#i've been playing with the idea of having a fursona

[nekrotastikextasy]

Me when I'm a lizard

[fennthetalkingdog]

I absolutely love the fact that as a furry I can use my fursonas to explore feelings and thoughts that I'm not sure if I want to own up to. I was looking through my old sketchbooks and thinking of my little lore for them earlier, and I realized that all I was doing when I made them up was just making parts of me into separate folks and having them interact to work through thought processes I was having internally. Like, my oldest fursona Vio, also named after what I was gonna name myself at first (but their first name was originally based off my deadname), represented who I thought younger me was like in hindsight as I got older, and as I first explored my gender her gender adapted to match. My second, Ice, was mainly an accident, but I ended up making him as a voice of reason for Vio, just like how I was developing a sense of social awareness during that time and was grappling with finding a balance between that and what I wanted to do. And I've been using my newest fursona, BJ, to explore my current gender and therianthropy as well as feelings of how I want to dress and act now that I'm at college. And for a long time I found it weird how I couldn't just have one fursona, but I think that's because how my fursonas interact lets me process my thoughts and come to terms with stuff in a way that expressing things all internally just doesn't. And I think that's stupid cool!!

[cassiusfen]

This isn't my art, (it's made by @ TheHearthFox over on Twitter) but I wanted to make a long post about why this work in particular speaks to me so goddamn much. I think such a massive part of the queer experience -- and also the furry experience -- is about the abstract. This can be seen in so many different aspects of furry "culture," from the concept of fursonas to kink and and other fetish content. You and I will never know what it's like to be a werewolf and transform under the full moon into the form of a big hulking furry beast. However, us furries create art and other works about the idea of it anyway. We never will be able to be our fursonas -- our often idealized and "perfect" versions of ourselves -- and part of that really hurts. It hurts so bad honestly, to the point where I can't quite put it into words. In terms of queer culture, I will never know what it is like to be a cis woman, and that also messes with me a lot. Yet, I'm still trans, my identity can change, I can perceive myself as whatever I damn well please. Identity allows you to shape yourself and the world around you in your own image, even if not everyone can see its beauty.

We have ways to get at least somewhat close to how we feel in our abstraction. VRChat allows you to make an avatar of what ever you want, whether it's your fursona or just an ideal version of you. Hell, it doesn't even have to be you, it could be anyone or anything really. We have a whole industry based around creating big ass costumes that allow people to at least look something like their desired character. But it's not enough. It's never enough. I ain't religious, but sometimes I feel like I've bitten the apple, been kicked out of the garden, and now I'm left to fend for myself with an identity that my physicality will never match. When I made my fursona using an avatar base in vrchat and configured it to match my real world body scales and looked down, I honestly started crying. I take the headset off, and I'm still me. Everyone takes the headset or fursuit off and they're still the body they were given, not what they would choose. Our reality is objective, and there's no way to really change that. We can act like animal people online all day, but the moment that screen shuts off, the moment we walk away, that warm, fuzzy feeling (hehe) fades.

To think abstract is to think beyond what you can normally sense. You will never get to brush the knots out of your fur in the morning, or play with your antennae while anxious (I see you bug people). We can still have those ideas, however. I know I'm on the third goddamn paragraph and I'm just now talking about the artwork I linked but this is an important concept to me. Usually, when I think of the abstract, it feels unreal, "fuzzy" so to speak. However, in HearthFox's piece, the objective reality appears out of focus and pixelated. It feels like even if we are unable to fully embrace the abstract, we can still embrace what we can of it, and bring some sort of color to a world that doesn't feel like it is made for us. The colors being outside of the lines could suggest that our abstract perception is maybe just "painted on" to the world around us, but is that a bad thing? Is it bad to take things in from the world around you, but still look at it all in your own unique way? I think not. This also isn't only about therian identity, or furry identity, or even queer identity -- it's also about neurodivergence. You are never in the wrong for thinking about the world in a way that is viewed as "non-standard" by the rest of the world. If you see yourself as a wolf, bee, fox, bear, raccoon, a fucking plane, it's not a bad thing. We can still identify however we want, and this modern way of looking at identity is the best way for us to embrace the abstract.

Go wild, go fucking stupid. Love yourself, if you're a fox, be a fox, there are ways you can feel that way, even if it's not all of the time. We can fight, we can love, we can still find ways to elation, even if sometimes existence itself feels wrong to you. This work is but one side of abstract thinking. Look at the color the fox has compared to the objective. Look how the fur drapes, how it runs down the body, or how the snout expresses emotion. Sometimes it feels melancholic, but you cannot tell me that trying your absolute damnedest to live your identity doesn't at least bring some color to your otherwise dreary and unfocused world.

Stay safe, love yourself no matter what.

