c4lm-vib3s

[ihamtmus]

aghh i have acute tracheitis wow am i glad i went to see the doctor after all

[bozzowl]

HIIII!! i was wondering if i could request something? i’ve been waiting so long for someone to write about this but i’m too lazy so i’d thought i’d ask you ahahsjf i love reading your adventure time stuff. Could you make headcanons for prismo and scarab dating the reader? like polyamorous or three way relationship. would like nsfw if possible but sfw or both is awesome too :D feel free to write it however you want i’m not picky i just want content of them auuuuuajdjdjg thank you very much bro ahauaf :))

Of course! I love writing for you guys! :D

WARNING! CONTAINS NSFW!!! Here ya go! :D

I've made some headcannons before, but since you asked…

Dating Head Cannons:

PRISMO:

Loves cuddles, very affectionate.

Can clone him self, imagine two or three Prismos cuddling you

Watching the multiverse together

Likes sitting with you in the hot tub to relax and vent

Can either slip his arms around you hold you on his lap as you sit back against the wall, or teleport you into the 4th dimension so you can cuddle his 3D form

Will turn his head while in 2D form to wink at you

Will bring you your favorite snacks (calls you his "favorite snack")

Does not like talking about dinner every night, so its either fend for yourself or pick somewhere to order food from.

Very flirty, likes to tease you

Likes to wrap around you and can move your clothes (or put you in something cute) with a snap of his fingers.

Writes Fanfics with you and even some about you

Checks on you sometimes with his TV Wall, even if you're in the shower and "taking care of yourself"

Can have three ways with you via Prismo Clones (might even watch everything as a third)

Can change the size and length of his body (and dick, tho he usually hides it)

Lovemaking is usually slow paced and gentle (can go harder)

After care, lots of it!

Can take charge in bed, open to suggestions. Can literally tie you up with his limbs.

Lots of kisses, even on the forehead

Will make a batch of pickles just for you

game nights and movie dates

You're invited to ALL the parties

Will dance/vibe with you

Making out is cute and flirty, will kiss your neck. soft kisses and loving eye contact

Loves it when you sit on him/ touch him

Will take care of you

Sleep overs

Loves hearing you go off on your hyperfixations

SCARAB:

Not as cuddly, but can be very passionate

Also dominate

Likes it when you pet his tiny bug forms and take care of them (will not admit it)

Will clean for you, especially if you are sick

Tea and coffee dates, takes you out to dinner and long walks at night

Wears the Pants in the relationship

Can change the shape, but limited on sizes on his dick as a shapeshifter

Likes missionary, though would go full bug mode from behind (like a beetle)

If YN were to be pregnant or thinking about kids, he would bring home a dung ball (because thats what scarab beetles do)

Likes to dance with you

Brings you flowers, he knows the names of them and symbolism

Would rather undress you slowly, so he can admire you

He will protect you, call you his darling

Will respect your privacy, unless you let him watch

Can be rough in bed, likes to roleplay. Will een go as far as to shapeshift, even during sex

Makes goofy noises in bed (like in that deleted scene where he laughs goofy) and will tell you not to tell anyone about said noises

Will use all four arms to hold you, can also use them to pin our hands above your head while he holds your hips during funtime

face places swing open when he cums

will tease you and likes it when you beg

cuddles you from behind, will actually stay awake if ya'll are sleeping somewhere away from home to make sure you stay safe (As the God Auditor, he has enemies so he'd wanna protect you)

Making out gets hot and heavy quick. handsy and may even use both tongue and Proboscis (straw tongue)

Will give you seductive looks and sweet talk you

Will touch your chin when flirting and caress your face

Likes your butt

Thinks you look hot in midevil clothes

Will help train you to fight

Hugs from behind with neck nuzzles and kisses-

HOW IT WORKS FOR BOTH DATING YOU (POLY):

Same stuff mentioned previously applies

You three would have to communicate everything clearly and specifically

Prismo is more so at-home dating, Scarab will go out with you

If Scarab feels you're spending more time with Prismo compared to him, he will either talk to you about it or try to take you somewhere just you and him for a bit ("It's My turn with YN...")

Both will cuddle you. Prismo will have you lay on him, Scarab will lay on you. Either that or one on each side

During funtime, Prismo will hold you down from behind while Scarab fucks you. Threeways and taking turns

If both are 2D, they would get a bed ready for you so you can be a wishmaster too (may or may not have argued over who's bed you'd be sharing with them). They are open

Prismo is cuddly compared to scarab

Scarab is more assertive, Prismo is more passive

There's no point in lying, Prismo can easily rewind and see what really happened on his TV wall. This helps settle arguments

Sometimes you would have to be the tie breaker in decisions

They both have your back, will support you however they can. Prismo is more emotional support, Scarab will back you up in an argument with someone and may even cite his sources to help you prove a point.

Both would die for you

Both will call you out if you do something wrong.

Prismo is more honest and to the point, will even explain things you need to know. Scarab is blunt, will also tell you things you need to know, stress the importance of it and may drop hints

Sometimes you will walk in on Prismo and Scarab Kissing each other

Will ask you to join if you walked in on them during sex

If Prismo is upset, he will vent to you. His place might be a mess

If Scarab is upset, he will be quieter than usual and visibly irritated. He feels better when you let him vent

BONUS:

Nightmos will protect you

Nightmos my either fight over you if more than one or will team up to have their fun with you (with consent ) they also like to scratch your back during sex

Old man Prismo will vaguely remember you, will mention dreaming about you and may remember small details from when he was dreaming. He will trust you and like being around you.

Old man Prismo's hugs feel like clouds because of his big soft beard

If you got into trouble, Scarab will help you out best he can (after a REALLY long lecture about it) because he cares about you

Prismo may or may not have already made gender bent versions of you and him happily married in Fionna World

Scarab has a picture of you in his wallet, and even some extras of you and him with couple's photos that each include a different form he can take. That way he can bring about you while undercover as his spouse. This not only make his disguise more believable, it also makes it so he can safely look at you two together while undercover

Scarab writes you into his midevil mystery drama fics as his self-insert's love interest

Scarab likes DnD, but won't admit it

Prismo is the DM for said DnD

[n7punk]

I accidentally drafted this instead of scheduling it for the start of October BUT I wanna talk about the scrapbusting aspect of Sapphic September for me now it's done because it was really successful for me.

Oh to start, let me actually explain scrapbusting: it's going through your scraps/fabric pile and finally sewing the pieces you've stocked up there. Usually it's more of a quilters thing since they can much more easily use small scraps, but the term has spread through the entire sewing community now and I've also seen it used for finally completing projects you may have cut out but never sewn and such.

So a lot of my SS ideas came out of nowhere (what is Ritual. Like actually) but this event was also so good for convincing myself to finally do things I'd been holding on to forever and I wanna go over those! I'm also gonna include a little of AU-ctober/Sheratober in here at the end

highlights / fault lines (OotW) [teeth]: i have had the highlights document sitting in my WIPs folder for 2 years (Oct 2022), starting with the first paragraph in the second scene for the final fic, and then just a little blurb of what the fic would be about (adora struggling to adjust/with her depression after joining the rebellion to explore how unhealthy she managed to be in secret). when I started writing the teeth prompt, i wrote that first scene and went, wait, this could actually tie into that old idea, so i pasted it into that old doc and just went from there. I'm so glad to have finally gotten that idea out there and it was basically accidental lol.

Sickfic (the Greys) [UFO]: another file I've had sitting around for two years (Nov 2022), I wrote the first paragraph and then immediately switched over to what the first chapter of Recycled Stardust ended up being, the museum gallery opening. I was writing it for a friend who was sick, so "sickfic" made sense, but then I had the other idea and asked them which idea they'd prefer, and they chose the art gallery, so that other idea just sat there in my WIPs folder titled simply "sickfic.docx" for two years. When I saw UFO on the list I IMMEDIATELY went oh my god I'm going to finally finish this thing.

the bones of what you believe (OotW) [bones]: This is a partial hit. I came up with the idea for the broken bones thing just for this prompt, but as I started writing it, it naturally morphed into a reality break, and I had the following stub in my OotW ideas folder (titled 'delirium'): "Cognitive dissonance, catra adjusting to bright moon but its so pastel, and soft, and breezy, and smells like open air and flowers, it feels like a halucination, it’s difficult to tell what’s real". I ended up incorporating those aspects into this reality break, which I think works better than trying to turn that into its own fic separately, so another idea down!

Backseat Beast (Trade Today for Tomorrow) [moonlight]: I've had the catcrumbs drawing that inspired this sitting in my drafts, with those tags attached (minus Sapphic September lol), since the 4th of July... 2023. Yeah. I told you this was scrapbusting lol. I knew I wanted to do something with Catra, being far too aware for a kid her age, using it to listen in and be a bit of a little shit, but I never came up with more for it and had the idea it had to be multiple vignettes to make a new installment but like... it doesn't. It can just be one, lol, so as soon as I saw 'moonlight' I thought of TTfT since it's tied into immortality in that verse and I ended up using this idea even though there isn't actually any moonlight directly tied into this idea. I was going to try to write another scene that actually had the moonlight glow, but what I learned this month was that I need to give myself permission to write smaller things more.

mirrorworld (a left turn somewhere around etheria) (OotW) [surreal]: okay obviously I made that original tumblr post four years ago, but I had no intention of actually writing it. I happened to rediscover it two years later though (not really sure when) and decided I should actually write it. Well I wrote one paragraph and then never picked it back up. When I saw both the surreal and mirror prompts I knew I had to actually do this fucking idea now or just delete the damn file lmao.

Starlight (somewhere between the sand & stardust) [the divine/awakening]: This was intended to be my next project after Slipstream before Sapphic September grasped my attention with that fucking ghost prompt. Anyway just a glance at the prompt list told me I could fit in the Lightbeam sequel with these themes somewhere so hey, problem solved! I was a little burnt out on kidfic right after Slipsteam so the break to write all the stupid stuff gave me the room I needed to actually write Starlight.

