#i'm still posting this is 2023 surely that counts for something right

[avephelis]

somehow forgot to post this for five months but DIGGING UP MY SPREAD FROM DONZINE ✌️✌️ which you can still check out btw!! donnie my garden warrior

[burntheedges-updates]

over again, chapter 1

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges

Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him and your whole family in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming. or, five times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse (and one time you did something about it)18+ minors DNI chapter tags/warnings: fluff, flirting, light angst, cursing, no use of y/n, no description of reader (see note below), smallish age difference (reader is 26, Joel is 32/almost 33 when they meet in 2000) (small for this fandom, anyway) (the smut comes later, y'all, we're just getting started here) a/n: Well, here we go! This is part 1. This fic is completely finished. It’s a 5+1 and for some of the 5 parts I’ll post them together (on Sundays) and for some I’ll post them separately (on Sundays and Wednesdays) just due to length. Obviously I'm posting this one early (lol). I’ll tell you whatever the schedule is for the different parts. I've paid a lot of attention to the reader's description in this fic. I've avoided skin color, hair type, body shape/size descriptions, and even clothing (except for one or two spots where you are specifically wearing jeans and boots). You are vaguely shorter than Joel. He does not run his fingers through your hair, and you feel the blood rush to your face or your face heat, but you don't turn red or pink. Please tell me if you notice anything I missed - I want this to be as inclusive as possible. word count: 1724 (for this part) series main post & chapter list | series playlist (w/ plot-related mix) ao3 | chapter 2

Chapter 1: Meet Cute

Jackson, Early Winter, 2023

You’ve been heading northwest from somewhere in Kansas, thinking you’ve never bothered going out this way, even Before, so why not? It’s been months since you saw another person. You’re not even sure the last time you spoke out loud. 

You blame the lengthy isolation for how easily they get the jump on you. 

It's just after dawn when you're rudely awakened - at first, you’re not sure why, but a second kick to your hip sends you scrambling to sit up in your sleeping bag, which is tangled around your legs. Looking around as you struggle, you realize you’re surrounded by people on foot and on horseback. Every single one of them is pointing a gun at you. You glance to the side and realize your backpack along with anything possibly useful inside of it has been kicked away from you. The woman who kicked you has a steely look in her eye that reminds you, in your half awake state, of the last boss you had Before. 

“State your business.” As she speaks you notice the two men closest to her start to fan out a bit, but you don’t dare look away from her.

“I’m just passing through, I’ve been looking for a good place to spend the winter.”

Or, that’s what you would have said, if not for the voice from your past shouting your name in shock just as you open your mouth. “No goddamn way, is that really you?”

You think you must be hallucinating, because everyone you knew Before is dead, but then Tommy fucking Miller pushes his way in front of the woman who spoke. For a moment you can’t do more than stare at each other — him with his gun hanging limply in his right hand, you with your legs still tangled in your godforsaken sleeping bag. Then you launch into motion and start to kick it away as you find your voice. It comes out shaky. Or maybe you’re shaking all over.

“Tommy? But — you’re alive? Where the hell have you been? Wait, are Joel and—“

Tommy cuts you off as he pulls you to your feet and into a tight hug. “Holy shit, we thought you were dead. Holy fucking shit.”

“We? Tommy wait, are they—“

Tommy pulls back, keeping hold of your shoulders as he looks you in the eye. He’s grinning, his eyes wandering all over your face. “He’s alive, sunshine. Or he was when he came through here about a month ago. We’re expecting them back in the spring.”

You can feel your heart racing and your whole body feels hot and tingly. You’re overwhelmed. You didn’t think you could still feel hope like this. It’s terrifying, but you have to know. “He’s- Them? They’re both alive? Sarah?”

You know the answer before he even says anything. Tommy’s face falls, his eyes drop from yours, and you feel it like a sucker punch, as bad as it was the first time around. Your knees give out even though this is what you’ve known, or tried to convince yourself must be true, for 20 years. Tommy falls gently with you to the ground.

Your baby girl. “Oh god, Sarah. And Joel, he must have been—“

“Yeah, sunshine. He thought he lost you both. It wasn’t… well. It wasn’t good.” 

You’re starting to feel numb. You have no idea what your face is doing right now, but judging by Tommy’s, it isn’t pretty. 10 minutes ago you were alone in the apocalypse, and suddenly you’re face-to-face with your almost-brother-in-law and you know, without a doubt, that your fiancé hasn’t been dead this whole time. Is this shock? It’s been 20 years since you felt a shock like this. Since you felt anything like this. 

“Tommy, I… I need to sit down.”

“Well, you are sitting down, sunshine. But get up, gather your stuff. You can come to town with us. Stay as long as you’d like.” You nod, unsteady, and Tommy guides you carefully towards what must be his horse. 

The day passes in a daze. You think you might actually be hallucinating, or still back in your sleeping bag, dreaming, because a whole, functional town? A commune, and a house they’re just going to let you have as your own? A real community? With your only remaining family, miraculously alive? It’s impossible. You float through the rest of the day and find yourself sitting on a bed in a house with indoor plumbing that somehow belongs to you, having just eaten real food in the company of the family you thought you lost 20 years ago.

You give up and go to sleep. (What else are you going to do?)

...

As you settle into life in Jackson, the knowledge that you might see Joel — your Joel, any day now — never leaves your thoughts. It’s like a drum beat at the back of your mind that only repeats his name, marking time every hour of every day. You don’t know how you’ll prepare yourself for it. How could you? You haven’t seen him in 20 years. Anything could be different. You can so easily picture him with a daughter, but it’s Sarah in your mind, not Ellie, who Tommy has told you a bit about. Every time you open those old wounds that you’ve done your best to bury it hurts like the first time. Would he still want you? Still know you? Do you still know him? Would Ellie like you? You can’t imagine not knowing Joel, or Joel not knowing you, but it’s been 20 years and people change. You’ve changed, after all. Some days you barely recognize yourself. 

You express these fears to Tommy once, but he only laughs and says his brother may be stupid but he’s not stupid enough not to want you. It’s reassuring and rude, so, exactly like Tommy. At least some things never change.

The day Joel Miller walks back into Jackson you happen to be standing on the road near the gates, talking to Tommy, and you swear he spots you in less than 5 seconds. It’s like you can’t help but look to each other first, even when you don’t know the other is alive, even when you haven’t seen each other in 20 years. You’d know the shape of him anywhere and your eyes have never stopped looking for it, never stopped catching on a set of shoulders, a cocked hip, a tilted head, only to be disappointed when it faded like a mirage. When the person in front of you didn’t fit the hole he left behind. It hurt every time. Maybe it’s been the same for him. 

Joel looks like he’s seen a ghost, and you have no idea what expression is on your face, but the moment you lock eyes all you see is the moment you first met, almost 24 years ago, like a film negative laid on top of what’s really in front of you. He’s older, of course, but so are you, and he’s still the most handsome man you’ve ever seen.

He steps towards you and whispers your name like a prayer.

Joel fucking Miller. 

Austin, Summer 2000

It was a Saturday morning in late summer, so not yet the hottest part of the day, but not comfortable, either. Your belongings were steadily moving from the truck to your new rental house under your somewhat careful supervision when movement from the house next door caught your eye. You looked up just as one of the guys from the moving company almost dropped your nightstand off the back of the truck, distracting you from the sight of a young girl, maybe about 10, rocketing out of the house next door and down her front steps. She was wearing a bright green soccer uniform.

By the time your nightstand had been righted and you looked back towards your neighbors’ house, she’d made her way to the bushes between your driveways, standing on her tiptoes and taking in all of the commotion. She met your eye and grinned. You grinned back as she called, “Hi, new neighbor!” 

You walked over, stopping on the other side of the bush to introduce yourself. “Hi there, neighbor.” 

It didn’t seem possible, but she grinned even wider. “I’m Sarah, that’s my dad.”

You looked up, realizing there was a man coming down their steps towards the two of you — the most attractive man you’d ever seen in your life. He was tall, with broad shoulders and the look of a man who spent a lot of time in the sun, tan lines peeking out of his shirt sleeves. His brown curls were a bit messy and his shoulders and strong arms drew your eye like a magnet. You caught yourself giving him a quick once over and felt your face start to warm, embarrassed, but when you met his eyes again you caught him doing the same to you. You realized you were both caught and you smiled, introducing yourself. 

“Nice to meet you, darlin’. Joel Miller, and I think you’ve met Sarah.” You felt your face turn hot at the endearment but you knew he probably didn’t mean anything by it. Southern hospitality and all. “Welcome to the neighborhood.”

You’d opened your mouth to respond when you were rudely interrupted by a crashing noise from the moving truck behind you, and you whirled around to see a box on its side on the ground that definitely should not have been. You glanced back at your neighbors as you excused yourself. “It’s great to meet you! Sorry, I need to see what that was.”

They shooed you along before you could even finish your sentence, reassuring you that they understood. “Let me know if anything broke, darlin,’ I’m pretty handy, could probably fix it. It’d be my pleasure.” He smiled at you a bit, just on one side, edging towards a smirk, and you did your best not to stare at his mouth. “Deal,” you agreed, grinning. Both you and Joel seemed unable to draw your eyes away from each other. You were stuck, pinned in place under his gaze until Sarah tugged on his arm and dragged him towards their truck. “Dad, we’re gonna be late!”

The view from the back was just as nice as the front. 

...

a/n: ch 2 is up!

taglist: @morgaussy

[otdiaftg]

WHAT'S NEXT:

The out pouring of love for this blog has swept me off my feet. I knew the logic behind the follower count, but this weekend proved to me without a shadow of a doubt just how much this fandom cherishes these characters and this story.

I am overwhelmed with adoration towards every. single. one. of you.

I took the weekend to finally recoup after the whirlwind of this past year but wanted to take a moment now to answer some of the questions I've seen pop up and to inform you all of what my plans are for what's next.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

WILL YOU CONTINUE THE ACCOUNT THIS YEAR?

This took me a long time to ponder and I wanted to make sure I was in the correct headspace to answer it. Short answer: No.

Long answer: All For The Game is near and dear to my heart. And the reason I began this account was because the dates for 2023 matched that of the dates they were meant to be in 2006. To continue it in the year 2024 would mean the dates would be completely wrong and a lot more logistics would have to occur beforehand.

