#i'm still working on her playlist

[bigmeandragonlady]

Finally finished the dossier template, few other things of note:

Pretty handy with a knife as well as the bow.

Can process seafood really quickly

Prefers to be at a REASONABLE height with the sky above her

If you want to know her exact birthday, you'll have to figure it out on your own or hassle her enough

Scars: a small cut on her chin, stab scar on her stomach (she fell out of a tree and impaled herself, okay), inside of her bicep, across the outside of her right wrist to her thumb, palm side of her left thumb

Tattoos: Ket tattoo on the inside of the wrist, floral sleeve on her left arm, anchor + rope + birds on one of her ankles

I kept rambling and found it hard to summarize the relationships so I've expanded under the cut. There are def rumors that she's dating or sleeping with at least half of them

Blade: they get along weirdly well. Recruits in particular are always surprised to find them casually walking together- they find her softer demeanor an odd juxtaposition to how Blade... is. Also! He is fun to tease. thinks how much she'd like to hear him whimper. It's a miracle they don't butt heads more often, considering her beef with authority. He hates when she gets together with Trouble and Chase b/c she joins them in being a group menace.

Romance: I could see it but Blade would have to make the first move and bridge that gap, as she's convinced herself she's not meant for a relationship. One of the biggest issues i would see them having is Blade's protectiveness would make her feel like she was being smothered and coddled at times.

Trouble: They get on like a house on fire. Her first friend in the order and i'm still deciding if they get arrested together or she pulls Trouble away. Very casual with physical affection and he's a personal space heater. Not a lot to say here b/c it's pretty straight forward!

Romance: Absolutely could see it happening but this would involve a third party kicking Trouble in the ass b/c he's dense as a brick. But it could very well fall apart b/c of her whole romantic relationship = bad, thing. She would realize 'i have feelings for him, but he doesn't have any idea yet' and probably distance herself which would cause confusion and hurt for Trouble, he might confide in someone and they just "she has feelings for you, dipshit"

Tallys: A little more complicated- Aelyn bounces and feeds off other ppl's personalities to interact so the cool, calm, detached thing is kind of weird sometimes b/c she's.... not that. It gets better as she eases out of survival mode. Tallys has given her a lot of tips when it comes to archery (flirting, unnecessary touching, ect included), they go on nature walks, and they do talk often.

Romance: Maybe. While they work as friends with benefits... idk if it would go beyond that. Speaking of: Tallys is absolutely the one to break that arrangement off b/c she's the first one to clock Aelyn being in deep for Chase (or just... between tallys and chase, idk how she has any energy). this is how i see it happening anyway, since aelyn is in denial and idk how willing tallys would be to be in the middle of... that. Of course, how these two fwb route interact can absolutely change things

Shery: She loves Shery. Like if she was more comfortable with casual affection Aelyn would give a hug and kiss on the head when they met up. Borderline cute aggression (I could see Aelyn getting drunk, holding onto Shery, saying "you're so adorable, what the fuck"). Shery does a good job of making her feel cared about w/o being coddled. Has loved helping her be a little more assertive

Romance: I think Shery would be too timid to kick things off and that's what Aelyn needs. I would see this being Shery falling and not saying anything.... forever. There's also the "and they were both bottoms" lol.

Riel: They get along but I wouldn't call them good friends? They respect each other but if they had no work related reason to see each other, both would be okay with that. Even if he was romanceable for a fem MC, it would not happen. Man won't even share his food.

Chase: This is hard b/c my brain kind of turns to static when I think about them. But they got on very quickly. Not as quickly as say, Trouble, but when she said 'We're square' she genuinely meant it. she got points right off the bat for tracking him down and busting into the guild solo and not really giving a shit that they're the thieves guild. He gets points for being so easy to get a long with and leading a life that would make him a huge hypocrite for judging her past choices.

Romance: He's her main romance so- It's such a fucking mess and i love mess. Fuck buddies who have caught feelings and are stupid about it b/c they don't want them. They've managed to worm past each others walls on accident and it's going to get worse before it gets better. At this point in the game, the thought of losing him or even turning down the dial on whatever they have going on is devastating, which scares her. Honestly, just how relationship avoidant I make her ultimately depends on how the torpedo + subsequent reconciliation happens.

Red: He caught her scoping the library and offered her a tour, gaining immediate friendship points. She's envious of his education but he's so open with his knowledge and resources she can't resent him. they talk about nerdy magic shit all the time and Blade is 🙄 when they start bouncing off each other.

