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peanutpinet · 8 months

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haii! I saw that you request is open. i want to request with mafia!jaehyun x wife!reader. Jaehyun and your brother (johnny) are known have died, killed by their rivals. unknowingly you're having a child years later, and when the other group saw, they wanted to kill both of you.

suprisingly, you were saved by nct and you mad at them being shadows and hide themselves from you for years especially jaehyun and johnny. so, (especially) jaehyun and the others regaining your trust back and want to be a dad in your child live, you're slowly trust him and others again (maybe there's an incident or something that jaehyun almost being killed cause he saved you and/or child(?)). thank you

Back For You - Mafia! Jaehyun x Wife! Fem Reader (ft Older Brother Johnny)

HAPPY 2024 EVERYONE!! I HOPE THAT EVERYONE HAD A GREAT JANUARY (jokes on me for saying happy new year but posting this at the end of January) I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING MIA BUT I was away for a 2-week holiday which took a lot out of me. Don't worry, I've tried to write a bit and while this isn't my best writing since I'm still trying things, I hope that the anon who requested this and those who are reading will still enjoy it!! Manifesting a better year for everyone!!

A/N: hi anon, thank you for requesting, it means a lot that you like my writing :(( coincidentally, I have been reading a few nct fics about the reader having the neos’ child but the neo never knew that they had a child. I do want to point out that this specific mafia story won’t be included in the mini mafia universe that I’ve made as the timeline doesn’t really match but I will make another Jaehyun mafia fic in the same mafia universe that I’ve created!

Also, to the anon who requested the Johnny & TY mafia, Jisung mafia, thank you guys for being patient but I am going through my requests (actually shocked I have several of requests because I didn't think my writing would be enjoyable without a smut sometimes). Also, also! TY's girl is making an appearance in the next two mafia fics and her name is Kim Eunji because I used this name for my translated version of TY's first mafia fic over on my Wattpad. Okay, onto the story!

Warnings: suggestive, angst, mentions of pregnancy and child birth, gunshots, blood, lil fluff

It took 5 years of trying to heal yourself from your loss. 5 years to finally be able to accept that it was now just you and your son, Yuno together. 5 years since your husband and brother, Jaehyun and Johnny respectively were reported to have died in a car accident. But those 5 years of acceptance and peace were soon ripped in a matter of seconds.

You were just picking up your son from daycare who was one of the last kids there because you had to finish your shift but when you had just arrived, you saw several black SUVs that came from around the corner.

At first you didn’t think much about it because you have never been associated with anything illegal nor have you done anything wrong in your life.

But right when you picked up your son and headed out, there were several men who came out of the SUVs and stopped in front of you and your son.

Instinctively, you held your son tighter to you as one of the men came towards you, mentioning a name that you have not heard in the past 5 years of your life.

“Are you Jung (Y/N), wife of Jung Jaehyun and younger sister of Johnny Suh?” one of the men questioned which made you wrap your arms around your son, your motherly instinct moved him behind you

“And who are you to ask?” you hissed but the man just chuckled until you noticed the other men surrounding you and your son

“We’d just like to ask you several questions about your husband and older brother. So if you would come with us and have a little chat…” the man mentioned, looking at your son. “We wouldn’t want the kid to see something that he wouldn’t want to see, now would we?”

“Mommy…” your son called out to you but you wouldn’t let him come out from behind you

“I don’t know how you know my name, my deceased brother and husband’s name but as far as I know, none of us have any association with people like you. And plus, like I’ve mentioned, my brother and husband are both dead. If there were any debts that they may have, their lawyer would’ve said something to me years ago” you tried your best to sound brave but in reality you feared what may happen to you and your son; especially when some of the men came closer

“You should come while we’re being civil” the man scoffed as he commanded the other men to take out some of their weapons as you shielded your son from the scene he might witness

But somehow, as if your husband has been protecting you even before your marriage, there were other men who came and took down all the men that were surrounding you before they could even do anything to you or your son.

Amongst the men who helped you, there was one with white/silver hair and black tint underneath. He walked past everyone and stood in front of you, his eyes was big but his eyebrows made him have a more strict look.

What he did next was what you didn’t expect. The man kneeled to your son’s level and even called him by his name. “Hey, you must be scared, aren’t you? I’m Taeyong. You can call me uncle Tae. I know your father very well. You have his dimples and eyes but have your mom’s smile. You’re a brave boy like your dad”

“You know Jaehyun?” You asked as Taeyong looked at you, his eyes turned soft and even looked like he was sorry when he stood back up to face you

“I think he and Johnny should be the one to tell you everything. I have no right to get in between family business” Taeyong mentioned while you stood in shock

“W-what do you mean that he and Johnny…” you stuttered but Taeyong continued before you got to finish your sentence. “They’re alive. Both of them. We found them 5 years ago, barely breathing and they were both in a coma for almost a whole year but enough of that, how about I…”

“How do I know that you’re not using them to get to me or something? For all I know you could be working with those people from before or something” you questioned, making Taeyong sigh until you heard the very voices that you thought you would never hear ever again

“(Y/N)!!!” You heard Jaehyun shout and turning around, you saw Jaehyun, your husband and Johnny, your older brother; both of whom you thought were dead were now in front of you

“H-hey, hey” Jaehyun came and held you in his arms, pulling you to his chest as you sobbed whereas Johnny came to hug his nephew

“Sssh, I’m here. I’m so sorry. I’m alive. We’re alive” Jaehyun tried to calm you down but you broke down even more and hit his chest, pushing him away as your tears covered your vision

“How could you! Both of you!!” You screamed at both men who lied to you for the past 5 years. Both men whom you cherished close to you and mourned hard when you heard about their car crash and no bodies were found 5 years ago

“I cried for both of you. I mourned you both. I had to go through pregnancy and birth on my own. I did everything alone for the past 5 years. Y-you both don’t get to just waltz back in as if nothing happened” you cried, even falling to the ground as your son rush to your side, hugging you

“Sweetheart. Little flower” both Jaehyun and Johnny said at the same time, both coming closer but your son stood in front of you

“H-hey lil peach…” Jaehyun uttered, about to kneel down to your son’s height but just like Jaehyun, your son was overly protective of you ever since he was just 2 years old

“Go away” your son shouted as you tried to calm him but he kept on going. “Don’t make my mom cry”

“Lil peach, I’m not gonna…” Jaehyun tried to reach out to his own son but he was rejected. “No!!”

“You made my mom cry! I don’t want mommy to cry anymore!” Your son shouted but you quickly hugged him, calming him down. “Hey, hey. Jeong Yuno, what did mommy teach you?” you mentioned your son’s name, making Jaehyun tear up a bit because you named your son after his name

“Don’t shout at anyone. Don’t shout to your elders, okay? Especially your dad and uncle” you stroke your son’s head who looks at you with the same worried eyes as Jaehyun’s

“I don’t want you to cry anymore mommy. I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t mommy sad. I want mommy happy” your son mentioned, making both Jaehyun and Johnny’s hearts clench

“Mommy’s not sad. Don’t worry, mommy’s okay” you cooed your son, hugging him close to you as you lift him up

“(Y/n)…” Jaehyun uttered, trying to reach for both you and your son

“Don’t…I, I can’t deal with this. I want to go home” you mentioned, your voice was clearly tired

“It’s not safe for you to go back home” Jaehyun mentioned. “Then where am I supposed to go Jaehyun?!” You argued back, Jaehyun clenching his fists

“We’ll take you back somewhere safe. Somewhere no one can find nor touch either of you. Somewhere I should’ve brought you to a long time ago” Jaehyun mentioned, directing to you one of the cars

“Little flower…” Johnny breathed but you walked past him, carrying your son tightly and protectively in your arms

“Know that I’m only going with you guys for my son’s safety and not because I’ve forgiven either of you just yet” you uttered, going into the car as Taeyong closed it before it went off

“Get some rest. Both of you. You can talk to her tomorrow” Taeyong mentioned, heading to his own car

“Hyung!” Jaehyun called out to Taeyong

“I told you that you both that you should’ve gone back to her back then. I kept my side of the promise and took care of her when you both went on that mission. But you broke your side of the promise to go back to her” Taeyong stated, looking at his two members

“I understand during the first year because you both were brutally injured from the accident but afterwards?” Taeyong reminded. “I don’t mean to butt into your family business but if either of you forgot, your wife and sister was pregnant and about to give birth when you guys were already awake from your coma. Regardless of your reasoning, both of you should’ve gone back to her. Losing two of your loved ones during pregnancy and birth is not easy and the fact that she went through all of that alone makes me respect her so much”

“I suggest you both discuss on your own. I can only do so much by ensuring her safety. You both already lost the past 5 years with her. Don’t lose her as well” Taeyong advised

Throughout the ride back to NCT’s penthouse, both Jaehyun and Johnny discussed how they were going to try and approach you. Johnny saying that he wants to approach you first because he is your only related family member left and he wants to make sure that you know he will always take care of you somehow.

But Jaehyun wanted the three of you to just sit down and talk so none of you misunderstood one another. Both Jaehyun and Johnny kept debating until they reached the room that Taeyong provided for you and your son.

Softly, Jaehyun knocked on the door, worried that he might accidentally wake you and your son but luckily you were still awake and answered the door.

Upon opening the door and seeing Jaehyun and Johnny, your first instinct was to shut it close but knowing both your husband and brother, you might as well talk it out with them and get it over with.

“What do you guys want?” you questioned, your voice coming out strong and rough, your eyes and nose were still red from all the crying

“Can we talk? The three of us. We owe you a full explanation about what happened and everything” Johnny mentioned, hoping that you’d give him and Jaehyun a chance to explain for themselves

“Not in here. I just put Yuno to sleep. He wouldn’t sleep until I fall asleep” you replied and hearing your reply, Jaehyun wanted to hug you and let you know that he never meant to leave you alone but he restrained himself until you finally accepted his apology and allowed him to be back in both you and your son’s life

“Let’s go next door then, it’s my room” Johnny suggested and you nodded in agreement

You came to find out that your room was situated between Johnny and Jaehyun’s room with Johnny being right next door and Jaehyun across your room.

Inside Johnny’s penthouse, you were welcomed with the modern but minimalistic interior with several additions of rare collectables which you knew your brother had been very fond of since young. You took in his entire place until you saw several framed pictures of him, Jaehyun, some of their other friends and even with you framed in the center amongst the other pictures.