But also-- I'm not the best when it comes to technology, especially when it comes to BOTS so every post that was published was typed out, formatted and scheduled by hand by me. I did not have help. I did not have proofreaders, or editors, or managers. I contacted all the artists myself, sorted through every single page of the artists to find matches to the story, read and re-read the books for exact or guesstimation of dates/times, and made a hell of a lot of typos on the way through all that.

There was probably an easier way that I could have done all this. But I didn't/don't know it. So that all boils down to: It’s a long and tiring process.

Don't get me wrong, it was worth all the hours. And all the sleepless nights I had getting everything done and out. I already thanked my support network, but without my wife and my best friend being there to make me another cup of coffee, walk our dog, do the chores and generally make sure I didn't crumble from the pressure -- none of this would have happened.

So, putting myself through that again, after everything that has happened this year alone-- felt like it would cheapen the experience I had when the dates won't even match.

That being said.... 2034 isn't that far away. >__>

WILL YOU BE DOING AN OTDITSC?

Short answer: No.... sorry.

Long answer: As stated, it is VERY hard to organize what and how I did. HOURS spent researching, organizing, scheduling, etc. Time spent away from my family and other hobbies. NOT time I regret (need to keep prefacing that) but time I want back now. At least for a little bit.

It also doesn't sit right for me to start an OTDITSC when I know some people are still waiting for their copies. There are so many of us out here (as I've come to find out) and I don't want to exclude people's enjoyment and connection that this account gives. I also feel like the more posts about TSC out there, the harder it is for those who are (lets say) waiting for the physical copies to block/mute spoilers. We can say a tag is enough, but this is the internet. And that's not always true.

And lastly, personally, TSC is still SO VERY NEW. It's not even complete yet and we don't 100% know when the next one will be published. I don't want to start something, get to the end of the timeline, and than have a huge gap between posts that will potentially be moments in the second book. It doesn't feel fair to their story, to myself, or to the followers of this account to have incorrect information for something I love so dearly. If I'm doing it. I want to do it right.

SO, WHAT'S NEXT?

Well. A lot. For me personally, as well as this account. I don't want to leave everyone in such a finite way. I love this fandom. I love its art and writings and the abundance of talent and joy that it exudes.

So first, for myself, as well as those artists who agreed to help with this account, I want to post, for the next 40 days Artist Highlights (that means this account will still be active until Friday, June 7th).

Every day, I will post about an Artist and the work that I wanted to post but couldn't fit in. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, these artists are the reason this account thrives. Art, in a multitude of forms, speaks in a way words can not. And these artists prove that.

I'm excited to show them off for a couple more weeks at least. They are all wonderful people.

AND, FINALLY:

To also tie us over, I am opening both my personal account as well as this account to questions.

Questions regarding the process, the story, the best movie out in theaters, whatever. I will be answering your questions (as fast as I can) until that last Artists Highlight day (Friday, June 7th). After this day, I will leave the questions answered up for a week, and then remove/delete them from this account. I want to make this more of an archive of sorts and will be updating the Timeline Page as this progresses as well, so you can move freely within the timeline.

Keep in mind that I am only one person, have a family and a full-time job-- so answers may be sporadic, but I will answer them.

This has truly been such a pleasure. And whether I get questions or not, I see you and I appreciate you. I hope your life is filled with everything you ever want, everything you need, and that you never let it go.

🦊 🧡- Kelysium

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

2024 Fic Round Up

I was tagged by @princessfbi and oh lord. This year was supposed to be LESS fanfic. What a mess.

This year I wrote 13 fics (24 if we count the Bermuda entries as separate fics) totaling 728,600 words, shared an original novel, and finished sharing my Google doc fics in the collection Fractals from the Lightning Bolt.

January

Posted the epilogue to my massive vampire/reincarnated lover fic All My Shattered Oaths. This is one of my favorite fics. I don't know what I was cooking in October 2023 but it sure was something and I hope to bring that vibe into my original novels.

February

The lovely amazing @f0x-meets-w0lf posted his art he did for my Hades!Buck fic here!

March

Finished sharing my collection of "ficlets from the vault" in Fractals from the Lightning Bolt and posted Racing with the Brakes Cut, my Buddie F&F AU. That fic was SUCH a fun burst of inspiration and a joy to write and I was delighted by everyone's reactions.

April

Posted the first six entries of my BuddieTommy/Polyfire smut fic collection, Both Bermuda and Golden (Lost but Doing Just Fine).

May

Posted a BuckTommy smut fic coda to 7x06, Want You Like a Desert (Heat is Relentless, Thirst is Quenchless), as well as evidence of my descent into madness, a 77k fic titled Abstraction to Realism that is, of all things, a Winter/Jones fic for Midsomer Murders. But I love it so.

June

I posted the next two Bermuda entries and the 55k fic Descendants of Cyrano AKA "The Gang Plays D&D" which was a lot of fun. I wrote it with the goal that a reader could enjoy it even if they knew nothing about TTRPGs and it seems like I succeeded.

July

Lost my entire fucking mind and after posting a couple chapters in May and June, proceeded to write and post the next 18 chapters of Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) in the span of three weeks. This fic is 129k. What HAPPENED TO ME. I also posted my gift fic for the fandom fic exchange, Paint Me in Neon and Make Me Glow, a BuckTommy exhibition kink exploration, along with two more entries in Bermuda.

August

Posted the last two Bermuda fics and started posting Baking is a Science but I Studied the Arts, my poly romcom that only ended up being 62k, bless. It's truly a silly comedy of errors, and it was fun to be more lighthearted in my fics over the summer.

September

Finished writing/posting Baking in two weeks. Goddamn.

October

HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN. Brace yourselves! We started off with my Incubus!Buck fic Take My Oxygen (This Plane is Going Down), inspired by the TV series Lost Girl and my own incubus ideas. Next was my 55k Buzzfeed Unsolved/Ghost Files AU, Connected the Dots in Reverse (But Still Completed the Picture), which was T-rated. I know, right? Then we got my Witch!Buddie AU, With Eyes on the Stars and Hands in the Earth. Inspired by Tamora Pierce, this one was also a lot of fun. Then not one but two werewolf fics, one more humorous and one a lot more serious, and both only around 30k what a goddamn miracle: I'll Eat You Instead of Chocolate (You're Sweeter Anyhow) The Blood Between My Teeth is My Own I honestly wasn't sure I'd finish anything after the Incubus!Buck fic ballooned to 73k and took longer than planned, so I'm grateful the other fics behaved wordcount-wise and I was able to finish strong.

November

Local writer found brain dead.

December

Local writer sloooooowly coming back to life and ready to tackle their original novels in 2025!

This year truly held so much more fic than I planned and all of it was a joy, but it's time to knuckle down and focus on my original stories. I hope to share my one Xedgin fic soon but otherwise, I hope you all will keep an eye out for updates on my author blog @lincolnchristie and come with me on that journey!

[ohtransarchon]

Thoughts on top surgery; two months post op

Hi hi, I am almost two months post op now- soo basically 2 months. I have a weird gender, I'm sure many can relate so I want to give some reassurance for anyone out there who maybe struggled like I did. I they ever stumble upon this :)

So hi! I struggled for a while with "do I really want this" and people around me (not counting my supportive friends) like my family and such kept pushing that narrative, I was once told I should wait 10 more years before I got top surgery, and that sucked to hear because I've been wanting this since I was 16 and now I was 20- was I really supposed to waste my twenties on "making sure" I really wanted this? That was upsetting.

Ultimately I didn't listen. The person who said that to me is a cishet person anyways, she wouldn't really know how I was struggling to begin with. So in December of 2023 I finally got tired of the struggle and made an "impulsive" call to the clinic, got my consultation and come march I get my surgery! Seven weeks later, here I am.

If you're looking for advice here is what I have; Come to terms with regret, I decided to do this "unsure" because you can't truly be 100% sure of things in life, but you can't sit still either- you can't wait forever. That was something I was stuck with so to let myself move forward I accepted that regret might be something I'll face in the future. There might come a day where I realize "oh, now I miss having boobs" and that's alright! I'm not saying I was really unsure about actually doing the surgery, I really wanted to of course!

I just faced that you never know what might happen in the future and I shouldn't wait around for it. :]

uhh and this one goes out for anyone with a size difference like me (yes I know breast are usually not symmetrical)

So I had a very uneven chest. My right side was pretty normal but my left side looked more like a man with gynecomastia would- as such my surgery results are a little uneven- AND THAT'S FINE! A lot of people feel so bad for me for the unevenness :') it makes me feel bad, makes me feel like I've been messed up. So many people said my surgeon was incompetent but I don't think so, he's been doing this for almost as long as I've been alive and I think he did great with what he had and I'm grateful :)

And also, I'm flat now and I honestly couldn't be happier!

I feel normal. and I feel great :)

(little side note; there is fluid build up/fat on the side that's lower down currently so it'll probably look a little better once I get that fixed) but yeah, I'll probably be a little uneven unless I realize I reaaaally want to get surgery to be symetrical idk, I'm flat and happy and those are my thoughts :)

[puffein]

WINGED HEART | late spring [vi.]

summary: the time has come for you to leave the land you once called home, but natasha wouldn't just let you go without giving her thoughts first. pairings: wanda maximoff x fem!reader, natasha romanoff x reader (platonic) warnings: angst word count: 1635 a/n: i was supposed to post this yesterday night but i fell asleep lol, enjoy!!

series masterlist playlist!

Westview, New Jersey

Late-December 2023

"Did you pack everything? Clothes for each season? How about your documents, did you organize them nicely like I told you how?" Natasha's reverberating low timbre of voice resonates throughout your small apartment. You raise an eyebrow at her, a teasing glint shines lightly in your playful eyes. She saw that, letting out a huffing sound while she positioned herself directly in front of you.

You stop all your movements as you finally settle in Natasha's proximity, your fingers hovering at the zipper of your suitcase. You lean back, eyeing her with the corners of your mouth moving into a faint smile. 

She has been nagging for hours about how you pack, what you should pack, and what you should leave behind, if you have done the documents nicely. You know she is doing this because she's anxious and you understood her paranoia completely without a single judgment, it still amuses you though how these actions of hers are her way of saying how much she will miss you, and deep inside, you knew you will miss her too. 

