#i'm sorry we can't be friends is an amazing song but i'm being haunted by context

[winepresswrath]

i will say ariana commits like no one else. "yes, and?" as a response to cheating on your husband with spongebob is gutsy. yes, and?" as a response to "you wrote and recorded this album about cheating on your husband with spongebob?" is transcendent.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

So I'm stealing this from @tayloralisonswift and you should definitely check out their version, but I'm going to listen to and rank all of Taylor's songs album by album (and then maybe her non album songs at the end). You can also see my debut rankings and what I've changed here + my Fearless rankings here.

So with that in mind, it's Speak Now's turn. The only thing to note before we start is that I will be primarily ranking the OG tracks (a reminder that I own all the CDs here before you come at me for that) as they are my preferred ones but will note when I'm listening to TV. There is also mentions of suicide (nothing too in depth but still), so read at your own discretion.

Mine: This is one of those songs that have somewhat grown on me with time. It's very cute and relatable. 7.5/10.

Sparks Fly: Always a fun time. Has always and may always be upper half of this album's ranking. 8/10.

Back To December: I have a very complicated relationship with this song for personal reasons. Ultimately it is great though and arguably underrated, even by myself. The tour mashup was also iconic. 7.5/10.

Speak Now: Now you may think that the girl who ruined her brother's wedding (obviously not in the romantic love way the song depicts but still) would love this song. And yes, my friends and I have a good laugh about how I did it before this song came out. But ultimately I think it's a fun little number that I don't go back to much. 6/10.

Dear John: I actually hated this song when it first came out... or moreso I was very in denial about my own situation so was not ready to hear it and called the song whiny. Obviously it has grown on me a lot in the 14 years we've had it and is one of her best both lyrically and production wise in my honest opinion. 9.5/10.

Mean: I'm sorry I still can't get over her being like "you can't lead me down that road" just to call him a pathetic loser who's alone in life in the same song. And all over one bad review? Anyway it's a song that I've never clicked with even outside of her. 3/10.

The Story Of Us: Definitely one of my most listened to tracks on this album over the years. 18 year old me had it on repeat for months (iykyk). An absolute bop despite being sad. 8.5/10.

Never Grow Up: This song is to me what songs like Ronan and Soon You'll Get Better are for the majority of the fandom. So I don't listen to it all that much, but it is very good. 7/10.

Enchanted: This song was a favourite when the album first came out but overtime has fallen a bit into the background. Had I been a bit younger/more naive, it could have been THE late 2021/early 2022 song for me (iykyk) but alas. Again, still a good song, and very nostalgic at that. 7/10.

Better Than Revenge: So I'm listening to TV here, but not for the changed line. I'm actually very much team 'she should have kept it the same'. But the production of TV feels harder/more in your face and I love that. Having grown up in a left leaning area, this is a song that never really hit for me lyrically though because even at the time it came out, it was the 'this is such a 13 year old song' to my year group (I was the ripe age of 15 when Speak Now OG came out lmao), so the production really carries it here. 5/10.

Innocent: My stan song from the album and first self love song from Taylor! Very underappreciated. It, especially in the era where fans are rude about other fans not wanting to separate Matty from the music, leaves me so frustrated that this song is underappreciated because these same people saying to remove Matty sure as hell didn't do it for this song. Anyway amazing song all around. 10/10.

Haunted: I spoke about how Breathe was on repeat for a lot of 2011 during my Fearless rankings, and Haunted (+ Last Kiss) were right beside it. While Breathe was my song for one friend's death and feeling like I could not talk to my other friends about it, Haunted was the exact emotion I felt witnessing the other friend's suicide. So yeah, it's another song that will always have a special place in my heart for helping me through the worst period of my life. 9/10.

Last Kiss: I don't have much to say on this past what I said in Haunted, but having the bridge (and whole song) retextualised as a song about losing someone to suicide really changed this song from a part time love to long term love for me. 9.5/10.

Long Live: This is one of those songs that I need to be in the mood for but when I am? God does it hit. I also nearly teared up hearing TV (in general I was surprised how much Speak Now TV had me emotional because it's the album [out of the ones being rerecorded] that I have the least emotional ties to). Great song all around. 7.5/10.

Ours: This is another one that I don't really listen to all this much, but love queer readings of and always have a good time while listening to it. 7/10.

If This Was A Movie: I don't care what Taylor says, this is and always will be a Speak Now track and I'm annoyed the TV version was not on the CD lmao. Anyway I've always loved this song. 7.5/10.

Superman: Very cute song. Not a favourite, but I feel like I like it more than most people. 7/10.

Electric Touch: ... I need to be real with you all, apart from When Emma Falls In Love, I really do not listen to this vault at all. Like this is maybe the third time I've heard this song (and the second was the piano tour version). And in Electric Touch's case, this is sad because I feel like this song has everything I would like in a song. It's pop rock, even though I am fussy with collabs I quite like FOB, it's about new beginnings and more. Like it should have been a home run for me, but it's just boring to me. 5/10.

When Emma Falls In Love: I know I'm in the minority here, but I really love this song. It's so cute and very much something I would have been obsessed with in my teens if it had come out with the OG album. 8/10.

I Can See You: I once said that Fortnight was my 'This could have been us, but for it to have been, I would have needed to be a different person' song, and this song lives in that same universe. Now is probably a good time to mention that I think that both the Speak Now and 1989 vaults were very much the blueprint for TTPD:TA and I can see both men in all of the choices made lmao. Anyway, it's catchy and the music video was such a nice moment for the rerecordings. 7/10.

Castles Crumbling: This is another song that like I get why she put it on the vault, I think objectively it's a great counterpart to Long Live, but ultimately I just find it boring. 4/10.

Foolish One: This is one of those songs that had it been on the OG album, I'd probably have a sweet nostalgic feeling towards it because teen me would have loved it. But it didn't so I don't and again, just find it pretty meh. 4/10.

Timeless: I sound like a broken record here, but like it's objectively sweet, definitely is a blueprint to what was coming, but ultimately I just don't click with it, feel it drags on and find it boring. 4/10.

Final score: 158.5/230 - 68.9%

[lonelychicago]

Do you recommend any songs?

🎶

ANONNNN i'm so so so happy you ask me this (also im sorry it's taking me so long to answer yours asks, i just really wanna take my time listening to every song you send me <333)

now MY song recs!!! (tbh i've been waiting for someone to ask me for song recs, so thank you for this and also i'm so so soooo sorry bc i'm about to become the most annoying person to ever exist <333)

under the cut so im not annoying for the ppl who don't care <33

FIRST OF ALL, I'VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THIS BAND CALLED INHALER??? (the lead singer is bono's son)

my favorite songs from them are

if you're gonna break my heart : this song is so good???? idk why i love it so much but something about the lyric 'if you're gonna break my heart, smash it to pieces bc I'm not gonna need it as much as i do right now' JUST BREAKS ME IN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF WAYS, y'know??

my honest face

ice cream sundae

and !!! if you end up liking them, i have a playlist with all their songs right here

i'm also getting REALLY into maisie peters music???

my favorite songs from her are

history of man : I'M SORRY BUT THE LYRIC WOMEN'S HEARTS ARE LETHALS WEAPONS DID YOU HOLD MINE AND FEEL THREATENED HAUNTS ME. LIKE??? GUTTED. and also also!!! this song is so beautiful lyrically speaking and i cannot shut up about it. like, it changed me as a person. it changed my brain chemestry.

run

coming of age: the lyric "baby i'm the iliad of course you couldn't read me" MAKES ME CRACKLE EVERY TIME. KSJSKSJ ICONIC.

neck of the woods

the party (such a buddie song)

helicopter (THE BUDDIEST OF SONGS. THIS WAS GHOST WRITTEN BY EDDIE DIAZ AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND)

funeral

i also love boygenius and i really recommend

not strong enough

AND THIS SING I RANDOMLY DISCOVERED

new york by the kills : it gives me such good vibes??? also idk, i listened to it and got inspired for my buddie rockband au. it's so beautifully daunting and amazing and awesome and cool and i feel like i'm in this grunge kind of bar in new york with my best friends and also strangers listening to a live band when i hear it??? idk if that makes sense.

the lyrics are also so !!!!

ANYTHINGGGGGGG by renee rapp. she's iconic, she's a legend, she is the moment <333

BUT SPECIFICALLY

bruises

just !!!!! PLEASE THE LYRICS ARE SO !!!! i relate to this on a deep personal level. this reaches the darkest corners of my soul.

tattoos

in the kitchen

bruises

too well

bruises

snow angel

did i mention bruises??

literally anything ANYTHING by louis tomlison. that man is soooo underrated. songs like chicago??? angels fly??? saturdays??? DON'T GET ME STARTED ON SATURDAYS.

LIKE THAT SONG LITERALLY HAS THE LYRIC "MY HEART MIGHT BE BROKEN BUT I WON'T BE BROKEN DOWN." LIKE???? WHO COMES UP WITH STUFF LIKE THAT FR FR

what i love about louis is that you can find so much light and positivity in his lyrics and it's literally so comforting??? when i listen to angels fly i feel like i'm being hugged tenderly and softly kissed in my forehead.

so, yeah!! listen to him, please!!! give him a chance!!! i promise you he isn't only one direction. HE'S SO FAR FROM BEING WHAT THEY SHOWED US AS 1D IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. (also he's the reason i discovered inhaler and im soooo grateful)

I ALSO RECOMMEND THE ENTIRETY OF WHEN FACING THE THINGS WE CAN'T TURN AWAY FROM by luke hemmings. THAT ALBUM LITERALLY CHANGED ME AS A PERSON. like. wow.

it deserved so much more than it got???

songs like baby blue?? diamonds??? siagon??? motion??? THEY FUCKING SLAP. THAT SHIT SLAPS SO HARD.

