#like i know i approach things from a pessimistic pov but then i see these ppl running wildly for just. ridiculous optimism and i. what. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theladybrownstarot · 6 months ago

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Pick-A-Card: Describing Your Vibes according to people's pov also urs ~

𐙚˚ Here's my masterlist for more !

𐙚˚ Make sure you like/follow/Comment/reblogg for more pacs like these !

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

˖⁺‧₊˚Pile 1 .

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

𐙚˚ okay , i see that your vibes are giving like as of rise of Phoenix or wake up or glow up or the rise of great !

𐙚˚ pile 1 . people think you as someone who is now rising or we say they think and feel that it's your time now to shine and do great ! People used to think that you won't show up or have something inside you so great but now you have realized that what you have got and what do you want and need to do ;) .

𐙚˚ People think that you are kinda someone who gifts themselves a lot like such things which are your requirements only ! You keep your plans to yourself but you are open to talk to people and guide them too . You don't show a lot of facial expression plus your face gives the vibe of someone mature also . you people are grounded too~ and must have big 3s in earth sign also.

𐙚˚ People get that clear ,concise , straight forward and to the point kind of person . People feel your vibes as of someone who is fast and knows what to do and how to do now like you aren't indecisive at all ; you know how to make clear decisions and give good judgements . You see more deep , you are curious and tries to know more . People wanna approach you and ask you that how did you do it ?

𐙚˚ They think of you who doesn't rush into things and work . you take things slowly and calmly for sure and try to maintain your consistency by making little-little steps also that you must be observant and someone who is cautious just to make sure you aren't taking risks at all in your work .

𐙚˚ You people vibe as a dry to green tree . You are a home person and travels less also . Might like village areas far from city . You people are workaholics but at times you get kind a away from your path maybe because of of health issues also .

𐙚˚ you people are mysterious and have high patience and endurance of things . You might day dream a lot also . People get the vibes from you as like this person is fated to be great now ! btw get an evil eye protection charm for yourself.

𐙚˚ You people have learnt to take control on your pessimistic thoughts and life too ~ you have the blessings from your god and if you are an indian don't worry take the name of lord ganesha🙏🏼🦋 to remove obstacles. people you are clear and strong minded -it's hard to defeat you but i sense some people are still in the progress to make themselves up ! just leave your past and face your fears ~!

˖⁺‧₊˚Pile 2 .

Namaste pile 2 ! Let's get with your reading :-

𐙚˚ Hi pile no. 2 ! hru ? enjoying your life or every moment of it ?! yess ! that's what i'm getting from you my sunshine, you shine like sun ,star and moon ~

𐙚˚ you know people get that vibe of you who is jovial in nature wise, likes to enjoy every second of life or trying to enjoy the present with gratitude and happiness rather than being sad oho people you know your shine sometimes makes people jealous of you too ~ but don't mind them because you are a good person who isn't interested to take hurt and take advantage of others 🫂 knowing that in this world of harshness and darkness people struggle to come as happy individual too ~ you are a beauty with with brain , someone who is motherly , caring or your face could be motherly , who is a marriage material , dream person , a lot feminine and romantic ♡ .

𐙚˚ I sense that you spread kindness , compassion to others rather than hate and grief alas i hope people may get the shine like you people do ! also that you are someone who is a lot recognized by higher people and authorities also that you could be authoritative and strong headed . You are transparent also someone who is ready to give their hand to people to come up . I love you pile 2 . you are humanitarian! you are selfless ♡.

𐙚˚ People vibe with you with rose and sun flowers and also that you like taking pics with flowers for sure . you love flowers and like to live around nature too ~

𐙚˚ People think of you also as a prankster , someone who is bit lazy TT to take responsibilities and someone who gets blamed also mostly. People are jealous and angry because they think you aren't serious but reality is something else pile 2 . isn't it ?;)

𐙚˚ You could be in a certain community , group or club that has people like you or in the community , place or work you are mostly loved and given attention to most as you could be a lot vocal and expressive too . You people must be into law of ♡♡ manifestations a lot i see and believe in universe so much that it has helped you to take your burden off also .

˖⁺‧₊˚Pile 3.

Namaste pile 3 ! Let's get with your reading :-

𐙚˚ People think of you as someone who isn't judgmental regarding anyone . They feel comfortable around you because you are those type of people who doesn't make people feel like outsiders . You like to share your happiness with others irrespective of age , color , gender or caste vice-versa ♡ . You believe in sharing of things . People might feel that you are the center of attention and you give attention to everyone equally ! you present yourself as a good and gentle being. You people and grounded and strong - which makes people think that they can't defeat you 💪🏼.

𐙚˚ You are a person who has a lot of achievements - not especially some awards or medals but achievements of your own that you made in your life by yourself ~ You people take life in a flow not in a hurry or mess 🌬🌊. You people can even enjoy alone like you can dance at any place , you can start speaking like a politician or a debater at any place without thinking much of people >< You give yourself chance first or keep yourself as a priority like you have your own voice and opinion in things.

𐙚˚ You people might me psychics like tarot card readers , astrologers, intuitive or you can a strong 6th sense 🔮 . People think that you have the answer for everything . Some people think and vibe with you as their random guide at any point of time . Your feelings and gut are strong for sure plus i can see that you are spiritual and read a lot of text and holy books and can practicse mindfulness for sure.

𐙚˚ People might feel that until and unless they don't approach you , you won't approach them. People might vibe you with a tree - mature , silent , helpful ,selfless , knowledgeable and someone with extras , you might keep a bunch of things with you in your bag let's say i carry medicine , face wash and cucumber water when i go outside ; people think me as someone who is full and got everything that they need and wish for so goes same for you 🫂.

𐙚˚ People think that you will be a great personality in coming time or in near future because you are developing and growing yourself by hiding from the world. I think you love peace and unity among everyone .

𐙚˚ You people are a warrior like you have experienced few major events in life and a great lover too ~ You will have great options in terms of love soon . You people are perceived as someone beautiful and graceful for sure . Don't be insecure regarding your looks because what matters is the personality and inner-self ♡

#theladybrownstarot #tarot community #free tarot #tarot reading #tarotblr #pac #tarotscope #pick a pile #pick a card #pick one #artists on tumblr #astro community #astro observations #tarot and astrology #tarot witch

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marmarparadoxa · 4 years ago

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About the first meeting between Hanji and Levi (levihan thoughts)

Let’s talk about the first meeting between Levi and Hanji. It’s set in the ACWNR manga (and too bad it wasn’t animated), during a mission outside the walls. The SC soldiers are preparing to rest in an old castle for the night.

Levi, Furlan and Isabel are sitting apart from the rest of the others. Till then, we haven’t seen any of those survey corps soldiers trying to start a friendly conversation or showing a kind attitude toward them. After all, Levi and his friends were thugs, criminals, born and raised in the underground, and therefore, they’re essentially different from people who led their life above the ground. Coming from a different environment, they’re regarded with suspicion and probably a little fear. Consequently, the trio doesn’t expect anyone to disturb them during their secret talks. But suddenly…

Someone addresses them. It’s Hanji.

She starts enthusiastically praising Levi for the ability with which he has defeated the titan, presents herself, and casually takes a seat between Furlan and Isabel. She attempts to establish a conversation with the trio. Also, she tries to get some advice from Levi (without success, though). She tells them that seeing them fighting in that way has given to the other soldiers a new hope. She even gives Isabel cookies, and she proposes to treat them to a meal next time, if they all come back alive.

Differently from everyone else, she tries to approach them. In spite of all the distrust and hostility that surrounds the trio, Hanji doesn’t have any prejudice, instead, she displays towards them a disinterested kindness. And she tries to show them her friendly intentions with those simple and warm gestures. Initially they don’t even know how to react, in that she takes them by surprise. But mainly, I think, they’re not used to experiencing such an approach from other people. We can see on Levi’s face the surprise and confusion provoked by Hanji’s appearance and by her freaky enthusiasm.

Anyway, despite Furlan suggesting him to “be nice” (that part was so hilarious btw), he doesn’t quit his detached and grumpy manners. Even so, Hanji doesn’t seem downcast by that, and takes her leave of them with a smile. And Levi himself, after Hanji’s gone, seems more thoughtful than bothered, and he simply stares at her without further responding to Furlan.

I also found interesting Levi’s reply to Furlan’s question: he doesn’t want to be responsible for the lives of anyone else other than theirs. However, Hanji was simply asking him for some advice, but it seems that Levi, despite having just entered the SC, immediately had the thought of being responsible for the lives of other people.

I truly loved this scene and I think that it sets a good start to what would become their relationship. From their very first encounter, differently from everyone else, Hanji doesn’t seem discouraged or afraid by Levi’s difficult attitude, and actively tries to get close to him as a person. As regards Levi pov, Hanji must have appeared as a bewildering and unpredictable person. Because of all the grief endured and the experience that he’s had, Levi has learned to always expect the worst from and distrust others, and to have a wary and pessimistic attitude toward the world. And then arrives Hanji, someone with a puzzling positive temper, willing to see things from a different point of view, and capable of finding hope, even in moments of the deepest despair.

I like to think that even if initially it could have appeared as something strange and odd to him, Levi eventually couldn’t help but being captivated by someone capable of seeing the world in that way, someone capable of showing him a new, hopeful future.

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #hanji zoë #hanji zoe #hanji #hange #aot hanji #aot hange #levi #hanji x levi #levi x hange #acwnr #a choice with no regrets #isabel magnolia #furlan church #snk #snk meta #snk 108

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sevfanfic · 4 years ago

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A Touch in the Dark - Chapter 13: A Different Perspective

Word count: 1,964

(This first part is Irma’s POV)

A gurgling croak sounded overhead from a raven that soared high in the sky. The bird circled above a cluster of buildings before nose diving into a dark alley. The passage was narrow and cluttered with garbage. A cluster of dark feathers formed a swirling cloud as the shape of a woman emerged. Irma straightened her neatly tucked shirt and stepped out of the alleyway and into a bustling crowd of people. She approached the cold white edifice across the street. Her thin frame weaved between the pedestrians with ease, her face a mask of indifference. Her path led her through a heavy revolving door. The sound of her footsteps echoed sharply against the white walls of the entrance hall. She approached a closet at the end of the hall, inside stood tall shelves lined with assorted office supplies.

“Revelio.” She waved her wand in a small arch in front of her, the shelf began to tremble. A door revealed itself as if a mist was being blown away. Irma entered through the opening and proceeded into a dark corridor lit by dim blue hues emanating from large sconces.

“Mrs. King, you’re early. The Minister isn’t expecting you for another hour.” A short man with a stout frame seemed to emerge from the air.

“I will see him now,” Irma swiftly passed the man and continued speaking as he struggled to keep up with her pace, “where is he?”

“I must insist that you wait, he is in an important meeting and is not to be interrupted.” The man spoke rapidly, attempting, unsuccessfully, to stop the tall woman. Irma continued to make her way through the winding corridors of the Ministry of Magic. She mulled over the Minister's possible whereabouts and concluded he’d most likely be in his favorite conference room. Her determined footsteps could be heard from inside the room she was approaching.

“Ah, Mrs. King,” Kingsley Shacklebolt turned from his spot at the head of a grand table, “I will be done shortly. Please wait in my office.” He turned back to the circle of confused faces.

“It’s. Important.” The severe look in Irmas eyes sent a shiver of realization down the spine of the minister as he glanced at her again. He promptly stood and neared the silver haired woman.

“We shall resume this meeting when I return.”

The Minister’s office was furnished with cushioned chairs with large pillows and tall framed paintings. No windows meant the only light came from small lamps and candles. It was cozy and Irma’s frigid statuesque demeanor cut into the warmth. She reported her findings and spoke adamantly about further interrogating the newest professor of Hogwarts.

“She has the support of Severus Snape. We cannot trust either of them.” Irma spoke firmly.

“She has given us no reason to mistrust her,” Kingsley shook his head, “I agree we must keep an eye on her but there is no need to turn to extremes at this time.” He paused and then stood from his chair, “And as for Severus, he was given immunity and has proven his true loyalties.”

“We are to wait for the inevitable then?” Irma raised a brow, “you know what she’s capable of, Severus is also highly skilled.”

“I understand your concern, but we have no evidence to justify taking any action. We will watch them and the others.”

“Very well.” Irma gave a nod of defeat as she watched the man leave the room. She knew she couldn't go against orders but had a pang of uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. The Minister had put together a task force to track down any potential threats, such as witches or wizards with unexplainable powers. Irma King was named head of the force, a general of sorts. She was pitiless and calculating with a taste for authority.

Irma instructed two of her best practitioners to keep watch at Hogwarts. They were to report back with any new developments or interesting findings. The two, a witch and a wizard, were both animaguses so staying hidden was not an issue.

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“What if I were to substitute boom berry with powdered bone?” You picked up a few glass vials from the shelves against the back of Severus’ classroom. As you walked back to your table you noticed him standing over your bubbling cauldron.

“It’s possible that could work.” Severus turned to you as you approached him. You set the supplies down and began to measure out a gray powder. Severus watched you with a fond look in his eyes.

“You’re so pessimistic, Severus.” You grumbled sarcastically. It was late in the evening and the moonlight trickled in through a small window. The chilled air lingered with the faint smell of the potion you were working on. Severus placed a hand on the small of your back.

“Maybe you’re just too optimistic,” he whispered, “however, I do enjoy watching you experiment.” Severus spoke close to your ear in a husky voice that sent a shiver down your spine. You smirked and nudged him away playfully.

“Don’t patronize me.” The teasing lilt in your brought a smile to Severus’ face. He kissed your cheek softly and made his way back to his desk. He began to work on some grading. Occasionally he would look up at you and watch you concentrate. A small smile remained on his face as he worked.

The evening went on in silence, you focused on your potion and when you began to clean your area Severus got up to help. When you finished he walked with you back to your quarters.

“Would you like to see this new crimson asphodel I’ve been growing?” You asked Severus with a smile. He looked at you suspiciously and you pushed open your door.

“Does such a thing exist?” Severus watched you carefully.

“It might,” you giggled and took his hand, “but I definitely haven’t seen one.” You then pulled him through the doorway. He let you do this but then he took you into his arms and kissed you. When he pulled away from you he brought his hands to your cheeks. His thumb grazed against your bottom lip.

“If you want me to stay, all you have to do is ask.” He murmured. The warmth of voice brushed against your skin.

“It’s that easy, hm?” You pursed your lips.

“Yes.” Severus smiled and kissed you again intensely.

Severus woke before you. He ran his fingers lazily over the bare skin of your back, tracing small scars and worshiping the curves and dimples of your body. It was early in the morning, the sun had barely risen above the horizon. He watched the slow rise and fall of your breaths. He admired the mess your hair had become, having become fond of the unkempt look that you always woke up with. These moments gave him the most peace, he felt his heart swell with love. The softness of your skin reminded him of satin sheets. He moved closer and kissed your shoulder.

“Venus in her shell was never so lovely, and Diana in the forest never so graceful as my Lady when she strides through Paris.” Severus whispered in a low breathy voice, his lips hovered close to your skin. The verse resonated with him and he imagined holding you in his arms like this for an eternity. Your sleep was deep but the warmth against your shoulder pulled you closer to a wakeful state. You shifted towards Severus. His arm found its way around your waist.

“That was beautiful.” You groaned sleepily.

“I thought you were sleeping,” he moved a lock of hair from your face, “I said it because you’re beautiful.” The tenderness in his voice lulled you back to sleep with a small smile on your lips. He kissed your forehead and pulled you against his chest. With your cheek against his skin you listened to his heart beating rhythmically.

The winter swallowed the countryside and the students were preparing to leave for holiday. You cleaned your classroom and helped some of the younger Slytherins get their belongings together. You began spending most of your free time with Severus. One evening after most of the students left, you invited him to have dinner. You asked the elves for permission to use the large Hogwarts kitchen and set up to cook.

“Do you like Italian?” You asked while chopping a small onion.

“I suppose,” he replied, “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“It is one of my many talents, Professor.” You twirled the knife in your hand before dumping the onion in a hot saucepan. He followed your movements with a raised brow. When you finished cooking you handed Severus a plate and he smiled gratefully.

“Thank you.” He watched you fondly as you ate. Over dinner you two spoke about the visit from the Ministry. Severus expressed his distaste for their obvious lack of discretion and self-restraint.

“Maybe she just wanted to be thorough,” you spoke carefully.

“Doubtful,” Severus scoffed, “they’re watching us, that is how thorough they like to be.” He pushed his empty plate aside and took your hand in his. With an earnest look in his eyes, he brought your hand close and kissed your wrist. “Nonetheless, I will protect you. I promise.” He kissed your wrist again then pressed it against his chest just above his heart.

“And you call me a hopeless romantic.” The redness in your cheeks made your face warm and you smiled brightly. Afterwards, Severus helped you clean up the mess you had made. He walked beside you down one of the many shadowy corridors that you learned to memorize. You came upon his door first and he stopped.

