#i've been in this fandom for 10 months now and I still don't know

[fading-event-608]

Listen, I know, you all have been seeing fundraiser posts all day long. I've seen people complain that the tags for Palestine are "unusable" now because… genocide victims use it to find aid to survive.

Thing is, those posts will be here until Israel ceases it's aggression. And Palestinians will need your aid as far as they are left with no income and besieged. I've tried reaching out to other platforms, and Tumblr is still the best place for at least Falastin (Gazan who I spotlight for more than 2 months) to get donations; because here you don't need thousands of followers to get interactions. And at least we get one in ten response here; on other platforms both of us don't get any.

So yes, a dying website for fandom is her best bet to save her family right now. We don't speak of evacuation anymore (even though we hope for it), this is a battle for day-to-day survival. The prices in Gaza are increasing every hour, and they have no income and Falastin has gone into multiple debts to help them before starting the campaign in June. And yes, she receives more attention now but her family is still in starvation - she tries to support 26 people now, since her cousin was martyred and his 2 children joined 24 of her family in Al-Mawasy.

Yes, they should get free aid from all those countless non-profits that raise millions. But if they see something labelled as "aid" it is because they have bought it themselves. Yes, you can see (and maybe touch!) aid if you subject yourself to hours-long queues and/or humiliation of being a part of a photoshoot. They also said that the aid they get is stale at best and spoiled at worst; and that's again, if they get it.

Yes, there are grassroots organizations but they cannot reach everyone, because they are in small teams and they don't receive a lot of funds. And you can of course donate to them to try "fix" this; but please do not think that it means individual fundraisers are not worth supporting. I did not see any evidence of individual fundraisers "taking" money from others; on the contrary, when Falastin's fundraiser struggles, I see others struggle too. When we celebrate a good day of donations we celebrate it with others too.

And I could talk about Harris campaign get 1 billion in donations and still receiving them or how AO3 got 200k in a couple of days; but the post is getting too long.

Anyway. Please consider donating to Falastin's campaign; the money would buy food and water first, shelter and clothes for the winter second. There's a raffle for hand-made Palestinian thobe that Falastin's friend makes (LINK); and please follow her here.

Donate via Gofundme (in SEK! check rates below please): LINK

10$ = 108 SEK

25$ = 272 SEK

50$ = 544 SEK

100$ = 1,088 SEK

Donate via PayPal (in USD): LINK

Vetting info: #282 in El-Shab-Hussein and Nabulsi's spreadsheet [here], #957 in the Butterfly Project spreadsheet [here]

[ckret2]

So a while ago some friends were talking about fans who claim the Same Coin theory is canon. And I made the mistake of saying:

Do you know who also has tons in common with Bill? Mabel. Yet nobody claims Bill reincarnated as Mabel. …wait now I want a "same coin but it's Mabel" AU. Funniest Bill reincarnation option. The all-seeing arsonist is making macaroni glitter art. The omnipotent tyrant is crying because a unicorn called her a bad person.

And then I overthought it for two months.

So—AU where after death, Bill's soul shoots 13 years into the past and reincarnates as Mabel. I'll call it ✨ Sparkly Coin AU ✨

Don't leave yet. Lemme show you why it works. Behold the eerie amount of parallels in their personalities, dialogue, behavior, mannerisms, tastes...

I could have kept going but my attention span ran out. All right, we all on board now? Convinced we could segue from one personality into the other? Great. Now here's why you should be interested: the juicy post-Weirdmageddon angst potential.

As long as a small fringe of the fandom still thinks Weirdmageddon is Mabel's fault, why not amp that up x100 and have some fun with it?

Is everyone sold now? Great. Let's get into the details. I've got 8 more pieces of art under the read more.

So the AU starts the instant Bill dies. Thanks to invoking his deal with the Axolotl—one way to absolve his crime, a different form, a different time—the Axolotl gives him a new shape and shoots him thirteen years into the past. Apparently, the Axolotl thought it would be very funny to stick Bill in the family that defeated him.

Which probably made for a jarring transition.

(It's fine, she's like 10 minutes old, she probably can't even tell who she's looking at. Not being able to tell who she was looking at is what got her into this situation ayyyy)

When Dipper & Mabel come back from Gravity Falls complaining about this triangular jerk Bill, their parents mention that Dipper's name was nearly Bill. See, after they knew they were going to have a boy, one night their mom dreamed about a visitor—some kind of magic pink salamander??—calling her child "BILL." Then at the next sonogram they found out they were having twins, the girl must've been hidden at a weird angle the first time, and they wanted matching names, so they thought, Bill and Bell. But they didn't really like Bell; but eventually they stumbled on Mabel, so to keep the names matching they switched from Bill to Mason. Isn't that the darnedest thing?

(Of course, Mabel and Dipper assume Bill harassed their parents to try to trick them into naming a kid after him. To be a jerk.)

When Bill meets Mabel, he's unaware that she's his future self—Bill's notably bad at doing things like, say, double-checking to see whether he's going to die anytime soon—but like... he can tell something's up.

Naturally, before visiting Gravity Falls, there were echoes of who Mabel used to be—but nothing anyone would be able to identify without context. All her Bill-ish quirks either smoothed out with time (see: how between second grade and fourth grade Mabel went from being the "freak" to the popular girl in class), or else they were accepted by her family as Mabel-ish quirks.

After they meet (and kill) Bill, they have the context to understand some of Mabel's behaviors... and unfortunately, some of Mabel's latent Bill-ness starts surfacing after she's been directly exposed to her prior incarnation.

The part of the Pines family familiar with Bill thinks the worst case scenario is that maybe Bill's survived and is slowly possessing Mabel; but far more likely, they think this is just some weird way of trying to subconsciously process last summer. Mabel doesn't think she's being weird, you guys are being weird, stop giving her weird looks. They get attacked by one triangle and now she can't wear yellow or pick up macrame as a hobby??

(It's not all red flags and uncomfortable triangle imagery, though. When Stan asks her what she'd like as a gift for some important event, she shyly admits that she thinks she's starting to outgrow her plastic gem jewelry and maybe she's old enough to get her first piece of real gold jewelry, if that's not too expensive? And Stan's never been so proud of her. Thirteen years old and already thinking about buying gold!)

But of course, the real fun starts when Mabel finds out.

That's the face of a girl who's just discovered that she tortured her great uncle. Now imagine running into the brother she possessed.

But I've already spent a million words and thirteen images on this post. If enough folks are interested in the AU maybe I'll expand on it later. Let me know what y'all think.

[destinationtoast]

Hello! I keep hearing that fandom culture has changed, and there are less comments now than there were years ago. Have you noticed this in your analysis? Is the percentage of comments being left today lower than before?

Hey! Thanks for the question -- it prompted me to start collecting data about comments (after procrastinating on it for a while, because I had to write new code to gather comment data). I've also seen other discussions from folks also thinking about how to do this kind of analysis (like in the fandom data projects community) -- hopefully we'll end up with multiple people attacking this from different angles and getting a variety of data about comments!

I'll give a sneak preview that partially addresses your question and contains some good news. If we look at the fraction of AO3 works that get at least one comment (focusing just on one-shots for now), I think things have gotten better over the past decade on AO3*:

In other words, it tentatively looks like more works were getting at least one comment in 2024 than in 2014 (for a variety of time periods). One caveat, though -- if a bunch of works with no comments got deleted in the interim, there will be survivor bias here. I'll try to look into that possibility later. Another caveat: this is based on only like ~100 randomly selected works from each year -- this may all change with more data!

Another interesting tidbit: I still see some of the 2014 works getting comments. In fact, ~30% of works have gotten new comments over 5 years after they were posted, and it looks like ~10% of one-shots posted back in Mar 2014 got a new comment in 10 years later, in 2024.

I'm still doing other analyses; there may be other factors that better match with the discourse around how comment culture has changed. It could be that comment activity peters out faster now than it did back then, for instance. Or the total number of comments left on the popular works is less now than it was back then (though my current methods may not be able to capture that). Edit thanks to quick eagle-eyed readers: it's likely that some of what people are thinking about is ratio of comments to hits -- that is hard to compare in 2014 to 2024, because we don't know which hits came from which years. But I am working on some analyses along those lines. :)

If you have other hypotheses about what's changed in commenting culture, feel free to share! I'll look into what I can.

Some methodology notes:

*I've been tackling this by comparing AO3 one-shots posted in early 2014 to one-shots posted in 2024, and comparing activity in the days/weeks/months immediately after the works were posted. (To start with, I'm only scraping the first page of comments for each work -- meaning the first 20 comment threads -- so there are lots of comments I'm potentially missing for the really popular works. But for many works, this captures all the comments, and I think it may be sufficient for a lot of the analyses I am interested in.)

I'm choosing to focus on 2014 vs. 2024 because 2024 is close to now (but it's been long enough for comments to have settled down a bit), and 2014 was well after AO3 was established (thus it was already a pretty lively time on AO3). I don't want to collect data about every single year because it's too time intensive/too hard on AO3's servers. But if people think that I should be looking at different years, I'm interested in feedback.

Because it's only been ~10 months since March 2024, I am limiting a lot of my analyses to only look at commenting activity the first ~10 months after works were posted in both cases.

[rebornofstars]

SEPFEMBER 2024 PROMPTS LIST

HERE WE ARE! AT LONG LAST! THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN (HOPEFULLY) WAITING FOR! GIRL MONTH!

I honestly can't believe this is actually happening. This event was a shower thought a few months ago.

Here's a recap of the event: to participate, make at least one fanwork of any variety during September that features a woman or women from the Zelda franchise as the main character/s. All Linksmeets are welcome in this challenge, as well as general LoZ fans!

