#i'm terrified of working and i'm terrified of uni and i'm just. scared. all the fucking time. but like hell that i'm gonna admit it

[mayonakano-archive]

i'm going to delete this later but i need to just. yell.

[churipu]

THE MOMENT THEY REALIZE THEY'RE IN LOVE ִ ࣪𖤐

featuring. gojo satoru, sukuna ryomen, itadori yuuji, toji fushiguro x reader

warnings. cursing, college! au, toji being a single father during his second term of uni (i searched that most japanese college uses 2 terms or trimester system / 3 terms, 1 term of uni in japan is around 15 weeks apparently) -> please tell me if i get this wrong.

note. omg, for the anons who have sent in requests to me, i apologize if these came out before your requests did, i'm trying to empty out my drafts :( but pls note that i am not ignoring your requests at all, it will be written, i promise <;33

GOJO SATORU

when he finds himself checking his phone countless of times, waiting for your message

i promise you, you both started out as work partners in one of your lectures. the two of you were complete strangers to each other — he doesn't know you, and you don't know him. but, either way, the two of you had to get to know each other because this was a crucial grade to pass this lecture.

gojo never thought about having feelings towards you, his work partner. he thought to himself, he'd just get this work done, pass this lecture, and never see you again.

but fate is a funny thing.

the way you made him feel like he wasn't just special because of his face, but his heart too. whereas most people in campus would consider him the pretty boy who could go head-to-head with the hottest celebrities — they just think of him as a pretty boy. and gojo would just go along with them, he gets used to it.

but you? you didn't consider him special at all. although, you did make him feel special the way other people can't.

gojo deep down, knows he was fucked up the moment he finds himself checking his phone to see if you'd reply to his messages, and when you do, he gets so happy. gojo was never a fast responder to everyone — because he practically receives the same kind of messages, "gojo hang out with us", "gojo go out with me", "gojo i like you".

but with you? he won't waste a second at all. even if sometimes you didn't reply as fast as he does, because you are a busy person in campus. you'll work on that after you both started dating, i promise.

SUKUNA RYOMEN

when you stood up for him when nobody would.

sukuna, how do i say this? not everyone is fond of him, people are scared of him — they talk shit behind his back, and don't dare to approach him. people dreaded when they have to be in the same group with him, despite the fact that he actually works; they still think he's a bad person.

"you guys are talking shit to a person who's in our group, if you want to say something to him, have the balls to say it to his face. and while he's here, why don't you tell him about it?" you tell the two people who were sitting beside you, who had been talking in whispers about how they were unlucky to be grouped up with sukuna.

and sukuna? he could honestly care less, he'd gotten used to those kind of things anyway. but when you actually stood up for him, he could only look at you with an amused smile.

he's definitely curious about you after that day — he has pride. and he'd never admit that he's actually pretty thankful that you, the first person to stand up for him, actually did what you did. because now people are a little terrified of being told off by you.

sukuna finally sucks it up at the end of the semester and tries to talk to you. yes, it took him the whole semester to talk to you, asking you for your number, and then thanking you for what you did because nobody has ever done that before to him.

ITADORI YUUJI

when you went all out to tutor him so he'd pass his lectures, teaching him patiently when he doesn't understand something.

yuuji hates studying. and when his lecturer asked you to tutor him, he feels extremely bad for you — he feels that he'd just going to waste your time tutoring him, when he knows that he's going to fail this one subject.

but when you reassured him, and encouraged him. saying that you will do anything to teach him so that he could pass, he gets a little emotional at the thought. you both were just mere classmates, and he barely knows you, vice versa.

when he doesn't understand a topic, he gets so frustrated at himself for not being able to understand it. but you, you were very patient with the male, reassuring him that you had the time to teach him over so that he will be able to understand the said topic.

and when he does finally understand, he gets so happy. he started looking forwards to your tutoring sessions, and like everyone said: if you enjoy something, it passes by quickly. and it's true, yuuji feels like time went by in a flash, and the exams soon started.

he passed with flying colors, he makes sure that you know about his grades — and points out that without you, he wouldn't be able to pass. yuuji, gets a little upset when he realizes that if the exams are over, you had no more tutoring sessions with him; which meant no more conversations.

so he has to ask you out right then, he didn't want to just return as mere classmates. he wanted to be more than that.

TOJI FUSHIGURO

when you didn't care about his shitty reputation of being a single father while still being on the second term of uni.

being a single parent is hard enough. not to mention, in university. not married, with a baby itself gets a lot of unwanted (negative) attention — toji, who once failed to get a babysitter on a weekday, and so he had to bring his eight month old son to class.

his son—megumi— was a calm baby, thankfully. the young one didn't cry or babble during lectures, and he just slept through it. toji was a little relieved to say the least, but ever since people find out about him being a single father to an eight month old baby, a lot of assumptions and words have gone around.

toji hated group works, especially when he has to pick the group himself. people didn't want a single father to be in their group, they assumed that the male would focus on his baby and ends up deserting the group work.

so when that particular day where he has to bring megumi to campus, strapped on a baby carrier on his chest. his lecturer just had to give out a partner work, and to add the cherry on top; the lecturer left the class to choose their own partner. so the male sat on his place, a pencil in between his nose and upper lip as he puckered them lightly — hearing his classmates choosing each other.

he figured that he could just do this and get the grade himself, solo. but when you came up and slipped into the seat next to him, he was of course surprised.

you asked him if he would like to partner up with you for this work, and after a few seconds, he accepted your offer.

toji knew it was getting bad when you didn't care about what people say about you getting close to him. just by choosing him for this work made your reputation falter a bit, and he was honestly ready for you to back out of the partner work.

but you didn't, and he knew it's bad for him, his feelings, and his heart.

the way you treated him and megumi like they're both normal (which they are normal humans), and the way you always make him feel included makes his heart race. sometimes, when he fails to look for a babysitter when you both are working for this project, you tell him he didn't have to since megumi is a calm baby.

he finds himself in awe when baby megumi plays with you during both of your little meet ups outside of class to do the project. he's in love.

© CHURIPU 2024 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE

[cy-cyborg]

Tips for Writing and Drawing Amputees: Bandaged Stumps

When writing and drawing amputee characters, unless your character only just lost their limb, they don't need to wear a bandage over their stumps.

to be clear, eda's depiction in the show was fine, since she'd only just lost her arm and went (presumably) without any medical attention, but because the show didn't have much time to show her afterwards, I've noticed a tendency of the fandom to draw her wearing the bandage permanently, so that's why I'm picking on her for my example lol.

It's a bit of a trope at this point, and I think it comes from one of a few different places:

Amputees do wear bandages on their stumps, but usually only for the first 6-12 weeks post-amputation, sometimes longer if the amputation was a result of a burn. It's possible people saw this though and assumed it was permanent.

Most amputees wear a sock made of either cotton or silicone under their prosthetics to provide them with some extra padding. These socks, called liners, often stick out from the top of the prosthetic socket and could possibly be mistaken for a bandage from a distance.

Some amputees will wear compression garments for a few months to a few years after their amputations which could also be mistaken for a bandage from a distance. These garments are designed to stop swelling and reduce phantom pain, but they aren't bandages.

Stumps get cold easier because their circulation typically isn't as good as the rest of the body, so some amputees will wear socks over them even if they aren't wearing a prosthetic to keep warm, which again could be mistaken for a bandage from a distance.

This one is funny, but in my experience unfortunately, it's the most common: people think the end of an amputee's stump is just a perpetual open wound that never heals. Meaning to avoid "gore" it needs to be covered. I've met fully grown adults who believed this until I showed up to work/uni without my prosthetics or socks on.

People are uncomfortable with seeing an uncovered stump and so put bandages over it to avoid confronting their biases.

Some combination of these points.

But yeah, unless your amputee has only just lost their limb in the last few weeks, they don't need a bandage.

The ironic thing too, is that for most amputees, bandaging a stump is nearly impossible. I've been in and out of hospital since I was 1 year old and only ever met 3 nurses and no doctors/surgeons who could successfully bandage my stump in a way that the bandage would even stay on. This is because stumps are usually tapered in shape (meaning they are wider at the top, closer to the body, and thinner at the bottom), so gravity will pull the bandage off 9 times out of 10.

On a final note: it's ok to show your amputee's stump, it's not gore, there's no blood, it just looks like a regular limb that just stops early. In fact, if you are writing/creating anything for kids or that is likely to be seen by kids, I encourage you to show your amputee's stumps at least once. I used to work on a disability awareness program for kids, and I lost count of the amount of times kids were terrified of me, because they all expected my leg to be bloody and gory. For a lot of kids, I was their first real-life exposure to an amputee, meaning they'd never even heard of people like me, or they had seen an amputee on TV, but because the show went out of its way to avoid showing the person's stump, they assumed it must have been because there was "something scary at the end" that they weren't supposed to see (kids are surprisingly perceptive, they will pick up on stuff like that without you realising). And scared kids aren't good at articulating why they're scared, and would often say really mean or hurtful things to me. I knew not to take it personally and learned how to handle those situations, but not everyone is used to dealing with kids. For a new amputee (or anyone who's less confident in their disability), the kinds of things those kids would say could be absolutely confidence destroying. I never blame the kids, it's not their fault, but the whole situation could have been avoided if they had seen people like us before they had the chance to hear the wrong info. Good representation like this can be the difference between a kid crying, making throw-up sounds and calling an amputee "disgusting monsters" (all things I've had kids do/say) and them just being like "oh ok, cool."

[angelnthsnow]

All Too Well

pairing: joe burrow x fem!reader (+18)

summary: enemies since childhood, y/n and joe burrow meet again in LSU, joe to play for the university's team while studying consumer and family financial services and y/n to study mechanical engineering, while also being a cheerleader for the team. what happens when they encounter each other after a fateful night?

word count: 7.1k

warnings: cursing, implied smut, fratboy!joe, asshole!joe, reader skinpicks, angst, use of y/n, author not knowing how an american uni works.

author's note: first published fanfic! i hope you enjoy! keep in mind english isn't my first language, so i'm sorry in advance for any mistakes, also this wasn't proofread bc it's too long and i'm lazy lmaoo.

Sat in the airport, legs over your luggage, you started to question the decision you had made a month ago. It all started in June, when an old colleague from LSU reached out to you via email with a simple, yet — to you — terrifying invitation.

Your colleagues from university were planning a Fourth Of July party in Baton Rouge, the one place in earth you swore to never step foot on again. Well, it's not like the city itself had done anything to you, more like the college life did. Your college years were a part of your life you desperately wanted to forget, partly because going to LSU meant giving up on your dream of studying abroad, and partly, well, let's just say a certain blonde with a degree on consumer and family financial services was to blame.

With an acute voice echoing through the airport gates, you sighed, getting up to get on the plane.

As the aircraft was in the air, you get your playlist blasting on the headphones and not long after that, you drift off to sleep.

You wake up when there's 20 minutes left to land on the city, and as you get your phone to send a message to your friend, Emily, the device decides to make this trip a little harder than it should have ever been. On that bright screen, on a small box with "Years ago on this week.." written over it, was the picture.

It was night when you woke up, tangled on the white strawberry sheets of your own dorm bed. Opening your eyes quietly, you saw the one man that had put you on that position earlier. Sat with his back to you, there was Joe. He had only his sweatpants on, and you could see the reddish marks, the ones caused by you, were starting to fade on his skin. His hair was messy and he breathed slowly, seeming oddly calm giving what had just happened.

Joe and you had been, well.. enemies? since you could remember. It all started in school, you had a dream of becoming a world famous dancer, a cheerleader in college, and Joe just thought it was stupid, all of it. He was quite shy, but you knew he had a dream as well. Joe wanted to be a football star, but nobody knew that. He'd just let it slide once when you two were fighting on the school's playground. When you two got to the age in which people go to university, you thought you had finally seen the last of him. How foolish, truly. After two years of studying engineering at Louisiana State University and being in the cheerleading team, there he was, ready to make your life miserable for another few years.

That was, of course, until now. You'd never imagine you see him like this; half naked, messy hair and your cat on his lap as he caressed her head, whispering in a baby voice to her as she purred softly.

You smiled, because why wouldn't you? Shifting quietly on your bed, as if he was a scaredy animal you could scare away with any abrupt movements, you get your phone, taking a picture of him. It was dark, blurred, but you didn't mind, you could tell it was Joe, his big silhouette right in the center of the photograph. In your head, you knew you wouldn't need to keep this blurry memento, you were certain the amount of opportunities to take pictures of him now were infinite, or so you thought, drifting to sleep again.

The pilot's voice pulls you out of your little daydream, announcing the plane had arrived in Louisiana.

"I shouldn't have come." You chant in your head as you exit the plane, heading over to the landing area to wait for Emily.

You and Emily had met in LSU, and became inseparable since then. She was your roommate and, despite being highly introverted, you managed to develop your longest friendship ever with her.

When Anna, the colleague that invited you to the party, emailed you, Emily was the first person to text you, begging you to come and enjoy a night with the people you hadn't seen in so long. She also missed you a lot since both of you hadn't seen each other much after college, of course, you somehow managed to see each other every year and talk almost everyday, but it wasn't as close as you wished.

Emily lived in Louisiana with her husband, Dave, who had also gone to LSU with you, and of all the times you had seen each other, she had gone to your home, so you technically kind of owed this to her.

Waving in a frantic manner, there she was. Slightly different from last time, but still your best friend. You smile, walking towards her.

"I'm so glad you're here!" she says once she gets a hold of you, hugging you as if you could run away at any moment. You kind of wished you could, but she made everything better. She had that superpower.

"I'm glad I could come, Ems. I've missed you so much." You smile, looking at her as she helps you with your heavy bags.

The two of you start walking towards the exit to her car, catching up after a long time. Emily put you to date on what every single old colleague was up to now, and you laughed at the amount of gossip she was able to retain.

"Where's Dave?" You furrow your brows, just realizing someone was missing.

Emily opens the trunk and you help her put your bags on it. Panting after carrying so much weight, she replies "Home. He was working so he couldn't come, but he's super excited to see you." as you two get into the vehicle.

And with that, the engine starts and soon you're on the highway, on the way to her house.

The week in Emily and David's house had passed very quickly, and you throughly regretted ever wishing you hadn't came. She had shown you every bit of the city, and things had changed a lot. Now, you were in their guest room, getting ready to the reason that had you coming all the way from New York to Louisiana.

It was fourth of July, and you had heard fireworks all day around the neighborhood, even stopping to watch them for a bit before going for a shower.

"They're pretty, aren't they?" Emily said through the kitchen window as she saw you looking up outside.

"Very much." You turned around, smiling at her.

"Anna told me they're having fireworks tonight, I think you'll like it."

You got a bit excited, you've always loved fireworks, they were like drawings in the biggest canvas you could ever get, the sky.

"Looking forward to it!" You said, going up the stairs to get ready.

Looking in the mirror, you sigh. You wore an USA flag bodysuit and jean shorts. This whole patriotism seemed stupid, but Emily dragged you into it, alleging you were allergic to fun. Nonetheless, you looked good.

"Y/N! Let's go, we're gonna be late!"

Breathing in deeply, you close your eyes and stare at yourself one last time. You knew Joe would probably attend the party, he loved parties, and still, you came. You couldn't give up now, you couldn't get this stupid thing get to you. He probably doesn't even remembers everything that happened that day.

You shake your head, moving those thoughts away as you go downstairs, seeing Emily and Dave ready sitting on the couch.

"You look amazing! I told you you'd rock this fit." she gets up, hugging you.

"You too, Ems." you laugh, fixing your hair after she lets you go. "Shall we?"

"After you, Miss United States!" David jokes, signaling for you to get out of the house first. You laugh, rolling your eyes.

The three of you get in the car, and the drive to the party is filled with singing and more of Emily informing you of your colleague's current lives.

When Dave finally pulls over to the party, you can already hear the loud music in the car. Looking out the window, you see the last thing you'd expect to see today: Joe's parents house.

When Robin and Jim were away, Joe would always throw parties in his house instead of in the frat house. It made sense, giving the fact his house was a bit bigger. Snapping back to reality, you froze, but still had hopes of not seeing him tonight, after all, the amount of people that would come to the party was huge.

Entering the house, you were struck by fairy lights hanging on the roof, from a wall to another, and USA flags all over the house. There was a big wood table in a corner with punch and other drinks, but other than that, the place looked pretty much the same. It was weird coming back after all these years, but it still had a familiar air to it.

After almost 50 minutes, Emily was already drunk and fooling around somewhere with her fiancé. You were finally alone, and by now you had roamed the entire house, gladly not meeting Joe not even once. You thought about leaving, but not before going to your favorite spot in the house, the only one you hadn't explored today yet.

Joe's house had a small attic, which you adored. When he threw parties in high school and you couldn't get away from your friend's pleas to come, this was the place you found yourself in. So, after 6 years, there were you again. On that narrow wooden space that had a somewhat medium window with a view to the back of the house, where the party was most wild. You were surprised to see they hadn't moved a thing, it felt like you had time-traveled to your school years.

In front of the window, there was an old blue armchair, the one you would sometimes sleep on waiting for Emily and the others to want to go home. The rest of the attic was filled with boxes, some with trophies and pictures of Joe, with his family, his team, and his coach.

You sat on the armchair, arms hugging your knees as you looked at the window, the music that once made your head hurt because of the volume was long gone, sounding now like white noise.

Entering the football team frat house, you could see neon lights and hear music blasting through the speakers. Soon enough, all the other cheerleaders and Emily were dancing and having fun, after all the team had won the game, there was no reason not to celebrate. Except for you, because a win for LSU immediately meant running into Joe Burrow, or seeing his face all over the university for a week or so.

Sitting on a couch in the living room, you had a privileged view to the enormous door that swung open, revealing a sweaty but smiley Joe. He walks in as he normally does, exhaling an air of cockiness around him. He has a bottle of beer in hand, and already looks drunk as he laughs to his teammates. After being showered in praises and congratulations, he's free to walk a bit further, which is when he sees you. His eyes immediately glance at your jersey, and you immediately regret having done what you did.