PLACE IN ME???? SLIP AWAY???? FAVESS. ALL TIME FAVESSSS.

just, please listen to him. you won't regret it.

AND !!!!

if you're into indie, folk-y musocy. just watch this video. just. pleaseeeee watch this video. ALL OF IT. the artist is not the most talented or the best vocally but he has SO much passion for his craft and for music and he's soooo wholesome and just!!!!

THIS WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDEOS EVER AND THERE'S A SONG AT THE END THAT MIGHT NOT BE THE GREATEST HIT BUT IT HAS HEART AND IT'S WARM AND IT'S JUST !!!!! IT'S MUSIC!!! THIS IS WHAT MUSIC IS ABOUT!!! THIS IS WHY MUSIC CAME TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! to share it with the world, to share with each other!! to just dance and feel and aaahhh!! i could write an essay about this video and about this artist in particular, i'm not even kidding.

and anyway, i have way more song recs but u feel you might be regretting asking me for them rn so i'm gonna stop and shut up <333

[leynaeithnea]

Literally taking notes as I read your reply so I can remember everything I want to say to you akdmmsan ( also my fingers also hurt from refreshing Tumblr, waiting for your reply aaah)

First of all sorry for making you type so much but actually I'm not that sorry bc I'm having the time of my life talking to you, also I really like your takes and seeing your perspective on stuff (I will now proceed to tell you what I think about what you said , I swear I am sorry but I can't help it, it's the voiceeees)

2. I never stopped to think about the implications of the others joining in the song bc they are seeing Odysseus getting closer to the wall and on the brink of doing something so unforgivable that they have to wonder, should we consider him a monster? Where do we draw the line ? Kskdkd good shit

3. I 100% agree about full speed ahead, I LOVE IT and sing it to myself all the time, 4.we do need more polities , and I also adore the "stay back" part and whenever I sing it I do this silly thing where I pretend to have a sword and I use it to threaten the lotus eaters that are surrounding me ( is it silly? Yes. Do I have the time of my life being this silly? Also yes ). And I totally understand the Ody appreciation because the tragedy in his story and the way he tries to overcome all the obstacles only to realize he is a pawn of the gods anyway jajsnsnsnnjakam and how all this fighting and struggling changed him so much he became unrecognizable but somehow at the core he's still the same aaaahh 6. Agree on anything and everything you say at this point bc "there's been a misunderstanding" scratches my brain so good. 7. I'm so happy for you I wish I could pick up even half of the motifs and stuff Jay always talks about, after his explanations I'm always like "mmmh yes yes I get it (<- does NOTget it for the life of her )" 8. Hands down my favorite 10/10, I am also not 100% sold on the new version bc I am just so used to the old one but I like a lot how Athena says "don't "in this one , she feels more surprised (?),like she didn't think she HAD to warn him not to do smth this reckless, don't know how to explain it lol. AND the silence that screams "oooh you really fucked up" after Odysseus revelas his name and address is UNMATCHED , chills every time. Also the fact that in the whole musical this is the first time we hear his name is just amazing. Keeps me up at night 9.again , seeing your take on things is so good !! In this song Athena is confused by humans and how they process their emotions?? Akksks how did I not see it?? 11. I adore this one but now it's so hard to listen to it and not be haunted by mutiny

Sorry again for dumping all of this here lol, also if you want I would adore a part two for the other sagas but literally no pressure :))

BY THE GODS THANK YOUUUU OMxjdkdksks mfjfjdjsFUSJDS THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME DONT APOLOGIZE FOR INFO DUMPING I LOVE IT

AND YES part 2 is to come, I stopped at luck runs out yesterday because Keep your friends close has soooo many parts that I love, its one of my favorites

Also yesss Luck Runs Out really hits different now, loveeee how it sets up mutinity in the motifs so good okay I might only finish Ocean Saga in this one bc SO MUCH TO SAY but i would be honored to do this maybe saga by saga with some asks or smth idk rjsjsjs

Ok

12. Keep friends Close

"Great wind god aelus" kicks just the right way again

"Hahahaha i am the wind" Omg the melody and music in this song is so gooood so floaty and airy its big joy, aelus playfulness and the whole first part of the song is so goooodd ALSO WINIOKS "sometimes killing is a must" - "what??"

And then it shifts to the crew where i love the voice acting of the whole scene up until "we'll try" AND THEN my favorite part: Odysseus tries to stay awake

For 9 days Ive sayed wide awake, trying to make it home with no storm or tidal wave, I remain unapposed the bag is still closed and Im getting closer to youuu (penelope) i cant wait to make some new memories (telemachus) time for me to be the father i never was (just keep your eyes open) why are my eyes and my heart and soul so heavy? (Just keep your eyes open) I keep on trying to embrage you both why wont you let me?? (Just keep your eyes open) so much has changed but im the same YES IM THE SAMMEEE (just keep your eyes open) -> FIRST TIME WE HEAR TELEMACHUS BTW IM SO EXCITED FOR HIM

ALSO THEY ALMOST REACHED ITHIKA IF EURY HADNT OPENED THE BAG---- THEY WERE WITHIN SIGHT, HIS MOM COULDVE SEEN THE SHIPS

So, yeah this whole part? So good, and then penelope wakes him and he wakes up to the storm and the "NooOOooooO" is so niceee ans THEN "ODYSSEUS OF ITHICA, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" WE LOVE POSEIDON HIS VOICEEEE

13. Ruthlessness

Danger motif (ehehe) the -sei-don in the chant in the beginning I think, madbe the po-sei im not sure

STEVENS GRIT IN HIS VOICE ITS SO GOOD like either mortius or casper said it but he literally sounds like he just gurgled salt water fr, And hes SO SASSY

"it isnt very often that i get pissed of" ....i feel like you dont have s very realistic selfimage Poseidon

"Ive been so gracious" hits right too, so good

"The cyclops youve maee blind, is mine" - No

Love how the theme of Ruthnessless finially gets spoken out directly and literally thrown into his face I ALSO LOVE HOW EVERY ANIMATOR PORTRAYS THIS SCENE AS POSEIDON BEATING UP ODYSSEUS LIKE GUDJDKSKSKSJSJ hell yes anyway

"You are the worst kind of good cause youre not even great" THE music in this moment, the drop and the how it picks up again fhsjdjskaja

Also not Ody not even apologizing smh smh

"If you jusr killed my son, But NooOooouu" SASSY SEIDON gjdjfjwj hes so pissed he didnt kill polyphemus :[ (jkjkjkrks)

Then the whole part with

RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OUR- CAPITAIN

RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OUR- CAPITAIN

(Also those lines asding up to 11, for the 11 ships ody looses there oml)

I love "the line between naivetë and hopefullness is almost invisible" its such a cool quote

And then the pause into "Die."

THE CALL BACK TO "when does a ripple become a tidal wave" of jusr a man Omg I LOVE just a man call backs and the disbelieve and horror in "what have you done" and Poseidons calm response, and then THE WINDBAG and "Remember Me" omggrttt yes def two of th3 best songs in the musical so far

Edit:

OH AND I FORGOT THE ACTING?? THE SWORD? YES PLS, i acted out the whole musical so far on a whim with a friend a few days ago and it was the best things in my life fr, acting for the win i also tend to act these things out by myself ghjjdg

Edit 2: Circe saga next!

[helianskies]

things i wish i had communicated, in one way or another, or what i wish i could say now:

you've started to value a boyfriend of 4 months over our friendship of 4 years to the point where we're on holiday but when we get back to the hotel, all you want to do is speak to him, and not me. i know you should speak with him, of course. i don't want you to ignore him. but i also don't want to stop existing the moment he's in view. i have no one else that i'm this close to. you are my best friend. and if i never let you know how important that made you, i'm sorry. but i am also so tired of this, and would truly rather endure the loneliness than the invisibility i've dealt with for 4 months. just because i could afford to go to Paris, and he couldn't.

i don't hate you, i'm just jealous of you. in years to come, i'll learn that there isn't anything to be jealous of, really. but you are cool, and i am not, and that makes me mad. i've never been that hateful towards someone i barely know. i just wish i could have controlled myself more, because even so many years on, i'm haunted by that one moment.

you two mean so much to me and you put yourselves out there. you can be so confident. you both love to sing. did you know i was in a choir too? that i sing too? that i love to sing too? that maybe, after spending an hour rehearsing a song with you in a language we barely knew before you said, actually, i think i can perform it alone, i feel that's a part of me i won't share with you again? and that when, 3.5 years later when you hear me quietly singing at a bar on the coast of Palermo, you say, you have such a great voice, you should sing more, that it doesn't kill me a little bit inside?

you annoy me so much. you do. so much about you and your family drives me insane. we have known each other for nearly twenty years and i'm amazed it's lasted. but i know i'm the issue. because i don't text, or call, or reply in the group chat. because i don't want to. i am never in the mood to. i love you in microdoses. and i am amazed you're still here. i'm amazed you haven't walked, because i know i would've done so by now. but even so, i still won't text because i love you in microdoses, remember? and i am still trying to recover from the last time.

i've said it so many times as an adult. i just wish i had the courage at fifteen to tell you what i think of you. maybe you would listen then. maybe you would understand. maybe it wouldn't take 8 years for you to finally understand what you threw away, and won't get back.

i miss you. i hope you're well. i hope you survived university. i went too, in the end. i miss talking to you. you helped me get through a tough two years and i just hope karma treated you well in turn.

i should have set some boundaries. i should have drawn some lines. there are things you've told me that i want to be able to forget. but i also want to know why you thought it was okay to tell me these things without checking if i was okay with it. if i wanted to know, or cared enough to know. because i didn't. and i still don't. and i can't forget them.

you've never seemed to like me. i don't know why. i mean, i know i've done a few things that annoy you, but you always seem so angry with me and you never confront it, or me. you just stay angry. being around you makes me feel so sick and anxious, i shut myself in my room for over 24 hours and don't come out because it is just you and me in the flat one weekend, and i am scared of facing you. and even when we cross paths in the years that follow, i still feel worried. you scare me. i will always feel sorry for the version of me that put up with you.

thank you for trying to understand me. it hasn't worked, and i think you have forgotten our talks over tea. but you've tried, and no one else has done that yet.

i hope you've been able to manage your trauma and start healing. and i'm sorry i didn't know how to help you back then. you're a good person.

i forget we were ever friends. i don't like that much. but i also have so few good memories of us that i wonder why i put up with it for as long as i did. i wonder if you still dance. i wonder if your parents ever realised the damage they did to you. and i hope you're happier now than you were as a teenager.

