#i've also been spending more time engaged in what i'm doing! which is nice! & also WHERE IS MY TUMBLR TIME?

[gallawitchxx]

tag game tuesday wednesday: spring edition 🌱

i was tagged by a bevy of beauties -- @celestialmickey @creepkinginc @metalheadmickey @mishervellous @y0itsbri @iansfreckles @gardenerian @harrowhark-a-vagrant @too-schoolforcool @heymrspatel @whatwouldmickeydo & @michellemisfit -- to do a lil tag game. i might be late, but i am here! thanks buds!

- - - - - -

your name: bee 🐝

where in the world are you? la la land ☀️

your favorite color: currently? orange 🍊

a song that always puts you in a good mood: "want you in my room" by carly rae jepsen 🎶

your favorite flower: ooh this one's so hard! i love a lily -- a big, blooming, pink one! pretend this is one, ok? -> 🌸

it’s a beautiful sunny day and you’re going on a picnic with friends. what snack are you bringing to share? askflaskghalskgh i need this picnic in my life IMMEDIATELY! i'm bringing something sweet! magnolia cupcakes for all my beloveds 🧁

bumblebees or butterflies? this is absolute blasphemy, but butterflies. they're so pretty & a visitation by one always feels magical! 🦋

describe your ideal weather: 80 degrees fahrenheit, a slight breeze, sun! 😎

what are you reading right now? i'm currently reading the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid & matrix by lauren groff. both are taking me a million years because LIFE! 📚

museum date or nature walk? both both both both both! 🖼 🌱

it’s movie night in the park and your turn to choose, what are we watching? we're watching 10 things i hate about you 🤘🏼

and finally, share some sunny words for your friends & followers: nothing is permanent. you have everything within you. i believe in you. i love you 🖤

- - - - - -

i'm not going to tag anyone because EEK! but if you want to do it, this is your sign & please tag me! i love you! xx

[fanon-canon-idfk]

hey!!!! I've never made a request before, I hope that's right.../ I would like to make a request for a story I'm developing, where Ada dazai has a best friend who also works at the agency, dazai is in love with his best friend, but your friend is already engaged to a woman, how would he deal with that??? (Reader and dazai have been friends for a long time) Well, if you're not making requests just ignore them and if I haven't specified the reader's gender, I would really appreciate were a male reader (sorry for the mistakes, english is not my language) ♡ have a nice day♡

He tries to pretend he doesn’t care.

If Reader Never Loves Him Back:

He really tries, and it seems to work since you never notice.

He loves you so of course he wants you happy, which you clearly are with her.

He distances himself from you. Doesn’t come to your house unannounced anymore, doesn’t show you his new favorite books or songs, doesn’t burden you in the slightest.

And you don’t chase him.

He loves you but he hates that ring on your finger.

He loves you but he hates how you smile about her.

He loves you but he hates how you talk about making a family with her.

He loves you but he hates hearing about your wedding plans.

He loves you but he hates seeing you happy.

Because it’s not with him.

He hates himself for that. It was his fault to begin with. He always told you he “had no such tastes in men.”

He regrets those words more and more every day, especially when you ask him to be your best man. A front row seat to the taking of the love of his life.

He’s so selfish.

He still calls himself selfish even as he stands as the best man at your wedding.

He still calls himself selfish whilst he’s babysitting your child while you’re on an anniversary trip.

He still calls himself selfish when he holds your second child in the hospital.

He’s selfish and that will never go away cause he still loves you too much to leave.

If Reader Loves Him Back:

He tries so hard and yet it always feels like he’s failing. Like he knows you know.

He notices that you never smile the same, not since your wedding date was decided.

Now you smile like you’re only doing it to shut your mouth, because if not all the words will spill out.

You love her but you don’t talk about her unless asked.

You love her but you ignore her texts if you’re talking to him.

You love her but you weren’t even the one to propose.

You love her but you still sit so close to him when you don’t have to.

You love her but now you’re standing at his door in the middle of the night.

He tries to ask what’s wrong only to have his lips sealed by your own, his body engulfed in a strong embrace.

And he’s tried so hard to hide how he felt, but god did he not even fight it. He pulls you into his home and spends the night with you, no remorse in sight.

The next morning you’re no longer wearing that ring, moving your things back into your old ADA apartment.

And you’re walking with him to work.

Years later he’s got a ring on his finger.

Years later he’s kissing you at an altar.

Years later he’s with you at an animal shelter buying a cat.

It took years but now he gets to wake up to you for the rest of his life.

[stump-not-found]

A03 wrapped 2024

tagged by @tempusedax-rerum >:DDDDD

1.) Biggest surprise while writing this year?

how much people responded to bill cipher saying daddy . how people have interpreted ford's relationship to mabel in theseus' guide; i've really tried to write him as really caring for her so seeing that interpreted as him disliking her is so interesting haha

most of all tho i'm just surprised and very grateful that theseus has received any attention, it's been so so wonderful reading everyone's thoughts and seeing them engage with the fic . it really makes the entire process so gratifying, and i hope folks continue to enjoy where the story goes next :D

2.) How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?

i've got my erotic billford rom com Can of Snakes that's over 20k right now . it has banger titles such as "sad handjob" and "penicular sounding", so someday i'll be posting that . i think they can make it work

i also just started Weirdmageddon 2: Electric Boogaloo: Lost In New York, an AU where ford gets stan to help him finish the portal after kicking fidd's to the curb . stan and bill become besties, ford hates it, and bill isn't allowed to destroy new york until he tries a slice of 'za .

this is not accounting for the mountain of comic WIP's i have but that shit aint goin on ao3

3.) Favourite character to write this year?

ford for sure . you give me a character who's autistic in a way that isn't cute and it just means the world to me . i get to give him evil autism . the autism where we acknowledge growing up autistic is traumatizing and makes you not a nice person all the time . fuck i love him . i get to dump so much of my own shit on him its so funnnnnnn yay lalalala

there was a whole paragraph i wrote that was just describing the perfect eye angle to maintain when walking through a farmers market to avoid social scenario's, which i had to remove because it was just me rambling about my own social survival strategies . farmers markets are dangerous places

i also love writing him in the context of bill . what a fucking mess they are i hope they never get better . but together <3

4.) The character that gave you the most trouble this year?

honestly stanley pines . i feel like i soften him too much, and lean in to his more positive traits than his more negative ones . it's hard because i feel like folks don't talk about the fact he was homeless for like 10 years & also had a breaking bad style adventure in columbia

the other problem is that he IS a big softy so idk . but he should be bitchier god damn it . he should be talking about his cataracts

6.) Did you receive any gifts this year?

I DID YOU INSANE PEOPLE thank you all it make a me smile:

@stemmmm @ancharan @kronehaze @sillyhyperfixator @ezrathean0n

7.) Did you do any collaborative works this year?

i feel like all my writing is collaborative!! i spend hours talking fic stuff with my wife & brother and my stuff is all the better for it . would love to do more of that w/ other folks i love it talking and thinking and playing is so fun

8.) What do you listen to while writing?

i don't like listening to music when i write lol ...... i sit in the cold silence and type in a frantic spiral .

i listen to a lotta different things while i think of things to write tho . atm all i want in the world is to make a theseus animation to this song it's very hammercore :

9.) Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

oogh that's hard to choose . i'm just gonna share a bunch that make me laugh

from theseus' guide step six:

Dipper, clearly, doesn’t get it, and Ford acknowledges he is too young to understand a professional working relationship.

also from step six:

“Oh, sure, I can move on,” Stan grins, “To the other items on my list. A, the shack’s toilets all suck, and the seats keep raisin’ automatically. B, your handwriting sucks. C–”

from theseus' guide step three:

“You think you’re coming back anytime soon?” “No, 8-Ball, I don’t think I’m ‘ coming back ’ anytime soon.” Ford snides, though 8-Ball either doesn’t register that, or doesn’t care; hard to tell with the guy, “I’m sure you’re aware, but your boss wants to kill my family. And destroy my universe. ” 8-Ball sniffs. “Cool. Mind if I eat your leftovers then? Teeth keeps eyeing them.” Ford frowns, “You couldn’t have just brought them with you?” “Nah, man, I want to eat them.”

lots of lines from step eight but we ain't there yet

uuuuhhghhg who to send this chain mail along to uuuhgghgh

@beccadrawsstuff if u wannaaaa . anyone else feel free to pick this up as well i'm bad at this lol

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[cassandra-allegra]

what is 2025 even??? we're almost done with january and yet it feels like i'm in this weird liminal space where life doesn't feel real

anyway, here's some random life updates:

-applied for a full time wfh position back in december that would've given me a significant bump in salary, probably secured us a house this year. ended up *not* getting that position. found that out after christmas, so that was great /s

-i've been consistently going to the gym for about 2 months now. so far i've lost about 12 lbs and 3 inches off my waistline. while the weight loss is a huge part of it, really my main goal is to do basic stuff like being able to walk long distances without pain, go up a flight of stairs without being winded, etc. also i want to get strong enough to carry my wife bridal style. i can deadlift 60lbs (!!!) so uhh...170lbs more to go

-i did end up hurting my knee during one of my workouts (bursitis to be exact) and had to take a month off the gym. turns out, if you have weak muscles, your joints will try to overcompensate! wow! thankfully PT has been helping immensely. it's not completely gone but it's better and i'm cleared to keep working out.

-started hormone therapy for my PMDD (premenstral dysphoric disorder). it's been life changing. turns out my depression is hormone related, who knew?!

-i'm doing another yearly reading challenge this year. i was a little ambitious last year and failed to reach my goal of 36 books so i'm lowering it back to 24. i'm trying to be really conscious of what i spend my time on this year and i really want to be able to make time for my creative projects and workouts while also keep my reading goals. so, 24 seems like a good amount for me to be able to do all of that. i hope, lol.

-i've been enjoying bluesky as of late, esp. with the mass migration a couple months ago. i'm still slightly cautious with how i engage with it because i can feel my social anxiety slowly creeping up again but for now it's been a great way to connect with new and old friends.

-*edit* i forgot to add that I’ve been getting the urge to write again??? which i legit haven’t felt in over 5 years so yay! now i don’t think any of them will be seeing the light of day but it’s nice to feel inspired again

[blueesnow]

(3/6) Jinguji Ren's Private Story [Utapri Live Emotion]

Ch 1: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 6 with Ren)

-Restaurant- Ren: Now then, what should I eat… Lady, how about you? Haruka: O-Oh, I'm okay with anything. Ren: You don't have to hold yourself back. Besides I'm the one who invited you to a meal. Ren: It's kinda tasteless to have a meal alone on my day off, so I'm happy that you come here with me. Haruka: I mean I'm also on my day off too, so hearing you invited me out also made me happy. It's just that, I'm a bit nervous since we're in such an amazing place here. Ren: Don't worry, this is actually one of my acquiantance's place. Here, look at the menu… there's a lot of familiar dishes here, right? Haruka: You're right. There are also pizza and pasta… either of them looks delicious I don't know which one to order… Ren: If you're confused, then shall I gave out my recommendation? Haruka: Really? Then please do! Ren: Well then, it's decided. Owner, mine is as usual while she's- Haruka: (As expected of Jinguji-san, the way he's ordering a menu is also smart. This man definitely suits the atmosphere of this wonderful restaurant) Ren: …And done. The Italian food here is authentic you see and I like how everything they made tastes close to the real thing. Haruka: Wah, I'm looking forward to it…! Jinguji-san is all known when it comes to overseas countries huh. Ren: I often go there when it comes to work or travel after all. I've also known someone who's knowledgeable about Italy too, and I've been there many times since I was a child. Ren: Oh, you see those pictures that they hang onto the wall? I've had a lot of memories of that place.

Ch 2: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 11 with Ren)

-Restaurant- Haruka: That picture, which part of Italy was that from? Ren: Naples. It's a tourist city in the southern Italy with beautiful scenery and many historical buildings. Ren: The people who live there are all jolly and cheerful. And they are also honest and straightforward in their love. Ren: Couples will engage in passionate kisses even during the daytime. Regardless of whether people are watching them or not. Haruka: Even when people are watching them…! Ren: Oops, is that a little too much for you, Lady? But I think that being able to honestly express your love is a good thing. Ren: It's not only just between couples, whether it's friends or family… They don't hesitate to call the person that they love "Amore". Ren: Amore… I love you, Lady. Haruka: J-Jinguji-san…!? Ren: And well, that's how it is. I was doing an Italian greeting just now. Haruka: (That surprised me… To think that's the usual greeting they used… I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest…) - Haruka: Jinguji-san's recommendation are all delicious! Ren: I'm glad to hear that. Spending time with Lady is fun, and I find myself eating more naturally. Since we're here, I think I'll order some more. Ren: Owner, I'd like another one just like this. And also risotto, prosciutto crudo, dolce, and gelato. Haruka: (Eh, you're going to order that many…!?)

Ch 3: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 21 with Ren)

-Downtown- Haruka: I'm sorry to make you pay for me today. But still, I'm surprised. Jinguji-san, you really do eat a lot, don't you? Ren: Ah, my friends also said the same thing as well. …Is it that surprising? (choices) <You have a nice figure…!> Haruka: Jinguji-san have a very nice figure, so…! Ren: Thanks. I'm happy to hear your compliment, Lady. Ren: Of course I'm being careful before my photoshoot, but generally, I usually eat at my own leisure. <I think it's quite nice> Haruka: I think it's quite nice that you eat a lot. The owner is happy as well. Ren: Thanks. Lady really pays a lot of attention to the people around her, doesn't she? Ren: I'm just eating freely, but if Lady says so, then maybe it could be one of my strong points. (back to story) Ren: I like delicious food, so maybe that's why I ended up eating a lot of it. Haruka: Fufu, just watching you eat bring a smile to my face. Ren: …I feel like I could eat as much as I want, as long as I can see those expression on your face. Ren: Can I invite you to go out for a meal again? I know a few of other good restaurants. Ren: Ah but, it doesn't have to be just eating out, going somewhere for fun would be nice too. For the destination…how about Italy? Haruka: Italy!? T-That's… Ren: Haha, I guess I was a bit too hasty. Let's start with a nearby place first, I'll invite you again on our next holidays. Haruka: Thank you! I'll be looking forward to it. Ren: When there's a promise in the future, it makes your heart skip a beat, isn't it. It also makes me more motivated to do my work. Ren: Thank you for giving me strength, Lady. Let's do our best again starting tomorrow.

Ch 4: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 31 with Ren)

Ch 5: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 41 with Ren)

Ch 6: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 51 with Ren)

[fuckblast]

In honor of David Lynch I want to encourage you all to check out your local art museum.

This is a long post so I'll cut it. I've bolded my main points but I've been a member to the art museum on the nearby campus for about a year now and I've fucking loved it.

I know the quality will vary by place but I became a regular level member at mine and it's been the best investment I've made this year. Even if you don't have the means, see if/when they have "community days" that let people in free like mine does.

If somehow you're on Tumblr and following me and have kids, or hate kids (more likely), there's usually a section specifically for kids. I haven't spent a lot of time there as a single childless adult, but I went there on "family day" by accident and found there were not a ton of loud and unruly kids as their energy was previously redirected in engaging activities. I'd still avoid field trip hours.

I regularly get to see movies on a big screen at a reduced price that aren't showing in theaters anywhere else. They played Werner Herzog's Nosferatu (1979) a few months before the new one came out. They were on a Herzog kick for a bit and I lived for it. My family went to a documentary on the "happiness auditors" of Bhutan who perform censuses to determine the national gross national happiness and it's influences (Agent of Happiness, 2024). I took a friend to a short film about an American-Palestinian grandmother and granddaughter having a meal together, which included a Q&A with the writer and director, who said the photo used of their old family home in the film was a real one from his own grandmother (Maqluba, 2024)

I get free access to monthly events which include guided tours, live music, and access to special exhibits. Also those have additional vendors present that do neat things for additional money, like the tintype portrait I got done. Definitely worth it.

I mean this this is on a metal sheet done old school. The guy explained the chemistry to me as it soaked and really loved that I was interested. (Didn't get the print til a few weeks after bc it had to cure)

Reduced additional ticket prices are also awesome because while I'm there all the time now, I've observed and done sketches of a good bit of what they've got. But I love bringing other people there. I've gone on several curator tours now so I've got fun inside info on several pieces, and I love to share trivia. And everyone sees art differently so you always get new takes and appreciation. Plus while they take in awesome or notable pieces I've already digested, studied and sketched I get to spend a bit of time looking at works I previously overlooked, which is also nice.

Not even beginning to mention rotations and new acquisitions, which keep it fresh. We just got in two Barbara Kruger's!! If you're familiar with the brand "Supreme" they hijacked her whole shit. She's my #2 text artist only because I'm a Holzerhead. I didn't even know they'd be there. There's some Bosch's scheduled for October that I'm dying for. Plus they also got in this piece by a local artist and I'm so in love I can't stand it.

And tomorrow I'm going on a free tour about queer artists (Sundays are the free days, not a member thing, and the tours are always free if you're physically there) and since this is a new and local piece to the museum I know they'll cover it and I'm so excited to know more about it.

Anyways support your local art museum. At least give it a visit and see if you like it enough to support it. I was there a good few visits before I was like "oh fuck this place rules and I'm here often enough that it's more logical to just to get a membership."

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Hello, I've been watching your content for a while. While I quit League a long time ago I still hold partial interest to Runeterra's lore, (such as it is) . In particular I really enjoy Bilgewater in general as well as Illaoi and Ezreal as individual characters and I've enjoyed your takes on said things. (Also fuck Demacia) And I wanted to ask you, after so much dissillussionment from Riot's content, in particular from the latest "cinematic" , how they have always prioritized e-sports and skins over actually giving the lore a proper direction and conclusion or how Legends of Runeterra is getting downsized and unlikely to last much longer, why do you still do League content? You are clearly very critical of a lot of the decisions the higher ups do that affect the output of artists and writers in charge of Runeterra's universe and character designs. And there has not been much sign of improvement since a lot of your points. It's like screaming into a brick wall at this point, so why not move on?

Why not spend your time on something that doesn't lead its fans along with empty promises, breaking them, promising to do better next time and then repeating the cycle all over again for years like an abusive relationship. Beyond doing it because it's what you're most well known for, why stick with content that you know will keep disappointing you?

I'm glad you are diversifying your content but I personally feel your passion for art, animation and writing analysis would be better spent away from League and into more games beyond that (in particularly really liked your take on "Despite everything, it's still you" from Undertale). The indie scene in particular is chock full of incredible and unique takes in terms of character design and narratives I'm sure you will enjoy. League is clearly not worth the time for people who are into the lore, art and setting of videogames anymore. I hope I wasn't too personal or intrusive with my question. Cheers.

So that's a very long question. I'll start with the short and cynical answer:

I am doing League of Legends content because that is what my audience wants, and that is what makes me most of my money.

My channel is a League of Legends channel primarily, the algorithm likes it and pushes it that way, and League of Legends is an absolutely enormous intellectual property with an absolutely enormous player base, which means there's a big audience for my content about the game. A large audience means more engagement, means more ad revenue, more sponsorship opportunities, more subscribers, and so on and so on.

That's the cynical part of the answer. I don't want to sidestep it with some guff about "being passionate about the subject," because the truth of my job is that it is a job. I'm not sailing freely on the oceans of creative impulse pursuing my bliss, I'm trying to pay my rent and my pets veterinarian bills and pay down loans and have enough left over to help my friends when they need it.

I approach this job much the same way I approached being a freelance illustrator - having passion for the subject is a nice bonus, but you don't always need it to do good and valuable work.

And with the cynicism out of the way... I also just genuinely love the fucking League of Legends universe. With all its many, many stupid flaws and its garbage corpo owner and its years of systematic neglect and the constant disappointment, god help me, I still love this stupid shit. And when management gets out of the way and lets the good writers at Riot be good at their goddamn jobs, amazing things can happen.

The Ashe: Warmother comic is still such a beautiful short narrative work, with such visual verve and empathy for the characters it's depicting.

It zeroes in so acutely on the idea that Ashe and Sejuani are shaped by their difficult relationships with their mothers, and that THAT is ultimately the difference that drives them apart when they should by rights have had the chance to be sisters. When they become warmothers of their own tribes, it is the memory of their mothers that drive them, and just as the Freljord is divided by generations of strife engineered by Lissandra, the matriarch of the whole region, that generational trauma resonates into Ashe and Sejuani and sets them against each other.

Or Ekko's short story, where he has been accepted to the fancy Piltover academy that's supposed to be his golden ticket out of poverty, his chance to escape Zaun, everything his parents have worked their whole lives to give him, and...

Like, FUCK, you can't just invent these silly cartoon muppets to throw at each each other in your dumb MOBA beat 'em up and then give them INTERIORITY like this??? Apply their silly cartoon powers in way that explores their emotional difficulties and works thematically with their internal philosophies?

god dammit I love this stupid game's universe, I cannot be saved, leave me and go before it infects you too!

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

so...does twitter just not...work anymore?

i mean, i know why it's garbage now, and that's the same reason i no longer use it regularly. but very occasionally when i want to reach out to a writer of some article i read, or somebody i heard on a podcast, to tell them i enjoyed the thing--twitter is still the only way to find them.

so i was still doing that. and today, when i posted for the first time in in a while, to thank a writer for an article, i got this popup that i've never seen before.

it informed me that until they are sure i'm a human, they may limit my use/access to others, and the only way for me to fix that (aka a problem they created, cuz i've been a human for all the years my account has visibly existed and already been used, which i'm sure they can see cuz it's their website lol) is for me to 'help them learn by spending time engaging with my timeline and connecting with others.'

in other words, if i want to have a twitter account that functions properly, i am now required to 'engage' with the toxic mess twitter has become until the site thinks i've done enough to show how active and happy everything still is under a new ruler prove my loyalty, rather than being allowed to treat it like a freaking social media site where i would engage when i want to and enjoy doing so, and not any more often than that.

but no, that isn't how things work anymore, not in the dystopian hell of one gross billionaire who is literally holding user accounts hostage because the world didn't rejoice and love twitter more when it became all about him, so now we can't even have formerly-nice things.

