#fanfic writing woes

[indigovigilance]

How do I write a character that's an expert in astrophysical instrumentation?

Oh.

I guess I have to become an expert in astrophysical instrumentation.

Update: a mutual reached out and was like "here let me explain cosmic microwave background to you" and guys, we have the best fandom. Just, the best. I am crying.

[television-overload]

*writes two sentences* *opens tumblr* *writes two sentences* *opens twitter*

rinse and repeat

[deliciouskeys]

Me: at work

My brain: BUTCHLANDERPORNBUTCHLANDERPORNBUTCHLANDERPORN

~hours later~

Me: at home with free time and a word document open

My brain: *static*

Just kidding, I wrote a little bit last night, but it’s always less than I want

[primelight]

WNM: Time Loop Ethics and Keira (Mild Spoilers)

Uh, yep, long time no write. Bad Lightpoint. Basically I got smacked with the 'WHAT IF THE DLC NUKES MY LORE' thing (and the fact that there are a lot of moving pieces) so I had to take a step back for my own peace of mind. So into the DLC waiting room I went. I got hit by the Baldur's Gate 3 bug, like many Soulsborne people lol. I have 1 fic simmering for BG3 (and the dove is so, so dead in it), but while I DO love that game, it's not 'I'm going to write a 200k word fic' love.

I also haven't abandoned 'Maidens.' My brain keeps turning it over and over. ER's sucking me back into its majesty too, ironically via miniature painting...I got my hands on fan-made Malenia, Morgott, and Mohg models (and 5 Crucible Knights), and dammit the rabbit hole is still very much open for business. I'll post pics, maybe, when I'm satisfied with the final products.

Now, on to the point of this post. Like I said, 'Who Needs Maidens' keeps simmering in the back of my mind, and boss music keeps playing in my head whenever I paint Malenia and Morgott (Mohg's coming out of his bubble wrap when I finish his siblings lol). So when I stumbled over a fic with a time loop as the primary problem, I started thinking. And thinking. And THINKING.

You see, time loop ethical considerations are a CRITICAL driving force behind Keira's activities and relationships. More beneath the cut. Minor spoilers, and in a follow-on post I'll do a small excerpt from WAY ahead of the current chapter as an example of what's going on under the proverbial hood.

TL;DR: She's trying to save everyone while not manipulating the fuck out of everyone in the process. It's a fine ethical line to walk, especially where romance and friendships are concerned.

The musings on the TL;DR are under the cut.

By the time WNM starts, Keira's experienced several hundred loops. She started out at the absolute bottom of the barrel, and could barely lift a sword. She didn't manage to actually find all the non-mandatory NPCs and bosses for a long, long time because welp, the Lands Between are big.

Keep in mind that the Lands Between is basically a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Everyone is inches from death and madness. Safety is rare, but actual human connection is almost nonexistent. Trust has to be earned, and holy shit it's always an uphill battle. Needless to say, 'we could die tomorrow, we must seize the day' situations happen.

The above is part of why a lot of Tarnished are DTF with very little encouragement.

Eventually Keira got strong enough to kick a reasonable amount of ass, and got some actual friends along the way. The Plan became to keep as many of them alive and happy (as happy as one can be in ER) as possible.

Some attempts at a 'perfect run' have crashed and burned. Other attempts at a perfect run went beautifully, only for her to wake up once again in the Chapel of Anticipation, a stranger to everyone she loves.

None of her wins were enough to break the loop.

For a time, Keira tried her damndest to haul everyone to safety and friendship. She tried to re-create the bonds she'd forged from loop to loop to loop, because she feared she was staring down infinity alone.

The problem there is that if she tried to recreate what she had with, say, Diallos in cycle 45 with Diallos in cycle 46, they wouldn't be on an equal playing field. Not only would she (probably) have to lie about the time loop, she's got way more information about Diallos 46's loves, fears, motivations, and dreams than he has of hers. There's an emotional power gap there, and massive manipulation potential.

Also, Keira in cycle 46 isn't the same person she was in cycle 45. Diallos 45's Keira is just as gone as he is.

One of the reasons I started this fic was to consider if there was an ethical way to have that sort of relationship. This applies to both platonic and romantic relationships.

It's a fine line to walk. It's not IMPOSSIBLE to have a close relationship with someone over multiple time loops, but yeah, it's a really, really thin ethical line that could potentially be crossed by accident. Which Keira did, without malicious intent. She's not someone who relishes that kind of power.

