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you didnt post anything about trans rememberance day :(

okay my initial response here was to be all apologetic about the fact i didn't post but,,, no. yapping.

it's a weird form of grief that i carry at the moment. gruilt if you will, because i feel guilty for grieving.

i feel guilty for grieving when i'm the only one of my friends that hasn't been kicked off hormones so far, watching as they source it online and i complain about the cost of my safe and regulated hormones going up. or for looking at the stats and grieving because, why them? when you've been in a situation, when you've had a weapon drawn on you and you made it out, it's an incredibly odd sense of grief to see those numbers - because why them? can you be thankful? can you be glad it wasn't you? how do you grief a possibility and a reality all at once?

and it's a weird sense of grief you feel when you see that 350 trans people have been murdered this year, and that doesn't come anywhere close to the real number of trans lives lost. because you're again, grieving a reality (350) and a possibility (all those unrecorded and lost through other scenarios) all at once, and it's so much to bear.

a weird sense of grief and guilt when i couldn't bring myself to go to the vigil out of fear it's putting a,, target? on me? they'd posted about it online and i'd seen the comments and i was scared to go.

idk. i could be all apologetic. or i could be very real and say i have nothing positive to say, and that isn't the energy that tdor calls for. i could maybe do something informative but i don't,,, want to. really. is that bad? idk. but it's very draining to constantly be checking headlines and bills.

and like,,, i know i yap on all my accounts about being trans in fandom. and not only does it increasingly feel like this space isn't exactly safe for trans people but,,, i'm trans outside of it as well. and i have nothing positive to say about being trans right now. what i do have 😄☝🏻 is £250 to pay for a routine blood test, not even a hormone level one, because the nhs won't touch my blood 😆 "tainted", they said.

and idk how to talk about that really, not in a motivational way.

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hey so those of y’all in the marauders fandom who are saying you’ll watch if ben barnes plays sirius and andrew garfield plays remus… better take those anti-JKR disclaimers out of your bios!

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I'm so fucking productive. I got so much shit done today.

ⓘ Fact check: This user did the bare minimum for the first time in 3 months.

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Babe that last essay gave me a raging thinker I'm gonna have to go muse off right now

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remus "i can fix him" lupin x severus "i can make him so much worse" snape

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Hey! Sorry to bother you, I just had a quick question about the fest and I am too socially anxious to ask off of anon haha. I know that we have a lot of freedom in the fest to do things how we wish, but I was wondering how someone would find a beta/someone to help edit. I saw there was an option for people to say they are available to help with that, so do we need to reach out to people individually? I just don’t want to bother anyone so I thought I’d ask here first.

HI omg i'm so sorry, i'm answering this so late 😖 i hope you see this !!

so when you get into the server, you have the option to choose the beta reader role, that way everyone knows who's available to beta read - and thennn there's a channel for collab requests and people have been using that to ask for beta readers/artists to collab with etc etc :)

so very sorry this is late!

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I don’t know about anyone else, but I think a lot of cis straight women who write mlm typically write mlm because it’s nice to write a love story with out the inherent power inbalance that all straight relationships have.

YES !!! 100% yes, this is a point i make in this video !!!

i mean,,, i'm coming at it from a different perspective as someone who read only mlm prior to coming out as trans, but it's the same concept - wanting to disconnect from your own identity and fall head over heels into something else.

it's nice to read stories where your inferiority isn't part of it, where you aren't subjected to patriarchial values or situations, and you can just,,, enjoy the story, you know? and i think mlm ships, more so than wlw ships, provide that escapism more.

i think i also talk a bit in that video about mainstream media and the effects that has, especially in a fandom space. marauders for example, the core four are men and the people they are connected to *canonically* are mostly men - we know more about them and how they navigate the world, and that makes for more interesting stories. (see here: "but regulus has barely any cano-" he does but also,,, he's the brother of a core character, hence why he's developed a lot)

we can also get messy with the men, you know? we see it a lot in mainstream media *and* fandom where a "messy" woman (a human being with flaws and mistakes) is criticised for being misogynistic etc etc, and we lose complexity through that (i'm looking at you, platonic snily deniers /hj but fr, that is the most central part of her character imo)

but marlene and dorcas for example? we only know about two facts, including how they died, and we don't even know if they were in the same year as the marauders, so it's more of a gradual development than taking developed male characters - mainstream media sucks man :/ god forbid we get developed women.

so yes !!! i stronglyyy dislike the fetishisation argument because whilst there is 100% the chance that that is why people write and engage in those stories, 99.9% of the time it isn't and people either (1) like that escapism that comes from reading without your inferiority as a woman coming into play (2) like reading more complex stories that we typically get with men, especially since we allow them to get more "messy" and (3) they just,,, like the characters.

there's a big gap between the consumption of mlm media and the consumption of wlw, but i don't think demonising mlm and reducing it to just sexual fantasies and fetish desires is progressive at all,,, less so even.