Earlier that day, before you left for the party, it started to snow, and you realized you hadn't brought a single coat to the game. The girls were about to leave and they didn't want any delays, so you looked around for anything that could cover your body and protect you from freezing.

The only thing you could find was an old LSU football team jersey with the name "BURROW" stitched on the back. You sighed, but tried to confort yourself by thinking nobody would see it, after all, the lights at the party were pretty low.

All of it cumulated to this moment. This disgusting look he gives you as he looks down, glaring at his jersey. "What the hell are you wearing?”

Of course he would recognize it, it was his, after all. You cursed yourself mentally in all the languages you know, and prayed that Emily would come to you out of the blue to take you home. She didn't.

"Please, don't start, Joseph." You say, trying to ignore him. "I was cold and this was the only thing I could find."

“Yeah, right. Just say you were trying to piss me off, like always.” he scowls.

"Not everything is about you, QB." You get up, furrowing your brows at the audacity, annoyance dripping in your voice.

“Everything is most definitely not about you either, cheerleader.” he scoffs, and his teammates laugh. “You're still not even good at that.”

"And you're still not even good at your little games, idiot." I scoff. "Let me remind you, I'm the one going to the national competition while you're still playing football in college."

This time, his friends mutter a low "oooh".

He's stunned for a moment, then he scowls and gets closer to your face. “Watch your mouth. This is my last season here anyway, then i’m going straight to the NFL and everyone's gonna know my name, who knows what you’ll be doing.”

You just still didn't know he actually meant it.

"The NFL?" You laugh, hands on your chest. "You know, Joey.." You say, calling him by the nickname his friends had given him, in an attempt to piss him off. "To be on the NFL, you gotta be one of the greats." You stare at him, getting closer. "Something you.. are not."

He scowls, and his friends are surprised, the nickname really got to him. Before you can get another word in, he grabs you and pulls you close, his voice is low and cold. “Who the fuck are you calling Joey? You don’t get on the nickname level with me, Y/N."

Your squirm under his touch, trying to get off of him. A bit of fear seems to be creeping up in your eyes, and you try your best to not let it show.

"Don't fucking touch me!" You slap him, getting some inches away and staring at him in awe.

He recoils a bit, then glares. His lips are trembling, and you’ve never seen him angry like this, even his breath is shaky. He doesn't look like the Joe you once fed turtles in kindergarten with. He clenches his fist and looks around, he’s got the attention of everyone at the party “Are you seriously gonna slap the quarterback?”

"Fuck you! You're a horrible person that thinks that because you're a star you can do whatever the fuck you want, well, breaking news, YOU CAN'T." You scoff, angrier than ever, while removing the jersey off of you, throwing it at him, eyes swelling with tears.

"You're a fucking parasite, a manwhore who thinks everything's about you. I hope you never get to the NFL." This time it comes out lower, like a personal threat. You desperately crave to hurt him in a way he won't be able to laugh at or make jokes. Turning around, you walk out of the house, everything seemed to suffocate you.

He's stunned, no ones ever talked to him like that, specially you, the one person he was so used to getting shit from. He just stares at your back, the BURROW that was once hidden by your messy hair now gone, in his shaky hands. A range of emotions go through him. He's mad, but then there’s a sadness, he feels unwanted, as if the only reason people talk to him is because he is the quarterback. He doesn’t want you to leave like this, but he doesn’t know what to say, so he just yells “Where are you even gonna go?!”

"Somewhere you're not!" You scream, not even bothering to turn around to face it, crossing the door and walking through the garden in front of the house.

At this point, the party had gone back to what it once was, a loud, fun mess.

He sighs, then chases after you. When he catches up, he grabs your arm and forces you to turn around to face him. “Where the hell do you think you're going? You're not safe, there's a bunch of drunkards out there today."

"Like you give a fuck." You shrug, shaking your arm to get away from his grip. You turn around and start walking, the cold getting to you again. The snow fell mercilessly and all you had was the thin sweater that covered your cheerleading clothes.

He sighs, then realizes you’ll freeze outside. He puts his arm around you and pulls you in. You're so incredibly small compared to him you can feel his heart beating fast and his muscles tense from anger. “I do care. Just… come back inside, you're gonna freeze out here."

"Leave me alone! I fucking hate you!" The tears start falling as you punch his chest in a frantic way. It didn't hurt him, of course, but you didn't know that.

He scowls when you do so, gritting his teeth, then just watches you cry. He sighs and pulls you in tight, his body heats yours up. He rocks you like a baby, and whispers “Let me explain. I didn't meant for things to be like this.”

"Like what? Like living hell?" You away from his embrace, but part of you wishes you hadn't. Joe was so big and warm you didn't even needed a coat. "You hate me. Why are you even doing this?" you yell, the loud blasting music from the party muffling your screams. "Go back to your stupid party with your friends and your girls. I'm going home."

He grabs your arms and makes you turn to him. “I don’t.. hate you. I just get mad and take it out on you. I know that’s not right, i’m trying to fix it. Let me take you home.”

"Oh please." You scoff, tears still falling. "No need. I'll walk." You say, shivering due to the cold.

He sighs again. “You're not going home alone, it's not safe. I don’t care if you hate my guts, i’m not letting you walk alone.”

Joe's words and actions pierce you like a bullet. Never, in a million years, you had imagined you'd hear him talk to you like this. Of course, it was still rude, but there was a sweetness to it. You say nothing, as you couldn't bring yourself to. As he puts the jersey you once threw in his face back on your shoulders, the shivering reduces a bit, and your lips stop trembling, their reddish color that was once white from the cold, reappearing. His big hands stroking your back felt so gentle, and helped you get rid of the cold as he gently and quietly led you to his car. He opens the door to the passenger seat and waits for you to get in. You do so, surprisingly, and he closes it, turning around to get into the driver's seat.

He climbs in the drivers seat and starts the engine. The warm air that comes out of the vents warming you up as he looks over at you. You watch him drive, he seems so focused, and when he speaks, it’s in a quiet voice “I'll walk you to your door, then you should probably take a hot shower to warm up, your gonna get sick like this.”

"There's no need. I'll survive." you say, pulling the jersey closer and breathing in the warmth.

“I'm not gonna risk you getting sick just because you decided to be stubborn now.” You can’t help but notice how gentle his voice is, a nice contrast to how cold he seemed towards you at the party.

"Fine." You whisper, and after a few moments in silence, he finally pulls up to the dorms. You open the door of the car and get out, the cold getting to you again. You sigh.

Joe does the same and the two of you walk in silence towards the entrance of the building. Once you reach the door, you turn around, "You've done enough, Burrow. I mean it. Go back to your party, you have a win to celebrate." You say, grabbing your keys and unlocking the door.

“I wanna see you safe in your house before i go, I feel responsible for you getting cold out here.” he doesn’t want you to think he doesn’t care about you, when it’s clear from the way he’s acting he only thinks of you and your safety right now.

You nod, his gentle words feeling like daggers in your heart, making you almost regret the way went a few rounds with him earlier.

Getting into your aparment, you take off your shoes, holding the door for him to do the same, and when he does, you lock it again, before making your way to the small kitchen.

"Can I get you anything? Water, tea..?" You ask, trying to be a good host. You and Emily never expected no one to come to the apartment, so there was never many food or drink options.

He follows you to the kitchen, shrugs and looks around. The apartment is not very big, but it’s homely. From the kitchen, you can see the entire living room, including the door, and then there's a small hallway that leads to the rooms and bathroom.

He looks at you when you offer him something and smiles, it breaks his scowl, it looks good on him. He looks at you for a moment, then says “Can i get a glass of water?”

You nod and get on your tip toes to open the cabinet, getting a glass and then filling it with water, handing it to Joe as you take a seat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen's island.

He takes the glass and drinks from it, still holding on to his scowl, but it slowly drops off as he begins to relax. He sits down beside you, close enough that his knees are touching yours “Your apartment is so different from mine.”

You sigh, making small talk with him was the last thing on your list for today, but still, you gave it a shot.

"How so..?" You say, not even bothering to look at him. Instead, the cup of water you had poured to yourself in front of you was the one getting all of the attention. The fact that the only person in the entire campus that hated you was the one to bring you home was already embarrassing enough, so you were still to wrap your mind around the fact he was still here.

He watches you and looks around the kitchen, not sure how to explain it to you. For a few moments he just looks at you, trying to gather his thoughts. “I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just different from anything i’m used to.”

"Calling me poor now, are we, Burrow?" You shrug, letting a small laugh fall from your lips.

He glares, then realizes you were joking and laughs a little bit. You can notice he still smiles when he looks at you, which is surprising considering how he always scowled at you. “I'd never call you poor, especially not after seeing your outfit tonight.” he looks you up and down.

"Mr. Joseph Burrow's a fashionista?" You chuckle, this wasn't something you'd ever expect from him. There wasn't any monograms or brand names on the sweater you wore, but if you were a someone into good clothing, you'd recognize it.

He laughs and shakes his head, he can’t help but notice your curves and he looks down, trying not to stare. “I wouldn’t consider myself a fashion guy, i just know something looks nice when i see it.. and your outfit looks very nice on you."

"Yeah, sure.." You nod, standing up and grabbing both of the glasses. You take them to the sink, putting your hair up in a bun and washing them. "I'm okay now, Burrow, really. I don't know why you did what you did tonight, but thank you." The thank you comes out like a whisper, but you pray he does notice. "Come back to your party, enjoy your teammates and your girls. There's still time."

He shifts in his seat and watches you as you wash the glass, his mind is conflicted. Part of him wants to follow his teammates back to the party, the other part wants to stay with you, see how long the small talk can go before it turns into a fight again. His eyes watch you as his breathing starts to pick up a bit. When you thank him, he realizes you don’t want to talk about the fight or why he did what he did at all.

He shakes his head and stands up. “I guess I better get going then."

"Yeah.. of course." You flash him a shy smile, and the awkward silence sets in again.

He notices your smile and smiles back, not knowing how to express himself right now, although he doesn’t know how to leave either. He just awkwardly stands there, staring at you, his eyes are locked on yours, he can’t help but notice how beautiful they are. The two of you lost in your own thoughts, the silence filled with tension. Then he speaks “Can i ask something before I go?”

"Yes."

“Why'd you wear that jersey? You knew it would piss me off, so why’d you wear it?”

You sigh, you had already explained that, but Joe seemed so drunk you thought maybe he had forgotten. "I told you, I was cold and I had forgotten my hoodie." you point to the couch, where the green hoodie rested on. "I knew it would piss you off, and trust me when I say I wasn't going for that today, but it happened. I'm sorry for it, you can have it back now." You say, taking the jersey off for the second time that night, except this time you don't throw it on his face. Instead, you just gently hand it to him, like a peace offering.

He takes it, looking down at it in his hands, then he looks back up at you. He sighs and is suddenly filled with mixed feelings, anger, sadness, his emotions feel overwhelming. He doesn’t want to yell and argue with you again, but he also doesn’t want to leave. He can’t stop looking at you and your eyes, he can’t help but love how pretty they are. "Can I please keep this? Please..?" he whispers.

"Why are you asking me that? It's yours, it has your name on it." You say matter-of-factly, fidgeting with your hands, something you do when you're nervous.

You can tell he’s trying really hard not to smile at you, his voice is soft when he says “Yeah… but it’s got your sweat on it… your smell… I want something to remind me of you… even though, you know… we always seem to get each other mad.”

You don't understand, after all, you see each other every single day. The best "something to remind me of you" he could ever ask for was standing right in front of him everyday.

You furrow your eyebrows. Years of fighting, screaming and pissing each other off leading to this moment was something you couldn't wrap your mind around. "Do I need to remind you we hate each other? Until this morning, you'd get me suspended from LSU if you could."

He laughs, and you’ve never seen him in such a vulnerable and soft state. "We both know I don’t wanna get you suspended from LSU, I mean, come on.. just look at you.” he stares at you, you see his eyes roaming your body like he always does, but there’s a different look about them. "You deserve this scholarship more than I do, you've always have."

"Yeah.." You scoff, not believing a word, looking at the jersey on his hands and then at his eyes. His big, blue eyes that you got lost in countless times before.

He smiles at you, realizing the snarkiness he just heard. He doesn’t mind the teasing, in fact, he kinda likes it. He stares at you for a minute, then he looks back down at the jersey “I like how it fits tight on you.” he says without realizing it.

"Tight? You're big as hell, it looks huge on me." You laugh, remembering how the jersey looked on you when you put it on earlier today.

He laughs silently to himself, a big smirk appears on his face. He looks at your body, then smiles. “You're just too small, but I do like how it fits on you."

You feel goosebumps throughout your entire body and your cheeks heat up. You curse yourself mentally for letting it all show so easily.

He's still staring at you, but doesn’t realize just how much he’s making you blush. He continues to speak in a low voice "I can see your belly button when you dance for us on the field.." He pauses, but decides to go on, and it's like you can hear the engines turning in his head. "I can see your bra strap when you go so high in the sky I feel my hands covered in cold sweat in fear that you'll fall and I won't be there to catch you. I can see your collarbones when you get so close to me when we're fighting that I wish I would just lean in and shut you the fuck up. I can see how you blush when I sweep you off your feet and leave you speechless, like i'm doing now." He steps closer. "I can see all of you. Matter of fact, Y/N, I think you're all I have ever wanted to see." He states, like it's a fact, like he has always known that. You feel your eyes starting to water and you feel stupid. "Every inch of you looks amazing in that jersey, it fits you like nothing else i’ve ever seen."

You sigh, it's almost like you can feel your skin being touched by him just by the way he’s looking at you. You feel like a forest fire, and his voice tone doesn't help. "Stop.."

His voice is so low when he talks, you want him to keep speaking. You want to hear his voice go on and on, to get you worked up, but also to lull you into the most peaceful sleep you've had in years. He keeps staring at you as he speaks “Just look at your shoulders, the fabric wraps all around them so perfectly, they’re such beautiful curves, just like the rest of you. Just look at you.. Jesus." He sighs.

You squirm under his gaze, but in a split second you're reminded of everything that happened before this moment. Before being here, in your small dorm, talking to the man you earlier thought to be the meanest person you knew. "I won't fall for it. I'm not the girls you get after winning games."

He chuckles and looks away, clearing this throat before going on "Those girls are just something to make me feel good, they don’t even mean anything to me. But you.. even when you make me angry, I want nothing but to feel you in my arms. You make me feel so good, even when you piss me off.”

"You don't mean that." You mutter, trying to stay calm. You pick the skin on your arms while staring at him.

His eyes shift back to yours when you speak, he sighs and you can tell for a minute he’s conflicted on what to say. "I know you don’t believe I mean all those words, but honestly, I mean every word. You are the only girl who's ever made me feel something, even if we’re arguing, that means we at least have some emotion we want to put towards each other. I'd rather have you making me mad than have someone making me feel nothing at all."

A single tear slides down your cheek. "You're drunk, that's what it is. You're drunk and this.." You point to yourself, and then to him, "..must be a prank."

“I know that’s all we’ve known for years, but maybe the reason you make me so mad is because I have feelings for you. You are the only girl I have ever wanted to talk to like this. You're the only girl that makes me feel this way. I never want to stop talking to you, I just want to tell you how beautiful you are, even when you make me mad, or when you push me so far it makes me want to push you towards the wall and kiss you."

You stare at him like everything you've ever known has finally made sense. A few more tears drip from your eyes and you sigh. "You promise?" it comes out in a whisper.

He smiles and you can tell it's not a fake drunk smile. This is the smile he flashes at someone when he's letting down his guard and being completely honest and vulnerable. "I promise. I don't want anyone else, I want you. I wanna be the guy who makes you happy like no one else could. I want you to be there when I get into the NFL and I want to be able to look for you on every game, waving at you when I see you're wearing my jersey because you finally want to, because it means something."

You look up, melting over his voice, your eyes meeting his like never before. His eye color seemed different now, a more vivid blue. His eyes seemed more relaxed, a nice contrast to the ones full of rage that always came with a furrowed brow. "I want you, too." You whisper.

He smiles, a real and sweet smile. This time when his eyes roam your body, you feel like he isn't looking at you in a nasty way like always, he's just looking at you because he thinks he's the luckiest boy in the world.

You smile, "Do I need to call you some names to have you kissing me now?" It makes him laugh, and your eyes lock on his. There isn't any words, just feelings, and you can see it in him when the realization sets in that you want him too.

You get on your tip toes as Joe pulls you towards him, your lips finally touching each other. Your belly feels as if you just rode a rollercoaster, as if the LSU football team had won, as if there was fireworks inside of you like there's in the sky on the fourth of July. But instead it was all him, the same boy that you once hated so much, doing all of this to you without even trying.

Immersed in your thoughts, you didn't notice when someone opened the door and came in, what gave it away was the smell, and you wondered if it would ever change.

"Joseph..?" you froze, again, but still managed to turn around on the armchair, feet now touching the ground.

His eyes meet yours for the first time in.. well, years, since that fateful night. He looked.. the same. Although his hair was shorter now and he looked bigger than ever, his face was the same. The same mesmerizing ocean blue eyes, pointy nose, and rosy cheeks, which you always found funny, because it looked like he had blush on. He wore a threadbare white shirt, shorts, and a tennis shoe, but they weren't the same as years ago, and you thought to yourself how an outfit of his now would cost probably more than your monthly earnings. He also wore a USA flag headband, which you had seen earlier laying on the wood table for everyone to get one. You thought it looked.. funny.

"Y/N." He nods. It felt like forever since your name had left his lips for the last time.

"Sorry, I-" You start, getting up from the chair as you wrote a full apology in your head for being in a private part of his home. "I thought nobody would need the room, I'll leave now."

"Nobody does." He takes a sip of his drink, his hands looking huge as he holds the red cup. "Dave told me you came with him and Emily, had to see it for myself."

He says, getting closer and finally leaning onto the window, arms resting just above it. Another sip, and you find yourself sitting again.

"How'd you know I was here?" You furrow your eyebrows, not understanding a thing. His eyes don't wander from the view. You're stiff, and you think you've probably never felt so nervous.