Before I drop the prompts list for those who are looking for a little direction, I'd like to mention that I have made an AO3 COLLECTION FOR THIS EVENT. It's open and unmoderated so you can add your works to it freely. And if you post on tumblr, please tag #sepfember !! I'll be scrolling through the tag every day looking for things to reblog and gush about 👀

If you have any questions at all about this event, or you want to chat about it, my askbox is open! I will also respond to comments and reblogs of this post.

Now, onto the prompts. Disclaimer: you DON'T have to use all/any of these prompts, or only create things for certain characters on their featured day. This list is just a GUIDE for those who want it. If you have other plans, go with your heart!

At the end of the day, this is a celebration, and all that matters is that you have fun. I hope some of you will join me next month in giving our girls some time in the spotlight, but if you can't, that's okay! There's no pressure! This is just a passion project of mine, really, and I am overjoyed that people are interested 💛💛💛

(apologies in advance for the terrible quality of these pics and the equally terrible commentary. i thought it would be funny. also, i've never had to come up with a prompts list before and it shows.)

DAY 1: SKYWARD SWORD ZELDA + PURPOSE

(we start at the beginning of course 💛)

DAY 2: MARIN + WASH

(it was SO hard to find a screenshot of her that didn't have link in it. they're both cute but this ain't about him.)

DAY 3: MEDLI + GIFT

(i didn't know she played the harp until i saw this screenshot! i obviously have a lot to learn.)

DAY 4: TWILIGHT PRINCESS ZELDA + FREEZE

(how creepy does she look here?! so awesome)

DAY 5: HILDA + GHOST

(SUCH a good character for real. she has depth!!!! she has a thematic purpose!!!)

DAY 6: URBOSA + LOSE

(two words: LIGHTNING POWERS ⚡⚡⚡)

DAY 7: SPIRIT TRACKS ZELDA + MISTAKE

(babygirl you are 2 entire pixels.)

DAY 8: FI + ORDER

(oh she is everything to me)

DAY 9: MIDNA + SWORD

(she looks so soulful right now)

DAY 10: HYRULE WARRIORS ZELDA + SUMMON

(what a FIRE camera angle??? her armour is so impractically attached but SHE HAS A SWORD‼️)

DAY 11: GODDESSES OF HYRULE + EYES

(hylia, din, nayru, farore, the list goes on...)

DAY 12: ZORA PRINCESSES + TRUST

(mipha, ruto... poor suckers... it can't be fun, falling for link...)

DAY 13: OCARINA OF TIME ZELDA | SHEIK + FATE

(note: I personally hc this character as a trans man, but since this isn't explicitly confirmed in-game and might not be shared with everyone, I've given them a celebration day anyway. you are free to do what you wish.)

DAY 14: MALON + GUARD

(she is adorable. look at her)

DAY 15: IMPA + BOUND

(HOTTEST MOST SEXY MOST BADASS WOMAN IN THE FRANCHISE ‼️‼️‼️ I LOVE YOU IMPA YOU ARE PERFECT. SHUT UP I DEFINITELY DON'T PLAY FAVOURITES—)

DAY 16: FOUR SWORDS ADVENTURES ZELDA + PORTAL

(i loved her in the fsa manga. she's barely in it but STILL. go read it.)

DAY 17: FAIRIES + TIRED

(the great fairies, navi, ciela, tatl, proxi...)

DAY 18: TETRA + LEGACY

(isn't she KICKASS?!)

DAY 19: EPONA + BONE

(our lovely loyal girl 🥰)

DAY 20: A LINK BETWEEN WORLDS ZELDA + HOME

(SHE IS SUCH A GOOD PARALLEL TO HILDA PLEASSSSSE)

DAY 21: SARIA + WISH

(a classic character! isn't this picture so peaceful)

DAY 22: BOTW/AOC/TOTK ZELDA + PEACE

(SHE IS EVERYTHING TO ME. SCREAMING CLAWING CRYING. MY DARLING, YOUR FANARTISTS WERE THE ONES TO DRAW ME INTO THE ZELDA FANDOM. I HOPE I CAN RETURN THE FAVOUR ONE DAY)

DAY 23: CIA + LANA + STUDY

(technically, she's one person. between the two of them they certainly only wear enough clothes for one person... )

DAY 24: ARYLL + HUG

(sister to the hero! but what's her story?)

DAY 25: ECHOES OF WISDOM ZELDA + ARREST

(YEAHHHHHHHHH GIRL MONTH GIRL DAY GIRL GAME!!!)

DAY 26: CD-i ZELDA + HOLIDAY

(hehheehehehe. i bet you weren't expecting her. neither was i tbh)

DAY 27: PURAH + FIRE

(SHE'S CLEVER! I LOVE CLEVER WOMEN!)

DAY 28: ILIA + ERUNE + MEND

(listen. i know erune is a very niche character - she literally only exists in the four swords manga - but consider. i love her)

DAY 29: ALTTP/OOS/OOA/LA ZELDA + MISSING

(she has no canon personality. you know what that means. get the building equipment out fellas)

DAY 30: LINKLE + FAREWELL

(and here we are - LAST DAY!)

THE END! YAY! I CAN'T WAIT FOR SEPTEMBER - CAN YOU?

[rainbowsky]

In the last months I was wondering and being a bit preoccupied with GG not having new endorsements and losing existing ones. Also with him staying away from show appearances and now not going on any NY show. But the last couple of days I keep thinking that he’s trying to escape that “traffic star” stigma and keeping it low key. Even though his album broke any record there was ti be broken. What do you think of GG’s “behavior” towards the c-ent this past year?

Hi Karamelina2005 😊

If you're genuinely hand-wringing over GG's career and endorsements, I think that's a pointless waste. GG is doing exceptionally well. While he doesn't have as many endorsements as DD does right now, the ones he does have are dominated by luxury brands and high end products. He's also still one of the top people in the industry in terms of number of endorsement contracts. He's doing fine.

Frankly, when an endorsement of his doesn't renew I always assume it's because they can't afford him anymore. No one - no one - has the power to move goods like GG does. No one is even on the same continent when it comes to sales. Let me guarantee you he's one of - if not THE - most sought after brand endorsement contracts in China.

I don't know how long you've been around, but over time you'll likely come to see that endorsements come and go. It's a totally normal, totally routine part of doing business. Brands are constantly shifting their strategies and adjusting their audience targets, budgets fluctuate, etc. etc. etc. - all of this leading to changes in spokespeople. This is completely normal.

I also think it's important for fans to remember that GG and DD are not social media influencers, they're actors. Endorsements will never be the central focus of their careers, and if anything they're likely to gradually do fewer endorsements as their careers become more serious and more established. Fans should resist the urge to measure GG and DD's careers by endorsement contracts.

Artists in China are also required by the government to be accountable for the brands they endorse. They must only endorse products and services they themselves or close family members are using. Someone like GG is going to be very picky about which contracts he takes on. He's a shrewd businessman who cares about how he is perceived and what he represents.

Frankly, the kind of people who worry about this type of thing tend to be insecure fans who are trying compete to one-up other fandoms for whose idol has the most clout. It's incredibly stupid and pointless.

We don't even know the details of their endorsement contracts, so it's pointless to try to bean-count over them. What would you rather have - 10 contracts valued at $100K each, or one valued at $1 million? The amount of money might be the same, but the amount of work is dramatically different.

So I urge people not to worry about such things. We don't know what's really happening behind the scenes.

As for live appearances, he hasn't done a live NYE performance for years. I honestly don't know why people still insist on expecting it of him. It's obviously not something he's making a priority.

Why? Well, only GG knows for sure, but I suspect there are multiple factors at play. The traffic star issue is a big one I've talked a lot about in the past. Both GG and DD have been transitioning away from that perception and more toward the path of serious actors/performers. But there are other factors as well.

Given that he has his own material out now, and a license to produce live performances, he may want to save himself for a future concert of his own (we can hope, anyway).

Frankly he doesn't need to do things like that. He's one of the top stars in China right now, and scarcity seems to make him even more anticipated by audiences.

He might not want to deal with the stress and hassle of preparing for and doing a performance like that. There is a LOT that goes into those performances, and a lot of stress and unpredictability. The last time he did Dragon TV there were huge audio issues that almost ruined his performance. He hasn't done NYE since. (Before anyone takes that and runs with it and assumes that's why - we have no proof of that. I'm just saying it's a lot of work and a lot of stress and if you don't need to do it, why bother?)

I suspect that control is a huge factor here. He is in a position now where he can pick and choose situations where he has a lot of choice and power. Why would he go back into unpredictable situations?

He said in an interview a while back that he hasn't been doing variety show appearances because he finds dealing with people's expectations and reactions too stressful. It's possible that applies here as well.

He wants to spend time with his parents, relaxing and watching DD on TV. He rarely gets much time off, and I have no doubt that he wants to make the most of it.

In terms of 'attitude toward the industry', I think both GG and DD have been doing their own thing, focusing on doing the kinds of projects and activities they enjoy rather than chasing after every opportunity. Gone are the days when they'd be packing their calendars full of a wide range of activities of varying value and appeal. Their choices seem far more curated and personal these days. I talked about that a fair bit in the past, including recent posts.

GG debut anniversary

DD debut anniversary

DD Exploring the Unknown

GG and project choices

I believe they're both doing their own thing, taking their own paths, and working toward having greater control over their careers, greater control over their projects, more time for their private lives, etc. and it shows.

I mean, just look at GG's album release and it becomes obvious that we don't need to worry about his career. The man has - on top of all the big projects he's been doing with top directors and top luxury brands - been developing and recording an album of his own, completely on his own time and with his own money and team, without any of it leaking, and with the few melons about it totally not believed by audiences. That's a pretty big flex.

And the album has been a massive, massive success.

So yeah. Don't worry about GG. One thing you can be certain of is that he will always focus on what's best for him and his career, and he's smart and capable and surrounded by experts whose entire job is to support that process.

