#i'm the mast

[the-most-sublime-fool]

Then, too, at sea—to use a homely but expressive phrase—you miss a man so much. A dozen men are shut up together in a little bark, upon the wide, wide sea, and for months and months see no forms and hear no voices but their own, and one is taken suddenly from among them, and they miss him at every turn. It is like losing a limb. There are no new faces or new scenes to fill up the gap. There is always an empty berth in the forecastle, and one man wanting when the small night watch is mustered. There is one less to take up the wheel, and one less to lay out with you upon the yard. You miss his form, and the sound of his voice, for habit had made them almost necessary to you, and each of your senses feels the loss.

—a sailor's diary entry, on losing a shipmate, ca. 1834 (from Two Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry Dana Jr.)

[egoschwank]

al things considered — when i post my masterpiece #1171

first posted in facebook march 27, 2023

frederic edwin church -- "the icebergs" (1861)

"the painting is one of church's composite views [...] in which he combined elements from many sketches with his imagination to convey the essential character of the setting" ... wikipeida

"the best i ever painted and the truest" ... frederic edwin church (on "the icebergs")

"whilst travelling a parasite buried itself in my head it took me over and it had to be removed by a specialist it can happen to anyone at anytime now some sounds hurt my ears" ... florence shaw

"the mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water" ... sigmund freud

"no kissing no smooching but there was a song if i can remember it icebergs icebergs icebergs icebergs" ... florence shaw

"this masterpiece is one of my composite posts [...] in which i combine elements from many quotes with my imagination to convey the essential character of the setting ... for instance, i'm the mast ... but my heart is like an iceberg, it floats with six-sevenths of its bulk under water" ... al janik

[thebibliosphere]

For all the progress I've made with my health (and I've made a lot), it's still one of the most annoying features of my MCAS that stress--or basically any too strong an emotion-- can trigger an anaphylactic reaction.

On the one hand, it's forced me to do so much therapy to get a hold of my emotional dysregulation and trauma, and that's a good thing. That's good for my emotional wellbeing.

But it's also a bandaid to the fact that my immune system is so broken it throws my entire body into fight or flight mode at the least provocation, and instead of choosing either fight, flight, or fawn, it goes for the secret fourth option which is to set fire to the house (me) and swell my throat shut.

Like that is the opposite of a survival instinct.

That is my body sensing the tiger in the tall grass, and going, "No, thank you," and noping the fuck out before the tiger can even get to it.

[kirby-the-gorb]

we are about an hour into rare disease day in my timezone! (it's always the last day of february, whether that's the 28th or the 29th.) the true prevalence of mast cell disorders is unknown, as they are often misdiagnosed or ignored. and mast cell activation syndrome, the most prevalent kind of mast cell disorder, only had diagnostic criteria laid out for the first time in 2010. so whether or not it's truly rare is really up in the air!

(personally I suspect it is just aggressively underdiagnosed but I'm not a research scientist or diagnostician right now. and even if it is rare, it's gonna be a lot less so than it was 5 years ago as certain respiratory infections are known to trigger it into visibility. that's what happened to me when I got mono at the end of 2015, further compounded when I got covid in 2022.)

all chronically ill people face a lot of hurdles when it comes to seeking diagnosis, accommodation, and treatment (all of which can be severely complicated by any intersecting marginalities), but rare diseases present a special challenge.

for example, I have an immune disorder. my immune system does not like being alive, my mast cells are way too jumpy and throw a tantrum over every little thing. you'd think an immunologist would be the one to treat me, right?

I've had 6 immunology referrals rejected in the past 9 months alone. multiple major immunology clinics in my major city tied to a major research university outright refuse to see patients with "mcas" written anywhere in their chart.

after 8 years of being debilitatingly ill, and suspecting it was immune mediated for 6, and getting it confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt by the bone marrow biopsy last month, I will have my second ever appointment with an immunologist. another 2 1/2 months from now. the first immunologist lied to me about the reliability of the one available blood test, when I first came up with the hypothesis by myself 6 years ago, and forced me to abandon my (correct!!! now proven!!!) hypothesis for 3 entire years while we wandered around lost and got nowhere other than even more thorough process of elimination.

okay, well if my immune system is attacking me, maybe it's technically autoimmune? that's the rheumatologists instead of the immunologists, what do they have to say? dick all my dude, I don't have rheumatoid arthritis so they just shrug at me and go "idk, fibro? I don't know why you're here" and send me home with nothing. (I literally had a rheumatologist say to me, verbatim, "I don't know why you're here." buddy it's your job to read the chart and decide if I get seen or not, you tell me. at least he had a snazzy outfit.)

being chronically ill can be a terrible struggle no matter what, but a disease that is perceived as rare, accurate or not, adds a whole new layer of bullshit. (and of course there are much much rarer diseases out there, with even more hoops and dead ends and struggles and all-new layers of bullshit that even I don't have to deal with!)

anyway I'm having a shit time and using this awareness day as an excuse to productively bitch about it 👍

[tj-crochets]

The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)

[gamma-gal-24]

I've been super unhappy with my Incredibles insert lately, so I figured it was time for a re-vamp! I'm completely overhauling her and starting from scratch!