“Do you still like your tea with 90% milk and sugar?” Johnny asked, already at the pantry, brewing up your favourite tea for you

“Yea, I can’t have too much caffeine during the night anyways” you replied, accepting the tea from your brother

“So, you guys going to explain yourselves on leaving me for the past 5 years?” you questioned, looking down at your husband and brother who sat across you

To say you were speechless was definitely an understatement because as much as you tried to understand their point of views, you became angrier than before. Ever since your brother was in high school, he had already been in the mafia and as for your husband, Jaehyun officially became apart of it when he almost graduated high school.

Not only were they able to keep this secret life from you for the past 10+ years, but the fact they also hide themselves for the past 5 years all because they were scared to face you when they were still injured just didn’t make sense to you.

“What the fuck do you mean that you were scared to face me?!” you shouted, standing up from the sofa, angry at both your brother and husband

“Flower, we wanted to back to you, I swear. We were just caught up with other things…” Johnny tried to reason. “We were both badly injured and barely able to process anything…”

“But you got back up. You could’ve come to me. Your friends could’ve said something. I want to understand you but I can’t. Do you know how hard it was when I found out I was pregnant but before I could tell either of you, I saw your car crash on the news. I almost lost my baby. I almost lost my son that day too if it weren’t for your mom coming over to visit me early in the morning” you rambled on, making both Johnny and Jaehyun even more guilty

“Does your mom even know, Jaehyun?” you asked but received no answer from him

“I’m leaving” you let out which made both Johnny and Jaehyun immediately stood up, blocking your way

“I mean I’m leaving this room and going back to see my son. I can’t be in the same room with either of you right now” I pointed out, about to head to the door but a hand grabbed my wrist and from the touch, I knew that it was Jaehyun

“(y/n)…dimple…” Jaehyun let out that nickname he used to call me those years ago

The nickname that he gave me because he would always mention how he consider me as his dimple because his dimple is a part of him and he would always consider me as a part of him. I believed it, until he disappeared and reappeared back.

“Don’t call me that, Jeong” I hissed back, tears were threatening to spill again

“I swear I wanted to come back to you. Both me and Johnny. Me especially. I know what we did was horrible towards you and I’m not asking you to forgive and accept us back immediately but I just hope…” Jaehyun sighed. “I hope that you would at least let me into Yuno’s life. Let me be the father and husband I should’ve been all those years that I was gone”

Immediately, you ripped your arm away from Jaehyun and looked at him with anger and frustration. “You both got badly injured during and needed a year to fully recover fine. Your friends/members not coming to tell me anything about you because it’s classified, fined. But not telling your own mother and letting her, me and our son to believe that you were dead is beyond me. I don’t need words, Jeong. Neither does Yuno. All we wanted was for you to be there but you weren’t. You’re basically 5 years too late”

“I know” Jaehyun let out a shaky breath. “I, we, didn’t mean to lie to you and not come back sooner. We wanted to tell you but we were just waiting for the right time because we wanted to protect you long enough until we weren’t heavily involved anymore”

“Protect? Protecting me from those who were against you or protecting yourself from what might happen if you had told me before you disappeared?” you sighed

“You know what hurts more? Not when I lost both of you and almost lost Yuno that day. But the fact that I can’t hate either of you. I want to hate you both but I can’t. Because I know what it feels like growing up without a parent figure. I tried so hard to be that parent figure for Yuno but I could never replace his dad” you said, making Jaehyun more hopeful

“Don’t think that I’ve forgiven either one of you just yet. But I’m not as cruel as you to not see Yuno or try to be the father and uncle he should’ve had since he was born” you opened the door, ready to go back to your son. “I’m saying that you both can try your best to come back to our lives, but I can’t guarantee that either one of us would accept you. You might be the father Jaehyun but I was the one that took care of him the past 5 years and from what you’ve seen, our son doesn’t even consider you his dad even when I’ve told him and showed him pictures of you. Good night, Jaehyun, Johnny”

You left both men to the quiet and chill room with the loud noise of their own thoughts and guilt.

Despite leaving both Jaehyun and Johnny on a bad note, the two accepted your anger and instead, hearing you let out your own emotion fueled them to try their best to do whatever it took to get both you and Yuno’s apology.

The next morning, right when you were about to leave and bring Yuno to daycare, both Jaehyun and Johnny were right in front of your door as you came out with your son.

“Geezus, can you guys not this early in the morning?!” you sighed as your son gripped your hand tighter

“Sorry. We didn’t want to disturb your morning so we waited out here. But we got some breakfast sandwiches for both of you and caramel latte for you” Jaehyun mentioned, handing you the bag which you accepted

“Thanks. If there isn’t anything else, I really need to go and take Yuno to daycare and I also need to go to work” you mentioned, about to walk past both men but they stopped you before you could take another step

“What is it this time?” you asked, raising your eyebrow

“Sorry lil sis, I don’t think you should be going to work anymore” Johnny said, making you scoff. “You might be my older brother but you don’t have the rights to tell me what I can or cannot do”

“Johnny’s right (y/n). Those men the other day know who you are. It would only take time before other people would find you or Yuno and neither me nor Johnny wants that to happen again” Jaehyun replied, looking at you with those damn worried eyes

“If I don’t work then how am I supposed to afford a living?” you argued, challenging both Johnny and Jaehyun

“We’re both here now. We’ll fund everything. Especially me. I’m going to fun for both you and Yuno. I want to be the father that Yuno deserves to have. You can push me or Johnny away as much as you want but we will still try to squeeze ourselves back into both of your lives” Jaehyun mentioned and hearing his tone, you know how stubborn Jaehyun is going to be

Sighing, you agreed to not go to work and let your boss know that you have to quit so suddenly because of a family issue.

“Fine. I won’t go to work. But I’m not going to let my…”

“Our son” Jaehyun mentioned, making you roll your eyes. “Our son not go to school” you finished your sentence while Jaehyun kneeled down to Yuno’s height

“Of course not. I’ll take him to school and wait until his school ends” Jaehyun mentioned, smiling at Yuno, his dimples showing

But when Jaehyun took his hand out, trying to convince Yuno to come with him, Yuno shook his head. “No. I want to go with mommy”

“Lil peach…your mommy and uncle need to have a chat and I want to get to know you more” Jaehyun tried to convince him but Yuno stood his ground, gripping onto your leg

“Hey, hey lil bud” you mumbled, kneeling to your son’s height, holding his small hands in yours. “What did mommy tell you before?”

“Give daddy a chance” both you and Yuno said at the same time, making Jaehyun want to tear up knowing that despite what he did, you still taught your son to give him a chance

“That’s right lil bud. What happened to mommy shouldn’t be the reason for you to not give your daddy a chance. Also, it’s a good way to know if he’s actually making an effort. Plus, mommy needs to talk to uncle Johnny, okay? When you come back, mommy is going to make your favourite food, braised beef with toppokki” you mentioned, Jaehyun almost choked on his saliva hearing his son’s favourite food being the same as his

“Okay mommy” Yuno mumbled, looking over at Jaehyun who still offered his hand and slowly grabbed it

“I promise that I’ll keep him safe” Jaehyun mentioned, standing back up, softly holding his son’s hand

“On scratch on his body or any drop of blood, I will end you, Jeong” you threatened, kissing your son’s cheek as he kissed yours before letting Jaehyun take your son to daycare

Jaehyun’s POV

On the way down to my car, Yuno didn’t say a word and even when we were in the elevator, out of (y/n) and Johnny’s sight, Yuno let go of my hand which confused me.

“Lil peach…” I let out but Yuno’s reply shocked me. “Yuno. That’s my name. Not lil peach. Only mommy gets to call me other names”

“Okay, Yuno. Can you tell me why you let go of my hand?” I asked as the elevator opened to the car park and I directed him to my car

“Because even though mommy says you’re my daddy, you’re not” Yuno mentioned, getting into the car without my help

After closing the door to Yuno’s side, I went into mine and saw that he already put his seatbelt on his own. “Damn, this kid is too smart for a 5-year-old,” I thought to myself as I drove off

“Why would you say that I’m not your daddy?” I asked

“Because you hurt mommy. You made mommy cry” Yuno mentioned. “You might be my daddy but if you hurt mommy, you’re not my daddy. Wait until I grow up and I will be the only guy that mommy needs”

“You should know that without me, you wouldn’t exist. You can try all you want but I will win your mom back and then let’s see who the guy will come out on top” I scoffed, disbelieved at my own son’s words to me

“You can try but you’re no one to mommy. You’re not related by blood unlike me. You don’t know mommy like I do. You don’t know how hard mommy tries to be strong to take care of me. You don’t know that mommy likes to talk about you. You don’t know that mommy talks nice things about you but to me, you still hurt mommy. Especially when you came back” Yuno mentioned, making me grip the steering wheel harder

“H-Has your mommy been seeing someone else? Another guy?” I asked, being selfish and hoping that (y/n) hadn’t seen anyone else

“No. Though lots of guys have been trying to talk to her but when I ask mommy, she always mentions you” Yuno admitted, making me sigh with relief

“I won’t leave you both again. Especially your mom. I love her so much that I want to come back and take care of her. And you” I mentioned, parking by the daycare, looking at Yuno

“Why are you looking at me?” Yuno asked

“Because I need your help” I mentioned

Your apartment - Your POV

After Jaehyun left with Yuno, Johnny wanted to immediately talk but I told him that I wanted to grab several things from my previous apartment. Johnny agreed and he drove us to my old apartment.

“What actually happened since you found out that we were involved in an accident?” Johnny asked, his voice sounded nervous as we walked into my apartment

“Lots of things happened, John. I almost lost Yuno. I had to sell our old house to have enough money to live for a year or so since both of your accounts sacred and I only had the joint account with Jaehyun but even that, somehow, the account was frozen so after Yuno turned 1, I had to look for a job since I didn’t want to burden Jaehyun’s parents who were both already at old age” I explained, recalling one of the most traumatic moments in my life

“I’m sorry sis. We both are, really” Johnny let out

“I was lucky Jaehyun’s parents were still around. We were all sad at what happened to both of you. Did Jaehyun ever go back to his parents?” I asked but Johnny shook his head

“He was scared. We both were. When Taeyong and the others couldn’t find us, they froze our accounts, everything linked to us. Of course not your or his parents’ personal accounts. That’s how your joint account was frozen” Johnny explained

“What could have possibly scared the two of you more than me and Jaehyun’s parents getting angry at both of you?” I questioned, about to blow a fuse at my confusing brother for his reasoning but Johnny sushed me

“What is it now, John…”I let out but we both hear unfamiliar voices

“I thought you said that you saw that clueless bitch and somehow alived brother walking past here just now” an unknown man stated, making you worry and looked at Johnny who looked pissed

“(y/n), go into your room” Johnny looked at me, his hand was by his waist and I could see him holding a gun. “Now”

I didn’t need to be told twice and rushed to my room, locking it and as I was about to get under my bed, I heard a loud gunshot followed by several grunts. Not wanting to listen to all the noise outside, I decided to call the only other person that could manage to calm me down.