[fushiglow]

10 things I've learned about being a fanfic author over the last year

At the time of writing this post, I have been writing and sharing fanfiction for Jujutsu Kaisen for almost two years. This time last year, my in-progress longfic, Over the Threshold, started to gain popularity and, over the last twelve months, I think it's fair to say I have become somewhat of a BNF in the SatoSugu community... Sigh...

While every creative wants their work to be seen, there is a threshold (ha) past which visibility brings difficulties, and unfortunately I went over it (ha) in recent months. It has changed my fandom experience significantly, and not entirely for the better. While there have been friendships for life forged, beautiful memories I'll carry with me for the rest of my life, and more kind words and fanart than I can shake a stick at, there have also been opportunists, naysayers, and even outright bullies.

Seeing your name thrown around in fandom spaces with little regard for the real person behind the writing — for your character, for your circumstances, for your creative liberty — does force you to re-evaluate your relationship with your work and your audience. With that in mind, I thought I'd share the lessons I've taken from the last year as a fanfic author.

I really hope this serves as advice for any fanfic authors seeking more visibility on their work, and also generally encourages more thoughtful engagement with fandom creators. Let's go!

1. Writing for anyone except yourself is still a bad idea

That doesn't mean it isn't sometimes worth taking reader preferences into account. It's just about knowing when to disregard them. We write fanfiction for lots of different reasons that vary from fic to fic. Sometimes, making other people happy is a good enough reason to write a fic, as long as that's what you set out to do and you're under no illusions about that.

However, letting reader expectations creep into your approach to your other work in a way that doesn't serve your personal creative vision is a bad idea, especially because...

2. People disrespect fanfic authors even more than you thought

There are plenty of kind, supportive people in fandom. However, the unfortunate truth is they are vastly outnumbered by people who will gobble up your work without even taking a moment to say thank you for the meal and who will, in fact, demand more from you instead.

Trying to please entitled people who are impossible to satisfy, who bring nothing of value to your fandom experience, and who may even resort to bullying if you don't play by their ever changing rulebook is a pointless endeavour — so don't bother!

3. Your writing process is a constant work in progress

Because you are a constant work in progress. You can't always expect something that worked for you a year ago to work the same now. There are too many variables in play, not least your skill as a writer. If the stabilisers you put on last year are no longer helping, maybe it's a sign you don't need them anymore. Maybe it's time to take them off and try something new.

I am still planning a more in depth writing process post, but the simple truth is, my writing process can be summed up as...

4. Whatever works!

My main piece of advice when it comes to writing is always going to be, "at some point, you've just got to do it". Sure, there are tools and techniques you can use to aid the process, but ultimately it always comes down to you and the words.

There's no right or wrong way to write, and there's no point comparing your process to someone else's, because ultimately you'll do whatever works for you. Whether you're someone who religiously practises a warm-up routine before sitting down to write or someone who stares at the screen for two months straight before vomiting up a masterpiece whole (or someone like me who jumbles their way through with a slightly different approach every time), it's all good as long as it ends with words on paper.

5. Writing for an audience changes the game

For better and for worse! Having an engaged readership on a WIP has, on occasion, created unique and invaluable opportunities to elevate my work beyond what would have been possible by myself. I'm very grateful for the artist-audience dialogue that I know we all crave when sharing our work with the world but aren't always fortunate enough to experience.

However, being aware of your audience while writing also influences your approach in unhelpful ways, no matter how much you try to get around it. Ensuring that I maintain control of that dialogue (or, at the very least, a 50/50 back and forth) requires constant vigilance.

6. Community is a double edged sword

I think everyone in fandom is seeking community of one kind or another. Building a dedicated community around my writing and seeing real good come of it was an unexpected by-product of sharing my fic with the world, but a deeply rewarding one. However, communities aren't static and they require a collaborative effort to maintain.

Series come to an end, fandom trends shift, people move on. On the flipside, you build something so wonderful that others want to share in its benefits without contributing in meaningful ways. Seeing a community so closely tied to your work and your sense of self shift into something unrecognisable until you start to feel like a stranger in your own space is very hard. Furthermore, managing a community in a dedicated forum takes significant time and energy which could be spent writing, which is why...

7. The most successful fanfic authors are selfish

What I mean by "successful" is up to you. However, whether it's replying to comments, supporting fellow creatives in the fandom, or even tagging work for discoverability, some authors disregard anything that prevents them from getting words onto the page. Some people are here to post their shit and leave — and more power to them.

The more of yourself you offer, the more people come to expect until, eventually, the already generous act of writing thousands of words for your fandom becomes the bare minimum. This is often where the topic of "fandom etiquette" comes up, but fanfic authors are already taking on a disproportionate share of the burden simply by sharing their work in the first place. Anything beyond that is a courtesy we are not obligated to extend. We should thank authors who thoughtfully choose to extend those courtesies anyway, rather than vilifying them when they don't.

8. Guarding your enjoyment is paramount

If, like me, you're an author who does enjoy being an active member of the fandom community, then it's important to watch out for the myriad of things that can come between you and your stories. Fandom politics, or even just fandom trends, can have a huge influence on your relationship with the characters that originally inspired you.

However, what other people are doing with them doesn't need to have any bearing on what you choose to do with them if you don't want it to. Responding to fandom trends in your writing can be satisfying, but maintaining a degree of separation between wider fandom and the stories that really matter to you is crucial, I think. That being said...

9. Collaboration feeds creativity

Some beautiful moments have been born from throwing an idea back and forth with my fellow fans. Simple things can rapidly snowball into territory you would never usually set foot in, and expanding your creative horizons like that can only ever be a good thing! Being open with your ideas in fandom spaces is always a bit of a worry, but the reward for extending that trust far outweighs the risk in my experience.

Additionally, I think we get caught up in the idea of absolute originality, but if you're active in fandom, you're always taking inspiration from your fellow creatives. Freely crediting the people who have inspired me has only ever brought wonderful things my way, and I've even gone on to develop collaborative relationships with some of them. Fandom is more fun with other people!

10. But ultimately, writing is lonely work

No matter how many friendships you forge, you still have to retreat into solitude to write the damn story eventually. Writing doesn't lend itself to active human connection as much as art or music. You can chat to someone while drawing or play an instrument alongside another person, but when you're writing, you have to go it alone.

And the worst part? Even when you eventually share your story with the world, no one will ever care about it as much as you do. Writing is such a deeply lonely experience most of the time, I think — which is why it's so important to hold onto all the things that make it worthwhile.

And that's that! I have been stewing on all of these thoughts privately, but I wanted to share them in case they're of value to someone. I tried to keep it as measured as possible, but I acknowledge that I'm in a bit of a bitter headspace about fandom in light of the Discourse TM and subsequent harassment over Christmas.

I don't think it will stop me writing stories for this fandom, but I do think it will make me more guarded in my interactions with the wider community, and I think that's a shame. I joined this fandom as a fan first and a creator second, and I'm deeply sad to feel like some of the parts I used to enjoy most are no longer accessible to me.

This experience has certainly got me thinking more critically about the trend of fandom creators seemingly becoming more distant as they gain popularity. The word "arrogant" is often thrown around, but I think it's much more likely that taking a less active role in fandom spaces isn't as much a choice as it is a necessary measure for the sake of wellbeing and even safety.

Fascinating in a sort of sick way.

[sonysakura]

✒ Poll to Decide the Fate of my Ao3

I'll be upfront, I'm unsure why I'm doing this 🤷 Maybe because I gained a couple dozens of new Ao3 subscribers recently and people have been reading my stuff actively, though they aren't commenting... Figured I'll give both new and old readers a chance to save the writing they (possibly) like.

For the past half a year I've been thinking about deleting my Ao3. Isn't news for the members of my server but might be for the others unless they noticed me deleting the last fic I posted (in July). The reason is simple: the situation with Sonic Big Bang 2024 thoroughly broke my confidence and frankly, my sense of self as a writer (esp as a Sonadow fic writer). And I know some would agree with that mod who basically told me she doesn't care about what happened to me because "we're just strangers online", and that what happened shouldn't affect me either... Silly me for whom my writing is my entire life and my only reliable outlet, being so affected by a blow to my core. Ha-ha. Sure, it should be embarrassing how much Sonic Big Bang 2024 wrecked me. But instead, it is scary how much this doodle is still true. I guess it is just unfortunate they decided to ban me the week of the elections in my country and the consequences of the anti-LGBT+ laws hitting us full-force… If there's one thing the event mods and my government agrees on, it's that gay hedgehogs are a threat to society. It's a pity that's what I write.

Normally, I write for myself and I always like what I write when writing for myself (hell, I wrote Married Hedgehogs series to read it before bed). But now... I almost hate everything I wrote and/or posted after March. I cringe about the 2nd chapter of Gloves and Rings and that Sonadow x Lethal Company fic, and I think that Merlina study is seriously lacking – any comments otherwise feel like pity, esp after I mentioned that I feel insecure about people not commenting. I re-read At the Castle Gate (that story I deleted off Ao3 in July) recently, and I disliked it again. Everything I wrote that I still haven't published (20 stories below, either fully completed or missing some final touches) feels fake, foolish and terrible. Everything I write – no matter what – is worthless to me. What's worse, I can't even look at my old stories the same now.

I have now been roughly 6 months on hiatus and 10 months mostly unable to enjoy my writing. It is safe to assume I'm not going to be able to do it for a while longer – if ever. I wanted to delete my Ao3 even. And I felt guilty about hoarding my texts. So, as someone who gets sad when authors disappear or delete their stories... I'm giving you, readers, a chance to decide what you want to see.

*Don't worry about forcing me to post smth I dislike if you pick this option. I wouldn't be offering it as an option if it brought me pain. I'm more apathetic about my Ao3 than anything else nowadays... In short, you want my Sonadow or SatBK or whatever stories no matter what I'm thinking about them myself? Pick option 2. Guilt-free.

