#i'm super pessimistic today

[dreamyluigi]

i'd like to take a minute to explain in weird, unnecessary detail each of my favorite different iterations of luigi. for no reason in particular. he's always the same, but he's always just a little bit different in each series that he's given a significant role. okay here we go

S+

→ 2023 movie: might just barely be my favorite version of his character - i feel like the movie gave him a little sprinkle of all the traits from all the other media in the franchise and solidified his Entire character. he's a coward, but he's extremely brave and resilient, he's just a lil cocky and a lil awkward, and absolutely stuck like glue to his bro. also he's just erm like uh ridiculously handsome. A Very Balanced Luigi Meal i couldn't ask for anything more (other than giving him an even bigger role in the second movie! please! even though i was extremely happy to see him as the damsel!!!)

→ paper luigi: (hopefully) one of the most universally loved because of his arrogance and lil bit extra sass. luigi often acts proud i think as a bit of a mask, but paper luigi really gives us a show of it. he's also just very funny. still very clumsy/accident prone, still very awkward and weak to manipulation/praise. sometimes acts like he's superior to mario (yet still very, very dependent on him and even angry and a lil sassy/spiteful when he's left behind) and i just also think that's really funny. i like how intelligent systems plays around with him, and i hope they continue to do so in the next paper mario luigi game :)

S

→ M&L RPGs: when you are soooo stupid that you are a genius, and actually? you have a special power that no one else in the world has and you're going to save us all? because you are the specialest boy in the world? but you are so stupid.. but you're a fucking genius. what a delightful guy. possibly the silliest of the luigis. always lookin head empty but he can imagine anything. so powerful. but also the clingiest - brothership really did a number for his clingy nature. what do you mean you're gonna cry and die if you're more than 20 steps away from your brother. omg. baby. baby boy. the spoiledest luigi as well.

→ luigi's mansion: i just love how wet and trembly and pathetic he can be. we know he's a coward, but they crank the coward meter up to 1000 with him here - and ghosts being the thing that gets him most is very endearing to me. maybe because i'm not afraid of ghosts idk he's very very cute in these games with his silly expressions and constant jumping and screaming. his weird relationship with e gadd is also just so special. remember! bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it.

→ super mario adventures comic: his quips and stupid puns have captivated me. he's honestly not a far cry from his super show cartoon counterpart, but i love him just a little more probably due to the art of the comic and his role overall. i don't have much to say but i just really like him in this very special peak fiction comic okay also he wore a dress TWICE. king shit

A

→ the great mission: my god what the fuck is that thing. who is this guy. no but for real i enjoy this version of him so much - it's such a far cry from how we know him as a character now, but there are lots of things about "beta wario" that still reflect luigi today. love of money/treasure is definitely still there just not as greedy as his old counterpart, the bit of sass and cheekiness is there, even a bit of his spoiled nature too. this guy is so selfish and a little bit nasty and i find him delightful. him callin mario アニキ in japanese is also crazy.

→ super show (cartoon): this pessimistic little bitch always thinks he is going to die in every scenario no matter how inconsequential and i fucking love him. he's often absolutely useless. i also just love the voice and his stupid goofy lines. not integral much anymore to the current luigi personality but there's a little bit of mama luigi in everything i do. there's a little bit of 'holy ravioli' in us all.

→ odyssey: now. listen. he doesn't do much. i know. but his various reactions to mario's outfits and the environments are really good. it feels really special despite his very small role. entirely non-judgemental of his brother's choices. will support him no matter what weird fashion he's into. will even feel his presence when he's invisible. it's very important to me. and the bowtie is so moe i can't stand it

→ super show (live action): even more rude than previous rude luigis like what's his fucking problem. i don't see much of this guy's personality in current luigi at all other than the wee bit of sass i guess. but that doesn't mean i don't love him and this stupid show that no one takes as canon anyways but all luigis are canon to me sorry

B - not inherently different iterations of luigi, and not technically any "worse" than the ones listed above, but...

→ super mario maker 2: call luigi. he will just fucking do it for you. what an absolute legend, a god, perhaps. everyone say thank you.

→ dr. luigi: i have some headcanons but nothing much to say canon wise, he just looks cute and he deserved it. but they should've put his ass back in the nurse's dress

→ tennis/golf luigi: i just like to see him have a good time. also i like seeing his hair and the outfits are cute. i could include the olypmic games and others since he's just the same with different cute fits. uh these explanations are starting to deteriorate

→ cat luigi: his noises... the nyas... neowow... okayyyy. he also is very cat-coded to me anyway. it just fits. i think he purrs when his head is pat while getting praised. i love catboys

→ gooigi: it's gooigi dude. does he even count? what the hell, sure. he's cute... that's all :3

this was kinda supposed to be me analyzing the different versions of luigi and how they compare to each other but it's kind of just a luigi lovedump post... (what do you expect from me at this point?) any missing from this list i'm either not familiar enough with or he doesn't have a big enough role to warrant like a Character Analysis i guess.

which is your favorite version of luigi? which aspects of his character do you like most? for me, it's everything. he's everything. okay bye

[always-andromeda]

aaaAAA valentines prompts are here!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) weeee please spare some white chocolate truffle for love of my life dwayne? thank you dearest, compliments to the chef (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

– 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦

𝐃𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: aHH okay this was super cute!! I hope you enjoy this one, anon!! also lmao, yes, the title is a song. it's from Yellow House and it always reminds me of Dwayne. <3

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Dwayne is aged up to be high school senior, pure fluff, bits of Dwayne being a little pessimistic guy, nothing else I can think of!

First period hadn't even started yet and already you could tell that Dwayne was itching for the final bell. He sighed, folding his hands together and resting his chin on top of them. You watched him peer out from under his curtain of dark hair at a few students around you both exchanging cards, candies, and little stuffed toys. 

