#I think the idea of the king of curses being an herbivore is so much cooler

[1singulargrape]

I saw someone propose the idea of Sukuna's fursona being a bull/buffalo instead of tiger and I've spent some time thinking about it

design wise although my head default to blue/black a sort of deep red coat could be used as the base color (I still have a hard time with pink when it comes to fur -v-). the black tattoo/stripes would still be there but on an animal that usually has a solid color it would be a lot more striking than on a tiger.

Obviously he'd have huge horns but I've been playing around the idea of the skin on the right side of his face growing up into an extra horn-like shape, giving him 3 horns. I find this pattern to be more fun than just giving him 2 pairs of horns.

I'm a big fan of fangs so he could still have noticeable canines but the second mouth would only have blunt teeth

Most of the design could easily be based of minotaur statues honestly =w=

Finally for the parts where he's possessing a vessel, I think calling back to the early draft of jjk with Sukuna adding horns on his vessels when he's in control would be the coolest options, since if Yuuji is a tiger for example the tattoo won't be as obvious

he'd have a nose ring too. OBVIOUSLY

[couldyouspeakmyname]

Hi! 💕 I hope I'm submitting this correctly but I'm assuming you write for the Shishigumi lions? If so, I'd like to request some sfw and nsfw headcanons for them dating a female herbivore and it's totally up to you which members you would like to write for (although Free and Agata are my favourites!)

You know I love the Shishigumi, a lot. So I went overboard. I offer my apologies.

I will say, since I usually put NSFW under cut, but due to length I put it all under cut, I do have a big warning for it as to not surprise y’all

There’s a lot I could write for them, but to keep it reasonable I kept it kinda short! Feel free to request more if you’d like!

I’m also not great at nsfw so I tried my best I hope you like it anyway

SFW

Ibuki (I love him and will never NOT include him in an ask about the Shishigumi)

Ibuki is probably the best one at dating an herbivore. He’s very gentle and conscientious of you as an animal and your limitations 

That being said, he’s top tier respectful. He knows you may not be as physically strong as her is, but that doesn’t mean you’re not strong in your own way. He also likes the idea of protecting you. 

Always walks side by side with you. He’s nervous about holding your hand, but he’d never say it. Do it for him. 

Has eaten meat for YEARS and really struggles with that part of himself. 

Doesn’t kiss you for a really long time, he’s inwardly terrified that he’s going to hurt you. You’d have to make the first move.

Keeps you away from his work. He doesn’t want you to get hurt. 

He knows his world is dark, gritty, and that you shouldn’t be a part of it. He wants to send you away, but can’t. He thinks he’s selfish. You’ll need to reassure him this is what you want. 

Herbivores can’t see in the dark, so he keeps lights on in key areas so you can see better.

Protective. If anyone gives you any trouble he’s quick to correct their behavior, he can be incredibly intimidating when he wants to be

Slouches so you’re around the same height. Give him a back/neck rub at the end of the day. It will make him feel better, and he liked being close to you

The kind of boyfriend that remembers all the major events in your relationships, including small ones. 

Once he gets comfortable, he’s a snuggle bug in private. Cheek kisses, arm around your shoulders when you’re sitting, wrapping his arms around your waist when you’re standing.

Lions can’t purr, but if they COULD oh man, he’d never stop

Free

He’s famous for enjoying females, so the fact that he’s dating someone seriously that’s not a feline is really strange

You should have seen the expression on one of the more flirty female lions when he turned them down. 

Everyone thinks he’s joking about dating you at first, when they see he’s actually serious the teasing dies down, but doesn’t stop (it’s at his expense don’t worry).

“Has hell frozen over? What’s someone like you doing with a guy like Free?”

He honestly doesn’t expect you guys to stay together for very long. He expects it to be a fling. Only it doesn’t stop. He doesn’t get tired of you or eat you....It’s weird but wonderful. 

Has eaten meat for years, and has a hard time letting himself kiss on anywhere but on the cheek. Likes to throw his arm around you and hug you. So he does show affection, but keeps his mouth FAR AWAY from your throat. 

Rests his head on top of yours 

Calls you “Babe” a lot. He has a lot of other nicknames for you to. Some of the lions don’t even know your name, just that you’re dating Free. 

Over. Protective. He knows the market, the animals in it and the animals who come to it. He is very prepared to shoot or maim anyone who tries anything. The fact he’s such a loose canon does help scare people off. Everyone knows who you’re dating and they make sure not to push it. 

He likes to show you off. He’s that guy that carries a picture of you in his wallet. Anyone who asks about him dating someone and he’ll show you off. 

“Sure she’s hot, but have you see the ass on my girlfriend?” 

Likes to show off in front of you. Fights? Yes. Please watch him and root for him.

Tries to get you to get a tattoo, but will NOT get identical ones. He doesn’t want to jinx it. If you wanna have similar tattoos though, that’d be okay. 

Dolph

A relationship with Dolph when you’re an herbivore is really low key. A lot of people don’t know you’re dating. He doesn’t want to put you in jeopardy

He’s pretty serious and it’s hard for him just to relax. He does relax when you’re alone and he knows you’re safe. 

Likes to lay his head on your chest and listen to your heart beat 

When you do go out together, you may have to initiate any hand holding.  He plays it off, but he’s secretly happy

He smokes, and you may have to get on him for that if you don’t like it. It’d be very hard for him to quit 

Will let you braid his mane, but wont keep it in if you go out

Supports your endeavors and does whatever he can to help. He may get a little to into it. You’ll say you wanna take a trip and he has everything planned out. It’s a blessing and a curse. 

Likes how small your hands are in his

When he has a hard day, just hold him. He’s heavy and will lean into you, but he just needs the support

Has to relearn how to be himself, and you really help with that. He smiles more when he’s alone with you. 

Has a really deep, gruff, morning voice

Agata

If lions could blush you bet he’d be constantly red. If you actually look close, the insides of his ears usually are

Loves holding your hand and hugs

Respects your boundaries. If Ibuki is the king of respect, Agata is the prince.

He’s still part of a dangerous organization in the black market, so when he’s working he’s all business. Only a few of the members know about you (just the inner circle). 

Agata, like most of the others, is petrified to kiss you. He probably has the worst anxiety out of anyone else. He’s a meat eater, he’s eaten your kind of meat before. What if He accidently hurts you?

Texts you all the time.

The one you can be on the phone with for hours and not know it

Likes it when you run your fingers through his mane

He’s stronger than he looks, so he may just pick you up and carry you every now and again. He just likes to hold you, let him have this

Brings you flowers and your favorite snacks whenever you have a bad day

Stammers when he’s flustered.

Likes to bury his face in your neck

He has a hard time being who he is versus how he thinks he should be. The fact he can goof off and just enjoy life without the strain of being a lion is a blessing. 

Probably says he loves you before you do. He does it when he’s half asleep on your lap. He falls asleep before he realized he said it, whoops.

You’d have to be the one to be aggressive in public. “Excuse me, he asked for no pickles”  meme

Miguel

He’s pretty quiet in his group, so no one knows you’re dating

Miguel is really good at thinking his feelings and thoughts, but isn’t great at voicing them. He does a lot of little things to show affection. He brings you a warm drink on a cold day, has food for you when you wake up, holds you hand

He likes to try and see the best in everything, even if he knows how ugly the world is

His mane is maintained carefully. Once you get really serious, he may ask you to help him with it. It’s pretty intimate, and when you’re done he looks at you like you have stars in your eyes

He’s the force of protection you don’t even know is there. He’s probably saved your life like, eight times, and never let you know that he did

Sabu

If Miguel is quiet, Sabu is dead silent

No one knows anything about his personal life, let alone his dating life

They find out one day when the group is trying to make plans for a fun sort of day, and he turns them down because you two have a date. It becomes a secret mission for the group to find out who you are.

They don’t, Sabu is the oldest member and one of the most clever

A popular headcanon is that his face is really, REALLY messed up. I share that headcanon. The first time you kiss the scars on his face he chokes up

He goes all in. he’s yours as long as you’ll have him. He expects the same respect from you. 

He’s eaten meat for a really long time, but he has more semblance of control being a smidge older than most of the other lions. 

A bit pessimistic 

Kisses you good morning and goodnight. 

Cuddles on the couch. He’ll watch whatever you want to, but he has his preferences

Wears his face covering everywhere, you’ll need to remind him he can relax when you’re alone

. If you get out of somewhere like work or school late at night, he’s waiting for you to take you home. 

So used to wearing a suit and tie, he doesn’t know how to do casual wear very well. He lets you pick most of his stuff out. 

Jinma

He knows a lot about the black market, so he’s over protective from the get go. However, since he does know so much, he knows what connections to make to keep you safe. 

Eats meat, and is self conscious that you’ll judge him for it. Please be nice to him

Kiss his eye with the spot, it makes him feel special

(Personal headcanon) His mane has never grown right, so he keeps it short. He’s kind of self conscious about it. A lions mane means a lot to male lions, he tries to keep it nice but...it’s nothing like some of the other Shishigumi’s manes. Pet it, run your fingers through it. Males don’t complimented enough. It’ll make him feel loved. 

If you ever wanna go anywhere fancy, because of his connections and knowledge, you can basically go anywhere at any time...as long as it’s in the black market, but he may know a guy that knows a guy. If there’s something more legal you need, he checks in with his other gang members to see who knows who

Has a wicked good memory, remembers pretty much everything you’ve said

Dope

A gentleman. He will hold doors open for you, offer his arm and hand when you walk together, brings you flowers. 

He, like all the Shishigumi, eats meat. He is self conscious about it an doesn’t want to scare you away. He will be upfront about it though. He wants honesty. he talks it out with you, and he will try and cut back but being part of the Shishigumi, and a meat addict, means it’s very hard for him to stop. He probably wont, not completely, but he tries not to do it around you. 

He doesn’t brag he’s dating you, but if he’s asked he gets this really peaceful look on his face

If you ever take him shopping at any flea market or outdoor stalls, he will get you the best bargain. He’s also amazing at helping you with any work contracts, apartment contracts and anything else.

Likes it when you brush his mane, and lets you put it up for him before he goes out. He doesn’t let you do anything fancy, but says when you do it it somehow turns out better

Hino

Hino is very attractive. His looks are what brings jobs in, so he keeps the fact that you’re dating a secret for business. 

Gives you extra affection in private because of it. Kisses, hugs, all that. His favorite is to kiss the back of your hand, he is kind of a romantic. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s still a lion. If he hears that an animal is giving you a hard time, he will take them down and look handsome AF doing it

Eats meat, and like all the other lions worries for your safety. He tends to eat before he sees you, but after a while of you dating he becomes more relaxed. He doesn’t eat in front of you though. 

Spends a ton of time getting ready for the day, you may have to fight him for the bathroom 

Compliments you a lot. He uses the basic one liners at his job with older, lonely, animals. So, he uses unique ones for you. 

“I think the sun is jealous of your smile”

Totally lets your style his mane, and if you’re going out to somewhere not the black market, he’ll keep whatever style you give him. He’s confident and pulls anything off

Calls you Darling

Worst bedhead. 

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NSFW Manage yourselves safely!

Ibuki 

It was almost impossible to get him in bed with you. He’s so worried and full of anxiety. Any mood you get in, you instantly gets ruined by him being worried he’ll eat you

You’re going to have to plan in advance and spend a lot of time talking about safety and safe words

Honestly? He does try and eat you the first time. Not intentionally and he stops himself, but to be fair to HIM as an herbivore...you almost let him

It kind of ruins the mood and you end up talking it out with him. He’s so ashamed he can’t look at you for a while. 

Once time goes by, and you move pretty slow, but it’s worth it. Sex with Ibuki is amazing

Remember how Ibuki is really diligent about your limitations and you as  an herbivore? Pays OFF when he’s with you

He’s all about foreplay and making sure you are ready and prepared before he does anything. Ibuki has big dick energy. He doesn’t brag but is blessed. But he knows that with you being smaller than him, he’s not down to hurt you with it 

 He starts keeping his nails short for you. The other guys may try and tease him for it, but Ibuki gets defensive over you and so it’s short lived.

