#i'm tired you're lonely
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It's an accident, the first time that happens. Mav knocks because he needs sugar and stays over because Ice is watching a new movie he didn't get to catch on the big screen. It's two in the afternoon, and Ice is pleasantly warm against his shoulder.
Slider wakes them up four hours later and laughs because "I only woke you up because I was hungry and Tom promised dinner".
And so the saga of them falling asleep on the couch starts just to end on the bed because four weeks in Ice's back is protesting and he promises Mav is bed is way more comfortable and there are pillows.
(Mav ends up using Ice's chest as a pillow instead. Doesn't matter where they are sleeping.)
((They kiss, just as accidentally, one morning almost seven months in their arrangement when Ice turns around and Mav gives him a pec on his nose, eyes still close and humming satisfied before hiding his face against Ice's necks. Ice kisses his forehead and gets back to sleep. It opens a door to whole other accidents made over a shared cups of coffee and Mav wearing Ice's shirt as pj's.)
#i'm tired you're lonely#icemav#tom iceman kazansky#pete maverick mitchell#accidental cuddling#cuddling and snuggling#softness#intimacy#sharing clothes#friends to lovers#-> kinda
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Was hoping to finish these before June was over but here's half of them. Hi I am posting. I am making a post. Source chibi guys with pride flags based off their color palettes.
Anyway my headcanons✨
Captain - pan, maybe some flavor of aspec because so is his husband. guys look at him. look how cool he looks. the height of my art career tbh.
Astronomer - asexual and demiromantic. shut up I am not projecting (I am). please look at the space husbands I love them
Biologist - lesbian. I liked the idea of her having some kind of connection to her forever symbol early on
Counselor - genderfluid and sapphic. idk feels right for her. also please look at the plant wives I love them
Prophet - trans/nonbinary and asexual, he/they although I always default to the singer's pronouns to avoid confusion. do you see my vision. do you see his vision, actually
Diplomat - poly. a fruity lad
#ayreon#the source#the captain#the astronomer#the biologist#the counselor#the prophet#the diplomat#my art#i made art guys!!#i have been so tired lately but i did a thing!!#the lonely is causing the sappy to come out but hi mutuals i love and cherish all of you even when you're not actively Making/Posting Thing#i'm so grateful to have found people who like the same things i like#especially in a time i feel like i'm not allowed to enjoy my hyperfixations and such. guhh anyway but helo :D#capstronomer
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One thing I really wish the FF Community would Stop doing is Removing All Nuance from the Parents in Those Stories in order to Make Them Abusive Supervillains who Never Loved their Kid.
Like... In the Four Years I've been here, and for how Small the Community really is, you'd be surprised how many Times I've seen it-
#The Most Prominent (and Worst) Example I can Give is with Alec’s Mother#Like... Yeah- She listens to Fucking Books and is a Karen basically- She's not a Good Mother#But making her into an Abusive Mother who Never Loved Alec and just wants to Control Him?? I think we read the Wrong Book Guys-#That Removes alot of the Tragedy in Lonely Freddy- The Fact that Things could've Gotten Better if they just Talked#But they can't anymore since Alec is Trapped in a Dumpster...#There's also plenty of More Examples I can Give#Devon's Mother isn’t Abusive or Homophobic- She’s a Struggling Woman who was Abused herself (Devon’s Father threw things at her)#Which in turn from that Struggle- Has made her Neglectful of Him#I can't really say much for Pete's Mom since I forgot alot of Step Closer- but making her a Comical Abusive Mother probably isn’t accurate.#I even once saw Oswald's Dad get Villainized and Like... We definitely must've read the wrong story cause the worst thing I remember him#doing is getting upset at Oswald for going Into the Pit#It's usually always the Mothers who get Villainized tho- Like... If we're going to look at their Kids with Nuance and-#- believe they could get better if their stories didn't end with Tragedy#Why can't we do the same for their Parents??#Also if you REALLY want like... an Abusive Parent to Hate- Greg's Dad is right There.#Angel's Step Dad is Pretty Abusive too from what I heard (I never read the Story)#I'm just saying- There’s no need to villainize the Parents with Actual Nuance to Comical Degrees#fazbear frights#<- Tagging it because it's something I've really grown tired of...#Oh Yeah in Case I wasn't Clear#I don't think the Ones I mentioned above are good Parents necessarily (Besides maybe Oswald's Dad)#I just Don't like when people make every single one of them Super Mega Abusive cause that like... Kinda removes the fact that you can be a-#- Bad Parent WITHOUT being Abusive or Hating their Kids?? Like... You're kinda removing alot of Gray and making things very Black and White#Ok sorry for Writing an Essay in the Tags- I just had alot to Explain
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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I don't fully know yet where i stand on romance but i do know about friendship. And i know that if i die never having been in a relationship i still had people i would drive across states for, i still had people who would stay up all night with me talking and laughing, i had people i wanted to go grocery shopping with, i had people i knew had my back no matter what, i had people that i was excited to meet every day, i had people i wanted to hug tight and hold close, i had people i would cook meals for, i had people who made me feel safe just by being there, i had people who celebrated my wins and stuck with me through my losses.
