#i've been on the waiting list for an adhd assessment for a year and a half and even if i get a formal diagnosis

[rabbitindisguise]

happy adhd awareness month!

I'm not gonna lie, I saw posts that reminded me I've been meaning to do a self dx post for adhd since 2 minutes ago (when I realized I could channel my energy into something fun and exciting)

Anyways, this post comes in two parts:

ADHD diagnostic criteria a) literal criteria b) discussion of the meaning of various terms and how they relate to everyday experiences

ADHD community terms a) executive dysfunction b) neurodivergent c) hyperfocus/hyperfixation

bonus content: a) getting diagnosed b) stim toys and other accessibility aids c) accommodations d) bonus literature

diagnostic criteria

Symptoms and/or behaviors that have persisted ≥ 6 months in ≥ 2 settings (e.g., school, home, church). Symptoms have negatively impacted academic, social, and/or occupational functioning. In patients aged < 17 years, ≥ 6 symptoms are necessary; in those aged ≥ 17 years, ≥ 5 symptoms are necessary. Symptoms present prior to age 12 years. Symptoms not better accounted for by a different psychiatric disorder. Symptoms may be classified as mild, moderate, or severe based on symptom severity.

Hyperactive type - ADHD-H

Patient meets inattentive criterion, but not hyperactive/impulse criterion, for the past 6 months.

Hyperactive Symptoms:

Squirms when seated or fidgets with feet/hands

Marked restlessness that is difficult to control

Appears to be driven by “a motor” or is often “on the go”

Lacks ability to play and engage in leisure activities in a quiet manner

Incapable of staying seated in class

Overly talkative

Impulsive Symptoms:

Difficulty waiting turn

Interrupts or intrudes into conversations and activities of others

Impulsively blurts out answers before questions completed

Inattentive type - ADHD-I

Patient meets inattentive criterion, but not hyperactive/impulse criterion, for the past 6 months.

Inattentive Symptoms:

Displays poor listening skills

Loses and/or misplaces items needed to complete activities or tasks

Sidetracked by external or unimportant stimuli

Forgets daily activities

Diminished attention span

Lacks ability to complete schoolwork and other assignments or to follow instructions

Avoids or is disinclined to begin homework or activities requiring concentration

Fails to focus on details and/or makes thoughtless mistakes in schoolwork or assignments

Combined type - ADHD-C

Patient meets both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive criteria for the past 6 months.

source: DSM-5 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition; ADHD: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (via aafp.org)

Changes made in the DSM-5 update:

Overall, the revised diagnostic criteria of the DSM-5 do not fundamentally change the concept of ADHD. However, the definition of the disorder has been updated, to more accurately characterise adults affected by ADHD. In all previous versions, ADHD was depicted as a disorder affecting mainly children, and to a lesser extent adolescents, but not adults. Hence, the wording of the 18 symptoms, and corresponding examples, was appropriate for assessing mainly school-age children. With the DSM-5, efforts have been made to more appropriately guide clinicians when assessing adult ADHD. These changes are based on two decades of research, which show that, although ADHD is a childhood-onset disorder, the core symptoms and resulting impairments can persist into adulthood, and continue to have a significant impact on everyday life. Box 1. The most important changes to the diagnostic criteria for ADHD in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition [bulleted list below]

ADHD grouped with other neurodevelopmental disorders, rather than with behavioural disorders

Subtypes changed to presentations

Age of onset increased from seven to 12 years

For adults and adolescents aged 17 and above, only five symptoms now required instead of the six needed for younger children

New symptom examples added

Updated definition of situational pervasiveness

Definitions of ADHD severity added

Autism spectrum disorder removed as an exclusion criterion

Mild ADHD is defined as having no, or only a few, symptoms in excess of those required for making the diagnosis. At the other end of the spectrum, severe ADHD requires either many symptoms in excess of the minimum required, several very severe present symptoms or a very high degree of social or occupational impairment. Individuals with moderate ADHD are between the two extremes, either in terms of the number of ADHD symptoms or the level of impairment. Although this initiative is praiseworthy, in that it defines terms that are already in use but lack specifications, the definitions are not particularly specific or operationalised. It could also be argued that adults with persisting ADHD may have a more severe form of the disorder; this has not been incorporated in the definitions of severity, despite the fact that adults with ADHD often have more problematic outcomes.

(source Hayward Medical Communications 2015, ADHD IN PRACTICE 2015; Vol 7 No 2 - warning, pdf download link!)

Self-scorers:

others mentioned here

ADHD Rating Scale IV (ADHD-RS-IV) With Adult Prompts

Adult ADHD Clinical Diagnostic Scale (ACDS) v1.2

Adult ADHD Investigator Rating Scale (AISRS)

Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS) v1.1

Adult ADHD Self-Report Screening Scale for DSM-5 (ASRS DSM-5) Screener

Adult ASRS Symptom Checklist v1.1

Barratt Impulsiveness Scale (BIS-11)

Brown Attention-Deficit Disorder Symptom Assessment Scale (BADDS) for Adults

Clinical Global Impression (CGI)

Conners’ Adult ADHD Rating Scales (CAARS)

Diagnostic Interview for ADHD in Adults (DIVA) 2.0

Wender Utah Rating Scale (WURS)

(source)

Discussion of terms:

Fidgets: picking at the skin around fingernails, tapping fingers/bouncing leg, tipping chairs, changing seating position frequently (more than once every ten minutes is too much), stimming, using a fidget toy, touching face, doodling, etc

Restlessness: the feeling of wanting to move, change activities, get up, or struggling to be satisfied by doing the same thing.

"driven by a motor" phrases: basically not wanting to take breaks because it'll be distracting, as far as I can tell. Busy as a bee, etc. Not wanting to (or being able to, or noticing) pause while speaking, not wanting to speak to someone while walking to something else despite being in no rush, etc.