“Would you like to join me for tea?”

You agreed and he invited you in. You sat at the small coffee table where you first had dinner together. It was lit by three small candles that rested upon a stack of books. Soon he brought two cups of hot tea and handed you one. He sat across from you, his index finger tapping relentlessly against the cup. You noticed this habit of tapping his finger occurred when he was nervous about something.

“Are you okay?” You asked between sips.

“Yes, I’m fine,” he looked down at his hands then slid them into his lap. He gazed down at the cup and then sighed softly.

“I need to tell you something.” Severus spoke up and you nodded for him to continue. You heard him tapping against his leg, then he went on, “You have shown me that happiness is attainable even with the darkest of pasts,” he looked into your eyes, wanting you to see that he was opening his heart to you, “It would make me even happier if you would grant me the privilege of being your partner, in this life and the next.”

You felt your heart flutter in your chest as you looked into Severus’ dark eyes. At that moment nothing else mattered, only how much you wanted to kiss him and tell him that you'd love nothing more than to be with him. Your movements were brisk as you stood and closed the distance between you two. He was quick to notice your movements and pushed away from the table creating a space for you which you gladly filled by straddling his lap. You then took his cheeks in your hands and pressed your lips against his. He grasped your waist and kissed you back passionately. You pulled away and admired the man who had stolen your heart.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.” you smiled and pressed your forehead to his. The smile on Severus’ face beamed and for the first time in his dreary life, he was genuinely happy.

TAGS: @ayamenimthiriel @marvelschriss @debiraquel @mitsuhkai @the-not-so-iconic @darkthought15 @rubym13 @4everflowercore @otherxstories @thottywithoutthebody @setsuna-meiou31

#severus #severus x you #severus snape #snape #snape fanfiction #snape x you #fanfic #snape love #severus x reader #snape x reader #severus fanfic #severus lives

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s1cparvism4gna · 4 years ago

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I Like You A Lot

WARNINGS: cursing & angst

Pairings: Chloe Frazer x Nadine Ross, Sam Drake x OC

Tags: @desertvvitch, @courtenbae, @ammaliatrici

A/N: I will fix the read now later today

Chapter 18

Sam’s POV

I sighed as the wind pushed back my hair, air drying myself and my clothes a bit. Also it was hot as hell. So this nice breeze was doing me a great service. I wiped the shmutz off the tinted glass of a pair of aviators I happened to find in the back seat. “These are nice, heh?” I said, examining the quality and putting them on my face before turning to Sunny with a rather charming smile (if I do say so myself). She didn’t even move. She stayed with her chin resting in her hand as she leaned on the side of the car; Staring at the Indian wilderness as it passed by, wind pushing at her curls. I huffed and shook my head, noticing Chloe glancing at us from the rear view mirror. She frowned a bit and then returned her eyes to the rocky path before us.

“Look! Railroad tracks!” Nadine pointed out. Sunny’s head shot right up as she moved to the middle seat to lean forward for a better look. Right ahead in the distance was a bunch of abandoned cars on the tracks.

“We’ll stop here, then.” Chloe said, pulling on the hand brake and the car skidded in the mud for a second. All of us hopped out of the 4x4, our boots landing on the ground heavily. We all groaned. I was sure all of our bodies were aching— I, myself, was tired and sweaty. My hands were dirty and bruised (much like the rest of me) with a few cuts that had yet to be looked at. And I mean the way my knees felt after that simple jump… but it was better than being left to drown in a flooded chamber, I’ll tell you that. Luckily, my cigarettes had dried so immediately I pulled one and lit it. I needed one. With the way Sunny was acting and how this job was going, I needed a bit of nicotine in my system to help me along.

“Asav will definitely have lookouts throughout the area.” Nadine told us.

“Best be careful then, huh?” Sunny commented, adjusting her jeans.

“Right, right, right… And then we lose the tusk.” I added sarcastically. Sunny made a face. One I knew all too well. One she tended to make when she was done with whatever “pessimistic” outlook I tended to have on things.

“Jesus Christ, Sam—” Sunny groaned, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

“Ay— I’m just bein’ realistic here!” I retorted. Nadine chimed in as well, also rather fed up with me.

“You’re welcome to stay behind if you’d like.” She said. I made a sarcastic expression, mocking her.

Chloe calmly hushed us up, shaking her head, tired of the ongoing arguments and petty comebacks between us all.

“All right, all right… Less talking, more walking.” She said before hopping off the cliff. Sunny looked at me in disbelief and forced out a rather derisive laugh.

“Sounds good to me.” She said, following Chloe off the cliff. I groaned stressfully; letting smoke fill my lungs and exit my nostrils as I watched her walk away, dropping down to the next level. I picked up my pride and began to follow them as well.

“So all that time with Asav and you couldn’t get any intel on the buyers?” Nadine asked me.

“He’s uh…. he’s a cagey one, Asav is. Never talked shop in front of me really.” I answered, adjusting my newfound sunglasses in the sunlight.

“Gee, I wonder why not…” I heard Sunny comment sardonically ahead of us.

“Sunny, you’re being very puerile right now.” I said to her.

“Ooo, look at the ex con using his big boy words.” She replied with a rapid fire tongue. I rolled my eyes and took another drag. I decided I’d be the grown up here and ignore it… Sort of.

“Hey, he believed me long enough to think I was an expert in all this Hoy-sah-la crap.” I said rather pigheadedly.

“It’s Hoysa-lah. Not Hoy- sah-la.” Sunny corrected me.

“All right, Hermione.” I shrugged, trying my best not to let her get to me. But, boy, she was really working on my nerves.

“Thanks for keeping him busy for us.” Chloe said suddenly, taking me out of my thoughts and smiling at me as she looked at me with those stunning blue eyes. It was clear to see why I slept with her to begin with. There was a calm about her that tended to ease even the most chaotic of souls. I wanted to be calmed too. I wanted to be near that energy for just a moment. But in retrospect, it wasn’t worth it. Not to have Sunny this upset with me. I’d take it back if I could… I ran my fingers through my hair nervously and nodded, feigning a confidence that wasn’t really there to begin with.

“Yeah, I mean, I knew everything would work out…. I just wanted to buy you guys some time…. in case you were coming to get me.” I said, looking over the edge of the next cliff. She placed a gentle roughed up hand on my arm and squeezed it.

“Of course we were!” She grinned. Her energy brought a faint smile to my face and I forced a laugh, leaning towards her.

“Seriously, though. Thanks. I thought I was a goner.” I whispered to her.

“I wouldn’t let that happen. Sunny wouldn’t let that happen.” She said, nodding in her direction. I sighed. Even being upset with me, she once again saved my ass. “And your brother would never let me hear the end of it.” She added. I burst into laughter as I followed her across the cliff. Sunny and Nadine both looked back at me. Neither was very happy with me. They seemed to be talking amongst themselves. I could only imagine what about.

We walked along the green grass, looking out at the tracks that hovered above a misty and grassy wetland. It was rather nice if I was being honest. India had spectacular views and I was glad I got to see it all. That Sunny got to see it all. She deserved to see the world more than anybody. I finished my cigarette and tossed the filter over the edge as we came upon a waterfalled cave. Looking in, there was a mudslide inside. “Let’s find out where this goes.” Chloe said before jumping in and sliding away. I stepped aside and gestured to the cave.

“Ladies first.” I sighed. Nadine glared at me, bumping her muscular shoulder into me as she passed, knocking me off balance.

“Very mature.” I grumbled as she slid down after Chloe. Sunny just walked by and slid down without even really looking at me. I took a deep breath and slid down after her.

“I found the train tracks! Sort of….” I heard Chloe say as I approached the bottom. Sitting at the door of the hill were a bunch of broken slabs of wood. The cave probably was once part of a train route from what I gathered. As we came out onto the sunlit cliff, we could see more tracks in the distance.

“It’s weird to see everythin’ sorta go back to normal… After bein’ around Hoysala ruins all day. More modern structures are showin’ up now.” Sunny said as she looked around. I took the opportunity to attempt a conversation again.

“Well it’s either British or Portuguese. So not quite modern. Probably around 18— aaand you don’t care…” I said, biting my lip. Sunny grunted as she dropped to the ground to follow Chloe. I threw my head back in discouragement. Nadine shrugged as she looked at me and began to go behind them. Then she stopped in her tracks and turned to look at me, her bright brown eyes narrowed.

“You did a stupid thing, Drake. She’s hurt.” She told me. I blinked at her a couple times. It seemed like she was maybe trying to…..help me. I wrinkled my bushy brows as I continued to listen to her. “I don’t know why but… she loves you. And she won’t say it. Not to your face. But I know she does care a great deal about you. Just give her some time.” She said. I was surprised. When did she start to care about how Sunny was feeling? Regardless, I took the advice and pushed on. Just as I jumped down, I watched Sunny be the first to cross a wooden beam. Immediately, that familiar niggling feeling kicked in.

“Sunny, what the hell?! Is that thing even stable?!” I yelled. She just kept going until she got to the other side.

“It’s fine. Hurry up and cross it before it’s not. Your luck, it’ll break in half.” She retorted, climbing a wall and crawling into a tight space. As she disappeared, I couldn’t help but to be surprised. Heights weren’t her thing. Now all of a sudden it’s “Balls to the Wall”, “No Guts, No Glory”? Maybe the job had cured her of her acrophobia. Or maybe I pissed her off that much…

I followed the girls across the beam and through the crawl space (And no. It didn’t break). Above us, the sound of a chopper could be heard. The winds from its propellers pushing the treetops about, shaking loose leaves to the ground. As long as we stayed in the shadows and tree lines, I knew we’d be fine. “Asav thinks we’re all dead. Let’s keep it that way.” Nadine said, before heading up more rocks. It was interesting seeing her on the other side of enemy lines. And even better, without a gun to my head. Or a knife to my throat. Maybe if I asked the right questions, I could find a glimpse of a person inside that walking dead shell.

“So, Nadine—” I began but she growled and folded her strong arms across her chest.

“We are not on a first name basis.” She said. I chuckled.

“Okay, fine… I heard you worked for Asav, too?” I asked, carefully.

“What about it?” She grunted, narrowing her eyes and cocking a thin brow.

“I mean… How did you deal with the torture?” I asked.

“Wha… Did he torture you??”

“Oh yeah...” I groaned in all seriousness. He didn’t torture me physically but he might as well have. “Wouldn’t stop talkin’ about himself or his cause. Like, I get it, man. You don’t gotta sell me on it— I’m just lookin’ to make some scratch, y’know?” I chuckled lightly. Chloe shook her head and groaned.

“I can’t stand when people prattle on incessantly.” She said, climbing the next short cliff ahead.

“God, me either.” I agreed. Then Sunny walked by making some odd noise of disgust.

“Wow, you have so much in common.” She said, staley before climbing the cliff behind Chloe. I took a deep breath to calm myself. At this point, she was really just irking me. I’m not exactly what you would call a patient man. But I was enjoying the job, to be honest. And I damn sure wasn’t gonna let her ruin it.

We followed Chloe up the inside of a waterfall’s cave and out through thick vines. “If I had known, I would’ve packed my machete.” She said simply, herself and Nadine pushing the vines apart. The way Sunny’s face lit up when she said that, almost made me forget I was in hot water for a moment. Her big brown eyes, widening and practically shimmering as her freckled cheeks fattened up when she gave that dazzling smile. I could feel my ears burning up and I turned away to light myself a cigarette. Chloe gave her a doting smile as she passed between the vines.

“You have a machete?” She asked, softly.

“Tell you what. We make it out of this alive? I’ll mail it to you.” Chloe grunted as she struggled to keep the vines apart. She nodded to Nadine to go next but just to be an ass, I slid in at the last second.

“Thank you, good gentlewomen.” I grumbled as I weaved my slender limbs through to the other side. Sunny just crossed her arms and scoffed at me. I huffed, dropping my shoulders and gesturing to the vines. “They’re gonna need someone to hold open the other end!” I said, trying to cover myself. But truthfully, I wasn’t a total ass. “Come grab the other side.” I told her as I let my cigarette hang loosely between my lips. I grabbed a vine towards the middle and began to pull.

She stared at me a moment and groaned lightly as she came to grab the other vine. She grunted as she began to pull as well, her muscles taut and flexing as she did as much as she could. Just then Nadine had come out, then Chloe. Soon as they were fine, the path was pretty clear. Even for Sunny, who had already run and jumped across the rushing ravine and was starting to climb up the seeable handholds. I rushed across after her just to make sure she’d be okay. She made it up and over the cliff with no problems. I was impressed. It was like for the first time, I was seeing Treasure Hunter Sunny Spurrs. She didn’t need me. She was excellent all on her own. Which in a way made me feel stupid for thinking my selfish thoughts before. I climbed over the cliff and Sunny reached out a hand to help me up. Just then, I could hear rocks crumbling below us. I looked down to see Chloe falling into the ravine and sliding down off a cliff. All I could hear was her screaming. The both of us (and I’m sure Nadine) gasped, calling out her name.

“Shit!” I exclaimed. But Nadine raised her hand to us a moment and listened closely. I guess she could hear something we couldn’t.

“She’s okay!” She yelled to us. “I’m gonna follow her! You two stay close! We’ll meet up!” She said before jumping into the ravine and down the mudslide, after Chloe. I could hear Sunny groan and swear loud as hell like she couldn’t stand to be with me or something. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. We didn’t have time for this.

“Alright, ENOUGH!” I barked, tossing my cigarette off the edge, forcing out the excess smoke from my lungs through my nostrils in an ire manner. I stood up and turned to look at her with a screwed up expression. Sunny looked at me like I had lost my mind. And maybe I had… I wasn’t so sure. “You’re gonna have to talk to me sometime...” I told her. Begged her, really. She shook her head, chuckling at me. She placed her hands on her hips and bit her lip, standing her ground.

“You really wanna do this now?” Sunny asked me, raising her voice as she approached me slowly. I nodded. I was amped up and tired of the third degree.

“When the hell else are we gonna be able to do it, Sunny?! Yeah! Yeah, I wanna do this now. Right now!” I said in an authoritative voice, puffing my chest out a little. A snarl curled at her lips as she boldly looked me in the eyes.

“Alright then, let’s fuckin’ get to it!!” She shrilled, angrily. Last time she yelled at me like this, I had left for Libertalia without her and we both thought Nathan had gotten hurt. She was just as scary as I remembered. Maybe I shouldn’t have picked this fight so soon. But it had to happen. We needed it out of the way so we could work without distractions. Most of all…. I just wanted my girl back. For real this time. Sunny looked up at me, her eyes never leaving mine, nostrils flaring like an angry bull and her lips pursed; possibly biting her tongue from starting off with the hard hitting questions right away. But this is Sunny we’re talking about. She couldn’t help it. It just wasn’t in her nature to be subtle or tactical in any way. She had to attack it head on.

“Chloe? Really, bro? No offense to Chloe at all, but how desperate are you?!” She exclaimed. I had to laugh. Never in my life had I been before called….

“Desperate?! No, sweetheart. I ain’t desperate—” I chuckled, raising my voice in irritation, both of us beginning to lose our temper.

“So then what the hell, Sam?!” She shouted, furrowing her brow at me. That wasn’t fair. She’d been holding onto this anger about me and Chloe for so long. Yet she hadn’t brought a word about herself to the table.

“What about you?! Huh?!” I shouted, opening my arms to her, welcoming any excuses she could give me. I might be a hardass but I do have my feelings, too. “You don’t get to yell at me about sleepin’ with other people, Sunny!”

“And why the fuck not?!” She yelled. Since we were putting it all out there, I didn’t think it’d hurt if I begged the question.

“How long you been sleepin’ with him?” I asked in a tone so calm, it even scared myself. I stared her in her eyes, waiting for an answer I thought already knew. Her expression never faltered though.

“Who?” She asked, playing dumb. But she knew exactly who I was talking about.

“Erik.” I said, firmly. After I brought it up, my heart began to speed. To be honest, I was a little scared to know. But I could see she really thought I was oblivious to it all.

“Sam—” she began.

“Do I look stupid to you?! Eh, do I?!” I interrupted. “D-Did ya think I didn’t notice? That I didn’t see it? All those little looks he gave you? And still gives you! The way he hugs and kisses all over you? ‘My little Sunflower’?!” I bombarded her with information and evidence that didn’t take me long to pick up during my week of being in San Francisco. She and everyone around her was an open book. The look on Erik’s face when he looked at her like she was the last source of water on earth. Like he was absolutely infatuated— no. In love with this woman. I knew it well. It was the face I made at her quite often.

“Sam, I told you he’s my best frie—” she started but I didn’t want excuses.

“Just answer the goddamn question!” I snapped. She was talking around in circles and I didn’t have time for it. We didn’t have time for it.