If i never fall in love i know i had people i was in love with anyway, if i die single i know i won't be dying alone.
#rambling#i guess#aromantic#kinda? I'm definitely on the spectrum i just don't know where#friendship#friends#i just tired of the narrative that if you're single you must be lonely#and the fear people have of dying alone which almost translates to dying single#uk#??#queer#grayromantic#aro#arospec#almost always*
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sleepy time or something like that
#i hope i wake up at 3 am then at 5 am just to see that it is in fact *not* morning#i mean 5 am is almost morning#also pointedly not thinking about how i realized i don't understand human connection#like. at all#and it feels too late#because everyone around me has someone#and i'm just. there#and i'm so tired of thinking about this every day#but i'm lonely#but i don't like the people around me#and i feel the way i'm looked at#and i don't know of it's made up by my brain or not#can someone hold me maybe#like when you're little and your parent is supposed to hug you and validate your feelings and tell you that it's okay to cry#and that it will be alright#because it feels like it never will be anything close to alright#and i'm scared#and so so sad#and it's all stuck inside me#i'm sorry#this is just a tad pathetic
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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there are so many things to feel like shit over how are people not constantly feeling like shit all the time. genuinely
#''there's good too'' yeah so you get like a few hours break from feeling like shit maybe once a week#that's not really enough#especially if when the good things come you're already doing so bad that you can't even feel good about them#sorry for being so negative it's because. as you may have guessed. i am feeling like shit#and i've been trying to use tumblr less today so i kinda also feel lonely which isn't helping#and there's just a lot of bad all the time lately. like so much of it. too much for me. and i'm so tired#vent#negative //#ask to tag
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Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void
...
#nils talking#feeling very tired after this week#the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in#I'm just drained#tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood#but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days#bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water#I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over#too many variables too much that still needs to happen first#but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic#connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments#or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal#at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations#anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me#I don't wish to fade away into the background#I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly#to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party#or who was just a random fellow student or coworker#I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy#sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation#also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school#it's a mostly depressing affair
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Feeling social if anyone wants to send me asks 🥺👉👈
#and by social i mean lonely#I've been sick for almost two weeks now and I'm so tired ahhh#or if you don't wanna ask tell me something happy that happened to you#hope you're all doing okay
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SaL anon here bestie and, well, that episode happened. I have a lot of thoughts, that I'm sure we'll get to, but if I had to summarize I'd say KR looked at the only successful thing in S5 (meaning Eddie's storyline) and in all her originality decided to do it for Buck, but put it through a half cutoff funhouse mirror and we got THAT. I'll have more to rant about later but for tonight let's take a break and enjoy wedding planning shenanigans over on LS (please LS, i need some fun). Good luck 🍹🍸
Guuuuuurl. This episode. I haaaaate that we got TOP TIER acting, from Oliver and Peter especially, and some really cool framing and camera angels and an interesting *concept*, and then the WHOLE episode was let down at every turn by the writing not making any sense and contradicting its own narrative within the episode! Like, pick a lane! It was so weird!
I am READY to sit and watch LS with zero thoughts and just relax because damn. How are you going to take something as simple as "Buck has a found family that loves him and doesn't need validation from his parents or to save others to be worthy of love" and bungle it THAT badly? Add to that the incompetent twitter girlies who don't know the difference between 85 people leaving a fan rating on the fan rating website, and official TV viewership ratings showing how many people tuned in (hint! It wasn't the Buddie stans that didn't show), plus the typical you're stupid if you don't Get It crowd, and I am tiiiiiired.
Can we all just admit that the cast is great but the showrunner is shit and consequently drags everything down?
ANYWAY
Yes, time for LS fun, wedding planning shenanigans and I'm gonna go work on a puzzle and then sleep because this time change fuuuucks me up. Can't wait to hear the rest of your thoughts!