Romance: Such a close runner up to Chase it's almost tragic. The biggest tipping point is that she met chase first. I think he would be patient enough to get past her walls and mature enough to just fucking... talk to her. There's obviously chemistry and something there that would make him pursue her. this would be overall healthier and wouldn't explode (as badly). she'd be terrified of meeting his family though.

Ayla: They're pretty protective of each other pretty quickly, they see the similarities they have and they get a long well. Aelyn makes an active effort to remind Ayla she has a place here and people she can trust. Teases her until she gets punched in the ribs.

Romance: No matter what I do I can't see them in a relationship. :| She's the only one out of the romacables (for fem MC) that I'm like hmmm no.

Halek: They get along very well and he seems to take her flirting in stride. I can see them cooking together (assuming Halek isn't one of those 'get out of my kitchen' people)- cooking and eating together is a significant bonding activity for her. She feels like Halek is a big judgment free zone so that's big friendship points for her.

Romance: Yes, if only to make a lifelong enemy of Moonsilk. I think they're compatible but I also don't know if I know his character well enough to say definitely. If he ever wants to 'hang out' she's down to clown.

Briony: Once she realized Briony was genuinely on the same side as her in the arena they were buds. She fascinated by Briony's sword and jokes that Red's blatant curiosity is rubbing off on her. Right there with Ayla with 'hey you want us to 'talk' to them 🤜' they like to walk around, arms linked, and GOSSIP

Romance: I- maybe? I could see it. Possibly. Though, apparently she and Lavinet's type is similar sooo maybe not. I don't think it would be.... great. My biggest fear is that Aelyn would actively sabotage this relationship and create a lasting wound for Briony (although tbh this is a fear for pretty much all the ROs)

Lavinet: They hold each other in high regard and their relationship is warmer then Aelyn and Riel's but but there's still a distance there. Lavinet operates very differently then she does and it throws Aelyn off. I'm not sure how true it is but Aelyn is pretty sure Lavinet would judge the shit out of her for some of the things she's done in the past. They bond over riding and girls nights though. Like Riel: even if romancable, it wouldn't happen.

Mimir: It's complicated. On one hand she does like Mimir as Mimir, loves how weird she can be. On the other, the whole god(s) thing? don't like that. She's resentful and tries real hard not to direct it at Mimir

[beesinspades]

it's vashwood reverse bang preview time!! here's a look at my collab with @ohohge 👀💜 I had a ton of fun working on it with her over the past months! we're posting on august 1st so please look forward to it, and go check out her art preview! :D

[ofgoldandfear]

Physical differences between Margot and P

Hi I'm back - a bit late, a sorta-flu has been kicking my ass since last week, the New Year happened, then I got back to work and my sorta-flu decided to get worse - ANYWAY, get yourself some tea and check out one of the new tracks from Margot's playlist while reading that post.

While I'm slowly starting to write my fic, I've decided to show some differences between Margot and other characters. If there's a thing I LOVE in this game, it's how varied the characters look, the devs didn't shy away from giving them specific traits that makes them very unique in a "would see them in the street" sort of way.

I've been picturing specific traits for Margot in that aspect, and found a fitting model for her as well last week - Olivia Hussey. Her parents also have models, I'll show them later. Let's just say Margot is a proper mix of the traits both of her parents present.

Anyway, here is the quick rundown of the facial differences between Margot and P.

If you can't read my handwriting, here are the explanations:

Jaw: Margot's jaw is v-shaped with a pointy chin, P's jaw is squarish with a wider chin;

Eyes: Margot's eyes are almond-shaped with a rounded inner corner, P's eyes are droopy and semi-hooded;

Lips: Margot's lips are downturned and her lower lip is notably fuller, P's lips have a more balanced fullness between the upper and lower lip.

Both of them have a dark lash line with long eyelashes though lol However P's hair is dark brown while Margot's hair is black, and P's eyebrows are more angled than Margot's. Margot's cheekbones are a bit more pronounced than P's, he has a bit more roundness at the cheeks. P has striking blue eyes while Margot's are dark brown. Margot has an even porcelain-like skin with a beauty mark under the left eye and particularly red lips, while P has freckles and two notable beauty marks above his upper lip and on his lower lip.

Overall, while both of them seem to physically be about the same age, there's some sharpness in Margot's face that contrasts with her rather delicate and youthful features, while P's face retains some dainty roundness (and some neotonous features like his freckles and rounded forehead) that contrasts with the otherwise typically boyish traits such as a square jaw and hooded eyes.

