#i've been thinking about drawing this since the end of january!! it took me long enough

[hotfuss]

frank iero and the future violents - medicine square garden

[taylor-titmouse]

2024 Book Retrospective

i did this last year for all the books i released in 2023, and i've been looking forward to doing it again for this year because it was Such a wonky ride. i released 3 new novellas, collected 3 old ones in a new illustrated release, put out a new freebie, and dipped my toes into artbooks for the first time. that's not even including the multiple extra things i wrote this year but will release next year. it felt to me like i barely got anything out in 2024, but looking back i really did plenty.

anyway let's get into it! these will probably contain spoilers for the books because i want to talk about them openly. if you haven't read them yet... they're on sale for 40% off until the new year!

The Masson Circle Collection (1-3), released in January

so! we started out the year with this updated version of some of my earlier works. daffodils, carnations, and laurels were among my first forays into publishing novellas, and were the last of my romances before i transitioned more deliberately into erotica. the distinction is practically arbitrary since i do still write about people in love, but it's not the focus so much as the sexual titillation.

but anyway. because these were romances and not Porn (despite having explicit sex in them), and because they came out before i'd really hit my stride as an erotic author/illustrator in 2021/2022, they never got the attention i'd have liked for them! they were the last before i made the switch to properly illustrating my books; they had sketchbook sections at the back instead. i started the roger crenshaw series shortly afterward, which is when my work really took off. so it's like these stories just missed their window.

but i wanted people to read them! these stories and characters are dear to my heart and i felt like they deserved a fair shake, so i spent a month or so at the end of 2023 revising the text to be closer to my standards (though they were pretty good to start with!) and made 30 new illustrations for it. i kept myself Busy getting this ready. it would be a huge release to kick off the new year!

.... and then it didn't do very well anyway. lmao. maybe i priced it too high, maybe i didn't hype it enough, maybe it's because as much as i love all the characters, they're hard to draw and not as exciting as a monster of the day. who knows! but i'm glad i did it, if only for myself. as i've said, these stories were important to me and my growth as an author. if you like historical queer romance with a crime thriller edge, something like kj charles (because she was my biggest inspiration at the time) you should check these out! i promise they're really good despite being on the older side.

The Long Road, released in May

boy that's a big gap between january and may. so what happened there is i actually wrote the night guest first in january-february, and then the long road in march-april. but IMPORTANTLY, i learned my editor @petitemortality was going to become available for work again in april. it'd been probably a year since i'd had his hands on my work and i was Gasping for it. i've compared it to receiving the sponge treatment--just being put through the wringer and coming out So much better for it after a year of bad habits and complacency building up. so basically i put all publishing on hold until he could Fix Me.

and then i ended up rewriting both of those books practically from scratch based on his advice and godddd they really Were so much better for it. it's AGONY in the moment, but the work is worth it. anyway let's talk about the actual work huh.

the genesis of these characters is So funny, because i don't think a single one of them was created for the purpose of this story, rather they all existed as various mobs/nobodies to draw. the goblins and bandits beside vanesse were just designs i used a few times when i wanted to draw characters getting gangbanged. vanesse and angre were created Just for a patreon suggestion of "trans femme bandit queen fucking a trans masc knight". and tourmaline only exists because i wanted to draw a princess getting gangbanged and eveline didn't feel "right" for it anymore. and i ended up with this perfect mishmash of characters that slotted together into a story so naturally that i remember waking up in the middle of the night and banging out the outline in the notes app before falling back asleep and starting to write it the next day.

and it was received pretty well! it had a ton of buildup from me drawing the characters constantly for the duration of the writing and doing a ton of public worldbuilding for dwarves. god i love the worldbuilding for the dwarves. i'm desperate to get deeper into it, i just need to find the story for it. and the goblins. everybody loves the goblins and so do i. and vanesse. ahhhhh.... i'm just so fond of everybody in this book lol. just a big confluence of Toys.

oh yeah and since last year i picked favorite scenes, i think my favorite is angre's internal monologue at the start of his chapter. we get a lot of the worldbuilding there (so of course i like it) but also the Point of the book comes together. i'd struggled a lot with that whole bit in the first draft, but the final draft really just *chefs kiss* it works, for me.

The Night Guest, released in July

as i mentioned before i actually wrote this one much earlier into the year! and immediately had known it wasn't ready, and so backburnered it for months until my editor could essentially fix it. and he fixed the hell out of it. it was a directionless mess in the first draft because i hadn't figured out the characters' voices, what they actually wanted, why they behaved how they did, none of it. it was his idea to structure it more deliberately like an old folktale of a woman outwitting a best, and it snapped into place. of course it was a nearly total rewrite that added like 7000 words (and to this day i'm still not sure how) but it was completely worth it. i feel like i've said that multiple times in this post but it's always true. i cannot stress enough how much i was gasping for a good editing. it's like a cleanse.

this is another story that just sort of Happened out of nowhere. mrs. arakawa was a side character in the dragon double feature 2, and people liked her, and asked about her getting her own monster boyfriend, and so toru was born. partially to get practice drawing that bodytype, partially because i think onis are hot, and then the general shape of a story came to me and i started writing it. without a perfectly clear vision of what it would be. and that's how we got to where we were at the start of this. oops.

i have two favorite parts, the first being this illustration:

when toru is describing the oni woman he was supposed to marry. his entire narrative arc and personal struggle was constructed for the purpose of this joke. i agonized for DAYS, maybe weeks, trying to make his motivation of "i didn't want to get married" work with mrs. arakawa's own feelings about marriage and him having to leave at the end and come back and all of that. it was killing me. but it worked out in the end and i'm so happy it did because i still think the joke that he didn't want to marry a shoujo nadeshiko archetype because he thinks she's ugly is fucking hilarious.

my actual favorite scene is him and mrs. arakawa telling each other stories about themselves. i had a lot of fun trying to ape the rhythms of kabuki performance and rakugo with it.

Spring with the Unicorns, released in June

technically this ought to go before the night guest because it came out first but considering i wrote the first draft of the night guest in january *waves hands* it's all loosey goosey anyway

so this came about because i had the idea to do a book called Season's Breedings (so many of my books happen because i thought of a title and worked backwards from there) and it was literally just going to be the breeding habits of fantasy fuckworld creatures arranged by season. i wrote this one first because it seemed the easiest and then it was less than 4k words, and every other story i had in mind was going to be Much More than that and also didn't come together as easily. so on a very last minute whim i illustrated this and threw it out for free on the last day of pride.

it's me at my loftiest because i was going for a sort of third person omniscient fable type beat, because that's what unicorns deserve. i like it, and it's a good little treat to give out for free. especially because everybody loves the unicorns and loves asking me the same four lore questions and i can just say 'go read the free story' lmao.

it's too short to really have a favorite Scene but barberry is my favorite unicorn. just love everything about that guy. angry little bastard.

Poker Night with the Arizona Dogs, released September

it's not prose but it counts! this is the first artbook i've ever released, though technically not the first i ever made. the unicorn stockades series came before it but will be released sometime next year. it's a bit more spring-seasony. but anyway.

these are a lot of fun to make! i am, at my heart, a comic artist (my day job is graphic novels, buy my graphic novel it comes out in february) so telling a single story in multiple illustrations is kind of my bread and butter. and free use/gangbang stuff is like. perfect for it. everybody has to get a turn! and on top of that it lets me play in a space in a way prose doesn't. prose feels so much more official, more canon (which is how i think of the difference between my drawings and my books--books are canon, drawings are not). but with something like this it's easier to say it was just for fun. because it was! it was a lot of fun.

my favorite illustrations were the jackie-ralph licking ones (because i think i did a good job with the mouths and the folds and all) and the one with johnny with his hand over roger's face and hiding his own. jackie-ralph is probably my favorite of the dogs to draw because he's easiest but johnny is certainly my favorite of the Boys.

Objects of Affection, released in December

boy, this one huh! there is so much to say about this one. this one has like three separate catalysts that blasted together at the end of the summer and it just Happened all at once. there was a person requesting variations on "a mechanic taking advantage of an android they're repairing" for a few months on patreon that i kept meaning to do because it kept winning second place. there was another story i wrote that was too short to publish alone that i was like "okay what if i make a sci-fi anthology and one of the stories is robots..." and then i started rereading chobits for inspiration and it Pissed Me Off So Much how little it wants to engage with its own ideas.

and then the sci-fi anthology idea became only about the robots and i never published the original little short (which will come out next year as a freebie). and then my editor's computer Exploded for two months and he wasn't able to edit it ; ; the wait was Agony because this was one i really, Really did not want to release without proper feedback. something fucking Possessed me with this book and what it says about women and consent and masculinity and all the shit. like those are themes i've already touched in my other works, but in this one it was like turning the knob on a pressure cooker.

it's tough to think of what to say about it that i didn't say in the days after it was released. i've always been frustrated with robot stories that preoccupy themselves with the Theory of rights for artificial life and not the reality of rights for the people we already have. i'd watched astro boy 2003 and pluto shortly before starting (so i guess that's actually 4 things that came together) so Robot Rights!! stories were fresh in my mind and i'd found astro boy particularly frustrating with its insistence on pacifism from the oppressed robots as the government and populace kept abusing them. it is very hard to watch something that says "violence is never the answer! don't fight back, choose peace!" while your own country is aiding and abetting a genocide and obsessing over retribution for a single attack born of decades of settler violence as if they are in any way equivalent.

breathes out

so anyway that's why i chose to write about robots who undeniably do not have sapience, humanity, or rights. because we haven't come even close to solving the issue of rights for ourselves, particularly women (an admittedly easier topic to approach in an erotic work than the horrors of racially motivated war). and between chobits, which suggests a world obsessed with androids but doesn't deeply explore the social ramifications of a female-shaped servant class, and my research into real dolls, the closest thing we already have to fuckable brainless androids, there is a lot of material to draw inspiration from. how a person treats an unperson, particularly one shaped like a woman, will reflect upon how they treat a real person, a real woman.

to be less of a bummer and talk about the Stories, ratna's was the first i wrote, and went through the most revisions between drafts as i tried to figure out her whole deal. she was always going to be a stone butch dyke mechanic, so how would that sort of person feel in her line of work? would she be a stereotype of man-hating lesbian, and sympathetic to the android girls she has to send home with them? or would she be an unrepentant sleeze, just as bad as everyone she works for? i think i ended up somewhere in the middle. she doesn't like men, but doesn't think of herself as better for not being one. she thinks she's better because she isn't better, but at least acknowledges it. and figuring that out was important to figuring out the character. and also going in way harder on the beauty of the mechanism. that was mainly for You Guys, but it was crucial to her character working.

touma and shima's story came to me like a lightning bolt as i was leaving for a vacation. it was going to be, if you can believe it, Even More toxic yaoi. touma ws going to jerk shima off from behind as he fucked mari-ko, it was going to be way more explicit that he was mainly attracted to shima. but ultimately none of that served the actual purpose of the book, about treating people as objects and tools, so i dialed it back. but don't get it twisted touma is still insane and obsessed with shima and wants to touch his cock. but the story as it exists is a more realistic place for him to be at.

and samart and marinette's story was pretty much unchanged from first to final draft. the concept waffled a bit before i started writing, where my first idea had been that he makes her participate in taboo fantasies (calling him big brother, telling him no etc) and the narrative basically asking the question--is this wrong? is it better because she's not real, because he's doing it with her and not a real woman? does her 'no' matter if it's a 'no' she was ordered to say? is it worse because she can't meaningfully consent to the play either way? does any of it matter beyond the effect it has on him?

but as much as i'm interested in unpacking those concepts, i decided they would be too difficult for the audience and potentially open me up to scrutiny and abuse, because you can't even breathe the word "incest" without having your doors beaten down. the book as a whole is difficult, and i want it to be difficult, but i didn't want it to become about That. so instead i went with exploring the sort of loneliness and misanthropy of a person who lives the way he does, and i'm satisfied with it. i think it's the sharpest of the three stories.

wow i had nearly twice as much to say about that one than the rest. lol.

but that's it! that's everything i released! as i hinted throughout there were several other things i wrote this year that will see release next year. i have a free short, a $3 short, a novella awaiting editing, and at least two more artbooks to release. there'll be plenty for me to write about in next year's retrospective.

my writing goal for 2025 is to finish a novel. i did actually reach a finished draft with starbuster, the novel i've been pecking at for the past two years, but having done so and mapped out all the work it needs to be submission-ready, i've put it down semi-permanently. it simply needs too much and it's a bit too niche for traditional publishing, and it's in a genre (contemporary) i don't really want to write more of. so the best use of my time is on something else. it's a shame, but it's for the best! hopefully something will crack me upside the head with inspiration and it'll just Happen like all my best work seems to, lmao.

but if you've read all of this, or just read some of it, thank you!! thank you for supporting me for another year, or the first year if you just got here. if you haven't read everything i put out in 2024, it's on sale until jan 1st! go pick it up for cheap!!