A Prophecy from an Angry God [prophecy]: Oh boy this one. I don't normally like crossover fic because most of the time the themes of the two things just don't mesh, nevermind the plot, but I do sometimes like AUs just using another universe's rules (thus letting you make your own themes & plot) so that's what I wanted to do with this. The avatar fic came to me as a fever dream in the later house or early morning, I don't remember which, and I made the file in my Scrivener ideas folder on March 24th in 2023, but I wasn't sure I was actually ever going to write it. I remembered it when thinking about prophecy/fate in regards to the Avatar's role, though, and I was like. I'm not deleting this file ever, so I either need to write it now or look at it forever. So I finally wrote it LOL.

In AU-ctober, I've been seeing on the idea for Somewhere Beautiful, We Can Finally Meet for 7 months. I started working on it here and there, but AU-ctober planning started back in early September and I thought this would be a good way to close it out, even if it ended up being much longer than the five days that made up that week.

Rain or Shine I've been sitting on for AGES and the Sheratober prompts helped push me on ideas to finally get it out.

The Green Line idea is only a month old, but it was just "subway AU" and the Sleep prompt came along as a great way to spur interaction by falling asleep on public transit.

[missywritesfor7]

✈️ Take My Hand | JJK ✈️

Synopsis: A new marketing job with Hybe brings amazing opportunities, from traveling the world to working closely with the biggest group in the music business, BTS.

Lizzy is young and well liked by all of her peers, but one in particular, Jungkook, is testing the boundaries of their working relationship. Getting involved could cost her her job, but can she really resist?

Pairing: idol!Jungkook x fem!oc

Warnings: smut, nsfw

Previous chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

|| Ch. 21: Where the Heart Is ||

I feel like I'm dreaming. Or dead. I'm not sure.

"Jungkook, what...what are you saying?" I ask him. I'm still hanging on his neck and struggling to stay on my feet, but thankfully he's strong enough to hold me up.

"I'm saying I don't want to hide you anymore. I don't want you to leave me, and I don't want to leave you. I'm sick of all of these rules and I hate how much I have to do just to go on a normal date with you. I want the world to know that you're mine and there's nothing they can do about it."

"Kookie, are you...proposing to me?"

"I...I don't know what I'm doing. I just know I love you and I never want to let you go." He looks unsure of himself, like he's in disbelief that he's said what he's said. It's then that I start to realize this confession wasn't exactly part of his plan for the night. One thing I can tell for certain though is that he means what he's saying.

"I love you too," I say cupping his cheek in my hand. "I love you so much. There's nowhere I'd rather be than with you." If he could wait just one more week he'd really see that I mean that. I'd reveal to him that I've moved to Seoul for good.

"Stay with me," he says.

"Of course. I'll always stay with you."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

He steps back and holds my left hand out.

"I've gotten you a necklace, bracelet, and earrings." He kisses my hand then looks back into my eyes. "I promise the ring will come next."

I smile and nod as tears well in my eyes. I can't believe what's happening right now. It feels so surreal that I'm in the middle of Paris listening to Jeon Jungkook tell me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. What did I do in my life to deserve any of this?

Nothing feels real anymore. Everything is a dreamy haze that I'm only mindlessly floating through. The meal we had was the greatest meal I've ever eaten in my life, but I barely remember it. The remaining week in Paris feels like it didn't even happen. Everywhere I had gone and the places I saw are barely memorable. The entire flight back to Seoul went by in a flash. The chaos at the airport with the press and fans awaiting the boys' arrival may as well have not even happened in my mind.

The love of my life wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that's the only thing I can think of. I'm so lost in that blind bliss that I almost forget that I'll be seeing my new place for the first time. Since it's so close to where the guys are staying Joonie suggests I ride with them.

I thought they would drop me off first, but the driver pulls into the parking garage of their building instead. Jin says they'll just drop off their things and he'll take me to my new place. He assured me that his friend let him know that all of my things arrived safely and will be waiting for me when I get there.

We all pile into the elevator and Jin presses the button for the 4th floor. I know it's been a while since I've been here, but I could've sworn they lived on the 5th floor. I follow them down the hall, all the while Jungkook has his arm around my waist guiding me along.

We get to the door and I realize this is definitely not their place. Joonie opens the door and we all walk into an apartment I've never seen before, but it actually looks familiar. It's clearly not their place though.

"Wait a minute." I'm trying to figure out if my eyes are deceiving me. The things in the apartment are my things. I realize the familiarity I felt when I first stepped in was because of the pictures Joonie sent me before. He really put me in the same building as them! I quickly turn towards him. "Joonie, what is this?"

"Check it out," he says giving me his dimpled smile.

I slowly make my way through the apartment looking at everything. Everyone else follows behind checking the place out as well. The movers not only moved my things in, but they also unpacked and set everything up for me. I pretty much don't have to do anything.

I step into the bedroom where my large Cooky plush is waiting for me on the bed. When I open the closet it's full of my clothes and...more?

"I hope you don't mind," Jungkook says stepping up behind me. "I may have put some of my clothes in your closet."

"What?" I look up at him in confusion as the rest of the guys come checking out the bedroom.

"Would the brand new ramen cooker I got us make up for it?"

"Jungkook, what?" I look over at Joonie who's smirking. "Joonie!" I yell swinging my arms in his direction. "I told you not to tell him!"

"I didn't!" He responds laughing. "I only told Jin hyung."

"Jin! I told you it was supposed to be a surprise!"

"I didn't tell him," Jin laughs. "I told Jimin!" He says pointing at Jimin who's trying to hide in the corner of the room.

"Sorry, noona," Jimin says giggling. "We we're drinking after the London show and I may have let it slip."

"You mean that night you two video called me?" Now things are starting to make sense. Jimin was trying to keep Jungkook from saying much during that call, which I thought was just them messing around, but really it was Jimin trying to keep Kookie from revealing that he knew my plan. That also explains why Kookie was yelling about how much he loved me that night. He can be an affectionate drunk, but that night seemed a bit different. Now I know why.

Jimin and Jungkook both nod and giggle like a couple of school kids that just pulled a prank. Jimin is so lucky he's adorable because I almost want to throw something at him for spoiling my surprise.

"That's why I brought you to Paris," Jin says still laughing. "That way you would still be able to surprise him." I shoot him a couple of finger hearts for his thoughtfulness, although he probably only did it because he felt guilty about my plan being revealed.

"Ok, but," I turn back to Joonie. "This place? The rent-"

"Isn't for you to worry about," Jungkook interjects. "I'll cover the rent in our place."

"In who's what now?"

"We'll let you two get settled," Yoongi chuckles stepping out of the room. Everyone makes their way out and leave Jungkook and I still standing in the bedroom.

"If you don't want me," Jungkook nervously says rubbing the back of his neck. "I can move my stuff back upstairs."

"My Kookie," I say wrapping my arms around his neck. "Why would you ever think I don't want you?"

"I don't know, I just thought-" I cut him off with a kiss.

"Stop thinking so much."

"I'll try," he giggles flashing his big bright smile. "I'm so happy to be with you, babe."

"Me too, my love."

I swear it's like we stood there for a good 30 minutes kissing and giggling like a couple of kids in a new relationship. I can't wait to start this new journey with him here in Seoul.

When I return to work on Monday Jae is more than happy to see me now knowing that I've moved to Seoul permanently. He even brought me a housewarming gift of a bottle of wine and a set of wine glasses.

"Jae you didn't have to get me anything! I'm just happy to be here," I say giving him a big hug in the middle of my office.

"I know, but I wanted to get you something. Not just for your move, but also because of something else." He looks at me with a pained excitement like he's been holding a secret for way too long and is about to explode.

"Something else?"

"I'm going to propose to Jisoo!" His face is beaming with so much happiness.

"Oh my god really?? When? How? I wanna know everything!" I'm just as excited as he is now, bouncing on my toes wanting to hear all of the details.

"Well first I want to talk to her family to get their approval," he chuckles. "Then I'll go from there. She's on board with it though and we're really excited."

"That's so sweet! When do you plan to meet with her family?" I forgot how traditional things are here, but I love the idea of a man getting approval from the family before proposing. It's like something out of a fairytale.

"Well..." his tone grows a little nervous. "We already got approval from her parents. They're just as excited as we are. However, there's one more family member that means the world to her that we need to get approval from."

"Oh..." I know where this is going.

Jisoo and Kookie are practically siblings. Which is a deep understatement considering how incredibly close they really are. I haven't gotten the pleasure to meet her yet, but any time Kookie and I are together he always makes time to either call or text her. If he's busy he'll drop everything if her name shows up on his phone. So much so that he would apologize at times for always taking her calls, but I don't mind at all. I'm actually happy that he has someone in his family that he's so close with like that. I could never get in the middle of that.

"So...how do you plan to do that?" I ask not even needing him to tell me that he's talking about Jungkook.

"I'm not sure, I was hoping maybe you could help with that?" If Jae was a turtle his head would be completely in his shell right now with how nervous he looks and sounds. "I mean I would like for us to put everything behind us, I just don't know how to get him to hear me out first. I have to do this though. Without his approval Jisoo won't go forward with anything."

"I see." I'm more than willing to help, but it may take a little convincing to get Kookie to agree to talk to Jae. "I'll see what I can do. I want you two to get married." I give Jae a light nudge on the shoulder and smile to try to ease his worries.

"Hey." I look up and see Jungkook standing at the doorway. "What's going on?" His eyebrow is raised and while he's trying to maintain a neutral expression, I can tell he's bothered. As he always gets when he sees me with Jae.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask. The guys are all on break this week and I figured he'd still be home sleep.

Jae looks like he's seen a ghost. He nervously waves and tries to inch his way out of the door.