“Since long before I met you.” She growled, staring me deep into my eyes. I stared her down and she looked right back. I wasn’t intimidating her for anything. Why I thought I could for a moment, I didn’t know. Nobody scared Sunny Spurrs. Something about knowing officially that she slept with Erik… It hurt more than I thought. And suddenly, I began to understand how she must’ve been feeling. On the other hand though, I couldn’t help but wonder… I winced before bringing up my next question. This one I hoped wasn’t true.

“So you’ve been leading him on? Have you been leading me on?” I asked. I couldn’t be lead on. I didn’t have time for it. I was a grown man with grown man shit to do, treasures to discover. Putting energy into something that wasn’t going anywhere was the last thing I wanted to do.

“Sam, you fucked several girls in several countries. And you fucked Chloe! You don’t get to be pissed over the one guy I fucked, out of your seven! Did it really take so many girls to realize I was waitin’ on you?!” She exploded, throwing her arms about. Her brows knitted together and her lips curled into a snarl. I was shocked…. but she was right. As I looked into her now watering eyes, I lit myself another cigarette and shook my head. She continued on. “All summer…. I did nothin’ but think about you and your sorry ass!” Tears began spilling past her cheeks as she spoke. Here we go: I’d done it.

“Yes. I did fuck Erik. I fucked him as soon as we got back from Libertalia. One time! It was routine. He was safe, he was my friend. And I love him so much but… I’m not in love with him. After the one time we slept together, I called it off. I couldn’t do it anymore…. I just kept thinkin’ about you. So what’s your excuse asshole?!” Her lips trembled and she crossed her arms over her chest protectively, running her hands down her arms to calm her raging nerves.

I really didn’t know what to say… I began wrestling with my feelings, tapping the ashes off of my cigarette. If I kept her around, that was bye bye freedom. If I didn’t tell her how I felt, I’d lose her forever… Once I weighed these options, I knew then what I had to do. “You have no idea… how hard I tried to forget you.” was what came out. For some reason, when I argued with Sunny, things tended to come out far different than intended. In all actuality, she was the intimidating one. She made a face at my sudden comment. And I knew how it sounded already, so I took the time to get ahead of it.

“I tried... so very hard to get over you. I didn’t want that attachment— I didn’t need it. Not when I’d just gotten my life back! Not when there was still so much to do... Selfish thinking: I thought you’d only slow me down.” She looked hurt. But I had a point to all of this. I just had to get it together. “As cheesy as it sounds…… ugh…. my heart had other plans for me. I always thought the guys in the movies were overdoin’ the whole ‘missing you’ thing but…. Every time I turned around, you were there. In a beer, in a song, in some crappy silver diner menu… some stupid bracelet...” I began, chuckling nervously as I gestured to the jewelry on her arm. She didn’t laugh but a twitch came about the corner of her full lips. She looked down at her wrist and touched the bracelet a moment as if she’d forgotten it had been there all along. I didn’t know if anything I was saying was getting through to her, but I continued anyway, just bearing my feelings to her.

“Some girl tried talking to me once… All I could see in her eyes were yours. It annoyed me to shit, so I fucked her. Hoping that just maybe… I’d stop thinkin’ about you. And it worked… Not for long though. It wasn’t until I called someone else your name that I—”

“Wow, Sam. Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you called some other girl my name—” she said, starting to storm off but I grabbed her by the arm and ran in front of her to keep her from going anywhere.

“Sunny, let me finish!” I snapped. I didn’t mean to be so aggressive about it. In all honesty, it was the nerves. I couldn’t fuck this part up. I couldn’t afford to. I couldn’t afford to lose her on behalf of my stupidity. This was the important part and I needed to say it. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Her expression was as still as stone but she stayed quiet and let me continue as I struggled to make sense of things.

“Chloe was like a wake up call for me. And I realized…. when it didn’t feel right… that I only wanted you. I didn’t care how— I just wanted you. And then back there, I thought you were gone…. I’d never been so worried to lose someone…. Y’know, it’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone and I was scared.” I said.

“Scared of what?” She asked.

“To feel…” I answered rather quickly. I hated to do it but if there was ever a time that I needed to be vulnerable, it was now. “I was scared to care… I didn’t wanna face the inevitable that I would hurt you somehow… Or that I wouldn’t be able to care for you like you’d want… I might’ve gotten what you wanted a little confused. But I think I get it now...” Her expression softened a little and I approached her, linking my large pinky with her small first finger, gently swinging out hands between us. I chewed on my lip and looked off a moment before staring into her hypnotizing brown eyes. It was time that I owned up to my mistakes…

“I shouldn’t have expected you to wait for me… I guess I just thought that maybe when I was done with my foolishness that you’d still be there. Which was stupid of me— gorgeous as you are.” I babbled. I stared at her beautiful face and began to let the apologies pour. I’d lay it as thick as I need to. I just wanted my girl back. “I screwed up, Sun. I know that. And I know… I haven’t exactly been the best character in your life… But every second I spend with you means more to me than you even know and I can’t lose th—” Before I could even finish, Sunny placed her hands on either side of my face and brought me down to kiss her warm lips. I could feel a faint smile on her as she kissed me. I seemed to melt into her as my hands circled her waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. I rested my forehead against hers, parting our lips to give us a moment to breath.

“I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Whether I liked it or not. Although, you kinda didn’t give me a choice so...” I laughed and a small giggle sprung from her lips. One that sounded like music to my ears. It made me smile. A bout of seriousness came around as I spoke. “I need you, Sunny. And I was wrong. You don’t slow me down or hold me back. You’re in this with me. And you can hold your own. I won’t doubt you again, sweetheart.” I told her. I could see her eyes dart over every feature of my face as her thumbs stroked at my cheekbones.

“I forgive you…. and I’m sorry—”

“No, no, baby— don’t be sorry. I understand why… I really do.” I cooed, caressing her cheek and staring into her eyes. “Hey… let’s table this for later, eh? Catch up with the girls, go make some money? Maybe stop an arms deal or somethin’?” I asked, running my hands down her arms. She gave the airiest giggle. Boy, it was much better to be on her good side than bad. The whole silent treatment/ cold shoulder shit? Brutal.

“Sounds like a plan.” She said as I threw an arm around her. Suddenly, she shoved me and leaned back away.

“What?” I asked in confusion. She tuned up her face and covered her nose with her hand.

“Ross was right. You smell like ass.” She croaked our. I burst into laughter.

“Oh fuck off, loser!” I grinned, flipping her off. She just interlocked her fingers with mine and kissed my cheek.

“Let’s go do work.” She said with a smirk. And with that, we were off to finish the job.

Read More on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555698

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gayregis · 4 years ago

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who are your fave characters and why?

my favoritisms of characters tbh depend on how funny they are because i like comic characters and i like to laugh

dandelion - funny, bright, witty, arrogant, geralt’s best friend. not too stupid to be boring, but stupid enough to make stupid decisions which lead to comic dialogue and situations. scenes which demonstrate his arrogance, such as when he bursts into the spear blade in eternal flame and demands the landlord pays him honor and serves him beer even though he has a running, unpaid tab from the night before are great.

i feel that he’s really essential to accompany geralt’s pov which is often pessimistic and lonely. because the reader reads mostly from geralt’s pov, it’s easy to really feel what his life is like for me when i read the books. when he’s alone and ruminating on the despair of life, i get depressed and lonely. but in the scenes where he’s with people he loves and trusts, i feel like i’m sharing the friendship and intimacy. and literally 80% of why i don’t enjoy tw3 base game as much as i used to when i entered the fandom is because i learned about dandelion and how close he and geralt are in canon, and suddenly when i played tw3, i longed to have a companion bantering and joking with me, strumming a lute, riding on the back of a fat little bay gelding. i appreciate the perspective dandelion always brings because he is so devoted to earthly pleasures and geralt has basically sworn off any pleasure in his life so he really helps keep the mood up.

and he’s not overly comic or arrogant, in my opinion he’s serious and committed when he needs to be, such as in a little sacrifice when he and geralt argue in bed, or in time of contempt when he speaks to ciri or approaches brokilon. he has this inner bravery and loyalty that shines when the time is right.

regis - eccentic, weird funny, critical, #deep, goodwilled. i love how ... weird and random regis can be. they just, find this guy hiding in a cemetery. and he’s smiling with pursed lips at them, he engages them in a conversation, and suddenly they’re all chilling back at his cottage boozin’ it up. so many things about regis are just bizarrely funny to me, i’m not sure how much of his character was intended to be comic, but i find him funny anyways. i think it’s better to have a funny vampire than the dramatic or sexy vampires that you so often see in movies & other media. i love how he hides his identity early on and it’s suuuuper obvious that he’s a vampire (i mean, a cemetery? the chapter prelude of chapter 4 with passages about vampires? the peasants looking for a vampire, in the cemetery they found regis, who didn’t fear the place at all? “did you ever see a vampire, even a little one?” “... no. :)”) i also love his know-it-all-ness, one because i find it relatable, and two because it’s funny to see everyone else in the company get aggravated by it. i love how dandelion notes that the company did not have any issues with regis related to his vampiric nature, but rather that of his intellectual nature. i love how regis is prone to overthinking, analysis, philosophy, and contrasts to milva, who is action, strength, grabbing the bull by the horns.

and i love how regis reveals himself to the company just because he wanted to save the innocent girl’s life. of course i love the goodwilledness, the humanity of regis. i love how he’s a surgeon and i love how he heals people. i like his philosophizing, his monologues, they’re interesting and comforting... especially when peter kenny reads them lol.

i love how regis is a total bitch to geralt after he’s revealed. “guess what, i’m your problem, and i’m not leaving. deal with it.” because he knows that geralt cannot fight him, so his anger towards him is extremely useless. i love how regis exists outside geralt’s authority during a lot of times, and although he may answer to him as a member of the company, he certainly does what he wants. if he does something that geralt has asked him to do, it’s because he agrees with it or geralt convinced him. i like how regis’ arrogance balances itself and never shows up as arrogance towards all of humanity, but rather just the sense that he is right in advice, arguments, and little petty things like that. he’s very modest and humble when it comes to his outward self and strangers, but will give you unwarranted advice and explanations.

also i did a whole post abt why i love regis here that goes more in-depth

angouleme - funny, tragic, scrappy, one of the characters which didn’t get as much development as she should have. i suppose it is kind of generic and tropelike, but i enjoy how she is introduced as this feisty, argumentative, and troublemaking sort, and then it’s revealed through her backstory that she really has suffered and you reflect back upon the scene with fulko artevelde and think about why she acts the way she does. maybe it was refreshing for me after reading about the rats, who killed and pillaged just for fun and trinkets, to have angouleme introduced, who kills and pillages for plain survival. i like how angouleme is a parallel to ciri and it’s immediately apparent to the audience and geralt, but just how much she is like ciri is something for the reader to decide.

i love how angouleme arrives to the company just when they are about to tear each other apart. she helps them remember what they all are travelling together and fighting for - to save a girl. i like how she antagonizes and annoys everyone when she initially meets them, i feel that her presence adds something to the scenes and helps it feel more lively, less calm and subdued.

i like how she is also a good character to fixate on if you like the “reluctant at first parent” trope, moreso than with geralt, yennefer, and ciri, because ciri is pretty darn lovable and even though she and her parents don’t get along immediately, they pretty much are bonded by familial love in a few days or less, i feel like it was a few hours in geralt’s regard (yennefer has trauma related to being a little girl so her initial uneasiness is understandable). angouleme is very difficult for the members of the hansa to love i feel, since love and being a family is different than being a company. you know, she has a very strong personality and isn’t too bothered about societal convention and morality, and also is used to relying upon herself only, she never has had people she can truly trust except maybe the other orphans from her hansa, and they all have died now.

sometimes i’m upset that sapkowski didn’t develop her character more, but a lot of the time, i’m thankful that he didn’t, because it allows her as a character to have a lot of potential and for me as a fan to have fun headcanoning and such. i have to draw connections between her and the others, for example, she struggles with addiction - aha! regis struggled with addiction heavily in his youth - she’s starved and went without food - aha! milva knows how to hunt and shot geralt a deer in the beginning of baptism of fire. i have become attached to the idea of regis and milva mentoring her, and also of her becoming siblings with cahir. i feel that she and cahir are really opposites in a lot of different ways, so that they can influence each other and pull each other in different directions (ie. angouleme getting cahir into trouble, lol).

#angouleme #dandelion #regis #anon #ask

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kingflugabone · 4 years ago

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tommy and tubbo completely switched outlooks in 1/20/21′s stream

was talkin about this with a friend as soon as i realized it but here’s the short version: tubbo started an optimist and (almost) ended a pessimist, while tommy did the opposite.

let me explain.

[spoiler warning for content under the cut]

[note: it doesn’t matter much, but i watched both perspectives of the main events while skipping over some of the fighting after initially watching tommy’s POV]

in the beginning of the stream, tommy and tubbo are walking to what could very possibly be their grave. they know it, we know it, dream most certainly knows it. despite this fact, and despite the horrible odds that these two kids are facing, tubbo stays positive. he keeps saying, as he has in the past, things like, “we’re going to get the discs back,” even commenting that it’ll be “awesome” to have the discs in their possession. he says this with the core sentiment that everything is going to be okay.

this is not an idea tommy shares with him. he takes a more pessimistic, or perhaps a more realistic approach. he even comments on this directly to tubbo, saying, “we need to be self-aware and we need to be honest. ... if we were to die tonight, we’d be gone. ... because tubbo, i need someone to get back and tell my story.” that is the gist of tommy’s thought’s on what the outcome will be, though he does also specifically mention that people love tubbo for his optimism in dire situations. tommy fully expects to die.

they head to the mountain, and they fight dream. it is reaffirmed over and over by dream that tubbo is expendable, that he is just a pawn in dream’s greater plan, that dream could kill tubbo and feel absolutely no remorse. dream even backs tubbo into a corner while still on top of the mountain and is one hit away from killing him before tubbo pleads with him and buys himself more time. this, in my opinion, is where tubbo’s perspective began to change. it was the moment of disillusionment.

tubbo was not the only person starting to experience a shift in ideas. meanwhile, tommy has gotten his hands on what he thought was one of his precious discs and only needs to put it in an ender chest to keep it safe while securing the other. he probably felt invincible. dream knows this, too, and uses tubbo as a pawn again. he says that as long as tommy gets the discs, tubbo will die.

tommy, disc in hand, pearls behind dream where tubbo has placed an ender chest, and puts the disc inside. [side note: that was the first time i have ever cheered out loud during a stream] dream tells tommy that tubbo was begging for his life minutes prior, the only time he was actually attempting to win the fight, which tubbo confirms. dream then asks for the disc again, and what ensues is the earliest instance of a complete shift in perspective on tubbo’s part. dream starts to count down from 10: tommy gives up the disc, or tubbo dies. while dream counts ominously in the background, tubbo says, “keep the disc, tommy, keep the disc. it’ll be worth it. ... i’ve done enough in my life.”

dream reveals that the disc tommy has is a fake, makes tommy and tubbo both put their items in a hole to be blown up while still using tubbo’s possible death as leverage, and then takes them down to the area i like to call “dream’s chamber”.

in the chamber are the two real discs, mellohi and cat, both laying on the floor. after showing tommy and tubbo his plans for others’ most prized possessions and explaining his philosophy on attachment, dream reiterates that he’s gotten everything out of tubbo that he needs, and that he no longer serves a purpose. he says, “tommy, i need YOU alive! i DON’T need tubbo!” he proceeds to further break down tubbo psychologically by echoing his points from the events earlier this month, notably on the 6th, that tubbo is a follower rather than a leader, and that he did not make a good president.

dream then, in an apparent turn of events, decides that he’ll just kill tubbo outright so that his death can serve as tommy’s heroic “origin story”. he tells tommy that he’ll give him a chance to say goodbye. the discussion between tommy and tubbo that follows is the real, most clear evidence of a complete shift of outlooks from both parties.

most of what tubbo says in the discussion can, i think, be summed up in one phrase, which he himself used: “all good things must come to an end.” he accepts his death, as he did when dream was counting down. the first time he tries to bring up the idea that he’s done all he can and it’s his time to go, tommy refuses to accept it. he brings up solution after desperate solution, trying his hardest to look on the bright side and see a way out of their impossible situation. tubbo refutes his solutions every time. for i think the first time, the person on the server who was arguably the most consistently optimistic throughout the entire rest of the story is the one trying to bring tommy back to a harsh reality. tommy, who was generally optimistic but a realist through-and-through at the beginning of the day, is the one trying to make tubbo see a way out when there is none, if only to give him hope. tommy is looking on the bright side, while tubbo accepts the dark.

at the end of the day, both are back to looking hopefully towards the future, but it cannot be ignored how quickly the change in outlook occurred. it happened over the course of maybe half an hour, forty-five minutes if we’re pushing it. i’ll leave you with an idea dream has reiterated in many instances during his time on top: everything he does, he does as a show of power. he does it to show others that they are weak in comparison.

he exercised this power to the fullest today, and hopefully won’t get the chance to do so again.