[simpliao]

let you break my heart again ; (irl) schlatt x reader

summary : silly to think he ever belonged to you.

info : based upon the song of the same name by the ever gorgeous Laufey, and shouldn't be by Luke Chiang, i love them both amazing songs that I completely recommend. cheating, depressive themes, mention of disordered eating, angst, I cried while writing this.

a/n : I have been so busy, and totally not based on experience lmao. I just needed to vent, so I hope you enjoy and can feel the hurt I'm currently going through <3 I'll see you guys in another four months

Shouldn't be.

Love shouldn't hurt this much. It shouldn't be killing me this much on the inside.

'maybe next week n/n, you know I'm busy.'

The message was all too familiar, barely legible as the world only became blurrier as tears flooded my eyes. My throat closed up, and I could only muster to text back as I always have.

'it's no problem! Can't wait for next week then :)'

I knew this song and dance would only follow into next week, my message left read and unanswered for what I know would be another dry answer hours in the future.

Laid upon a dishevelled bed, my eyes flickered my glance to my side, golden hour having already passed and no more light seeped into my room. My apartment for so many weeks deafly silent, my mind playing cruel tricks upon my heart when I could have sworn I heard his laugh echo off these walls. Always nothing more than a cope for what we've become, the sound of my own breathing and distant city sounds being my only comfort.

When that comfort used to me his arms, his hold, the gentle kisses upon my forehead and admissions of how beautiful he found me to be. No longer have I felt that way, not since. Just thinking about him causes me to choke back a sob, I promised myself I wouldn't cry. Not after I told myself I'd go with the flow, if he didn't care I wouldn't either.

He. Burnt auburn hair I still remember glowing when we'd drive out to the countryside to get a better view of the sunset at eight. Stupid jokes he'd make that would always draw a laugh out of me, his smile burnt in all corners of my mind; to only now haunt me every time I closed my eyes. He still stayed, even if I knew the same couldn't be said on his side.

I knew I shouldn't be doing this right now.

Leaving myself occupied in my mind, letting myself drown in thoughts and memories. If I were to shift my eyes I'd be able to see the school project sitting upon my desk, waiting to be done. And yet here I was, eyes permanently fixated upon the ceiling with my AirPods at its highest volume. Caught up in looking back.

He promised me to always be honest, that I was his and he was in turn mine. Those empty promises almost as empty as my stomach, the attempt of trying to get the sustenance into my body made me sick. Something would trigger of memory of us, and whatever sorry attempt at a meal I've managed to scrape together would be doused in salty tears; inedible. So empty I felt, I should have known; it's my fault.

He never had the best reputation. Twitter would have said 'told you so', Jeremiah Schlatt was never seen as a saint in the online sphere. When it came out that the two of us were friends, it shocked the community. Who would think? Two opposites would have such chemistry. Someone as blunt, sarcastic and cynical could pair so well with someone known to be so sweet, genuine.

That's all he ever wanted people to think, I question now if that's all he wanted us to be– with benefits to him.

Empty promises that when this or that would be sorted out, or when he'd be done planning something special he'd be ready to take on the responsibility. Everyone knew him to be the non-committal type, and yet he whispered into the cuff of my ear in our most intimate moments that he was mine– and mine alone.

And I supposed I was the fool to believe him.

From hours to days left on delivered, mute excuses to follow and never ending cancelled plans. We weren't together, yet he still gave the vague illusion that it was so. The use of private nicknames gave the feeling of being significant to him, and yet what we did behind closed doors was kept a tight-knit secret.

Now even wrapped up in comforters and bundled up in my warmest sweaters I still felt so cold, where his arms and warmth used to envelop now are permanently, bitterly frigid. The only thing keeping me going was foolish hope that I knew kept me foolish.

He wasn't coming back, not so long as he had my friends wrapped around his fingers. Pretending to not hear his flirty remarks while they giggled without knowing a thing ate me up from the inside.

I'd never say a thing either, lest I become the bad guy. Why couldn't I let him talk with his friends? Why couldn't he get time alone? His world didn't revolve around me so why are you acting crazy? You're wrong. We aren't even together... yet.

That last word used to tease and keep me in place, if I was good then that yet could become a maybe, and down the road a yes. I knew this was bullshit, meant to keep me where he wanted me. So he can feign guilt and use me all over again. I knew what I was, I was a toy for his amusement.

And I knew it all. I knew he didn't care about me, how his words would hurt, how he would lead me on with no more intentions than just a bit of fooling around. His eyes would wander, and a part of me hoped he'd never come back.

Because if he did I'd act the same, scared of being a nuisance, scared of being called mean names or seeing his gentle features turned malicious. I needed time for myself, and I knew I needed to cut him off to heal the scars he's left upon my heart. Keeping him close only hurt so much more, but it was a choice between loneliness or... More loneliness.

Until then, however, I'll just let you break my heart all over again.

[liibrii]

fem!Miya!reader x Suna Rintarou || mostly platonic || part of the Third Miya series

Synopsis: A glimpse into your friendship with Suna during your 1st year at Inarizaki High school.

Warnings: barely proofread, general stupidity, there's a serial killer joke, reader is a lil shit

wc: 1.6k

a/n: naming chapters is hard 😭 as always feedback is greatly appreciated and if you wanna be tagged in future chapters let me know!

Friendship with Suna is one of those where you can't quite remember how or when it started. One week he was just that lanky guy sitting at a desk to the right of you, the next week you walked home together and you told him your brothers' embarrassing childhood stories in exchange for chemistry homework. In a way it's an echo of all your childhood friendships forged on the beach with other kids you only knew for a week but during that week you'd take over the world for them if they asked. But the one week friendship with Suna became two weeks, three weeks, and after the fourth you stopped counting.

Suna Rintarou is a funny guy. Not funny as in telling jokes or spouting quips and smirks. He's funny in a way that even now you can't really tell who he is. He's quiet. But not shy in the slightest. He moved over from Aichi and you cringe at the memory of saying: “Oh so that's why ya talk funny. I thought yer just pretentious,“ when he told you. Your ears catch on fire by just thinking about it. So embarrassing. But he must have pretty low standards for his friends because at the time he didn't really seem bothered by your slip of the tongue. The next day he offered you a chuupet and that was enough to buy your undying loyalty.

Suna's a funny guy. You don't know how he became your friend, you don't know what he sees in you that makes him put up with you. But you're glad to have an inside man on the volleyball team.

Years of living together with the same person makes one develop the ability of sniffing out trouble before they even start to happen. In this case it's four empty pudding packages in the trash bin that make you decide to nope right out of there before Tsumu tries to blame you for their mysterious disappearance. Again.

You put on music and walk aimlessly through the streets, one of those walks where it doesn't matter if you get lost because you have no clue where you're headed anyway. Everyone needs a stroll like that from time to time. Often they lead to situations that would otherwise probably never happen. Like running into a serial killer, but luck is on your side today so the only person you run into is a familiar lanky figure stretching by the side of the road. “Sunarin! Didn't expect to meet ya here!“

He looks up and his blushed sweaty face wears the same expression as ever. In the last months you've learned Suna has two expressions, the deadpan one, and the deadpan one with furrowed brows. “O, Miya. Well, I live nearby.“ Oh right, you did pass the bus station where he exits just a song ago. “Taking a stroll, are you?“

“Samu and Tsumu are having a screamin' match right now so I decided to get myself out of there before they'd drag me into it.“

“Tragic. Where are you headed?“

Your destination is 'who cares' so you join Suna on a walk. It's good he already ran his evening route because you're not in the mood to reenact a wanna be healthy person's only free time activity.

Just a short walk between the apartment buildings by the side of the road you reach a path of cobble stones that leads further between trees.  

“What? You didn't know there's a park here?“ Suna smirks and you're surprised his face muscles are even capable of stretching so far.

You shake your head, slightly embarrassed. “No, I really didn't. To be fair this neighbourhood used to be ruled by another clan so we never played around here,“ you quickly add as if children clan wars from years ago are a better excuse than simply being unfamiliar with this part of the town.

Suna doesn't comment but the corners of his mouth keep tugging up even after you walk through the park. Or maybe that's because you tripped over nothing while watching a cat cross your path.

“We have a cat back home,“ he tells you and shows you the picture of his little sister with a big fluffy orange cat on her lap.