[deergirlfangs]

New Pinned post <3

Hi there, the name is Zelda, or one of like, 20 other names that may or may not be listed somewhere around here. If you know a name I go by that isn't findable here don't use it. <3

I'm bigender which is made up of girl and fem6oy, as such I use she/her and sometimes he/him pronouns when I'm feeling fem6oy enough <3

I'm in my 30s, not getting more specific than that until I decide it's not true enough to change it, don't try to find my exact age as I don't like sharing that information publicly, I don't even update it on my birthday <3

I'm a polyamorous bisexual voraphile freak and if you're over 18 you're welcome to talk to me about how much of a freak I am. I love to flirt and encourage it. Also happy to share my Other Blog with anyone interested, again as long as you're of age. <3

I'm a film graduate and currently working on doing something with that experience as well as working on a superhero comic and a 2D zelda style game. Feel free to bug me about any of those I love to discuss writing and media and want to encourage media literacy. <3

I'm also an ex-jehovahs witness and as a result I'm hugely into the holiday season in a very against my old god kinda way. Also big into sinning <3

Also I'm like, a dragon in probably an otherkin/thetadelta kinda way, like, it's core to who I am and how I understand myself so yeah. Despite this my fursona is a fox, the dragon in my icon is literally me <3

I also draw sometimes and when I do it'll be posted to @dragongirldrawings but always reblogged here too.

Also I'm a member of a plural system, feel free to check out the rest of the system over here @haven-sys <3

Further on the identity weirdness I'm an imaginary friend for the person who used to inhabit this body, they've been gone for like, over 20 years so it's not really relevant but I have started embracing my nature as a fictional creation, it's comforting.

Btw, if one of my posts containing my typing quirk ends up on your dash I take no responsibility for it. I use it in posts that are for me only and if they happen to resonate with others that's their choice to reblog.

I had intended to set tipping up on my blog for a while but adhd caused me to never get around to it sooo, homebrew tip button on my original posts. Feel free and outright encouraged to steal this idea <3

So yeah that's me, hiii I love you all <3

this post is specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue [tip]

DNI list under the read more.

lmao imagine if I actually made one of those finally, that's how you'd know I've been replaced with an evil clone or something.

That being said if you're looking at my blog to send me an ask or dm about what someone gets off to please understand unless they're actively hurting someone I rly don't care. I have a lot of ignored and blocked anons about this.

This goes double if the person you're trying to alert me to is trans femme, we don't play that game here, especially given that I know I've been targetted for things as simple as engaging in vore the wrong way for some people or whatever.

Like, I just want to make it clear I rly don't give a fuck what another adult does in the bedroom, I rly don't care if the bedroom happens to include their blog and I rly don't care if they like to flirt about it with other adults on this website.

Also if your pinned post is a callout for anyone about anything it's likely to set off my paranoia around you, which is to say I will not be able to trust you if this is the case even if it's for someone who's actually a danger to a community, like, actively.

Like, this ain't a moral stance or anything, it's a mental health thing. I see that you want to make your first point of contact into a crosshair on someone else I'm gonna be scared you're gonna aim at me next even if it's completely reasonable that you'd never find anything objectionable with me. It scares me and I'm gonna spend every interaction walking on egg shells around you cos what if you're digging for dirt, like, I got no way of knowing.

Anyway as the opening joke implies I don't see any worth in having a list of things to not interact with me over cos the lived experience on this planet is so full of nuance and I've formed deem friendships with people who'd probably have avoided me if I had a DNI and they cared about it.

I think DNIs are dumb but this feels like a space to talk about some general limits on what I'm gonna put up with on this website. I'm just here for a good time with other freaks, anything else is optional. If you want to drag me into your discourse at this point then I guess this is whre I ask you to Do Not Interact. To anyone else, I love yall <3

If you've been directed here after sending an ask my way please apologize for wasting my time [here]

tl;dr DNIs are dumb but don't drag me into your personal grievances with others.

this post is still specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue [tip]

[syrupspinner]

i just defeated Psychopomp Gold

ive never been a fursona kinda person but there's something about the thraits that activate the "I want to be one of those" part of my brain

this is one of those "what can I say" kinda games. so much of psychopomp is the atmosphere, the visuals, and just the general vibe. it's so intense that it's kinda impossible not to have a good idea of if you're gonna rock with it or not from the steam page alone

i was first introduced to this game via a mutual who I think has a good-ass taste in games specifically if they're about the severely mentally ill, like needy streamer overload and... antonball, i guess. hi nephro @thisisntapainting! anyway, I don't really have any first-hand experience with schizophrenia (which seems like what the game is trying to embody) but it seems like it's pretty effective. you can't really describe what happens in this game without it sounding like someone having a psychotic nervous breakdown. like, if you tried describing the plot of any other dark and surreal game like fatum betula or like, that one game with all the smiling as something that happened to you, people would be like "oh from a video game! what a silly YouTube prank you're doing". but with psychopomp you'd just get a sincerely concerned wellness check.

the first level I played had you going into a sewage treatment plant and helping nuggets of meat with animegao masks kill their queen/filtration system. it's like, a level above the full immersion technique of expecting the player to adjust to their surroundings naturalistically and just tries to actively fuck with you because you tried understanding. you dont get a deeper explanation of why we are perpetually harvesting the bones of children and frankly its pathetic of you to expect otherwise. is that what psychosis is like? welp, nothing to do but choose an extreme schema through which to filter all these experiences. I think the helmet kid is like if I saw the tv glow was about being christ, and also there was a 30 minute long childbirth scene, i wont explain further

i hear the gameplay get compared to kings field a lot (i typed this out, but couldnt verify it? i think i got this mixed up with lunacid lmao), but I think that's just cuz it's one of the only real time fps dungeon crawlers that most English speakers have played. oh, speaking of, did you know this game has a big Russian fanbase? I've never been able to say that about well-adjusted games, it's always shit like hotline Miami and hello Charlotte. are you guys okay? anyway, the gameplay is awesome.