"You always are."

If you thought your eyebrows couldn't furrow any more, you were wrong. As soon as the words fell from his lips, you were in complete shock. Does that mean he knew that, all this time, you spent the parties in his attic, alone, dying to go home? That he knew you slept here, not once, not twice, but several times before?

"What?" Is all you manage to say, embarrassment taking over you.

"I mean, when I threw parties in high school you were always here. I know you don't like parties but you would always come because of Emily, and somehow your nights always ended here."

Your eyes widened, and you swore that if your mom could see you now, she would say something along the lines of You look like you've seen a ghost.

You kind of felt like you had.

"I'm surprised you like the place, it's kinda small." He finally shifts, taking his arms off the window and setting his now empty cup on the small wood piece that rested under the window. You blush, after all this time.

When you woke up in the morning, Joe was no longer there. You didn't panic, just thought of it as typical him. Getting up from the bed, you saw Emily on her chair, watching something on her computer.

"Morning, sleeping beauty." she says as she hears you yawn.

"Morning, Ems." You smile, sitting up straight. "D'you have a good night?"

"Obviously, duh. Dave's a gentleman." she states, bragging, and you laugh. "He also told me you and Joe left together last night.. what was that about?"

You sigh, flashes from the night before coming back to haunt you. "We.. uh.." you start, but words can't really explain what went down in this apartment yesterday. "We kissed, and had sex.. and, uh.. he might've said he likes me.." you whisper, like it was a crime.

"WHAT?!" Emily jumps from the chair, startled. "Y/N.. Oh my God.." she gets closer to you, getting on her knees in front of you. "How was that? And, most importantly, how's that gonna work now?" she states, as if something had changed overnight.

"What do you mean?" you furrow your eyebrows, confused.

"Well, you know he's been drafted to the NFL, don't you?" she says as if it was something everyone knew, incluiding you.

You felt your heart sink.

So it was a prank, after all. The worst one he could ever pull on you.

He left, and he wasn't coming back.

You knew he meant every word he had said last night, but he also had really left. Joe had confessed his love to you the night before just to leave in the morning, leaving you mercilessly stranded.

You don't say anything, because how could you find the words to? Emily immediately understands and hugs you, but the only embrace you could possibly want at the time was miles away now.

You were surprised at his ability to pretend like nothing had happened, like the last few years hadn't been torture to you, wondering where did it go wrong. Years of blaming yourself, of recalling the night over and over and-

"No need to be ashamed, Y/N." he chuckles, the sound of it filling the quiet room.

"I'm not ashamed." you lie. Letting him see through you was the last thing you needed today. "Just thought nobody knew."

"Well, if it helps, I'm the only one who does." he finally sits on the ground, back glued to the wall where the window was. A beat, and then he was back with the personal questionnaire. "How are you?"

"I should be the one asking that question. Huge team, getting all the girls, abnormal paycheck.. Superbowl." your words dripping with disgust as you stare out the window, hoping for something, anything, anyone, a divine intervention to get you out of there.

"I don't really get that many girls," he says as he stares at you. One of the things about him that bothered you so much was his courage. You could never, ever, not a million years, bring yourself to stare at him the way he'd do to you. It was intimidating, raw, and worst of all, familiar. He'd always do this when the two of you fought in high school, that's how he'd always win the arguments, not by words, by having the courage to look you in the face and leaving you feeling vulnerable and naked under his gaze. That's also the same way he stared at you that night, after saying all those nice words that made you melt under his touch.

"Mhm.." You nod, not knowing what to say.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" he questions, again.

"I'm fine, finishing my doctorate now."

You don't know why you told him that, but it felt right.

He lets out a breath, "Fuck, Y/N.. That's huge." he congratulates you, and although he couldn't see it due to the poor lighting, it makes you blush. You had never seen it as that big of a deal, it was just the thirst for knowledge you always had, but it was nice knowing someone Joe thought about it as something nice.

"Thank you"

"Thank you coming today," he finally says, awkwardly, as he gets up, grabbing his cup as he does so. "tell your folks I said hi."

"Will do."

He opens the door and gets lost in the crowd, leaving quietly and sneakily like he did that night, and you let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding.

[the-angeleno]

gekko x female reader where like basically finds her super attractive and is nervous to talk to her so reader starts to think he doesn’t like her since hes so social w the other agents I hope that kinda makes sense?? Also hes so bbg<33

FIRST IMPRESSIONS! gekko x f!reader ✴ fluff!! no warnings!

[note!!] ↳ i apologize for taking so long with requests, i was just overwhelmed and flooded with so many and then uni got super chaotic but we made it! merry christmas / happy holidays!

mateo’s introduction to the protocol went as smooth as being introduced to by reyna could go. he’s not sure exactly what she said to get him in, as it seemed to be pretty exclusive and he’s not entirely sure if he has the professionalism they were looking for. 

he doesn’t, but they don’t seem to mind. well, brimstone has complained here and there about how difficult the boy was to reach, he never answered his phone or replied to his texts but the motherfucker was always on tiktok whenever the protocol held meetings.

he got away with a lot by practically being reyna’s little brother, everyone was too scared to do anything to reprimand the boy. other than viper of course, nothing scared that woman it seemed.

being one of the younger agents, and the newest, left him anxious, but as time went on, he’s gotten his own seat at the table. he knew what the first day jitters felt like, how everything was intimidating, and he had already known reyna prior and she still kind of scares him so he can’t imagine how intimidating the woman would be to you. 

brim asked beforehand if anyone wanted to step up and show you the ropes, before gekko even had the chance to volunteer, almost every head in the room turned to him anyway.

“i’d be honored.” he bowed dramatically, turning to harbor, “i’ll make you proud coach!”

he didn’t. not because he was a bad coach necessarily, he just couldn’t get a proper sentence out without bumbling like a fool. 

the new agent was really pretty, and mateo’s had crushes before in the past but nothing like this, where the moment he looked at her he felt the carpet pull out from under him.

nobody else seemed affected by your beauty, even chamber seemed too occupied with his work to ogle at you. the knowing looks from jett and phoenix only made him more flustered as he knew his attraction to you was written all over his face.

neon and raze were stifling laughter, watching his sad attempt at demonstrating how to defuse a spike. 

“s-so yeah um .. after y’know c-clearing corners and stuff you uh… um usually brim will c-comm? yeah he’ll comm us  uh let us know the game plan.” he clears his throat, looking down at his hands and shaking his head in an attempt to clear out his thoughts. 

you watched him with such a kind expression on your face, it was almost a little infuriating how good you were at maintaining eye contact with him, mateo feels like he might die of heatstroke with how hot his face has become. 

you notice how nervous he is and hesitantly reach for him, placing your hand on his shoulder.

“hey i know we just met and all, but i promise i'm not gonna kill you…” an awkward laugh accompanied your words, and you couldn’t hide some of the hurt in your voice. why was he so terrified of you? “i’m not! scared of you or anything-“

“did i do something that made you uncomfortable?”

“no! nothing like that you’re just uh..” he looks around the room, relieved when he sees the others seemed to have moved on from watching his horrible teaching skills. 

he glances at his critters, dizzy curled up as always in slumber, wingman on the couch waving his arms excitedly in support of his train of thoughts.

he breathes deeply, before finally meeting eyes with you. 

“you’re just really pretty.” he says, without stuttering, or losing eye contact, and the intensity of it all leaves a red hot flush to climb up your neck and up to your cheeks.

“o-oh.” you stutter, mind going a mile a minute because what the fuck do you even say to that? you just met him, but you can’t deny how attractive he is too. you bite back a smile and look down in embarrassment.

“thank you… that’s sweet of you to say.” 

“yeah but i just made things weird.”

“no you didn’t, things don’t have to be weird if we don’t make it weird.” you reassure, nudging his shoulder.

“now you said something about brim giving comms, do we wait for an OK before defusing or should we defuse as soon as we reach the site?”

he was grateful for the change in topic, and with that finally off his chest he was able to finally get his wavering voice back under control.

“yeah so he’ll comm with the OK; if everything is clear and it’s safe to defuse then go for it and regroup before evacuating.”

your first mission goes surprisingly well, gekko at your side through the whole thing, watching your back with every corner you turned and alerting you of enemies you missed before taking care of them himself.

he was the perfect partner anyone could ask for really, so when the other agents were hyping you up for your performance you couldn’t help but redirect the praise to mateo.

every mission went on like that, a success, the two of you made an incredible team. it wasn’t until six months later, on one of the biggest missions you’ve yet to go on, that you really showed the other agents in the protocol just how much you’ve grown.

“that quick scope was insane even reyna was impressed!” phoenix says over the sound of his comrades whooping and cheering you on.

“who knew our new agent would be our new little prodigy?” jett cooed, pinching at your cheeks. you swat her hand away, laughing at her teasing.

“nah it was all gekko and really i wouldn’t have gotten off that shot without dizzy and the spike wouldn’t have been defused without wingman. i just have the best coach, right ‘teo?” you turn to look at him and he grins, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you into a side hug.

“of course hermosa, with me showing you the ropes you’ll kick everyone’s ass, radiant or not.”

his little compliment left you flustered, quick to hide your face into his neck, before feeling the vibrations of his laughter rumbling against his chest. he tilts his head down to peek at you,

“why’re you hidin’ chica?” he smirks knowingly, you were always so easy to fluster, it was incredibly endearing.

he pouts his lips out in a kissy face, laughing when you groan and roll your eyes at him.

the other agents watch silently as the two of you, almost in your own world, tease and bicker with each other back and forth, mateo’s arms still wrapped around your waist.

“i dunno why i let you take all the glory for our missions, i’m gonna stop being humble-“

“you? humble? chalè chica have you met yourself?” his words are all bark no bite, if the grin on his face was any indication.

you stuck your tongue out at him, and he sticks his right back, blowing a raspberry in your face and laughing when you yell and swat at him for spitting on you.

jett and neon share a knowing look, they bet on how long it’d take for the two of you to get together, and neon couldn’t hide the smirk on her face.

“not too late to forfeit~”

“no way, they’ve been dancing around each other like this for months im telling you they’re both too dumb to do anything for at least another two months-“

“yea like how it took you and phoenix two years to finally confess to each other?” she teased before quickly ducking the fist jett sent her way.

“wish someone would look at me like that.” chamber mutters, glancing over at viper who whistles absently, busying herself with some papers on her desk that suddenly need to be reorganized.

“can you let me go now?” you whined at him, giving him your most promising pout, he tilted his head in faux consideration, before shrugging, 

“nah. don’t want to.” 

“so you’re just gonna hold me hostage here?”

“don’t act like you don’t love it.”

“i don’t, you spat on me.” 

“okay and you drooled on me on the way back to base-“

“shut up! you were the one who insisted i slept on your shoulder-“

“yeah because i didn’t wanna deal with you whining later about your neck hurting-“

“teo, let me go so i can punch you.”

“no can do, hermosa.”

“i’ll knee you in the balls.”

he pouts again, debating if he should free you from his embrace, before he gets the chance to, you lean forward on your tiptoes and plant an obnoxious smooch on his lips, prying yourself free from him when he loosens his grip in surprise.

“HA!” you laugh maniacally, running away from the boy who was already chasing you,

“oh so that’s how you’re gonna play huh?” he yells, ignoring brimstone who is shouting at the two of you to stop running around HQ.

“did you not just see what she did!” he whines like a child, glaring at neon and jett who are trying to stifle their laughter to no avail.

you run and hide behind raze and killjoy on the couch, catching your breath, you peek your head over and spot mateo,

“you’re harboring a criminal, release her.” he declares to the couple, and raze rises, holding her arms out in front of you, blocking you away from gekko.

“you gotta get through me first.” she stands firm, winking at killjoy who only rolls her eyes at the idiocy happening before her.

“can you guys take this fight back to the playground please?” she asks, turning over on the couch to look down at you. you hold your finger to your lips, a dramatic sh! the only response offered to her.

she tries to flick your forehead but you are quick to swat her hand away, earning a snort from the engineer before she turns to sit forward on the couch. 

“what are her crimes even?” killjoy asks and you feel your face burning before mateo even opens his mouth. 

“i was holding her hostage in a hug and she kissed me to escape-“ 

“oh god gross-“ raze’s arms falter.

“are you two fucking serious?” neon says in fake disgust.

“ew guys get a room-“ killjoy remarks with a loud groan.

“GROSS!” chamber shouts from across the room.

with you defenseless, mateo is quick to dive over the couch, grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder in one fell swoop.

he ignores your shouts and demands to be put down as he carries you away to an empty meeting room, closing the door behind him with his foot before setting you down with a mischievous smirk on his face. 

“look at the scene you caused, mensa. now everyone knows about your dirty little tricks.” he had you pushed up against the door, his face incredibly close to yours, and you were suddenly grateful he had carried you off like that, away from the eyes of your comrades who probably have an idea of what’s going on back here anyways.

the close proximity leaves you flustered, but the competitive side of you can’t seem to back down to mateo.

“didn’t expect you to get so worked up over a little kiss, you got a crush on me or something?” you teased, sounding more confident than you actually felt.

he leans closer, lips nearly touching yours before gliding upwards and caressing the shell of your ear. 

“maybe i do, but the thing is cariño…” his lips trail down your cheek, stopping right over yours, “i think you like me too.” he breathes a laugh against you and it sets you aflame, your heart pounding incessantly in your chest. 

“should i kiss you this time and find out?” his lips are centimeters away from your own, his hands that are now cupping your jaw tilt your head upwards to brush against his lips, a gasp slipping past them to which he chuckles amusedly at. 

the anticipation of his touch practically eating you alive at this point, how desperate you are to feel his lips against yours again.. you swallow, biting back your pride before nodding, 

“please… ‘teo-“

his lips are against yours in an instant, eager and passionate, moving with a desperation you hadn’t anticipated. you reach up to pull him closer by the neck, kissing him back with just as much passion and fervor.

he bites down on your lip, smirking against you when you whine and open up for him, he’s quick to use the opportunity to slip his tongue in to taste you properly.

sweet like saccharine, he couldn’t get enough, the feeling of your tongues intertwined has him dizzy, his brain short-circuiting.

he can’t believe he’s finally kissing you, finally tasting the lips he’s been craving since the day he first laid eyes on them. 

you whine his name, muffled in between kisses as he sucks particularly hard on your tongue, leaving you breathless and desperate for air. 

prying the boy off of you, you finally manage to catch your breath, panting harshly against him as he smirks at you.

“yeah you definitely like me, ‘please teo!’ he mocks and you hide your face in his neck, groaning and punching him lightly on the chest.

“you’re such an ass mateo."

[note!!] ↳ this might be ass, ngl i wrote it high on my phone at like 2am, i think the second half with all the other agents is kinda wild n messy but so is mateo so shhh. - feel free to send in more reqs!!

[multifandombullshitbabes]

Random Merlin Rewatch: Where a random number generator gives me a season and an episode from BBC Merlin; and then I comment on it as I go.

Today's episode: Season 4 Episode 7 - The Secret Sharer

Before I start, let me just say and I have done my uni exam and that's why I haven't been posting these even though I really wanted to. Not joking, I had to let my fingers rest 'cause I wrote all my notes and shit. It was a lot. Anyways, let's fucking do this.

LET'S GO INTRO!!!! YOUNG MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOH

EWWWWW WHY IS AGRAVAINE TOUCHING MORGANA LIKE THAT I'M GONNA PUKE BRO

Damn, Morgana's eyes are so GREEN, that makeup really does it for her. Kinda funny she's wearing it to bed though. Girl.

GOOD LORD MAMA, HELLO

Agravaine needs to chill the fuck out. Every time he's on screen he gives me the ick. Ugh. Also Morgana looked so damn paranoid talking about Emrys. "He knows everything. All our plans, all our secrets." Girl.... RIP Morgana you would've loved therapy (or not).

Ohhh... interesting Morgana's reaction to Agravaine's accusation of Gaius, saying that he's the ones working with Emrys. She almost looks... hurt? Like. She really doesn't want to face the reality that Gaius exists, in the sense that she's just so hurt by everything these people that "loved" her have done. She just feels so betrayed by everyone, so hurt, so ANGRY. It's so tragic.

Oh my GOD. I NEED PEOPLE TO STOP MANIPULATING MORGANA!!! I'M SICK OF IT!!!! The way she hesitates!!! When she knows that it means that they're going to use Gaius or maybe even kill him!!! The way that she moves away from Agravaine, processing this, the way he INTERRUPTS THIS and insists, again, that it has to be Gaius, they have to do something. And for a second she almost looks so fucking scared, like!!

LOOK AT HER!!! ANOTHER PERSON THAT'S BETRAYED HER!!! SHE'S SO HURT AND SCARED!!! OH GOD HER AND ARTHUR ARE SO SIMILAR.

She even blinks her eyes after that line from Agravaine, like blinking away tears, her eyes are so shiny bro, I'm gonna cry :((. And after blinking she turns all smirky and "evil" and shit. Jesus Christ. I could write a whole thesis about Morgana and her character progression holy shit.

LET'S GO MUSICCCCCCC

AHHHHHH the iconic breakfast in bed scene!!! Yay!!!

I don't blame Arthur for spitting that out, shit looked dry as FUCK. Also there's a bunch of crumbs on the bed, Merlin, YOU'LL have to clean that up!!! Don't give yourself more work!!

"I don't know anything about Polishing." We really need more appreciation about how Bradley delivers his lines, this one is just too funny, only hearing it, bro. Also. Merlin writes Arthur's speeches. One of the best pieces of canon in my opinion. It's just so comical, for some reason. And they must be good too, 'cause no one's questioning them. It's just such a subtle way to show that Merlin IS smart. Sometimes. A little bit.

Merlin, babe, you cannot be serious. You writing the new bible or something, what the fuck is this.

"You don't have hours." Most threatening and terrifying Merlin's ever sounded. Arthur's better than me, I would've have an anxiety attack so bad it'd send me straight to hell.

