#i've been precieved

[tnteeth]

In continuation to this Cami's having fun, Fish is having a very anxiety inducing time I don't know the logistics of this, don't ask me questions

[xwonderlandresidentx]

So I'm nonbinary/genderqueer, but pretty much always fem presenting. Despite being afab and fem presenting, being referred to with masculine pronouns by strangers in public is not an uncommon occurrence for me.

Every single time I mention these occurrences to any of my cis friends or family, even the ones that I'm out to always tell me "Oh, I'm sure they didn't mean to! Don't let it get to you, you don't look like a man!"

No matter how many times I explain it to them they don't understand that I think it's hilarious. My queerness is so pervasive that even when I'm not trying to look like anything other than my birth gender, people can't help but notice that there's something else goin on with me lol.

[monster-noises]

Under the impression somehow that if i simply complain loudly enough to the universe about being single something will happen

Not how the world works

Still mad it's not working

[candyisntmyname]

idk,,,, that's a very intelligent thing to say,,, it might be you >>

Hello maia! Is there a smartest tumblr user? By what metrics?

no this is a shit question and we need to all collectively stop obsessing over "intelligence" which is not really a real thing anyways (at least in the way it is commonly used)

[figs-and-cigs]

Saw a post recently that said if you're not a good communicator you shouldn't be in a poly relationship. My first thought was, "right communication is an absolute MUST!" But thinking about it some more, I think there needs to be more nuance to the idea. What makes good communication? And who's to say who should and shouldn't do polyamory?

I'm an easily overwhelmed, agoraphobic, introvert - and at times communication IS hard. I often seek alone time with very little interaction with the outside world.

I had a girlfriend who HATED texting and wanted lots of in person face to face time. That relationship slowly unravelled and disappeared - without communication. I'm a texter and couldn't fit my schedule or find the spoons to spend more time with her - and she never texted.

I had to explain to a new person I'm dating that I'm not good at asking a lot of questions - which can look like a lack of interest and a failure in gathering information for a good match. The reality is I figure others will tell me what they want me to know over time as they get comfortable, and if it's important it'll come up. Meanwhile, I'm an open book. I communicate with lengthy paragraphs and stories to paint a picture of my world. Which often gets others to share similarly - through text, and more importantly get to know me on a deep level. In person I'm spastic mess, I get emotional about everything and excitement or frustration can jumble words into an incoherent rant.

When I'm upset, I cry... And trying to help someone see my point of view doesn't work well between frustrated sobs I can't control. With my husband we make an effort to take a pause with intense discussions and let me write/text it out. And while he can be a stoic type during emotional discussions - giving him time to process is important. But my anxious attachment will precieve it as if I'm doing all the communication and he's got nothing!

I also unintentionally go into circles and rants as I process which can be overwhelming to the other party. I've been in relationships where we'd talk and talk and talk and talk until we'd exhaust each other and that talking might turn into yelling or unhealthy silent treatments. Neither of us could understand each other or find common ground.

To prevent this with my husband we set timers. 5/5/10. We each get 5 minutes to share our thoughts, and then we'll have 10 minutes to collaborate on a solution - or to bond or support each other.

I have a FWB who I rarely hear from. Maybe every few months when he's in town and able to set a date to meet. He's not the talkative type unless we're alone in a room together - and I realized I'm ok with this. I don't need constant contact to enjoy my time with him.

I think a huge part of healthy relationships is meeting people where they're at and accepting each other exactly as we are. The good, the bad, the messy, and perfectly whole. And it's beautiful and wonderful! But it's also complicated and hard. Not every relationship is going to last. But the experiences together are valuable nonetheless.

When our communication styles and skills are different, what do we do!? Ironically, we communicate about it, and even a "bad communicator" can find work arounds. I think it comes down to boundaries and trying to understand each other. And if it doesn't work out between both of you - it doesn't mean we can't find someone else who it can't work with.

And while we can find total acceptance of each other one would hope each of us is working on personal progress and improvements in areas that we struggle.

Just like there's no one right perfect way to be poly, I don't think there's only one right perfect way to communicate. We each need to find what works best for us and our individual relationships. And it's going to vary and be different almost every single time.

The end.