“So cute,“ you coo, “looks just like ya.“

“Oh yeah, lots of people say she looks just like me. I think I'm more handsome though.“

“No, I meant the cat.“

This time you're the one prepared to jump away form a well aimed kick but Suna only gives you a disappointed glare. “I thought you were the nice Miya.“

You sympathetically pat his shoulder. “Sorry. My sincere condolences. Shall I send some flowers for the funeral of yer last brain cell? Samu always wanted a cat but dad wouldn't let him.“

“Really? Why not?“

“Oh he made the mistake of asking just after the mango incident.“

“The-“

“Only Miyas are allowed to know about it,“ you say, snickering at Suna's furrowed brows. You know curiosity is going to eat at him for weeks to come. Maybe you should come up with a cover story, just in case. “Do ya miss yer friends? Ones from Aichi I mean?“

Suna thinks for a moment, maybe still trying to figure out what a mango incident could possibly be. “Sometimes,“ he says after a while and a poke to his side, “but I met a lot of new people at the dorms. Inarizaki isn't that bad either. There's you and Ginjima, and your brothers sometimes, and ehm,“ he mumbles as he tries to remember whom else he could call a friend.

“If Tsumu or Samu bring this topic up just let them know ya were my friend first,“ you pout. That's the problem with having had siblings in the same class for the entire grade and middle school; all your friends were also their friends. “It can't be easy,“ you say, half trying to make him feel better, and half just changing the topic that's starting to turn his ears red, “movin' over here I mean. Ya really left all ya knew behind for volleyball. That's pretty admirable. Ya just might be as crazy as Samu and Tsumu.“

“Please don't compare me to your brothers,“ says Suna.

“That bad, eh? So what's it like? Livin' in a dorm?“

“Oh. Well. We're four in a room-“

“Yikes. And I thought havin' two other people in your room is a lot.“

Suna laughs. Oh, so he can do that. It suits him, you decide after a moment. “Now take into account that two of those keep leaving dirty socks around.“

“Oh I know what that's like,“ you nod, all too familiar with dirty socks under table, under bed and other parts of bed you'd rather not think about.

“I doubt you'd get in trouble for punching them though.“

“Oh I would.“ You look him over. “Ya don't really look like a punchin' type to me. More a very petty guy. Soy sauce in mornin' tea kind of guy.“

“You're giving me ideas.“

“Thanks, that will be one kit-kat. Or none if ya put some in Samu's water bottle.“

“All in all dorm isn't that bad,“ Suna tells you once you both stop laughing over the prospect of putting soy sauce into Osamu's drink. “Wish I could sleep a bit longer in the morning but what can you do? And I miss mom's cooking. We cook ourselves and the food is good. Usually. It's just not the same, you know? Want a chuupet?“

“Ya brought a chuupet to an evenin' run?“

You still gladly take the fruit stick. It's a rare occasion in which it isn't in danger of being snatched away by one of your co-spawns. You don't comment but the next day a neatly wrapped bento box waits on Suna's table.

Suna doesn't quite remember when you became friends. One day you were a girl from his class that looked suspiciously similar to those loud Twins on the volleyball team (the moment he realised your last name is in fact Miya too he felt incredibly stupid for not noticing sooner), the next day you're hanging with him during breaks and sending him messages along the lines of 'I'll buy you as many chuupets as ya want if ya tell me what happened at practice yesterday, I need to let Tsumu know who's the boss' that usually arrive in the middle of the night. Even if they wake him up your name popping on his screen still makes him smile.

Really it takes impossibly long for Suna to realise he doesn't enjoy being in your presence only because being friends with you is as easy as getting the ball around a block or because you're the one Miya to voluntarily share your food with him.

The moment the cogs finally fell in their place and began to spin, making the little 'there might be something more' thought appear is one he'll remember for the rest of his life, and will quite probably haunt his nightmares too.

That's the thing about emotions (truly the revelations of that day are almost too much for his volleyball focused teenage brain), they take over neurones in charge of sending information around the brain, bribing the ones running toward mouth to run faster than the ones heading towards the comprehension centre, and then you find yourself in awkward situations such as saying your name out loud in the packed locker room followed by: “She's really funny and amazing. I like her a lot.“

But the situation being awkward is the least of Suna's problems as two pairs of almost identical brown eyes stare him down.

Oh, shit.

tag list: @espressons @trashy-simp @nachotrash @megumiisee @foxxtrot-116 @e-wwis​

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 9 "Ghost Stories"

Damn straight I'm out in public.

I'm the master of disguise, baby.

Like, "are you not entertained?"

Yeah, no, no, everyone thinks I'm Joaquin Phoenix.

I just tell them it's part of my performance art piece.

I'm Joaquin Phoenix.

I'm sort of gay now, too.

Why are you dressed like that?

Sacagawea taught the pilgrims how to make cranberry sauce and then, like, sang "Blue Corn Moon" or something.

You know how you've been talking about taking our relationship to the next level?

Yeah, like, you know, like, the furniture just starts screaming, or, like, you'll crack open a Mountain Dew and you'll start to drink it and then it'll just turn to blood.

We're gonna have, like, the dopest time.

So let's all raise a glass to me.

I am about to be, like, super rich.

You can't spend Thanksgiving alone.

Oh, I am so glad neither of us have been killed.

I don't understand why you're making us bubble wrap each item of clothing.

When something costs $63,000, you wrap it in bubble wrap.

I think because I'm not allowed to carry a firearm, I like to pop the little bubbles, and then pretend like my finger is a gun.

I am personally being haunted by a ghost.

Wait, you-you-you seriously saw a ghost?

Put down the bubble wrap down.

Them Japanese got all manner of weird-ass ghost stories. And the one about the kappa is the creepiest of all. They live in the sewer. And they just waiting for you to sit your ass on the toilet, so they can reach up and grab your ass, snatch you by the vagina and drown your crushed body in raw sewage.

Why another story about a bathroom?

No more ghost stories!

I really have to pee. But there is no way I'm going anywhere near a toilet. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go look for a salad bowl to squat over under the stairwell.

Does somebody need another ghost story to scare away the heebie-jeebies?

You have come back to haunt us.

Ghosts walk among you every day; you would never know it.

Did you forget you're super gay?

Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "once you go black, you never go back"?

If I don't hear another ghost story right now, I might just have a stroke!

Then the killer could come in and chop off your head!

Let's all sit by the fireplace.

The killer could still be out there!

I need my lotions, my silk robe, my sensual massage oils, a bottle of champagne, and chocolate-covered strawberries.

I was a pretty amazing person when I was alive.

Maybe we can even date for a little while.

You faked your death.

Wait. This all makes sense-- of course you would fake your own death so no one would suspect you.

We both know how you got his birthmark on your hand! From when I stabbed you in your evil lair!

I am not staying in this house for a moment longer.

Call the cops. There's someone in the back seat of your car.

Okay, well, I'm really sorry about that, but you have to admit that what you were doing was super confusing.

I could have swore I saw someone. Granted I am pretty high on Adderall and I've been on the road for 35 hours straight.

I feel like you farted.

Your breath, it always smells like you just ate a cheeseburger.

It's like making out with the Hamburglar.

You, my friend, have a poo belly.

I only caught this kiss so I could throw it away.

That story is neither scary nor amazing.

Honestly, if you're going to get attacked, please attempt to get attacked in a fresh, exciting way.

We have to concentrate-- the pieces of this puzzle are coming together.

The police aren't going to help us.

You can't stop a ghost.

And guess what, bitch, I'm pregnant!

Packing matters to me. That's why I chose to minor in luggage sciences with an emphasis in packing theory.

I really screwed up.

I mean, most of the time we porked in a way that could not result in pregnancy, if you know what I mean. But I always knew I had a sackful of strong swimmers.

We make our beds and we lie in them.

You could still be my piece on the side.

I want you to pay.

You might even just pay the ultimate price.

Did you just threaten to kill me?

Am I just supposed to ignore the obvious fact that you hate me and love nothing more than playing super-humiliating pranks on me?

Why do you always have to make everything about you?

Like, remember that one time when you hacked into my mom's e-mail and wrote me this really long letter explaining how I was adopted and born with fetal alcohol syndrome and therefore, had an IQ in the low 60s?

I'm sorry, but that was hilarious. I stand by that prank.

[NAME], you cannot just run around murdering people.

I beg of you, do not have sex with him.

His blood is on your hands!

The only benefit of meeting you is that I now know I clearly have a type, and that type is a moron.

I'm gonna make sure that everyone you know knows that when we had sex, you asked me in baby talk if you could nurse from me.

Oh, I never say I'm sorry.

I see that you're enjoying the good life.

Are you about to break into song?

Are you about to break into song? Because all I'm hearing out of your mouth is, ♪ me, me, me, me, me. ♪

My mother would have understood.

It's a special champagne with triple the alcohol and a nicotine-y mouth feel, because it's infused with tobacco.

You're trapped in a web of lies, whore.

You're not leaving this room until you've peed on every single one of these pregnancy tests.

Fine, you got me. I'm not pregnant.

It's just that ever since you walked through those doors, I knew you were gonna be the one to take it all away from me.

You killed her!

[outcast-thingz]

Hello my lovelies! I am here today with more content for you🥰 Honestly I cried while writing this this was suppose to be am angst to fluff but it's mostly angst, I'm sorry. Another note, I'm on the road starting today so this may have grammatical errors. When we stop at a hotel tonight I'll fix that.(title may change...)