The "giant" superpowers, while cool, aren't really what I want anymore, and that's okay! It is more than okay to step back and realize you aren't happy with your ocs, a fact I had to slowly come to realize myself. In typical Pisces fashion, I've recently found myself super into water powers and what personality traits would tie into it. Incredibles characters all have emotional ties to their powers: Mr. Incredible is the strong, reliable fatherfigure as shown by his strength, Elastigirl is the flexible mother, able to adapt easily, ect. And so for water, I picture a character with emotions as big and changing as the sea- calm and appealing for the most part, but also deep and torrential-

Thus we have "Torrent," the water hero!

I'm also finally fully embracing my chub through her, something I found a lot harder to do with my "super strong" character before. I'm chunky, she's chunky, and she kicks ass anyways.😎

I've always heard that inserts were supposed to be the ideal version of yourself, and I think I have finally decided this is mine.☺💞

[calicoarchive]

putting this in my testimonials

[chronicallydragons]

WHY is it that every time I take a medication that "may cause drowsiness" and I start getting drowsy my brain--rather than rationally remembered the medication causes drowsiness--IMMEDIATELY jumps to the conclusion that I've been POISONED??????????????

like Me: *takes a benadryl because my MCAS is flaring and I'm in desperate need of rescue meds*

Me, 30 minutes later: "oof, I'm drowsy."

My brain: WE'VE BEEN POISONED!!! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! IF YOU FALL ASLEEP YOU'LL DIE

WHY

[s-aint-elmo]

the dragon prince is dangerously close to proving that the only thing you need to do to secure my viewership is cover a woman in blood, take the life out of her eyes, and drench her in a mixture of desperation and grief so potent it dissolves all her scruples

[whale-trawl]

TM_E02, or exercises in ignoring perspective

[fainting-is-punk]

i recently had an allergic reaction to something. It gave me the most intense hives I've ever experienced in my life. The only thing that made it better was a hot shower and immediately slathering myself in hydrocortisone cream. That'd only last for 2 hours and I'd be back to itching. I didn't sleep that night and passed out late into the next day when it finally let up. I have MCAS so it's normal for me to deal with random allergies to one thing or another. It sucked but I wasn't surprised. I've had this since I was a kid. We still don't know what it was this time because we went back throughout the whole day and retried one thing at a time with nothing giving me a reaction.

I had to cancel my plans with my mom that day because I was still itching, tired, uncomfortable, and constantly on the verge of a meltdown from the overstimulation. I couldn't allow her over at my place or go anywhere while I felt like such utter garbage. I still don't feel well. She understood. Like always. She was the one to help with my allergic reactions a kid whether it meant creams and epi-pens, staying up with/without me to make sure I made it though the night, or taking me to the hospital. My dad however...

He left me 6 different voicemails today alone tearing into me for, "using that stupid excuse from childhood." Saying I should be ashamed of myself. Saying I need to stop, "this desperate search for attention." This man that I had blocked for no contact reasons had used a phone he had lying around just to scream at me over the phone just to make me feel bad about this.

He saw the hives. He saw the hospital visits. He even saw the seizures.

But for some reason people like him refuse to see that anyone could have it "that bad."

In my experience, there are always going to be some people that will cover their eyes and ears and scream "LALALALALA" to not hear the truth. It's upsetting and I hate everything about it.

Anyway, that's my day. Hope yours is better.

[equalseleventhirds]

the feeling of standing on a sinking ship and u look around at everyone and are like 'ok look here's what we can salvage so we can stay afloat' and meanwhile they are planning a five course meal from food u don't have bcos they're sure the boat is gonna be fine. i've lost the metaphor but i keep finding myself in these situations and one just hit me real real REAL bad so i'm gonna need a minute.

[pharawee]

I haven't cried this much since Your name Engraved Herein and ITSAY 😭😭

[kirby-the-gorb]

[starlene]

I've been feeling extremely tired recently, even more so than usually... and the only thing that seems to cheers me up somewhat is cornering some poor unsuspecting soul and telling them facts about either the Titanic or the Vasa.

Did you know that it's so shallow where the latter sunk that her masts stayed above the surface?

This is not sustainable. Maybe I'll need to try taking some different vitamins or something instead.

[something-about-sunflowers]

This is a really dumb and unimportant thing but I live to complain so I'm gonna:

The Revenge does not have a crows nest. It does not. It drives me CRAZY when I read in fic 'he/they was/were in the crows nest' because it does not have one. And because I know it's a dumb thing to be annoyed about.

What it DOES have are TOPS, which are little platforms on the masts that sit at different levels (with different names depending on which one). Stede and Ed were on the main-topmast the morning after the lighthouse fuckery.