I love how uncomfortable it makes you feel just by trying to force the world into a grid, making things feel claustrophobic or off centre. I like how easy it is to get punished for not having your hammer selected when something starts running at you, encouraging a paranoid playstyle where you always have a weapon out and slowly creep around corners. that part in the childrens hospital where the nature segment leads too a hallway thats juuuust big enough to hide the walls is the darkness so you have no idea how big it is is wonderful. it builds a really effective ludonarrative, where you learn about pompy as a character through how the player naturally acts, in the same way we know sonic likes to go fast because he's always in video games where the player goes fast. (also, no spoilers, but i love how well this is used in the epilogue as well)

she's paranoid, indifferent to the value of life around her, just touching and killing things. she picks needles up off the floor and just shoves em in her blood. she has no thoughts about the cultural wall paintings in the thrait village, or anything to say about the tv playing anti-spaceworm propaganda other than that it's dusty. she's impulsive, she just kinda says things that dont really follow together, she doesn't care about her personal safety or well-being, and barely cares to learn about the world around her beyond what gives emotional gratification like justifying her misanthropy. maybe this is just me reading too deep into it, but I think a good narrative should encourage you to look into a characters head and construct how they think and see the world based on their actions, and video games are special in that regard because they can do so using the player as a conduit. i could also just be straight-up wrong, this game is pretty impenetrable

despite trying to cultivate an air of perpetually having no idea what the fuck is going on, things are established in this game with surprising consistency. like, itll contradict reality as you know it, but it wont contradict itself. theres a poster talking about how venus and mercury are fictional planets, and the moon has an eye, so now you know space is fucked. then when you see the transient area with a hatched cocoon and one with a tv talking about a worm you can reasonably surmise that the space worm is the king/queen of venus. and then therell suddenly be some additional bullshit thatll make you reconsider everything you know like a child that just figured out other countries exist, like how humans evolved two seperate times. i could keep going, trust me, but wed be here all day

i try not to use the word "perfect" too much, but i sincerely believe that this game succeeds in everything it attempts to do. the gameplay does a wonderful job at encouraging a terrified playstyle, with little touches like how you have to put your weapon down to unlock doors. the atmosphere is a perfect industrial mindfuck where everything is a conspiracy-inspiring combination of man-made and realistically impossible. it does everything it can to entice you to try and figure the world out and before you know it youre doing some pepe silvia bullshit, just like helmet freak would be doing if she didnt already KNOW the answers from the start and made this whole mess just to confirm her own delusions.

like. i cant emphasize enough how fucked up this game makes me feel, theres a visceral uncomfortable feeling like my skins on too tight and i need to get the fuck out. i can only play one level a day and i need a variable amount of time before i build up the courage to jump back in there. i missed one of the keys to get the secret thingy (how are you supposed to break that silk door thing in the moth level?) and let me tell you i am NOT going through all that again. this game makes me sweat just because of how stressed out and anxious i feel from the moment-to-moment gameplay and the oppressive ass atmosphere.

WAIT. BAROQUE. ive been trying to think of what this game reminds me of and a steam curator finally said it, fucking baroque for the sega saturn. look it up youll get it

anyway! play the damn game. one of the best and most effective psychological horror games ive ever played, mandatory gaming for anyone who appreciates atmosphere in a video game. if you have fun analyzing esoteric narratives, itll give you something to chew on for... god knows how long really, i still dont really know how to articulate what ive seen. that doesnt stop it from being incredibly effective, honestly the fact that its just a vaguely-themed collection of shit devised from the ground up to freak you out is a point in its favour.

either way, this is one of those games we'll look back on and go "yeah this is where it all started" like we do for shit like devil may cry and grand theft auto, i think this is gonna inspire a lot of people to do a lot of things

things like. make other video games. i feel the need to specify that

[jennithedragon]

Nine People I Wish I Knew Better

Thank you so much for tagging me @assassiowl -- it means a lot. ;w; Previous!

Favourite colour: Green! Specifically: Medium sea green. It's kinda funny because people see my 'sonas and assume it's orange because of their body colours – but no! It's in my characters' eyes, you see!

Currently reading: I really need to get back into reading published books, honestly. I've been living off of tons of fan fiction for many, many years and I definitely need to broaden my horizons. The last thing I had started reading was Orwell's Animal Farm, but I left the library after finishing the first chapter to take a break and just haven't gone back to read more. Yes, I was reading inside the library, itself. Yes, I know I can check out books. I just found it nice to sit in the building and read there instead of putting up with my home environment.