"I'll talk to you later," Jae says before turning to Jungkook and giving him to most awkward bow before sliding out the doorway and retreating into his office.

This marriage talk really has him on edge. Even before, he wasn't this awkward when Jungkook came around.

"What's this?" Kookie asks closing the door behind him and pointing at the gift bag Jae gave me.

"It's a housewarming gift from Jae." I hand him the bag so he can take a look.

"Does he know you're living with me?" He asks in a snarky tone.

"No, not exactly."

"Why not?"

"Haven't gotten to that yet. Calm down," I chuckle. "I was going to tell him."

"That should have been the first thing you told him."

"Don't be like that, babe. We had other matters to discuss."

"Such as?" He puts the gift bag on my desk and puts an arm around my waist.

"Such as, stuff..." I don't want to tell him that Jae and Jisoo are wanting to get married. I feel like that's for Jae to discuss with him. But I need to find a way to get them together to talk about it.

"What kind of stuff?"

"You know...he and Jisoo seem to be very happy together. Maybe we all could go out for dinner or something one night. Plus I'd love to finally meet Jisoo." Sure, I'll frame this as a double date or something.

"Dinner?" He looks apprehensive.

"Sure, why not? Jisoo knows about me, right?"

"Of course she does," he laughs as if I should know better. "Does he have to come though?"

"Babe," I huff pushing him back a bit. "Don't be like this. Has she said he's done anything wrong since they've been back together?"

"Well...no." He looks away and sighs.

"Then don't you think you should give him another chance? One night, babe. For me, the love of your life who you want to spend the rest of your life with," I say giving him a cheesy smile and my best puppy eyes.

"Gosh," he chuckles pulling me closer. "For you then. The love of my life who I want to spend the rest of my life with. One night."

"I promise I'll make it up to you if the night goes to shit," I smile giving him a peck on the mole right under his bottom lip.

"You owe me big."

"Is my love not enough?"

"Stop being cute, I'm trying to be stern with you."

"I love you, Kookie," I say pinching his cheeks and giving him another peck.

"I love you too, babe." He kisses me a few times then makes himself comfortable on my couch.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Do I have to have a reason to come see you?"

"Of course not, but are you going to be hanging in my office all day?"

"Maybe," he smirks. "Is that a problem?"

"No," I say making myself comfortable on his lap. "But it might be a problem for my work productivity."

"I told you, my future wife won't have anything to worry about." He lifts my chin and kisses me softly.

"When you say it like that you make it seem like we're going to get married tomorrow."

"Do you want to?" He asks perking up.

"Slow down, love," I say chuckling at his enthusiasm. "I think we have to work some other things out first, you know?"

He nods in agreement but his face shows disappointment because I know he's impatient. I would marry him right here right now, but I can't. Amongst a lot of things, we first have to figure out how this will work with him being an idol in the biggest group in the world. The company doesn't even know we're together, what would happen if we just showed up and told them we were getting married all of the sudden?

The heat from MinLee's rumors are only just now dying down, what would happen when headlines scream out that Jungkook is married to the marketing director? I haven't met his family yet either. At the very least they should get to know the person he's wanting to marry. I would love to meet his parents and his brother, and of course Jisoo first.

Oh God and everyone else at the company, all of my coworkers and peers. What would they think? Would they gossip behind my back all of the time? Would they think I only have my position because I'm with Jungkook? Would they even continue to respect me? Would it be better if I worked somewhere else to avoid a conflict of interest? There's so much on my mind and so many things that could go wrong. What are we going to do?

The questions keep swirling in my mind endlessly, but I'm trying my best to keep them at bay right now. Jungkook agreed to have dinner with Jae and Jisoo on Friday night so that's made it's way to the forefront of my mind. Going out somewhere with Jungkook is difficult so, after telling Jae that Kookie and I are living together, everyone agrees that we'll order out and have dinner at our place.

I've spent the better part of the week stress cleaning things that don't even need to be cleaned. This will be the first time I'll meet one of Kookie's family members. And on top of that I'm nervous about how he'll react to Jae asking for his blessing to marry Jisoo. This could either go really well or really bad. Either way there's plenty of soju and beer for either a celebration or a bitch fest.

Kookie drives me home Friday after work and I get right to cleaning again. Despite his resistance, Jisoo insisted that they bring the food since we're hosting them at our place. Until then I'm wiping counters and sweeping floors like there's no tomorrow.

"Please sit down," Jungkook says pulling me out of the kitchen and dragging me to the couch. "There is not a single speck of dirt or dust in this entire place, so take it easy. Why are you so nervous anyway?"

"Because I've never met anyone in your family before. I just want to make a good impression." My fingers are fidgeting and my heart is pounding. I didn't think I'd be so nervous, yet here I am.

"You will, just breathe. Noona will love you just as much as I do. Don't worry." He holds my hands to stop my fidgeting.

"You think so?"

"Of course! She already knows all about you, and you both actually have a lot in common. You'll be fine babe." He gives me a kiss to calm my nerves and reassure me.

I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I need to relax and just be myself. I don't know why I'm so nervous, but I guess it's a combination of meeting Jisoo, and the way Jungkook might react when he finds out they're looking to get married.

Amid my endless thoughts I hear a knock at the door. I look at Kookie and we both get up to greet them together.

"Koo!!" Jisoo shouts when the door opens. She jumps toward him and wraps her arms around his neck. "I feel like I haven't seen you in so long!"

Jungkook looks elated as he tightly hugs her back. Jae and I look at each other with a shrug and a look of "good luck" hoping things go well tonight.

"Noona, this is Lizzy," Jungkook says releasing his hold on Jisoo and turning towards me.

"Lizzy! I've heard so much about you!" She jumps into my arms almost as excitedly as she jumped into Kookie's. "It's so good to finally meet you!"

"It's good to meet you too!" I say hugging her back. I wasn't expecting such an instantly warm reception from her. I'm feeling more at ease already.

We all have a seat at the dining table after setting out plates and utensils and begin feasting on different flavors of fried chicken. Of course no dinner is complete without soju so we have a few bottles of that out on the table as well.

Things start simple, mostly Jisoo asking me about myself, though it seems she already knows quite a lot. I notice there isn't much interaction between Jae and Jungkook so I think of a way to get Jisoo and I to give them some time alone.

"Hey, do you want to come with me to the kitchen?" I ask Jisoo. "I want to show you something."

"Sure!" She says popping out of her seat and following me out.

Once we're in the kitchen and out of the boys sight she takes my hand and looks at me with a smile.

"Thank you," she says at a low volume. "I know what you're trying to do. I was starting to get exhausted trying to keep things from getting awkward. I hope Jae can finally talk to Koo." She looks at me and chuckles a bit. "I know Koo can be stubborn sometimes, but I hope he can see that Jae is not the same he was years ago."

"I hope so too. Just getting him to agree to this dinner was hard enough," I chuckle. "But I'm really happy for you two. I could tell Jae really cares about you. I'm sure Kookie will come around and you'll be planning your wedding in no time!"

"I really hope so!" She's so excited she's bouncing on her toes. "How long do you think we should leave them there alone?"

"Hmm..." I stroke my chin while listening for any signs of them talking in the dining room. "I think we should give them a bit more time."

"Awesome! Do you have that bottle of wine Jae gave you?"

"Yeah," I step over to the refrigerator and pull out the unopened bottle. 

"What do you say we crack it open while we wait?" She winks and I'm already reaching for the corkscrew. I love her so much already.

I pour us each a glass and we hang out in the kitchen drinking and talking, getting more and more loosened up until we realize the entire bottle is gone.

"Oops," Jisoo laughs. "I guess we should go back to rescue them." She opens the fridge and grabs another bottle of soju before linking her arm with mine as we make our way back to the table already tipsy on wine.

The guys haven't moved but they look a bit more relaxed than when we left them and much of the soju that was on the table is gone.

"What took you two so long?" Kookie asks kissing my cheek as I sit down.

"Sorry, Koo," Jisoo says sitting down and laying her head on Jae's chest. "We finished off the bottle of wine we got you. But I brought more soju!" We both giggle and the guys look at us amused.

"Soooooo," I look at Jae, then back to Kookie. "What were you two talking about?"

"Not much," Kookie smiles kissing me on the cheek again. I can tell he's really feeling the soju right now, just as much as I'm feeling the wine we drank.

"Koo!" Jisoo says pouring us each a glass of soju. "Just tell me if I need to cry into my drink or not!"

She's straightforward, I love it. The guys look at each other and I'm looking at Kookie hoping he won't crush their hopes of getting married.

"Why would you cry into your drink?" He asks. "I thought this was a happy occasion?"

"Happy how, Koo? What are you saying? Stop teasing meeee!" Jisoo pouts and I can't help but laugh. She reminds me of myself and I realize Kookie was right when he said we have a lot in common.

"Noona," he says trying to contain his laughter. "If you want to get married I'll be more than happy to be there by your side." Jisoo's instantly face lights up. "BUT," he continues. "I'll kill him if he hurts you again. That's a promise."

"Understood," Jae says inhaling his glass of soju.

"You really mean it? You're ok with us getting married?!" Jisoo jumps out of her seat and runs to Kookie throwing her arms around his neck and giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

"Only if you're ok with me getting married." Kookie hugs her back with his big bunny smile.

I, on the other hand, am a bit taken aback. We didn't plan to bring that up to them, or to anyone just yet. I look at Jae and he nods as if they've already discussed this.

"What?" Jisoo looks surprised, but pleasantly so. "You two are getting married??"

"Well not today," he chuckles. "But I can't think of anyone else I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Oh my God," she whispers. "My little baby Koo is in LOVVVEEEE!!!" She claps excitedly and comes over to me to give me a tight hug. "Let's celebrate with another drink!"

We all toast to love and marriage and Jisoo continues bouncing around the table in excitement. Eventually it turns into a drunken karaoke session where Jisoo and I become the stars. The guys keep taking shots and enjoying the show, and they even laugh and joke together.