[hsslilly-blog]

Here's Grace and Sofia, Claire and Hunt’s babies. Grace is the older one and she was born on January 12th, 2021. Sofia came three years later, on November 24th. So they're not here yet.

Both their birth-dates are prone to change, as I think Grace may have been born a year or two later, and I don't think Sofia is a November baby. This post has been in my drafts since August 7th and I haven't been able to decide that yet. I use mostly she/her for Sofia throughout this post, but later in life they start going by them/them. Anyhow, I've written a bit about them both under the cut.

Grace was born prematurely at 28 weeks, so she had to spend a few weeks in a NICU in a respirator. As a consequence, she ended up developing asthma. It’s not something life-threatening nowadays, but the entire situation was very stressful for her parents and it definitely strengthened Claire's anxieties around being a mother. Nevertheless, Grace grows up to be a happy girl. As for Sofia, she was a full term pregnancy and she was born a little under 8 pounds... big baby. This was a much more positive experience for everyone.

They were both planned pregnancies. Claire took a lot of issue with this at first — with Grace — due to her own upbringing. Overall, her first pregnancy really took a toll on her and it added to a list of problems Claire had been ignoring and bottling up. She went through a little crisis some time after Grace was born, which, well, made her feel even more inadequate as a mother. Hunt stepped in so Claire could take a moment for herself and work through her issues. It worked out in the end, but it did leave her wondering if her relationship with Grace is what it could've been.

Personality-wise, they're both very cheery and sunny kids. Sofia is the extroverted one and she's very practical. Grace is more measured and shy, but she's very friendly. Sofia takes things easily, is very quick to apologise when wrong and doesn't hold grudges. Meanwhile, Grace is very stubborn, but very dedicated too. And they get along very well! Grace enjoys being a big sister.

Out of the two, Grace is the one most interested in their parents' careers and in the arts, in general. When they were planning for their kids, Claire and Hunt both agreed they'd allow their babies to pursue whatever artistic endeavour they wanted to as long as they didn't do it professionally until older. This means Grace starts acting, and she enjoys it a lot, but her true passion turns out to be filmmaking. She loves making short films, usually with her sister or with her friends from school.

On the other hand, Sofia loves football and basically every other sport there is. They do gymnastics for a while, then she plays baseball for another while, and once she gets bored of that too they take up swimming. Most of all, Sofia loves dancing. She starts taking ballet classes after watching Barbie's The Swan Lake. She also loves drawing. As you may notice, she's very fleeting and always trying new things. Sofia starts experimenting with their gender very young and they start going by Fee and using they/them pronouns around the time they're 12.

They're named after Grace Kelly and Sophia Loren (by me, not in universe; though it could be in universe too since their parents are nerds.) That's all I have to share for now!

[anzuhan]

april end innovade update (and possibly one of if not final update)

Statistics:

this was the first month in which i've only drawn one out of all trinities (michael only) (-)

the draw rate has raised since last month's 2.04 to 2.16/day (+)

first time ive drawn a piece including all innovades i tend to usually draw (+)

first time inclusion of 'others' (with the miku innovade designs) (+)

still only drew least drawn innovade a single time (sky) (-)

total drawn - 249

per innovade:

tieria - 59

laetitia - 15

regene - 23

revive - 19

bring - 18

divine - 17

anew - 14

sky - 6

hiling - 33

ribbons - 41

trinities

michael - 9

johann - 3

nena - 3

other - 2

—

ending note / long ramble about the whole situation

its been a long while huh 😭 exactly 4 months. minus a day ! on a year with a longer february as well, nonetheless. its been fun, but i may stop drawing them now; not to say natsume has utterly obliterated my love for innovades inside of my brain (though i thought of announcing it this way with a funny headline like BREAKING NEWS ! natsume has murdered the entire species of innovades in cold blood. we are sorry for the inconvenience), but also as of late it did sort of become a bother to draw them; mostly because of the keeping track of it as well and because i did not want the draw rate etc to drop. i did get to 1/4th of my goal.. minus one ! im not saying i will NEVER be drawing them ever again, but i doubt ill be keeping track of it anymore — alongside that, i do not think i will be drawing them almost at all anymore either (now, for a while. but they may still appear here and there from time to time.. as all my past fandoms do), so if you were only here for them and not me & my works, feel free to unfollow. i will still be up to have talks about them ! but i just wont devote such a high amount of time and effort to them anymore. it is hard to say ive been slowly falling out of love with them, and mayhaps even harder to say im falling in love again with natsume 😭 and EXACTLY a year later after i last stopped drawing him too... which is crazy .

i feel like besides this, it was also becoming apparent that drawing them has become a chore to me ; i was not feeling up to drawing highly detailed pieces with them anymore that id spend time on. i was not happy with the results on many of them either. and things like the page of every single tieria outfit, despite it used to be a thing i was once hyped about doing... back in january when i just got here, it no longer was that way. yes, i pushed through with it, but it took me a very long time and i kind of disliked going back to it, which is why it even took me that long 😭 and was moreso just done to keep up the numbers of innovades drawn ; for myself, for others.

i cannot lie about the fact it did make me happy i was giving to such a small fandom and brightening other peoples days, and this is a big flaw i have that i tend to put others above myself, but this has become much too big of a bother to me to keep on doing it. i still love them ! not as much, but i still do, especially ribbons. there is nothing wrong with them, i just do not wish to continue essentially wasting so much of my time drawing things i do not enjoy drawing, unless i am to see it finished and thats all the joy i get out of it.

as for the requests with the innovades, i am unsure if i am to do them anymore except for a singular one that ive also not received thru an ask but dm, purely because i am actually hyped about it 😭 and that may be the extent of which you will be seeing anymore 00 content from me.

im sorry if ive let anyone down & thank you for following me through this journey ; i hope to see you again :)

[jade-everstone]

Art Summary 2024

Full post is available on my website (Art Summary 2024)

2024...

This year was rough for me, and for many others as well from the looks of things. I didn't have as many larger works this year, but I've managed to scrounge together what I did make for a filled-out summary.

January - it's snowing again

A piece about feelings of uncertainty and caution entering 2024. It's bleak out there, but it snowed a few times at least. It was nice to look at, I guess that's something.

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Febuary - POV: Your partner is a New Englander

A screenshot redraw challenge from Twitter. I like to imagine Alia took that photo on a Boston trip with Io because the Red line was running late.

-

March - LPS EMPRESS

2024 was the year I got more into IIDX, and back into LPS collecting. As a result, these otherwise completely different interests ended overlaping a lot more than I thought lol.

This one's a spoof on the IIDX empress CS boxart, combined with two long-term dreamie LPS I got around that time.

-

April - A quiet afternoon Birthday

Prisma & her AU Monster Hunter Prisma were major comfort characters a few years back. While both versions taken a backseat recently, I wanted to make some form of nice picture for her birthday.

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May - Io ver. Aquatic

A last-minute mermay picture featuring Io! I based their design on a black-tipped reef shark.

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June - My Pet Shop.pdf

A zine based on my revived interest for LPS, highlighting a few 'named' pets in my collection. Some of them are older ones with sentimental value, and some were (relatively) recent additions to my collection.

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July - The Uno Incident

Guys I don't think he's winning this round.

Uno brings up some funny memories from college for me. Notably one instance where I got drunk and got skipped at least 3 times during gameplay (and missing several times I could've played a card...). It became a running joke for the rest of that year.

-

August

Wasn't much from this month (or at least much that wasn't part of unfinished projects). I think this might've been the only one I posted. A warmup dump for a project I was working on at the time involving Shem.

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September - m_l_nch_ly

A piece about feelings of fear, stagnation, and hopelessness as a queer individual. Feelings that loomed over me 2023, 2024, and especially now entering 2025.

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October - Zinnia MLP Custom

With my revived interest in LPS came a revived interest in custom toys (though I'll likely keep this as a minor side-thing). This was an old MLP G4.5 base I prepped years ago, and made into a figure based off my LPS mascot.

I based it on how I draw her, though I think next time I do a project with sculpting I should think about how to make it more efficient (It took about 3 months to make between motivational dips...)

-

November - Still More to Do...

My contribution for Window to Worlds 2024! This year I gave the spotlight to Jpeg and Risa. In which Jpeg realises they haven't packed anything that isn't gaming related since they moved in, and Risa not being much help either.

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December - Webmaster Io - v2

A redraw of an older picture of Io with their updated design to celebrate my site's recent layout update.

I would argue the latter is my biggest project and proudest achievement of 2024, so I like to see this illustration as a stand-in for that as well.

[aevykcreates]

2023 Art Summary

Okay, so this year has been... interesting. While I still have no home, no job and a long etc., I've been ridiculously productive. And not only in drawing but mostly writing. There's a lot coming on and I can't wait to share it with you!

January: I got some news at the beginning of the year: I'm autistic! While I was shocked at first, then everything started making sense. Like, everything. I started taking my time with two Gingaria illustrations and I think this one shows how much my art has improved. It's still one of my favorites.

February: I got on board on a behemoth of a project: doing my own magazine special for my next book. It has comics, character sheets and a lot of information. It was exhausting but I'm so happy about the final result and I'm going to do some prints.

March: My heart has been extremely soft this year and I've surprised myself drawing a lot of couples and writing a lot of fluff. One of them was our Jlaire, of course.

April: I finally watched Wednesday and drew a t-shirt design with the whole family.

May: Another big project! I made my own version of the Goose Game, called Dragon Game and with the characters of Zem. It was so funny having to create all those small drawings and the dragon character.

June: Hyped with Nimona, which ended up being quite good. I enjoyed drawing this version of the characters, even though there weren't many references back on those days (it reminded me of my HTTYD2 era).

July: More couple fluff! I can't share this one yet, but it's Zemry. Painting all those flowers took me days.

August: Another one I can't share yet. I also did a lot of concept art for my next books and this is one of them. I can't say much about this character yet, but they were such a delight to write.

September: Finally watched Over the Garden Wall and loved it. It had been a while since I had to adapt characters to my style but it was so fun! I made a comic too.

October: Back on the Jimtober bandwagon! I wasn't sure if I was going to do it or not but found some free time and here we are.

November: I find it interesting that I've been making new comics after all these years. I did two of Gingaria, this one about Kylkos.

December: And ending again with Gingaria. I wanted to do something with Vitha in her Winter Ball dress and I think it ended up looking great (does this means next year is Kylkos' turn?, huh...).

So overall, maybe it wasn't the best year (we've been having some really bad years in a row), we still don't know where we are going to live and now I have yet another problem to take care of, but... I've kept on creating. And that's enough for me.

Thanks for being there and keep on shining!

[teememdee]

2023 ART SUMMARY!!!

2023 was uhhhhhhh a year! And I made art! And I’m going to talk for a long time about everything I did month by month! Yippee!!!

original individual posts can be found in my #tanner art tag!

JANUARY

Started off the year with my favorite skrunklies sleepy and snuggling. Then sleeping together while holding one another is so incredibly important to me, they’re so cute and I needed to draw it. Struggled with Kai’Sa’s face but I particularly like the drapery of the pillow behind them.

FEBRUARY

First off, just a simple Kai’Sa piece for the Vibes(TM) and background practice. I was also fairly miserable and when I get miserable I draw Kai’Sa being miserable as well. I love my favorite character of all time <3

Then a quick Valentine’s Day piece, soft gradient map stuff. Love my skrunklies, hopefully this year I can make something for the day that isn’t rushed

MARCH

In March I FINALLY finished my Star Guardian Kahri fic, be the light to carry me, and drew Kiko and Ina being adorable together to go along with it. They’re SO cute and people LOVE that fic. Chapter 3 ended up being a whole 20k words and every time I re-read I’m amazed that I wrote it.

A kiss for Kai’Sa’s birthday! This was actually two sketches mashed together because I had a good Kai’Sa and a good Ahri on separate attempts. Love Kai’Sa’s smile on this one.

NOW. Strong contender for my favorite piece of the year. Captioned “please don’t lose yourself,” my K/DA-verse Kassadin’s very dead wife’s ghost weighs on him, begging him to not get lost in his grief and lose sight of their daughter. Kassadin feels lost and broken without her. I love the emotions in this one, and I think the idea comes across even without knowledge of my headcanons. Love it so much.

APRIL

Full-body piece that took me all month. I just love this one so much. It’s just pure Kahri, pure love, pure joy. Pose inspired by Blake Belladonna from RWBY’s leg pop during the long-awaited Bumblby kiss. This piece just makes me so happy.

MAY

Oops! No art! Was too busy being on a (student) film set every weekend as well as dealing with classes and multiple other stressors. I did START a piece though, but wouldn’t finish it until the middle of June.

JUNE

I actually did the first sketch of the Evelynn piece in February, but I decided to revamp it in May, and then when school finally set me free I finished it, and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to. Her hair was a labor to render but I'm so so pleased with how it looks, as well as the blood. The first time I've finished a fully rendered Evelynn piece!