Listening skills: paying attention without needing to doodle or imagining funny scenarios in your head the whole time. Might include being able to answer questions when asked about what they were listening to, responding when prompted, and looking in the person's general vicinity.

Unimportant stimuli: things not related to what someone *should* be focused on. Like if you're in school and you're distracted by a bus going by out the window, or if you get distracted by the sound the lights make while trying to focus on what the cashier is saying.

Daily activities: eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, doing chores (sweeping, laundry, shopping), getting dressed, etc

Completes schoolwork: includes answering every question you know the answer to, fully, and doing all the steps to questions as well as filling in required fields like name/date/etc.

Thoughtless mistakes: typos, spelling your name wrong, wrong fonts, forgetting to attach the bibliography, doing basic addition wrong on an algebra problem, etc.

In many of self-scorers there are questions like: "How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?"

This is a very "but I have a system!" question. It might help to understand the neurotypical expeirence here.

Neurotypicals do not struggle to remember appointments, unless they have so many of them that it would be difficult for anyone to keep track of. If they have one appointment this week, they are not setting eight alarms or putting stickynotes everywhere. They say "oh! I have an appointment." And then go to that appointment. That's it. It doesn't take a lot of energy to remember. They don't have to repeat it in their head every chance they get to remember it. They haven't tried three different planner systems in the past year or struggle to stay with them. They don't religiously check google calendar every day. They simply know they have an appointment, and (assuming nothing weird like they're a secretary managing 9 clients or they got a cold) they remember it. All of these questions are pretty much like this. If you've had to struggle to do something most of the time and still fail, the answer is you have problems "most of the time." It's not the amount of times you have failed to remember.

ADHD community terms

Executive dysfunction

Not specific to ADHD, this term describes something that both people with depression and people with ADHD struggle with (though often for different reasons). People with ADHD tend to put off tasks until the last minute, struggle to finish things, and have a difficulty doing something when they need to. It can have a severe impact on someone with ADHD and their ability to do things in their daily life. Having executive dysfunction is one of the (many) reasons why ADHD is considered a disability.

One person (Dr. Russell Barkley) has a theory that ADHD should be reclassified to be a disorder of executive dysfunction, but aside from being a useful tool to understand ADHD it doesn't explain many of the other symptoms or why they are presented the way they are. In particular: it doesn't explain many of the concepts that folks with ADHD have developed to talk about our experiences with each other, and how folks with ADHD tend to have less issues with executive dysfunction in settings where openly expressing ADHD symptoms is perfectly fine. It also understands ADHD through the lens of a disorder that's wholly maladaptive and dysfunctional, an understanding not shared by everyone in the community.

Neurodivergent

This is a term coined primarily by the autistic community. It describes autism (and other types of neurodivergence, things that diverge from the norm/"the typical" aka neurotypical) outside of the idea of the medical model. [Autistics in particular has faced a lot of inhumane treatment in schools and by the psychiatric system under abusive (and legal) things like ABA (applied behavioral analysis) and shock therapy. Autistics have fought for the right to openly stim, to not make eye contact, and to communicate while being non-speaking for decades. This has pushed back against the medicalization of autism, and the process of diagnosis not involving autistics in the creation of the criteria or what treatments (if any) should be approved for autistics.] This overall philosophy promotes the idea that neurodivergent people should not be stigmatized, and should exist as equal members of society regardless of how their symptoms present.

People with ADHD were early adopters of this concept (maybe because of the high rates of comobidity of autism and adhd). As a result, many of the concepts feature heavily in the language and strategies for ADHD- especially online. Along with alternative methods of orgnization (many small trash cans, two laundry bins, etc), you'll often find people with ADHD discussing stim toys and things like that.

Hyperfocus/hyperfixation

Hyperfocus describes one aspect of difficulty regulating focus. Basically: during hyperfocus a person struggles to pay attention to things outside of the thing that's taking up their attention.

More specifically they lose awareness of signals like hunger, exhaustion, the need to pee, and can even struggle to hear someone calling for their attention. If they do try to stop focusing on the thing they're focused on, they might still struggle to pay attention- even as they try to hold a conversation or go make a meal, they might be distracted by thoughts about the thing they were focused on before. This might lead to doing things incorrectly (like putting on shoes without socks or putting toothpaste in the freezer). With such acute focus someone with adhd can create art quickly with a lot of detail, discover a lot of information on a topic, and even learn new practical skills. It can also provide a lot of joy and accomplishment to someone, and improve self confidence.

A hyperfixation is the subject of hyperfocus, either once (hours) or over longer period of time (weeks, months, years). It can be anything from abstract (like a favorite subject) to specific and grounded in reality (like a hobby), or broad (a time period) to specific (a particular beetle).

Hyperfixation was a term coined by the ADHD community to describe an experience that wasn't described in the medical literature about us that needed terminology. Hyperfocus is also an experience that is really important to folks with ADHD because it's often wrapped up in the "twice exceptional" narrative many people experience- having both amazing talents and terrible grades in subjects that don't interest them. On top of that, neurotypical adults treat kids with ADHD hyperfocusing as doing something wrong and punish them, when what they're doing is perfectly fine and isn't hurting anyone. A greater understanding of this concept has helped people work with how their mind works, rather than try to resist it and be "normal."

Bonus content

Getting diagnosed

fill out self scorers

interview your family and teachers with parent/teacher scorers (optional)

get you information together, like insurance, debit, and credit card information. They will ask you for your full name, your date of birth, your insurance information, any pre-existing conditions, your availability

find a local low/no-cost neuropsych testing facility near you. If you're currently in school, you're in luck! Many will refer you out to a low/no-cost testing facility. (Either way, the result is the same: these can be universities teaching students studying neuro-psychiatry, state sponsored programs, and more. Here's a solid comprehensive guide on getting low cost testing, as well as managing the costs associated with ADHD).

make it known that you would like to be assessed for ADHD to have it ruled out. That is the specific phrasing that you should use with everyone- do not claim you think you have anything, simply that you're concerned and wish to be assessed. Talk to your therapist, your parents, your pcp, your teacher- whoever it makes sense to contact, based on your prior research. If you were unable to find anything, then contacting the people who might have better access to information like your therapist or teacher would be best. (If you're not yet in therapy, getting into therapy would be a good idea.)