Tagging with some fandom tags for people who read my stuff before but don't follow me.

🔗 Same poll on Twitter X

[trappedinafantasy37]

There is a trend that I've noticed amongst fandom spaces around games, and it isn't a trend that is unique to Baldur's Gate. I have seen it happen in my other fandom spaces like Fallout, Cyberpunk, Dragon Age, etc. But people have a habit of having very strong opinions about companions/characters that they do not know.

It is comical to watch the abject lies people create about companions and use them as justification to dislike said companion because they know they don't have a valid reason to do so. This isn't unique to Minthara, this happens to ALL companions (ironically, the funniest and most egregious lies I've ever heard actually aren't even about Minthara). It's just glaringly obvious when it comes to Minthara as she is the least recruited and most killed companion in the game and is thus the least known. So the lies and mischaracterizations pop up more often, and there is an abundance of them. And it gets exhausting having to constantly fight these lies all the time. Especially when so few people actually know her and thus there are few who are able to defend her.

I remember there was a poll a few months ago that overwhelming voted Minthara as the least loyal and most likely companion to cheat on you. To me, that just screams that the people who voted for her in that poll have never had a conversation with her outside the goblin camp. Minthara is the most loyal companion. That is not an opinion of mine. That is a fact. That is canon to the game. She is canonically your most loyal companion. And it's not that she's the least likely to cheat. She never will. Again, not an opinion. That is canon to the game. But this is information people don't know, because they've never spent a single moment getting to know her. This is a lie being spread about her that will be used as justification to dislike her and to justify not recruiting her or justify killing her.

I have also seen people admit that their opinions about her is formed solely on social media posts from YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Reddit, or Tumblr because they just can't stomach having her in their party. As ironic as this is going to sound, but your opinion about a character should never be based on social media alone. The people who do this are missing out on the context of that post and often fail to use it in comparison with the rest of the character (especially since there is a high risk of a social media post containing misinformation or just straight up lies). People will take this one snippet of a character, and use it as if that it is all that character is. Posts on social media, including mine, are meant to be supplementary to your experience of a companion, not the sole foundation.

When it comes to these social media posts, no two people are going to have the exact same interpretation, which may cause confusion for an outsider looking in. Even amongst us Minthara enjoyers, we do not always agree, and that is to be expected. We are all different people who have lived different lives and thus have different experiences informing our interpretations. Even amongst my mutuals we do not always agree, and that's normal. But at least we have taken the time to get to know her and come to our own conclusions and can understand how someone else came to a different one. My posts, or anyone else's, should not be your sole source of information about Minthara or any other characters. You still do need to form your own opinion and that can only be done by actually spending the time to get to know them.

Recently, one of my old posts in which I talked about the relationship with Minthara and Karlach has exploded again. And I see the tags that people are attaching to it. The game has been out for 10 months now. And it makes me sad that people still have the wrong opinion about Minthara. It makes me sad just how little people actually know about her. It makes me sad that people are only now going to go recruit her for the first time, even though the knock out exploit has been here for months. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that my post has changed the way people see Minthara and encouraged them to want to get to know her. But it breaks my heart that I have to use another companion to convince people to get to know Minthara, because to them, Minthara alone just isn't good enough. They have already made up their mind about her, even though they don't even know her.

People are allowed to have whatever opinions that they want. But don't get online and share those opinions about a character you don't even know to people who do. It's like highschool level petty nonsense where people would rather believe and spread rumors about a person, rather than getting to know the person themselves and forming their own opinion. And, no, I don't care if your opinion is a positive one because even positive opinions can be inaccurate and wrong if you don't know the character. Again, this isn't just about Minthara but all characters and companions. And I'm only scratching at the surface level here. This essay would be significantly longer if I actually took the time to talk about how implicit bias, racism, homophobia, and sexism have all had a negative impact on fandom perception of Minthara and the other companions.

I will never tell anyone to do anything with their game they don't want to do, I will only encourage people to try new things. If you truly do not want to recruit Minthara or interact with her, that's fine. It's your game, your world, your rules, your vision.

But, I will say this. If the only conversation that you have ever had with Minthara is the one in the goblin camp, shut the fuck up about her. This cruel, heartless, evil person that floats around is a twisted version of Minthara that only exists on social media and was created by people who do not know her. This bastardized version is nothing like the version that actually exists in the game. And you would know that if you ever spent a single second of your time getting to know her.

[himluv]

It's morning, and I'm still in bed, having pre-coffee thinky thoughts. Mainly about Veilguard lol.

I'm thinking about why I haven't talked about Solavellan in datv much yet. This blog has become an almost exclusively Lucanis Dellamorte blog these past few months 😂. But, I've been obsessed with Solavellan for 10 years. They are my otp. Soooo what's going on?

Under the cut because length and SPOILERS.

1. I genuinely haven't fully processed the Solavellan ending yet. I've done it twice and I sobbed both times and it hurts SO GOOD. But I still feel like I haven't let it get all the way in yet. I'm keeping it at arm's length just a little bit because... Ow.

2. I'm mad at Solas. We see him at his worst in datv. It's been a decade of solitude and desperation and he is wearing that Fen'Harel mask non-stop. He's lost sight of himself (if he ever had a good grip on the concept in modern times). And... I didn't really understand just how much I loved Varric until this game. Because, now I can't see fanart of him without tearing up. I can't play datv without crying over him. And while that also hurts SO GOOD (and I love tragedies), I also cannot forgive Solas for killing Varric and then LYING about it and USING Varric's memory against Rook. Like... I have a lot to unpack there but it feels unforgivable to me.

3. But, how I feel and how Riallan Lavellan feels are two different things. She loves him still, after everything. Not to say they won't have some very big serious talks in the Fade and that she isn't mad at him, but she ultimately does forgive him. And, so there's a gap between me and Ria at the moment that's going to take time for me to process before I can start writing them again (I very much want to write them again).

4. I love my Rook, Embria Aldwir. Like, so so much. And I LOVE Riallan, but she's much more removed from me and my personality than Embria is. When I play DA games for the very first time I usually play as/for myself, then make a second character to RP and actually establish my canon. But... in datv, Embria hit all the right boxes and notes. My first run felt like canon and I have latched onto this girly harder than ANY of my previous DA ocs. I can't wait to explore in fic how Embria and Riallan's paths cross and what their relationship becomes, but I'm not there yet. I'm still cooking.

4. My biggest reason for not yapping more about Solavellan is that... The fandom around Solas has become incredibly toxic and almost... Invasive. Like, I love him and love seeing gorgeous art of him and Lavellan, but also... The takes are frequently bad and the body swap mods are getting egregious (like c'mon, he would not do that and you know it). I know this is a personal squick, but for me, anything that feels that disingenuous to the character is a complete turn off. Seeing him do things he would. not. do. makes me wonder if people even actually like him? Or just some weird version they've cooked up in their mind these past 10 years. Idk, I'm just seeing a lot of stuff in Solavellan spaces that is actually making me like Solas less, because of how fans treat him AND other fans. Which... Sucks. So, I'm trying to preserve MY Solavellan, my beloved, tender, tragic otp, and to do that I can't really participate in fandom about them. At least, not right now when everything is fresh and feverish.

So, yeah. That's where my head is at re: Solavellan. I love them. I just have a lot of complicated feelings about them right now. So I'm gonna keep playing and learning with Lucanis and Embria. Don't be surprised if I come out of nowhere with a giant fic involving all of them in like, five years (I didn't start writing Solavellan until 2019, even though I shipped them right after DAI released).

And, if you made it this far and also enjoy tender, tragic Solavellan, I have a fic to give you:

Inevitable

It's complete, and follows Riallan and Solas from the very beginning, to just after Trespasser. Canon-compliant, in-between moments with eventual smut.

It is the fic of my heart. I spent the better part of four years writing it and sobbed when it was done. Please read it if it sounds like your jam.

And of course, it comes with a playlist. Enjoy!

[sweetbillwriting]

In The Dead of Night

TWO

Description: Delilah is on sick leave from her job and doesn't have much to do in the days. Her life has always been safe and a bit boring but everything changes when she falls in love with her best friend's dead brother.

Characters: AU Eric played by Bill Skarsgård from The Crow (2024)

Setting: This story is set in A WHOLE OTHER WORLD than the movie. Shelley isn't a part of this story. Eric will be different from the movie, especially because I haven't seen the movie.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

Notes: It's not so easy being a writer in the Bill fandom so I'm greatful for every comment, like and reblog 🤍

I've made a post with what songs I imagine them listening to.

My masterlist

We walk in silence at first, looking at family homes with their lights off and no cars on the driveway. It was a ghostly version of the street I knew, but I didn't care because I could feel Eric's presence next to me. His towering height and broad shoulders made him take up most of my left side’s visual field. I saw him in the corner of my eye, felt his looming presence, but also knew I would be able to touch him if I just put out my hand to the side. He walked so close, even if he was dead.

“You lived here when you were little?” He suddenly asked with a soft voice. I smiled a little and looked at the third house in front of us.

“Yeah, in the third one. With my parents and my three siblings. It was nice; it was just nice people living here. Where did you live as a kid? I know you had two homes…”

I asked my question carefully. I had tossed the thing about him being dead to the side and instead dived into our date completely. He made me relaxed and warm, and I felt safe asking him private questions. I looked up at his profile, meeting the “Lullaby” tattoo instead of his eyes, but he smiled a little while looking down at Odin, who walked calmly on his other side.

“I don't know what Robin told you, but we lived in this small little village when we were kids, like until I was 10? And he was 13. It was picturesque as fuck….” He smiled a little to himself. There was something so calm and sweet in his way of talking, like he lacked the ability to cover up his emotions. His soul felt completely exposed, but not in a weak way, just in a way that gave him strength and sincerity.