'when we’re able to observe more usage of your account, you’ll be unlocked to be able to be seen by, and have direct access to, more people' it says. i don't know if that's why my post tagging the author is shown under 'replies' on my profile and not 'posts' or if that's just evidence of another way the site is broken now?

but as somebody who's heard a lot about twitter being overrun by nazis and cutting all the most useful employees and just generally not working as well or being as pleasant...i still hadn't experienced much of what it's actually like these days. and even just trying to briefly stop by definitely made me feel like yeah, this is really not a place where i belong. or want to be.

good to know, but also weirdly sad. turns out i don't have to be deeply attached to something, to hate when it gets taken over by somebody hostile to what i thought the thing was all about.

[sankttealeaf]

painted skies

part one | part two || AO3

pairing ; arthur morgan x gender neutral!reader

summary ; you cross paths again with Arthur and decide to follow up on an offer he gave you the last time you met.

warnings ; gun violence, injuries, blood, nightmares

other info ; here is part three <3 reader and arthur go on a little adventure together! i'm so out of my depth writing anything romantic, i'm an angst girlie at heart - but this year is abt doing new things!!! also thanks for all the love on this series, it rly warms my heart and i love seeing everyone's reactions to it! this is double the length of the previous two chapters, not sure what happened there. hope u enjoy!! <3 (i've also included the AO3 link if that's more your thing!)

word count: 19.5k (it's a long one!)

After your very successful exhibition a few weeks back, things had been going well for you. The money from your paintings came in and you made sure to keep most of it aside for the future - the last thing you wanted to do was to spend it all on pointless things and fall back to square one again.

You had a few new clients lined up ready to discuss purchasing some of your work from you, which only added to your feeling of success. It was nice to have a steady source of income, especially after so long of nothing. You put most of the success down to Arthur and his help at the exhibition - there was no way you would be in this position if it weren't for him. It must've been fate for your paths to have crossed, though you tried not to believe too much in fate and destiny. The last thing you wanted was to get caught up in dissecting the meaning of everything, wondering if it was actually fate or just a simple coincidence. There was no time for that. Yours and Arthur's paths had crossed at the right time, and that was that. No hidden meaning, no divine intervention, nothing. 

Just two ships passing in the night.

You had noticed that since your last meeting with Arthur that the man made an appearance in your mind more often than you cared to admit. Sometimes you would find yourself sitting at your table, glancing over to where he once sat, wondering what he could be up to. There was still a large aura of mystery around him and you wanted to dig deeper, to break through his walls and find out what lay underneath. But you couldn't exactly do that when he wasn't here. So, you waited. You made excuses to go outside more in the hopes that you walked into him. Your heartbeat would race every time you heard a knock at your door, and then drop when it was just a friend or a neighbour asking for something.

It had gotten to the point where your friends would comment about how your face would fall every time you opened the door to them, and you were quick to brush it off. It wasn't like you wanted him to be behind every knock, you just… missed his company. Yes, that was it. You missed his company. That's what you kept telling yourself. 

The days following your last encounter with him you kept replaying every moment in your mind, especially everything that led up to you kissing his cheek. Where that sudden burst of confidence came from you had no idea, but something about it stuck in your mind and now every time he crossed your thoughts you couldn't help but blush and feel very nervous. 

The idea that maybe you had more than friendly feelings towards him came after a night out with your friends - you were celebrating one of your friends engagement, and after a few too many drinks you had started to spill the beans to them about Arthur - the mysterious man who you thought about a lot, the person who helped you out with your work, who was the reason you had a lot of extra cash on you these days. Your friends teased you, poking fun at you and telling you that you obviously had a crush, and you were quick to dismiss their claims. It wasn't like that, you said, and they laughed and the conversation moved on. Lucky for you, the night ended with everyone far too drunk to remember what happened that evening. 

You remembered it though, and it left you stuck thinking about what they said on loop, trying to convince yourself that it wasn't true. Two ships. Friends. Nothing more.

Today was your day of doing things. You had errands to run, mostly for food, but you wanted to drop by Wiedemann & Carter to pick up some more materials. Your stock of canvases has started to run low, and you preferred to have a few extra around just in case of an emergency. Rumours had also started to circulate through your friend group that there were new jams in stock over at Perrault Preserves, and you really wanted to indulge yourself in something nice. Art supplies, jams and actual food. Just the things people need to survive.

The day was proving to be a hot one, the air thick as you walked through the streets. It was late spring at this point, and you were already dreading the hot summer that would follow. Saint Denis was great until the heat got too much to bear and you felt like you were melting in your apartment. It could always get worse, you told yourself as you tried to stick to the shade as much as possible, wanting to make the most of the cooler air.

The docks felt a little cooler, partly due to the open space and partly due to the soft breeze that came from the water. Still stuffy, though. Still too warm.

You were quick to make your way to the general store, going over the list of things you needed in your head. There were some items you’d prefer to get at the market, but at this time of day it was usually busy and the thought of being surrounded by a crowd in this heat was less than ideal. 

You gave a small smile and a nod towards the shopkeep, and began to search the shelves for the things you needed. Some biscuits, some ground coffee, and maybe some candy to treat yourself. You considered the canned goods, but decided against it. They tasted better fresh, which meant that you would need to visit the market for them. Maybe tomorrow morning, that way you could beat the rush. You made idle conversation with the shopkeeper as he rang up your goods, and you paid. With a warm smile, you left. Easy. Next stop, the art supplies store.

You stepped out onto the street, adjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a horse with a very familiar pattern, hitched outside. You couldn’t help but smile, immediately making your way over to her.

"Hey there, bud," you cooed softly. "You're lookin' as pretty as ever. Here-" You rummaged through your bag quickly, pulling out a peppermint that you had just bought. "Want a treat?"

She happily nosed against your hand, quick to eat the treat. With a gentle bump against your arm, you took a step back, not wanting her to try and eat the rest of your groceries. 

"Sorry, girl. That's all I've got for you. I need the rest of these for myself," you said apologetically, though you were sure she didn't mind. It was then you realised you never found out her name from Arthur. You looked around you, trying to see if you could spot him.

“Where did he get to, huh?” You said, giving her a gentle scratch on her forehead. There was no sign of him anywhere, and you couldn't help but feel saddened at the thought that maybe you had missed him this time. You couldn't wait by his horse forever - there were more errands you needed to run today. As heavy as your heart was, you gave a final pat on her neck, mumbling a small goodbye to her before setting off on your way. 

You walked down the road, putting your bag of groceries carefully into your other bag as you pushed down any disappointment you had about not seeing Arthur. It was fine, you told yourself. There would be plenty of other opportunities to say hello and to catch up. Life happens, and that was okay. You pushed your thoughts to other things as you walked, taking your mind off of Arthur, until you heard your name being called out from in front of you. Looking up, you first noticed the familiar hat that he wore, before you caught him moving past people to approach you. Arthur was wearing a similar outfit to the one you first saw him in, though this time his sleeves were rolled up and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. You pulled your eyes away from his arms and chest, giving him a warm smile.

"Arthur!"

"What're you doin' here?" he asked, matching the smile on your face.

"I live here!" You replied, wishing you had thought of something better to say than the obvious. "I mean, I'm running errands. Getting food, buying supplies. Today is my day of doing things I’ve been putting off."

"Guess we're both doin' the same thing today." He held up his hand, which you now saw had a few letters in it. That made sense; he came from the direction of the post office.

“Someone’s popular.”

“They ain’t all for me. Most are for…” He paused, and you could see him think over his words before speaking again. “For others.”

“Are you stealing mail now?”

“No, no. Not yet, anyway. I may have to reconsider my life if I ever get to the point of stealin’ mail from others.” He laughed at that, continuing to walk down the road in the direction of where his horse was hitched. That was something you could scratch from the list of possible occupations Arthur had now that you knew he didn't steal mail. Though, it still left you with too many other options. He stopped a few feet from you, looking to see if you were following. You then fell into step next to him, giving him a quick smile. 

“You’re one tricky person to stumble across, you know,” he said after a few moments of walking in silence, and you gave him an odd look.

“Have you been looking out for me?” It was funny to think that both of you were simply waiting for the other to turn up out of nowhere. “You know where I live. You could’ve dropped by whenever.”

“Thought it would be weird if I did that.” He shrugged halfheartedly, as he made his way over to his horse, opening up a saddle bag and stowing the letters away.

“Well,” you started, approaching his horse again and giving her a gentle scratch on her forehead. “I can’t say I wasn’t waiting for you to show up at some point…”

He paused, looking at you. “You were?”

“Did you not hear when I said to drop by whenever you visited the city?” You let out a small laugh, as his horse nudged your shoulder, demanding more affection.

“I didn't realise you meant it. Just… thought it was out of politeness,” he replied, as you shook your head. All this time you were sitting there, waiting for Arthur to drop by and he was doing the same exact thing, wandering the city in hopes of bumping into you.

“How many times have you stopped by here since we last saw each other?” you asked out of curiosity, watching as his cheeks turned a faint shade of red.

“Only a few. Been runnin’ errands for the rest of us back at camp,” he said, and you were quick to note that down, gaining more insight on Arthur and who he was.

You nodded, eyeing him carefully. “So you’re located somewhere nearby, huh?”

“A little ride away. And that’s all you’re gettin’. There’s no point keeping low if I start tellin’ everyone where we are hiding.”

“I didn't know you were laying low, either. I’m learning so much about you, Arthur Morgan.” You grinned, moving around his horse to stand closer. “Mysterious man shows up with a pretty horse, helps me sell my artwork for more than it’s worth, and claims he does ‘nothing good’. I don’t even know the name of your horse that helped me to make all that money! But now? Now I know you’re hiding from something. What are you runnin’ from, Mister Morgan?”

He looked down at you, his face unwavering. You tried to search for something, anything to give you a hint as to who he really was, but you couldn’t find anything. He gestured his head to his horse, and smiled. “Artemis.”

You blinked. “You’re running from the god?”

He laughed, shaking his head as you realised what question he was answering. Artemis was his horse’s name. That made more sense.

“Artemis… Suits her,” you said, watching as he walked around you, giving her a pat on her neck.

“Were you on your way back home?” he asked, searching through his bag and pulling out an oatcake for Artemis.

“Oh, I have a few more errands to run. What about you?” You were hoping that you could spend a few more moments with him.

“I gotta visit the gunsmith, somethin’s up with one of my revolvers and I can’t seem to work out what’s up with it at this point,” he said, and you nodded, your eyes automatically dropping to his hips where two of his guns were holstered. Your mind had managed to forget that part of him every time you recalled the time spent together, and now you felt a little silly for doing so.

“Ah.” You looked back up at him. “Well, if you want some company over there, I’m happy to walk with you.”

“Sure, that’d be nice.” He gave you a smile. “You doin’ alright since we last talked?”

You caught him up with what had been going on since the exhibition - explaining how the other paintings sold as well, and how you had a few clients lined up who were eager to get their hands on some of your work. It was refreshing to have a steady stream of work to do, and you were excited to get started. You threw the question back to Arthur, who kept his answer brief. He had been busy, though with what you still weren’t too sure, and told you that he had met some other interesting people while in Saint Denis. The city had a habit of attracting the strange and curious, and you had lost count of how many odd people you came across.

The streets were busy as you walked up the road towards the gunsmiths, and you stopped outside of it, looking in the windows at the guns on display. It was an area of life you were very far from, and in a way you were lucky that you didn't need to rely on a gun to stay safe out there. Though learning how to use one couldn’t hurt…

“You comin’ in, too?” Arthur asked, pushing open the door as he looked at you.

Out of the many stores in the city, you weren’t sure if you had even stepped foot in the gunsmith’s. It wasn’t a place you needed to visit, but your curiosity got the better of you as you nodded, wanting to see what was inside. Guns, probably, you thought. Arthur held the door open for you as you stepped in, immediately feeling very out of place here.

The shopkeeper gave you both a smile and a nod, as Arthur went straight towards him, leaving you standing awkwardly by the door. Guns and bullets and other weapons were displayed in cabinets behind barred doors. You thought it was a smart idea to keep them locked away, especially in a city like this. One thing that felt a little out of place to you was the large amount of dead animals that either were taxidermied or were their bones that lined the walls. The alligator that stood in the middle of the room caught your eye, and you gave it a curious look, half expecting it to shut its mouth and start moving. What an odd thing to have in a gunshop, you thought.

The shopkeep and Arthur began talking, and you decided to take a look around at the wares and make the most of your time here - you were pretty sure you wouldn't need to step foot in here again. You picked up a small box of bullets, gently turning it around in your hand as you listened to Arthur’s conversation, keeping your back to the both of them. He was explaining an issue with his revolver, how sometimes it would get jammed for no reason - no amount of cleaning or messing around with it helped. You heard footsteps walk off, and turned to look over your shoulder. The shopkeeper was gone, and Arthur was leaning against the counter, tapping his fingers against it as he waited. You set the box of bullets down, and walked over to him.

“Sure is a lot of stuff here,” you said, your eyes scanning the weapons on the wall behind the counter.

“A lot of it’s overpriced, too,” he said quietly, leaning towards you as he spoke. “I wouldn't buy anythin’ here, go further from the city and it gets a lot cheaper.”

"I'll keep that in mind," you replied, picking up a box of revolver cartridges that were on the counter, popping the lid open to look inside. "I never really wrapped my head around guns."

"They aren't too complicated once you understand 'em," he said, taking the box from you. He examined the bullets for a moment, before closing it up and swiftly dropping the box into his satchel.

Your eyes widened at the movement, at how easily he slipped them into his bag. Arthur grinned down at you, and held a finger up to his lips. With a wink, he faced away as footsteps were heard entering the room. The shopkeep returned, holding Arthur's revolver in his hand.

"This should work now," he said, placing the gun on the counter for Arthur to take. You spotted a small engraving on the handle of the gun - a small stag. He took his gun before you could get a proper look, flipping it over in his hand.

“It definitely feels better,” he said, checking and double checking areas that he thought were the issue. It looked the same to you, but guns aren't your forte. He seemed satisfied enough though, and slipped the shopkeeper some money and holstered the gun.

He took the money from the counter, and then turned to face you. “And anything for you?”

“Oh, no thank you. I don’t…” You gestured vaguely to the weapons around you that were behind glass, “I don’t use this sort of stuff.”

“Not even a knife?” Arthur asked in disbelief. “You walk around weaponless in a city like this?”

“Nothin’ bad has happened so far. I’m still alive, aren’t I?” There had been a few times where someone tried to rob you, but that was when you had nothing much of value on your person, and most of the time the robbery ended up dissolving as you ran away quickly, utilising your knowledge of the backstreets and alleyways to try and lose the thief.

Arthur didn't seem impressed with your answer, and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s your knife collection like here?” he asked the shopkeeper, who walked out from behind the counter, moving to grab a few from the display.

“It’s really not a big deal,” you muttered, glancing up at Arthur quickly.

He leaned down, and spoke softly. “Even if you don’t use it to look after yourself, you can use it to open your fancy boxes of paint or somethin’.”

A small selection of knives were laid out on the counter, and you weren’t too certain on what the difference was in any of them. The handles all looked different, and some of them were smaller than the others, but they were still sharpened metal. Arthur gently nudged your arm, pointing to the one on the far left.

“That’s probably your safest bet,” he said, and you trusted his opinion. You didn't trust yourself to use it properly.

“My safest bet is being quick enough to run away, actually,” you replied.

“What if they throw a knife at you?”

“Hope they’ll miss me?” You picked up the knife to feel the weight of it in your hand. It was heavier than a bread knife, which was one of the few knives you had experience in using. You looked at Arthur, unimpressed by it all.

“Don’t look too excited by it,” he said, tilting his head to the side as he looked at you. You felt a little ridiculous, so you put the knife down with an apologetic smile to the shopkeeper - he wasn’t going to get a sale from you today.

“Maybe some other time. I don’t think I’m quite ready to be a knife owner yet.” You gave him a nod, taking a step away from the counter and towards the door. Arthur noticed you leaving and said a quick thanks to the shopkeep for fixing the issue with his gun. He followed you to the door, leaning over to open it for you.

The contrast in brightness caught you off guard as you stepped outside, waiting for your eyes to adjust from the dimly lit gunshop to the early afternoon sun. It was times like these where you considered investing in a hat, as you looked up to see Arthur mostly unbothered by it.

“Have you been into Wiedemann and Carter yet?” you asked, remembering that you still needed to visit it. The store was up the road, so it only made sense to see if Arthur had dropped by yet. It was the best place for an artist to go to. If he hadn't - you were more than happy to show him.

“Can’t say that I have. I ain’t really seen much of the place, if I’m honest.” He adjusted his hat to block the sunlight more. “Had some kids start to show me around, then the bastards robbed me.”

You let out a laugh at that, the image of Arthur getting robbed was something you didn't expect to imagine today. “You? Getting robbed by a bunch of kids? I’d pay good money to see that happen again. Did they hold you at knifepoint? Asking for your money or your life?”

“Cut my bag, actually. I had to chase the little shit halfway across the city for it.”

“Yeah, the street kids are slippery bastards. Word of advice: don’t even look in their direction, ever.” You had heard stories from other people about how quick the kids of Saint Denis can rob you blind, and you always made sure to pass on useful advice to anyone visiting - simply do not look at them.

Arthur nodded. “Noted.”

You walked the short distance up the road to Wiedemann and Carter, the coral coloured exterior helping it stand out against the surrounding buildings. It was one place you could pinpoint on a map if someone asked you to.

The sound of a bell chiming to signal someone had entered was heard, and you immediately felt at home. Various artistic materials lined the shelves, with new stock rotating in weekly. You made it your goal to visit as often as you could, just to see what was new, to the point where you were on a first name basis with one of the shop owners, a German fella named Bruno. He gave you a smile as you walked inside, Arthur following behind you. 

“It didn't cross my mind to think this place would be an art supply store,” he said quietly, eyes darting around the room at the various paints and pencils and paper types.

You gave him a smile, before walking up to the counter, greeting Bruno with a nod. Quick conversation was made, as he then left the room to go and grab the order you had placed last week. There was a small bowl of hard candies on the counter, and you grabbed one, putting it in your bag for later.

“Who’s stealing now, hm?” Arthur called out, and you turned to face him quickly.

“No… it’s not stealing! They’re free. I’m not the thief here.” You gave him a frown, still not quite believing that he stole something right in front of you just minutes ago. He didn't even seem phased by the act, which only proved to you that he had done it before.

“I’ve always been taught that if it’s not locked down, it’s free to a good home,” he said with a shrug, holding a small palette of watercolour paints in his hand. Your frown deepened when he began to move it towards his bag.

“Arthur, don’t you dare.”

His other hand hovered over the clasps of his bag, and you shook your head in disappointment, turning away so you couldn’t see him steal something… again.

“I’m just messin’ with you,” he said, and you heard the sound of it being placed back on the shelf. “If it bothers you, I can put the bullets back.”

It was an offer you hadn’t expected to hear from him, and you tried your best to conceal your confusion. “I think it might look a bit suspicious if you did that.” You gently tapped your fingers against the countertop, wondering what was taking Bruno so long. If it bothers you… petty thieves usually didn't care what others thought about when they stole. But the phrase kept repeating in your mind as you waited.

“Y'know, there’s some pretty good stuff in here,” Arthur said, moving to stand next to you, leaning up against the counter. "Might have to get something." You felt him bump his shoulder against yours. 

“If there is anything you like, buy it now. Bruno usually gives me things at a discount,” you replied, ignoring the contact. “And I’d be happy to let you borrow my discount, just this once. If it means you won’t steal anything.”

“I ain’t stealin’ anything here. I respect the arts. Don’t respect people who charge more for things than what they’re worth.” He grabbed a handful of the candies in the bowl, shoving them into his pocket for later. You wanted to comment on the irony of that, and how Arthur helped to upsell your artwork for you but you held your tongue as Bruno walked back, holding a small bag. 

"Your canvases have yet to arrive, but when they do I will let you know," he said, pushing the bag towards you. His eye caught Arthur's, and Bruno grinned. "Ah, and who is this? Oh! Oh, is this your muse you speak so highly of? The handsome stranger who saved your ass a few weeks ago?"

Your face turned bright red at that, having told Bruno that in total confidence and secrecy. "No, it's not- I mean, yes, but it was his horse that helped me," you sputtered out quickly, trying to avoid looking at Arthur. You heard him laugh softly, which didn't help the redness in your cheeks or the fumbling over your words. 

Bruno laughed, waving your flustered comments off, and then turned to Arthur. "I have heard many things about you. And have seen a few drawings of you, too.”

"That so?" Arthur replied with a sly smile, seeming to enjoy the torture that you were being put through.

"Yes! Oh, the things that I have heard! It would make a grown man blush!" Bruno said dramatically, and now you knew he was making things up. The things you had said to him were completely normal. He was trying to get a rise out of you, and you refused to let him.

"You're ridiculous," you mumbled, quickly taking out the money you owed him, placing it on the counter and grabbing the bag. You made your way to the door quickly before you could hear him say anything else. 

The chime of the bell echoed behind you as you stood out onto the street, cursing the day for being so warm that it didn't help cool you off after that encounter. There goes confiding in Bruno anytime you have a problem…

The bell chimed again as Arthur walked out of the store, the smile still on his face from before. You wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you whole, and refused to meet his gaze.

"Handsome, huh?" Arthur gently nudged you with his arm, and you pushed his elbow away lightly.

"Shut it," you grumbled, taking a breath to compose yourself. "I was obviously talking about your horse."

"Ah, of course!” He exclaimed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and grinning. “Of all the things you could call her, handsome was the most fittin'?" 