If all else fails, contact your insurance (if you have it). Testing can cost a lot of money and might not be worth the expense. You're still welcome in the ADHD community regardless of being diagnosed or not.

If you go to get assessed, here's what to expect:

you will likely have to fill out self scorers for lots of things, including things that don't apply to your situation like mood disorder evaluations to rule of depression. Your answers on these should not affect how you will be diagnosed with ADHD.

there will be a lot of weird things in full neuropsych evaluations, like repeating words back to them, or playing with blocks, or drawing shapes

they will pay attention to how you act in the room, so don't resist the impulse to fidget and feel free to ask to get up or take a break after an exercise

it may last under sixty minutes, but with a student it could take longer. I have 4+ hour sessions twice a week for a month, but not everyone has such an extreme experience (they had last minute additions that went beyond ADHD testing).

Tips for the day of testing:

do not bring your best self. Leave your best self at home. They need to see you at your usual or your worst to make an accurate assessment.

bring water. You will be talking a lot.

some information can help, like recent test performance and last semester teacher comments

comfortable clothing is best. T-shirt and jeans are totally fine.

prepare to be totally out of it when you leave, by bringing a snack or having someone you trust pick you up. It's mentally exhausting and makes you do all the things you avoid because they suck.

A neuropsych (or any type of ADHD evaluation) can help you get access to things you might not normally get, like medication (stimulants, typically), accommodations, and recommendations to your therapist about what to work on. It also can be shared with doctors and other therapists in the future so you don't have to worry about someone questioning your need for whatever it is they helped you get in the first place (like accommodations, etc).

Accommodations

In order to request accommodations through most colleges, you need a letter from a therapist of some kind requesting an accommodation in writing. Getting diagnosed for ADHD helps with this. Some accommodations you can request include:

time and a half on tests and quizzes

extensions of papers and projects

alternative assignments (i.e. oral exam over essays, different topics, etc)

excused absences

a notetaker

audio and/or video recordings of lectures

laptops in classes that don't ordinarily allow laptops

snacks in classes that don't ordinarily allow snacks (unless it poses a safety hazard, like in labs)

stim toys in class

and more

Literature

books on adhd:

You Mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!

Smart but Scattered Guide to ADHD

other:

additude magazine

*looks at the clock* oh god it's 7 p.m. I've been trapped in making-a-long-post hell for four plus hours OTL but I'm finally free.

Anyway, I hope this helps and feel free to DM me if you want to know more. I got diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) back in late 2017 so I'm happy to talk about that with anyone who might be considering going through testing.

[pastelcheckereddreams]

YA GIRL'S MEDICATED AND REFERRED FOR ASSESSMENT!!

Finally got through to the GP🥳

I hit that call button 8am on the DOT, and finally got in the phone queue 🙌 Had to give the receptionist more information than I expected (I guess it streamlines the process), and then got flustered and gave her the wrong times I'm working today for the callback appointment. (No in-person appointments anymore, I guess.) But it didn't matter because the doctor called me within 20 minutes!!

All the things I've been trying to sort out for the past few months - getting back on my medication, being assessed for referral to the NHS's ADHD and Autism services - all sorted by 9am.

Then I cried for about ten minutes lol The waiting time for assessment is currently about a year long, but I'm no stranger to NHS waiting lists.

This phone call has been my mountain for the past three months.

It's finally done 😭

[rock-hoarder]

my tourette's disclaimer is actually not entirely accurate right now bc i've had an assessment appointment with a psych so i've 1. been put on the waiting list for adhd+autism+tourette's testing and 2. gotten an official note from that psych that there is Strong Suspicion about me having those three things (they do this because the waiting list is multiple years long, it's so i can get accommodations more easily etc). sooo it's more confirmed now than it used to be

[dianthaf-author]

ADHD Inquiry Petition

It's not talked about (at least not outside of ADHD circles) how little is done for ADHD post-diagnosis. So far, I've been put on therapy waiting lists that have never materialised and have been, albeit successfully, put onto an appropriate medication dose.

However, conversations about my BP have been used as a reason my meds might get taken from me 🙃

I recognise that high blood pressure can be a risk factor for nastier things down the line. But given my late ADHD dx, I developed many unmitigated bad lifestyle habits. With the intersection of my Autism and ADHD, breaking habits is a genuine struggle.

It's one at a time and the current one is cigarettes 🚭

But more to the point, no alternatives to medication are even really on the table. Unless you have money for private therapy. And while there are ADHDers with successful careers as imaginative thinkers, there are studies showing that we are prone to financial struggles.

I certainly can't afford it as a full-time student 💸

[jupitermelichios]

no eurovision semi posting today - turns out there is something which can ruin my favourite event of the year for me, and it's being called a liar by a medical professonal you've been waiting more than a year to see right before it starts.

I got a call back from my ADHD assessment today to be told that they don't think I have ADHD because all the symptoms (literally all of them, I hit every diagnostic criteria and fall into three of the high risk groups) only appeared in adulthood.

despite them having been present my whole life. and me telling them that repeatedly. and providing evidence of that.

but you know, my mum didn't keep my junior school report cards (I'm 32, she's moved 5 times since I left primary school) so clearly I'm just drug seeking!

to be honest I haven't stopped crying since they called. it would be one thing if they told me my symptoms don't fit the criteria, but instead they're claiming that I'm lying when I say I have the symptoms in the first place.

