Never did he think he would get to experience a sight like this let alone on his birthday. And as he watched a shooting star fly across the sky emotion overcame him again. A smile came to his face and tears welled in his eyes once more, not from sadness, but from joy. Closing his eyes, a few tears of joy ran down his cheeks as he made a wish on the shooting star above. When he was done wishing he opened his eyes and looked towards you, his friend who gave him the greatest gift of all.

Hope.

It would take time but Lucas knew from small moments like these, with the love and support of his friends, life could get better. No. Life would get better.

"(Y/N)!" Lucas called

You looked toward him trying to keep your focus on suppressing the city's electricity. It was taking all of your efforts, and you knew you couldn't hold it much longer.

"Make a wish!" He shouted excitedly pointing at the sky

Looking up you saw the same shooting star that Lucas had wished on and made a wish yourself. Closing your eyes, you wished that one day all of your friends would be with you and that they'd all be happy. Truly happy. As you finished your wish, you opened your eyes and looked up the hill toward Lucas.

"Happy birthday Lucas!" You shouted back

Lucas smiled. And as the lights of the city began to come back he knew that today was still a good day and with you as his friend, he knew no matter what every day after could be too.

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story of Decano Francisco Sebastián Hernandez. Born December 4th, 2000 at 9:26 pm to Sebastián and Liliana Hernandez. With older brother Antonio and younger brother Matías, Dean was the forgotten second son. Although his mother attempted to show him he was remembered, he still did everything he could to try and climb into his father's graces and earn his praise. But as time went on Dean realized that praise would never come nor would his family fully remember that he was around. And even on the rare occasion they did, it was never as special as Antonio. He would always be second best.

He tried his best to accept it. If Diego Hargreeves from the Umbrella Academy could be number two and still be cool then he could too, right? He could still be a hero and make a change without his family's approval...no matter how much he wanted it. And so he worked and trained every day he could. His combat skills were much more than the average citizen, his knowledge of law, history, and mechanics was impressive for someone of his age and his archery skills became unmatched. But even with that he still compared himself to his older brother. Dean had far greater skills and knowledge but Antonio only had to exist to be number one. It felt unfair. He hated that he had no family to notice him.

That was until you came around. You noticed him. You noticed his skills, his knowledge, his talents. You saw it all and you praised him for it. The praise he had never gotten before. It was amazing. You were the closest thing he had to actual family.

No. You were his family.

You never rejected him, you never ignored him, you never not cared for him. You were his sister and he was your brother and together you were an unstoppable twin duo even if you weren't actually related. If neither of you had anyone else, you'd always have each other. Dean would protect all of his friends with his life, they were the family he chose, but especially for you. And especially after The Incident.

March 23, 2018:

School was boring today. In early March there's not much going on and today was no different. Typically, a slow school day with no tests or quizzes, or presentations was desirable, but after having days like this for the past 3 weeks it started to become mind-numbing. Dean was just itching for something to happen. But today was Friday which meant that he and the rest of your friend group had time to go off and do something exciting and he had the perfect idea.

For seven months at this point, your friend group had been going out across the city fighting crime just like the Umbrella Academy did. Just on a smaller scale. Dean and the rest of the group had received more in-depth training from you and they all learned how to work like a team. Each of you playing up each other's strengths and filling in the gaps where there were weaknesses. Together you ran like a well-oiled machine of seven highly competent fighters all under the direction of their talented and super-powered leader, you. And so like many other days as the final bell rang and your group of friends met up by the front doors of the school Dean proposed,

"So what do you guys say we take a little cruise around the city today? See what's up?"

Most of your friend group perked up with excitement at the thought. They loved going out to fight crime just like the Umbrella Academy did. They felt so cool and like their heroes. Hell, they didn't just feel like heroes, they WERE heroes. Even if nobody knew so besides the seven of you.

"That would be awesome!" Kenny exclaimed

"I've been dying for an adrenaline rush." Addison added

Dean felt excitement grow within him. Finally, the action that he had been looking for. He had heard rumors from some guy at his MMA club that there was some seriously shady business going on at the abandoned warehouse downtown. That would be the perfect place to shoot some arrows, fight some criminals, and get him out of this slump. Looking at the group as they all walked toward his car he shouted,

"Alright, the seven of us taking on the town once more!"

While the rest of your friends cheered for the adventure they were about to have, you gave a wary smile.

"What's that face for sis?" Dean questioned

"I don't think that's a good idea..." You mentioned reluctantly

"Why not?" Bren questioned confused

"I'm really tired." You replied

It was true, you were very tired. For years you had been working on some theories on how to use your powers to manipulate space-time. You had been tweaking one specific idea for the past 8 months now and you thought that you had gotten it to a workable place. All last night you had been trying to rip molecules apart in a specific fashion that would open a wormhole without creating a black hole. Over and over you tried again with no results, but then you started to get the hang of it and for one instance you could actually see something forming. It had been working up until the moment it snapped back closed causing a huge burst of energy and sending you flying into a wall knocking you out. When you woke up, your alarm for school was going off, your head hurt, and you felt mentally exhausted and physically tired. It was as if that burst of energy had knocked all of the energy out of you. You felt weak in a way you never had before. Granted, you had never pushed your powers to the point you did last night but you knew that you didn't have it in you to fight today. You had a regenerative nature to you so you knew that a day to relax and sleep in would fix you right up and you could go out fighting tomorrow, but today you just couldn't.

"I can't protect you guys as well as usual if I don't have the energy to." You added

"C'mon Ringmaster you've been training us constantly for eight months and we've been killing it every time we go out." Lucas reminded

"Yeah, but-" You began to say

"But nothing. We're practically professionals." Dean interjected

"If you want to take it easy this time when we go you can do that. I'm sure we can handle it." Viktoria suggested

As you all made it to Dean's car you stopped and stood in front of your friend group. It felt like they weren't listening to your concerns or what you were saying at all. You didn't have the energy to fight and you could not guarantee their safety like other times. The last thing you wanted was for something to go wrong because the outcomes were disastrous. Look what happened to Ben...

Most of the group was already his age. Hell, Bren had turned 17 nine days ago and Kenny had nine days until he turned 17. You were all around that age and it just put a bad taste in your mouth to have your concerns ignored.

"It's not about me wanting to take it easy. It's about me being at the power capacity to keep you safe." You emphasized, "We're not the Umbrella Academy."

"No, we're not the Umbrella Academy because we'll never be as cool as them." Dean stated, "But we sure are close!"

The rest of your friend group nodded ecstatically at Dean's sentiment as they all opened the back seat doors and slid into the car. Opening his door Dean looked at you as he asked,

"You coming?"

Letting out a reluctant sigh you knew you weren't getting out of this. You were just going to have to pool your strength as best you could and hope that you couldn't find any trouble around. Nodding your head you watched as Dean got into his seat before opening the passenger side door.

"They weren't even that cool..." You mumbled to yourself as you got in the car "They were lonely dorks who just happened to have powers..."

As you closed your car door Dean turned on the car and began to drive out of the high school parking lot. Speeding down the city streets he made his way toward the downtown sector of the city. And specifically toward the old abandoned warehouse that he had heard stuff about. If the rumors he heard were true there was some type of group or organization that was utilizing the warehouse to hide and guard something. As he approached the building, he slowed down and parked the car behind a dumpster. The anticipation built in him. Something big was going to happen he just knew it.

You however weren't excited about being here. From the times that you had spent in the police precinct waiting for Eudora to get off of work, you heard that there was some "underground" organization moving into the downtown area of the city. It was recent, so they didn't have enough evidence to confirm and were waiting on warrants to go investigate places such as this abandoned warehouse. You didn't feel right about being here but obviously, that was not the sentiment of everyone else.

You watched as they reached into bags and pockets pulling out the masks you had given them months ago and placing them on their faces. One by one, they got out of the car pumping each other up for what came next, but you lingered in your seat. Pulling Five's mask out of your bag you held it in your hands and stared at it. If he was here would he agree with this? Would he tell you to deny your gut feeling?

You knew the answer.

"You coming, Ringmaster?" Dean asked

You snapped out of your trance and looked away from the mask. To your right you saw your brother leaning over, the passenger door open, looking at you from behind the mask. Looking back at him you thought,

Dean, I don't know about this...

You don't have to come but the rest of us are going to go

From behind Dean, you could see the excited looks on your other friends' faces. Looking down at the mask in your hands once more you pushed your concerns down. Perhaps it would be alright. You had trained your friends well and they were competent in their abilities and working with each other. They were your friends and you trusted them with your life. Looking toward Dean you relented,

"Yeah. I'm coming."

Getting out of the car you closed the door behind you and placed the mask on your face. Things were going to be fine. Everything was going to be...

Fine.

And so you were off as you had done many times before. Going in solo, you scouted the building invisibly before reporting back.

"12 guys in total. Two are guarding the doors and the rest are inside. 8 in total are armed, the two at the door and then 6 more inside. Three of the men inside are arguing so tensions and adrenaline are high but it might give us the element of surprise since they're distracted with each other." You explained

"Not too bad," Bren mentioned

"We've definitely faced more guys before," Addison added

"So what's the plan?" Lucas asked

"Marksman and I will take out the armed guards swiftly and quietly. Once that's done I will sneak you all through the walls and to safe places to ambush. The first objective is for me to get the guns away from those that have them and then it's business as usual for everyone." You replied

And with the nodding of your friend's heads acknowledging your plan, you headed off. Taking Dean's hand you transported the two of you behind a parked car. A pinching feeling ran down your spine as you bit your tongue to keep yourself from making a sound. Peering very slightly through the windows of the cars you turned to Dean.

On my call, we take them out. I'll take left, you take right.

Dean nodded his head back as you shifted yourself closer to the front of the car while he stayed behind the trunk. You took a moment to center your self and then you thought,

Now.

Both you and Dean popped up from behind the car, a knife and arrow immediately flying from your position across the alley towards the two guards and lodging in their hearts. You watched as the men collapsed to the ground, their guns dropping from their hands. Using your powers you swatted the guns out of their reach if they were even still alive to reach for them. And once more the shooting pain you felt a minute ago raced through your body and caused you to stumble for a second. Regaining your balance you rushed towards one of the men on the ground and pulled your knife from his chest while Dean ripped his arrow from the other one. Tapping the one next to you with your foot you saw there was no response or reflex. Two fewer guys to worry about.

With the coast clear you waved the rest of the group over to you. Carefully, they snuck over and arrived at the doors with you and Dean. Grabbing onto Kenny and Bren's wrists you flashed them inside and behind a large boiler of sorts quietly making hand motions to signify for them to stay there and keep quiet. Returning back to the front door, you stumbled a bit as you materialized in front of the group, your knees feeling slightly weak. Grabbing onto Lucas and Addison, you repeated the process for them as well, placing them behind a pallet of crates and giving them silent instructions before going back and repeating the process once more for Dean and Viktoria.

With all of your friends in place, you moved yourself to a different location behind the group of gang members and hid behind a pillar out of view of everyone. You leaned up against it for support and you could feel your stomach begin to churn in such a way that you were becoming nauseous. Pressing your back against the wall you slowly slid to the floor and your arms wrapped tightly around your waist. As you sat there waiting for your gut to settle you could feel the sensation of something running down from your nose. Wiping your nose with the back of your hand you could see a slight trail of blood. Great. A bloody nose. Using your powers you slightly cauterized your nostril which did get the bleeding to stop but it also made your stomach jump. You just wanted to get this over with so you could rest for a while.

Peering around the corner you could see the few men from before talking as the others stood by. Closing your eyes you took a deep breath as you focus on the guns in the room. Most of them were holstered either on the hip or inside a jacket except for one man who held his weapon in his hand. One by one you used your powers to melt the holstered weapons to the point that they would be unusable. You knew that the molten plastic and metal were going to hit the skin of the men with holstered guns very soon so, to cause a distraction you finally melted the gun that was being held directly in hand. Poor guy decided on an all-metal one though. Oh well. The gun immediately turned into molten metal that had a bright orange glow. The man who held the gun cried out in pain as the others became distracted and turned to look. The action of the turning spilled the molten liquid from the other guns onto the men carrying them while the 6 unarmed men looked on in confusion.

As you tried to stand up a searing pain ripped through your thigh causing you to stumble back down, before finally forcing yourself up. You leaned against the wall you hid behind as you could feel your other nostril start to bleed and pain stab in your side. Taking deep breaths you tried to concentrate on the task at hand and push past your physical pain. And it was at this point with all of the men distracted that the rest of your friends sprung into action.

Quickly, Dean shot off two arrows taking out two of the men and causing them to drop to the floor. Addison had convinced a guy to run away from her only to be surprised picked up by Lucas and slammed into the concrete ground below. Viktoria had found some type of pipe and slammed it against the kneecaps of one of the men sending them to the ground before cracking it against their skull. The sounds of clanging metal and crackling of bone rang through the air like a loud soundwave. Kenny went back and forth fighting with one guy before finally managing to grapple him and bash his head repeatedly into the ground while Bren use his whips to grab and snap the neck of two other guys. In a matter of a few minutes what was once a room of ten men was dwindled down to three.

You finally stepped out from behind the pillar as you became more aware of your surroundings and the damp humidity of the space making itself known. It gave you an idea. Looking at one of the men left standing you pulled the water molecules from the air and redirected them into the body of the man before you. Slowly the water molecules began to fill his lungs as he gasped for air finding none. You pulled more moisture from the air and into his body as he began to drown from the inside. You watched as he doubled over pressing on his gut and trying to cough up water but it was no use as you began to fill the rest of his organs with water. His body began to swell from the fluids as foamy blood ran from his nose and mouth. And then he collapsed. Dead.

As he dropped though, so did you. You fell to your knees as you felt a tearing pain rip across your right forearm. You couldn't see what had happened though as your jacket covered the skin and before you could get a chance to tug it up you saw a man rushing towards you. With a flick of your hand, you sent him crashing into a nearby pillar, his head and neck crunching against the concrete, but you could feel a tearing sensation rip across your collarbone as you did so. You grunted in pain as you reached a hand up to touch the area, only to be met with the sight of blood as you pulled your hand back to look at it. You stared blankly at the red on your fingertips. This had never happened before.

But then you heard the sound of fleeting footsteps. Looking up you saw as the last man began running towards an exit, Bren quickly pursuing him. You watched as the man slowed slightly as he passed a large gas tank and everything that came next felt like it was in slow motion. You saw as the man pulled out a lighter and tossed it into the tank that Bren was about to pass. You didn't even notice as you pushed yourself up from the ground, your body reacting on instinct as you shouted,

"BREN!"

Flashing in front of him you pushed him to the ground behind you before turning your body towards the tank. Mustering all your strength you forced your powers to work overtime blocking the explosion from harming your friend. Energy coursed through your body as you tried to redirect the explosion and flames away from him. Searing pain ripping across multiple parts of your body until all you could feel was the sensation of your body being torn apart. You could feel the energy of the explosion dwindle and as you looked back, you caught a glimpse of Bren's terrified face before the world went blurry and then completely back.

From across the large warehouse floor, the rest of the group heard the sound of an explosion and a blood-curdling scream, and then...

Nothing.

There was of course the crackling of some flames but nothing else except haunting silence. Dean looked around before seeing Bren across the room kneeling in front of something. Concern shot through his body. What if it wasn't a something? Taking off toward Bren, Dean's heart raced but as he approached he was met with a horrific sight. There he saw the corpse of the last man burnt to a crisp, but that's not what terrified him. It was seeing Bren frozen in fear as he kneeled in front of a separate body.

Yours.

Rushing toward you, Dean dropped to his knees by your side as Bren remained frozen. Blood ran from your nose and seeped through parts of your clothing as you lay still on the ground, the area surrounding you and Bren blackened and charred. Your mask had fallen from your face only to reveal your eyes were closed. Grabbing your shoulders he gently shook you calling,

"(Y/N)?"

But when he received no response he shook you harder. This wasn't funny. You needed to get up now. Harder and harder he shook trying to wake you, but it wasn't working. His heart began to race and he could feel his hands shake as he held your face in them.

"C'mon sunshine, open your eyes." He begged, his voice cracking "Open your eyes please. I need you to."

The rest of the group found their way over to you as Kenny and Lucas saw the scene first. This wasn't good.

"Oh shit," Kenny said turning on his heel to go grab his medical bag from the car

"Don't look." Lucas exclaimed quickly pulling Addison and Viktoria in towards him shielding their eyes from the sight

Dean picked your motionless body up and held you tightly in his arms as he sobbed. This was all his fault. You told him you were uncomfortable and he let his own wants outweigh your concerns. And now here you lifeless in his arms. He was a failure of a brother. He promised himself he would keep you from getting hurt and yet he was the one who caused you to get hurt.

"I-I killed her." Dean cried, tears streaming down his face and leaving behind messy streaks "It's my fault I killed her."

The rest of the group recoiled in pain hearing those words. No. You couldn't be dead. They needed you.

Rushing back over with his med bag Kenny dropped to his knees next to Dean.

"Dean I can help. Let me help." Kenny stated trying to pull you from Dean's arms

"Back off!" Dean shouted pushing Kenny away

Kenny knew Dean's emotions were getting the best of him. He wasn't thinking straight and it was actively preventing you from getting help which is the opposite of what you needed right now. Kenny hated to do it, and he knew he would face Dean's ire at some point for it but he didn't care. You were his main concern right now. Looking back at Lucas, Kenny commanded flatly,

"Grab him."

Lucas hesitated for a second but saw the seriousness on Kenny's face. Stepping away from Addison and Viktoria, the two girls grabbed onto each other for support as Lucas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and pulled him away from you and Kenny pulled your limp body from his arms.

"No No No!" Dean yelled, "Let me go!"

"I'm sorry." Lucas apologized pulling Dean further away from you

"LET ME GO!" Dean shouted

He needed to get back to you. He had to be there for you. You hated being alone. He wasn't going to let you be alone. He promised you so. Kicking Lucas in the shin, Lucas momentarily loosened his grasp enough for Dean to break free, but as began to run back toward you he was tackled to the ground. Lucas held his body against the floor, his face pressed against the cold concrete. And from where he laid he could see you. With one arm that he was able to get free, he reached out to you even though he knew he was too far to reach.

"THAT'S MY SISTER!" Dean cried out "GET OFF ME! THAT'S MY SISTER!"

Tears silently fell from Lucas's eyes as he held his best friend down. he knew how much Dean cared for you and he hated having to hold him down like this. Dean's shouts and cries were filled with heartbreak and pain that all of them were experiencing and it only made him feel worse for not allowing Dean to have the comfort of being near you.