I think this is the happiest I've been in a long time. Jisoo feels like an old best friend that I haven't seen in a long time. She's a lot of fun to be around and has such a warm personality. I can see why her and Jungkook are so close, and I can see why Jae loves her so much.

I'm also elated to see Jae and Kookie in the same space having fun like old college buddies. I'm not sure how their conversation went, but it's clear it went well. I haven't seen Kookie give Jae a single sharp stare this entire time.

Jisoo also shows me her drunken gratitude for both making her little Koo happy and also for "talking sense" into Jae. She then pulls out her phone to show me baby pictures of both guys and quickly our karaoke turns into embarrassing our men.

What's even funnier is the night ending with Jungkook sleeping on the couch, Jae sleeping in our spare bedroom, and somehow Jisoo and I passed out in Kookie and I's bed. I don't even remember how we got there, but it doesn't matter. It was a great night.

[boblittlepage-blog]

I'm Confused About Something...

A brief update for the uninitiated, which probably means everyone. Sometime back, I attempted to strike up a friendship with noted online semicelebritytype Indigo White, who you may know from her many productions of video entertainment not intended for younger viewers (do the math). Yes, I first came across her the same way most guys do (let's just say my prostate has never been healthier), but then I started watching her YouTube videos, and was very impressed with her intelligence, sense of humor, and levelheadedness. I'm very drawn to intelligence, and decided this is someone I'd actually like to know. And through chats during live streams and interactions on Twitter and Fansly, things seemed to be proceeding nicely. I'd like to think that I made it clear that I wasn't just another dweeb who'd parasocially bonded to some e-girl, that this was genuine affection for her as a person. Seeing that in writing makes it sound weird, but so be it, let's move on.

Some time ago, Indigo came out as trans, and was now a boy. Despite the change in personal pronouns to he/him, and now sporting shorter, Beatle-ish hair, nothing much was going to change content-wise, no plans for surgery or hormones (which begs the question of just how trans was Indy actually, but we'll not deal with that here, or anywhere else for now, it's largely irrelevant).

Okay, fine, I'll play along, so long Indy didn't feel the need to undergo anything permanent, (again, usually an indicator that something else is going on, not gender dysphoria), so no harm no foul.

In the meantime, I've gotten to know several detransitioners online, and heard their horror stories about how they'd been suckered into the whole gender ideology thing (which, by the way, is the creation of a very sick man, John Money, a pedophile who should be listed right alongside Joseph Mengele for the work he did directly with a couple of twin boys, both ending in suicide, but also for his sham "work" being baked into the psychiatric and medical industries before the true horror of his acts were finally made public. The result is that actual gender dysphoria, the kind where major gender reassignment surgery is the only workable treatment, has largely been pushed aside for people who are suffering from other, less serious issues, generally from some childhood trauma, like puberty in general, and turning garden variety identity crises into reasons for these sufferers, largely teenagers, who we must remember are still highly impressionable are generally stupid, to permanently wreck their biochemistry and mutilate their bodies).

So, during one live stream, I get wind of Indy trying to work up the courage to get what is euphemistically referred to as "top surgery", i.e., a double mastectomy, for no other reason than a long time hatred of them. Turns out Indy got those DD tiddies pretty much full force, virtually overnight, and besides being literally painful, anybody who's been to school between the ages of 9 to 15 can fill in the blanks of what the reaction of the other kids was. Also keep in mind that the amygdala, the lizard part of the brain that handles trauma and triggers the ol' fight-or-flight response, doesn't differentiate between actually life threatening situations and a snide comment from a 4th grade teacher at the wrong time, trauma is trauma, and can have life altering effects, especially in kids. We're generally not even aware of this happening until pointed out to us. Digging through Indy's Tumblr, apparently there's some additional trauma back there, that is triggering enough that I'm not going to even try and ask about it, but we're still talking a response to trauma. One day, it'll have to be dealt with, not just painted over with a big ol' "Congrats! You're Trans!" label. That's not therapy, that checking a box so somebody can make a boat payment. Since lives are at stake with this nonsense, I get very pissed off.

Anyway.

Back to the case at hand. I, hoping to spare Indy the kind of life wrecking pain I've seen others going through, began pushing for the alternative of breast reduction. Less invasive, faster recovery, and coming to the conclusion that, yes, Indy's tits WERE too big (5'4", 110 lbs, shouldn't be any bigger than a B, maybe closer to an A).

Enter the Affirmation Brigade, standing by and cheering Indy forward to go forth and be sliced up like a Sunday roast, to advance the cause of TRANS RIGHTS! Which I see as an attempt to validate their own sorry existences at the expense of someone else's health and well being. Well, during an engagement with one of these ghouls, things got rather heated, and more than a little ugly. I don't particularly regret anything I said, I would've preferred it didn't have to be in the form of calling out the other person as a butcher. Not because it was inaccurate (it wasn't), but because it was somewhat undignified.

Cue another set of angry DMs with Indy, demanding that I knock it off or get banned. I'd said everything I felt needed saying, so feeling no need to press the issue any further, certainly not publicly, I agreed. And things got more or less back to normal.

However, I reached out to a noted doctor who deals with the whole trans issue, and, with a couple of links, one to Indy's Twitter profile, the second to the coming-out video on YouTube, and asked for a professional opinion. Mainly, I wanted some guidance on whether I was doing the right thing by trying to be the lone voice against the affirmation chorus, trying to make the point that major invasive surgery over a personality issue is probably a very, very bad idea. Had I pushed too far, or should I stand my ground? One of the recurring themes I'd been hearing from detransitioners was that nobody ever challenged them, made them stop and think it out, WHY did they think they were trans? Could it be something else? Let's figure this out BEFORE we start lopping off perfectly healthy body parts, and see if we can find a less bloody and traumatizing solution. We live in a world where unless you blindly affirm the choice, you're a (fill in the blank). Well, sorry, but if the Emporer is walking down Broadway bloody starkers, I'm gonna say something.

Fast forward to a couple days later, this has gotten back to Indy, and the response in DM was thermonuclear. What right did I have to do this, I'm insane, etc., etc., and that was it, I'd been given too many chances already, I was banned, with the final shot being, and I quote, "Unblocking you to say one final thing. If I didn’t have the support i have and live where i do, what you did could have gotten me killed. Think about that. Fuck you."

Okay, back that up a little.

I posted a link to a PUBLIC Twitter page, with a link to a PUBLIC YouTube video (which Indy posted herself/himself TWICE, and has pinned to various other social media sites), disclosed no information, and only asked for "a professional opinion." (For the record, the only response I got back from the doctor was "Nope.") How in this, or any other reality could that endanger anybody? Did I overstep? Okay, I'll grant that. Wasn't the first time, pretty sure it won't be the last. But possibly getting Indy killed? Sorry, but I need to hear the twisted logic that comes to that conclusion, because I ain't seeing it, and I took Logic in college, I know a thing or two about false premises and the strange places they lead.

I would like to rebuild this relationship, if possible, but I'm not holding my breath. Clearly what I did incensed Indy, and it's not likely it'll be easy to walk that back. I would still like to have that explanation, though. If you're gonna throw down something like my being responsible for possible manslaughter, I think I'm at least owed that much.

Again, Indy (if you've read this far), my DMs are open, and I did give you my phone number, provided you haven't deleted the DM (doesn't seem like it, because I've still got 'em on my end). I'm ready for peace when you are.

[ginger-idiot]

So I've been thinking.

I think I might temporarily pause my Traumatized Pastra AU for my new au.

Introducing:

A random ass Doai AU I've had for a while now and am currently turning into a fic!(Hopefully it will be on Ao3 soon) It's just chock full o' headcanons! Buckle in because this gonna be a long ass post and I rant about things a LOT

Main little headcanons for the pairs.

◇ Clyde and Winfrey are 100% gay and no one can tell me otherwise.

◇ Simon is like an owner to The Flock, Simon is also teaching The Flock how to actually speak.

◇ Klaus is slightly abusive towards Jack, but he is desperately trying to fix it with Jack's help.

◇ Kause and Jack never actually stay in the same spot, but they will return to an area multiple times.

◇ Because Klause and Jack never stay in one place, they'll sometimes wander into Clyde and Winfrey's territory, because of this, both Clyde and Winfrey will hide if they catch even the slightest smell of their scent.

◇ Klaus and Jack have very impulsive personalities and will often play cruel pranks that often end up in an injury of some kind, this is why Clyde and Winfrey are afraid of them.

◇ The Flock can sometimes be overprotective of Simon, especially if Simon is about to go into hibernation.

◇ Simon will regularly check up on Clyde and Winfrey because I said so.

◇ Winfrey is helping to uncorupt Clyde, and in return Clyde is helping him control his thoughts.

Hibernation periods.

◇ Clyde hibernates between August 3rd and October 31st, while Winfrey hibernates between Febuary 1st and June 4th.

◇ The Flock doesn't hibernate, being a bird and all. Simon hibernates through spring.

◇ Both Jack and Klaus hibernate through the last half of winter and the first half of spring.

Individual Headcanons

.•° Winfrey °•.

◇ Winfrey can actually play the violin, and he's good at it too.

◇ He's constantly second guessing weather it was a good idea to become complete, but Clyde helps him see it as a good thing.

◇ He's overprotective over Clyde despite Clyde telling him that he can handle himself, it's just the size difference really-

◇ Him and Clyde are VERY close. V e r y

.•° Clyde °•.

◇ Clyde is actually kind of insane, and with Wibfrey helping to uncorupt his mind, he's becoming even more so.

◇ If Clyde is harmed enough, Winfrey will wake up from his hibernation and go save him, and vice-versa. They will then go into a month long hibernation together.

◇ Like Winfrey, Clyde can hear the voices of everyone he's consumed, but has learned to tune it out.