[please note that everything i talked about is solely about the characterized versions of themselves from the dreamSMP roleplay, NOT the creators themselves. everyone is still on good terms irl!]

#c!tommy #c!tubbo #dreamsmp #dream smp #dream smp analysis #stella's big brain time #dream smp spoilers #c!dream #THIS ONE'S FOR U NELL

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twentytwojuiceboxes · 4 years ago

Text

Beyond A Promise Playlist

Listen to it here

Ok so I wasn’t really intending to make a playlist but i kept finding the perfect songs for this story and for these two. Each song I had either sonic or shadow or both in mind and I’ll explain each song choice below. @moralitas I hope these songs help capture the feel of the fic for you and for the rest of your readers!

1. i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - Kali Uchis

“My mind and my soul is the weapon, and every failure was a lesson, its time to stop blocking these blessings, see i just wanna grow into my greatness, I wish i had the time that you takin”

This song is supposed to be Shadows pov, specifically for these lyrics. I feel like he’s so used to bad things happening in his life that any possibility of anything good happening (having a place to call home, having someone to call a friend) he would just not let it happen. In beyond a promise, you start to see him grow out of that.

2. This Isn't You - Kyle Dixon

........

No lyrics for this one. I wanted a song for Sonic and Shadows late night runs. They never really spoke during their runs, so I deliberately chose a song with no words.

3. Rose Colored Boy - Paramore

“I want you to stop insisting that I’m not a lost cause, ‘cause i been through a lot, really all I’ve got is just to stay pissed off, if it’s all right by you”

This one is more of a fun one from Shadows pov. Kind of self explanatory, pessimistic protagonist with a optimistic love interest. I like to imagine this song over a montage of Sonic doing things that unintentionally make shadow smile against his will lol

4. Unthinkable (I'm Ready) - Alicia Keys

"You give me a feeling that I never felt before, And I deserve it I think I deserve it, It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore, And I can't take it, I was wondering maybe, Could I make you my baby?, If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy, If you ask me I'm ready"

So this song. This song was the one that made me want to make a playlist in the first place. I was listening to it for the first time in years and the emotion and the lyrics of this song are peak sonadow and i just.....hoo buddy just listen.

5. Blue Dream - Jhene Aiko

"We were coastin' on the coast when you opened my eyes, Made me notice where the ocean was holding the sky right, I was blinded, your smile shining behind those green eyes, The horizon so enticing please say you'll be mine"

This is just a sweet song from Shadows pov. More about the feel of it than anything.

6. Enter Galactic - Kid Cudi

"Reaching out to outer space dancing to awesome sounds, This all new to you?, Reaching out to hold your close so I don't slip away, Explore a new approach, A whole new free I say"

Both Sonic and Shadow haven't ever experienced romantic feelings before, so I like this song as them experiencing something new together. (Also space hogs lmao)

7. Overstimulated - Jhene Aiko

"Who's gonna hold my hand when I'm crashing?, Took you without looking now I'm looking up the side effects, Feel like there a fire set, That I should be dying next, my regrets, Oh my regrets"

After having been alone for so long I feel like being in new relationships, whether it be a friendship or a romantic one, can get overwhelming at times for Shadow. This is that. (***Scream Warning starting at 5:00*** the singer does scream at the end of the song I didn't want to catch anyone off guard with that)

8. Je Cherche Un Homme - Eartha Kitt

“Doesn't have to be prince or movie star, A Texas oil man or a french marquis, Doesn't have to be handsome as a picture, An ordinary guy's all right with me”

Obligatory slow dance scene. Picture this: Sonic and Shadow on a warm summer day, surrounded by Shadows plants. They’re swaying side to side, having a silly conversation, just enjoying each others company. (This isn’t in the fic but I couldn’t help myself with this song lol.) Plus, I always pictured Shadow as a Eartha Kitt fan, idk why but I do.

9. Sit Next To Me - Foster The People

“Come over here sit next to me, We can see where things go naturally, Just say the word and I'll part the sea, Just come over here and sit next to me, And I'll take you high, high”

This one is from Sonics pov. He, ironically enough, seems like the kind of person to would want to take things slow in a relationship, to enjoy the process and see where things go.

10. Amor De Siempre - CUCO

“Unos cambios tomaron lugar en mi vida, Amorcito sonriente entraste sin advertirme, Pero no importa ya, tenemos nuevas historias que contar, Amanecimos bien contentos y ahora vamos a dormirnos sin dudar”

Sonic can not only speak Spanish but speaks it fluently. This is A Fact and I have made it true lol. I wanted to reflect that with this song, but also when you listen it you’ll hear in some parts the artist sings some words kinda funny and I’m not saying that this is sonic playfully serenading Shadow but also.....👀 im just sayin lol

11. See You Again - Tyler the Creator

“20/20, 20/20 vision, Cupid hit me cupid hit me with precision, I wonder if you look both ways, When you cross my mind, . . . Can I get a kiss?, And can you make it last forever?, I said I'm 'bout to go to war, I don't know if I'ma see you again”

I love this song for Sonic because it has a lot of cheesy pick up lines which alludes to his playful side but also the main chorus just...oof. Both Sonic and Shadow do a lot of dangerous adventures/missions and at the end of the day, no matter how small, there’s always gonna be that worry if they’re going to see each other again.

12. Make Me Feel - Janelle Monáe

“Baby, don't make me spell it out for you, All of the feelings that I've got for you, Can't be explained but I can try for you, Yeah baby don't make me spell it out for you”

This one is Sonic all the way. It’s fun and playful but also serious in the sense of the artist really trying to convey all these feelings for another person. I absolutely adore the video as well, the colors are just *chefs kiss* delicious darling; can you imagine sonic going crazy to this song bc I certainly can.

That’s it for now, but I’m like 1000% sure I’m gonna update this playlist as the fic updates!!! I hope ya’ll enjoy!!!!

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #playlist #beyond a promise #i was actively trying to not make this whole playlist jhene aiko #you could seriously follow this story with just her music i swear #but i do love these songs too #i know i added some of my own headcannons but i hope they still vibe with the fic #ioufxoufxour im just nervous rambling now lemme stop lmao

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wildshadowtamer · 5 years ago

Text

Andy the Bird Boy [SDV Fanfic]

Dunno if this counts as a fanfic or not but I'm presuming it is!

Andy belongs to me and all the others belong to ConcernedApe, creator of Stardew Valley.

Warnings: Bit of angst/depression at the beginning but otherwise good. Also short gay boys.

Word Count: 3,170 Words 17,739 Characters 71 Sentences 108 Paragraphs

Story under the cut cuz It’s long:

"And for my very special grandson" Grandpa laid in his bed, a young blonde boy kneeling beside him "I want you to have this sealed envelope." He passed the child a white envelope with a purple seal on it, he tried to open it, but his Grandpa stopped him "No, no, don't open it yet. Have patience" His grandson stopped, looked at the seal and nodded

"Now, listen close." the lad shuffled forward quietly "There will come a day when you feel crushed by the burden of modern life....and your bright spirit will fade before a growing emptiness." The tired man explained, "When that happens, my boy, you'll be ready for this gift."

"Now...let grandpa rest..."

that was the last time he ever saw his Grandpa.

23 years later...

[His POV]

Same job, same work, same life over and over. That's how my life is going so far, just dull and repeating.

My nightmare.

You see, i work at Joja, a large office company that does nothing to make their employees lives good. We barely even get breaks.

For a smoker who can't sit still for too long without going insane like me, that's a few hundred layers of hell on the daily.

Today, i was feeling particularly pessimistic, hunched over at my desk, half-asleep and dreading the next eight hours that followed. That was, until, I remembered my grandfather's old letter he gave me "....hmm."

I leaned back in my seat, opened my drawer next to me and removed the sealed envelope Grandpa had given me way back when I was a young boy "...well, can't get worse than this." I mumbled as i tore open the letter and straightened it out

It read:

"Dear Andy,

If you're reading this, then you must be in dire need of a change.

The same thing happened to me, long ago. I'd lost sight of what mattered most in life...real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong.

I've enclosed the deed to that place...my pride and joy: Sunflower Farm. It's located in Stardew Valley, on the southern coast. It's the perfect place to start your new life.

This was my most precious gift of all, and now it's yours. I know you'll honour the family name, my boy.

Good Luck.

Love, Grandpa."

I couldn't help but cry, Grandpappy was the person i was closest to, I was so heartbroken that I wasn't given anything when he died but...I was wrong, Yoba was I wrong!

I flipped over the letter, and there was an extra piece of writing:

"P.S If Lewis is still alive, say Hi to the old guy for me, Will ya?"

I shakily laughed, tears rolling down my face and a goofy smile on my face.

I got up and headed shakily to the manager's office, there were already two tickets to the farm in the envelope so I didn't care what would happen

"Sir, I quit." I walk in, merely putting the letter on the desk and leaning against it, management nearly choked on his drink, he spluttered and looked at me like I had grown wings "w...what!? You can't do that!"

I looked at him with a completely straight and serious face, "Yes, I can. And I just did." I responded in such a monotone voice i was surprised my voice could even do that, but with that, I shrugged, took my letter, clocked out and went home.

I called my parents, and they were so happy, saying they'd call Lewis to tell him ahead of time since I couldn't go for another week.

One week later.

My alarm went off loudly, and I scrambled to get dressed in possibly the best clothes I have: a white undershirt with a fancy red waistcoat and matching red dress pants.

Terrance, my Mourning Dove, called hungrily, I quickly fed him and scurried to grab my tickets and brush my hair, which is now a flaring red compared to my old childhood blonde.

"Come on, Terry!" I grabbed his cage and made it down to the bus stop, adjusting the fabric cover so he wouldn't be too loud. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I couldn't help but grin happily, admittedly i did get some looks from the other people waiting since i was dressed like i was from the 1700s, but I like it so why should i care?

-------------------

Andy waited patiently throughout the hour-long ride, keeping Terry's cage on his lap as he watched the city turn to landscape, then rolling fields and beautiful forests.

Eventually, the bus rolled to a stop, the young man, being the only passenger left jumped to his feet once he felt the bus stop, he grabbed Terry's cage carefully and stepped off the bus happily.

A mid 40's woman with orange hair waved him over "Hello! You must be Andy!" She exclaimed happily as he approached "I'm Robin, the local carpenter. Mayor Lewis sent me here to fetch you and show you the way to your new home. He's there right now, tidying things up for your arrival." Continuing, she held out a hand, to which Andy shook politely

"The farm's right over here, if you'll follow me." She grins, leading him over to a pathway, a small house in the distance.

"This is Sunflower Farm." Andy took a step back and gritted his teeth in surprise when he saw the state of his old grandfather's farm, overgrown with weeds and trees as far back as it went. "What's the matter?" Robin asked with a giggle, turning to speak to him clearly. "Sure, it's a bit overgrown, but there's some good soil underneath that mess!" she smiled, hands behind her back and giggling as Andy sighed, giving her a glance that read 'are you sure....?'

"With a little dedication, you'll have it cleaned up in no time!" She reassured the nervous boy, turning his attention to the humble little shack behind them "...and here we are, your new home!" She exclaimed; happily, the door slammed open, and an older gentleman with a well-kept mustache walked out "Ah, the new farmer!" He smiled, walking down the steps to stand beside the two redheads

"Welcome! I'm Lewis, Mayor of Pelican Town." he addressed himself, holding out a hand which Andy quickly took "Andy, s-sir." The boy stuttered as he formally addressed the mayor.

"Please, just call me Lewis." He smiled; Andy went red and nodded, pulling his hand away "Y-yes s- uh lewis." He stammered, keeping his hands formally behind his back.

"You know, everyone's been asking about you." Lewis continued, "It's not every day that someone new moves in. It's quite a big deal!" He exclaimed cheerfully; Andy was redder than his hair that resembled a lions mane, no matter how hard he tried.

"So..." Lewis went on "Your moving into your grandfather's old cottage." Andy nodded, the three of them turned and looked at the house once more "It's a good house, very...rustic." Lewis raised an eyebrow at the half-broken home

Robin snickered "Rustic? That's one way to put it! 'Crusty' might be a little more apt, though." Andy smiled awkwardly, trying not to insult his grandfather

Lewis rolled his eyes and glanced at Andy, smirking

"Don't listen to her, Andy. She's just trying to make you dissatisfied so that you buy one of her house upgrades." Andy giggled, and Robin gasped "Rude!" she crossed her arms and looked away "Anyway, you must be tired from the long journey, you should get some rest." Lewis nudged Andy towards the house a bit, to which he half-stumbled over the steps and brushed himself down once he got to the top of the two-step stairs

Lewis smiled "tomorrow you ought to explore the town a bit and introduce yourself" He proceeded "The townspeople would appreciate that." He nods absentmindedly, ignoring the bright red Andy standing in front of him barely able to stand from the embarrassment, Robin tried to hold back her laughter.

Lewis walked off, stopping at the big shipping box next to him "Oh, I almost forgot. If you have anything to sell, just place it in this box here. I'll come by during the night to collect it." and with that, the two walked off, leaving Andy red-faced, embarrassed and tired.

"...wait, what." the last half of Lewis' previous sentence caught up to him "Alright then." He mumbled to himself, calming down and opening the door to his new home "Ohhh boy" He looked around the small room:

a plant, a rug, a single bed, a fireplace, a table & chair and tv was all that stood, in what was mainly a wooden box.

Locking the door, he got changed from his smart clothes into his nightclothes: an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. "Well Terry," he placed the bird on the table "Welcome to our new home."

Terry started calling loudly from underneath the cover, to which Andy quickly fed him before readjusting the sheet one last time and collapsing into a tired heap on the small single bed.

He rolled over and sighed, smiling as he drifted to sleep.

-----------------

Once he woke up, he could hear the birds tweeting outside, and his own hungrily cooing "Alright, alright, gimme a sec..." Andy mumbled, tired from his long day previously

It took him a bit to wake up, but he did eventually feed the Dove and collect the tools that he noticed at the foot of his bed, as well as a present on the floor.

"huh..."

He kneeled down and took a note off it along with some parsnip seeds:

"Here's a little something to get you started -Mayor Lewis." He giggled, grinning at the sight of Mayor Lewis leaving this hear for him in the middle of the night.

Coo! Terrance called loudly "Whaaaat? You're extra loud today!" Andy got up and took Terrance out of his cage, to which the bird flew onto his shoulder and shut up "...you wanna come with me." He sighs jokingly annoyed.

"Alright, fine, but just because your such a cute birdy." He stroked the bird lightly before stepping outside and sighing "... I'll just go meet the residents before I tackle that." Andy excuses it, hurrying over to the town-centre

On his way over, he noticed some beautiful daffodils over by the bus stop, so he decided to pick them and throw them in the backpack he brought with him.

The town-centre was very lovely, clean and relatively old-fashioned from what he was used to, he even spotted a saloon opposite him.

"Oh! A calendar!" He exclaimed, reading the birthdays, he mentally noted that Lewis' was coming up 7 days from then, only then did he notice the sign above it "Pierre's" He mumbled, presuming it was were the glass doors lead to beside him.

"AND a help wanted board? Wow, this town is great!"

The boy continued to explore the town while nobody was up, but someone bumped into him while he was exploring:

"Whoever you are, I don't wanna talk, leave me alone." The man snapped harshly, making Andy stumble back in surprise and start blushing from embarrassment "O-oh, okay sir, s-sorry!" He backed away and hid behind a bush, his face extremely red

"...I didn't even catch his name..." He thought quietly, taking a deep breath and continuing his exploring.

On his way, he met multiple residents:

Gus, Penny, Pierre, Abigail, Caroline, and so many more.

Eventually, he skipped over the nearby bridge cheerfully, until he spotted a jojamart, and his stomach sank, he instinctively felt sick and started shaking. Trying to back away from it, he stumbled into a blonde boy who was just heading over the cobblestone bridge

"O-Oh! Oh, yoba i-i'm so sorry! i just...i..." He trailed off, barely able to stand "Woah, Hey, It's alright!" The blonde boy grabbed him, keeping him upright

"Take a deep breathe, what's wrong?" He asked cautiously, Andy breathed shakily and calmed a bit "I-It's just...I came here t-to get away from J-Joja and...It's just....h-hard to handle." He teared up, getting pulled into a hug by the stranger "Hey, it's alright, I work there too. I know it's pretty bad, but you don't have to go near it if you don't want to." He reassured the short man, rubbing circles into his back.

"S-sorry...U-um..." Andy pulled away, blushing through the tears "M-my name is Andy, I didn't mean t-to scare you." He nervously smiled, the other grinned and chuckled "It's no problem! The name's Sam! If you do need to go into there at any point, I'll stay with ya if you need it, okay?" He tells Andy, who nods shakily and waves him goodbye.

"Ack- No, Andy, don't be falling for cute boys just yet..." He mumbled to himself, his face redder than before.

Eventually, he went on with his day, Terry asleep on his shoulder and by night he decided to go to the saloon.