I came out of the assessment worried that the assessor being vocally uncomfortable with my being queer was going to be a problem, but convinced myself she was just older and didn't mean any actual malice. Now I'm wondering if she wrote on my file that I'm delusional or something. I genuinely don't know how else she could conclude that the symptoms I described just don't exist!

Eighteen month waiting list, only to be called a liar and told that the documents I submitted don't say the things they say.

I've requested a second opinion, but I have no idea if I'll actually get one. Legally they don't have to give it. If they refuse, my only option is to go private, which starts at £1,000 and is usually more, plus £250 a pop for all follow up appointments. That's so much money for something the NHS is supposed to provide for free. And I know the point is to get the support I need, but right now all I can think is that even getting it isn't going to cancell out how badly this has fucked me up

[chaoslaura]

#questionnaires: are you forgetful?#no not when I write it down in my calendar and check that three times a day and write it on my to do list and tell 3 people so it sticks#'no without help'

THANK YOU! I hate those (self) tests/questionnaires because it's always like "do you do x/how often does x happen etc." and the answer is always it depends! What counts as that! Does it still count if I've developed workarounds over the years that no one helped me with it!

"How often do you fail to give close attention to details, or make careless mistakes in things such as schoolwork, at work, or during other activities?" - Idk the first time/when I start, I go over board and find a million sources and think every detail is important, and later, when I've finally wrestled my brain into actually writing an essay and it's time to proofread, I'm so bored by it already I just skim it and miss stuff I "made a mental note" to check again.

"How often do you forget to do something you do all the time, such as missing an appointment or paying a bill?" - I have all the due dates for different bills and making my budget in both my calendars and a reminder on my phone so I can forget it several times and still be reminded again, which box do I check?

"How often do you have difficulty waiting your turn, such as while waiting in line?" - what does that MEAN. I don't love standing in line and get annoyed by it easily, even more so if I'm in a hurry or tired, but I just quietly stay polite and stand in line like everyone else? I'm not gonna throw a fit over it. Is that a difficulty waiting or just normal waiting in line behavior?

"how often do you fidget, tap, squirm in your seat or otherwise move in ways that are not expected of you?" what counts as that?? because I wanted to check the "almost never" box and the woman I talked to gave me a Look and said "really? you haven't stopped lightly twirling in the spinny chair and playing with the pen in your hand since we started talking" - I didn't know that counted?? DOES it count?? how much to I have to twirl or play for it to count instead of being "yeah everyone in an office does that x times an hour"?

How often do you blurt out an answer before a question has been completed, how often do find yourself talking excessively, how often do you interrupt others - IT D E P E N D S. Often with friends, never with not-friends? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

"how do you deal with x" - I DON'T KNOW, I've found workarounds over the years even if they fail more and more, I guess I'm dealing with it?? because literally WHAT is the alternative?? not dealing with it? "oh so you don't struggle with it too much then?" - I am stopping myself from crying on the floor in your office, please help me.

yeah yeah women tend to underreport on their symptoms and hell yes can we PLEASE start taking that into account (I'm not bitter I "failed" my standardised ADHD test while the woman I talked to said from our conversation she definitely thinks I have it but the tests say it's not clear/I'm just below the cut-off) but can the people making those tests maybe also be more specific? Or maybe we abolish the standarised tests and switch them out for going over those questions with a therapist and they can assess from the answers if it's ADHD or something else?

I know that's not possible - costs and bla bla yada yada we know - and the medical staff ARE (mostly) really trying to help and doing their best with the tools they're given/allowed, but it's just so FRUSTRATING. Like hey, look! I want to tell you I developed ways to deal with my bad memory and procrastination over the school years and that it somehow worked at the start of uni but by now those coping mechanisms are more and more badly failing me; I want to tell you I did well in middle school and well-ish in high school not because I'm smart or organised but because it was objectively still a managable-ish workload (and little other responsibilities) that you could cram for the night before an exam when you never had more than one exam per week; I want to tell you I lied, and still do, about so many things to hide my shortcomings from others ("what did you do today?"-"oh not much, studied a bit and cooked and met a friend :)" - me who spent the day in bed or staring at the wall/scrolling through tumblr for four hours) but it's getting harder and harder to hide and it's actually making my life fall apart, and all these other things that make me want to scream and beg for help and switch out my brain for a healthy one.

but there's no box for that.

it's like screaming "I need help" and the other gives you a high five and a sticker with the writing "you can do it" - you should really use that in a fic someday, it's a great line; you have no idea how often I think about it when I get frustrated about my brain and the mental health system around here.

..... anyway I'm done rambling in your inbox now. sorry for the wall of text; I started typing with just a short little "mental health system do better" rant and then it turned into this. unsurprisingly.

I'm gonna text you back tonight or tomorrow oh my god I'm so sorry, I have currently 13 unanswered chats I hate it here

Jess‘ rant in my askbox unlocked:✅

I can never say how often x happens because most of the time you do it unconsciously, especially when you’ve been doing it for such a long time?

That’s the difficulty in detecting ADHD in adults cause you’ve developed so many coping mechanisms to find workarounds in your life to get things done and not let anybody see how much you’re struggling, that some of these questions don’t apply to you anymore or just not in their basic understanding.

I always have ten additional questions as well to every question. One I regularly have to fill out is: “Are you so restless that you can’t sit still/fidget around?” And I know it’s related to nervousness and anxiety, but girl that’s my basic state, and my honest answer is not giving you the right information you want from me.

But what I’ve gathered is they want to know how you’re dealing with what is asked without your coping mechanisms. So “How often do you forget to do something you do all the time, such as missing an appointment or paying a bill?” would be a lot/almost always for you because you need additional help with it (and even that doesn’t seem to work). Same for me if I’m just being told something, it’s out the window, never reached my short-term memory, I will forget everything if it’s not written down and I can look at it every day, and people make fun of me for being forgetful and being worse than my grandma but it’s actually a real problem for me and makes me feel bad, thanks.