◇ He is adept at playing the piano.

.•° Simon °•.

◇ Simon is practically The Flock's owner because of how feral The Flock is.

◇ He won't force his ideology of not consuming humans, he just doesn't want the others to do it when he's around.

◇ He celebrates human holidays, and even invites the other veldigun over to celebrate with him and The Flock.

.•° The Flock °•.

◇ The Flock will attack anyone and anything that gets close to Simon when he's injured, sick, ect.

◇ Since they haven't progressed past the void stage, they're kind of like an octopus, they can fit through tiny spaces.

.•° Jack °•.

◇ Jack rarely talks, only ever talking to Klaus.

◇ He'll do anything Jack tells him to, even if he doesn't want to.

◇ He hunts when Klaus is asleep because he's always used to help Klaus hunt.

◇ He doesn't actually need to eat as much as you'd expect.

.•° Klaus °•.

◇ Klaus is actively trying to fix his abusive behavior towards Jack

◇ Klaus and Jack get into constant prank wars.

◇ He loves messing with Clyde and Winfrey, mostly Clyde though.

Veldigun Headcanons.

◇ Veldigun can actually speak many different languages, but like humans they have to learn it.

◇ They know jackshit about Six, the only thing they know is that they'll show up in their dreams before an event in their lives. (Hibernation and stuff)

◇ They never go into large human towns or cities, they just wait for prey to come to them, or they'll try to lead them away.

Okay I'm done ranting now- I may or may not turn this into a separate ask blog idk man- but I do know that I've kinda lost motivation for my Traumatized Pastra AU-

[romaine2424]

Daily Blog July 1, 2023

Another gorgeous day in the PNW! It really does feel like summer here now. Daughter has no Covid symptoms as of yet but is still positive. Her boyfriend is sick but only mildly. He's had it before and said last time he was out for 2 weeks and it was horrible. Fingers remained cross.

What I'm reading:

Okay, I'm in shock. I'm not reading anything at the moment besides the results for Google research I'm doing for my fic. LOL I do have a fic lined up for tonight. It will be Everybody Hates a Tourist (51K). The 2nd posting today for @hd-wireless so it's by Anon. :)

Tumblr Interesting Posts:

Today is the first day for claiming a prompt on @hd-fan-fair!

Today is the first day of posting for @hd-wireless. And oh, what an opener!!! It's Art!

Also the @hdwickedwixen has extended the deadline for pre-ordering the new Drarry Zine until July 4th!!!! So very excited to see this as I put in my order for a physical copy.

Fic Rec:

I've recced this fic before on Tumblr, but it was awhile ago and I think I might have had 20 or so followers at the time. :) So I keep saying this fic is in my top 3 and I should stop that because it's actually my favorite h/d fic. I love so many others, but this one has stuck with me since it was first posted as a gift for me back in 2008 for the first annual Creatures Fest. It could've fit right into the @lcdrarry (Lights, Camera, Drarry) fest as some of Harry's words and the title were adapted from the movie I Am Legend (2007).

We Are Legend (38K) by @vaysh11 is very far removed from standard h/d fics but holds their essence like no other. It's a dystopian AU fic, the ultimate dystopian fic, 80 years into the future. The war against Voldemort is still being fought. There's been major major losses but Flash Man carries on. Here's the summary and then I'll say a bit more: Eighty years into the future, Voldemort won. Harry Potter is a renegade wizard, Portkeying Muggles out of London to Hogwarts, last sanctuary in a Britain ruled by the Dark Lord. On a mission he encounters a powerful phoenix Animagus fighting on the Death Eaters' side. He recognises Draco Malfoy whom he thought long dead. But the differences between them are perhaps even greater than before. Enemies may become lovers, but can Harry return Draco the phoenix to humanity? And will they together be able to defeat Voldemort? This is the legend of Flash Man and the Blue Phoenix …

This fic carries a big warning of MCD. But please, oh please do not let that stop you from reading this masterpiece in writing. There's action, there's lore, there's Indian food, and birds. But most of all we have h/d in small place high above it all. Harry is our Harry. Brave and powerful but also kind. Draco is beautiful but so so hurt in the state he's in. Together they have to figure out how to end this war and for Draco finally to be at peace.

We Are Legend on AO3.

Give the author, @vaysh11, who is definitely still around lots of love. @vaysh11 continues to mod @hdowlpost...like forever. And has previously modded more hd/hp fests than you can imagine. One of those magical elves. :)

Okay, I'm off to do my writing for the night. Enjoy your Saturday or for some I think it must be Sunday.

Rom

[endorstoiii]

And last but not least, @somekeepsakes tagged me to post this. As always, thank you for the tags! You know I love them 🤍

last song: Pop the Balloon by Nothing But Thieves. This is a band I know since I first heard it on the radio some years ago and I always wanted to listen to more songs. So, as they recently released this album, Dead Club City, I gave them a proper chance. Despite the pop and electronic sound, these are nice songs! And they keep the heavy sound of them.

latest TV show: the Canadian series Three Pines (2022). I'm sad it was cancelled with only one season. It had a nice plot and mystery, and had hard critics about the Canadian government and society about the native people. It'd be nice to see the rest of the story.

currently watching: I'm about to finish Dexter (2006-2013). Me and my mom always wanted to watch it, but never tried. So, out of the blue on a day of May, we played the first episode. And we got sooo obsessed with it. We even spent a whole day just watching it, episode after episode lmao. Now there are only 3 episodes left and we are already sad that it's almost over lol

currently reading: I am reading a book about a Brazilian true crime podcast called Modus Operandi. It's not a story book, it's more like a guide explaining about the police, the laws, types of crimes etc. I've always been into serial killers and their minds, I like this podcast for the way they talk about true crime. I hate how popular this topic has become and how wrong people consume it. It's sick, it's dangerous. And I'd like to mention that the last time I was on tumblr (on February), I was reading 1984 by George Orwell. Since then I finished this one and I also read Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin, I looove this story. I'm glad and proud I read this book "so quickly"!

current obsession: it's gotta be Dexter 😬 I am not into tv shows, but this one really caught me. As I said, I always had interest in serial killers (not in a sick way, please!) and the series has a nice plot. To be honest, I'm not enjoying this end phase, I hope it doesn't end the way it seems to, I hope they have a good plot twist as they had back in the 4th season. But overall, I like the development!

tag 9 people: I can't tag 9 so I'm tagging @elkika, @coffeeandgays, @oldfarmerbillswife, @ilooktoyoutoseethetruth, @shannondorf, @mrwilliewonka and @murobrown — but only if you feel like! :D

[katyspersonal]

Let me reformulate.

Who do you love / simp the more for between Aldrich, Micolash and Shabriri?

(Or is your favorite crazy soulsborne man a secret 4th thing?)

Why you have to put it this way sdfhhfds

Okay but honestly, every question of a kind is rigged by design if it includes Micolash in it, because I will ALWAYS choose him xD You know he is very dear for me, and at this point the "relationship" we have in my dreams where he appears feels like actual communication. It just runs very deep. And I could not abandon him if I tried because whenever it is about to happen, I have some sort of a nightmare of him dragging me back to him emotionally :^) 👍

I'll say though, without Micolash in the equation it is probably THE other Deep Sea simp guy. I never get to discuss Aldrich with anyone but Val, but I have a HUGE soft spot for the guy. The 'corrupt cleric' trope in fiction attracts me like a moth to a light bulb, but even further than that he has a similar transcendental motivation to Micolash (and Rykard, for that matter) - trying to get out no matter what cost because if you really think of it, no depraved actions really matter in the world that is already broken and corrupt by design! I suffer (am I tho... am I, tho) from some sort of disconnection from humanity, and this sort of higher plane thinking really resonates with me and gives me peace. Just finding a character that can 'understand' this makes me feel less lonely, even if that's a villain who is so comically evil he is long past redemption horizon. Val will also confirm that I've legit had very peaceful, elaborate and even 'magical' dreams about sea after discussing the guy in lengths, and when a fictional character gives me 'significant', personal-feeling dreams that's an automatic W.

...I also imagine him being fat even before eating people, and this is my favourite body type. Huggable is good!!!!! Yeah, when I think of Aldrich, I picture his still human(ish) self, and not the state of stealing Gwyndolin's look that we meet in the game.

This is not to say that I disregard Shabriri of course. I've been torturing Val and Crow with essays about him for a good reason, you know xD However, he DOES terrify me in a unique way. Micolash wants knowledge and to take his place in a higher plane away from the plebs, Aldrich wants to get to the better era for him and his simps in general being in the world stuck in vicious cycle, but Shabriri wants to, like... destroy everything, you know?

All three characters made quite huge human sacrifices out of despairing for how their world was designed if you think of their lores in general, whether they found it easy (if not enjoyable) to do or not. (I'd think the former for all three -_-") But I see Shabriri as someone without grandiose ideas but rather, he got a hunch of THE forbidden, the most evil power that goes more against Golden Order than anything imagineable and just... couldn't NOT. The call of curiosity is the most sparing way I can describe it. There is a Russian saying - "Суету навести охота" - that specifically refers to a person that ruined everything Just Because. Without even beneficial goal, just because things were too peaceful and 'boring'. That's him, okay? xD Yet I still feel bad for him, just... just why he had to tangle himself with something THAT horrifying.

^^^ I've been overthinking the contrast between how Kale says 'May chaos take the world' and how Shabriri says it. The intonation is so... drastically different - with Kale already seeking some peace and liberation from pain in the prospect of all things being melted, but with Shabriri (as you remember) sounding like a goddamn maniac. 'Some men just want to see the world burn', huh? I don't think anyone can truly comprehend Frenzied Flame since it comes from the power equal (or same) as Greater Will, so it is like a 'sickness' that will draw power from drives, feelings and principles of the host.