“Hello? (Y/N)” Jaehyun’s voice was a bit taken aback that I called him

“Jae…” I let out

“Where are you? Where’s Johnny? What happened?” Jaehyun asked, his voice was worried

“I’m at my old apartment. Johnny…” I was about to reply but heard another gunshot. “Johnny’s outside, there are some people that I don’t know of”

“Dimple…I’m sorry that you have to go through this two days in a row but one things for sure, we won’t let you be alone anymore. Talk to me dimple, tell me how you’re feeling” Jaehyun replied

“How are you so calm? What if something happens to Johnny and…I can’t lose either one of you again” you replied back

“It’s part of our job, dimple and you’re not going to lose either one of us again. What happened 5 years ago is a one time only. It won’t happen again. Me and Johnny will make sure of it” Jaehyun ensured me

“How’s Yuno? Did he cause any problems for you?” I asked, trying to get my mind off what was happening outside

“No problems at all. He just told me some things, that’s all. You really taught him well, didn’t you. He even stood up against his own father for his mom” Jaehyun joked

“That’s because he didn’t know you like I did” I replied

“And how did you know me, hmm?” Jaehyun teased, making me roll my eyes

Luckily, before I have to reply him, I heard Johnny called out to me. “(y/n)? Are you alright in there?”

“Johnny’s calling. I’ll um talk to you later then Jae. Don’t forget about Yuno” I told him but heard giggling. “Don’t worry about him. Go, Johnny’s going to get worried”

Turning off the call, I opened the door and saw Johnny who looked a bit tired but relieved. Immediately, I hugged him as he hugged back. “I’m okay, don’t worry about me. You’re okay, right?”

“I’m okay. W-what happened out there?” I asked but Johnny shook his head

“Nothing you should worry about. Come on. I’ll help you grab the things you need and we can head back” Johnny mentioned

It didn’t take long to take almost all the things because apparently, Johnny had called some of his friends to come and help us bring some of mine and Yuno’s things back to the penthouse.

Arriving back at the penthouse, Johnny and his friends helped me unpack some of my things and during the tidying up, we heard a ring to the door and Johnny opened it to let Jaehyun and Yuno in. Yuno immediately went up to me and I hugged him.

“Did you have a good day today?” I asked as Yuno nodded and took something out of his backpack, which was a drawing

“My teacher told us to draw something that makes us happy and I draw you being happy even if it’s with daddy and uncle” Yuno mentioned and I looked at the drawing he did

It was a simple kids drawing but knowing our history, it meant a lot that Yuno somehow is slowly accepting both Jaehyun and Johnny in his life even though they have been absent in both our lives for the past 5 years.

Sometime during the rest of the day, you and Jaehyun decided to cook together and after dinner, the two of you were doing the dishes together; reminiscing the times you both were in college and cooking in the small tiny dorms whilst Johnny and Yuno were getting to know each other.

“How did you manage to get Yuno to talk to you and actually like you?” you asked, waiting for the water to boil as Jaehyun was leaning on the counter after washing some of the dishes

“I wouldn’t say that he has completely accepted me but we managed to talk. He’s very smart for a 5-year-old” Jaehyun mentioned

“I know. I worry about him. I don’t want him to mature quickly just because of the situation. I want him to have a normal childhood where he’s loved and can have fun for as long as he can” you mentioned, looking over at Yuno who was actually having fun with Johnny

“(Y/N)” Jaehyun called out to me, making me look at him as he grabbed my hands in his; an act that he always did whenever he wanted to talk about something serious

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for both of you the past 5 years. I’m sorry I was a coward for not going back to both of you sooner and I’m sorry that I can’t turn back time to change all that because I know I would do anything to go back and be with the both of you. Especially you. I should’ve been there to take care of you. I should’ve been there to protect you. I should’ve been there to feel the pain you’ve felt because it was nothing compared to mine” Jaehyun mentioned, kissing the top of your hands, another habit that he likes to do to calm your nerves

“Jae…” you breathed out but Jaehyun didn’t let you continue. “Would you allow me and Johnny back? I know that it’s going to take a lot more to make up for the times we’ve lost but I’m willing to do anything for the both of you and…”

Kiss This time, you were the one that didn’t let Jaehyun continue and landed a soft kiss on his cheek, whilst caressing his jawline with one of your hands.

“You know that I hate all the bullshit talk. You might as well show me how sorry you are” you challenged Jaehyun who felt a sense of relief wash over him

But before you and Jaehyun could continue anything, both Johnny and Yuno came up to both of you. “Umm, sorry to disturb but I’m gonna take the lil guy back to my place” Johnny mentioned and Jaehyun was internally screaming thank you because he finally got to have some alone time with you after 5 years

“Do you need anything or any snacks bub?” you asked your son who just shook his head

“I’m okay, mommy. I wanna play some games with uncle Johnny!” Yuno exclaimed, making you giggle

“Alright. But don’t stay up too late. Go grab your pyjamas and backpack. Johnny, I trust you won’t be irresponsible. He has school tomorrow” you mentioned, looking up at your brother who just shrugged whilst your son rushed to his room

“I won’t. But I’m not so sure about you both so that’s why I’m offering to take care of the lil guy while you both sort things out together” Johnny snickered making you smack his arm while your son comes back, already wearing his backpack

“Bye mommy!!” your son greeted you as you went down to his height and he kissed you on your cheeks

“You behave alright. Don’t trouble uncle Johnny” you reminded as he smiled

“I promise don’t worry” your son replied and he went towards Jaehyun who also kneeled to his height. “Don’t make mommy cry!”

“I won’t lil peach. If she cries it’s because of a movie or something else” Jaehyun mentioned, making you smack his head. “You see. Your mom will kill me before I hurt her anyways”

Shaking his head, your son went over back to you and hugged you before going to grab Johnny’s hands, the two bidding both of you and Jaehyun goodbye.

“I should really get you and him to have more father and son outings before he really rebels against you” you mumbled while Jaehyun went behind you, snaking his arms around your waist, letting his head rest on the crook of your neck, giving it light kisses

“It’s alright. You’ve taught him well enough. He’s looking out for his mom anyways” Jaehyun murmured, sucking on your skin, making you moan as you let your head fall back

“I’ll teach him more though. If you’ll let me. I know that you’re worried but I’m more worried if something were to happen to both of you and I wasn’t around” Jaehyun sighed but you turned around, your hands wrapped around his neck

“I trust you Jae. You maybe a dick for leaving us for 5 years but you promise to make up for it. Then do it. Make up for your lost time with us. Treat us how you’re supposed to treat us those psat 5 years” you challenged him again

Without warning, Jaehyun lifted you up, forcing your legs to wrapped around his waist as he turned you around, making your back hit the wall as he captured your lips to his; one of his hand cupped your jaw, deepening the kiss between you.

When the two of you pull away and looked at each other, the two of you giggle just like when you were in college, sneaking around to make out with each other.

“Shall we continue it here or do you want the bed?” Jaehyun asked but you kissed him instead

“Anywhere Jeong. Just proof to me that you’re not leaving us again. I can’t deal with another loss” you cried but Jaehyun quickly shushed you

“You won’t. I’m promise. I came back for both of you and I’m staying for both of you. I’m sorry, dimple. I’ve missed you too. I’ve missed you so fucking much” Jaehyun kissed your temple, each of your eyes, the tip of your nose and then your lips

Each kiss makes you bring him closer to you as you cried on his chest while he cradles your body. “It’s okay. Let it out” Jaehyun knows that he can make up for all the intimate and sexual needs later and what’s important is to make sure is to tend your needs. Whatever you want or need, Jaehyun will do it.

When you finally relaxed in Jaehyun’s arms, you looked at him again with glossy eyes but to Jaehyun, you’re just as adorable as he remembers. Smiling and flashing his dimples, Jaehyun leaned down to give a softer kiss to your lips but you were the one that craved more.

“Someone’s eager. Bed?” Jaehyun asked but all you could do was nod

Immediately, Jaehyun carried you bridal style just as he did the night of your wedding when Jaehyun carried you to your bedroom.

Because of your motherly sense, you woke up earlier than you would have liked and went to the kitchen, slowly removing Jaehyun’s big arms. When you got to kitchen to make breakfast and check your phone, Johnny already texted you that he already took your son to kindergarten and told you to just rest.

Johnny: I took the kid to kindergarten already. We got some breakfast sandwich along the way and I’m gonna wait for him. You have fun with Jae ;)

You smile as you read the text, not realising that Jaehyun was eyeing you from the corner until you turned to see him leaning towards the wall with only his sweatpants, his chest was still bare from last night’s activities.

“Geezus. Can’t you at least knock. You’re going to make me have a heart attack” you exclaimed, making Jaehyun chuckle as he went next to you, kissing the side of your temple before backhugging you as you attempt to make breakfast

“I wouldn’t dream of it” Jaehyun murmured

The two of you just enjoyed each other’s company whilst making breakfast together until Jaehyun asked you a question that he wanted to ask. “Dimple” Jaehyun called out, making you look at him

“Why didn’t you get mad at me? Why didn’t you make me suffer more and longer? I deserved it you know. 5 years is a long time and not to mention for 9 months you were pregnant and had to raise Yuno on your own with my parents for the next few years. You could’ve made me beg for the next 5 years but you didn’t, why?” Jaehyun asked, making you blink a few times before going to stand in front of him, cupping his jaw in your small hands

“I’m disappointed. Not angry. There’s a difference. I’m still disappointed in you and Johnny but I know that there’s no point in staying angry for too long. Yes, I still don’t fully understand the world you guys are in but I know that it’s not easy at all and you both tried your best to take care of me and Yuno however you can. Let me ask you back. When Yuno turned 3 and I received an email from the bank that our joint account was not frozen anymore, it was you, wasn’t it? When I was struggling to pay the bills and suddenly the landlord said it was all cleared for the next year, it was you, right? When Yuno was sick and there was medicine in the mail, it was from you, wsn’t it?” you asked, and Jaehyun held your hand, rubbing it

“I was a coward. I helped you but I didn’t have the strength to face you. You should hate me” Jaehyun mentioned

“But I don’t because I know that when it comes to family, you would never forget us no matter what. I’m still hurt and need reassurance but I want us to be a family again. Only if you promise to be better” you replied and Jaehyun immediately kisses you

Pulling away for a moment, Jaehyun caresses your face and lets his forehead rest on yours as both your noses touch each other. “I fucking love you, you know that? I promise I’ll be better for you and Yuno. I’m officially back for both of you”

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android-and-ale · 2 months

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My Philon Awards Spirk Fic and Art Recs (Updated)

EDIT: Updated to include art links! Scroll down to feast your eyes!