[keeps-ache]

i have a new hobby!! i listen to my playlist and say things like 'oh this goes hard' 'it just can't miss' 'it's so good, you have no idea' to my brother who cannot listen to it bc i am wearing headphones lmaoo

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the tastemaker @cordiallyfuturedwight for the january receipts and would you believe it i'm actually on time

tagging a few favs: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @btscontentenjoyer @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi <333 and you too if you fancy it

[outer-edges]

Don't be shy, drop your fave bluestoplights fics 🤩

DONE. I THINK I'VE SRSLY RECOMMENDED ALL OF THESE TO U B4 BUT I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE THINKING + TALKING ABOUT THEM. GONNA NARROW IT DOWN TO TOP THREE.

inordinary - 35k words 7 chapters of interconnected vignettes that all take place in the same modern musician!ellie and musician!joel au. it's beautiful with a little bit of everything and as with all bluestoplights fic, has such a great grasp of what makes joel and ellie joel and ellie. beautiful character work! i literally think about it every other day at minimum and still cry about it on occassion. this is my roman empire.

leaving like a father (you could stay) - 4.9k words one-shot. joel character study. also cried while reading this. just gonna copy paste the summary because. yeah.

Joel Miller learned from a young age that the best thing he could do as a father was stick around. It's more than his did. It's a lesson burned into his brain when Sarah's mom leaves and he raises a kid alone. It's not one he expects to remember when a fourteen year old tries to attack him with a knife in a hallway.

i rewind the tape but all it does is pause - 7.4k words the millers go to therapy! i've actually only read this one once, but it has just stuck with me as like a very raw representation of the millers and working through their issues. in general, the millers are very raw and real and genuine in fics by this author.

[eggmeralda]

overcome with the sudden urge to listen to songs my friend likes...what does that mean

[chirpsythismorning]

☎️🎲 🤼‍♂️ ✈️🚪 ➡️ 🫀🎮⌛️

Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA

previous ⏮️ now playing ⏭️ next back to playlist

[ningquan]

𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄 .

Share at least 5 songs that you associate with or remind you of your muse!

mysterious - queen bee

goldmine - kimbra

i am not a woman, i'm a god - halsey

hey little songbird - rafscrap & laceysings' cover of the hadestown song

that bitch - bea miller

tagged by: @apocryphis thank you, lovely! tagging: whoever would like to do this!

[yerimoonlight]

Siri...Play Traitor on repeat because The Legacy of Yangchen is coming out in July and I still have not forgiven Kavik.

[ranger-kellyn]

wait i stand corrected i HAVE touched this oc since i first made her. coral santos was a full oc in my fic getaway car and i think the last time i drew her would have been like...october 2017

[steampoweredskeleton]

Screams

[neverendingford]

.

[thetreetopinn]

Sources for Somerton's Plagiarism from Hbomberguy's Video (as much as I could get)

I went back through Harry's video, focused entirely on the sources James Somerton pulled from in the hopes of creating as much of a comprehensive list as I could--though my Google-Fu is not very strong. I did however find something I thought was forever lost and that made me very happy--specifically the magazine Midlands Zone containing the column by Steven Spinks that Harry poignantly used as an illustration of gay erasure... while Somerton uses it to sound like HE is waxing remorseful about the very subject.

This is not a complete list, I'm sure. For one thing, I was only able to attempt to pull sources that Harry himself mentioned in the video. Surely there's so very much more out there. I expect there to be a great deal more internet archeology to unearth just how much writing and culture Somerton has stolen like he's the British Museum of Natural History but for gay people.

- - - - -

Harry's list of mentioned youtubers:

Alexander Avila - https://www.youtube.com/@alexander_avila Matt Baume - https://www.youtube.com/@MattBaume Khadija Mbowe - https://www.youtube.com/@KhadijaMbowe Lady Emily - https://www.youtube.com/@LadyEmilyPresents Shanspeare - https://www.youtube.com/@Shanspeare RickiHirsch - https://www.youtube.com/@RickiHirsch VerilyBitchie - https://www.youtube.com/@verilybitchie

Harry created a convenient playlist of videos by these and other people he wants to bring to everyone's attention.

Please give them your support.