Naafiri is so fucking cool. Upon her reveal, I was seeing so much incredible fanart and I just needed to get in on it. The shapes and points are just so good. I used to draw dogs all the time as a kid, and my younger self would absolutely flip out at seeing this. I did this piece in one day, and I have no idea how I pulled that background off but hopefully I can do it again some day lol

JULY

Two drastically different vibes here. Realized it had been forever since I had drawn Kahri so I just wanted to make a cute summertime piece. Their hands should be bigger and it bugs me but this is still really cute, I missed my girls dearly.

And then my very very sad man Kassadin being very very sad about his very very dead wife. This is what I call his phase 2 design, when he's at the peak of his grief (spiraling, as emphasized by the background) and feels just so sad and alone. In my head this and the March piece are part of a series that I hope to continue.

AUGUST

Just one piece that took me all month because I was quite busy in August, and Runeterra Kahri pieces take forever, but as I always say, it's always worth it. This pose comes from mellon_soup on instagram, who makes a lot of really great pose references for artists to use, highly recommend checking them out. This piece is just so soft to me. Captioned "'you're beautiful, you know that?'" they're saying it to each other, two people that struggle with their self image finding love and confidence in the other. Also I'm so very happy with the background. I love these two so so so so much, they're my world.

SEPTEMBER

One of my goals for this year was to branch out in the fanart I made. Baldur's Gate 3 came along and I love watching my best friend play it, we love Shadowheart and I just wanted to draw her. This came after a lot of sketches of both her and our favorite Tav that ended up changing how I draw eyes. The rendering of her face here is also something I'm proud of, her nose looks great. And again, the background! This piece didn't get a lot of attention at all but that's okay, I made it for me and I'm very happy with it.

OCTOBER

STAR WARS TOXIC YURI WENT CRAZY THIS YEAR!!! Wolfwren (Sabine Wren x Shin Hati, from the Ahsoka TV series) had me by the THROAT for a solid two months or so, I haven't been that feral and deranged over a ship in a hot minute. They had me frothing at the mouth every episode even though I did not like the show overall. Anyways. First piece is a redraw of the part in episode 4 where they just have the most charged eye contact of all time, and I decided to take that in stride with inspiration from Horimiya, a favorite anime of mine, during particularly emotionally charged moments, the background changes and there's a particular color silhouette behind them. It really fits that moment of the show and I am SO proud of these faces, especially Sabine's. Drawing from a real human face reference was kinda new to me but it's taught me a lot. The file size also ended up enormous somehow idk lol

Then, my most popular piece of the year, on both tumblr and twitter. I LOVE hand imagery, I love subtle hand touches, I churned this out in I think exactly one day, it's so soft it's so cute and I totally understand the overwhelming positivity it received.

NOVEMBER

I was not doing well at this time in the year. The state of the world just had me in a horrible mental state, I wasn't taking care of myself well at all, I couldn't get myself to make art, especially something happy or cute, it just felt wrong. But then sometimes you feel something so strong and specific there's no other way to process it than to make art. To make a long story short, earlier in the year I thought a girl liked me, I liked her back, but it turned out she did indeed have a boyfriend the whole time. We didn't see or talk to each other for a few months but in November we (and the bf, lol) met up again. When she saw me at the door she smiled at me so sweetly and it was just the worst feeling ever and I just had to hide it behind a smile and a wave. Oversharing aside, this is a style I'd wanted to execute for a while and I'm really pleased with how it turned out, would love to make more like this.

DECEMBER

All of this was done / finished in the first two weeks of the month because then I got sick + was visiting family + jet lag took me out. Kinda sad I didn't get something done for Ahri's birthday or a traditional Kahri Winter piece but that's what January is for. Anyway.

Sometimes you just want to draw girls kissing and sometimes you wanna make it a little suggestive. Not much to say. Proud of the drapery on Kai'Sa's sleeve and you can always tell I love drawing hands.

Now it's time for classwork. Here I just have two pages but I've posted the whole comic on its own, this was for my "Art and Text" class, I have it printed in a booklet and my classmates + friends have responded to it so sweetly I'm really proud, I really really want to make more comics. This project was a culmination of so many inspirations from other artists and I'm really happy with the execution even if it was really rough for me to manage my time well for that class.

Then for my "Fiction and Allegory" class, two of my friends and I made a storyboard film (which I don't want to share publicly, but if I know you you can ask for a link) and during the all-nighter two of us pulled to get it done on time, I decided one scene needed music instead of diegetic sound, so I churned this out on garageband in about an hour. Would definitely love to try my hand at making more music in the future. Wish my classmates / teacher liked / understood the film more but oh well. I learned a lot and for the thousandth time, I'm proud of what I did.

IN CONCLUSION:

I ended up with less full pieces than 2022 but what I did create in 2023 are big, detailed, emotional pieces, and I'm more than satisfied. I think my skills in rendering, backgrounds, and colors really improved and I'm looking forward to how I continue to improve in 2024. This upcoming year has a lot of scary stuff ahead (namely graduating college) but I will come out the other side regardless, hopefully with just as much art I'm proud of.

If you read all of this, thank you!! If you've liked, shared, or commented on any of my art, thank you!!!!!! It means the world, always.

[lotusprotocol]

dreamcatcher devlog: past 3 months (oops)

(screenshot from current wip level, out of orbit)

full devlog below the cut!

long time no see! really sorry for missing the past two months; i never ended up getting started and by then it was too late to post. i'll try my best not to let this happen again, though i can't make any promises.

anyways, there's been a lot in the past couple months! without further ado, here's everything(?) that's happened since the last devlog:

i started off in december by getting some of the core mechanics working, such as the camera, level transitions, etc. the visuals aren't completely done yet, but my main priority is getting the mechanics to actually work, and i'll make them look good later.

i did a lot of work on optimizing the performance and build size of my game, which i made a few posts about (big one about build size here)

i made another track for one of the levels, and i think i've been improving at music! here's the audio:

(i also tried making album art later in december but it didn't turn out good so i'll redo it at some point)

one of the most important things i did in december was get playtesters! i made applications open from the 15th to the 22nd, and chose 6 people who submitted. it was hard for me to leave people out though, but applications may be open again sometime in the future.

i set up a daily goals list to put 5 things on every day, and hopefully stay focused. admittedly, it's been a while since i used this list, and i lowkey forgot about it until i looked through my post history before making this devlog, but i think i'll get back into it this month.

i also set up a twitch channel! i'll be streaming over at https://www.twitch.tv/lotus_protocol if you want to check it out!

i was on break for the last week of december, so i was able to get a lot more done in that time. i also got a stylus, which is a really nice upgrade from drawing with my finger before, and did a lot of practice with it.

january didn't start off great, and i barely got anything done over the first couple weeks. i was eventually able to get back in the groove, but i had a sucky feeling during that time since this game's a big part of my life and my mood depends quite a bit on it (in a healthy way though, it's not out of control)

when i came back to working on the game, i polished some stuff up before pushing the first playtester build! i got some valuable advice, and it went pretty good.

i wrote down the outline for the entire story! there's still some wiggle room if i want to go back and change anything, but it's nice to have it down instead of only in my head, and i've wrote the dialogue for a few scenes already.

i've been improving my art a considerable amount over january and february! i've gotten a lot more confident in my art as well, which motivates me more to make it!

(pencil sketch from mid february; there's quite a few mistakes here and there but i still really like it)

i continued working on one of the levels, which was what i did for the rest of the month. not much i can say here, but it's been shaping up pretty good so far!

to be honest, february wasn't a good month for development. i had a lack of motivation and a lot of work to do for other things in my life, and there was barely anything new from last month.

the main thing i did in february was work on the tas tools for the game more, which are coming along nicely. i've been having an issue with consistency and don't know exactly what's causing it, but i'll figure it out eventually.

(unrelated to dreamcatcher but) during february, i took some time to make a side project i had been wanting to do for a long time: an upgraded level editor for red ball, a flash game that i enjoy. there's still plenty of work to do on it, but so far it's pretty nice, and it's not my main focus right now.

(screenshot of the tool, you can find it here it you're interested)

i've also been delaying the next playtester build for a long time, and it was originally supposed to come out at the start of last month; if there's any playtesters reading this, sorry again! i'll hopefully have it done this month.

i finished off february by making some more music! here's a wip from a few days ago:

and that's it for the past 3 months! with all that being said, here's what i plan on doing next month:

get the current wip level done, and hopefully do another full one

finish all story scenes for the demo

push at least two new playtester builds

do some story art if i have time

enjoy the process :]

that's all for this devlog, and if you made it this far, thanks for reading! right now, i'm trying to get the demo out by august this year, so expect to see something done by then. also feel free to join the discord server, where you can get more regular updates, ask me questions, or chat with the community! anyways, signing off now, have a great day!

[kikml2]

Let's talk about this, these 4 years later. I think it's a true representation that healing isn't linear. This drawing, it was PROGRESS. I was doing something for myself. To make things a little better in the storm. But two days later, I still tried to kill myself. I still was in the hospital having drug induced hallucinations after a purposeful overdose. I wasn't a drug addict. I just decided to use all the meds I had to end it. I was hospitalized for 3 days, and most of it I was a confused sobbing mess, and the other parts, I was either hallucinating (cool stuff at least. Small mercies) or pretending I was okay. I was Baker Acted and spent 5 days after that in a crisis mental health hospital. And then after, through January, I was in full time 5 days a week group therapy from 8am to 3pm. I was put in inpatient for another week somewhere in there because I was having suicidal thoughts again.

When I got out, my cat was so sick that it was cruel to keep him alive.

He was my best friend. My Pigeon. My closest companion. I spent a week without him, then came home only to have to put him down. I was almost put back in inpatient because I was absolutely destroyed. They decided to let me stay at home because it was clear I needed my family. I still cry, 4 years later, when I see pictures of him. But I can tell stories about him and laugh at his antics. He's buried in our back yard with his favorite blanket. After he passed, I couldn't sleep without him there. I was exhausted and even more depressed and blaming myself for his passing. If only I'd been able to afford his surgery. My family agreed that I needed a new cat just days later. I met a little calico. She'll never replace him, but she's my best friend just the same. When I put my hand out to her in her little kennel in the county animal services building, she dropped her head in my hands the same way Pigeon did. I named her Dove. They're in the same family as pigeons, and she was a blessing from either the universe or whatever God or Gods that may or may not exist, so her name was Dove. A symbol of good.

In the last 4 years, things have gotten better in a lot of ways, and gotten worse in some too. I've come a long way in healing. I've barely drawn since September 3rd, 2020. But I'm coming back to it. I guess I just wanted to thank everyone on here for everything you've done, big and small, to help me. Just all of you existing and reblogging posts on here, reminded me that the world keeps turning. That my pain and disability isn't the end of the world. That I'm not useless or worthless for not being healthy. That sometimes being a burden isn't a sign of being bad. It can just be a fact of life, and I wouldn't be burdening the people who love me if they hadn't chosen to take on that burden. The only reason I am here, with my cats, with my family, with my friends, is because they willingly and lovingly took me on as a burden.

What can I do from here except love them and be thankful? To try to enjoy the good things? Revisit my old hobbies and find the old joy in them? To tell them all that I love them every chance I get? To me, there's no better goal than to love and be loved and do my best to help how I can, and find joy in the little things. I've stumbled and fallen flat on my face (metaphorically and literally), I've taken one step forward and 10 steps back more than I can count. But I'm still here. I'm still living and doing my best to love every beautiful and every ugly thing in the world. And everything in between. So world, I love you. Thanks for keeping me.

As many of you know, I'm very open about my very much debilitating depression. I have a hard time doing even little things, like getting up to go to the bathroom, or speaking to my family whom I live with, or taking a shower, etc.

In the same vein, I haven't drawn anything since sometime in 2019. Even when I had an idea, I just couldnt get out of bed to take the 5 steps to my sketchbook. It was a hurdle I spent a long time just not being able to jump. But tonight I actually managed it! So, please excuse the sketchiness, but here is my first drawing of 2020. I hope you like her : )

[wrestlingisfake]

Revolution preview

MJF vs. Bryan Danielson - This is MJF's second defense of the AEW men's world title. It's a sixty-minute iron man match, so whoever scores the most falls in the allotted time will be the champion. I don't think they've made it clear what happens if there's a tie--the match could just end in a draw, or there could be 5-10 minutes of overtime, or it could just go to sudden death overtime.

Danielson is notionally a member of the Blackpool Combat Club, but the group has been in disarray since founder William Regal betrayed Jon Moxley to help MJF win the world title in November. The BCC was furious with Regal, but Danielson insisted they show mercy to his mentor. Then MJF brutally attacked Regal to prove MJF is THE DEVIL~! and write Regal out of AEW altogether, so Danielson is out for payback. MJF demanded Danielson win five grueling matches to earn this title shot, since he is THE DEVIL~! He's also been targeting Danielson's right arm, to really drive home that he is THE DEVIL~!