All in all? Shabriri is Chaotic Evil. I could write an essay about why Aldrich can qualify as Chaotic Good (at least past some point in his history) and Micolash as Chaotic Neutral, but this post is already overstaying his welcome because this question SHOULD be much simpler than I made it be x) I'll always like the 'Chaotic' type the most, but the Evil one is always least attractive. Adrich will do one a "favour" of eating them to add to his mass and take them into a better era, Micolash will do one a "favour" of making them a martyr in the progress torturing and sacrificing them for his weird rituals goals to commune with Gods... But Shabriri, bless his heart, will harm one... why? 'For fun' is the NICEST it can be. @_@" I am sure that Shabriri has a lot of intelligence packed in him as an extremely skilled manipulator then and now, but even tangled with hivemindish superior power, he is danger and evil for the sake of it and not out of twisted but noble motivations. He is uncaring and..... ironically 'cold' for someone with his element? I'd still quite love to bother the guy for attention and discuss existence and memories with him but in the end this is, figurally and literally, playing with the fire. xD

I know it is a combination of interpretations and super extensive analysis that was left behind the doors, but again, with Soulsborne characters, your own intuition and experiences is often all you've got! Thank you for the question, though! xD It was fun to think about..

[pantherafool]

Honestly, the 4th of July this year wasn't it for me. Again.

I have a lot of problems with the 4th of July. I don't like that we as Americans like to celebrate how we stole land from the Indigenous peoples that lived here for hundreds of years before us. I don't like how nobody even talks about natives overall, not even during National Native American Heritage Month (November) and all the other weeks and days dedicated to Native Americans. I feel like people only talk about Native Americans when it's some sort of "trend." I saw so many people talking about natives when ICWA was in danger of being overturned, and now everyone's silent again. I may be the only one observing this, but it's like no one cares. I have barely seen anyone talking about how a lot of tribes don't have access to clean water. The government is and has been neglecting Native nations, and I have seen nobody but natives talking about it. I've SEEN people say that "it isn't a big deal" which is so fucking crazy because hello??? Natives are human beings who need to consume water to LIVE?? But of course, some people don't consider natives human and some just don't want them to live at all. It's fucking performative if you're just talking about native issues to seem like a good person. It is performative to just talk about issues like these when they're "popular."

I also have issues with the 4th of July because of... you guessed it, fucking fireworks! I will preface this by saying I am an American teenager who lives in the south and has C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and asthma and is overall disabled. Fireworks. Fucking. Freak. Me. Out. They freak me out so bad. People started setting off fireworks a few days ago, and I have been physically and mentally SICK ever since then. As I'm writing this, I am nursing a major fucking headache. I feel like throwing up. Up until recently, I could not breathe properly because of my asthma. People have stopped setting off fireworks and other annoying "bang" and "pop" and "sshrr!" sound-noise making things because it is 3 AM right now, but. Holy SHIT. The fireworks caused me to have a mental breakdown because of how eerily similar they sound to gunfire. I'm aware that gunfire doesn't echo/linger the same way fireworks do, but it still freaks me out. The fireworks have caused me to have emotional rollercoasters continuously since July 1st/around then. My mental health has literally reached a low point because of fireworks. I'm not kidding.

And you can laugh at that all you want and think of how stupid it is, but I would also like you to take a moment to think about the animals. The animals that freak out every single year because of fireworks. I would like you to think of your dog or your neighbor's dog that cowers under a coffee table or a bed. I would like you to think about how fireworks release smoke and greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and nitrogen, which harm the environment. I would like you to think of the metal and the dangerous toxins and chemicals that linger for days. I would like you to think of the fact that fireworks harm the environment in the same way wildfire smoke does. I would like you to think of the veterans who fought to protect this country that have traumatic flashbacks due to loud noises.

But who cares, haha!! 'Murica is more important than all that! 🤪 🎆💥

[brainrattlers]

Play It Cool - Tyson Jost (36/n)

Pairing: Tyson Jost x OFC (AJ)

Word Count: 2891

Chapter 35 can be found at https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-35n/l1n6k0ggp18i

Start from the beginning at https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-1n/p7no8u1hzuza

Warnings: hmm. AJ's sick, taking meds so if you have a bad aversion to NyQuil, maybe take a pass? I don't even think there are bad words in this chapter.

Author's Notes: Short chapter, I've been under the weather, so just got some fluff today. Will get back to hockey goodness in the next chapter! For some reason, tags have not been working, so if you'd like to be directly tagged in my posts (since they're not coming up in tag searches? And Tumblr's support is failing me in solving this issue), hmu in the comments!

***

So that New Year's kiss may have happened on January 4th, but Tyson made it one hundred percent worth it. Texting from the airport, he made sure that AJ would indeed be at the hotel in about an hour.

Tyson: Not to ruin the surprise, but… you’ll be there, right?

AJ: Yep, what are you up to, Jost?

Tyson smiled, he secretly loved it when AJ called him that. She knew he was up to something, and he loved the fact it was getting to her in a fun way. Plotting little things to cause some harmless mystery and mischief, and of course making AJ smile and laugh was his favorite.

Finding his Grand Cherokee in the parking lot, Tyson hit the road, finding himself at the grocery store near the hotel before heading home. Stopping in, he picked out a few things he jotted down on his phone notepad earlier on the flight from DC. Strolling down the candy aisle with his small basket, he also threw a package of Justin’s PB Cups in for himself. Looking at his basket, everything from the list was in there, and made his way to the checkouts, and out the door.

After parking, and coming up the elevator, Tyson stood outside of their door, pulling things from the bag, including cups and sparkling cider. Inside, AJ could hear the rustling of the plastic bags and Tyson chuckling from the hallway as he texted his fiancée just inside.

Tyson: Hey babe, open the door in 10 seconds.

Tyson: 5, 4, 3, 2…

AJ opened the door, whispering “1.”

Grabbing Tyson’s face, AJ kissed him with abandon. It had been nearly a week since they’d physically been in each others’ presence. She pulled him inside, hands on the still on the sides of his face. Finding the counter next to them, Tyson was able to put the cups and bottle in his hand down on it, dropping the bag (thankfully without breakable items in it) onto the floor.  Lips melting into each other’s, the two caught up on all the kisses missed in the last week, and more than made up for the kiss missed days earlier at midnight. After a few minutes, the pair were left with dazed smiles AJ looked up into Tyson’s eyes.

“Happy New Year, Eggo. Here’s to spending this year, and many more, together.” Tyson’s eyes twinkled as he kissed AJ again. 

Breaking the embrace, Tyson went back to the kitchen counter, grabbing the sparkling apple cider and plastic champagne glasses, pouring each a glass. Before doling them out, he grabbed drastically marked down party hats and noisemakers from the grocery bag. Putting a hat on AJ and himself, he put a horn in his mouth and honked at AJ. The horn in AJ’s lips unfurled and squeaked in Tyson’s direction, leaving them both giggling, sipping on the sparkling juice.

Grabbing the extra blanket that AJ had on the bed, she headed for the sofa as Tyson clicked around on Netflix to find something to watch. She shivered under the fleece as she curled up next to him. The opening scenes of White Noise started, and the two watched intently, trying to figure out what was going on. 

As much of an Adam Driver fan AJ is, she was unable to stay awake and fell asleep shortly after the first half hour of the movie. And as the movie went on, Tyson wasn’t faring much better in the keeping awake department. The thing that woke AJ up was the song of the final credits, as she’s also a bit LCD Soundsystem fan. 

Attempting to bounce her head to the beat, it started pounding, leaving AJ shivering. Breathing in deep, her nose was clogged and she snuffled, waking Tyson instantly. Rubbing his eyes, he suddenly looked concerned.

“You feeling okay, babe?” 

AJ scrunched her eyes and sniffled loudly, wincing as she tried to stretch her arms over her head.

“I’ve been kinda tired the last day or so, I hope I’m not getting sick.”

Tyson put the back of his hand on AJ’s forehead.

“Oh no, you’re burning up. I think you’re past the getting sick level,” Tyson suddenly went into nurse mode, getting up off the sofa, “You stay put, I got this.”

“Damn it, I was working on scheduling *sniffle* places for us to go look at to live in.” AJ was more concerned about making it to the appointments.

Returning from the kitchen, large glass of water and a couple Tylenol in hand, Tyson shushed her. 

“Right now that doesn’t matter, we can find our place when you get better. Here, take these to start, and drink that whole glass of water. Gotta keep you hydrated, yeah?” Tyson gave a soft smile as he had AJ sit up to take the meds and sip on the cool water. “Will you be okay if I run back out to grab a few things from the store?”

AJ cleared her throat, nodding. Trying to not be a wimp, she attempted to get up but sat down quickly again. She motioned toward the bedroom.

“Can you grab my pillow?” Her voice was tiny.

“Of course, you stay put,” Tyson had AJ lift her head to put the pillow underneath it and tucking the blanket in around here, “I’ll be right back. Text me if you need anything, okay? Or if you want something from the store?”

“Sprite? And orange juice?”

“Of course, Eggo. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Tyson leaned down, kissing AJ’s feverish forehead.

Tyson made the quickest trip back to the same grocery store he was just at hours earlier. Grabbing a cart this time, he made his way up and down aisles, while texting his grandma.

Tyson: Hey Grandma, what’s the recipe for your chicken soup? AJ is sick, and yours always made me feel better.

A few minutes later he got a list of ingredients off his phone, they were in his cart, along with liquid NyQuil (Tyson remembered that AJ couldn’t swallow the capsules), tea, Sprite and orange juice. Tyson picked up a few other things too that he thought would make AJ more comfortable, the things that made him feel better when he was home sick. His last stop in the store was the floral counter, where he found the perfect plant for her, picking out a pot in her favorite color as well.