"Doing okay there, Dwayne?" you asked as you unloaded your textbook and your binder.

He threw you a sideways glance and replied blankly, "I'm a ray of sunshine." Whatever modicum of patience he usually had in school was drained entirely by Valentine's Day.

"Oh, yeah. You're looking especially chipper today."

This time, Dwayne turned to look at you fully with his brow furrowed.

"It's a joke."

"Have you seen what's been going on today?"

"Uh, yeah, it's a holiday," you shrugged.

"It's bullshit. It's an excuse for fucking candy and card companies to make a killing," he sneered. "Because if you don't buy your boyfriend or girlfriend a stupid piece of paper that says 'I love you' then you're obviously a bad person, right?"

You scoffed, "Not exactly."

That earned another scowl from Dwayne.

"Listen, I get what you mean. It can be superficial and overbearing sometimes, I guess." You struggled to conjure the right words to explain yourself in a way that Dwayne would understand, "But...it's nice sometimes, ya know? It's nice to have someone show that they thought about you."

"Please," Dwayne dismissed. "It's not about thought or care. It's all...bullshit social transactions that no one is gonna give a shit about after we graduate anyways. It's just...dumb."

Placing a hand over the top of your binder defensively, the more Dwayne spoke, the more you found a lump forming in your throat. It made it even harder to speak as you choked out, "Dumb?"

"Yeah. And...gross," he huffed with an air of stubbornness. He'd never been particularly fond of the holiday; the unnecessary drama of couples asking each other to be their Valentine and the gossip that came from rejections for days afterwards. But...you thought...

With a new wave of frustration, you flipped open the cover of your binder and pulled a card out from the inside flap. You slid it across the top of the table in Dwayne's direction. "Then there's a stupid card for you, Dwayne. Happy Valentine's Day," you added bitterly.

Dwayne froze. Already, the cover threw him off. There was the haunting phrase of the day written out in your handwriting and above it, a drawing of a bouquet of flowers in glitter gel pens. Slowly, he opened the card, finding more of your handwriting hiding inside.

I know this is super cliche. And you're probably going to roll your eyes at me when you read this. Promise me you won't hate me too much. Or at least promise me you'll spare me the embarrassment and forget this immediately after you read it. I just had to try at least once. But I really like you. Will you be my Valentine?

With your head hidden in your folded arms, you could only guess what you and Dwayne looked like to the rest of your classmates. Already, you were anticipating how that scene would get spun. Everyone talked about how you and Dwayne were bound to end up together, seeing as you're one of the only people that would willingly hang around with the reclusive guy. And one of the only people that he would actually let hang around him.

Your first thought after that was to think about Dwayne. He didn't like being the center of attention. Being talked about like this would be the most aggravating thing in the world. And god, it frustrated you that even when he was being a jerk, you still worried about him.

Then you felt a poke on your shoulder. You raised your head and found Dwayne, still looking at the card and tracing the flowers on the cover. But this time his hand was on the table, open with his palm facing up. Inviting you to grab it. Which you do, quickly.

"I'm sorry for what I said," he muttered.

You sniffed softly. "That's okay."

"I like the card."

"Thanks."

“And I'll be–" Dwayne paused. "I'll be your Valentine."

The exhilaration inside you flared so intensely that you couldn't help but squeeze his hand in return. And Dwayne also couldn't help the tiny smile that formed on his lips when he felt the warmth of your sweaty hand enveloping his. Maybe both of you could be right about Valentine's Day. It was gross. But...nice. Very nice.

[multbasa]

Oooh, I have a college class today and studying to do for next week, but I just HAVE to get this thought off my chest!

Mimic cannot mimic abilities such as Sonic's super speed, Silver/Blaze's abilities or even Tangle's stretchy tail as confirmed in the Tangle and Whisper series.

This idea that was tossing around in my head was Mimic pretending to be Silver but he can't use psychokinesis at all, so someone like Blaze susses him out because Silver ALWAYS uses his abilities even for simple things like floating around.

So Blaze doesn't immediately attack Mimic but tells him, "Hey, Silver, earlier you said you wanted to spar, well, I have some free time now!" Fire ignites in her hand.

Mimic is nervous because he thinks she'll figure him out but doesn't realize that she already has, so he says "oh—oh no, actually I'm not feeling well."

Blaze leans in close, "that's such a shame. You've always been one of the few who aren't afraid of fire enough to challenge me and I've never had to worry about accidentally hurting you since you can protect yourself so well." Her word punctuated by the fire in her hand closer and hotter to not-Silver's face.

Ooh, I would write a one shot on this if I had time. Blaze being badass and intimidating—I absolutely love it. I don't think this will happen in the IDW because I feel like Mimic would have to be a moron to mimic someone like Silver, but he did mimic Sonic and just walked everywhere—so I guess there is a chance.

I am SUPER excited to see Silver and Blaze on the covers of this issue because I was worried that Silver wouldn't get involved with the Mimic situation after the issue where he and Whisper tried to expose Duo as Mimic. I really loved that Mimic found Silver intimidating and didn't want to be around him so he tried to literally end his life to no avail, ha! Also I can't wait to see Lanolin finally realize that she was wrong about Duo whom she sees like herself as someone who isn't special or powerful like Sonic or Silver etc. Her world is going to absolutely shatter, I think—which is great because she's building up to some big character arc and I want to see what she's like on the other side (probably a nicer, humble character, but maybe they have the guts to make her into a villain because she becomes even more controlling? I don't think that would happen, but I would find it really interesting).

I would love to see my favourite characters (Silver and Blaze) be badass powerhouses, so I hope they get good action in the upcoming comics!