The build for this has seen some wack-ass MJF promos. He claimed to be even more evil than we already thought, what with being THE DEVIL~! He explained how he framed his girlfriend for a DUI on account of being THE DEVIL~! Then he told a rambling story about his fiance dumped him, so he has nothing to love in the world just like THE DEVIL~! Also he keeps bringing up Danielson's real-life history with concussions, and bringing up Bryan's kids, because MJF is the Miz...wait, got my notes mixed up, I meant to say "MJF is THE DEVIL~!"

Listen, I don't want to second-guess a generational talent like MJF or anything. But I've always bought into him being the ultimate king dick heel, so it's getting old watching him desperately try to convince me he's somehow worse than that. The problem with this type of heel, whether it's MJF or Conor McGregor or Roddy Piper or any shock jock, is that the promos are more about great delivery than genuine wit, and once you see through that it's just "I am the best heel ever," over and over.

All that aside, I feel confident that MJF is going to retain here. The psychology of the match is that MJF doesn't have the work ethic to endure an hour-long match where he can't take shortcuts, whereas Danielson is more than ready to work an hour around a bad shoulder. So the question is how MJF can win, which means the best finish is revealing the answer. I'd like to see Max win on technique to rub it in to his critics that he's great on the microphone and the mat. But I expect he'll primarily rely on creative cheap shots to go home with the belt.

Jon Moxley vs. Adam Page - This is billed as a Texas death match. In AEW, that means anything goes, and the only way to lose by submission or failure to answer the referee's ten-count. Essentially it's a last man standing match.

Moxley and Page first met on October 18, but the match had to be abruptly stopped when Page suffered a legit concussion. It took until January 11 to set up the inevitable rematch, which Page won. Moxley came away from that selling his own case of head trauma, in a bit of tit-for-tat. Moxley won the rubber match on February 1, but Page was upset that he won with a simple cradle instead of a flashy finishing maneuver, I guess. So now these two are gonna fight until one guy can't get up...which is exactly what happened the first time, but this time it'll mean more because it's in the script!

It stands to reason the winner of this match is going to be built up as the next big challenger for MJF, possibly at the Double or Nothing PPV in May. My preference would be for Page to get that spot, while Mox steps back from the title hunt to settle unfinished business with Bryan Danielson. But nothing in this feud has gone the way I expected, so I'd say this one is too close to call. Mox was bleeding like a stuck pig in the go-home promo, so I gotta think he'll go even harder in this one.

Jamie Hayter vs. Saraya vs. Ruby Soho - Hayter is defending the AEW women's world title in a three-way match, so whichever woman scores the first fall will be the winner and champion.

A few months ago, Saraya and Toni Storm were babyfaces feuding with Britt Baker and Jamie Hayter. Since then they've done a double-turn, with Saraya and Storm becoming sore losers who spray paint L's on people. Ruby's been a babyface for years, so she has problems with all four women. But since there's an "ex-WWE women vs. AEW originals" vibe here, everyone's wondering if Ruby's going to side with Saraya, even though that's dumb and makes no sense.

So anyway, this a classic case of "let's do a match to prove who's side you're really on!" which never settles anything because why would it? This whole storyline feels like one of those "divas vs. not divas" things in WWE, and I wish it would end. I think Hayter will retain the title and it will keep on going.

Austin Gunn & Colten Gunn vs. Max Caster & Anthony Bowens vs. Jay Lethal & Jeff Jarrett vs. Orange Cassidy & Danhausen - The Gunns are defending the AEW tag team title. It's a four-way, so the first man to score a fall on any opponent will win the match and the championship for his team. The Acclaimed (Caster and Bowen) were the previous champions and exercised their rematch clause to get in this. Lethal and Jarrett won a battle royale on February 22 to qualify. Cassidy and Danhausen qualified on March 1 by winning...another battle royale.

I would have booked a straight Gunns vs. Acclaimed rematch, so I'm not thrilled with sticking extra guys in this. (Plus, Lethal/Jarrett will have their goons around, so Cassidy/Danhausen will have their buddies for backup, which means the Gunns will probably bring in the Firm for help. So that's even more extra extra guys you don't need.) All I can figure is that this is filler so the Gunns can retain without pinning the Acclaim, to keep that feud simmering for another couple of months.

Samoa Joe vs. Wardlow - Joe is defending the AEW TNT championship; his ROH television title is not at stake here. Whoever walks out with the belt here will defend it on March 8 against Powerhouse Hobbs.

Joe turned on Wardlow back in November, and then cut off Wardlow's ponytail on December 28. After that Joe turned his attention to Darby Allin, but as soon as that was out of the way Wardlow returned for revenge. The backstory is that Wardlow only grew his hair out in the first place as a tribute to his late father, and Joe knew that story from when they were a tag team last summer. So Joe knew he was poking the bear, which makes this ass-beating even more personal.

I would expect Wardlow to regain the TNT title sooner or later, but I'm not sure if that would end the feud. Joe's made such a big deal out of holding two television titles and being "the king of television" that I think this can't end until Wardlow captures both of belts in a unification match or something. And since I'm not sure this match will end the feud, I'm not confident Wardlow will win.

Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Starks - The Jericho Appreciation Society is barred from ringside. This all started when Jericho attempted to recruit Starks for the JAS, which didn't work out, so they had a match on January 4 where Starks scored a big upset. The JAS has been hounding Starks ever since, so he wants this rematch to make it 2-0 and close the book on the feud.

Jericho hasn't won a singles match since November, so you could argue that he needs to get his win back to maintain his aura as a big star. On the other hand, his role these days is to elevate younger talent, as he did with the first Starks match, and avenging that loss would be counterproductive.

The big loose end in this story is Action Andretti, the other up-and-comer who beat Jericho a few months ago. I can't help but think that he'll cost Starks the match and then join the JAS, which would kind of tie a bow on the whole thing. If this were WWE I'd bet the farm on that finish. As it is, I just hope AEW doesn't make this a "figure out how the heel gets around the anti-cheating stipulation" match.

Kenny Omega & Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson vs. Malakai Black & Brody King & Buddy Matthews - Omega's team, the Elite, is defending the AEW trios title. Knowing these teams, the match should be fucking amazeballs, but in terms of story there's not much to it. The House of Black are challenging because...there really isn't any other trio around right now. The heels want the title because...well, I'm not even sure they do, really. They just say a lot of stuff and never accomplish anything; they're like Bray Wyatt if he was more bored. The best thing in this feud was Julia Hart saying "see you at Revolution," because I think she's cool and you know what, I will see you at Revolution. I guess I'm rooting for the House of Black.

Jack Perry vs. Christian Cage - This is billed as "the final burial," so I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a buried alive match or a boneyard match or a boneryard match or whatever. Maybe they just beat each other up in the arena with no rules, or maybe they throw each other into an empty grave. Your guess is as good as mine.

Cage mentored "Jungle Boy" Jack Perry and Luchasaurus to a run as AEW tag team champions, then turned on Perry as soon as they lost the belts. They had an overly long feud in the summer of 2022 (with Luchasaurus kind of playing both sides), where it seemed inevitable Perry would win the blowoff match. Instead, Cage suffered a triceps injury, so he rolled up Perry in about 30 seconds. That was six months ago, and I guess Cage's arm is healed, so we're doing this again. Yippee.

I'd say Jack has to win, but I made that mistake before, so I kind of don't give a shit now. Just end this feud and let Perry be free.

Mark Briscoe & Penta El Zero Miedo & Rey Fenix vs. Ari Daivari & Tony Nese & Josh Woods - This is set for the pre-show. I completely lost track of which of these guys were fighting and why this match is happening. Daivari and the Varsity Athletes are glorified jobbers right now, so this is probably just to get Briscoe's team on the show with a win.

[ct-hardcase]

ID: A 3 by 4 tiled square, with each tile containing an artwork I've created in the year 2021. Each artwork is labelled with the month it was made in.

I've decided even if tumblr is shadowbanning all new posts from their tags that I'm just going to post it and re-reblog a few times anyway.

My commentary, for anyone interested:

January: I straight-up spent most of a month working on this drawing alone. I'm still pretty proud of the general vibes and how it came out in the end, but I learned that I should really, really work on composition. A lot of working with this one was figuring out how the figures would balance with each other, the fire, and the trees. It still turned out well, but I could've spent a lot less time working on it if it weren't for that. February: I also drew some rwby that month (it seems so long since we've gotten any new RWBY episodes which isn't a knock on the crew, but a knock on the passage of time), but I decided to drop my picture of Voe here. I feel like I need to use Luke's Jedi Temple Grounds as a background at least once a year, and also, Voe! Fun fact: the twitter crop cut off right at where the water begins in the slightly uncensored version, hence the hastily-added bandeau to make it clear that it wasn't a blatantly nsfw art. March: I was feeling stagnant about my art (when am I not, recently?) so I did a screenshot redraw again, and though it was loose and sketchy, I really enjoyed the vibes of this one—I think it was the catalyst that pushed me into finally buying a new paint program that was a bit beefier than medibang paint. The reception on this one was also fantastic compared to the usual Eighth Brother art, so I think people just like screenshot redraws haha. April: Pyreny!!!! I've been shipping this pretty much since Pyre and Tierny glanced in each other's directions on Star Wars: Resistance, so I decided to finally put a piece of finished art to it. I really love how this one came out, and it might even be my favorite of the year. Once again, composition is key, and I was worried I had too much negative space in the bg, but the window took care of that. Also, this is one of the first times I've done a full interior background and I really love how it turned out. Also, Sumalee Montano thought it was cool, which is a pretty big plus and ego boost.  May: Is it really a year if I don't do something for a long-dead fandom? Anyway, it was nice to take a crack at John and Christopher again and some good old fashioned repressed gay romance. June: This was a fun art month for me—work was less busy and I had inspiration in spades since I'd just gotten a new paint program. There are a few solid contenders from this month, but the vibes of this one could not be beat. Also, it's nice to draw something for inquisitors who get less attention. Also, I'd forgotten how proportions worked for this and the next month? References were my lifeline. July: This one's simple (save the anatomy and perspective practice) but I like it and it looks like other people liked it too.  August: I threw this together for Remembering Resistance week in about a day since I had no inspiration up until that point. The proportions are sort of wack, but it turned out cute and okay all things considered. I have to throw this one in as an honorable mention, but I really did not want three inquisitor ones in a row, so.  September: Sometimes you just want to draw your ship kissing but not spend an entire month on it. Also, I remember about once a year that I enjoy two-toned art so this was fun. Once again, the effort piece of the month was an inquisitor but five in a row would've been ridiculous, so pyreny it is.  October: This is where the year got busy, and time (and inspiration) to draw was a precious thing. I really enjoy this one though, so I'm glad that I got to draw one good thing that month. This was the year of referencing poses, and I think that this one produced a quality product. Also, fun fact. I've drawn Eighth many times, but his armor is still a pain in the ass every time you try to draw it from a new position. November: This month was rough, buddy, but at least I drew Luke's Jedi. December: Also a rough month. Low on art inspiration, and though I've done a few sketches, no finished product. This one that I've posted is the closest I've gotten, and it's a bit of a self-indulgent sketch, so no post here.  Ultimately,

the end goal for 2022 is to dedicate more time for/have more time to do art. Have more inspiration. If my motivation isn't to draw fanart, to draw original stuff. To branch out. To work on my linework. To draw more ocs. To draw more star wars. To draw more stuff that's not star wars. I just want to draw.

[mimisempai]

Wait for me on the other side 8/8

Summary:

The long awaited end! Will they finally overcome all the obstacles?

Here we go! Enjoy the journey!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82452802

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

The months and seasons have passed for Mobius and Loki.

Mobius moved out of the house on the cliff and into an apartment above the store. After Ravonna's death, Casey saw no reason to stay in TK and joined Mobius at Miss Minutes.

With his client base expanding, Mobius needed someone to help him and thought of Casey, who had been more than enthusiastic at the idea.

They had formed a curious friendship with Sylvie and life was flowing smoothly.

Casey could see that at times Mobius' eyes seemed lost. His face wore a melancholic expression. But Mobius said nothing, smiled and Casey pretended he hadn't seen anything.

On New Year's Eve 2022, Mobius, Casey and Sylvie were celebrating together and as the fireworks started, Mobius couldn't help but think of other fireworks with nostalgia and wondered what Loki was doing, where and with whom.

January 2021 - Miss Minutes

It was already late and Mobius was hunched over his drawing table, looking focused as Casey poked his head through the door.

"Mobius, I'm going in. I've got it all locked up, you'll just have to close the main door and the blind."

Mobius focused, simply replied, "Hm..."

Casey, seeing that he hadn't been listening, approached and looked over Mobius' shoulder at what he was working on.

"A new project?"