“But I also lived with my biological mom one weekend a month…”

He didn't go into details but told me about his mother's apartment in the big city. The contrast between being with Lotti and Eric, who put on his bike helmet for him and didn't let him leave the neighborhood alone while his biological mother, Linda, let him go out to play on the streets of the big city in the middle of the night.

“I know today she let me do that so she could have some privacy while she shot up. She couldn't even stop for a weekend…” He said with a shoulder shrug.

I nodded with big eyes. My own life felt weird to talk about now, when I knew my life would sound like a children's book without a plot.

“Are you close with your siblings?” He asked, and we turned back to the playground again. It didn't feel like we had walked in another direction other than forward, but now we were back in the same place we had started.

“Sure, or… Yeah, but things change, I guess? My little brother is doing his own thing in London—some computer thing bullshit, I don't know. He earns money, that I know. My oldest has kids and lives a suburban life. My other sister is my boss, and…” I made a doubting sound and breathed out. I didn't feel the need to lie to Eric; I just didn't know how to phrase it.

“It's weird having your sister as a boss?” Eric asked, and he let Odin's leash go. I didn't react at first to his careless action, and when I finally realized that the leash was lying on the ground, I also realized that Odin stood still, watching Eric with big eyes. I thought about taking the leash, but something in me told me I could trust Eric with him.

“I hate it. I hate it so much, and... Then I got this problem with my shoulder after a gym session, and..."

Eric smirked a little and gave me a pointed, teasing smile.

“Shut up!” I said it with a laugh and hit his chest.

“I didn't even say anything,” he said, amused, and pretended to duck away from my pats.

"Yes, you did! With your eyes!”

“Can I talk with my eyes?” He acted astonished and dropped his jaw.

“Yes! Yes, you can!”

“How do they sound?”

We both laughed, and after we calmed down and I had stopped pretending to hit him, I dared to stay close to him. I tilted my face back to see him, and he looked down at me with big eyes and a dimpled smile.

“You don't really have so much trouble with your shoulder, as you say?” He said with a kind smirk. I furrowed my nose in distaste, appalled by myself.

“I can't stand being in her shadow, and... Your brother is a pain in the ass too!”

Eric laughed, and like it was the most natural thing, he laid his arms around me and pulled me closer to his body. He was warm and smelled like expensive cologne. Nothing like a dead body. I giggled at my thought, and I think it made Eric embarrassed because he looked down at the ground with the same dimpled smile.

“Ehm,” he walked up to the swings and took a hold of one. Odin walked close to him, and I got used to it fast. My dog had a new master.

“Your seat, ma’am?” He said it politely and gestured toward the swing. I didn't know I could smile bigger than I already did, but I did when I sat down on the swing. Eric took the one next to me but stood on it, and started to swing with power. I just let mine sway under me. Odin lied down in front of us, pleased, and closed his eyes. It seemed like both he and I liked our strange company a bit too much.

“Your mom misses you so much,” I said when Eric slowed down his swing and stood towards me. He smiled a little sadly, and nodded.

“I never wanted to hurt her... But I did. They did everything for me, but I… I wasn't capable of taking their gifts.They gave me everything… Really everything..”

We were both quiet and took in what he had said. Maybe it became too sad for Eric because suddenly he had started to climb on the swing set to reach the highest point. He did it so easily, like his body weighed nothing, but the pained sounds from the poles told me something else. He laughed a little when he was up, and so did I. He looked at me almost proudly for his accomplishment.

“Now you will never come down from there. Now you're stuck,” said I, like a teasing mom, and stood up with one hand around the pole. I did a lazy spin around it, and just when I was back with my face towards him, he leaned back on the pole and let himself fall. Once again, I acted like a mother and ran up to him, believing in my panic that I would be able to catch the tall man, but I didn't need to do that. Eric hung over the horizontal pole by his bent knees and giggled at me boyishly.

“Did you think you needed to catch me?”

I feigned an irritated smirk and moved up to him. His upside-down face was at the same level as mine.

“No…” His hoodie and the white garment under it had moved a bit down by gravity and I could see an Adonis belt carved into his hips and scribbled tattoos. The pants sat so low that I could also see veins crawling down to his crotch. I swallowed dryly, especially because he didn't seem to acknowledge my view. In my dreamlike state, I dared to walk up to him, stand close to him, and meet his upside-down eyes. The big green eyes. There were secrets in them. Dark, heavy secrets and history, even if they smiled.

“You know this reminds me of something,” he said with a teasing voice, and I knew exactly what he meant. Everyone knew about that pop culture moment.

“Fuck you!” I said it with a laugh, and he smiled big, so I saw his dimple again. When both his and my eyes softened and we looked at each other in a more intimate way, I dared to drag my hands through his mullet and touch the tattoos by his hairline.

“So the spider web is a tribute to Spiderman?” My flirty way was back, but in a calmer way.

"Yeah, I did it when I was ten. Nah, it's actually a Russian prison tattoo. It shows how many people you have killed… Ehm,” he laughed, embarrassed, and then he showed me he wanted to jump down from the swing set. I moved a little, and just as easily, he pulled himself up and then jumped down on the ground.

“You mean you killed-”

“No, no! I was sixteen and thought it was cool. I added the spider a few years later so it would have another meaning.” He moved up to me, so we stood close together again. It felt natural to lay my arms around his neck, so I did. He answered by laying his arms around my waist. I looked at his face, took in everything about him, and I knew I was already falling in love with the man standing in front of me.

Eric's eyes shifted between my eyes and lips. I knew what he was thinking, and smoothly, I stood up on my toes so he would reach my lips.

He kissed me so softly that it felt like a plush, silk pillow was pressed to my lips. So softly that when he moved away, it felt like one of the butterflies had left my belly to touch my lips with its delicate wings.

×××

I was woken up by someone’s crying, but then also by Odin, who jumped up in my bed and attacked my face with his wet tongue. It made me sit up fast and push him away, and then I also saw Robin in the doorway to my bedroom. He had the key to my apartment, so that he was there didn't surprise me, but his loud crying did.

“Hey…” I stood up and moved close to him, even though I was just dressed in panties, and he hugged me hard, pushing me against his chest.

“It's my uncle... He's in the hospital.”

I looked up at him with worry. Would he lose his uncle too now?

“No.. What? Oh, my god. Robin… Will you go there?”

His uncle lived in the town where he had spent the most of his teens and adult life. I knew Robin didn't really like that town, but he nodded anyway.

“Yeah. Can you take Odin?”

He tried to calm down and wipe away his tears, but then he started to cry hysterically again. I laid his head on my shoulder.

“Yes, of course!”

I followed him home, together with Odin, and provided emotional support while he was packing. He calmed down slowly, and then, when it was time for him to go, he was calm and able to drive the car.

I had mixed feelings about having Odin again. He was my baby. I loved him so much, but I also felt quite restrained by him. Not that I had so much to do, but if something showed up, I wouldn't have anyone who could take him.

When I came home, I made some coffee, and while the brewer did its job, I looked at the photos lying on the kitchen table. Luckily for me, Robin hadn't seen the pictures of his brother. It was one of him in profile, sitting on a couch. There was one of him, maybe just seconds after he had turned to the photographer, his arm resting on his head and a big contagious smile on his lips. The last one was one of the more exposing pictures. He was lying against the headboard of the bed, showing off his body in black silk boxer shorts. His eyes were intense, and he looked at you in a magnetic way that made it almost impossible to look away. I sighed to myself, thinking back on my dream. It felt like I could still feel his kiss on my lips, and his voice was carved into me even if I hadn't heard it for real.

I wished I could have stayed there with him. In a world where the dead were walking.

×××

I walked around and around my apartment until the afternoon. There were so many thoughts and feelings in me, and I didn't know what to do with them. I worried a lot for Robin. He had lost his dad and his younger brother, and his mother had a brain injury. Would he now also lose his uncle? It would be tragic, and I thought to myself that I would do everything in my power to be the family he needed.

I thought about Lotti. She was also lonely. She had lost her husband and one of her sons and was now in an elderly home alone. A mother should never outlive her own child, and even if Eric was just a foster kid, he had become her son.

I also thought about my own situation. I was home for an injury that wasn't as serious as I pretended. I hated my job and my boss, even if it was my own sister. I loved her, Desiree, but I hated her as a boss. Sometimes I dreamed about just running away.

But I must think about my dream. It felt so real. It had really felt like I met him and were close to him, but waking up in my bed alone made me realize Eric was just an imagination. I would do anything to dream about him again, kiss his lips, and hear the stories about his tattoos.

I sat and looked at Odin destroying one of my socks until I decided to walk to the bedroom, crawl down in bed, and shut my eyes.

Please, please, please. Let me meet Eric again!

×××

It didn't work, no matter how much I tried. Odin even laid down next to me in bed, and it could have worked so well, but I just slept twenty minutes without dreaming of anything.

I knew the disappointment would just make me restless and, yet again, make me walk round and round in my apartment. I needed to do something and found myself outside of my workplace. The hair salon. I looked in through the window carefully because Odin was with me, and some of my colleagues waved to me. It wasn't that long ago that I visited them, so I didn't think they would come out to say hello; most of them also had a customer in their chair. My sister also had a customer and gave me just an irritated look. I nodded towards a bench standing by a tree on the other side of the road, and she gave me a nod. We had been sitting there several times during the three months I had been home from work.

Me and Odin sat down on the bench. He was busy watching the doves and flirting with people walking by. I just sat and illuminated my phone screen over and over and looked towards the salon. I waited there for fifteen minutes until my sister came out with furrowed brows and crossed arms. Sometimes it felt like she knew I exaggerated my injury, but I also knew she would have said something then.

“I just want to talk about Robin…” I said carefully and played with Odin's leash while he and Desiree said hello to each other. She sighed and sat down on the bench.