Arthur was extremely close to you now, and you silently cursed him for causing your heartbeat to quicken again. "She can be handsome…" 

"I ain't denying it. Just a curious word to use… for a horse." He had leaned in closer when he said that, and you hoped your cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

He was right, it wasn’t the best excuse to use, but what else could you do? Admit that you found him handsome and had spoken highly about him in passing to others? Never. You would rather die with that confession than tell him. Pushing that thought back down in your mind, you recalled something from a previous conversation.

With his arm still around you, you looked up at him. “You said something about not seeing much of the city earlier,” you started, as he looked at you in confusion, trying to piece where that had come from out of nowhere.

“Not since those kids robbed me,” he replied. “Why? You offerin’ tours now?”

“For a small price.” You thought you were holding yourself well, until he tilted his head towards you, a smile tugging at the end of his lips.

“Oh yeah? What kind?” His voice was low, and you caught yourself glancing down at his lips as he spoke. Maybe if you were feeling bolder, you would’ve tested the waters out to see where he stood with you. But now was not the time for that, and you cleared your throat quickly, making direct eye contact with him.

“Have lunch with me. You said that drinks were on you back at the exhibition, but you never specified what drinks. So… tea and cake?”

Arthur blinked, not expecting that at all. “Tea and cake?”

You nodded. “There’s a few really good tearooms here. Le Lion D’Or is my favourite, and they’re reasonably priced, too.”

He considered your offer for a moment, moving his arm from your shoulder. “The kids asked me for five dollars, y’know.”

“I accept tips if you really want to part with more of your money,” you said with a laugh.

He held out his arm for you to take. “Better make this your best tour ever, then.”

And you did. You dragged him down each street, pointing out places and buildings and bringing up the odd historical fact you knew about the city you loved. You gave him an in depth lesson on the trolley system, pointing out each stop and where each one took you to, as well as whispering gossip as you passed faces you recognized in passing. Arthur was happy to indulge you when he noticed how excited you got speaking about something, asking questions and listening with great intent and a wide smile on his face. He seemed to enjoy this as much as you. It felt comfortable walking arm in arm with him, like this was something that was supposed to happen no matter how many times you told yourself that it was just a fleeting moment of happiness with someone.

You paused when you arrived at the wealthier part of the city, gesturing vaguely to the large houses that stood before you. “Can you guess who lives down these parts?”

“Easily robbable people, I reckon,” Arthur replied, taking note of the house you stood in front of, giving a nod to the gardener who was tending to the flowers.

“The mayor lives right down there. Can’t miss his place,” you said, pointing down the road. “His annual gala is at the end of the week. Lots of rich people will be there, but the best part is the fireworks. You can see them from anywhere in the city!”

“Fireworks?” He raised an eyebrow at that, as you both continued walking.

“Yes! Last year they had a whole display, it went on for ages!” You smiled at the memory - you and your friends camped up on a rooftop of one of their apartments, watching the fireworks from afar. It was like you were there at the party.

“You’ll have to show me where the best place to see them is,” he said, and you were uncertain if he was simply asking for a recommendation or wanted to watch them with you. You kept your gaze ahead of you, knowing by now that your cheeks were flushed red.

“Do you want to know now or on the evening of the gala?” You could feel him looking at you, and you caught his eye for a moment, wanting confirmation of his suggestion.

“Show me on the night.” He gave you a grin, and you were blushing at the idea of watching the fireworks with him. There was something so romantic about it, and you wished deep down that he saw it the same.

You made sure to end the tour by Le Lion D’Or, and made a grand statement that they served the best cake you have ever eaten, which was another reason why you suggested this place. Only the best was to be seen and eaten on this tour.

There was a free table outside that you told Arthur to wait at, while you went inside and ordered some food for you both. You had no idea what Arthur’s tea preference was, so you made a guess based on what you knew of him. With everything ordered, you let the server know you were sitting outside, and returned back to Arthur with a smile. He was leaning back in his seat, arms folded over his chest and hat on the table.

“So… How was the tour?” you asked, sliding into the seat next to him. “Would you recommend me to a friend?”

He hummed softly, looking at you and pretending to consider his answer for longer than needed. "You were pretty good. And you didn't try 'n rob me, either."

"There's always next time. Though, I'll admit that my sleight of hand skills are not the best. You could probably catch me quite quickly," you said, making a note to look him up and down to pinpoint where he could be hiding items on himself. There were candies in his pocket - you saw him put them there, and his guns were easily reachable but not the smartest thing to pretend to steal.

"If you can take somethin' from me without me knowing, I'll be real impressed," he said, and you took that as a challenge. Not now, he would be expecting it, but soon. You would take something from him and not have him catch you doing so. 

The server you spoke to earlier came out with a tray holding a rather ornate tea set, setting it down on the table for you both. A platter of small cakes soon followed, and you gave Arthur a grin once the server left.

"Best cakes ever, I promise you." You began to pour yourself some tea, as Arthur took one of the little cakes, eyeing it closely.

"Are they made this small on purpose?" he asked.

"It's the whole point of afternoon tea, I think. Small cakes, small sandwiches, small everything." You weren't entirely certain that was true, but it made sense in your mind. Afternoon tea was more about socialising, anyway. 

He still didn't look convinced that this was worth it, so you gestured for him to try the cake. You watched, taking a small sip of your tea as he took a bite.

"Guess you were right about this bein' good cake," he said, as you smiled at him. You knew you would be right, having spent a lot of money here whenever you needed a pick-me-up. They even did a takeout box of cake that you would indulge in whenever you had a reason to celebrate. You thought back to the last time you had them - after your exhibition, and then remembered the offer Arthur gave to you there. It had been on the back of your mind since you last spoke, and you thought that now was the best time to bring it up to him.

"I've been thinking about your offer," you started, taking a sip of tea to calm your nerves. "About travelling. Seeing the world." Arthur raised an eyebrow curiously. You took that as a sign to carry on. "And… if you aren't too busy, I'd like to cash it in... If that's alright?" You studied his face closely, trying to work out if he had actually meant what he said all those weeks ago or if he had simply said it out of politeness. He leaned back in his seat, arms folded over his chest. The question still lingered in the air and you were about to take it back when he spoke up.

"You got a place in mind you want to visit?" he asked, putting in a sugar cube into his tea.

"I heard Strawberry was nice. It's surrounded by trees, and it looks pretty from what I've read."

Arthur let out a small scoff, shaking his head. "Strawberry ain't much…"

You sank a little in your seat, crossing it out on the list in your mind.

"Folk, uh, they don't like me much up there, anyway," he quickly added, noticing your expression change.

"What do you mean?"

He looked down at his teacup, gently pushing it aside as he leaned forward. You copied him. "Got into a fight up there. Whole town got involved, real big thing. Reckon if I show up there again they might try 'n hang me." 

Your eyes widened as he sat back, picking up one of the little cakes and examining it casually, like what he had just said was something normal.

"That's… sure something." Everything you heard about the town sounded so nice and calm. Nothing like what Arthur was saying. Your mind recalled one of the articles you had read in the papers about a jailbreak that took place in Strawberry a while back. That couldn’t be the same thing Arthur was talking about, right?

He shrugged. "I think anyone would want to kill you if you shoot them first."

"You started it?"

"Well, not really. Sort of. It's a long story."

It seemed to never end with learning new things about him. You went down the list of nearby towns you had considered, and one by one Arthur told you that he wasn't welcome back there for similar reasons.

Rhodes? Got into a fight with the whole town, people don't like him. Valentine? Got into a fight with the town, people don't like him there either. All places you had read about in the papers, all that had issues with either gangs or feuds between families. There was a pattern, and you decided to aim a bit further away.

"What about Blackwater? I'm not sure if it's still on lockdown, though, so it might be off the table because of that…" You said, remembering reading about the incident that took place there in the newspaper. It came as a shock, especially because of how much progress it had been making in terms of finding its place in the world. People were calling it a massacre, which only painted the worst image in your mind.

Arthur was quiet, watching you as you waited for a response, taking a small sip of your tea. When he didn't say anything, you frowned. With the previous conversation about how unwelcome he was in other places, you couldn't help but piece together that maybe he wasn't welcome in Blackwater, too. It was a large leap to assume he was also involved in the big shootout that took place there a while back, but it didn't seem too unlikely, given what you now knew about him.

"You weren't…" You let the rest of the sentence trail off, though it was clear what you were implying.

Arthur looked away, crossing his arms over his chest as he began to take note of who was around. You saw him tense up, his jaw was set and he frowned, the conversation not being one he wanted to take part in. A silence fell over you both, and you started to think about how ridiculous the current situation was. Here you were, sitting opposite an outlaw who currently had a pretty big bounty on his head, at least you assumed so from what the newspaper said about the Blackwater incident. There were plenty of opportunities where he could have robbed you or killed you, but he didn't. Instead, you were having tea with him.

You couldn't help but laugh.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at you. "What?"

"Sorry," you said, covering your mouth to try and stifle your laughter. "You're a wanted criminal… and I'm sitting opposite you and we're having tea and cake together."

He blinked, and you caught the glimpse of a smile across his face. "I guess it is pretty funny. Damn good cake, too."

"What did I tell you?" You beamed at him, as he picked up a little slice of carrot cake and ate it.

The smart thing to do would be to go and inform the law, let them know that there was a criminal here that needed to face justice. But so far, no one had recognized Arthur from what you could tell, and he had been very nice to you. You didn't know how much the bounty was on his head, but the money wasn't something that you cared about. If you did, then maybe you would consider turning him in. But you liked his company… and his horse.

"I'm not going to say anything," you said quietly, leaning across the table to keep unwanted ears from listening. "About… you know…"

Arthur nodded. "That's good to know, especially because I wasn't even there."

"Where?" You feigned ignorance.

"Good." 

You could hear the comments from your friends, calling you foolish for being around a known criminal, but you pushed them out of your mind. There were better things to concern yourself about than Arthur's criminal history. If anything, it just made him more interesting. It gave him a certain charm you couldn’t find in Saint Denis. How strange it was for an outlaw to befriend someone like you…

"If you're still interested in travellin', I do have a spot in mind I could take you to?" Arthur said after a few moments of quiet, bringing you back to the whole reason you were having this conversation.

"Where are you thinking?" 

"Might keep it a surprise. It's whether you trust me or not?"

You gave him a grin. "You've yet to kill me so far. I trust you."

Arthur nodded, finishing his tea and setting the cup down. "Alright. I have t' go and deliver some things back to…” He paused, even though it was clear you at least knew the group he ran with, “people… so how about we meet somewhere after?" 

"The Bastille Saloon?" You suggested, knowing that it was a pretty central place and usually busy enough that if, for some reason Arthur did have bad intentions, enough people would probably recall you were there if you did go missing. Not that you thought Arthur would murder you, but you couldn't be too careful now.

"I'll meet you there." With a tip of his hat he stood up, putting some money on the table for you to use to pay with, keeping his promise. You watched him walk down the street back towards the docks.

What were you getting yourself into?

You finished up your drink after Arthur had left, and made a beeline straight back home. There was no point wasting time trying to be organised, so you grabbed a small bag, shoving in anything you could think of that you may need for a trip out. Arthur had kept the information about where you were going a secret, so you were unsure if you needed to prepare for a night away or not. To be on the safe side, you packed an extra change of clothes and shoved in a bedroll you had used a handful of times before. You got a separate bag for any art supplies, putting in your sketchbook, some pencils and a small watercolour set you had bought recently. It was a good occasion to try it out. 

As you rushed around your home, grabbing some food for the journey, you forced yourself to stop to think about the situation. You were travelling to somewhere unknown with a man you had met only twice before. This sounded like the start of a bad headline in the news, or a horror novel. And with what you now knew about Arthur if it ever came down to trying to fight him, you were certain that you would lose.

You let out a small laugh. "If I die, at least it's by the hands of a handsome man."

With that, you picked up your bags, grabbed a light jacket just in case, and left.

La Bastille Saloon was busy, the lunch rush taking up most of the tables inside while a group of men sat around the poker table, in the middle of what looked to be a pretty high stakes game. You had hoped that you could sit inside and wait for Arthur, but there weren’t any seats left and you didn't fancy waiting at the bar for him. Turning on your heel, you left as quick as you entered, standing a little away from the door and the group of men who were gathered by it, smoking and talking. You caught glimpses of their conversation, but it wasn’t anything exciting and you drowned out their voices, instead going over what you had packed in your head to make sure you didn't forget anything.

It didn't take long to hear a familiar voice call your name, and you saw Arthur coming down the street, giving you a wave from atop Artemis. You waved back, as Artemis stopped in front of you.

“You ready to go?” Arthur asked, holding a hand out for you to take.

“I’m as ready as I can be.” You grabbed his hand as he helped you up onto Artemis, and with a small click from Arthur you both set off down the street. The sudden movement was something you weren’t expecting yet and you grabbed onto Arthur’s waist to steady yourself, still not completely used to being on horseback. He let out a small laugh, and you felt his hand gently pat one of yours, resting it there.

“D’you need a moment to sort yourself out?” He turned, looking over his shoulder at you.

You shook your head at him, feeling his hand move away from yours. “I think I’m good now.” 

"You let me know if you need to stop, alright?"

"Alright."

It was different to pass by places on horseback rather than walking, and in a way you were grateful that you weren’t having to walk somewhere - you didn't think you had it in you to hike while also carrying plenty of art supplies and other belongings.

Artemis walked slowly through the city, being careful not to run into anyone. It was slow going, having to stop and wait for a trolley or person to cross the street before you could continue, but eventually Arthur pushed Artemis into a trot as you reached the edge of the city, crossing the bridge to get into the swampy roads of Bayou Nwa. 

It was nice to see greenery everywhere you looked, but you weren’t entirely comfortable with the increase of gators sitting by the side of the road, half in the swamp and half out. You eyed them cautiously as you passed, waiting for them to suddenly move to try and attack you. But they didn't, happy to idly lay there, basking in the sun. Artemis had the same thought as you, and there were a few times you felt her slow down, letting out worried noises, only to be calmed by Arthur’s gentle voice, shushing her and telling her it was okay. Even after everything you knew about him, the tenderness he had around his horse was something that kept taking you by surprise. He leaned back into you, taking out a treat for her from his bag. If this was how nice he was, you didn't want to consider how he could be angry. And if what you had read about the Blackwater Massacre was true, you didn't want to know what Arthur could be like, preferring him like this and not looking at the barrel of his gun.

The scenery passed by in flashes of green, turning from thick swamps and willow trees to open fields and rolling hills. As you rode out further from the bayou, into the heart of Scarlett Meadows, you took note of every small difference. The roads became more dusty as you approached closer to Rhodes, though Arthur made sure to steer clear from the town, just in case. There was not enough time in the world to allow you to stop and sketch every small thing you saw that intrigued you, and you didn't want to ask Arthur to pull to the side of the road each time you spotted a flower or plant you wanted to get a closer look at. So you tried to memorise everything, hoping that it would stay in your mind until you were able to draw them down.

The air felt cooler the further away from the bayou you got, and it was nice to not feel as if the sun and heat were trying to suffocate you all the time. Maybe you could avoid the heat this summer and travel?

You weren't sure how long you had been riding for, and you were starting to feel stiff from sitting in one position for this long. Stifling back a yawn, you leaned your head against Arthur’s back for a moment. You felt him tense at the sudden contact, and then relaxed. His hand found yours again, giving it a soft squeeze in response.

"Ain't long left. You good back there?" Arthur asked, tilting his head slightly to catch your eye.

You nodded, moving around to try and find a more comfortable position. "I'm good. I have no idea how you can do this all the time, I’m already aching from sitting like this."

“You want to stop for a bit? We can pull to the side of the road and take a moment to rest up,” he said, and it was sweet to hear him suggest that.

“I’m fine. We can keep going,” you replied. With a nod, Artemis continued down the road and you noticed that he had yet to move his hand away from yours.

Time passed on, and the ride was mostly quiet, Arthur focusing on the road while you took in your surroundings. You didn't mind the silence at all, finding it calming to listen to the repetitive sound of hoofbeats against the dirt road and birdsong from the trees; it was a nice change of pace to the city. The air grew cooler as you rode through Scarlett Meadows, keeping to a road that was near a body of water. Flat Iron Lake was the closest open body of water that wasn’t the swamps or the Lannahechee River, so you assumed it was that. You kept your eyes on it, enjoying the ride.

When you crossed over the state into New Hanover, you sat up a little straighter, wondering if you were getting close to where Arthur was taking you. You had little experience in New Hanover, having only read things about it in books and the newspapers, but it was big and vast and you were intrigued on what you would see. From what you could remember from looking at maps, you were in the outskirts of the Heartlands, which had more open space than somewhere like Roanoke Ridge, or even in places in Lemoyne. Flat Iron Lake was still to your left, the train tracks you had been following for a while on your right. Arthur clicked for Artemis to walk off the path and you were now fully alert, watching as she weaved through the trees, heading towards the shore.

“Here we are,” Arthur spoke after a little while as Artemis walked onto the sand. “Flat Iron Lake.” He gestured to the large lake in front of you, and you sat up a little taller to take it in.

It was beautiful. The water rippled against the sand, the reeds swaying gently in the cool breeze - a welcome change from the warmth that lingered in Lemoyne. Deer drank at the water's edge, and you watched as a small group of coyotes ran around, yipping and barking as they went. It was so peaceful and you wanted to savour every moment you had here. You had yet to even dismount from Artemis and you were already saddened at the thought of leaving this place. It was so calm and serene and such a welcome change from the busy city life.

"This is beautiful…" You said in awe, keeping your voice low in fear of breaking the serenity of the place. 

"Beats the city any day," Arthur replied, giving you a smile. “No noise, no people runnin’ in front of you.”

"Sure does…" You replied. Arthur kept Artemis walking for a little longer as you made your way around the shoreline. Off in the distance you spotted a few boats on the water, up against the mountains that almost blended in with the sky. What you assumed was Blackwater seemed so close yet so far away across the water, the sun illuminating the small town. He slowed Artemis to a stop as you reached your destination, far enough away from the road now that you wouldn't be disturbed. You were quick to dismount, walking up to where the water met the sandy shore to take in the serene scene in front of you. Birdsong could be heard in the distance, and you paused for a moment to listen to the lack of trolley noise and general chatter that would be found in the city. It was beautiful. You spotted an old log that had been washed ashore, and walked towards it, deciding it would be a good place to lean up against while you draw.

“The Dakota’s up there if you want more of a river than a lake,” Arthur said, now standing beside you, pointing behind him towards the west. “And just over there is Bard’s Crossing, lotta deer over that part, too.”

“Here is good. We could always explore more later? Or even tomorrow?” you replied, shrugging off your bag and setting it down on the sand. You took a seat down beside it, rummaging through to pull out your sketchbook and a pencil. Why waste time, right? Arthur sat down next to you with a nod as you opened up to a blank page, ready to draw the scenery in front of you. 

You lost yourself in drawing, making smaller sketches to work out the best composition to then turn into a bigger painting later. Quick sketches of ducks and other waterfowl were made in the sidelines of the pages, catching them before they flew off into the afternoon. At some point you noticed Arthur had started drawing as well, the both of you sitting in a comfortable silence, pencils scratching against paper. 

You took out the small watercolour set you wanted to test out, opening up the wooden box to reveal the small compartment full of the paints. There was a little glass jar that you had filled with water the first time you used them, so you were glad you didn't need to move to refill it. You took out the small plastic plate used for mixing, and picked up one of the bigger brushes. Watercolours were a lot different to what you were used to using, and putting the first drop of colour down felt daunting. You unscrewed the lid to the water jar, dipped the brush in and hesitated over the colours. Where to start?

You wanted to paint the lake, mainly to have a reference of the colours for later - you could already picture the beautiful work in oils in your mind, but in watercolours? Something was holding you back. Oil paint could be added to weeks after you made the mark, you can alter it and change even after you thought it was finished. Watercolours didn't give you that freedom - once the paint was down, you couldn’t change it unless you painted over it to remove the mark. No matter how quickly you tried to remove the paint with tissue, the colour would still be faded on the page. You had to think about this, about where each colour needed to go and how to build up the depth. There was also a limited option of colours in this set, meaning you’d have to spend more time mixing and layering up the colours than painting. You could name all the oil paints you would need to paint this.

“Somethin’ wrong with the paints?” Arthur asked, breaking you from your internal dilemma.

You blinked, giving him a look. “What?”

“You’ve been holding the brush over the blue for a few minutes. Is it… part of your process?” He leaned to get a better look at the small box that held the paints, picking up one of the other brushes.

“No, not usually.” You watched him examine the brush, before placing it back down. “I’ve not done many watercolour paintings, so I suppose I’m feeling a little out of my depths.”

“Ain’t it just like normal painting? You put the colour on the brush and then onto the paper?” He frowned, as you shrugged.

“Yes… but, I don’t know, it feels different,” you said. “Once I start, I know I’ll be fine, but it’s the initial jump to start it that’s off-putting, you know?”

“Paint is paint. Pretend it’s what you’re used to,” he suggested, and you tried to imagine yourself back home, windows open and a palette full of oil paints in front of you. Paint is paint, you repeated in your mind, and nodded. Your brush made contact with the blue you had been hovering over and it was way too saturated to be useful to you as it was, but paint is paint - you could layer it up with other colours later. The brush glided over your drawing, giving a base wash of the blue. Now that some colour was on your page, tackling the rest of the painting felt less stressful.

“There you go. Weren’t so bad,” he said with a smile, returning to his own drawings.

Late afternoon came and went, the sun beginning to make its slow descent below the horizon. The sky began to fill with hues of pinks and reds and with the fading light you looked up from where you had been drawing. Arthur was still beside you, his journal now closed and placed on the sand between you both while he leaned against the fallen tree, his hat tilted forward to cover his face. You smiled softly, setting aside your own sketchbook by his. Was he asleep? The steady rise and fall of his chest seemed to confirm it. You tried to peek under his hat to see if his eyes were closed, but didn't have any luck. If he was asleep, you thought it was sweet that he felt comfortable enough to do so around you.