"She's our friend too, Dean..." Lucas said, his voice cracking as he spoke

Dean did not respond and continued to cry out for you, but Lucas knew Kenny wouldn't be able to work on you if Dean wouldn't let him get close and so all Lucas could do was keep Dean tackled and hope that maybe he would calm down.

"I'M SORRY (Y/N)! I'M SO SORRY!" Dean wailed, his pleas echoing across the room

Kenny tried his best to tune Dean out as he was distracting him from providing you medical attention. Pulling out a stethoscope Kenny placed it in his ears and put the flat portion against your chest. Dean was wrong. You weren't dead. You had a pulse, but it was low. Very low. Same with your breathing. It was shallow. But you were still alive. Kenny had been in plenty of high-stress situations before in terms of medical crises, but this was different. This wasn't some stranger, this was you. His friend. Nevertheless, he had to put his emotions to the side and think of something quick. He couldn't let it get any lower or else there would be severe complications. Quickly wrapping up the cuts on your collarbone, arm, and waist he now needed to get your heart rate up. Flying by the seat of his pants he reached into his bag and pulled out a syringe and a vial of epinephrine. Pulling the syringe out of its sterile packaging, he placed it within the vial and pulled out 0.6 milliliters of epinephrine into the syringe. The standard dose in most cases was 0.3, but you were not a normal human and therefore he believed that following most standard procedures was not going to be beneficial. Pressing the depressor he made sure all the air was out of the needle before taking a deep breath and lining up the needle between two of your ribs and pressing it down directly into your heart.

Was it the best plan? No. Was it the standard? No. Did it present risks that would not come up in a typical case? Yes. But you were different. Unlike most people, you had a quickened regenerative factor, and he believed that as long as he could keep you alive your body would do the rest.

As he released the epinephrine into your system, he slowly pulled the needle back out, placing it back in the sterile packaging and into an empty pocket of his bag. Placing the stethoscope to your chest once more he could hear your heartbeat pick up its pace more and your breathing steadied out. With your vitals seemingly stabilized, for now, Kenny began to figure out the severity of your unconsciousness. Pulling out a mini flashlight he lifted up each of your eyelids and shined it into your eyes but found that your pupils were not responding to it. Kenny tried to get the limbs of your body to move but the only time they would do so was through intrinsic reflexes. And on top of it, even if unconscious there was no reaction to the needle he had just put in your chest.

"Oh, that's not good." Kenny said to himself

Slowly Bren, who had been kneeling there silently the whole time, looked over and asked,

"What's wrong?"

Kenny could see the look on Bren's face. Kenny knew his best friend since birth better than anyone else and it was evident that he was completely broken by this sight. Bren was blaming himself and while Kenny wanted to comfort his best friend he couldn't confidently reassure or comfort him until he knew you were okay.

"She's not just unconscious. She's comatose." Kenny answered trying to mask the concern in his voice "But I have some old medical equipment that my job let me take to practice using at home."

Standing up Kenny turned on his heel to face the rest of the group as he stated firmly,

"She's alive but we need to get her to my house now."

Lucas finally stood up which allowed Dean to spring to his feet and rush over toward where Kenny stood, the rest of the group quickly following behind.

"I'll drive." Dean stated, pulling his keys out of his pocket

"You're not driving." Kenny rejected

"It's my car!" Dean shouted

"I said you're NOT driving!" Kenny yelled back "You are in no condition to drive now give Lucas the keys!"

Dean grasped his keys firmly in his hands. Why didn't Kenny get it? He needed to be the one to do these things. He needed to help somehow to make it up to you. This was his fault. He was the one who caused this and now he had to try and figure out a way to fix it and he wasn't letting him.

Seeing how Dean was not relenting, Addison stepped forward and put herself in between Kenny and him. Grabbing his face she made sure that he was looking her directly in the eyes.

"See that fire? It's spreading, this place will come down on us if we don't leave including your unconscious sister and I can bet that police are probably headed this way due to the sound of an explosion. If we don't leave we're going to have more than a medical emergency on our hands so give Lucas the keys NOW." She commanded

Dean attempted to look away and tried to fight the urge to listen to her but he just couldn't seem to do so. She was too persuasive and he never knew how to not do what she said. Tossing the keys to Lucas, Dean looked behind Addison at Kenny and said,

"At least let me carry her."

"Fine." Kenny replied urgently "Now, we need to go!"

Placing your mask in his pocket, Dean scooped you up in his arms as he quickly carried you out to his car with the rest of the group with him. Lucas slid into the driver's seat while Addison and Viktoria shared the passenger seat and then Bren, Kenny, and he sat in the back seat with you laying across their laps. Lucas, who was typically a more responsible driver than Dean was, actually sped away from the warehouse and back to Kenny's house. Dean carried you inside and placed you on Kenny's bed as he and the rest of the group stood by and watched as Kenny pulled out some medical machinery and hooked it up to you along with putting a clear tube in your arm that dripped some clear liquid into it.

"What is this stuff?" Lucas asked

"That's an EKG heart monitor machine and this is a pole for the saline drip so she doesn't get dehydrated or lose important nutrients while she's unconscious," Kenny responded as he fiddled with the saline drip bag

"How did you get this stuff?" Viktoria asked

"My job just upgraded the stuff we had, and it's still functional so I took the old machines. Just in case." Kenny explained

"And the saline?" Addison questioned

"You can buy medical grade saline electrolyte solution in bulk on Amazon. I sometimes like to saline drip myself as I sleep after a night out 'cuz it diminishes the hangover the next day." Kenny added

As Kenny finished up and moved away Dean pulled up Kenny's desk chair next to the bed and sat in it. Brushing a strand of hair from your face, he looked down at your unconscious form and quietly asked,

"How long will she be like this?"

"Some people wake up in a few hours. For some people, it takes.....longer." Kenny responded quietly

"Well, then I'm gonna wait here until she does," Dean replied

"I don't know I think someone else should take the first watch, Dean." Kenny mentioned

"No." Dean retorted "I can't let her be alone. She gets scared when she's alone."

"Okay, so we'll rotate so she's not alone," Viktoria suggested

"No." Dean rejected once more

Lucas could see how poorly Dean was doing. He had stopped crying but he had sadness in his eyes and his tone was filled with worry. Placing a hand on Dean's shoulder, Lucas looked down at his best friend and tried to comfort saying,

"Dean it's not your fault. We couldn't have anticipated it."

"But it is my fault." Dean replied, "I'm the one who pushed going when she said we shouldn't."

"Dean, we all encouraged going," Addison stated

"And if it's anyone's fault it's mine." Bren mentioned quietly "I was the one who was in harm's way and if I didn't pursue that guy it wouldn't have happened."

"But I'm her brother." Dean stated, "I should've listened from the start...and now this is my karma...and I'm going to stay by her side no matter how long it takes."

The rest of the group knew there was no convincing him otherwise. Dean was Dean, loving yet stubborn. Seeing as nothing was going to change anytime soon the rest of the group knew that the only thing they could do was sit and wait.

"Okay, if you need us we'll be in the den, I guess." Lucas replied as he walked out the bedroom door with the rest of the group

And with the door shut, Dean took your hand in his as he said quietly,

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Hours passed and then days as your friends waited worriedly hoping for you to wake up. No one left Kenny's house, and instead, they resorted to sleeping in different places. With Kenny's mom away on a business trip, Lucas and Addison slept in her bed. Viktoria took the air mattress and Bren and Kenny each took a couch. Kenny would go into his room to check on you at regular intervals and make sure you were still okay and each time he did so Dean's eyes would watch intently hoping for any sign that you were waking up. The rest of your friends would rotate in every once in a while they had the emotional capacity to do so, but Dean never left your side except to go to the bathroom. And he'd only ever do that if someone else was there. With each day he became worse for wear as he forced himself to stay awake in case you woke up and needed an explanation. But exhaustion is something that can only be fought for so long and Dean had fallen asleep. But on Monday morning, three days after the events at the warehouse, Dean who had fallen asleep was woken up by his alarm on his phone of Heat of the Moment by Asia. But as his, eyes opened he could see yours open too.

You put a hand over your eyes to cover them from the bright light of the morning sun pouring through the window.

"What the fuck..." You mumbled

"You're awake. Oh my god, you're awake!" Dean exclaimed sitting upright

"Are we late for school?" You asked slowly sitting up

Tears welled up in Dean's eyes seeing you with your eyes open. You were here now. You were okay. Moving from his seat he immediately went to hug you as he replied choked up,

"We're not going to school today. I'm just so glad you're awake."

It was then that you began to remember the events that had occurred. You and your friends had all gone out to "save the day" and Bren almost ended up getting hurt. You had jumped in front of him and then after that, it was all black. You had told them it wasn't a good idea and you were about to say so when you smelled a pungent stench of body odor

"Dude, when was the last time you showered?" You gagged

"Three days ago." Dean replied still hugging you tightly

"Gross." You remarked, gently pushing him away

Seeing more clearly, you could see how red and puff his eyes were, shiny lines where tear streaks had run down his face, and his messed up appearance. Knowing your brother, you knew he blamed himself for this. He was taking on all the blame for you getting hurt even if that wasn't the case, and you could only imagine how many times your friends had tried to tell him the same. You let out a soft sigh as you took your brother's hand in your own.

"I'm okay now." You whispered

"I'm sorry." Dean replied quietly, his gaze turned away from yours

"You don't need to be sorry we couldn't have known, but if it makes you feel better I forgive you." You replied

Dean turned his head back to look at you as he gave you a small smile. Things were going to be okay. As you held your sibling's hand you could hear the door open as Kenny exclaimed,

"(Y/N)! You're awake! Guys (Y/N) is awake!"

Immediately the rest of your friends ran up the stairs and into the room as you were flooded with chatter and hugs from them all.

"Oh my god! you're okay!" Addison exclaimed

"Yeah, yeah. I just needed a power nap." You joked sarcastically "But next time you fuckers listen to me when I say no, I can't today."

"We will." Dean stated, "I'll make sure of it."

"I know you will." you replied giving him a smile "Because you're a good brother."

Dean gave a small smile. He was a good brother but this was never going to happen again, not if he could help it. He was going to be the best brother.

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story of Addison Pheobe Evans. Born July 27th, 2001 at 10:13 am to James and Taylor Evans. Everything was just perfect in their life. Their marriage was perfect. They had been college sweethearts and met during their orientation college tour. They dated all four years and then got married soon after. And then they bought a perfect home. A large two-story house with high ceilings and white walls. A high chandelier in the entranceway, rigid beige furniture, and decor that was curated for the current trend filled the rooms. And then they had their perfect family. One older son Caleb, and a year and a half later a younger daughter, Addison. They had the perfect nuclear family in the perfect picket fence house in the perfect gated community. There was not one thing out of place and there would never be anything that wasn't perfect in the Evans household.

Including the people.

From day one the standards were set high for Addison. You MUST be perfect. You must get perfect grades. There was no room for laziness in the Evans household. You must look presentable at all times. If you did not look like you could host guests at the drop of a hat then you were not up to the dress standards for the Evans household. You must excel in any activities you do and those activities must be respectable. People had to see how talented and successful the children in the Evans household were. You had to make others jealous of how perfect life was by being an Evans because if you weren't perfect you weren't anything.

She had seen the shitstorm her older brother Caleb had to deal with when he brought over his girlfriend, whom her parents did not vet, to see if they were permissible to be with him. Apparently, she was perfect in terms of grades, activities, looks, and manners but the only issue was that her family lived in an apartment. Addison knew it was superficial, but because that girl wasn't perfect to her parents she wasn't good enough for Caleb.

Addison had to have her friends be interviewed to see if they could go over to her house to hang out, but the only people she felt confident would be acceptable to her parents were you and Viktoria. She was right but it was awful to put you both through an interrogation just to have you enter her home. And when Lucas asked her out she said yes but told him that he'd have to go ask her parents first before they could officially go out. Fortunately enough he passed in their eyes but the standards of perfection made her life a living hell.

The only times she felt she could be herself were when she was out of her parents' view. She preoccupied herself with being anywhere but home. They were the times she was happiest. But still, she wished she could be like Allison Hargreeves, have powers to make everything she did perfect without the effort by just speaking it into existence. Life would be so much easier.

It was immense stress on her but Addison managed to be "perfect". She did everything her parents expected of her, but it made her nervous. She was constantly worried, looking over her shoulder for the time that she would not be perfect. The time when she would fail at being an Evans.

July 30, 2015:

It had been three days since Addison's birthday, and three days since her parents had told her that they had enrolled her in Aria Cadence's Music Performance Camp. Addison was so excited at the prospect of going to the camp and she had told everyone in your friend group about it. And when she found out that Viktoria was going as well her excitement grew even more. The performance camp was one of the most renowned summer programs in the area and the ability to go to it was an honor.

But as she was planning for a month of music and theatre and performing her skills, her parents had given her a condition in terms of her participation in this camp. Get the leading role in the camp theatre performance or else they would pull her from the camp. The excitement she had felt for the past three days had drained in an instant as anxiety filled her brain. Wanting the comfort of someone with her she invited you over and you sat on the floor scrolling on your phone as she slowly packed her bags for the camp. As she stood in her closet you asked aloud,

"You still excited about your camp?"

Addison paused. She used to be excited, but now all she was was a bundle of nerves. She wasn't going to say no though. She wanted comfort but she didn't want to get into the details of why.

"Yeah, it's a month-long of musical fun." Addison answered, "At least that's what their website says."

"I mean, you'll have Viktoria too so even if it somehow sucks at least you've got a friend." You remarked

"True." Addison replied turning to look at you, "I still don't get why you don't want to go."

You looked up from your phone and gave her an expression that was a mix of annoyance and disgust. You hated rich kids. Granted, you too were rich and always had been. You were at the level of having fuck you, fuck around, and find out money but your parents taught you that someone's wealth was not as important as their character. What mattered most was how a person treated others, the good they put in the world, and the value of their character and beliefs.

"What? And be surrounded by a bunch of pretentious, talentless, rich kids whose parents bribed their way in?" You complained "Yeah no thanks. You know how I get around other rich kids."

"Aggressive," Addison commented

"Hate them." You stated firmly

Turning around the face you, Addison looked at you confused. You had never explained your reasoning behind disliking other rich kids and anyway, the more she got you to talk about yourself the less likely she'd have to talk about her own issues.

"Why?" She asked,

"As you know before I transferred to Argyle Public Middle School I went to Argyle Academy from kindergarten to seventh grade. I was surrounded by pretentious assholes who bullied me for being nice and quiet and smart. After a while of that, you develop a certain attitude toward those types of people." You explained

"Right, well it looks like you're not getting a rich boyfriend, huh?" Addison teased

You rolled your eyes at her statement. Money was the last of your concerns when it came to getting a boyfriend. Your first concern was hoping he came back...

"I don't care how much money a potential partner has or makes." You retorted "Love is not about money, it's about mutual respect, dedication, and connection."

"That's true." Addison replied, "But still when are you going to get a boyfriend?"

"When he falls from the sky, Addison." You remarked

It was a highly unlikely scenario that the "perfect" guy would just fall from the sky and become your boyfriend and Addison knew that. How was she ever going to do cute couple things, like double dates with you if you didn't have one?

"But (Y/N)!" Addison whined, "I want to go on a double date."

"I'm not gonna date just anyone so you can have your double date." You replied, "No one around is my type."

"Well, it's going to be hard to find a dark-haired, smart, sad boy with daddy issues and a good heart who might also have superpowers." Addison explained, "Who also really likes their girlfriend."

"That's not my type..." You mumbled looking away

It was absolutely your type though. How she peered into your mind and described Five without mentioning him by name was intimidating and you didn't like how she understood your own psychology better than yourself. It was a scary power to have. Granted, the only part she got wrong was the really liking his girlfriend part. Yeah, you were a girl and his friend and he liked you but it wasn't like that...

"Oh really?" Addison questioned sarcastically "Tell that to the numerous fanfictions you have open on your phone of redeemed Zuko, Robin from Teen Titans, and Spider-Man."

"I don't like being put on blast like this."  You snapped back

And then somehow, in the middle of your frustration, it hit you. You had asked her about camp and she somehow deviated that conversation into your non-existent love life. She was deflecting. And when she deflected, something was wrong.

"Wait! You're deflecting onto me." You remarked, "You always do this when you're worried about something."

Addison's eyes when wide as she realized you saw through her conversational ruse. Shit.

"No!" She exclaimed

"Yes!" You shouted back before asking "What is it?"

Addison paused. She knew she wasn't going to be able to deflect again because now you were on notice about it. Letting out a defeated sigh she quietly mentioned,

"I'm worried about the camp."

"Why?" You asked, "It's the camp you've been begging to go to and Viktoria is going to be there too so what is there to worry about?"

"My parents." Addison answered

"What about them?" You inquired

Addison slumped down in front of her dresser, sitting defeated on the floor as she looked over at you. Her head fell into her hands as she explained,

"My parents told me that if I don't get the lead in the camp's musical performance they're pulling me out of it because it would be embarrassing for the family for me to be at such a prestigious camp and not have a worthy role."

Anger began to form within you as you heard that statement. How dare they. How dare her parents present her with an amazing opportunity as a fucking birthday present, A GIFT, and then dangle it over her head like a carrot if she doesn't live up to some pre-determined standard.

"That's bullshit and you know it." You snapped

Addison didn't say anything though. She didn't even lift her head from her hands to acknowledge that you had said something. Her parents had such a grip on her that she was now obviously reeling from this. You needed her to recognize the truth though, this was bullshit.

"Addison look at me and tell me you know that's bullshit." You stated

Slowly, Addison lifted her head. It took her a moment, but quietly she spoke,

"I know it's bullshit..."

"Your parents are so superficial and egotistical that even Narcissus would pull his gaze away from the water to tell them to chill." You ranted

You were right. She knew you were right, but god it was hard to say so. She was so nervous. Her parents' judgment loomed over her just as it had for her entire life. What if she couldn't do it? What if she failed and became an embarrassment to her family name? Her parents still held things Caleb had done wrong over his head, and she saw how it hurt him. It was wrong, she knew so, but she also didn't want to be next.

"I just- what if I don't get the role? What if there's someone better?" Addison questioned

"Addison Pheobe Evans I don't know anyone as talented as you are." You reminded

"Really? Look at yourself, you can sing and dance and play the piano." Addison retorted frustrated

"Yes, but those were my parents' interests that they introduced me to and I just so happened to fall in love with them too." You mentioned "But theatre? You chose that. That's all you, Addi."