THIS INTRO IS EVERYTHING!!! WHY ARE THEY SAYING THINGS SO PERFECTLY SILLY!! I LOVE IT!!! Also, damn, Arthur's BUSY. I guess we do forget that kings had to, y'know. Do basically everything, like be a judge sometimes. Hello??

Ah yes, what I've been waiting for: the wrestling Arthur out of the bed scene. Love it. No notes, really.

"You're doing very well, Arthur." WHAT IF I CRY???

"I don't think so."???? ARTHUR WHAT IF I SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE DOING PRETTY GREAT IN MY OPINION, LISTEN TO YOUR MANSERVANT FOR ONCE.

A tiny bit of appreciation for Arthur's chest hair.

Thank you.

Love that Agravaine just. Ignores that it's Merlin writing Arthur's shit. He must have gotten such a shock right at the start and now nothing's surprising anymore.

The fact that Morgana, all in black, has a white horse is so fucking cool to me. Work that shit, queen.

OK GORGEOUS?????

Hate the way Agravaine speaks. Shut the FUCK UP.

Arthur. Arthur, honey. Yeah, you've got to stop being so easy to manipulate. I know it's hard, but your uncle is so fucking obvious doing it, please, please, just. Please. Holy shit.

Morgana's dress (cloak?? hood?? idk) is so pretty.

Morgana being the last of her kind, High Priestess of the Triple Goddess. Merlin being the last Dragonlord. Something something...

Also. Some obvious orientalism is this episode. Kinda icky, but unsurprising giving it's BBC and also like. 2011 or whatever. But still. Ugh.

Welp. Welp, welp. Can't really say much about that, can I??

I can't remember, but I'm assuming that bracelet she gives to the Catha is from Morgause, simply by the look of pain in her face when it's out of her grasp. Literally, when will my wife's suffering end?

I wonder just how many different kinds of magic beings and users there are in JUST the five kingdoms. What about the rest of the world?? Like. that's just so cool!! I love world building, maybe one day I'll waste away some days just building up lore and lore, probably some made up, but mostly from all cultures and countries. That would be cool as fuck actually.

Agravaine's smile is so FAKE, FUCK OFFFFFFF

Ew, why does he just touch everybody. Weird uncle vibes, for sure.

Oh, I just don't like how Arthur's so quiet. I bet Agravaine's just gotten in his head so bad. He already looks ready to cry, like Gaius has already betrayed him. He's so used to that, what's one more?

Jesus, this hurts to watch. The fact that Gaius knows exactly what's happening, and he's trying to be as truthful as he can but Agravaine's just. making it all worse and horrible. This is so bad.

Ok, Gaius, I know you're better at lying than this. Fucking damnit.

EW. Agravaine's little smirk?? What the fuck is wrong with him? Jesus, I feel so sick watching this, knowing that he's just basically sentenced Gaius as a liar!! Fuck!!!

Well, at least Arthur noticed that Agravaine was being a fucking bitch. Not all is lost.

"... we might find some (proof)." Oh, ok, so you're just admitting that you're going to fabricated evidence against Gaius? Oh ok.

JESUS THESE MAN'S TITTIES ARE JIGGLING GOOD LORD

OH MY GOD, NOT THE PECS FLEXING??? I'm assuming normally you don't see that when you're on a horse adjusting yourself 'cause you got clothes on but this guy DOESN'T and you can SEE EVERYTHING.

The way that Merlin opens the door is so funny. He is NOT amused to be called upon by Agravaine. Mood.

Why is Agravaine's smile literally so disgusting, I cannot.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHY DOES HE SMILE SO MUCH???? VERY MUCH WEIRD UNCLE VIBES. VERY MUCH "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, YOUR UNCLE'S COMING." VIBES. EW. EW EW EWWWW

Love seeing Agravaine getting humbled, thank you big titty man.

Really? Really??? A book boldly proclaiming that it's about magic and sorcery, kinda hidden by one (1) sheet of paper as your proof? Really??? Are you for real right now?? Fuck off.

It is actually so upsetting seeing Agravaine in Merlin and Gaius's space. Like that's not for you, disgusting bitch.

Not Merlin finishing polishing the dagger and setting it on Arthur's nightstand JUST as the warning bells start to sound. Lol. Lmao even.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE DESTROYING GAIUS' SHIT??? WHAT THE FUCK

No no no. I hate this. The fact that Merlin now get's why Agravaine made him polish that dagger. He's fucking blaming himself right away, oh I can't do this.

Merlin literally looks like a baby in this shot, holy shit. My baby :(((.

Agravaine's acting (not the actor's, is the actor acting the character acting!! which is so fucking cool) is so fucking annoying. It's so obvious, dammit, Arthur, you're a king, how can you not see it!!! I know he's family, but you barely know him!!! I know he's from your mother's side and you want THAT side to be good unlike your father's side that's brought you so much pain, I know, but come ON!!!

Oh, Merlin's so mad, not at Arthur, at Agravaine and himself, but he's so hurt, so scared, so pained that it comes across as quietly, restrained angry, and it's fucking heart breaking.

Oh god. This is one of their most painful fights in my opinion. I think they get so fucking heart breaking when it's Merlin just. trying to show his side, trying to get Arthur to understand but Arthur just cannot because he's been given a certain information that WOULD make his actions sensible, but WE know they're lies!!! We do, Merlin does, but he can't just say that 'cause it might reveal HIS lie, and it's just UGH!!!!!!!!!! FUCK

MERLIN IS FUCKING TEARING UP I CAN'T. "He would not leave without saying goodbye to me." I AM GOING TO PUKE.

The way Merlin turns away when he's close to crying, ohhhhh. Oh BBC Merlin writers when I catch you. Colin Morgan when I catch you.

"I don't wanna lose another friend." I think these are the moments that really make me wanna chortle Arthur. I truly feel like he cannot understand the depth of the power that he has compared to Merlin. 'Cause what does that threat mean? Just them stop being friends but Merlin's still employed? Arthur sacking Merlin? Arthur treating Merlin how he's treating Gaius right now? Because, truthfully, with the power that Arthur has, any of these options is viable. I think this is what scares me, Arthur just cannot comprehend that he just cannot threaten his friends, his loved ones, like this just because he's king now. He simply cannot. The weight of it is different. Even if he would never hurt them, it doesn't matter, he has the POWER to. That's what's so scary. And then he wonders why Merlin doesn't tell him things. How can he?

The way things just. Change between the early seasons and now. The way Gaius talks to Morgana, knowing she wants to kill him, when he saw her grow up. I'm gonna be so fucking sick, y'all, what the fuck.

Does she braid some of her hair with leaves?? Or a green ribbon? What is that in her hair??

Not gonna lie, Morgana is so hot in this scene. Jesus. Love that voice, and that's all I'm gonna say.

HE LOOKS SO BABY!!!!!!!!!!1

I love that Gwen doesn't even question that Agravaine's behind it. She's like "I'll use my charms to get Arthur to see reason, don't worry bestie."

ICONICCCC GAIUS USING MAGIC!!!!!!!!

Oh, I love when Merlin doesn't even use words. Just golden eyes and BOOM. Magic.

MERLIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE BRO YOU CAN'T EVEN SNEAK OUT CORRECTLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!! That's so fucking funny though, I'm losing it-

GWAINE!!!! MY BABY!!! You look like a puppy :,).

Oop. Cock blocked.

Merlin is just in a fucking mood and honestly he deserves to be. But it is interesting how differently he acted with Gwaine and Gwen. I wonder if he's being shorter with Gwaine 'cause he's a knight now, and he knows that knights talk and are closer to the king's views than the servants. Classic class division and such, even if Gwaine is not like other knights. He just cannot be sure now. Also 'cause he almost got found out my Agravaine which does not good for your nerves I bet.

WOW. Gwaine, baby, STAND UP. Get some self-respect. Good god. At Merlin's back and call, it's really ridiculous bro.

Immediately on a secret mission, love these boys.

Not Agravaine seeing his plans fall apart, GET REKT LOSER.

I wonder if Morgana's a good cook. I think she isn't actually. Just never gets recipes right. Burns things, undercooks others.

Oh, poor Gaius... he really tried to fight it but...

It's really fun watching the series and recognizing common clips used in edits.

The way Gaius speaks about Merlin with such wonder and pride... crying rn.

LMAO NOT MERLIN JUST COMPLETELY TRIPPING BOTH OF THE GUY'S FEET. ALSO THE WAY THE CATH TURNED??? HELLO??? HE LOOKED LIKE A SQUIRREL.

"We should split up." "Yeah." two dumb bitches saying "exactlyyyy"

"If you find him, don't wait for me." Gwaine IMMEDIATELY disagreed with that, Merlin dearest, he's not gonna let that happen.

Oh my god, Morgana hasn't met Gwaine yet. All she knows, from Agravaine, is that he's a "hothead". Lmao. lol even.

I love how Agravaine, literal dagger to Gaius' neck, is disagreeing with Gwaine's very keen observation, that he's the kidnapper and traitor. Girl, shut the fuck up.

Gwaine is so handsome. Also, yes, not completely stupid because, if Agravaine didn't kidnap Gaius, how did he know where he was, hm?? Bitchass.

Jesus. Credit when credit's due, he can be a good liar. Also, I feel like Gwaine's acting like he believes Agravaine's innocent, mainly because he can sense something fishy about him. His question, "So you agree he was abducted then?" is so SMART. 'Cause what else can Agravaine do but agree and declare Gaius an innocent man? Yeah that's fucking right, bitch.

Morgana is literally so hot and tragic when evil, good lord.

UGH, Morgana using magic without words, YES!!! Love her being powerful.

Face card never declines for either one of them, good god. Y'know what, more and more I understand Mergana. Just. Look at them!!!

OH THE WAY MERLIN KNOWS THAT ALATOR KNOWS HE'S EMRYS. OH MY GOD?????

Oh jesus, the way Morgana's just RELIEVED to finally know who Emrys is, she's so scared of him she just doesn't want to be scared anymore. Her voice is so soft here :(.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE YEETED THE FUCK OUT OF MORGANA WHAT THE FUCK, WOAH!!!!!!!!1

Oh wow that scene just gave me chills, holy shit holy shit. The way Alator just kneels and allies himself to Merlin. Jesus Christ, that's my drug bro.

Gwaine and Arthur interacting. Gwaine being so soft about Gaius, so worried :(. Arthur too :(((.

I really do love how royals just think the servants can't fucking hear. Gwen is right there as they speak very sensitive matters. Like bitch?? They have ears I promise??

The way Gaius and Merlin communicate their fears and anxieties :((( I'm so emotional bro.

"My worry is Arthur." and THOSE are your loyalties, while Alator and other's loyalties are to YOU, Merlin, 'cause you're supposed to bring forth Albion, but you're too busy having a fucking CRUSH TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the way Arthur walks into the room and Merlin cannot even BEAR to look at him. He's HURT. As is his right.

The way Merlin immediately lightens the mood, 'cause he wants things to be easy as possible, even if it gets hurts swept under the rug like this. UGH. AGHHHHHHHHH.

Boys. Stop eye fucking. You're supposed to at least be a little mad at him, Merlin, you kinda deserve that, y'know.

Love that Arthur believes without a doubt that Gaius withstood torture for him and Camelot and won. Like. He truly sees Gaius as this strong figure. Just always there since he was born, bro. Even before, while he was being made!! That's bonkers.

I love how Arthur understood Gaius' lied even though Agravaine talks in the "evil manipulative guy" voice all the time. Fuck off bro, I swear.

The Gaius is trying to teach Arthur to understand the complexities of magic, that it's all evil or all good, it's all different. I love this scene so much.

Pretty boy.

And that is it!!! God, what an episode!! I feel like this episode is a good starting point for a show rewrite, in which Arthur gets more and more curious about magic and tries to understand, and maybe we'd get a magic reveal and shit like. I like that a lot.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

you mentioned before that tim and brian would have a hypothetical kid named jesse down the line, if jesse is going to be canon, what is he like and what is his relationship with his parents and sister?

Honestly I haven't thought much about Jesse simply because he's so far in the future and I've been very preoccupied with Birdie and Tim, but I have put at least a little thought into his relationship with his parents and sister. Well, mostly his sister lol.

He adores Birdie from the get go, is absolutely fascinated by her and constantly wants to be held by her. He'll fuss when she leaves the room etc. he's such a big sisters boy (is that a word? Like mummy's boy or daddy's girl? Whatever) he adores her, and she adores him back, constantly brings him bugs to look at and all that. He did try to put one in his mouth a few times when he was a baby though so she has to keep the bugs just out of baby-arm's reach 💀

She's also his number one defender when he starts school. They're both autistic and very weird with it (Birdie with her insects and Jesse with I think it was lizards? Reptiles and lizards and stuff like that I'm pretty sure?) so unfortunately Jesse does get bullied a bit... Until his big sister brings in the insect the kid bullying Jesse is most scared of the next day and just sorta follows him around with it, telling him facts about it while he's crying because she's chasing him with some terrifying creature in hand. She threatens to put it on him if he picks on Jesse again (even though she definitely wouldn't because the insect could get hurt that way) and yeah, Jesse doesn't get picked on again. After that he doesn't get bullied again, sorta? just that kinda mean "leaving that person out and not choosing them in PE etc" kinda bullying? That's still bullying but he's not getting physically bullied or insulted by his peers so?

He's got a couple of good friends though, and he has absolutely no qualms about spending lunch with his big sister. For the sake of me loving these two, they're at a very small school which has like, reception to year 11 —about 4 to 16 year old— kids all on one school, tho reception to year six —about 4 to 10/11 years old?— probably have their own playgrounds so they don't get kneed in the heads by older kids 💀. This is because I don't know how US schools work and I can't be bothered to work it out so I'm going with UK school age ranges and year names and all that. Basically Jesse and Birdie's primary school and highschool are the same place and Birdie can go onto the primary school playgrounds at lunch without getting yelled at by teachers (pretty sure you can't do that at UK schools either, even when primary and high school are on basically the same land, at least you couldn't at the schools I went to, but anyway)

When it comes to Jesse and his parents I've thought about it a lot less unfortunately 💀

I have thought about him and Tim a bit? Tho that was mostly me thinking about Tim and Birdie and coming up with something because of that. Anyway, Tim is a very anxious parent, he's lost so many people in his life and really struggles with not being able to see Birdie at all times, he was a major helicopter parent because he was constantly catastrophizing about something awful happening to her if he left the room for even a moment. And obviously he gets better with this over time, therapy works wonders so he was a little less of a helicopter with Jesse, but when Birdie moves away for University he really struggles with panicking about if she's okay. She phones him most nights to chat, but between those times he's gotta do something with his anxiety.

So, he puts all his focus into Jesse. Jesse's like, idk still under ten when Birdie's 18 and off to uni, so he's still living at home (duh) and Tim can just dote on him. So he does. Tim bakes with Jesse whenever he wants, let's Jesse help with making his dinner (even though it slows the process down exponentially), is happy to let Jesse stay up ten minutes longer whenever he wants (this isn't as bad as it could be though because in his head Tim's set Jesse's bedtime at like, half 8 at latest and he gives Jesse his "ten more minutes" at 7:20pm so like, Jesse's only feeling like he's going to bed late y'know?)

Jesse loves his dad's, absolutely adores them. Not as much as he adores his sister, but still a lot.

Also I keep thinking about giggly, bubbly, grinning baby and toddler Jesse sitting on Brian's lap while Brian does wheelies and spins in circles in his wheelchair. Jesse's definitely a "spinning in circles" autistic kid and his favourite way to spin is sitting in Brian's lap. Only issue there is Brian getting dizzy and not being able to do it for as long as Jesse wants lol.

[pseudowho]

hi haitch, i never really thought i’d be doing this but oh well.

i’m scared of dying. every second of the day, i expect that the world will end, and that i will die. i can’t sleep at night anymore, then i sleep all day and feel horrible about it. i’m going back to therapy for it at my uni, and i’ve recently gotten back on my medication.

i suppose in sending this, i’m asking for reassurance, or merely an alternative point of view? i’m 18, 19 in 2 months, and i’m terrified that i have done nothing, and will die having done nothing. from a woman who has achieved quite a bit in my eyes, how do you approach these fears?

i feel silly sending this, but thinking it too. you and mr haitch are, in my opinion, quite intelligent. so i appreciate any thought or feeling you have on the matter. (mr haitch is more than welcome to add on any bits of wisdom he has too. the more the merrier)

hope everything is going well in your little corner of the world, much love from australia :)

A fear of mortality is, I think, part of the normal, healthy human psyche, but when it engulfs you to the point where you live in abject terror, you need some help. I'm really glad you've accessed it.

At the moment, it seems you're hyperfocused on *what you haven't done* in a way that I've noticed as a recurrent theme from 18-24 year olds who have Inboxed me here.

From a Millennial perspective (1993 here), one thing I can say I've noticed in Gen Z, is that your extreme youth has been hyper fetishised by the media, to the point where a lot of you genuinely, genuinely seem to think that you're 'getting old' as young as 20, and that you need to have done all of these incredible, huge, 'life affirming' things before 'real life' (BAD LIFE) starts after Uni/College.

I've seen it to an extent in my youngest sister, too; this really, really fatalistic feeling towards ageing out of your teenage years. It's worrying, and frankly unfair that you've all been left to feel this way. I have to say, despite the 'demands' of adult daily life, you also generally have more freedoms, and you're currently paralysed by this fear of dying that's crippling you.

The way you need to approach this fear, aside from getting help; start viewing self-growth as 'doing something'. Learn more about your character and yourself and trying to push your lean towards your best traits. Also...do University, and enjoy it. Try to build yourself towards a life and career that will let you do the fun things you want to. Have fun.

Having fun and being happy IS AN ACHIEVEMENT.

I have to say, despite all of these 'achievements' I have throughout my twenties, I have had significantly less fun than a lot of my cohort.

While yes, I have a lot of career notches, three children and a husband that I adore, I never had long lazy mornings in bed, going out to restaurants, big fun holidays, and utter freedom to be myself for myself and only myself. So, swings and roundabouts. I wouldn't change what I have for the world, but I'm fully aware that there are things I was never able to do, and may never be able to do in the same way, now.