Request:Could I request something angsts and fluffy for Benimaru from fire force? I’m sorry I can’t give anymore detail- my mind is literally blank 😬😂

Pairing: Reader x Benimaru

Summary: You found out your younger brother is turning innocent people into infernos and use them as his army. It seems all your worst fears are coming true as you run to your closest friend and love your life for help. Can Benimaru ever forgive you for not seeing the true nature of your brother?

Warnings: ANGST... intrusive thoughts, fluff if you really squint

Forgive Me

        Once again you find yourself arguing with your younger brother. The same old song and dance since you found out what he had been occupying his time with behind your back. He seemed more agitated today.

"You're just too naive to understand Y/n. This is for the greater good of science, of the world!!" He exclaims whilst pacing in front of his 'throne '.

"Killing innocents by turning them into infernos and trying to use them as your puppets!? You call THAT 'For the greater good'? What about all those people you sacrificed, HUH?!?" You cried with shaking clenched fists. Your brother shoots you an icey spine chilling glare which you mirror right back at him. "Those people are innocent! You ruined their life's for your personal entertainment!!! You're a horrible person, you're a mon-" in a blink of an eye you brother is behind you. You can feel the edge of his knife pressing hard against you throat; it was almost enough to draw blood.

"Finish that word and I'll make sure it's your last." He snarled. Heavy, blood-thirsty breaths blow past your ear as he spoke, "Everyone has their sins, Y/n, even the most innocent ones. Think of it as a final repent for all the wrong and evil they have done. We all have to pay for our deeds one day; I'm just being a good Samaritan and helping. Keep of this act of yours and you'll be next." Having finally had enough of this you grab a hold of his wrist and pull it away from your neck. You maneuvers the situation around so you're pinning his wrist behind his back and holding his dagger to his throat. He waits patiently knowing you'll give up. You huff and whisper angrily

"you're sick!" You chuck the dagger at the ground and storm off. As you leave you could hear his chuckle gradually turn into maniacal and hysterical laughter.

       The wall to town was hardly quiet. The closer you came to town the louder the world seemed to be. His haunting laugh echoed as the intrusive thoughts that crowded you mind grew louder. They started low but now it was as if they were screaming.

'You let him slip through you fingers'

'You failed to notice what your little brother truly was and now the world will suffer because you!'

'What? Now you're  going to run away? Run to HIM? Are you going to tattle on your own flesh and blood?'

'You don't think you're actually doing the right thing do you? Sell out your little brother to a fire force soldier? Oh that's right you don't love your sibling he's just monster to you.'

'What makes you think Benimaru is going to love you after you tell him the truth?'

'He'll think you're brother is a monster and you are too by connection'

'You're a monster'

'He'll try to exterminate your brother and fail then world will suffer and it will be all your fault'

'You're a monster, it's all your fault'

'Its all your fault, it's all your fault, it's all your fault'

'Monster'

'IT'S'

'ALL'

'YOUR' 

'FAULT!'

"ShuuuuuUUUUUUT UUUUUPPP!" You scream as you clutch your head. You scratch your scalp as you grip your hair. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT! UP!" You shake your head as you cry out.

       A pair of screams pull you out of your head. You weren't aware that surrounding you was total mayhem and destruction, let alone that you had made it into town. Inferno were everywhere you looked.

'What.. what's going on?' Your eyes widen and start to tear up.

'Oh don't play dumb, you know who's behind this' the sinister thought surprised you. 

"Y/NNNNN" A familiar voice calls out, no, bellows out. You just barely feel the wind blowing past your as a flaming spear skims past your cheek.

"B-Beni?" You hesitate in disbelief of the sight before you. Was the man you love axtuslly barreling towards you with ill intent? Having to dodge another flaming spear and being hit in the shoulder by a second on brought forth the harsh reality. Your heart twists and turns creating knots as you clutch your shoulder. Benimaru, the love of your life, lands a few feet ahead of you.

"How could you do this? I thought you wanted a better world for your brother!? Is this seriously how you thought you were going to get it?" He tells.  The dust from his landing settles as he interrogates you. You can see tears roll down his cheeks,  "Y/n... I have a hard time believing you did this. Tell me- ...tell me it isn't true." The wavering tone of his voice causes a hitch in your breath and a twang of pain to hit your heart.

"I-I-" before you could explain an inferno busts through a building beside Beni. You sprint to push him out of the way of the debris. As you make your way to him you grab some nearby rubble and chuck it at the raging inferno. You chuck it as hard and with as much fire power as you could in those few seconds.

       You cough harshly as pain races throughout your body. The pain didn't matter to you, what matters is you saved Benimaru. After getting back up he scrambles by your side. He sends a few spears into the inferno finishing it off.

"Y/n! Hey, look at me. This isn't the time or place to be snoozing." He pats the side of your face and your eyes flutter open. 

"Beni… I know auh.. I know we aren't amazing close as friends but I love you. I have for a while I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same heh heh, augh…" you admit grunting from the pain occasionally. "You have to believe I would never want harm to come to you or this town. But this is my fault. Augh-" your confession is interrupted by sudden coughs. "I-.. I wasn't a good enough older sibbling. I had no idea he was capable of something like this ack- I promise, if you give me a chance I'll be good. I'll work to be better and change him, I promise Beni. Please just let me talk to him. I promise I'll help make him better, ill be good. I'll be good… I'll... be.. good." A heavy weight hits your eyes as you cry your confession and plea. Although it's fuzzy and just barely a whisper, you still manage to hear him,

"I believe you Y/n. Rest, I'll take care of your little brother."

*four days later* 

       You had woken two days after passing out. Konro breached the news of your brother passing away during a battle against a few fire soldiers and Beni who tried to intervene when he found them. Benimaru has yet to visit you while you are recovering. You feared those awful thoughts of yours were right; that  because he knows the truth he hates you. Desperately wanting to focus on something happy you convince the medics to allow you a walk. A calming stream beside you as you remember all the times you spent there with Benimaru. The few laughs you had together, and practices you begged for to better your fire power and fighting skills. You smiled watching the ghost of a memory play out before you.

"I thought I would find you here…" Bittersweet was the feeling that hit you when your heard his voice. "I'm sorry I didn't visit.. I was too ashamed to face you after failing to take care of you brother…" he confesses. You stop walking but don't dare look at him, How could you? He lets out a deep breath before speaking again, "I know that I hurt you. I know that nothing I can say will change the past. But…I’m hoping that you’ll forgive me in the end. I’m hoping that I can make this right." Tears quickly swell up in your eyes. You spin around and make eye contact with him. After a few seconds you couldn't bare it any longer and you run at him with your arms outstretched. The two of you tumble to the ground with your arms wrapped tightly around him. 

"I forgive you, just please don't leave me... I can't loose both things I love." You pleaded as he sat up. He cradles you into his arms as you sob. Slowly you cry your self to sleep with you face buried in his chest. Beni places a gentle kiss on your forehead and whispers,

"I won't… I love you Y/n"

~The End~

Taglist: @oof-she-needs-therapy @red-riot-rat @xsugarysweetsx

(Hope you don't mind me tagging you)

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 93) "We'll Take It!!"

@lovemythsworld

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@crystalbaby12

@backoftheroomandnotbelonging

@5sosfam1dlover

@mgkobsessed

Luna finds herself swigging a bottle of Paul Masson in a small, smokey apartment in Bushwick. Taking a joint from a random person, she feels the rush of familiarity hit her as she absorbs the buzz of the room. There's nothing like being in a tiny hub of musicians exchanging ideas.

"You wanna do this?" Sam asks as Luna passes her the joint.

"Yeah... I don't have a fucking electric though. I've been using Colson's, remember." Luna responds, rubbing her forehead.

"Fuck... I am really unprepared." Luna realizes suddenly and begins to panic. Thinking of how she needs to get in touch with her grandmother.

Sam catches Luna's change in facial expression. With a loud whistle, she quiets the room.

"Who's got an electric I can borrow for a minute?" She shouts into the full kitchen.

"For what?" Floats into the air.

"To fucking play, ya douche bag." Sam scoffs. "What the fuck do you think for?"

"What shit are you causing now?" Mike asks Sam as he enters the room.

"Luna only has her acoustic. We need an electric TO PRACTICE ON." She shouts the last part in to the resumed room. "Ya got one?" She asks with irritation.

"Yo. Electric. Now." Mike hollers over her head.

"Mine's in the living room." A different voice offers.

Mike throws his hands up at the solution. Sam rolls her eyes as she grabs Luna's hand, pulling her towards the living room. Luna following with the bottle in tow.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The living room isn't posh by any means. There's amps and speakers. A drum kit is set up the way a suburban family would worship their TV. A ratty couch, lawn chairs and fold out tables are pushed to the sides all around it. It's dirty and has cockroaches with random pieces of artistic creations strawn everywhere. Making Luna happy to be home.

Luna pulls off her leather and hoodie. Dressed in a simple black T underneath. Kicking on the amp, she tunes the electric she finds. Sam getting comfortable behind the kit. Mike lighting a joint as his bass hangs off of his lean body. Luna can't help but notice him as they fuck around on their instruments for a few moments, finding their footings.

"Try it out?" She asks to their nods.

Plucking a few strings before she begins to strum specific notes. Flipping through D, C, A and G. Those being the primary chords of the song as Mike and Sam follow behind her lightly with the same melody. Luna comes in with her voice low and haunting.

🎼Tell me//What's so//Entitled//Aaaabout//Yoooou//Treating women//Cheap//Like//Yooooou need//Toooo//Why can't you//See we're//Just//As Strong as//Yooou//Come on Boy//I wanna//Hear you//Speak your//Truuuuuth🎶

The song follows a soft/hard formula. Luna's voice adds a taunting sweetness to the aggressive lyrics but rips through certain biting ones as she wails with inquisitive anger. Sam and Mike throwing out equal amounts of fierce energy through their instruments with her.