[neptunescore]

k you asked for unpopular f1 opinions and idk if this even counts but i Do Not Like lando norris. i actively dislike him, actually. couldn't really tell you why, he's just really annoying. and that move with the fist pump during max's anthem at the canadian gp? not fucking cool. i also hate when people say shit like "omg he's so public school core" or "idk he just feels more authentic than the rest of them (drivers)" because most people didn't know he had money growing up. his dad is like a fucking billionaire (millionaire?) CEO like shut up. i just feel like he can't possibly be as nice as people think. also his win in miami had distinctly Weird Vibes. not necessarily bad, just Wrong. should not have happened. also that thing where he said "trump is someone you gotta have a lot of respect for" like no??? he's not??? he's a conservative right wing politician who was found guilty on all 34 counts in his hush money case. he's a white-collar criminal (the worst kind). he deserves no respect. shut up. it would be better to just not say anything at all. yeah.

I have had SO MANY asks on lando, but i shall keep responding😤.

No1. All the shit Lando has done. Ugh, dont even get me started on it, im just gonna link my old post bc im so done talking abt it.

No2. I don't hate lando, I'm not a lando 'hater', bc I feel like you can't really hate a person you have never met and don't know on a personal level. However, I do feel very strongly abt some of his actions, and I do think he should take accountability for shit he's done. Personally, I just don't like him that much, and so I stay away from his content and fans. If I see smthng funny he's done or see content abt him that I enjoy then I laugh and appreciate it, but recently he's just been irritating towards my beliefs and values, so I'm keeping my distance.

No3. I just wanna say, very gently, even if you dislike a driver, you shouldn't discredit their wins/ accomplishments bc in the end thats smthng they've earned, and it's literally their job, like for me, when I saw miami, I thought "good for him" and moved on. I did get really pissed abt his comments on trump tho, man really went and stained his first race win with all that shit.

No4. Ur point on the way ppl say, 'he's more authentic than the rest of the drivers'. Honestly, I've seen so many ppl have this opinion, and all I'm gonna say is: Every driver has a different pr strategy. Lando's whole strategy is being perceived as 'relateable' and 'quirky', and, by the looks of it, it's working really well. Obv we – as fans – will never know if he's genuinely like this in person or if it is just fully pr (same with all the other drivers), but from what's provided to us we're all free to make our own assumptions :]

I just feel like he can't possibly as nice as people think

I think, nonnie (and this is meant in the kindest way possible), assumptions like these are smthng we should avoid making. You don't know lando, and I don't know lando, so really we'll never know if he's truly as nice or not, and we shouldn't say stuff like this about ppl who've never actually done anything to be precieved that way. Like yes, we can talk abt how lando is ignorant and the type to either: 1. Not think bfr he speaks/ does smthng or 2. Has really bad political views and questionable morals (and if this option is fully confirmed, i will become a full hater, doesn't matter if hes nice or not). But what has he ever done that shows us he's not kind/ nice to his fans?

[keithkog]

Ooc ask: are any of the events you post about as Keith stuff that happens in your actual life? Like did you propose when Keith did, did you just get married irl, etc or is this purely roleplay, fanfic stuff?

Well, not exactly what you are saying, but close. I like to put Keith in scenarios I understand sometimes. So for example, early in Keithkog I went to an aquarium, so I wrote about Keith going to an aquarium. The thing is my life isn't all too interesting? So a lot of things for Keithkog are made up and exaggerated.

Nothing ever posted is a one-to-one replica of what's going on in my life. I have been to weddings recently, I have dated before, I have felt unloveable if I am to get personal, but I am definitely not going through what Keith is going through. It's easier to write things you know, especially when you're trying to make shit up for a roleplay Tumblr blog, but to make it more interesting I will come up with random stuff and headcanons.

For example: I do not have a large family, but now he does, so I've been thinking quite a bit about how he might feel going from precieved orphan to 2 moms, siblings, a sort-of-father-that-used-to-be-boss, cousins, and a husband. Though I've not been there, I try to figure out how he may feel anyways.

-OOC

[executethyself35]

Misc. Tag Game!!

Thank you to all who tagged me!!

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?: I have not been outside this godforsaken country, but i've been to Oklahoma multiple times and it was fun!