Mobius looked up, a little embarrassed, "Oh. No. It's just... a personal thing."

Casey shifted to get a better look at Mobius' work.

Mobius tried to hide it.

"Mobius, let me see."

"No, it's nothing."

"Come on."

Mobius gave in and Casey's eyes widened at the drawing.

It was the house on the cliff but re-imagined. There was a terrace that ran along the back, and stairs that went down to the water - the stairs that Mobius had described to Loki. There were trees planted along the way, and lights shining in the trees. The house was just as extraordinary as before, but much less austere, much warmer, almost romantic.

Casey said softly, "I like it."

Mobius asked casually, "Do you like it?"

Casey nodded enthusiastically, "Before, it looked like a place you would go to be alone. In this one, I can imagine taking someone there."

Mobius nodded. Casey looked at him with his piercing eyes, and asked softly, "Who is he?"

Mobius answered without hesitation, "Loki. His name was Loki."

"When you lived there?"

Mobius nodded and Casey continued, "I knew it, that there was something or rather someone. What happened?"

Mobius replied simply, "I lost him."

"How?"

Mobius replied with a hesitant voice, "It's hard to explain. It's mostly... it was... bad timing."

"You miss him?"

Mobius couldn't deny it and Casey insisted, "Make him come back."

Mobius ran a hand over his face, "It's too late. Or too soon..."

"What?"

Mobius shook his head, "Nothing. I don't even know where he is. And even if I did, I couldn't walk up to him and say, ``Hey, I'm here, let's pick up where we left off."

Casey defiantly asked him, "What would you have to lose?"

Mobius didn't answer.

**********

Loki was still living in the same place and the tree had continued to grow in front of the building.

He spent a lot of time with Thor, who had apparently decided to take him under his wing.

He was alone, but he had a friend, friends even, that he could count on, and if sometimes one or the other tried to encourage him to date someone, they never insisted.

He devoted his life to his classes, the students liked him a lot, and Kamala who kept coming to see him after class had brought other members of the gang with her, and the discussions around Norse mythology had turned into a reading club.

Early February 2023 - Loki's apartment

Loki had decided to clean up, because in two years, he was starting to pile up things, and it was time to sort out.

He was organizing his clothes when he came across the outfit he had never put back on since the missed date. His throat tightened as he was about to put it in the pile of clothes to be thrown away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it and put it in the back of the closet.

Later, as he was vacuuming, he noticed a creaky floorboard. He bent down to examine it and found that it could be lifted quite easily.

Loki pulled the floorboard and to his surprise, there was an empty space underneath. He bent further to examine it. He saw that there was something there, put his hand to grab it and pulled out a package wrapped in dusty plastic. He opened it. His heart leapt out of his chest, it was his copy of PERSUASION.

One page was marked with a rose, now dried and withered by time. He opened it to the marked page and saw that a sentence had been underlined.

There could have been no two hearts so open,

no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison.

He stared at the words, breathless.

February 14, 2023 - September Academy

Thor and Loki, along with the other teachers, were sitting in the school's conference room waiting for the presentation to begin.

Thor leaned over to Loki, "Hey, since Jane won't be able to spend this Valentine's Day with me, how about a hallmark movie night with some popcorn and good beer?"

Loki smiled softly, "Sounds good to me, but in the meantime we've gotta get through this presentation."

Just after his words, a short dark-haired man entered the room and took his place on the stage, greeted by Natasha who spoke up, "Hello everyone, thank you for coming. We are pleased to welcome Casey Fish, from Miss Minutes."

Loki startled slightly, the name ringing a bell.

"Casey is here today to introduce us to a new line of electronic organizers for students and teachers, allowing for better communication between the various parties. Thank you for giving him your attention."

Casey cleared his throat and began to speak, "Hello everyone! Thank you for your welcome Ms. Romanov, Miss Minutes is basically a small watch store, but over the years we wanted to expand its business to include time management in all its forms, and its founder had the idea a little over two years ago to create this."

He pointed to the screen that just displayed a small rectangular device, much like a flip phone.

"Let me introduce you to The Tempad. The Tempad, thanks to its small holographic avatar, allows you to be connected at any time with your colleagues, with your students."

He clicked on the remote control to bring up the next image.

"This is Miss Minutes for you."

Loki gasped, of course he knew Miss Minutes, it was exactly like the little picture Mobius had drawn when he had written to him about his store.

Thor, sensing his friend's confusion, leaned toward him and whispered, "Loki? Are you okay?"

Loki nodded.

He listened to the rest of the presentation in a daze, and as Casey was packing up his things on the stage, Loki rushed in without further ado, almost shoving some of his colleagues in his way.

February 14, 2021 - In front of Miss Minutes

Casey and Mobius came out in their winter coats, but they realized it was surprisingly warm.

Mobius growled, "Honestly, what the hell?"

Casey shrugged as he replied, "Global warming."

Mobius asked Casey, "Do you want to come to my house for dinner tonight?"

Casey replied with a small air of pride, "I can't. I have a date tonight, it's Valentine's Day."

Mobius continued forward for a few steps, then stopped.

"What?"

"What, is it so weird that I have a date on Valentine's Day night?"

Mobius looked around. The day was really hot. People everywhere were enjoying the sun. He turned to Casey, a strange look on his face.

"What's the date?"

"Valentine's Day I told you, so it's February 14."

Mobius repeated, "February 14, 2021."

Casey looked at him, curious, "Yeah. What's up with you?"

Mobius with pensive eyes replied, "He told me about today."

"Who? You mean the guy?"

"Yes!" replied Mobius excitedly, "There's a letter that says where he's going to be!"

Casey understood less and less, "He wrote you?"

Mobius nodded quickly, "Yes. I could see him today. You said it the other day...what have I got to lose?"

Casey replied matter-of-factly, "What are you waiting for?"

"I just need to find the letter!"

Mobius ran to his apartment above the store, rummaged through his old boxes, until he remembered that Loki's letters were still in the house on the cliff, in the attic. He looked for the spare keys to the housel, ran to his old pickup and drove off at full speed.

February 14, 2023 - September High-school

" Mister, uh... Casey, can I ask you something. Miss Minutes' founder, who is it?"

Casey, with a surprised look, answered him, clearing his throat, "He's a friend, Mo... Mobius M. Mobius."

Loki repeated, his heart pounding, "Mobius..."

Casey replied, "Yes. Do you... do you know him?"

Loki nodded, "Yes. He... where is he? Could you tell me how I could contact him?"

Casey suddenly looked very sad, "I'm sorry. You don't know?"

"What?"

Casey replied with a tight throat, "He died. Two years ago." He swallowed before resuming, "Two years ago today, in fact, there was an accident..."

Loki, shocked, gasped, then whispered, "Where?"

A few seconds later, Loki ran out of the school and headed for his car under the rain that had started to fall. Thor was behind him, bewildered, and called him, "Loki! Wait! What's going on?"

As he continued to run, Loki told him, 'It's an emergency! I don't have time!"

Thor asked, "Is that him?"

Loki, while running, replied, "Yes!" and heard Thor shout back at him as he climbed into his car, "Go Loki! Get him!"

Loki drove out of the city toward the house, rain pouring down on his windshield. He weaved between lanes, passing cars, driving recklessly, as fast as he could.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2021

Mobius stopped in front of the lake house. It was closed, empty. He ran across the path and unlocked the front door.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki arrived at the house and stopped skidding in the rain in front of the mailbox. He pulled out a notepad and began to write, desperately.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2021

Mobius ran to the attic. Inside was the only box he had stored there when he moved out. He opened the box and searched frantically. He found the bundle of letters from Loki. After a few moments, he found the one he was looking for and read it.

Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.

I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.

He said aloud, "The Valhalheim Square Fountain."

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki finished writing the note and jumped out of the car. He put it in the mailbox and raised the flag.

He stayed there, and fell to his knees in front of the box, soaked by the rain.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2021

Mobius jumped into his pick-up , and quickly drove away from the house. He passed the mailbox.

Valhalheim Square - February 14, 2021

Loki closed his eyes for a moment, letting the sunlight warm him. Just aware of the surrounding sounds, the water in the fountain, the splashing and laughter of children playing in it, an old man grumbling about global warming, pigeons landing nearby.

Mobius could see the fountain from inside his pickup. He looked for a parking spot, finally found one and jumped out. He started running towards the square.

In his hand he clutched a piece of paper, the words of which echoed in his head.

Dear Mobius.

I know it now... it was you at the fountain that day.

It was you on the square. Please, don't go there.

Something terrible will happen if you go there.

Mobius continued to run toward the fountain.

He stopped at the curb, separated from the fountain by a dense road full of traffic. He looked away, searching for Loki beyond the noisy traffic, among the crowd in the park.

Please don't look for me.

He finally saw him, a distant figure, eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun. He smiled.

Don't try to find me.

They are now only separated by distance.

Don't run to me.

The traffic became less dense and Mobius had a clear view of Loki, straight ahead.

Do you understand? Please. You must wait.

Mobius stepped off the curb, wanting to get closer to Loki.

Forget everything I said before.

We both have to wait.

If you love me and if I love you.

I love you, it's taken me this long to say it but I really love you, so wait for me.

Mobius saw Loki open his eyes, as if drawn in his direction. He looks alarmed.

Wait with me. Wait until time catches up with both of us and we can be together. Please. Just... wait.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki soaked, was in tears at the foot of the mailbox and only whispered, "Wait, wait..." and continued to cry.

The rain continues to fall.

Loki, finally, having lost all hope, tried to pull himself together and began, very slowly, to get to his feet.

He looked at the box and gasped, the flag was down.

With trembling hands, he did not dare to open the door and when he did, he saw that his letter was gone.

Valhalheim Square - February 14, 2021

Mobius was standing on the road, straining to see Loki and at the last second, he backed up to the sidewalk, safe. He continued to watch Loki, he desperately wanted to run to him, but he didn't, he folded the letter, put it in his pocket and reluctantly turned and walked away.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki looked at the empty mailbox, his face soaked with tears and rain.

A hand came up from behind him and gently closed the box. He slowly turned around.

Mobius stood silently and looked at him, holding the worn letter Loki had just posted. Loki stared at him for a moment, trying to convince himself that this was real.Then Mobius took a step toward Loki and smiled, shyly.

"Have we waited long enough?"

Loki, still shocked, his eyes filled with tears, whispered, "Yes."

Mobius approached again, and smiling more openly this time, brought his hand to Loki's face and wiped a tear with his thumb.Loki rested his head in his palm and then finally they fell into each other's arms, squeezing each other, inhaling each other's scent, prolonging the embrace again and again, making sure it was real. Making sure that each of them was real.

Then Mobius finally pulled back and captured Loki's lips in an endless kiss. For long minutes they separated only to catch their breath before kissing again, over and over again, indifferent to the rain that fell around them.

Much later, they separated to catch their breath and Mobius took Loki's hand to lead him home.

Loki gasped. The house on the cliff had changed.

In the two years of Mobius' life, the life Loki had saved, Mobius had transformed it.

He had brought to life the design he had shown Casey two years ago, with the deck, and the stairway to the water they had talked about, and the trees planted along the path, lit and glowing in the rain.

Loki laughed, astonished, and turning to Mobius he took his face in his hands and kissed him again.

Then they walked together along the path, stopping often to touch and kiss.

As they passed the door, Loki held Mobius by the sleeve, "Wait."

Mobius turned around and couldn't help but touch Loki's face with his fingertips once more.

Loki grabbed his hand and interlaced his fingers with Mobius' as he said softly, "I don't want to wait to tell you for real this time." He paused and with a trembling smile and bright eyes, he told him, "I love you."

Mobius didn't want to wait to tell him in turn either, "I love you."

They hugged each other tightly again, tasting the happiness of hearing those words spoken by the beloved voice.

Then much later, they entered their home, ready to start a new life where everything was still to be discovered. Together.

**********

The house on the cliff - Summer 2024

"Cwoki! Cwoki!"

"Lila! Go slowly honey and wait for your little brother!"

"Wait my love, I'll help you." Clint came to support Laura who was struggling up on the small path leading to the house on the hill. She huffed a little, laying her hand on her belly rounded by her 6 months of pregnancy.

They watched, fondly, as their two children gave gentle pats to a Croki who seemed to enjoy it.

"Lila, Cooper, stop spoiling Croki, he'll keep coming to us for petting afterwards."

Both children stood up and grabbed onto the legs of the man who had just spoken.

"Uncle Mobius!"

He picked them both up, carrying them each in one arm.

"What about me, don't I get a hello kiss?"

Each of the two children placed a sounding kiss on Mobius' cheeks at the same time.

"Should I be jealous?" a voice behind Mobius spoke up.

"Uncle Loki!"

Cooper was already reaching out to Loki, who didn't hesitate. The little boy gave him a big kiss on the cheek and wiggled to be put back on the ground.

Loki and Mobius, side by side, welcomed Laura and Clint.