Last song: Beep Block Skyway (With Beeps) – Super Mario 3D World music EXTENDED!!! It's hardcore stuck in my head and will not leave until I've listened to it for at least 24 hours total. I blame the MLP fandom and the fan parodies.

I mean, it was that song when I typed this up a few hours ago, but this song was apparently released on Ponies At Dawn's YouTube channel earlier: Faulty - Queen of The Crowd (feat. Koa) [Jensen Stiles Remix] (genre: progressive trance) and it's pretty good.

Last Film: I recently watched Disney's A Goofy Movie with some contacts. I had never seen the full thing uninterrupted, only parts whenever it was showing on TV. I sorely miss 2D animated films.

Last Series: Like, TV shows? That's a rough one for me. I normally don't watch a whole lot of plain ole TV. I was following some nifty web series (Helluva Boss, Monkey Wrench, The Amazing Digital Circus), but I haven't seen much from them lately. (Oop! Apparently I missed Ep.4 of Monkey Wrench! Resolved now!) I've also been eating up seeing Mapocolops play The Legend of Zelda series, but I'm not sure if Let's Plays count for this prompt.

Sweet//Salty//Savory: Send me into the salt mines. It's been a problem ever since I was a kid, lol. Discovered ramen noodles in late high school and never looked back. I know it isn't exactly healthy, but my taste buds yearn for the sodium.

Tea or Coffee: Neither. If I absolutely must choose one of these two options: tea. But I much prefer milk (2%) or juices as a flavoured drink (cranberry juice, my beloved.)

Working on: Too many things!! Send help! Illustrations: I've been working on updating both of my reference sheets (quadruped and humanoid) for my fursona since like... uh... at least 2022. Updating my reference sheet for my ponysona. Making a reference sheet for my first funny four-eyed 'fibian OC. Second one's concept needs to be more solidified. Doodling some fic fanart. I also have some backlogged fanart ideas for Gaia Online. And planning on drawing fanart for a streamer I found recently. Uh. Fanart. Fanart. More fanart.

Writing: I have some prompts I would like to try to fill as practice and to shake off the extreme rust. The last time I tried to properly write something was for a Graphic Design course in college uh… more than a decade ago, I think... I have a bit of personal baggage behind why I'm scared to try to write even though I enjoy answering fun prompts like this and want to write fics because others inspire me.

Extra info: pony should pony pony 🐎 Real OGs remember Nintendo's NSider Forums.

Tagging: @insert-image-here, @wishfuldorian, @feldsparred-mo-reblogs, @jumpingwjoy, @tippertot, @2isted-chocol8, @ponyartistbrainiac, @fcloudg, @jadewolf-writes Feel free to ignore this ping if any of you do not wish to participate! Just thought y'all were cool, so consider this a shout-out at the very least! 💖

[fawnrats]

Salt, Equus, Zhihao & Adira are my OCs.

Salt is a cowardly white wolf with dark brown eyes who lived in North America during the late pleistocene. I've never drawn him before!

Equus is one of my new Primeval Age characters! she's a shy, clever & easily distracted dacentrurus. I haven't made a proper drawing of her yet, but here's a messy & slightly outdated doodle I made figuring out what I want her colors & patterns to be exactly, plus the link to her profile on primeval age where you can see her bio & official image! https://www.primevalarpg.com/import/5788

Zhihao is a saurolophus, & I haven't drawn him nor developed him much as a character yet ^^'

Adira is a tyrannosaurus. the last time I drew her was back when it was believed even adult tyrannosaurus had significant feathering, so she really needs a redesign for accuracy! she could use a rewrite too, not that she was ever a very developed character in the first place.

a while back I rewatched most of Seri! Pixel Biologist's Wolfquest 2.7 series that I loved so much as a kid :D I wanted to illustrate a couple things that happened in it, plus I'd love to redraw the fanart of Rain I did when I was a kid!

(the old Rain fanart in question.. I couldn't find the raw file so it's a cropped screenshot of when she featured it in an episode! at the time I went by Pancakes Plays, which is why she credited me as "Pancake")

moving on, I have a crapton of fursona ideas & a few existing fursonas, I think it'd be cool to draw all those fursonas I haven't yet & make a lineup of them all! hahaha it would probably be sooooo long! & it would take ages.. especially since I've been struggling a lot with making a design that sticks for my rat fursona! I think I finally have the shapes down but I'm still iffy on her colors >_< I haven't finished a colored artwork of her yet but here's a messy doodle & a WIP!

I hope my other fursona ideas aren't extremely difficult to figure out too q.q my other fursona ideas are a barn owl, a lynx, a barn owl-lynx gryphon, a blue calico cat, a glacier bear, & I think that's all? oh wait! & an opossum. most of my fursonas are just meant to represent me in my entirety, but I have this idea for an opossum fursona that more so represents my most intense feelings, if they were put on full display on the outside! In real life I'm a fairly mellow, shy & reserved person, my emotions don't tend to be really loud.. but my opossum fursona would be the opposite of that. energetic & colorful & excitable & loud & fierce & just super intense!! cuz sometimes that's how I feel on the inside, & it would be fun to express that with that character ^w^

here are my other fursonas that I have drawn already! I would probably draw everyone as anthropomorphic in the lineup, though I do really like my caribou fursona's feral design ^w^ maybe I should draw a feral version of the lineup too?