The sun was long behind you now, so you weren’t able to watch it go down without moving to a different spot, but the colours that were painted across the sky were still mesmerising. Many sunsets were often blocked by the buildings in the city, so it was nice to watch the sky uninterrupted. A flock of birds flew across the sky in a V formation, while some deer further down the shore approached the water to drink. Everything was so nice.

There was movement coming from next to you, as Arthur pulled back his hat, running a hand down his face.

"Have a good nap?" You smiled at him when he heard your voice.

"I wasn't sleepin'," he mumbled quickly, sitting upright with a roll of his shoulders. "Just… restin' my eyes."

"Is that what they're calling it now?" you teased, laughing when he waved you off.

"It's been a long day." He nudged his arm against you as he stood up, dusting off the sand from his legs. "You hungry?"

"I think I grabbed some food when I packed," you said, grabbing your bag and searching through it. Arthur watched you take out various things from your bag, pencils and folded sheets of paper until you took out some canned strawberries.

"Ah. I thought this was something else…" You said quietly. “I did pack in a bit of a rush.”

"You're surrounded by nature and you want to eat from a can?" He raised an eyebrow at you, holding his hand out to help you up. "There's plenty of food out here, waitin' to be caught."

"Like… fish?" You took a hold of his hand and pulled yourself up, still holding your can of strawberries.

"Rabbit. Deer. Hell, coyotes taste fine if you're starvin'," he explained, gesturing over to Artemis with his chin. "Got a rifle. And a fishing rod, too."

"You want to hunt for food?" 

"You ain't ever done that before?” His hands rested on his gun belt, an eyebrow raised at you and your lack of survival skills.

"Never needed to,” you said, your cosy life in the city meant that you had everything a short walk away. At the mention of his rifle, you gave a quick look down to his guns. “Never fired a gun before, either."

Arthur's eyes widened at that confession, and you could see the gears turning in his mind as he came up with an idea. “Give me ten minutes.” He grinned, turning on his heel to approach Artemis. You were a little confused about what he was doing, as he began to take some things out from one of the saddle bags. He emptied out the remains of a couple of glass bottles, moving to stack them on the log you were previously leaning against. Oh. He was setting up targets. There was an old rusty can that had washed up on the shore nearby, and that was the final target. Once everything was set up, he approached you, taking out the same gun he went to get fixed earlier that day, and held it out in your direction. You now got a clearer look at the small stag engraved on the handle, another feature that confused you. To you, it was strange to customise a weapon that could cause so much destruction. Did all outlaws engrave animals on the handles of their guns? You would have to ask him afterwards.

"You want to take a shot, or do you want me to show you how it's done first?" he asked. You looked between him, the gun, and the targets before taking a small step back.

"You go first. I want to see how it's done," you replied. With a nod, Arthur got into position. You took note of how he stood, how he aimed and what his overall demeanour was like, hoping to be able to copy it when it came to your turn.

Two shots were fired quickly, one directly after the other, and you heard the shattering of glass as two of the bottles broke, falling from the log. You were too slow to cover your ears, a loud ringing echoing for a few moments after the final shot ended.

"Easy as that," Arthur said with a grin, holding the gun back out for you. You gingerly took it in your hands, it feeling heavy and unfamiliar in them. The can and a bottle were left for you to shoot, and you were confident you could do it. Arthur moved to stand behind you, as you adjusted how you stood, copying what you saw him do. 

"This good?" You looked at him for his approval. He looked you up and down for a moment, gently placing a hand on your waist to tilt you ever so slightly. The touch caught you off guard, your face reddening as he gave you a nod in approval once he was happy. You then gripped the handle with one hand, keeping your arm straight as you tried to line up the first shot. 

"Hold it with two hands," Arthur said quickly, and you frowned at him.

"But you used one?" You adjusted your grip, now holding it with both hands.

"I've had practice." He moved closer behind you, arms now either side of you as he readjusted your grip, changing it so your other hand was wrapped for support and wasn't just there for the sake of it. Any nerves you had were increasing, especially now that Arthur was even closer to you. He was looking over your shoulder, and all you needed to do was turn your head and you would be face to face with him. This was a bad time to get nervous, you thought. Arthur's hands then moved down your arms, helping to lift them and keep them straight.

"Is this eye level to you?" he asked softly, and you nodded in response, words failing you. "Okay. Now pull the hammer back with your thumb." You did as he said, hearing a small 'click'.

"Now what?" You kept still, not wanting to move suddenly in case you caused it to go off. He moved his hands away from your arms, now pointing towards the can.

"Line up the sights to the can. You want to line up the front one first, then the rear," he explained, and you tried your best to do so. It didn't help at all when you felt one of his hands rest against your back, the other still pointing at your target. You focused, aiming up as best as you could.

"Now keep your eye on it, okay? You're going to want to think about pullin' the trigger next," he said, watching your finger move to touch it. "You're breathin' is real important, too. Breathe in, and then out, and you shoot once you've exhaled."

This was forcing you to focus on your breathing rather than the feeling of Arthur's hand against your back. You took a deep breath in, then out, and repeated until you felt calmer. You can do this.

"When you're ready, shoot." Arthur's voice was hardly above a whisper at this point, and you almost lost focus by thinking about him. Now wasn’t the time. You took a deep breath in.

In.

Out.

Shoot.

You felt yourself be pushed backwards slightly from the recoil of the gun and had to take a moment to regain your composure after the loudness of the shot. The can you were aiming for was still on the log, but it didn't matter too much - you had shot a gun! That was the important part. You looked at Arthur with a smile.

"I reckon you could knock it down with the next one," he said, matching your smile. "It grazed it. You were so close."

"Really?" You looked back at the can, and repositioned yourself. Arthur took a moment to adjust you where needed, still standing behind you, his hand on your back as you pulled the hammer back. You aimed, taking care to make sure they were both lined up perfectly this time. Breath in, out, and shoot.

The can wobbled slightly as the bullet grazed past it, but it still stood on the log like it was mocking you. You frowned, rolling your shoulders back as you lifted your arms again, ready to take aim.

"Try standing more to your right," Arthur said, his hand now moving to your waist as he moved you. "Really focus on the can. It helps to focus yourself from the ground up. Make sure you're standing strong, and work up from there."

You nodded, as he helped to position you in the right place and made sure your grip on the gun was tight. Each time he moved his hand to a different place you felt like your skin was on fire from the contact, and it wasn't helping your focus at all. Shoving any thoughts about him holding you like this to the back of your mind, you lined up the can with the sights, taking a moment to control your breathing.

"You've got this," Arthur said softly, and you believed him. You pulled the hammer back, ready to fire. With a deep breath in, you paused for a second before exhaling, and pulled the trigger.

It went wide.

You groaned loudly, taking a step away from Arthur as you tried to figure out how you missed again. It was lined up, there was no wind and no distractions, yet you still missed.

"I can't do this," you said defeated, holding the gun out for him to take. "I guess I should leave the shootin' to you."

"There's still two bullets left. I know you got it in you," he said, pushing your hand back. "C'mon, let's try again."

You had lost all hope by this point, but decided to have one last go. The can was going to go down, by bullet or by you kicking it over. You rolled your shoulders back as you stood by Arthur again, trying to relax yourself before getting into position.

"I have more bullets if you miss, so there's always room to try again," he told you, watching as you began to shift your weight and hold your arms out.

"If I miss this one, I'm throwing the can into the lake myself," you mumbled, lining your gaze up with the can. "Fuckin' can… ruining my day."

You heard Arthur laugh softly at your comments, and you tried to keep your focus at the task at hand, and not at how lovely his laugh was. This time he wasn't holding you anywhere, so you had nothing to blame if you missed again. You pulled the hammer back, letting out slow breaths in and out as you kept your sight on the can. In. Out. Shoot.

The gunshot went off, and you stood upright to assess the situation. The can had fallen backwards, a hole now pierced through the middle of it. Your eyes widened at the achievement, and you threw your hands in the air.

"It fell over!" you exclaimed, turning around to face Arthur with a wide smile. The joy you were feeling enveloped you, giving you a rush of confidence. You threw your arms around Arthur in a hug, feeling yourself getting lifted up as his arms went around your waist tightly, pulling you up and closer to him.

"Look at you go!" He was matching your excitement, which only fuelled your confidence. "We'll make a gunslinger out of you." He set you down, but you didn't move away from his arms, looking up at him with a grin. 

"Better watch out, I might just steal your spot in the outlaw world," you teased.

"Think you can handle it? It's a real dangerous way of living, you know," he replied, his voice soft as he gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. It was now you realised how close you were to him. Your arms were still around him, one of his hands was placed on your waist while the other was against your cheek, and you were reminded of the last time you were in a similar position to this with him. But this time you weren't saying goodbye. This time you had all the time in the world, and you couldn't help but lean in a little closer, testing the waters. 

"This alright?" He asked quietly, his thumb gently brushing against your cheek. 

You gave him a slight nod, leaning into the touches. "It is." 

That was all he needed to hear.  You closed your eyes, your heart fluttering when you felt your lips meet his. It was one thing to think about kissing him - which you hated to admit that you did a few times in between this meeting and the last, but actually doing it was unlike anything you could have ever imagined. 

You were suddenly reminded of the gun that was still in your hand when you felt it slip from your grip, and you broke away, taking a moment for what just happened to sink in. A dark blush spread across your cheeks, Arthur’s face a similar colour. You moved your arms away from around his neck, holding out his gun. The stag engraving was on full view, and you gently ran your finger along the carving. 

"You should probably take your gun back before I drop it," you said quietly, looking up at him.He watched you trace the stag, taking the gun from you when you held it to him. 

"I would hate for it to break again. I'd have to ride back out to the city to get it fixed," he replied, holstering it with a smile.

"What a shame.” Your eyes scanned his face, trying to memorise everything about him. A hand went to trace along his jaw, pausing when you noticed a small scar on his chin. It was the small things you wanted to keep locked in your mind, so that when you next wanted to draw him you would be able to capture his likeness even more. You wanted to paint every freckle and scar on him, putting them on canvas and immortalising him. The concept of a muse used to make you laugh, but now you understood what it meant. Inspiration flooded through your veins each time you looked at him and you would happily bleed on the canvas.

His eyes kept darting from your own to your lips, as his hands found their place back on your hips. Overcome with a sudden rush of confidence running through you, you pulled him into another kiss, this one a little more urgent. Your hands found their way to the collar of his shirt, holding them tightly. The hesitation of the first kiss was gone, replaced now with a need for more. You felt like you were on fire, and with each movement of his hands the feeling of excitement only grew, bubbling up inside. The warmth spread to your chest, your heart pounding against your ribs, and you felt as if it was loud enough for anyone to hear.

The moment shattered when a loud snort from where Artemis stood, causing you both to pull away from each other. She kept her gaze at you both and with a quick shake of her head, went back to grazing, almost acting proud that she had interrupted you both. You heard Arthur laugh softly, his gaze moving from Artemis back to you. The silence that followed felt heavy; neither of you moved. Light was starting to slip away, leaving room for the darkness that would soon take its place. 

Arthur was the one to break the quiet, pulling his hands away from you. “We should set up camp for the night,” he said, keeping his voice low as you let go of his shirt and took a step back.

“Yes. That would be a good idea,” you replied with a nod. Neither of you moved again, still staying in the moment that was now passing by at a rapid pace. You cleared your throat with an awkward blush, averting your gaze from him. He tipped his hat in your direction, just as flustered as you were feeling. With a deep breath, he moved. You watched him walk back to where Artemis was grazing, your eyes lingering longer than what they normally would. You had to push down your thoughts before they became too intense. He looked over his shoulder in your direction, caught your eye and gave you a smile. This was uncharted water you were sailing through right now, and you couldn’t even force yourself to feel nervous or scared - you were excited.

A small camp was eventually set up on the sand, a fire burning in front of you. The sky was clear and you were hoping that you would be able to camp out under the stars. Arthur pitched up a small tent, using it to store your belongings and keeping them out of sight from others who may pass by while Artemis grazed on a patch of grass nearby, her saddle in the tent to give her a break.

You poked at the fire with a stick to get it burning brighter as the sky turned darker, the sun now set and the evening rolling in. Stars began to light up the sky, and you were amazed at how many there were up there. Saint Denis' sky was never this full of stars, the street lights being too bright to allow the stars to shine. You looked across to the lake to see Arthur standing at the water’s edge, fishing. He told you that he refused to let you eat canned goods whilst out in nature, and all the gunshots had most likely scared away any wildlife that grazed around here. Fish was the next best thing. You had your sketchbook out, drawing quick studies of anything around you - the fire, the tent, Arthur, Artemis grazing, the sky, Arthur again. There was so much you wanted to remember, and you wrote down your thoughts next to each drawing. You avoided writing in your sketchbook, wanting to keep it to drawings only but sometimes you needed to put your thoughts to paper to keep them from clouding your mind.

“Usually more things bite around here.” You looked up to see Arthur approaching, holding a fish.

“Maybe they’re sleeping?” You frowned. “Fish sleep, right?”

He laughed, shrugging as he took a seat next to you. “Probably. Never been under water long enough to check.”

You turned back to your drawings as Arthur began to prepare and cook the fish over the fire, kneeling by it and gently turning the flesh in a small tin above the flames. The way he moved and added a few herbs to it gave you the impression that he had done this a lot. Another thing to add to the list of what you knew about Arthur - his cooking looked impressive. The real question was if it tasted good. After a little while, you felt him nudge your leg, getting your attention away from your drawing. He held out the tin for you to take, the fish now cooked and ready to be eaten. 

You both ate your half of the fish, and it was the best thing you had eaten in a long while. The fish stalls in the markets were nothing compared to fresh off the line fish. No time had been lost between catching it and preparing it for consumption; it tasted fresher than other fish you had bought before. It was a meal you would remember, especially because the company you shared it with was easy on the eyes. Arthur caught your gaze a few times, smiling to himself every time you looked away, cheeks red.

Once you had both finished eating, you spent a few moments watching the sky, counting every new star that you could see. Arthur poked at the fire with a stick, moving around the branches to keep the fire going.

“I’m going to get more wood to burn,” he said, and stood up. You gave him a wave as he walked off towards a small wooded area up the shore, soon leaving you alone with Aretmis now laying on the grassy patch by you. It was nice being here, in the middle of nature, no worries or hustle and bustle from the city. You were almost certain that when night fell you would be able to see more stars than you ever thought were in the sky. That thought alone was enough to make you want to spend more time away from the city. Perhaps you should consider relocating? Get a small cabin somewhere up in Cumberland Forest, surrounded by trees and birds and mountains. You could see the night sky and watch the sunrise each morning, and paint everything around you.

As the thought of you living deep in the countryside filled your mind, you were hastily drawn out from it by the gentle nudge of cool metal at the back of your head, and the familiar sound of a hammer being pulled back, a new shot clicking into place. You froze, having not seen Arthur loop around you to pull this strange joke. This wasn’t Arthur threatening you.

"You're gonna get up real slowly, and empty out your pockets, okay?" A man's voice spoke, and you nodded, slowly raising your hands up in surrender. Time in Saint Denis had taught you to throw any valuables away from the thief, to give you time to flee the scene unhurt. But there was nowhere to run and hide. Nowhere to go. No lawmen to report the crime to. It was just you and him and Arthur far away.

You rose to your feet, the gun never leaving the back of your head as you moved. There was a sound of rustling from behind - someone was going inside the tent, and another voice eventually spoke up.

"There ain't shit here!" He called out, and you heard the man behind you sigh, pressing the barrel of the gun a little harder against your skull.

"Get over there." He grabbed your shoulder, giving you a push away from the camp. A man stepped out from the tent, hands on his hips in disappointment before he noticed Artemis laying down behind them.

"Real nice horse here. Could go for a pretty penny to the right buyer," he said, walking over to her, watching as she rose to stand, rearing up when he got too close to her. There was a bad attempt at calming her down, and you knew that if you didn't say anything then they would try and take her. Or she would kick him. You hoped for the latter.

"She's got colic. Ain't gonna last much longer," you said quickly, guided by the other man towards the camp. "Took her out here to spend some time in nature, so she can go in peace."

The smaller of the two frowned, confusion on his face. "Colic?"

You silently thanked yourself for the time you spent around the stables - the man looked like he didn't have a clue what you were on about.

You nodded quickly. "Yes! It's a killer. If you try to sell her, no one is going to buy her. She'll be dead soon." It was horrible to talk about Artemis like this, but from the way the two men looked at each other, it looked to be working. You just needed to stall them a little longer. Their confidence that they were going to get a lot from you seemed to dwindle as the man with the gun adjusted his grip on it, keeping it level at your head.

"Well, we ain't leaving empty handed," he said, glancing nervously between you and his partner. He looked at the other man and gestured to the tent. "Search through there again."

With his attention away from you for a split second, you turned, using your elbow to smack his arm away from you. He yelped loudly, his arm knocked sideways as he lost his grip on his gun. It fell to the floor, and you rushed to grab it. The cool metal of the revolver was pulled out from under you, the man being a slight second quicker than you even after you disarmed him. He held the gun back up to you, a slight shake in his hands.

A shot rang out.

There was a searing burst of pain that ran through your upper arm, warmth spreading from the impact sight. You instinctively grabbed onto where you had been hit and were met with dampness. Blood covered your hand, and you felt the world sway under you at the sight. Shit.

You stumbled away from the man who was threatening you, his gun still aiming towards you as you moved.

"Stay still! I'll shoot again if you don't!" he called out, pulling back the hammer to load the next round. Part of you wanted to take the risk, to run and find somewhere to hide. His finger hovered over the trigger, and you had no choice but to stay still. The man in the tent came out at the sound of gunfire, a pistol in his hand as he looked around to see where the danger was, and you now had two guns pointing at you while your arm was bleeding and Arthur was nowhere to be seen.

“You’re makin’ this difficult for us,” the first man grumbled, and you could see his demeanour shift; he was growing more and more irritated the longer you refused to give him any valuables.

“You shot me! Sorry if I don’t feel like handing you over everything I own!” you exclaimed in disbelief. His eye twitched, and you almost wanted to dare him to shoot you again.

Something caught the bandits’ eyes, as they turned suddenly. You followed their gaze, and saw Arthur standing away from camp, his hat covering his face as he reached for his revolver, clicking back the hammer.

"You boys best put those things down and get on your way now, you hear me?" Arthur spoke low, the tone of his voice unfamiliar to you. He tilted his head up to get a look at the two, and you saw that his eyes were dark as he held out his revolver, pointing it towards the man with the gun at you. The other gun that was holstered had now been pulled out, and he was aiming it at the second man.

"I know your face," the first bandit said, glaring at Arthur and moving to point his gun at him. "It’s plastered all over the goddamn country. That’s easy money if we turn you in."

"And how are you goin' to do that, huh?" He tilted his head to the side, waiting for an answer. When the two didn't speak, he let out a low laugh. “Exactly. On your way, fellas. We don’t need to make this more bloody than it needs to be.”

"We'll shoot this one if you don't come with us," the second man said quickly, gesturing to you with his gun.

“Looks to me like you already have,” Arthur replied, giving you a quick glance, his expression unwavering. “You see a weapon anywhere? You’re real lowlifes for shootin’ an unarmed person.” His glare darkened at the two bandits, and you took this moment to slowly step away from the standoff. Blood was soaking through the sleeve of your shirt now, and you cursed the guy who shot you - you liked this shirt. There was a large rock a few feet away, and you were aiming to get behind there to avoid being shot at again. You just needed to time this right.

“We’re just trying to survive. We ain’t the ones shooting up entire towns like you and your gang,” the first man spat, and Arthur clenched his jaw at that. He turned to look at you. “You’d be safer with us than this criminal.”

You highly doubted that considering they were the ones that had shot you, and you took another small step closer to the rock. He seemed to notice you move this time, and waved his gun in your direction.

“Stay fuckin’ still, or the next bullet will be through your chest!” He was growing agitated, the other man watching on in confusion. You paused, raising a hand in the air in surrender while the other one kept pressure on your wound.

Arthur began to take a step forward towards the two, a look that bordered between anger and boredom on his face. “One last chance to get gone.” He gestured to where the road was, and the two bandits looked at each other.

“He’s wanted dead or alive,” the second man called out quickly. You frowned at the sudden mention of it, wondering what they were planning.

“Dead it is, then.” The first man released a shot in Arthur’s direction, narrowly missing his shoulder.

With gunfire echoing around you, you took the chance to dart towards the rock you were aiming to hide behind. Adrenaline rushed through you as you kept hearing gunshots, and you felt the sand kick up in front of you as one of the men turned fire towards you. You dived down behind the boulder, missing another bullet that was aimed for you, breathing erratically. All you could do now was wait and hope that it would end soon. Arthur was right - maybe you should invest in a weapon.

You took a moment to assess your wound, moving your bloody hand away from it. Your knowledge of gunshot wounds was limited, but from what you could tell the bullet grazed your skin. It was still bad, and would need to be looked at by a doctor when you got back into the city. You put your hand back over it, trying to calm your breathing down. There was nothing you could do right now. You needed to be calm.

Silence.

The air was heavy. Quiet. The gentle sound of water lapping against the shore was the only thing you could hear now. No movement. No breathing. Nothing. You tried to force yourself to move, to stand up to see what the damage was, but something was keeping you locked in place. Your eyes focused on the dark horizon ahead of you as you waited for a noise, a movement, anything.

A minute passed, and then another, and then you wondered what would happen if there were no survivors. If both the bandits and Arthur had injured each other to the point of death.

Oh god… What if Arthur is dead? 