(Trying to ignore my pessimistic side over seeing Blaze on the cover but remembering that she was on the cover of Spring Broken but wasn't in the story...no, no, she is front and centre—she HAS to be in the story or I RIOT)

[pocket-jack]

"The Hat"

Luffy: Oh no...

Luffy: Oh no, no, no, noooo....

"Luffy runs all over the Sunny. He checks every room and every spot. Logical and illogical. The more he searches the more panicked he gets"

Robin: What's the matter, captain? You've been running over the ship for two hours!

"Luffy turns to her with the mix of sadness and fear in his expression"

Luffy: Robin...

Robin: Oh, what happened, Luffy?

Luffy: I... I lost my hat...

"The next half of an hour all of the crew was searching for captain's hat. They hoped that Luffy just checked in some ridiculous spot and missed the obvious place. Many had the positive prognosis on their search. But surprisingly they found nothing so far"

Zoro: Don't worry, Luffy. We're gonna find it. I bet it's on the ship somewhere

Nami: Yes! Where was the last time you saw it?

Luffy: On our last stop?... I must have left it there!..

Sanji: Oi, don't be so pessimistic! I'm pretty sure I saw you set sail with it on. Almost sure...

Luffy: Eeeeeegh....

"The most unexpected thing happened at that moment. Usually happy and cheerful Luffy... Cried. At least that's what his crew thought it was. Luffy covered his eyes with his hands, and his shoulder starts shacking. Straw Hats quickly surrounded him"

Sanji: Hey, Luffy! Don't be sad! We'll find it!

Nami: It's alright, Luffy! It's somewhere on the ship, we were just searching badly!

Brook: Do you want me to play a song, that makes you happy???

Robin: Don't cry, captain! It couldn't just stay on the island. You're wouldn't allow it.

"Luffy rubbed his eyes and let out a hiccup. Everyone got scared more"

Luffy: I wouldn't! But... It could fly off by the wind while no one was watching! Or it could fall from my back into the river. Or it could-!...

Franky: OW! You won't help the situation if you're gonna be SUPER stressed about it! Just trust us, ok! We will find the hat eventually! And even if we don't, then we just gonna turn around and search for it back on the island!

Chopper: Yes, we will! But... Will Traffy be happy about us changing the course?

Nami: I'm sure he will understand! Alright, guys! Scatter around the ship! Let's find the hat!

Ussop: Oh! Did I told you, that I once find a lost dinosaur exhibit from the museum using my deduction skills? With me you'll find it in no time!

Robin: Maybe, Kin'emon and Momo took it? We should ask! Wait here, captain

Luffy: "Hic" Ok...

"While everyone scattered around the ship, Luffy sat down on the ground, hugging his knees. It was a treasure to him. How could he allow himself to lose it?.. Meanwhile a certain person, who woked up by the sounds appeared beside him"

Law: It's pretty loud today. Is something happened?

"Luffy raised his head to look at Trafalgar. His eyes was emitting sadness"

Luffy: I lost it...

Law: What did you lost?

Luffy: My treasure! My hat...

Law: Oh.

"Law sat next to him, looking at him rather surprised. He didn't saw Luffy sad since the whole Marinford incident. Straw Hat wasn't a guy, who could be broken down that easily. These two years Trafalgar was genuinely worried that Luffy wasn't willing to continue his adventure after such a hit. Yet he was glad that he won't be doing the plan alone, when he saw Luffy happy as usual on the Punk Hazzard"

Law: Is it important to you, since you're so sad about it?

Luffy: Yes! It's a present! I need to return it to an important person when I become King of the Pirates! And know it's gone!

Law: Are you sure, you just didn't leave it somewhere?

Luffy: I'M NOT! I'm not sure ok! Anything could happen to it! Remember the fight we've had on the previous island!? It could flew off in the brawl! And I didn't notice! It could have fallen into the ocean! Or someone might have stole it! Or-...

Law: Hey! Don't panic. It's just gonna make things worse. I don't see anything bad in losing a hat sometimes

Luffy: Yeah... Traffy, always loses his hat

Law: Wha-... No I'm not! Besides I'm always return it. My hat is important to me as well.

Luffy: Yeah. I remember you wore it back at Sabaody. I don't remember how exactly it looked like, but I remember that it looked funny!

Law: Hey! It just-... It was-!!.. It was fashionable in the place I was born!

Luffy: Nishishi! Traffy is blushing!

Law: Oh, quit it...

Luffy: Thank you, Traffy. I fell a lot better now!

"Luffy stood up"

Luffy: Welp! No more panicking! I'll go search with others! Thanks, Traffy!

Law: Yeah... Good luck to you finding it!

"When Luffy left, Law stood up and looked around the perimeter"

Law: Room!

Sanji: Yeah, no way, it really stayed on a fucking island!

Zoro: If we let it get lost then I don't think that we're worthy to be on Luffy's crew.

Robin: It could be in the sea monsters stomach by now...

Nami: So what? We're really turning back?

Franky: It seems so... Damn, Traffy will be so damn pissed at us!

Luffy: It's ok, guys. Thanks for searching it... Guess, it's really lost... Well... I guess it's just destiny.

Robin: Oh, Luffy...

"Now Luffy was really crying. The tears were dripping down his cheeks and falling on to the ground"

Luffy: I'm sure, Shanks will be upset... But he will understand... He always did...

Sanji: Oh... Oh no...

Nami: Luffy!..

Law: You still searching?

"Straw Hats looked at their guest, who was walking towards them"

Luffy: No... We're done... It's gone...

Law: You're not seem happy about it. Why stop then?

Luffy: Because... It is nowhere to be found!.. Seems like it's really got lost on the island...

Law: Doubt that.

Luffy: Why?