His voice drops when he’s in the mood, and he borderline growls. You’ve been teasing him all day, you really should make it up to him

Surprisingly good at dirty talk, it kind of comes naturally to him and neither of you know why

Loves your thighs, and his whiskers tickle. 

He has big hands, and when you’re alone he may saunter up behind you and run them down your sides slowly, kissing your check and down your neck. 

Best at aftercare, no matter how tired he is, he will take care of you 

Free

Is more concerned than he lets on. He tries to pretend he’s all confidence, but he has a pretty hard time getting to the point of actually having sex with you. He actually start actively avoiding it. He blue balls himself. Someone help him.

He’s used to doing what comes natural, and what if what comes natural means hurting you? He’d rather not.

When you do finally try and have sex, he doesn’t kill you...but he does bite you. You need stitches, and he has even more of a complex (tell him he just gave you a cool tattoo or something)

He may actively avoid you or being near you. It’s a set back. He’s not like Ibuki who can talk it out, he’s supposed to be a lion, not a scaredy cat. 

You have to put your foot down. You’re dating a bad ass mafia lion, not some nervous school boy. Remind him about how much you care about him and how much you want him.

The second time goes better, but he’s a LOT more careful. he does maim a few pillows, claws the mattress. Their sacrifice is appreciated. (you two become famous for ruining and destroying beds. The other guys are both impressed and disgusted. Free has no shame)

Trims his claws so he can use them the next time. He’s learning.

This male is a womanizer, but he’s not great at doing things that females would stay for? It’s more of a hit-it-and go. He knows some tricks but...not a lot. 

Tries his best though. Loves to dig his hands in your hips. Leaves bruises. One time he got hammered and asked Ibuki for advice. Ibuki was helpful, but needed therapy afterwards. 

Rough sex 90% of the time (that other 10 is passionate sex that lasts hours, it’s pretty impressive)

Once you guys get comfortable, hope you’re okay with bite marks and kiss marks. You’d have to wear winter clothing 24/7 to hide them all. He’s VERY proud of you being his female, he doesn’t want any other male getting ideas

Turns him on if you take control. Most things you do turns him on. He’s near insatiable. You could roll out of bed, eyes still squinty, mascara from last night all over, and he’s like..man, that’s hot. Hope you’re okay with having sex in weird places, he’s going to ask. 

Not great at aftercare, but BOY can he snuggle. If you’re able to walk afterwards, you wont be able to. Clingy. 

Dolph

Wants it to happen organically, but when it finally does, he catches himself.

He’s looking at you under him, how your eyes sparkle and shine, and how vulnerable you are...And the idea that he could rip out your throat comes to mind and it terrifies him. He practically throws himself off you

You have to reassure him and talk to him. 

Dolph is careful with you the first time, and while he doesn’t bite you, he does dig his claws in a little to much. They may or may not scar. He feels bad, but he’s so in the moment he can’t help it

May drool a little. Don’t tease him until later. 

He doesn’t stop until you’re satisfied. It’s a promise. You will NOT be able to walk the next day. He’s going to make the claw marks up to you if it kills you and wakes everyone in ear shot. 

Out of all of the lions, you’re safest with Dolph. He’s ”the serious one”, which makes him practical and knowing. He actually does research and goes online to inform himself. 

Love bites. He doesn’t break skin, so you’re safe there. 

Loves it when you try and claw him. You can’t do a lot, as an herbivore, but the fact your instincts try and make you...really gets him going. 

Casual at aftercare. Better than average but nothing near Ibuki or Agata.

Not a sex maniac, and with work, it’s not high on his priority list. He’ll make up for it though ;)

Agata

Likes to pretend it’s not something he’s interested in, but he is. He just doesn’t want to pressure you, or scare you. Dating a lion is one thing, being fully exposed is another and he knows it. 

He thinks about it a lot, but doesn’t act on it. You probably will have to take the lead. Agata gets way to in his head.

The sweetest kisser ever, but when he’s heated they’re like fire. Biting your lip, you face carefully with his claws just teetering on the edge of digging in. He loves kissing you, doesn’t matter where. 

Kissing will lead to other things if you don’t stop him, but do you really want to?

Likes to pull you close, and the more heated he gets the more likely he’s going to grind on you without realizing he’s doing it

Totally whines if you stop kissing him. 

Younger than the rest of the Shishigumi, and is more prone to using his instincts. He eats meat and is afraid of hurting you, but his desire to fuck your brains out is far greater than the instinct to eat you

He does end up biting you, and uses his claws. The damage he does isn’t serious, but he still fuses over you when its over. 

Takes a while to let himself near you like that again. He beats himself up. You may have to prove to him you’re tougher than you look. 

When you try again, he makes up for his shortcomings. You’re not sleeping tonight, call in sick to work tomorrow. 

You may have to ask him to slow down. He intends to go all night, you may have to curb his enthusiasm. Don’t forget to take breaks for water so you don’t pass out. 

Wont stop until you’re satisfied. Doesn’t matter how tired he is. 

Sweet nothings in your ear non stop...between the moaning. He’s surprisingly vocal

Talk to him too. Part of the reason he cares so much about you is because you see him for who he is, not his status as a lion. 

Since he doesn’t plan having sex with you, and just lets it happen naturally, he always has things in his room for you. Just in case. Please don’t tease him about it, the other lions do that enough. 

Is totally the kind of guy to help you bathe afterwards if you want.

One of the biggest snugglebugs 

Miguel

Miguel is worried about having sex with you, but no one knows it but him. 

He’s the brawn of the group, and is strong as hell. He may end up trying to show off and you may end up in positions when you have to totally vulnerable (if it makes you uncomfortable, he’ll adjust. Just talk to him)

Muscles for days. The lion is made of stone, but has surprisingly soft touches. He knows his body and knows how to use it

He’s never had sex with an herbivore, he’s thought about it, but having sex with something he may eat later didn’t sit well with him. You are a different story. He’s thought about it a little to much

First time he has sex with you he claws you, and they’re pretty deep. You end up getting stitches. Unlike a lot of the other lions though, he doesn’t avoid you afterwards. He’s there when you get stitches, intimidating the doctor (who has a small heart attack every time Miguel moves)

Apologizes but isn’t afraid to try again. He trims his claws this time, you should really tell him the other things his fingers could be used for outside clawing your back. 

Do not mess with his mane or pull it, he’ll get grumpy. 

Loves your chest and carefully uses his tongue. Doesn’t matter what size they are, he’s a fan. 

Not very vocal, but likes it when you are. 

Sabu

Sabu is older and more controlled, so you’re pretty safe with him. 

He doesn’t seem like he’s interested in it, and since he doesn’t talk much, him bringing it up comes out of no where.

“Wanna have sex?”

Just out of no where. He doesn’t talk much so he doesn’t beat around the bush. You were just scrolling on your phone, and you nearly drop it.

He doesn’t hurt you when you have sex, not even by accident, but the couch you were on gets shredded. It looks like an animal twice his size attacked it. 

Runs his hands over your body, he can’t stop touching you. 

Kiss his scars, it sooths him, and he’ll pay you back

Loves your neck, but is careful not to leave any marks (you have no idea how he doesn’t, it’s like magic)

He doesn’t care if you leave kiss marks on him

No great with aftercare, but will make sure you’re okay and kisses your cheeks and on top of your head

Jinma

Disaster. He doesn’t mean to be, he just is

He wants it to be perfect, but while he knows everything about the black market, he doesn’t know much about having sex with an herbivore. He never really though of it, and now that he is...help him. He knows rumors of herbivore and carnivore relationships that have gone wrong so...he kind of freezes up. That, and he hasn’t been in a lot of long term relationships. 

While the others do their research, Jinma goes way to into it and becomes a bit overwhelmed, but hides it. 

You end up having to take control. For someone who knows the black market like the back of his hand, Jinma is the student and you are the teacher. You’re an herbivore, and you’re going to show him just how much you know (you are the captain now)

He bites you, and he does break the skin, but he just closes his mouth and allows you to decide if you wanna continue or stop

He starts keeping a med kit in his room just in case. 

He gets better, the more he learn and the more serious he is with you. Soon he’s compiling a book of knowledge on you.. He knows where to touch to make your toes curl, what to say, and your weak spots

He takes everything he learns and uses it against you one night. He’s a fast learner. 

 Dope

Part of negotiations is to know what a person wants and what they will go through to get it. So, when you bring it up, the look in your eyes is all it takes for him to know he needs to take you serious. 

Usually his kisses are quick and satisfying, but once he actually starts to seriously kiss you its like it’s the last time he’s going to do it. 

Likes to have you in his lap. Seeing your face is important to him. Every movement and actions of your body paints a picture of what you want. 

Third best at foreplay, what drags him down is he watches you to the point that he forgets what he’s doing

When you first have sex, he ends up clawing your hips and biting your lip to hard. You lip bleeds a little and his nails break the skin.  He’s a little worried, but if you don’t tell him to stop he’ll get permission to keep going. 

Ends up also biting you, but nothing to terrible or life altering. 

He loves watching you, body language tells a person a lot about someone, so no matter where or how, he likes seeing your face. 

Afterwards, he makes sure you’re okay, and comfortable, He does the basics, but doesn’t go overboard 

May leave a kiss mark or two, but it’s accidental. He doesn’t want to embarrass you (even if seeing you with kiss marks makes the animal in him deeply satisfied)

Hino

Hino knows a females body like no other. He’s not exactly promiscuous, but he likes being satisfied

Since dating you, he hasn’t been with any other females, he’s very needy. He’s not as bad as Free, but he’s getting there.

You have no idea how he seduces you every time, one moment you’re making tea, the next, you’re on the kitchen counter 

The first time you try and have sex with him, he claws you way to hard and you end up having to get stitches and fixed up. He feels awful and can’t look you in the eye. He swears he will NEVER do it again

He never does, he keeps to his word

Unlike some of the other lions, the fact he hurt you doesn’t keep him away. He feels bad, but now he’s going to try twice as hard to make sure every time he has sex with you is amazing.

Wont stop until you’re satisfied, and just seems to naturally know your body and what you like.

While he’s composed in public, you get to see a little wild in his eyes when he fucks you. He has this low growl that rumbles through his chest that you feel deep in your body the tighter he holds you

Probably has had sex with you on most surfaces in your home. 

Above average at aftercare. He tries, but having more one night stands than not hasn’t equipped him for great aftercare. He learns though. 

[kumeko]

A/N: For the Pandora Hearts Reverse Big Bang! My partner Hadrian drew an adorable piece of the three of them sleeping together and I wanted to write a fluffy AU for that (look, I really need a world where Lacie and Oswald live).

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At twenty, Gilbert Nightray was used to plans going awry. It was par the course when it came to the mischievous Oz Vessalius. Despite being childhood friends for over 15 years, the only thing Gil could predict about Oz was that his suggestions never went as expected. Toss in the ever-hungry Alice, and well, there really was no point in planning, just preparing. Luckily, that was something Gil was good at. Every time they went off on an adventure, he packed a bag full of first aid kits, healing potions, and enough supplies to last a week.

 However, even he couldn’t have predicted the situation they were in. As they raced through the forest, Gil glanced over his shoulder to confirm that yes, a giant elephant-sized boar was chasing them. He pressed a hand against his hat to keep it from flying off.

 “Why are we running?” Oz asked breathlessly, just barely managing to keep apace. His physical strength wasn’t great on his best days, and after he’d been cursed…well, what little muscle he’d gained in the past ten years was gone.

 “Why do you think?” Gil snapped, his trench coat flapping behind him as he leapt over an overgrown root. Behind him the boar angrily snapped his head at an offending tree, skewering it with his horns. Wood splintered from the onslaught and Gil paled—that could have easily been them. That could still be them.