- - - - -

Midlands Zone Magazine - Column by Steven Spinks

After a great deal of searching, I found an archive of the "Midlands Zone" magazine, where you can read through past issues dating all the way back to February 2014. I have also found the issue from which Somerton took Spinks' poignant discussion of gay erasure: Overall archive Specific Issue - Pages 16-17

It will not allow you to download it, but you can read it exactly as it appeared in print form.

- - - - -

My best effort to find the exact book or article Somerton lifted from to be able to get attention to the original writers

Tinker Bells and Evil Queens By Sean Griffin

The Celluloid Closet By Vito Russo Wikipedia article about the book Wikipedia article about the documentary My weak google-fu could not find where you can access the book or documentary. Check your local municipal or university library for book or documentary, or if you know a good source for one or both, please reblog with it added

Camp and the Gay Sensibility By Jack Babuscio

The Groundbreaking Queerness of Disney's Mulan By Jes Tom Personal site with links to social media accounts

Why Rebel Without a Cause was a milestone for gay rights By Peter Howell

Why "The Craft" is still the best Halloween coming out movie By Andrew Park

Opinion: From facehuggers to phallic tails, is 'Alien' one of the queerest films ever? By Dani Leever

Women and Queerness in Horror: Jennifer's Body By Zoe Fortier

[Pride 2019] We Have Such Sights to Show You: Hellraiser and the Spectrum of Queerness By Alejandra Gonzalez

Revealing the Hellbound Heart of Clive Barker's 'Hellraiser' By Colin Arason

Queering James Cameron's Aliens (1986) By Bart Bishop

Demeter and Persephone in space: transformation, femininity, and myth in the 'Alien' films By David Greven

Fears of a millennial masculinity: Scream's queer killers By David Greven (Scholarly site, unable to access original work, offers a way to request a full copy of the text in PDF)

Queer Subtext in Stephen King's It - Part 1: 'Reddie' Character Analysis By Rachel Brands Rachel is the very unfortunate lady who found out she was being stolen from because she supported Somerton through Patreon and saw one of his videos early with her writing--lacking any form of citation or credit

How 'It: Chapter Two' Leaves Richie Tozier Behind By Joelle Monique

When Horror Becomes Strength: Queer Armor in Stephen King's 'IT' By Alex London

Why Queer People Love Witchcraft By Amanda Kohr

'The Favourite' Queers The Past And The Present By Giorgi Plys-Garzotto

(Wuko) Crush (Mako x Wu) By MoonFlower on YouTube

5 Terrible Movies With Awesome Hidden Meanings By J.F. Sargent

The Radicalization of Sexuality: The Queer Casae of Jeffrey Dahmer By Ian Barnard

Netflix's 'Dahmer' backlash highlights ethical issues in the platform's obsession with true crime By Shivani Dubey

The Possible Disturbing Dissonance Between Hajime Isayama's Beliefs and Attack on Titan's Themes Original Article by "Seldom Musings" (Author has made all posts not related to Attack On Titan private and has retired from the blog)

Everyone Loves Attack on Titan. So Why Does Everyone Hate Attack on Titan? By Gita Jackson

- - - - -

The following people are otherwise named in the video. There are no direct citations of articles or books by them in said video. I am unable to guarantee that I have identified the correct individual.

Darren Elliott-Smith Michaela Barton David Church Claire Sisco King Amanda Howell Jessica Roy

- - - - -

Telos announced and cancelled a film likely based on this book: The Final Girl Support Group - By Grady Hendrix

- - - - -

I refrained from including certain sources.

First off only focusing on Somerton's work.

Secondly not including anything that might be visible enough to not require amplifying their voice (I cannot speak for all of those I have found links to, but journalism is frequently a thankless job).

Thirdly any source that is of a nature that is antithetical to the very existence of the queer community, such as the right-leaning source that didn't make it into Somerton's video, but Harry was able to identify as a source he had considered using.

If you feel I have missed a mentioned source--or you know of a source from material that was not covered in Harry's video--please do not hesitate to reblog with added details.

- - - - -

Please share this information far and wide, and please add to it if you find more material that can be positively identified and linked to the creator/writer.

[simpjaes]

✘ WIP DIARY ── LAST NIGHT, I READ YOUR DIARY. (p.sh) ✘

Sunghoon has been trying be everything you need since your mother passed. A father, a friend, a therapist. You never really understood what your mother saw in him in the first place, if you’re being honest. He’s awkward, quiet, and typically used to keep to himself up until now. You’re impressed with his efforts by the time you’re entering into your senior year of college, though his entire demeanor towards you seems to have changed.  or the one where your step-father grows obsessed with you minute by minute. 