Rushing back home, the door was opened as silently as possible, with Tyson putting the bags on the counter. Peeking over, he found AJ snoring loudly as her nose was severely clogged. Without clanging the pots as much as he could muster, a pot of broth and shredded rotisserie chicken simmered on the one-burner stove in their small home. It wasn’t 100% his grandma’s recipe, but it was going to be as close as he could get in the time/space crunch he was working with. Tasting the broth, he added a little more garlic, and some extra spices from the cupboard. 

With a coughing fit, AJ woke up, looking around at the living room, not remembering she fell asleep there. Quickly, her nose, albeit stuffed up, smelled something delicious coming from the space behind her in the kitchen. Tyson jumped up, looking around the corner from the table to make sure AJ was alright. Once knowing she was good, he offered to help her get to the table as dinner was almost ready.

AJ sat down, still wrapped up in the blanket as two bowls of chicken noodle soup were ladeled up. Looking at the breakfast bar, a small green and white mottled leaf plant in a bright red ceramic pot caught her eye. Amused, Tyson smirked, pointing at the plant.

“I saw it and thought of you. I think it’s a… pothos? It’s a Snow Queen, according to the tag. And with everything you’ve been through in the last two months, you’re MY Snow Queen.” 

The smile that graced AJ’s face from the explanation warmed Tyson’s heart. Twice now AJ had given up most of her plants when moving to a new place, so he was hoping he could help start a new collection for their new place in Buffalo.

“Now, eat up... It isn’t quite the recipe, but pretty close. Grandma Emily sends her love and hopes you feel better soon.”

Taking a slurp of the broth and a noodle, AJ closed her eyes, letting the hot liquid ease down her throat. She appreciated that the carrots were soft. Even more appreciated is the fact that Tyson skipped the celery that is often found in chicken and noodles all together, as it’s a veg that AJ refuses to eat. Slowly, the bowl of soup in front of her disappeared, helping her shivers disappear a bit as well. 

Once their bowls were empty (Tyson might have had a second one), AJ attempted to get up and grab both of them, heading to the sink.

“Huh uh, you go either to the couch or bed… I got this,” Tyson gently took the bowls from AJ’s hands, “You need to rest.”

“But you cooked, I need to do the dishes,” AJ squeaked out.

Tyson put the bowls and silverware on the counter next to the sink, “Not this time. Next time, when I’m sick, you can cook and do the dishes while I rest, you know? I got you babe, you’re benched the rest of the  night.” 

AJ frowned, but then chuckled at his choice of words. Finding her way back to the chaise part of the sofa, she propped herself up with her pillow to help with her cough and congestion. Tyson looked over the counter to see her clicking on something on Hulu, starting an episode. The opening credits hadn’t even started, and the snores from her stuffy nose were already happening as he filled the sink with hot water to wash the dishes. He let her doze as he finished up.

Looking at his watch, Tyson grabbed a bottle from the bag of groceries that still sat on the end of the counter from earlier.  Popping off the little plastic shot glass, he eyeballed the red syrupy liquid that came out until it was at the top line.

“Hey baby girl, I need you to wake up,” Tyson gingerly touched AJ’s arm, “C’mon, it’s medicine time.”

AJ grumbled and opened her eyes, sensing the vile red liquid in the shot glass was not indeed a tasty shot. Finally awake enough, the cup was put in her fingers and then turned her lip up at it in a cringe, knowing how bad it was going to taste. But getting up the courage, she attempted to shoot it as fast as possible, taking it in two gulps. The horrific taste left her gagging slightly.

“IT IS SOOO BAD, ewwww,” AJ was being a little overdramatic, flailing a bit. She got quiet, thinking about something for a few minutes, forgetting the taste that was still lingering in her mouth. “Do you want me to sleep on the sofa? I don’t want to get you sick babe.”

To be honest, she probably already had exposed him with that make-up New Year’s kiss. 

Tyson thought about it as well, coming to the same conclusion. “I want you to sleep where you’ll feel most comfortable, where you’ll actually get rest. If that’s the sofa where you can prop yourself up, sleep there. If you want to sleep in bed, by all means.”

“But you need your rest too… you’re the one that has to play Saturday, and practice, and…” AJ got quiet, and started staring at a spot on the floor, although nothing was there.

The NyQuil was hitting, and Tyson could tell.

“Even if you choose the bed, I’m staying there with you. I think you’re going to be pretty out of it here quick anyway.” Tyson smiled as AJ completely zoned out, intensely looking at seemingly nothing.

Leaving AJ in her cold medicine-induced trance, he took the few moments to grab a pair of pajama pants and a tanktop for AJ. Before he had her decide where she wanted to crash for the night, he made sure she was comfy in what clothes he picked out. Eventually, AJ indicated she wanted to sleep in bed, requesting a pile of pillows to keep her head up and hopefully not coughing all night. She was still coherent enough she was worried that Tyson wouldn’t get any sleep, but he had one more trick up his sleeve, or rather, in the bag in the kitchen.

While not his favorite scent, it was something that always helped him when he was younger and struggling with a cold. Opening the little blue jar, he scrunched his nose at the smell as his fingers swept up a dollop of VapoRub and smeared it on AJ’s exposed skin above her collar of her top, and put a little just under her nose. The goo was already doing it’s thing as her nose started to run a bit, and she didn’t feel like coughing. An extra box of lotioned tissues was put on her nightstand to make sure her nose wasn’t going to get all red and cracked from blowing it too much.

Tyson really had thought of everything.

AJ was out like a light, and a groggy mess come morning. Tyson was up early, getting ready for the morning’s practice, when he heard AJ honking while blowing her nose in the other room. Peeking in, he noticed that she had a little more color to her face (that wasn’t the dark circles under her eyes). She caught him checking in, and noticed how tired HE looked.

“Please tell me I didn’t keep you up all night?” AJ croaked out, throat dry from sleeping with her mouth open to breathe as her nose was still stuffy.

“Naw, I ended up sleeping on the sofa after you kinda starfished in bed. We have this giant king size bed here and you may be tiny, but… yeah. You kinda took over.” Tyson smiled and chuckled, just happy that she did get some sleep. “I just wasn’t used to the sofa, that’s all. I’ll be fine with a nap after practice. You feel like some more soup for breakfast? I can heat you up a bowl if you’d like.”

With a nod, Tyson jumped up and grabbed a bowl and the extra soup from the fridge, heating it up as he finished his own bowl of cereal. AJ made her way slowly to the little dining table, sitting down and rubbing her head. A glass of water and shot of DayQuil was already waiting for her. She had been single so long prior to Tyson coming into her life, she couldn’t even remember the last time she had someone to take care of her when she felt crummy, and despite the obvious feeling ill, she felt mentally better knowing someone was looking out for her.

Bowl of soup in front of her, Tyson kissed AJ’s forehead while putting the spoon on the wooden table.

“Well you don’t feel like a raging inferno this morning,” He kissed her forehead again just because, “feeling better at least?”

She truly was, although not one-hundred percent. But was happy that at least her eyes and ears didn’t feel like she was cooking from the inside out. The soup felt amazing, helping her face and throat hurt less.

“I’ll be back in a few hours. Rest! And stay hydrated, your OJ and Sprite are in the fridge. Text me if you need anything.” Tyson put on his backpack and blew a kiss from the doorway.

Finishing up her soup, AJ put on the latest season of Letterkenny and grabbed a big glass, filling it half and half between the soda and juice. Settling in on the sofa, she sipped the drink and laughed at the jokes. A text from Laura came in asking how she was feeling - Tyson obviously said something to Grandma Emily and word likely spread. The two chatted back and forth a few minutes until sleep took hold after the warmth of the soup and blanket lulled her to sleep.

Not knowing what he was going to come back to, but figuring from the lack of texts, Tyson was quiet as a mouse once home from practice and again the grocery store. When AJ had emerged on the other side of her migraines, she always craved a handful of things, so he figured this would be no different and picked them up. Leaning down over the arm of the sofa, the back of his hand grazed her forehead again, making sure the fever never came back. She stirred slightly, but was out like a light again. He took advantage and snagged about an hour’s worth of nap time in bed, without her sprawling limbs taking up the space.

Until they weren’t, because that’s exactly what woke him up. But AJ’s limbs weren’t sprawling, they were curling up into him, wrapping around his torso. She smelled a bit of another shot of DayQuil and some VapoRub, but he didn’t care. The fact she got up, took some more meds, and willingly climbed into bed were signs she was on the up and up.

Chapter 37 is posted! https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-37n/hxfl33gkhrv2

[lovingtidalwavecomputer]

I want you to come at me Mitch. I've never been so sure of anything. You have hurt so many people. What you've done to me is nothing. For more than a year, you've been claiming to be a guy with values, beliefs, and conviction. You've called Rick sick. You put him to shame. I want you to show this to PD. Please do it.

In trying to explain this to Nick & CJ, it was difficult! What words are there to describe this shit, in this case? I thought, screw this. I showed them. They asked ME, why MY head was up my ass. MINE. Screw this again. Showed them everything, every friggin message dating back to May 2023, emails, only mine of course, photos, vids, again only mine. Next question? Viral? Whaddaya mean you don't know Mom? I'm like, Whaddaya, what do I mean? I had no idea who he was! More questions! You've known this guy for over a year, and you're trying to tell me you had no idea who he was? YES. Thru my hands up in the friggin air, told them, okay I'm goin' to jail, you'll be visiting your mother in jail, by this time next month, you happy now???

Forget the women. That bullshit wasn't even an issue. Not once they saw the other shit. Again though, MY head was up MY ass. Then of course, I had to listen to a 20 minute dissertation REMINDING me that my immune system is shit! REMINDING ME. You wanna know how that conversation went Mitch? It feels like shit calling you Mitch, but I refuse to call you Mitchy, because thinking of Mitchy2024 makes me wanna puke. My grown sons asked me, their grown mother, where the shit the condoms were, and if they were up my ass too. Here we go....My answer? I told him about the friggin spleen shit long ago, last time we were together he said there was NO reason for you to be worried. Nick: Oh, he told you. You mean he told you like he told you about all this other shit Mom? CJ: Wait a second mom, whaddaya mean he told you? How did he tell you? I'm like, with his friggin mouth CJ, whaddaya mean how'd he tell me?