You're doing great. Get help, stop focusing on dying when you're just a baby, and start focusing on living. Having fun, slowly growing the core of you (which should never stop growing, even when you're 80) and taking the time to learn how to balance work and life, IS LIVING.

I personally measure my success by the positive impact I have made on others. It's why I love bringing people joy through writing. It's why I love being a midwife, and helping someone through one of the most difficult things in their life. It's why I love pestering @mrhaitch every hour of the day.

How do you measure success?

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[cureskies]

MOOT TELL ME ABOUT PRECURE it looks so swagulous … i need2know your opinions !!!!!

HI HAI I HAVE LOTS OF THOUGHTS ABOUT PRECURE I LOVE PRECURE

i first got into it when my partner introduced me to tropical rouge (VERY silly season, similar to alola pokemon vibes if you know that) and then we blasted through hirogaru sky in like 3 weeks and it's one of my favorite things i've ever watched!! i was never into magical girls/girly stuff when i was little and i feel like precure is healing the part of me that wishes i had embraced my feminine side more as a teenager. i was extremely boyish and hated anything "girly" for a majority of my life and it's been a joy slowly discovering that side of myself

ive been really attached to two characters in particular from hirogaru sky: sora and ageha!

sora is very kind, determined, hard-working and excitable; her main goal is to become a hero and her progression throughout the series is amazing because despite wanting to always save the day, she falls multiple times. she gets scared and runs away, in one episode abandoning her dream almost entirely until the people she loves pull her back. she always does what's right even if it's terrifying, and i really admire her for that. she's quickly become one of my favorite characters of all time and a huge inspiration to me

ageha was a surprise to me because i knew almost nothing about hirogaru sky when i first started watching. i usually tend to fixate on the protagonist and deuteragonist (mashiro isn't technically a deuteragonist, but they have the closest relationship in the group) so when i first saw ageha i didn't really think much of her. but throughout the series it's shown that she's VERY passionate and dedicated to her dream of becoming a nursery school teacher and that honestly hit me like a sack of bricks because i had just started my major in elementary education. i was excited, but also very uncertain, because for the first two years of uni i majored in psych but didn't really have much direction. seeing her and how dedicated she was, and the episode where she's offered a job with more prestige and declines politely, citing her dream and how much she loved her job, really helped turn some gears in my head. in fact on tuesday i did an interview with one of the teachers at the school i'm planning to work at next semester!

(for your second ask, i don't really know yet BUT i did plan to make a precure oc at some point after seeing my partner's. i would probably make them teal and use a sword!)

[circusjuney]

10 random facts about me!!!

thank you sm @flovoid for the tag my friend!!!!! <3

i am a singer!!! i grew up singing my entire life, and it's actually my dream to make at least one album. idk if i'll make multiple but i really want to make just one. probably some sort of rock album

i'm a horror freak through and through. i mostly only watch horror movies and tbh for a while i've wanted to try my hand at some horror sims content but i didn't want to make anything that might scare people off ghfdsg. btw my fav horror series are the v/h/s series and terrifier (except all hallows eve srry damien) ✌️

my favorite bands are system of a down, deftones, pierce the veil, mcr, radiohead, and i have another one but tbh i'm too embarrassed to admit it on the internet <3

bugs are a special interest of mine and i just enrolled in a zoology course at my uni to hopefully learn more about them :,) learning on my own is hard tbh because there is a LOT of misinformation about bugs on the internet so i wanted to properly learn in a school environment and i hope to someday work with insects!! bugs!!!! yesss!!!

i love clowns... this one kind of ties in with the horror fact tbh because i mostly love scary horror clowns!!!! they're just so fucking cool to me idk!!! literally some of my favorite horror movies ever are clown related like terrifier and killer klowns from outer space. also the luna clown from scooby doo can hmu whenever i'm free everyday

my username is circusjuney mostly just because i love clowns but also because of circus baby from fnaf!!! fnaf is another special interest of mine and i wanted a username that tied in some of my interests like that. however i've thought about changing it bc some people call me circus instead of my name 😭

my favorite color is orange bc it's the color of pumpkins and autumn leaves and halloween and it's all my favorite things! :,)

i am lowkey a musical theater lover but i really mostly love random songs from diff musicals and haven't had the chance to go through most shows all the way through except for waitress (my fav) and hamilton which i unfortunately can recite the entirety of 😔 in my final 2 years of high school i joined a performing arts program and spent half of everyday at a different school taking theater classes!! i joined the tech crew towards the end bc being forced to perform was doing numbers on me mentally 😝

my fav food is a breakfast sandwich <3 gimme a bagel or a brioche bun with some bacon and eggs and cheese and other fun stuff.......... eating that makes my hearts go up like in minecraft

and lastly um... idk...... i'm running out of facts........ the last fact is that............ ily <3 <3 <3 i am a pretty sappy person tbh and i have so much love in my heart it kinda hurts sometimes <3 <3 <3 so i'm giving it to you now so that it hurts less <3 <3

now im tagging @butteredfrogs @living-undead @youredreamingofroo @zleepyhollow @blueyjoy @mmonetsims @kuroashims if you've done this already or don't wanna just ignore!!!

also i feel so bad i have not been keeping up on tumblr at all bc i wake up play minecraft and go back to bed it's bad fhjdskgdasklgkdfj so sorry for my inactivity <3 <3 <3

[khaleesiofalicante]

A little advice and rant (because for some reason writing things here makes me feel better and hopefully doesn't, in-turn makes your mood somber)

Do you have days when you feel unproductive? What do you do?

This feels embarrassing to admit but I used to be one of those kids who got full marks in school and like the first year in college and now I can feel all that slipping away. I constantly feel like my parents are always disappointed in me. If they call me out, I lash out at them. The fact that I'm writing this is idk humiliating me, but I can't just keep it inside me anymore. Now I feel like I was never smart, I was just really good at faking it and now I'm not? I'm tired of faking it... what scares me is how i have started excepting what I am. It just terrifies me sometimes seeing what I have become. I feel angry when I tell this to a friend and they tell me oh ur smart ul make it and I just wanna scream at them like NO CANT YOU SEE IT IM NOT.

I'm glad you can come talk to me about stuff. I've always liked being someone people can talk to.

I do have days that I feel unproductive, but what you're describing sounds like a phase (for the lack of a better word).

As someone who was also the straight-A student in school, I always felt like school was... easier. College is something that is genuinely difficult in terms of the content we learn, the way we learn, the way we are taught, and our peers too. So, firstly, don't be too hard on yourself if you're struggling in college because it's supposed to be a little difficult.

Secondly, college gets harder every year—quite literally. So I think comparing yourself to your grades (or the amount of energy you had) during your first year to now is unfair to you. We don't have infinite amounts of energy and fucks to give. We do have finite amounts of passion for sure. These things get drained slowly, especially as we grow up. So that's why it's so important to study/work on things we enjoy and are passionate about so it's a little easier for us.

As someone whose self-esteem is very much tied to their intelligence, I understand you deeply. I once had a panic attack (a bad one) in my college bathroom when I found out I got a B in a subject. I remember my mom laughing and being like, "That's it? You're so dramatic," when I felt like I was literally collapsing.

So, I get you. I understand the need to be smart. But what I have moved away from is trying to measure my smartness through my grades. Because guess what? Grades don't fucking matter when you leave school/uni. It's not how we judge ourselves or our abilities. Now once you leave school/uni. It is a ridiculous system, and we mustn't let it make us feel shit about ourselves.

Just because you are not getting the same grades you used to, it doesn't mean you're not smart anymore. You do realize you literally know more than you did 2 or 3 years ago? You know more than you did a month ago? You are literally getting smarter every day. Just because it's not reflected in your grades doesn't mean you're not smart.

The fact that your grades are slipping could be because of so many things. The exam marking styles could have changed, the teachers could've become stricter, the subject might be harder, or maybe you have more difficulty remembering details because you are older and your brain has more things to focus on now. It could be any number of things. These are all things you can work on and improve.

There are lots of ways you can do this. Consider using a new learning style. I was always someone who learned visually, and I experimented with auditory learning in uni and realized voices are actually easier to remember than visuals (especially when I got older and could focus better). You can learn with others. It's okay to think of yourself as smart, but don't ever think you're the smartest person in the room - that shit is bad for you. So if you're struggling, look at the people who are not. Ask them to help. It doesn't make you stupid or small. Asking for help is the smartest thing anyone who wants to survive can do.

These are all things you can do to "get better" and go back to those standards you have set for yourself.

But from my heart, I tell you, don't try to live up to the standards you set for yourself when you were in school. The way you judged yourself in school cannot be the same system you judge yourself as an adult. It's two completely different lives, and trying to live up to those standards will only make you feel shit about yourself.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were faking it before. People don't feel so guilty and bad about losing something they faked. If this is something you want to fix and get back to those old grades, then like I said, try new things and see what works and what doesn't. But if you don't want to try too hard, that's okay too. It's not something to be ashamed about. I think the standards we set for ourselves should be based on our current realities, not our past or our future.

I am sure you will figure this one out and will feel like yourself again. You are smart. I have faith in you. You got this.

PS - Not to condone violence, but it's impossible to feel smart when the people around you make you feel stupid, so I don't blame you for lashing out at your parents. If their lack of support is making things worse, you need to tell them. If they want you to be smart, then they better act like it too.

Love 💜

[mayonakano-archive]

love when my dad talks to me about Adult Things and Uni like yeah i know nothing about my senior shit nor the colleges i'm applying to, nor have i done anything we discussed when i turned 18 a month ago. peace and love <3

[these-emo-thoughts]

Maybe I'm reaching but like, hear me out (if you want).

So I originally thought that the Last Twilight novel (the book inside the show) was representing Day and the acceptance of his situation. The blurb is very telling of that and it makes sense from a creative point of view, as it is synonymous with the premise of the show.

Hello. My name is Mee. I'm about to fade away. According to the myth, only sunshine can break the curse Or perhaps I'm just having a nightmare Who knows? Tonight, when I close my eyes, all of this will vanish.

While we don't know what is going to happen at the end, we can gather that this applies to Day. He's going blind, it's obviously a hard thing for him to accept because it's totally changed his life - he can't play badminton anymore, he's terrified of being pitied by his friends, he doesn't feel comfortable going outside, etc. He's also not sure if he'll get the cornea replacement (he always says "when", btw, whenever he talks about this; I'm not as hopeful as I always say "if"). The book was also recommended to him by Aon, who knows what he's going through, therefore of course, it's meant to be a parallel about Day's situation.

But, I'm stuck on one line: "Only sunshine can break the curse."

I think that this line also applies to Mhok, and really goes to show just how similar the two of them are in their individual battles. While Mhok is not the character going blind, his life has been a shitshow. Parents dead, sister gone, unable to pay for uni, sent to prison for 6 months, drowning in debt, down-on-his-luck, no job, bad reputation... his life is "cursed", until he gets to work for Day. So, if that is his curse, then sunshine can break it.

Sunshine = Day.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Day is in a dark place; however, little by little, with Mhok's support, he's slowly breaking out of it. By episode 3, Day is eating out of his room and walking around the house to get his own sauce for his food, and he's facing his fears by going outside to the university he was scared of returning to and to a busy marketplace while taking public transport. Sure it doesn't go smoothly, but he's trying. And, with Mhok's help, he's succeeding. What Day doesn't know, is that Mhok is in his own dark place because of his past experiences. And every tiny step to success that Day makes isn't just breaking him out of his "blindness" curse; it's breaking Mhok out of his "darkness" curse. He's learning so much from Day, whether it be purely from a standpoint to help support him further or from a standpoint of slowly falling in love. It's in the way he looks at him, smiles at him, protects him, looks out for him. Day is giving Mhok hope, just as Mhok is doing the same for him; they're breaking each other out of the physical and metaphorical darkness, so that they can see the light in their situations and overcome their obstacles.

The other lines in that blurb can also apply to Mhok too:

About to fade away: The hopelessness he felt after being released from gaol, with nobody wanting to commit to offering him a job because of his past.

I'm just having a nightmare: See above, about his curse.

Who knows?: Very telling of his attitude. Mhok is very "go-with-the-flow", nonchalant. He doesn't have solid, well-thought plans. Whatever the future holds, who knows?

So while the Last Twilight novel is a commentary in the show about Day, I think that it applies to Mhok as well.

Thank you for reading to the end, if you did. This might be incoherent rambling, but it's been on my mind since my 2nd rewatch of Episode 3. (2nd rewatch of lord knows how many by now. I just love this show so damn much).

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter 12: Victory

Fortress Of Memories

Word Count: 11.4k (i went all-out for the finale my keyboard is basically smashed to pieces and it's all written in gibberish)

Warnings: swearing, violence, blood, death, lots and lots of tears, trauma, mourning, (there may be more i've missed so pls let me know!)

[A/N: wow. it's been almost two months since i've updated fom and i apologise, i've just been busy with uni work but FINALLY we have the finale. this literally just started out as a blurb i wasn't sure about but all of you lovely people encouraged me to keep going so thank you thank you thank you! this is now my second series i've finished, i'm emotional]

Masterlist

Present Day. Above the Fortress. Upside Down.

Mike wished he could have a fight or flight instinct when he was scared. Literally either would do.

Instead, he stood in paralysed fear at the three-headed beast towering over him, red scaly skin covered in dirt and grime while all six eyes stared down at him, sharp teeth.

The last time he had the courage to fight resulted in his head hitting the wall and almost immediately falling unconscious. And that was just against an angry boy a few years older than him. This was a monster from another dimension that could literally spurt fire.

It didn’t help that his skin was itching, his bandages covering a throbbing scar from his earlier encounter with a Demogorgon. It was a near-death experience that would have been final if Lucas hadn’t managed to distract it. Died, he realised. He almost…

A day earlier. Hawkins Memorial Hospital. Upside Down.

Mike matched his footsteps to Lucas’, keeping his eyes set on the blurry view in front of him, particles of dust clinging to his mask.

Out the corner of his eye, he thought he could see a flash of grey move in the distance, but the dusty storm was just playing tricks on him. His anxiety didn’t let up. Cautiously, he reaches behind him to grab the sharpened metal pole from his back. The action caused his footsteps to lose their rhythm with Lucas’, but only just.

And it cost him.

Suddenly, the metal pole was snatched backwards, his grip leaving him attached and thrown to the ground. Instinctively, he drops the weapon, scrambling to move forward. He was unsuccessful.

A grasp on his foot pulled him further away from his friends, the mask muffling his cries for help as his fingers merely brush against the pole. A giant hand reached down and anchored onto his side, flipping him over until his back hit the ground fast. Mike’s breathing stops.

The Demogorgon uncurls its horrifying mouth, growling down at the boy’s startled body. The pressure of its hand increased as it leans down further to him, Mike struggling to inhale. His eyes widen when the monster raises an arm, flexing its claws.

“NO!” Lucas’ scream echoed from behind him. But it was too late.

A strangled cry leaves Mike’s lips as the goggles are torn from his face, a searing burn of pain spreading across his eye before he passes out completely.

Present Day. Fortress Of Memories.

Lucas and Will almost lose their balance as something heavy lands on the surface, the tunnel walls depositing flutters of dust and unsecured stones. Their breaths were heavy, turning to one another.

“Mike and Dustin.” Will panics, turning back around and scrambling back up the pile of debris.

Lucas is frozen for a moment, eyes still glued to the tunnel in front of him. The wall of rocks that once blocked their path had suddenly disappeared with no explanation, nor any evidence to ever being there in the first place. He had noticed it just as he got to the surface, hearing Will’s footsteps behind him, and expecting Dustin and Mike to follow.

And now, a terrifying roar ripped through the air and he realised his friends had yet again found danger.

They needed him. They needed eachother.

Abandoning the tunnels, he pushes his way onto the surface, rocks sliding down around his feet. The Thessalhydra’s body wasn’t an easy sight to might, a breath caught in his throat as he stands by Will’s side.

“Any chance your superpowers can help us out here?” Lucas suggests, already knowing the answer.

“Look, I know I’ve made a show of it before, but I’m not actually Will the Wise.” Will gulps, frantically searching around for some place for his friends to hide, or any kind of distraction.

Meanwhile, Lucas’ eyes had widened at Will’s words.

It’s just like a campaign.

“Mike!” Lucas stares at him expectantly, and Mike snaps back into focus, narrowing his eyes to see Lucas craning his neck around the thick body of the monster and waiting for some kind of reaction. Mike frowns.

“What the hell are you looking at me for?”

“You’re our Paladin!” Lucas urges, gesturing between him and the Thessalhydra.

Despite the fear of death, Mike found himself slumping his shoulders and taking a deep breath to shout across the patch of land. “DO I LOOK LIKE A PALADIN RIGHT NOW?!”

“Not without a sword.” Dustin mindlessly retorts while still gawking up at the creature above them, threatening fire.

“He needs a sword!” Will’s eyes widen and he rushes off, much to the confusion of his friends.

Managing to keep his balance against the slippery surface of moving rocks beneath his shoes, he sprinted back down the tunnel with haste, eyes darting around in the dark. And then he found it.

Skidding to a halt, he swoops up the sword and almost recoils at its weight, stopping for just a moment to adjust it in his arms. As he does, he drifts his head down to look at the broken body of a skeleton, just laying there among the dirt.

Vecna steps out of the shadows, a murderous glint on his eyes, raising his left arm.

Will didn’t think he had ever screamed louder than he did when a vine shot straight through Mike’s chest, blood pouring from his mouth.

His body falls to the ground, something metallic and shiny clattering beside him. A sword.

Will shook his head furiously, stepping back and regaining his fast strides back to the surface, clinging onto the sharp metal like his life depended on it. Vecna wouldn’t scare him. Not anymore.

“Mike!” Will yells across to him, his friend’s attention turning to him with a frown before his face dropped into something more surprised, focused on the shiny weapon in Will’s arms.