Something you’re proud of yourself for?: Making it to AREA for marching band!! It's a really big deal for us band kids

Favorite books?:

A Coal Miners Bride- Susan Campbell

The Journal of Douglas Allen Deeds- Rodman Philbricks

The Devil All The Time- Donald Ray Pollock

Generation Kill- Evan Wright

Something that makes your heart happy when you think about it?: My gf, and the weird shit my brain comes up with

Favorite thing about your culture?: I'm a southern whiteboy, but i guess cowboys

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?: Last year before the summer, i watched BoB first and fell in love

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?: Nope! But i'm trying to convince my mother to take me to Half-Price Books so i can go look for them!

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?: Skip Muck my boy!! and favorite scenes gotta be "Well Don, let me see, I was at home in Tonawanda and then hitler started this, so now i'm here"

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?: I do not make content for other fandoms, i barely make content for this one

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?: RICHARD SPEIGHT JR. and ik this is gonna be a basic answer but i love his role as Gabriel in Supernatural, but also him in BoB!!

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?: It has become my most popular post on here "This stuffs orange, spaghetti ain't supposed to be orange, *Perco voice* this ain't spaghetti this is army noodles with ketchup"

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?: I don't know how to express my emotions for shit, and when i was 8 i bit through my own lip!

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?: The answer is yes bc i need constant validation

Three things that make you smile?: My gf, thunderstorms, being precieved as a boy

Any nicknames you like?: Most people just call me Lex or Lexi, but i mostly just prefer to go by Alexi

List some people you love to see around on tumblr: there's alot, srry if i forget anyone, @turtle-toe, @b00ks1ut, @malarkgirlypop, @blueberry-ovaries, @1waveshortofashipwreck, @dontirrigateme, @liptonwashere, @panzershrike-pretz, @ronsparky, @love--persevering, @vanellq77, @montied, @ithinkabouttzu, @footprintsinthesxnd, @xxluckystrike and so many more

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?: Die, i'd completely say fuck it and kms bc the worlds done why not

Favorite movie?: I have a terrible time picking, but i'll say The Lost Boys

Do you like horror movies?: Yes, i mostly critisize the victims cause their dumbasses

Tags: @montied @liptonwashere @kafka-ohdear @dontirrigateme and all the people i listed above!!

[rantz-for-st0ry]

rant under cut, cw/tws in tags. any you/yours/adjacent words are /nbh

yk smth that will never make since to me is the body's dad's, I'll dub E here, capacity to care about his kids mental state.

very recently, I was put in a situation where there was a sevear, precieved danger.

me being upset has never prompted E to stay home from poker until now.

why now, that I've been put in a situation where you got upset, where you have been directly effected, do you care?

ive been asking E to get us a therapist for 4+ years now. begging and fucking pleading when iwas been at lower spots than I am now where I knew and still know intervention from a medical professional really could've gotten me in a much safer place mentally and physically.

so, E, why are you only considering getting me a therapist now that i've been put in a situation where i was in danger and it directly affected your mental state?

plus, why do you only want to talk about this now, the one time I don't want help with something?? I don't wanna talk to an adult about this. fuck that, the adults around me have failed me and put myself and others in a situation where anyone could've been hurt and people were hurt.

you want me to stay home from school all next week? what about those weeks, before I was on treatment for my disability, where I could barely get out of my bed because I felt like I was going to pass out but you sent me to school anyways? why didn't I get to stay home then but do now?

its because it affects him. he only gives a shit when things affect him.

and- ok I understand his concern. I don't want to go back to school anymore either. its just his standard of care that annoys me. don't get me wrong, I'm scared to go back to school. I just hate that he only cares when it affects him.

like, you'll literally tell me "shut up, I need to think about something else" when I'm trying to tell you about the fact that I was s3xually a$aulted, which you forced me to tell you about and got mad at me afterwards for not telling you sooner. but when youre affected, it matters, right?

[ravingraeven]

Vent

I feel so very overextended right now.

My partner and one (1) friend are the only people I really feel comfortable venting to (because they're not part of the issue) but the friend is Going Through It too so I don't want to add to her plate

Besides the fact that I'm not even sure venting is helping.