“We could just fight it!” Oz argued, his green eyes glowing slightly as he started to summon his magic.

 “Your magic isn’t what it used to be,” Gil argued, resisting the urge to tuck him under his arm like a ball and just sprint out. He probably could. Oz was ten now, not twenty, and as tiny as he was, he’d be easy to carry.

 “I want to eat him,” Alice announced, her eyes taking on a more rabbit-like appearance.  

 “Aren’t rabbits supposed to be herbivores?” Gil immediately whacked the back of her head. Maybe he should just tuck both of them under his arm—two ten-year-olds couldn’t be that heavy, right? “We’re only barely ahead of that thing because the forest’s slowing it down.”

 “But he could be tasty,” Alice protested, glancing over her shoulder. She licked her lips in anticipation.

 “Why is it always food for you?” Gil grumbled. Honestly, Alice’s first approach to everything was bite first, ask questions later.

 “Because meat is king,” she declared triumphantly. Why was that her answer to everything? Her physical strength was far greater than Oz’s, no matter what age. Gil wished it wasn’t; he’d rather hear her wheeze and pant than be forced to listen to whatever stupid inane thought crossed her mind.

 “And you’re too weak too fight,” Gil pointed out, feeling a headache forming. He had medicine for that. “You guys are younger, you can’t act like you normally do! You,” he turned to Oz, “Don’t have the magical reserves. And you,” he directed his glare at Alice, “Can’t fight like you used to.”

 Alice’s cheeks puffed, the sign of an impending sulk and Gil’s headache worsened. Oz frowned. “We could still fight it.”

 “Didn’t you promise Oscar you’d stay out of trouble?” Gil pleaded, ducking an overly tall branch. While the boar was slower, he hadn’t stopped. Every step caused a tremor and it was a miracle none of them had fallen over yet.

 “But—” Oz whined.

 “And Lacie—” Gil cut himself off immediately; it was always a mistake to bring up Alice’s mother. She was even wilder than her daughter. A better tack was her overprotective uncle. “Oswald? Did you agree to be careful for him?”

 “Booo,” Alice pouted as she hopped over a stone. “I can fight.”

 The earth shook behind them. Gil barked, “Not against that!”

 And then, before they could protest, he grabbed their hands. If he had to drag them to safety, he would.

 -x-

 “I think we’re getting close,” Alice muttered, sniffing the air as she lifted a branch with a hand. While she hadn’t fully transformed into her rabbit form, her red eyes and long, claw-like fingers gave her an inhuman look.

 Gil could never get used to her partial transformations. Full transformations were fine, he could handle giant, bow-tied rabbits and short, ill-tempered women. Actually, considering how much Alice ate, it was amazing that she’d never grown taller, that even at twenty she couldn’t reach higher than his chest. Pulling his gun out of its holster, he asked, “Are you sure?”

 “What do you mean, am I sure?” Irate, she glared at him. It was more annoying than intimidating. “My nose is better than yours.”

 “Only if you’re actually using it properly and not smelling meat like last time,” he whispered back, trying to keep his voice down. “You’re a rabbit, how does that work?”

 Alice snorted. “Meat is king.”

 Gil stared at her. She’d said that with utter confidence, as though those three words explained everything. In fact, she’d been so matter-of-factly about it that for a minute, he’d doubted himself. That maybe he was the one ignorant to the ways of the world.

 On his right, Oz snickered as he drew his sword. The metal looked dull in the dim light. “She got you there.”

 That was enough to snap him out of it. “That doesn’t explain anything!”

 “It explains everything,” she retorted, hands on her hips, her quarry all but forgotten. “What more do you need?”

 Gil knew he ought to be the bigger person. They had a guild mission, after all, and that came before any petty differences between them. If Alice wanted to act like a child, like she often did, he shouldn’t stoop to her level. No, he should finish securing the pixie they’d been hunting for days, saving a village from its mischief, ensuring that his standing in the ranks didn’t—

 “If your head wasn’t made of seaweed, you’d understand,” she added with a presumptuous sniff.

 Gil forced his lips into a tight smile, resisting the urge to react. There’s no point in arguing with her, he reminded himself. Be the adult.

 “Where is the pixie?” he asked through gritted teeth. The sooner they finished with this, the sooner they’d go back.

 “Over there,” Oz replied, whistling softly as he peeked through the brush. “I think he’s asleep.”

 “That’s good.” Gil brightened at this one speck of good news. “Is there anyone—”

 Before he looked, before he even finished his sentence, Oz pointed at the pixie. “Alice, go!”

 Without hesitation, Alice ran forward, transforming into a giant rabbit as she did. There was a large scythe in her hands now, pulled out from whatever pocket dimension she’d left it in. “Just stay there and watch,” she ordered before disappearing into the foliage.

 Gil’s jaw dropped. “Oz!”

 “Come on, Gil!” Oz grabbed his hand, smiling innocently. Almost all of their misadventures had started with that smile.  “We can’t let her have all the fun!”

 “Why do you always do this?” Gil hissed, not sure how he’d force them to understand this one, common sense idea. “We should have to plan first!”

 He followed anyways—he’d never been able to say no to Oz, and he doubted he’d ever will. They were almost the same height, with Oz slightly shorter despite all of the milk he drank. There was something comforting about the back of his head, of that golden hair, and maybe it was that for all of the trouble they’d gotten into over the years, they’d always ended up fine at the end of it. Oz was strangely reliable.

 “It’s just a pixie,” Oz scoffed, trotting quickly after Alice. “She’s going to catch it before we get there.”

 In hindsight, those were famous last words. As soon as they made it past a particularly thick tree, pushing through the branches to reach a small clearing, they found Alice in the center. She slammed down her scythe at a pixie that was almost half her size. The creature had iridescent wings that fluttered quickly as he dodged her attack.

 “That’s a big pixie,” Oz muttered. He held his sword loosely. “I don’t think the cage we got is big enough for him.”

 “Me neither…” Gil frowned, pulling out his gun and several enchanted bullets. “Maybe we can knock him out.”

 Alice struck again, her scythe almost cleaving the creature in two. Which would have solved the transportation issue but luckily the pixie parried her attack. It almost knocked her off balance and she flipped backwards to stabilize herself. Legs tense, she prepared to strike again when the pixie shot her with a green bolt of magic.

 Smoke filled the air and Gil’s eyes widened as she disappeared. “Alice!”

 “Alice!” Oz yelled as he charged through the smoke to get to her.

 “I’m fine.” Alice coughed, still hidden by the smoke.

 The pixie cackled and Gil cocked his gun, looking for their enemy. It was time they took this battle seriously. Trees lined their small clearing, leaving many places to hide if the pixie headed for the shadows. Craning his head left and right, he couldn’t find their target.

 The smoke drifted past him slowly, dissipating as the gentle wind blew, and Gil glanced at where he’d last seen Alice. As the air cleared, he couldn’t find a big, stocky humanoid rabbit.

 Instead, he saw a small, child-sized rabbit. While it was dressed in Alice’s clothes, they were far too big for the rabbit, and they hung off it loosely.

 Oz stood in front of the rabbit, his lips parted in surprise. “Alice?”

 The rabbit’s ears twitched, and she looked up at him. “Why are you so big?”

 “Did he shrink you?” Gil asked, wishing he had his brother’s skills in magic identification.

 “Shrink?” Alice stood stock still, looking from Oz to Gil to the trees. If she didn’t have black fur, he was certain she’d be pale as a ghost. She tried to pick up her now too-heavy scythe, the handle oversized in her hands, before dropping it in horror. “WHAT HAPPENED?”

 “Oh wow!” Oz crouched in front of her, recovering from his shock entirely. Reaching forward, he rubbed her ears. “You’re so cute now!”

 “I’m not cute, I’m terrifying,” Alice retorted, growling slightly. She didn’t pull away from his touch though and Gil stored that info away to taunt her with later.

 “Of course you are,” Oz cooed.

 From the corner of his eyes, Gil saw something move. He spun on his heel, gun raised, finger on the trigger. There was the pixie, hovering in the air, another green bolt in his fingers.

 “Watch out!” Gil shouted, already squeezing the trigger.

 BANG! A bullet pierced through the air. As it reached the pixie, it transformed into a net, entangling the prankster.

 Jerking back in surprise, the pixie released its bolt. The green energy arced through the air before hitting Oz square in the back. Another burst of smoke filled the area.

 “Oz!” Gil shouted, racing forward to knock out the pixie before he could do anymore damage.

 “Wow, that tickled,” Oz replied, coughing slightly. After a moment, he swore. “Shit.”

 Oz rarely swore openly, and Gil swallowed as he turned to where his best friend stood. The air had cleared now, leaving behind a blonde child. His cloak hung loosely on his frame, almost slipping off his shoulders. His sword, now too heavy for him, fell out of his hands with a clatter.

 “You’re a kid,” Gil stated, realization dawning.

 Alice transformed back into her human form, confirming his fears: she looked like a kid too. With a smug smirk, she wrapped an arm around Oz, ignoring how her clothes almost fell off her. “Ha, who’s the cute one now?”

 -x-

 Gil groaned as he leaned against the hard wall of the crevice they were hiding in. No matter how many times he thought about how they ended up in this situation, it felt ridiculous.

 “I think we’re safe now,” Oz whispered, poking his head out of their hole. Gil almost jerked him in reflexively. In the bright afternoon light, Oz was hard to miss.

 “I can’t smell him anymore,” Alice muttered, sulking as she crouched in the back of the small cave. With a stick, she drew pictures of pork chops and ham on the dirt ground.

 “Good.” Gil sighed, relaxing against the wall. He wanted nothing more than a hot bath but settled for sitting on the ground. These days, he felt more babysitter than adventurer. His nerves couldn’t take much more of this. “Next time I say run, run.”

 Oz pouted. “I still think we could have taken it,” he muttered.

 Gil gave him a tired look. “Oz.”

 “But that’s not why we’re here,” Oz admitted, which was as close to an apology as he’d get. Crouching in front of Gil, he reached up to ruffle his hair. “Good job!”

 “I’m not the stupid rabbit,” Gil muttered, looking away. Yet he didn’t pull away and maybe that was something he and Alice had in common.

 Unfortunately.

 Oz chuckled, letting go and stepping back. “Alright, let’s finish our mission! I want to be tall again! I want to bully Gil properly again!”

 “Don’t bully me,” Gil grumbled half-heartedly, trying not to smile.

 “I want meat!” Alice chimed in. Gil wasn’t sure if she hadn’t followed the conversation or if she just didn’t care about it.

 Oz looked at him expectedly and Gil sighed. Standing up now, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I want to stop worrying about you two.”

 “Oh, Gil.” Oz chuckled, though he looked touched. Standing up, he beamed at him, no malice in his voice. “You’ll always worry about us.”

 The truth in his words cut deep and Gil flushed. Coughing into his hand, he looked away. “I want to worry about you less.”

 Oz bumped into him lightly and nodded. “Alright, then we just have to find those berries, right?”

 “Yeah, Break said you just had to eat them and you should turn back to normal…” Gil trailed off. As reliable as his mentor was, he was also the kind of liar who’d take advantage of the situation to play a prank or run an experiment. There was a reason he and Oz got along; they were far too alike and Gil wished he could have stopped them from meeting. “It’ll work, right?”

 Alice growled at Break’s name and looked around quickly. Suspiciously, she lifted a rock, squinting at the dirt beneath it. “He’s not here?”

 “Of course not, or we’d have just fought that boar,” Gil scoffed, rolling his eyes. This whole mission would have gone better if they’d just brought one other person. How he ever let Oz talk him into coming here without backup, Gil couldn’t explain.

 “Nothing to it then.” Oz stretched his arms above his head, looking oddly refreshed. “We’ll just have to get those berries. They’re at the top of the mountain, right?”