"It's never enough..." Addison complained looking away from you, "I do everything to make them happy and it's never fucking enough."

Letting out a small sigh, you got up from where you sat on the ground and walked over to where Addison sat before crouching down in front of her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, as nicely as you could make it sound, you said,

"Addi, I say this with so much love for you, but your parents don't love you."

Addison's head turned to look back at you hearing your statement.

"Huh?"

"Your parents don't love you, Addi. They love the idea of you." You elaborated gently "They didn't want children to raise them, they wanted children for show purposes to fulfill society's expectations of what the perfect life is. Your parents don't care about your happiness, they care about how they look to others and treat you and Caleb like decorations to make themselves look better."

Your words hurt. She knew you were only telling it how you saw it and you had never been wrong about things before, but it wasn't something she wanted to hear. For so long she at least believed that her parents' love could be conditional even if she believed conditional love was wrong. But now you had presented her with reality. A reality that she had been trying to avoid.

Her parents didn't love her.

They had no capability to love her, only themselves.

"It's not fair." Addison complained, "I wish I had Allison's power so I could rumor myself into a better life."

You were not surprised by her reaction to your words. The anger made sense, but you were taken aback by her statement. Allison's power, just like any power, was not something to be taken lightly. There were serious consequences if they were misused and the ability to control a person's mind just with one simple statement was a slippery slope that could lead to dangerous places if a person was cautious. One simple request could quickly turn into a series of more controlling ones.

"You don't want that." You replied firmly

Ugh! What did you know? You thought you were so knowledgeable on powers just because you had them. Standing up from the floor she began to angrily pace across her floor.

"I do!" She shouted "If I could rumor people I could make my parents actually genuinely love me and my brother! Or I could rumor the camp director into giving me the leading role so my parents don't throw a hissy fit and pull me out. I want that ability to control my life, make it better."

Addison was being ridiculous. She didn't know what she was talking about. You knew that she wanted to become successful in her parents' eyes and in her own but she was never going to accomplish that with the mentality she was having right now. You needed to get her to truly see what she was suggesting. Standing up you looked at your pacing friend and in a serious tone stated,

"Well, I guess you'll never be successful then."

"What do you mean?" Addison questioned, "Of course, I would be successful."

"It is really success if you never earned it?" You suggested

Addison paused.

"I- I mean-" She began to stutter out

"Because the way I see it if you had Allison Hargreeves rumor power, and you rumored people into giving you what you want you're not earning it, you're forcing it to be given to you." You explained

"But-" She tried to interject

You didn't let her though as you wanted to finish getting your point across to her. You felt bad as what you were doing was a bit harsh but she needed to hear it before she continued to bemoan the fact that she couldn't force people into doing what she wanted solely because her hero could do so.

"You will have proved nothing in terms of talent and any 'success' you have will always be hollow." You remarked "And one day you'll look back and realize nothing you got was actually yours and you will never know if it could've genuinely been yours."

Addison stopped. Once again you were right. God, she hated how you were always right, but you were. And if she had Allison's rumor ability, and made people give her roles to appease her parents' ideals of her, she would never be earning the parts. Just taking them. Why did life have to be so difficult? Why couldn't it just be easy and perfect? Allison's life was easy and she was perfect. Why couldn't she have that?

"I just wish I could be perfect like her..." Addison whispered looking down at the ground disappointed

You placed a reassuring hand on your friend's shoulder. As much as you wanted to explain to her how that was most likely wrong you didn't want to accidentally make things about yourself by talking about your past. This was about Addison and no one else. And so the best you could do was be supportive and work around the topic.

"I can promise you that she is not perfect. No matter how good it looks from the outside everyone has something going on. And with powers, I can only guarantee that fact because this shit," You said creating a small ball of flame in your hand "Only complicates life more."

"But her life looks perfect and I want mine to be too," Addison replied bringing her gaze to meet yours

"Addison, your parents want a 'perfect' life, is that really what you want? The same thing as your parents?" You questioned

"I don't know..." She replied quietly

"Removing your parents from the equation what would you change about your life?" You asked

Addison thought for a moment. If she excluded her parents there wasn't anything she could think of to change. She loved her brother, her friends, her boyfriend, and her life as it existed outside the realm of her parents' judgment. She loved it as it was.

"Nothing." She replied

"Then your life is already exactly how you want it to be." You responded kindly "You don't need to try and copy someone else's or have a superpower to make it any better."

Addison smiled as you brought her into a tight hug. You didn't want your friends to doubt themselves or try to change because of what their parents thought. That didn't work out well the first time and you weren't going to let it happen again. History would not repeat itself because you loved your friends and you were going to make sure they knew they were amazing and loved as they are.

"I believe in you, and all you need to do is believe yourself the same way." You said as you hugged her "You're perfect as you are and anyone who actually loves you can see that."

"Thanks, (Y/N)." She replied as she held onto you

After a moment, when it felt like Addison no longer needed a hug, you pulled back and gave her a wide smile.

"Now c'mon, you have a camp to pack for." You mentioned heading over to her closet "You're gonna need to look like a star after all since you're gonna get that leading role."

Addison smiled as she followed you to her closet to pick out clothes once more. You were a good friend and she was glad she had you to talk sense into her and keep her grounded. God only knows what kind of mess she'd put herself into otherwise without you here. Addison's life was great as it was, and with your reassurance, no one could tell her otherwise.

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story of Kenneth Dearil Wagner. Born April 1, 2001 at 11:49 pm to Oscar and Clarissa Wagner. As an only child, he should've been his parents' focus. Unfortunately, that was not the case with his parents constantly arguing throughout his childhood. The shouting only stopped once his father walked out when he was seven. The screams still haunted him though. Like ghosts in his head.

During the day he was perfectly happy, especially when he was with his best friend and next-door neighbor Brendon Young. But when the sun set and it was time for bed the sound of those terrible fights returned plaguing his mind. If he tried to sleep he would have night terrors beyond compare and if he didn't he would experience severe insomnia for days. Seeing this his mom attempted to fix it by getting him a body pillow with an image of his hero Klaus Hargreeves in his Umbrella Academy uniform on it. She would tell him that Klaus would fight all the "ghosts" in his head as he slept. And when he was younger it really worked. He had Klaus to fight the ghosts and his mom down the hall to keep him safe.

But when he turned twelve his mom got offered a better-paying position at her job. The issue was that it was the night shift. Of course, she didn't want to leave her son, but she was a single mother and needed to make sure she could provide all that her beloved baby boy needed. Deciding that it would be better to have more money to take care of her only son she took the promotion and began leaving Kenny alone at night. If anything happened the Youngs were right next door anyway. But being alone in that empty house only made things worse for Kenny. While he still had Body Pillow Klaus, he was now completely alone. His night terrors got more terrifying and his insomnia grew worse. He was struggling and even his best friend Bren couldn't fix it, so he found a different solution.

He had overheard an eighth grader talking about how he had stolen some weed gummies from his older brother and had them in his backpack. Kenny had taken a drug prevention course in his health class and knew the possible outcomes of using weed. But honestly, at this point, he would give anything a try to get out of his own head, and without even thinking he very sneakily snuck the gummies out of the eighth grader's backpack and into his own. That night when bedtime came around he hesitantly took one, and for the first time since he didn't know when he actually felt at peace. His mind was calm and he was able to sleep well and from then on he never turned back.

The edibles helped him sleep at night and drinks from his father's abandoned alcohol stash kept him calm during the day. Granted he didn't let it affect his school work or his friendships, and he was always already a few days sober on the days he did his volunteer EMT job but together both items made life easier and helped him really open up with who he truly was.

But even though he had a supportive group of friends he needed more. He was still at home alone every night haunted by the ghosts of his past that hid around every corner. He could still hear the screams of his parents arguing even though both of them weren't present. He wanted to feel wanted. And so he went to parties. Became practically a king of the party scene and experimented more with some good results and some bad results. But at one party trying to forget his last few insomnia-ridden days he experienced one of the worst times he had so far.

May 22, 2016:

With his mom always working the night shift, Kenny was home alone a lot. But that lack of supervision turned out to be a blessing because it meant that whenever he wanted to, or more so needed to, he could just leave for a party. No questions asked, no lying necessary, just freedom to come and go as he pleased. And tonight was no different. He needed to get out of his house and needed to get out of his own head. And so, to a high school party hosted by one of the school's basketball players, he went. Consuming jungle juice, smoking what he knew to be sub-par weed, and making out with the Graves twins, Jasper and Jade, from the grade above him he was getting his mind off of things.

He had barely been sleeping, insomnia causing bad memories of the house he lived in to resurface. The shouting and screaming, the sounds of doors slamming, and the deafening silence when all was said and done. He could hear and see it all in his head even if it wasn't actually happening in front of him. But compared to the other times he had gone to a party to free his mind, this time, it wasn't working as well. And so he drank more jungle juice and smoked more sub-par weed. And the more he did so the more clouded his mind became. At first, it was a great feeling and he was having a good time, but as the night went on and he consumed more and more he began to feel ill.

Getting up from the couch he pushed his way out of the grasp of the Graves twins. As he walked away attempting to make it to the bathroom his view of the world doubled. It looked as if everyone had a twin. The world around him was spinning and the voices of the people he pushed past sounded muffled and distant. Kenny bumped into people and walls trying to find some type of support to keep him moving forward. As he finally found his way to the bathroom he saw no one inside. Thank god. Using that last bit of energy to push himself forward, he entered the room shutting the door and locking it behind him. But as he turned to approach the sink his legs could no longer hold him up. Falling towards the ground he hit his head on the side of the tub and everything went black.

Coming to, his eyes shot open and he sat upright, a chill running down his spine. But then all the feelings he had lacked laying cold on the floor flooded him at once. His head was pounding just like the distant sound of music playing outside the door. His vision was still blurred and seeing double. His muscles felt like jello and made him feel nervous to stand.

"You done fucked this time, Kenneth." Kenny said to himself as he leaned against the wall next to the toilet

He needed to get home, but there was no way he was getting home in this condition. The thought of standing up, let alone walking, was enough to make him nauseous. He needed help. Pulling his phone from his pocket, the screen lit up brightly causing searing pain to rip through his head. Quickly, turning the brightness down he struggled to type in his password but managed to do it before it locked him out. Tapping into the messages app he looked through the blurry names of the people he talked to who could help. He had his mom, but if he asked her to come get him he would never be able to leave the house again. Lucas, Addison, and Viktoria were definitely all asleep, and even if they weren't, they wouldn't be able to sneak out if they tried. Dean was probably asleep and wouldn't pick up because he's such a deep sleeper, while Bren was probably awake and although he would come to get Kenny there would be a whole lecture on the way home. Of course, the lecture would come from a place of care given that Bren was his best friend, but Kenny already knew his head could not take the talking to. At least not in this condition. Narrowing all that down, he was left with one option. You. With shaky hands, he tapped on your text conversation and tried his best to type out a message. Hitting the send button he watched as the blue bubble of his text popped up on the screen before placing his phone down on the tile floor. Resting his head back on the wall again, he closed his eyes as he tried to keep his head from spinning.

You however were looking at a wall of complex math in front of you in another attempt to figure out how you could use your powers to manipulate space-time. Matter and space-time were intrinsically intertwined so there had to be a way to get your abilities to work like that. There had to be...

Hearing the text chime of your phone from behind you, you looked away from your work for the first time in god knows how long. Seeing the time on your screen you realized it was 2:36 in the morning. Thank god it was a weekend or else you would be screwed in terms of sleep before school. Looking at the text on your screen you saw it was from Kenny. As you read it though, your head cocked to the side a bit confused.

pleade c0me hwre

It only took a few seconds to see that what the intended message was supposed to be was Kenny asking you to go to his location. Opening up the text you tried to figure out what was going on and replied:

Are you okay?

You waited a bit before seeing the bubble with three dots appear in the chat and then a blue message show up.

In bqthroom nedd hekp plz

He was obviously not okay. Looking at the find my friends app you saw his location pinned at a house that definitely wasn't his and you could only assume he was at the party that the Graves twins had been talking to him about. You looked back over at your work. You had been at it for hours, postulating and formulating some kind of theorem to work with. But at this moment faced with the choice of which problem to solve, the choice was simple. You needed to find Kenny now. You didn't even know if the other wanted to be found.

Turning on your heel you walked away from your work and toward the window across the room. Stepping out onto the fire escape you made your way down before hopping on your bike and using your phone to navigate your way to Kenny's location. After about 20 minutes you had made it to the house. Muffled music and the sounds of dozens of voices could be heard outside and only grew louder as you approached the door. Places like this weren't really your scene, but you put your feelings aside to get to your friend. Opening the door, you walked your way through the crowd of people drunkenly dancing and shouting their conversations over the blaring music. Looking around you tried to find where the bathroom would be located and after a bit, you saw a closed door that seemed like it would be one. Walking over you tried the doorknob but finding it locked you decided to just walk through the door. Everyone here was too drunk or high to comprehend or probably even remember you doing so. And there you saw Kenny leaning against the wall by the toilet. Walking over, you crouched in front of him and shook his shoulder a bit. You watched as he opened his eyes and looked confused for a moment before he finally smiled and said,

"Hey (Y/N), you came."

"Yeah, you said you needed help. What happened?" You asked

"I've been having a rough few days and went a little bit overboard." Kenny explained "I couldn't get home myself like this."

"It's gonna be okay. I'll get you home." You reassured before asking "Can you stand?"

Kenny looked at you for a moment before placing his arms on the ground and trying his best to push himself up. For a moment it seemed like he was going to be able to do it but then his arms gave out from beneath him and he slid back to the ground.

"No can do, buckaroo." Kenny groaned back

When he said he went overboard, he really meant it. You had been around Kenny when he was drinking or having a few edibles before but he had never gone off the edge. He knew his limits, which you could admit were high, but nevertheless, he typically stuck to those limits. You didn't like seeing him like this. You were going to figure out what was rough enough to make him forget his limits but first, you needed to get him home safe first.

"Okay, give me your hands." You replied extending your hands out

Nodding his head, Kenny held his hands out. Taking them in your own, you helped Kenny to his feet before throwing one of his arms around your shoulder to help him stand and walk. Once you knew he was stable you made your way toward the bathroom door but as you did Kenny planted his feet in place.

"I can't leave through the crowd." He mentioned

"Why not?" You asked

"I'll look like a quitter." Kenny answered, "It'll mess up my party king reputation."

Now, it was established that you hated the party scene but you weren't going to put your biases in front of your friend's desires. If he felt that it would affect him negatively, you'd find another way. It's not like you needed to walk through the house anyway. Turning to face the blank wall in the bathroom you said,

"This is gonna feel weird just for a second, okay?"

And with that, you walked you and Kenny straight through the wall and to the outside. The night sky above as you quietly made your way over to your bike. And then you realized there was no way you could get Kenny home on your bike in the condition he was in. That's it, next time something like this happens you're just stealing Reginald's fucking car. No license be damned. Looking around you saw a large child's wagon and a jump rope on the next lawn over and you got an idea. Sitting Kenny on the grass, you went over and grabbed the two items to bring next to your bike. Picking Kenny up again, you helped him into the empty wagon. He didn't quite fit as his legs hung out of the wagon but it was better than nothing. Tying one side of the jump rope to the wagon's handle, you tied the other side around your waist. Giving each side a tug, you made sure they stayed in place before getting on your bike and peddling away. As you peddled, you used your powers to make Kenny lighter making it easier to move. And with that, you were well on your way back to his house. The ride was relatively quiet besides Kenny's drunken ramblings from behind you.

"Y'know, I met god in that bathroom." Kenny stated

"Did you now?" You asked intrigued

"I did!" Kenny exclaimed before explaining "They were a little girl on a bike in a dress and floppy sun hat. She told me I wasn't supposed to be there but invited me for tea anyway. We had a good chat and she called me her silly clown creation before telling me that she was going to wake me up because I'm part of her earthly entertainment."

"So heaven is real?" You asked

"It's called The Void and it's just a place after death." Kenny answered

"I see...." You replied unsurely

He sounded very confident but Kenny sounded very confident a lot of the time. On top of it, he was highly intoxicated. And you were the type of person to like empirical evidence. It's not that you couldn't believe it, but you'd rather see it to believe it. Hearing the wariness in your tone however Kenny exclaimed,

"It's true!"

"Okay Kenny, whatever you say," You playfully relented "How about you tell me about that Lego Ninjago show you love so much."

Kenny's ears perked up at the name of his favorite show.

"Oh believe me, I'll fuckin' tell you about Ninjago." Kenny commented

And so for the rest of the ride back to Kenny's place, you listened to him explain the lore of Ninjago, his complaints about the writers adding Cole as a love interest for Nya, and his theories on what he thought would come next. As you pulled up to his house you rode your bike up the sidewalk path to his front door before untying the jump rope around your waist and getting off of the bike. Going round to the wagon you extended your hands out to Kenny and helped him up once more. As he stood he found his own balance without the need for you to support him. A proud smile came to his face as he proclaimed,

"Y'know I think I'm feeling better."

"Really? That's gr-" You began to say

But alas, you were cut off by Kenny leaning over and puking in the bushes in front of his house.

"Gross." You finished

Gently, you rubbed circles on his back as you let him finish emptying his guts into the bush. After he was done, he stood up straight once more and gave you a thumbs-up with a weak smile.

"C'mon buddy let's get you inside." You cooed guiding him toward the door

Letting you guide him, he reached into his pocket and handed you his keys. And when you got up the steps to the front door, you opened it and let both of you inside. Bringing Kenny over to the couch you sat him down before heading off to get some items to help him feel better. shuffling through the cabinets and drawers of the kitchen you find what you're looking for and collect the items. Coming back to Kenny you handed him a glass of half water and half Gatorade, a plate of some saltine crackers, and two ibuprofen pills. Taking the glass, Kenny grabbed the two ibuprofen and took them before grabbing the plate and beginning to pick at the saltines. Sitting down next to him on the couch you looked at him with concern as you questioned,

"So are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"I told you. I went overboard." Kenny answered curtly

"But why?" You pressed

You weren't going to let this go, were you? Granted, he couldn't fully blame you for pressing the issue, since he did call you in the early hours of the morning and you found him on the floor of a party bathroom incredibly unwell. The only person who had ever known about his insomnia and night terrors was Bren though. It was the reason he would've gotten a lecture if he had called Bren for help. While Bren understood the reasons Kenny did what he did, he thought they were destructive. He thought that Kenny would push his boundaries if things got bad and he would spiral. As his best friend, Bren was concerned, and perhaps he was right. If Kenny learned anything tonight it's not to push his boundaries again because the outcome was pretty shitty. Letting out a sigh, he looked up from his plate of saltines to you and explained,

"I've had really bad night terrors and insomnia for most of my life. I have some healthier ways to deal with it like melatonin and a um- specific body pillow to comfort me,"

"Yes, I've seen Klaus before." You interjected

"But they haven't been working and the night terrors were getting worse so I went to the party tonight and drank more than usual, had some shitty weed that was definitely more on the THC side, and made out with the Graves twins a lot to help me forget." Kenny finished

"You realize the Graves twins just use you as an incest buffer right?" You mentioned

"Whatever they do at home is their own business, all I know is they're both hot and are good with their tongues," Kenny remarked

"Didn't need to know that." You replied before adding sincerely "But you needed a distraction. I understand."