He should've appeared by now. You should have seen or heard him. Was he dead? Were you going to stand up and see him lying there, motionless? You didn't know what you would do - how do you lay a body to rest in the middle of the wilderness? What if someone saw you and thought you were the killer? You couldn't remember the way home, and you had no idea what to do with Artemis. Stable fees could get expensive, and you didn't have time in your schedule to ride her. Arthur had friends elsewhere, too, and you had no idea how you would get word back to them that he was dead. How do you tell a wanted gang that one of theirs had died in a shootout with bandits?

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, rising and falling quickly as you tried to breathe normally. The horizon was blurring as tears formed, the frantic thud thud thud of your heart filled your ears. Were you dying now? Someone would stumble across four bodies and a lone horse and wonder what had happened here, what brutal act took place that resulted in all these deaths.

You heard your name, forcing yourself to turn your head in the direction of it. Standing a few steps away from you, hands and shirt bloodied, his hat nowhere to be seen, was Arthur. Alive.

"You… You aren't dead?" You spoke through deep breaths, looking over him with concern and caution and fear that this was an illusion.

"No, I'm-" He stopped, instead pulling you close to him, his arms wrapping tightly around you. You relaxed into his arms, the rush of the fight and your anxiety slipping away. “I wasn't sure if they had hit you again,” he mumbled, a hand moving to the back of your head, smoothing out your hair.

“Are they-” You stopped yourself, not wanting to finish that sentence. Arthur nodded as you let out a sigh of relief, glad that it was over. That was more than enough violence for one day, and a wave of fatigue hit you.

“Come sit back by the fire. You need patchin’ up.” He loosened his arms around you, giving you a warm smile despite the conflict that just took place. The blood on him looked out of place now that the need to be threatening was gone, and you were glad to have met him on good grounds.

He led you back to the fire, an arm wrapped around your shoulder to keep you steady. The bandits' bodies were nowhere to be seen, and you assumed Arthur had taken care of them. 

You sat back down by the warmth of the fire, releasing the grip you had on your arm. Arthur handed you a small glass bottle, similar to one of the ones you shot earlier, as he sat down beside you, cloth and bandages in his other hands. You took the bottle, popping off the cork and smelling it.

"I wouldn't do that. It tastes worse than it smells," Arthur said as your face scrunched up in disgust.

"This is supposed to help me?" The last thing you wanted was to drink something that smelled like it came from the trash.

"It'll ease the pain." Arthur watched as you gave him a look, before drinking it down in one quick motion. The taste was bitter, and it didn't matter how fast you swallowed it you were left with an awful aftertaste that made you want to vomit.

"God… That's horrible," you mumbled, setting the bottle down in the sand beside you. "I'm never forgetting that taste."

"Can't say it gets any better the more you drink it," he said, taking note of your arm. You were, in a way, lucky that the bullet only grazed you, but it was still bleeding and needed to be patched up quickly. It stung like hell, and with each movement of your arm the pain only increased. 

His hands pulled at the fabric of your sleeve, moving it away from the wound. He then paused, a blush making its way across his cheeks.

“Could you… uh… I need to get to your arm, but…” He gave a small gesture to your sleeve, and you nodded, understanding what he was asking for. Your hands moved to unbutton your shirt, glad to be wearing something else underneath it. You pulled your arm out, letting the fabric fall behind you as Arthur moved forward, gently holding your arm. He was slow as he began to clean up the now drying blood, keeping his eyes on the task at hand. The light from the fire covered everything in hues of amber and orange, and Arthur looked like someone out of a painting you once saw. His brows furrowed in concentration, taking care not to hurt you. It was a stark contrast to see him this gentle when his clothes were stained with blood of the men he killed moments before. The crimson streaks across his shirt painted him as a ruthless killer, but the soft apologies he mumbled each time you let out a small hiss in pain made him look like a saint. What a walking contradiction he was, and you couldn't get enough of him. You didn't care how much blood he had on his hands as long as they were holding yours.

The strands of his hair that could never quite reach behind his ear fell in front of his face, and you pushed them back, your hand running through his hair as he worked. He let out a soft sigh, leaning into your touch. Even after everything you knew about him, you still wanted to know more. Not about who he was on wanted posters or newspaper articles, but who he actually was. Two ships passing by were allowed to understand each other on a deeper level, you were sure of it.

Something had changed, and the air around you both felt heavy. There was so much you wanted to say and ask him but the words could never leave your lips. Too much was at stake if you allowed yourself another moment with him like you did after you shot the can down. Maybe you were a contradiction too - an up and coming artist who yearns for the attention of an outlaw instead of the calm and quaint life they had. There were definitely novels written about that, and you knew how they ended. Your cheeks burned up at the thought of this playing out like a silly romance novel, and you let your hand rest against the side of his face, trying to catch his eye.

"You tryin' to distract me?" he asked softly, looking up for the first time at you.

"Consider it payback for when you were helping me shoot," you replied, moving your hand to rest on his shoulder now. "I blame you for makin' me miss."

He laughed, unwinding the bandage to begin to wrap up the wound. "You did pretty good, though. First time I picked up a gun I almost shot myself by accident."

"That's something I have trouble believing," you said, keeping your arm elevated so he could move the bandage around it easier. 

He was quiet for a moment, before speaking up. "This wasn't supposed to happen," he apologised, as he secured the end of the bandage. "The hold up. Usually this place is pretty quiet, 'cept for a few grumpy fellas who like their space."

"I'm just lucky you were around. They would've left with all our stuff if you hadn't showed up when you did." You gave him a smile. "I've had my fair share of hold ups in the city. It's fine."

"You sure you don't want to consider getting somethin' to defend yourself with?" he asked, his hand lingering on your lower arm, having moved down once everything was patched up.

"I was taught to throw the thing they're after away from you, that way you can flee and avoid getting hurt," you explained. The look on his face made it sound like you had explained a concept he had never heard of before. Maybe he hadn't ever needed to flee from a robbery. You didn't have the luxury of guns and protection from others and an intimidating build to threaten people away from you. All you had were your wits and a good knowledge of where to run to.

"We can make a detour to Rhodes. Again, I ain't too welcome there, but it'll be cheaper to get you a knife or somethin' in there than in the city." He gave your arm a soft squeeze.

You quickly shook your head. "No, I don't think I need anything. I've survived this far without a weapon. I know the places to avoid, and I'm smart about what I bring out with me."

He sat back, keeping his hand on your arm. "I'm just worried, that's all."

"Worried? About me?"

"Yeah… I'd hate to see somethin' bad happen to you," he said with a mischievous smile. "Who else is going to paint my handsome horse?"

You gently hit his arm, holding back a laugh. "You and your damn horse."

"She has real good hearing, you know. Best mind what you say about her." 

You looked over to Artemis, who was happily grazing on a small grassy patch a few metres from you both, not a care in the world.

"They were considering taking her," you told him as he followed your gaze to her.

"Wouldn't be the first time someone's stolen her," he replied. You wanted to further question him, but he stood up, giving you a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. "Get some rest."

You rose to your feet, giving him a mock salute with a laugh. "Yes, sir." A dark blush spread across his cheeks. He mumbled something about going to grab his hat, turning away from you quickly. It was nice to know that you weren't the only one getting flustered over the small things.

You pulled out a bedroll and a blanket you had managed to shove into the depths of your bag, spreading them out on the floor by the fire. While Arthur was away, you quickly shrugged off the rest of your shirt, glad that you had bought a spare. It made sense to leave the freshly bandaged wound alone for a while, so you chose to not change into a clean shirt, keeping your undershirt on and throwing the blanket over you.

The night sky looked pretty from where you now lay, the moon rising above the mountains in the distance. Warmth from the fire next to you was enough to help with the drowsiness, and the gentle crackle of the wood burning was a nice background noise. 

Sleep came easy, you were exhausted over being wounded and wanted nothing more than to be whisk away into some dream, away from the lake and away from the pain that lingered in your arm.

You found yourself in a small cabin, surrounded by woodlands. Birdsong was heard around you, and small critters ran to and from the bushes. The day was drawing to a close, and you could smell soup being prepared over in the kitchen. You followed the smell, your stomach rumbling as dinner time approached. Were you alone here? There was no sign of another person, but deep down you felt an ache for someone who had recently left. Space was left on the coat hooks for another person's belongings, and you wondered who you were sharing this place with.

The sound of hoofbeats drew your attention to the window that overlooked the front garden of your home, and arriving on the back of the oh so familiar horse was Arthur. He noticed you through the window, and gave you a warm smile and a wave.

You were in a cabin you called home, in the woods, with Arthur. It seemed too good to be true.

You walked out of the door to greet him as he dismounted from Artemis, eager to embrace you in a tight hug, his lips meeting yours in a quick kiss. He then began to press soft kisses over your face, keeping you close to him as you let slip a laugh. You placed your hands on his chest, pushing away from him only to get a better look at his face, lit up by the afternoon sun, freckles dusting his cheeks. 

A warmth spread underneath your hands, and you frowned, pulling them away from Arthur. They were painted a deep crimson, the blood heavy on your hands as you tried to wipe them on your shirt to clean them. The more you tried, the harder it became to fully feel clean. You looked at Arthur, feeling him slip away from you as the dream shifted into night, leaving you alone. 

You stood in the forest, clothes bloodied. There was no way you were getting the stains out from them, no matter how hard you tried. It would linger on you forever, a faded reminder of what you saw and what you could have prevented. Did they deserve to die? Were they trying to make a living? They claimed they were trying to survive, that they weren’t the bad guys - no, that was Arthur. An outlaw, a murderer, a cold blooded killer according to the newspaper, according to everyone. What made you different? Were you certain that your name wouldn't end up on the front page of the news, another victim claimed by the gang Arthur ran with? You called out for him, but there was no response. Why would there be?

You were alone. Just like you were before. The ship Arthur sailed had passed you, and you were left back at square one with nothing but the crimson on your hands.

You should've given them what they wanted. No blood would've needed to have been spilled, and everyone would be alive.

This was your fault.

The muffled sound of your name was heard, and you turned quickly to try and place where it was coming from. It got louder and louder until it was echoing in your mind, and you realised who was calling for you.

With a start, you sat up, breathing heavily and slightly damp - from sweat or the sudden feeling of rain, you weren't sure. You wiped your forehead as you tried to focus on waking up, blinking back sleep. The rain was gentle, but you knew it wouldn't be long before it got heavier and fire flickered out with each droplet. You searched the darkness for a sign of Arthur. There was light in the tent coming from a lantern, and you moved to stand, grabbing your bedroll. The tent flap opened, and Arthur stuck his head out, surprised to see you standing there.

"I was goin' to come and wake you. There's enough room in here for the both of us," he said, holding open the tent for you. "Just easier than tryin' to put another one up in the dark."

You nodded, ducking under Arthur's arm as you entered, dropping down your bedroll in the space next to his. It was a little cramped, the space not usually big enough for two people, but Arthur was doing his best to make it work. He gave you a smile as you sat down, still shaking from the dream.

Arthur seemed fine, like nothing had happened. How many deaths did you need to witness before you could fall asleep easily at night like he did? You didn't want to think about the number that Arthur may have faced. How easy it was for him to pull the trigger, to remove those people from life… The thought terrified you. No longer was he just the handsome stranger who let you paint his horse - you knew now that he was an outlaw, a dangerous man. There was a gentle nudge against your arm, as Arthur pulled you away from your thoughts, noticing your face frowning up.

"You doin' alright?" he asked quietly, and you had to strain to hear him over the sound of the rain against the canvas of the tent.

You shrugged in response. "Just thinking about those guys from earlier…"

"That's a rickety line you're travelling down," he said, shifting slightly to face you. "If it weren't them, it would've been us."

"I know…"

He gently took a hold of your hand, causing you to look up at him. How many lives has his hands taken?

"Maybe… Maybe we could've tried to defuse the situation. Maybe we could've gotten out of there with everyone alive. But there ain't no use thinkin' about what could have been. It'll eat you up before you've even realised," he said. "If I started doubtin' every time I did something, nothing would get done."

You nodded, wanting to question him further but the call for you to go back to sleep entered your mind. There would be time to properly process this in the morning. For now, you laid back down on the ground beside Arthur. He moved to turn the lantern off, leaving you both in darkness, the rain growing heavier as it battered against the tent. You made sure to leave enough space between the both of you as you closed your eyes, wishing for lighter dreams. 

The rest of the night was uneventful. Your mind allowed you to sleep through it without plaguing you with more nightmares, giving you the rest you needed. The morning chorus of birdsong awoke you, soft sunlight breaking through the small gap in the canvas.

You noticed three things very quickly in your post-sleep daze.

One: the rain had stopped.

Two: you were close to something that was very warm, and you instinctively moved towards it.

Three: the feeling of Arthur's hand laying gently on your waist.

You were fully awake now, face to face with Arthur's chest as he slept, your own arms wrapped around him, your legs tangled together. It was so domestic the way you fit against each other, like this was meant to be. You laid there, unmoving and unsure of what to do with yourself. Arthur's eyes were closed, and you could see the slow rise and fall of his chest. He looked peaceful like this, with his face relaxed and there being no need to put up an intimidating front. You almost didn't want to move away from him. If he woke up now, you were almost certain you would become a flustered mess, so it was better to wait outside for him to wake up.

Moving slowly, you began to pull yourself from him, careful not to wake him up. Your heart ached when you left the tent, leaving him behind, but the cool morning air was welcomed by you instead.

The world felt still as the sun rose, warm yellows covering the sky. The fire had long died out, leaving behind the charred remains of the wood once burned. A flock of birds flew above you and a couple of deer were drinking in front of you. They walked around each other, looking up every time they heard a small sound. You had never been this close to deer before, and you were keeping still to not accidentally spook them. Artemis laid in the grass, looking at you as if to ask for a treat. You waved at her, and she turned away, letting out a small huff. 

A small breeze blew past, catching you off guard at the wave of cold air. It would be a smart idea to change into something that was a little more modest than your underclothing, so you turned back around. You pushed open the flaps of the tent, kneeling down and grabbing the bag that had your spare clothes in. It was still early and you were trying to be as quiet as you could to not wake Arthur up. You stood behind the tent and changed into a fresh set of clothes. Your arm felt better than what it did and you told yourself that you would visit the doctor as soon as you got back home. It was sad to think you would need to leave this small patch of peace so soon, wanting nothing more than to stay here a little longer, away from civilization and away from all the things you needed to do at home. 

As you walked back to where the remains of the fire were, you bumped into Arthur, who was now leaving the tent. He had the smart idea to change inside the tent, and you felt a little silly for dressing out in the open.

"Morning!" you said quickly, holding your bag close to you, stepping aside for him.

"Mornin'," he mumbled, running a hand down his face to wake himself up more. "Sleep well?"

"I did." You noticed he couldn't hold your gaze for long. "Did you?" 

He nodded, eyes focused on the horizon. "Good."

"Is everything okay?" you asked, approaching him slowly. Another nod. "You're just… quiet."

"I'm fine." He smiled at you, but was quick to avert his eyes away again. "We should head back soon." He pointed to your arm. "Get that checked out as soon as you can."

"It's on my list of things to do today," you replied, already trying to work out how you were going to tell the doctor what happened. You had tried to not think too much about the slope you were sliding down last night, the idea of death and killing people not something you found enjoyment out of. It was too soon to process all that, your feelings were still too raw.

Arthur moved past you quickly, and began to dismantle the tent, doing so in a way that seemed like he had done it many times before and had perfected it. Within minutes, and before you could offer to help, the tent was packed away, leaving your belongings out in the open ready to be picked up. He called for Artemis who stood up quickly, nuzzling her head against his shoulder for scratches. Something still felt weird, as you watched him saddle up Artemis, checking and double checking to make sure everything was secure.

"Look, about last night," he started, his cheeks flushed and his hands gesturing wildly though no words followed.

"It's fine!" you quickly replied, swallowing down the nerves that were threatening to rise up out of you. "I mean, if you're fine with what happened, and I'm fine with it, then… it's fine… Right?"

"Right. Yes. Just wanted to make it clear that it's all good. Between us, that is."

"Of course. We're good." 

He let out a sigh of relief at that, his shoulders relaxing as the confirmation that what happened was something you had both wanted to do was said out loud. The air felt lighter after that, and you were glad that nothing felt wrong between you both. You quite liked kissing him.

"You got everythin'?" he asked, and you nodded. As he mounted Artemis, he held his arm out for you again, helping you up as you began the journey back home.

The ride back was quiet, your head against Arthur's back and one of his hands on yours, fitting together like a puzzle that you had been missing pieces from. Trees and hills and wildlife passed you by, the air getting thicker the closer you got towards Bayou Nwa, and you were already yearning for the cool air of the lake again.

Saint Denis welcomed you home as Artemis slowed to a walk, Arthur directing her down the street to where he remembered you lived. You willed an excuse for him to stay longer to appear in your mind, but nothing formed. There were things you had to do today, and Arthur most likely had his own plans as well. You'd see each other again soon, you told yourself as your apartment building appeared in your line of sight. Goodbyes aren't forever, not yet at least.

Artemis stopped, as you dismounted. Arthur followed suit, wanting to walk you to your door. You were both quiet as you made your way to your building, stopping once you were outside the door.

"Thank you. This has been really fun," you said with a smile, taking a hold of his hand. "Minus the getting shot part."

"Next time, there will be less injuries, I promise," he replied.

You raised an eyebrow. "Next time?"

"The fireworks."

"Right!" How could you forget? "The fireworks. End of the week. I expect to see you here."

"I wouldn't miss it." He smiled at you, and you quickly looked around to see who was walking by. When the coast was clear, you pulled him down for a quick kiss, his arms moving around you instinctively.

"Don't cause too much trouble," you mumbled playfully, flicking his hat up as you moved away.

"I can't promise anythin'. You take care of yourself now. Go to the doctors." He stepped back with a small wave, and you wanted to call out for him to stay. But you said nothing, watching him leave again. With a soft sigh, you entered your building alone.

A letter was on the floor as you opened the door, and you frowned, picking it up. The handwriting was unfamiliar, elegant swirls and loops that you hadn't seen before. You took a seat at your dining table, opening it carefully.

Addressed to you, from one of your recent clients, was an invitation to paint at the mayor's gala at the end of the week. The writer, a man you had had a few interactions with before - he had wanted you to paint his dog - expressed his concern that it was a late invite, but hoped to see you there. He wanted this gala to be immortalised as it was an important date for him, and hoped you would do the honours of painting the celebration for him. 

You couldn't quite believe it. 

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

Dungeon Meshi and endings. Spoilers under the cut.

I'm not replying to op directly because I think it's a perfectly valid opinion and they don't need to be bothered to engage in debate about it, but I just saw a post where someone said Dungeon Meshi's ending was too rushed, and it got me thinking, because this is one of the ONLY completed series I've read where I didn't feel that way. The ending is one of my least favorite parts of most stories, because even if it's good it so often feels too fast, and it was specifically one of the things that I really liked about DM. The action climax happens in CHAPTER 91. It takes SIX CHAPTERS (decently long ones, too) to go around and revisit all the main and secondary characters that need wrapping up. I felt like, for once in my life, I was actually able to go around and say goodbye to the characters I cared about at my own pace.

I wonder if it's different if you read it as it released rather than over the course of a few days? Still, though, I've read stuff as it released where I feel like six chapters of wrap-up would be welcome (cough cough noragami cough cough. although I know there was stuff going on with the author so I'm not mad about that one). Or maybe it's because Falin doesn't get brought back until the very last chapter. I suppose I could see how that would feel rushed. I really wish we'd gotten more than little glimpses of her in the main story because she's delightful and charming. However, I think the amount of screentime she got made sense for her role in the story, and now that I'm trying to unpack why I was happy with the ending, I think it's because the amount of time she got there was proportional to the amount of time we got to spend with her up to that point.

I've been thinking about what I need in a satisfying ending, and no matter how good the content is, I think I need it to take a certain amount of time/words/pages. I need to take some time to let it sink in that the story is over. I hate feeling like I've been unceremoniously booted from the simulation right as it was getting good. I want to see every character with any sort of character arc get it wrapped up in a satisfying way, if it hasn't been done already. I also need to know what the characters will be doing afterwards. Being able to see that in a scene is nice, but I'm also happy if enough information is provided to draw reasonable conclusions.

Yet Dungeon Meshi goes even further than that and keeps on tying in the main themes in the ending chapters. I feel like I could make a whole post about desire in Dungeon Meshi, but long story short, there's a clear line drawn between desire (which is very instinctual and primal) and the things the characters actually want. The ending reinforces this theme with the chapter where Izutsumi goes around to the main party members. I love that chapter because it simultaneously drives home a major theme and gives us a chance to see the characters honestly and earnestly talk about their aspirations.

I'm gonna stop there, but long story short, Dungeon Meshi good. Everything comes back in the ending. Hope wins. Love wins. Conflict on earth doesn't get fixed in an instant but we can all be better. We can all keep living.