 As usual, Alice thought with her stomach. “I hope they’re yummy.”

 “Maybe we should take a couple extra with us,” Oz suggested, rubbing his chin. He scowled. “I can’t believe the pixie couldn’t just turn us back.”

 Gil slouched over slightly. “I should have caught him sooner.”

 “And I probably should have listened to you earlier.” Oz reached up to pat him on the back. “Still, it’s kinda fun pretending to be my own love-child.”

 That was the first Gil heard about it. Aghast, he stared down at his friend. “Your what?”

 “Sec-ret love child,” Oz repeated slowly. Chuckling, he walked over to Alice and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “By the way, I told all the maids that she’s yours.”

 “Mine?” Gil screeched, forgetting all about the boar, the berries, or even the need to hide. He almost fell backwards and leaned against the wall for support.

 Alice grabbed Oz’s collar. “I’m what?”

 “The maids think it’s cute?” Oz weakly warbled, realizing a little too late that maybe he shouldn’t have admitted this in a cave in the middle of nowhere.

 They should start making their way up the mountain. They should be quiet. They should conserve their strength.

 Gil stepped out of the cave for a breath of fresh air, ignoring the ruckus behind him. Oz could wait a few minutes before getting saved.

 -x-

 Hilariously, by the time they reached top of the mountain, Oz’s worst injuries were still from the cave. The rest of the trip had been as eventful as their first few minutes in the forest—as weak as Oz and Alice were now, their only options were to run and hide from monsters.

 Unfortunately, on this mountain this meant a lot of running and hiding. Gil’s arms were sore from dragging Alice away; she honestly thought she could take on every beast they met and Gil didn’t have nearly enough healing magic to prove her wrong.

 As they reached a plateau on the top, a large field filled with wildflowers, Gil was too exhausted to do anything more than just collapse. He stared up at the night sky, surprised. The afternoon felt like it had only been minutes ago, and yet there the stars were, twinkling above. “Is this it?”

 “I hope so.” A worn Oz lay down on the long grasses next to him, sounding as ragged as Gil felt. For all of his adventuring, his stamina had always been terrible. “We just need to find the berries now, right?”

 “And then make it back down.” Gil covered his eyes with the back of his hand and took a deep breath. A sickly-sweet scent filled his lungs and he coughed. “That’s strong.”

 “It’s disgusting.” Next to him, Oz wrinkled his nose. Despite his affection for sweets, he didn’t like the cloying scent either. “What are these flowers?”

 “Not sure.” Gil looked to his right, at the flower brushing his cheek. It had a dark lilac colour, barely visible in the moonlight. Neon blue spots dotted the petals, giving the plant an eerie look. Something about it tickled his memory as he slowly sat up. “Where have I seen that before?”

 “A book?” Oz guessed flippantly. Lifting his head, he scanned their surroundings. “Where’s Alice?”

 “Hmm?” Still focused on the flower, he glanced around haphazardly. The field was penned with trees, though they were so far out he couldn’t make out their individual shapes. “Maybe in the forest? Or by the bushes?”

 “Alice?” Oz called out, scrambling to his feet despite his aching limbs. There wasn’t a response, just the wind through the trees, and he yelled again, “ALICE!”

 This time, a small voice called out. Gil couldn’t make out the words. To their left, a small figure dashed toward them, growing bigger until he could make out Alice’s bright grin. “Oz!”

 “There you are!” Oz relaxed. Clasping his hands behind him, he acted as though he hadn’t been worried seconds ago. “Where’d you go?”

 “To the berries of course.” Alice snorted, holding out her right hand to reveal a small pile of the very berries they were looking for. “Unlike you lazy bones, I can get the job done.”

 For once, Gil was too tired to argue. He merely plucked on, inspecting it. It was a bright yellow, like the sun, and the leaves had an oval-like shape outlined with prickly points. All in all, it looked just like the ones Break had shown him before. Begrudgingly, he praised her. “Good job.”

 Alice lit up. “It was a good job, right?”

 She beamed happily at him before leaning forward expectantly. Gil sighed and reached out, patting her head. “That’s what I said.”

 She bounced on her feet before she stood up straight once more. “Now we can get big again!”

 Oz gingerly took one berry from her hand, eyeing it thoughtfully. “These are the right ones, right?”

 “Gil just said they were,��� Alice pouted, her cheeks puffing up like a chipmunk.

 “If I die, I’m haunting you,” Oz muttered before swallowing the berry. He scowled. “That’s even sweeter.”

 “It’s like honey,” Alice added, utterly enamoured. She ate another one before Gil could stop her.

 “Hey, wait!” Gil snatched the rest of the berries out of her hand. A few were crushed between his fingers, their delicious juices dripping down his fingers. His raised his hand out of her reach. “You don’t know what eating more could do to you.”

 “But it tastes so good,” Alice grumbled, jumping up to grab the sweet treat. When it was obvious that she couldn’t reach, she stomped on his foot.

 “Ouch!” Gil glared at her, stepping back. “You stupid rabbit—”

 “Seaweed head—” Alice growled back.

 “Nothing’s happening,” Oz interrupted smoothly, frowning. He looked at his hands. “I’m not getting taller.” He paused. “Or older.”

 “Why in that order—” Gil shook his head, focusing on the actual issue. He glanced at Alice, who still couldn’t reach his chest, let alone his shoulders. “Alice isn’t either.”

 “That’s strange…” Oz sat down once more, plucking a flower and twirling it between his fingers. “Maybe it takes time?”

 “Or maybe you have to sleep…” Gil trailed off, realization dawning. Crouching, he inspected the flowers once more before covering his mouth. “Cover your mouths!”

 It was too late. He heard a soft thud, followed by another, and he found both Alice and Oz passed out. His own vision was going dark and he silently swore before collapsing as well.

 -x-

 “They’re so cute,” Lacie cooed, tucking a lock behind her ear as she stared down at her daughter and her friends. The trio were curled up together, instinctively seeking each other even when unconscious. “I need a picture.”

 “Lacie,” Oswald murmured, giving her a baleful look as he crouched next to Alice. They were breathing at least. “We need to take them back.”

 “Do we?” Lacie sighed, pouting slightly as she knelt next to Oz. Her puffy dress spread around her like a mushroom. She gently pushed his hair out of his face. “They look so peaceful.”

 Break poked Gil’s cheeks, chuckling. It was obvious they were master and apprentice; their uniforms were far too similar to claim otherwise. “They do. We should draw on their faces.”

 That stopped Oswald and he looked at Break, his expression blank. “What?”

 “It’ll be fun!” Break chuckled, glancing at the field around them. In the day, the flowers were closed, the air crisp and clean. “It’ll be a punishment for not bringing us with them. And for entering this field at night. They should have known better.”

 “Yep.” Lacie nodded sagely, already pulling out a marker from her purse. “These flowers’ scents are like a sleeping spell. They should have remembered.”

 “None of them paid attention to my lessons.” Break raised a sleeve and wiped an imaginary tear.

 “Or my training.” Lacie hunched forward, sighing sadly.

 Already hoisting Alice in his arms, Oswald looked back and forth between the pair. They both looked at him with watery eyes and he flinched.  “I guess…”

 And just like that, they both grinned, pulling out markers from who-knows-where. “Great!” Lacie chirped, drawing a spiral on Oz’s cheek.

 “He’ll never forget,” Break chimed in, giving Gilbert glasses and a mustache.

 Oswald held Alice tighter. Maybe he should just save her and run.

[shoujolover-666]

The Counsellor: Leona Kingscholar

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27042859/chapters/66133471

Characters: Leona Kingscholar, Jakurai Jinguji

Leona was lying on the sofa that was in the office of the man who had a strange air around him. His green eyes were half lidded and his tail switched lazily. Something about that man was… off. Jinguji Jakurai was a man who came out of nowhere. A man who seemed to have no background, nothing that one was able to track back to him. Everything about him seemed harmless, the way he held himself was something he was not used to. In a way, it reminded him a bit of his brother.

The lion let out a silent sound of annoyance, but he calmed down quite quickly.

He smelled strange.

Disinfectants, lavender and mint. Despite how everything seemed to scream at him that the man was safe, not a threat, his gut feeling told him something else.

Danger, caution, don’t mess with him. Instincts were something he usually trusted in, but the man was magicless. If he really wanted to, it would be easy for him to just squash him with a small move, an unassuming spell or his unique magic.

Still, maybe it would be better if he trusted his instincts for now and stayed careful.

If he had a choice, he wouldn’t have come here in the first place. This whole idea of going to someone to talk about his problems was not something he wanted to do at all. Too bad that the headmaster forced him to after the Overblot accident. If he hadn’t been threatened with being forced to work even more while being supervised, he would have just skipped without care. Under these circumstances though, it was easier if he simply gave in and got over with it as fast as he could.

“You are Kingscholar-Kun, right?”

The man, whose hair reminded him of the lavenders of the botany, looked up from some documents and smiled. It was harmless, and he thought about any kind of teacher, or older person in general, who treated him like this. Unafraid, unauthoritative.

Equal. Being treated as someone equal, not someone higher or lesser.

Leona was caught off guard, but he quickly changed back to his uncaring attitude. It was nothing to be impressed with. His ear did not just twitch because of how his curiosity has been stirred.

“I am. So, what do I have to do now, herbivore? Talk about my family? About an oh so tragic past?”

He raised an eyebrow before he sat up, leaning forward to get closer to the taller man.

Intimidation almost always worked to get what he wanted. The student did not intend on telling him anything about his past, for it was nobody's business.

“You can tell me about it if you wish to, but I won’t force you. No, what I wanted to ask was what your strengths are. It doesn’t matter if they are related to school or not. Anything is fine.”

Leona waited for the other to continue, but when he didn’t say anything for the following seconds, he sighed and decided to play along. It was the first time that anyone was interested in something like this. Most people would have asked him about what he liked and disliked, or they would have tried to get more information about his brother to get in the good graces of either of them.

Even though Leona wasn’t a king, will never be one because of how he had been born later and because of the existence of Cheka, a lot of people wanted to curry his favour because of the fact that he was a prince.

“Ancient curses are easy enough… and chess is something I am good at I guess.” In the end, the third year student decided to play along with him. If all questions were like that, he didn’t mind spending some time here. It wasn’t too annoying, and the counsellor was one of the people who didn’t seem to annoy him in any way so far.

Like that, Jakurai asked him more and more trivial questions. His opinion on some fellow students. What he dislikes about things in school. What he did in his spare time.

Of course, he wasn’t the only one answering questions.

“If I have to answer you, you have to tell me about yourself as well.”

He was pretty sure that he wouldn’t say anything involving his past and the place he came from when he seemed to try his best to cover it up. Leona paid some people to get information about the older man, but they came up with nothing. Not a single thing. Even those who had the ability to dig deeper were not successful.

Digging into these matters himself would only take too much effort, and he didn’t see it as necessary to work hard because of a man who didn’t seem as if intended to hurt anyone, even though he clearly had the ability to harm.

This was something he realized when he watched the man. His moves were smooth, his fingers tense and the way he behaved harmless seemed almost deliberate. Most people wouldn’t have noticed anything, but the lion knew where to look at to notice the little signs.

Jakurai seemed gentle, fatherly, but there was a glint in his eyes that told him that he was not just a father figure. In a way… he reminded him of an assassin. His ear twitched again, and his tail swished a bit faster.

An assassin? Would someone really be that bold and try to kill him on school grounds? No, even the assassins in the past knew to keep away from this place, for there were eyes and ears everywhere.

But why else was a person like him here? Leonas were narrowed and he interrupted him from whatever he just wanted to say.

“What is an assassin like you doing at our school?”

He could see the surprise on the other's face. So his gut feeling was right. The man who seemed to be favoured by a lot of students was dangerous… could be dangerous. If he really wanted to, and if he was as good as his instincts told him he was, he would have done his job quickly and cleanly, only to leave afterwards without being traced.