Zoro: Just admit that you don't want to go back, you heartless goth.

Law: It's not the deal

Law: Shambles

"That second the straw hat appeared in Law's hand. He gently handles it to Luffy, trying to smile warmly"

Law: Don't lose it anymore

"Luffy's expression changes from the shock to pure happiness. He wipes the tears from his cheeks, immediately running to Law and huging him. Trafalgar has to hold the hat up to keep it safe from Luffy's gratitude"

Luffy: OH MY GOD, YOU FIND IT, TRAFFY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Where was it been!? I've searched for ages! Everyone was!

Law: I've found it in one of those robots in the Docks. You've must have left it there, to keep it safe that time we used them

Luffy: Oh! Damn! Know I remember! I store it in the drawer so it wouldn't get damaged! Thanks, Traffy! I'm so glad!

"Luffy looked at him with gratitude. His cheeks was burning from the amount of emotions he was feelings. It felt like the sun have smiled at Law that moment. For the first time these years... He felt himself warm"

Law: That's why I allow myself to lose my hat all the time. I always can find it in the end. Don't worry, if you lost it. I'll just use Room to get it for you.

Luffy: Traffy is so kind! Thank you, Traffy! I owe you so much!

Law: You'll return the favor to me, when we deal with Kaido

"Luffy put his hat back on, covering his eyes and red cheeks. Only the wide smile was seen at the moment. That was enough for Trafalgar to melt"

Law: Don't lose it next time. And, please, remember where you leave it. And don't get used to me helping you. I will not be there everytime to search for it.

Luffy: But you're in my team, so that's means you'll be there to help very often!

Law: NO, I'M NOT!

"Meanwhile Straw Hats was looking at their bickering with mysterious smiles on their faces"

Nami: ...Did you saw that?

Zoro: Saw what?

Sanji: Oh yes. I definitely saw that

Robin: Huhu~ It's seems that Law is melting around our captain.

Ussop: Phew! He was so tense when he got there! I was so afraid that he was distancing himself from everyone! Guess Luffy can find a way to melt even such emotionally unavailable guy's heart!

"The crew was quietly discussing the situation, while trying to pretend that they didn't noticed the blush on Law's cheeks and the small smile he shared with their captain"

[hollyhomburg]

Hiii Liii! This is super random but I’ve been wanting to tell you this since I came out of the movies and I had to wait until I got home.

And I think I can’t convey enough how deep this resonated with me but like today I went to see We live in time (I bawled my eyes out) and it was tragic and bitter sweet but also there was so much love like in the middle of all the angst there was just this domesticity that really just made me think on BILY and why I adore it so much like yes love it’s real and it’s going to be there for you even in the hardest of times and it’s okay even if it has an ending because it happened and it was all so sad but at the same time so hopeful and I really want to find love like that but at the same time just knowing that kind of love exist and the portrayals of it such as BILY and We live in time make the world seem so much brighter and I could rant about this the whole day.

ahhhhh this is why i think we need more published media not necessarily about the adventures and grand prophocies but the 'i have one choice in this world and that's whom i love and i'm choosing to love you' sort of thing (not to say bily doesn't have it's dramatic moments) but i want to make people comforted, to be their safe place <3

sometimes i feel pessimistic and think 'oh a love like that couldn't exist isn't logical' but the very fact that i was able to write it means that it can exist, i know love exists because i have the capacity to love this way.

maybe i'll have to go watch it!

[kustas]

Hii, do you have some recommendations for euro comics that are available in english (aside from moebius' stuff and rabbi's cat)? :)

Die Laughing: Franquin is a household name in "classic" (60/70s) euro comics, while he's mostly known for his children's adventure comics I believe this one is worth reading if for the art alone. They're short stories if not single page comics that are akin to newspaper comic strips if it wasn't for their edgier, pessimistic content.

The Arctic Marauder: Fantastical drama set in the late 19th century that entirely commits to the bit. Drawn like old engravings and with equally inspired paneling, this is a great looking comic. The story might be a bit too weird for the average reader, it's pessimistic and political, and like in all of Tardi's work every character is mean and ugly. I like it there

Black Order Brigade: spoke about this one on here before. A bunch of ageing former spanish facist fighters decide to reunite for a final battle following a terrorist attack. Good thriller that carries the weight of upcoming death throughout it's whole run. If you like martial themes this one's for you

Anything by Druillet, a slightly forgotten king of trippy ass paneling and 70s fantasy stories. If you like the album covers Roger Dean made and ever thought "hm. I wish giant space mechs and reality bending adventures happened in there, and I also wish I could sear off my eyeballs reading comics". You're in luck. Strongly recommend getting the physical editions for these ones

All of these artists are big french names from the same era as Moebius or right after, who while super famous here don't have much name recognition internationally outsides of niche fan circles.

For non french artists, I'm a huge fan of Sergio Toppi (who I discovered pretty recently! With his mythology series. Got the ice themed one). He has very striking style. His work got compiled in collected volumes of shorts which are pretty good

Fpr one last rec, I'm giving this one with a strong disclaimer: this is not very good. While it's interesting to look at and fun at times you'll have to grit your teeth through a lot of fantasy genre cringe compilation classics. If you're ready to suffer in the name of camp, The Mercenary is a spanish comic entirely oil painted with frankly ridiculous detail that I've regularly read when I have no more brain and want to see guns mounted dragons. 70s Sci-fi Art on tumblr has a great collection of the artist's work, mostly illustration, but there's some panels here and there.

That's about all that comes to mind for today :)

[absentlyabbie]

day infinity of getting super frustrated and short-tempered with myself for struggling with being awake and alert and feeling like tasks are impossible because i'm insanely exhausted for no fucking reason

only to swat that pessimistic self loathing bitch repeatedly on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and remind her, again, for the elventieth time today,

"having a chronic illness (it doesn't go away!! ever!! it's all the time!!) that makes you super exhausted always and some days worse than others

is a fucking reason"

[benedettabeby]

I'm pessimistic today so...