"Clint, Laura, Welcome!"

They all embraced and then headed to the terrace.

Loki guided Laura to a comfortable chair, stuffed with cushions for her. She sat down with a sigh, "Thank you." then looking around, she continued, "I may have been here many times before, but I'll never tire of this view."

Mobius motioned for Clint to sit next to Laura, before taking a seat as well.

Loki was about to sit down when he heard the unmistakable sound of a car pulling up in front of the house, Mobius started to get up, but Loki motioned for him to stay seated. "Stay seated, love, I'll welcome them."

He walked down the path toward the cars that had just arrived.

Thor was the first to walk over to him, "Loki! My friend!" before hugging him. Loki was now used to Thor's overflowing affection and allowed himself to be patted on the back.

Soon Heimdall, Bruce, Carol and Natasha joined them and followed his lead into the house. When they arrived on the terrace, everyone greeted each other, and sat around the table chatting happily. Lila was in awe of Natasha's red curls, and Cooper laughed out loud as Thor spun him around at arm's length.

"Is this the direction for the little party?"

Heads turned to the source of the voice as Mobius exclaimed, "Casey, we weren't expecting you anymore!"

Casey laughed lightly and added, "Where do I put this?" he pointed to the cake in his hands.

"I'll take it." replied Loki. He took the cake into the kitchen and there he felt suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. He waited for a while before returning to the terrace.

"Hey handsome, what are you doing here alone?"

Loki looked up and smiled, "Mobius."

Mobius, who after more than a year had learned to decipher Loki's expressions, noticed that something was wrong.

"Loki, sweetheart, what's going on with you."

Loki wanted to start talking, but the emotion was too strong,

"Hey, come here." Mobius took him in his arms and gently stroked his back, waiting for the worst of the crisis to pass.

After a few moments, Loki straightened up, a trembling smile beneath the tears, "I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm not sad, not at all, on the contrary, but I suddenly had this irrepressible urge to cry."

Mobius nodded, pushed a strand of Loki's hair back behind his ear.

"Just too much emotion maybe? What were you thinking?"

"I... I was putting the cake on the table and I thought, if you hadn't read my letter, none of this would be real. I wouldn't be here. There wouldn't be all these people on our deck. And it freaked me out for just a short moment, to realize that I almost lost everything."

Mobius, also visibly moved, pressed a tender kiss on Loki's mouth and said softly, "But on the contrary, you have, we have gained everything. You saved me, gave me a new life, and in doing so you gave us all a different and more beautiful life."

Loki nodded his head, then shook it as if to collect himself.

He kissed Mobius tenderly in turn, then stepped aside and grabbed Mobius' hand and pulled him toward the terrace, a confident smile on his lips.

"Come on, let's go celebrate!"

As Mobius let himself be pulled along and they walked through the living room, his gaze fell on Ravonna's book. His first family. His sister. Then his gaze slid to Loki in front of him and by extension everyone else on the terrace. Their new family. Not by blood, but by heart. All because one day, Loki had posted a little letter.

Dear new tenant.

Hello and welcome to your new home and congratulations, blah blah blah. You have made an excellent choice, New Asgard is a wonderful place and this house is a gem, as you may have already noticed.

I'm sure you'll love living here as much as I do.

Loki had not known that these words would be so prescient, even though they came from the future and were addressed to someone from the past.

Oh yes, Mobius loved living here, but not because of the house, because of the love that filled it. Because of Loki.

Together. For All time. Always.

_________

That's it, everyone is happy, including me. I hope you enjoyed it to the end. 1000 thanks to all the comments left, it's the fuel for each chapter. I love you all!

[lbat1901]

Rantception S1•E1 - princeofmints exposed | ft. TatSquirp

(I am about a month late on posting this here)

Welcome to the first episode of my brand new series titled Rantception where I talk about a topic or some unfortunate soul who became a total jerk as of recently. I am starting this series off by talking about the user by the name of princeofmints.

princeofmints is apart of the Eddsworld community and they are apart of the official EW Amino, Tumblr, and Instagram. Unfortunately princeofmints is in some hot water right now.

Oh and before I get to that, I just want to make this clear, the princeofmints that I am referring to isn't the one who made tomtord p*rn. This princeofmints is actually accused of tracing and being a total d*ck.

Also they got banned from Amino, but they are still going strong on both Tumblr and Instagram.

One more thing: don't harass them. Instead I want you to stop supporting them. Don't not praise them.

With that out the way, let's get into the news.

I unfortunately didn't know any of this drama that happened till seeing callout posts about it. But I used to like princeofmints's posts until what happened recently.

I decided to to take a look at their wall after seeing a few callout posts on them before they got taken down.

Annnnnd yeah.....they are such an arsehole. Just...just look at these screenshots....

(the third one is my favorite in terms of arsehole energy that's being radiated from it)

I'll be honest with you, the third is the one that show the bitterness of princeofmints. Trying to guilt trip you. I'm sorry to say this, but it's not working. Nice try.

Now I'll handing the rest of this over to the one and only Squirp/TatSquirp who've agreed to be on the show and I certainly didn't kidnap them.

Squirp: ...Why am I here? Why am I tied u-

Lbat1901(me): Shhhh! Just give the audience your side on this

Squirp: Ok, fine...*clears throat*....so a week ago, I've made a callout post exposing princeofmints titled "Dethroning a Prince". It took me awhile to everything and not too soon after posting it on Animo, I've also posted it on Instagram.

Oh boy...it got taken down. No actually I got told by a model on Animo to take it down which I did while on Instagram it got flagged for harassment. I eventually reposted it.

princeofmints (or what I like to call her, Prince) is a 15 year old artist who mostly draws Tom, Tord, and the ship TomTord. She was on the EW Amino since January 13th of this year before getting banned. S

Alright with that out of the way, I'll try to make this brief

She also has been known to cause quite the trouble.

I have been caught up to speed on what Prince has done even learning th as t she had actually scammed someone.

I believe that Lbat told you this already, but Prince's name was stolen by someone who has the same name, but let's dwell on this.

Part 1 - Tracing:

Squirp: Ok so, a few days ago some of my friends and I looked at one of Prince's art and discovered that it was traced from an already existing drawing made by P-Nim. Of course Prince denied this and claimed that it was her own art.

Ok I'll make this clear, Prince didn't draw it for a DTIYS. If Prince didn't trace it then she shouldn't be claiming it as her own.

Also if you want to compare posts or have a look for yourself, you can't cause she deleted it. So much for being reasonable which goes into this next part....

Part 2 - Blocking those who've cornered you for being unreasonable:

Squirp: Oh yes, just like TBATF, Prince also blocks people for calling her out. Unlike TBATF who only block people for giving them criticism and calling them out on their behavior, Prince blocks people for many reasons.

One of them being totally unreasonable. She blocked one of my friends who called her out for tracing. Prince even deleted several comments when trying to defend herself for being called out before deciding to hit the block button.

She even blocked me after I tried to call her out on her wall. I did PM her a few days later about and guess what her response was. The reason why she blocked me was because she didn't like me.

My god....that has to be most stupidest as all hell reason to block someone and folks, we're on the second part on this and things are already getting heated.

Part 3 - Being a b*ch isn't all that cool:

Squirp: Hold on a minute, why is b*ch censored?

(Editor: that's because it's Lbat's show and I am meant to help with anything that Lbat puts out for everyone to see)

Squirp: Yeah, but why? Who cares anyway?

(Editor: well you're probably have a point, but it's my job. Now are you going to continue to argue or are you going to keep going with your side of the story?)

Squirp: I am...geez! I've never meant an editor that's who picky. This isn't YouTube with the whole COPPA thing you know.

Anyway..... pt 3....Prince has to be one of the biggest d*cks that I have ever talked to and- oh my god, why would you censor the word- forget it. Forget it...

Erm...yeah....she cursed at some many people that it's just mindboggling. She's not the most pleasant person to talk to on Amino or anywhere else.

Before you say that she probably has some mental health issues, don't even bother. Well I know she does has some issues, but it doesn't give her the excuse to not be a total d*ck. People who do have issues are at least well spoken and are respectful to others.

But Prince on the other hand, not a freaking single chance.

Part 4 - Stop acting sad:

Squirp: You're probably thinking to yourself, "Wow, Prince is a jerk" and you'd be right. But to make matters worse, she likes to guilt trip people.

How? Well she tries to make you feel sorry for her by giving you a sad sad tale before deciding to cuss you out.

That's right, it's pretty low for her. I don't need to explain why this is bad just because it is. It's really scummy especially when she's in the wrong here. Next!

Part 5 - Don't let Prince do commissions. EVER:

Oh yeah, she actually did this. I did found the person who got scammed and they are a person known as BadBoy.

You see BadBoy commissioned Prince to do a drawing for 92 coins. Unfortunately for BadBoy, Prince said that the price was actually lower than that. But it gets much much worse than that.

Prince got wicked with them and refused to give other pieces of art to BadBoy. Eventually BadBoy had enough and asked for a refund. That's when things started to escalate really fast.

Prince told BadBoy to piss off. After a long battle, Prince gave BadBoy 72 coins back when BadBoy asked for a full refund.

Squirp: I have been saving this part for last and it gave me a reason to make a callout on Prince in the first place. She literally scammed someone over 72 coins.

In summary, Prince just stole BadBoy's money and was a total d*ck towards them.

And that should do it for now, but I one final message to Prince. If you're reading this now while getting harassed for being callout for your crap: none of this, and I stress this a lot, none of this wouldn't have happened if you were to just act a tad bit kinder and a whole bit wiser.

Oh and maybe if you would've just listened. Also running away from your problems, lying, and pretending that they didn't happen makes you look like the bad guy here.

You know, I wouldn't mind you being on Animo at all if you just shallow your pride and try to do better by apologizing to everyone.

I didn't mean to make my callout post to hurt you in a way. In fact, I still believe that you can change. But atlas, your problems need to be addressed to make that happen.

All you need to do is try. That's it. That's all I ask for.

Lbat1901(me): *claps* Nicely done, Squirp. Nicely done.

Squirp: Thanks Lbat. It's been a pleasure being on here. Now can I go home now?

Lbat1901(me): Uhh.....*walks away from Squirp and walks out of the room before shutting the door*

Squirp: Lbat? Uh Lbat? Lbat? This isn't funny! Untie me! Hey cameraman, you're still here. Untie me, please

Camraman: *shrugs before shaking their head*

Squirp: What do you mean no? Ugh!

{screen cuts to Lbat sitting in a chair}

Lbat1901(me): Well that's the end of the first episode of Rantception. I want to thank TatSquirp for coming on and helping me out. Please check them out on the EW Amino and possibly their Instagram as well while you're at it.

[bonfire-at-the-crossroads]

Rutger Hauer has passed, and is on his way through the stars, toward the shoulder of Orion and the Tannhauser Gate.

He gave himself to the world of film and created characters which will continue to inspire the people lucky enough to share in the dreams he left behind.

I wrote this a couple years ago - and maybe it’s time to look at it again.

Thank you Mr Hauer for leaving this place a little brighter for your having been here.

Good journey, peace at last.....

————————————————————————————————————-

January 8, 2016

It's Roy Batty's birthday.

Ridley Scott's 1982 movie - Blade Runner - cast Rutgers Hauer as the renegade Replicant in search of his maker.

The film was a brilliant adaptation of Philip K Dick's "Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?"

Roy and a small group of Nexus-6 Replicants, have stolen an off-world transport, killed the crew, and returned to earth - in an attempt to coerce their designer to extend their programmed four-year lifespan. January 8, 2016 was the day of Roy's inception, and also the day his genetic coding has scheduled him for death.

He is being hunted by Harrison Ford, as hired-gun Deckard - a Blade Runner - paid to track and kill escaped Replicants.

----------------------------------------------

In 1982 - the idea of the year 2016 was a mind-numbing distance away.

"The Future" was a place where anything was possible, and our wildest dreams would come true.

It seems like yesterday.

And yet, when I started thinking about the world I inhabited in '82, and where I've washed up on the shores of 2016 - it's been quite an extended sea voyage.

I was married to somebody else.

We walked into town to the little movie theater on Central Avenue, and as we moved to our seats, were told by the usher ( yeah, that's right - there were still ushers ) -"You shouldn't even bother with this movie. It stinks. Four people at the last show actually asked for their money back."

We loved it.

Minds were blown - and we went back two more times, bringing friends.

That Christmas Eve - I had a small stroke. I was 26.

At the time, I was more worried about how the news would affect my husband - and did not fully appreciate my own predicament. He overheard the doctor on the phone making arrangements for what was then, the only echocardiogram machine in the New York area.

"Is that about you?" He asked. I nodded.

My husband passed out cold on the waiting room floor.

I survived. Had test after test after test, and slowly got my left side back under my own control.

Time passed.

We tried for the baby - and a series of horrors led to the loss of pregnancy, and culminated with a 3:00 AM visit to the emergency room.