They run through IT ten or fifteen times. Tweaking different notes and lines together. Each time playing louder and with more raw passion as they become comfortable with each other and the song.

The electricity is pumping, creating a surprisingly mixed group roaring along with them by time they finish up. Many singing the song. All singing the chorus. There's definitely something undeniable in the air.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Taking a break from practicing, Luna needs a little breathing space. Sam follows her downstairs for a cigarette. Mike behind them.

"This is either gonna be a hit or you're about to become America's Hottest FemiNazi." He declares, lighting his own Marlboro.

Sam glares at him as she pulls on her Camel. Luna just stares. Contemplating his words.

"Probably the latter, but I don't give a FUCK." Luna finally answers with a shrug before taking a drag. "They wanted a second song... They're gonna get a second song. It's not my problem if people are uncomfortable with the truth."

"I hope one of those Assholes from Chicago sees it too." Luna thinks to herself. Having practiced the song with Sam and Mike, she feels confident in how they sound and feel together. Catching the attention of others while practicing the same song over and over, she feels good about their stage presence. Performing comes naturally to Luna and she enjoys it with all her heart. She does not enjoy the rest of the nonsense that comes along with it though. "Fuck... I hope she keeps it light..." Her mind trails off. Truly only worried about the interview. Luna doesn't mind discussing politics but she hates giving up any details on her personal life and she knows that's what Ellen is going to want.

---------------------------------------------------

Colson's somewhere on his way to Arizona. It's late. Casie's sleeping and he misses Luna. He had tried to call her but it rang straight through.

Stepping into the bathroom, he Snaps her. Hoping to get her attention as he wonders what she's doing.

"I fucking hate when she goes..." He sighs to himself. The double edged sword of loving an independent woman.

Looking at his schedule, he begins to formulate a plan.

--------------------------------------------------

Back at Sam's, Luna changes out of her clothes. Lighting a joint, she finally reaches for her phone. Texting her grandmother about her guitar.

Finding a missed call and Snap from Colson. Missing him, she calls first. With no answer she opens the Snap, immediately snickering at it's content.

"This Motherfucker...." She thinks as she shakes her head with a huge smile and Snaps him back.

------------------------------------------------

Colson wakes up as soon as The Bus stops to a sleeping Casie and Luna's Snap. He's in Phoenix, AZ. Her, New York City.

Looking at his phone, his dick and heart rage for his woman.

"Take a shower and handle your business." He groggily coaxes himself out of bed.

Hitting the single shower, Colson strokes his massive hard on away. Thinking of Luna as he pulls on his cock. Imagining the different times he's fucked her in it's tiny stall. Her strong thighs and tight pussy wrapped around him.

Eyes closed, leaned against the wall, he strokes harder and faster. Images flying through his mind. He cums with the jolt of the memory of her teeth sinking into his neck as she had consumed his entire being.

Heady and satisfied, Colson steps out of the shower. Still missing Luna as he burns and snorts the amount of Adderall that it'll take to start his day and mission.

--------------------------------------------------

Luna is so grateful to see her grandmother in MidTown. Not just because she has her electric guitar. Even though Luna's still pissed at Patti for booking her, she LOVES her Mom-Mom. It's been harder to be away from her than she'll readily admit.

"Hi!" Luna shines bright as she hugs the older punk.

The busy City streets whirl around them. All is silent in their hug. Making Luna a bit more happier to be home. Holding hands with her Mom-Mom, Sam and Mike follow behind them.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Upstairs they're greeted by Ellen personally. Taping in NYC, she's taking full advantage of the convenient request.

"I'm so sorry to hear of Porscha's mother." Patti tells her friend as she grips her hands.

"Thank you. She's doing much better." Ellen squeezes her friend back.

"You ready, Kiddo?" She asks, turning to Luna.

"I don't know... How bad you gonna fuck with me?" She blatantly asks.

"Enh... Ya never know!!" Ellen grins as she wiggles away.

---------------------------------------------------

"Come on, Peanut... We gotta hustle." Colson tells his daughter as he holds her hand.

With only their carry ons, they move quickly through LaGuardia. Ashleigh had confused the dates when talking to Luna, thinking they would be father west. Colson and Casie hopping a flight before daybreak. They're doing a lot of traveling today.

--------------------------------------------------

Dressed in a baby blue slip dress, fishnets and Docs. Luna's hair is messy while she performs Nightmare on only her acoustic. Not far from the way she'd played the SNL gig with Ashley and The Boys, it's softer with only her guitar and voice wrapping around the strong lyrics.

The performance is simple and incredibly raw with no backing track. Shocking anyone who's never heard her stripped down, Luna's vocals are unforgiving as they stand alone. The emotional layers to her notes making the message loud and clear.

"WOWZA!!!" Ellen approaches her clapping after she finishes.

Looking into the camera, Ellen tells her audience They'll Be Right Back With That Brooklyn Bitch. Luna taking her guitar off and standing up from the stool she'd been sitting on.

"That was amazing!" Ellen exclaims to Luna as they take a commercial break.

"Thank you!" Luna beams as she gives her a hug.

Walking over to check on her grandmother, she can't find her. Only Sam and Mike. They don't know where she is. Being called back for the interview, Luna shrugs it off.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"And we're back with That Brooklyn Bitch." Ellen ques them from the commercial break. "Who just performed her #1 single Nightmare featuring Halsey." Ellen turns to Luna. "Congratulations. It's such an incredibly powerful song. Now, I understand all the proceeds go to the Yellowhammer organization? How'd you become involved with that?" Ellen asks Luna before looking down at her notes and back up again.

Smiling, Luna Thanks Ellen. She feels so uncomfortable in the bright studio and white chair.

"Yes. All proceeds go through Yellowhammer.... Uhm, Halsey and I linked up with them last month when Alabama decided that a group of men should have the final say on what happens with things that they don't have." Luna states.

Leaning back and moving both of her hands in circular motions to showcase her abdomen and vagina. Making sure to drive her point home.

"There are only THREE Planned Parenthoods currently functioning in the ENTIRE state. They are being used to provide anything from birth control to STI testing to cancer screenings. Since the government wanted to pull their funding, Yellowhammer has been able to provide the cash flow to keep them open. So, THANK YOU to everyone who has DONATED. STREAMED. Or BOUGHT. ANY. Of the Nightmare merch. WHICH SOLD OUT!!! THANK YOU!!!" She exclaims, moving her hands around in amazement.

Luna looks directly into the camera with her words. She may not like it but as said before, she knows how to speak to people. And give good plug.

"Everyone who has supported this song is in some way, in turn, supporting the women of Alabama, and the US, the RIGHT to make choices for ourselves and the separation of body and state... Which shouldn't even be a THING. Sooo.... again, THANK YOU." Luna says firmly with immense gratitude still talking with her hands. Emphasizing certain words as the audience applauds her. If she's going to be forced onto television, Luna figures she'll utilize it the best she can. Ellen applauds her also before digging into the celebrity gossip.

"The video is pretty iconic too. You've got A LOT of powerful women with you.... How did you get so many famous faces to match up their schedules to shoot that?" She asks with intrigue.

It wasn't just Luna. Or Ashley and Luna. It was all of them and it was pretty fucking amazing. Setting an unknown president inside people, women and the Industry that weekend.

"That was an act of the universe, honestly. They passed the law Friday morning. Halsey and I had the song written within an hour and recorded it before the end of the day. We both sent out rough copies that night to all of our friends, inviting them and anyone else who wanted to come to the shoot the next day. Like, no one's manager talked to anyone else's. We just had a major group chat going on." Luna laughs. "That EXPLODED.... I mean, I don't know Beyoncé personally.... so when she arrives on set unannounced, you KNOW that this thing you're doing is WAAAY bigger than you thought it was." Luna looks at Ellen with eyes wide in pure wonder and satisfaction.

Ellen nods. She's always liked Luna and respects how she seems to follow in both of her grandparents social rebellion.

"That's pretty amazing and as you all know... It speaks volumes..." Ellen says before Luna cuts her off.

"It is. And it's exciting on so many levels because if this song can speak SO loudly and it's context resonates so hard that it's at the forefront of the pop music... That means we're TALKING. That means we know there's a problem to fix and we're angry about it. And Ellen, you know, with anger comes change. That's what we want. Change. Equality. Simple fundamental rights. Girls don't just wanna have fun. We wanna... We want to. And DESERVE to stand beside those who think they're inclined to make major decisions that effect tons of people who aren't like them." Luna shrugs as she ends her stance.

Not realizing how quickly Luna can  bend a conversation to her will, Ellen struggles a bit to regain control of the interview.

"No. What you're doing is admirable. You are me but for women's rights." Ellen let's out a light chuckle. "So.... I do wanna play Five Truths with you. I'm gonna ask you five questions and you have to answer them truthfully." Ellen in informs Luna.

"Motherfucker...." Luna thinks as she shakes her head at Ellen with a nervous grin.

"Number One.... And remember I've known you long enough to know if you're lying." Ellen smirks at her.

Luna can't help but roll her eyes as she sighs.

"Number One?" She asks Ellen as she perks up her shoulders and sets her hands in her lap.

"Nuuuumber One... What's your real name?" Ellen stares her in the eyes.

"What??" Luna asks, completely caught off guard.

"What is your legal name?" Ellen cocks her eye.

Luna glares at Ellen.