── step-dad /weirdo park sunghoon x afab reader  

── minors dni

── tags: sunghoon is in his 30s, reader is in her 20s so, age gap, step-cest, heartbreak, obsession, manipulation, coercion, stockholm syndrome-ish, fluff if he manipulates you as a reader lmfao, angst, smut. don't read this if you are easily triggered. ── side characters: heeseung as reader's ex boyfriend, jay as reader's closest friend

── !WARNINGS!: this work contains non-con, dub-con, and stalking behavior. your mom isn’t alive in this fic. warnings will be updated as i write.

── a/n: this one is gonna be a wild ride, that's all i gotta say.

LAST UPDATED: 12.22.24

⨯ est wordcount: 20k+ ⨯ current wordcount: 6.2k ⨯ est release date: tbd ⨯ taglist: my tag list is now closed due to the length.

playlist ⨯ recommended song: last night i read your diary - gürl She's got me down on my knees I beg, I beg, I, I beg, I beg, please! I want it more than I need And I need it like I need to breathe Like I'm losing my- Choke.

PREVIEW (3.1k):

no warnings apply to the preview, it's just the first couple of thousand words for this fic. aka, the intro and the set up for what will inevitably happen later:

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Your first heartbreak is meant to be painful, but this? This is more painful than you could have ever imagined. 

Heeseung was one of your only constants in life. From childhood to high school it’s like he was there more than your own mother was, and certainly more than your own father. Even when she passed, Heeseung was the one who held you through it, he’s the one who made you smile again, he’s the one who made you feel like it was okay to heal and keep going. 

It’s the fact that it was a mutual break up that hurts the most because deep down, you couldn’t see yourself without him. Yet, still, you willingly watched him hop on the plane with a short kiss and long goodbye. It felt so final to you. You could have handled a long distance relationship, truly. But Heeseung didn’t want that. He wanted to explore the world, he wanted to try new things, be with new people. 

Do things without you clinging to him all the time. 

In a way, you understand that. After all, you’re the only girl he had ever been with up until now. Senior year of college. You think you knew your relationship was coming to an end by the time he announced he was going to be studying abroad for his final year without ever once even telling you he was applying to do so. 

So, yeah, it was mutual solely because you want him to be happy and he’s made it clear that he believes that can only happen without you. Such is life. Painful, painful fucking life.  

Just last year when your mother passed, you nearly dropped out and Heeseung had been your rock to make it through class after class with a grade barely high enough to pass. You’re certain some of your professors took pity on you and raised your grade just enough to move forward. You’ll forever thank them for recognizing how hard you were trying. But now? Without your mother, without Heeseung, you’re at a loss.

And there’s a difference between loneliness and isolation, you think. Loneliness to you always hits hard during small spaces in your day, like when you’d get into Heeseung’s car and he would close your door for you. The silence always hurt your ears while he was still making his way around the car to the driver’s seat. A shallow loneliness that you could feel right at the top of your gut, like it was squeezing inside of you and making you lose your appetite. Solely because that silence reminded you of what you always had, a lack of loneliness because of him.

But then there’s isolation. Where it feels forced upon you by other people. Your mother fucking died, Heeseung fucking left, and now you’re just here expected to wake up like you always do, go to class, study hard, sleep well, when the reality of it is– you’re genuinely struggling just to look at yourself in the mirror. 

Then there’s Sunghoon. The only person close enough to you now that you can reach out to. The issue with that is– you’ve never actually been close. And that’s what sucks. The fact that he of all people is all you have now? May as well just assume you have nobody.

His regular calls mean close to nothing to you in the grand scheme of things. Despite him calling twice a week every week since your mother died, your step-father is just as distanced from you as you are him. You’re aware that it’s his obligation, not because he cares. And that hurts, because it’s all you have now. 

Now, you have to try and find meaning in those short calls. After all, Sunghoon fell apart when your mother passed all on his own and you had only called him out of obligation too. You were already in college and stressed, falling apart yourself with someone to love beside you helping you through it. Calling him when it all happened felt empty because you knew both of you were trying to hold it together and save face. 

It wasn’t like this before she died. In fact, he never called and you never cared for him to. You’d see each other when you were home, share awkward pleasantries, and that’s it. It’s hard to believe that now you feel like you need a father, after all those years of practically rejecting him as one. He seemed fine with that after you hit your teen years. He knew by then that he could never be the father you want, but at least he could be the husband your mother needed.