[batsplat]

first of alla I wanted to say thank you for your job, it’s super useful, you’re doing the lord’s work fr. if you feel like answering I wanted to ask you who are the riders of the current grid that you like the most? and why?

cheers!!

eh I think I'm in quite a happy place in the sport actually where... I do broadly like most of the riders. this isn't really like me, actually, I'm very capable of being a hater trust me. in my main sport, I've gotten to a fun place where with one of the genders I just. hate everyone who ever wins anything. except one guy but that's really an awful fan experience, wouldn't recommend. I don't really know why I'm more kindly disposed towards the motogp grid. maybe it's something about how dangerous the sport is, maybe how they are generally quite interesting as people (far from guaranteed in athletes), maybe it's because they're generally flops or assholes or both (nothing worse in a sport than when the goats are dull as shit). also, so many online fan spaces have been dominated by valentino fans and marc fans ceaselessly bickering - and as someone who is pretty fond of them both, does just eventually make you quite bored of all that stuff

that being said! I obviously do have a few preferences. the first one is marc, who I've gone through several different stages of being a fan of. I never really got stressed about him during his prime because I'm just not really the type of person who can get that invested when someone's winning that much. like I'm invested in the narratives but I'm not gonna pretend I care that much if someone can secure their fiftieth victory of the season lol. now he's the only one who can fuck up my heart rate during races so go figure, really. (undeniably my fan experience with him has massively been affected by the injury... I realised it most strongly with indonesia 2022, which just made me feel sick of the sport for a while.) I like him because he's kind of awful... inconsiderate, ruthless, too committed to winning for his own good. shameless. he's very narratively engaging, got a lot going on in that department, and it's not just... easy winning, like idk I'm not really the type to enjoy nice and happy athletes winning a lot and then being nice and happy about it. marc would like to be liked, but he wants to win more, y'know? he's got enough weird stuff going on in his head that he allows me to take the next step from just 'normal sports fan' to 'ride or die'. whenever he does any mind games-y stuff it's good fun, plus he's got this valentino-esque perma-smile that gives you a fun contrast/companion to the ruthlessness. also one half of one of the true all time great rivalries, what a banger entry to the canon. AND most importantly the actual riding, I think him on the honda is only really second to some of casey's ducati riding as stuff that's got that... 'this doesn't look like it should be working but it is' vibe in quite a visceral way? I'm not super into quali laps, I think they can be fun but they're not really what *get* me about the sport, but some of those signature laps like cota 2015 and brno 2019 just are soooo good to watch. and the racing itself... idk it's also fun when you've got such a distinctive style because it automatically makes you so much fun to plug into match-ups with other riders where there'll be a lot of contrast, like you really got that with valentino + jorge and then later dovi, rinsy, fabio, pecco... just makes it really easy even as someone who can't ride a bike to SEE and feel the differences. plus, sue me, I like my racing with overtaking, he actually overtakes other riders. makes races better with his presence, like there's Certain Riders who can spend a whole race in p6 but you can USUALLY trust him to do something

so the next picks are gonna make me sound like. an insane glory hunter. genuinely awful levels of glory hunting here. but I just want to say for the record that this isn't representative of how I usually approach sports and it was completely accidental that it turned out the way it did. I got really fond of the 2019 crop of rookies (minus one of them) because it was like. oh they're actually quite promising. pecco had that super promising pre-season testing (obvs also right after the moto2 title) and every race I was like This Will Be The Time when he puts it all together and he just kept. not. so at a certain point I was kinda convinced he was a loser but stuck with it for the bit? pecco #believer but as a joke. (I was also an early investor in the 'wouldn't it be funny if marc had a rivalry with an academy rider' campaign so kept a close eye on both him and franky, but in all honesty I never thought any of these guys would be a serious threat to marc.) with fabio, I hadn't really followed him closely enough to know the reasons why his lower class results were so mid? so it was very much a surprise when he started fighting marc lol, and then misano 2019 weekend just made me crazy, the whole thing was *so* good. and then sepang I just went? yeah we can build something here. we can build something special. (narrator: we did not build something special.) with joan, you know how it's kinda fun to have a midfield-y team to root for where a lot of the times they're mid and then sometimes something special occasionally happens and you can feel proud of them for fighting with the big boys? well that was suzuki for me, fond of rinsy especially when he got snippy at marc, thought the 2019 rookie they'd picked up was sweet too and he had a great start to his rookie season. and his first podium was cool!! and when he should've won styria 2020 :// (I think? this was the red-flagged one where he didn't have tyres anymore afterwards) (admittedly 'race in austria during 2020 that was red-flagged' doesn't narrow it down as much as you'd think but) also I went all in for him when everyone was extremely mean about his 2020 title, like that's MY underdog world champ. I wanted him to win the title without winning a single race, actually!! (generally quite defensive of all the champs in marc's absence, like god forbid they haven't cleared the hurdles you people have made up in your heads)

anyway as to why I stuck with them... with pecco it's how fucking whiny he gets. the start of 2022 where he was just :( I may have crashed myself and another ducati rider out of this race but why is ducati making me test stuff :( what a twat!! but crucially getting ducati to apologise to him is still as far as I'm concerned one of the funniest things anyone has done recently. ducati!! apologised to him!! DUCATI! after he publicly bitched about them! bonkers. anyway he's introverted verging on shy and then also capable of such arrogance and hubris and sheer entitlement!! that early 2022 after being the title favourite was so??? he's such good fun, the dramatic failures followed by him doing something crazy and you just go. okay but why. why did you not do this earlier. you know indonesia last year where he'd fucked up his whole weekend until the race and jorge martin should have run away with it but then he crashed and pecco won from thirteenth and he went all hammy with the celebrations? SILENCED THE DOUBTERS why were you in pee thirteen in the first place you absolute weapon. he's stuck in his own head so much, which you can get really juicy stuff out of imo. plus I like smart racers.... even though he does have these howlers, he's just so obviously clever in his approach? as a competitor he's easy for me to get invested in, because whenever he goes into a year as the favourite and clicks the bit of my brain that hates dominance, he has SUCH a horrendously messy early season that I remember why I was so fond of him and can enjoy when he's winning. also he's got a fun skill set, I love what a good defensive rider he is, just quite watchable idk... I'm not super into being a good starter as a skill generally but I've really enjoyed how he's muscled himself to the front of the field, he's so ruthless and neat how he just knows exactly where he needs to put his bike to basically suffocate the competition right at the start? plus obviously he's such a different profile of champion than what we've gotten historically, which maybe makes me rate him even more highly than I otherwise would. also academy rider, inherently narratively fun. when valentino said this???

hilarious. he's not WRONG but also just incredibly funny. valentino rossi can we have an honest conversation about your proteges I need to get your thoughts on some things

(that being said, when he says pecco has nothing to prove during the impending marc teammate stint, that pecco's already earned his three titles, he's 100% correct. one of the most based things he's ever come out with, quite frankly)

fabio... idk something about that depressed frenchie... watching that child endure successive brutal last lap losses, that's what it's all about. I was hugely endeared by the 2020 campaign (even in the absence of the rivalry I'd been promised) and the self sabotage of it all, how he got himself a psychologist during the off-season and had to adjust his approach, cut out the tantrums... I'm a sucker for an athlete who figures out how to improve themselves, y'know? his actual title campaign is... well, I'm happy for him, but it's also kinda a weird season (without being as fully bonkers as 2020) - but 2022? his first half was very 'fabio quartararo domination may bore fans' (admittedly a style of domination very low on wins) but oh yeah what happened next was awful to watch, just kind of extremely elongated hell once you realised 'oh this might actually be happening'. incredibly cruel!! handled that situation with ridiculous amounts of dignity. then he got very stroppy at various parts last year which was also deeply endearing. he's not... he's kinda missing a mean streak, but he's still prone to misery and tearing himself apart, enough that he kinda does it for me? he's also just sweet, you kind of feel like yamaha insisting on building awful bikes is a bit like kicking a puppy? yamaha's also sort of my team and he's trying to make them not flop. so. am just long-term invested in that development work, how he was the only one who could really do something special with that 2021 bike and how he's now talking about adjusting his riding style to it idk as much as I desperately wish he were actually competitive, there is something cool and engaging about how it's His Project... plus that one time when he tried to hit the golf ball but failed, almost had a stroke I was laughing so much

joan is just. well first of all people are STILL dicks about that title. and good lord has he had a rough time of it. I was so impressed with his 2021 season even though he didn't have that much to show for it... plus when he kept having all these fights with jack miller?? low-key the best drama we got that year. best minor beef of 2020-22...? it's not like we have that much to work with. he has a pitch of voice that's very suited to complaining I feel, like when he's moaning about something going wrong you feel like that's what he's supposed to be doing. 2022-23 has just been a rough watch and not really in a fun way, can't say I'm particularly thrilled he's close to signing again with honda... but ugh idk I'm just so fond of him, he's just a type of guy that's good for the ecosystem. you know that motogp unlimited clip where he's terrified marc is going to eat him and marc just doesn't care?? (I'm gonna be honest, this is my favourite marc teammate relationship... can't even tell you why him interacting with dani leaves me completely cold, but then when I'm seeing how marc's actually occasionally chatting with mir after mostly blanking him when they were actually teammates? oh yeah that's the stuff.) joan has very tragicomic vibes as a guy... he gets sympathetic laughter from the audience. y'know how lucy always pulls away the football from charlie brown... that's his vibe. but he's also a mean girl. anyway I hope he does still get a bit more from his career, he's far better than his record reflects, minus the 2020 title. also I like it when riders race better than they qualify

anyway yeah I like all the current world champs on the grid. gross. on the plus side they're all in completely different bits of the grid now so. I do also like a bunch of other guys, like rinsy (also deserves better, awful time with late suzuki/honda, his late 2022 was really emotional, fun to have someone stand up to marc), aleix (perpetual underdog, temper issues, kinda a moron but in a fun way)... the other academy riders, mainly franky (made 2020 so much better, horrendously clumsy rider at times lol) and bez (loser mindset, weird as fuck about both valentino and marc, great watch as a rider when he's not *gestures*)... uh. quite like pedro, though I still need to see a bit more in the beef department to keep pace with how talented he is? like where's the balance y'know... great to watch as a rider though for sure. martin's title bid last year was nicely compelling, especially stuff like phillip island. he's been put into a lot of Situations I feel? instant rookie success followed by that horrid injury, the stand-off with bastianini for that factory seat, all of last year and this year... all this cockiness married with so much insecurity, the need to be seen and appreciated and not to be taken for granted. the pecco rivalry is fun for them both, plus obviously also a cool riding style. oh I thought diggia as an underdog story was great to follow latter half of last year, though now he's kinda safe I realise I'm less invested. bit all over the place with vinales but at some point you've just been exposed to these guys enough you have a kind of secondhand fondness. yamaha's still my team, tend to root for ktm's downfall which is working out fantastically for me. in moto2 my number one boy is alonso lopez, who may have never made an overtake without knocking into someone in his life and has zero understanding of how to preserve a tyre, but apart from that!! also do quite like a few of the other riders, would basically like to see everyone on a boscoscuro on the motogp grid at some point... the moto3 grid I don't really feel like I know a lot of those kids as well yet, though alonso's obviously quite a watchable racer and veijer is really growing on me, seems pretty clever, curious what he can do on bigger bikes

and that's that!! my current opinions on... actually most of the premier class grid. I really do like most of them! but then also I turned off mugello before the podium because I was so pissed bastianini had gotten back past marc lol so I'm hardly a neutral. but marc's different... he's the only one I've gotten a bit superstitious over the way you sometimes do with athletes. every time before he races, I write down somewhere, either in a note or as a message I send someone, just something along the lines of 'please don't crash' or 'stay safe'. I don't care that much about his results, I just don't want to see him hurt himself any more

[aihoshiino]

What are some aspects you dislike (or decisions which you feel are weak) in Oshi No Ko? And what hopes do you have for the future of the series?

Disclaimer before I get into this that obviously I am deep in the paint for Oshi no Ko or I would not be here LOL but chewing on stories I like and engaging in critique is how I have the most fun! I've also talked about this stuff before to varying degrees in other metas enough that it would be redundant to mention every time it's the case, so please bear with me if you see me repeating myself.

These also aren't, like, in any kind of order necessarily unless I specifically mention so, it's just whatever order they came to me as I was typing.

That said, this first one is the manga's biggest problem imo and it's simply that it's super unbalanced, at least past the prologue arc. The story initially presents itself as being about Aqua and Ruby as co-protagonists who are both equally important to the story's ideas and themes. This results in that nice pingponging rhythm you get up to about chapter 30 where the story switches focus between them at pretty natural feeling intervals, even if they aren't necessarily really rippling out and impacting each other. Things are still weighted more towards Aqua given that he's the POV character for the most part and we spend the most time in his head but tbh given the comparative dramatic intensity of his goal Vs Ruby's, I think that's fine. Once we move into Tokyo Blade, though, the balance irrevocably tips in Aqua's favour and Ruby basically becomes a guest star in her own story. Even as black hoshigan Ruby. That whole arc in hindsight really just ended up feeling like filler to pass time until The Real Protagonist could come back. It results in this feeling of not really knowing Ruby well or making her seem like an underbaked character because we have such little direct insight into her thoughts and feelings in comparison to Aqua or even Kana and Akane.

Spinning off from that point, the way Ruby is treated in the series more specifically is a huge issue. Up until the start of the Tokyo Blade arc, Ruby was actually one of my favourite characters and I think she was a really great contrasting point to Aqua in the story's themes. While Aqua drags people along through manipulation, Ruby's genuine kindness, enthusiasm and love makes her a bit of a guiding star for everyone else in her orbit. She isn't necessarily the deepest or most complex character at that point but like... I don't think she needed to be? Sort of similar to Memcho, I think Ruby in that first stretch of the story has a really fantastic "flat" arc in that while she herself goes through minimal development, the strength of her character inspires positive changes in the people around her. That's great!

It also just unfortunately completely falls off during Tokyo Blade. She vanishes during this arc more or less completely and even though B-Komachi are the focus of the following arc and we get time with black hoshigan Ruby... that's it! Black hoshigan Ruby gets literally one entire arc to herself to shine and do anything meaningful to the story (the Mainstay arc) and even though she's supposedly even more in the revenge sauce than Aqua at this point... she doesn't do anything! Her scheming literally does not impact the revenge plot at all! It's fucking AKANE who finally uncovers the father's identity and passes this info to Aqua and literally nothing Ruby does contributes at all to the scheme before Aqua gets back into the driver's seat.

And I'm gonna be honest: I really hate how Ruby has been handled since the mutual past life reveal! I hate that an arc that was setting up to be about Ruby untangling her long held maternal trauma got thrown aside in favour of incest bait and I absolutely despise the way the story since then retconned and diminished the importance of Ruby's connection to her mother in favour of framing Gorou/Aqua as her sole important person. This is made ten times worse by the fact that the only insight we've gotten into any of her feelings about this change is her going "omg Sensei squee" in a way that is clearly comedically exaggerated. In general, the story feels like it has a really major lack of respect for Ruby's feelings unless they can be voyeuristically oogled at and mined for sympathy points. This shit sucks!! Justice for Ruby!!!!

Ruby isn't the only character who, imo, suffers this issue of revolving around Aqua to the detriment of her own arc. I've talked in a lengthy post before about my issues with the way Akane has been written post LoveNow and while I am not going to reiterate everything in that massive post (this one has already taken so long oh god forgive me anon) it does give me an opportunity to segue into one of the other major issues with the story, which is its weird reluctance to commit to the effects of big status quo changes.

In Akane's case, this is visible both in way her suicide attempt is just completely swept under the rug and never addressed again without any focus whatsoever on Akane's healing process and the total absence of the persistent online negativity we were promised even in places it should be extremely relevant. The one time Akane ever talks about this is like 50+ chapters later where she vaguely goes "oh, you know how it went with Love Now" in a tone of someone recalling an embarrassing flub and not a harassment campaign so persistent and vitriolic that she almost took her own life.

In general, the story has a bad habit of dropping any hanging plot threads when it moves into a new arc as opposed to tying them off or letting them naturally evolve as time goes by. This results in a story where major upheavals to the status quo and character relationships are *shown* to happen but ultimately do not result in that many meaningful or observable changes within the story, especially ones that might be inconvenient for where the plot is supposed to go. This valuing of convenience over writing that is verisimilitudinous (i'm so fucking sorry) to the previously established characterization and world combined with this tendency of abandoning lingering plot threads rather than resolving them is, imo, why the movie arc feels so weird and all over the place. BUT this post is long enough and wtfever is going on with the movie arc is worthy of its own ramble at some point so I'll cut myself off here.

As for my hopes, I really want us to loop back around to having Ruby address her lingering trauma over Sarina's illness and abandonment. That felt like an arc that was sooooooo long in the making for Ruby and having it just swept off the table is really frustrating. Other than that, I don't have any really big hopes for the future other than just hoping everyone's arcs tie off nicely.

In particular, I hope Aqua's arc has some good resolution... my son has gone through it and I do really just want him to have some happiness at the end of the day. Please let my boy smile, Akasaka!!!

[eccentric-nucleus]

the only story in the progression fantasy/litrpg/etc space that i've really enjoyed and kept up with has been super supportive, tho that's with the caveat that the first sixty chapters are basically a self-contained novel that is pretty good, and then the next uh hundred and thirty chapters spend a lot of time defusing a lot of the setup. it's not just the slice-of-life stuff that predominates, it's the part where the story slowly picks away at the setup

like so, this is gonna have spoilers for the first chunk of super supportive. i've already made a post about this before i think but this will be post #2 i guess.

so super supportive introduces the state of the world: it's like 2040, and aliens contacted earth in the 1960s and brought with them all sorts of cool technology, intergalactic communication, and also the system. magic is real and aliens can do it and now with the system some people will get selected to have superpowers and get to go on quests to alien planets and get fabulous quest rewards (further superhero powers!) for doing so! wow everybody wants to be a superhero because it's so cool!

oh yeah so the technical term for the system is 'the interdimensional warriors contract', and earth is tithed to submit people to it. the aliens get to choose who. and if they choose you, you can't refuse. you also can't really refuse a summons. one of the most popular, to the aliens, classes is the one where you're just a personal assistant. classes with actual superpowers also sometimes get summoned away on some quest and are never heard from again. sometimes they get death notifications, months or years later, but sometimes not. you don't get to pick your class either; those get assigned to you, though you can swap classes with somebody else during a brief provisional period after you've been selected but before your superpowers come due. also, humans have no clue how to really use the system; the aliens make a big point of not telling anybody anything about how it's put together or even things like "these skills are good and these other skills suck". part of the 'appeal' stat involves mental changes to make you more sociable and agreeable.

they do pay superheroes for their work. but they can't really say no to a job, or control what they do. one early example of 'tasks superheroes get summoned to do' is 'help evacuate a dangerous research station' 'but only our contracted employees; explicitly do not allow the other staff who have not contracted to our corporation to leave'.

also, a major character early on is: literally an imprisoned slave who's chained to his desk and has a geas over him such that he's not able to do things like 'express preferences'. some alien wizard just dropped him down at the embassy and he's been stuck working there for decades now. i'm sure it's fine.

so as it goes through the early chapters and these things get revealed there's a lot of tension between how everybody in-universe thinks about this ("superheroes cool") and the out-of-universe information, in which it's clear this is something more like indentured labor. there's a lot of ominous weight about the power differential there. this is a world where magic is real, the universe runs on magic, aliens can use magic, but humans can't. and the magical system aliens have put in place on earth is one that is explicitly gamified with pretty tokens and prebuilt skills and nothing even approaching, like, information on how it works.

so that's interesting! and then the first 'book' ends and the main character gets back to earth and it seems like there's a lot of backing-off of those implications. all the aliens we meet are super cool and nice and honorable. despite some gesturing at various factions of aliens, there hasn't really been a lot of followthrough on, like, the alien politics involved or how they're set up. so i'm still reading because i think it definitely still has promise, & it's written in a fairly engaging fashion, but all of this is basically contingent on it actually having a good payoff for all the buildup, & i'm not really sure that the author really cares about that stuff specifically.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #168

I'm not in as much pain today as I expected to be, which is pretty freaking great!! I'm still a bit tired though. I spent my morning doing normal morning things, which, for me, means doing some dishes, feeding my cats, and making tea. Today's swirls were wonderful - as it brewed, as I added the honey, and as I added the cream! Let me show you:

...Sephiroth, I hope you'll remember that the world is filled with so many beautiful things. You just gotta know where to look for 'em. But it's okay if you don't always remember all the time; I forget often enough - I think everyone does. That's why we gotta spend time with people who will help us remember, instead of people who make it easier to forget. We of my house and the people that we chill with like to do our best to help everyone remember. You're welcome to pop by, too, if you need a reminder; you'd fit in with the rest of us misfits just fine, methinks.

E's wife, whose name is H, came to visit for lunch today! We went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place, because they hadn't yet been to the one that is in my city! Here's what we got!

...I wish you could be here to enjoy this with us. I wish I could do better than just send along pictures. I wish that you could be warm and safe somewhere with a happy belly full of yummy sushi. But I know all the reasons that such a thing as you coming to visit us is impossible, even if I do sometimes joke about you popping by my house. I'm not insane, don't worry.

Last time I saw H, we were with E at the shop with all the pretty clothing. They asked about one of my inventory items - besides my owl backpack, my hat, my various long cardigans, and the plush I carry, I have one more inventory item that I found under rather mysterious circumstances. Normally, this item comes in pairs, but there was only the left one when I found it. So, they asked why there was only one, and I didn't feel comfortable explaining in that environment for a variety of reasons. So I explained it to them while we were at Wasabi.

I'll explain a little here, but not fully, because although I think you might understand, I... don't necessarily think that anyone else who reads these will, because even I only just barely understand.

Some time ago, while engaged in ordinary activities, I made a small, silly wish to the void, thinking that nothing would come of it. But not more than two days later, I felt a strong pull of intuition to a random spot in my neighborhood that is nondescript and has no bearing on anything; nobody goes there because they're just maintenance trails in the middle of some trees on hills that are difficult and annoying to climb.

There was no logical reason for my attention to be pulled along in the way that it was, but as I explained to you in a previous letter, when I fail to heed my intuition, usually something mildly inconvenient happens, so for the most part, I've learned to just go with the flow, even if I don't know what's happening, why, or what to expect. And while I was wandering the maintenance trails, following the subtle buzzing of my intuition, I found an item.

The item was wet, dirty, and covered in tree sap, but it was a luxury item, all by itself, in a place that no one goes. It was very weird. So I brought it home and cleaned it up, and when I did, it was very beautiful. It smelled nice, and it was very soft. And... in a very roundabout way, it fulfilled the wish I had made, and that was also very weird. Admittedly, I was even a little spooked at first by how closely it fulfilled the wish I had made, given the circumstances and how reality generally works. But I've since decided that the item is mine now, even if it's missing its right counterpart, and so it is a permanent part of my inventory, even if I sometimes get odd looks from other people for having it.