[niuttuc]

magic subject: upcoming planes/sets

Hope you’re having a good week! :3

I'll try to stay brief because there are a lot of those.

Thunder Junction: I was expecting to like this set more than I have been. The tropey character twists of MKM and the fact they just dropped a dozen existing named characters without really getting any deeper on any of them makes me roll my eyes more than anything, I'd have liked an actual new set of characters for once.

Modern Horizons III: Excited for some fun designs, dreading some pushed designs, baffled by commander precons, like the idea of new sparkers.

Assassin's Creed: I have mostly no care for that franchise or the associated designs so far. It'll exist. I'm a bit amused that they committed to the small booster formula so far and with another company before the first one even went to print and faceplanted.

Bloomburrow: Cute and new! Well, except for the fursona bonus sheet, but hopefully that's just a fun addition and it's not another set of "new setting, but all old characters" again, because we haven't had something new in a good while. At least it's a bit less tropey a space than Western or Detectives.

Duskmourn: Now that we've seen Thunder Junction and MKM, I expect the modern horror set to also be pretty shallow, and it's not a genre I have much investment in. Hopefully they don't feel the need to make it all about known characters being trapped in the mansion!

Innistrad Remastered: Would have been much better instead of Double Feature, and also probably will get forgotten like the last few remastered sets that were overpriced and/or underprinted. Be honest, whoever is reading this: did you remember they announced that?

Interplanar Death Race set: Chaining together genres that I don't care much or any about, though given its nature I expect this one will be old characters at least, as it should be.

Return to Tarkir: Finally we get development on that situation of returning Khans! We do, right?

Final Fantasy: I'm not the biggest Final Fantasy fan, I've played a couple of them, but it's the same kind of set as LotR was, and that was a success regardless, and there's a lot of material to pull from in Final Fantasy. Cautiously optimistic.

Space Set: Neat! I hope they pull it off and make it feel expansive and alive without invalidating the rest of the game!

Return to Lorwyn: A bit too far into the future to know what to expect, but the one narrow and unhelpful look at Lorwyn in March of the Machine did not make me hopeful for the return, especially with how the previous block ended!

Return to Arcavios: That's a lot of returns! Hopefully this is about Arcavios as a whole and not as focused on Strixhaven. Honestly had forgotten this was a set!

First Marvel booster set: See Final Fantasy. Thankfully, probably will be focused on the comics moreso than the MCU. But wouldn't surprise me if the different sets are different comic book runs. We don't know enough details to give a real opinion.

Finale to the multi-year story arc: I imagine the arc will end with battling returning Fomori or a big villain taking control of their tech in some way. It's starting pretty slowly for now, so can't really guess much about this one.

[gnirewolf]

I just wanted to say that I think you have one of the most adorable and awesome OC's I've ever seen omg How did you decide on the colors and patterns and whatnot?

thank u ^w^ first and foremost, my fursona Grove was designed by @neonbuck in late 2022 who did an amazing job, so ultimately Chris was the one who decided on the exact colors and patterns!! I did come with an idea though, I'd been getting more and more into flowers and nature stuff through 2021, so I thought about this high concept OC that would be green like summer with spots like flowers. I was really vibing with hyenas at the time too cuz I'd been playing with some OCs and that just felt like the way to go. originally, I had even conceptualized grove as a character I could get versions of for each season, but I didn't get around to that lol, too lazy! so anyway, go follow Chris

also, I prob should've put the ref on that pinned post but I didn't expect it to get so many notes OTL. I still love it though, I've been looking at it a lot this month as I've been getting into drawing!

update: I did go and put the ref on the post! didn't know Tumblr allowed more than 10 images now lol

[hexdrgn]

There is a song I cannot get out of my head.

It's been 10 years since I first heard it. And I still cannot get it out of my head. Every quiet moment alone, every second without stimulation. It is there. Perhaps not in the foreground, but it plays. It plays.

"You'd fit perfectly to me, we'd end this loneliness"

"Melt this curse away."

It's a song of longing, sung by an automated voice. A Vocaloid, specifically. With all the "humanizing" turned off. You'd expect it to sound cold. Mechanical. And yet, its longing is felt. An isolated wish. One of hope, and of absolute despair.

"Though I'll never know your name"

"I've cried for you the same"

I understood it, ten years ago. I did not feel like a life. I felt as if I was an operating concept. A series of cognitive heuristics and algorithms. Designed to be a brilliant approximation of a soul.

This, of course, was before I learned of Estrogen, transitioning, and the newfound hope that arises from the ashes of the old self.