It's Philon Awards Season! I'm going through my bookmarks trying to decide how to narrow down the many, MANY amazing fics and art I've voraciously consumed.

If you're not deep in the fandom you might not have heard of the awards. They're given at KisCon, the annual Kirk/Spock convention in Seattle. However, they're open to nomination and voting by anyone who enjoys Spirk, no convention membership required!

Click Here for a link where you can learn all about the categories and access the anonymous google form to nominate your favorites. You don't have to attend the con to vote. It's open to all Spirk loving fans!

I've assembled my own short list below. It doesn't begin to cover all the great fics published in the last year, and for some of these writers narrowing it down to only a couple nominations each was incredibly hard! (For the official nominations ballot, you can only chose a max of 3.)

Whether or not any thing below makes it onto your personal nominations lists, please check them out. This has been a great year in the fandom!

Short Fic (under 10K):

Lost and Found in Translation by @indeedcaptain

How to Win Plants and Influence Lizards by @indeedcaptain

We Need Disposable Towels In The Gym by @affixjoy

Baby It's Cold Outside by ChancelorGriffen/SpaceIsGay

Here We Go Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again (Again Again) by @flippyspoon

Melting Snow, Sweat, and Other Dripping Fluids by CampySpaceSlime

Long Fic (10K - 50K):

The Yeomen of the Garden by @cicaklah

Get Some by @flippyspoon

Please Don't Take Him Just Because You Can by ChancelorGriffen/SpaceIsGay

Way from Within by @gunstreet

Sugar In Your Hand by @werewolves-are-real

Don't You Know Me by @strangenewwords

Hurt by @therebewhaleshere

Novels (over 50K):

The Exiles by @jennelikejennay

The Recitation of Names by @jennelikejennay

Regulatory Relations by @indeedcaptain

(note: the author says RR will be complete before the end of the nomination period)

Mol-Kur by @uhuraprime

Of Trees And Telepathy by StupidCat

Traditional Art:

Untitled Nude Spock in Pencil by Florian/spirk-ny-love

The Ritual by Purple Enma

The Birth of Adam As Spirk by garneneva

A Piece of the Action by red-cicada

Untitled Spock as a Satyr by USS Genderprise

Untitled Pencil Screenshot Redraw by catloverkid00

Digital Art:

Captain's Gambit by Lorvee

Vulcan's Forge by CelestialVoyeur

Video of "Birdhouse in your soul" with Spirk art they drew by Knifecat111

Untitled Amok Time Portrait by Gensho

This Time In Front of the Klingons by Honey Ginsen

Untitled Shore Leave Gift by Eldar-of-Zemlya

A Barrier by iskander-tm

Kill Your Captain by asyncamestel

Untitled Plato's Stepchildren Art by daekiyu

Untitled Pride Month Pinky Kiss by who-i-am-is-who-i-am

(I might have to roll a D10 to pick my favorite art for the official nomination form. It's been such a good year, and so much stuff scrolls past with only a few seconds of appreciation. Treat yourself to another look!)

Shameless Self Recs (both fics under 10K):

And Filled With Tomorrows by me

Replicator Roulette by me

If you're looking for some great new fic, please read the back catalog of FlippySpoon, Moreta1848, IndeedCaptain, Gunstreet, SpaceIsGay, and the entire One Man series by Cicak. It's all so good! (All links take you to their AO3.)

THESE RECS ARE BY NO MEANS COMPREHENSIVE!

This has been a bumper year for Spirk! I'm about to write a follow up post with stats, but FWIW, based on AO3 posts, this is the most active the fandom has been in over a decade! 2024 is the year we feast!

#philon awards #spirk #star trek #spock #james t kirk #star trek fanart #star trek fanfic #the premise #k/s #fic recs #art recs #my fanfic recs #spirk fanfic recs

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absolutebl · 7 months

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This Week in BL - I'm Late, I know

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting 2 weeks I guess? Bah.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 13fin - I wasn't impressed by the last ep at all. Trash watch happened here.

My final thoughts:

Based on alittlebixth's omegaverse novel #พิษเบ๊บ’ set in the world of car racing omegaverse. Thailand brought us the world's first omegaverse BL but then failed to lean into the courage of its a/b/o convictions by not emphasizing the difference between our world & theirs, adding & subtracting characters & allegiances + a weak ending. With earnest performances, enthusiastic sex scenes, a fantastic side couple, and some delightful scenery chewing - the actors tried… poor things. It's just the story failed both them and their parent genre. Frankly? I just wanted it to be more outrageous and trashy, since I never expected it to be good. Instead, it was just… meh. 7/10

(Imma remind all the newbies that this is not unprecedented from me with hugely popular BL.)

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - I like it but there’s a high % of this show that doesn’t interest me. Anything to do with the side couple, or the friend group, or the cooking competition drives me into a comatose state of UGH. That means that in this episode, I paid attention to about 5 minutes worth.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - I'm ready for this to be done. I think they were trying to be this year's Big Dragon, but they just aren't good enough. I really didn’t need a third couple.

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 2 of 12 - I'm warming up to FueangKrom a bit. It’s cute. I am finding the pacing interesting. That pacing might be bad, but right now it’s simply different.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 5-6 of 8 - I still love this show a lot, but this 2 ep installment felt a little disjointed. I’m not sure if that’s the narrative structure or the subs. The captions are shockingly bad for a KBL and I don’t have enough Korean to make up for their clear failings.

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Oh the return of the manic pixie dream ex. This is all very high school drama for purportedly grown-up adults. But them both being jealous and then kissing was sweet.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - They remain adorable and the sunshine robot is very sweet. But it is a little slow.

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 6 - I prefer the episodes when we get more of them onscreen together. But this was fine.

Happy Ending (Korea Tues YT) 3fin - The ending disappointed me (are you surprised?). What can I say, not Strongberry's best as far as I’m concerned. High school besties that many could be sweethearts. I don’t like an ending that’s left up in the air. 6/10

It's Done but...

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

It's Airing But...

[NO INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 12 eps - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes. It finished, is it worth it?

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - finished, horror, supposed to be very philosophical, I think I'll give it a go.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting Up

2/16 My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) - not quite sure how much BL this one is, because... Japan, but we shall see.

2/17 A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year head hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through many girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance. Unless this is really good I probably won't I hate the WeTV interface...

Still Coming in Feb

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy criminal breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We gotta talk about LFLS this week. Look at Korea go!

Talking about a dead fish kiss, how meta! This will end up on one of my best of the year moments. I could not have been more gobsmacked.

Also something rarely directly addressed, particularly for same-sex firsts.

And then, a claiming trope, a personal favorite of mine.

Thank you Korea!

I just love them. (Pit Babe)

(Last week)

#pit babe the series #pit babe review #alanjeff #cooking crush #thai bl #love for love's sake #kbl #korean bl #Perfect Propose #Although I Love You and You #Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka #japanese bl #AntiReset #Taiwanese bl #cherry magic thailand

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thecomicsnexus · 2 months

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TMNT: 40TH ANNIVERSARY COMICS CELEBRATION

July 2024

By Kevin Eastman, Edgar Alan Poe, Jim Lawson, Tristan Jones, Gary Carlson, Chris Allan, Erik Burnham, Lloyd Goldfine, Ciro Nieli, Andy Suriano, Tom Waltz, Ronda Pattison , Tom Napolitano, Steve Lavigne, Paul Harmon, Frank Fosco, Adam Guzowski, Sarah Myer, Luis Antonio Delgado, Shawn Lee, Khary Randolph, Emilio Lopez, Michael Dialynas, Pablo Tunica, Freddie E. Williams II, David Petersen, Ken Mitchroney, Aaron Hazouri, Dan Duncan, Sophie Campbell, Jodi Nishijima, Stan Sakai, and Emi Fujii.

Come and enjoy stories that will remind you of the 40 years of turtle history.

SCORE: 10 *

* Assuming you are familiar with these iterations.

This is a strange read, and curiously, there are three or four highlights for me, and they are not exactly the ones you would imagine.

Spoilers after the break...

The first story by Kevin Eastman is in the Mirage section of the book but... well... I'll leave at that... I wouldn't call it the Mirage we knew.

There is a story by Lawson and Lavigne with the Rat King that... it's fun. But, you know... I wouldn't even try to fit it in canon... the amount of continuity physics you need to bend to place this story is not worth the time. Just enjoy as a new story by these two iconic Mirage artists.

This other story by Tristan H. Jones and Paul Harmon requires more analysis. I'll revisit it on my gang wars video and try to give it more context... but unfortunately... it's just too vague. All I can say for sure is that it happens in the future of that incomplete saga, but the narrator just takes too many artistic choices to be taken at face value.

Also... I believe this is the first official (frontal) appearance of Agent Bishop (unless I got the character wrong, but Jones already tried to introduce him in this saga). I think he is still holding on to it, and I really hope he gets to tell his story. I wouldn't mind a mini-series... just saying!

The Volume 3 story was... not for me. The dialogue alone felt tired.

The Archie adventure was short, eventful, and funny... and it looks amazing too!

In just four pages a new character was introduced and... a new love story was implied! And it's not just a gratuitous cameo... this is a funny sequence.

The Saturday Morning Adventures (the de facto 87 story) looks amazing as usual, but I didn't find the story that interesting. However, it started a theme that would run across most of the stories in this special after this one: Master Splinter.

The 2003 story is a... loose canon?

Hun is Slash, and Shredder is back... so make of that what you want. All I'm going to say is that this felt a lot like watching the beginning of a 2003 episode, with the narration setting the tone.

The 2012 story was one of the least interesting in the previews, but I have to say... it was probably one of the best. It brought back a villain and it technically serves as an excuse to continue the series?

But to me the best thing about the story is the art. I am surprised Ciro Nieli didn't do more comic book work for the Turtles all these years. In fact, if they somehow decided to continue the 2012 universe in 2D in this style... I'm all in. Well, who am I kidding... I would be in anyway... but this looks amazing.

Andy Suriano did probably the most interesting story in the book. Now, I am not sure if his style doesn't translate well to static panels or what the problem is with the comic format... but it doesn't matter... this small story brought in a lot of things that ended on the editing floor after the show's second season was reduced to a few more episodes. There was a rumor about a female turtle, and not only it is here in all its glory, but there is also a brother?

And come on... it's so Lou Jitsu to die with a cliffhanger.

There are two IDW stories. One is another Splinter story, but the other one is perhaps one of the best in this book.