“Okay, but do you have to look like a hobo when you come here? You’ve always looked so good; now you look…” She shrugged her shoulders. I looked down at my gray sweatpants, chopped at the knee, and my pink tank top. When I worked, I was really into vintage, but now it felt quite unnecessary to dress up. I cleared my throat, avoiding her question, and looked down at Odin while I continued to talk.

“So you know about his uncle… I'm worried about him. He will be so alone.”

Desiree looked at me with empathetic eyes and took my hand in hers. She knew how important Robin was to me, even if she had known him longer than I had. He worked at the salon when I started to work there.

“Yeah… But he has us,” she said with a nod and moved closer to me.

“Of course… Did you know he had a younger brother? Who died?”

It wasn't my thing to tell my sister about, but I was too curious. Even if I was really worried for Robin, for real, I also couldn't stop my fascination for his dead brother. My sister nodded a little.

“You mean the foster kid? Yeah, I heard about him from Georgia. Shit, so fucking weird, Robin of all people had such a foster kid in his family.”

“What do you mean?” Something stabbed me in the chest when she talked so harshly about Eric.

“He was such a fucking junkie. Like, he sold drugs, had an overdose, and looked like a gulag prisoner. He was a criminal in more ways, too. Like fuck, complete opposite of Robin!”

Desiree looked at me with big eyes; her empathy felt a bit forced now, and the gossip devil in her peaked out through her eyes. I felt weird about what she said about Eric. In a way, it felt like I knew him and wanted to protest, but I didn't know a thing. I didn't know who Eric actually was.

“Robin's family seems to have been that perfect little suburban family; that guy couldn’t have fit in at all... But Georgia said it's a super sensitive subject for Robin. Even if he was just a foster kid.”

I looked away, towards a playground close by. I felt sick by what my sister said, and in some ways, I wished she had never told me. I didn't want to judge Eric, but drugs for me were disgusting, and I felt pain in my whole body thinking about it. I didn't want to see Eric like one of those people lying unconscious on drugs on a stranger's couch or snorting powder in a public bathroom. I wanted him to be that cute guy he was in my dream, but that started to feel like an impossibility now that I knew on what level he used drugs.

×××

Blue light blinked above me and made my sequin top glitter. It was a halterneck top I had bought in a vintage shop in Milano two years ago, but I had never had the opportunity to wear it. I loved the purple sequin pattern and looked at the top with a smile. I wore it with a pair of dark flared jeans. In my admiration for my outfit, I forgot to look around but had then seen that I stood completely alone in a club, in the middle of the dance floor, but I wasn't alone for long.

"Hey, beautiful,” said a smooth voice I recognized behind me. I looked back and met the big green eyes I had fantasized about since I saw them in a photo. I shone up with a bright smile. My dream self wasn't at all as reserved, and I ran up to him, and he caught me in his open arms. Both of us laughed softly and looked at each other with a warm gaze.

Eric was dressed in a big black t-shirt with a wide collar that showed off collarbones and tattoos. It was matched with bleached, trashed jeans with a studded belt, and in his left ear he had a small dagger earring. The outfit was nothing I would have wanted to see a guy in, but on him, it was something else. It was a bit trashy, but in a sexy way.

With a shy smile, he put my hair behind my ear with delicate fingers. I wanted so badly to kiss him. Because of his boyish ways, sexy eyes framed with eyeliner, and manly body, but especially because he seemed so kind and lovable.

So I did. I stood up on my toes and kissed his warm lips, and he kissed back at once, so I never needed to wonder if I did the right thing. He stayed close after, with his forehead against mine, and we laughed again.

“Hi,” I said in a giggle.

“Hey,” he said with a blushy smirk. I dragged my hands over his silly mullet and down over his eyebrow tattoo.

“Hi,” I said again, and I felt my cheeks glow in the same color as my newly kissed lips.

×××

We danced to non-existent music on an empty dance floor. Eric kissed me softly over and over until it became a deep make-out session. He was soft and sensual in every kiss and succeeded in making every hair stand up on my body. It was a beautiful contrast—his romantic ways against his hard look. I had really thought he would be a heartbreaker, or rather, a douchebag, an asshole, but his sweet ways couldn't belong to such a guy. Eric was a good boy, just like his mother had said.

“Where is the music?” Eric asked suddenly and looked around the dance floor.

“What do you mean? There hasn't been any music?”

Eric gave me a confused smirk and dragged a hand over the side of his face.

“Seriously? I thought it was…” He laughed a little but then took a fast sprint towards the DJ’s podium. He climbed it just as easily as he had climbed the swing set and gave the electronics a look.

“Do you know such things?” I asked and moved close to the podium.

“I've worked in clubs... Even as a DJ,” he smirked a little embarrassed and started to plug in the cords.

“Is this a club you've worked at, maybe?

I made a little spin on the dance floor when System of a Down’s Radio/Video streamed out from the speakers. It was probably nostalgic for both of us, even if I've been just a wannabe alternative while he was the real deal.

“No, I was here a lot when I was, like 18? It was the only bit more alternative place, so me and my fellow... depressed friends came here to do MDMA.”

He jumped down the podium and spinned me in, close to his body. He gave me a searching look when I looked down on the floor. The drugs made me uncomfortable, even if I wanted to be such a person who could be chill around drugs and not be a prude, but I was. I had never had any contact with drugs and didn't even know what MDMA was, really.

“It’s nothing serious. Ecstasy, you know?” He said it carefully and dragged his hands over my waist. “It's just a party drug…”

I dragged my hands over his neck but continued to look down, not because I judged him but because my eyes had become shiny. I couldn't stop thinking about what Desiree told me.

“What drugs have you taken?” I asked quietly, and I could feel his hands stiffen on my waist. He had probably understood I hadn't done any, and he would sound like a junkie whatever he said. He breathed out deeply.

“I think the better question would be what haven't I tried.”

I looked up at him with tear-filled eyes, and he looked back. I could see he was ashamed, even if he didn't want to hide anything from me.

“Heroin?”

“That too. It's so much cheaper…”

The tears in my eyes streamed down my cheeks now.

“Oh my god… Eric… Why… Why did you do that to yourself?” I dragged my hands over his cheeks and neck, both admiring his face and letting my heart break at the thought of what he had done to himself—how he had killed himself.

Eric didn't say anything; instead, he leaned down and pushed his nose against my neck. I dragged my hands over his broad back, up in his hair, and out over his shoulders. He cried without any sound, and I just continued to let him break down in my arms.

×××

We had moved to one of the couches in the seating area, a stairway up. It was just as empty there, and the music wasn't so loud that we needed to shout to one another, as it usually would be in a club. Eric had put on one of his own Spotify playlists that rolled in the background, and I was a bit surprised he could even do such a thing in this dreamworld. He even gave me his username, and I wrote a note mentally to search for it. We listen to nostalgic music that made us laugh: Offspring, Blink-182, and Snoop Dogg, but also nostalgic music that is still his favorites: Bauhaus, Public Enemy, and Joy Division. First, I didn't dare to say what I listened to, but when I confessed my deep love for Lana Del Rey, he just smiled and agreed with me. He didn't seem to be the judgmental type.

We talked about classical date subjects. Interests (he worked out as often as he could but had played the guitar and drawn comics when he was younger), food (he tried to be a vegan but felt he lost muscle mass by it and he just LOVED meat), clothes (he liked thrift stores but also luxury brands because the quality was nice against his skin), and work (he had a hard time keeping a job so he had tried many things but most often came back to being a bartender). He was an open book and asked me just as many questions as I asked him. He was the perfect date.

He sat with his feet up on the table in front of him and his legs spread. I could see skin in the many holes in his light jeans and had laid my cheek against his chest to look at them. He played with my hair between his fingers, and I could feel his smile against my head.

“Can you tell me a bit about your tattoos? How many have you?”

Eric laughed, and I could feel how he leaned his head back. I looked up at him and saw a smile so wide it caused creases around his eyes.

“Do you think I know that?” He looked down at his muscular arms, covered in tattoos, then pulled up his t-shirt and showed even more tattoos, but also those defined abs. I didn't know if he showed them on purpose, to let me see, but I got that feeling when I dragged a fingertip over his stomach and felt him flex. I had never touched a guy that ripped and took the opportunity to drag my hand from his sternum to the elastic of his Saint Laurent underwear. God, I wanted to lick every bit of exposed skin, but that would probably be too much for now.

“You're so fucking hot,” I said instead, lifting my head up so I could look at him properly but also try to get a kiss. He gave me a dark smile and put his fingertip against my chin.

“So are you.”

He kissed me softly at first, but it just took seconds before we made out deeply. Our tongues danced well together, like a heated tango. I drew back not only because I needed to breathe but also because I could feel my cheeks warm.

“You were a bartender?” I asked teasingly and put a finger against his chest. “Shouldn't you take my order?”

Eric laughed a little, but then looked uncomfortable.

“I can't. Drink, I mean. But I can see if I can find something for you.” He stood up, and I sat up better. His energy had changed drastically.

“Oh… You… Is... Alcohol is that like, because... Your addiction?”

“No, no. Ehm…” He stuffed his hands deep in the front pocket of his jeans and looked around. “I can't do it because... I don't really know, but something tells me I can't drink in my state. You know, I'm dead.”

He continued to look at everything other than me, and, for a moment, I felt the same thing as he. He was dead and would never be a part of the real world ever again. We were silent, but after a while, I felt a need to break the tragic moment and enjoy the time we had together.

“I'm just so fucking hot. Can you help me with that?”

Eric looked at me now, first like he didn't understand what I said, but then he smirked. Big.

“Oh, I can help you with that.”

With fast feet and a hard grip on my hand, he pulled me out of the empty club and out to a dark street. It was in the middle of the night, completely dark but also completely silent. I couldn't see a car or a window with the lights turned on. It was just dark, with only the full moon illuminating the world for us. We ran over the streets in a giggle while street lights blinked by our presence. It was magical. If I didn't have Eric, I would have been scared and stressed, but holding his big, warm hand and seeing his playful smile made it all just exciting.