"I will miss you, Nattie." you utter the words under your breath, eyes gazing steadily onto Natasha's sudden change of face. Her teary eyes stared rightfully at yours, her feet staying planted on the ground as she breathed in to compose herself. 

"Not as much as I will." her voice is firm like she's pushing herself to say those words. She didn't like how everything is gravitating to the reality that her very own best friend is moving far away from her and she hated the fact that she, herself is not a good enough reason for you to stay.

You bring out a wide smile, charging in suddenly at her body, your arms wrapping themselves tightly on her tensed form as you slowly feel it becoming limp. "I'm not gonna go to Scotland to die, you know." 

She barks out a teary laugh, "I'm gonna visit you." Natasha finally lets her arms tangle in your body, giving out a fast tight squeeze. 

Murmuring, "Sure." you push her body gently, giving you and her a few inches of distance just to look directly into her eyes. 

You memorize her face, trying to squeeze every single detail in your mind. This girl right here is someone who has been with you for years, friends of yours always joked about how you and her are morphing into one, how one of you will probably die if either of you live miles away, how everyone is jealous at how close you two are. 

In a very coincidental way, you will be trying out the rumors of your friends. Will one of you die after you start living in Edinburgh? Thinking about it gives you jitters, the mantra of saying you have like this plan whirling along the busy streets of your own thoughts but having doubts is the last thing you wanted to do. 

"You won't be able to stop me as I visit you frequently until you forget that I actually don't live in Edinburgh and am residing miles away."

It's your turn to let out a laugh at her words "Whatever you say, Nattie."

"I'm serious."

"I know you are." you pat her arm, turning slightly to continue the task of zipping your suitcase close. 

Silence surrounds the room, the distant howling of cars being muffled by the comforts of your walls, the dim-lit room seems to visualize something the both of you are feeling. 

Sadness. Anxiousness.

You like the stillness of this very moment despite the contradicting beats of your hearts and minds, you like how the soft ringing in your ears indicates how loud the silence is. You like it not until Natasha speaks up with the words you are dreading to hear, "Does Wanda know?"

You felt your entire body come to a halt. Not trusting the motions of your expression, you did not dare to turn around to face Natasha instead you just mumbled one word, "No."

"She deserves to know, she's also your best friend."

The slumped shoulders you have vibrates as your posture straightens with shoulders finally tensing at what she was saying, "I don't— I don't think it's a great idea to let her know." 

Natasha lets out a sigh, "What will I tell her when she comes barging into my home? Because Y/N, she will eventually know you took off somewhere three thousand miles away." 

"I don't know why you're doing this when just months ago you hated her, you said it yourself on her wedding night, when I sobbed myself to you just outside her reception." You deflected at her, you knew this was unfair. To spurt out words that never happened. 

Natasha's brows furrowed at hearing the harsh tone of your voice, "I never said I hated her. I did imply that I hated her actions, how she acted blind and maybe ignorant."

When Natasha saw how your eyes glanced away from her hard ones, she continued, "I know I had no knowledge about what happened between the two of you because you never dared to talk to me about it. I'm not forcing you by the way. I just want you to see through your decisions once again, to rethink if this is really what you wanted."

With dejected eyes and a tinge of guilt, "I talked to her, Nat. A week ago, I asked her for a coffee and we hang out." You uttered.

You stated those words like it will somehow pay the consequences of your actions. Like asking Wanda to hang out in a coffeehouse somehow made everything make sense, how it's gonna make Wanda come to an understanding even though she doesn't know a single thing about you living permanently in a different country, how this single hang-out will somehow make up to be a proper goodbye.

"That's not enough."

"I trust you, Nat. You can say anything you want to say to her when she comes at you. I trust you deeply that I know you're gonna say the right words about this." You know that Nat knows about those too. 

You clearly understand that she doesn't need to hear the verbalization of those words but what are you supposed to say? You are running out of words, of excuses for this action of yours.

"You know I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you ghosting her, just leaving her here without a proper send-off. She doesn't even know." Natasha countered her voice firm and graveled. 

"That's not fair." your voice wavers, the beating of your heart matches the loud blaring of your mind. "You're my best friend, you are supposed to be on my side."

Surprise dawns on Natasha's face, her mouth snapped shut at your declaration, "I am not taking anyone's side, Y/N. I am taking the side where you will fully heal. I just think talking to her—"

"She ghosted me first! she left me hanging, Natasha. Why–" your face twisted in sorrow as you relieve the painful memory of yours and Wanda. "Why do I have to be the one chasing her?" 

"I didn't know, you never told me anything. I just knew you were sobbing and alone at our graduation. That's the only thing I knew." Natasha's exasperated voice echoes in your whole being, her expression dulling every time she raises her voice at you, wishing above the loudness of her voice is enough for you to come to an understanding.

"You'll know. When she comes barging in your door just like what you're scared of."

"Y/N, I am not–"

Agony clouded your features, eyes snapping right at Natasha's hardened form, "I am finally taking the courage to free myself from her. Despite what she has done, despite how she treated me a year ago, I still love her, Nat. And I am tired of loving someone who isn't part of my life anymore."

Dejection looms all over Natasha's face, her fist clenching so lightly, "This isn't —"

"It's draining the life out of me. I forgave her, Nat and I accepted the fact that I must have looked so desperate to still contact her despite not receiving a simple apology. She just vanished like thin air and then had the nerve to send me her wedding invitation after months of no contact."

The clenching of your fist tightens, the edges of your nails dug deeper into your palms, "She got tired of being in my life, why can't I do the same?"

"I just think you deserve to hear her–"

"I need to be in the airport an hour early, can we please not talk about this?" you begged her, eyes finally meeting the uncertainties lingering in Natasha's eyes. She stands her ground, her arms crossing in front of her chest, and the furrowing of her eyebrows is very clear for you to see. 

Natasha loves you very much but this, this is entirely different. Entirely unfair to a certain redhead and yours as well. She knows you're doing this for yourself but she also has that deep-driven perception of you not having closure will eventually lead to a much worse outcome. She also realizes that whatever words she sputters out in front of her best friend to push in senses, it was no use because you have already made up your mind. 

Natasha's eyes catch the immediate light in your phone, a single text popping up at the very center of your lock screen. Your brows frowned at Natasha's sudden change of attention, you follow her eyes, turning around to see your phone laying steadily at the top of your coffee table. A single text waiting to be read.

Wanda: I'm excited to see you again :)

general masterlist ◄ ►

—୧ taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta @sokovianbaby @vivs46 @kyaraderuwez

[frozenwolftemplar]

FrozenWing's 2024 Fanfic Overview

Saw @itsdappleagain and @mmaricarmen23 doing this and thought it'd be fun!

Words Written: 96,928 (full disclosure though: some of the fics I posted last year were written in 2023. But since a lot of the writing I did in 2024 never got posted, I think it all evens out)

Total Fanfics Posted: 20! And I hit a few milestones, like 70 fics published, then 80 (...holy smokes that many?!?)

Fandoms: Carmen Sandiego 2019 (of course), Tangled: the Series, and Frozen; nothing new there.

Events Participated In: Player Week, where I did 5 of the 7 prompts. I also managed a fic for the '12 Days of Christmas Challenge' and Writer's Month (a fic I wrote several years ago but it still counts; I did write something new but it didn't come together in time). I wrote a really cute Carmen sickfic for Sicktember, but I...uh...got stuck on the ending and never posted it. Whoops.

Fanfic I'm Proudest of: Fading Crimson! I still have no idea what compelled me to write that, but I'm so happy I did. It was hard to write; the emotions are intense and were hard to put into words, and getting the progression of events just right so the drama of the final act feels earned was hard, but the effort was well worth it. It stands apart in my mind from the rest of my fics and feels extra, extra special.

Other Fics I'm Proud of: Really everything I posted. But if I were to pick three:

--'Fading Crimson's' companion fic 'It Isn't Fair!'. It was challenging at times to write; Player's emotions were pretty complex, but I love how it turned out.

--'Waterloo, or Laundry Day,' simply because it makes me laugh.

--'Coincidences.' it's as fluffy and fun as 'Fading Crimson' is sobering and angsty, and I just feel happy reading it.

--Bonus: the two Olympic fics; I just had the best time watching the Paris games and am reminded of that every time I see them. 😊

2025 Projects: More fics set after 'Fading Crimson;' that fic unlocked ideas for a slew of follow-up ideas fics that I can't wait to share (hoping to get the first one out soon!). I also have a bunch of one-shots I started last year that I'd like to finish (like the Sicktember one), as well as a 5+1. I'm also looking forward to just finding some new ideas and exploring those.

Anything Else: 2025 will mark five years of me posting fic to Ao3! Not a huge anniversary, I know, but it marks the first time I really started sharing my writing (outside of, you know, school, but that's mostly APA formatted research and thus totally different). Considering just how much anxiety I had about taking that plunge (I legit considered deleting my account in a moment of "WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST DO?!?"), I'm pretty excited I made it this far.

There's several events I'm looking forward to: Player Week! (already planning some stuff!). There are some others I want to try and participate in, like Writer's Month (of course) and Sicktember. How much I participate in those is iffy; I'm changing academic tracks and aren't really sure how much time I'll have to write, and the Muse is fickle besides, but I at least want to make an effort.

Most of all though I'm looking forward to another year of writing with y'all! I love seeing everyone's ideas and fics and just sharing in the joys of creating fic. Here's to 2025! 🥂

[jessjad]

Christmas magic

Summary: Sometimes all you need is a little christmas magic to help you be at ease with the decisions you made.

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x Reader

Prompt: "Santa is real"

Warnings: none really, a little fluff and some wonders.

Word Count: 1439

A/N: Hello! :) This is my contribution to @spnfanficpond 's secret santa 2023. This is for @spnexploration. Originally, I had this planned out as a post-series Oneshot. But she asked for it not be, so... I had to change some things. 🙈

This is a AU-setting now and it's around season 13 age-wise. They're still hunters, though. Otherwise the plot I thought of wouldn't have worked. So, I hope you like it. :)

The christmas lights were twinkling throuh the whole house, it smelled of freshly baked cookies and the christmastree was already up and shining. It had such a strong feel of home now that Dean hat to shake his head a little in disbelieve. If someone had told him a year ago that he would have this kind of peace around christmastime, he would've not believed it.