And the test shouldn’t be everything, the talk with someone who knows the signs should always be done in addition. And for me, I still find that most tests are for ADHD and not ADD, which of course I will fail because I’m nothing like hyperactive and impulsive. But my daydreaming has been a problem ever since I was a child. And also give me a twenty lines long explanation for every question otherwise I will be bothering someone with it.

“I want to tell you I lied, and still do, about so many things to hide my shortcomings from others” I feel you so much, I still want to rather hide some things from my therapist even though she needs to know when I’m doing badly, but isn’t it embarrassing when you have to admit that you can’t do life? “Oh yeah sorry wanted to lay in bed all day, no I’m not lazy I swear haha, it’s just my brain, yeah I don’t really believe it either.”

But I also learned that 70% of kids with ADHD develop another mood disorder such as depression, isn’t that nice🙃 You get two fun illnesses for the price of one.

But even if the test didn’t result in a diagnosis for you, it’s evident that something’s not working for you in life and a therapist would see that and would still be able to work with that.

People can always ramble in my inbox, it’s healthy to use an outlet, and it’s totally relatable.

[submalevolentgrace]

i've been thinking a lot about gunpla lately, hell i am so gunplilled all i can think about is gunpla, but like it's good to have a hobby right? whenever i say that i just keep remembering "i think it's great you have a hobby" which is a line this guy says to his girlfriend about her getting involved in the women's lib movement aka 2nd wave feminism, it's from this like 60's british crime drama about a gay gangster, i think it might be based on a real guy and his autobiography? it's such a brutal belittling of her involvement that she sleeps with the female student he's having an affair with, and the main character is played by that guy, he's not the one that says the hobby line to his girlfriend btw that's a side character and the main character is gay as i said, he's played by that guy, you know, he's been in a bunch of stuff, he was the power hungry bad guy in shazam and also the power hoarding bad guy in john carpenter of mars, which i only know because i literally just watched it tonight with my girlfriend, because she got a new ereader recently right and it has access to all these public domain books for free, so she was reading princess of mars and i was like oh i have heard of that, did you know they made a bad movie from it, so we watched it and yeah it was pretty bad, bad acting bad cgi bad like structural editing, so my gf was then telling me all about how the movie butchered the book, which by the way she wasn't even super hot keen on, but she did point out that it has a cohesive theme about war and turning away from violence and how important it is that it's on mars, mars the god of war, theme of war etc, and the movie butchered it so bad and also it wasn't even called john carter of mars, just john carter, because the marketing team, apparently, decided nobody would see it if it had mars in the title because hollywood is just insanely dumb and it didn't matter because nobody saw it anyway, and apparently there were 2 sequels planned and got cancelled when it bombed and last year the director talked about those sequel plans, which i guess got it into search term lists or something because, and this is so fucked up about our modern culture and it makes my blood boil, if you lookup "john carter trailer" on youtube there's a fuckton of videos titled "john carter 2 teaser trailer" with the same thumbnail that are just, complete lies, there is no sequel or trailer, they just exist to literally bait your clicks and hopefully get ad revenue, because nothing matters anymore, you know i read a thing a while ago about someone struggling with centrelink's bullshit to get unemployment payments, and their job services people kept telling them they needed to be a productive member of society, but their last job had literally been doing mail merge setups for spam email for some shady startup that was almost certainly a scam, and they were just exhausted by like, the system punishing them for quitting that job when it was literally anti-productive, literally making society worse, and that's all those fake trailer videos are, that's all most of the internet is now, but we're still here, still struggling, so much struggling, i am always struggling,

did you know when i spoke to my gp like probably 7 years ago now about getting a referral for adhd assessment, she literally said to my face, this woman with a medical degree, "i don't know why you'd think you need that, you have no problem sitting still in the waiting room", and i was speechless, but i composed myself and begged her to write the referral anyway, and she did except it wasn't for adhd, it was for [redacted] that everyone told me i had but everyone was scared of even touching, and i knew any psych that saw that would rush right past even looking at adhd and nobody was helping with [redacted], so when i saw my copy of the referral cc'd in an email back to me i called her up and was like hey this isn't what i need, i need adhd referral, and she legit said "but dealing with [redacted] is much more important, it could cause you serious bodily damage and even cost you your life if we don't address it" which was the most real and honest thing a doctor had said, so ofc i was like yes fuck it might! that's what i've been saying! so are you finally going to start looking into treatment?? and she said "no, treatment is bad, you could become drug dependent" and i was like, limit my scripts then, do a monitored trial, come on. do something. there was this back and forth like, so you acknowledge it exists and need treatment? yes. and you acknowledge that without treatment it could harm or even kill me? yes. so what treatment is available? oh i can't give you treatment that's dangerous. and i just, couldn't even cope anymore. i stopped seeing that doctor at all, i didn't have a doctor to see. i called the psych i was referred to and they told me they wouldn't see me, taking on a patient with [redacted] would be too risky for their professional reputation. timelines are fuzzy to me, but i'm almost certain that in under a year from that going down i'd end up in hospital needing major surgery, except they didn't do the surgery i needed to repair the damage to my body, they overrode my right to consent and experimented on me instead doing a surgery they wanted to do and i still don't really know what their motivation were, beyond just speculating, ego and ableism, the lawyer told me, off the record, that they'd jist close ranks and use my past teenage trauma against me to defend their removal of my right to consent, as if that had anything to do with what they did….