Keira's mind...cracked a few times once the implications hit. Repeatedly losing people you care about can do that. Throw in the realization that you might have to be even MORE alone than you already are...well...

Spoiler#1, see bottom.

And thus...Keira is now trying to walk that ethical line. Despite everything, she still cares about her friends, but she knows that their relationships aren't going to be the same. Her people deserve a chance to do their thing on their own, and if it doesn't involve her, that's just the way it is.

That's why she...hovers. So far Keira's sexual encounters have been pretty emotionally superficial. She is trying to save her friends and connect with the people she cares about. She's also trying to pull it off without becoming a total puppet master. It's a fine line to walk.

And at some point, the cycles have to end.

Speaking of which, there's still a random factor in play. There are 1. simply too many variables for her to be omniscient or have complete control and Spoiler#2, see bottom.

Here's some rationale:

Patches:

It's Patches. Anything involving Patches is probably ill-advised. The knowledge gap is her being aware that he's obsessed with Tanith, but is still down for action. And will probably try to steal all her stuff if he can. He's safely at arms length.

Bernahl:

Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland Post-Battle Horniness Trope. She knows that he's from the Volcano Manor (obviously), and knows that he's been pretty fucked over by the whole Tarnished thing, too. All she does is answer his questions honestly. And flirts. And bails before he wakes up.

Side note: He was her first. That one-shot is like 75% done.

Blaidd:

The current 'canon' status of their relationship is circumstantial allies. He's starting to get some questions about her behavior, and is rather attracted to her, but it's not enough to distract him from his mission. He is ALL about Ranni, and Keira is trying her damndest to not mess that up. But what happens at the Radahn Festival stays at the Radahn Festival.

Blackguard Big Boggart:

Keira's wavering on that ethical line in Boggart's chapters, but IMHO has managed to stay upright. The knowledge gap is that she knows that flirting is effective, and that it's been awhile since he's been that close to someone who wasn't trying to kill him. This is one of those encounters that sometimes ends with nookie, and sometimes doesn't (random factor). She also knows that he's pretty down for casual, but friendly, encounters in general, so it's not going to have a huge impact on his heart.

She almost fell off the proverbial tightrope when Morgott showed up unexpectedly (that 'YOU CANNOT DIE' line). The Plan is still to keep as many of Her People alive as possible, because WHAT IF THIS IS THE LAST LOOP. Fortunately she had a lot of Jar Cannons xD

Rogier and Darian:

Keira is being really, really careful to be incidental to their relationship. Well, not incidental, exactly, but she has no plans to be the permanent filling in that sandwich. Carpe diem was VERY much involved with that episode.

Maliketh:

He's starting to remember the past loops. Blame Faram Azula timey-wimey fuckery. They also got it on in the past. Expect that shoe to drop after she gets the 'noble blood' from Varre. Which leads me to...

Varre:

She just deadass hates him at this point, for both all the Omen blood injections and the whole blood cult murder stuff. Yep, they've fucked, and there's no love lost there. This is touched on in '50 First Steps.' Expect THAT shoe to drop after the Radahn festival. I'll add the warnings/descriptions at the end of each Varre/Blood related chapter. He's a walking warning, tho.

Note that there are a few people paired with her that I haven't included on this list. That'd be big spoilers xD

TL;DR: She's trying to save everyone while not manipulating the fuck out of everyone in the process. It's a fine ethical line to walk.

Spoilers below...

...

...

Spoiler#1: The Frenzied Flame didn't work.

Spoiler#2: She's not the only person aware of the loops. I don't mean Maliketh, either.

[not-an-author]

welp, ao3 is down, you know what that means *opens google docs sadly*

[bylightofdawn]

When will my writing urge return home from the war?

Oh right, when I'm not perpetually stressed out over real life.

Which feels like that's never going to happen.

-siiiiiighs-

I wish my brain would work in such a way that I could write in order to escape reality instead of my needing to be in some fucking goldilocks headspace that has to be just perfect for any creativity to blossom forth.

[just-prime]

So am I just an idiot and using the Nano site incorrectly or is there really no way to log negative words? Like, there's the option to have an 'editing' goal, but as far as I can tell it's literally just identical to the 'writing' goal. I just want a way to be able to see a visual representation of my editing, but the website does not appear to provide that. And of course because of the fucking scandal still fresh in everyone's memory every forum and ask box related to Nano is locked currently, so I can't exactly go there and ask if I'm just missing a feature.