I didn't understand these things. I didn't understand love, care, hope. I still don't, to a degree. I was operating as expected. Just well enough to avoid detection as less than a person. A machine encased in a human vessel.

"You'd fit perfectly to me."

It was incredible. When I figured out one day. I can just be a woman. I remember it well. I had been friends with a trans man for years beforehand, but somehow it hadn't clicked until this moment. on a bus bound for the capital of my country. One thought prevailed, watching the girls in front of me gossip and giggle:

"I want to be them. I want to be a girl."

It was absurd. A single moment. My worldview had changed. I saw the peaks on the horizon for the first moment in my life. I could witness something greater than the functions for which I was designed. I wanted to be *something*. I *wanted* to exist. To live for that moment. To live for that time I could exist.

Needless to say, that trip was fraught with nonsense. Lots of feelings, very quick, at the same time as a lot of happenings which my autistic brain does not respond well to. Panic attacks, fear, and two new true 'friends', were the result. A trusted space. The FIRST. trusted space.

"We'd end this loneliness"

With college came freedom. With freedom, came the ability to modify my body chemistry to suit. I had acquired hormones. I met folks I fell in love with. Lost, fell out of love with, that broke me. That shattered me. I was part of a polycule, for a time. It was exciting! Safety and the freedom for new experiences!

Among those new experiences, a friend group who were furries! I had made my fursona about a year ago, but with no idea for why she existed. Worry not, because now she had a place, I had a place!

It did not last long. We were children. We did not know what we were doing. We were lost, dealing with mental issues and the trauma of being forcibly closeted for so long. I lost a lot. Lots that I cared about. Lots of me.

Still, it seared in my mind. The idea. The thought. I needed to dispose of that. A safety measure, perhaps. It was another that forced the hope from my hand, shattering into what I believed to be an irreparable mess.

"Melt this curse away"

I think about that time a lot, too. Accidentally or intentionally. It was a hard time, but also one that brought me so much joy. The friends I made stabilized me through what was otherwise one of the worst times I'd ever have to live through.

"Though I'll never know your name"

Thinking of it, even now. There is a tinge of sorrow.

I think of the above lyric a lot. I have read interviews with the artist from the time this song released. He mentioned that it was getting at the feeling that there are so many individuals in the world, so many people, you are destined to spend your life without finding the one who is your soulmate.

I think about this a lot.

Have I failed to meet my soulmate? Have I met my soulmate, but I let them slip through my digits? Have I shirked what could otherwise be the thing that could bring me exactly what I need?

It's torturous, to live like that. To always wonder what could have been. You know this, likely. If you're reading this, you feel the same, don't you?

It is ever present.

"I've cried for you the same"

I lost a lot last year. However, with it came a lot of gain. I met a new set of folks, including a new set of friends who are furries! I've slowly been whittling in the new me, defining the shape of wings and tail, that of a dragon's presence, as I continue to discover what this version of me is.

And with it, stability. And with stability. New thoughts start to emerge. The sort of thing that I can't consider when I'm not okay.

Perhaps, it would be fun. I'm no longer a hatchling, after all. I know how to spot manipulation, how to spot fear. I have creatures who will bear their fangs and claws on my behalf. Creatures that demonstrate, from my perspective, a healthy poly relationship, one that makes me consider.

Perhaps I could try again. Perhaps I can recapture that feeling that I had when I was younger, but safer, and stable.

Fresh Static Snow is one of my favorite pieces of music ever written. But I think of lot of things when I consider its lyrics

Why must it only be one that can fit perfectly to us. Why isn't there multiple in this world.

And what if we meet more than one of them?

And... How does this... Work?

"Though I know we'll never meet, you are ever part of me"

I still don't understand love.

I never have.

I feel the same thing. Be it a friend or a partner. It's not different. It's not less. It's just... There. Warm. A drive to protect, to gather.

I struggle to avoid catching feelings. It's difficult. You make me laugh, you're interesting. I admire you and want to watch you exist. What is the difference between a partner and a beloved friend?

Perhaps it is the queerness. Perhaps it is the autism. Perhaps it is concoction of both. I struggle.

But is it that bad, really?

Is it bad that I have love to share? Is it bad that my inherent understanding of relationships is odd? That I tend towards queerplatonicism, that I can share?

It's hard to ask these kinds of questions to yourself when stability depends on your ability to not fail to maintain relationships. However I must. Those I care for deserve the best version of me I can possibly be, and hopefully they understand that I must do what I must do to be the best for them.

My friend has told me about times that they've managed through messes. That mistakes and messes are okay, and it might take some before things work. You shouldn't just give up. Perhaps stability is within the not giving up.

I don't find that my care and affection can be labelled. However, I do find a few labels that may describe it. I have gone through many. Nothing perfectly fits. That's okay. That's what I am. Those who understand, those who fit perfectly to me. We get to spend our time together as something quite unique.

There's a song I can't get out of my head.

It's "Fresh Static Snow", by Porter Robinson.

At one time, it described my inability to love.

At another, it described my inability to be loved.

Now, it describes my inability to love all who I could.

"Don't move so lightly, static snow that is your memory."