But everything changed after he met Y/N. He never thought that she would be as interested in him as he was in her but one night out celebarting a very sucssesful hunt loosened their tounges. Dean didn't really know why he wanted this to be so serious at first, but seeing Sam being so happy with Eileen showed him over time that he missed something. When they both told him that they were having a baby, the older Winchester felt a crack in his heart.

And then, on one faithful hunt, he met Y/N. Not thinking she would stick around, she surprised him and stayed. From that point on he was lost. At first he was hesitant and feared that she would be hurt more than anything if he didn't keep his distance to her, but she did not shy away from him and in the end, they landed here. In their own house. Rowena warded the hell out of this place with her magic, of course.

Footsteps on the stairs in the hallway brought him back out of his thoughts and he started to smile when he saw Y/N appear in the livingroom followed by Sam and Eileen who held a litte bundle of fabric in her arms, their babygirl sleeping soundly.

"We're ready." Y/N said and gave Dean a small kiss on the cheek. "You still sure that you don't wanna come with us?"

"I'm positive, sweatheart." Dean replied and curled his arm around her waist, pulling her a little closer. "Me and the man upstairs don't have the best connection. We're not really compañeros."

"I... that's probably not the... right word you wanted to use, Dean." Said Sam and frowned a little at his brothers use of the spanish language.

"Shut it, Sam."

"Ok, guys. Can we go?" interrupted Eileen grinning.

"Sure." Y/N turned fully to her boyfriend and tried one last time. "Ok, last chance, Dean. Mr. Harris will be there too, playing Santa Claus and handing out presents."

Dean knew that she was trying to lure him out with that and he had to smirk.

"That sounds nice, try to bring me one with. I'll wait here and chop some more firewood."

Y/N sighed, but smiled lovingly up to him. "Ok. But don't overdo it. It's cold outside."

They kissed and then he watch the other three people leave to go to the christmas mass. After the door closed behind them, Dean put his warm wintercoat on and went out to the backyard. Y/N was right, it was really cold. He went over to the firewood, picked up his axe and started to split it.

Time past quick and all of a sudden Dean started to here some bells in the distance. He stopped with his work and started to look around, wondering where the sound came from, but he couldn't quite make it out. Just before he wanted to keep going with his work, he heared the fence door open. Have they already been back?

But it was not who he expected. Into the backyard came Mr. Harris fully dressed as Santa. Dean had to smile and shook his head a little. The lengths his beautiful girlfriend would go for him.

"Hello Mr. Harris." welcomed Dean and shook the other man's hand.

"Hello Dean." He replied.

"Did Y/N convince you to come over and give me your present in person?"

"No..." the old man laughed. "They're all still in church. But I wanted to come over here now. After all, Santa has to be in many places at the same time at Christmas."

"Well, what do I get, Santa?" Dean played along.

"I hope, you will like my present for you, eventhough it's not a physical one."

Dean chuckled. "Who would have seen that coming?" He turned fully to the other man and was now really curious what was about to happen. "So, what is it then?"

"My present for, Dean Winchester, is this:" He returned the smile, but then became a little more serious. "You did good."

Now Dean's smlie faltered and he started to frown. Putting his hands into his pockets of his jeans he needed a moment before he spoke again.

"What?"

"You've seen a lot of bad things in this world. From very early on your life was full of horror and nightmares."

"How do you know..." Dean said, but his visitor didn't stop.

"You had to go through a lot of things noone should go through. You had to make a lot of difficult decisions, but in the end, you always did good."

"Is... is this a joke?" Dean already going into hunter mode.

"No. Not at all." He raised his hands in a defensive position. "I know, you've seen many big bads in your carrer and I get that you think that I may be one of them too. But I promise you, I'm probably the only real good one out there."

Dean wanted to say something again, but he didn't get a chance to do so.

"And as the only good one, let me tell you: you're a really good man too."

The look in his eyes told Dean that he really meant it, he was sincere, and the defends that had build up a minute ago faded away.

"All the worries and guilt that you carry around with you... you need to let it go. All the decisions you made that you thought maybe weren't the right ones... you couldn't have done anything differently."

Dean felt a lump forming in his throat, making it difficult to swallow. Whatever was happening here was affecting him, making the big, heavy burden on his shoulders smaller and smaller.

"You saved so many lives, Dean. You have made so many people's lives better. And that alone makes you one of the best people ever. So be proud of yourself! And stop worrying too much."

Dean didn't know what to say, so he just nodded which the man infront of him returned. Then, it looked like he wanted to leave, but he turned around once more.

"Oh, and don't worry about Y/N. Her heart is yours. And it will stay that way for a very long time." He winked.

"How... how do you know that?" The Winchester managed to ask.

"Well, who do you think sent her to you on that hunt last year?"

Was he really serious? This was getting weird and ridiculous.

"Dean?"

Y/N voice sounded through the house and Dean looked over to the livingroom, seeing her standing there and taking her jacket off. The cold was really getting to him now and all he wanted to do was to go inside and take the woman he loved into his arms and let her bodywarmth wash over him.

But, when he turned around to say goodbye to Mr. Harris he was already gone. And than he could here the bells ringing again. What? That was really weird.

Dean went inside and greeted his girl just like he wanted to and she welcomingly molded into him.

"There you are. Are you done with the firewood?"

"Yep. Just need to take it inside."

"Great. Oh..." Y/N pulled away from his arms a little. "We brought Mr. Harris with us."

"What?" Dean looked puzzled at Y/N.

"Yeah. He started to feel dizzy in church while he was handing out his presents. He's in the kitchen now and Sam's calling his son to come pick him up."

"But... but he... was..." Dean looked quickly out into the backyard.

"Is this okay with you?" Asked Y/N with worry in her voice.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. Go back into the kitchen. I'll just got and bring in the wood real quick."

"Okay." Y/N mood enlighted a little more and she gave him a short kiss on his lips before she left.

Dean hurried outside and took a quick look around but there was noone to be found. And then he heard a laughter from above his head. Looking up, Dean couldn't believe his eyes. Right there, infront of the moon, was the dark silhouette of a sleigh that looked just like Santa Claus's.

And for once in his life, Dean Winchester truly believed that Santa is real.

@lyarr24

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | November 20th-26th 2023

107 DAYS UNTIL SEASON 7 PREMIERE!!! I'm so excited!!! 😃

Also! I just hit 100 followers! Thank you guys! I hope you enjoy my recs :)

Complete

Ruin Me Like Castle Walls and Burn Me Like a Village by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Dragon Eddie | 6K | Explicit): When a call goes wrong, Buck sees a new side to Eddie, and starts to realize a lot of things about his best friend. And himself.

🔥 The Monsterfucker's Symphony by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Mermaids... and more | 57K | Explicit): A collection of smutty oneshots featuring Buck or Eddie (or both) as a non-human creature.

🔥 and here, too, am i by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Future fic, Married Buddie | 41K | Teen): Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.

you’re everything that I want, but I didn’t think I’d find by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Post-S6, Proposal | 2K | Not Rated): Eddie is so in love and proposes to Buck on Christmas Eve. (sequel to come close, let me be home)

all i ever wanted comes right down to you by Iover_of_mine (I_almost_do)/ @lover-of-mine (Getting Together | 3K | General): Eddie is very dramatic in his pining and Buck overhears something that changes everything.

🔥 stranger sunlight, still by mmtion/ @mmtions (Catfishing/Secret Identity | 64K | Explicit): When the 118 find out about Buck’s secret thirst account on Instagram – to raise fire safety awareness, obviously – they make fun of him the appropriate amount and move on. Eddie finds it a little harder to do the same. Of course, Eddie would never invade Buck’s privacy by searching for and finding the anonymous account. Or looking at all the uploaded photos late at night. Or even directly messaging Buck’s secret account. That would be weird, because he’s certainly not planning on doing anything about his newfound attraction. However, anonymous account @elbombero118 has no such limitations.

🔥the evan buckley matchmaking agency by mmtion/ @mmtions (Season 5, Feelings Realization | 28K | Mature): Buck tries to set up Eddie. It goes well for absolutely no-one involved. 

wanna lose my mind in a hotel room with you by 42hrb/ @exhuastedpigeon (Post-S6, Getting Together | 4K | Explicit): "Think you’ll ever have that kind of love?” Eddie asks as he leans against the wall with a beer in his hand at Maddie and Chimney’s engagement party. He’s got a fond look on his face, if not a little wistful as he turns to face Buck. “I hope so,” Buck says with a small smile on his face. He’s pretty sure he’s already got half of a love like that standing next to him, he just isn’t sure if it’s reciprocated. “I-I really hope so.”

hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (PWP | 2K | Explicit): Eddie hiccups. “Just tell me,” he groans. “Come on, how bad could it be? Hic!” “Rectal massage,” Buck says, the words tripping over each other like he just wants to get them out as fast as possible. “Apparently, there was a guy who stopped hiccuping after rectal massage. And this is in, like, Healthline, so it’s probably legit—”

impossible to know (if after this we can still be friends) by lecornergirl / @clusterbuck (Getting Together | 1,7K | General): Hen sighs. “This better be an emergency.” “Does Buck turning up on my doorstep and saying he’s in love with me count as an emergency?”

this is gonna be one of those things by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): It turns out he only has about three seconds of proper bull-riding in him before he’s tumbling to the floor. Hen and Chimney are bent double with laughter, but Eddie only looks at him, smirks, and says, “You’re doing it wrong.” “Like you’d do any better,” Buck shoots back, and Eddie gives him the most unimpressed look.  “You’re forgetting something,” he tells Buck as he mounts it. “I grew up in Texas.” 

my hands are shaking from holding back from you by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (S5E18, HenRen Wedding, Getting Together | 2,5K | Teen): So now Hen and Karen are renewing their wedding vows, and Buck is—Buck is a lot of things, but he’s mostly worried about the concept of Eddie in a suit. Buck is, after all, only one man. He’s a little worried it might be too much for him to handle.