"Hey, Andy!" Sam called from the side room of the saloon, running over to hug the small, seemingly younger man "What brings you here tonight?" He asked, keeping one arm around him as he escorted him to the bar "Oh...just curious..." He mumbled quietly, his face bright red once again, about the 4th time today.

"Say...are you even allowed to drink? Legally, I mean?" He asked, Lewis rolled his eyes behind them "Uhh....do i really look that young?" He asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck

Sam glanced him up and down "Yeah, younger than me, and I'm only 20!" He chuckled, Andy went a shade of red that probably isn't possible

He laughed awkwardly "I'm....30..." He said slowly, he felt the whole place stop and stare at him in disbelief:

It was fair enough, he did have a baby face and sounded about 14, acted 17 and was about 5'4, the average height of a 14-year-old, so he was far from offended, just surprised.

"No, waaay!" Sam laughed "30? Damn, I wouldn't have guessed! If you were any shorter, I would have thought you were 10!" He teased, poking at Andy's waistcoat

"Yeeaaahhh..." He wanted the ground to eat him at this point "So, way over the legal age to drink aha" He joked, Sam nodded and gestured for Gus to get the two of them a drink.

"Huh, you're old." A Dark-haired emo appeared next to Sam, his hair covering one eye ", And you look like a vampire, what about it." Andy snapped suddenly, crossing his arms.

The room went dead silent once more, the tense atmosphere so thin you could cut it "....sassy, nice." The emo finally spoke up, Andy regained his usual nervous personality and continued to get redder in the face, especially after he noticed both Sam and emo boy were ever-so-slightly blushing.

"Right, so!" Sam interrupted "This is Sebastian, my best friend!" he put an arm around Sebastian instead "But I call 'im Sebby!" He grinned, Sebastian shrunk into his hoodie, getting more red-faced.

"...Out of all the places you chose to live, you chose Pelican Town?" Sebastian asked quietly, the entire bar focused on them "uhh...y-yeah, the city got a bit too much for me....B-but It's better here, so...hah." Andy grinned awkwardly, stroking Terry absentmindedly

"....what the hell is on your shoulder?" The emo pointed to Terrance, Sam nodding beside him

----------------

[Andy's POV]

The bar was silent and listening in, a few people whisper to one another about my bird "Oh, he's my Mourning Dove, T-Terrance! He doesn't tend to fly so h-he's completely safe, don't worry!" I reassure the two younger boys, Sebastian raises an eyebrow "....right." he mumbled, eyeing Terry cautiously

I squirmed a bit before making a dove call, sending Terry awake instantly and calling back "See?" I hold a hand to Terry's feet, he gladly steps on and coos

"He's completely docile! Got his shots n' everything, so he's fine to hold!" I continued to explain, feeling my heartbeat quicken "Hey Terry, do a twirl!" And with that, Terry flew into the air and follow the instructions perfectly, twirling around and eventually landing on Sebastian's head, cooing softly

Sam suddenly laughed, and Sebby went so many shades of scarlet he resembled my waistcoat "H-HEY! GET YOUR DAMN BIRD OFFA ME!" He yelled, unable to move much "Aaawww Terry likes you!" I laughed, carefully picking Terry off Emo's head.

"....thankyou," he mumbled, redoing his hair now that a bird isn't in it.

"Holy s-" Sam laughed, practically doubled over, Abigail half-choking in the background too "Wooow Seb! Never knew you were a bird guy!" He joked, his friend glaring at him through his hair and blush.

After Sam and Abigail had calmed down, we continued to chat for a half-hour until I noticed someone in the corner of the room

"hm?" I stopped, staring at the familiar person "Oh hey! I think we met earlier, right?" I got up, approaching the man in the scruffy blue jacket

"i thought i told you to leave me the hell alone." He growled, taking another sip of beer from the can he's been drinking all night "Don't mind Shane, he's pretty antisocial" Emily, the bartender, piped up

"...I like your hair." I mumble, trying to start a conversation "does it look like i care?" he shot my attempt down "....alright, sorry...." I mumble, half bowing and backing off

"Geez, what's wrong with that guy?" Sam asked as Andy returned to the group "I-I'm sure he'll lighten up eventually! You can't be salty forever... Besides, he looks older than me, I'm not gonna mess with him." I explained, feeling a bit more optimistic.

"Well, now that we've got hat over with, You three up for some pool!?" Sam jumped to his feet and ran to the back room where the pool table was, I scurried after him with Abigail behind me, Sebastian slowly following.

It was a few hours until people started to leave, but the four of us wanted to stay a little longer "Hey, Andy." Robin piped up before she left "You seem like a nice guy and that house is pretty broken down, how about i upgrade it for you? Free of charge, of course." She suggested, Sam gasped and Abigail grinned while I felt my ears go red

"Uhh yeah sure, thankyousomuch miss Robin!" I stumbled over my words, bowing to her in thank, we waved her goodbye and turned back to the pool table

"Where you gonna sleep now." Sebastian asked quietly "...Sam?" I turned to Sam, who nodded and grinned "Then it's settled!" I giggle, leaning into Sam slightly, although barely noticeable.

Sam showed me where his house is, heading back first with me following, but not before i heard something from Abigail

"Oh their so gay." and a chuckle from Sebastian, I went redder and chased after Sam, getting scolded by his mother for staying out so late without warning but then being welcomed and having a great sleepover.

I think I'm gonna fit in here.

---------------------------------

#stardew valley #Stardew Valley OC #sdv oc #sdv shane #sdv emily #sdv robin #sdv lewis #sdv sebastian #sdv sam #Andy Garth Superhalk #Terrance The Mourning Dove #fanfic #story #my writing

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pug-bitch · 6 years ago

Text

That’s not why I’m going (17)

Something needs to change

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive, and a VERY steamy scene. This is absolutely NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: 4,600 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This picks up exactly where we left off, after Liam’s outburst, but with Maxwell’s POV for once.

*****

Maxwell can’t believe what he’s hearing. Since they were kids, Liam and Drake were always a unit. They didn’t always agree, didn’t always see eye to eye, but they always supported each other and absolutely never fought. As soon as Liam repeated that Drake should get out, Drake obliged, without a word, in a quiet fury. Maxwell didn’t budge, not because he didn’t want to get involved, but because he was so surprised and dumbfounded. Of course he could sense the rift that was growing between the two best friends, but he had just assumed that it was due to the situation with Amara and would fix itself once the competition was over.

This seemed to be beyond fixing.

As Drake walks away, Maxwell wakes up from his torpor and tells Liam he’ll be right back.

‘Don’t bother, Max, Drake is fucking stubborn,’ Liam spits out.

‘I’m just gonna go talk to him, ok?’

He runs after Drake, who’s already far down the stairs.

‘Drake, wait!’ Out of breath, he catches up to him.

‘Max, go back. Don’t get involved.’

How could he not get involved? He was knee deep in this shit already. ‘No way. Look, Liam didn’t mean it, it was the heat of the moment, let me talk to him and I’ll fix it.’

Drake shakes his head, his face red with anger. ‘Seriously Maxwell, stay out of it. I don’t regret a word I said and I am not going to apologize for standing up for Amara. Liam doesn’t apologize, not sincerely anyways, so I better go.’

Max grabs Drake’s arm. ‘Go where? Please don’t leave. Of course I agree with what you said. Liam is...different, since the competition. Hell, he’s been different since Leo left. But I believe we’ll have our friend back, once he figures out who he is as a King.’

‘You’re naive, Max.’

Maxwell had heard this one a lot. Naive, careless, airheaded, you name it. Usually, he was fine with it. He was a good friend, even if he was not the most serious and dependable person ever. But now, coming from Drake, in this very situation, he didn’t want to let it slide. ‘I don’t think I am,’ he replies, ‘I think you’re being pessimistic, actually. This is a difficult time for Liam, a transitional time. Is he in the wrong to push himself onto Amara? Absolutely. But does he deserve our support in the difficult time? Also yes.’

Drake opens his mouth to respond, then closes it. After a few seconds of reflection, he finally says, ‘You’re right. I can’t go back in though, Max. He doesn’t want me here. I’m gonna go see what I can do for the barn raising this afternoon, ok?’

Max pats his back and pulls him into a hug, before going back to Liam’s suite. He finds Liam hunched over the breakfast table, his head in his hands. ‘Li, are you ok?’

Upon noticing Maxwell, Liam bolts up. ‘I’m fine. Sorry for the outburst, Maxwell. I didn’t mean to involve you in our...problems.’

‘No need to apologize. I’m just concerned, I’ve never seen you guys fight.’ Maxwell realizes he has to tread lightly if he wants to cool things down between his two friends. ‘Drake was just trying to stand up for Amara. The three of us have been spending some time together, and with Hana too, we’ve grown close. Please don’t blame Drake for defending his friend.’

‘That’s the thing, Max. I don’t blame him for being a good friend to Amara. I know I crossed a line with her, and I may act all cool about it, but I feel like a jerk. I apologized to her, and I am aware I need to change the way I approach her. But what really gets to me, Max, is that I used to be Drake’s friend, too. I used to be the one he defended the most, the one he supported the most. Now, he antagonizes me.’

Max nods, not knowing what to say, or what he can say to Liam without disastrous consequences. He decides to try one route. ‘Drake feels like he’s losing you, too, Liam. Ever since you’ve had to take on new responsibilities. You know how uncomfortable Drake is with nobility and royalty.’

‘I get that. I do. I have trouble recognizing myself, sometimes. And, between you and me, I wish Leo were still in line for the throne, even though it would be terrible news for Cordonia, and he would probably lose the country in a game of poker.’ They both chuckle at the thought of Leo as a King. ‘But Max,’ Liam continues, ‘everyone is saying how much happier Drake seems these days, and I’m happy for him if that’s the case, if he finally learned to cope with his father’s death and his sister’s disappearance. If he’s found peace, I’m happier for him than anyone. Everyone says so, oh, Drake is so much friendlier, so much less gloomy... Except that, when he’s around me, he’s tense as fuck and we haven’t had a decent conversation in weeks. I’m losing my best friend and I don’t know what to do, Max.’

Wow. What could Maxwell say to that? Of course, this is good news for them, for Drake especially. Liam didn’t want him gone, didn’t really mean what he said earlier. He was just lashing out. But if Max thought of Liam, and only Liam, this was a tough situation. He is set to be King very shortly and he has lost himself in the process. Chances are, it won’t get better anytime soon. ‘I’m sorry, Liam. Would you like me to talk to him?’

Liam hesitates and nods. ‘If you could. Again, I’m sorry for involving you, but you guys seem to be closer than ever, and the rift between me and Drake is getting so big that it will be insurmountable soon if we don’t do anything.’

Maxwell nods, finishes his coffee, and can’t help but think that the rift will become a canyon once the whole Dramara business comes to light.

*****

Still furious, Drake walks out of the manor, and towards the field where they will raise barns this afternoon. He tried to go see Amara and tell her about the breakfast fiasco, but she was already gone to the pie contest. He’d have to see her later.

After helping the staff out with the wood, nails and tools, Drake heads to the lunch buffet by the pie makers, hoping to see Amara. If she’s not there, part of him just wants to drive back to his dad’s cabin and hide out there until things with Liam calm down.

Liam had never talked to him like that. Had never told him to leave. If anything, Drake was the short-tempered one, although his temper had never been directed towards Liam before either. Of course Drake was angry with Liam’s attitude towards Amara. He kinda wishes he could punch Liam the way he had punched Tariq, it would make him feel better for a hot second. Is their friendship over? If not now, it certainly would be once Liam finds out he and Amara are together.

When he sees her, at her pie station, his heart skips a beat. For her, anything that is coming his way is worth the pain and trouble. For her, he’d do anything.

She smiles at him through the crowd and walks towards him, after checking that her pie is baking ok.

‘Hey,’ she says with a dashing smile. ‘Are you ok?’

He nods weakly, and whispers, ‘Can we go talk somewhere?’

‘Yeah, let’s go now, I’ll ask Hana to check on my pie.’

Once away from prying eyes and ears, Drake fills her in on the recent developments. Amara listens intently, her smile fading away a little after each sentence. ‘Drake, I’m so sorry it has come to this, and it’s all because of me,’ she finally says.

‘What? No, don’t be sorry. I don’t regret standing up for you, not at all. You did nothing wrong.’

‘Well…’ she replies. ‘By staying in this competition, I am technically leading Liam on.’

‘No you’re not. You clearly said no to his advances and he kept going. Him and Tariq, both of them, they’re--’

‘Shh,’ she interrupts him. ‘Calm down. I know, they have issues with the word ‘no’. But...still, I don’t want your friendship with Liam to be ruined. Not after all you’ve been through together.’

Her eyes look painfully sad, all of a sudden. Drake wishes he could kiss her, take the pain away. ‘Babe, it’s ok, I’ll fix it. Max talked to him, and...if it doesn’t work, well, not all friendships are supposed to be forever.’

‘But he’s like your brother, Drake. You can’t lose him because of me.’

The guilt in her eyes is almost unbearable. Drake thinks about her dad, and what he said to her on the phone. He wants her to forgive herself and to start living. Drake wants the same for her, and doesn’t want her to feel guilty about yet another thing that she didn’t cause. He grabs her hands. ‘You have done nothing wrong. Please. I just wanted to let you know, in case I have to leave court. If things go really wrong, I’ll go lay low at my dad’s cabin in Portavira. I’ll come back for you, and I’ll make sure you’re safe.’

‘If you’re leaving, I’m leaving. This isn’t why I’m here.’ She gestures at everything around. ‘You’re the reason why I’m here.’

*****

Amara heads back to her baking station, tears in her eyes. As annoying and problematic as Liam is, she knows that he and Drake are close, were close. They could be close again, if she wasn’t in the picture. She hates this trope, the temptress coming between two friends and ruining their relationship. It’s misogynistic and tired, but here we are, aren’t we? She knows it’s not her fault per se, of course she does. But at the same time, none of this would happen if she weren’t here. Just like that day in Brooklyn. She wasn’t the one firing the gun. But had she asked another person to fill in for Jamie, Callie would still have her dad, and Michael his husband.

‘Amara, are you ok?’ Hana asks, a concerned look on her face.

Amara nods, ‘I’ll tell you about it tonight, but don’t worry hun.

Out come the pies, and the judges take them away for them to cool off. Amara makes eye contact with Madeleine’s icy blue eyes, and expressionless face. Was this all worth it? Should she just run away with Drake? Or should she leave, go back to her shitty life, and leave everyone be?

She needs a minute. She takes off her apron and walks towards the bathroom. She washes her face, her makeup be damned. She hears a knock. It can’t be Drake, he went back to the barns. ‘I’ll be out in a minute!’ she yells.

‘Suarez, open up,’ Olivia says.

She lets her in, half annoyed, half grateful to see her friend’s resting bitch face. ‘You have to stop getting into the bathroom with me, Nevrakis.’

Olivia scoffs. ‘Is that what you say to Drake every time you go to the restroom to fuck? I don’t think so, so shut up.’

Amara sighs. ‘What do you want?’

‘To talk to you. I saw Beaumont, the little one, earlier. He told me about Liam and Walker’s fight.’

‘Yeah, Drake told me. This isn’t good, Olivia.’

‘No it’s not. Liam is out of control, and Walker is blinded by the heart eyes he has for you. Someone needs to do the right thing.’

Amara lets out a long sigh, as she fixes her ponytail. ‘I know.’

‘FYI, I’m doing what I can, but I think that Liam’s only interested in being friends with benefits with me, not in marrying me. So, now what?’

‘Are you serious? Did he tell you that?’

‘Not in so many words, but he did tell me last night that he’s glad our friendship can handle the more physical aspects of this relationship. I almost barfed.’

‘You should have barfed. On him.’ Amara shakes her head, and adds, ‘I’m so sick of all of this shit, Olivia. It can’t keep going on like this. This isn’t fair to you, or to Drake.’

‘Or to you,’ Liv adds. ‘You’re right, something needs to change.’

*****

After the pie contest, gracefully won by Hana, Amara takes her friend for a congratulatory coffee. Hana, humble as ever, accepts but insists on returning the favor the next day.

Amara fills her in on the latest drama and Hana, always a good listener, nods and waits until Amara is done explaining to respond: ‘I think you’re right, Amara. It’s a good idea. I wish I had your guts.’

‘You do though. If you were in my situation, you would have grown the ovaries to do this a long time ago. You’re fierce, Hana, a lot more than you give yourself credit for.’

The young woman blushes and dismisses the compliment. ‘Amara, can I ask you a question?’ Amara nods. ‘Are you in love with Drake?’

The question sends a pang into Amara’s heart. Of course Hana was perceptive enough to see it, even if they hadn’t officially told her. Suddenly, Amara feels terrible for not keeping her friend in the loop, when both Max and Olivia are aware of the relationship. ‘Yes,’ she replies. ‘I am.’

Hana smiles and takes her hand. ‘I’m happy for you. He’s such a good man.’