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snd if i said brando by lucy dacus was peter pettigrew's song? what then. what THEN 😖😖

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still thinking about this person on pinterest who is not me but looks exactly like me to the point my nan whipped out photo albums

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america, you've done a lot of awful things but creating jolly ranchers isn't of them. especially ☝🏻 the stix version.

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Hi!! Putting this on anon because I know I’m about to sound a little stupid

I know ai is bad right like stealing art and work opportunities from other people boo but one thing I’m not too sure on is what makes like the other parts of it bad? I’m not sure how to word it 😭

Like people who use it for checking grammar and talking to ai bots or whatever other then that being a bit weird I don’t know what makes it bad? Idk feel free to explain it like I’m a toddler

Not really sure who to ask about this and you seem pretty educated on it

okay i'm actually not *the* most educated on this as someone that avoids it wherever possible but my thoughts on it:

first the grammar thing, i actually am not against ai being used in helpful, meaningful ways, yk? i think if the focus of ai was to make life *easier* for people who needed it, i would be more okay with it - if the focus were to be on numbers, improving systems, improving learning etc etc or wtv? i'd be a bit more like 🤷‍♂️

but the focus is on creative spaces, and that's why most people are against it.

like,,, a lot of writing services have you consent now for your work to be used and it's just gross. and chat bots (including c.ai) are very vague about where they're getting their material from

ESPECIALLY: because people can make them. people can take a story and put them into the bot and suddenly they have that. i had someone comment last week and ask if they can use one of my tiktok scenarious for c.ai which is like,,, if it was a fic or an edit or ANYTHING else i'd say yes because i love the sharing of ideas in fandom,,, but c.ai bot? no. no you cannot. i think that's a bad precedent to set.

not to mention the environmental impact that ai has in a time where we really shouldddd be focusing on saving the planet.

idk. again, not very educated but a big thing is that we just don't know where the data comes from for these bots - esp if we're talking characters where there are thousands of interpretations,,, idk.

i hate the concept of chat bots. i hate the concept of these characters becoming ai where people can put whatever source material they want into it. i hate the approach that's been taken with ai and i hate how complacent creative spaces have gotten with it. very draining and i cant imagine how frustrating it would be if i were fully educated

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I don’t usually do discourse on this blog but that last reblog hit the nail on the head. Reader interaction is at an all time low for fic authors and whilst I’m eternally grateful for any and all kudos and comments that I do receive, I feel as if in the past couple of years there’s been this weird migration of comments - they’ve left ao3 and they’re on tiktok instead. So, rather than people leaving comments on my fics, they leave their comments on the videos of people reccing my fics. I see tiktoks about my fics and they’ll have double, triple the number of comments that the fic itself has. It’s so lovely that people are talking about my writing, but it’s just a very strange phenomenon and a very odd feeling when you have a fic that you assume wasn’t overly well received because it has hardly any comments on ao3, but then you see a tiktok full of comments with people saying that it’s their favourite fic.

And I’m going to say something potentially controversial here but not ONCE have I seen a tiktok creator, whose content relies solely on other people’s fics, say anything along the lines of “leave the author a comment if you enjoy the rec.” Literally never ever seen this. And I think that’s a real shame.

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hey dude, idk how much you remember from the party last night but- yeah, everyone saw your want. yeah no it was pretty late and winding down so it was quiet enough that every single person there saw it throbbing and twitching in your chest and so wet with hunger it was glistening under the kitchen light. they said it looked like it was reaching for something

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SOMEHOW! this ended up being a full smutshot from someone who has not written anything but vague sex and ftb but okay !!!

hiding it here

sitting in a casino and thinking about casino worker remus x sirius betting the black family money away, remus thinks that sirius is an idiot because he keeps losing but it's intentional. he wants to waste their money, and they're both so attracted to each other from the first bet.

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how the "ai in fandom is bad" people look at me when i tell them i include c.ai in that statement:

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there's something incredibly sick and heart-breaking about the fact they can't even mourn in peace without every news channel posting photos. as if they haven't done enough through photos oh my god.