You have grief in common now though. Loneliness. Isolation.

You try not to think about how you were okay up until now though. Having Heeseung to fall back on to soften the blow of your loss, you guess Sunghoon didn’t have that. Maybe his monotone voice and empty words were his way of coping, his way of hearing a voice that wasn’t the one in his own head when he calls you. 

It’s just you and a man you never considered family past the titles and obligatory respects. Finding meaning in his short phone calls does nothing to help your growing isolation, but you cling to them now that Heeseung is gone. You wait for the calls, you ask him to check in with you every day now, to the point Sunghoon starts to notice the difference in you.

No longer rushing to get off the phone. Now, you’re dragging on meaningless conversations. Now, he hears cracks in your voice. 

“You feeling okay?” Sunghoon asks you, in a way that makes you wonder how he’s able to tell that you’re definitely not. The way his own voice has a bit of life to it when he asks it…strange too. Like he’s concerned. 

“No–” You trail off in your meek voice, staring at your ceiling and mind swirling with all of the work you need to get done for classes already. “I’ve only been in classes for a week and I already feel like I’m drowning.” 

Sunghoon sighs into the speaker, contemplating how to further the conversation with you in a way that isn’t too intrusive. After all, who is he to pry? Still, he never intended for you to feel neglected or like you couldn’t come to him. After all, you were too happy about his lack of parenting you throughout his presence in your life. 

He finds solace in the fact that you’ve been accepting him now, though he hasn’t the slightest idea as to why. He’s checked in with you since the passing, but lately it feels to him like something more is going on with you. He may be somewhat estranged, and he may have his own problems to deal with, but you’re still someone he needs to be here for.

Plus, it makes him feel needed again, which is nice considering the circumstances. After living in this bustling house with you and your mom for so long, to it just being him and your mom, to now just him…all that remains now is dread, dissociation, and unwashed dishes in the sink.

“Did something happen?” Sunghoon keeps his questions short, offering more silence if anything for you to use this call as a therapy session if you need. 

You pause for a long moment, realizing that you want to talk about your issues so badly but don’t quite feel the need to share it with him of all people. You’ve already ranted day after day to Jay. To the point you’re sure he’s about one rant away from blocking your number. 

Probably because you’re not that close to him either. Not these days, anyway.

You sigh instead. 

“No…” You trail off. “I think I just miss being home. My dorm mate is never here, class work is already piling up, and I can’t even find the energy to look at the assignments.” 

Sunghoon can tell you’re feeling much like he does and he can’t imagine the weight on your shoulders dealing with these feelings while also in college. But, you have Heeseung, do you not? You’ve been fine for the most part until now, and you haven’t even brought him up. Not once in the past few weeks has his name been uttered by you. Which is strange, after all, the two of you were practically attached at the hip growing up, to the point of choosing the same college, working the same jobs, and even keeping that middle-school puppy love in full swing throughout highschool and college. 

If anything, after your mother passed, Sunghoon felt okay knowing you had Heeseung there with you to help you through it. It meant he could focus on himself and getting through the day-to-day. He could barely handle his own mournful thoughts, let alone the daughter’s feelings of the woman he loved so dearly. He was forever grateful for Heeseung during this time. 

He has his suspicions now though, and his heart aches for the voice he hears from you these days. 

“Why don’t you come home for a while?” He lends a pause to see if you’ll jump for the opportunity before selling the idea to you. “I have the bills here covered and your campus is only a forty minute drive. I’m sure that’s inconvenient but you won’t have bills to worry about on top of everything else.” He doesn’t want to sound too desperate, of course. 

After all, the loneliness he’s feeling is also becoming unbearable. Even if the two of you never were able to see eye to eye, or to form a bond together, you’re all he has left of your mother. He, arguably, is nothing to you, but there’s no one else in this world he’d rather heal the loneliness with outside of you. Only because you knew your mother on a level deeper than he did, and to have someone to share those memories with, or even laugh with, would help him tremendously too.

“I think being at home may do you some good.” 

You think it over in your head, wondering if being home will help you at all. In reality, you know it may make you feel more trapped than you do now. All those memories with your mother, with Heeseung, with all of your friends that have since moved to different colleges. 

But…you wouldn’t be alone. You’d be with someone who knows how to give you space because he’s never even tried to shrink your existence to that of your bedroom and your bedroom alone. You wouldn’t have to worry about rent, food, or anything aside from studies, gas money, and trying to heal from your heartbreak. 