The Ronda Pattison story takes place just before the Armageddon game, and it shows the five turtles in full sibling dynamic (even Jennika). It was refreshing to see these turtles having fun for a change.

There are no stories by the new team, but... well... that's just starting.

#comics #review #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #post modern age #idw publishing #idw comics #kevin eastman #peter laird #2024 #tmnt 87 #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt adventures #mirage comics #chris allan #ciro nieli

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fozmeadows · 6 months

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hey. i think i'm going through a phase of self-hatred and… I don't know, of believing I'm not capable of anything. would you have any tips or books that approach this from an AFAB/trans perspective so I can cope? (it's not that I hate myself for being trans. I just have insecurities, anxieties and I don't know what to do to stop most things from seeming so discouraging, for lack of a better word.)

I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I don't have any book recommendations, and I'm not exactly an expert, but:

Where possible, try to focus on what you enjoy about the process of an action instead of worrying about the end result. A lot of anxiety comes from privileging a hypothetical future version of yourself ahead of the person you are in the moment, and while it's still good to have goals and aspirations for the future, that doesn't render your present self irrelevant, because that's who you have to be to achieve them.

To give a personal example: late last year, I was really disappointed with how little reading I'd managed to get done in 2023 particularly, but also over the pandemic. I'd bought all these awesome books that I really wanted to read, but I never seemed to get around to starting most of them, and meanwhile, I was spending hours of my life mindlessly doomscrolling Twitter and TikTok, which regardless of anything else is a really good way to depress yourself about the state of the world. So I sat down and thought about it, and I realized that the problem was how much pressure I was putting on myself about reading. I wanted so badly to finish books that I was psyching myself out of starting them in the first place, because each choice had to be Perfect, lest I pick the wrong book at the wrong time and waste twenty minutes or an hour or three reading something I might later set aside. And because I'd subconsciously set the stakes for starting a book so much higher than they needed to be, I'd end up dithering and scrolling social media to delay having to make a high-pressure choice at all.

In other words: I'd become so concerned about Future Foz's hypothetical dislike of a book I was yet to start reading that Present Foz would be scared to start it in the first place. I was forever privileging a version of myself that didn't exist and likely never would over the person I was now, and it was making me wildly unhappy, because it felt like I was failing at something I loved.

So my single New Years' Resolution became: to value myself and my time in the moment. If I catch myself scrolling for too long, I ask myself: is there literally anything else I'd rather be doing right now? Could I start a TV show, or a book, or a game, or write something, or message a friend, or have a bath? It doesn't matter if the activity goes anywhere long term; what matters is that I inevitably get more pleasure out of doing something than not. My time now matters, because I matter.

And suddenly, just from that one change? For the first time in I couldn't even say how long, I've read something every single day this year. In the whole of 2023, I read just 67 books; it's now the 30th of March 2024, and I've already finished 33. By giving myself permission to start things without the pressure to finish them, I'm suddenly finishing way more than when I was telling myself I had to finish everything, and I am vastly happier for it.

Is the world still a burning hellscape that daily makes me want to yeet a solid 80% of elected politicians globally into the sun? Yes. Am I still working on self-improvement in other areas of my life? Yes. Is it magically any easier being trans and queer in the current moment? No. But it helps to focus on who I am now, in this hour, in this minute, instead of worrying so much about whether some future version of me will think I spent this time badly that I don't use it for anything at all.

I don't know if this is helpful to your situation, and if it's not, I apologize for rambling. But it's a little change I've made lately that's helped me a lot, and I hope it might help you, too.

#foz answers things #self help #anxiety #self improvement #self care #reading

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loquarocoeur · 16 days

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Thank you for tagging me @kichona-s <33

Who is your favourite driver?

Considering my digital footprint and the state of my F1 pinterest board which is nothing but his face, I probably have to admit that I'm basic and it is in fact my cunty little bitch Max Verstappen

Do you have other favourite drivers?

I'd say Charles and Oscar are tied for second favourite, then it's Lando and I quite liked Logan. There's also just something about K Mag and his warcrimes ngl and I'd say Zhou, but actually I think I just like sweetcorn and his sauber tiktoks

Who is your least favourite driver?

I wouldn't say I hate any of the drivers

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

Just drivers, teams are just so capitalist megacorporation-esque that I feel the socio-economic rift widening just thinking about them and the principals all seem sketchy

Also, I'm already embarrassed enough to be obsessed with these young men with too much money in a sorely lacking women, most of which aren't even seasoned, they're so white they're see through.

If you like teams what teams do you pull for?

I'm going to avert my gaze now

How long have you been into F1?

I got into it with the first race this year (2024) in January I think

What got you into F1?

My friend would not shut up about the fast cars, so then I thought, alright let me try it. And of course I can't get into anything there isn't fanfic for so I just looked up the most popular ship, discovered lestappen, and sorted by kudos, started with top max, had a fic idea, thinking I'd just write one, because it's funny, and then continue to lurk, as is my standard practice...

So I wrote one top max fic, thought it was neat, had another idea (En Francais), was totally also going to do top max, but then it was just not working

So it turned into bottom Max...

And then I wrote another bottom Max...

And then another one and another one and another one and now I might need psychiatric help

Do you enjoy fic/rpf?

It would be a bit weird if I didn't. But actually I haven't been reading much recently, just writing

How do you view new fans?

I'm still a baby fan myself, but nobody should ever make fun of or be rude to someone who's new to something I think, why would you want to discourage people from joining the community? It makes no sense and you never know if they could have written the next classic fic for the fandom or been an otherwise amazing creator

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

Ferrari, because with this season even I could do better than whatever they're doing. I think they also just need the common sense of a woman sometimes, I think it could do wonders

Are your friends and family into F1?

My family no, I have three (and sort of a half) irl friends into F1. No, they are not on tumblr, and if they ever found me here I would die

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

I suppose I am, but I'm still new to tumblr culture, I'm still figuring out all the social rules and things, so idk what's going on here, and I'm also very picky and choosy with friends/mutuals, I quite like having just my two or three of them

I don't have anyone to tag unless you want to have a go @zettychez , but you seem more of a lurker. I don't have anyone else because I have the social skills of a pebble

#f1

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jariten · 2 months

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July 2024 roundup!! (Part 1!)

Had a great month for catching up on and starting new series with August already shaping up to be a wrap-up month. This round up will be a 2 parter, one for English titles and one for Japanese!

First is Ima Koi by Ayuko Hatta. 9 volumes is such a perfect length for the Margaret campus romance and what's better than a campus romance by someone who's been making them for 20 years. I can't find anything that I think is unique about the series aside from the fact that it hits all the right beats, the characters and their relationships are well rounded, and Hatta (known for titles like Wolf Girl and the Black Prince, and Bye-bye Liberty) knows just when to be restrained and when to give the readers what they want. I just really enjoy it when an author becomes so competent in a genre in this way and had a great time the whole way through. Hatta in the columns also expressed wanting to move on from the campus romance, which I'd love to see because I think an adult romance would release her full potential, but in the final volume announced that she's taking a hiatus from manga to explore various jobs in the food and service industry. I love that for her, and if she graces us with manga once again I will be there to check it out.

Hirayasumi by Keigo Shinzo I won't linger on for too long since I'm the one late to the party and only one volume in, but I already love the cast and how they interact and the tempo of the narrative. I'm so looking forward to keeping up with this series!

Her Frankenstein by Kawashima Norikazu is the debut title in Living the Lines Books new horror imprint Smudge which promises to deliver exciting deep cuts from the pulp world of horror manga. Her Frankenstein follows a man with a shattered sense of self which is further fragmented when he becomes haunted by his own past. Accompanied by an always thorough Ryan Holmberg essay this is a great read for psychological horror fans and horror manga fans interested in acquiring an even broader look at the genre landscape. The next title in the imprint will be UFO Mushroom Invasion by Shirakawa Marina expected to be released on October 1st

Last but certainly not least, I finally got my hands on Viz's long overdue edition of Ai Yazawa's Neighborhood Story volumes 1-2! Overwhelmed with things to say but will keep it short. First time I read it I was ever reliant on a dictionary but was nontheless swept into this tale of adolescent love, friendship, and growth. Coming back to it since then I'm once again overwhelmed with adoration for her work and how she is able to capture the ups and downs of the emotionally volatile teenage years. Timelessly stylish and one of a kind artistically I am so happy that new readers have yet another way to stumble across this work and that long time fans can finally have it in their collection! When I ran a poll a couple months ago asking if I should switch to english caps of the series when the time came the english caps won out, so next time I refill I will go back to volume 1. Will try to avoid dupes in order to speed things up, but if there is a specific cap I've posted in the past that you'd like to see posted again but in english let me know.

#recommendation corner #my scans #roundup #long post

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pleaseeeimjustagirl · 9 months

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Building A Productive Routine And Being Consistent

It is officially 2024! This is my first self-improvement post of the year<3 I want to discuss routines and creating a productive routine. Routines are super important they help you build structure in your life, boost your self-confidence, and can help you achieve all of your goals for this year!

What are your goals?

♡ If you have not already written out your goals for the year I'm going to need you to do that whenever you have the time. Be realistic don't complicate or stress yourself out.

♡ Look at the habits that you have currently that are stopping you from achieving your goals. Be honest with yourself. For example, your goal is to read more self-help books this year but you have a habit of watching too much TV or scrolling on TikTok for hours on end.

♡ After writing down your goals and identifying your bad habits, it's time to select new habits that align with your goals.

♡ You need a nonnegotiable habit this year. For instance, if your objective is to lose weight, you may consider meal prepping or pilates workouts three times a week as a non-negotiable.

Time to build your routine

♡ A planner that I use is the Structured App. This app has so many amazing features that you can use to plan your week. You can also use Google Calendar or buy digital/physical planners online.

♡ It can be helpful to take a realistic approach when trying to incorporate new habits into your daily routine. Take a look at your current schedule, including your sleep and work or school schedule, and try to fit in your new habits accordingly. This can ensure that you can realistically commit to your new habits without overwhelming your existing schedule.

♡ It's a good idea to practice a new schedule by taking a day out of the week to try it out. If you decide to wake up at 5 am instead of 7 am, test it out and see if it works for you. You might find that you get more done waking up earlier. However, if it doesn't work, don't worry. You can swap out and change your routine as much as you need until you find what works best for you.

♡ If you realize that you have too many habits and no space to fit them into your schedule, you might need to prioritize and focus on the most important ones.

You should make time for...

♡ Sleep! I can not stress this enough you need to get a good amount of sleep daily. Sleep has so many benefits. You can read this article on sleep for more details

♡ Self-care. Incorporating self-care into your daily routine is very important. This can include taking care of your skin, grooming yourself, shaving, and other similar activities. Self-care is a nurturing act that you can do for yourself, so it's essential to prioritize taking care of yourself.