Also, even though the headmaster was useless and annoying most of the time, he wouldn’t let anyone in who would be a danger to the students, so he wouldn’t harm him… now.

Jakurai was silent for a while, probably thinking about what he should tell him, before he finally gave him an answer.

“I am here because of an unknown incident. If I had a way to get back home, I would have done so already, but I don’t. So for now, I am working here as a counsellor and nurse until I can return to the place I am from. Hopefully that was enough to satisfy your curiosity, Leona-Kun?”

The lion stared at him, looking for any sign that he was lying. Maybe a nervous tick, a second in which his eyes are wandering somewhere else, the scent of fear or the tiniest shift in his voice would have been enough to tip him, but there was none of that.

He was completely being honest with him.

With that, Leona got up from the couch, stretching himself before he turned away.

“Next week, same time, carnivore.”

And with that, he left the room.

What he was not able to see was the smile that Jakurai had on his lips.

[mask-maker-907]

Curse of the Zodiac au

I had an idea of a Dragon Ball au where the Ox king isn’t based off of the Journey to the West Ox king but based off of the ox in the Chinese zodiac. His family line is cursed to slowly and painfully turn into the animal they represent while gradually losing their mind and gaining cannibalistic urges. They don’t turn animalistic enough to be considered animal people as they are still absolutely human, but the Ox king still grows horns, he hands and feet turn into hooves, he has a cow tail. Kind of minotaur ish. Genetically also they are 100% still human, which is why eating people is still cannibalism. More than that, the curse is a sentient thing. Parasitic, living in one host until the next one is old enough for the animalistic changes to take place, around when the next host is 12, ie a full zodiac cycle. It communicates with the host to steer and guide them so that they’ll survive to make a new host, which naturally plays a huge role in the host losing their mind. The point where they absolutely can’t be saved is when they first taste human blood.

Chi-Chi is next in line. She’s the tiger so she eventually gains the stripes, tail, claws, teeth, eyes and maybe ears? (Not sure, but they would stay where human ears are supposed to rather than at the top of her head) The curse usually mentally effects the carnivorous zodiacs sooner than the more herbivorous ones. So while her father managed to make it to his late 30’s before giving in and eating people, Chi-Chi greatly struggles with it in her late teens. She’s avoided it for as long as she did by not being around people and not eating meat at all. Technically she’s slightly malnourished.

Her tiger features didn’t come in until around a month after she’d met Goku so their meeting went the same as canon, however she doesn’t go to the 23 TB to find and marry him. Rather she found a letter her father had written master Roshi and she hoped he’d be there so she could deliver it. She does end up joining in anyway because while she doesn’t see Goku until after she signs up, she does see Yamcha and/or Krillin wearing turtle school uniforms and figures she could ask to pass the letter on if Roshi was in fact not there. She’d planned to pass on the letter and fail in the preliminaries to make her escape from the crowd and the temptation of a human shaped meal.

Unfortunately she couldn’t get close enough to them before Goku joined in and the curse does not like Goku at all. It recognizes him as an extreme threat to its survival as even with her claws and teeth Chi-Chi wasn’t likely to win in a straight up fight. With her changes she’d likely be able to get away and survive, but it would probably affect her ability to pass the curse on later. An ambush would be another story. (Her claws weren’t normal nails and could even cut through metal, but should they do more than scratch up Goku? Curse want’s her to kill humans, there’s no need for it to make her claws capable of rending metal though. Though it met Goku and pegged him as a threat before it gave Chi-Chi claws so maybe it made them stupidly stronger than it would have otherwise?)

While the curse knows Goku isn’t human, Chi-Chi just knows that he’s strong enough to make the curse nervous. However its intensity and insistence that she avoid him took her by surprise so she doesn’t even get to ask about Roshi much less pass the letter on. Therefore she had to carefully win the preliminaries and make it to the finials to do so.

She does. (Naturally)

Afterwards, before the finals the scent of fresh blood and sweat from the preliminaries is rapidly murdering her self-control so she skips trying to deliver the letter to Roshi herself and decides to use his students as delivery boys. At first she attempts to give the letter to Yamcha who thinks it’s a love letter to him. He stumbles through a rejection and Chi-Chi has to find Krillin. Who is with Goku, who she still can’t summon up the courage and willpower to approach. So she decides to wait until Goku is fighting to give the letter to Krillin. Therefore she resigned herself to glaring at the wall while lots are drawn to keep the desires both to run away from Goku and to murder the first human she comes across once safe at bay.

She’s paired up with Goku. Who has cottoned on that she doesn’t want to be near him and only him and wants to know why. She can’t exactly say that the voice in her head is terrified of him. So she scrambles for a reason, remembers the childhood marriage promise and puts on a façade of being mad that he’d forgotten her. The fight starts. The constant lack of hostility towards her makes the curse ease up some and the fight starts to get fun for both of them. As she has super dangerous claws and doesn’t know about Goku’s iron skin she fights with closed fists only. Not really important, but it’s a detail Goku notices.

The fight still ends in a ring out and Chi-Chi still tells him about the promise. She uses his lack of knowledge of what he had promised as an excuse to nullify it before he has a chance to say he’d go through with it anyway, as she doesn’t think it’s fair to make him marry her when she’ll pretty much turn into a monster. (It doesn’t help that the curse would like to be passed on to his child, as they’d be a strong child and more easily survive to host it.) (Neither she nor his friends notice that he’s disappointed about that)

She still doesn’t get a chance to give him or Krillin the letter as the Drama with Piccolo ™ happens and it’s not a good time.

She does manage to hand it over herself when it becomes clear that Goku will be alright. She tries to leave right after but is stalled by Goku and Kami (Who’d wanted to talk to Goku about Kami stuff but got distracted by observing the curse coiled around her ki that he could see with his Kami vision.) This keeps her there until Roshi reads the letter begging him to help Chi-Chi (Or her child if it’s too late for her) break the curse on their family (One way or another) He tells everyone about it gaining Bulma’s scientific interest and getting Goku invested in helping her.

Kami never gets the chance to talk to Goku about becoming the new Kami but is able to gently shoot down the idea of using the Dragon Balls to erase it as the curse is too old and too tied with Chi-Chi’s bloodline to be erased without erasing Chi-Chi herself.

Talking about destroying the curse causes it to make its presence known and makes her try to run away but she’s stopped by Goku. The letter does detail that the curse has a mind of its own and has an incredible influence on Chi-Chi’s mind. The Ox king was only even able to write the letter due to the curse passing onto Chi-Chi. (but after it was too late to save him) Though the remnants of it didn’t allow him to send it himself.

Using a great deal of power Kami is able to block it out temporarily for them to discuss it. He makes it known that it’s a one off thing. Chi-Chi admits she’d rather die than pass the curse on and that if she knows what the plan is then the curse will know and sabotage them through her. Bulma observes that when the curse was taking over her eyes went red and gold, leading Chi-Chi to mention The Book and that she kept it in a capsule with the money her father left her. Krillin proposes getting the dragon balls to wish for the knowledge of how to break it if they can’t just wish it gone.

They separate a bit to brainstorm with Kami going back to the lookout to research it (the sooner it was solved the sooner he could ask Goku to take his place) he invites Chi-Chi as that would keep her away from people she would want to kill (Kami’s not human nor is Mr. PoPo and Goku is officially off the menu as far as the curse is concerned.) Goku decides to go with them despite finding the lookout to be boring he wants to get to know Chi-Chi more and thinks she’s be fun to spar with. Bulma gives him a phone to keep in contact with their findings. The three of them return to the lookout.

It only takes about a day or two before Mr. Popo finds records of the curse. Surprise it’s tied to the Book and to Chi-Chi’s family. They just need to destroy it to keep the curse from passing on. He tells Goku who tells Bulma who decides to invite Chi-Chi on a camping trip to the base of an active volcano. Chi-Chi doesn’t want to go as it’s too dangerous for Bulma or any other human, even if Goku joins them.

Before he leaves, Kami asks Goku to take over as Kami after they help Chi-Chi. Goku admits that he wants to stay with Chi-Chi and get to know her better. Kami says Chi-Chi can stay with them. Goku still refuses.

They go to the volcano and manage to snatch the Book from Chi-Chi as she’s writing in it. Goku keeps her busy while they throw it into the volcano. Chi-Chi feels it being destroyed and the curse can no longer be passed on. Yay~!

Then that night she nearly kills Bulma. Goku stops her. Turns out while the curse can no longer be passed on it’s still alive in her. Thus they go out and search for the dragon balls because they’re out of ideas and no one but Chi-Chi wants to throw Chi-Chi into the volcano.

So they search and Chi-Chi nearly kills Oolong. Goku stops her, they fight, Goku enjoys it way more than he should, she escapes, goes hunting, kills a normal deer and it all ends with a bloody Chi-Chi being thrown into a nearby lake to clean off and make her sane again. (Goku tries not to think about how she looked slowly licking blood off of her hand. He fails) Later Chi-Chi has the first meat she’s had since she left her hometown. She mentions it might be the beginning of the end for her.

They quickly find the dragon balls all the while Goku manages to keep Chi-Chi (relatively) sane and everyone else safe from her. Chi-Chi feels guilty for that. Dragon appears and it turns out to destroy the curse completely her family line has to die out. The most non-lethal way to do that is to marry out of it and to cut any and all ties with her previous life. (Meaning when she gets married the the money she’d inherited wouldn’t be touched, the people she’d known from before wouldn’t be contacted, the memories of her father and ancestors wouldn’t be spoken of or passed down. (That last one hit her hard.) If she broke the vow the curse would come back ten times as strong.)

Chi-Chi naturally spends a few chapters angsting about how “who would marry me when I looks like this?” “Who could I find to marry me in such a short amount of time?” and “I my claws rip through metal, what if I accidently kill them?” The curse is of course completely agreeing with her and how she should totally not ever get married.

Goku is 100% on board with the whole marriage plan. Though he admittedly doesn’t at first think of himself marring Chi-Chi, he realizes it soon enough when he and Bulma are talking about potential people to set her up with.

Thus begins a series of Goku “subtly” trying to catch her eye while being incredibly obvious to everyone but Chi-Chi. And Chi-Chi working through her little angst fest.

Goku eventually just outright asks her and they have to deal with the greatly diminished though no less demanding curse that really doesn’t want to die, which makes Chi-Chi gently but firmly refuse him with red and gold swirling eyes.

Bulma reminds a sad Goku that the curse makes her eyes go funny and they all go back to the lookout for another brainstorm. Kami can’t block it out again but he can bs mind power Goku into mentally going in and fighting it. He still can’t destroy it but he can knock it out long enough for Chi-Chi to say yes and marry him. So he does. Chi-Chi joins him and the power of love was enough.

Their wedding was admittedly not the best day of either of their lives. Kami officiated it, most of Goku’s friends were there, and both he and Chi-Chi had killer migraines. They got married, left for mt. Paozu, consummated their marriage and then both slept for two days.

Chi-Chi woke up with her mind clear and empty for the first time since she was a child. Her tears and joy were enough to wake Goku up and the started the first (conscious) day of their lives together.

[lil-purplebird]

Monster Island Buddies: Episode Fan Fiction

Fandom: Godzilla (Monster Island Buddies)

Rating: M

Genre: Parody/Humor

Words: 7,295

Summary: "Werehuman". A self-explanatory legend and an existential crisis. Maybe. Adult language, not for children.

Notes: Rawwrrrr!

So this is just something silly I thought up of out of nowhere and it wouldn't leave for a few days. Figured this would fit better as a “Monster Island Buddies” fic than just a normal Godzilla parody. Yes, I'm insane enough to make an MiB fic, but I know I'm not the only one. To borrow from Destoroyah: “Fuck you.” (Not really, love you guys. But this fic is more-or-less in response to wondering if I'd make more kaiju fics, of which I'mmmmm not telling, but this is still something, I guess. Apparently this takes place before "Destroy All Godzillas".)