Your dorm is small, you note as you look around the room and wonder how long it would take you to pack your things up. Two hours, give or take. The longest part would be taking all of the little decorations off the wall, if you’re being honest. 

You find yourself nodding before answering, solidifying in your mind that– maybe you’re not the only one who needs company in your space. Not too close, but close enough to not be totally isolated. 

“Okay.” You mutter into the phone, for some reason feeling the tears well up behind your eyes. 

You’re just a bit overwhelmed, that’s all. Knowing you’re going home feels like a relief you didn’t know you needed. 

“Yeah?” Sunghoon confirms. “Just let me know when and I’ll drive up there to help get your stuff back home.” 

You agree, sighing into the phone with a shaking voice. Sunghoon takes note of it, always remembering and quite frankly missing how loud and obnoxious you used to be. Hearing you like this pains him. He wants to help. Now more than ever is his chance to be someone you need, and he hates knowing he feels happy about it. 

Getting to be your father now? It feels awkward, but at least it’s a feeling other than loss. 

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Sunghoon sighs at you through the speaker. “I know I’m not someone you like coming to but–well, I’d like for you to rely on me more, okay?” 

You find a lot of comfort in those words, despite hearing him say them time and time again. This is the first time he’s ever shown that he means it through the offer of bringing you home, rather than just saying it and accepting whatever you say back to him at face value. 

“I know…” You trail off. “I’m okay though, really.” 

Sunghoon hates himself for never forcing you to accept him. Sure, there may have been some teenage defiance towards him, but eventually the two of you could have seen eye to eye. He could have been someone you needed. You could have relied on him too, rather than just Heeseung. That’s all he can really think right now. 

“Are you sure there’s nothing else going on?” The man nearly pleads in his tone, desperate to have someone rely on him again. “I’ve never heard you sound so exhausted before, I can’t help but worry.”

You’d tell him, but honestly, what grown ass man wants to hear about a first heartbreak? It would just get awkward again, he’d just feel obligated to do something about it, and worse, he might end up feeling like he’s supposed to dislike Heeseung now. 

You choose to remain silent in the final straw that broke your back this semester. 

“Really, I’m just tired.” You nod to yourself as you hold your phone loosely against your ear. “I might not go to class tomorrow and just pack instead. I’ll just call you when I’m ready, is that okay?”

Sunghoon smiles to himself, wanting to mean something to you in a way that can hopefully help you out of this slump. Your mother would be throwing a fit if she heard how you’ve been sounding, he can’t help but take over that role and try to make damn sure you are okay. 

“That’s fine,” Sunghoon confirms. “I’ll call and let them know what’s going on so don’t worry about any of that. Just get yourself ready to come back home.” 

You find yourself smiling, relieved that you don’t have to be the one to contact your school and tell them that…well, you’re breaking your student-lease, dropping your food plan, and need to be reimbursed for partial tuition costs since Sunghoon insists every semester that you purchase tuition insurance. You should no longer be charged to live on campus, or for the facilities within the dorm. 

Knowing you’ll at least get back a couple thousand dollars is a nice change of pace, and already you’re feeling weirdly excited to go back to a space that will likely make you miss your mother more. It’ll hurt, but at least you won’t be alone anymore. 

The forty minute drive to campus feels less horrifying now, and maybe your friends will still come and hang out with you in your actual home rather than a tiny dorm. 

“Sounds good.” You say, as if to end the call before you mutter out again. “Thank you, by the way. Sunghoon, really.” 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Sunghoon knew he was spiraling further and further into his loneliness. He knew it wasn’t healthy either, but now. Oh, now he realizes just how bad it’s gotten as he demonizes himself upon picking you up. 

You haven’t come home since your mother’s funeral, and even on that day he barely remembers what you looked like. Eye contact was never a thing for him, but looking at you now, he sees how much you’ve matured since you went off to college. 

Your once bright, excited eyes have turned dull and empty. The bags under them are heavy from lack of sleep. Your lips appear to be in a permanent state of pouting, though he isn’t sure if you’ve noticed. You appear to have lost weight, which is concerning for him of course, but…there’s something else about you.

Something that sits in the pit of his stomach and rots.

“Uh–” You cough, noting the way Sunghoon looks at you as you try to hand him a large box. “Thank you for helping me move my stuff back…” 

Sunghoon snaps out of his thoughts, grabbing a heavy box and then waiting for you to stack another on top. 