The husband was so upset - he left me by the hospital entrance, and drove home.

When he inevitably decided that he needed "space" and wanted to "take a break" -(clearly, his office-affair had nothing to do with this decision ) - I used the time to take a good long look at the marriage.

When he came back three months later - I was not the girl he had walked out on.

The world had changed, and so had the locks.

-------------------------------------------------

I moved into the West Village with a girlfriend. It was awkward having a roommate after having a husband, home, and mortgage - but I made it work.

An unusual boyfriend followed, and several years of actors, artists, and cabaret performers filled my days and nights.

It was Manhattan in the '80's. There were nights out spent dancing at the clubs til dawn.

The Met was open late on Friday nights, and my group of fellow oddballs wandered the museum halls every week for over a year.

Art and illustration was my livelihood. I knew everyone in the Village ( at least by sight) and was completely comfortable in my element.

But my friends got sick.

And my friends started dying.

AIDS ravaged the world.

The Village was ground zero, and everyone was terrified. We didn't know where it was coming from, didn't know how to cope with the skeletal friend, the friend covered with sarcoma blotches - was it the end of the world?

In many ways - yes. It was.

The best, brightest, most talented people on earth were dying out - and all I could do was hold hands at the bedside, and attend memorial services.

There was a three month period when I went to a service EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

My dearest friend, Bruce - I never even knew when he was well. We were fellow illustrators, and spent hours a day with phone cocked between shoulder and ear - talking while we drew in our separate studios. He was in Chelsea, I was on the corner of Perry and West Fourth.

We brought children's books to life, and loved the work.

As AIDS ravaged his body, he needed to take long naps in the afternoons. His fever would spike uncontrollably - he called it "Shake and Bakes."

He fussed over the ugly sarcoma lesions which appeared on his arms and hands - he found a theatrical makeup which he swore would cover them up so that nobody would know.

Everybody pretended that it worked.

"Well, my sweet darling angel - I took a shower this morning, and guess what? I watched all my hair go down the drain."

Some medication he was taking, combined with what may have been a chemotherapy cocktail - took every hair on his head.

He entered the shower - with.

Exited - without.

He had been told this might be a possibility, and had already purchased a wig from a professional Broadway wig-maker.

It was awful looking, but we continued to pretend.

He slipped farther away, and was hospitalized on a closed floor reserved for AIDS patients.

I visited every single day.

I brought tiny gifts, saved up stories to make him laugh - and built my day around spending time with him.

His family wouldn't come and see him. Friends did their best, but simply couldn't be with him when push had finally come down to shove.

I remember shouting at his brother on the pay phone in the hospital hallway "I can't make this better. I'm not allowed to make decisions for his care, because I'm not a family member. He is dying, and you need to be here."

He wasn't.

I held Bru's hand, and wiped his forehead. I asked the nurse to turn up his oxygen because he was struggling and begging for air. "It's as high as it will go." she said - and even though it was time for all visitors to leave, she said I could stay.

The day before, he had spent time with a priest who had given him what I now believe was last rites. He seemed comforted, and we said what needed to be said.

"You know Bru....I will ALWAYS love you."

He smiled and said. "I know. And I will always love you too."

He took his last breath a little before midnight.

I closed his eyes.

Twenty seven years have passed since that night.

-----------------------------------------------

The unusual boyfriend fell victim to his own silliness. He convinced himself that another woman was sending him messages about being attracted to him - and he needed "some space" to explore the magic.

He did.

She didn't

And I was magically single again.

As 1990 dawned - the Internet had not been invented.

The cell phone - wasn't.

Video rental stores were visited daily, and made money hand-over-fist.

Blonde, Madonna, and all that wonderful 80's music that my kids now think is divine - were the sounds of the decade.

And I didn't quite trust CD's.....

Times Square was just beginning to shed the peep shows and adult movie houses.

It was gritty, and how I loved it.

July 4th of 1990 I found myself eating in the diner downstairs from my apartment on the corner of 14th St and Seventh Avenue.

It was empty.

I ate my bluefish dinner and went back upstairs to the drawing board.

One single red rocket cleared the rooftops and the stars rained down.

I was bored.

Decided to place a personal ad in The Village Voice. "Looking for an interesting conversation over a cup of coffee....." and some other minor nonsense.

Over 350 people responded in the three days I checked the answering machine.

"I've never answered a personal ad," said the voice on the phone."I live with a grey cat. And I'm reading DUNE. Maybe you could call me, and we'll get a cup of coffee?"

On our third date, he never went back home.

"You know what? It's getting kind of silly to keep paying for an apartment to keep my cat in...."

"So what are you saying?" I asked. "Are you asking to officIally move in here?"

" Nope. Let's get married. It'll be fun. I'm not exactly getting younger - either are you. Why not?"

"It'll either work - or it won't. What's the reason that we shouldn't at least TRY?"

He talked me into it.

Brian and I were married in the Cathedral of St John the Divine, three months after our first date. Twenty five years ago, last October.

Babies happened. Three in a row. "Irish triplets" as my obstetrician called them.

Quinn.

Morgan.

Maddie.

They were (and are ) the three finest people I have ever known - and are the center of my soul.

Brian and I survived critical fulcrum points where the smallest waver would have plunged all of us into hell.

We stared death in the face - death blinked, and looked away,

more than once.

We walked away from alcoholism.

Left cigarettes behind,

Did battle with depression,

and kept walking....

We've skated on the thinnest of financial ice for YEARS.

We've worked and worked and worked some more - and it was never going to be enough to keep the ship afloat.

The kids, as we've laughed over the years have "Never missed a meal."

Nothing was easy, but our youngest will be the third to graduate from college in the Spring. Yes, there are loans to be paid - and we'll do everything we can to help them gain traction in their lives.

About a year and a half ago we took a good hard look at where the road was leading us. Our ability to maintain the income necessary to support our lives in Westchester county, in a big house with a big mortgage - huge utility bills, and a dwindling job market - we came up with a plan.

The bank was unhappy with our syncopated mortgage payment schedule - and really wanted their house back. Things were sliding downhill, and we simply couldn't stop it.

"Let's take the money from my last free-lance job, and buy a house in Ireland."

Found one.

And did.

Sold the house in Westchester.

Packed up everything we could.

Got on the plane.

And here we are.

January 8th, 2016, and it's 1982 all over again.

The Replicant is out of time.

He sits high on the rooftops above the city, rain is pouring from the black skies - and Roy Batty,- in his last moment of life - knows what it is to be fully human.

"I've seen things, you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

We all go through the motions. We get out of bed every day, and do our best to keep our lives and our families moving forward.

We work.

And plan.

And strive for happiness.

I'm no Roy - but I too, have seen things that will pass away with me when I go.

I, too, have learned what it is to be fully, and completely - human.

[kyubi-guide]

Entermix January 2015

完結の熱と共に、フィナーレは続く

With the Heat of Conclusion, the Finale Continues

説明不要の国民的人気漫画『NARUTOーナルトー』が、1月10日発売の週刊少年ジャンプ0号にて一挙2話掲載され、第700話をもって5年の歴史に幕を下ろした。3年以上に渡って連載された第四次忍界大戦のラストバトルはナルトとサスケの一騎打ち。激闘の末に迎えたグランドフィナーレは漫画史上に残る大団円との声も。エンタミクスでは同作への感謝を込めて岸本斉史先生のインタビューと共に、ナルトの成長の動軌跡をプレイバック。さらに記月に公開を控えた劇場版『THE LAST—NARUTO THE MOVIE—』のマスト情報も掲載。原作は完結したものの次なるプロジェクトの構想が次々と明らかになり、まだまだ『NARUTOーナルトー』から目が離せない。

"Naruto", a manga that needs no explanation, has ended its five year history with the 700th episode, which was published in the Weekly Shonen Jump 0 issue on January 10. 700 episodes were serialized for over three years, and the final battle of the Fourth Ninja World War was between Naruto and Sasuke. After a fierce battle, the grand finale was said by some to be the greatest ending in the history of manga. To show our appreciation for this work, Entamix will be covering Naruto's growth with an interview with Masashi Kishimoto. In addition, there is also information on the upcoming theatrical version of "THE—LAST NARUTO THE MOVIE—" that will be released in June. Although the original work has been completed, the concept of the next project has been revealed one after another, and we can't take our eyes off "Naruto" yet.

ナルト四サスケの最終決戦は連載開始から決めてました

I've been thinking about the final battle between Naruto and Sasuke since the beginning of the series.

—15年の長期連載、お疲れさまでした!

-Thank you for the 15-year long series!

岸本斉史(以下、岸本) ありがとうございます。実はつい6時間ほど前に最終話を描き上げたばかりなんですよ。それから少し仮眠して、この一取材を受けているんですが、今頃になってようやく終わったんだっていうことを認識できるよ」うになってきました。

Masashi Kishimoto (Kishimoto): Thank you very much. Actually, I just finished drawing the last episode about six hours ago. I took a nap after that, and now I'm doing this interview, and I can finally recognize that it's over.

—まさに興奮冷めやらぬですね。先生にとってどんな15年間でしたか?

-It's been an exciting time. What has the past 15 years been like for you?

岸本こういう質問にはこれまで「長いようで短かった」って答えていたんですが、今の率直な気持ちは「本当に長かった」です(笑)。この感覚は連載が終わったからでしょうね。毎週締め切りに追われている状態の時は一週間があっという間なんですけど、今振り返ってみるとやっぱり6年というのは長かったですね。

Kishimoto: I used to answer questions like this by saying, "It seemed long, but it was short. (laughs) I guess this feeling comes from the fact that the series is over. When I was busy with deadlines every week, a week would fly by, but now that I look back, I realize that six years was a long time.

—最終話を描き終えた瞬間の感厩は、どのようなものだったのでしょうか?

-How did you feel when you finished the last story?

岸本 原稿が描き上がったとき、初代の担当編集さんが花束を抱えてきてくださったんですその花束をもらった瞬間に、一気に新人時代が魅りました。2人で連載を立ち上げた時のこととか、これまでの苦労とか。その時は本当にヤバかったです。アシスタントさんの前だったの一で「別に……」って強がって(笑)。泣いたらカッコ悪いので、必死に涙をこらえていました。

Kishimoto: When the manuscript was finished, my first editor brought me a bouquet of flowers. That was a really bad time for me. I was in front of the assistants, so I was really uptight and said, "It's nothing ......" (laughs). (laughs) If I cried, it wouldn't be cool, so I tried my best to hold back my tears.

ー最後のナルト四サスケ戦は15年の集大成に相応しい見事なバトルでしたが、この決着はいつ頃から決めていたのですか?

-The last battle between Naruto and Sasuke was an amazing battle that was the culmination of 15 years of work?

岸本 最後はナルトとサスケが戦って終わりにしようというのは、連載当初から初代編集担当さんと話し合って決めていました。担当が変わるときにも「あのラストだけは変えちゃダメだよ」と言われたのですが、同時に「君の作品だから、どう変わっても自由だよ」とも言われて、いったいどっちなのかなと(笑)。ただ僕の中でもこのラストは変えたくなかったので、結局そこはブレずに貫きましたが、それぞれがどういう状態で最終決戦を迎えるのかはずっと手探り状態で、現在のような流れがはっきりと固まったのは3年ほど前でした。ラストバトルで僕がこ」だわったのは、ナルトとサスケがただの敵ではなく、互いを友達だと意識しながら戦うということです。と言うのも、最後にサスケを救う可能性があるんだったらそこしかないと思ったんです。サスケは色々あって勘ねまくってしまった面倒くさいヤツなんですよ。自分で描いていてもイライラするくらい(笑)。そんなサスケを受け止められるのは、めちゃくちゃ器が大きいナルトくらいしかいないんです。あれだけサスケーのことが大好きなサクラでも、サスケを刺そう一とした際に一度は諦めの気持ちが芽生えていますけど、ナルトにはまったく諦めがないですから。親友を���って終わるのはやっぱり辛いですから、僕自身そんなナルトの可能性に賭けて、何とかサスケを救って欲しいと思いました。

Kishimoto: I had decided to end the series with Naruto and Sasuke fighting, after discussing it with the original editor. When I changed the editor, he told me "You can't change that last part," but at the same time, he also told me "It's your work, so you're free to change it however you want. (laughs) But I didn't want to change the last part of the story, so I stuck to it, but I was still in a state of limbo as to how each of the characters would face the final battle, and it wasn't until about three years ago that I had a clear idea of the current flow. In the last battle, I focused on the fact that Naruto and Sasuke are not just enemies, but they fight each other with the awareness that they are friends. I thought that was the only way there was a chance to save Sasuke in the end. Sasuke is a troublesome guy who has a lot of misunderstandings. He's so annoying that I get frustrated even when I draw him myself (laughs). The only person who can take Sasuke like that is Naruto, who has a really big heart. Even Sakura, who loved Sasuke so much, gave up at least once when she tried to stab him, but Naruto never gives up at all. It's hard to lose your best friend, so I bet on Naruto's potential and hope that he will somehow save Sasuke.