Podfic

🔥 [Podfic] dream of some epiphany by MistMarauder/ @mistmarauder from a fic by extasiswings/ @extasiswings (Canon Divergent, Pre-Canon, Pen Pals | 45-60 mins | Mature): Evan Buckley is lost. It’s happenstance that he wanders into the navy recruiting center. Buck leaves ten minutes later with a set of printed instructions for sending his first letter, assured that he can drop it off whenever he’s ready, and a name. Staff Sergeant Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz.

WIP

🔥 Both Blade and Branch by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S6 | 9/13 | 43K | Mature): The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back.

in my head by yourcatfishfriend/ @your-catfish-friend (Friends With Benefits | 6/8 | 23K | Explicit): Buck is confidently bisexual. Eddie isn't sure. Buck helps him figure it out.

[swiftllama]

September Compliments ☀️🔍

[Compliments Masterlist]

Hey guys! Back for another month! A month of a lot of small compliments sprinkled throughout this time around, but we still got quite a few full-on great complimentary moments. One in particular was very special 🥰

So let's get into it...

September 2023

Thinking OUTSIDE The Box (Herd Mentality)

Right off the bat, first day of the month, we got a Games video, and this video actually started off a theme throughout this month. The boys were in quite a few videos where they were playing games this month and were either competing against or working as a team so we got a lot of them complimenting each other on a job well down, plus the bestie-ism was shining through :-

Q: 'Name a brand beginning with an A’

Anthony: "I went to clothing for some reason."

lan: "Oh then I know what you did then."

Anthony: "Do you?'

lan: "You went to clothing.”

~

Anthony: "I put American Eagle. I'm thinking mall culture."

lan: [nodding] “I was thinking- I actually thought you'd either put American Eagle or All Saints."

-

Q: 'Name an animal beginning with a P’

lan: "I'm giggling [at his answer]."

Anthony: "I think I know why you're giggling.”

~

lan: "I put p**sy!"

Anthony: "I knnnew."

-

Anthony: "Did you [lan] just win?"

lan: "Oh!'

Anthony: "That's a win!" [cheering and clapping] "Yoooo! Because the nose [lan's answer for that round] knows!'

-

Q: 'Out of all the animals in the world, which is the cutest?'

lan: "I said cat."

Anthony: "I said kitten."

[everyone debating whether it counts as the same animal]

Anthony: "Also Ian," [shows him his card] "I wrote cat and crossed it out. I almost wrote it."

-

Q: 'Who is the toughest Disney princess?'

lan: "I did, I think her name is Merida?"

Anthony: "I put the one from Brave."

lan: "Oh!"

Anthony: "Yeah!"

I actually made a post of this moment because it was so cute! How excited they were they had the same answer and also Anthony's little tap dance when he realises 😊

l also loved Angela pointing it out :-

Angela: "Wait, that was so cool that you both said that really random one."

Chanse: "That is fun. Yeah."

Anthony: "Yeah."

lan: "She's tough."

Anthony: "But isn't she- she's like an archer."

Angela: "Sure, but like nobody talks about that movie."

Jackie: "I thought of it too, but I was like 'That's too much of a deep cut.'"

What did I say about the bestie-ism shining through? 🥰

-

lan: "Hey everybody. Here's a good one, Anthony I feel like you and I are gonna be aligned on this one."

Q: 'Name a rapper'

~

lan: "I said Drake."

Anthony: "I wrote Snoop Dogg."

So obviously not the same answer but very cute how lan thought they would be on the same wavelength and he gives the reason as to why he thought that :-

lan: "So Anthony and I played a, we played a fun little game yesterday, where we went on Spotify and we were trying to guess who were the top artists, because it ranks them-"

Literally awing out loud! the fact they were just playing that game together, it wasn't for a video or anything, just something they were doing together in their free time 🥹

Bonus - HELP! I became an NPC!

So this next moment doesn't really fall under the 'compliment' umbrella, but it is something that has become a sub-genre of these posts - is the 'daddy’ thing. Yep, you guessed it folks, Anthony was at it once again. Although, like in the 'You Posted That' episode, he's switching it up and now he's referring to himself as 'daddy’ :-

Anthony: [face appearing as if through a phone screen like in the main sketch]

lan: [pretends to put his fingers up Anthony's nose and then into his mouth]

Anthony: "Ooooh, daddy like."

Why are they like this 🤦‍♀️

Also I think @lilac-hecox & @only-frann summed up a perfect description of this Compliments Series :-

Hope you guys don't mind me tagging you, but this is literally what this series is 😄

Anyways, that was just a jokey little one, but as I said, it's now a 'thing' of these posts so I couldn't not include it.

Moving on...

We Already Regret This Embarrassing Photoshoot ft. Smosh

The boys went back on Good Mythical Morning for the first time in almost 8 years, and although this time around we didn't get any frosting foot massages or Titanic re-enactments there was a few compliment-adjacent moments :-

Link: [talking about the photo they had to re-create] "And lan, I gotta give it to you, man. You remembered a lot."

Anthony: "He did! The glasses. The shirt."

-

Anthony: "I'm feeling good about that one [their photo]."

lan: "I'm feeling good."

And then we got one of their high-five/hand-grip moments that they do a lot.

-

[lan and Anthony announced as the winners]

Anthony: "Yeeeah!'

Another high-five, of course

Anthony: "Yeah! Let's go!'

They just absolutely live for congratulating each other on anything and everything now and it's very sweet. And there's more to come!

Food Battle 2011 - Flashback w/ Smosh

As they're rewatching Food Battle 2011, lan points out in one of the shots how his cross-country team photo can be seen in the background :-

Anthony: "That's you lined up with all the cross-country... pals.

Oop was that jealous!anthony shining through a little there 🫢

lan: [laughs] "Pals."

Anthony: "Backlit. Looking epic."

So again, just another small little compliment, but lan's cross-country/running is brought up again and praised/complimented by Anthony in...

HELP! I became an NPC! Watch Party

[discussing how American sports are confusing]

Anthony: "I feel like Smosh and sports just don't mix in my brain."

lan: [laughs] “What sport do you think that aligns the most with Smosh?"

They go through multiple silly suggestions between the two of them and ones they read from the chat, before lan suggests :-

lan: “I feel like, and it's probably just because I did it, but cross-country. Smosh is cross-country."

Anthony: "Just cause you're part of Smosh and you did it?"

lan: "And you just keep going, and you just keep going. Just keep running."

Anthony: "Is that how you felt doing Smosh even when I left?"

lan: “Yeah. Like just gotta keep going. Just one more mile. One more mile."

Oh lan 🥺 I just had to pause to react to that before I get to the complimentary part of this conversation, but that's so sad. But also a perfect description of what I imagine it was like for him during those times when Anthony was gone. Having to remind himself to just keep going and pushing forward regardless.

Anthony: "What was your longest run?"

lan: "I did a marathon."

Anthony: “Yeah, I remember you ran past my street and I woke up bright and early, and I was like [pretends to be half asleep and waves].”

lan: [smiling] “Yeah, yeah I did."

Anthony: "How long was that run?"

lan: "26.2 miles."

Anthony: "Daaaamm, I didn't know [the] marathon was 26.2 miles, shiiiit.”

lan: “Yeah, and I averaged a little under an 8 minute mile.”

Anthony: “That is not bad. For 20 times 26?! That's good!"

So couple things to cover here!

1. Anthony waking up early to catch lan run by his street so he could wave to him CAN YOU HEAR ME CRYING 😭 that's the cutest thing ever!

2. Anthony saying how good of a time lan got in the marathon is so sweet. I live for Anthony bigging him up 🥹

Anthony's Birthday

This next lot I'd call complimentary-by-extension. Anthony's birthday rolled around and in typical lan fashion this was the birthday tweet we got from him :-

Oh lan, wouldn't expect anything else from you 😅

Thought that was going to be it but then Mr. Padilla came through for us! And this was the particularly special moment I mentioned in the beginning of this post. He made the post linked in the main header of this section, thanking everyone for the birthday wishes and said how it had been Mykie and his anniversary the week previous and how she took him to the Grand Canyon. The post was all photos of the two of them, but in amongst it all, he included this gem :-

lan 💛

Isn't this just the softest thing.

I mean...

1. We finally get to see lan interacting with Anthony's dogs 🙌 Also the fact you can tell how comfortable they must be around him given the fact she's laying on his chest quite content which means lan is around them often enough to have that bond with them 🥹

2. The fact they spent Anthony's birthday together after so many years of birthdays unshared & it also makes Ian's tweet funnier, like him being next to Anthony, realising people are probably expecting him to publicly wish him 'happy birthday’, him writing the most basic tweet with a low-quality gif, posting it, and then going right back to hanging out with Anthony 😆

Aaaaand…...

3. Probably the softest thing about this, and where I'm going to get a bit emotional writing/thinking about it because I have a lot of feelings about it, is the fact Anthony included that photo of lan within his birthday/anniversary post. It's just so unbelievably soft. I cannot get over it. There was was no mention of lan in the caption or anywhere else, it was all photos of Anthony and Mykie, but within it, this one little candid shot of lan. It's so special. And says a lot without explicitly saying anything at all. It's just like, 'here's a post of things that matter to me.’ I like to imagine Anthony choosing the photos for that post, and even with it being a birthday/anniversary post, he still made the conscious decision to include that photo of lan. Something he didn't need to do, the photo wasn't relevant to the post, and yet, he included it anyways. He wants people to know that's how he spent his birthday, with the people he loves most - he couldn't not include that photo of lan. And I think it comes back around to the fact he's just so happy to have lan in his life again and he'll take every opportunity to say/show it. I can picture him sitting there looking at lan laying on his floor across from him, his dog on lan's chest, and his heart just feeling so full and happy at the fact he has his best friend with him again when a year ago he didn't think this would ever be a reality for him again. It's just so, so special ❤️

Finishing off Anthony's birthday was something that came a few days after :-

Anthony's response to lan's birthday tweet ☺️

What I also love about this, is the fact that lan never tagged Anthony in his tweet and given it was a few days later that Anthony responded and by that point the tweet would have been buried in his timeline, and also that Anthony barely uses Twitter. Knowing all these things it's very likely that Anthony searched for lan's account for him to see that tweet 🥰

POKEMON ROOMMATE BATTLE Watch Party

In the BTS for the POKEMON ROOMMATE BATTLE sketch lan keeps getting distracted playing Pokémon for the whole shoot, eventually getting the gameboy taken off of him by Erin 😅 In this livestream they're watching the sketch and Anthony says :-

[scene where 'lazy lan' is sitting in the beanbag playing Pokémon not wanting to move]

Anthony: “This is actually what you were like on set that day cause you were just playing Pokémon the whole day."

lan: "Oh yeah, so we rented that prop from like a prop house."