He took me to an open space between high buildings. First, it looked completely empty until I saw a pattern in the middle, small metallic openings. Eric moved away to a bench, and behind it was a locked fuse box. It didn't look much to the world, and it probably wasn't because Eric started to kick it harshly. I watched him silently, confused, but didn't feel worried. It didn't seem like cops existed in this world.

“It's such fucking cheap shit, so you can just kick and pull the hatch open,” he said before continuing to kick. After a while, he had kicked it hard enough with his black vans to get his fingers in the hatch and pull it up. He gave me a little smirk before looking towards the pattern in the ground and clicking some buttons. It was a fountain hidden in the paving stones.

He smiled proudly but also looked a bit blushy when I laughed and kicked off my Converse. I ran out in the fountain without any doubt and let the hard beams hit my body. The water was cold against my warm skin, but I didn't freeze, especially not when Eric joined me, without his shoes and without his shirt. I laughed and threw myself around his neck. I felt so free, and my chest glowed with love and euphoria.

Eric laughed too and spinned me around in his strong arms before kissing me again. I dragged my hands over his naked skin, enjoying every muscle and every line. The broad shoulders, the strong arms, and the muscular chest. I was so horny, I felt my sex ache. It didn't feel like there were any rules anymore, and I pulled off my halterneck top so my chest was as bare as Eric's. I dragged my fingers through my wet hair, pushed it back, and wiped away some smudged mascara. I looked up at Eric, who was also black around his eyes with watery black eyeliner. His big green eyes looked at my chest, then up to my face. With a shy little smile, he asked for permission to touch my breasts, and I helped by laying one of his big hands on my tits so he could give it a squeeze.

“These are some beautiful fucking boobs,” he said, and I laughed. He embraced me from behind and played with my breasts in his hands. The fountain continued to spray us with water, but we almost didn't notice anymore. I had taken one of Eric's fingers and sucked it down to his knuckle while he kissed my neck. I had never been so horny.

“Please just fuck me,” I whined, pushing my ass against his crotch. He groaned, and I could feel a hint of an erection. I spun around so I could explore what was hiding behind bleached denim and Saint Laurent cotton, but Eric had taken his own initiative and opened his studded belt with a jiggle. He unbuttoned his jeans, and at the same time he looked at me, he started to pull them down with his boxers. I could see shortly trimmed, dark pubic hair, and then I almost held my breath when I saw the hilt of his cock-

×××

The image of a wet, shirtless Eric disappeared, and instead I saw more and more of the light coming from my window. I had forgotten to pull down the blinds, and the bright May sun had woken me up from my perfect dream.

What the fuck?

×

[samsheughan]

Confession I guess?

I figured it's time I was honest with y'all. (below the cut; feel free to skip if it's not your preferred cuppa)

I know I don't owe anyone an explanation of any kind, but as I've always said and stood by, I hold what audience I have with the highest regard and respect and I feel y'all deserve more from me than just the occasional "thanks for reading!" you know?

That being said, I want to let everyone know that, it's official: I am writing an original novel that I do plan to have published as soon as possible. I am planning on this novel being a trilogy of sorts, so there will be multiple books coming from me! :D

I have been writing fanfiction since I was 12 years old. What started on a floppy disk has flourished into a passion that I will always be proud of and grateful for. Writing fanfiction has spared my life more than once, and in the process of writing fanfiction, I have made friends that I know I will have for the rest of my life. I am so SO so grateful to y'all.

However, as time has gone on, and especially in the last few years or so, writing fanfiction felt more like an obligation rather than the hobby it's supposed to be. And that's no fun. But trying to bridge the gap between fanfiction and actual fiction (aka, the kind you can get paid for) has also been a struggle. I had a hard time trying to detach the ideas I had for fics from their respective fandoms and convert them into something that could be an original novel.

I have tried to adapt some of my more popular fanfiction stories into original ones, but a lot of the fandoms I've been in just don't make that an easy prospect (even my Modern AUs are hard to adapt since what makes them Modern AUs is deeply embedded in their respective fandom). But lately, the fog from that cloud seems to have lifted, and I am currently working on the manuscript for my very first novel!

All that aside, you might be wondering: "but Liz! You promised us you'd finished your fic! You promised, you promised, you promised!!" And you're right. I did promise. A promise I still intend to fulfill. I am a woman of my word. Sutures will be finished.

Someday.

But the timeline for that finale is now offcially on an indefinite hiatus. I could wake up tomorrow morning and finish it all and then post it that evening. Or it could be 10 years before I'm able to get back to it. Who can say? I sure as hell cannot. And while I hope I won't have to make y'all wait that long, like Claire, I have a glass face and cannot lie. But I also have to live in reality: I am my family's primary breadwinner. We are all disabled in some form and I am no longer capable of working outside our home. Wolf hasn't been for some time, so us staying home with The Pup just makes more sense now that we have officially pulled him from public school to homeschool him ourselves. Doing something working from home is now my chief focus, and I have to do what I need to do to facilitate that. We are good for the time being though (so much so that I closed the gfm I started a few months ago, so thank you to everyone who helped us out in our time of need 💜)

It has been a lifelong dream of mine to become a published author. A writer of love stories, in every romance genre I can get my wee fingers on! xD I am now in a position to chase that exact dream, and I cannot wait to be able to share what I've been doing!

To the Outlander fandom: my heart is yours from the moment I saw y'all. You've held my spirit with your two hands, and kept it safe (hey, jammf would be proud of me for channeling him here, be quiet :P) I have had many ups and downs with fandoms but I am eternally grateful for the love and appreciation this fandom has showered me with and I hope y'all will continue to stick around to see what else I got up my sleeve!

Stay tuned! Good shit is coming xx

[therentyoupay]

hi kris!!!! as a longtime Jelsa shipper, have you noticed a shift in the random over the past 10+ years? esp as a writer? has the fandom lessened? is Jelsa still as popular?

HI NONNY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION.

long story, short: yes and no! i could honestly write a whole essay on this. 🤣 perhaps one day i will come back and reblog this and add some more definitive thoughts when i have the time 💕💕💕💕💕

for now, i can say that (1) while there are definitely ebbs and flows to any fandom/any ship, and although ship wars/fandom!in-fighting/policing definitely fluctuate and change shape but typically persevere in one form or another... (2) at the end of the day, you can always find at least one peaceful, positive corner of the internet for pretty much any community 💕✨

i don't have any concrete metrics or data re: jelsa fandom stats (e.g., "activity" in terms of the number of fics/fanart/posts/metas/commentaries/headcanons/theories/etc., "population" lol however defined) that we might try to use to operationally define how "active/big" a fandom might be at any given time, but based on nothing but pure personal, anecdotal experience: although activity fluctuates, inevitably, jelsa has been a pretty steady ship! off the top of my head, i can think of a few key "boosts" in which activity really ramped up... for example, we saw a boost in activity during the frozen ii release, unsurprisingly lol, and certainly, another boost now with @callimara's ✨unhinged✨ video, resulting in our #kriscallicollab madness, more than you know, which has been SO AMAZING and inspiring and exciting and HEART-SQUEEZING to witness and to be a part of. 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🙏🙏🙏💕 overall, there's always new jelsa community activity each year! and remember, i also took a 3-ish-year on-again-off-again break from tumblr during the pandemic and the start of my ph.d. program and Life Activity, so i also missed out on a pretty active jelsa-tumblr time period too! like, nowadays, there are plenty of times i see a jelsa art or graphic on my dash made from 2019/2020/2021 that i've never seen before and it's like a special surprise treat 😂😂💕

it's also been very cool to see so many members of our OG community still enjoying life in the jelsa tag, or replying/commenting/liking posts and leaving comments on fics, or creating new art and fic, after so many years 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 so many beautiful, lifelong friendships have been forged through this ship! likewise, there are so many newcomers or lurkers-turned-active-members and new community members that we've been able to meet in just the last few months alone, which is so exciting and really inspiring 💕💕💕 there's just a lot of respect—regardless of newness-or-OGness, generations (e.g., the Elder Millennials and Gen X-ers and Gen Z-ers)—going in a lot of different directions, and that, luckily, is something that has stayed pretty consistent in the jelsa fandom for over a decade 🥹🥹🥹💕💕💕✨✨

not sure how "popular" it is compare to other ships, though, i've never thought about it! 😂 that bit doesn't matter 💕 just happy to still be here and enjoying our hobbies and creation and community, as ever 💕💕💕💕💕

THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION NONNY, HAVE AN AMAZING DAY ✨

[viathecloset]

Taehyung and jungkook's relationship is overlooked by 90% of the fandom solely because they are so controlled by the narrative of the fandom/company that they cannot quite accept that anything outside is even a remote possibility. Ive been more of a quiet observer for years now [my sister's an army since 2015] and I've seen the boys, moreover I know how marketing and kpop works. It's quite evident if u observe close enough of the pattern on how this group of seven guys who genuinely love music is marketed you would understand to what extent you're being brainwashed. Im not talking about this like a conspiracy theorist. It's quite simple and right infront of you. Yall refuse to accept it that's all.

1. There are a certain set of stories that are made to be told by them, over and over again. Even if it disturbs them or they are bored. E.g: 2018 disbandment story, vmin dumpling incident, jikook rain fight/tokyo trip, mind you there are many things that happend between people who lived together for 10+ yrs but if it cuts the flow of events you are made to believe happened you aren't gonna hear from it, ever.

2. Like stories there are dynamics that each pair is supposed to portray Taegi as annoying/annoyed duo, taejin/jikook as flirty HS boyfriends, namseok/taekook the awkward old friends and no matter how much the relationships change or evolve you won't see it cuz again, it won't FIT the narrative that has already been shown.