キン肉ドライバーの兄弟愛

Brotherhood of the Kinniku Driver

—岸本先生がもっとも伝えたかった。友情,というテーマをきっちりと描き切りましたね。

-This is what Mr. Kishimoto wanted to convey the most. You've done a great job of depicting the theme of friendship.

岸本そこは満足しています。友情,はたくさんの作品でテーマになっていますが、僕にとって友情は兄弟愛や家族愛に近いもので、それを失うことはアイデンティティを喪失すること。ティーンエイジャーにとってもっとも怖いことで、その様子は作品上でも度々描いてきました。今回はその集大成を最後のバトルで表現できたと思います。

Kishimoto: I’m satisfied with that. Friendship has been a theme in many of my works, but for me, friendship is like brotherhood or family love, and to lose it is to lose one's identity which is the most frightening thing for teenagers, and I have often depicted this in my works. I think this time I was able to express the culmination of that in the final battle.

—ナルトとサスケは最初から最後まで、まさに双子の兄弟のような関係ですもんね。

-Naruto and Sasuke are exactly like twin brothers from the beginning to the end.

岸本 実際に僕自身が本当に双子なので、小さい頃からナルトが感じていたような感覚を持って育ってきたんです。この話は格好悪いのであんまり話したくはないんですけど、小学生の頃は2人とも体が小さくて、休み時間になるとよく弟がキン肉マンに登場するパロスペシャルという技をかけられていたんです。別にいじめられていたわけではないのですが、体が小さいと何かと技をかけられる時期じゃないですか。そんな弟を見ていると、まるで自分が技をかけられているように痛かったんです。まあ実際に僕は僕で、弟の隣でキン肉ドライバーをかけられていたっていうのもあるんですが(笑)。でも変な話ですが、そういう時に「俺たちって兄弟なんだな」ということを強く感じたんですよ。弟との繋がりを意識した瞬間というか。それが高校生や大学生になると、友達が失恋したり何か上手くいかないことがあると、小学生時代に弟に対して抱いた感覚と同じ感覚になるようにもなったんです。そこで「俺はコイツと本当に仲がいいんだな」って改めて思ったりしました。だから僕にとっては兄弟愛と友情は同じなんです。そういう意味では、双子に生まれてきてよかったと思います。ナルトとサスケの友情の原型は、まさに僕と弟だったわけですから。

Kishimoto: I'm actually a twin myself, so I grew up with the same feelings that Naruto had from a young age. I don't want to talk about it too much because it's not cool, but when we were in elementary school, we were both small, and during recess, my younger brother used to get hit with the Paro Special from Kinnikuman. It wasn't that he was being bullied, but when you're small, there's always a time when you can get hit. When I saw my younger brother, I felt pain as if I was being hit by him. In fact, I was the one being hit with the Kinniku Driver next to my brother (laughs). I know it sounds strange, but it was at times like that that I really felt that we were brothers. That's when I became aware of the connection with my brother. When I was in high school or college, I felt the same way I felt about my brother in elementary school when my friends lost their love or something went wrong. That's when I realized again that I'm really close to him. So for me, brotherhood and friendship are the same. In that sense, I'm glad I was born with twins. The prototype of the friendship between Naruto and Sasuke was me and my brother.

—699話ではサスケが里を去り、旅をする様子が描かれていますが、このように結末を描一いた意図は?

-In episode 699, we see Sasuke leaving his village and going on a journey?

岸本 あれたけのことをやってしまったので、さすがに里で普通に暮らすのは難しいですよね。だからひとつは瞳罪の旅という意味です。さらに僕の中にある裏設定としては、世界に残一っている謎を解明するという目的です。原作のラスボスだった大筒木カグヤがいったい何者で、どこから来たのかを解明しないと再び世界が厄災に見舞われてしまうので、それを阻止するための旅でもあるんです。ただそれを長々と説明してしまうと、「これ、まだまだ続くの?」って思われてしまうので、そこはさらっと流しました。そこは続く予定はありませんから。

Kishimoto: After all I've done, it's hard to live normally in my hometown, isn't it? So this is a journey of pupil guilt. In addition, I have a secret plan to solve the mystery that remains in the world. If I don't figure out who Kaguya Ootsutsuki, the last boss of the original story, is and where he came from, the world will be plagued by disaster again, so it's also a journey to stop that from happening. However, if I were to give a long explanation, people would think, "Is this going to continue? So I just let it slide. I don't plan to continue there.

—般終話ではヒナタとの問に2人の子供がいることが示唆されましたが、ヒナタとナルトが結婚する未来はいつ頃固まったのでしょうか。

-In the last episode, it was hinted that he and Hinata have two children, but when was the future of Hinata and Naruto's marriage solidified?

岸本 かなり前からヒナタで決めていました。サクラにしようかと迷った時期もあったのですが、ここへ来てサクラがナルトに心変わりしたら、さすがにサクラはひどい女過ぎでしょう(笑)。それに、実際サクラはなんだかんだでサスケに対して一途なんだと思います。

Kishimoto: I had already decided on Hinata a long time ago. There was a time when I wasn't sure if I would choose Sakura, but if she changed her mind about Naruto, she would be too much of a bad woman (laughs). I'm not sure what to make of her, but I think she's very much in love with Sasuke.

夏までナルトを描きます

I will draw Naruto until summer.

ー友情を描き切った漫画本編に対し、12月に公開される映画「THE LAST」では、一転して。恋愛。がテーマとなっていますね。

-While the manga depicts friendship, the movie "THE LAST," to be released in December, is a complete change. Love. The theme of the movie is love.

岸本 恋愛をテーマにしたいというアイデアはアニメ制作サイドから出たものでした。僕としてはいいアイデアが浮かばなければ映画は作らないほうがいいんじゃないかと思っていたのですが、この話を聞いた瞬間に「これはイケるかも」と感じました。漫画ではバトルばかりでほとんど恋愛描写はできなかったので、その補完的な意味合いも込めて、映画で恋愛面でのナルトの成長を描写できると思い、一気にイメージが膨らみました。

Kishimoto: The idea of making a movie about love came from the animation production side. I thought that if I didn't come up with a good idea, I probably shouldn't make a movie, but the moment I heard about it, I thought, "This could work. In the manga, it was all battles and almost no romance, so I thought I could use the movie as a complement to the manga to show Naruto's growth in terms of romance.

ー岸本先生としては、映画にどのように携わられたのでしょょうか。

-As for you, how did you get involved in film?

岸本 最初に話をいただいたときにはシナリオの第一稿が出来ていたんですよ。僕はそれを元に修正依頼をしてブラッシュアップしていった感じです。脚本家さんを始め、スタッフのかた一が“ナルトの恋愛,というテーマにすごく前向きで、僕もその熱意に共感していつの間にか細かく何度も修正をお願いしてしまいました。

Kishimoto: The first draft of the scenario was already done when I was first approached. I made a lot of changes to it and brushed it up. The scriptwriter and all the staff members were very positive about the theme of "Naruto's love life", and I shared their enthusiasm, so before I knew it, I was asking for many revisions.

—原作でも本格的な恋愛描写はほとんど登場しませんし、特にナルトの恋愛というのは想像し難いですよね。

-It's hard to imagine what Naruto's love life would be like, especially since he rarely has a real love story in the original.

岸本 僕自身、恋愛描写は恥ずかしくなっちゃって描けないんです。だから原作でも本気の描写は避けてきましたし、最終話では「ドラゴンボール」ばりに一気に時間を飛ばす形を取りました。恋愛話はアニメだからこそ実現出来たこ」とだと思いますし、結果的に漫画のラストに繋がる良いエピソードになったと思います。

Kishimoto: I myself am too embarrassed to depict romance. That's why I avoided serious depictions in the original story, and in the last episode, I skipped a lot of time, just like in "Dragon Ball". The love story was something that could only be done in anime, and I think it turned out to be a good episode that leads to the end of the manga.

ーそして最後にどうしても気になるのは、岸一本先生の今後の予定についてです。

-And finally, I'm really curious about Prof. Kishimoto’s future plans.

岸本 来年春に「NARUTO-ナルト-」新編を一短期集中連載します。それ以外にも、夏くらいまでは「NARUT0-ナルト-』関連の仕事がまだ残っていますから、本格的に次作の準備に取りかかるのはそれからですね。実はネタ帳には色々なアイデアが溜まっているので、期待してください。でも僕も0歳になったので、週刊連載は辛いですね。よく秋本(治) 先生を見習えって言われますけど、秋本先生は本当にすごいんです。できれば週刊は勘弁してください(笑)。まずは、もろもろ落ち着いたら新婚旅行と子供と遊ぶ時間を作りたいですね。結婚して10年以上経ちま|すが、「NARUTO-ナルト-』のおかげでとに一かくノンストップでした。 そろそろナルトたちと一緒に自分の家族も大切にしなきゃね(笑)。

Kishimoto: I'm going to start a new chapter of "Naruto" in the spring of next year. Other than that, I still have a lot of "Naruto" related work to do until summer, so I won't be able to start preparing for the next one in earnest until then. Actually, I have a lot of ideas in my storybook, so please keep your eyes peeled. But now that I'm zero years old, it's hard for me to do a weekly series. People often say that I should learn from Osamu Akimoto, but he's really amazing. If possible, please don't make it a weekly series (laughs). First of all, after everything settles down, I want to take a honeymoon and make time to play with my children. It's been over 10 years since we got married, but thanks to "Naruto," it's been non-stop. It's time for me to take care of my own family along with Naruto and his friends (laughs).

未曾有の危機とナルトの恋が交錯

An unprecedented crisis and Naruto's love are intertwined.

原作完結後、間髪を容れずに公開となる劇場作は、忍界大戦終結の2年後を舞台にナルト&ヒナタが織り成す「NARUTO-ナルト-』史上初の恋愛ドラマ。岸本斉史が総監修を務めるシナリオは、原作最終話までの空白を埋める地続きの公式エピソードとなるだけに、原作ファンもアニメファンも必見の内容。劇場版ならではの超スケールの迫力バトルも健在で、気になるキャラたちも成長した姿でバッチリ活躍。まだ」誰も見たことのないナルトの恋愛模様と忍術バトルをスクリーンで目撃せよ!

The film, which will be released soon after the completion of the original story, is the first romantic drama in the history of "Naruto", set two years after the end of the Shinobi World War and featuring Naruto and Hinata. The scenario, supervised by Masashi Kishimoto, is a must-see for both fans of the original story and the anime, as it is an official episode that fills in the gaps until the final episode of the original story. The powerful battles on a scale only possible in a theatrical version are still intact, and the characters you care about have grown up and are fully active. Witness Naruto's love story and ninja battles on screen that no one has seen yet!

[unditherings]

resolve.

i am an artist. a photographer these days, primarily, but at heart a fine artist trained and learned in the analog of yesteryear*. it doesn't much feel like it since i haven't gotten behind my camera in almost four months, and haven't picked up a pencil to draw in even longer, but i still identify with that part of me, however distant it might feel.

i've had the pleasure to plan and scheme my return to form, my grand reemergence as the artist i always thought i'd be, but that hasn't happened. i made it my new years resolution for it to, for me to follow through. "unditherings: an exercise in following through" i called it. and then i shot once in late january, and felt good about that, and let the hot hand cool, and didn't shoot again for more than two months. turns out that "undithering" was bullshit. i'm not a finisher. i don't follow through. and it has been that way for a long, long time.

i'm full of ideas, and empty of motivation to execute. i feel like i'm floundering, like i'm bleeding out, but like also standing over myself, watching the last bit of life drain from my face, blood bag and IV in hand, frozen in indecision. i had someone i worked with a couple of times Before™** ask me why i took a break from shooting since tyhe last time we worked together in 2019, and i answered that it wasn't on purpose, that i had some kind of mental block that was keeping me from making, and that isn't the only reason, but i do think it's the biggest . i used to have a new idea every five seconds. i think a big part of why i historically had a hard time finishing is that i would make changes constantly during the work and was never satisfied with what i was ending up with. that progressed to making changes constantly before the work had even started, and now i cut the middle man out, or the end man, actually, and never get to the making in the first place. it's frustrating and disappointing. it depresses me.

surely i need a therapist (at all) to help me work through some of the things that underlie all of this, and i need to make healthier choices (much more) in order to get myself in the best shape to be the best version of myself i can, but even now, before all that entails, i think i can make choices to set myself up for success in my quest to dither less, and that's why i'm writing this here. even when i falter, the sun will come up. even if march and april and may and june and july end without change, august will come and i will try again.

i am rome. i know i will not be built in a day, but i will be built.

witness my resolve.

*forgive me for how pretentious this sounds

**you didn't think i'd forget to mention covid, did you?