The sword soon floated towards Mike, powered by a boy who was studying it with immense concentration, until it finally dropped onto the ground in front of his worn boots. It was heavy as he grabbed onto the handle and pulled it up, testing the feel of it in his hands. Both gripped onto it as Mike raised his head and looked to his Party.

A Cleric, a Ranger, and a Bard all stared back at their Paladin, worn but ready to fight. The Thessalhydra was baring its ugly teeth, a creature too powerful to be taken down by one man. But they weren’t just one man. They were a Party.

And a Party fights together.

Mike gives the signal and they’re all snapping into action. Lucas loads his crossbow as he and Will run past the monster and towards their friends, Dustin testing the swing of his bat as Mike raised his mighty sword.

“We ready?” Mike asks, glancing between them. The Thessalhydra rips a loud roar from its throat and they all glare up at it.

“Ready.” They reply with steady voices.

They didn’t need to go over a plan. After all, they had defeated it before in their longest campaign. It was as easy as the roll of the dice. Hypothetically.

Just as the Thessalhydra dips the middle head towards them in attempt of attack, an arrow is shot through one if its eyes, causing it to screech in pain. Lucas reloads and aims once again.

As he took care of blinding the thing, Dustin makes his way around the large expanse of a thick flesh of armour, locating its hind legs. And, when it stumbles back from Lucas’ arrows, Dustin strikes the scales with enough malice to slice through the skin of the monster’s ankles, prohibiting it from moving back.

Its wings uncurled from its spine, heads pointed to the sky in attempt to retreat. Until those wings were pinned back down by Will’s stare, a trail of blood staining his top lip.

The three of them were keeping the Thessalhydra in place, over-exerting themselves from the size of it but pushing through the feeling. Lucas glances behind him to see Mike’s gaze focused on the thing’s chest. It was a sure way of striking it down for good… if he could just get up there.

“Catapult!” Dustin instructs, reading the situation perfectly as he drives the nailed bat down again from the prompt of movement.

“Catapult him with what exactly?!” Lucas stresses, dodging the swipe of the creature’s tail and shooting another metal arrow at its left head.

“Will could throw him!” Dustin suggests and Will glares at him.

“I’m a little busy!”

In their debate, Mike claims an advantage point. He runs up the fallen tree trunk, leading him further toward the sky and shouts for his friends’ eyes. Heads whip towards him and they know what they need to do.

Dustin changes course, driving the creature forward as Lucas runs to the right side of the thing to grab its ferocious attention. Will keeps his focus on restricting it to the ground, waiting for Mike’s signal.

One second, then another, and the Thessalhydra is exactly where they want it.

“Now!” Mike shouts, and Will pushes his arms out.

The winged creature is pulled back slightly by the force, trembling under the destruction of the legs it attempt to stand on, and displays its heads to reveal a clear shot of its chest.

Ignoring that beating fear that thrummed in the back of his mind, Mike let his feet take control as he gained momentum, leaping from the high ground with his sword raised above his head. He plunges it straight through the wall of flesh, riding the gravity of the sword splitting open the gut before his feet finally find the ground again.

Lucas and Dustin lunge forward to pull him back as the Thessalhydra screeches against the fatal wound, swaying on unsteady claws before crashing to the ground in a cloud of dust and smoke.

“Holy shit.” Dustin breathes out as the dust settles, revealing a very dead monster.

Mike feels his lips widen to a smile, looking down at the sword that bore the blood of a creature he had just slain.

“Holy shit!” Dustin screams again in glee, practically jumping onto Mike in an attack of a hug.

Mike looks to his friends’ beaming faces, grinning in return as they yell and hug in a fury of celebration. One successful campaign was completed.

And then another arose.

A stomach-churning scream rips through the air and they freeze, eyes wide. It sounded like…

“El.” Mike gasps before they take off in a sprint back down the tunnel, praying they’d make it in time.

Present Day. Inside the Fortress.

“El?!”

It felt like El’s brain was beating against the side of her skull, sending bursts of unwanted reminders that she was alive.

“El!”

Her name was repeated over and over, causing her to flinch from the noise piercing her ears. But she couldn’t move. She tests her left arm. Nothing. Then the right. Still nothing.

“El, wake up!”

Your voice becomes clearer the quicker she reconnects with the world, blinking against blurry vision. There’s a sigh of relief at her acknowledgement, sort of like a sob. El looks down at her body, the putrid sight of slimy vines pinning her against the wall. Her gaze shifts beside her. Your glittering cheeks and blood stained skin stare back as you thrash against the vines. You were both trapped and injured.

El’s small gasp of consciousness had felt like a miracle to you. After Eddie had thrown you against the wall, another wall of debris came crumbling down. The cries and screams of your friends from the other side were now muffled by stone. Eddie had walked away shortly after, disappearing into the shadows.

Instead, he was replaced by something much more sinister.

Once you saw Vecna dragging El’s body across the ground, your blood had frozen solid. Dumping her in front of you, you began screaming and crying, desperately pulling away from the vines that only tightened the more you struggled. Slithering ropes eventually pulled El into the wall beside you, but that fear that Vecna had killed her remained until she finally answered your prayers.

“Glad you could finally join us”

Vecna’s growl triggered a switch in El’s brain, the girl suddenly straightening her body and clenching her fists. She was weak, however, her head trauma making everything seem foggy. She couldn’t focus.

“You should never have come here” Vecna steps forward, tilting his head, “Now the game has to finally end”

“Your fortress is crumbling.” You spit, relentlessly tugging yourself away from the vines. “You’ve lost.”

A dangerous glint of rage shines in his eyes before he lunges towards you, striking a claw down your cheek.

“Leave her alone.” El demands, feeling her power recharge with every breath she took.

His head snaps towards her, arching with a sneer. She just needed him to be distracted long enough for her to be able to burst free from the vines. And he knew that.

“You may have ruptured my plans” He points his stare at El, chuckling darkly, “But I can still take everything away from you”

A moment of silence ensues before El’s eyes drift to the claws slowly clutching your face, cupping your chin. That numbing fear coated her entire body as he grips your face tighter, a whimper of pain.

“No.” El gasps, shaking her head and struggling to free herself. “No!”

“Yes” Vecna taunts with a chilling smile on his burned lips, staring back into your eyes.

You could just see the reflection of your horrified face in the milkiness of colour, the faint acknowledgement of his left arm raising beside you. All you could hear, taste, was your own rapid heartbeat.

But, unexpectedly, he steps back and releases you of his hold. You frown. His arm moves towards the shadows, pointing- no, summoning something.

You already knew before it began.

The boy you loved stepped out of the darkness, obeying his master’s orders.

“Eddie..” You whisper, tears in your eyes, but he barely glances at you. His attention was on Vecna, waiting.

Vecna grins at you, a sight that rose bile into your throat, and his arm moves back to you. This time, pointing.

“Get rid of her”

There was a blur of movement, begs and pleads that echoed against the cave walls.

Then, a scream.

Present Day. Inside the Fortress.

“Y/n!”

Once the wall of debris had been cast down in front of them, they started shouting for their friend, for the girl locked inside the cave with a monster. Nancy and Jonathan’s voices were strained, Argyle and Robin tried pulling away stones, but nothing was working.

Steve just stared at the wall like he was imagining it. He had been running to you, frozen in his tracks by the sight of Eddie. He wasn’t even sure why he had stopped, a beating drone in the back of his mind telling him he wouldn’t win that fight. And now you were trapped.

“Steve!” Robin yells out at him, shaking his shoulders and snapping him out of his guilt. “Help us move these rocks.”

“Right.” Steve nods, grabbing a large stone and rolling it away from the pile-up. But, no matter how many he moved, they wouldn’t be getting through the thick expanse of the debris in their way.

“Nah, man.” Argyle pants, stretching his back and exasperatedly gesturing to the rocks. “It’s impenetrable, dudes. There’s, like, a lot of Rocky’s to get through.”

“We don’t have any other way in! She could be-” Nancy gasps out before collecting herself, taking a deep breath and ignoring Jonathan’s concerned gaze. “Okay. Okay, let’s… let’s just think about it.”

But there wasn’t any time. A stomach-churning scream echoes against the hard debris, striking fear in their veins.

“Y/N!” Jonathan cries out, lunging forward and tearing away rocks from the pile once again, his attack nasty enough to leave his fingertips bleeding against the friction.

It was a relentless attempt to get to you, one that left Nancy in tears at the sight. Steve and Argyle are trying to pry him away, but he wouldn’t stop. Jonathan couldn’t lose his sister again. He just couldn’t.

It wasn’t until an echo from the tunnel behind them sounded that he then stopped his insanity.

At first, it was small, then it grew into a rush of footsteps. Robin’s eyes widen as Steve searches the ground, picking up a rock light enough to hold but heavy enough to do some damage.

He steps forward, Nancy cocking her gun behind him, just in case. Steve raises his arm just as the echoes become clearer. Whatever it was, it was fast. Another creature, maybe.

Everyone is silent as the approaching monster gets closer and closer, Argyle knelt beside Jonathan while Robin stood just behind Nancy.

Steve waits until the perfect moment, until he can practically feel its footsteps through the vibrations on the stone, and then he makes his move.

The stone still raised in his hand, he jumps across the entrance to meet the creature…

… and is met with a terrified Lucas Sinclair instead.

“Stop!! Stop, no, it’s me!!” Lucas screams, holding his hands out in surrender, eyes clenched shut in fear.

“Jesus, Sinclair, I could have killed you!” Steve stresses, dropping the rock with a sigh and placing a hand on his chest. “You gotta stop doing that.”

Three more shadows revealed themselves in the light, a sore sight for eyes as Steve felt a weight disappear from his chest. They were okay.

“Where the hell have you guys been?” Steve frowns. Dustin readies his answer but Will simply shakes his head.

“Did you hear it?” Will asks, wide eyed.

Jonathan slowly nods, tears threatening his eyes while he clenches his fists in attempt to hide his torn fingertips. His voice is quiet. “Y/n’s stuck behind there.”

Will’s face drops completely as Mike steps forward.

“It was El.” He explains, “Her scream.”

“Shit.” Steve hisses, placing his hands on top of his head.

“That means Vecna’s got both of them.” Nancy shares, iterating what all of them were thinking.

“He’s gotten exactly what he wanted.” Robin shudders, lowering her gaze.

Everyone stares at the wall of debris, hearts heavy. They had tried to kill him before, and it had failed miserably. This time, they claimed an advantage; El was stronger, you and Eddie were powerful. Everything was working, Max’s soul released, the fortress crumbling. But at what cost?

They had won the war, but they had lost the fight.

“No.”

Will’s small voice whispered into the silence, earning a chorus of confused expressions.

“He’s not winning.” Is all he says as he marches up to the wall and focuses his stare.

His sisters were trapped with a monster that had been haunting him for five years. You had both protected him, cared for him, believed in him. The both of you had sacrificed for him. You were strength when he was weak, when he was merely a ghost of himself.

And he was done being the scared little boy Vecna had dragged into the Upside Down.

Throwing out his arms, his glare pierces through the stone barricade between him and his sisters. He stares and stares, a tingling sensation of fire and fury coursing through his veins, from his mind, to his heart, to his fingertips.

Dust pours into the atmosphere with a loud cascade of rubble, a shock strong enough to burst through the rocks like it were merely made of plastic.

They cough against the air, fanning the space in front of them before gripping tightly onto their weapons and charging forward. They didn’t have time to stand in awe of Will’s power.

Running in, their eyes are immediately set on Vecna, the monster stood with a curious look at the rocks currently collected around their feet.

Nancy raises her gun as Lucas takes aim with his crossbow, Will’s arm pointed in suggestion of what he would do. Mike and Dustin bare their weapons, Robin and Argyle lighting their cocktails once again. Steve and Jonathan take the rear, searching through the thick dust that soon settled.

It was an intimidating stance by all means, enough power behind their rage to scare even the worst of creatures.

But Vecna simply smiled.

Small sobs and tears became clear as it echoed against the stone walls. Turning their heads, they find El pinned against the wall, tears streaming down her face. By her side, Eddie is stood with crimson eyes, gripping tightly onto his spear.

The spear that was plunged directly into your stomach.

A few minutes before…

The boy you loved stepped out of the darkness, obeying his master’s orders.

“Eddie..” You whisper, tears in your eyes, but he barely glances at you. His attention was on Vecna, waiting.

Vecna grins at you, a sight that rose bile into your throat, and his arm moves back to you. This time, pointing.

“Get rid of her”

You can’t even comprehend anything that’s happening until a gasp leaves your swollen lips, tears threatening your eyes from a sudden sharp pain. Something drips from your mouth as you stare back into Eddie’s crimson eyes. He was closer than before.

A scream cuts through the air. You assume it’s from the girl beside you, but everything seems distorted now.

You look down to find a spear covered in your blood. Eddie had obeyed his orders, and his spear was now plunged into your stomach.

Nothing led behind his eyes. He was staring into his girlfriend’s eyes, but there was no emotion left. Vecna had taken over him completely. But you still had hope.

Eddie tries to pull away, but you wrap your hands around the cool metal and keep it in place. You needed him to listen. And, rather than fight, Eddie met you with curious eyes.

There’s a sudden burst of stone that blows down the dividing wall, but you barely flinched. You couldn’t seem to register it was happening anyway.

El’s sobs and cries were vibrating straight through your head, dust settling all around you. You weren’t concentrating on that, though. You needed Eddie to listen.

“Eddie…” You struggle to speak, keeping your gaze on his dark eyes. “You have to… remember…”

His eyes searched yours, frowning. Eddie isn’t even sure why he’s letting you speak.

“You have all LOST” Vecna boomed, vines slithering up and around his body.

Everyone was frozen in place, from shock or fear they didn’t know. You were bleeding, blood dripping from your mouth, a tight hold on the weapon that had cut directly through vital organs.

Nancy can’t believe she has to watch you die again. She had been fighting this entire time to keep you alive, to bring you back home so that Jonathan can have his sister back. So she can have her best friend back.

A small sob must have hitched in her throat because Robin suddenly steps forward, juggling the fiery cocktail in her hand.

“I’m done.” She says simply. No blabbing, no rants formed by her nerves. She was done being frightened.

Robin’s display of bravery caused everyone to wipe their tears. You weren’t dead yet. They still had time. And none of them had the heart to lose anyone else.

That rage fuelled revenge. Taking places, curt nods were exchanged as they refocused onto Vecna, his startled expression all they needed to make the first attack.

Robin raised her arm and Vecna caught onto it immediately, throwing out his hand and keeping her wrist suspended in the air, struggling against the ghostly grip he had on her. He grins, believing this was a fight he could win. But Vecna had one fatal flaw.

He never learnt from past mistakes.

The entirety of his back suddenly seared in a burning flash, a swollen yell exiting his lungs. He turns to find Argyle standing with a mischievous smile on his face.

“Distraction.” He mouthed, grinning, and Vecna roars in anger.

A sharp blow of a bullet hits his chest and he stumbles. He attempts to retaliate, but then there’s another slice of pain that cuts into his cheek. Lucas lowers his crossbow, reloading.

Between strikes from metal weapons, to fire engulfing him, he was surrounded completely.

From the attack, the vines retreat away from the fire, spreading to where El was still pinned against the wall in a hopeless attempt to regain her strength. Along with the rest, the vines disappear back into the stone cracks that laced the wall, dropping her to the ground.

The vines had unwrapped from your body, but the spear in your stomach was infiltrating the wall behind you, just leaving you hanging there. You ignored the burst of pain as your weight attempted to pull you downwards.

Eddie’s eyes were slowly fading from their crimson prison as he watched the tears pour down your cheeks. This was your opportunity to save him.

Delicately removing one hand from the spear and brushing your fingers against his cheek, you pant against the blood filling your lungs.

“I love you.”

Your forbidden whisper travels through his mind, piercing through the gates that Vecna had thought impenetrable. A rush of emotion hits him all at once; fear, joy, love, pain.

The sudden realisation knocked him backwards, taking the spear with him as he crashes to the ground and claws at is head that ached with memories.

Once the metal slips out of your flesh, you slide down the wall and wince harshly, trying to cover your stomach with trembling hands.

El blinks against the movement before crawling over to you with weeping eyes, searching your own.

“It’s okay.” You insist with shaky breaths, a feeble smile hidden behind blood stained lips. It wasn’t okay. None of it was.

A yell of furious defeat echoed across the space, your eyes drifting to look through the dark.

Their attack against Vecna was working. He was finally growing weaker, his surges of power merely causing them to stumble for a second before they were hitting him again with all that they had, circling him like the prey they had once been.

He was frantically calling for help, but whatever control he had over the other creatures had dissipated. His victims were now covered in his blood. But he refused to lose. He wouldn’t let this be his end.

Knocked onto his back by the driven attack of a spiked weapon, his eyes noticed movement in the remaining ceiling of his fortress. A cold stare was all it took to bring it closer. To bring them all closer.

Too fixated on beating Vecna until he no longer breathed, they failed to notice the darkened strings that carried Vecna’s last hope lower towards them.

Dustin clocks it first, a shadow behind Jonathan who was driving the golf club down into Vecna’s chest over and over. He watched as it grew wider, uncurling. Then, he felt something like hot air on his cheek.

Turning to his right, he found himself looking into a breathing flower.

“Not again.” He mumbles just as the flower spits into his face.

With a yell, he retreats and earns the attention of his friends. They soon become aware of their surroundings, each member falling victim to the toxic spores that blinded them and itched at their throats.

Sputtering coughs echoed everywhere as the group were forced to retreat, unable to see eachother through the fog of white dust.

Rubbing his eyes, Will tries to blink away the dust that spurted into his face. As he does, he notices Vecna’s scorched and bloodied shadow creep away from them, heading to the far wall. Piercing his gaze through the storm of particles, he can just make out two silhouettes sat on the ground, Vecna moving rapidly towards them.

El barely noticed the fight happening behind her. All she could focus on was the rush of blood leaving your stomach, coating your hands in a scarlet hue of despair. She couldn’t stop crying, even as your fading voice kept reassuring her that everything was fine.

Your head started to loll to the side and she reaches forward to catch it in her hands, forcing you to look at her.