Kenny's head cocked to the side confused at your admission. You understood? How?

"You do?" Kenny questioned

"Mhmm. I have night terrors too." You admitted "And the occasional hallucination. Although those are much less frequent than they used to be."

Night terrors? Hallucinations? You never gave off the impression that you dealt with those things. You always seemed so put together. Even with the stuff you had told the group about your life before meeting them you still seemed like you were always on top of everything. How had he not seen it?

"I never knew..." Kenny whispered looking down at his plate of saltines

"I wouldn't expect you to." You explained "Only my mom, older brother Diego and his girlfriend Eudora know."

"I feel like I should've noticed though." Kenny replied still disappointed he never knew

"I hid it pretty well." You replied honestly "Never wanted to worry anyone."

"I'm sorry." Kenny apologized

"Don't be. I should've noticed what you were going through too." You stated

Kenny turned to look towards you. If he had never noticed you were going through these things then maybe you knew how to cope with them better than he did.

"How...how do you get through it in such a healthy manner?" He questioned

"I wouldn't call it healthy," You remarked "Just different than yours."

You were damaging yourself, just in a different way than Kenny was. You constantly were keeping yourself busy and even going so far as to sometimes stay up late until your body literally collapsed from exhaustion so you wouldn't have any time to think about the past. At least not in the way you didn't want to. You looked back towards Kenny, meeting his gaze.

"While you use whiskey and weed I just throw myself into learning. Books and theories and power training constantly so that anytime I'm alone I'm never without thought." You explained "If I distract myself I don't dwell as much and if I don't dwell I don't have nightmares."

"Does it work?" Kenny asked curiously

"Not all the time, but enough to justify doing it still." You answered

It wasn't the answer Kenny was expecting to hear but he understood it. While he numbed his mind to forget his past, you filled your mind to do the same. Kenny coped by making himself incapable of thinking properly about his trauma while you coped by making sure you thought of everything but your trauma. Kenny nodded his head slightly understanding your words.

"Yeah. I get that." Kenny replied trailing off "I get that..."

There was silence for a moment. A heaviness loomed in the air at the admission that both of you were far more broken than you let other people know. Of course, there was a feeling of solidarity but it stemmed from your unspoken sorrow. Kenny was okay with the silence. Honestly, it was nice to not have his head fill it in with the echoes of his parents screaming all those years ago. But looking over at you he could see the way you shifted uncomfortably. You must hate the silence. Trying to change the mood, Kenny put his cracker plate down on the coffee table before turning and laying down, his head now resting in your lap. Gently you stroked his hair, running your fingers through his dark curls. For someone with such a strong personality, you were always so gentle. Looking up at you he joked,

"We've got pretty messed up heads, huh?"

"Yeah," You commented looking down at him "But we have each other now and I think that makes them a little bit better."

You gave him a smile to which Kenny reciprocated with one of his own. But even so, as he tried to bring up the mood, he wondered,

"Why did you come for me?"

"Because you're my friend and you needed help." You responded

He would've accepted that answer outright if he couldn't see that it seemed like you had more to say. Your answer was a response on its own but it felt like you were holding something back.

"And?" He pressed

"And what?" You asked

"There's more. I can sense it." He replied

You let out a sigh. There was more. There was always going to be more because no matter what everything connected back to your life pre-time jump. It would forever influence who you are no matter how far in the past you wanted to put it. But you knew Kenny wasn't going to let this go and at almost 3:30 in the morning you had no reason to lie. Your voice dropped low and you spoke softly as you began,

"Before I lost my parents and had to move to my new house, I had a different group of friends. And I loved them so so much. They were the first friends I had and I did everything I could to have them know how much I cared for them but..."

"But what?"

"But I guess it wasn't enough." You lamented

Your eyes looked off at the wall ahead of you instead of at your friend. Your gaze tuning into a 40-yard stare as you rambled on,

"I thought maybe even though I left they still knew how much I cared and it would be enough to make sure they stayed okay...but that didn't happen. Last I heard, things went bad for all of them. Some came out better than others but none of them are okay and I fear it was my fault for leaving that they turned out the way they did."

"But you couldn't have known what would happen." Kenny tried to comfort

"I know..." You whispered before stating "But knowing what I know now, I swore to myself that if I ever made friends again I was going to make sure that there was never a doubt in their mind how much I loved them."

Kenny knew how much you loved him and the rest of the friend group. You made it known every day through your words and actions. Both explicit and implicit. You were an amazing loving person and none of them could've asked for a better friend.

"If it makes you feel any better I feel very loved right now." Kenny mentioned

"Good. You are." You said softly

"I hope you know that you're loved too." Kenny reminded "I love you. We all love you."

"I love you all too." You replied

There was silence again as you looked at each other. This time however it felt more peaceful. Nevertheless, Kenny didn't want you to get uncomfortable with the silence, especially after discussing something that you probably didn't want to linger on too long. Giving your brain something else to work with, he requested,

"Hey, will you sing that song I like? The one with the funny lyrics. I can't recall the name but the quiet kind of bothers me."

"Of course." You responded

You were happy to sing for your friend. You'd do anything to help make them feel better and loved and singing a song was not a difficult request to do. Gently as you continued to stroke Kenny's hair you softly began to sing,

I was scared of dentists and the dark I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations Oh, all my friends are turning green You're the magician's assistant in their dream

Kenny closed his eyes, a small smile coming to his face as heard you sing while stroking his hair. Taking your free hand in his, he held it close and placed it over his heart.

Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh, ah-ahh-ah-ah And they come unstuck

Opening his eyes back up, he saw you looking down at him softly and he smiled wide. You were an amazing friend, and after tonight he was never going to let you forget that. Joining you in the chorus together you filled the quiet house with song and the bond of your friendship.

Lady, running down to the riptide Taken away to the dark side I wanna be your left-hand man I love you when you're singing that song And I got a lump in my throat 'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story of (Y/N L/N). Born October 1, 1989 at 12:00 pm to (M/N L/N) with the man who would become your dad, (F/N L/N), present at the birth. Raised in a loving home with parents who would give you the world you had all you could ever need. Your parents did everything they could to make sure you were raised happy, healthy, and with a good and caring heart. They tried their best to help you when your powers developed but that however came with a caveat. Nobody could know.

And for years nobody did until you became too curious about the house you were forbidden to go to across the street. And it was there that you met Five and soon after the entirety of the Umbrella Academy. For a while things were great, you had friends and family and there was nothing wrong in your life. Of course, that was until Five ran away through time, accidentally dragged you with him, and the rest was history.

You knew the story of what happened, you were the one who lived it. The one who was currently living it. But nevertheless, you picked yourself up off the ground, tried to brush away the pain as best you could, and move forward. The last thing you wanted to be was alone. You hated the feeling of being alone and so you started over, filling the spots where others used to be. Not intentionally of course, but it still managed to happen. And through that life got better. You returned to a sense of normalcy in a new fancy home, going to school, with six new friends Lucas, Dean, Addison, Kenny, Bren, and Viktoria. And while you saw all of your friends as family, Dean became like a brother to you. Which was perfect because someone had to take over the brother spot since you had subconsciously filled in the father figure role.

And of course, that unintentional father figure role was filled by none other than your older brother, Diego. He watched over and took care of and loved you just like your dad had! And his lovely girlfriend Eudora filled in perfectly for your mom. The world outside saw you as a happy little family and while you had never said it aloud, you did too.

The three of you did so much together. You took plenty of day trips to do fun activities, you would go out for meals, and you even would spend time at Eudora's house playing games or watching movies or just being all together. And at Eudora's house, you had your own room right across the hall from where she and Diego slept. When you had nightmares of your past they were immediately there to comfort you until you felt better. They would drop you off at school as many days a week as they could and they would always make time to see you perform at your activities. By the time you were fifteen, they were already discussing what colleges to take you to go visit and when you turned 16 they threw you a wonderful sweet sixteen party. You could still remember clearly your "father-daughter" dance you had with Diego and Eudora wiping a few happy tears from her eyes on the sidelines.

They reminded you so much of your parents. So happy. So loving of you and loving of each other. You just knew that you three would always be together and happy. Right? No. The thing was no matter how much you wanted them to be your parents, no matter how much you subconsciously thought of them as that, they weren't your parents.

Granted for a very long time things were good but a little after your sweet sixteen things went downhill. Eudora was getting further into her career and Diego had been kicked from the police academy and refused to stop or slow his vigilante work no matter how many times Eudora asked. And one night that all came to a head, but the one thing they never expected was you finding out that night.

November 4, 2016:

After a long day of school on a Friday, most kids would've headed home when the final bell rang. But you however were not one of them. For you, you had been working with Dean on your history presentation after hours in the library. It was only assigned one day ago and you had a week and a half to finish it but you both decided it was best to trudge through and get it done as soon as possible so you didn't have to worry about it anymore. After about 3 hours of research and work to put it together you finally had your slide presentation done. You had made it a challenge to finish it by the time you did because when you were finally done the school library was going to kick you both out anyway as extended hours were finished and it would be closed for the weekend. Packing up your things the two of you walked outside to the now dark and empty parking lot of your high school. Feeling accomplished and ready to relax Dean turned to you and asked,

"Hey, do you wanna come over to my place? It's the weekend after all. We could play Mario Kart."

You however had other plans.

"Nah, I was planning on surprising my older brother Diego and his girlfriend Eudora at her house since they haven't made plans with me in like 2 weeks." You replied

"You know you don't have to keep reintroducing who they are. I know their names and their relation to you." Dean mentioned, "Also I've met Eudora, just not Diego."

You kept your friends separate from Diego and your mom Grace and relatively separate from Eudora so it sometimes slipped your mind that they already knew their names and relation to you through your mentions of them. Perhaps it was because you weren't ready to explain your past more so you established who they were over and over as a boundary that was not meant to be crossed yet.

"Oh right. Sorry." You mentioned, "And good, you don't need to meet him."

"Pfft, he shouldn't meet me because then he'd see how much better I am than him." Dean jabbed

You smiled as you playfully shoved his head and jokingly replied,

"Shut up, loser."

"Anyway do you want a ride to Eudora's?" Dean asked

"No thanks. I rode my bike to school today, so I'll just ride it there." You said gesturing to the only bike left on the bike rack

Dean knew you were completely capable of riding your bike to Eudora's safely. You were the most indestructible person he knew, but that didn't mean he didn't worry about you getting there still.

"You sure? I can just put it in the trunk of my car, it's pretty dark already." He pressed

"It's nice out right now. I think a bike ride would do me some good" You replied, "And anyway Eudora's is in the opposite direction of your house."

Dean was still a little wary, but he trusted you. You were right that the houses were in opposite directions and if you wanted to go surprise them then riding your bike would be a much better option than having his only semi-familiar car drive up outside a cop's house when it's dark out.

"Alright, well, if you're sure then I hope you have fun."

"Thanks!" You exclaimed

Walking over to your bike you unlocked it from the bike rack, putting the lock in your backpack before gently riding up next to Dean.

"Hey call me when you get there," He requested before adding "And be careful, the weather app says it's gonna downpour sometime in the next hour."

"Yeah yeah sure." You rushed as you began to ride away calling back "See ya, Dean!"

"Call me!" You heard him shout back

You waved him off as you continued to ride away as if to signify your same sentiment of yeah, sure, whatever. The streets were relatively empty with a car passing by here or there, and the fall air was crisp as you rode your way to Eudora's house. Like you had told Dean, it had been two weeks since you saw either Diego or Eudora. It was understandable if they were busy, but both of them typically made an effort to see you at least once a week individually, if not together. It was odd. They had never done this before. But then again, they had adult schedules and lives, and you were a sixteen-year-old who could do pretty much whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. So this situation was okay with you because now you could surprise them! You smiled as you pedaled your bike along the roads taking your time to just enjoy passing homes and the rising of the moon.

And soon enough you could see Eudora's house in the distance. Her and Diego's cars were parked in the driveway and there were lights on behind closed curtains signifying that both were inside. As you pulled your bike up you gently placed it on the ground and pulled out your phone to call Dean. Tapping his contact image and then the call button you let it ring as you walked toward the front door, but as you did so you could hear what sounded like yelling. Getting closer to the door Dean's voice came through the phone,

"Hello?"

You didn't recognize it though as you stayed silent trying to hear if the yelling was truly coming from the house. Getting even closer to the door you could hear loudly hear the shouting of two familiar voices. Through the phone, Dean became more worried as he didn't get any response from you and could also hear shouting although it was muffled for him.

"(Y/N)? Are you there? Are you okay?" He asked concerned

But instead of getting a response the call ended. You had inadvertently ended the call as your hand fiddled to force your phone down into an undersized pocket on your jeans. Damn women's pocket sizes. Trying to find out what the shouting was about you turned yourself invisible and quietly phased through the front door, only to be met with a shocking sight. The living room was a complete mess as it seemed police files were scattered all over the floor. Diego and Eudora stood by opposite sides of the couch their faces filled with an emotion you had never seen before.

Anger.

"I'm trying to make the world a safer place!" Diego shouted

"No, you're trying to relieve your glory days and play hero because you don't know what else to do." Eudora yelled back "If you really wanted the world to be a safer place you would let the police department do its work."

"We both know that the police department isn't making those changes fast enough." Diego retorted "I'm stopping the problem at the source!"

"You're being reckless and disregarding the law." Eudora remarked, "What kind of example are you trying to set for (Y/N)?"

Oh no. They were arguing. You had never seen them argue before. Perhaps a playful banter but this wasn't that. This was serious. And to make matters worse it seemed to be that they were arguing about you. At least in some capacity. Quietly, you took a few steps closer.

"One in which she recognizes that if given the opportunity to make a change to do what's right, she should," Diego responded firmly, his arms crossed over his chest

"She is not like you, Diego!" Eudora snapped as she took a step toward him "Just because she has powers does not mean she should be inclined to save the world or whatever. I'm trying to raise a law-abiding citizen who can make positive changes in her own way. Not your way."

"I don't know what you're talking about! We both want the same thing!" Diego jabbed

Your bottom lip started to quiver and it felt like your heart was breaking in your chest. You knew it was. You had felt it break like this before, almost three years ago. Why? Why would they be yelling at each other? You had never seen two people who were supposed to be in love argue like this. Argue with so much anger and vile in their voices. Is this why they had been avoiding you these past two weeks? Because they were fighting so much? Your heart began to clench in your chest as tears formed in your eyes. And as much as you wanted to you couldn't look away from the situation.

"No Diego, we don't." Eudora scoffed "The hero schtick was charming at first but we're adults now. You need to grow up."

"I am grown! I make my own decisions and I'm tired of you telling me what you think I should do!" Diego spat before jabbing "Constant criticism isn't attractive."

"Neither is breaking the law! Or unnecessarily putting yourself in risky situations! OR NOT LISTENING TO YOUR PARTNER'S FEELINGS!" Eudora exclaimed

"This is who I am and if you don't like it then maybe I should just go!" Diego yelled stepping closer to Eudora

"Maybe you should!" Eudora retorted getting in his face

"No." You said quietly

After you realized what you had done you placed your hand over your mouth, not only as a reaction to you accidentally speaking but to hide the cries that you could feel forming in your throat. You could feel the way it tightened and clenched as you tried to hide any more sounds of the surmounting sorrow you felt. However, your one sad little no was enough for Diego to snap his head in your direction.

"Did you hear that?" Diego questioned more quietly

He looked at the area of the room where you stood. You knew he couldn't see you. You were invisible, but the look on his face made you think that maybe he knew you were there. His expression softened just enough for you to notice it and it almost seemed as if he was going to walk toward you. And for a moment, you wanted him to. You wanted him to find you, to realize that you had been there the whole time, and perhaps the two of them would tell you that they were alright. That it was just a one-off argument and they hadn't been hiding this from you for a while. But that one moment was short lived as Eudora remarked sarcastically,

"Oh, what? Is that the sound of another mission for you to leave me to go on?"

And so you watched as Diego's face contorted back into anger. His gaze whipped back toward her as he complained,

"You know what? I don't fucking need this and I don't need you."

"Fine by me!" Eudora shouted as she pointed to the door "Get your shit and leave my house."

"It'll be my pleasure." Diego sneered getting in her face before storming off upstairs

And there it was. The complete and utter heartbreak as you realized that this was the nail in the coffin. Just as you thought life was truly getting better it came back to slap you in the face again. Your hand pressed against your mouth harder as a few tears began to roll down your face. Maybe you were never meant to be happy...

Carefully you walked backward and phased yourself back out the front door before taking off toward your bike at the front of the drive. Hopping on your bike you immediately sped off. For a moment it sounded like you could hear the shouts of your name echoing in the distance but you couldn't dare turn back. It was too late. It hurt too much. The night was dark as storm clouds had gathered in the sky blocking out the moon and the air that felt crisp earlier now chilled you to your bones. Rain began to fall from the dark clouds above but you didn't stop pedaling. You had no clue where you were going. You had no direction. You just kept riding as far as you could away from the pain.

But it was unavoidable. It lived inside you. Your pain was like a cancer. One that you thought you had fought, but the truth was that it sat benign for years only to become malignant out of nowhere and taking over your being once more. Your scars from the heartbreak of being pulled to this time were carved open with the sharp pain of this new discovery. And just like that, all that you had built up came tumbling down. Tears spilled from your eyes as the rain picked up. The dark sky opening into a downpour drenching your clothes completely. The raindrops fell at a furious pace just like the tears from your eyes, both of them blurring your vision ahead. For a moment you lifted up your soaking-wet sleeve and wiped your eyes in an attempt to clear some of your vision but as you looked back up you saw the bright flash of oncoming headlights.