There's a lot more that I could tell you, but I don't think I will in this space for fear that my sanity and ability to reason might be called into question by others, which would jeopardize the peace that I am trying to work towards for you; how can I convince enough others that you are worthy of it such that it comes to fruition if I cannot be taken seriously? How can I convince people that compassion is the answer to most problems if I cannot be taken seriously?

(...is it even possible for someone like me to be taken seriously by anyone at all...? experience points to "no", because I am not someone with power or influence or officially-recognized credentials, or even the correct body, neurotype, or social background for others to imagine I'm worth anything. if the answer to whether I can be taken seriously is already "no", then logically, I have nothing to be afraid of, but still...)

I explained all the things to H in far, FAR more detail than I explained here; there was a lot of it because there's much that I've carried by myself for a number of years - who would believe me if I spoke on it when even I am having a hard time of believing it even though I am the one these things happened to? More than just the item I found; my whole life, starting from a certain point (maybe you know when...), has been one wild coincidence after another, and it all became dramatically more pronounced since I began writing.

When I finished explaining everything to H, they seemed... I dunno the word for it... some combination of dumbfounded, shocked, excited, and joyful, I suppose? I was understood and believed (assuming they were being sincere), which was a shock to me, because I was thoroughly expecting that my longwinded answer to the question they posed about the item would prompt them to start trying to avoid me, but instead they told me of similar experiences that they had, and I was relieved. At least for today with regards to the things I've kept to myself for so many years, I feel like I am not by myself.

H and I went back to my house after that, and we played a lot of Vampire Survivors together. It's a silly game with not much substance to it, but it's a lot of fun, and it's interesting to play cooperatively. Then it was time for H to go home, and now V is visiting instead; V knows some of the details of what I've explained to H, too.

...I'll still keep it close to my chest in this space, though. I've seen what happens to others when they speak about these things, and the last thing I need is to be mocked and ridiculed as though I'm some kind of lunatic.

Well anyway. M wants to watch Game Changer with me and J and V, so I guess I'll stop writing now and go do that.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow. Please stay safe...

Your friend, Lumine

[thisaintascenereviews]

End Of The Year Media Extravaganza (with @jakeh2987)

Now I know what you’re thinking: based on the title alone, the end of the year has come and gone, so what gives? I’ll admit that this was supposed to come out way sooner, but this thing called “life” gets in the way. Christmas, as well as an unexpected family emergency (and a random snowstorm on top of that) pushed this back. Hell, there are still some lists trickling out, so it’s not totally late. Nonetheless, list season is the epitome of the year as a music fan. Throughout the year, my buddy Jake and I come together to talk about our favorite pieces of media throughout the last handful of months, including music, movies, video games, TV shows, and even extending it to podcasts and other pieces of media. We’ve been doing this every three or four months, so it’s time for the zenith of it all — the end of the year list. This time, however, we’re going to be something different… An awards show!

Well, sort of, anyway. Introducing the End Of The Year Media Extravaganza Awards Show, where we’ll be nominating a total of five bands / artists for certain categories, both good and bad, ultimately picking a “winner,” and talking about many other albums and artists in the process. We’ll still be talking about a bunch of albums, bands, and artists, but we figured we’d try something a little different this time around, while keeping it fun, lighthearted, and conversational. It’s something we’re trying out, and I don’t know about Jake, but I’m all for it.

Speaking of which, how ya doin’, man? It’s been awhile since we’ve done one of these, but this is the one that I’m most excited for. I know it’s a little late, but I’ve been excited to work on this, nonetheless. I guess the first question I have to start this off is what you thought about this year as a whole, especially for music. What did you think about music as a whole this year, and how do you think it compared to years past?

Hey man! As always, I'm super stoked to get together to do this, but I'm especially excited to do it this year because of this awards show idea we came up with. It's gonna be a chance to do what we always do, but in a new and creative way!

Anyway, I'm doing okay! I think the rush of the holidays and general end-of-year stuff took a lot more out of me than I realized, because I've been spending a lot of time just resting and taking it easy, but besides that, it's been a nice reset of sorts! When I do think back on 2024, though, I think it was a really strong year for music, but almost sneakily so. Last year had some really heavy hitters, like new albums from Fall Out Boy and Metallica, so in comparison, you could look at this year and say it wasn't quite as big, but I think a lot of really great stuff came out throughout the year, and then we did eventually get some heavier hitters as the year went on. I'm curious about what you think, though, what stands out to you as you look back on 2024?

I love the idea you came up with for the awards show, because it really is a unique spin on what we already do, so we’ll still be able to talk about music, just in a fun and more engaging way. Anyway, I can say the same thing about what how 2024 stood out; we had some heavy hitters last year, especially bands and artists that hadn’t put out albums in a long time, such as the aforementioned ones, but this year shouldn’t be disregarded, either. We still had a lot of great stuff, even if we only really had a few albums that truly transcended the scene they’re apart. It’s also truly been a diverse year in music, and my personal list has a lot of different stuff, definitely more than usual. I will also say that my lists have been pretty different the last few years, and not a lot of heavier music has appeared on my lists from the last couple years. I listened to a lot of heavy music back in the day, and while I still do, not a whole lot really stuck out enough to throw it on my list. While this year wasn’t as big, what came out and what we ended up loving was truly special.

I did want to ask you one thing before we get started: what made you come up with this idea of an awards show? I love the unique spin on our classic formula of just shooting the shit, and having some fun, but what was the inspiration behind it?

In our last check-in piece, I talked about the gaming YouTube channel/podcast MinnMax and how they have some unique spins on some very tried and true formats and shows, and another thing they do in a unique way is their end-of-year list content. They have what's called The Two Tens, where they compile all the hosts' favorite game releases and build out a top 20 list, and The MinnMax Awards, where they hand out various accolades for stuff like favorite boss fight in a game, best performance, and so on. I thought this idea might be fun to translate to a music discussion, and after planning it out over the last while, I'd say we came up with a really cool format!

Oh, that’s such a cool idea! That’s a cool way to spruce up yearend accolades, especially more than just saying what was good or bad. Even bad stuff can have good stuff in it, and a lot of people fail to realize that, and instead they just see things as black or white without any room for gray. Translating this to a music discussion is awesome, what do you say we get this ball rolling, huh? Would you like to do the honor of introducing the first category?

So, before we get into these, I'll offer a brief disclaimer; when it comes to the more genre-specific categories, whatever wins might not necessarily be our favorite release in that category, but it's still something we both very much enjoyed and that we both feel best represents the category.

Speaking of, our first category is Best Pop/R&B/Hip-Hop Album! I'm gonna let you mostly take the lead on this one, because you're way more versed in these genres than I am, but I do have a few nominations for it all the same:

Kendrick Lamar- GNX

Lupe Fiasco- Samurai

Childish Gambino- Atavista/Bando Stone and the New World

Just because I’m more familiar with these genres doesn’t mean your nominations are any less valid, because I was going to pick those as well! I had those on my list, too, and I’d like to nominate two more:

Justin Timberlake - Everything I Thought It Was

Lil Dicky - Penith

And the winner is…

I feel like with the year he's had, it's gotta be Kendrick Lamar's GNX, and it's really not even close. The beef with Drake (who may or may not appear later) was the talk of the spring and summer, and "Not Like Us" in particular really was a massive hit, so Kendrick really had nothing to prove this year, but he decided to surprise-drop an album to cap off the year, and it's some of his most accessible and fun material to date, but without losing anything that makes him one of the best in the game. GNX shows a man on top of the world, and I for one think it's really well-deserved.

Oh, yeah, no complaints here! My pick would easily be GNX by Kendrick Lamar, and it’s truly one of my favorites of the year, although I wish it would have come out earlier in the year, because I would have loved to have spent a lot of time with this one throughout the year. Nonetheless, this record is a lot of fun, engaging, and celebratory. It really is a man on top of the world, and you can’t help but get sucked into it, too.

Onto the next category, the best pop-punk album of this year! I’m gonna let you take this one, since you enjoy the genre more than I do, but I got a couple things I’d like to nominate, because the genre truly was something special this year:

State Champs - S/T

Neck Deep - S/T

The Story So Far - I Want To Disappear

Pop-punk really did have a great year, but one thing in particular that I think stood out this year was the variety of releases within the genre. You had your more straightforward bands, like State Champs and Neck Deep, both of whom I'll also nominate, but you had others who play in different subsets release banger albums, including:

Boston Manor- Sundiver

Trash Boat- Heaven Can Wait

I feel like this one might be another pretty clear-cut winner, but it doesn't make any of the others any less awesome. And that winner is...

I don’t know if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, but it has to go to State Champs by a mile. I haven’t heard your picks, but I may check those out throughout this year, because I know you were hyping those up, although the self-titled State Champs album blew me away. It was even better than Kings Of The New Age, and even that record was already great. They really doubled down on what makes them stick out, but they added some new stuff to keep their sound fresh, at least fresh enough to keep themselves interesting.

Yep, State Champs absolutely takes this one, and you nailed why; they're a band who does what they do so well, is led by one of the best vocalists in the genre, if not the best, and for this album in particular, they doubled down on what made Kings of the New Age so great and added a few new flairs to their sound, including a song that wouldn't feel too out of place on modern country radio. They just know how to make effortlessly catchy and fun pop-punk, and if they keep up this current hot streak, we'll have a lot of great music from them for many years to come.

Our next category is going to be one of many that we have that isn’t about a specific genre, but we wanted to go back to years’ past: the best album not from 2024. This is as broad of a category as you can get; you don’t have to only listen to newly released music in any calendar year, as you can listen to music that’s new to you from any year, so what are some albums from years’ past, which you discovered last year, that you want to nominate?

So, I could have really gone anywhere with this, but when I think about albums I really gravitated towards in the last year aside from the new releases that I hadn't heard before, I have a few that came to mind. These are all pretty different releases, but they all stuck with me one way or another:

Mike Shinoda- Post Traumatic

Wage War- Manic

Tonight Alive- The Other Side

I'm very curious to see what your picks for this are, because again, it could be absolutely anything.

This is something I had to sit and think about, because I discovered a good amount of music this past last year, but I went back to a lot of stuff, too, so I have to remind myself that I found an album a couple of years ago, versus this past year. Mike Shinoda’s debut solo album is a good one, and I’d put that here, too, because I listened to that when I got more into Linkin Park. Here are a few I got, though:

Teddy Swims - I’ve Tried Everything But Therapy, Pt. 1

Frank Sinatra - L.A. Is My Lady

And the winner is…

I think for this one, because the category is so broad and we both have very different picks, I say we make this one a co-winner, with each of us choosing an album! I'll go with Mike Shinoda's Post Traumatic for my winner; in the midst of Linkin Park's comeback this past fall, I did a deep dive into their discography for the first time in many years, but I also finally gave this album a proper listen, and it's a very raw and honest look into Shinoda's grief in the immediate aftermath of Chester Bennington's passing, and it was also a look at some of what Linkin Park was gonna end up doing sonically on their comeback album. This album hit me pretty hard and stuck with me as the year came to a close and Linkin Park's From Zero was in full swing.

So, which would be your winner here?

Ooh, okay, I like that, actually. Both of my nominations both mean something different, but if I had to go with one, I’d pick Frank Sinatra’s L.A. Is My Lady. I’ve been a Sinatra fan for many years, but I only really took a deep dive into his music a couple of years back, and this album is his last solo studio album. It was re-released and remastered last year for its 40th anniversary, but I ended up finding an original copy right before Christmas on vinyl. It’s an underrated album in his body of work, because you can tell he’s aged, but he’s having so much fun with it. It’s also an album done with the late Quincy Jones, who passed away just a couple months ago. As much as I loved Teddy Swims, I’ve done even more of a deep dive into Sinatra this year, and it’s been such a blast getting a lot of his albums on vinyl.

Four our next category, we're gonna take a look at Comeback of the Year, and there are really two main criteria for this one; either a band/artist put out a great new release after coming back from hiatus or just not putting anything out after a few years, or they came back after a bit of a career slump and released an album that got people back on board. My nominees for this category are:

Linkin Park- From Zero

Green Day- Saviors

Those are good pieces of criteria for Comeback of the Year, especially the latter, since there are a handful of bands that put out albums that got people back on board. Now I would also certainly nominate Linkin Park with From Zero, but here are my couple of nominees that I got:

Usher - Coming Home

Lil Dicky - Penith

Childish Gambino - Atavista / Bando Stone

And the winner is…

So, I think the easy winner here would be Linkin Park with From Zero, but I am open to hearing you out if you have a different idea! But, this was easily music's biggest comeback story, both in terms of just the story itself and for how well-received From Zero turned out to be. It's the band's first album in seven years with a new vocalist who was doing the impossible in replacing Chester Bennington, and I don't think it could have gone any better. What do you think, though?

It’s no context — From Zero wins this. That record was the epitome of a comeback. They came back almost out of nowhere, and people rallied right alongside them. They did the impossible, like you said, so I totally agree.

With that said, our next category is the biggest surprise of the year! This can be a mixture of an album that really blew us away, and we didn’t expect it to be as good as it was, or an album that came out that we had no idea about, but it was great. My nominations lean into both of those, but here’s what I got (and a couple of these may overlap with the last one, actually):

Linkin Park - From Zero

Kendrick Lamar - GNX

Bilmuri - American Motor Sports

I wonder if some of these will be the same for you, but I’m curious as to what really surprised you this year.

I'm definitely with you on both From Zero and American Motor Sports, and I can give you GNX for this nomination as well, because all three of those were great albums that came out of nowhere, for one reason or another. To round out the nominations, I'll throw these into the ring:

Windwaker- Hyperviolence

Cory Wells- Harboring the Hurt I've Caused

And the winner is...

I’m torn between From Zero and GNX, so unless you have another pick, I’m happy with either of those, because those are the two albums that surprised me the most, although Bilmuri surprised me a lot, too, because I had never listened to his music proper. My gut is leaning towards From Zero, though, because that album really surprised me, where I was never a fan of Linkin Park beforehand, but what do you think?

Funnily enough, I was torn between Linkin Park and Bilmuri, and since we talked about Linkin Park a good bit already, I'll get into a little bit of why I think Bilmuri is one of the picks deserving of this spot. Like you, I had never listened to this band's music before, but when I started hearing the singles for this album, I was really blown away by just how good they were, and that goes for the album as a whole. It almost has no business being as good as it is, because at first glance, country songwriting with djenty metalcore riffs really shouldn't work, and yet it does so well.

That said, I'm happy to give it to From Zero, because like we both mentioned before, no one saw this coming, and even more so, it turned out better than anyone could have hoped for.

That’s why Bilmuri surprised me, because I hadn’t heard his music before, but the country instrumentation with djenty riffs and breakdowns really caught me by surprise. GNX caught me by surprise for being a great album that literally had no hype or anticipation, it just showed up, and it was awesome. From Zero, however, takes the cake for me for being an album I didn’t expect, but also being an album I ended up really loving. It really made me a fan of theirs, and that’s genuinely the biggest surprise I had for the whole year.

Our next category is another kind of surprise — biggest disappointment. These are albums that we were excited to hear, but they fell short a bit. I combed through all my reviews and I found a few that I wanted to nominate:

Cane Hill - A Piece Of Me I Never Let You Find

Many Eyes - The Light Age

Belmont - Liminal

Let me stress that this doesn’t mean these albums are bad, and these are far from it, but these are albums that let me down a bit, so what do you have for your nominations?

Like you, I'd say that the albums I chose for this bit aren't at all bad, but for the most part, I was underwhelmed because I expected to at least enjoy them a solid amount and listen to them more than just a couple times.

10 Years- Inner Darkness

Seether- The Surface Seems So Far

I think for our winner, I'll get behind Many Eyes out of our nominations. I still thought that album was pretty solid, all things considered, but considering the other member of Every Time I Die put out an absolutely banger of an album with Better Lovers, Keith Buckley's first album back post-ETID breakup just falls a little flat. What say you?

The debut Many Eyes album is my pick, too, especially out of these, but the new Cane Hill is a close second, just because of how long it’s been since their last album. I liked both of these, but yeah, I only listened to Many Eyes a few times and got tired of it, because it was just like everything he did with Every Time I Die. Many Eyes gets it, for better or worse, but hopefully their next album is more interesting.

Our next category is best unpopular album, and these are albums that weren’t very liked by a lot of people, but we found enjoyment with them, anyway. I only have two, but I’m curious to see what you have, too:

Lil Dicky - Penith

Justin Timberlake - Everything

So, I only really have one nomination for this myself, but I think it's one you'll definitely agree with, at least based on our previous discussions, and that's Wage War's Stigma.

This is an album that a lot of the metal community didn't like, and while I can understand why, it's only to a certain extent. I think I personally prefer Manic, but Stigma is an album that further expands on what they've been doing for the last couple reasons, and they take some really cool left turns along the way. The unfortunate thing is, it's not the same crushing metalcore a lot of their fanbase wants, so I think it gets a lot of undeserved hate.

Honestly, I would say that's my winner for this one, but I'm curious about what you think. I could see a case being made for JT, but at least with him, I kinda get why people's view of him as a person might cause them to just dismiss the album, regardless of quality.

Yeah, I’d say that Stigma wins for this category; I liked Manic a lot more, too, but Stigma is still a solid album. I could make cases for my picks, but I can at least get why people don’t like my picks, even if they were unnecessarily hated. Stigma is an album that really fans didn’t like because it just wasn’t as heavy, so Stigma gets it. With that said, what’s our next category?

For our next category, we have Best Underground/Unknown Album, and this is basically just an album from a band or artist who isn't on any label or has any real name recognition yet, but we feel like they should, because they put out an awesome release in 2024. What are some of your nominees for this one?

For this one, I went with exactly what you said: albums from bands that aren’t either on a label, or have any real name recognition, and I got three, at least out of stuff on my list, anyway:

Brigette Calls Me Baby - The Future Is Our Way Out

Out Of/Into - Motion I

Fluorescents - Scream It At Me

What have you got?

Ooh, yeah, that Fluorescents album was great, and would definitely be one of my picks as well! Here are my two others:

Midfield- self-titled

Lily Kershaw- Pain & More

I'm honestly happy to give the win to any of these, so I'll turn it over to you! I'll give the edge to Fluorescents, though; I think that album shows a ton of promise, especially for a debut album.

Yeah, Fluorescents totally works, because I really love that album, especially as a debut album from a band that’s from my neck of the woods (well, home turf, anyway). Fluorescents gets the win, in that case, and a well-deserved one, at that.

Our next category is most underrated album! This category is slightly different, as these are albums that were relatively popular, but they just didn’t get the love they deserved, or the very least, got overshadowed by other stuff that came out. Here’s what I’m going to nominate:

Bayside - There Are Worse Things Than Being

Lupe Fiasco - Samurai

Rain City Drive - Things Are Different Now

I’m curious to see what you have, because they could very well be the same!

Well, you would be absolutely correct, both Bayside and Rain City Drive made my nominations as well! Both were very loved by their respective fanbases, but didn't quite as the broader love and support they deserved. My other picks for this category would be:

Makari- Wave Machine

The Early November- self-titled

I'm tempted to give the win to Bayside, but I almost think the reason it's underrated is because a lot of people almost take Bayside for granted in how consistent and solid they've been for the better part of a decade+, and this album really was them at some of their creative peaks. But, I can also see a case for Rain City Drive; it's pretty much an unspoken rule in life that any band Jonny Craig is kicked out of automatically gets better, but I feel like Rain City Drive got left behind after their first album with current vocalist Matt McAndrew, and they didn't deserve that, because this album rules.

I gave one of mine to Lupe Fiasco, because as much love as the album got in the hip-hop scene, it didn’t get much love elsewhere. Even after a bit, people kind of forgot about it, unfortunately. I thought the same for Bayside and Rain City Drive, too, because Bayside is one of those bands that’s been around for a long time, yet Rain City Drive were dealt with a bad hand after they kicked Jonny Craig to the curb. I’ll give it to one of them, so I’ll leave it up to you.

You know what, I think I'll give the win to Rain City Drive here, because I think given the chance and exposure, they could really take that next step, and I think that's worth celebrating.

Next up, we're gonna flip this one on its head and talk about Most Overrated Album. These are albums that are good, maybe even great, but we felt like they got more attention then they maybe deserved, at least in place of more exciting releases. My nominees are:

Alpha Wolf- Half Living Things

Real Friends- Blue Hour

Cane Hill- a piece of me i never let you find

Honestly, Rain City Drive getting the win seems right, because they’re a band that’s underrated in their own right. Anyway, I’m definitely surprised at your picks here, although I certainly agree with all three. I went towards more mainstream music for mine, and these might even be contentious and controversial, but hear me out:

Jack White - No Name

Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter

I picked these, because as good as they were, they weren’t defining releases of the year, especially in Jack White’s case. I respect Cowboy Carter more than I really like it, but it was a messy album that didn’t know what it was trying to do, especially throwing a lot of ideas at you. I’m surprised you put the new Real Friends album, too; I liked that album, but I never reviews it, because I found it kind of boring, at least in the sense that it may have been their best album, but it felt like it came out ten years too late. Really, any of these have a shot at winning, but what do you think?

I watch a lot of music YouTubers who happen to listen to primarily metal, and almost all of them were really hyping up the new Alpha Wolf to be one of the year's best releases, so I was excited to check it out, but while I thought it was good, I didn't really see what everyone else was seeing in it that made it *that* good. Like, sure, the Ice-T collab was awesome, but I wish the rest of the album had more of that swagger and fun. And as for Real Friends, I think it's one of those cases where the pop-punk community wants to hype this band up still because they were one of the OGs of the 2010s scene, but unlike State Champs and Neck Deep, among others, I feel like this album didn't really do anything to make them take that next step, even if they improved a good amount since they switched vocalists. They feel like a band stuck in time, and I don't quite get why they still get the love they do in the scene.