Amara looks down and smiles. ‘He is. Hana, I’m sorry, I should have told you earlier. I wanted to, but--’

‘Stop. I know you were going to tell me. You know I trust you, and I know you trust me. There’s no need for useless apologies between us, Amara. We’re on the same boat.’ God, she’s a model of grace, that woman. Amara looks at her, admiring her poise. ‘The reason I asked you this is, I want you to remember this, and never forget that you’re in love with him. Don’t let anything else get in your way. Ok?’

‘It’s complicated, Hana, I don’t want to ruin--’

‘Amara, he loves you too. It’s obvious. Well, maybe not for people who don’t know you, because I know that you guys are making efforts to be discreet. But every time you both let your guards down, it’s plain to see. Please don’t let guilt, or anything else, get in the way of love. Do you promise me?’

Amara wants to promise. She should, right? Love is what saves, not what tears apart. Love is what helped her family stay afloat after Mom died. Love is what united Dad and Nancy, who found each other in their grief. Love is what made Callie possible.

Love was not the problem. She had never run out of it. ‘I promise, Hana.’

‘Good. Don’t lose sight of what’s important. Fuck the rest.’

Amara had been startled by Hana’s swearing. She had never heard her say anything like that before.

*****

The barn raising even was about to start, and Drake was ready to lose himself in physical work, and find reasons to get closer to Amara. She had changed for the occasion, now wearing jeans and a black T-shirt with a lace V-neck. He tried not to stare too much, but he couldn’t help himself. She met his eyes several times and they let the eye contact last more than was reasonable.

‘Drake,’ Liam says solemnly, approaching him. ‘Can we talk for a second?’

Drake nods, still silent. The two men step aside, and Liam starts talking. ‘I shouldn’t have lost my temper this morning. You shouldn’t have either. Can we agree to that?’

‘I guess,’ Drake responds. ‘I stand by what I said, though.’

‘That’s your prerogative. I didn’t appreciate your tone, or your insinuating that I sexually harassed Amara. I may have crossed a line, but so did you.’

‘Liam, I was just telling you that what you did wasn’t ok.’

‘I hear you. As I said to Max this morning, I know I should have been more respectful of boundaries. Please feel free to call me out when you think I’m out of line, but don’t disrespect me either.’

Drake nods. ‘That’s fair.’

‘Now I know that you and Amara are close friends. I know you’re protective of her, which is very commendable. I do appreciate that.’

Drake didn’t expect that. Max must have done a good job talking Liam through it this morning. ‘Thanks. I value her a lot and want her to be comfortable.’

‘Well, we both agree on that. I guess that’s a start.’ Liam holds out his hand, which Drake shakes.

‘I just don’t recognize you, Liam,’ Drake can’t help but add. ‘You’re not the Liam I know.’

‘I’m going to be King soon. My father is gravely ill. My brother doesn’t give a shit. Should I continue? If you had bothered to check on me, you’d know.’

Liam’s voice could cut glass. Drake mutters back, ‘You...you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have been a better friend.’

‘People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Drake. If you think I’ve been a bad friend, look in the mirror and question yourself a bit, will you?’

Drake isn’t sure what to say. He has been distracted, it’s true. But part of the reason why he became distant is because Liam had started acting different. Still, Drake doesn’t want to make too many waves, not today. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. Truce?’

Liam flashes an unnatural smile. ‘Truce. Now let’s raise the roof of the barn, shall we?’

‘Good pun.’

*****

The barn raising event had been successful, and everyone had gone back to their quarters to shower and get ready for dinner. Amara had gone back upstairs alone, but as soon as she heard Drake come back to his room, she took her change of clothes and knocked on his door.

‘Hey Suarez,’ he says, opening the door.

‘Hey handsome.’ She puts her stuff down on the bed, and throws herself in Drake’s arms, capturing his lips in a long, deep kiss.

‘What was that for?’ he asks with a smirk.

‘You looked so hot without your shirt on, lifting all those beams.’

‘You looked very hot too, Suarez, in your casual V-neck. I may have stared a little too much...’

‘Would you have some space left in your shower for a poor American bartender?’

He scoffs. ‘Sure, Detective Bartender. I can make some space.’

Off come the clothes, one by one, as they make their way to the bathroom, their lips not leaving each other. Naked, Drake turns on the shower, and makes an exaggerated curtsy signaling for her to hop in first. She lets the water drip all over her and closes her eyes. Soon, she feels Drake’s arms around her waist. He is standing behind her, kissing her neck and shoulders relentlessly. His hard, muscular body is pressed against her back, and she savors the feel of his erect penis on her ass. She turns around and kisses him more, as he pulls her closer.

Soon enough, he flips her around again, and she bends over slightly. Drake’s hands tease her entrance, until she can’t take it anymore. ‘Fuck me,’ she whispers, as he plants a trail of kisses along her shoulder blades. He doesn’t have to be told twice. She feels the tip of his cock make its way between her pussy lips, and he progressively pushes his whole length inside her, drawing a low groan from her. His lips are still firmly attached to her body, as if he could not stop kissing her. He fucks her deep and slow, just the way she likes it, his hands massaging her breasts.

A while later, they both get dressed for the dinner event. Drake puts on a gray collared shirt and jeans, while Amara is zipping up a light pink dress. ‘You look so beautiful,’ he says, with a sad smile. ‘I’m so sorry about all the drama with Liam. You don’t deserve that.’

‘Drake please. You guys had a good talk, Maxwell is in our corner, we’ll be fine. Plus, I asked for a one-on-one meeting with Liam.’

Drake’s eyes widen. ‘What?’

Amara feels terribly about springing this on him, but she needed to tell him. ‘I requested a meeting. After dinner, in his study. I made it clear that it was not a date. Just a talk, regarding his present. I’m going to return it.’

He runs his hand through his hair, visibly not sure what to say. ‘Oh. Really?’

‘Yes. I need a word with him. To set the record straight.’

‘Are you sure?’

She closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Drake’s neck. ‘Drake, do you trust me?’

Without a moment’s hesitation, he replies, ‘Of course.’

‘Then you have nothing to worry about.’ She kisses him on the lips. ‘Plus, we both know that things cannot stay the way they are. It’s too tense, too awkward. Something’s gotta give.’

Drake nods. ‘You’re right. Please be careful.’

Amara scoffs. ‘Remember what happened to the last guy who tried to fuck me against my will?’

Drake finally breaks into an earnest smile. ‘True. I shouldn’t be worried about you, huh?’

‘No you shouldn’t. But I’m grateful that you are looking out for me.’ She pauses, and swallows hard. ‘I love you, Drake.’

He pulls her into a tight hug. ‘I love you too, Amara.’

*****

All through dinner, Drake is nervous. He trusts Amara’s judgment, of course he does. But he can’t help but think about her overpowering guilt, when they talked during the pie contest. Could she just say ‘Fuck it’, and withdraw from the competition to avoid ruining Drake and Liam’s friendship? It wouldn’t be the first time Amara put her own life on hold to punish herself. But Drake has to stop thinking about this. She knows best.

‘Drake,’ hana whispers, next to him. ‘Are you ok?’

She gestures at his restless leg, which has been shaking the table for the past course. ‘Sorry,’ he mutters. ‘I’m fine. You?’

Hana looks around, making sure no one is listening. Indeed, most people at the table are enthralled in a passionate debate about which A Star is Born version is the best. ‘You have to relax. Things will fall into place. Amara has got this.’

He locks eyes with Hana, and realizes that she probably knows more than he thought she did. Hell, she probably knows more than him. ‘What do you mean?’ he asks.

‘I mean that she knows what she’s doing. She’s good on her feet, Drake. Why do you think she’s so good with the press? The woman is a wizard.’

He chuckles. ‘That, she is.’

Hana chimes in to the main conversation for a second. ‘I really love the Garland version, but personally, I am very hopeful for the Cooper/Gaga remake.’

Amara excitedly responds, ‘Exactly. People have been sleeping on Bradley Cooper for YEARS. I have known since The Hangover that he’s the best actor of his generation.’

Drake lets out a chuckle. Of course Amara couldn’t just not respond to a Bradley Cooper comment, and Hana knows that.

‘I’m happy for you guys,’ Hana whispers very quietly.

Drake smiles and makes eye contact with her. ‘Thanks Han. We’re lucky to have you.’

‘Ditto,’ she responds, nudging him with her elbow.

*****

After dinner, Amara goes back to her room to check her emails before her scheduled meeting with Liam. Jamie has gotten back to her about the Savannah case. To avoid unnecessary back and forth, she dials his number. He picks up immediately. ‘Suarez! So good to hear from you!’

She hadn’t heard her former partner’s voice since Sergio’s funeral. They had exchanged emails and texts over the past two years, but never calls. His friendly tone makes her happy, but simultaneously extremely sad. She tries to shake it off. ‘You too, Anderson. How’s life?’

‘Good, just the routine, you know. Lena and I are trying to have another baby, did I tell you that?’

‘Oh that’s amazing, I’m excited for you guys. Give Lena my best, and of course, give kisses to little Theo for me.’

‘Will do. So, I’m assuming you wanna talk about the case you asked me about?’

‘Yeah…’ she feels bad about cutting the small talk short, but she’s running out of time. ‘Thanks for sending me what you found.’

‘Of course. So, see the country code in there? It means the account is from a French bank.’

‘Ok. And does that mean that she has to be in France to access the money? Or could she be in a different country in Europe and still use that account?’

‘Well, that depends on the bank. Some of them have fees for Europe, and some others don’t. This one is called Crédit Agricole, I can research it for you if you want.’

‘It’s ok, I’ll do it. Thank you, though.’

‘No problem. Did you wanna know anything else?’

‘I think I can go from here. I’ll contact the bank and start looking around for clues.’

‘If you run into hurdles, let me know and I’ll contact the IT team. Did you say she had a baby recently?’

‘About a year ago, yeah.’

‘Once you know more about her location, try to look for mommy groups or support groups for single moms. That could potentially be a lead.’

‘Good thinking, Jamie. Thanks for everything, really.’

‘You’re very welcome, I’m happy to be able to do something for you. You take care, ok? And if there’s anything else, or if you just want to brainstorm, you know I’m here, right?’

Amara smiles. ‘I know. Thank you dude.’

She hangs up. Finally a lead. She could research and contact Crédit Agricole tomorrow, finally a reason to use her French besides to shut Kiara up. French banks could work in Europe, but if there are fees, why bother with a foreign account at all? Chances were, Savannah was in France.

Amara changes into something less sexy than her pink dress. Her meeting with Liam is very clearly not a date, but you never know. She opts for black pants and a yellow blouse.

At 10pm sharp, Amara is posted in front of Liam’s study. Before going in, she texts Drake, aware that he was probably nervous. She didn’t want to tell him too much of her intentions, because he would probably try to stop her, or to convince her not to do anything.

Going in now. Wait up for me, I will meet you in your room when the meeting is over. Please don’t worry. Pick a movie for later.

She knocks.

‘Come in!’

‘Good evening, Liam.’

‘Good evening, Amara. Please, take a seat. Would you like a glass of wine?’

She sits down and nods. Maybe it wasn’t wise to drink with him, it could give him the wrong impression. But she wasn’t there to be rude either, and what she had to say was clear enough of a message.

He hands her a glass of white wine. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. I was pleasantly surprised to find out you wanted to see me. You’ve always played hard to get.’

She forces a smile. She’s playing hard to get because she’s impossible to get, for Liam at least. ‘Well, I had things to share with you.’

Liam nods. ‘Go on.’

‘It won’t necessarily be pleasant, but they have to be said.’

Liam’s smile falters, just for a second. ‘Go on.’

*****

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#that's not why i'm going #dramara #drake walker x amara suarez #drake x amara #drake x mc #drake walker x mc #drake walker #drake walker trr #trr drake #drake trr #trr fanfic #choices trr #choices fanfiction #choices

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archaeopter-ace · 6 years ago

Text

the epigraphs in Metamorphosis

Picking up where this post left off, I’m gonna ramble about my choice of Kafka quotes.

Because apparently I love to make things difficult for myself, I wanted to find quotes that would be considered ‘bad advice’ in these circumstances, to tie it back to ‘don’t listen to kafka’ - but if you ever become a notable literary figure, the sorts of quotes you’re remembered for tend to be the ones with some underlying human truth, not ones that offer bad advice. So I had that working against me. But I figured if nothing else I’d certainly find pessimistic quotes tangentially related to something in the chapter. Those would fit my concept then, because the inverse message would be ‘you don’t have to pessimistic about this.’

Time to break ‘em down!

“I usually solve problems by letting them devour me.” - Franz Kafka

I put this one in the story summary because I think it expresses how overwhelmed Barbara and Jim are feeling about this whole mess. Also I find it very relatable on a personal level, aha, a missed deadline is resolved and there’s some relief to be found in that. It was originally going to go as a chapter epigraph later in the story, but I really liked it as a summary of the whole story because - spoiler alert for the most recent chapter - the solution to Jim’s problem, i.e. turning into a troll, is, in fact, to do nothing and let the change happen. Only once his human self is completely consumed by his troll self will he be able to regain his human body. So maybe, just this once, Jim actually could Listen To Kafka. (I thought putting an epigraph in the summary might mean I couldn’t also do a dictionary-style definition in stylistic parallel to Autoeponym, but then I just decided why not both? and rolled with it)

Chapter 1: "One advantage to keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of all the changes which you constantly suffer."

I picked this one for chapter one because it carries this notion of cataloguing changes, which the narrative does quite a bit at the start since there’s been a time skip since Autoeponym and we’ve got to set the stage. In fact, in the original draft Barbara was a lot more active in keeping a journal and writing everything down, but then I realized that that would be really uncomfortable for Jim, and thus the line about “dialing back Dr. Lake as much as possible, and pushing Mom to the foreground” was born. I kept the chosen epigraph, even if the diary aspect got nixed, because I think it still fits from an ‘ack, too many changes!’ angle. [Jim should not listen to Kafka because it’d be better for him to just focus on the changes he’s going through, and not frame it as something that he must suffer]

Chaper 2: "So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being." This quote is from his short story, Investigations of a Dog, told from a dog’s POV (not to be confused with Mark Twain’s A Dog’s Tale, also told from a dog’s POV). The chapter connection in this one is with food, because it is the dinner scene. [Jim is unlikely to listen to Kafka in this instance because boy does he ever have a lot of unresolved questions]

The other food-related quote I considered for this chapter was “Now I can look at you in peace; I don’t eat you anymore,” which could maybe have been commentary on Stickler’s potentially-shifting allegiances, but really just seemed to bring Aaarrrgghh’s past up completely out of the blue. (original quote context: Kafka went vegetarian)

Chapter 3: "I am a cage, in search of a bird."

Oh man, there were so many quotes I considered for this chapter I couldn’t even remember which one I went with off the top of my head and had to look up the posted chapter. The themes I wanted to play with involved imprisonment (hence “a cage”) and the toxicity of Strickler’s manipulations. The ‘don’t listen to kafka’ aspect of this one is cautionary, warning Barbara away from Walter.

Other quotes I toyed with:

"You can choose to be free, but it's the last decision you'll ever make”

“I am in chains. Don’t touch my chains.”

“Kill me, or you are a murderer.”

“Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.”

“My guiding principle is this: Guilt is never to be doubted.”

"There is an infinite amount of hope in the universe... but not for us."

“Association with human beings lures one into self-reflection.”

Something that helps to understand why some of these were considered is knowing that in the early drafts, Strickler was going to try to manipulate Jim into letting him go by arguing that Jim should just kill him, it would be much more merciful than the death Bular would give him for failing in his mission. I had some really nice dialogue mapped out, but then I rewatched Mudslinging and reconsidered in light of Strickler’s thirst for revenge on Jim. By his own admission, Strickler seems to have made out pretty well from the failure to open Killahead, so the idea of revenge for ruining a plan that maybe wouldn’t have been his first choice if he’d had free choice... it seems a little bit of a stretch. He does mention wanting to stop Jim from releasing all the familiars from the Darklands, and he believes the only way to stop Jim from ever doing that is to... murder him brutally.

I think the revenge Strickler seeks is really for ruined pride, rather than any material damage incurred. So given that I’m dealing with season 1 Strickler and not season 3 or fanon Strickler, the scenes I had written no longer seemed as in-character. He wasn’t quite backed up against the ropes enough for him to be throwing himself on the Trollhunter’s mercy, even if it was a ploy. He’s got other approaches he can take first to talk his way out, ones that keep his dignity more intact.

Chapter 4: "People label themselves with all sorts of adjectives. I can only pronounce myself as 'nauseatingly miserable beyond repair'."

Jim finally has a label for what he is! And he’s having a pretty crummy day, so ‘nauseatingly miserable beyond repair’ also fits. This is one of the chapters I’d considered using the ‘devoured’ quote for. Another one I considered for this chapter was “I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself,” which absolutely fits Jim’s mood, but therein lies the problem: there’s not really a way to see how ‘don’t listen to Kafka' fits. Also it’s not quite as pithy as the one I went with ;P [Jim shouldn’t listen to Kafka because if he labels himself as only miserable, it will be that much harder to feel something other than miserable].