“Don’t leave me.” She begs in a short cry, and you blink against the tiredness threatening your body. You were trying, for her.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

March 1986. The Wheeler House.

El tears her eyes away from the vine-covered buildings, distracting herself by reaching below her sleeve and softly stroking the tiny pieces of rope that made up her bracelet. It brought her comfort, knowing that she was going back to her family, to the sister that made it for her in the first place.

She had flashes of Max’s bleeding eyes infiltrate her mind before she shudders, straightening in her seat. Mike sends her a worried glance, but she doesn’t acknowledge it.

He had saved her when she was convinced she couldn’t be. And she was grateful. Of course she was. But something didn’t feel right. Not between them anyway. And she’s known it for a long time now.

A superhero. That’s what Mike called her; how he sees her. But she was nothing like the superheroes in Max’s comics. They all wanted to save people, to risk their lives and dedicate themselves to the cause. El just wanted a normal life.

None of them seemed to understand that. Hopper did, before he sacrificed himself. Will did his best to treat her like a sibling, but he couldn’t hide those pitiful faces anytime she pulled down her sleeve to cover her tattoo. The last people who actually treated her like she was human were Max and her older sister.

And now she only had one of those people left.

“Guys.”

Jonathan’s voice brought her head up and she braced herself on the back of his seat, leaning forward for a better view.

They were back on a familiar road now. And, a few houses down, she felt her heart lighten at the sight of her friends. She and Will share a grin, excited to finally see the person they had been aching to talk to.

Argyle rolled the van to a stop and they eagerly slide the door open, stepping out onto the driveway of Mike’s home. As soon as they catch eyes with their loved ones, they’re all smiling, running and hugging in rejoice of their reunion.

She and Will clung tightly onto Dustin, pulling away with their wide cheeks aching.

“Where’s Lucas?” Will asks, searching the area around them.

“He’s at the hospital.” Dustin replies, and they share looks with one another.

“Is he hurt?” El frowns.

“No. No, he’s…” Dustin’s face drops at their confusion. “Oh god… you don’t know.”

El’s heart skips a beat. She already knew deep down why Lucas was at the hospital.

Dustin’s explanation was only heard by Will, El’s mind drifting off in conflicted feelings. Hospitals were good, right? That’s where people get better.

But all that replayed was her best friend’s death. Max’s heartbeat coming to a stop. There was a pain inside her chest as she relived it, spreading into her nerves until her entire body felt heavy. She had felt this way the night of Starcourt, when Hopper never came back. Grief. That was what you had called it.

As Dustin was nearing the end of his account, El began looking for comfort in the person who understood her more than anyone.

“Where’s Y/n?” El asks as she searches across the driveway, eyes settling on the front door as if you would suddenly appear.

When she doesn’t hear a response, she turns back to see Dustin’s teary eyes shift to the ground below his shoes, tight-lipped. Her stomach dropped.

“Dustin?” Will frowns, exchanging glances with El. “What is it?”

Attempting to open his mouth, he raises his head before the eye contact caused the first tear to slip, wiping it away furiously.

Will’s face goes pale, voice cracking as it rises in panic. “Where’s my sister?”

No words were needed to know the truth. Everyone’s mournful faces looking at the Byers-Hopper family were enough to spark that aching pain in their chest. Will’s focus shifts to Jonathan, the older boy hunched over while Nancy clings desperately onto him.

His hands rise to cover his mouth as the tears come pouring out, small sobs bursting through the flesh. Mike clocks the sound and whips his head to the noise, running over to catch him in a hug.

“How?” El managed in a small whisper, feeling all and entirely too numb.

“She saved us.” Steve is the one to answer, pushing away from his car and placing a hand on Dustin’s shoulder. “She… she was a-”

“Hero.” El finished bitterly.

Steve nodded, lowering his head and guiding Dustin to Robin. The boy wasn’t opposed to her comforting arm. Once Steve was satisfied that he’d be alright, he walks back to El. Except, she wasn’t there.

As soon as the boys turned away, El felt herself drifting into the house. Her legs moved without thought, guiding her through the familiar door and down the steps that creaked beneath her weight. She went directly to the corner she once slept in, sliding down the wall and curling her legs flush against her chest.

A small cry emitted from her mouth until everything came rushing in all at once, her entire body shaking from the force of her sadness.

It felt like just yesterday you had placed a kiss on her forehead as you left to return to Hawkins to see your boyfriend just before the break. Like only a day had passed where you promised your return to her, saying that you’d try and drag Max back with you if you could.

El remembered the smile you had given as you waved her goodbye, an excitement in your eyes at the thought of seeing Eddie.

That was the last time she had saw you. And now she had to accept that she never will again.

Present day. Fortress Of Memories.

“NO!”

Will’s scream echoes against the stone walls and sends chills down their spines, everyone turning to eachother with startled looks. They didn’t understand what was happening until they saw it.

Vecna was stood with his arm outstretched, rising it slowly above him. And, on the other side, he had his claws wrapped around El’s throat.

She was too distracted to see it coming. One moment she was pressing down on your wound, blinking against the watery haze lacing her eyelids. The next, she was forcefully pulled away from you, spinning around only to find One’s tightened grip on her neck to be lifting her from the ground.

She tried to tear at his hand, but it was useless. It wasn’t a pain any worse than he was already experiencing.

“Let’s finally end this” His voice was deeper than usual, rough. And that look in his eye was something that made her blood run cold.

Eventually, his grip was released, but she was still left dangling in the air. And it only got so much worse.

Suddenly, a burst of pain shot down her spine and she screamed, her body turning in the air until her back faced the ground, every nerve set alight as she felt herself drain.

She never thought of what One really wanted, never made that connection before. He wanted power.

He wanted her power.

Vines shot from the ground below her, biting into her back over and over until the attack became too unbearable, knocking her unconscious.

The others yelled for her, surging forward through the smoke in the direction of her cries. But they wouldn’t be able to get her.

More vines slipped from the cracks below them and bared teeth. They managed to hold them off, barely a scratch on their skin, but the vines were more relentless than before. And they knew it was because Vecna was gaining power.

Will yells out in fury, surging forward with his target set on the monster currently killing his sister. His arms were outstretched, nerves tingling at his fingertips. But he was too close, and Vecna’s left arm extends towards him. At first, nothing happened.

Then suddenly all Will can hear is the chittering noises of creatures he had since forgotten.

“Will?”

Shadows danced around him, reminding him of the time he was dragged into this world and forced to fend for himself. Reminders of the Demogorgon hunting him, the whispers of a girl in the dark.

“Will!”

The walls were taunting him, arms reaching out and clawing at his clothes. He couldn’t stop them.

“Will!” Mike was trying to snap him out of it, but Will was too panicked, caught up in fighting off imaginary creatures. Mike’s sword clatters to the ground as he grabs Will’s face in both of his hands, forcing him to look in his eyes.

“Hey, look at me! Look at me!” Mike yelled as Will muttered about monsters. “They aren’t real! Will, they’re not there! I’m right here!”

After a second, Will’s nervous movements stilled and his hazel eyes finally found the boy’s in front of him. He takes a deep breath.

“I think I’m going crazy.” Will cries, Vecna’s effect stronger than he thought.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. We’ll go crazy together, remember?” Mike, sliding one hand down to clasp Will’s and holding it tight.

A small grunt behind them made Will jump and Mike looks over his shoulder, eyes widening.

Lucas had stumbled back as a vine shot straight at him, dodging the attack but tripping over something on the ground. He quickly recovered from the fall, noticing that Mike and Will had rushed to his side.

“I’m fine.” Lucas breathes, reaching down to collect his crossbow.

Until another hand shot out and grasped onto his wrist, causing a high-pitched scream to erupt from his mouth.

Dustin and Steve turn to the noise, nodding to the others in confirmation that they had enough force to defend themselves before joining them and looking down in shock.

“How about you stop staring at me and help me up?”

The gruff voice said, and Dustin’s eyes lit up.

Argyle and Robin finally managed to light their cocktails, shouting at Nancy and Jonathan to move before the bottles slip from their fingertips and ignite the ground of ivy monsters. Their screeches were ear-splitting, but worth it.

“Uh, dudes…” Argyle took a step back, gawking at something above them. “How are we helping out our superhero girl?”

They all tilt their heads in the direction he stared, breaths hitching.

Vines descended from El’s back, her body floating mid air, arms limp. The vines made a trail. As they follow it with their eyes, it leads straight to another body, sliding into his back just like they had seen in the attic.

It was some kind of suction, the vines breathing as they pumped something from the girl’s body to his. It was monstrous. And it was killing her.

His eyes had fluttered shut, feeling the power course through his veins. Once upon a time, he wanted her to join him, to rule the world as the two most powerful beings. That was until he discovered the mysteries the world beneath Hawkins held, a result of Eleven’s banishment.

He was connected to everything here, accepting his body as a part of the land. He didn’t need her by his side. All he had to do was break her down until he could take what was rightfully his.

He was growing stronger.

And no one could stop him.

A clean sound of something slicing through the air made Vecna’s eyes open with a snap.

Something heavy hit the ground.

Then came a burning pain.

He stared at the arm that was outstretched towards Eleven, heart beating faster in his chest as the burning grew and grew.

His hand was no longer attached to his wrist.

A guttural yell erupted from his lips as he retracts his arm, wrist spurting blood onto the cold ground. The vines fell from his back, and the girl fell from the air. Someone caught her, but he couldn’t comprehend anything that was happening.

“Plenty more where that came from.”

He slowly rolls his neck to the voice and glares at the boy holding a bloody spear, not one ounce of hesitation behind his expression.

“What? You weren’t ready for that?” Eddie questioned with a low voice.

As Vecna cradled his wrist, he stumbled forward in his steps, laughing.

“Eddie Munson” Vecna growled, every slow footstep making him grip his spear tighter. He wanted to intimidate. He wanted them to fear him. And then he remembers, eyes flickering to the left.“I know what you fear most”

“Oh, yeah?” Eddie held his ground, aware of the silhouettes behind him ready to back him up. “And what’s that?”

“Losing her” He smirks, and Eddie almost loses control, narrowing his stare.

“Don’t fucking touch her.” He warns, malice in his words.

“The damage you’ve done is irreparable enough”

There’s a split second of confusion until it all comes rushing back.

Stood there, barely acknowledging the girl that cried for him pinned against the wall. His orders, carrying them out like a loyal soldier would. Feeling the gasp that left your lips fan against his skin. The tears you had when you made him stay there. Your whisper of truth that lit a passion, spreading like wildfire until all of his emotions were his once again.

Eddie’s head turns to see you slumped against the wall, head lolling ever so slightly to the side while Nancy is desperately trying to stop the blood gushing out of your wound. The wound he made.

Everything he was holding back suddenly flipped like a dangerous switch. With a loud cry of war, Eddie feels his the wings spread behind him before he jumped.

His height was an advantaged as he lunged at Vecna, taking the monster by surprise as he raised his spear and aimed at his face. Thanks to his ‘boss’, he knew he could never miss.

It was karmic justice when the blade pierces through Vecna’s eye.

The roar was loud enough to startle anyone, Vecna’s only hand desperately cupping his torn eye socket. The weight of the spear caused him to tumble back, struggling against the impending doom of death.

He reached out, expecting the slippery soldiers of the dark land to save him, carry him far. They never did.

That’s when he knew it was his end.

A shadow leaned over him, hair dishevelled, face sinister. He didn’t need to focus on their features to know exactly who was there, taking their revenge. Beating him once again in a world he thought he would be unstoppable in.

“Goodbye, One.”

They spoke with a hoarse throat, before a boot was driven down onto his head, and everything went dark.

Once Vecna’s body had hit the ground, Eddie sprinted towards you. He collapsed to his knees once he was closer, slightly sliding against the ground and scuffing his already ripped jeans. He was sure to be bleeding, but it wouldn’t be worse than the sight in front of him.

Nancy’s cheeks were glistening with tears, her hands pressing down onto your stomach as you winced from the pressure. Your face was covered in small scars either side of your mouth, blood trickling down your chin as you coughed.

The tears on your face weren’t fresh, you hadn’t cried since Eddie finally woke up from a monstrous hold. Because you weren’t sad. You were barely starting to feel the pain now.

“I can’t-” Nancy cried, her efforts leaving no lasting hold.

Eddie immediately slides off his denim jacket, bundling it up and gesturing for her to move her hands. The wider surface area works, nothing new staining your dark crimson clothes.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Eddie panics as the denim rapidly dyes red. It wasn’t working. Nothing was working.

Your eyes flutter open, heavy as the drowsiness threatens to take you under. Eddie’s eyes widen and he places a hand on your cheek. You’re just able to raise your own arm, palm against the rough exterior of his hand.

“I need you to stay with me.” Eddie begs quietly, applying more pressure. But you didn’t wince this time.

“Did you do it?”

Eddie’s head whips back up, the first tear trickling down his face as he frowns.

A small smile stretched onto your lips. “Did you... finally finish your campaign?”

“I did.” Eddie grins with a sob hitched in his throat. “I won. We won.”

The smile grows brighter, fresh tears finally lacing your eyes knowing that everyone was safe. Everything you and your friends had been through over the past few years was coming to an end. You could all finally be happy. They could all be happy.

“Good.” You slowly nod. There was so much you wanted to say, so much you wanted to do. But it seemed the universe didn’t want it that way.

No matter how hard you tried to fight it, the eternal slumber was winning the war inside your body, heart rate slowing, eyelids closing.

“Woah, hey. Hey! Stay with me!” Eddie persists, eyes flickering between you and the blood-soaked material failing its job. “Y/n, don’t you dare die on me!”

You didn’t respond. He moves to shake your shoulders until he feels the brush of your fingers against his hand, travelling down to his wrist until your arm was limp at your side.

“No.” He whispers, ignoring the sobs that echoed behind him and clasping your face in both of his hands, thumbs wiping away the tears like it may wake you up. “No, come back! Please, Y/n, come back!”

He rests his forehead against yours, squeezing his eyes shut. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He wanted to go back to that summer in ‘83, making promises and arguing over mix-tapes.

But, most of all, he just wanted you.

June 1983. Sattler’s Quarry.

“You could have at least added in Metallica.” Eddie groans, slipping the headphones off his ears as you stare at him in disbelief.

“Oh, I’m sorry, were the first nine mix-tapes with Metallica not good enough for you?” You mocked and he rolled his eyes.

It was like this most days lately. Ever since school finished for the summer, you’ve both been walking out to the quarry. It’s nice and quiet here where you sat, overlooking the pool of water and munching on snacks. Everyone else would be at Lovers Lake, catching sun and the eyes of the people they liked.

But you and Eddie never really fit in with that crowd.

“Can I ask you a question?” You suddenly ask between the comfortable silence.

“Sure.” Eddie mumbled, setting down the chip bag and looking at you with inquisitive eyes.

Your focus was set on the view opposite the quarry, trees stretching for miles. “Do you think this is it?”

“What do you mean?” He frowns, collecting a small stone and tossing it into the space dangling below your feet, hearing a faint splash as it made contact with the water.

“Hawkins.” You explain, tilting your head. “We’re born here, we go to school here. And when that’s over, we’ll work in some low wage job until the day we die. Hawkins-bound.”

“Aren’t you the pessimist.” Eddie chuckles. But when he glances at you, he notices the sad expression on your face; a slight pout to your lips, brows knitted softly. You looked… worried. “But, uh, to answer your question…”

You shift around to face him, waiting his response. He sighs.

“No.” He smiles and you raise your eyebrow. “Come on, you can’t think like that. You gotta have some kind of dream outside of this crappy town or it’ll suck you in. That’s how you end up working in some low wage job until you die… giving up.”

“I guess.” You shrug, turning to collect your Walkman and shove it into your bag. But you didn’t look any happier with his response.

“I mean it, Y/n.” He says, grabbing both your hands. “You’re destined for a life outside of Hawkins. You’re gonna graduate and you’ll go to some fancy college that actually notices how freaking smart you are. Maybe… maybe you’ll meet someone who isn’t an asshole jock.”

He said that last part with a smirk and you couldn’t help the smile creep onto your face, scrunching your nose in attempt to hide it.

“See?” He laughs, pointing at your incriminating face. “We both know it’s true. So promise you’re not gonna give up and you’ll actually get out of Hawkins to be the person you’re meant to be.”

You were silent for a moment until you squeeze his hands. “Under one condition.”

His eyebrows raise at your serious tone, eyes widening. “Uh… sure.”

“You come with me.” You say and he feels like his heart is on fire in the best way. He probably couldn’t hide the pink in his cheeks, but he figured the warm day could cover it pretty well. “Seriously. I’m not leaving Hawkins until I know you’ve escaped too.”

Eddie pretends to ponder this scrunching his face as if it were the hardest decision of his life. That was far from the truth.

“Hm… I guess I can probably arrange that.” He laughs, and you jump forward to hug him. Eddie tries to ignore the way his stomach fluttered at the contact, gulping.

He’s been in love with you ever since he met you. But he never said anything since you were with Steve Harrington at the time, practically Hawkins’ ‘it’ couple. He remembered how unbearable that got, watching the jock flirt with other girls when the perfect one was right in front of him. One night, he had worked up the courage to just cut you off completely. He didn’t want to, far from it actually, he always thought he’d want you as a friend if nothing more. It was just that his heart couldn’t take one more look at you and King Steve holding hands in the hallway.

But that same night, he got a phone call from you. He was going to ignore it, but he could never do that to you. And once he picked it up, he was so glad he did. Because you needed him. That was the night you broke up with Harrington.

Eddie supposed it was okay now for him to admit his feelings. But he didn’t need you as a girlfriend to be satisfied. Just having you there, hugging him and feeling your heart beat against his, promising never to leave without eachother...

That was all he needed.

“We’re meant to get out of this together.” Eddie whispers against your forehead, holding you close. He couldn’t feel your heart beat against his anymore.

Jonathan had immediately turned to Will once he saw you die, catching him a hug as the young boy cried into his shoulder. Jonathan tried to keep it in, to be strong like he always had been, but silent tears crept down his face.