Quickly swerving out of the way your front wheel hit the street curb sending you flying forward off your bike. The left side of your face scraping roughly against the concrete sidewalk. Your body ached from the impact almost as much as your heart did from what you saw. Rolling onto your back you stared up at the dark sky as the rain beat down on you. Your head raced with all that you had suffered, all the pain and trauma you had endured in such a short time.

And you screamed.

You screamed into the void of the night, a harrowing sound of heartbreak cutting through the downpour. There was nothing you could do. Nothing you could say, that would stop this pain. You were forced to feel it no matter how it tore you apart and broke you down. And all you could do with it was scream. Scream the pain into the world just as the world had forced tragedy onto you. And when you could no longer scream, when your lungs ran out of breath, you just laid there on the sidewalk letting the rain fall down on you as you cried, wondering what you had done to deserve this. Closing your eyes you drowned out the world around you as you wondered if you could just sink into the earth and hide away from it all. But then you heard a voice shout,

"(Y/N)!"

Opening your eyes, you sat up and looked toward where the voice came from. And there you saw your brother standing there. He stood behind his open driver's side door, an umbrella in his hands as his eyes looked at you worriedly.

"Dean...?" You called weakly

Hearing you call back his name, he immediately stepped out from behind his car door, slamming it shut as he raced over to you. Still standing he held the large umbrella over you two as he got a better look at the condition you were in. Your clothes were fully soaked by the rain as blood ran down your face from the scrape you had gotten. And even though the only light was that of his headlights it was obvious your eyes were red and puffy from crying. Dropping to his knees to be at eye level with you he questioned panicked,

"Oh my god (Y/N), what happened to you? You hung up abruptly and I got worried. What happened?"

Tears began to well in your eyes once more as the events of earlier began to replay in your mind. You tried to speak but it felt like the words were stuck in your throat. You pushed yourself to speak, your voice wavering as you stuttered out,

"Th-they were screaming and fighting- an-an-and-"

But then you stopped. The words caught in your throat once more as you began to get choked up. They were so angry at each other. Their words were so full of malice. Every jab they threw at each other was another jab to your heart. And as much as you tried to keep it together, which was barely, you couldn't. You fell apart. Your body shook both from the chill of the rain that had fallen on you and from the strength of your emotion.

"Screw the umbrella." Dean said letting go of it before wrapping his arms around you "Come here."

Dean held you close as tears spilled from your eyes and you cried once more. Your sobs muffled as you buried your head into his shoulder. Dean held you tightly as he stroked your wet hair. He didn't even care that it was raining. All he cared about was figuring out what happened and what he could do to help.

"Hey it's okay, I'm here now. I'm here." He cooed

"They broke up, Dean. Diego and Eudora broke up." You choked out "I watched it happen."

Oh no. That's why they must have been avoiding you for so long. Because they didn't want you to see them fight...

"Oh, (Y/N) I'm sorry." Dean apologized

He had nothing to apologize for though. He had done nothing wrong. In all honestly, he was the only one doing something right currently. You didn't know why things always ended so fucked up for you when you least expected it. Things like this always ended taking you by surprise. You hated it. You hated it beyond belief. It was so overwhelmingly infuriating that you were stuck in this shitty cycle of loss and heartbreak. Pulling back from Dean you angrily shouted,

"It's not fair! Everything I love I lose!"

But just as quick as the wave of energy that caused your anger came on, it went away just as fast. Your shoulders slumped and you looked down at the sidewalk as you quietly repeated defeated,

"Everything I love I lose..."

"Hey look at me." Dean softly called, gently taking your face in his hands

As he tilted your head to look up towards him you could see the concern but also care in his eyes. You didn't know why he was here with you, getting completely drenched by the rain, but you appreciated his presence.

"Remember what you told me?" He quietly reminded "When you have no other family, you will always have me. Always."

You didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything. All you did was lean back into your brother again and held him tightly as if the world was going to take him away from you too. Dean held you once more, his hand rubbing your back as he rested his head on top of yours and comforted,

"You're not alone. I'm going to take care of you."

After a quick moment, Dean stood up taking your hand to help you stand as well and although it didn't really matter at this point he held picked up the umbrella and held it over the two of you. Walking you towards the passenger side of his car he opened the door saying,

"C'mon let's get you out of the rain. I don't want you getting sick."

Sliding into the passenger seat Dean closed the door after you before heading back to grab your bike and put it in his trunk. Closing the trunk he closed his umbrella and threw it into the backset before getting in the driver's seat and turning on the car. He turned the heating on to keep you both warm as he turned around and drove the two of you back to his house. The ride was quiet. You weren't in a mood to talk and Dean wasn't going to force you to either, but at least you had stopped crying for now. As you got back to the house Dean parked his car in the garage before getting out and heading over to the passenger side to get you. The two of you walked together toward the door inside the garage that led inside the home. Taking your shoes off first, you entered the door that led into the laundry room, Dean closing it behind you. And right as Dean finished shutting the door, you could hear his mom call from inside the house,

"Decano? Has vuelto?"

"Sí, Mamá," Dean called back "(Y/N) también está conmigo."

"Oh (Y/N)!" She exclaimed

You saw as his mom rounded the corner into the laundry room, an excited smile on her face until her eyes landed on you. Her smile turned to an expression of shock as she quickly made her way over taking your face in her hands and turning your head side to side to look at you.

"Ay, dios mío! What happened?" She questioned

"Lo siento aparecer aquí en tan malas condiciones." You apologized before explaining "I was riding my bike over here and it started to rain. I couldn't see and hit the curb causing me to fall and scrape my face."

"Oh don't apologize mija. I'm just glad you're safe." She cooed

"Mamá, can (Y/N) stay the night?" Dean asked

"Stay the night? She can move in if she wants. We'll give her Antonio's room in the basement." Dean's mom responded before mumbling under her breath "...entonces tal vez finalmente le proponga matrimonio a su novia y se mude..."

You watched as Dean's mom turned to grab a towel from a stack of them before turning back and handing it to you.

"Here mija, take this towel and go take a hot shower since you must be cold from the rain. Dean will grab you some fresh clothes and can help with your cuts when you're done." She explained gently "And I'll make some hot food for you to have."

"Gracias Señora Hernandez." You thanked

"Te lo dije, llámame Liliana," She replied with a smile before walking out of the room presumably to the kitchen

"I told you my parents like you more than me and my brothers." Dean mentioned "If any of us came home in this condition solo we'd get hit with the chancla for sure."

"I'm surprised you didn't realize that when they asked to throw me a quinceañera last year because they had no daughters." You commented back

"No, I did. I'm just glad you convinced them to make it a joint party for us." He replied "The look of envy on Tony's face as we got a huge celebration and he didn't warmed my second-son heart."

"You're welcome for that by the way." You remarked

"Whatever man," He dismissed before recalling the task his mom set him to "I'll go find you some dry clothes, okay?"

"Okay..."  You responded "I'll go take a shower. Just leave whatever clothes you get outside the door."

With a quick nod of your head, you walked out of the laundry room and down the hall toward the bathroom. Turning on the hot water to the shower you stripped off your drenched clothing and got in. The heat of the water helped to warm you up and remove the chill you felt in your bones from the cold rain but it also stung the scrape on your face. You didn't mind it though. Honestly, the physical pain of the scrape helped to numb the emotional pain of the night a bit. It provided a distraction even if it necessarily didn't feel good. You had no clue how long you stayed standing there but when you felt the hot water start to become lukewarm you realized that it was probably time to get out. Turning off the water you grabbed your towel and dried off, wrapping it around you once you finished. Opening the door just slightly you saw a plastic shopping bag hanging on the door handle with clothes inside. Grabbing the bag, you closed the door once more as you used your abilities to dry your undergarments and put them on before changing into the baggy t-shirt and gym shorts that Dean had provided you. Hanging your towel up on the rack next to the shower you went and opened the door to the bathroom. Stepping out, you saw Dean walking down the hall from his room in your direction also wearing some new dry clothes. Catching sight of you, he came up and asked,

"Hey, how you feeling?"

You shrugged your shoulders. You weren't sure yet how you felt.

"Understandable." He replied adding "I hope the clothes are okay. I know they're probably still kinda loose but since you're smaller than I am, I tried to find stuff that I'll probably outgrow soon that would fit you better."

"No they're great, they're comfy. Thank you." You reassured

"Oh good." Dean replied

Dean then again recognized the cut on the left side of your face. Fortunately, it had stopped bleeding but it could get infected if it stayed uncovered and untreated like it currently was.

"Here uh- let me help you with that." Dean said gesturing back into the bathroom

With a nod of your head, you stepped back in and sat on the sink counter as Dean looked underneath the sink for the tiny first aid kit his family had. Finding it, he stood back up and placed it on the side of the counter away from you pulling out some antibiotic ointment and a very large bandaid. Placing some of the ointment on his pointer finger, Dean gently spread it over your cut making sure to get it evenly spread across your forehead and upper cheek on the left side of your face. When he felt he had done a thorough job he placed the tube of ointment back in the kit as he washed of his hand.

"That's gonna be a nasty scar, huh?" Dean commented

You looked behind you in the mirror as you saw the large abrasion that ran across the upper left side of your face. It was pretty bad, but you weren't one to scar. Any time you got hurt, the signs of an injury would disappear faster than most people's would. At least it did so for minor ones.

"Don't worry it'll be gone by morning. Like it never even happened." You replied quietly

Dean looked down at the first aid kit as he brought out the large bandaid he found. Gently he questioned,

"And the internal scars? What about them?"

"I don't know..." You murmured "I still haven't figured that out from the last time something this upsetting happened."

Turning back towards you, Dean tilted your face toward him so that he could get a better view of your cut. Opening the bandaid, he took the protective backing off revealing the adhesive part. Carefully, he brought it up to your face and placed it over your injury making sure to avoid getting adhesive on any of the scratched parts. After taking a moment to look his work over, his focused his gaze on you as he replied,

"That's alright. We'll figure it out together."

"Promise me." You said sticking out your pinky finger for a pinky promise

Wrapping his pinky around yours he gave a gentle shake as he promised,

"I swear."

"Okay." You spoke, the slightest hint of a smile on your face

"You hungry?" Dean asked as he put the first aid kit away under the sink

"Yeah." You answered

"Good. My mom made you a whole pot of soup." Dean stated

Giving him a nod you hopped off the sink counter as you walked out of the bathroom and to the kitchen, with Dean following closely behind. The two of you sat down as Dean's mom served you a bowl of fresh made pozole before then giving a bowl to her son. You ate your soup quietly only really talking when you asked Liliana for a second and then third bowl of soup. You didn't realize how hungry you were until you had started eating. But of course Dean's mom didn't mind and was in fact delighted that you wanted to have more than one serving. As you finished your third bowl, you got up from the table and walked over to place the bowl in the sink. Turning toward Liliana you asked,

"Would you like me to help wash the dishes?"

"Oh (Y/N), that's not necessary. Dean will do them, you should rest." She responded

"Are you sure? I don't mind helping him." You replied "I mean it's the least I could do to thank you for the food you made."

"You are so thoughtful, but it seems you've had a rough night and you are a guest. I'll get Matías to help him." Liliana explained before shouting "MATÍAS VEN A LIMPIAR LOS PLATOS AHORA."

You watched as Dean's younger brother ran into the kitchen, a frantic look on his face before stopping as he noticed you.

"Oh. Hi (Y/N)." He said

"Hey Matt." You replied

"What happened to your face?" He asked confused

"I fell off my bike and cut it up." You answered

"Aren't you a little old to be falling off a bike?" He asked condescendingly

Jeez. It was pretty harsh to hear that from a 10-year-old after the day you just had. But just as quick as it hurt, you immediately felt better as Dean's mom smacked the back of his head.

"No seas grosero!" Liliana chastised "Ve a limpiar con tu hermano."

You smirked as Matt walked past you grumbling under his breath before helping Dean with the dishes. Sitting in the living room you waited for Dean to be done with the dishes but as you rested on the couch you could feel yourself growing a bit tired. Once Dean was done with his chore he came to find you and the two of you walked down the hall to his bedroom, shutting the door behind you. As you looked at the room you saw a sleeping bag rolled out on the floor next to the bed. Turning to look at you Dean said,

"You can stay in my bed, I'll take the floor."

You were about to nod your head but then something in you just felt the need to check the bed more thoroughly. And instantly you regretted it. Granted, you were happy to now have this information due to your powers but you were also grossed out that there were...bodily fluids...in the sheets. You weren't surprised, he was a teen boy and teen boys tend to jerk off occasionally. But your lack of surprise did not mean you wanted to stay in that.

"Um- I don't want to take your bed from you." You politely declined "I can sleep on the floor."

"No, you should have a comfortable place to rest after tonight and anyway my mom would kill me if she found out I let you sleep on the floor." Dean insisted

"I've slept on a floor before, it's totally fine." You tried to persuade

"No absolutely not." Dean rejected "The bed is yours."

This was not good. He was not letting up and you worried about what to do now. Your mind raced with various thoughts about what to do in this situation because you had never been in this predicament before.

Oh god. How do I insinuate that I know he's jacked off in his bed and that his sheets are gross? 

Dean's head snapped toward you. You didn't speak...but he somehow still heard you. He thought for a moment that perhaps he was losing it from the stress of worrying about you but then he could hear your voice in his head speak once more.

Do I just keep denying sleeping in the bed until he caves? Can I somehow make UV light and not give him radiation poisoning by being so close?

You watched as Dean walked past you back to his bedroom door. Stopping at it he looked back toward you as he stated,

"I'll get new sheets."

Your eyes went wide as you began to question,

"How the fuck-"

I don't know you tell me.

Taking a step back your eyes went wide just as Dean's had done a moment ago. Did you just hear his thoughts? Could he hear yours? You knew the two fo you were close, but what the fuck.

"Oh- oh that's fucking weird." You retorted "We are NOT dealing with that tonight."

"Whatever you say, but I think it's cool." Dean replied before leaving his room

It only took a few moments for Dean to return with a new set of sheets, stripping the old ones and putting the new ones on. As he walked out of the room once more to bring his old sheets to the laundry room, you sat down on the newly made bed and looked out the window. The rain still in a torrential downpour. The door to Dean's room opened and closed once more as he made his way over and sat on the bed next to you.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Dean asked

"I don't know..." You responded, your eyes still trained on the rain outside

"That's okay," Dean responded "I'll be here either way."

There was a moment of silence between you two. Neither saying a word, just existing side by side. But after a bit, there was something you wanted to express. It wasn't specifically about what happened but you felt you needed to tell someone.

"It just feels like every time things are going well something goes wrong, and it always feels like my fault..." You sighed "Maybe I'm just a rain cloud on my own life..."

"Well if you're a rain cloud then I must be a thunderstorm because to me you're a ray of sunshine." Dean mentioned

"You think so?" You inquired

"I know so." Dean responded "My life was never as bright as it's been since you came into it."

You looked away from the rain and toward Dean, the corners of your mouth lifting up briefly into a small smile before falling back into a neutral position. It might not have been much, but it was a start. Leaning over you rested your head on Dean's shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you and rested his head on top of yours. You both stayed quiet for a moment, but then you could hear as Dean quietly sang,

Eres mi sol Mi único sol Me haces feliz Cuando el cielo esta gris Nunca sabrás, querida Cuanto te quiero Por favor no me quites mi sol

As he finished his song he turned his head only slightly to kiss the top of yours. There wasn't much he could do to change what had happened but as long as you knew he was there for you and he loved you he felt that was enough for now. You were his sister, his favorite sibling, his closest family and if he could help it, he would never let you suffer alone.

"Thanks Dean." You whispered

"It's been a long night, how about you get some rest?" Dean suggested

You nodded your head before pulling away from Dean as he also let you go. Dean slid from the bed onto the floor and climbed into the sleeping bag he set out as you got yourself comfortable in the bed. Turning off the lamp on his nightstand you both lay there in the dark as the rain poured outside but after a few minutes, you rolled over to look down toward your brother on the floor.

"Dean?" You called quietly

"Yeah?" He replied

"Will you hold my hand?" You asked

"Of course."

Sliding one arm off the bed you reached down toward Dean as he took your hand in his own. It felt comforting to know someone was there and you always slept easier knowing someone was nearby. As the waves of tiredness began to wash over you and your eyes began to get heavy you mumbled one more request,

"Please don't ever leave me."

Holding your hand just a little tighter, Dean looked up at you and quietly replied,

"I wouldn't even dream of it."

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story of Brendon Mal-Chin Young. Born March 14, 2001 at 7:51 pm to Alistair and Adeline Young, Brendon would be the only child that the Youngs ever had. He was the only child they would ever expect they would need. But things didn't turn out quite how they wanted. When Bren was born, it was in the middle of his parents setting up their consulting business and therefore he got just enough of his parents' care for him to survive, but not enough to nurture him. And when he became a toddler that needed more supervision, he was placed in the care of his next-door neighbor Clarissa Wagner who was so happy to give her son Kenneth a friend to play with. Especially since they were only about two weeks apart in age. The two boys became inseparable and the Wagners became more like family to Brendon than his own parents did.

This would go on for years until his parents' business was settled enough that they were comfortable being home more often, but by that point, Bren had already formed his connections and bonds. There was a strong disconnect between him and his parents as when it really mattered most they weren't around and now the people he cared about most were Kenny, Kenny's mom, and Ben Hargreeves of the Umbrella Academy.

Bren was introduced to Ben Hargreeves as Kenny was discussing how cool he thought Klaus from the Umbrella Academy was. And together when they would hang out, Clarissa would read all the comic books to the boys and would even make sure to pick up two copies when new ones came out so that Bren could take on home. Bren admired Ben because he was like him. He looked like him and even though he was kind of in the background of his family he still had people who noticed him.

Ben was his hero.

But then tragedy struck. When Bren was just about to be six years old the Jennifer Incident occurred and Ben Hargreeves tragically died. It was unexpected and it absolutely shattered Bren. His hero was gone. No, no. He couldn't let that happen. Ben couldn't just be gone. Ben was like him and he was like Ben so Ben needed to be remembered. He didn't want to be forgotten, he didn't want his existence to be left behind by the people around him. And this incident put more space between him and his parents at a young age. They didn't understand why he was so despondent all of a sudden but never sought a solution.