New season will be only 10 episodes and more focused on a story arc from the start(like the final episodes of any other season),I doubt it will be super articulate. Plus they may be scared that if they put Tiva inside Duckys memorial episode,the focus of the episode will be them and not Ducky

So yeah I'm scared we won't see Tiva?

What do you think?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Swiftie Anon

Hi guys! I got an ask from an anon that might be triggering so I'm copy-pasting it here so I can put a 'read more' button. I'm naming them Swiftie Anon because they said Taylor really helped them.

TW: SH, SI

Hi Cas, hope you’re ok, because I sure as hell am not. Trigger warning, like mentions of self harm and stuff like that I think.

I’m a seventh grader and recently I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot more than I usually do. During the pandemic I was in 3rd grade and I kinda realized how much life sucked, but when I went back to school in 5th grade, I realized that this hadn’t occurred to anyone else. I kind of brushed it off bc I’ve always been sort of a pessimist but then I sixth grade I started having suicidal thoughts, I think. I just felt really done with everything, I didn’t want to draw or read or write, and my parents were pissed all the time, it felt like my friends were bored of me (I have abandonment issues from all my friends in elementary school leaving me) (I think)and I thought it would just be easier to not exist anymore, it wasn’t that good. I discovered Taylor, the angel that she is, she just felt…like a friend, like she was right there, you know, and I’ve been mostly okay-ish since. But school fucking sucks and in 7th grade I had to do a presentation in front of my class and I started crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t even stand up. I think I have anxiety idk. I’ve always been shy, and I’ve hyperventilated before when my parents were yelling at me about stuff and my arms started bleeding because I was digging my nails into them. My parents found out at conferences and I got grounded. my brother knows bc he walked in on me crying and hyperventilating once but he’s leaving for college next year and idk how the fuck I’ll stay together without him. My younger sister and I are really close, but I don’t want to drag her in onto this stuff. And ik once I get to high school it’ll be even worse bc high school sounds horrible and I might be all alone again bc I might not go to the same high school as my friends

I haven’t said a word about this to anyone voluntarily and I know I can’t tell my parents. I always lie on those surveys you get at the doctor, and my parents are always saying I should have a more positive outlook on life and try to be happier and it makes me so pissed bc I am trying as hard as I can to be happening but nothing fucking works.

idk what do with myself anymore, a teacher mentioned college today and I almost broke down sobbing bc I don’t think I’ll let myself live that long. It’s just…really hard and everyday feels like years. Should I tell someone? I’m not as bad as I was in 6th grade, but I know I should be getting help somehow. But I suck at asking for things and I can’t trust any adults.

sorry for the rant, I just need some advice. And a virtual, pat on the head or something, idk.

---

Hi hon!

First, (with your permission), I'm like to give you a virtual hug, because it sounds like you're dealing with a lot <3

I'm gonna be really real with you right now: You need to ask for some help. You have a lot going on, and some really heavy feelings, and you don't deserve to be dealing with them at ALL, let alone by yourself.

You're young, and you have SO MUCH life left to enjoy, and suffering through it like this isn't fair. So I'm going to share something about myself with you, okay?

When I was younger, I was very depressed. I was in a bad relationship and I felt very trapped, and I got to a point similar to you.

One day, I got so overwhelmed that I sort of realized that I either needed to ask for help or I would end up making a really bad decision. So, I asked for help.

Again, I'm going to be real: It was SUPER scary. I had to see a lot of doctors and I cried a lot. But after a lot of work, I was able to get better, and now, years later, I am in a (different) healthy relationship, and I have a job and a pet, and I'm here talking to you.

I know this sounds stupid because it's like some feel-good story and right now I'm sure you feel less than great. But I say this because you NEED to ask for help, even if it is difficult. Because there are real things past this feeling. A future job, a future relationship (if you want), a future pet, future kids (if you want). They're all very real and achievable and this feeling is temporary, even thought it feels so permanent right now.

So I'm going to give you some options, since it seems like you don't want to talk to your parents:

Talk to a doctor. Doctors are trained to help you, and they have a lot of resources.

Talk to a trusted teacher. Teachers can sometimes be amazing resources as well, and a lot of them want to listen when you ask to talk.

Talk to a different adult (aunt, uncle, coach, someone!) that you feel close to that will help.

Call/text/message a hotline. Here is an example of a hotline you can talk to via messaging, text, or phone, depending on what you prefer.

But you need to ask for help, because you DESERVE to be happy and living your best life.

It would make me super happy if you message/inboxed me an update, whether you're doing better, worse, or the same! I'm so proud of you for reaching out and I'm cheering you on!

[spurious]

Getting to Know You Meme

Tagged by @audioletter 🧡 who did hers here

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? m a r r i e d

02) What was your dream growing up? i wanted to be a vet until i realized i would have to deal with animals in pain lol

03) What talent do you wish you had? not to steal audioletter's answer here but also drawing tbh.

04) If someone bought you a drink what would it be? one of those fancy starbucks iced lime drinks with the green coffee beans

05) Favorite vegetable? oooooh hm. broccoli?

06) What was the last book you read? poking at a reread of Catch-22

07) What zodiac sign are you? scorpio sun, gemini moon, cancer rising

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? several tattoos and 2 ear piercings

09) Worst Habit? according to @audioletter, sleeping diagonally on the bed. according to Lemon, forgetting to refill her automatic feeder

10) What is your favorite sport? i like watching basketball

11) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? uh. i don't really think of myself as an optimist but i think i kind of am a bit of one.