Anthony: “The gameboy."

lan: "The gameboy. And it was working - it was full battery, Pokémon Red was in it, and I booted it up and was like ‘There's no way. No. No’. and I was just straight up playing Pokémon on and it was-"

Anthony: "Was it everything you remembered?"

lan: "It was sick, dude. It was fun. I was having fun. I was getting really distracted and it was not good for the shoot. But I think I got my Charmander to like level 11 or 12."

Anthony: "Yeah, you nailed it."

Just a cute little compliment I felt should be included 🙂 But sticking with the Pokémon theme, it leads me on to the next compliment...

‘I Choose You' Smosh Hat

Anthony posted this Instagram promoting the Smosh Pokémon-style hat they released as merch, but what stood out to a lot of us is his choice of the first photo + the caption :-

THE IMPLICATIONS! Him crowning lan with the hat and him saying ‘I choose you' 🥹 It reminds me of something I covered in my first Compliments post - the section covering the Smoshcast with Anthony and Shayne saying how they came back together and "choose to be best friends again" 💛🖤

Our Actual Worst Puns (Puns of Anarchy)

Another round of games and compliment-adjacent moments :-

Ian: [handing the cards out]

Anthony: "Oh, look at you. You're providing for your family.”

Just found this moment cute, Anthony referring to them as a family 🥹

[Jackie chooses Anthony's card and he reveals it's his]

Jackie: "I take it back."

Anthony: “I'm also 'Hand Solo' though, so [the other card Jackie was going to pick]?

Arasha: "I'm so pissed [because Anthony is winning]."

Ian: "Wow. Anthony's cleaning up” [claps]

-

[Round Category: Baby Boomers]

Ian's card -' A Whole New World' changed to 'A new video of an old, white person freaking out’

Anthony: [picks Jackie's card] “That was good. Although, I will say, I know this was yours, lan [from his handwriting]. That was an adventure, man. I appreciate that."

This isn't the only time the handwriting thing is brought up in the video :-

Keith: "Dude, where's my car?' turns into, 'Dude, where's my car? Oh wait, I can't drive?’ By far the best one, lan. And I know this came from you."

Anthony: "I know it came from lan too, cause I can see the handwriting."

Why is Anthony being able recognise Ian's handwriting so cute. He just knows him so well ☺️

One other moment I loved from this video was something I already made a post about here. Of Jackie referring to them as 'best friends' and Anthony laughing the hardest at his answer firing shots at lan, again, bestie-ism shining through 😄

Joycon HIDE AND SEEK (Everybody 1, 2, Switch)

Last one of the month! This video was full of so many great moments - two lanthony piggybacks, so many bestie moments, and them just being overly cute the whole time 🥰

And also many moments of them complimenting each other on doing well in the games. So many that I decided to compile a little video. Enjoy! :-

And that was it for September!

Hope you all enjoyed and I shall see you next time ❤️

[drconstellation]

More Half-and-Half-A-Miracle Thoughts

Part 3: The Third Archangel

Updated 10 Nov 2023

Part 1: Miracle Power Ranking is here Part 2: The Dark side of Aziraphale is here.

Before I try to put the full picture of the mighty miracle together, there is one other Archangel I want to talk about first, because yeah, if the "little" miracle had an Archangel x an Archangel x (ex-)Archangel in the equation, all working in synergy, that's some pretty serious potential power right there.

S2 has given us much to discuss about Crowley and his past. We know he is different in that he has an imagination. We know he is the only ethereal entity, angelic or demonic, who can stop time, which is no mean feat. I have a list of at least nine, possibly thirteen clues (it keeps growing! 21 clues And yes, I'm counting,) that he was once a

senior Archangel, one of the seraphim, before his Fall (but not which one in particular, for sure, alas. We can debate that later, its not important here. Really. Don't @ me about it, I'm not going to engage in this post.) They (updated link to a new discussion: the idea of Crowley previously being a very powerful angel) have all been mentioned already, none of them are new. This implies there is a huge amount of potential power that Crowley could pull upon to put into the miracle performed on Gabriel. So he is our obvious ex-Archangel in the equation.

And we already have Gabriel, in the middle.

Which just leaves us with Aziraphale, and his green-paneled waistcoat...

I've led you all on thinking he's somehow connected to Hell? Or been associating too long with Crowley? No. (Or maybe, yes? To hanging around a demon, I mean.) On one hand it does show us he is not like the other angels. On the other, it tells us something else altogether.

For all that I've been recently rabbiting on about dark horses pointing mainly to Crowley and Saraqael, we have perhaps been deftly misdirected from the biggest dark horse of all: Aziraphale as our 'missing" seraphim, Archangel Raphael, incognito.

Now, I'm certainly not the first person to suggest this at all. There have been multiple metas about it, even way back from S1. I agree with them, fwiw.

Why am I saying this now? I think this recent post about Aziraphale being present at Sodom and Gomorrah sealed it for me, especially since I had made a recent note about Raphael being the one to be assigned to escort Lot from Gomorrah. And for all that I've just discussed how dark Aziraphale can be, he is still clearly affected by what he witnessed that night, so long, long ago.

"Oh Lord, heal this bike."

Green is also the color primarily associated with Raphael, the healer. I've seen a few other colors mentioned as well (in fact, the more you search, the more confusing it gets) but mostly the color you'll see mentioned is green. And its the color Aziraphale conceals on the back side of his waistcoat. Plus he did heal Anathema (and her velocipede) back in S1 after they collided with the Bentley.

Finally, in the Islamic tradition, Raphael is known as Israfil, and he is essential to announcing the Day of Judgement, with a trumpet constantly poised at his lips, ready to blown when God so orders.

Guess who just got taken back to Heaven to start the Second Coming?

Edit: Since I first posted this, some additional information has come along to add to this. I finally bumped into a post about the wonderful golden collars in the Job minisode (It's so, so important to put at least one or two relevant tags for meta-writers like me to help find your posts readers! Then you can shit-talk in the tags all you like.) and that lead me to a webpage on basic angel symbology and the major angels, which helped to firm up a few things I'd been wondering about. One observation is angels usually go about bare-footed, but Raphael wears sandals when on Earth, as he is chief of the guarding angels, and is the guardian of the young, and watches over pilgrims and travelers. And who was wearing golden sandals during the Job minisode?

Doing some guarding of the young as well...

And Raphael is assigned to the direction of the East.

Now we have three Archangels, three seraphim, no less, side by side.

That's a mighty shitload of potential miracle power, whichever way you want to look at it. No wonder the ol' Metatrash got a bit nervous about what happened and decided to take a personal hand in things.

If your sitting there going "'Hang on, op, hang on just a darned minute - Aziraphale hasn't even been promoted to Supreme Archangel yet and Crowley could just be a Dominion, you don't know, and Gabriel's a drooling idiot, how could he contribute to it - " Just stop. Take a breath. Go back to Part 1 where I discuss the problems with our knowledge about miracle powers and their potential. Their potential. And its frustrating that in the end we just don't have enough knowledge to be certain.

So take this as my personal head-canon. I may not have really answered why the miracle was so strong. But as I said at the start, I don't think we can. Too many factors involved, too many unknowns. Too much hidden.

Bring on S3, I say!

[tonberry-yoda]

Is Your Daughter Home? - Dabi

notes - GASP! There she goes again! Tonberry is ignoring her requests to write goofy ahh fanfic of her own LMFAO. I promise it's good though! Plus, I've had a rough day and wanted to put a goofy idea onto a page to make sure I still have the motivation to write. Well, sorry for the ramble! I hope you all have an amazing day and stay super hydrated!! <3333

word count - 438

“Your move, dad,” you eyed the chessboard in between you and your dad. The game was getting intense and you were not going to lose. Not again.

“Oh, you’re gonna regret this, y/n!” Your dad went to pick up a piece when suddenly the doorbell rang. He jumped up and smiled at you. “I guess you’ll have to see that killer move in a second, kiddo.” He walked to the door and pushed it open, completely shocked at what he saw standing in front of him.

A boy with jet black hair, piercings, and torn up clothes stood at the door. “Sup.” His voice was gravelly and your dad took a step back, just trying to process what was at the door.

You wanted to see what your dad was so quiet about, so you peeked over the couch and your face went bright red. Dabi, that dumbass. What the hell was he doing at your house?!

“C-Can I help you?” Your dad stuttered as Dabi ran his fingers through his hair, his painted fingernails shining in the sun.

“Yeah, is your daughter home? You are y/n’s dad, right?” He picked something out of his ear.

“Why would you be involved with my daughter?” Your dad asked, pushing up his sleeves.

Shit. You had to get involved sooner than you would like.

You jumped up and ran over to the front door, giving Dabi a smile that screamed, go away!

“Hey, y/n!” He said instead of listening to your silent screams.

You pushed Dabi away from the door, stepped outside, and slammed the door. “Dabi, are you a dumbass?!” You hissed.

“I thought you knew this.” He chuckled.

Oh, god, you hated him sometimes.

“Dabi, my dad is going to kill you!”

“You’ve got a hot dad though, like-”

“Dabi!! Shut up! Just… my dad isn't used to guys who look like…” you looked him up and down. “You?”

“It's the burn scars, isn't it?” He asked, giving you a neutral look.

“No! No! It’s not the scars, Dabi! I…”

“I'm teasing you, cupcake,” he chuckled. “I know what you mean. Look, just come over later, okay? I'm bored.” He leaned forward and placed a couple of kisses onto your lips, making you blush a bit.

You nodded in agreement and watched as he walked off. He didn't have to be that hot, even if he smelled a little too much like cigarettes.

You opened the door to your house and stepped back in to find your dad with his arms crossed. “Who was that?”