♡ Getting sunlight. Andrew Huberman is so popular right now and he recommends in the morning getting 10-15 minutes of sunlight. He says not only does this boost your mood but it will help you sleep better at night. For anyone who also deals with seasonal affective disorder, this is a tip I 100% recommend.

♡ Moving your body. Find what works for you. Just because you see your favorite YouTuber doing a HIIT workout as soon as she wakes up doesn't mean you will like it. Find different forms of exercise and do what you enjoy you might prefer yoga over running on the treadmill or walking over pilates.

♡ Journaling. I love to journal a new form of journaling I have been doing in the morning is gratitude journaling. Starting your day by writing about the things you are grateful for in your life will boost your mood. I talked about journaling in Shifting Your Mindset From Scarcity To Abundance This is a website I use for journal prompts and this is a gratitude journal you can purchase on Amazon.

What are you consuming daily?

You must know what content you are consuming daily. As humans we adapt the mindset and behaviors of those around us and the same is possible for the content you watch. I prefer to listen to podcasts, and I follow and watch YouTubers that relate to the woman I want to become.

How to stay consistent?

♡ Remember you are doing this for yourself. Like I said above create routines based on your life, schedule, and goals do not try and force yourself to be like someone else.

♡ Be realistic. Do not overwork yourself and put so much on your plate to the point you become overwhelmed.

♡ Be intentional. For example, when you have a 3-hour work block coming up soon, avoid watching Netflix or any other distracting activity, you might end up putting off your work block to finish what you are watching.

♡ Don't try to be perfect. When you try a new habit for the first time you probably won't be good at it but keep going results take time.

♡ Do not compare your routine to the next girl's routine everybody is different and what might work for her might not work for you.

♡ When you have negative thoughts, counter them with a positive one. For example, instead of thinking 'Ugh, I'm tired and I have to work out', you can counter that thought with 'Working out is good and will get me closer to my dream body'.

♡ Give grace. You won't be perfect because you're human, so it's important to understand that some days won't be the same. Sometimes, you'll have to change your routine, but through it all, give yourself grace.

I hope this will help you when you're trying to build a productive routine<3 Comment any other tips you may have as well! I am open to taking requests and questions. My messages are always open for you girliesss to chat with me <3

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theladyragnell · 9 months

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Hi! Happy new year 😊 It just struck me you're a voracious reader with (I think) quite a few romance novels under your belt and a talent for writing romance yourself, so I come begging a favour for the beginning of the year: if I wanted to read the most fun and indulgent and giggle-inducing romance in 2024, what would you you recommend? I'm hoping for something not only well-written, but triumphantly and unapologetically in its genre, if that makes sense. Thank you so much for taking the time to read (let alone answer!) this ask!

Oh friend, I love reading romance novels, please, buckle in, let's have some fun! You seem to be looking for the flavor that I tend to refer to as romps, as opposed to the more serious and dramatic or erotica-flavored romances, so let me give you a bit of a selection of those.

Contemporaries: Jennifer Crusie is the absolute master of banter, for all her best works are pretty old at this point! Bet Me and Faking It have aged the best in my opinion. I read Alexandria Bellefleur's The Fiancee Farce last year, and if you've ever read and enjoyed a "whoops, we have to get married for this clause in my relative's will" fanfic this one's for you. The Neighbor Favor by Kristina Forest was one of my favorite romances from last year, though it's a bit less bantery than these others. Oh! Talia Hibbert! Her Brown sisters books are a thing of beauty and a joy forever (Ravenswood is also good, but a bit more serious in tone and we're going for romps here). Jasmine Guillory is also worth a try, lots of fun if maybe a little less banter-focused. Oh! And a shoutout for two action romcoms I read this year, Partners in Crime by Alisha Rai and To Have and to Heist by Sara Desai.

Historicals: Tessa Dare loves a bantery romance, give The Duchess Deal a try on for size! Last year I read The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes by Cat Sebastian, which was a joy, and I hear a lot of good about Sebastian's m/m books too, though I haven't been able to dive into them yet. Away from the romps, Mary Balogh is one of my all-time favorites (but start with her newer work, particularly the Survivors' Club series), I've been enjoying Christina Britton a lot lately, and Eva Ibbotson's books for older readers have my heart forever and always. (I feel like this section is reading less enthusiastic than the contemporaries, but it's just that I read so many historicals that it's hard to remember which book with Duke in the title stands out!) Oh! Ravishing the Heiress by Sherry Thomas somehow hits my loves perfectly, though again not a romp, I've got a rather graver taste in historicals. And Olivia Waite's sapphic historicals! The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics is the first one. And everyone recommends Courtney Milan, but The Duke Who Didn't is a true joy.

Fantasy: Fantasy romance is my genre crossover of the 2020s! It's my two favorite escapist genres mixed together, and when it hits the sweet spot it REALLY does. And my friend, I am looking you in the eyes and I am telling you to read T. Kingfisher's paladin books, starting with Paladin's Grace, if you have any interest at all in fantasy as a genre. (Fair warning: Kingfisher also writes horror, and takes great pleasure at least once per fantasy book of reminding you of that.) And now that I've given you the gateways, I'm also going to recommend you The Devotion of Delflenor by R. Cooper (it's not bantery, but I keep telling people, if you fall into my very specific sweet spot of having been in E/R fandom in 2013-2014 and having loved the Tortall books in your youth you NEED to read this, and even one or the other means you should, the pining is exquisite), The Sorceress Transcendent by Casey Blair, Olivia Atwater's Regency Faerie Tales series, and Troubled Waters by Sharon Shinn.

... Okay, you asked for one book and I gave you SO many. That is because romance has so many tones and moods and subgenres, and only you know which one is going to put the biggest smile on your face! Hopefully I have given you enough information to make the choice that is best and happiest for you.

#anonymous #answered asks #if anyone else wants some book recs for your 2024 lay your questions on me

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orange-demons-deactivated2024 · 3 months

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2 year 'Hiatus'

(long post/rambling)

Hello everyone! The day's finally come for me to start my 2-year hiatus.

I'll be starting school tomorrow, July 1st, from 8am - 5pm Mon-Fri. (Full time). So there won't be many opportunities for me to keep constantly posting here all the time.

I want to personally thank you all for welcoming me into the Street Fighter fandom and for taking the time out of your day to interact with my blog.

I never thought I would become a fanfic writer again after so many years of not writing and to meet so many of you throughout my stay here.

With my first fic, Mount, I was nervous about people not caring about it and for it to be lost in the Street Fighter algorithm because I joined the fandom so late. (March 2024). And originally, I planned to make that my only fanfic and call it a day. But after I got my first comment I was over the moon.

Then slowly I had people liking and following this side blog where I dumped all my random reblogs on. And that's when I realized, there were people still out there loving these characters as much as I did despite the slow traction on the street fighter dash.

So that's when I decided to make this random side blog into a SF6 fanfic blog.

I started to write strictly Bosch x Reader's in the beginning because he was the reason why I joined this space in the first place. Then I wrote for Luke, then Poison, then Ed, then Jamie, then at last Chun-Li. I learned to love characters that I first didn't give a second thought about and I learned more info. about some SF characters I wasn't aware of before.

Then my blog went from 0 followers to 38! Holy smokes, 38 people really cared enough to follow and read my ramblings? That's crazy. I never even expected to have 1 follower much less 38.

My favorite part about writing for this fandom was interacting with everyone in the comment section/reblogs. I enjoy talking to you all and writing silly blurbs whenever we get too into the hcs. Really, it makes my day better when I see people commenting and giving love to my works.

And to be 100% honest with you all, I was originally going to start including a lot more X Fem!Reader Inserts because I am a Cis Woman who never wrote for any other genders but Fem! ones. But seeing how little fanfics there were, I thought it would be unfair for me to exclude the other side of the SF6 fandom that wouldn't be able to enjoy any reader inserts because of their gender.

So I'm glad I didn't go that route because I got to find ways to be more inclusive in my writings without mentioning the reader's Skin/Gender/Appearance in any of them and to keep them gender-neutral.

And as a reminder, this blog is the first time for me to write this way, so if you guys think that some of my works sound Fem! based please tell me so I could fix it. Because the last thing I want is for people to tell me I'm more biased for my female audience.

I don't know If you guys knew this, but it kinda broke my heart when I found out I was accepted to this school. Granted, I've been trying to get in for 4 years.

But I honestly didn't think I would've gotten in this year because I thought I bombed my 5-panel interview with the school and they only accepted the top 25 people in my area.

I even started to make plans to work a full-time job somewhere else, take Muay Thai classes, write more fics, and give up on my dreams of ever becoming an X-ray tech. But then I got a phone call on my birthday saying I made it in!

I was overwhelmed with happiness for all my efforts getting into this school after so long. I felt like I was running behind all my peers who already graduated and got their careers started compared to me. But now I get to finally start mine and do what I've always wanted to do and to help people.

Then, I was hit with a wave of sadness because I barely dipped my toes into the Street Fighter fandom and now I'm already leaving. All my ideas for future fics, including the ones rotting in my drafts, may never see the light of day. I was really sad for everything to come to an abrupt end for something that barely even started.

What's going to happen to this blog?

To be frank with you all, I still REALLY want to post SF fics but I know that it probably won't be possible with my schedule for the next 2 years.

I do get a 1-2 week break every 3 months for my school so y'all might see something pop up in the SF6 feed every once in a while. I’ll mostly be writing on my terms and I won’t be answering anyone’s asks. But it's not guaranteed you will.

Plus, I bought the game, so it's not like I'm just gonna drop SF6 out of my life completely. I'll post things here and there that are not fics and maybe tiny drabbles in my free time but it's still up in the air if I will. You'll see me being active on here but not in the same way that you usually do.

Now that I'm transitioning to going to school full-time, I'm nervous about what's to come out of everything, since I've been looking forward to this day since I graduated high school.

I also want to thank you all for sending your requests in. They helped me learn where my writing was strongest and where I needed to improve.

I tried to get through all of your asks as best as I could but I believe there are 2 left in my inbox as of now. I’m sorry I wasn’t the best at being consistent and I hope to get those out as soon as I can.

Thank you all again, for making my time here memorable and I hope to keep posting more SF6 content in the future.

And please continue to support other fanfic writers in the Street Fighter fandom like:

@ruthlesscore

@chqolan

@randobisexual

@luvlyycy

@cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme

@scarletcoral13

@rosewood-writes-and-reviews

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grapenehifics · 5 months

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Countdown to Chapter One!