12) Tell me one weird fact about you. two of my chromosomes are stuck together

13) Do you have any pets? cat & borbs

14) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? if i had to choose one of those adjectives I'd go with scary but i'm not, like, super scared of clowns?

15) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? i would give myself an ass so that i can sit on hard surfaces in greater comfort

16) What color eyes do you have? blue

17) Ever been arrested? no

18) Bottle or can soda? can

19) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? we haven't left the country since before covid so. plane tickets

20) What's your favorite place to hang out at? home tbh

21) Do you believe in ghosts? not actively but like. i wouldn't be surprised if there were.

22) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? video games, crochet, watching tv, going for meandering walks

23) Do you swear a lot? i don't know what constitutes a lot? i feel like i do.

24) Biggest pet peeve? people who get on a crowded train and stand around by the doors instead of moving into the far less crowded aisles

25) In one word, how would you describe yourself? ummmmmmmm. odd

26) Do you believe/appreciate romance? yes! i'm weird at it but i like it.

27) Favourite and least favourite food? fave: probably cheese. least fave: shrimp

28) Do you believe in God? probably?

29) What makes you happy: sound of the cat purring. sitting in bed with my wife and playing our games and talking. sour candy.

30) Currently listening/the last thing you listened to: The Mountain Goats - Jenny from Thebes

31) Favourite place to spend time: i like! to be! at home!

32) Favourite lyric:

And I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam / And no emotion that’s worth having could call my heart its home

33) Recommend a film: Clue!

34) Recommend a book: Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides

35) Recommend a band, a song, or album: have you heard of the mountain goats :)

36) Recommend a TV show: Freaks and Geeks

37) Where are you from, and do you still live there? Where have you lived? I'm from metro Detroit, Michigan, and I've lived there, in Ohio for school, and then in Ibaraki, Japan, followed by Osaka where I've lived forrrrrrrr. 13 years or so?

38) Do you have any pets or animals in your life? How did you find/get them? Lemon was found after a typhoon when I lived in Ibaraki. Niles and Nesmith came from the bird store where everyone wanted the fancy baby budgies and they were being ignored for being too Standard lol

39) What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? WELL. If you don't know, some regions of Japan eat whale meat, and some regions of Japan use whale meat in their school lunch. So uh. One day when I worked at an elementary school I was blithely eating my school lunch only to be asked by one of the kids how I was liking the whale meat. 😐 (it's not even good)

40) How did you 'find' fandom? i actually don't totally remember? my first fic reading experience was cardcaptor sakura, and i think it was on a fansite or something rather than ff.net....and then i found my way to LJ and HP fandom.

41) Make a list of 5 things that you see without getting up. I'm at my desk at work so: rainbow glitter fountain pen, ps5 devkit, photo from our wedding, coworkers, "everything is fine" 10 of swords card from the modern witch tarot deck

42) How do you style your hair? currently a bob with bangs. i have started carrying a little comb in my handbag for this

I'm gonna tag people!

@alienfuckeronmain @sga-owns-my-soul @stargatebarbie @texasdreamer01 @acrowbyanyothername

@colonelshepparrrrd @queen-x-ishtar @hearteyesmcgarrett

[contentment-of-cats]

House stuff.

When I was doing my chemo, radiation, and surgery the housework really suffered. I didn't have the energy, and at several points it would have been dangerous to have someone to come in and do it. When your treatment is whacking your immune system, and you get sick, it's always more serious. I'm doing a lot better, but it has its ups and downs. My kitchen and bathroom are finally cleaned to my satisfaction, and I am going to take a crack at cleaning the rugs today.

I've been concentrating on the big Out - getting rid of stuff that I don't want to die with in my house. Yes, I am still in remission, but remission is fragile. I want to have things neat and tidy, and good to go in case I need to go back into treatment. I'm not being a pessimist, I'm being a realist. I understand the power of positive thinking, but I also understand that if 20 people were in a room together, and had the type and stage of cancer that I was diagnosed with, only three of us would survive. It's a point I have to make over and over to some people, and I can't even tell you how tired I am of making it.

Sorry, I needed a little rant.

Yesterday was a lot of errands. I had to go pick up my meds for the month, go to the bank, stop at FedEx Office, and then run at Ace Hardware. It was a very long and tiring run, but my Uber driver was super cool. He even went into the hardware store with me.

My building is going back to covid protocols, we have had a lot of sickness in the complex. And I had covid back at the beginning of July. Apparently, there is a new strain to be concerned about. It was the same at the hospital with people being met at the elevators with masks and hand sanitizer. I did find the wrench that I needed, and the part to fix my sink. Our building super is currently hospitalized, and they are trying as much as possible to avoid spreading anything further through the tenants.

Even though my white count is better, it is still in the lowest range of normal. I'm really not up for the risk.

Otherwise, I did order a new steam mop after my old one died, and I really have to say that Bissell makes one hell of a product. Most cleaners just put layer after layer of crap on your floor. That's why when you've been in a place for a while your floors are sticky. I have always used a steam mop ever since they came out. I think this is the best one I've ever had.

I am strong enough now to lift a 4 gallon stock pot, and can easily empty the dehumidifiers. I can do the stairs three times per day, but it's very tiring. Tai chi and resistance bands do help. The lymphedema in my right leg comes and goes, and seems to respond to some kind of inflammation going on. Friday and Saturday were very painful for me, and I had two huge patches of psoriasis. 🐝🐝 Turned me on to using zinc oxide powder, and it makes one hell of a difference in a very short time. I applied it to my hands and the swelling is down a lot today. I think I will mix it into a scalp mask and let it sit while I have my Sunday bubble bath.