Robin had her arm around Nancy, the girl biting her lip with glistening eyes as Robin sent concerned looks over to Steve.

He was in shock, for the most part. Once again, you had died right in front of him. Once again, he didn’t save you. His best friend was gone... once… again…

The boy crying into his jacket suddenly pulled away and wiped his tears. Dustin turned to Eddie and took a deep breath, gently touching his shoulder. Eddie didn’t move, but he wasn’t opposed to Dustin’s head resting on him in support.

Steve scanned the room, noticing Argyle’s soft frown as he stared at the floor. That was the first time Steve thought he had seen him look sober. Mike and Lucas were also looking away from the dead body, eyes closed.

Just behind him, he saw another figure. El. As he mindlessly approached, he saw that she was staring down at Vecna’s dishevelled body. He almost vomited at the sight of his face, caved in at the sides and running blood onto the floor.

“Hey.” He started, tightening his lips. He wasn’t even sure where to start; the other kids were easier to talk to, to figure out, but he and El hadn’t been very close before she left. “I…”

“Let me guess.” El raised her head, lip wobbling. Her voice was low and scratchy. “She died a hero.”

Steve wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She notices his silence and arches her neck until she’s facing the sky, eyes squeezed shut.

“How come…” She starts before lowering her head, “How come after all of this… she still dies?”

Steve sniffs away whatever emotion threatened to come through and takes another step forward. “Death isn’t something we can control. And Y/n… Y/n was a hero- still is. Will always be. She did everything for us. Survived for as long as she could. And no matter how much we hate to admit it, we can’t bring someone back. Even- even if that person is someone who never deserved this.”

His voiced cracked at his last sentence and he lowers his head, shaking away the tears. He didn’t have time to cry. He needed to get everyone out.

“Come on, we should-”

“What if I can?” El asks and he whips his head up in surprise. “Bring her back? What if I can?”

“What- how?” Steve stutters, creasing his forehead.

“I did it with Max.” She starts to explain between sniffles. “I restarted her heart. From the other side.”

“From the…” Steve shook his head.

“The void.” El nods, “Like piggybacking.”

“Piggy- okay.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. “You’re saying that you think you can bring her back? From the void thingy.”

“Yes.” El’s eyes are light as the idea starts to form into hope.

Steve risks a glance behind him, frowning when he sees that Dustin has finally managed to drag Eddie away from you.

“Are you sure about this?” He questions, looking back. “Jesus, we don’t know if she can even be-”

“I can do it.” El said with enough determination for him to step aside.

As she walked forward, she noticed the looks between her friends, the stares as she crouches beside your body and gently touches your face.

But she didn’t hate the way they were looking at her. She wasn’t a monster in their eyes anymore. But she wasn’t really a hero, either.

Maybe she was a saviour.

Six months later. Hopper Cabin.

“Heads up!”

The girls duck as quick as the words leave their mouth, the can barely missing their heads as it’s launched across the space.

“Got it!” Lucas yelled after jumping and retrieving it mid air, grinning. He notices a look one of the girls send him. “What?”

“Boys.” Max murmurs, leaning back. El giggles at her comment while Erica nods in agreement.

Six months after their final battle, they found themselves enjoying the beginning of summer, sat under the sun outside of Hopper Cabin. They had to take their business outside after one near-miss at a lamp when they tossed a ball around.

Max, El, and Erica were led on blankets, enjoying the heat. Max was sporting her red sunglasses, smiling to herself at how normal she felt.

When she finally woke up, her first sight had been the blinding light above her head. She thought for a second that maybe she was crossing over. An ironic thought, since she didn’t believe in an afterlife. Then a head popped into view and she ended up frowning. But not in fear.

Erica had been sat by her side, quickly explaining what Lucas and the others had set out to do before rushing to grab doctors.

It took three months for her to heal. Her vision was still a little blurry, prescribed glasses for reading, but she was safe. A few bruises still stained her skin but they were fading now.

Behind them, Steve yells a cheer at Lucas’ catch and hands one to Robin. She almost didn’t notice it, too engrossed in her conversation with Vickie via the cordless phone.

When the fight was finally over, Robin decided to swallow her nerves and make the first move. After all, if she could survive battling monsters she could most definitely survive asking her crush out on a date. Now she and Vickie were officially dating, long-distance since Vickie’s parents moved her out of Hawkins to be safe. But they wouldn’t be apart for long. Steve was ecstatic about it to say the least.

After defeating Vecna, Steve decided to take the leap and apply for an internship at a fancy law-firm. He didn’t expect a response much less an acceptance. It wasn’t necessarily something he wanted to do, but it gave him a chance to get into the real world, to start a life.

“Woah!” Mike shouted as a tower of cans almost came crashing down on him. Will tries to hide his snicker but is caught immediately. “You could have killed me.”

“With Diet Coke?” Will raised an eyebrow and Mike smirked.

“Could happen.” He shrugs and Will lightly shoves his arm, smiling.

Mike and Will grew closer than ever after the battle. Mike had confessed why he had gone down into the Upside Down, talking about how he didn’t want Will to feel alone again. He did it for Max, but a selfish part of him wanted to make sure that Will was protected. He felt stupid explaining this to him but Will just pulled him into a teary hug.

Will found out a few months ago that Mike and El had broken up just before they went into the Upside Down. El had known something was different between them and decided to just finally come out and say it.

El wouldn’t say that she’s particularly knowledgeable about love, but she believes she can see it in other people. She saw it when she looked at Joyce and Hopper. She saw it when she looked at Nancy and Jonathan. She even saw it in your eyes anytime you talked about Eddie in California.

And she saw Mike was in love. Just not with her.

“Who the hell put Madonna on?” Dustin pouts as he lifts his head from the radio he was fixing, the tune to ‘Material Girl’ whistling past his ears in the soft breeze.

Everyone glances to eachother before settling on the older boy stood next to Robin.

“Don’t look at me!” Steve says a little too defensively, “Look at her!”

He points down to an oblivious Robin, noticing the disbelief in everyone’s eyes.

“Yo, I thought you asked me to play Madonna, dude?” Argyle whispers to Steve and his shoulders slump.

Rather than comment, he took another gulp from his can and sent the group a sarcastic smile.

“Thanks, Dusty-bun.” Steve retorts and Dustin silently raises his middle finger at the nickname.

A few weeks after it was all over, Dustin finally started to feel more like himself. He started wearing his hats again, finding the joy he had locked away. He started writing campaigns for DnD in whatever school he ended up in between the final exams for freshman year that they had held at the school’s gym. Maybe he’d create a new Hellfire, take care of those sheep like he always promised.

“Guys!”

Everyone span around to see Nancy stood at the back door with her hands on her hips, glaring.

Below her, Robin cranes her neck up to put her finger on her lips, motioning to the phone. But when she met Nancy’s eyes, she must have changed her mind.

“Uh… I gotta go. I’ll call you later.” Robin speaks into the phone before clicking disconnect and placing it beside her with a scared smile.

“We’re supposed to be packing!” Nancy stresses, looking a little flushed from the work she must have been putting in.

There’s a few groans before anyone actually moves. Mike and Will start clearing up the cans, smiling whenever they brushed hands. Lucas immediately moved to Max, helping her to her feet since her muscles still ached. Dustin and El begin collecting blankets and soon everyone is back inside the cabin in complete reluctance.

“Another hour?” Robin grins, Dustin nodding beside her. Nancy sends one look and they’re both trailing towards the boxes and bags.

“I mean, looks like you got most of it done by yourself.” Erica comments. It wasn’t a snappy remark, however, more like admiration.

“Yeah, well, I had some help.” Nancy sighs, wiping the sweat from her brow.

“Some?” Jonathan puffs as he enters the room, setting down a heavy box onto the table with a loud thump. “I’m getting a full work-out here.”

“About time.” Will comments from afar and ducks his head when Jonathan looks for a culprit.

“Nice.” Argyle chuckles to himself, pulling out an ornament and staring at it intently before placing it back into the box beside him.

“Speak for yourself.” Eddie almost stumbles into view, voice muffled by the stacked boxes in his arms that leave only his forehead poking out of the top. Steve swoops in and takes off the top one.

“My hero.” Eddie grins and Steve rolls his eyes.

They all got into a rhythm of work, only slightly distracted over now and then with random songs and funny stories. Another hour and they were practically finished, maybe a few knicks and knacks that could surely be shoved into a bag last minute.

“Thank god that’s over.” Lucas sighs, a chorus of agreement behind him.

“Yeah, I’m hungry.” Dustin grumbles and Steve frowns.

“You’re always hungry.” He comments and Dustin looks to him. “And it’s only 3.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that you’re gonna eat so much food that you won’t be hungry for dinner.”

“Yes I will.”

“No you won’t.”

“Yes I-”

“Oh my god.” Robin groans, head whipped back in boredom at their silly little argument.

Eddie slides a hand down his face. “How about snacks? That good enough for everyone?”

Argyle’s grin and a room full of nods had him sighing as he left the room and headed to his van, rooting through the back for the snacks he had bought before driving over.

“Shit, where did they go?” Eddie spits as he starts throwing stuff around in a hurry, almost tripping on his balanced feet.

When his search leaves him empty, he slams the back shut and moves to the passenger seat, swinging open the door and poking his head through.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Jesus H. Christ!” Eddie yells, jumping in surprise and catching his head on the door frame, wincing.

“Sorry, I forgot you scare easy.”

Eddie rubs the top of his head, face scrunched. He turns around to see a sight for sore eyes.

“You good?” You ask, stepping forward and delicately cupping your hands around his face and angling his head. You let out a low whistle. “Oh, yeah. Serious head trauma there.”

“Not as cool as the bat bites but I’ll take it.” Eddie grins, pulling you closer until your lips slotted perfectly into his.

“Hi.” You smile against him, pulling your head back. “I miss much?”

“Other than the usual? Nah.” He replies, shutting the door behind him and sighing. “Can’t find those damn snacks we bought this morning, though.”

“You mean the ones Dustin ate on the way?” You frown and his eyes widen.

“What?”

“You didn’t notice him munching away between us while we were driving?” You exasperate, shaking your head. “Jeez, that guy wasn’t being anything but subtle.”

“That was him?!” Eddie’s mouth drops open. “Shit, I thought my van was making that noise, I was gonna have it checked out.”

You finally let out your laugh and he can’t help joining in, your joy as infectious as it was musical.

After you died, Eddie remembered his friends pulling him away from your body, the feeling of guilt and despair bubbling away until it almost burst. Then El had walked over to you, crouching down and closing her eyes. It was a few moments of agonising silence until the sweet sound filled the air; your gasp.

He had immediately flung himself to your side, thinking this was all some kind of illusion. But you were there, you were breathing. And they wasted no time in getting you out of the Upside Down and into a hospital. While Eddie stayed by your side each and every night, he started to notice his sharpened ears return to normality. The inhuman strength just became… human. And the itchy feeling between his shoulder-blades faded with time. A direct result of killing the monster that made him that way.

You woke up the same day Max was released, fluttering open your eyes to the sight of your relieved chosen family. You didn’t question how you survived. You knew the girl sat beside you with teary eyes was enough of an explanation as you grabbed her hand tight.

“We should probably head inside.” You suggest as your arms wrapped around eachother, Eddie’s lips pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“But it’s so nice out here.” He mumbles into your hair and you smile.

“We only have tonight until everyone’s gone.” You arch your neck to see his face by placing your chin on his chest. “Who knows when we’ll all be together again.”

“I know.” He sighs, looking to the cabin. “You don’t have to be so right all the time.”

“But it’s a part of my natural charm.” You smirk, pulling away from his grasp and instead offering your hand, guiding him back into the house.

That night, you all set up in the living room and watched a movie, bathing in the last few moments you’d all be together like this. A family.

You were propped up on the sofa, Robin’s head in your lap as she stretched her legs across Steve. He had stopped trying to bat them away 20 minutes into the movie, accepting his fate. Nancy and Jonathan managed to squeeze into an armchair, Nancy on his lap while Jonathan hugged her tightly from behind. Then, leaning against the chair, Argyle was sat cross-legged on the carpet, eyes shut as he sways to the tune behind the scene currently playing.

Max had her back resting against the sofa, sporting both Lucas’ and El’s heads on each of her shoulders. Lucas was already softly snoring, El too engrossed in the movie to even think about sleep. Dustin, Eddie and Erica were sat on pillows beside you, barely paying attention to the screen as they exchanged quiet notes on what you could only assume were new DnD club names for Dustin to use at his new high school. Mike and Will were sprawled out on their stomachs, closest to the screen. Their legs became tangled with El and Max’s, but the girls didn’t seem to mind that much.

It was something you all knew to cherish. There wasn’t a chance in the universe that you’d never do this again, you all loved eachother too much to let that go. But it was likely to be a while.

Even after defeating the monster, the town was still ruined. The Hawkins they once knew was practically in ruins, houses left empty after families deserted them. Military were still working to seal up the gates for good, though no creatures had managed to slip through since your efforts.

Hawkins was gone, but it was okay. They all knew it was time to move on.

The party was sticking together, convincing their parents to move to California so they could all attend high school together. Steve and Robin were getting an apartment, just one town over from where Nancy and Jonathan would be attending college. Argyle was going to be visiting Eden while completing high school, seeing where things go.

And, finally, you and Eddie had plans to travel America. After you finish college and Corroded Coffin play some gigs, of course. You’d both be getting out of Hawkins. Together. Just like you promised.

When the sun finally rose between the trees, the cars being loaded with boxes and suitcases, no one felt sad about leaving. They’d all be back. Someday. It wasn’t an easy place to forget about.

For Hawkins was their very own Fortress of Memories.

thank you so so much for supporting this story <3

taglist: @h-ness1944 . @ali-in-w0nderland . @dylanmunson . @silky-luxe . @mothmanatemycat . @sattlersquarry . @sadbitchfangirl . @fangirling-4-ever . @averagestudent03 . @gnnnne . @munsonology . @vintagehellfire . @bokuto-kinnie . @crissicat13 . @katie-tibo . @harrys-tittie . @the-world-is-a-mess-and-so-am-i . @lxvesickreality . @fracturedarkness . @frogers . @we-out-here-simping . @h0peless-r0m4ntic888 . @astrolockley . @fallinginlovewithqueue . @chamomileh0ney . @engenelxver

[roblogging]

hi i'm also going back to uni and feeling terrified about being alone (i'm studying a double degree so the people i meet one semester aren't there the next) and i'm a social mess over all and i'm very scared so. how do you deal with the dread?

AH HI !!!

it's tough. especially with my degree which is like dual honours with two main subjects and then a third elective for the first two years (but a,, different one. like i did philosophy last year and english language this time)

confusing !! but essentially it means i do three subjects in the first two years so it's hard finding Friends you know?? because it changes so often??

i made most of mine during freshers and we stuck together! i haven't made many Friend Friends in my courses because of the changeovers.

i'm a social wreck, honestly. i have a few actual friends and then i met others through them.

mostly,,, as sad as is sounds. FANDOM !!! like i am a social WRECK but i've been so much better since my accounts and making friends here. just finding lil things to do in between helped me so much. other than that i just,,, have to make myself uncomfy?? which sucks but in the end it works out. it's just that awkward starting bit that gets me

[flashprotectionsquad]

I don't post a lot of my life here but things are a bit stressful right now, and so I thought I could try to get it off my chest over here

So I live in france, as I (almost) always have since birth lmao. But, yeah, I'm moving to Japan next month for a long time (for ever, even, i hope)

We already signed for our apartment, we have the plane tickets, I'm almost done packing everything, our cats have passed the health and vaccines check-up and requirement for Japan... Not much could go wrong now in term of moving

I'm still so scared and anxious lol

oh and I have a promise of employment from a Japanese company as a customer support in an export japanese company

I am absolutely terrified

The big part of the job is in english, I'm part of the customer support english team, but still, japanese is used a lot in the company, one of the recruiter even commented on it during my interview. I couldn't speak properly during the interview (in japanese) and like, I think they think it was due to stress????? it WASN'T, I don't know how to speak japanese lol

like, I understand most of the things I hear and read in japanese, it's quite ok, but I cannot, for the love of god, SPEAK IT???? I don't know why, the words don't come, my grammar is bad, it's a nightmare????? I'm still waiting for the result of my JLPT N2, but honestly I think I didn't pass, so yeah, fuck me.

I'm supposed to start next month (9/18), it's going to be my first office job also (I only worked in customer service before) so it's really a lot

I lived in Japan for a year(2022-2023) for my studies, but I was in a pretty small/mid city, and now I'm moving to Tokyo??? And I have an office job??? It's really not the same. Uni in japan was a bit chill (except the exams, some where hell-ish) but office jobs? I am so scared I can't even put words on it lmao

It's really like a dream coming true. I worked my ass off for 4 years to get the best grades, I got selected by the Japanese ministry of education to got to my Japanese Uni with a scholarship. Only 6 french students got that scholarship that year and I was one of them. I felt so much pride, and recognition, but my japanese level didn't really move? Even tho all my classes were in japanese, and almost no one in my city spoke english, I went to the hospital, the dentist, the doctors, the movies, everything in japanese, and I still can't align 3 sentences without hesitation about grammar, and not finding the right words??? I sound like a kid when I speak japanese, that's not appropriate in an office....

The anxiety and stress is killing it for me, i'm really sad and don't feel too good. My husband is trying to be supportive, but he doesn't know japanese, so he will rely on me in the beginning for administrations and shit, and he still hasn't really begun job hunting, so I still feel so much responsabilities on my shoulders.

He have money on the side (I don't) so he's telling that I don't need to stress too much, that if the job doesn't work out we still have some months to get back on our feet, but I don't want us to be in that situation? It's bad enough one of them will be unemployed for some time, we can't really afford to take our time? like-

I can't afford to lose this job, and I honestly doesn't want to. I want to do this job. I'm just scared i'm going to be bad at it, or not as good as my employer thought I'd be.

I don't want them to regret hiring me. It's scary.

But yeah. Tokyo. Here I come. In 24 days.