“Can we just get back to that chess game, dad?”

~~~~~

mha masterlist (2) | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[nonotnolan]

No Not Nolan's Year in Review

Apparently this is a tradition now, so-- here are the stories of 2023, ranked by the number of likes.   It also helps keep me a bit grounded-- it feels rough when recent stories don't pick up stream, but the year as a whole has still gone quite well. It's also nice to see where all of my work falls, note-wise.  And if you're feeling very nostalgic (or horny?) here is a link to 2021, and here is a link to 2022.

I'm leaving the eBook announcement posts out of my year end review, but I'm calling it out for myself so when I revisit this in December 2024, future-me will remember to grab those. I'm not planning to abandon this account anytime soon-- and I'm certainly not shifting to Patreon or PayPal or what have you. I'm not prolific or popular enough for any of that. The vast majority of my work will continue to remain free and open. I just wanted to prove to myself that I'm good enough of a writer to publish something that I can be proud of-- I have, and I am.

Do authors love notes and reblogs? Yes. But they often enjoy hearing direct feedback even more-- I know I sure do. Consider "messaging authors directly" as a New Year's Resolution. (Please note that begging for someone to write you a story is not feedback. Don't be that guy.)

12) Green Grass - 122 notes - December 2023 Two guys learn first hand that not everyone values the same things. Concise and straightforward. 11) Soul Stones: Long Distance - 192 notes - April 2023 A romantic story of two men using the power of body swapping to close the gap on a long distance relationship. Cell phones have nothing on being there in person. 10) Colony Freedom - 197 notes - September 2023 A slime alien attempts to rebuild its colony from the ground up after its overseers have completely vanished. Can it manage to find enough hosts for its family, or will its cover be ruined? 9) Cuerpo Inc: After Hours Perk - 249 notes - July 2023 Ethan tries to pretend to be Jake for the weekend, but he wasn't counting on Jake's nosy neighbor getting But if he can't be Jake, at least he can still have fun in Jake's body. 8) Summer Break Dullahans - 252 notes - June 2023 Eric was not expecting to find Ben's detached head in the dorms. I'm a big fan of detachable limb stories, so I decided to be a part of the change I want to see. (I'm also very rusty at GIMP / photoshop, but it gets the job done.) 7) The Great Gym Shift - 275 notes - August 2023 A version of The Great Shift, but with a limited radius. A gym instructor is stuck babysitting a bunch of grown men who suddenly find themselves in very muscular bodies. 6) Just Another Sunday - 279 notes - October 2023 A Chronovac story with unaware recipients and a retroactive reality shift that ripples through reality. I'm really happy with this one, though I will freely admit that I lucked out on the photos for this one. 5) An Excellent Choice - 291 notes - February 2023 My Valentine's Day story, dedicated to my boyfriend. As such, the emphasis is on a merging transformation sequence. Two men take advantage of new technology to become a new sum of themselves. 4) Group Project - 331 notes - November 2023 Another work set in the Swapper universe, where college students take advantage of body swapping technology for success or pleasure. This piece features Aiden, who has to hire a nerd to take over his body if he wants to pass his classes. 3) Cursing Fate - 337 notes - January 2023 It's an alien possession story with a dark twist. If you're going to align yourself with an extraterrestrial force, make sure you have something valuable to offer them. 2) Soul Stones: The Easy Life - 412 notes - March 2023 Alfie finds himself in the body of Jordan, one of the most popular athletes on the football team-- but he's not the one who plotted for the body swap to happen. It's one of my favorites for the year, and it's a series I could see myself returning to if the inspiration is right. 1) Rookie Mistake - 482 notes - May 2023 A novice magic user tries out an Astral Projection spell without reading all of the instructions. Things do not play out in his favor.

Special Mentions-

Travis Cordin - 382 notes - February 2023 by @mergeman My boyfriend's Valentine's Day story that he dedicated to me. A raw and electric story about a magic user who gives the resident nerd too much magical power.

Stories I Love (Part 1) and Stories I Love (Part 2) I was not expecting so many people to react to these lists, but these have been getting reblogged like crazy. More importantly, a lot of authors have been reaching out to show thanks and start conversations, which I appreciate even more. Like I said-- I'm not always the best at participating in the community, so I really enjoy hearing from people.

Top 5 All Time-

5) Revenge, Reversed - 517 notes - August 2020 4) Overbearing - 538 notes - May 2022 3) Finals Week - 552 notes - May 2021 2) Gym Merchandise - 610 notes - September 2022 1) Soulmate Swap - 659 notes - August 2022

It's always fascinating to see which stories get a second life through reblogs and new discoveries. Soulmate Swap is one of my heavy hitters, but both Gym Merchandise and Overbearing have gained a lot of momentum this year. Finals Week is starting to slip, though I'm still quite fond of it. I'm quite surprised to see Revenge, Reversed on this list given its age, but it's another one of my personal favorites.

[haewangsong]

About this whole situation

i feel like the least you can do

is to just... not say you're going to keep enjoying the game.

Enjoy the game, no one can hold you accountable for that, but the moment you're posting on social media about the fact you're going to just ignore everything and support or say that project moon did their best you're just harming the artist they unfairly fired. I know it's hard. I know how devastating it is but at least,

the best thing you can do if you cannot bring yourself to stop playing- is to stay silent.

Also just for some context: (it gets kind of long but long story short. PJ Moon did not make this choice to protect the artist, but they did it because it is the easiest thing.)

Korean women that are angry are angry because this has happened before- in 2016, a VA that wore a t-shirt that was associated with feminism went under attack to the same group of DC incels claiming she's a feminist and should be fired for that.

What the company did- was to fire her, creating a whole whirlpool of situation that got other women targeted and fired. I'm pretty sure the VA here in question got blacklisted from the gaming company.

There are sources revealing that from 2016 to 2020, over 14 women got fired because of similar accusation, and I'm not even sure it counts freelancers that were just silently put off to work.

The National Human Rights Commission of Korea, for fucks sake, has made a testament on 2020 in how the censorship on feminism happening in the gaming industry is a hate crime.

So what Project Moon did here was, it was to do the easiest and most inhumane choice possible, which was to fire a female artist over a similar controversy, bringing the nightmare-ish situation that happened in 2016 back all over again. In 2023. That's why people are disappointed. That's why Korean women feel threatened by this situation. Saying that this was all to protect Vellmori is an insult to her, and to the other female workers who wrongly loose their jobs over situations like these.

The hilarious thing over this whole situation? Every single company that has fired their workers like that has fumbled over themselves! The company and the game that fired the VA got ultimately labeled as a feminist game and lost its male customers too- because they had to keep firing people the moment incels didn't like them, until they couldn't. So incels are saying the game went down because of feminism. Another game? The representative is on fire because to no one's (except for the incels) surprise they fired all of the workers in the project because the game wasn't making any money anymore- making these fired workers reveal the fact that they've been mistreated, overworked, and abused over years. That is two example of many! But what about the games that did the extremely brave and difficult decision to just ignore the incels and go on with their game?

They're fine. They're okay. They had their lows just when the incels attacked, but Korean chauvinist pigs are just so childish that either they decide that it isn't fun to dox people anymore, or comfort themselves saying that oh well, they aren't that feminist after all or, well it's too fun so I don't care it's feminist! This are the pigs PJ Moon cave in. There are games that are boring as hell from smaller companies that survived and are still surviving because their customers are loyal, because the customers know that at least they won't fire their workers over stupid reasonings, the bare minimum!

So just- stop saying you're going to support the game- at least please don't for a while. I can't stop you from playing, but this is something PJ Moon has to take on themselves or this will create the same nightmare-ish situation that happened in 2016 all over again. Don't enable them. Stop giving them the message this is okay. Stop saying it was to support Vellmori, because ruining a young artist's career by telling her she's fired in a phone call after 11pm is not protection. It will never be.

[ninja-muse]

2023 Reading Wrap-up

I feel like this year was pretty average in terms of my reading. Some great books, some awful books, a lot of books in the middle. And while I feel as if I kept hitting slumps, I don’t think my stats really reflect that. I kept reading and even though I didn’t hit my goal of 140 books, that’s more because I read more thick and dense books, spent more time writing, and am one year further from the direness of 2020 and 2021.

This also seems to have been the year of T. Kingfisher for me (and also Ursula Vernon). I read several of her horror novels, as well as Digger and a bunch of the ebooks she makes free for patrons, which are really easy go-tos when you want something light and right now. I was kind of surprised when I realized she was my top author because usually that’s Seanan McGuire.

And I read more ebooks in general, because why should I wait for two months for the library to get a physical book in circulation when I can wait two weeks for it to come in on Libby? I’m still trying to reserve Libby use for lighter, faster, less involved books, because I tend to end up skimming a little more and there’s something about physical paper that helps me retain info better when the text is dense.

Now, stats! Yearly total: 128, excluding rereads and picture books Queer books: 44 (34%) Authors of colour: 15 (11.7%) Books by women: 74.5 (58%) Authors outside the binary: 7.5 (5.8%) Canadian authors: 14 (10.9%) Off the TBR shelves: 39 (30.4%) Books hauled: 41 ARCs acquired: 57 ARCs unhauled: 60 DNFs: 9 Rereads: 3 Picture Books: 6

If you look at last year’s stats and the year before’s, I’m pretty much holding steady in terms of my diverse reading—a little more than a third queer, about 60% female and 10% Canadian, around 6% gender-diverse authors. I’m way down on authors of colour though, and I didn’t hit my stretch goal of 20 Canadians, so those are things I’ll have to pay attention to in the year to come. It would be nice if I could manage more queer books too, but that’s not something I’m going to try for quite as much.

Two of my reading goals for the year were to read more books from my TBR than I acquired, and to keep my ARC levels about even. Seems like I pretty much hit them! I expect that 2024 will see fewer book acquisitions because a lot of my 2023 haul was bookstore visits with my dad and we’ve now hit pretty much every store in the city. I was honestly kind of surprised that my ARC problem stands where it does. I was so sure that I was going to have at least 10 more incoming books than outgoing. Go me! My spring ARC purge really, really helped.

I did all right on the rest of my reading goals. All but one book read (The Great Cat Massacre), which was the real point of the list! I only managed to finish one StoryGraph challenge, if you don’t count my pages goal, and as always I failed to read as many classics as I wanted. I’m starting to suspect I’m not a classics person, despite my interest in history and historical fiction. If anyone has classics recs for me, let me know?