[knitasha]

Unemployment Update

I love and hate November. There's Foodsgiving, my birthday, my kid's birthday. But then my kid also has multiple weeks of school closures/half days and I lose all sense of time management. I'm just glad today everything is relatively back to normal, for now.

Still looking for work. Here's the latest:

Number of jobs applied to: 26 (last year, I applied to over 100 before getting a hit, so I'm trying not to be too pessimistic just yet)

Number of explicit declines: 15 (the rest are all in the black hole of no follow up)

Number of interviews: 0 :( I had high hopes for one in particular, but I think I have to set that aside now.

NaNoWriMo status: I hit 20K and think I'm going to call it on my current story here. See aforementioned hecticness of the month making it harder than I expected to keep at this. But.. more stories brewing.

Focus for the week: Keeping an eye on my cat, who was recently diagnosed with cancer. A second tumor has appeared and he has wounds that are not healing quickly enough and keep opening. Lots of worries.

Current crafting projects: A cowl for my mom, a sweater for my husband

What I'm looking forward to: Quilting class with a friend she booked for my birthday. Super excited for this!

What else am I supposed to use this space for? Should I post my knitting and sewing projects? Should I document the reboot of my sourdough adventure (that'll be, what, the third time)?

[viewer-of-many]

A dove, really flamboyant and loves to show off his magic tricks to anyone who takes interest in magic.

"ahh~ greetings fellow bots, welcome, right this way, you're about to see the fantastic magician himself, me! Ohohohoho!"

Taxidermied Canadian swallowtail butterfly, she always felt a heavy weight on her. She felt envious of Curionia. Always sad and pessimistic about life.

"this is so... Sad... You tried so hard impressing everyone... You didn't take care of yourself... I'm so sorry..."

Daddy longlegs, the one who loves to do tricks, and make horrible boring jokes on everyone. He's just happy to be alive!

"wow! This is un-Bee-lievable! Haha, get it? Because there's a bee botbot, no? Ok"

Dessert Rosy boa, calm and collected, but she does acknowledge her foul smell. But she is definitely a sensei type of bot.

"you bots really need to work on your footwork more, you'll run as sloppy as that hoagie over there, now again! But stiff up those shoulders!"

Tarantula, this bot really likes to play "hunt". He'd sneak up on someone and teasing them after an almost painful nibble.

"aw~ come on! It wasn't that painful! It was a little bite!"

Ball python, a very well mannered bot. Compared to the other animal botbots, who have to deal with their beast instincts, he has full control of his.

"oh me? It's true, I don't really worry about my instincts... I can control it, I don't know why, maybe it has to do with my brain or something like that"

Scorpion, absolutely a massive prick! He doesn't have any respect for anyone! Anybody who is a higher status than him, he'll try his way to squish them down lower to him. He loves the infamy he gets.

"why don't you wusses get your stupid whiney flashlight out of my turf, or else!"

Corn snake, so silly and fun! Always the best in personality!

"so what are we going to do today? Is it a game or a super cool party? C'mon! You gotta tell me! I just can't contain myself!"

Rhinoceros beetle, a very strong warrior. He wishes that he'd get to face his greatest opponent one day, but right now, he's a bit old

"*sigh* you there! Yes, bonsai tree, what's your name? Bonz-eye? Interesting, I saw you wield that sword, who made it for you? That's a fine blade you got there"

Dung beetle, he's just as gross and weird as Clogstopper.

"YO! What's up? Oh this? It's just my ball of poop, wanna touch it?"

Cicada: absolutely a loud little piece of sh- he can't shut up.

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! YOU'RE SO QUIET, SPEAK UP!"

Betta fish, an absolute escape artist. She loves to try and escape any containment. Also a criminal.

"hah! You really think this translucent tank can keep me in? Amateurs!"

(I won't be able to name the spider botbots, since that means looking up details about their alt modes, and I am very afraid of them.)

Risori the Ring Master(The type of dove used in magic tricks is Streptopelia risoria, the Barbary or Ringneck dove. He specializes in ring based magic tricks)

Pinpilio(taxidermy can also be called pinning, and Papilio is the genus of swallowtails)

Sonorgata(Sonoran Desert, where rosy boas can live, and trivirgata, the scientific name)

King Coils(ball pythons are also called royal pythons, and they like to coil up)

Sculstinger(A Centruroides sculpturatus)

Kerophi(kernels, like corn, and Pantherophis, the genus name)

Aloeox(Strategus aloeus, the ox beetle)

Saceroll(Scarabaeus sacer. has ball, will roll.)

Decibre(Brevisana brevis, the loudest insect in the world.)

Betti Byrin(Betta fish are in the Anabantoidei suborder, also referred to as labyrinth fish, due to a special organ they have)

[dabruzzy]

Uuuugh I'm so frustrated because the way I was taught 3D animation at school was so lacking...I just found out today what Gimbal lock is, why it happens and how to fix it. Now that I'm working on an animation where I already fucked up and got Gimbal lock because I didn't know that shit. Like why the hell didn't they teach me the reason why I'm supposed to use Gimbal mode when rotating things, how the rotation order works, how to change it, how to prevent Gimbal lock...now the only way to try and fix this animation is to reanimate both arms from the start which makes me super demotivated to keep working on it. Which sucks cause I paid for one of the rigs specifically to motivate myself.

And I know I'm a beginner and stuff like this happens but I'm also a pessimist and I have a tendency of sulking really easily, and stuff like this makes me worry that I'll never get a job because my knowledge of the software is so lacking and I don't even know the basics...