Chapter 5: “I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound or stab us.”

In my original outline, chapters 5 and 6 were combined into one chapter, and then this quote fit very well because part of the chapter would take place in Blinky’s library (full of books). I think it still fits just 5 though, and in the absence of anything better I went with it. Here, the ‘books’ are symbolic of knowledge, and its capacity to inflict plain - in this chapter, Jim learns a lot of painful truths. [Jim shouldn’t listen to Kafka because of course Jim can read fluffy stories as well if he wants to, not all books have to rip your heart out. And more symbolically, not all knowledge has to be painful; though neither can you avoid all the knowledge that is.]

And finally, as a spoiler-free sneak-peak at the next chapter, I will give you the next epigraph!

Chapter 6: “How about I sleep a bit longer and forget all this nonsense.”

I almost used this one for chapter 4, but when I realized I’d probably have to split up chapter 5 I saved it for later. It is my favorite line from Kafka’s Metamorphosis, and it is Gregor Samsa’s first reaction to waking up and discovering that he now a giant cockroach (it actually does take him a while to figure it all out - he can’t move his head so he can’t see himself all that well, and he naturally thinks that he must be dreaming still at first). Jim would very much like to just go to sleep and forget all this nonsense, please

#talking about writing #my fic #metamorphosis #tales of arcadia #don't listen to kafka #quotes #Barbara Lake #walter strickler #jim lake jr #writing #longpost

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snkpolls · 6 years ago

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SnK Chapter 108 Poll Results

The poll closed with 1,200 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,159 Responses

While 4’s outnumbered the 5’s for only the second time in a year, 85% rated this chapter good to excellent. The average score for this chapter was 4.08 out of 5.

dude the art in this chapter!!! i said it once i'll say it again, totally unreal. The art was on point, and just overall this was a breath of fresh air after the head swirling exposition flashback-extravaganza that 107 was.

So many things are going to happen and this chapter was not the calm before the storm but maybe like the storm before the hurricane.

Isayama binging Game of Thrones is paying off. This set of conspiracies on top of conspiracies, with so many parties involved, is just building up to an explosive finale.

First chapter since the suicide charge that’s made me cry.

Great chapter with misleading hints on the upcoming horror that awaits Paradis

It was a very great chapter that combined events from numerous sides perfectly. Wasn't too rushed or too slow either. Although the 104th development is very depressing…

As usual, another chapter with lots of answers and yet I feel like I'm more in the dark than ever. Damn, Isayama sure has a way to keep the questions burning and the plot twists coming!

Why can't answers ever be answers in this series?

Got me shooketh. Eren bb what u doin?

WE’LL GET TO THE DETAILS OF THE 104TH FLASHBACK IN A MOMENT, BUT ASIDE FROM THAT, WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF THE CHAPTER? 1,168 Responses

The 104th flashback was the favorite fandom moment! The crew blushing at each other got almost a quarter of the vote followed by the “who takes the titan” love fight. “All of the above except Zevi” came in a respectable third.

Christ Gabi's so gonna be mindfucked if she hears DauperGirl's backstory about how Sasha saved her and also Dark fucking Connie I asked for some relevant screentime for him but come on Yams nOT LIKE THIS

I didn't know I could love Jean more, but boy I was wrong

I'm just glad Sasha isn't forgotten, we always have flashbacks of her and now that Gabi and the girl Sasha had saved stumbled upon each other... Well i just hope that if someone gets killed in the woods it isn't one of Sasha's family

let me tell you how absolutely thrilled I am to see Armin driving that train. I am always into watching this boy devour new knowledge and apply that shit. Both his engineer parents would be so proud if they weren't, you know, dead and all.

Armin driving, the Springles dumbception, Mikasa carrying like six or eight times my weight's worth of railroad spikes, Mikasa's ponytail, Mikasa blushing!!

Levi pointing out his team-mates height was kinda funny.

The GabixFalco moment is all I live for

Why weren’t the guys all shirtless while working on the railroad?

Levi was holding a mug normally. unacceptable.

THE 104TH FLASHBACK WAS FILLED WITH SWEET AND SHIPPY MOMENTS. WHICH WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 1,160 Responses

30% of respondents got the warm fuzzy feelings over everyone’s interactions with each other in the flashback. 17% loved seeing the 104th protecting each other from inheriting Eren’s titan, and at a near tie, Springles arguing about who’s a bigger idiot and Eremika’s blushy glance came in third.

Eren confessing his love and being a cutie pie

Jean immediately settling down after Armin gives an explanation. LET ME LOVE MY JEARMIN MOMENT TOO OK

Eren telling everyone he doesn't want them inheriting the titan so they can live long lives

THEY HIT ME WITH SPRINGLES IN MY FACE AHHHH WHY

Don’t really care too much about it.

The glorious foreshadowing of commander Kirstein

I really loved the sweet blush moment between Eren and Mikasa. I thought that everything was lost and Eremika was only an annoying ship created by WiT. Now Isayama decided to give Eren and Mikasa a little more light. I doubt something will happen between them because of Eren's action, but I see that Mikasa is very important to him.

WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ABOUT THE WINE? 1,159 Responses

Almost half of respondents speculate that the wine has some of Zeke’s spinal fluid in it, with about a third believing that it’s poisoned. If anything, most of the fandom agrees that something is fishy with that bottle...

Oh, right. The poison. The poison for the MP, the poison chosen especially to titanize the MP so Zeke can play his 4d chess game, the MP's poison. That poison?

As much as I want to say "it contains shifter spinal fluid," wouldn't the shifter spinal fluid disappear when it makes contact with the air like other Titan spinal fluids? Yeah, I feel a bit skeptical to see the wine is poisoned with titan spinal fluid, but I can see why fans are speculating it in light of the recent events.

I didn't think anything was up with the wine at the time I read it, but I've seen all these cool spinal fluid theories drifting around and now I want in on that.

IN VINO VERITAS

Nicolo spit in it.

its filled with the tears of the fandom

IS THE PREGNANCY A FAKE? 1,166 Responses

“Fake idk, but all this is fishy as hell” sums up a lot of responses. Close to 60% of the fandom thinks the pregnancy is authentic, 8% believe it is a fake, 30% are unsure.

She may be pregnant, but obviously not in love with the guy

I wish it were, but I'm sensing strong "Ymir reborn" vibes from all this mess so I dunno.

Pregnancy fake? Nah. Daddy reveal fake? I think so!

I'm starting to think it was Eren who suggested it, but because he needed to extend Zeke's lifetime (I'm still convinced the jaegerbros have something wild up their sleeve).

We don't really have enough real information yet to understand her motivations. There is definately something fishy going on though because I just can't see Historia doing something like this out of nowhere. Giving birth puts her at risk of dying, thus leaving Paradis without a queen. Also surely she has not forgotten Ymir and the promise she made to live her own life. If the pregnancy is indeed real then I hope we get real answers soon because I am so confused right now...:/

IF HISTORIA IS PREGNANT, WHAT IS HER MOTIVATION? 1,150 Responses

Almost 1 out of every 2 people think Eren had a hand in Historia becoming pregnant. Nearly a quarter of all respondents think Yelena worked her voodoo magic and basically forced Historia to become pregnant to prolong Zeke’s life. 1/6th thinks Historia left the Greek isle of Lesbos and actually wanted to have a mini-me with farmer-kun. An even smaller part thinks she’s not even pregnant at all.

Eren doesn't want her to become a titan at all as it would pretty much repeat the entire thing that the Reiss family used to do with passing down the Founding Titan every 13 years, I think Eren wants to protect Historia from becoming a titan at all

Eren used the power of the Founding Titan to manipulate Historia to have a baby for an unknown reason.

I think *she* doesn't want to become a titan, ever, so she's using this as a delay until Eren can do something.

I'd say politics and delaying the inevitable.

She wants to be a hero of the Eldians and be remembered as someone who sacrificed herself for them

Imma be real with you chief... I can't say yet. Too many conflicting options, considering the possibility of a fake pregnancy

DOES HISTORIA HAVE FEELINGS FOR FARMER BOY? 1,144 Responses

With nearly 65% of the votes, most people do think Historia is using farmer boi, while around a fifth of all respondents thinks they are in fact working together and the pregnancy is just a ruse. A mere 10% thinks they are actually in love.

As much as I wished that they had at least become friends and agreed on the pregnancy for some secret reason, what we saw so far of Historia makes it look like it's much more likely that she is indeed using him.

He's a willing conspirator due to his old guilt, regardless of the status of the pregnancy

I don't think she is using him, but she is not in love either.

It's complicated

She is using him to hide that Ereh is the dad.

The only person Historia loved and felt strong bond with was Ymir. She may like the farm boy but I highly doubt she is in love with him.

these questions are hard.

Wouldn't that be the twist no one is expecting? Someone in AoT actually fell in love and started a family?

WHO IS THE CLOAKED FIGURE WHO APPROACHED HISTORIA? 1,137 Responses

Half of respondents believe that Eren was the hooded figure who approached Historia. 33% believe Rogue’s theory that it was Yelena. A small percentage believe that it could have been Hange. Armin, Levi, and Floch were also popular write-ins! Quite a few people are also hopeful the ghost of Ymir came to have a chat with her.

I have no clue, tbh. But I think it's someone we don't expect yet.

Creeper in the bushes! Red herring!

idk honestly. Probably a random MP spy we will never see again.

I DONT FUCKING KNOW AND ITS KILLING ME

I have a feeling the cloaked figure is a red herring, maybe just a random person working at the orphanage.

I like the idea of Armin being the cloaked figure but idk what to think at this point, we really need Historia's POV.

If Historia truly is pregnant, I think the cloaked figure is just Rogue's imagination. If she is faking pregnancy, I think the figure is Eren.

Isayama

Ymir's ghost

HOW IMPRESSED WERE YOU WITH NILE STANDING UP FOR HISTORIA? 1,163 Responses

We’re happy to report that more than 50% selected “Bless this man for existing” when Nile stood up in defense of Historia.

Nile Dawk is underrated

Rogue is a dick

It was nice to see Nile again :D

IF THE SURVEY CORPS HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO TRY A DIPLOMATIC ROUTE FIRST, WOULD THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO STILL HAVE NEEDED TO HAPPEN? DO YOU THINK WAR WAS INEVITABLE? 1,144 Responses

We’re a pessimistic bunch. 64.2 % believed war was inevitable, but the many of the write-ins expressed that the attack on Liberio was not inevitable and probably made a bad situation worse.

How can you go for the diplomatic route when you're too underexploited to be either steamrolled by Marley or colonized by Hizuru?

I think conflict would be inevitable but diplomacy would've mitigated the damage dealt. It would've sparked off but I think in a different manner.

I think war was inevitable and the strike was necessary but I don’t feel great about Eren’s unilateral actions.

Invitable or not choosing the war path before anything else is never and will never be the right way

Liberio may not have happened, but the world was never going to accept paradis anyway and would have eventually attacked

My heart bleeds bc I think Eren done fucked up but a tiny voice in the back of my head is like 'what if eren and zeke really have the One True Master Plan after all and just can't/won't share any of it to take the burden themselves h ah ah pain one can really know war is inevitable until it breaks out.

Probably. If War still happened after a surprise peaceful meeting, they may have gotten sympathy from the public.

There has to be some universe in which war is not inevitable. Nothing controlled by people should be considered inevitable until it's happened.

War was sadly inevitable, but the attack was not.

DOES HIZURU HAVE ANY REAL INTENTION OF HELPING PARADIS OR ARE THEY ONLY INTERESTED IN RESOURCES AND THE RUMBLING 1,155 Responses

“They are only in it for themselves” is the strong fandom consensus with nearly 70% believing Hizuru has no interest in genuinely helping Paradis. 28.8% believe there may be be a little sincerity in their offer of help.

Hizuru's to-get list: resources, rumbling, Mikasa.

We don't know her real motives but there must be something she's hiding or something she wants for her people in all of this. Everything comes at a price, maybe she'll ask something horrible in exchange for her help.

I think there's still more to Hizuru's intentions that we have not been shown. I still think Kruger and Kiyomi are somehow connected.

This is Kiyomi helping Paradis in the name of Hizuru behind the actual nation ruler. She has her Seacret plan.

They are in it mostly for themselves and I personnaly think that Mikasa is the only reason they don't sell them out

HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, IF ONE OF THE 104TH ARE TO INHERIT EREN’S POWER, WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE BEST CANDIDATE? 1,148 Responses

Jean’s convincing arguments resonated with most respondents, with 54.8% choosing him. Armin was a close second, with folks wanting him to take on the quadrupel duty of holding 4 titans at once.

Eren cared, but he changed a lot... and that is here the possibility of someone eating him really soon ( i mean they gave us a flashback entirely focused on who will eat him, this is just a huge death flag to me).

I was honestly confused why Armin wasn't considered an option to inherit the titan, since Erens main concern is not shortening anybody's lifespan but Armin doesn't have to worry about that....

Depending on how the story develops, I think Eren would choose either Floch or Falco as the successor of the Attack-Founder Titan. Doubtful that he'll actually pass it on, though.

Theory: Eren doesn't want anyone to inherit his titan, he wants to get this whole war business over before his time runs out

Jean confessing that he'd eat Eren gave me life

WHO HAD THE BEST REACTION TO EREN’S CONFESSION? 1,159 Responses

Nearly half of voters enjoyed Jean calling Eren out for making the atmosphere awkward with his confession all the while blushing himself. 28% of respondents appreciated Mikasa’s knowing smile and blush.

Eren is wholesome. He and his squadmates are precious. I wish eternal happiness for them (Sasha in food heaven).

All good. All also gay. (especially the Erejean)

Eremika and Springles on one page oh my fucking god

WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE OF THE FLASHBACK? 1,156 Responses

The responses are fairly evenly divided on this question, with slightly more than half saying the flashback was to show Eren still cares about his friends and reinforce his humanity. The other half consisted of those saying Eren changed, and a good portion of write-ins that felt the flashback fulfilled both purposes.

Both to show how much he changed, and to prove he still cares for his friends

To convey how serious the situations become that it's bringing if he cares or not into question

To. Make. Us. Cry. By drowning us in angst.

To show that Eren's not fully in control of his own mind. The WH and the Founder worked together to through Paradis under the bus 100+ years ago and now BOTH are in his head messing him up through P A T H S.

Both. Neither. I don't even have a red sunset as an excuse for my red cheeks. That entire scene was so adorable!

I think it was to show how much their whole situation has changed. It was also probably Yams adding some more salt to the wound. It'd be nice if he were less of a sadist.

DOES EREN STILL PRIORITIZE HIS FRIENDS? 1,154 Responses

78% of voters total believe that Eren still prioritizes his friends, however 41% of the total votes believe that it’s not with the same intensity as it was in the flashback. 15% of voters think Eren is no longer the Eren we knew and does not care for his friends anymore.

Not enough information to say one way or the other. Liberio indicates complexity in how Eren shows he cares

He cares about them as much as he did before and so he's willing to sacrifice everything for that sake, including their trust.

Yes, but he isn't the person he was, so his prioritizing will look different.

As already said, I think he is convinced he does, but loses the sight of the greater good.

Eren is a lost cause.

He cares about them even more than before. His time's running out, he sees them about to return to the old cycle, and he wants to settle things while he still can

I think *Eren* still prioritizes his friends. How much of Eren is still in there.... that I'm not so sure of.

He might still be doing it all to protect those he cares about, but he's now willing to put their life in jeopardy to accomplish his goals if he has to.

I Think he prioritises his goals but based on his reaction to Sasha’s death, I think he still cares for them but he is clouded by whatever his end-goal is.

yes...as sacrifices

i think he's being driven to madness. he's pressuring himself to a huge extent to keep everyone he cared so much about safe and out of harm, and it's literally driving him insane. i think he laughed at sasha's death simply because the pressure is making him crack to the point where he can't even cry about it anymore. he's become so desensitized to losing after a short period of victory at the start that it just seemed inevitable. of course he lost someone, of course he failed, he's going to die anyway what's it going to matter? we only hear from connie that he laughed as a response, so we don't know what was going through his mind at the time, but the long and short of it would be that yes, i do think eren still prioritizes his friends. however, he's lost his belief in himself to keep them safe and may have given up on their happy ending long ago now.

FROM THE PRESENT DAY 104TH CONVERSATION, WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS DO YOU BELIEVE ARE MOST LIKELY TRUE 1,159 Responses

Most believed there was a lot truth in the 104th conversation. The two options most people found fault with where “Eren is responsible for Sasha’s death” and “If Eren is against them, he should be replaced”.

Eren is on side that has the best chances of his friends ending alive, but that isn't his friends' side.