anyway i'm really into gunpla lately, it's basically all i can think about. just ordered some new weapon packs. gonna have a four-armed assassin girl mech - yes 30 minute missions still counts as gunpla - with matching quad-wield pistols, i've gotten really into the idea of a four-armed gunslinger lately because of this game i've been playing, fun but runs like shit and crashes a lot, and it has a four armed pistol girl in it, and strangely enough there are aliens in john carter (of mars!) that are four armed too, but it's not because of that, it's because of star renegades, the green martians are just coincidence, but man, fuck those fake trailers for a nonexistant sequal of a bad movie, just a drain on society. did you know the guy that helps run the unemployed workers union had to do work for the dole at the ballarat cemetry and centrelink paid private investigators to drive by and make sure they were all doing their mandated unpaid work, is there a word for mandatory unpaid work under constant surveillence?, but he also still had job services appointments to go to which were scheduled during workhours and if he didn't attend he'd have his payments cancelled, but he wasn't allowed time off from his mandatory unpaid work to goto them or he'd be marked noncompliant with work for the dole and have his payments cancelled? homelessness is illegal. that's how you make a productive member of society. how much money do you think centrelink pays the private dicks that spy on the unemployed mandatory unpaid workers? more than unemployment benefits i'm guessing. i know i'm lucky not to be in that system anymore, to be in the disability system instead. lucky. out of the unemployment system because my disability cost me a hand. recently got told that i'm not on the ndis as an amputee, i'm on there for [redacted]. don't know how true that is. i don't even think i have [redacted], they never ran scans, they didn't do tests, it's supposed to be a diagnosis of exclusion, but they didn't bother to exclude anything else first. lucky. there's something deeply wrong with my body and i'll probably never find out what, because last time i tried, i ended up hospitalised under constant guard with no right to consent, no right to withdraw my consent for the experemental shit they did to me, the awful things they put me through to try and make their ego project work. totk got 2nd spot on a youtuber's goty list this week, that's nice. people are scared of [redacted], that's why i don't say it. can you believe people used to be scared of people with cancer, like it was contagious? i remember princess di hugging aids patients, barely. if i don't have a chaperone people in public pull their children away from me, as if my amputation is contagious. they don't even know about [redacted] and they're scared of me, unless i have a friend. i think my nub responds to barometric pressure changes kinda like arthritis, it hurts more when there are sudden shifts in weather. i don't actually know what it's like to have a hand crushed by a frigid hydraulic press, but my brain is assuring me that's what's been happening constantly for three days now. i've been thinking a lot about gunpla lately. i also got a rocket launcher for my beloved dilanza sol, and the kit also comes with a scale mobile worker, which i'm stoked about because ibo kits are hard to come by, and i really enjoyed ibo. it had some problems definitely worth dissecting, but also way more homoerotic tension and overt text than wfm did, even if all you want is yuri i still reckon kudellia and atra have more chemistry than suletta and miorine, fight me. i wonder if that'd get me death threats like my totk post did? also mikazuki is thematically linked forever in my head with-- no i don't want you consolenscences. the reason i refuse to post selfies is that my third worst nightmare is going in to he bakery or fish and chip shop one day and the respective old ladies that work there recognise my tattoos and go "submalevolentgrace???" and know all this

my top two worst nightmares btw are medical torture and child rape.

i've been thinking a lot about gunpla lately.

it's nice to have a hobby.

[scimmymunkeh]

#Found this in the queue like nope cant post on SelfDX but look who's back bitches #It's me Hi

Also according to my drafts, which stopped in circa Mar 2020, I've been off tumblr the whole time I was under the 'auspices' of the local Adult ADHD, Autism and Tourette’s Team waiting list and assessment programmes. Have I grown as a person in these past 3 years? Hard to say.

[actuallyadhd]

Hi,

I have an appointment soon and I'd like to talk to a psychiatrist about getting an adhd diagnosis but I don't know how to bring this up. I've been thinking I probably have adhd for a year and a half now and I wanna know if I do have it or if I'm struggling because of other things but I'm worried of how a doctor might react to me having a preconceived notion of what is up with my brain. Do you have advice on how to start that conversation?

Sent October 10, 2023

I am probably too late answering this (sorry!), but I would suggest talking about how your symptoms are directly impacting your life. Don't rattle off a list of the diagnostic criteria, talk about the things you're struggling with on a daily basis, without mentioning ADHD--just ask if you can be referred for an assessment.

For example, when I talked to the doctor about getting my kid referred for an assessment (still waiting on that), I simply described his behaviour. (I also brought him along, and he helped by being himself.) Even though I have ADHD and know all the signs, rather than listing those off I talked about how he's always moving and talking, and how he can be clumsy and is really disorganized.

Followers, do you have any suggestions for people who want to be assessed for ADHD?

-J

[the-delta-quadrant]

ok, so what the actual fuck?

so at this point i'm very certain i have cptsd, and for a bit over 2 years i've been desperately looking for therapy on the nhs due to lots of struggles. i got a bpd diagnosis from the community mental health team in the process but they discharged me without actually giving me any therapy. so all i had left was those 6 session iapt talking therapy bullshit things. i was rejected from some services after mentioning i was diagnosed with bpd, saying it's too severe for them to deal with, so i was stuck with nothing as the cmht wouldn't have me back either. blablabla, i got an autism and adhd diagnosis too and was actually advised to not tell the iapt people about my bpd diagnosis (you know a service is fucked when you have to lie). i actually did one of those 6 sessions things and of course it did fuck all because my problem is way too big and they weren't autism friendly like at all.

anyway, fast forward to may, for a few months i've known that all my problems are most likely cptsd. my partner and i will be moving soon so i thought i'll try the iapt services one last time (there are multiple to choose from) and i'll just be upfront about anything. if they reject me they reject me, but if they say they can help, why not fucking try.

so in may i referred myself to a service called vita minds via online referral form. i explicitly stated that this was about cptsd. i also told them i'm autistic and adhd. i had to fill out some questionnaires for anxiety, depression and ptsd. nowhere in the referral form did i get anything telling me they can't deal with this. (this was a different service than the ones rejecting me for bpd.)

a few days later, on a friday, i got a text asking me to book an assessment. i did. i was meant to have it the monday after.