My fellow Obikins: I am very, VERY excited to share my next fic with you. Some of you may remember a fic of mine called An Uncivil War, the first chapter of which I posted on AO3 almost exactly a year ago, in May of 2023, and wrapped up that July. At the time, I mentioned to a number of people in the comments that I was already partway through the sequel (An Uncivil War is listed as part one of a three-part series, Can't Stop the Suns), and that I hoped to have Part II ready to go by end of 2023.

Well, that obviously didn't happen. I started looking at February 2024. That didn't happen either. I pushed it to April. April has come and gone. May, though! May I am going to make happen! May 27th, 2024, to be exact. Chapter one of Pick Up the Pieces, a.k.a. part 2 of Can't Stop the Suns, a.k.a. the sequel to An Uncivil War, a.k.a. the thing I have been writing on and off for more than three years now, is going up on AO3. (Excerpt and way more ramblings below the cut.)

A) I wanted to make this announcement in advance because I'm just really excited to share this fic. Parts of it I've posted on Tumblr as WIP Wednesdays, but most of it I've tried to keep under wraps until it's ready and, frankly, I really want to talk about it!

B) @palfriendpatine66 specifically asked for a heads-up before I started posting, but I figured I'd share publicly in case anyone else has the same desire to read (or re-read) part one before starting part two. May 27th is the day!

I do want to say, though - prior knowledge of An Uncivil War is NOT required to understand or enjoy this fic. If you haven't read An Uncivil War, I would really love it if you did! I'm enormously proud of it and love, love, love talking about it. But I also don't want anyone to not give Pick Up the Pieces a try, assuming they were otherwise interested, because they're worried they won't understand what's going on. If you want to jump in, make sure you read the tags and the summary, and by the time you get to chapter three you should have a pretty good grounding in what happened previously. Obviously there are some little details here and there you'll miss but for the most part you should be okay. I did try to make it as accessible as possible.

C) Thirdly - mostly as a reward for reading this far - I thought it would be fun, over the next three Wednesdays, to give a sneak peek of one of the later chapters, because I've really missed doing regular WIP Wednesdays for this fic (for the aforementioned secrecy reasons).

The main part of the fic is set during what would have been the final year of the Clone Wars, except we take a departure from canon during the season 5 episode The Wrong Jedi and diverge off-course from there. Mixed in with that, though, are flashback chapters, covering some portion of Anakin's years as Obi-Wan's Padawan, which have just been a blast to write. They go in roughly chronological order, and this one in particular is set when Anakin is 17. I'll post a little bit today, the next part a week from today, the final section the week after that, and then you'll get the rest of it when chapter ten goes up in the actual fic :)

Chapter Ten preview starts below:

“Uh…” Anakin looked down at his cards and bit his lip. “Hit me?” he asked tentatively. The three other players around the table blinked slowly back at him. He reached out and flipped the top card of the table deck over, letting the rest of the players see it. “Damnit,” he hissed through his teeth.

“Tough luck, boy,” boomed the Besalisk on Anakin’s right, the one he was most worried about getting a peek at his cards. “That makes twenty-two.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Anakin snapped, frustrated. He tossed his cards face-down in front of him. “Don’t remind me.”

Anakin was losing, and quite badly at that. He really needed to slow down and stop the bleeding or Obi-Wan was going to catch him not only gambling, but totally out of credits, too, and he would not be happy about it.

“I’m going to take a break,” Anakin said suddenly, standing up so quickly his chair squeaked. “I’ll sit out this round. Be right back.” He scooped the (very meager) pile of credits he had left to his name into his hand and pocketed them before walking away. What he really wanted to do was take a quick minute to check the chronometer strapped to his wrist without any of them seeing him do it, but needing to take a walk was as good an excuse as any.

He didn’t leave the Castle (Takodana was a little too humid for Anakin’s liking), just took a slow lap around the edges of it, checking out the other gambling tables, the billiards games, the tourists, the regulars, the spacers, the spice runners, the spice addicts, the smugglers. The people who, if he hadn’t become a Jedi, probably would have been his friends and his enemies, his rivals, his contemporaries. His lovers, maybe.

The lower levels of Takodana Castle had once been an ancient Jedi temple, a fact Obi-Wan had mentioned rather a few more times than strictly necessary on their trip over from Coruscant. It had been built on the site of an even more ancient battleground, where Jedi and Sith had fought one another centuries – maybe a millennia – ago. The Jedi had won, that time, and built the original Takodana Temple as a kind of memorial. Anakin let the tips of his fingers trail over the wet, warm stone walls as he walked, feeling to see if he could catch any whispers of the old voices. Old hurts, old betrayals, old war wounds…

He had started doing this thing, about a year or so back. He had discovered, largely by accident (not that Jedi were supposed to believe in accidents, just The Will of the Force, and all that), that he could, rather paradoxically, up the ante on his meditation skills by upping the ante on his distractions. He’d been filling in for Obi-Wan, who was supposed to have been taking a turn sitting in with a group of the youngest Younglings but had been called away at the last minute (or so he had said, at least; Anakin still wasn’t totally sure he believed him). Anakin had tried to keep to the Younglings’ schedule, which included a quarter of an hour of daily mandated meditation time. Younglings not being particularly good at meditation (they were worse at it than Anakin was, which was really saying something), they’d lasted only about half that time before starting to get fidgety. It had started small – a few coughs here and there, a couple of giggles, wiggling on their mats – and then had progressed from there to full-blown chaos. Anakin was supposed to be setting an example, though, and was determined to sit still, keep his eyes closed, and ignore everything that wasn’t an outright cry for medical attention until the allotted time was up.

What he had found, though, was that it was actually one of his better meditation sessions. The noisier the room got, the more relaxed Anakin got. He’d eventually opened his eyes to find one Youngling on his lap, another chewing on his Padawan braid, and a third hanging from the ceiling rafters, but had felt…calm and at peace and a little floaty, but also grounded, connected to the Force, the air, even the children. He’d asked Obi-Wan about it later that night over dinner. Obi-Wan had suggested they meditate over it, which made Anakin roll his eyes because he already had meditated today, that was the whole thing he wanted to talk to Obi-Wan about, and how much meditation did a person need every day, really? But after they ate he’d dutifully sat down across from Obi-Wan and closed his eyes anyway. Obi-Wan had reached out and taken Anakin’s hands in his, which almost made up for the double meditation session. (Almost.)

And then, just as Anakin was starting to settle into something resembling regulating his breathing, something hard and poky had slammed into the side of his head.

“Ow!” he’d said, reflexively, and opened his eyes. Obi-Wan’s datapad was lying on the floor beside him. Obi-Wan himself was still sitting serenely, holding Anakin’s hands.

“What the kriff did you do that for?” Anakin demanded.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan had said, without opening his eyes, “I thought you said you liked having distractions while you meditated.”

“Not painful ones!” Anakin shot back.

“Apologies.” The holopad, from the floor, flicked on and started replaying whatever the last thing either of them had watched on it, which happened to be a nature documentary about tee-muss. “Is that better?”

Anakin grumbled about it, but he had, sort of, asked for this, and admitting defeat now would be both embarrassing and would necessitate him letting go of Obi-Wan’s hands, so he closed his eyes and tried again.

Of course, the first thing he had to do was release the pain in his head into the Force, but once he’d done that, he found that, once again, sifting through his distractions was easier when he actually had distractions to sift through. He let the migratory patterns of wild tee-muss go, and felt Obi-Wan squeeze his hands. “Good, Anakin,” he murmured softly, so quietly Anakin almost couldn’t hear him over the documentary narrator. “That’s very good.” (Anakin had replayed the moment in his head, putting that voice of Obi-Wan’s into different and much more…naked contexts, so many times since then that he could get hard just thinking about it, now.)

So Anakin had started to experiment, on and off. He turned the holoprojector on in their rooms while he was meditating. He sat in the corner of the refectory and meditated during mealtimes. Once, he tried meditating during galactic history class, but his teacher had ratted him out to Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan had told him not to do that anymore. And, now, he wanted to see if he could do it while inside Takodana Castle on a bustling summer afternoon.

To be continued next Wednesday!

#obikin #wip wednesday #an uncivil war #pick up the pieces

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blackgirlsuperherorants · 13 days

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Alright, thoughts on Kaos, after watching the first three episodes. I'm going to try to keep this more organized than it's gonna wanna come out, but no promises lmao.

I REALLY want to like the show. In fact, I don't hate it, strictly speaking. It's... interesting? But it's also a really frustrating watch, for me. I guess the biggest problem for me is that it very much feels like a show that would have worked better if it was made 15 years ago. Like, it's a very late 2000s, early 2010s show. Which isn't terrible, but compared to other recent shows in the fantasy genre, it just feels like... something that would've been edgy and boundary-pushing in like 2009, but falls flat in 2024.

And I hate to do a lot of comparing, but as a creator, as a writer, as a show runner, they needed to expect comparison to happen. Especially when they're dealing with figures from one of the most studied, most read, and most adapted mythologies in human history. And like, yes, please do your own take on Greek gods-- on Greek myth in general. I am not expecting a 1 to 1 interpretation, and the fact that the show is doing it's own thing with these figures is not a problem for me. It's just not hitting. And in a time when there are VERY POPULAR books, movies, shows, and plays using these same characters and telling versions of these same stories, like... you gotta compete. You gotta pay attention to what others have recently and popularly done with the stories, and yours has to be as good or better or it's just going to fall short. And for me, that's what's happened, here, with Kaos. I'm going to try to go into detail about what I think works well and what I think isn't working, so be mindful of spoilers.

Their version of Zeus... I dunno. I like him, I guess? But I'm not sure if that's just because Jeff Goldblum is very interesting to watch or not. I think the thing they got really right about Zeus, and many of the other gods depicted here, is the casual cruelty and indifference. A lot of shows and movies about these Greek deities are either afraid to depict them as too cruel (making them Good Guys TM), or make them just villains-- rarely is the balance met well. And, well, I think that's one of the things that this show does best. When Hera disguises herself as Zeus and fucks Zeus's little human lover, then makes the girl go through a full pregnancy in seconds and turns her into a bee and makes Zeus kill the baby-- that was GREAT. I hated it and loved it because it was so mean and cruel and Zeus just snapped the baby's neck like it was nothing, because it was nothing to him. A very good depiction, in my opinion, of how cruel these gods can be without even an ounce of remorse for the mortal they're being cruel to.

But, again, I dunno if I like what the show is doing with Zeus, in particular, or if I'd just enjoy watching Jeff Goldblum read the phonebook for 9 hours straight, you know?

Hera? She's wonderful. 10/10, no notes. I love this Janet McTeer as Hera, I love the way Hera is depicted, I love the way she looks. She eats.