I try my best to help anyone I care for when they need it. I try to be there for them. I've gotten better about boundaries but it just. Feels a lot right now like that is all I am to everyone else I'm in touch with recently.

My family seemingly wants nothing to do with me (unless they need something, of course.) Which just reminds me of part of the reason I left in the first place. It's not enough to make me think I have to leave now- I need the help I'm getting here. And the country is nice. But I feel like I live close to them for no reason. They might as well be strangers.

Some friends are the same way. They obviously want something from me but never directly even ask. They dance around, hoping I offer it freely and or do all of the work.

Better friends, I haven't been enough of a person to do the legwork to reach out to, connect with, or keep up with.

I don't really feel much like a person right now. I don't have any idea of self. Trying to express myself in any form outside of complaining, bitching, and moaning right now leaves me lost confused and in a panic. I don't know who or what I am or anything about myself or how I want to portray myself or how I want to be precieved.

I felt a piece of myself snapping trying to find a new icon because the ones I'm using don't feel right, but nothing else does either.

All of that is too hard when I don't feel like I really exist right now i guess. Like. I know I do, but not really. Not like a person should. And while I don't know what i want I know it's not this.

[romanarose]

Update on how things have been.

ups and downs ups and downs...

TW for depression, suicidal thoughts, sh, and ig work issues although those seem small in comparison to the other warnings

Monday was much better. Today is worse than Monday but not as bad a last week. Last week I was in serious danger to myself. If I was insured I would have committed myself for my safety.

I relapsed on SH this week, been over a year since doing that so its pretty disappointing, but not as bad as when i relapsed after like 5 years.

As some of you know, I quit my job on friday. It was my weekend job at olive garden that i'd been at for a long time, and had evn more years at different olive garden locations and long story short i was feeling a lack of respect and decent pay for certain postions so i said i was done hosting, expecting to do bread, salad, or to go. I get schedule to buss which pays worse than host and i lost it lol. Completetly. It felt like an insult. It honestly got blown out of proportion bc of my emotions but the way my general manager handled it was really disappointing and brushed me off when i wanted to talk about it on saturday. On sunday we did actually talk. One of the other managers was in the room and while i didn't feel my GM understood me, the other manager did. She said she was the one that scheduled me that and didn't mean it as an insult nor a punishment but she validated why I felt like it was. She took me off one of the bussing shifts as an act of goodwill. I'll be working less hours there and more on my on campus job but i think over all it got smoothed over enough.

But after that, i cried and cried and cried. for 45 minutes. Like i sat in the parking lot sobbing bc i could not drive. Eventually im able to get to panda express and cry more trying to calm down and get my food. I just went i with my face red a blotchy ad tears in my eyes and went home and watched My Man Godfrey via screenshare with a friend. Good movie.

Unsure how I feel. I naively thought yesterday that this was over, but one good day does not a cure make.

On the brightside, my Race and Ethnicity in america class was supossed to do a presentation on jackie robinson tomorrow and my and a classmate were gonna work on it today after class... and she said "hey i pretty much did everything, if you just wanna come to class a little early tomorrow we can go over the slides." I felt bad bc I didn't do anything but she said she really just prefers to do work by herself. She and I are both history majors and know each other well, so I know for a fact that I can return this favor some day. I started tearing up and saying how I've been struggling so this is such a relief.

Grades will be okay I think. geology is gonna suck at the end bc ive been bullshitting it all. Race and ethnicity in american will be an A i think. Just got my paper back for the other american history class, I got an A so far. Im not super confident about the research paper at the end but... If I have an A a C or something for the paper will be alright. I got my midterm back for the history research class and I though I got like a 50% lol but it was a B-. everything else has been a's so far so if i dont do great on that paper ill survive. Race and law is an A rn and I dont precieve that changing. I need to keep a 3.0 gpa to keep my scholarship one more year.

Anyway y'all dont care about any of that.

I fear as this semmester goes on there will be less and less time to write fics so be prepared. Im trying my best. Everything is awful rn and i dont wanna exist but im pulling through.

sorry for the depressing post

[itsadragonaesthetic]

So I've struggled with my gender identity and transitioning, especially as a poor person with no healthcare for most of their life. It's been bad recently and I've been once again considering hormone therapy.