I'd rephrase two of those options. I believe Armin DOES want to save Eren, but unlike Mikasa, he has a contingency plan -replace Eren if he refuses to cooperate. I think Armin would keep that as the last option, and would only go for it if there literally isn't any other choice. So yes, he *is* trying to save Eren, because that option hasn't been barred yet. I also think Eren *thinks* he's on their side, whether or not everyone else thinks so or not.

Eren is so f*cked up cuz he has 3 titans. Being one of them the founder Titan complicates things.

I think Eren is & isn’t on their side. One of his goals is to protect them at all costs, but he may have to do some things they are against in order to achieve those goals.

Eren was willing to sacrifice his humanity for the lives of his friends

Eren is plotting a Zero Requiem and is willing to distance himself

I am neutral Switzerland.

WHAT DOES THE NEW 3DM GEAR REMIND YOU OF? 1,153 Responses

Nearly 50% of the people who answered this question refused to see anything phallic in this panel, and decided to call us perverts instead. To that we say: a dirty mind is a joy forever ;) Over 30% just had one question: But why? To the remaining 20%: you are our people. Thank you!

You polls people are perverted and I'm here for that.

Erenstans can suck my 3DMG 2.0

The new 3D gear is clearly a reference to the acclaimed Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.

WHAT’S YOUR REACTION TO THIS PANEL? 1,156 Responses

32% of respondents just want someone to give Eren a reason to smile again, 30% are uneasy about Eren’s stare and believe he is no longer on Paradis’ side. 23% of voters would love to be mean-mugged by Eren all day and 13% of voters wished he would have been given shoes instead of a shirt.

Blushing Young Eren: A blushing baby who I want to adopt! Mean staring Adult Eren: Holy Bloody Mary on a pogo stick, he's making ME blush!

Is Eren wearing the same shirt as when he was a kid? Was he wearing it all the time?

Eren's prison bed is way too long

i'm tired of Eren's angry stare, I want to find out what's his deal, and him to go out from that prison, I swear to God, he spends like 30% of this manga either kidnapped or in prison, he is 19 and was 3 times arrested and 3 times held against his will by various captors.

I just hope that Eren can prove that he is on their side because I know he will always care about his friends.

WHAT’S YOUR REACTION TO THIS PANEL? 1,160 Responses

Reiner’s burst of motivation and drive has you all split - either for Reiner to go rescue the kids or for him to stay away from Paradis for good! (PS all of you that didn’t answer Pound Me are lying to yourselves)

All aboard the Paradis Feels Train, next stop Reiner's Suffering.

LET REINER HAVE CUSTODY BACK OF HIS CHILDREN.

Reiner is a sexi boi

REINER SAVE YOUR BABIES

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE REINER’S PRIMARY MOTIVATION IS TO RETURN TO PARADIS? 1,164 Responses

The vast majority thinks Reiner’s main motivation is rescuing the two little rascals, but 27% thinks he wants to face Eren one last time. A small part also thinks Reiner will live up to his role a traitor and will switch sides again. Then there’s the folks that believe Reiner stopped being suicidal. If only everyone would have such optimism.

His hands are overflowed with strength, his eyes are filled with resolve and will to live - what a great timing for Isayama to make a new round of suffering for Papa Braun

Reiner wants to return to paradis because it is a suicide mission.

I hope that this time Reiner is not going to cause more problems and fight to Eren and SC. I hope he has learnt something, understood his mistakes and is going to walk on the right path.

I can't wait to see Reiner becoming Helos

I really want a reunion of Reiner and the 104th kids ok

I wouldn’t be surprised if Reiner’s main motivation for returning to Paradis so quickly is to save Gabi and Falco, but then...I’m tempted to believe there’s more to it than that, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there IS more to it either. Maybe he still wants Eren to kill him, or maybe he suddenly feels that he has to die on Paradis and he wants to get it over with quickly, or maybe there’s just some other shit on his mind that might surprise us at least a lil bit, I don’t know.

Papa Reiner just wants to save his children. He has no alignments anymore. He just wants to keep his kids safe and die already. I'm crying over mY SON REINER JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY.

Reiner please stop scarring yourself by putting yourself at war with paradis consistently omg

Reiner just wants to suffer

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES

Most people who took this poll primarily discuss the chapter contents on Reddit, while around 1 out of every five people roams on Tumblr, with Discord taking a distant third place. From now on we’re only going to allow one choice for this question, to see if we can find some major differences between platforms. Thank you for your cooperation!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

bitccchhh where do i even start

Really great chapter, felt like one of those that needs to happen so that you get everyone's perspective before something major happens.

No one knows what's going on except those damn Jaeger Bros.

Armin said Zeke and Eren had a jaegertalk but nobody knows what they talked about....so....that can't lead anywhere good

Save Gabi from Paradis? Please. More like save Paradis from Gabi, amirite?

Good chapter, I just wish it was longer. So far we've had every chapter consist of a mix between flashback and present time. While I appreciate the flashbacks, I hope we get back to more present time soon so the story can move forward at a quicker pace. I really wanna know the full details of Historia's situation and also when tf is Annie coming back for real it's been 4 stinking years…

It was absolutely great. The juxtaposition of the sweet moments the 104th cadets used to have just one year ago with the atmosphere of hatred and distrut towards Eren that dominates now is heart-breaking. Other than that, the father story is really fishy, especially because it was told from an outsider's perspective. as opposed to say, Historia's. I honestly believe the father is someone else and farmer-kun is just a cover up.

(About Eren's panel) he has been wearing the same shirt since he was 10

Loving the Paradis flashbacks after a year of being willing to sell my soul for them.

I feel it's a bit ridiculous to say that none of Eren is left in there. My interpretation of his character post-basement thus far hasn't been that far from his post uprising personality. The difference is that he seems more at a loss for alternatives and even more determined to finish things by any means necessary (if that's even possible). But, I do think he's got some secrets to rival zeke's.

I have high expectation on Gabi. Her arc began from a rather generic/metaphorical one yet it's become more and more emotionally relatable and unpredictable. I once thought Falco was the core of Marley arc but now it looks like he might be the one who is more of the story tool among them.

I cannot believe that something that happened like 70+ chapters ago (Sasha saving that little girl) will be pivotal for the ending. Sasha truly was the real MVP.

104th don't know that real meetings are done with chairs, not couches and armchairs!! Kids, that's not how you were thought to do things.

It was an interesting chapter. We had more explanation, but even more questions to ask: why is Historia's pregnancy fishy, who suggested her to do it, why did Eren attack Marley, what happened that made him even more angry, and turned him into a mass murderer, what is going to happen in sasha's house and how is Marley going to counterattack.(and where is floch) It's getting even more interesting, and I really can't wait to see how Isa is going to explain and unfold all this

I liked the Connie dark moment. He finally got some attention from Isayama. I thought that he was totally forgotten. I wish Connie shown his other sides more often. He is way too good, calm and pure.

I have my doubts about Armin's theory that "when Zeke and Eren activate the Coordinate, Eren will be the one in control," because unlike Smiling Titan who was mindless, Zeke is a Titan Shifter.

Really bummed with Historia's story right now. Why not have Zeke bang a ton of women instead?

EAST SEA CLAN CONSPIRACY THEORY INTENSIFIES AAAAAYYEEEEKKK

Eren brought this on himself. Getting devoured is only facing the consequences of his actions. I hope Mikasa is the one that kills him in the end.

Eren is not father, but cloaked figure is definitely him.

Everyone in this chapter is precious and people can fight me on this. And I'm looking forward to what Hottie Eren bun has to say!

Honestly, I feel like we as readers are still quite in the dark on character motivations, like Eren and Zeke's so a lot of these questions I am conflicted on. I mean that in a good way.

We still haven't heard a lot from Zeke and Levi present day, I really hope it's coming soon. And someone needs to go and talk to Eren! (other than Hanji)

I’ve already called it, but I’m calling it again for record keeping purposes: Historia is going to die in childbirth.

I'm very, very glad that some members of the SC and 104th are starting to wake up and realize that Eren isn't in control of himself and therefore dangerous. I'm fascinated to see which path this takes them down.

I think at this point, Eren is simply fighting for what he thinks is correct, period. It's black and white. Eren probably doesn't see them as right and if they aren't, they are obstacles to overcome. If that is the case, Paradis cannot continue to cling to him. Hence why I can understand Armin saying the things he did.

I honestly don't think Gabi and Falco's lunch will be focused on Gabi suddenly feeling sorry for Sasha after a sad story. After all, she has her own grudge (Zofia -who has the same hair than the girl-, Udo, the gatekeepers...). If anything, this dinner party is here to tell us how Ragako was titanized, and how Zeke intends to spread the virus through food. Enjoy your meal!

Still hoping to see Levi knee Zeke in the face

Isayama is trying to kill me. The eremin/ema talk next chapter, if we really get one, is going to kill me. I will be dead. By isayama's hand. Killed.

I'm betting my pizza, my cat, whatever that this freaking monkey is pulling a ragako 2.0!

One of the best moments was when Gabi asked Falco why he’s following her because HE doesn’t have to die. She genuinely cares about him.

Jean leaning back was the best panel ever drawn

Mikasa in the little ponytail reminded me about how gay I was

can Levi kill Zeke already?

Where is Floch???

All of the above except Zevi

That’s all for this month! Thanks again to everyone who participated. We’ll see you again for chapter 109!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #poll results

115 notes · View notes

scripttorture · 6 years ago

Note

Hiya! Just read the ask about characterizing torturers, which was interesting because I’m hoping to have a few POVs in my story, one of which in the POV of a guy who has tortured in the past. I wanted to show mental health problems, getting out, and owing MC a debt. If I wrote from the POV of a minor antagonist like that would it seem to condone torture? Or could it work if I don’t really show torture details and focus on the bad effects it has on that POV character and MC? Bad idea?

Forcontext the referenced post is this one here.

Idon’t think that’s a bad idea at all.

Portrayalsof people ‘getting out’, as you put it, are incredibly importantand valuable. They help break the image of torturers as tough,‘cool’, ‘strong’ men and I think that image plays a big partin encouraging torturers on an individual level.

Tortureis a difficult topic and a lot of the systems that support, condoneor ignore it are incredibly complex. That means approaching our workwith thought, care and an appreciation for nuance. It means carefullybalancing the elements in the story to control any message the storysends.

I’mreminded of Diana Wynne Jones, who was fond of observing that thegeneration which tried to teach her to despise fantasy produced twoworld wars. She saw fiction as a forum for us to work out issues, totest possible solutions to problems we encountered in our lives andfor us to decide which solutions were good and which bad. It’s aposition that I have an awful lot of time for.

Thereare an awful lot of stories which show us how people can ‘fall’.That show us how someone might become a torturer or abuser. I canthink of far less stories that start with someone who has donehorrendous things and decides to stop.

Letme be clearIdon’tthink that stories which show us a character getting progressivelyworse encourages the same behaviour. But I think having so many morenarratives focused on the ways people can go bad tips the…collectivecultural tone to an overly pessimistic one.

Becausepeople canchange. People can decide to do better. People can get out.

Andwe need stories like that too.

Asfor howto portray it without condoning torture-

I’vediscussed redemption a few times before and how it can mean differentthings to different people.

I’vewritten a fair few torturers some of whom stopped torturing but I’mnot sure I personally would say any of them are ‘redeemed’. Butthat’s partly because one of the questions I’m interested inexploring is how innocent people deal with the fact their loved oneshave done horrific things to other people.

Thatmajority of my own torturer characters don’t stop because of theirsense of morality. They either stop because the organisation they’rein changes to a degree where they can’t torture any more or becausetheir mental health problems become so severe that they can’tcontinue. Both of those are possible realistic outcomes but they’renot the only reasons a character might stop.

Fanon’scase notes on two torturers he treated are relevant here because theyshow very different behaviour and responses. They’re in an appendixof his book TheWretched of the Earthwhich is pretty easily available in good libraries and bookshops.There are also free copies available online.

Oneof the torturers insisted that he wanted to continue torturing, evenwhile acknowledging it was causing his mental health problems. Heseemed to become more aggressive. He attacked his wife and children,using torture techniques he applied at work on them. He described astate of….he was basically leaping to violence as the ‘solution’for every little inconvenience in his life.

Theother torturer was much more subdued and seemed to want to stop buthad no idea how to. He felt that torture was an expected part of hisjob. He didn’t show any aggression.

Fanonthought the two men were both at different stages of a single processand that torture inevitably moved torturers through these stages. Idon’t think that there’s enough evidence to support that theorycurrently but I think there’s a lot of value in the notes Fanonmade of these two men. If nothing else they show that torturers andtheir symptoms vary.

Thinkingabout how your ex-torturer character really feels about stopping is agood place to start. Does he regret what he did? Does he feelrelieved to be out of the situation he was in (but possiblyambivalent towards torturing vs not torturing)? Does he miss feelinglike he’s in control or like he’s powerful? Does he feel like thegroup he was part of let him down? Does he blame them for his ownactions (for pressuring him into it)?

Idon’tthink that avoiding descriptions of what exactly the character didwill necessarily help your story, especially if you combine that witha focus on the bad effects torture has had on a torturer.

Ithink if you’re talking about a character who has done awful thingsin the past then it’s important to acknowledge those crimes. Thatdoesn’t mean you need to give long gory descriptions or listeverything he’s done; choose how you discuss things so that thediscussion fits naturally into the story.

ButI think combining a lack of detail with a lot of focus on how thetorturer feels could risk obscuring the experience of victims.

You’reright to have some focus on his mental health problems, especially ifhe’s a point of view character. It’s also perfectly fine for youto choose how much you describe atrocities.

Forme this is really a question of balance. When we write stories thatare focused (at least partly) on people who’ve done bad things thenthere’s a balance to be struck between showing their humanity,their experience and acknowledging what they’ve done to others andthe experience those people had.

Thereare a lot of different ways to do that.

Includingcharacters who were victims (though not necessarily of thisparticular torturer) is one way to try and keep that balance. It’sdefinitely not the only way to do it though.

Oneof the ways I’ve tried to tackle it is by bringing in widerconsequences. So for instance in one story a former torturercharacter is treated with much more suspicion then his comrades inthe same unit because everyone knows he worked for the old regime.They don’t know the details of what he did but everyone has anidea. And the result is that he’s socially ostracised within hisorganisation.

Lateron in the story a violent crime is committed and he’s immediatelysuspected despite there being no evidence. Because everyone aroundhim knows he’s capable of violence.

Judgement,valid or not, can come from a variety of characters whether they’vegot personal experience of torture or not. Anyone who knows thischaracter was a torturer is likely to respond to him differently.

Consequencesfrom the organisation he’s joining are also a good option toconsider. If the organisation has a strong moral stance againsttorture then he’s likely to encounter a lot of distrust andhostility, even if he’s cooperating. If the organisation doesn’thave a strong moral stance against torture he’s stilllikely to encounter a lot of distrust and hostility only this timethere’ll be a vocal sub-group calling for him to be tortured to‘prove’ he’s serious about changing sides.

Dependingon the setting he may also potentially face legal consequences forhis actions. And if he avoids facing those legal consequences(because he’s helped the MC and the organisation he’s joined)there will likely still be social consequences. Some character willprobably see him as having escaped justice.

Switchingpov throughout the story gives you the option to show that thishostility is earned,that these characters’ reactions are valid.

Andagain there’s a balance to be struck here. These points of viewshouldn’t mask the ex-torturer’s humanity.

Ithink the best thing you can do here is keep re-reading andre-evaluating what you’re working on as you go. Try to be aware ofthe narrative tone and whether one ‘side’ or point of view ismore prominent than another.

Beaware of how much the story itself (rather than the characters) issupporting one particular point of view. I don’t think there’sanything wrong with writing characters who are biased, blinkered orjust plain bad. But I think we need to be aware of how much the storyoverall excuses their actions and beliefs.

Thecharacter I discussed earlier doesn’t really claim anyresponsibility for his actions. He’s never really been forced toface them. While his social ostracisation effects him it doesn’treally do much to shift the view that none of this was ‘really’his fault. So as the story goes on I made a conscious effort toinclude characters and plot threads which force him to confront whathe did. To really think about it and what it meant.

Anothercharacter in the same story is generally very supportive of him,seeing him as a sort of surrogate older sibling. She overlooks orignores what he’s done in the past because he’s been incrediblygood to her. And I made sure to include elements later in the storythat make her confront those emotions and those thought patterns aswell.

Ialso think that since you’re dealing with a lot of complicatedelements you’d probably benefit from joining a writing group. I’vefound that when I’m dealing with a lot of elements that need to becarefully balanced having multiple reader opinions can really helpidentify where the piece is working and where it isn’t. Otherpeople will spot things you might have missed.

Mostlythis is about being aware of what you write and thinking through theimplications of every plot thread you use. It’s a lot of mentalwork, a lot of planning and usually a fair amount of re-writing. ButI think the end result could be really good.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

#tw torture #behaviour of torturers #torturers #effect of torture on torturers #writing torturers #redemption arcs #Anonymous

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