Ha ha, well, hope you'll enjoy! I tried.

Can also be read here.

For lunchtime at the bar, Godzilla and some of his buddies were chilling with a game of monster pool. It was called such as the billiard balls were about as big as them all, and they had to be split into teams of three to even carry the cue stick. Stupid in practice, but everything's a great idea in one's drunken state of mind, and they would've declined if Gorosaurus was the one who suggested it and not Gamera.

"Oh, my God, you guys, we're in a tag team!" Gigan exclaimed happily behind Megalon, who in turn was behind Varan. "We're gonna win together as a team! You guys? Am I right? Teamwork rules!"

"How did I get stuck with Gigan, again?" Megalon grumbled.

"Shouldn't I, like, be the one to say that instead?" Varan muttered back.

"Kick my brah's ass, Var!" Biollante cheered from the sidelines.

It was a rare sight to see the couple at the bar, but SpaceGodzilla just had to say something about celebrating their group's founding anniversary with drinks and a bottomless buffalo wings basket or something. Oh, and a friendly battle or competition where the winner (or in this case, the winning team) was going to get free tickets to a concert, and Varan got excited.

Godzilla, Jet Jaguar, and Gamera were in another team chalking up their cue tip waiting for Gorosaurus' team (consisting of him, Baragon in front, and Gabara in the back, who butted in because he had overheard about the tickets) to do the break shot. The robot hemmed to himself, "Why're we believing SpaceGodzilla has concert tickets, again?"

"I don't, but I need to get out more," Godzilla said. "I don't know how you guys can live with me if I can barely stand living with myself most days."

"Yeah, see if I'll take you back under my wing again," Gamera wryly recalled.

Mumbling under his breath, Baragon was taking care to calculate his aim, but Gabara was growing impatient. "Jussth hit the ball!" he shouted, trying to take control of the cue stick.

"I want to get at least two balls in!" the burgundy monster stated, fighting back.

"You guys, we have to work together!" Gorosaurus interjected as group leader.

"Givth me the shtick! Hyouuungh!" Gabara brayed.

"No! It needs to be precise!"

Enough force was put into the tug-of-war that the cue ball was hit, but it scarcely scraped by the nine-ball rack and rolled into the left side pocket. Some of the onlookers hooted at the sight. "Look what happened!" the dinosaur moaned.

"Alright, guess it's up to us to break it!" Godzilla said excitedly, already in place up front while SpaceGodzilla fished out the ball.

"Godzilla, let me be the frontman," Gamera suggested. "Or, I don't know, let me angle the cue stick for you."

"You're in the back, though," he pointed out. "That's what you are supposed to do."

"Maybe I should shoot," Jet said. "I already have the trajectory calculated."

He barely finished his sentence when Godzilla impulsively hit the ball the moment it was set down in front of him, and the rack cleanly broke. The eight-ball was one of the outside balls and halted close to a pocket, but then a ricocheted striped ball hit it in. "Ooh, tough luck!" SpaceGodzilla tsked, smirking at his half-brother's misfortune.

"Ooh, fizzlesticks!" the robot hissed.

"Wait, we're out of the game already?" the bipedal turtle gasped. "Godzilla, did you even aim?!"

The king of the monsters belched. "Oh, sorry, I guess I stumbled there."

"Why're you such a klutz?!"

Gigan hopped in place. "Oh, my God, did we win, you guys? We won, right? Hooray for teamwork!"

"Dudes, it worked!" Varan said in awe, letting out a breathy laugh. "Rubbing my lucky rabbit's foot worked!"

Megalon did a brief double-take. "So is that what happened to the Easter bunny?"

As Varan and Biollante had a victory make-out, Gamera gruffly sighed and threw down his end of the cue stick. Godzilla shrugged it off. "Well, that was fun, I guess. Too bad Rody missed out."

"Are you blaming this loss on me?" Gamera growled, feeling a buzzing headache coming on.

"It's not because of you, man. Now if it was Rodan in your place, one flap of his wings would've broken formation."

"Rodan would've suggested beer pong in your place," Jet said. "No offense, Gamera, monster pool just isn't working out for us."

"It was a brilliant idea! You just don't have the artistic vision to see it!" The monster turtle belched and groaned. "Ugh, I'm getting too worked up. I need to get home and lie down for a bit, maybe cry myself to sleep."

Godzilla almost rolled his eyes. "A one-time fluke doesn't mean it's a horrible idea, Gamera. Maybe it just depends on the team."

Gamera scoffed. "Yeah, guess you're right. So that means you're out of the team, Godzilla."

He threw his hands up. "What?! Why me?!"

"Guys, calm down," Jet tried to pacify, stepping in between them. "There's no need to fight over monster billiards."

"Oh, but there's plenty of things to fight over," Gamera sneered, still not breaking eye-contact.

"Oh, oh, you're going to bring up our college days now?" Godzilla bellowed. "Look, man, if this is about the time-jumping thing, there wasn't room in the machine for all of us!"

"I still got a sweet acting career out of it. But actually, there was one thing about those days I still haven't forgiven you for, and that was the werehuman prank!"

Jet Jaguar looked between them with disbelief. "What's this about a 'werehuman'?"

Godzilla scratched his snout, aimlessly staring at the ceiling. "Uh... can you refresh my memory? I think the coke binge might've warped it into something else. But I have this strange feeling like I've met a wolf man before."

"No, not that Wolf Man," Gamera huffed.

"What, do you have something again Lon Chaney?"

"No, you're just an idiot."

"Guys, what's a 'werehuman'?" Jet tried to ask, but he was ignored as the turtle scoffed.

"You want to know why you never saw my mom anymore after that party? She got paranoid and had to flee the planet so she wouldn't look at another human ever again!"

"Oh, I thought your mom died. I just didn't want to ask because she just seemed so old, and you didn't talk about her much."

"Being in your two-hundreds isn't old, you prick!"

"That just means she wasn't hot."

"Hey, you guys, can you keep it down?" Gorosaurus came in. "You're triggering an early hangover."

While the two continued to argue and insult each other, Jet Jaguar went over to the dinosaur. "Gorosaurus, what's a 'werehuman'?"

He turned to him in surprise. "You've never heard of it? It's a famous monster legend around these parts."

"Really? I've been here for over forty years, and I've never heard of it."

"You've heard of the werewolf, right?"

Jet quickly went through his archives. "It's a half-wolf, half-man, right?"

"No, it's—"

Baragon interrupted, shaking his head, "No, no, no, the Wolf Man is a completely fictional character by Hollywood. But the werewolf is believed to originate from the Mesopotamian story 'The Epic of Gilgamesh', and was adopted and tweaked a little in European folklore."

"Hey, I was getting to that," Gorosaurus complained.

"So what's a werewolf?" Jet wondered.

"A werewolf is a man who shape-shifts into a wolf during the full moon," the actor explained. "It's like a curse, which can be broken with a silver bullet, or by eating wolfsbane. You also turn into a werewolf if you're bitten by another werewolf, but you have to kill that werewolf to lift the curse. Or is that a vampire?"

"Like a zombie!" Gorosaurus added.

"Ohh, so a werehuman is a man turning into a human?" Jet Jaguar paused, then realized what he said when he glanced over at other patrons in the background. "Wait, dammit!"

Baragon laughed quietly. "No, a werehuman is a monster that transforms into a human at sunrise."

"Why sunrise?"

"The cursed monster has to work a nine-to-five office job."

Jet stared, cast his eyes over at Godzilla and Gamera who were still fighting and it was getting more heated, glanced at the bartender, and then looked back at the reptiles before him. "That's it?" When they nodded, he shrugged. "Well, uh... how do you break the werehuman curse?"

"You can't," they said in unison.

"Not even a silver bullet to the heart?"

"I never said you have to shoot a werewolf in the heart to break the curse," Baragon corrected. "But no, not even with silver bullets. All you can do is infect other monsters until you die from overworking yourself."

"My mommy told me once you had to become a vegan," Gorosaurus spoke up. "Monsters don't eat their greens and never will, so they just overwork themselves to death instead."

"Uh... Mothra eats her greens," Jet pointed out. "Cotton sweaters count, right?"

The dinosaur slowly gasped. "Maybe she was the werehuman of legend!"

"But that's all it is—a legend," the robot stressed.

"Do you see other herbivores on a regular basis?" Baragon asserted.

Jet paused. "Okay, you got me there. So... how do you become a werehuman?"

"A human bites you."

His head jerked back in shock. "That's it? Just a human?"

He leaned in menacingly, shadows splitting across his face. "Did you know that human mouths are pretty disgusting?"

"But... you said werehumans infect other monsters, too."

"Yeah, they do. But patient zero always gets bitten by a human first."

Some silence passed between them before Baragon started laughing. Gorosaurus joined in a moment later, and Jet managed to let out a nervous chuckle before backing away. Then in mid-laughter, the subterranean reptile turned to his companion. "Hold on, you said 'mommy', didn't you?"

Returning to Godzilla, the robot noticed Gamera had left. "Hey, Godzilla, what's the matter?"

The kaiju looked like the alcohol was finally getting to him, he had a more fatigued expression on his face and he was swaying a bit. "Man, Gamera's such a fucking sore loser. He blames everything else but himself."

"Uh..."

He hiccuped. "Anyway, when he's better, I'll talk to him. I didn't know that about his mom, so it's no wonder he's got abandonment issues."

"...Yeah..."

"So what was it you wanted to know about our werehuman prank, Jet?"

Jet shook his head. "Oh, never mind. I had too much to drink. Think I'm going to go home, maybe go see Hedorah."

"Okay, bud, see you later," Godzilla said, but the robot had turned his back and left the bar. He frowned, then realized he was being footed the bill. "Oh, goddamn it, Jet!"

Soon after with an emptier wallet, he was on his way back home and walked solemnly past some human crowds, but his thoughts remained back at their fight. He really couldn't remember much about that party, their whole college days was full of weed, alcohol, and casual sex that everything blurred together. But he did meet Gamera's mother once when she had visited for some celebration, he recalled simultaneously chuckling at and being grossed out over her many sags, realizing that was what his roommate was going to look like in a hundred-plus years. He had taken a hit with a bong or something before everyone came over, and he had a feeling some human was somewhere in the crowd.

Not that he hated humans, but it was someone he didn't particularly like, so he had wanted to "frame" the human as well as lighten the mood. So he slipped through into the kitchen area where Gamera's mother was fetching some more snacks (or was making sweets), jumped on her back, said articulately, "Nothing personnel, MILF," and then bit her neck. When Gamera came running in screaming "What the hell are you doing?!", he had answered, "I can't fight my werehuman instincts any longer!" then howled at nothing in particular and ran out of the dorm to terrorize the campus.

Godzilla paused to stare at some graffiti as he reminisced. "...Huh. Just how fucking stoned was I to think she was a MILF?"

Suddenly, he felt teeth sink into his tail, although not by much so it didn't hurt, but it stung. He looked behind him to see a human gnawing on his tail as if it was a corn on the cob, looking like his mind had just snapped. He was not even a hobo like one would think, he had on a suit and tie and his briefcase contents were spilled everywhere.

"Well I'll be damned. I didn't know I could feel that."

And then it hit him—the briefcase did, but so did the situation.

*~*~*

In their living room, Rodan and Mothra were having their afternoon romp. The moth kaiju was somewhat chewing on the pillow while her husband pounded her from behind, trying hard not to set the sofa on fire (again) since burnt leather is a huge turn-off. Also it's embarrassing to confess to the fire department about how it happened, and he didn't want to be featured on "Sex Sent Me to the ER".

"Here comes Rodaaaan, giant peeenilesaurrrr! Here comes Rodaaaan, deep in Mooothra's corrrre..."