Are there any other word tracking websites that people would recommend I use instead for this sort of purpose? I've done a bit of digging but so far none appear to be able to actually let me set a starting word count and then just have a day to day running tally of words either written or deleted. They all are either buggy or goal based and therefore you have to set some sort of goal which is the opposite of what I'm looking for. I just want something with halfway decent visuals that will let me track a total word count in fluctuation based on day to day additions or subtractions.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I really really don't want to have to reverse engineer a cobbled together spreadsheet all on my lonesome...so if worst comes to worst, does anyone have any good word count spreadsheet templates they'd recommend? (specifically for Sheets if possible?)

[trashcan3001]

Anyone Else?

There is something I've been trying to describe when it comes to my personal writing experience in fandom. I like the main set of characters... but I like writing about the obscure and always unused side characters instead? (Many of them not liked).

Like, I'm always out here writing about how Tsuna is the heart of KHR and is so great, but if you go to my KHR fics, Mochida is the star of the show XD. I'm pretty sure I just like projecting onto the 2 dimensional characters and giving them more humanity but who knows? *insert shrug emoticon because I don't know how to make it*

Has anyone else done this? I always feel like I'm alone in shouldering the characters I write about, lol.

xoxo,

TC3001

[rabbitsonthemoon]

biting the word document. invoking the horrors. torn pages flying into the void. distant echoes of a dying scream from something unfathomably large and full of agony. howling with the chorus. wildflowers sprouting out of skin and hair. footsteps full of rainbow mushrooms. something watching from the sky. the moon just blinked.

fanfiction writing hours amirite.

[spreadwardiard]

The difference in interaction between fanart and fanfic is kinda sad. Idk if yall fans realize how many fic authors just... walk away quietly because no one interacts with their works in a meaningful way. We should not have to beg for comments and reblogs.

Anyway i been thinking about giving up myself. I WANT to write megop the community enjoys but that is absolutely impossible to do when you get no feedback or real engagement from readers. If/when i do finally leave, this will be the third fandom ive walked away from writing fics for FOR THE SAME REASON. this isnt a transformers problem, its a FANDOM problem. I know i am not the only small author struggling to find a reason to keep going.

It takes just a few seconds to tell an author what you liked about their story. It takes us hours, days even to write a chapter or a fic for you. Please give us a minute to say thank you and tell us what you like. Like i feel like i am DESPERATE for a reason to not give up here.

[television-overload]

I was about to give up on the angsty x-files one shot idea I had yesterday because when I got home to write it last night, nothing was coming to me. But then just now, it was like the heavens opened up. A song came on on Spotify with the perfect fic title, and lyrics that fit the story perfectly. Maybe I'll give it another shot tonight 🙏

[feyinvestigations]

Sometimes writing a characters dialougue is realizing that you have been having characters quoting EVANGELION by ACCIDENT.

[afterthegreatunknown]

i have no freaking clue when i’ll be done with my wip rewrite of ‘the chaperone. so have these screenshots of it.

(subject to be edited in the future. i think i want to change something that’s bugging me in gustav’s sceenshot.)

[theia-eos]

I'm so bad at summaries I just forgot to add one to a fic I posted on Ao3. Thank god for the edit button.

Someday, I will overcome my inability to write a summary. So glad people click on my fics despite that flaw. Very humbling to know they saw the title, the mess of tags (which I still don't know if I'm using right tbh), and the lackluster summary and said "eh, I'll give it a chance."

[bylightofdawn]

I TOLD myself I was going to stick with new canon for this fic, I fully intended on doing it but fuuuuuuuuuck Wedge has so much amazing backstory.

Right now, I want to make a passing mention to Mirax and how he is mentally equating their relationship to maybe what Luke and Biggs shared as close childhood friends.

Ugggh you rob me of the AMAZING DYNAMIC of Wedge and Tycho and now there's no cute kid sister smuggler? You've robbed us of Myra and Veggies??

Yeah, I don't think I can do it. LMAO. I'll leave Tycho out of this as much as it pains me and we do have definitive canon of what Wedge was doing as a cadet in the Empire etc but I refuse to be robbed of Myra and Veggies. You can pry it from my cold-dead hands. I guess I am going to die on this hill.

EDIT. I'm also like 800 words in of just pure introspective and zero dialogue. I mean...at this point, would it be a fic by me if we didn't get 1K in with no actual words spoken? Pfffft.

[just-prime]

Sometimes you just need to say fuck it and make an age spreadsheet.

Tony's lack of consistant cannon age/birthday is infuriating. Almost every movie he's in retcons him to being born a different year. Plus him being a May baby throws everything out of whack...