"Luna Adelaide Smith." She answers leerily.

"I knew that..." Ellen smirks.

"I KNOW you did." Luna shoots back sarcastically.

"I had to see if you'd tell the truth or not." Ellen brushes her off with thrown hands. "Number Two... What's your favorite thing to eat?"

"Cheeseburgers." Luna answers without a thought.

"Number Three.... What happened to your grandmother's pottery bowl?"

With this Luna reels back with a scowl. Now understanding what this fucking game is about. Sighing, she shakes her head with a smile.

"You guys think you're slick." She snarks back.

Turning to the audience. Thumb jerked towards Ellen. Luna scans the room for Patti. Surprisingly, she still can't find her. Sending a weird feeling of What? Why? And Where The Fuck Are You??? Pulsating through Luna.

"She's friends with my Mom-Mom. What you're witnessing here, is a homemade lie detector test. On TV. YAY ME." She chuckles with an eye roll. Luna flashes her jazz hands. "For the PARENTS out there." She continues. Now pointing. Finger guns flaring at anyone in her range. Live or recorded. "NO. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME." Luna deadpans with another light laugh, hands thrown up as her brilliant smile shines with irritated intensity. "We won't tell you anything." Her shrug showcasing her honesty and irritation.

Ellen leans up grinning. Knowing she's been caught. Looking up at Patti, she proceeds.

"Five Truths...." She reminds Luna with a chuckle.

"Fine." Luna sighs. "My grandma took a trip to London when I was like 15yrs old. I was really irresponsible and had a house party. Some kids broke it on accident. I'm really sorry, Mom-Mom." She answers.

Only giving the details she wants, as always. Ellen glances into the audience to her friend's nod of approval. What Luna didn't reveal is that she took part in the breaking a also. Trying to turn it into a bong. Kids do stupid shit.

"Okay... Number Four. What's your biggest fear?" Ellen continues.

"Deep sea diving." Luna answers.

"Really?" Ellen looks at her inquisitively.

"Yeah... The idea of not being able to reach the surface with an empty tank freaks me out. I even get nervous coming up in the pool off the high di..." Luna tries to explain as the top from the table between them flies up.

"RAAAWWWWWWRRRR!!!!" Shouts someone as they burst out of it.

"MOTHAFU..." Explodes out of Luna's mouth. Shocking the shit out of her, she jumps back in her seat. Drawing up both fists, she almost swings before she recognizes the laugh.

Ellen watches as Luna freaks out, exploding into laughter herself.

"BUUUUNNY!!!" Luna shouts in shock and relief as Colson climbs out of the box.

Laughing, he smothers her with his body and kisses. Confused, she kisses him back before pulling away.

"What are you..." Luna looks around perplexed. "Where's Case?" She asks as he perches himself on the arm of her chair.

"She's with your grandmom." He kisses her head after pointing into the crowd.

Sure enough, Casie is sitting right next to Patti. Grinning and waving at Luna.

"Heey Dilla!!" Luna exclaims when she finds them. "What are you guys doing here?" She asks, turning back to Colson.

"Ash mixed up the dates, so we popped out to support you and check out the listing." Colson explains, melting Luna's heart.

"I fucking love you." Luna whispers as she touches his face and reaches up for another kiss.

"Aren't you two cute!!" Ellen gushes while still laughing. "We'll get back to that but first... Last question. Number Five.... Who is the most influential person in your life?" Ellen continues to question Luna.

"These bitches are ridiculous...." Luna thinks to herself.

"Am I supposed to..." Luna tries to ask a question.

"Five Truths..." Ellen let's escape through her laughter. "Most influential person in your life?"

"What the fuck is happening???" Luna is so completely out of her element.

"Uh... Crap... There's so many who make me, Me." She looks up at Colson. "But... I mean, my Mom-Mom. She top notch gave me my core being." Luna answers honestly.

Ellen smiles before teasing her about saying That just to make Patti happy.

"I'm not. I love my Mom-Mom, Man." Luna shakes her off with a pure grin.

"So, you love your grandmom. What about this guy?" Ellen asks pointing at Colson. "I heard you two are getting married soon..."

Luna looks up at a beaming Colson. He's sitting on the left side of her chair, where he jumped out to scare her, right arm resting carelessly around her where it belongs. Luna can't get a word out.

"Yeah." Colson answers for the both of them.

This perks Ellen up. She loves unexpected details.

"Oooh yeah?? When you kids gonna do it?" She asks the question most of the world already knows.

"Fuuuuuck my liiiiiiife....." Luna thinks, feeling incredibly exposed. "There are people I still need to tell....." Her mind worries.

"EstFest. Come one. Come all....." He looks down at Luna.

Her hands are between her thighs and he can feel the anxiety tensing in her shoulders as he notices her knee rocking. Colson strokes the back of her hair, calming her soul.

"What is this EstFest?" Ellen inquires.

Colson goes on to describe the festival. Detailing Mod's set and the extra day added. Along with the waterslide and thousands of other activities. Ellen commenting that it sounds a lot crazier than her own wedding.

"You two have a Top 10 single also, correct?" Ellen is now interviewing them together.

"Yes. Bad Things." Luna finally speaks. "It's off his Hotel Diablo album which drops July 5th." Always plugging. Making Colson kiss the top of her head again with pride.

"Think we could get a performance?" Ellen coaxes.

"And drop the other?" Luna bargains.

"No." Ellen shuts her right down.

Looking back up at Colson, Luna shrugs. They discuss On Air with Ellen how they'd do it before she takes them out for another commercial break. Promising a performance to her excited audience.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I can't believe you're here!!" Luna tells Colson as she wraps her arms around his waist, snuggling into his chest.

"I go where you go, Kitten." He grins. Lifting her chin to plant a solid kiss on her lips.

"Fuck, I love him." She thinks as his words stick to her heart.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"And now... That Brooklyn Bitch and Machine Gun Kelly with Bad Things." Ellen introduces them.

Luna and Colson are sat together behind a piano that the producers had found for them. Exchanging knowing looks, he pecks her cheek as she begins to play.

🎼I know//I'm outta my head//But I haven't lost my mind//How is that you know//The Bad Things I like//Oh Bunny, I can't explain it//What can I say//It's kismet, Ain't it?🎶

Luna opens with the chorus, Colson coming in strong behind. His hand is on her thigh as she continues playing the melody on the piano. They share the mic when they sing to each other about tattoos and Wanting Each Other Forever.

Their performance is really sweet and incredibly intimate. Both ab libbing lyrics at different points. Grinning at each other from start to finish. Anyone can feel the genuine love that radiates between the two of them.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Back in the Hot Seat, Luna and Colson are now sat on a loveseat together talking to Ellen.

She asks how they met. Colson happily telling the story of The Girl in the Cheetah Print Coat as Luna blushes.

"But you really only met in April and you're getting married in July?" Ellen grills them.

Looking at Colson, Luna shrugs with a smile. "When you know you know." She answers.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Back OnStage, now with Sam and Mike. Luna tunes her guitar as the lights go down. Stepping up to the mic she begins the simple chords.

They start off low and haunting. Luna curling her voice around the lyrics like a sly cat.

🎼Tell me//What's so//Entitled//Aaaabout//Yoooou//Treating women//Cheap//Like//Yooooou need//Toooo//Why can't you//See//We're just as Strong//As yooou//Come on Boy//I wanna//Hear you//Speak your//Truuuuuth🎶

Keeping with the beat Luna changes the tone of her voice. Making it sound sweet and inquisitive around the nasty lyrics.

🎶Did we//Ask you for IIIIT//When we begged//Was it//Niiice//While we//We're asking//For IIIT//Did we//Beg you twiiice🎶

Sam and Mike kick in a little harder as the pop punk melody flows. Luna's voice picking up a hint of aggression. Growling certain lyrics.

🎶Anytime we try to//Go out and have//Some fuuuun//We can feel//Your eyes//Wishing for//Xray visiooooon🎶

Belting now, Luna's voice is raw. Angry and taunting. The Band roaring behind them.

🎶MOTHER NATURE//GRANTED YOU//A GUUUUUNNN//WHEN WILL YOU// LEARN TO CONTROL//YOUR WEAPOOOOON🎶

Colson is standing off to the side with Ellen. "She's fucking incredible." He thinks as he watches her rip through the song strong and confident.

The Band drops down low as Luna softens. Pretty voice still holding it's snarl.

🎶Did we//Ask you for IIIIT//When we begged//Was it//Niiice//While we//We're asking//For IIIT//Did we//Beg you twiiice🎶

Mike hits a small bass solo as Luna hums along with him. Sam and her jump back in with him in time for Luna to hit the unforgiving bridge.

🎶They say//If you//Dress like That//It means//You waaant IT//And//I can dooo//What III want//Toooo//And//If you//Act like Thaaaat//It means//You waaant IT//So I can//Taaaake from//Yooou🎶

Luna runs a guitar solo over top of Sam and Mike before they kick in their hardest. Each note and lyric getting stronger and more raw as they play. Luna wailing her point across.

🎶BUT//We're not//Asking for IIIT//We just wanna//Live our liiives//You're who's//Begging for IIIIT//Learn to stop//At once//No need to ask//TWIIICE//YEAH//WE'VE BEEN ASKING// FOOOR IIIT//WE'VE BEEN BEGGING//OUR WHOLE LIIIIIVES//WE'RE DONE//ASKING FOOOR IIIT//DEMANDING OUR RESPECT//WE'RE DONE PLAYING//Niiicce//Ooohh//Oooohhh//Ooohhh🎶

The tune coming to an abrupt soft end. Luna cooing over the last few chords. Ellen is shocked by Luna's performance as she claps them out to another commercial break.