i got a phone call that monday from the assessor. they asked me stuff about my referral and had me confirm that this is about cptsd as well as me being autistic and adhd. they explicitly told me that they can help with that, but that my assessment would have to be another day. i thought, cool. maybe they can actually help.

the assessor had me fill out those questionnaires again.

then i had the actual assessment on thursday. as usual i was told this would be recorded. nothing new. this was the same person i spoke to on monday and the same person who looked at my referral so i assumed that they knew what this was about. i thought this assessment would be to determine my main struggles DUE TO CPTSD. (who wouldn't? i already told them twice.) i was told i would hear back from them about therapy within 30 days.

about a week later i got an email saying that i've been put on a waiting list for therapy for "depression and anxiety", when that's not what i fucking told them. i mean yeah it's part of it, but it's so much bigger. i felt deceived. i felt lied to. i felt not taken seriously. i told them about my cptsd and they boiled it down to depression and anxiety. i'd rather they just told me they couldn't deal with me than basically have me believe that they could. it's cruel to mess with desperate people like that.

i sent an email back saying basically that, as well as addressing misinformation about me being on antidepressants (i was asked if i was ever on psych meds, i was very explicit that i was an antidepressants in 2018 for 6 months only, but not currently). heard nothing for a while.

until now.

i got an email back with a document addressing the issue. they're now saying i'm making it up because they listened to the recording of my assessment and because on that day, i never explicitly said the words "i have cptsd", it's all my fault. DESPITE it having been in my referral. DESPITE me having told the assessor three days prior on the phone.

but conveniently, that first phone call was never recorded, which in hindsight seems fucking deliberate because look how they're twisting it now. look how they're blaming me for their shit communication.

never during the actual assessment was i asked to confirm the reason for my referral again, and i didn't think i had to do it a third time. they should already have it in their system.

but no, apparently me being deceived and not being communicated with properly is now my fault. me being told "we can help with cptsd" OFF THE RECORD and believing it is my fault.

this is shitty communication all over and just lies. i mean especially knowing i'm autistic they should have been more fucking explicit.

anyway, if you have anything beyond mild to moderate depression or anxiety, avoid vita minds at all costs.

[thisisjustmetalking]

A Good Update

I finally found a therapist!

She is with a mental health group that has a location essentially right around the corner from where I live. They also do Spravato but won't be opening a closer location from where I currently go until about February. I'm on the wait list and really looking forward to it. The place I've been getting my Spravato is an hour away and has been absolutely horrible as far as their management and admin goes. The treatment has been fine, but I'm looking forward to getting all of my med management and eventually Spravato from the same place.

More good news - the depression is lifting. I'm really seeing Spravato working. There were a couple weeks where I felt low again, and I know this is a long journey, but I am feeling minimal effects of depression. That being said, it's put into focus for me how bad my anxiety is. And what it is, frankly. At the beginning of addressing my mental health, it was difficult for me to differentiate between what was depression and what was anxiety.

In the biggest relief I've had in a while, my therapist, from the get go, has taken my worries about ADHD very seriously. During the last few weeks with my first therapist (a couple years back now), I brought up a podcast I'd heard that was a huge revelation - that I very well may have ADHD. The podcast was Depresh Mode, with Sarah Marshall as the guest. Almost everything she'd mentioned about ADHD was something I'd dealt with.

Growing up, it was called ADD, and the stereotype was the hyperactive kid. I was always the opposite, so the thought never crossed my mind that this could be something that was affecting me. Turns out it was, and is, and is by far the biggest detriment to my mental, and financial, well-being. My therapist immediately noted my symptoms and brought up things I'd never heard of that were also plaguing me that were symptoms. The evidence just kept piling up and she diagnosed me and set up an appointment for me with their psych.

I had the appointment with the psych, who is taking over my med management, and who agreed with my therapist's assessment of ADHD. We scheduled a follow up, at which point she will start me on meds. Between that and the therapy geared toward helping me manage on a daily basis, I am for the first time finally optimistic of where things are going.

Hoping 2025 will be a good year for me and Kyle. He's on his way to a promotion, and I'm hopefully on the way of really turning around my business. Fingers crossed.

[leadendeath]

thinkin about being medicated and my work..

i still have intense trouble getting started.

(that post i recently rbed about "the world feeling like it's wrapped in a thin layer of cling wrap that i gotta break through every time i want to do an action" is so so accurate bless op of that post)

AND staying focused i have trouble.... but it is clearer in my mind what i need to do.

like example: i have a simple animation/animatic in mind, and i have the first three frames done already, and know i next need to gather some ref images to progress to the next part. another example: i have an art req to complete, i thought about how i wanted it to look for the first day, then the next day used heroforge like you would use a mannequin to make the pose i wanted, to help me draw it, and then i started drawing!!! i'm already on the colour stage, go me!!! and i'm actually having fun with it?!? not clickbait

so there's that. but i thiiink... i might overall- in the big picture of things- work a little better. or a lot better. idk. it's certainly improved, because two of the most monumentally difficult problems to deal with which i have (which are chemical) have been corrected. my chemical levels are at a normal person level now, so that reduces some of the terrible brain fog that depression gives, which hinders accomplishing anything. (i have brain fog also due to a chronic neurological illness but yeah it's reduced all of it by like 25% :])

it feels like i have uninstalled a lot of the bloatware that depression/ocd gives your brain! i've already described it as the brain feels cluttered with all the unwanted shit in there and how much time is taken up when you have to check and repeat things. and now there is more space for nice stuff and thinking clearly :)))

but i'm sad to say meds hasn't fixed everything :/ i knew it wouldn't, i mean it's not specifically intended to help executive dysfunction/dopamine levels, it's for better amounts of serotonin and noradrenaline. but yeah i know i still have dopamine levels to fix. but this has just cemented it in my mind that "hmm yeah buddy, u got more than just the two other chemicals out of whack ://"

when i have my 6-month check in to update the docs on how i'm doing, i'll definitely ask to be put on the adhd waiting list. 3 years wait last time i heard!!! yayyy!!! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ /sarcasm

and that's for the free service. yes i get free healthcare in my country. no it isn't very good. yes i realise how lucky i am regardless. i don't think i've ever owned 4 digits in the bank in my life but the place i want to go to for private healthcare was if i remember correctly around 2,500 for the full assessment and follow ups. eh, we'll see what happens first, i move up the waiting list or somehow earn a few thousand. at least we don't have that barbaric "you can only have $2,999.99 in the bank at any time or you get no disability anymore" system like you guys have in the states, i think about that all the time and it's so upsetting :'( *sympathetic hug to u*