And as he grew up his parents seemed to forget him more and more as they sunk themselves into their work because Bren wasn't turning out the way they wanted him to be. It was not that he wasn't successful, he was just successful in the wrong way. He played an instrument but it was the guitar. He was excellent in his English courses and was a stellar writer but he mainly put those skills into solitary reading or writing lyrics for songs. He had a physical activity that he was great at but it was focused on using two whips for some reason. It never made sense to them.

It hurt that his parents put him so low in their priorities. He wanted someone to remember him and love him as he was. Granted, he had his friends and of course, they loved and remembered him, but he wanted more. And when he was seventeen, that love would walk into his life in the form of Juniper Lee. But unfortunately, Juniper was not the miracle he was hoping for and the tragedy of that would hit him hard.

August 12, 2018:

Around two weeks ago, Bren announced he had gotten a girlfriend. Your group of friends was incredibly surprised by this fact since he had never even talked about liking anyone prior but nevertheless, you were all happy.

Well almost...

You did not like Bren's new girlfriend Juniper. Juniper was a recent transfer from Argyle Academy, the fancy K-12 private school in the city. The fancy private school that you would've continued to attend had Five not pulled you to the future. The fancy private school that you knew was filled with rich assholes who, one, bullied you in your youth, and two did not care about anyone but themselves. The fancy private school that had a strict honor code and a "one strike and you're out" policy. Already you knew this girl was bad news. But your opinion grew worse as you spent time around her.

She was in the English class you shared with Bren and Kenny, and she began sitting at your table at lunch. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but you tried to be cordial with her so you could be supportive of your friend. Juniper however exuded red flags. She was very controlling of Bren even if she tried to portray it as being playful. She never compromised with him even on little things. She was very critical of your friend group, but especially you since your cordiality didn't hide your disdain. And you had a strong assumption from the way you could feel her heart race with your powers that she was lying. A lot.

But on top of it, you could see how she was changing Bren, for the worse. He would brush off plans with your friend group to go be with her. He was becoming more critical of you all just like she was. But the biggest thing was he was becoming a real dickhead. Sure he could be a jerk sometimes, just like everyone can, but this wasn't that. He was acting out of character being super pretentious and all high and mighty for no reason. It was like she was completely changing who he fundamentally was.

And you despised her for all of that. You had a terrible feeling in your gut about her, but for Bren's sake, no matter how much you hated her or how he was acting, you kept your mouth shut. That was until you had ridden your bike to the local shopping center to pick up some new running shoes when you saw Juniper, Bren's girlfriend, making out with a guy in an Argyle Academy uniform.

The AUDACITY of that bitch.

You saw red as you pulled out your phone and took a photo of her before turning your bike around and riding like the wind to Bren's house. Enraged adrenaline pumped through your veins as you dropped your bike on his lawn and flashed into his room. Materializing in front of him, Bren looked shocked for a moment, and taking in your upset demeanor he questioned,

"Are you okay?"

"I need to show you something." You stated firmly

Pulling out your phone, you pulled up the picture from your camera roll before turning your phone towards him and showing him the image. Bren took the phone from your hand, examining the screen for a moment before looking up at you and asking confused,

"What am I looking at?"

"That's YOUR GIRLFRIEND making out with SOMEONE ELSE." You emphasized

"How can you be sure?" Bren questioned, "That picture is far away and it doesn't really look like her to me."

"Are you fucking insane?" You blurted him in disbelief

He had to be joking right? That was obviously her. It was clearly, unequivocally, 100% her. And he didn't believe it was?

"What?" Bren asked confused

"I have photographic evidence that your manipulative bitch of a girlfriend is cheating on you and you don't believe it?" You ranted pointing at your phone "It's right there!"

"Hey, you don't get to fucking talk about her like that!" Bren yelled

You honestly wanted to start laughing you were in so much disbelief. This was crazy. You felt like you were being pranked. Was he really this blind or was he being willfully ignorant? Either way, it was fucking stupid.

"Wake the fuck up, Bren! She doesn't love you!" You exclaimed "She. Is. Using. You!"

Anger welled up within Bren as he heard you hurl insults and accusations at his girlfriend. What did you know? You weren't part of their relationship. They were happy. They were in love. They were a power couple as Juniper liked to call the two of them. You just didn't get it.

"You know what, I'm starting to think Juniper was right about you." Bren snapped

"Oh yeah? And what did she say, huh?" You taunted sarcastically

"She said that you were jealous." Bren stated matter-of-factly

"Jealous?" You repeated with a shocked laugh "Jealous of what?"

"You and I were the last two people in the group to never had been on a date but now that I have Junie you're the last one and you're jealous of me being in love." Bren explained, his tone obviously demeaning toward you

Were you the last one to never have been on a date in your group now? Yes. But you had your reasons and you were fine with that. However, you were not fine with Bren, someone who is supposed to be your friend, demeaning you for your choices. You were not jealous of his relationship in the slightest because you would never get in a relationship with a lying, manipulative, cheater.

"I'm not jealous of you in the slightest." You remarked flatly

"And there you go denying it." Bren spouted "You've hated my relationship since the start because now you realize how alone you are! But that's not my responsibility and it's not my fault you've never loved anyone-"

Before he could fully finish his rant the sound of a smack resonated throughout the room. One of your hands was held up, frozen in place as the other held tightly around your locket. As Bren held his one cheek with his hand he turned to look at you. Shock and anger on his face as he questioned,

"Did you just fucking slap me?"

Tears pricked at your eyes and your voice trembled as you spat back,

"Fuck you, Brendon. I wish-"

You paused. Standing up straight Bren removed his hand from his cheek. Stepping toward you, he stared you down, his face getting in your own.

"What?" Bren asked, his voice low "What do you wish, (Y/N)?"

"I wish I never met you." You answered

Bren pulled his face back from yours and for the first time, throughout this whole argument, his expression contorted from anger into hurt. But it only lasted a moment as his anger returned and doubled. All of this just because you don't like his girlfriend. You were ridiculous and needed to get a grip on reality. You were lying to yourself. Just like Juniper said, you were jealous and you were wrong.

"Get out of my house and leave my relationship alone!" Bren shouted

At this point, you had resigned though. Your heart hurt from Bren's words about never loving anyone as your heartbreak over the only boy you ever loved washed over you again. The tragedy of letting him go and losing him to time still pained you to this day and you weren't going to deal with someone who obviously didn't care about hurting you. You stared at him blankly as you bluntly replied,

"Goodbye, Brendon,"

And with that, you flashed out of his room, picked up your bike, and rode back home with no new running shoes, one less friend, and a re-broken heart.

September 3, 2018:

It had been three weeks since your argument with Bren and things had noticeably changed. Besides English class, where it was impossible to do so, you actively avoided Bren. If he wanted you to stay out of his relationship you would make it easier and stay out of his life altogether. The rest of your friends noticed this change the day you started doing it and asked for an explanation. You showed them the picture, explained what happened, and told them that you did not want them to feel like they had to pick sides, and they were free to still be around him, just that you would not.

Of course, after explaining that, Dean immediately picked a side. Yours. You being his sister apparently mattered more than Bren being his friend. Nevertheless, if he wanted to stop talking to Bren that was his decision but you weren't making any of your friends choose. Which of course left the rest of them in an uncomfortable position. They saw the photo and were on your side, but if they just emotionally cut ties like Dean did it would only push Bren closer to Juniper. And so the rest of them continued to be awkwardly cordial with Juniper and try to still be normal around Bren in an attempt that he would hopefully come to his senses. But the confused tension was palpable.

Bren of course noticed the changes too. Most of the friend group was still around and talking to him, but any time Juniper was around they got weird. And if he ever showed up when a conversation where you were a topic was happening, the group immediately stopped and switched gears. Then of course there was Dean who Bren obviously knew was making a point to show he was mad and ignoring him. But the biggest change was you. You were never around anymore except for in English class where you didn't talk or look at him. You used to talk to each other all the time. English class was the time when you would jot down potential song lyrics into the margins of each other's notebooks that you could use for your band. Now the margins were empty. Lunch was when you would all be together with the group chilling before classes started again, but now you sat in the library for lunch with Dean. You didn't read any of the few messages he had sent you since your argument. Granted, none of them were apologies but he didn't need to apologize. Even so, it was as if he didn't even exist to you. As if he as a ghost in your life. When you said goodbye, he didn't think at the time that you would mean it.

But that was the way things were, and you settled into this routine over the three weeks. But as you were biking to the shopping center before it closed at 7, to finally go purchase new running shoes you got a phone call from Kenny. Braking, you pulled your bike over to the side as you picked up the phone.

"Hello?" You spoke

"(Y/N)?" Kenny replied, "I need you to do me a huge favor."

"Yeah, what do you need?" You asked

"I know you probably aren't going to want to do so but I need you to go to Bren's house," Kenny begged on the other side of the line

"Why?" You questioned annoyed

"Because you were right and he's upset." Kenny explained "He had gone over to Juniper's house and caught her in the act with some other guy. He called me heartbroken but I'm at work and can't go be with him."

"But why me?" You pressed "I mean Lucas is a ray of sunshine and positivity and Addison is the one who's good at manipulating people's psyches."

"Because you're the only other person besides me he'll listen to," Kenny replied "And I know you love your friends more than anything."

Damn it. You hated it, but you knew he was right.

"Fine," You sighed "I'll go."

"Thank you." Kenny expressed relieved

Hanging up the phone you let out a sigh as you once again were not going to get your running shoes. Getting back on your bike you turned around and after one quick stop along the way you made it to Bren's house. Laying your bike on the grass, you could see that the house looked empty. His parents' car was gone and the lights were off. Taking a deep breath you walked up to the door and into the house before making your way upstairs toward his room. As you approached his door you could hear the sounds of muffled crying.

Phasing through the door you could see him sitting on the edge of his bed, his face in his hands. Gently, you walked over towards him, but as Bren heard footsteps he looked up expecting to see Kenny, but instead finding you there. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was obviously wet from tears. His eyes narrowed at you as he snapped,

"What are you doing here?"

You knew he was upset, and there was a strong chance he was redirecting his pain toward you because one, he didn't know where to put it and you were the closest, and two, you did warn him three weeks ago about this. But no matter what he said, you knew he was hurting and you weren't going to let him be alone anymore. Walking to stand in front of him you looked down at him with a soft expression as you answered quietly,

"Kenny called. He told me what happened."

Of course, he did. When Bren had called him and Kenny said help would be over soon, he thought it was going to be him. Not you. Why did you even show up anyway? Probably to rub it in his face that you were right. Standing up he looked at you angrily, although his eyes were still filled with pain as he shouted,

"Well go on then, say it!"

You didn't respond. You didn't know what to say and instead, you just looked up at him with a sad, soft expression. Your lack of response, however, didn't ease him as he tried to get you to say what you came to say.

"Say it (Y/N)! Say I told you so!" Bren shouted once more, his voice breaking "Tell me that you were right and I was wrong and stupid!"

But you didn't respond to that either. You weren't here to berate him or shame him. You were here to try and help him begin to work through this pain. Quietly, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Bren, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, "For everything."

Bren froze for a moment as you held him. He was expecting you to brag and taunt him about how you had warned him of this and he didn't listen, but instead, you apologized. You apologized for all that had occurred. You were sorry for fighting with him, you were sorry for not talking to him and you were sorry for what had happened to him today. And with that, all the anger that Bren was trying to feel and push onto you went away as he could feel the pain of this situation return. His chest clenched and his knees grew weak and began to shake. His legs gave out beneath him bringing the two of you to kneel on the floor. Gripping onto your jacket tightly, balling the fabric in his hands, he rested his head on your shoulder as he began to sob. He gasped for air between his painful cries as the memory of what happened played in his head over and over again.

Gently, you ran your fingers through the back of his hair trying your best to comfort him as he processed what happened. You quietly stayed there with him and let him cry as long as he needed because what else could either of you do?

"I got you. It's going to be okay, I'm here." You reminded

As his sobs turned into sniffles, Bren lifted his head from your shoulder and looked at you as he quietly asked,

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend, and I'm not going to let you suffer alone." You answered sincerely

"Why did you ignore me then?" He questioned

"You told me to leave your relationship alone." You explained, "I was never going to be supportive of her so I thought it was best for me not to be around at all."

Bren nodded his head before slowly letting go of you and sitting on the floor leaning against his bed. He took slow deep breaths after crying so long and his pulse began to steady. And as you quietly sat next to him he leaned and rested his head on your shoulder. You had apologized to him, and he knew that he had to apologize back to you. The things he said were wrong and you deserved to know so.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Bren apologized "It was wrong of me to say you were jealous and it was worse of me to claim you've never loved anyone. You're a very loving person."

"Thanks." You replied

"You hit me hard though." Bren commented, "So I kinda feel like I have to ask, who was he?"

You paused for a moment as you stared off into the distance. One of your hands instinctively went to hold your locket as you thought about the boy you loved. Your beloved Five. It had been years and yet in your mind, you could still hear his voice calling your name and see his smile as he looked at you. A bittersweet smile rose to your face for a moment as you reminisced.

"He was my best friend and I would've done anything for him." You explained "He had a shitty home life, and I thought- well I thought I was doing enough to mitigate that. But he still ran away and left me behind to deal with the fallout."

Ben tilted his head on his shoulder to look up at you. There was a slight smile on your face but there was deep pain in your eyes. Your voice was wistful as you spoke but there were tinges of sadness within it. This boy had broken your heart.

"He sounds like an idiot." Bren commented

"No. He was wonderful." You corrected "He was sweet and caring and smart and he knew me better than anyone else did. And he made me happy. So so happy."

Lifting his head from your shoulder he looked at you as he asked,

"You still love him, don't you?"

You looked towards Bren, an earnest yet melancholic expression on your face.

"With all my being." You answered, "It's been four years, and every day I still hope it's the day he comes back to me."

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." Bren quoted

"Wiser words have never been uttered." You responded, nodding your head

"Thanks but those aren't my words." Bren said with a slight chuckle "They're from the poem The Coming of the Ship by Kahlil Gibran." Bren replied

A small smirk came to your face as you joked,

"Flexing your literature knowledge I see."

"Well, I've got to now since my ex hated it so much," Bren remarked

"I told you she was a bitch." You mumbled

"And there it finally is ladies and gentlemen. The I told you so!" Bren exclaimed to his empty room

"Yeah, yeah. I had to say it at least once." You laughed before adding "If it makes you feel any better though you'll never have to see her again because the only places she's going now are either juvie or a psych ward."

Bren's head snapped toward you as he heard you say that.

"What did you do?" He questioned

"Don't worry about it." You replied

He thought for a moment about the extent of your abilities and what you could have possibly done to get his ex either sent to juvie or involuntarily committed. But then he remembered how she was a cheating bitch and he honestly couldn't care.

"You know what? I won't." He stated proudly

"Good. Now go take a hot shower and put on some comfy clothes. I'll order us some comfort food and we can break out a bottle of wine to watch some shitty reality dating show with." You explained, "Be a pair of lonely broken fucks together."

Bren liked that idea. Shit still hurt but it hurt a little less with you around.

"Okay." He replied, a small smile on his face

You ruffled his hair a bit before standing up and walking out the door. And as he watched you walk away, he was happy to have you back in his life and there was no one else he'd rather be a lonely broken fuck with than you.

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story of Viktoria Rodya Petrov. Born January 12, 2001 at 6:08 am to Vincent and Anastasia Petrov, Viktoria knew who she was from a young age even if others couldn't see it yet. She loved dolls and stories of princesses and dressing in her mother's clothes. Viktoria would profess how she was the prettiest girl in the world and would correct others when they told her otherwise. She hated when her hair was cut short and didn't like dressing in the clothes that her parents bought her. It wasn't right. It wasn't her. And she knew that.

It was not until her younger brother Maxim was born that her parents began to understand. As she grew older her parents could see the differences between her and her brother and the way they behaved. She and Maxim were quite different even if they looked the same. Viktoria's parents had their concerns about how the world would view Viktoria but in the end, it wasn't the world that mattered it was their daughter. And so they did all that they could to support Viktoria as she was and to help her feel as comfortable in her skin as possible. They stopped cutting her hair, they let her pick her own clothes, and they even went to specialty doctors to discuss how to make sure future Viktoria was just as happy as current Viktoria.

But even though her family was supportive of who she was, some of the kids in school weren't as nice. It wasn't all the kids, but the ones that weren't nice didn't understand and bullied her because they didn't get it. It made Viktoria sad and she became isolated, even from the kids who were nice to her. She wanted to be included, but it was easier to just pull away and be alone. If she remained in the background, just passing by, perhaps things would be easier. And they were, but it was a lonely existence.

Viktoria wanted people to see her as extraordinary. As someone who was allowed to be around other extraordinary individuals. But she wasn't sure how to do that. Until one day, she was watching the news on TV and saw the famous Umbrella Academy doing a press conference after stopping some French supervillain. While most kids would've focused on the superheroes Viktoria noticed someone off to the side. There in an Umbrella Academy uniform was someone who looked just like her holding some kind of string instrument. Viktoria didn't know who they were but they had to be part of the Academy. They had the uniform and all! If that person could look like her and be part of the Umbrella Academy they had to be extraordinary. And if they were extraordinary then Viktoria could be too.

Immediately, Viktoria begged her parents for a strong instrument like she had seen on the TV and was gifted a viola. She began taking lessons and excelled at her craft. This is how she would get the world to recognize her. Just like that Umbrella Academy member she would craft beautiful music and become extraordinary. But even with her skill and enthusiasm, it was going to take a while for the world to see her as extraordinary.

December 15, 2014:

Today was the day that Viktoria had been preparing for all weekend. The results of solo auditions were finally going to be announced. The high school orchestral band's winter recital was in a week and for months they had been preparing for the performance. It was going to be a spectacular night but what everyone was interested in was who would be getting the solos. Mr. Lennox the band instructor only handed out one solo to each instrument section. One for percussion, one for brass, one for strings, etc. The solos were completely coveted and for months Viktoria had been determined to get one. It would be an honor to earn one as a freshman and so for months she had rehearsed the solo piece over and over again until it was second nature for her. And when audition day came last Friday she put her heart and soul into the performance. And after spending the whole weekend anxious about what the results would be she finally was going to be able to see if she had gotten the solo or not.

Walking toward the entrance to the band room Viktoria could see you leaning against the wall outside the door. She gave you a nervous smile and a wave as she approached.

"Hey." Viktoria greeted

"Hi," You responded before saying "Results for solos are out today! You excited?"