"And though I know we'll never meet, you are ever part of me."

[1singulargrape]

I saw someone propose the idea of Sukuna's fursona being a bull/buffalo instead of tiger and I've spent some time thinking about it

design wise although my head default to blue/black a sort of deep red coat could be used as the base color (I still have a hard time with pink when it comes to fur -v-). the black tattoo/stripes would still be there but on an animal that usually has a solid color it would be a lot more striking than on a tiger.

Obviously he'd have huge horns but I've been playing around the idea of the skin on the right side of his face growing up into an extra horn-like shape, giving him 3 horns. I find this pattern to be more fun than just giving him 2 pairs of horns.

I'm a big fan of fangs so he could still have noticeable canines but the second mouth would only have blunt teeth

Most of the design could easily be based of minotaur statues honestly =w=

Finally for the parts where he's possessing a vessel, I think calling back to the early draft of jjk with Sukuna adding horns on his vessels when he's in control would be the coolest options, since if Yuuji is a tiger for example the tattoo won't be as obvious

he'd have a nose ring too. OBVIOUSLY

[anti-psycomics]

I can't believe I missed it! Yesterday marked 1 full year since I really started dedicating myself to digital art, after I drew this image because I wanted to play bomb rush cyberfunk. Pretty sure I started drawing it because I saw Twistcmyk made her own custom decals for that game and I wanted to make something like that too. So uh. Thanks for that Twist. Still haven't played bomb rush cyberfunk tho

not a bad starting place I'd say. Although maybe that's because it's not really the starting place and I've been drawing off and on again pretty much since I was born

I think this drawing really helped get my feet off the ground when it came to finding a style that works for me, and learning how to make other styles out of it. See, I've always had shaky hands so I've tended to gravitate towards a more scratchy style since smooth lines are often a challenge for me. And in a lot of cases I'd just leave a drawing as a sketch because finalizing it was very difficult.

being able to draw fast and loose like this is really a boon to get the creative juices flowing. It's the easiest way to draw for me, and I still like to leave it at that if I have a day where I want to draw but I don't want to dedicate more than one night to it

But nowadays I'm usually making art that's a lot smoother and takes a few more nights to finish. But that's still using the rough style. Usually I'll get a vague idea in my head and throw it on the screen with minimal care, and I'll zero in on how it's supposed to look draft by draft. Sometimes it takes 3 drafts, sometimes it takes, like 10

shown here a swordsmachine drawing I made a month or so ago, I still have the krita file on hand (because it's not technically finished yet, needs a final draft with color) so here's the drafts leading up to it

This process often involves a lot of cutting and pasting, resizing and the perspective tool to get a thing exactly where it needs to be. As for making lines as smooth as possible, I just have to take it really slow and sometimes go back, erase, draw it back, erase again. I won't lie it can still be a really tedious process

Like that swordsmachine, I've been making a lot of character portraits lately. Which has been a great exercise in posing, perspective and shading. Shading especially was something I've been needing practice with. I used to draw only with pencil of paper so using color in drawings is still somewhat a new thing for me. Having to figure out the lighting for each shot and which surfaces are whatever is very difficult but doing shading right can make a drawing look that much better

This is the thing I've been working on most recently, I think the shading looks pretty good, especially on the scarf. But I'm not really too sure about it.

Ok I've lost the pacing for this longpost. I wish I had a special drawing for the one year but I forgot until today. Maybe I'll make Anti in a birthday hat sometime later. For now here's some of my favorites over the past year

THING IN THE CLOSET

was a pretty early drawing, but I still really like it because of the unique perspective of peeking into a closet. Also the first time I drew Anti with a body!

ENDNE, GOD OF ENTROPY

I remember when I drew this design in my sketchbook and I knew I had a banger design right away, she barely changed from paper to digital. Unlike Solos, who had quite a few changes, and honestly I might still want to change a few things. Still pretty astounded that I managed to render it so well. Might be my overall favorite of the past year

PSYCHADOLIA

I still think it would make a great album name and cover. Hire me psychedelic music artists

MALAZIROT, GOD OF ROT

This one was made because I told my friends I'd make myself a fursona if a poll about me being a furry reached 15 votes. Love stealing valor. This might be the highest layer count piece to date, I think it clocked in at over 60 with so many small details that you have to super zoom in to see. Regardless, I'm really proud with how I got the rotting flesh to look in this one

MASH ME UP

Also a massive undertaking and probably the only one that can rival the layers on malazirot. Idk if I have much to say on it other than, I think it looka pretty neat

SELF-PORTAIT

A real recent one, Probably my most grotesque one to date too. I really think I nailed how disgusting the skin on it is, my only regret is I didn't make any hair follicles poking out of the skin. Oh well, missed opportunities

here's to the next year of art!