And of course Rodan's growling out his theme song, somewhat, being in the heat of the moment.

"Maharaaa—ah! Mahara Mosuraaa—nn!"

Oh, shit, both of them got it in their heads to climax along with their theme songs. And thankfully, the doorbell started ringing wildly before the awkwardness could seep in further.

"Goddamn it, why now?!" Rodan grunted, flailing his wings about.

Sighing to herself, Mothra got up and apologetically nuzzled her husband. "I'll get it. It'll be less embarrassing."

Rodan stared before glancing down as she flew over to open the door. The sight of Godzilla standing there in a nervous sweat took her by surprise. "Oh, my, you don't look so good."

"Mothra, Rody, you gotta help me!" he said, slightly panting. "You guys are the only ones I can turn to!"

The pterosaur came up from behind his wife with his trademark pissed off glare. "Can't this wait? The sex was just getting good."

"Rody, please, after I got in a fight with Gamera at the bar, a human bit me on the tail, I almost lost my voice screaming and running around, and now I'm going to turn into a werehuman and have to go work in a cubicle for the rest of my life!"

The couple slowly looked at each other in befuddlement before facing their friend again. "What the fuck, Godzilla? Did you get back on drugs?" Rodan asked, exasperated his sexy times with Mothra was interrupted by a drug-fueled fit.

"I couldn't make this up even on crack! Please, you gotta help me!"

"What about MechaGodzilla?" Mothra suggested, though she sounded a little unsure.

"That's why I'm so worn out, I just came from there! I've never seen it look so empty before! Does this need a quick flashback, too?"

"Why're you bragging about coming when you interrupted me coming?" Rodan snapped out, getting antsy.

"Give it a minute, Rodan," Mothra said in aside.

"That's what you said the last time!"

Ignoring him, she then made another indication to Godzilla, "How about Jet?"

"I can't find him anywhere, either, I thought he went home!" Godzilla whined, head in his hands. "I don't know, I'm just freaking out and I don't know what to do!"

Her heart going out to her distressed friend, she patted him on the arm in comfort. "Well, come inside and we'll figure things out. But wipe off your feet and that human, first."

They turned to the man still clinging to the lizard's tail, though he was looking stiff and there was blood around his mouth and shirt.

"He's dead!" Godzilla gasped. "Oh, my God, the rabies must've gotten to him!"

"More like cancer from how cancerous this whole situation is," Rodan huffed.

"Rabies?" Mothra echoed. "Are you sure it's rabies?"

"Well why else do humans bite unprovoked?" Godzilla said with a shrug.

"Then why the hell are you going on about 'werehuman' shit?!" Rodan shouted, starting to flip out as well.

After peeking around the corner with a head, their son, King Ghidorah, slinked into the living room. "Oh, you finished having intercourse with each other?" the three heads gave a relived sigh in unison.

"No, your mother just got distracted," the pterosaur insisted, shooting a leer at Godzilla who gave him an odd look as well.

"Well, uh... I need to make lunch now or my blood sugar level's going to drop. The General offered to get lunch, but he's gonna be out a bit longer. So... can you make it quick?"

"Can't you guys do it in the privacy of your own bedroom?" the lizard wondered.

"The living room's the farthest from his room, and General has cameras installed in the basement," was Rodan's claim. "Ghidorah psychic links and public indecency laws have been sucking all of the fun out of it. Mothra's been liking the attention, though."

Mothra giggled a little. "Oh, it's not like that."

Face faulting in horror, Godzilla gestured at the furniture. "...But... everyone sits on that couch."

"But the bedroom's a good idea, Godzilla," she suddenly said a little hurriedly. "Most of my things are up there anyway, so let's get you looked at."

"Oh, Mother, Father, please don't," their son cried. "You're already copulating thrice a day, don't add more to it."

Rodan put his wing around his necks. "Son, worry not about what your mother and I do. Where do you get these crazy ideas from, anyway? I knew getting you that computer was a bad idea!"

"I was the one who built it, Father," King Ghidorah informed.

"I don't care if it was Charles Babbage’s brain, show me your search history! My son's not going to grow up to be NTR'd!"

"Rodan, are you coming or not?" Mothra asked firmly.

Rodan swung around eagerly. "I thought you'd never ask, sweetheart!"

"Not that."

He roared in frustration. "Your timing fucking sucks, Godzilla!"

Entering the bedroom, Godzilla took in the numerous candles, cushions, trinkets, some statues, and other new age stuff he never understood. His eyes fell upon an odd drawing of a moth silhouette surrounded by seven statements (as written in kanji). A green checkmark was inked next to "Three Dragons".

"Hey, what you got here?" he inquired, following a line downward.

Mothra quickly shooed him away toward the circle of cushions and kicked the poster behind a bureau. "Okay, Godzilla, slowly lower the body."

He had to shake the corpse off of his tail, and the three of them stared down at the man's blissful blood-smeared face. "So why did this human bite you just to die?" Rodan questioned suspiciously.

"I don't know, I was just trudging home from the bar, and suddenly I felt something nibbling on me," he relayed his story. "The guy looked like he just dropped everything for a bite, and he wouldn't let go like he superglued his teeth on me or something."

"How long ago was this?" Mothra asked. "He hasn't been dead for even an hour."

"Thirty minutes, I think?"

"If this was a hobo, you wouldn't have come interrupt us because you'd be dead from rabies," Rodan said gruffly.

Godzilla snorted. "Mothra, does the guy have rabies, or no?"

Studying what little life force there was from the body, she shook her head. "No, this guy was just... normal."

"Biting a monster's tail is not normal!" he declared, starting to freak out again. "This normal guy had himself a normal job someplace and he did an abnormal thing!"

"So is that why you think you're turning into a werehuman?"

"Yeah, funny that Gamera brought that up just minutes before my tail became this guy's lunch!"

"A prophet tells prophetic things. Shocker," Rodan sarcastically said.

Humming to herself, Mothra's antennae drooped. "Well, uh... I don't know what else to say, Godzilla. This is new to me."

"Why couldn't it have been Kong or Gorosaurus who got their tails gnawed on instead?" the king of the monsters sniveled. "I don't have the experience to do paperwork, and I'm too much of a klutz for coffee runs!"

"Are you done yet?" Rodan grunted. "My balls have been aching for release since you got here."

"Rody, you're my best friend, you know that?" Godzilla whimpered. "Can you take one for the team and let me do a test bite on you?"

"Fuck off, Godzilla!"

"Please? Just a nibble?"

Mothra stepped in between them. "Godzilla, I suggest you go home. Spend the rest of this time with Minilla and the others."

He paused, thinking back to his household who were none-the-wiser of his predicament. "Yeah... I suppose you're right. How much time do I have left as me?"

"Not short enough," the pteranodon growled. "We're already ten pages into this crap."

Godzilla solemnly stared down at his feet, unsure what to think of his situation. This was a fate worse than death, he was starting to realize why a lot of humans were so miserable all the time, and he hadn't even begun transforming. His stomach churned, and he groaned in anguish.

Mothra patted his shoulder with a wing. "Hey, cheer up. You're only a human during the day. You can come visit us when the sun goes down."

"But eleven-fifty-five is off-limits!" Rodan warned. "It's the only time where I get to hump Mothra well into the next day to feel better about my sexual prowess!"

"You only last for five minutes?" Godzilla asked.

"Goddamn it, Godzilla, let me have this!"

"Hold that thought," he said, and the nausea caught up to him.

*~*~*

Having already been out visiting Anguirus for the day and happened to be passing by, Minilla helped his depressed and sick father back home, feeling the weight of the news bearing down on him. Godzilla had been crying and whimpering to himself about his predicament, and he didn't know what to do to console him. That was the thing about being the Chosen One, you're only prepared for one destiny, the others just sneak up on you.

"Hey, Dad, if it means anything to you, you can become like an ambassador for Monster Island," he finally made a suggestion, trying to remain optimistic. "If it'll keep less missiles from being launched our way, this sacrifice will not be in vain."

Godzilla was still sobbing to himself. "I'm going to look like an uglier Kong, but bald!"

"Is that what you're most bothered about?" his son sighed.

"And even if I do get a human girlfriend, the sex is just not going to be the same. Once you go kaiju, you can't just downsize!"

"Dad, stay focused, please."

He sniffed some mucus back up his nose. "Maybe I'll still be able to grow a beard and join a motorcycle gang, or something to stave off my loneliness."

"This is getting serious. Dad's reaching the acceptance phase fast." Minilla frowned to himself. "Actually, why wouldn't that be a good thing?"

Upon reaching their home, they could see Titanosaurus was standing conspicuously on their lawn and staring into the window. "Oh, damn it," the Chosen One hissed. "Where're the others?"

"Oh, Titanosaurus, did you need something?" Godzilla called, temporarily putting aside his grief.

The dinosaur giggled as he turned away from the window. "Hohohoho! You talkin' to me, Fuzzy Lumpkins? Hohohoho!"

"Well, yeah. Just want to know why you're here at my house. You're crushing my azaleas."

"Stick your gangrened mojo up your powder puff, princess! You're in for a rowdy rough ride! Hohohoho! Hohohoho!" He began river dancing on the lawn, and they had to avoid his swinging tail.

"Just get inside, Dad. We need to let the other Godzillas know about this."

Walking into the living room, they noticed the group had a movie on, popcorn, chips and other junk food littered the area, and the TV's screen looked like it was set on its highest bright setting. "Hey, guys, can you pause the movie?" Minilla asked just to get his face sprayed with crumbs by a shushing Orga.

"See, this is why you can't enjoy a good movie anymore!" he grumbled. "Jackasses are always interrupting your viewing everywhere you go!"

"Orga, you've been coming over uninvited to watch a movie for weeks now!" Godzilla groaned.

"My cable provider hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I need it to make my Orga Reviews so I can pay the bills! Fucking asshole."

"Crash over at Rodan's place, then!"

He chortled. "Dude, have you seen their couch? And I'm not the one who broke it this time!"

All of the alternate Godzilla versions shushed them. "Ugh, why do we always get interrupted by jackasses at the best parts?" the stout lighter-gray Godzilla growled.

Godzilla Earth lumbered into the living room to announce in his booming gravelly voice, "WELL, WE RAN OUT OF THEM LEMONY-SCENTED GOODNESS WIPES AGAIN. DID I MISS ANY BOOBIES ON THE CABLE?"

Minilla snatched the remote to pause the film, ignoring the protests from the others. "Guys, my dad has something important to say."

"Unless he won a million-billion dollars, forget it," Alternate Future Godzilla scoffed.

Godzilla stepped forward, now somber once again. "Everyone, this might be the last time to be me as I am now."

They silently gave him weird looks.

"I know this is hard to believe, but... I'm a werehuman."

"Nothing shocks us anymore," the tiny Godzilla said. Orga almost choked on a chip laughing.

"I was bitten by a human this afternoon, and that means I'm going to be a human by the morning. I'll still come around when it's nighttime, but I'm not going to be head of the household much anymore if I can't be king of the monsters." He turned to his son. "So Minilla, my boy... I'm giving you the keys to the castle. It's been a long time coming, but you deserve it, my son."

Although he was certain the "werehuman" wasn't what it seemed to be, he couldn't help hanging his head in reverence. "Dad, I'm honored..."

"OHHH BOY, I CAN FINALLY HAVE MYSELF A 'M.A.S.H.' MARATHON BUDDY TO WATCH WITH!" Earth exclaimed happily, his jagged smile crinkling his eyes. "YOU BEST NOT FORGET, YOU HEAR?"

"I call your room," Future Godzilla said, raising his hand.

"Damn it, I wanted his room!" Big Daddy G roared.

"Should've called faster."

"Guys, I'm not relinquishing the house just yet!" Godzilla insisted. "I'm still going to be living here until I can find myself a human apartment!"

"Uh... yeah, I knew that. But I'm still going to call it."