So anyway I'm constantly going back and fourth for years with the topic of hrt until today when a dude asked me out (he wasn't weird about it at all he was actually kind and funny) and I was so disgusted with not only being precieved as a straight woman, but convincing enough for a straight man to find me attractive. I thought about it when I came home and felt like "this is the last straw I can't take this anymore" lmao

[sc00pie]

Sketches from the past few days.

I feel like I need to get used to being able to type out long descriptions again, it reminds me of my deviantart days lmao

I've been doing kind of up and down recently but art is always something I want to do

I've been out and about a lot so sketching in my sketchbook is the most accessible for me lawl

Been exploring new labels for myself too, not super stressed abt how people precieve me but I just like thinking abt it for myself.

Searching for neopronouns that I like, searching for labels that feel right.

[murdering-time]

If it bares any reassurance, it's easy to become obssessed with someone, or with the idea of someone, especially when you've been lonely for so long. I've had it happen once in the past when I was younger, but I've learned with time that there's better ways to go about and steer the obsession- much healthier alternatives. It's like trouble- easy to get into, hard to get out of, y'know?

It's especially hard when your completely enamored by your infatuations, but it feels even worse when you scare them off because of it.

Have you considered writing? It's a great way to get out the feelings in a way that doesn't harm you or relationships/others, and could help you navigate your own obsessions. It may help with delusions, too, though I can't be for certain.

As for not knowing your own riddle (//ty op for clarifing in the tags!), how couldn't you? That's like having no answer for 'why is a raven like a writing desk.' Speaking of riddles, here's another:

'A favor is given, and must be repaid; no matter if you ignore me, I won't go away. What am I?'

-- ☎️

TW: Mental health, (please let me know if any other warnings need to be added)

I...

Anything else.

It's hard. To look at myself and see someone who isn't what I precieve my reflection to be. Intellectually, I am more than aware that I'm not entirely typical.

There's a comfort in the Hatter in that sense. Not many people understand. So when... so when someone does, someone like Miss Pleasance, you are right - it is easy to fall down a rabbit hole and oh so, so difficult to claw my way out of.

I cope in my own ways, of course. You don't live so long and not have some buffers.

A way to shamelessly flaunt my intellect, or rather the ways in which I am versed with Carroll. A way to show off my projects. My rats. The hats... Miss Pleasance too.

A way to find others that understand...

Carroll said so himself though also gave his nonsense answer of both produce flat notes. He isn't wrong, though I don't know enough about the Corvidae family to state otherwise.

Or "a debt" if you're a stickler for grammar.

Try this for size; A kettle and cup is selling for £550. The merchant tells you that the kettle costs £500 more than the cup itself and that the cup costs the price of the set minus the cost of the kettle.

You decide to just buy the cup without the kettle. You hand the merchant £100. How much change should you get back?

[tear-stained-blankie]

Autistic Uma HC's (Mostly from Descendants 2)

It's me again with another headcanon post with yet another one of my comfort characters! This time, we've got Uma from Descendants! I want to emphasize that I've never seen someone point Uma out as a possibly autistic character before and that it is in no way canon. I'm simply doing this because it's what I think and I really love Uma. Finally, I'm not giving these headcanons about her actor either, just Uma as a character. With that all out of the way, let's start!

1. Ecololia

If you've watched Descendants 2 at all, or seen any clips that feature Uma, you've probably heard her song, 'What's My Name?' I believe this was more than just a song opportunity and is actually her stimming verbally by saying that phrase. At the end of her fight scene with Mal where she escapes with Ben, we see her do this without a song. She repeats the phrase 'what's my name?' over and over again. The phrase probably calms her out of anger because of things that happened in her past. Saying that phrase reminds her that she's herself and not who people (like Mal) precieve her to be. In fact, the first time she said that phrase in the movie was after Gil jokingly called her 'shrimpy' (a nickname Mal called her back when they were kids to make fun of her.)

2. Stimming

There are many reasons to interpret that Uma may in fact be stimming throughout the two movies she's featured in. She flips/plays with her hair, feels the texture of her seashell necklace, paces while she's talking to other people (like Ben or Harry,) and of course, her ecololia that I mentioned earlier. It makes sense that Uma would stim because her stims have characteristics (she plays with her hair when she's happy, she paces when she's nervous or upset, she touches her necklace when she's really happy or unsure, etc.)