3. Like relationships there are characteristics that thankfully some members chose to break out of during their solo era: hoseok always being sunshine and loud ( he's quite serious and very dedicated infact ), jungkook being that muscle dude who only knows how to follow his Hyungs ( he's very independent and has a lot of targets he wants to achieve individually, he's very thoughtful and organized) and Taehyung being WEIRD and weak ( he's extremely intelligent and super strong he's strategic and disciplined)

4. This brings us to the whole Taekook narrative, the fact that they've been seen so much during solo era yet people had the audacity to still call them distant and awkward solely cuz it wasn't via company but through Taehyung's ig or jungkook mentioning him in interviews etc. I think it's needless to say they aren't comfortable being touchy and showy on camera for content, hell if they were to shoot everytime Taehyung and jungkook hangout there would he enough CONTENT till 2067. They're supportive of eo and have a very big shared friend circle, when jungkook went missing for almost 2 months we got to know Taehyung was the one he was with.

5. The thing is everyone [ including my own sister ] thinks that Taehyung is being desperate or such whenever he mentions Taehyung cuz a. Yall have actually led jokers run so fucking rampant that everytime the man mentions him actually doing something you're ready to throw him under the bus and call him a liar or such. b. Im not saying jungkook isn't close to anyone else but when he isn't working or shooting content and just wants to be himself the one you saw him most was around Taehyung and yes it matters. In the name of hating shippers yall have not only dissed the quite frankly PRIVATE bond they seem to share but went as far as dissing Taehyung himself cuz of the extreme level of manipulation yall are under.

Ik imma find armys [jikookers ]under this sooner or later calling me names but to be honest I'm sick and tired of yall dissing very real people and their very real human relationships solely based off the content yall are made to believe is 100% candid. Go touch grass, get friends, go date, don't obsess over them for a while then come back and try seeing it from a neutral perspective.

[screamlet]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

tagged by @rcmclachlan​!!! what a fun journey through time, especially because this is the first time i've been in a tumblr-centric fandom... ever.

Share your top 10 tumblr posts from last year! Visit this site, scroll down to "Find your Tumblr Top 10," type in your username, and select 2024. When you get the results, simply click "Share to Tumblr" and you'll get an auto-generated draft for a post with links and previews. Make any adjustments you see fit.

---

1. 558 notes - Nov 9 2024

Another hospital room. Buck takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again, letting it out and hoping he gets back to sleep. It doesn’t happen, though, because his brain catches up to his eyes: Maddie, wearing a yellow paper hospital mask, a hand anxiously on her belly, sitting in the chair next to him with that too-familiar oh-thank-god-you’re-finally-awake face… and Tommy leaning in the doorway.

this is from break and be mended, the 4.5k bucktommy fix-it fic i vomited up literally two days after the breakup aired. the spirit (of anger and spite) moved me i guess

2. 406 notes - Sep 17 2024

so imagine: s8e1, many bees, zero tommy until another last 5 minutes of the episode, the jeep pulling up to this small house...

this little whatever from a week before the s8 premiere when we thought the bees would be something and/or tommy would do anything and/or we would ever see tommy’s fucking house. the dodgeball of apollo missed me on every count.

3. 400 notes - Oct 4 2024

“well we’re so happy the co-pilot’s awake! everything’s gonna be just fine and we can land this plane now” god don’t they know they’re in part two of a three-part season opener, they did this to themselves

this random post from an episode live blog and it wouldn’t have gone anywhere without @dadvans​ and the assist, god this still makes me laugh

4. 232 notes - Dec 8 2024

It’s not until the elevator starts moving that he hears it through the doors: “Tommy! Tommy, wait—Tommy!”

the fic post for a wolf without a foot, my 34k bucktommy fix-it fic that just... 😐 i might write a buck interstitial to this one because buck’s (lack of) presence in it continues to bug me. no promises!!!!

5. 222 notes - Aug 28 2024

The plan doesn't involve kissing Evan, this man he's met three times. Disaster rescue, work tour, basketball disaster, Evan's apartment right now—four times. This is only the fourth time he's ever laid eyes on Evan Buckley, but Evan Buckley hasn't fucking blinked since he stepped into the room. Has Tommy?

for a random wip wednesday, i posted the whole tommy pov scene of The First Kiss from what are your intentions? and it’s still getting notes four and a half months later. this poor man!!! what’s a terrified gay to do!!!!!

6. 214 notes - Dec 11 2024

Tommy has one arm firmly around Buck and one finger pointing at Sal. "I'm from LA. When the hell would I have seen a live chicken?"

aw, this cute @118dailydrabble​ where buck learns about Maurice the Chicken while hanging out with tommy, sal, and bobby.

7. 213 notes - Dec 20 2024

Buck reads to himself: If my grief is violent enough, perhaps he will come back to life again... "Mayday, mayday, mayday, companies respond to an explosion at Harbor Station."

the beginning of blow up that chopper!!!!

8. 204 notes - Nov 16 2024

"Yeah, pretty much. You got some good parts, though. The really good ones." He swallows past the lump in his throat, and means it when he says, "I wouldn't give you any less." "But I wanted all of them," Evan says. "You gave me less, Tommy. Don't think you did me some favor, here. You didn't. You gave me less."

a wip wednesday excerpt from a wolf without a foot, gahhhhhhh yes it still kills me, too

9. 201 notes - Nov 26 2024

my favorite part of the bucktommy breakup fic explosion is seeing each writer focus on THE thing that bugs them most about this breakup and/or breakups in general...

"confessions” aired almost exactly two months ago and man has this fandom been a fucking ride since then

10. 198 notes - Dec 9 2024

unfortunately kinley cafe posits a REALLY interesting coffee shop au where the fluffy gay owners break up and a whole neighborhood has to scheme to get them back together so they don't sell the cafe

where is this coffee shop au!!!!!!!!!!!

tagging: YOU, YES, YOU

[tending-the-hearth]

happy 10 year anniversary to this blog!!!

i'm about a month late on this post but i still wanted to make it bc i feel like this is an accomplishment to me!!! i've had this blog for officially a decade, and the past ten years have been so wild.

i was a freshman in high school when i started this blog, and honestly, i don't even know if anyone from all the way back then still follows me today, but this blog was my escape. it was the only social media my parents didn't know about, so i was fully able to be myself on here!

it honestly took a little while for me to find my footing, but i'm so very, very happy that i made the choice to create this blog and start posting.

i'm going to get a little bit sappy now.

ten years ago, i was in a very rough place mentally. i've mentioned it a few times here, but i was a victim of really severe bullying the entirety of elementary and middle school, for about seven years. it left me with some really bad anxiety, and i had a really hard time trusting people and letting them get close to me.

this blog changed all of that.

specifically, the blog i created five years after making this one.

i found content about cats the musical through this blog, and in 2019, decided to make a sideblog instead of clogging up this blog with all the posting i was doing for the musical.

because of that sideblog, i got to meet people that i now consider some of the best and closest friends i've ever had. i would not have those people in my life today if it hadn't been for this blog.

last year i experienced a really, really bad friendship breakup with someone who had been my best friend for nine years. it was absolutely awful, and my mental health was terrible, and one of the only things that would make me happy would be coming on here, scrolling through fandom tags, and chatting with my friends.

this blog has become something so special to me, this website has become something so special to me, and i'm so very happy i decided to make this blog all those years ago. little high school freshman me would be so happy to know how much of a positive impact that decision would make on my life.

happy ten years on this website to me <3

@queen-with-the-quill @storyweaverofgondor @maddys-nerd-blog

[oblivious-idiot]

happy birthday lockwood and co!!!!

it's officially been a whole year of having lockwood and co on our screens!!! HOW CRAZY IS THAT???

anywho. soppy post alert below. now, i haven't been that caught up and fully invested in a show, or even a fandom for that matter, in a VERY long time. it's hard to put into words how much all of this means to me, but we'll give it a shot.

lockwood and co, to put it simply, is one of the best things that has happened to me in a very long time. to not only be invested in a fabulously captivating show, but to feel seen and understood by the characters too!! these guys literally mean so much to me because i literally see myself in them 10 fold - they are so kind, funny, unapologetically themselves, selfless, proud, stubborn, and overall just kids trying to get by. they are so relatable but so unique all at once.

as well as the show and books being so goddamn wonderful and marvelous, i just wanna say something for this fandom too. i've never known a fandom be so resilient even AFTER the show got cancelled to still thrive, have an online and now an in-person event for the fans to talk to people like jonathan and gina (who we quite literally wouldn't be here without them), joe cornish, and ali, ruby, and cameron!

you guys have literally changed my world in so many ways, and i can gladly say that i have grown so much, in myself and in happiness, because of the wonderful friendships i've made here. @impossibleclair was the first person i became friends with here (!!! love you clair), shortly followed by the likes of @losticaruss and @wellgoslowly - who i love with my entire heart. you guys have shown me so much love and support, i adore you

i hope that eventually one day this year i might even be lucky enough to meet some of the lovely friends i've made here too!! (looking at you, month of july)

i'd like to just shout out so many of the wonderful people i now know because of this silly little show - if i have missed out anyone please know it wasn't on purpose!! @wellgoslowly @neewtmas @avdiobliss @waitingforthesunrise @ettadear @rainysaturdayafternoon @impossibleclair @thisgameissonintendo @uku-lelevillain @ikeasupremacy @occasionally-normal-things-here @paranorahjones @strawberrycowgirly @demigoddess-of-ghosts @givemea-dam-break @jesslockwood @kazbrekkerfast @krash-and-co @bobbys-not-that-small @maraschinomerry and anyone else who's a mutual or has interacted with me!!! i adore you all

thank you for making this past year so wonderful and full of love and encouragement!! yall don't know how much i appreciate you all

much love, allie x