Turning to Little Godzilla and Baby Godzilla who were sleepy on their feet, the king of the monsters spread his arms out for a hug. "Come here, kids. I just need to tell you I'm proud of you, and wish you well as you grow up."

The babies stared at him, then babbled something about him smelling like beer and incense.

"So Godzilla Prime, what're you going to do for the rest of your kaiju day?" another Godzilla asked, orange eyes narrowing like he wasn't taking the news seriously.

Thinking back to whatever bucket list he may have had in mind, he hemmed and folded his arms a bit. "Really good question. Let me think about it after lunch. Also get the fuck out of my house, Orga," he added to the alien.

"Alright, alright, sheesh," he huffed, stepping outside only to get tackled by Titanosaurus.

Everyone gathered around the table as he munched on an egg salad sandwich and sucked down some cola. Minilla was cooking up another egg for his father and himself, inwardly consulting with the Hand for guidance while also thanking the Hand for handling the skillet in his place. As Godzilla Prime counted his alternate selves surrounding him in his head, a thought struck him like a lightning bolt out of the blue.

"Hey, Minilla, do you remember what I did with the bible audiobook?" he wondered as he finished his drink.

He turned away from the stove. "What's this sudden interest in the human concept of religion, Dad?"

"If I'm going to be a werehuman, I figured I might as well pretend I know what I'm talking about when debating around the water cooler. Also Larry King just soothes the eardrums just right. I think that's part of what comes with the Jewish package, kinda like how King Ghidorah used to speak."

Minilla wanted to roll his eyes to the ceiling as his father scarfed down the rest of his food. "Yeah, you're going to fit right in with the humans."

"DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHEWS?" Godzilla Earth queried, his hearing failing him again.

"No, it's Jews," Big Daddy G corrected.

"WOAHHH, YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL ABOUT THEM CHEWS. ONE TIME, I WOKE UP WITH A MOUTH SORE BECAUSE I SLEPT WITH MY MAW OPEN, AND THOSE DAMN PESTS CRAWLED INSIDE TO NEST BETWEEN MY GUMS."

"Actually, I'm going to check to see if it's on Audible." Godzilla fished out an iPod for a look.

"If you're so sure about it, Dad, I can check storage for you," his son offered.

"That's okay, better safe than sorry. Ah, here it is—ohhhh man, it's the big James E. Jones! Now that's a real king! Is it free?" He did a quick scan and then tossed down the iPod. "Forty bucks?! Goddamn it, I might as well just read the actual book, and I don't have the time nor ability to read and do stuff all at once!"

With a sigh, Minilla went to go scour the boxes for any trace of the audiobook. It wasn't that he didn't care what his father would do, but he didn't feel it was going to do or change anything. Besides, he felt like he saw something like this on TV and it felt like a cheap, quick gimmick to avoid actual conflict.

When he found the box with the CDs still unopened inside, he wondered what was even the point, and secretly hoped the CD player was unplayable so his father could actually get off his tail and do something—

"Oh, you found it, son?" Godzilla said from behind, looking over his shoulder. "Wow, I completely forgot about this—oh, hey, that's the same one I was looking at on Audible! Oh sweet, you saved me forty bucks, Minilla!"

He hesitantly handed them over. "Yeah... you're welcome, Dad."

Godzilla put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, boy. I'm still going to be around, even if I'm an ugly hairless ape."

He harumphed to himself, smirking slightly. "You sure change your mind pretty quick."

"Well, you got to keep an open mind, you know. Okay, how do you work this thing, again?"

Getting it strapped (somehow) on his waist and the headphones plugged into the jack, he snapped on the first disc. "I'm heading out."

"Where to, Dad?"

"I've got things to do, places to go, people to see. All that jazz. Byeeeee!" He left the house, leaving Minilla to stare forlornly after him at the window.

"Finally, we can start where we left off!" Future Godzilla sighed, plopped back down on the couch. "Minilla, can you make some more popcorn for us?"

*~*~*

Godzilla lost himself to the sultry, booming voice of James Earl Jones' narration (he'll have to play catch up on the Old Testament some other time), letting the words flow through him as he traveled the land. He never took off his headset when he tried new foods, explored a new cave or lakeside, attempted bungee jumping, even when stopping to have a chat with other kaijus, nodding along in all the right places and saying the right things while his thoughts remained on the narrator. Something-something about parables and healing of the sick, but it was like Mufasa was there in the clouds telling him all of this. It was quite heavenly and took his mind off of the throb in his tail from where the human had bit him. It was more annoying having to change the discs because it took him out of cloud nine, and apparently Minilla had the proper foresight to have snuck him some extra batteries, but that was all the motivation he needed to keep going well into the night.

Luckily, in the middle of Paul's epistles (he liked how James would say "Paul"), he made it back home in time for everyone to be in bed for him to not be bothered, and he snuck by Godzilla Earth snoozing in front of the TV to sit in front of a window that faced east. He wanted to be able to have the morning sun rest on him as he lounged in a chair, and make himself comfortable for the transformation. It shouldn't hurt, for all he knew, should be over in a "twinkling of the eye" as the good book said through the voice of Darth Vader. Something about eye twinkles was romantic and peaceful enough to yield to his fate.

Being a human shouldn't be all that bad, he reiterated tiredly to himself for what had to be the umpteenth time that day. You're only like an office slave for only eight hours. That's not too bad. You have sixteen other hours of the day to just be yourself. Just have to grin and bear it, and I'm pretty good at grinning, if I must say so myself. Yeah, shouldn't be all that different from what I do now. Probably have to cut back on my alcohol intake. Humans can't handle the same alcohol we can. Should start trying out this wine, I guess. All this talk about wine's been making me thirsty.

Godzilla tried to wriggle out of his chair to go get himself a glass of whatever, but his muscles were protesting too much, and he went limp. Oh well, that can wait. Man, I hope the others don't freak out when they see me, if they can still recognize me.

The deep voice rumbled in his ears, "'Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.'"

"Yeah, you tell 'em, Mr. Jones," Godzilla mumbled through a yawn. "You tell 'em..." And he dozed off right as this Peter part of the audiotape began at the three o'clock hour.

*~*~*

The babies were the first to get up and climb out of their cribs. They typically always were the first to greet the new day, it was the only time where they were free to do what they pleased before the grown-ups came to stop them. They put their all into their adventures.

As they waddled out into the living room where the TV was still blasting an informercial in front of a sleeping Earth, they went to enter the kitchen when they noticed a familiar shadow cast across the floor. "Daddy?" Baby Godzilla mumbled, and they looked at the silhouette facing the window. The sun was coming up, and the kaiju was immobile in the chair, arms hung down at his sides. The spindly rays looked like a halo about him, feathering his outlines.

They stared for a bit longer, unsure when their father had come back and what he was doing staring directly into the light, but they decided to let him be. Gesturing to each other, they left the room to go back upstairs. They can play some games up in their room, or find a way to climb out of their window.

It wasn't for another hour before Minilla got out of his room. As his father wasn't in his bedroom, he was hesitant to go downstairs to see what had become of him. A part of him was still unsure if the werehuman was even real to begin with, but Godzilla had looked too serious to have been pulling his leg. He figured before he'd search for him that he'd wait for his visitor to arrive.

Quietly so as to not disturb Godzilla Earth, he stepped out onto the porch in time to see Gamera and Anguirus making their way up the cobbled path. "Thank Blundergosh you're here," he said in a whisper.

"For the record, I'm just here to witness it with my own two eyes," the turtle said a little gruffly. "This is a touchy subject for me, but I think Godzilla would appreciate my being here."

"He's going to need all the support he can get," Anguirus said, a little melancholic. "Like the Hand, we must reach out to him in his time of need."

"So is he here?"

Minilla cricked his neck a little. "I think so, but I just got out myself. Everyone's still in their rooms, so..."

"Let's search around the premises first," the dinosaur suggested. "He may be too ashamed to show his face but still wants to be in the comfort of his home."

"You should go in front of me so I don't punch his face when I see him," Gamera said, flexing his jaw. "I'm sorry, this is just pissing me off."

Putting his paw on his arm, Anguirus gave a nod and started off for the yard. Carefully on tiptoe, they followed and looked around where they think a radioactive lizard—or a human—would hide in. They ruled out underneath the house for the time being, that was to be the last hiding place to check if they can't find him anywhere else. Glancing in the kitchen windows, Minilla was surprised to find it empty, since usually the babies were in there in the mornings.

"First clue: He's here, or has been here," he announced to his companions.

"Alright, keep searching," Anguirus said, still going on ahead. "Can't peek inside the windows for the life of me..."

Shielding their eyes from the sunlight, they turned to the window and through the glare saw a chair was in front of it, and it was occupied. Cupping their hands to their eyes, Minilla and Gamera peeked in, and the actor thought he could hear a molar crack from gritting his teeth to silence a snarl.

Snoring in the chair, head lolled back and drool on his chin, Godzilla was in a deep sleep, scales and all. The headphones had slipped and looked bent from the angle, but only the Chosen One noted that detail he had that audiobook on all night. Maybe it was a source of comfort for him, but he looked way too relaxed for someone who was absolutely certain he was a werehuman.

"Well? What do you see?" Anguirus asked, looking back-and-forth between them.

"False alarm," Minilla decided to say, sounding a little relieved.

"No it fucking isn't!" Gamera shouted, startling the two of them. "The jackass took it too far!"

"Is he in there, or...?"

"That piece of shit believed in his own lies, and he has the gall to sleep like a slob! God, now I wish he was a human so I could crush him!"

Anguirus tilted his head. "This is a bad thing, why?"

Pulling back, Minilla just shrugged. "In all fairness, he's quite human enough, so he wouldn't have been much different. I'd just hate to see him as an actual human."

"He'd be one ugly son of a bitch, that's for sure," Gamera huffed. "Ugh, screw this, I'm going home to sleep. I spent all night meditating for his sake. What a waste of energy..."

"What if your prayers were answered?" the seer suggested, hoping to cull his anger.

"I was meditating for his human self. What a waste." And he sulked off, leaving the two shrugging and letting out rough sighs.

Godzilla's breath caught mid-snore, and he smacked his lips, but didn't budge from his chair. "...May the Force be wi'you, Jonesss..."

*~*~*

"Orga's in the house!" the alien announced, grinning smugly while swirling around a half-empty glass of iced tea. "Well, that was a letdown of a disaster. Given the weird format of this 'fan fiction', I guess the mailbag's been replaced with this 'author's notes' instead. Man, what's up with that? If it's over, just end it, no need to make people read more. Besides, it sounds stupid for fan fiction writers to get fan-mail.

"Who does that, anyway? And with such messages like 'When is the next chapter of Forsaken coming out?' Like what's up with that?" Orga narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What is that, anyway? Sounds like it'd make for a cool 'God of War' or 'Dead Space' fic. Whatever. Hey, kid! You, the one writing this crap!"

The author's small hands stopped moving on the keyboard as Orga peered at her through the screen. "Who're you calling 'kid'?" she warned in an unfortunate high voice.

"Yeah, why're you doing this? Don't you have better things to do with your time like schoolwork or something?" Then he chuckled nervously. "Oh, wait, that joke's gonna age like Madonna if I go any further, and that's already embarrassing!"

The author's hands went palms-up in befuddlement. "Okay...?"

"Stay safe out there, anyway."

"Yeah... thanks—is that why you've hijacked my end notes?"

Orga shrugged. "Well yeah, I have nothing better to do, either! How long were you working on this, anyhow? Did the winning team even go to the concert, or what?"

"...Yeeeeaaa—I guess..."

"You're just making shit up, aren't you? You think you're so 'ha ha' funny, don't you?"

A back-and-forth uncomfortable stare ensued for the next moment while Orga finished off the rest of his drink.

"This is awkward!" he then broke the ice while crunching on an ice cube.

"You're telling me," the author grumbled, insulted.

"Hey, how're you typing this ou