To be completely honest, though, I'm not sure I'm going to continue posting to Tumblr. I pretty much stopped updating my feed in the summer and I've felt more relaxed, both in terms of Things To Do Each Day but also in terms of my reading. When I was more active on here, I felt pressured to read diversely at all times and though I try to have a healthy spread of perspectives, I know that I generally don't and am therefore a bad person by Tumblr standards. I am curious what my mutuals have been getting up to this year so please, sound off! And let me know if you do want to see reviews and wrap-ups continue here.

(Friendly reminder that I'm ninjamuse on Storygraph and LibraryThing, if you'd like to follow me there.)

And if anyone’s interested, here are the rest of my year’s highlights:

Top Five Fiction (not ranked)

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher

Menewood - Nicola Griffith

Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi - Shannon Chakraborty

Top Five Non-Fiction (not ranked)

Magisteria - Nicholas Spencer

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, editor

Lay Them to Rest - Laurah Norton

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

Most Impressed By:

Shubeik Lubeik - Deena Mohamed

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

Most Disappointing:

Tortilla Flat - John Steinbeck

British Columbiana - Josie Teed

A Killing in Costumes - Zac Bissonette

Tauhou - Kōtuku Titihuia Nuttall

Longest Book: The Hands of the Emperor - Victoria Goddard

Best queer book: Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Did I beat 2022? No. Did I beat my Best Year Ever? No. That would be 2021. Did I read more classics? Not even close. Did I read more Canadians? No. I held about steady. Did I whittle my TBR shelves down any? No. Was it a good reading year? Probably about average?

Breakdowns by month:

January February March April May June July August September October November December

[july13th2004]

Fictober 2024 Day 16 (Late)

Category: Fanfiction

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia

Characters/Relationships: Lloyd Irving, Anna Irving, Dirk, Kratos Aurion (mentioned), Lloyd Irving & Anna Irving, Dirk & Lloyd Irving

Genre: Angst/Family/Fluff

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1651

Prompt: “No, I'm not okay.”

Author's Note: So, I’ve decided to write for this event for the first time in three years. I planned on continuing to write for this event in 2022 and 2023, but two years ago I was going through a mental block/had low confidence in my ability to write anything at the time, so I decided not to participate. Then last year I simply wasn't interested in any of the prompts so that's why I didn't participate then as well. Anyway, I'll only be writing for three of the prompts this year (which is much more manageable for me than the last time I participated in this event), and they should hopefully be around 1k words, more or less. This one is rated G, while the next two will be rated T due to a little bit of spice that will be in those ones. The next two will be posted on the 26th and 31st.

Also, lastly, this one is set in my Anna Lives AU, and the last prompt I'll be writing for this event this year will be set in that AU as well.

(Sorry this one is so late… I kinda struggled with the direction of it. The next two should be posted on time.)

For as far back as he could remember, Lloyd had always thought of his mom as a positive and cheerful person. She always persevered through hard times, and her optimism through those trying times was greatly inspiring to him. So it came as a sudden and disappointing surprise to him, when that cheerful and positive demeanor of hers had all but completely disappeared over the past couple of years. He wasn't sure what to do to help his mom become that optimistic and determined person that he admired so greatly once again; but as a now thirteen year old boy, he was certain he'd do almost anything to help her.

So that's why one night, after hearing his mother quietly crying just outside of her closed bedroom door, he decided to finally ask Dirk, the dwarf who had become a dear father figure to him in the past decade since rescuing both him and his mother, about his mom's declining emotional state. The dwarf was currently in his workshop working on a project for someone far away when the young teen arrived to ask him for his advice and wisdom on the matter.

“Hey dad…” Lloyd started, hesitating a little as he entered the workshop. “Can I ask you a question about something?”

Dirk turned around to face his adopted son after setting his tools down on his work table, and flashed him a bright grin before happily replying with, “Sure, my boy! What is it?”

The young teen looked solemnly at the floor, “It's about mom… Why has she been so sad lately? And is there anything I can do to help her? Because I don't know what to do… I miss her being happy no matter what happens, and I just want her to be happy again.”

The dwarf’s grin dropped to a knowing, yet melancholic smile. “Ah, Lloyd, it's really simple… Why ya mother is so sad right now. Ya mother misses ya father terribly.”

Lloyd looked up at the dwarf and frowned, “If that's why, then I don't understand. I don't think he's coming back to us. He could be dead for all I know.”

Dirk sighed and stepped toward the young teen, “Ya might be right, my boy. Yet, I really think ya mother believes your father is somewhere out there, and that he'll return to ya both someday.”

Lloyd’s expression softened slightly and turned thoughtful, “I really hope she's right then, even if I don't care if he returns to us or not… But still, what can I do to help her be happy again? That's all I want…”

The dwarf placed a large, gloved hand on the young teen’s shoulder, and gave him a soft smile, “The answer to that is also really simple, Lloyd. Ya let ya mother know that you're there for her, as ya would with a friend. Let her know that she has the two of us by her side. Most importantly though, ya let her know that everything's gonna be okay.”

“I guess that makes sense…” The teen nodded and his smile widened, “Thanks dad! Then I'll try to talk to her about that tomorrow night.”

“Now remember, Lloyd, be patient.” Dirk stated after taking his hand off the teen’s shoulder, “She’s not going to be all happy and like herself again right away. That's gonna take some time.”

“Okay, I'll try to be patient about it then, dad.” Lloyd said as he turned to leave the workshop.

“Oh, before you go, my boy!” Dirk called out just as Lloyd was about to leave the room, “I've one last thing to say. Talk to ya mother tonight, right away. I wouldn't hesitate and wait until tomorrow.”

The young teen turned around and nodded before giving the dwarf a grin, “All right then, I’ll go talk to her now. Thanks again, dad!”

_________

Lloyd immediately headed back upstairs the moment he left the workshop, with a new resolve after talking with his adoptive father. When he reached his mother's bedroom door, her room being directly across from his own, he couldn't hear the sound of her crying anymore. He hesitated a moment before knocking on the door as the sudden thought of her possibly already being asleep crossed his mind. But the thought left his mind as he considered that she wouldn't go to bed without wishing him good night and to sleep well, first.

“Hey mom, are you still up?” Lloyd asked after gently knocking on the door, “Can I come in?”

“Yes, Lloyd, I'm still awake.” He heard his mother's response from the other side of the door. “You may come in…”

The young teen quietly opened the door and entered his mother's bedroom. She was sitting on the side of her bed and holding a handkerchief in her right hand. Her eyes were puffy from crying, and that was all he needed to see to know that he needed to talk to her right now. He closed the door behind him and stepped toward her.

“Hey mom, are you okay?” Lloyd gently inquired.

He already knew what her answer would be, but he wanted to actually hear her voice her response.

Anna let out a short, sorrowful laugh, before giving her son a knowing and despondent smile, then answered, “No, Lloyd, I'm not okay.”

The young teen glanced from her to the floor, then back at her, and his expression turned sad again as he commented, “I know mom, I could hear you crying earlier.”

She blinked and gave him a mild look of chagrin, a little taken aback that her son would eavesdrop on her.

Lloyd continued, his tone now somewhat nervous, “I-I know you probably didn't want me to hear you crying, and I'm really sorry about that, but I've also noticed that you haven't been your usual self lately. So I-I wanted to talk to you about that tonight… B-Because I-I just want you to be happy again…”

His mother's expression softened, and she gave her son a gentle smile after letting out a sigh. “Oh, Lloyd, I should apologize to you… I wasn't aware of how my current mood has been affecting you, and for that I sincerely apologize. …So yes, I suppose we should, no, need to talk about this. It might help me feel better, and maybe it will help you fully understand why I've been feeling so down lately.”

All Lloyd could do was simply nod and give her a small smile in agreement with her statement. She gestured for her son to sit down next to her on her bed, which he immediately did without hesitation. The two then talked for close to an hour about how she was feeling and why. Anna had to take a couple moments throughout their conversation to let herself cry, and Lloyd would wait patiently for her to continue.

_________

“I'm just so tired of waiting for him to come home, Lloyd.” Anna concluded as she wiped away the last of her tears with her handkerchief.

“Yeah, mom, I kinda want him to come home to us, too…” Lloyd commented in agreement, his expression somewhat downcast.

Silence fell between the two for a moment.

The young teen then continued, his voice filled with a renewed determination, “But I want you to know, mom, that even if he doesn't, that you'll always have us, dad-I mean Dirk and I! We'll always be there for you! No matter what happens, it's going to be okay!”

Anna's eyes began to water, but she forced herself not to cry again. She gently wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him. “Oh thank you, Lloyd! I'm so glad we had this conversation tonight.”

Lloyd was all too happy to hug his mother in return. “No problem, mom! Do you feel any better, though?”

She released him and nodded in affirmation. “Yeah, I feel a little bit better. I think I just needed to talk with you and hear from you that everything's going to be all right.” Then she glanced at the clock on the wall near her bedroom door. “Oh, look at how late it is! You should go to bed now, Lloyd. You have school in the morning, don't you?”

The young teen let out a nervous laugh, then replied, “Ah, yeah, I do… Good night then, mom!”

He quickly hugged his mother again, then hurriedly left the room. Anna figured her son would probably go downstairs and say good night to Dirk before he headed to bed. She got ready for bed a short time later, wearing a small smile on her face, yet her thoughts were still focused on her husband once she crawled into her bed.

Oh Kratos, I know you're out there somewhere, and I hope someday you'll finally come home. I suppose all I can do is wait until that day arrives, despite being tired of waiting and losing hope that that day will ever arrive…

…Though you should know, our son put something in perspective for me tonight. I haven't been my usual self lately and I didn't realize how much that's been affecting him. He helped me realize tonight that even if you never return to me, to us, that I will always have him by my side. And that I also have Dirk, the gruff but kind dwarf who rescued us around a decade ago, by my side. Together, I think we've raised Lloyd into the nice, empathetic young man I always hoped he'd be.

…I still miss you, and love you so much, Kratos, and after tonight, my hope that you'll return to me and Lloyd one day has been somewhat restored. …And I'm now determined again to wait however long it takes for that day to arrive…

Anna then drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in months, she would sleep peacefully through the night.