I haven't listened to either the Beyonce or Jack White albums, but I will say, from everything I hear about it, the new Jack White seems like it's just a "tr00 rawk" fan's fever dream, and I don't know if anyone outside of them have really cared since after the White Stripes days, so I'm leaning towards that one for our winner.

Yeah, the new Alpha Wolf album was good, but it was boring beyond belief, like it was just breakdowns and harsh vocals. I also sorta feel like the nu-metalcore trend is starting to get overplayed, like we’ve heard it a million times before, and they just didn’t do anything with that sound. I feel the same way about Real Friends, too; their new album is good, but it still feels like they’re stuck in 2014.

As for Jack White, honestly, I’d go with that one, too. I liked it when it came out, but I honestly kinda forgot about it. I’ll go with that one, too, because it is a good album, but it’s a generic blues-rock album that admittedly does have some cool riffs and ideas, but that’s it.

Our next category is, well, best country MAGA heel turn from a butt-rock singer, and all I’ve gotten written here are:

Aaron Lewis - The Hill

Aaron Lewis - The Hill

Aaron Lewis - The Hill

Do you have anyone different? This is just odd that it’s all the same name and album!

Huh, that is odd, let me check to see if I have anything different:

Aaron Lewis- The Hill

Aaron Lewis- The Hill

That's so weird, I have the same album, too! I wonder how this happened!

Well, I guess the winner is Aaron Lewis with The Hill, don’t you think? I believe this is what they call “foreshadowing,” wink wink, because this album will most likely be spoken about again. I will say, however, that this album blew me away for how blatantly MAGA-coded it was.

Aaron Lewis had been going down this path for the last several years now, but this was the album where the mask fully slipped, and it's honestly baffling just how awful and pandering to MAGA it really is. It honestly feels like Lewis fired up ChatGPT, fed a bunch of Fox News transcripts through it, and then told it to generate the most generic and bland country album you can think of. I mention Fox News specifically because nearly every lyric is pulled right out of the MAGA grievance playbook, and he genuinely believes he's speaking truth to power or whatever nonsense.

The first track of this album is literally about how people should get along, regardless of political affiliation, and instead go fishing, but he slips a “let’s go Brandon” remark in there, like he can’t help himself. Not only does that make it so dated already, it just plain sucks. This album really does feel like Fox News and ChatGPT got together, but it’s truly bafflingly awful.

Speaking of awful, the next category is a band who should just stop. These are bands that either put out music this year, or they’re just so bad, they need to stop. Here’s who I got, and I put a few more here, because I figured ours might be the same:

Falling In Reverse

Eminem

Staind

Skillet

Nothing More

I have no objections to any of these nominations, and I would have picked most of the same ones, so I think we're set here! Now, let's break these down a bit.

I think I'll eliminate Nothing More first, because while I very much think they're a band who are very far up their own asses and they can never get out of their own way to reach what potential they might have, I at least think they *could* turn it around one day if they wanted to. I don't think they ever will, but I can at least sort of see the vision there. Next, Staind honestly isn't even worth mentioning, because it's so obviously just something Aaron Lewis pulls out every so often when he needs an influx of cash, and if there's one thing the red-state radio rock crowd loves, it's nostalgia for bands way past their prime, or who arguably never had a prime in the first place. So, I think this leaves us with three main possibilities with this one, so I'll throw it back to you for your thoughts on those artists!

I’m fine with taking off both Nothing More and Staind, especially with the former having some potential, and the latter just not even being worth mentioning, because Aaron Lewis is a solo artist now, basically, and only dusts them off when he needs the cash. I say take off Skillet, too, because as bad as they are, they’re more or less harmless in that their brand of hard rock is so tame and milquetoast, they don’t even have any impact to speak of.

Both FIR and Eminem have a case against them; Ronnie Radke is just one of the worst musicians of all time, and with the MAGA pills he’s swallowed, he’s only gonna get worse, but Eminem is a case of where he’s just too old. His new album was basically him trying to relive the glory days, and it’s really bad, so he should just give it up at this point, so I don’t know which one is worse. You could say Ronnie Radke is, but Eminem is just as harmful, because he uses a lot of transphobic language and slurs on his new album, basically because he can, not because he has anything to say. What do you think, though?

I'll also agree about Skillet, because while vocalist John Cooper is a MAGA, Fox News-pilled asshole now, Skillet's music as a whole is the kind of bland and generic radio rock that you can just ignore, because it's mostly harmless, even if it does have its particularly bad moments.

When it comes to Eminem, I think it's interesting, because while there's no denying the impact and influence he had in the 90s, and I think that gets him at least some points, he hasn't been able to take that and use it to evolve his career beyond that, or when he has tried to, his fans didn't like it as much, so he had to revert back to his same tired tricks. His latest album is a perfect case of this, and at this point, it's just tired. It's okay to admit that you don't have it anymore, that your only move is resorting to being edgy and barely hiding bigotry, and I really wish Em would.

On the other hand, Ronnie Radke is someone who never had it to begin with. I know people have some form of nostalgia for that first Escape The Fate album that put him on the map all those years ago, but even that hasn't aged very well at all, and Radke's a massive reason why. I've never been able to tolerate him as a vocalist, and even back then, he had this air of douchey, wannabe tough guy energy, but the thing is, that's all he has, and this new album is just so played out. The man really just needs to drop the pretense and start a show on Rumble or something, because all he does now is go on TikTok and air out his grievances with people who dare to criticize him. And the music does not at all justify any of it, it's the most generic yet try-hard Octanecore you could imagine, only further "bolstered" by Radke's supreme asshole and bigoted behavior.

This is all a rather long-winded way to say that I think our boy Ronald takes the cake here. Falling In Reverse just needs to stop, because nothing justifies giving a man like Radke a platform under any circumstances.

That’s a good assessment, for sure, so Ronnie does get it, especially where Em had talent and a career to begin with. Falling In Reverse just never did, and somehow they have a bunch of fans, which constantly baffles me, because I don’t get it.

Anyhow, our next category is best metalcore and post-hardcore album. I wanted to put these genres in their own category, because these are huge genres that span a lot of sub-genres and styles, and the world of metalcore and post-hardcore throve in 2024. You may have a couple of the same ones I do, but I wanted to nominate a couple more, just in case you do (and the list of great albums were a lot):

Knocked Loose - You Won’t Go

Better Lovers - Highly Irresponsible

The Ghost Inside - Searching For Solace

SeeYouSpaceCowboy - Coup De Grace

Looking back on this year, I think it was particularly strong for the heavier scenes. There were so many great releases across the various subsets of metal and post-hardcore that you can't really go wrong. I would agree that Knocked Loose and Better Lovers are deserving of nominations, but I have a few of my own I'd like to throw into the ring:

Too Close to Touch- For Keeps

Void of Vision- What I'll Leave Behind

Windwaker- Hyperviolence

Bring Me The Horizon- Post Human Nex Gen

It's gotta be Knocked Loose, right? It may not totally be my thing personally, but there's no denying how great that album is and the impact it had this year.

Oh, yeah, that new BMTH album was pretty solid, I forgot about that one! That was a good album, and those others were solid, too, but Knocked Loose would get the win from me, personally, because of how good it is, and how it made them utterly massive. Hell, they played Jimmy Kimmel this year, and that’s crazy on its own, so if you’re cool with that, I say we give it to Knocked Loose.

For our next award, let's talk about Most Listened To Album! This is pretty self-explanatory; it's simply the album we played the most throughout the year, the one we just couldn't get enough of. Since this is another pretty broad one, I think we can both choose a winner for this, so here are my nominees:

Bilmuri- American Motor Sports

State Champs- self-titled

Bayside- There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive

Linkin Park- From Zero

Bring Me The Horizon- Post Human Nex Gen

All of these albums are great, but they're also ones I kept playing as the year went on, or that I just couldn't get enough of after they came out. What are some of yours?

Ooh, yeah, I like the sound of that! I wasn’t sure how you wanted to do that, but I love the sound of each of us having an individual winner. In that case, here are the few albums I kept playing all throughout this year. I played more than five quite a lot, but these are the five that I played the most, or went back to the most:

Linkin Park - From Zero

Lil Dicky - Penith

Lupe Fiasco - Samurai

Childish Gambino - Atavista

Denzel Curry - King Of The Mischievous South, Volume 2

So what’s your winner gonna be?

Without hesitation, it's gotta be Bilmuri's American Motor Sports. It came out at the tail end of June, and it was basically my album of the summer. At 28 minutes (although he's since released a deluxe edition, which is also great), it's an album you can replay over and over again and not get tired of it, and we talked about it a little bit earlier, but the mix of country and metalcore combined with Johnny Franck's ability to write some of the catchiest hooks you'll hear all made for an album that's one of those lightning-in-a-bottle releases.

What's your winner?

Bilmuri’s American Motor Sports was one of my most played albums, but it wasn’t quite in my top five. I think if I did a top ten, it would have made the bottom half, but it was a great album, nonetheless. I do agree that it’s one of those albums you can play at any time, because it’s so short and sweet (the original version, anyway). Mine is a similar one, and I have to give it to Linkin Park again with From Zero. It would have been Lil Dicky’s Penith, because that album was my most played for most of the year, but I kept playing From Zero, and I couldn’t stop. That album is great, too, because it’s a crisp 32 minutes, so it’s something you can keep going back to. It’s got the right amount of hooks, heaviness, and replayability that I kept playing it.

Our next category is Going Out On A High Note, and these are bands or artists that released their final album this past year, or what could be their final album (especially because I only got two, although technically three, because one artist dropped two albums this year). So here’s what I went with:

Judas Priest - Invincible Shield

Childish Gambino - Atavista / Bando Stone

Judas Priest didn’t release their final album this year, but it very well could be, and if it is, this thing is quite good. What about you, though?

My two nominations are bittersweet, but for very different reasons:

Too Close to Touch- For Keeps

Sum 41- Heaven x Hell

Sum 41 decided to call it quits after nearly 30 years as a band, and are just wrapping up their final round of touring as we write this, and this double album is really a celebration of their entire career, and while I wouldn't quite put it in the best of their discography, I think it's a very admirable final release from a band with a very storied career.

Too Close to Touch, on the other hand, got dealt a really tragic hand with the passing of vocalist Keaton Pierce a couple years ago. No one really knew what was gonna happen, but they had an album's worth of songs they had been working on prior, so they decided to call in the help of some friends in the scene to complete it and put it out as their final release. This is is admittedly not gonna have as big of an impact if you're not a fan already, but for myself, it was a very effective, if bittersweet, album to go out on.

I think out of all of these nominations between the two of us, I can make a pretty good case for Childish Gambino; it goes without saying that Donald Glover's had a very prolific career, so him deciding to retire the Gambino name is a huge deal, and then on top of that, we got two albums as a final swan song, both of which are very good, even great. What do you think, though?

Honestly, the new Sum 41 album is quite good; I’ve never been a huge fan of theirs, but I thought it was solid for what it was. Same goes for Too Close To Touch, especially where they’re from my neck of the woods, so that’s a bittersweet ending, too. I’d absolutely give it to Donald Glover, however, just because of him releasing two albums (one of which being a remaster, so to speak, of an album he dropped in 2020 that had little to no fanfare), and with him being a prolific Renaissance Man by making music, acting, directing, writing, producing, and many other stuff, he can do almost anything. Hell, he also got nominated for a Golden Globe this year for the show Mr. & Mrs. Smith, so that has to tell you something.

No arguments from me there, so our winner is Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino! I am very curious to see what he does next if he decides to make music again, I imagine it'll be very different and that's exciting.

Next up is Best Record Label! These are the labels who kept putting out consistent bangers throughout the year and led the music community buzz. I have a couple of nominees for this one, including:

Pure Noise Records

Sharptone Records

Hopeless Records

The best record label is a fun one, because there are a handful of labels that keep the music community buzzing. Your nominees are great, because I had a couple of those, too, including Pure Noise and Hopeless, but I’ll add a couple for the sake of it, too:

Blue Note Records

Epitaph Records

Although, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, Pure Noise wins by a mile. They put out the new Knocked Loose, State Champs, and SeeYouSpaceCowboy albums, as well as many more, but what say you?

Yep, I was definitely leaning towards Pure Noise as well! They had a really great year across a few different genres, but in particular, the Knocked Loose album alone hitting as much as it did puts them on top for me.

For our next award, we wanted to switch things up slightly and present a specific artist with a highly esteemed award that not many artists get: the lifetime of awfulness achievement award. This award is for artists so bad that they’ll go down in history for how bad their material is. The recipient for this year’s award put out a song so awful that it puts anything else to shame. That artist is Tom MacDonald, and he wins this award for the song he released with Ben Shapiro of all people. This song is one of the worst things to ever be created in the name of art, and I’m more than honored to award MacDonald with a lifetime of awfulness achievement award. What are your thoughts on this amazingly terrible artist and song?

I'll be honest, before this song, I had never heard of this guy before, but sometimes, something comes along that's so utterly baffling and awful that you can't help but pay attention. And this collab with Ben Shapiro is exactly that; if you wanted to hear what you get when you mix your dime-a-dozen SoundCloud rappers with neo-Nazi, white supremacist talking points, and add in a "verse" from Ben Shapiro, you'll get that when you listen to "Facts." That pretty much says everything you need to say right there without any further explanation, because it's just an awful combination all around.

I’ve known about Tom MacDonald for years, and he’s been the epitome of bad rap music that conservatives like, because he speaks against the status quo and doesn’t talk about the same things other rappers do (which basically just means they like him for being white). These are the same fans that say they “don’t like rap, but…” then mention him, Eminem, J. Cole, or a rapper that’s cool to like. Having Ben Shapiro is just icing on the cake, because why include that clown? This song deserves an award all its own, hence why we gave it to Tom (who’s also Canadian, by the way; he isn’t from the United States).

The next category is something better, thankfully, and that’s best rock / alternative album. This one is a little broad, and I made it that way on purpose, so any album that falls into the rock and alternative spectrum works here. Here’s what I decided to nominate, so let me know what you picked:

Bayside - There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive

Rain City Drive - Things Are Different Now

Brigitte Calls Me Baby - The Future Is Our Way Out

Ah, we're lining up pretty nicely here, too, because I would totally nominate Bayside and Rain City Drive as well! I do have some others, though, and those are:

The Early November- self-titled

Stand Atlantic- Was Here

Anberlin- Vega

This one is a real toss-up, I'd be happy to give it to any of these as they are all really deserving. That said, I think I'll throw my hat in for Bayside! In terms of just straight-up rock/alternative albums, I probably loved Bayside the most. What say you?

Bayside it is, because I was going to give it to them, too! You could technically call Bayside a pop-punk band, but they also call into alternative, rock, and even hard-rock with some of their heavier moments. There Are Worse Things Than Being Alive is definitely my favorite rock album of this year, because it took everything that I first loved them for, but updated it for 2024. I first listened to them back in 2007, and that record reminds me a lot of The Walking Wounded from that year.

With that said, let’s move onto the best hard-rock and metal album! Again, this one is pretty broad, so I recycled a few picks from other categories, but if it falls into hard rock or heavy metal of any kind, it works:

Judas Priest - Invincible Shield

Linkin Park - From Zero

Knocked Loose - You Won’t Go

What do you have for this one?

From Zero absolutely makes my list of nominees for this one, but there were plenty of other great releases, including:

Fever 333- Darker White

Bilmuri- American Motor Sports

Now, here's where we can have a bit of a debate, because I think it's pretty much between Linkin Park and Knocked Loose. Knocked Loose shot themselves to the top of the metal and hardcore game with this new album, and Linkin Park came back under the most impossible of circumstances and released one of their best albums in years. It could really come down to a coin flip, so I'll let you take the lead on this one.

Those are the main two that I’ve been thinking about myself, but personally, it all comes back to what I revisited more this past year. Knocked Loose’s newest album was a behemoth record, but if we are talking what the more accessible album is, and what album falls into a broader definition of metal and hard-rock, I say Linkin Park gets it. It really is down to a coin flip, because they both really could, honestly, but From Zero just inches past the edge for me, personally.

I can definitely see your thinking there, so Linkin Park and From Zero takes another one!

Next up, we have another bit of a fun one, the Biggest Embarrassment Award. This one goes out to the band or artist who just, for one reason or another, just couldn't get out of their own ways and really just kept falling flat on their faces. I have a feeling we're gonna have the same nominees, so I'll let you reveal yours before we discuss!

Now this is a fun one, but these are all artists or bands that just embarrassed the hell out of themselves this past year, like you said. I guarantee we will have the same picks, so here’s what I got:

Drake

Ronnie Radke / Falling In Reverse

Tom MacDonald

Aaron Lewis

Hardy

Yep, these are all my picks as well, minus Hardy, but only because I honestly forgot about him and that he dropped an album this year. He totally fits, though, but anyway, let's talk this out. I think it would be easy to just mail this right in to Drake, because man, he had about the worst year anyone could have on the losing side of a beef. None of his tracks against Kendrick Lamar hit at all, and the way he went about making some of them rubbed people the wrong way, like for example when he used an AI-generated Tupac vocal in one of them. And even worse, he dragged down all the artists who were still willing to work with him. No one in that orbit made it out unscathed, really. All that said, I to think there's a case to be made for a couple others on here, namely Ronnie Radke and Tom MacDonald. We talked about both of these guys above, so there's not too much else to say, but I think what makes Ronnie embarrassing is that he genuinely seems to think he's some badass edgelord rebelling against his haters by making bank and topping the Octane charts, when in reality his reputation outside of the FIR diehards and the Octane crowd is so laughably low that no one even really pays him any mind anymore. And in Tom MacDonald's case, the most noteworthy thing he's done is make one of the worst rap songs anyone's ever heard by putting Ben Shaprio on it, and that's all you really need to say. So, where do you think this all ultimately shakes out, and who takes the win in your mind?

I put Hardy here for one big reason: his new album is bad, but at the same time, his whole schtick now is that he isn’t going to quit despite what the haters say. His latest album is titled “Quit!!” because of that, and it’s so embarrassing to me. I know he won’t get it, but I wanted to round our lineup. As for who gets it, you can make strong cases for each of them, especially Ronnie Radke and Tom MacDonald. Radke not only put out a bad album, but consistently puts his foot in his mouth by saying and doing stupid stuff, whereas Tom MacDonald just lets his bad music speak for itself. If I had to give it to someone, though, it’d be Drake, hands down. Imagine being on the losing end of the biggest rap beef in the last couple of decades, maybe more, especially losing that badly. He had the most public embarrassment of the entire year, and then Kendrick released one of the best albums of the year on top of it, whereas does anyone remember the album that Drake put out in 2023? That album was awful, so he’s been on the downswing for a long time.

Congrats, Drake, this might be the only W you take this year!

Next, while we love talking about music ourselves, something we introduced last time we did a check-in was shouting out other creators we enjoyed! So, this next award is Favorite Music YouTuber. These channels provided us with plenty of entertainment this year, showed us some new music, and helped make the online music community a brighter, less toxic place. My nominees are:

Emo Social Club

The Breakdown with Nath and Johnny

Roguenjosh

Emo Social Club is one I mentioned in our last update, but they're a channel I discovered through TikTok over the last year, and they talk a lot about nostalgic music in our emo/pop-punk/alt scene, and the two hosts are a lot of fun and seem pretty chill when it comes to their tastes and how they present their opinions without being gatekeepy or close-minded, which this community needs. The latter two are both reaction channels that primarily focus on metal, but I really like Nath and Johnny because their dynamic reminds me a lot of ours when it comes to how we talk and think about music, and Josh used to be the bassist for a post-hardcore band called Capulet, and I enjoy hearing his perspectives as a musician in that genre.

What were some of your favorite music creators this year?

When we first met back in 2012 / 2013, I was heavily involved in the music reviewing scene, but I got very disillusioned with that whole scene as I got older. I felt like that a lot of the bigger creators were more about the clout than the music, and I still feel that way about a bunch, but I’ve gotten sort of into that scene again. The ones I do follow certainly bring positivity into the scene, and they’re about the music, versus about how cool they are for listening to. With that said, I got a few that I wanted to nominate:

The Metal Meltdown

BangerTV

Cereal At Midnight

Channel 33 RPM

For some context, The Metal Meltdown is a metal channel that mainly talks about metal and hard-rock, but the guy behind it, Robert, talks about how he does like other kinds of music, and he’s been a champion against elitists and metalheads that think all kinds of music suck except for metal. BangerTV isn’t just one person, but a whole collective of creators that specialize in one or two sub-genres, such as death metal, black metal, folk metal, stoner metal, or even nu-metal. Cereal At Midnight is a channel that deals with physical media, but he loves all kinds of music and movies. Channel 33 RPM is similar, too, but he talks about vinyl, yet their content is both the art forms first, not just having stuff and being cool for it.

I say we each pick a winner, because we both had creators this past year that we loved. For my pick, it’ll be The Metal Meltdown. I don’t have a lot of heavier releases on my list, but I always tuned in to his videos. What about you?

For my pick, I'd have to go with Emo Social Club. They're the channel that probably had the most impact on me this year as far as what I listened to when I did that big When We Were Young fest album deep dive, and I just really appreciate having a show based around a lot of nostalgia for our scene but also not being afraid to say when something hasn't aged well or when something is just straight-up problematic (apparently, they pissed off Ronnie Radke a while back, which is hilarious that he even saw it, since they're really not a big channel in the large scheme of things). It's also really nice to not have that cynicism I feel a lot of internet music communities fell into, it's just all love, and honestly, the world could use more of that right now as we go into another few years of, shall we say, interesting times.

That’s a channel I need to watch more of, because I love they don’t sugarcoat when something hasn’t aged well. I can’t stand a lot of the “elder emo” scene these days, because all they do is jerk off these bands, even though a bunch of them haven’t aged well. Hilarious that they pissed off Ronnie Radke, though, because he seems to watch everything that he hates. We could also do without the cynicism, too, especially when we have too much of that in other scenes.

To be continued in part 2!