CJ: Okay, so he told you there was nothing for you to worry about, as in what, nothing to worry about the weather, the traffic, what mom? Finally, CJ I don't friggin know, I have no fucking idea, yesterday your grandfather called, I started calling him Eric cause I had no idea what the shit I was saying or doing. CJ: Thank you, cause you just made my friggin point, no idea who this guy is, and if he said Celia buy this fucking bridge, you woulda bought it.

And you? You're just happy, playing with your little shit, here, there, all over the friggin place, not a care in the world. While everybody else on the planet is crazy. Yeah! They are now! Because of you!

If you have spent 30 seconds of the past year even liking me in the slightest, please, show this to PD. I have gone to bed every night since the first conversation with Jeanne, praying to God, the devil, my mother, my grandfather, my grandmothers, David, any friggin dead person who might be listening to please please please, make this man send PD right to my friggin door, TONIGHT, NOW, don't give a shit what time it is, I want PD banging down my friggin door, waking up every friggin neighbor in the friggin building, right the shit now!

You have no clue. You are sleeping. Comfortably. You haven't been feilding shittin phone calls for the past week from your two shittin sons and your hysterical father cursing in Italian that he's gonna ask for a fucking refund for your education! NO, you haven't. You've been too busy here, there and everywhere fielding phone calls from Mitchy2024 and God knows what else, Tiffani, yeah the one you asked out over the 4th! That one...this one, that one, etc, all over creation!

No. You have to answer for all of this. Your sister, your family, me, etc, etc. In this lifetime. Before I drop dead, so I can see it, and so my grown sons, Nick and CJ, who are 30 years younger than their 61 year old mother, can see without a friggin doubt, that their mothers head was not up her ass, but that yours was, is.

Celia

(Like you have to guess who this friggin email is from)

[michaelmyersofficial]

15/07/2024 Monday Afternoon

So I have a few updates. This is another one where I started writing in the morning and it posts in the afternoon, oh well. Starting off with, D&D has picked up again and it's been actually quite fun. For the Thursday game the band is back together after a death tragically (but temporarily) separated us. One day I'll have to type up my notes, since I've been writing them by hand. For the Saturday game, my character is finally getting to participate in some important roleplay, which is not typical for him. I mentioned I got in contact with a lawyer for my disability, and I did the paperwork for them. The social security office is reconsidering me again, and I may have to go in to court, but I'm waiting for post from them based on what they're deciding. I think this is potentially some good news though. I went to my uncle's for the 4th of July and somehow my wrist got sunburnt (but nowhere else) even though I was covered in sun cream before I left. I also got to eat an elephant ear and watch log rolling competitions, which was quite nice. It was mostly uneventful outside of that, though there were a lot of political ads during the parade and down at the park where I got my treat. Surprisingly there was less enthusiasm for republican candidates than I anticipated, though there was not really any enthusiasm for any candidates that I could tell. There was also a girl in front of me at the treat line who was badmouthing and body shaming everyone, including the friend in line with her who had a trump tshirt on. Later that night I went to the fireworks, though I watched from armory hill, rather than down at the beach where they set them off. Less crowds. I managed to buy a new bathtub, so I'm waiting for that to come in, though it does mean I'll be without a bath for a short while. Still, it will be nice to finally get to work on the bathroom and thus actually have a fully functional one once it's finished. It's been a few years. My boyfriend has been away for the past few days, and I am missing him a lot. I don't think there's any issue with visiting family (though I do feel bad because he doesn't seem to be having a good time), I just miss him, you know? Hopefully we can do something together when he gets home. I ended up not liking that app as much just because of a lot of the things I read not being available- though I'm hoping to see that change so I'm not deleting it. I did make a storygraph as well and that's been easy enough to track. I finished a few books, and I'll post about that in my reading updates later, but it's nice to feel like you're getting somewhere with goals. Mostly what I've been doing lately has actually been reading and hunting for bathtubs, so there's not a lot new here. I will have to shop for a new bathroom door as well fairly soon, probably this week. I also forgot to call about my haircut, but this is because I continued to be sick for way too long. I ended up having to make an appointment with the doctor in the city and get an antiviral.

[haptureratch]

Here we go again

I'm really glad that self h@rm is not wired into me as a thing to do because I am so beyond frustrated with myself today. I think that someone who was going to do that kind of thing would....be doing that kind of thing right now.

I keep going in the same circles. It's a reminder to find a replacement therapist since Kathleen departed from MH. But in the meantime it's super frustrating. Speaking of frustrating WHAT IS BETTERHELP EVEN DOING and HOW DID THEY LINK ME WITH THE PERFECT THERAPIST BACK IN 4TH YEAR??????????????????????????????? Like were their business practices okay back then and it all changed after my work with Amy?

Anyway, these circles. I keep convincing myself that I'm extremely hurt. This time it was Steven proposing he go see a film Saturday night being shown in a special format--and it's a super important film for him. And for some reason my resource hoarding or WHATEVER kicked in and I freaked out that he would be willing to lose half of our only designated time together for a film. Not only that, I FUCKING JUMPED TO THE IDEA. HE LITERALLY OFFERED THAT HE WON'T GO IF I'M STILL VERY SICK. But what did I do instead of be honest about my needs???? I got it into my head that if I was honest and kept him from the movie, it would signal I'm too broken and he's always going to have to choose between me and his passions. OH BUT WAIT IT GOES FURTHER, and without voicing any of that I merely said "I don't want to keep you from the movie if it's that important to you" and STARTED TO FREAK OUT IN MY HEAD THAT HE'D PICK THE MOVIE OVER ME.

Not only that, but I got offended that he would change our plans when I'm still recovering from Covid. And that it put me in a situation of 'His Passion Vs. Me' after I had just voiced my worry that I need him more than he needs me. In that moment, I had felt so small and cast to the side and offended that he would make that demand in my weakened state after I had just been vulnerable about my biggest fear....

NOT ONLY THAT but I did it AGAIN where I made him feel like he's not doing enough. I completely forgot that every weekend has been spent with me. That he's working these crazy hours in this job he didn't have to take. That he put his life on hold for me.

What a fucking shit show, guys. I am literally so sick of myself.

All of it was avoidable. If I had just been honest and said my health is still shaky.

My anxiety may not kill me, but it's going to ruin this relationship like it ruined my medical career if this shit doesn't stop.

----

You know what, though.... I did get the thought that my life is also different since meeting him. I do not spend my weekends with Emma and/or my parents anymore. I basically ended my friendship with Emma because I thought it would be a bad influence! But I don't tell him those things outright (with the exception of Emma, to explain why her and I have not been spending our usual time together). Because I truly wouldn't have it any other way. Yet it seems like I get reminded with some regularity that his life has changed to accommodate me in it. I will need to run this by someone to see if I am over-reacting or if this is a legitimate thing to bring up. Because while it is important for people to be individuals, isn't an individual going to restructure their time in order to cultivate a serious relationship? Or is that incorrect? Or should I be explicitly showing him the ways I'm changing to accommodate him? Or am I really just pathetic/needy (my judgement about myself) in that I would happily restructure everything in order to immerse myself in these beautiful things I've always wanted?????????

[oncetherenowhere]

Yesterday was a bad rumination day. I have these days where every bad thing that's ever happened to me replays over and over again, as clear and intense as they were the moment I lived them. I feel a bit more clear-headed today.

Not to mention, a piece of equipment at work was replaced with a much louder version...plus, our boss gave us a Bluetooth speaker to use to listen to music. Which was very kind! The new person really likes listening to music while she works. The problem is...now the cross noise is unbearable. The loud machine...the music...the music playing in the other room where other people are working...the sound of everything happening at once...

It genuinely makes me sick to my stomach! Yesterday, I had to keep ducking out to put my hands over my head and breathe. I was so scared of melting down.

But!! H bought me a well rated noise canceling earbud set! I'm really hoping it works! One problem for me is that I can't stand the way over-the-ear headphones feel, so I'm really excited to see if this version helps.

Also! In my sad vent post yesterday, I mentioned never feeling admired, i.e, I'm very rarely asked about myself in turn. The new coworker I mentioned has actually been very kind in this regard. Whenever I make conversation with her, she asks questions back! We have good back and forths!! I still feel awkward whenever I talk, and it's hard, but it makes me happy!

So!! Time to keep on trucking! I feel better today. I've been making rest a priority, the week is almost done, and H and I have fun Star Wars related plans tonight (since its May 4th tomorrow and all).

[bylightofdawn]

I might scream. I opened chapter 8 doc and it's only like....3K so obviously I fucked up and didn't compile things right A G A I N. So I can either post it and just call it good but it's kinda...ehhh it sorta works but prolly needs to be just compiled with chapter 9 but that requires me to go through and reorder everything again which lemme tell you...I'm so sick of.

Or I could just post TWO chapters on May the 4th. I'm kinda so disheartened at the moment I don't know which way I want to go. It's 10pm and I just want to pack it all away and sleep but I want to make more progress on this fic since my writing pace has been kinda slow the past week or two. Blech which isn't great logic on my part, I should just be content I'm writing every day and calling it good.

But that's the problem with constantly feeling the need to challenge yourself, you never let yourself feel actual satisfaction in your accomplishments.

Bleh I think I need to actually eat something. I forced myself to go to the grocery store for some exercise and to just get away from my computer for an hour. I think my crummy mood is a combo of not eating dinner and bad mental health night. My allergies have been kicking my ass all day and my nose has been running like a faucet which is prolly part of the reason I have zero appetite. I'm seriously trying to be on the positive here, I did shit, I posted a new chapter for Seeds today. I've accomplished stuff, that should be enough. Weh