[shynetyme06]

CROSS

First impression: First time I've ever seen him was because of an animation meme (for a 2 second "cross the sea" joke) and the second time was when I watched a dub of the 0.4 ink vs error fight in underverse, and going back to that I realize he was only there for like 5 seconds at the end so uh💀I don't think I had any significant opinion on him in my early days in the fandom tbh

Impression now: I just can't not love him man. Xtale as a whole has grown on me like crazy recently, I just think the enitre story and context surrounding him is so interesting. (the fact that he's a swap sans and has/had a sibling relationship with alphys quickly comes to mind when thinking about his unique situation) he's also just an awesome yet prissy little emotional guy, and I love that for him

Favorite moment: Aaaaa I dunno if I remember enough to get this accurate, but I really like all the scenes he's had with ink. their divorce was truly tragic

Idea for a story: I don't know what I'd do tbh... his orginal story is one of those concepts I don't feel the need to dive into in my own way since I think it's already done so well in canon (tho ig I can say he plays a big enough role when it comes to a non-utmv world I've been working on, but he still isn't very developed there hgdhfg)

Unpopular opinion: I am unsure what the popular/unpopular opinions on this guy are lmao, so here's a random opinion: I think he should be drawn short more + stockier in general. Idkk I do not believe he is taller than dream guyz (the art of him on my blog rn contradicts what I'm saying here but the last thing I posted is over a year old now, I have grown since then🙏)

Favorite relationship: cross and lux I love girldad cross I love him I LOVE HIM!! I plan on drawing them at some point soon they are sillay. Another dynamic I like is cross + ink of course, to me they're a weird amalgamation of romantic and platonic idk they're just vibing

Favorite headcanon: He has a fursona and it's a wolf (ink convinced him to make it)

ask game

[iridescent-moon]

I'm still sorta on hiatus (still around but not really posting besides the occasional rb) but I've been kinda playing around with the idea of being potentially shapeshifter kith, or with animals in general.

My fursona is a shapeshifter, and even in alternate universe they tend to still be a shapeshifter or have magic that allows them to do so. And while I still feel that I am for 100% certainty a seal, wolf and alicorn, I still feel this connection and desire to be other animals. I also don't find it hard imagining myself as those animals and experience cameo shifts very easily.

Still wondering about how I'll be making my nonhuman project. At first, I was ready to just write an essay despite my poor skills, that didn't work out with the few attempts I made. So I thought "well, why not instead make a comic of some kind?" But I'm turning up empty so far

As it turns out, creating something or talking about how I struggle with communication is very difficult! How do you talk about not being able to talk? Ehh, I'll figure it out eventually

[sesshy380]

Hiii ❤️ I’ve seen you mention your fursona a few times now; do you more info on them and maybe a picture or more detailed description of how they look? (and tooooootally unrelated but would you mind if anyone possibly drew them? :D)

I should warn you that this is an extremely dangerous question to ask me...because OMG AHHHHHHHH!!!!! *FANGIRL SQUEAL HEARD AROUND THE WORLD*

I would in no way ABSOLUTELY FREAKING GO WILD if someone drew her lol

So my fursona is my OC's 'other' forms. You can read more detail about her here. This gives a run-down of her 'furry' appearances (she has 2, one is as a standard black cat w/blue eyes, the other is a black leapard with raven wings).

I picture her anthro form wearing this (old sketch by me from 2006? before hands went to hell)(I got lazy when it came to her hair lol). The cloth areas are black, while the rest is gold (I'm a very simple person, but she's meant to fit in the YGO-verse so maybe the gold should have been more elaborate lol). The 'collar' is gold as well (since it's kinda hard to tell based off the pic).

I've played around with the idea of the anthro form having her hair, but I never got around to drawing that version unfortunately. However, there was a webcomic I used to follow called 'Flycoren Kausim' by RetroDragon. Kat appeared as a cameo in the later chapters, and I even got a rough sketch of her as a bonus from them. (Not my art, credit goes to RetroDragon).

Here's her cameos:

[jolteonkin]

The Player Dreamed It Watched Words On A Screen

Hello hello ! It's nice to meet you! I'm Ollie! I'm a 23 year old and use they/it/he pronouns, as well as identify with many xenogender labels ! I am neurodiverse and am a little creature with dwarfism and those things play a lot into my alterhumanity! I am also Intersex, Non-Binary, Bigender, AroAce Spec, and a Lesbian! I've been Alterhuman for as long as I can remember! I identify with the furry community and see myself as an anthropomorphic dog thing more akin to a fursona than human! I also engage in pet regression so stuff related to that may also be posted here!

This is my therian/alterhuman and otherkin/fictionkin sideblog! I'm a canine theriotype in general but I visualize myself with Wolves, German Shepherds, Yellow Labs, and Golden Retrievers they are what I connect with most! I'm also Digitalkin and Jolteonkin and those two things are super important to my identity and how I go about the internet! I may also talk about my sympaths and more loose fictionkins from time to time! This is entirely for my own self identification and how I view myself though so I'm unlikely to interact with the greater fictionkin community about them!

My non-human identities have no spiritual correlation personally and the idea of that makes me super paranoid so that kind of thing won't be on my blog! No hate to those who feel that way it just isn't who I am. I might not post all that often but I wanted this space to talk about this part of me when I feel strongly about it. Cheers <3