Now, to my biggest problems with the series, and I apologize in advance because I have A LOT OF FEELINGS about it. I've been ranting about it every time I try to sit through episodes.

Let's start with my beloved Dionysus. Now, I want to be clear: Nabhaan Rizwan is great as Dionysus. He is giving such a good performance, it's just... something is lacking. Which makes me feel like it's on the creative side. Like, it's the direction or the writing or something that is off. So, they're obviously going for this... like... youthful boredom, with Dionysus. Dionysus is often depicted as, like, one of the youngest gods, and his whole thing is theatre, wine, debauchery, pleasure... so, yeah, having him be this kinda youthful party boy is perfect. I get it 100%. I just think the idea they had is SO GOOD and wasn't well executed at all. Here is where comparison is going to come in, so I apologize in advance if this is a problem for you--

We live in a time of very good television. Okay? And the trope they're going for with Dionysus is something we have seen done extremely well. Even, like... Klaus from Umbrella Academy fits that trope, and was done extremely well. The way they're trying to depict Dionysus is very pansexual, very life of the party, very "knows everyone who is anyone at all the spots", very "casual sex just because." And like, we LOVE those characters. Bratty disasters who live in the moment and are perpetually into some shit. And we've seen so many versions of them on recent television shows that, while ALL different, were all executed way better than this version of Dionysus. Lestat on AMC's Interview With The Vampire. Blackbeard on Our Flag Means Death. Klaus, as I mentioned before. The whole disaster bi/pan dude thing.

Dio, in comparison, seems very half-baked. Very 2009. I think out of all of the characters, he feels the most 2009, you know? Like, back when making a bi/pan character was edgy, and even then, it wasn't explicit or was even played for laughs. I know this is a comedy, but so is Our Flag Means Death, you know? And even when the whole Blackbeard/Stede thing was funny, it was never because being queer is funny. And like... this show DID THAT with Dionysus. There's a moment where he goes into The Cave with Orpheus and he casually orders drinks from the (male) bartender, and the bartender flips him off-- implying some prior knowledge of each other-- and then Dio goes off to have a quickie with the bartender. And like... he's getting fucked by the man, and in that moment it didn't feel like... like a male character having desire for a man and having a sexual tryst with him. It felt like "isn't it funny that Dionysus is getting FUCKED in the ASS?!" Which, like... no? Like, that's so 2009. It's so passe to play the gay for laughs. Like, even in other fantasy comedies, like What We Do in the Shadows and Our Flag Means Death-- the CHARACTERS are funny, but their same-sex attraction never is. It's not funny that Stede and Blackbeard fall for each other-- it's lovely.

And let's be clear-- I'm not expecting Dio to "fall for" the bartender or anything, but it's clear that they were going for "Dio is a fuckboy who has probably had casual sex with this man before, and probably scorned him in some way, and so he uses the casual quickie to make up with the guy and possibly get free drinks." Cute, fun, I like that. I don't like HOW they did that idea. Like, Dio did not react like someone who enjoys getting fucked. He reacted like a straight boy playing getting fucked in the ass for laughs. IDK.

To be fair, this version of Dionysus is very bored with his whole debauchery schtick and we do see him boredly getting his cock sucked by a girl in a club in an early scene, too. But even that looked more like someone who enjoys getting their cock sucked but is just bored, and less just... "it's funny because of what it is." Does that make sense? IDK.

Like, it feels like a direction problem. Because this Dionysus seems to work very well on paper, and the actor doesn't seem poorly cast, to me. It just seems... executed like it's directed by a dudebro older man who was very cool in the 2000s and still thinks the way dude filmmakers thought in the 2000s.

Then there's the Orpheus.

2/10. I do not... like him. And like, not because of the story-- we all know Orpheus and Eurydice. (Which is part of the problem.)

I think it's because he very much gives CHRIS MARTIN, gives COLDPLAY, and not in a good way. Like, yeah, I like Coldplay alright. They're fine. But for ORPHEUS? Orpheus' whole thing is that his music is supposed to be... extremely special. Like, nobody is touching him. His music is so beautiful it can like... literally change the world. Move the gods. All of that.

And they chose to make him... COLDPLAY? This man whose music is the most special, beautiful thing anyone has ever heard. Like, I don't understand that music direction choice. At all. Who... decided that this was the move? I need something otherworldly. Something ethereal. Like, when he's playing the piano at The Cave for the fates in an attempt to get them to allow him to go into the underworld to retrieve Eurydice's soul... as soon as he started, I was like "This basic ass piano." Like, THAT IS NOT "the greatest, most beautiful music-- music that breaks your heart so much that you'd let him defy the gods and get his lost love back." It sounded like he was playing Christmas hymns at the Christmas morning service. Basic as fuck.

And again, I hate, hate that I have to compare, but YOU CANNOT GIVE SUCH A MEDIOCRE MUSICAL PERFORMANCE IN A WORLD WHERE HADESTOWN EXISTS. Like, we cannot hear Reeve Carney give the most beautiful performances of the most heartwrenching songs in a hit Broadway musical as the same character, and then you give us Chris Martin playing Christmas hymns.

Again, you are allowed to make your own interpretations, and the showrunner did not need to try to copy Hadestown. That is not what I mean. But you need to pay attention to what perhaps the most popular telling of that myth OF ALL TIME did, and you need to try to match or exceed it. Why even both with Orpheus and Eurydice if you're not going to slay us with the music? YOU NEED TO SLAY US WITH THE MUSIC! THAT'S ORPHEUS' WHOLE THING!

Honestly, full stop, even though they have every right to tell their own versions of these stories and create their own versions of these characters, you're fighting an uphill battle when AMERICAN GODS, PERCY JACKSON, and HADESTOWN exist and have done EXTREMELY WELL and been EXTREMELY POPULAR touching this same mythology. You have to MATCH OR EXCEED. Because why would I want to sit through your mediocre Orpheus when I could listen to Hadestown and hear a far superior Orpheus?

Now, their Eurydice? She is beautiful. She is fierce. She is heartbreaking. I love her. Hera and Eurydice are the best characters on the show, and the only ones I just full-on like without much complaint.

And maybe the point is that the men suck? IDK. Like, I don't give a fuck about this Orpheus. I'm not sad for him. His reaction to Eurydice's death is selfish and not at all heartbreaking. I don't even believe him that he wants to go into the underworld to retrieve her. I feel like Dionysus wants it more than he does. But Euridyce. I feel so sad for her. She lost her mother to Hera's cult. She dies tragically. Her stupid husband took her coin, so she can't even pass through to be Renewed and have a new life. She wasn't happy in her marriage, and she isn't happy in her death, and all I want is for her to succeed.

IDK if their goal was for us to dislike Orpheus, but if that is the goal, they've succeeded. Like, I want my heart to break for Orpheus. But I just feel like he's shitty. And I don't care about him at all.

And the other thing was small, but Theseus and Nax being in love was brushed over and not fully explicit and the Nax actor didn't play it well enough. Theseus actor was believably in love and heartbroken that Nax might die at Minos' hands, but Nax was almost playful, like his whole purpose was to reveal that Theseus was not for Ariadne rather than to truly be Theseus' lover. Which, again, feels like a director problem. They WROTE "Theseus is revealed to be gay and in love with Nax, the secret prince of Troy". He DIRECTED "and then we learn that Theseus is actually gay and Nax sassily reveals it to Ariadne because lol they're gay and she doesn't get the man isn't that amusing?" Which, again, is very 2009. Very "see? It's EDGY, the character is GAY! But not too gay, because eww, amirite?" And like, again, in a decade in which we have OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH and INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE, that just doesn't work anymore. We have pirates and vampires being openly gay and kissing and being casual about how in love they are with their partners... and you play your gay Theseus as if it's edgy just to imply he's in love with this prince and that you don't need to show us that he is because you let the prince call him "babe" and let their hands touch a bit and let Theseus cry for him. Like? Coward shit, man, it's so outdated. I don't know how else to say it. Like, even having Nax just show an ounce of empathy for his partner who is terrified that he is going to be executed would have been enough, but Nax was just sassy and smirking and resigned to his fate as if it was just words on a script. Even a man who knew he was probably going to die because of his actions to save his people should have more emotion and conflict than just "Oh well, I'm not afraid to die, lol, Theseus babe stop crying omg lol"

Anyway, I think this was more negative than positive. But... I like the modern setting. I think it's fun. Very "Romeo + Juliet", which is I think what they were actually going for. I love the Fates and the Furies. I think they look so cool, and I think the gnc Fates was a great choice. I liked their Poseidon. Didn't like their Hades and Persephone, but there's nothing wrong with them, actually. I just don't like what they did with them personally.

I like Prometheus, and I like that he's serving as the narrator. I think that's interesting. I like that Zeus keeps summoning him and sending him back-- again, that casual cruelty thing that the show does so well. (Also, when Poseidon drowns the servant girl for no reason. That was very fun. Just, perfect Poseidon behavior-- he's such a piece of shit, and I love that this show decided to show us that.)

I also like the story it's trying to tell, with the three humans who are prophesized to bring down Zeus/the gods. I'm interested in seeing how that works out, and especially in seeing Eurydice's role in it. The show has a REALLY good premise, and has some REALLY nice elements. It's just, honestly, the execution that leaves something to be desired. Like, I feel like I'm pulling my hair out every time I try to watch an episode. Like, I pause every few minutes just to rant about something.

And to be fair, I'm a mythology girlie. I read a lot of mythology. I watch a lot of mythology shows and movies. I listen to mythology podcasts. Like, it's my special interest. But also, I understand completely when people adapt these myths to tell their own versions, or use these characters in their stories in ways that don't match the mythologies. I understand, and I've even done it myself. And so does the mythology. There are so many different versions of these gods, of their myths, so many different ways they were worshipped and things they were worshipped for-- it's perfectly on-brand to change them in your own ways for your own purposes. I don't think that's my problem with Kaos. I just think... I don't like how it was executed. It's a very "sounds good on paper" show, at this point. And I feel for the cast, because they're not doing a terrible job. It really feels like the problems are on the director/producer side. I even think what the writers wrote sounds better than what the creative team did with it.

And... that's all I'll say. I'm still going to finish the season. Maybe I'll give final thoughts after I finish the season. Sometimes things that you think are problems are there to pay something off in the end. But some of these things, IDK, I just think they're problems in general. And, like... I'm kinda disappointed, because I really want to like this show, and right now, I can't say that I do.

#kaos #kaos netflix #kaos spoilers #this is a negative review #so if you like the series i'm sorry #spoilers #zeus #dionyus #hera #orpheus #eurydice #my thoughs #rant #long post

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