3. She gives a nod to the fact that she has meltdowns.

There's two crucial pieces of evidence that makes me think Uma may experience meltdowns. First, where she was talking to Ben about going to Auradon. Uma laughed at Ben when he bought it up and says, "That was the angriest I've ever been in my life, and I've been plenty angry." I know that sounds like a line to emphasize how mad she was about not being invited to Auradon like Mal, Evie, Jay and Carlos, but I think it's more than that. Also, back to that scene where Mal got away and Uma was repeating her ecololia phrase, the scene cut off after that with no sight of her again until Cotillion. Having something she planned out go wrong could very well cause a meltdown and stimming heavily before a meltdown isn't uncommon either. I think she had one off camera while Mal and Ben got away.

4. She only looks Harry in the eyes.

I was thirteen the first time I watched Descendants 2, and ever since then, I thought there was a deeper meaning behind Mal and Uma's arm wrestling match they had to settle their deal. Mal's eyes glow green when she wants to make people less powerful to her advantage, however Uma wasn't affected at all and won the arm wrestling match anyway. If she didn't look Mal in the eyes, it wouldn't have had any effect on her and that's because she didn't look Mal in the eyes. Now, you could say she didn't look Mal in the eyes because she knew she was capable of that power, but after a closer look, she only looks one character in the eyes, and that's Harry Hook. It makes sense why, she trusts Harry and he's been with her through a lot. He was there during Uma's possible meltdown on the ship and he's probably been there for a lot of others too.

Well, those were my terrible headcanons! If you like them, please reblog! And before you go, you know I had to make an autistic Uma icon too! So, here they are! You're welcome to use it if you'd like! Thank you for reading!

[foreverinwvkanda]

Dear Chadwick,

It's been three months since your passing. And its your birthday.

It feels like its been three years already.

This is the toughest pain I've ever experienced in my life. No physical pain in the world could ever match this grief. Not even a stab, burn or bullet wound.

For some reason I keep having this imaginary hope that I'm still gonna meet u one day. Not in the heavenly sense but in the worldly sense. Its weird. Especially when I have my dreams about you and you come to see me. Its like yeah, I can't wait to meet you when I get the chance. That is until, you know, I wake up and reality punches me in the face.

I guess its the trauma rooted in denial or vice versa. I know you're gone, so why does my heart keep telling me I'm gonna see you one day? In the Afterlife maybe. But not here. So why does my heart think you're still here when my mind knows you're not?

It's strange. Idk. Maybe you are closer than I am precieving you to be and you're leaving a mark on my heart. You're leaving it where my grieving wound is placed. And thats why it thinks you're here. Not that im complaining. I'll take it. I'll do anything nowadays to ease this pain.

From the dreams where I still see you're face, staring at me, sometimes stoic, sometimes smiling, from the random 11:11s that I spot almost everyday, to the songs and daydreams… that mark does feel real. It feels heavier. I feel your presence more everyday. And I'm glad tbh. If my heart is telling me that you're here, then I believe it. Beliefs I feel are set in the heart, not the mind. If its as close to you that I will get, I truly dont mind.

I am still trying to lay you down to rest in my own way. To reach acceptance. And I also still take your advice. I go out once a week and just take it all in. The skies, trees, the fresh air. Its getting colder now so I wont be able to do that for much longer, but the point is I take in the moments. The cloudy skies. The peeking sun, which I feel your right behind sometimes, the rain… I see so much more beauty in it now. And I smile. Those small moments make me smile. You make me smile.

Despite you being gone, you're still one of my many reasons to live. And I'm still trying. I know you see im trying. Lord knows I'm trying.

Idk what its like up in the stars, but I hope today especially you're celebrating loud, healthy and free up there. I hope you continue to touch my heart in your own special way, especially on days when I need it most. I hope you're smiling down on all of us, we still love that crooked smile of yours.

Keep flying in the stars king. My heart will always be crossing the cosmos to find you. Happy heavenly birthday. 🖤🌹

Love,

KC

(Excerpts from my journal, "Letters to Heaven" slightly edited)