"Kind of..." Viktoria replied warily

"What do you mean kind of?" You questioned

"I don't know, I'm just kind of nervous to see if I got it or not. They don't usually give solos to freshmen." Viktoria responded, "I mean you'll definitely get one since you're amazing, but I don't know about me."

Viktoria's anxiety always seemed to get the best of her, even when she was feeling somewhat confident in herself. It was always what if this, and what if that. She wanted to be perfect at her craft and for everyone to see so but sometimes it was difficult when her feelings were getting the best of her.

Seeing that Viktoria was obviously nervous, you placed a hand on her shoulder and reassured her,

"Well, I for one think that you are the best viola player out there and you will 1000% get that solo."

Viktoria gave you a small smile as she replied,

"Thanks, I needed to hear that."

"And hey, y'know what?" you mentioned "If I get a solo and you don't I'll tell Mr. Lennox that I pass on mine because it would be crazy if you didn't get one."

"Don't do that!" Viktoria exclaimed

It would be ridiculous for you to pass on a solo opportunity just for her. How could you even think of doing something like that?

"We have four years of high school and there's only one other piano player and they're a senior. I think I'll be okay." You stated with a shrug of your shoulders

You were so nonchalant about the whole ordeal. Viktoria wished she could have your level of confidence about things.

"If you say so..." Viktoria mumbled

"I do." You replied before asking "Now, you ready to go check the solo postings?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Viktoria remarked

With a nod of your head, you entered the band room, Viktoria trailing closely behind. She could feel nerves of anticipation begin to build within her. Viktoria wondered if she should take her anxiety medication out of her backpack as her palms became clammy and her heart began to race. She slowed her pace as she looked back at the door to the room wondering if she could just escape and go to the nurse. She was prone to giving herself a stomach ache from her anxiety so telling the nurse she was unwell would not be a challenge.

You however had noticed her demeanor and the way she stopped. Viktoria had a tendency to get in her head about a lot of things. She wanted to be noticed and accepted but she was also concerned about being too noticeable. You tried your best to reassure her and support her but you weren't in her shoes, so you could only do so much. Seeing the results sheet hung on the wall just a few steps away you turned to look back at her and asked,

"You coming?"

"You go first. I'm scared." Viktoria responded

You hesitated for a moment but then nodded. If this is what she needed then you would oblige.

"Okay." You said turning to walk over to the paper

Viktoria watched as you walked over and stood in front of the results postings. Your hand lifted up as your pointer finger ran down the paper looking for your name or lack thereof. Your finger tapped a spot on the paper three times before Viktoria saw you turn around. She looked at your face to see your reaction but was met with an expression of neutrality. She couldn't tell if you got the solo or not and was now concerned about figuring out how she was supposed to react. Slowly you walked back to stand in front of her your face of neutrality fading away as a smile appeared and you exclaimed,

"I got it!"

A wide smile came to Viktoria's face as she threw her arms around you wrapping you in a hug. Of course, you got the piano solo! There was no reason to ever doubt you!

"I knew you would! Congrats!" Viktoria cheered

Pulling back you looked at Viktoria, a smile on your face as you already knew the results of what came next. Stepping out of her way you gestured toward the paper on the wall as you replied,

"Thanks but now it is your turn."

Viktoria gave you a nervous look. Right. It was...her turn.

"Okay...here I go," Viktoria said warily as she took a few steps forward

But then once again she stopped. She couldn't bear to look at the paper. She was too nervous. It felt like she was gonna puke.

Rolling your eyes, you put your hands on the back of her shoulders as you pushed her forward toward the paper remarking,

"C'mon Vi."

Viktoria closed her eyes as she felt you push her closer and closer to the wall. When the two of you stopped walking forward she could feel as you grabbed her hand, pointed her pointer finger, and placed it somewhere on the paper.

"Open your eyes Viktoria." You requested

Taking a deep breath, Viktoria nodded her head and slowly opened her eyes. Her gaze landed on where her finger was pointed and it took her a moment to process what she was seeing. That was her name. Right there on the paper, it said Viktoria Petrov. Her jaw dropped. She did it. She got the solo. You both got solos as freshmen.

"Oh my god! I got the solo!" Viktoria shrieked "I got the string instrument solo!"

"I told you!" You stated excitedly

You knew Viktoria had gotten the solo when you looked at the page but you wanted to offer her the same excitement she had for you. She had worked so hard practicing the piece she would need to play and her efforts had paid off. She was a master at her craft and you were so happy she was being recognized as so. She deserved this.

"Looks like Mr. Lennox is running late once again." You stated, "Wanna go to the instrument storage to get your viola and hang til he gets here?"

"Oh definitely. A soloist is only good if they have their instrument." Viktoria replied confidently

"Yeah, I suppose that's true." You commented as you walked toward the instrument lockers

The room was relatively empty already as most people had gotten their instruments and headed into the band room so for the most part it was just you and Viktoria. Mr. Lennox had a habit of running 15 minutes late for class. The rumor going around with music department students was that he and the theatre director, Mr. Bardot, were hooking up before class since they both had a free period then. Nobody could confirm it of course, but Addison told you how she had seen Mr. Lennox's from one day tie sticking out behind the notorious theatre couch so you were inclined to believe it. Whatever the case was, it gave you and Viktoria more time to chat. The two of you went back and forth excitedly talking about your solos next week and how you would be inviting your families to come watch you perform when the sound of someone calling the name Viktor could be heard. Neither of you really paid it any attention until the voice entered the instrument locker room shouting,

"Viktor Petrov!"

Viktoria froze in place. She hadn't been called that name in a very long time and it wasn't a name she wanted to hear.

Viktoria was born Viktor Petrov and while she never hid the fact that she was trans she also wasn't making it known to everyone either. If someone she felt safe around asked her about it she wouldn't lie, but for the most part, she just laid low and kept it to herself and the people close to her who knew. It wasn't that hard to lay low either as her parents had started helping with her transition when they realized how serious she was in her identity around the age of 8. She started dressing like she wanted to, grew her hair out like she wanted to, and she finally was able to change her name to Viktoria. And fortunately, the schools she went to integrated that with ease. Her parents even went so far as to find a doctor who specialized in gender-affirming healthcare who assisted in her getting on puberty-blocking medication six months ago since she wouldn't be able to start hormone replacement therapy for at least two years when she was sixteen with her parent's written consent. Doing so helped with the dysphoria she was beginning to experience and kept the way she looked on the outside on par with who she was inside. She stayed small, petite, and with softer features and a lack of body hair. All of it helped her to feel more like her but it also helped in her ability to pass with relative ease. She had been presenting as herself for so many years that a majority of people didn't know and wouldn't have guessed otherwise.

But that didn't mean there weren't assholes. One of those was the voice calling out her dead name Ronan Jeffries. Ronan Jeffries and her had only crossed paths once before when she was in 6th grade and he was in 8th in the middle school band. Ronan was a violin player and therefore in the same section as Viktoria. Both of them were good players of their instruments but Ronan always seemed to have some kind of vendetta to be better than her. She never figured out how he had found out about being transgender but at some point he did and he made her life a living hell out of it. No matter how many times he got detention for calling her the wrong name or purposely misgendering her he still continued to do so. Apparently, her misery meant more than his record because halfway through the year he was forced to transfer to another middle school because he had gotten expelled from all his detentions. After his departure, Viktoria had pretty much forgotten about Ronan and his harassment marking it as a bad experience from her past. But hearing his voice now shouting a name that was not her own sent a frightful shock through her system.

Viktoria didn't move. She didn't even know he went to this school, in the months she had been here she had never seen or heard about him once. Her body froze as she tried to think of what to do or say but she couldn't come up with anything. But there was time to think of anything as a hand harshly grabbed onto her shoulder turning her around. There stood Ronan much taller and angrier than he was when she was in 6th grade.

"Who the hell do you think you are coming in and taking my solo Viktor?!"

"Ronan, what are you doing?" Another boy called from behind him "Why are you so mad at her?"

"Stay out of it, Sawyer." Ronan retorted "And they're a boy. His name is Viktor."

The boy behind him, Sawyer, looked confused at the entire ordeal. You however had a completely clear mind and a reaction time that could rival formula one racers. Immediately you pushed Ronan away from Viktoria, putting yourself in between the two. You didn't know who this guy was, or how he knew Viktoria but you weren't going to put up with his disrespect of her.

"Hey, hands off asshole." You snapped "I don't know who you think you are but she's a girl and her name is VIKTORIA. Now, I know you're not in our band class so why the hell are you here?"

"I don't need to be in the band. It's beneath me. I audition for solos as an individual player and for three years all the strings solos have been mine."

Oh, so not only was he a bigot he was a pretentious bigot. If there were two things you were known for not liking it was disrespect and pretentiousness. And this motherfucker decided to be both. If he didn't leave soon you knew he was going to have a very bad time.

"Get out of my way, I'm not here for you. I'm here for him." Ronan stated trying to push you aside

You planted yourself firmly, making yourself denser so that it was impossible to move you. He was not getting past. Not without a fight that is. He looked confused as to why he wasn't able to force your small frame out of the way but all you did was scowl back at him. Your eyes filled with rage as you replied loudly,

"HER."

"Are you blind?" He asked maliciously

"No, but you'll be when I rip your fucking eyes out." You threatened

Viktoria had her back against the wall of instrument lockers as she watched the two of you go back and forth. She could feel her hands shake as her heart raced. She was scared and backed into a literal corner. Even if she had you defending her, all she wanted to do was get away. Maybe if you two went into the actual band classroom he wouldn't follow. Then again, he didn't seem the type who would be afraid to cause an even larger disruption in front of more people. He would probably relish it. Perhaps you two could just run into the hall and then you could make both of you invisible. She didn't know, but it would probably be safer for both of you if you disengaged. Her hand still shaky, she placed a hand on your shoulder as she quietly said,

"(Y/N), let's just go..."

"Oh, so he's confident enough to steal my solo but too much of a coward to face me about it," Ronan remarked

"It's not your solo. You didn't get it." You corrected through gritted teeth "And stop calling her that, she's a girl."

And for the first time in a while, the confused boy, Sawyer spoke up and contributed,

"Yeah dude, I'm pretty sure that's a girl."

Ronan's attention looked back towards his friend, who obviously had no clue what he was talking about, as he snapped at him,

"Shut the fuck up, Sawyer."

Turning his attention back, Ronan looked over your shoulder. His gaze dead set on Viktoria. There was malice in his eyes and vile in his tone as he spoke,

"Mr. Lennox might think you're special but you're not. You're just an attention seeker who doesn't deserve that solo Vik-."

Before he could finish his sentence though you had shoved him into the instrument lockers behind him. The back of his head smacked against one of the closed wood doors. His eyes became trained on you as you looked back at him taking a step closer. Anger radiated off of you and adrenaline was pumping through your system at a rapid pace. You were done with his transphobic bullshit and you were going to put this to an end.

"Call her the wrong name ONE MORE TIME-" You threatened

"Or what?" He retorted

"Or I'm gonna ruin your life." You stated firmly

If he made just one movement, any movement, it would be game over for him. You watch as he scowled at you, clenched fists at his sides that began to raise slightly as he moved forward away from the lockers behind him. Your eyes kept focusing on his hands as he commanded,

"Shut up you freshman bitch."

And with that, you felt the impact of a fist colliding with your gut sending you doubling over. All the air in you felt like it was pushed out of your body, but you held your composure. You had taken a hit before this was nothing new. But then just as quick as the first punch came a second one flew towards your face making direct contact. You could feel the ring on Ronan's finger cut across your cheek.

"Oh my god (Y/N)!" Viktoria gasped

"Ronan what the hell are you doing man!" Sawyer exclaimed

Ronan looked down at his hands, one of them now covered in your blood. He stared at them, flipping them over back and forth, as shock and confusion appeared on his face.

"What the fuck..." he questioned under his breath

With him distracted, you stood up wiping your face with the back of your hand. Bright red blood coming from your nose and the cut on your cheek from his punch. You bared your teeth at him, anger burning in your eyes as you shouted,

"YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

Kicking him in the crotch you watched as he began to drop to his knees, his hands now covering where you kicked and he groaned in pain. Before he could fully hit the ground though, your hand roughly grabbed his hair slamming his head into the wooden lockers behind him twice. With one hand still gripping his hair you placed your other hand on his shoulder pushing him to the ground. As he landed on his side you kicked him in the gut hard enough to cause him to roll onto his back. As he groan out in pain again you dropped to your knees and began swinging at his face just as he had swung at you.

"THIS. IS WHAT. YOU GET. YOU BIGOTED. PIECE. OF SHIT!" You yelled as you punched him repeatedly

"Holy shit," Sawyer said in total shock

"(Y/N)!" Viktoria exclaimed

She didn't know what to do. This asshole deserved what you were doing to him and she knew she would've never been able to do it herself, but she didn't want you to get in trouble on her behalf. She knew you probably didn't care, but she didn't want you to have a bad reputation nor did she want herself to somehow end up with a bad reputation either. She wanted to be liked and accepted. The situation was hard enough already and it was only the first half of freshman year. The last thing she wanted was for people to look at either of you differently because of this. As Viktoria stood there panicking on whether to stop you or get help, Mr. Lennox finally showed up bursting into the instrument locker room. He looked disheveled and shocked as he frantically shouted,

"Miss (L/N) stop that right now!"

Bending over he pulled you off of your knees and away from Ronan who was bloodied and in pain on the floor. Carefully, Mr. Lennox let go of you as you caught your breath. Your hands and clothes were splattered with red, but you didn't care. You watched as Ronan slowly stood up from the floor but leaned himself against the wall away from you. Unconsciously, you took a step in front of Viktoria to block him from her.

"Someone tell me what is going on here?!" Mr. Lennox questioned loudly

"He punched me!" You shouted angrily "He physically and verbally harassed Viktoria and when I told him to stop he punched me."

"No, she beat the shit out of me!" Ronan exclaimed back

"Yeah after you hit me!" You yelled, "I was trying to defend myself and Viktoria, Mr. Lennox!"

"I didn't punch her, I swear!" Ronan denied

Mr. Lennox looked between the two of you noticing distinct injuries to your face and bright red on Ronan's hand.

"Ronan, there is blood on her face and blood on your hand. You really want me to believe you didn't hit her?"

"I didn't do it myself!" He bellowed

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Mr. Lennox turned toward Viktoria looking for answers. You and Ronan were going to do nothing but shout, therefore he needed an actual witness.

"Viktoria, did Ronan punch (Y/N) just now for the reason she stated?"

What you said was true but you had been much more vague in your description of events. Perhaps you were having trouble finding the words through your anger or perhaps you were worried about outing her to Mr. Lennox and that kid Sawyer. Either way, Mr. Lennox already knew and Sawyer seemed a little too dense about it all, so after taking a moment to herself Viktoria spoke up,

"Yes, he did. He grabbed onto me harshly and continuously called me the wrong name and pronouns. And when she verbally told him to stop he hit her."

"Twice. He punched her twice." Sawyer added

Viktoria could see the seething rage appear on Mr. Lennox's face, but he forced it down and tried to keep his composure. Turning slightly, he faced Viktoria and Sawyer as he said in a steady but serious tone,

"Thank you for that information, you two."

"Sawyer, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Ronan yelled, "Whose side are you on?!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Sawyer yelled back "You punched a fucking freshman girl over a high school solo that some other girl got."

"He's not a girl!" Ronan exclaimed

Quickly rushing away from Mr. Lennox, you decked Ronan in the face once more sending him sliding down the wall. Turning back towards the others in the room you stated firmly,

"I'm sorry Mr. Lennox that one was on my own accord. I refuse to tolerate his bigotry."

"I understand, I really do, but you can't keep hitting him. We just-" Mr. Lennox sighed obviously overwhelmed by the situation "Ronan you're coming with me to the principal's office. Your words and actions are unacceptable. The rest of you stay here."

The other three of you in the room watched as Mr. Lennox went over to Ronan picking him up and carrying him out of the room, most likely toward the principal's office. Sawyer, the confused boy, then looked over toward Viktoria. He had an awkward look on his face as he nervously scratched the back of his neck.

"I know my words probably don't mean much but I'm sorry for what happened. I don't know what he was going on about. I've never seen him act like that before but you don't look anything like a boy to me." Sawyer apologized before adding "I'm gonna go away now but uh- congrats on your solo."

"Oh...thanks." Viktoria responded quietly

As Sawyer left the room and closed the door behind Viktoria let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. A wave of emotion began to overcome her as the embarrassment, sadness, and fear from the situation caught up to her. Seeing her body begin to tremble you walked over to her, gently taking her hand in yours as you softly said,

"Hey sit with me."

Viktoria could only respond with a slight nod of her head, and the two of you sat down on the ground, your backs leaning against the door of one of the lockers. You watched as she closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply, her hand gripping yours tighter and tighter. Tiny tears fell from her eyes making her pain visible and leaving streaks down her reddening face.

"You okay?" You asked leaning closer to her

"I've been better." She whispered

Viktoria rested her head upon your shoulder. Her eyes still closed but her breathing became calmer and her hand now held yours a little looser. The room was quiet. You were trying to let her go at her own pace but after a few minutes, you decided there was something you wanted to say.

"I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be okay. That it was a once-off occurrence and this will never happen again. But we both know the world is full of assholes." You tried to comfort "What I can tell you though is that so long as I'm alive I'm not going to let anyone hurt you for being yourself. Or anyone else for that matter."

Slowly Viktoria opened her eyes, her breathing finally steadying as she looked up at you. Her hand holding yours tighter once again as she asked,

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do Vi. You are beautiful, you are talented, you are amazing just as you are," You explained with a smile "And I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Just as you are."

Tilting your face, you placed a kiss on her forehead. You never believed that physical affection was strictly a romantic act and your friends, who were like your family, deserved to feel loved too beyond just saying so. Wiping a few of her tears away with your free hand, you held the one in your other a little tighter as you stated softly,

"You are exactly who you are supposed to be."

Viktoria gave you a small smile. Thank god she had you with her for this.  Your love and reassurance helped her to feel a bit better even if she was still slightly shaken up. She could feel that you meant what you said and what you said meant a lot to her. There was another silence, the two of you just sitting there once more, but then just like you, Viktoria felt inclined to speak.

"I can't believe Ronan punched you." She joked, her voice croaky

"No, he didn't." You replied nonchalantly

Viktoria's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What did you mean? She saw what happened to you.