“No big deal,” He mutters, feeling the weight in his hands double as he prepares to carefully carry your things out to his car. “You haven’t come home in over a year, but I’ve fixed up your room for you and went ahead and connected my gaming system in there.”

You nod quietly, feeling awkward for how fatherly he seems.

“Thanks…” You trail off, flopping a pile of your things into his trunk before stopping to look at him. “You look like shit.”

Sunghoon furrows his brows, noticing for a split second how that facial expression you made is very similar to one his wife used to throw at him when he’d have hair out of place, or a wardrobe malfunction. And then he smiles. 

“You’re not looking too good yourself.” He jokes back.

You smile back at him, feeling a bit of the awkward air fizzle away. 

“Well, I’m not doing well, so.” 

You were continuing the joke, but his face falls before yours does. 

“You can talk to me–” He starts.

“I know, I know.” You wave him off. “I’ll feel a lot better once we get back and I can settle in.

There’s a nod from him now, and then silence as the two of you continue to put the rest of your belongings into both his car and your own. 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you in a bit?” You say now, awkwardly.

Sunghoon nods, looking you over once again.

“See you in a bit.” 

   ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Shame.

Pure fucking shame. 

Sunghoon knew he needed another presence in this house but upon seeing you again, he knew it may have been a mistake. 

He likes to think of himself as level headed. He’s never gotten into any trouble, never had a stray thought, never cheated, lied, or stole anything. He can’t think of a single thing that he’s done in life to be considered taboo.  But looking at you feels…incorrect?

Indecent? 

You’re his step-daughter for fuck sake but it’s the fact that you don’t feel like you are. When he looks at you, he just sees another person. He did this to help you, he did this to feel needed, to be your fucking father. 

He did not do this to look at you this way or to feel his eye stray even without his intention.

Why do you look so much like her? Why do you do that thing with your pinky when you carry things like she did? You even have a similar smell, probably having picked up on your mother’s habits throughout childhood. 

You being here…It’s like she’s still here. Except it’s you, and he can’t be thinking this way. 

 ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

This fic will be dark, very taboo, morally bad. Not a grey area, it is blatantly bad. sunghoon will do bad things. Please be aware of your own triggers once it's completed and posted. remember that I write within my own triggers, not yours. That being said! Please do show lots of love if this is a fic you're interested in reading! If you want to be tagged, I have a permanent tag list, there are not any separate tag lists for individual fics so keep that in mind.  ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

[kiemiu]

voice notes your boyfriend chris leaves you | ( fem!reader ) fluff + soft hours. established relationship drabble warnings? -> slightly suggestive, use of her wc 327 (library) + (request)

one. hey..me, nick, and matt just landed in boston about...half an hour ago? i—i can't remember i didn't get much sleep on the flight..but i wanted to call and say goodnight, and i love you but then i remembered it's 3am here so i know you're asleep by now. (long sigh followed by silence) i miss you already.

two. hi, pretty baby. you didn't answer my call so i'm assuming you're busy right now. (crunching noises) but that wouldn't make any sense because what else could you be doing besides being my girlfriend? like-(scoffs)

three. hey sweetness, i'm at target right now and im— looking up and down the toy aisle- well, im by the legos actually, and i cant remember which set you said you wanted..can you send me a pic, please? thanks.

four. (loudly burps) that one's for you.

five. can't stop thinking about you..i miss you a lot. (soft sigh) everything about you. (light whimper)

six. you look so pretty, mama. wish i was there to see all of you in person.

seven. since you're bored you should like, come over and sit on my lap while i play fortnite..yknow..just a thought.

eight. (nicks voice) if your boyfriend drinks another one of MY pepsi's you will suffer the consequences. (a hard smack is heard) (chris in the background: don't talk to her like that, are you insane?!)

nine. can't stop listening to our playlist we made together, it just makes me miss you even more even though i just saw you last night...we should just- like, move in together. or you should move in with me. i don't think the boys would mind.

ten. hi stinky, hope you feel better. i ordered some food for you and it should be getting delivered to you soon, so— make sure you pay attention to the doorbell, mkay? (kiss noise) love you, text me when you wake up.

' 𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ' 🥡: @emely9274 @ginswife @madifilipowiczslvt @chrispleasure @chrisstvrns @conspiracy-ash

a/n: just a quick drabble cause i'm working on smthn bigger and i still wanna post 🤭