#my sweet nonnie friends#sleeping at last anon#911#911 spoilers#lone star spoilers#bestie i can't i'm so tired#remember when i thought we would get to do learning curve for this episode? 😭😭😭#not even from a buddie perspective but from a buck perspective it was so close!#but nah gotta let those toxic parents pretend they never hurt you so everyone can get along and if you don't you're the problem!#i gotta shut it before i get too mad again#can they stop doing my favorite character dirty? oliver doesn't deserve this and neither do i
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hiding out in my Ryoma corner and avoiding Danganronpa fans on Twitter 🧯🛡️
#bit of a rant/vent about my day in the tags so feel free to filter out the // rant tag#// rant#i'm honestly so tired of the constant 'V3 bad' discourse that constantly appears in the fandom#like we get it!! you don't like it!#almost every month it's the same thing again and it's extremely exhausting#and the fighting/arguments that occur because of it is depressing#i know it's just a video game but honestly it needs to go#i just want to celebrate a fictional character's birthday in peace#not that they're celebrating the day before like they did with kokichi :/#for context it's currently ryoma's birthday in japan and i've seen nothing on the western side#i'm like the only one who really cares and it feels lonely#then again drtwt isn't very fun#the danganronpa topic section is just the same type of content over and over#also it's chock full of outside people being mad about the games existing#like it doesn't matter if you're critical of dr or not you're still gonna be put in the hot seat#which isn't fair#like why do i get punished#anyways i'm tired i just want my tennis blorbo in my brain all day#long post#sorry
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hey i just wanted to tell you that even though i don't know your exact feelings, i can relate a lot to what you've expressed on here... life is very tiring, it's okay to acknowledge that. i won't even pretend that things will get better because who knows and it won't feel like a possibility when you're as down as you say. i get that. i feel the same way right now. if it's any comfort to you, you're not alone in those feelings or thoughts and i know it takes a lot to be vulnerable about it. please forgive me if i'm overstepping by even messaging you about this. i do hope things will get brighter for you, i hope you can find even small things to keep you going. i'm sure one day it'll be different, i want to believe it will anyway. i personally enjoy your presence here and i look forward to whatever content you create, and seeing you find joy in the same group as me is nice. take care friend, do what you can. i'm sending you love
🫂🤍🌙 You're not overstepping at all;; I really appreciated your kind words 😞🖤 It means a lot to me genuinely I appreciate it... I hope that you too start to feel a little warmer and happier as the days go on... Take care of yourself as well ☹️🖤
#i feel so lonely i guess that's the hardest part of it all right 🥲#because no one around me really understands how i feel#of course it helps knowing i'm not insane in my feelings...#i hate feeling hopeless and sorry for myself like this... 😞 i hate being miserable 24/7 you know... i know i sound so annoying complaining#every day that i wish i were dead like 😕 i feel bad for the ppl around me who have to deal with me...#idk 😞 im just so tired ah...#anyway 😞💗 thanku for being so sweet i really appreciated your kind words...#i am sending you a (chan voice) big hug ☹️🖤#wish i could do more to make you smile but 🫂 hopefully you know you're also not alone... at least you know the loser known as chrisbangs li#is also kinda down in the dumps and supporting you 😿🫶#anon#answered
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Parents are the worst about the one-upping. If I never hear "you don't know what tired is, you don't have kids!" from a healthy energetic person sometimes many years younger than I am again it'll be too soon.
Has anyone else noticed that as a society, we’re shamed for wanting to sleep? Sleeping in is bad, naps are only okay if they’re 20 minutes, you cant be tired unless you’re a <insert career/lifestyle choice here>, so on and so forth.
I mean, I think we all need to spread our blankets out, cuddle a pillow, and go to sleep. Everyone needs more of it, fuck this “it’s not productive” nonsense. It’s okay to sleep, it’s okay to want to sleep. You’re not lazy because of it.
#not to derail op's post but parents are the worst about one upping generally not just about sleep#no one is as tired stressed overworked undersupported poor lonely disrespected and oppressed as a parent says local parent#but respond with 'that sounds miserable I'm glad I never wanted kids' and they think that's the most awful thing a human has ever said#'children are parasites that suck all joy money and life out of their parents leaving them drained husks'#'what do you mean you don't want children they're the best you're so lazy selfish and immature not to want to be a drained husk like me'#ok I'll shut up now#no one more thing fuck puritan work ethics obligatory parenthood and suffering as virtue mindset#ok now I'm done for real
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Something I really can't understand is when you're in the talking stage with someone and trying to get to know them and they just take an age to reply? Like I'm not expecting super quick replies and I understand if they have other commitments or whatever. But to me I have to question if you really want to get to know me if you keep disappearing for hours lol. Even worse if their responses are minimal when they finally do reply
#sorry but i just don't have any time for it#either you're 100% in or not at all#this is why is so hard to make friends/date nowadays#hardly anyone's willing to make the effort#and honestly it just makes me feel insecure and blame myself for being too boring or something#but that's the biggest problem of my life really#i've never been able to keep someone in my life that long unfortunately#bar a few loyal friends i've known for a while now#everyone else just loses interest and leaves#anyway rant over#i'm just tired of being lonely#and always the one to put more effort but ultimately the one that always gets hurt in the end 😂
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#someone please invent a magic bullet for depression#i hate feeling like this and i hate myself#I'm sad and lonely and constantly stressed out#and you're not even allowed to be sad you have to pretend you're happy#im so tired#i was also volunteered to make a cake this weekend which ok but i dont even think there's the right flour#but hey it's like my mom always says can you at least try to act happy youre making everyone miserable#sorry kinda went on a rant there#which i guess is the point but still#im probably going to try to get some sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning
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