"(Y/N) I literally just watched you take a punch for me. TWICE." Viktoria stated

"Well, he didn't do it himself." You remarked with a shrug of your shoulders

"(Y/N), your face got cut by his ring. Your nose is bleeding. What do you mean?" Viktoria asked for clarification

A smirk came to your face as you used your powers to drag Viktoria's free hand off to the side. Gently of course. Her eyes went wide as Viktoria finally realized what you meant.

"Oh my god!" Viktoria exclaimed in a hushed tone "You made him punch you?"

"Well I knew I could take it," You stated matter-of-factly "And I couldn't call it self-defense if I threw the first hit."

"You're insane. Completely insane." Viktoria replied

"Perhaps, but there was no way I was going to let him get away with what he said to you." You mentioned, "Nobody is going to talk like that to someone on my watch but especially not one of my closest friends."

"I cannot believe you," Viktoria said still trying to process everything

"Well, you better. If we weren't at school where I've got to hide my abilities I'd send that prick same-day shipping to hell." You explained, "Full-scale combustion comes quite easy these days."

Viktoria blinked her eyes at you a few times not quite sure what to say. She didn't know how serious you were since your tone was so upbeat but honestly, it didn't really matter to her either way. You sure were one of a kind though. She had never met another person like you.

"You are...something else (Y/N)." Viktoria commented

"Yeah, but you Viktoria Petrov are amazing." You replied with a smile "And everyone at the upcoming concert is gonna think so too by the time you're done with your solo."

Just as you had finished your statement though you saw Mr. Lennox walk back into the instrument storage room. The look on his face was serious as he stated,

"(Y/N), the principal would like to see you, and the people listed under your emergency contact info are on their way."

"Oh no..." You said under your breath

This was not good. Diego and Eudora were not going to be happy about this. They both had the day off today, so they were going to show up together. God, they were probably in the car figuring out how they were going to lecture you already. You looked a mess too. Ronan's blood was on your hands and your blood covered your face and shirt. When they saw you they were going to flip and you had no clue if it would be at you or the kid who started it. Well, it was too late at this point and it's not like you regretted your actions either. You just had to face the music for what occurred. Letting out a heavy breath you stood up from where you sat on the floor. Looking down at Viktoria you remarked,

"Well wish me luck. I'm either gonna get my ass chewed out by Diego and Eudora for fighting in school or I'm about to watch two 25-year-olds beat the shit out of a 17-year-old."

Turning away you walked to the door to be escorted by Mr. Lennox to the principal's office. Viktoria watched as Mr. Lennox stepped out of the doorway allowing you to follow him, but before you could get too far Viktoria called,

"Hey (Y/N)?"

"Yeah?" You answered stopping to turn back and look at her

"Thanks," Viktoria said

A smile came to your face as you kindly replied,

"Anything for you Vi."

December 22, 2014:

It had been a week since the altercation that had happened in the instrument locker room occurred and with each passing day the anticipation of the winter concert continued to build until it was finally here. The auditorium was completely filled with students and family members coming out to see the show. The way the program worked was unconventional compared to how Viktoria was used to it in middle school. Typically, all the band would come out at once and perform and the soloist would stand up and go to the front of the stage when it was their turn. However, at the last minute, Mr. Lennox had been presented with a new format idea by Mr. Bardot and decided to go with it. Now the entire band would perform their group songs together, then once finished the entire band would exit, and then the soloists would come from off stage and perform well...solo. And unfortunately, with that new format, it meant that Viktoria would be the last performance of the night, on stage, in front of the packed auditorium, alone. 

As the soloist before Viktoria performed their song, Viktoria held the neck of her viola and bow tightly in one hand as she fiddled with the fabric of her clothes with the other. This is not what Viktoria had planned for and she felt extremely concerned about the whole thing. 

"You ready?" You asked leaning against the concrete wall of the stage left wing

"Yeah, I think so..." Viktoria replied pulling nervously at the skirt of her dress

You could tell that Viktoria was nervous. Between the change of format and the huge crowd, she was becoming extremely anxious and her anxiety was not going to help. Trying to ease her nerves you encouraged her,

"You're going to do great and I'm gonna be right here cheering you on." 

"Thanks. I'm glad you were allowed to be here." Viktoria replied before adding "I'm still sorry you can't participate and lost your solo though."

"Eh, don't worry about it. There's always the spring concert." You mentioned unbothered "Anyway, losing my solo and four days ISS is worth you getting to perform and that asshole kicked from school."

You didn't let Viktoria in on all the details of what went down in the principal's office last week but apparently when Diego and Eudora arrived to see you covered in blood things got pretty heated and things got even worse when you had explained why you looked that way. You told her you were disappointed nobody got into a fistfight in the office, but somehow the issue was resolved by Ronan being expelled from school, and you having in-school suspension all of last week plus losing the ability to perform at the winter concert. Viktoria appreciated all that you did but now the annoying irrational little voice in Viktoria's head wondered if Ronan was right. What if she wasn't actually good enough for the solo? What if she screwed up? Ugh, why did she have to be the last performance? Anxious thoughts plagued her mind and as she could hear the soloist before her beginning to wrap up their performance Viktoria blurted to you,

"I can't do it."

"What? What do you mean?" You asked confused

"I- I just can't." Viktoria stuttered nervously

She was getting into her own head too much and you needed to pull her back out. Taking a few steps over to her you gently placed your hand on her shoulders and turned her to look at you. 

"Viktoria, look at me." You stated softly but firmly "You practiced for months for this, you gave your all in your audition to earn this and now you are going to go out there and show everyone why this is your solo."

You were right. Of course, you were right. This was her solo. She worked hard for this. She fought for this. This was her time to shine. Her time for everyone to see her and know how amazing she could be. This is what she was good at, this was her passion and she was going to perform.

"Okay." Viktoria replied, "I'll do it."

The sound of clapping could be heard and soon died off as Marissa Syddel walked by shooting you a smug smile before meeting some of her friends and laughing. 

"Laugh it up Syddel," You berated "Just remember you got that solo by default because I beat a 17-year-old half to death."

You an Viktoria watched as Marissa and her friends immediately stopped laughing and quickly scurried off until they were out of your sight. You relaxed your shoulders as you turned back to your friend and gave her another reassuring smile.

"Y'know people are intimidated by you now." Viktoria mentioned

"Good. I'm not looking to make more friends." You stated 

Viktoria watched as Mr. Lennox stepped out from the opposite stage wing and walked to the center of the stage. Picking up a microphone he looked over to Viktoria before looking back toward the crowd and announcing,

"I'd like to welcome our final soloist to the stage, performing a rendition of Halo by Beyonce on the viola, Miss Viktoria Petrov."

There was the sound of clapping again as Viktoria looked over to you one more time.

"This is your moment." You reminded "Give 'em the performance of a lifetime."

"I'll try," Viktoria replied

"You will." You reassured, "I know you will."

Viktoria nodded her head at your statement and then walked out onto the stage. Glancing over to the side she could see the rest of your friend group sitting on the front row clapping and giving her thumbs ups and her parents and younger brother a few rows further back smiling and waving at her. Viktoria gave a shy smile as she made her way to center stage and turned to face the large crowd. The clapping faded as she lifted her viola up and rested it under her chin before lifting up her bow and placing it upon the strings. Taking a deep breath she held it for a moment reminding herself of all the positive things you said. She worked for this. She earned this. This was her solo.

And nothing and no one was going to take that from her.

Letting out her breath, she remembered what she had worked so hard on and began to play. And just like that, the crowd faded away and all that was left was Viktoria and her viola. With each note, she became more entranced in her performance. The music flowed from her as if the sound was already part of her, to begin with. Her soul poured out into the piece as melody filled every part of the room. A smile played on her lips as she got lost in her own performance.

This was her moment.

Just like the crowd, you watched intently from the sidelines. The music was so entrancing and you had no doubt that this was always going to be the outcome of her performance. She was an amazing musician just as much as she was an amazing person. A small smile came to your face as a few tears welled in your eyes knowing everyone here would get to see your friend in her happiest and truest form. She deserved this. The joy, the recognition, the praise. She deserved it all and you couldn't be prouder. She was her, and she was happy, and everyone could see so. And that was beautiful.

As her song ended, Viktoria slowly lowered her viola and bow and looked out into the crowd as people began to clap. She could see her parents standing up as they clapped for her, her dad lifting her 7-year-old brother up so he could see her better. And looking down at the front row she could see your group of friends as they stood up cheering and clapping up a storm. The love and support from her friends and family meant a lot but it was to be expected. However, what wasn't expected was the way people besides her friends and family began to stand. Person by person, row by row, the auditorium stood as they clapped for Viktoria.  Viktoria's face lit up with pride and her mouth lifted into a smile as she looked out across the sea of people giving her a standing ovation for her performance. This is what she worked for. She worked hard to have people recognize her and her talents and now they were. Not just her friends or her family. Everyone. And if this was her starting point it could only go up from here. After a few more moments, Viktoria gave a curtsy to the crowd before turning away and walking backstage toward you. Her head held high at the accomplishment she just did. When she was sure she was behind the curtain once more she rushed over toward you into a hug.

You held her tightly, beaming with pride at your friend. She had done such an amazing job and there was no better at playing the viola than her. As Viktoria pulled back from the hug, she looked up at you with bright eyes and a wide smile and asked enthusiastically,

"How did I do?"

You smiled at her knowing there was only one way to describe her performance,

"Extraordinary."

______________________________________________________________

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[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things

oh, I really need one of these right about now. I am Not Having A Good Time at the moment, and when I looked up the symptoms of Age-Related Loss of Plot at the weekend, I had almost all of them and have been collecting them for some time (some of them probably more than five years wtaf). I am the world's least self-aware person, but I have been meaning to do something about this for a while (like a year, it has taken me a year to even fill in the online consultation form for the GP, given that it requires executive function to remember to fill the form in during surgery hours because that's the only time it's available, and I have Precisely None of That Any More...) So, let's try and think of five good things to remind myself that not everything is anxiety and depression and lack of executive function and motivation...

I have a doctor's appointment for the aforementioned Age-Related Loss of Plot, having had an absolute crisis last weekend and then set myself a reminder for 8am on Monday morning when the GP surgery opens to fill in the blasted online form. I may have slightly over-egged some of my symptoms, but then again I may not have, my idea of what's normal is clearly a little skewed, and at least it got me not only an appointment, but an in-person appointment, in just under two weeks, no less. I can hang on till then.

I have a pair of bike jeans that fit! I've spent the last three or four gloriously sunny weeks unable to get on the bike because my effing protective jeans don't fit any more, and I've been ordering pairs, finding they don't fit, sending them back, ordering more, finding they don't fit, sending them back - but my latest order actually FITS (more or less, I'm going to have to take the ends up a little but that's OK), so on Monday I can finally take the bike to work again! I've been SO frustrated sitting in traffic in the car, and I can't wait to get back to filtering :D :D :D

@writersmonth's Writers' Pride Month Bingo event has got me writing my original characters Hal and Jack again and I'm so enjoying it. I bloody love them, especialy Jack, who is damaged and obnoxious and unintentionally hilarious on occasion, and I'm off to the pub in a bit to do a bit of writing (with any luck), either on that or the Barduil reincarnation story that @piyo-13 gave me the idea for during Barduil Month...

The weather is lovely - warm and sunny, not too hot, and it's been such a relief after all the rain we had in March and April.

We've been watching Ted Lasso, Yellowjackets and Peaky Blinders just recently and enjoying them all.

I went to see Def Leppard in Sheffield the other week with my friend from work and we had a brilliant time - they were the first band I ever saw, in June 1992, and I hadn't seen them again since - they were absolutely excellent, and even though we had to sit through Mötley Crüe being utter throwback misogynistic shite first (I have issues with them anyway, long story, but ffs, they think they can still get away with their 80s creepiness and it was very unpleasant to watch), it was deeply pleasurable to see the Leps absolutely blowing them off stage.

And I'm seeing Placebo for the first time in about ten years on Monday, postponed from December when Wee Brian Molko got the flu. Super excited about that!

That'll do. Little reminders to myself that all is not yet lost...

[rosebury-archives]

CalmWriMo 2023 Wrap Up!

It is done! It has been done for like four days! IT IS DONE!

I have taken part in @winterandwords' CalmWriMo, here's my goals and how I did!

At the start of November, I sat on 81450 Words for my project To Put On An Act. My current word count is 111793 Words!!!!! WHAAAAT!!!!!! It's safe to say that I reached my writing goal! But what else did I do?

Get to Chapter 16 OR write 30k words - safe to say that I reached both of these goals! I'm currently working on Chapter 18, and I've written 30343 words. Yippie!

Plan later chapters post breakup - eh. I collected some ideas and have a rough plan but there's still some proper outlining missing. I do have a little bit of a better picture now though!

Post progess more frequently - This worked semi well? I would've loved to post more logs to be honest but. Oh well. I did post a couple logs though, and I want to try to make this a habit, maybe to at least yell on here once a week (if I do happen to write that week of course).

Make some Moodboards - I did that! I've not posted them here yet but I did make some little moodboards for a bunch of the characters :)

Make an intro post for this account - did that as well! Yippiee!

Plan for another mysterious project - heheheheheheeheheheh >;)

Now the other, just as important part of CalmWriMo, the Calm. I was not as calm as I should've been. Let's see. What's the goals.

Get more sleep - ahahah. uuh. ahhahehheah. hm. well. let's move on.

Be less anxious/worried about What The World Thinks Of Me - hm. Well. Well? I mean I guess. I think it's fine. I still think every single person in the world is better than me but it's okayyyy I'm alive what more do I want.

KILLING THE CRINGE - happy to report that the cringe dies again every day

Read More - OOOOHHHH LOOK SOMETHING I DID!!! Listened to my audiobook in the beginning of November, however, I did not finish it. Oh well! Instead I did some reading of fellow writers on Wattpad. Some of these really are the most written stories of all time, but there are some real gems hidden in there that I can learn from. Also great for networking [wink]

Less Stress about posting - no stress at all I Am So Calm. I actually caught up to my posting schedule! I took it slow and posted every two weeks to give myself some time, and now I can go back to my regular weekly schedule! I think it's fine. i think I'm fine. I can post when I want and do what I want.

ALL IN ALL! THIS WAS GREAT!!! THIS WAS GENUINELY SO GREAT!!!! I'm really proud of myself and what I did this past month, I got a lot done, I feel motivated, I feel excited! I can't believe I've already hit over 100k words, and at this point I have no idea when this will end, but I'm just really excited to see what the future will hold for TPOAA.

Having a goal for the month really did help me to get a gentle kick in the ass and to sit down and write. I was writing an average of 2k words a day and I hope to kind of keep that even if I don't have a goal set for the month.

If it wasn't for my incredibly draining job, I probably would've been able to hit an even higher word goal, but I genuinely think this was the best I could do and I'm so genuinely proud of myself. Maybe next year I'll aim even higher? Who knows!

Great job to everyone else who took part in CalmWriMo/NaNoWriMo, no matter if you hit your goal, you did great and I'm so proud of you and I kiss you btw. Also thank you winter tumblr dot com for coming up with this idea and making my first steps into the world of November writing challenges a little easier!

remember that Alex and Youngbin love u all <3

[devitalise]

Omg I really thought this would be the month I'd beat you to the punch with a check-in but once again time has evaded me & May is, in fact, over in a mere few days 🤥 I think I need to start keeping a physical calendar again to avoid these jumpscares BUT ANYWAY!!! MAY READS!!!! END OF SUCCESSION THOUGHTS!!! WHAT ON EARTH IS IMO GONNA WATCH & READ NEXT!!! 🎤

maybe next month you'll get me.. answering this a lil early so excuse any thoughts that aren't Fully Developed i'll just be away from my laptop and you know how much i love these

may book wrap up

in cold blood by truman capote

i can't remember what i said about this last month. maybe i'm the only person in the world who didn't know this was a "true crime novel" i thought i just picked up a fictional crime genre book. my mistake! general personal thoughts on the gross peversive nature of true crime aside, i think this as investigative journalism (with a questionable bias, fictionalised events, general capote tendecy to lie and gossip) i didn't hate reading it. i could absolutely tell how taken Capote was with Perry Smith in this, he kept coming back to reiterate details about his upbringing and i had to skim parts just because they were of little interest to me. i haven't read anything where the author has managed to so completely remove themselves from their writing like this before. took me a while to read it was a kindle choice and i struggled with reading this month.

podcast: overdue (really enjoyed this podcast set up, actually.) music: red dead redemption 2 soundtrack and this playlist

the piano teacher by elfriede jelinek

unlikable loathsome woman in Austria, this time. really dislike books like this, and this was barely any different. i think Jelinek as an author is neat, i see why she won a nobel peace prize, i'd love to be able to read German to get what was lost in translation. didn't love the story at all here. menacing and gross. what i found most interesting (and hated reading in equal parts) was erica's fucked up relationship with her mother. hate your mother hate the part of her that lives within you, etc etc. i thought this would be sexier, or at least just have more sex like the blurb promised, but other than a few voyeuristic encounters it lacked it completely. sexless and stale. a lot of men dislike this book, though, so if anyone asks then i absolutely loved it.

i read two reviews about this, both with opposing views to my own but interesting to read. music: this soundtrack that almost sent me to sleep. won't be watching the movie

heatwave by victor jestin

it got hot towards the end of last week and i could finally crack open this short little book. i didn't hate it, wasn't blown away by it either. apparently i don't read blurbs - another shock here! i think because these are books that i bought so many months ago when it comes to reading them it's like oh?? well. i was distracted and tanning and drinking gin & tonics whilst reading, and i think this needed more of my attention than i could give. or maybe that's just me being generous.

no links for this one. pending.

i'm currently reading bonjour tristesse by francoise sagan. i've actually finished it but there's two stories in one so i'm on A Certain Smile now. more french books, they're the only books i have set in the summer at the moment. i started reading it on the beach, too.

i bought some new books: season of migration to the north by tayeb smith, the thief's journal by jean genet, my father's diet by adrian nathan west, and diary of a film by niven govinden. i've been reading some really hard books this year (and have bought four more) so i'm gonna switch lanes to some easier reads. the atlas six and nightbitch are probably the easiest of the ones i own at the moment.

AHHHH SUCCESSION.

kendall roy....

i have mixed thoughts about the ending i think it makes perfect sense what went down with the siblings, it doesn't mean that kendall being betrayed hurts me any less. i'm emotionally exhausted after finishing it so i've been watching cooking competitions on netflix. next is the sopranos as my Drama of Choice

also i've been listening to the once upon a time at bennington college podcast you recommended! really enjoying it so far