[lunarwildrose]

Someone pls pls pls send me teddybears 🧸 chocolate 🍫 and flowers 💐 (and maybe jewelry📿💍💠)

... things normally associated with Sweetheart's Day, I suppose, or something like that. ⚘💝🌷

I feel so unwell ... I recovered physically from colds and such after being sick with one thing after the other ... just in time for my PMDD aka "severe PMS" time of month. I was also having seizures yesterday, on top of insecurities and mood swings. 🙃

Generally, I just feel very confused, and uncertain of everything. 🤯

Gotta see the psychiatrist replacing the APRN today. She substituted for the APRN when she had her baby, so I'm a bit familiar with her, but intimidated by her tbh.

Pretty sure it's my psych meds screwing me over with convulsions and seizures. I have been trying to get an appointment with a neurologist again, and hope to do the sleep study this time around.

I had a really bad fit of emotional distress overnight. I'm prone to self-destructive behavior when I'm like this. I'm not going into details. Being super anxious and clinically depressed with chronic PTSD is a living hell. 💀⚰🪦

Oh, my social worker said she'll work towards getting me into a DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) group, but that will take time.

I just feel completely pessimistic beyond the concept of "glass half empty", it's fucking shattered and irrepairable at this point. 🌫🌫🌫

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Alexandria Sha-Yuri Pris Akridge (@lunarwildrose)

[pleasantpaw7-13]

"Hello all of Primatube, this is Rainy here. Humble resident in Pleasantpaw Division and an enjoyer of human history," Rainy said as she held her phone out to record her in her humble abode that her and the rest of her friends live in. Currently the light blue Felinain was in the living room.

"It means she's a huge history nerd." Mimi could comment as she passed by Rainy and into view of the video for a brief moment, having a cheeky little smile on her face.

"I think you mean history buff, Mimi," Rainy said, playing it off cool as she looked at her friend off camera who rolled her eyes with a smirk on her face.

"Anyway, not what I wanted to talk about. Today, for the very first time ever, I'd like to introduce the very first ever." There was a pause as Rainy pressed a button to flip the the camera around. "Trail half felinain citizen!"

"...What am I looking at? Some kind of tiny rectangle? And why are you talking to it?" Blaze was simply confused and cautious at Rainy pointed the strange object at him as he sat on the couch. Not to mention her being super excited, learning well that something weird or different was happening when she got like this.

"It's just my phone. I'm staring a channel on Primatube, to share the experience of living with a the first ever half felinain citizen. Show people that it's possible, and hopefully get some more supporters." Rainy figured it couldn't hurt and would help show people that just because you weren't born in the city didn't mean you couldn't adapt and move in. "Now hold up the id," the light blue felinain said as Blaze held it up towards the phone, though upside down.

"Trial citizen," Mimi said, earning her attention from Rainy as the phone was pointed at her showing her frowning face. "Look, I'm glad you're excited Blaze didn't get booted out, though don't get your hopes up. You never know what could happen." Some might call the short teal felinain a pessimist, though to her she was just being a realist.

"Well I wholeheartedly disagree, though you opinion is valid and accepted." Rainy knew Mimi's stance on things right now, and, as much as she hated to admit they did have a few fair points. Suddenly Len would walk into the room prompting her to point the phone at him.

"And this is Len. The over sensitive and paranoid roommate who had half of the entire police force breaking down our door." Rainy would zoom the phone's camera in on Len's frowning face.

"For the fifty time, I'm sorry. It was late, the lights weren't on, and I woke up to HIM digging through everything at four in the MORNING. How'd you expect me to react when you don't tell anyone when he visits?" Len asked, crossing his arms as he angrily glares at Rainy.

"For you information I DID tell everyone, YOU just refuse to join the group chat Alex made," Rainy said oh so matter of factly, sticking her tongue at him.

"I REFUSE to join that chat with the nickname 'Sir Grumps A-Lot' and you know that," Len said, hearing a chuckle at Mimi who found herself on the receiving end his ever so famous glare, which she brushed off.

"Yeah, well, he clearly needs to change it to Negative Paranoid Hater!" Rainy would say loudly, earning an overly dramatic gasp from Len having never been called such a name before.

"Alright ladies, let's not argue about this AGAIN." Mimi would speak up, fully aware of the insult thrown at Len, though he was acting out and it usually got him to shut up. She had to deal with this all night at the police station and didn't wanna deal with it again. "Everything is settled and we should be thankful no one was hurt, besides Blaze being literately slammed into the ground."

"Is that why I had a bump on my head for a few days?" Blaze remembering blacking out for a bit during the entire thing, waking up a few seconds later in cuffs and being pulled up.

"Yes, but don't worry. The EMT said there wasn't any damage to your skull or anything just swelling." Rainy had lost it when Blaze was slammed into the floor so hard, worried he was seriously injured.

"Whatever, I'm going to my room," Len said, storming off to his room and out of sight of the phone's camera. A moment later his door could be heard slamming shut.

Well, that went better than she expected. "Look, can you wrap this up Rainy? I've gotta head to work soon and its your turn to mow the lawn." Mimi didn't have time waste and keep the peace in this household right now. She was already in some hot water for being late the day the incident happened so needed to be on time.

"Oh, sorry Mimi. I can wrap it up," Rainy said facing Mimi thus putting her on the video once more. "Uh, say goodbye." She would play it off, clearly to the annoyance of Mimi, though she half heartedly waved bye before heading to the door and leaving.

"You to Blaze. Say goodbye to everyone," Rainy said, her smile returning as she pointed the phone at Blaze once more.

"Uh, bye mysterious phone people?" Blaze was still extremely confused by everything that was happening right now, though it seemed resolved somehow.

Rainy would then flip the phones camera back to face here. "Well, here's the first video. Hope you all stayed tuned for updates and how things go. See ya." She would then end the video, then retreat to her room to upload it to her computer for editing before uploading it to Primatube rather than mowing the lawn like she was supposed to be doing right now.