[elysynn]

Do you ever see videos of people who work with animals that are trying to get that big horse, or cow, or whatever other large beastie to move and said beastie just won't? The person pushes, does tricks with legs, pulls on leads and beast is just NO.

That's my head right now. A little over a year ago, I was assessed for ADHD, and psychologist said I have issues with executive function but don't meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD... (which means my primary doc won't prescribe any meds for me to try) I've been trying to get reassessed but when the place covered by insurance only schedules three months out and doesn't keep a waiting list and expects the person seeking help to call back weekly in the mornings to see if something opens up, well... it's not a recipe for success.

Back to the analogy... I'm having a really tough day getting shit done. I have a whole host of large beasties that don't want to move. And a very tired and frustrated beastie-tender that can't get anything to move. Then there's the guy yelling about the beasties that need to move and it needs to be done now and ALL AT THE SAME TIME. The analogy works in my head to describe what it feels like trying to get something done. I wanna do it, need to do it, but it Just. Won't. Move.

All this to a concurrently playing soundtrack of "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi, the main theme to "Metal Gear Solid" and Johnny Cash's cover to "Hurt". While simultaneously plotting my current chapter I'm writing, planning for how the rain is going to affect plans tonight and tomorrow morning for the kids and whether or not we can put an addition on our house without a big legal battle.

But I don't have ADHD. Just executive function issues. Reading a book about procrastination should set me right.

[curiouslyodd]

I waited 4 years to be assessed for ADHD.

I knew I most likely had it - my symptoms and experiences were basically the classical presentation of untreated inattentive ADHD from childhood. When I realised (thanks Tumblr!), I asked to be seen about it as soon as I was able to. That was four years ago. It was meant to be less than three years at most.

Last month, I was finally seen for an assessment. It was a relatively short video call session - apart from the assessor having to ask me to stop talking several times, it went smoothly. At the end, it was cut and dry - I've been formally diagnosed with ADD/ADHD (inattentive). He said I'd be sent some letters and be transferred to another department for treatment, and ended the call.

I rang the department today - it's been a month and I was wondering when I'd get more details about what was happening.

The receptionist was lovely and very helpful - she said that there's a letter that will be sent out to me as soon as the doctor signs it.

But she also told me that the waiting list for treatment is another two years.

Two years.

I waited four years to be told something I already know, and now I have to wait *two more years* before I get any help with it.

The past few months I've been getting more and more despondent with my job search. My ADHD blocks me at every step. Remembering to look for postings, writing the applications, remembering to sort out stuff for the interview, actually preparing for the interview, doing anything at all in the meantime... ADHD gets in the way of it all. And that's not even touching what happens when I finally do get a job - bad focus days mean I'm constantly having to catch up, and running myself ragged the whole time. But I kept on with the job search, knowing that I was finally going to be seen for my ADHD and that I'd be getting treatment for it. I know that treatment isn't a magic fix, but the prospect of any improvement at all with my symptoms was a hopeful one.

But it turns out that treatment is still a long way off. And I might as well be stuck in limbo for the foreseeable future.

Let's face it - it's a coin toss as to whether the NHS will still exist in two years. And I expect the waiting time will only get longer.

I wanted to find a good, witty way of describing my feelings on the Tories and everyone else who has had a hand in destroying the NHS. But frankly, I just hope they all die in horrible, drawn out, excruciatingly painful ways.

[stal3bread]

I forgot to do this LOL so I'll do the ones I missed!

2 April: When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

I started suspecting I was autistic at 14 in 2019 when I got my ADHD diagnosis and then started looking into other neurodivergencies, and found that ASD really really resonated with my life experiences. I tried bringing up an autism diagnosis to the psychiatrist I was seeing who diagnosed me with ADHD and he completely dismissed it so I just was like 'ok I guess I'm not autistic then'.

Then about a year later I started seeing a psychologist and after a few sessions she was like '...I think you might be autistic' and I was like 'oh ok that makes sense'. I was too scared to actually go for an assessment for a while though because I thought I'd get totally invalidated again so I didn't decide to get an assessment until the summer of 2022 when I was done with not knowing if I was autistic for sure so I decided to get an assessment.

I got on the waiting list for an ASD assessment in around August-September ish and luckily I managed to get an assessment in October because the clinic I went to had a new psychologist on the team who didn't have a long waitlist yet because she was new. Then I did the assessment which involved the ADOS-2, an appointment with my mum about my history, and a few questionnaires from me, my mum, and my teachers. Then, on the 28th of October 2022, I had my appointment to find out the results and they told me that I fit the criteria for ASD in the DSM-5 and ICD-11!

So yeah, I've pretty much known I was autistic for 3.5 years, but I've only been diagnosed for about half a year lol.

[tiffanyachings]

i’ve been rotating this in my brain for a few days and the thing is yeah i agree neurodiversity does not mean you’re powerless to change your behaviour. but i do think it’s a bit callous of neurotypical people to go ‘stop being a burden and just learn to be more organised/read social situations/etc’ when there is often zero support available to teach you strategies to manage your neurodiversity, especially if you weren’t diagnosed as a child