"Holy shit, Luna." She says approaching her with wild eyes. "I don't know if The Network will let us run that."

"Be a shame if they didn't." Luna simply shrugs.

Colson comes up from behind, lifting her off the ground. Layering the back of her neck with kisses. "You were fucking amazing!!" He breathes into her hair.

Turning around, she thanks him with a warm embrace and deep lip lock. Just as Casie and Patti come up to them.

"Looney!!" Casie shouts as Luna turns to squeeze her tightly.

"Oh, LunaBug. I'm so proud of you!!" Patti gushes as she hugs her grandmother.

Once Luna changes and they collect their things, they say Goodbye to Ellen before hitting the street.

--------------------------------------------------

Outside, Luna introduces Colson to Mike. They make pleasantries as Patti hails a cab.

The next stop on Colson and Casie's Traveling Adventure is Brooklyn Heights to check out the brownstone Luna's interested in.

Luna and Sam say GoodBye to Mike. Luna Thanking him for His Help. Mike telling her No Problem, to Hit Him Up if She Ever Needs a Bassist.

Colson watches and feels a burst of jealousy when Mike pulls her into his body with one arm wrapped around her tiny waist. He glances at Colson over her head as he squeezes her tightly against him.

"Did that motherfucker just...." Colson's brain is about to explode as Patti ushers them into the cab.

---------------------------------------------------

Monica meets them at the brownstone. It is beautiful. Newly renovated with the original wood molding and pocket doors. Casie runs through laughing as her voice and footsteps vibrate off the high ceilings, wooden floors and natural acoustics.

Sam wanders after Casie as the realtor shows Colson, Luna, Monica and Patti specific amenities and features. There's a small hidden yard in the back. Tucked under Colson's arm, Luna thinks it's perfect.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Christen it?" Colson asks with a devious grin as he scoops Luna up.

They're in the master bathroom. Kissing all over her neck as she wraps her legs around his waist. Pulling her closer to him, he kisses her mouth as I Missed Yous escape between the two of them.

"I caaaan't." Luna pouts. "I'm on my period..."

"I hate that fucking thing." Colson complains.

"I know, Bunny..." Luna says as she slips off the sink. "Doesn't mean I can't do Bad Things to you." She continues coyly.

Undoing his belt and jeans, Colson shimmies out of them. Luna running her hands up his bare thighs as she kisses on his collarbone. Looking up into his eyes, she's just as devious.

"We can still christen it." She grins.

Pulling his briefs down with her as she drops to her knees. Colson leans back against the wall as Luna licks up, down and all around his hard cock. Soaking him before slipping his huge member into her warm mouth.

"Ahhhh. Fuuuuck, Kitten...." He groans in pleasure as he runs his fingers through her hair.

Using both her hands to work his sopping dick, Luna glides him along the sides and rim of her mouth. Rolling her tongue on his head as he reaches the entrance. Sucking fiercely. Pushing him in deeper when he hits the back of her throat. Holding him there as she sucks with force and hums. Knowing that's the ticket.

"Fuuuuckkkkk." Colson cums in her mouth.

"Hey Dad..." Casie's voice floats through the bathroom door as it begins to open.

Scared shitless, Colson throws his left arm against the door. Luna's still on her knees. Slightly paralyzed with a bit his cum still lingering on her bottom lip.

"Be right out, Case!! Go find Pat!!" He shouts looking down at Luna.

"Okay..." The little girl's voice drifts away.

Looking up at him, Luna sucks the remainder of him off her lip. Even though he just came, her actions make him ache to be inside of her.

"When the FUCK are you gonna learn to lock the God Damn door?" She asks as she shakes her head with a smirk.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"WE'LL TAKE IT!!" Luna and Colson say in unison as they come bounding down the stairs.

"Yeah?" Asks the realtor. "Do you still wanna see the stu..." Luna cuts her off with her hand up. Knowing she wants to keep that space to herself.

"Not today. We want this one though definitely." She says confirming her and Colson's wants.

"Okay...." The realtor nods.

They talk a bit about closing. Luna not feeling the need to pay attention while Monica works out logistics. Agreeing both of their names will be on the deed, they expect to be able to close before the end of the month.

Strolling around together, Luna's arm is around Colson's waist. His around her shoulders as they admire their new home.

"We have a home, Bunny." She beams up at him.

"And pets..." He reminds her.

"Oooh fuck, yeah we do. I mean if they're still alive..." She realizes with worry.

"They are. Jillian, my cleaning lady cleans their bowl and feeds them each week when she comes by." He reassures her.

"Really???" She looks at him with undying love. "You're so fucking awesome." She declares as she tip toes to kiss him.

------------------------------------------------

Back out onto the pavement, Casie looks up at the brownstone. "We're gonna live here?" She asks.

"Kinda..." Luna begins to answer. "It's like Daddy's house in LA... Now when we come to NY, you'll have your own bedroom instead of us having to sleep in a hotel." She explains.

"Cool." Casie nods. "So now I live in Cleveland, LA AND NEW YORK CITY." She grins.

Luna living for and loving the content on her Dilla's face. "Yup. You're bi-coastal, Baby!!!" She says with a laugh.

"What's that mean?" Casie questions her as a cab pulls up.

Having to be back in Phoenix before 8P, Colson scoots Casie into the back seat with promises of explaining once their on their way after she's hugged Luna.

Taking her into his arms, Colson kisses Luna lightly. A pleased smile playing on his lips.

"Pets. A home. Marriage. You think you can handle all this Mainstream Living, there Riot Grl?" He teases Luna in between kisses.

"With you. Absolutely. We do what we want. Twist Norman Rockwell to fit our punk view." She grins as she kisses him back.

There aren't any other words that need to be said between them. One Look holds it all. They kiss each other firmly and passionately before separating.

Colson touching her key as him and Casie make their way to JFK back to Arizona. Luna rolling her padlock between her fingers as she hops in a separate cab with Sam and her grandmother. They're headed to see about wedding dresses.

---------------------------------------------------

To be continued......

[holliswift]

Happy Speak Now Day!!

WOW. This was my first album purchase after falling late into the Fearless era. I was 14, a ninth grader in high school. I remember being totally obsessed with this album, especially Sparks Fly. It was such an amazing song that created such imagery for me that would really only make sense to me.

I remember my mom buying me a @taylorswift guitar ornament that sings Mine and I still hang it up on my tree after 8 years. I can't wait for the holidays so I can press on the button of the guitar and giggle in glee as I belt out the snippet of the song. Speaking of December.

I remember falling in love with Back to December because I was such a Twilight fan and thought it was so precious that Taylor was dating Taylor Lautner, I wished for so long that they got back together. But of course I understand now that things happen and it just wasn't meant to be.

Speak Now is like the mother of Getaway Car, it will always give a cinematic image in your head as she sings the picture to you. You can literally see the bridesmaids' dresses being shaped just like a pastry haha. I remember thinking 'uh is Taylor really interrupting a wedding? Is she really one of those people?' Then my next thought was 'I would definitely let Taylor wreck my wedding lol'. If Taylor Swift interrupts your wedding then that's a blessing in disgusie. Good sign that you need to get the hell away from your past lover.

Dear John, wow, I remember always trying to sing 'over your sad empty town' with her, belting it and making my mom angry. I still do at the age of 22 (sorry I had to). It will always be such a raw song to me and what I thought was Taylor's saddest breakup song...until I met All Too Well.

I always loved Mean because of the petty insults. I don't know, I just always enjoyed it. I'm so happy that despite the petty insults, this song became a national anthem for Bullying. I was a victim of bullying in elementary and always wondered 'why you gotta be so mean?'. That also may be why I enjoyed the petty insults so much because it was things I always wanted to say but never could. Taylor was like 'hold my drink, I got this sweetheart'.

The Story of Us didn't resonate that much to me until my best friend and I had a falling out and didn't speak for a couple of months. It was really hard because it was like we were trying to compete on who can be better at ignoring the other. I'm not one to really get emotional because I see it as a sign of weakness (from bullying) but whenever I did miss my ex friend, I would listen to this. We're back to being best friends, I'm the God mother of her daughter and boost each other no matter what. We also saw Taylor live this year which was my first time seeing Taylor and my bestie's first ever concert. Always will have a special place in my heart.

Never Grow up gave me the impression that Taylor was singing to the younger fans. To be in the moment and appreciate everything around you while you're still young. To never rush things. I'm sure she was speaking to us but also to her younger self. A sweet lullaby to put ourselves to sleep and continuing to keep that imagination that would match our wildest dreams (sheesh I'm such trash for this amazing woman 😅)

Enchanted was literally what I felt like love at first sight in fairytales was. The intense imaginary energies bringing you two closer and closer together for eye contact, very calm. The eyes connect and suddenly you feel all these burst of emotions as if you known this person all your life. It's so chaotic but you can't break the eye contact because well, you're enchanted.

Better than Revenge was such a hilarious track to me becuase of the line 'she's better known for the things that she does on the mattress'. I remember playing it to a friend when Speak Now was a few months old and pointing out the lyric. I was just like 'wow perhaps she snapped?' That line will always make me crack up and snap my fingers at the open shade.

I always enjoyed Innocent, of course we don't care for the subject of the song but the writer. Wow. That was very big of her to forgive him, still seeing the good in a person because we're all human. We all make mistakes even at the age of 32. It will always speak volumes to me. Also the VMAs performance of it, just wow. It gave such a vintage feel to me (which I am a sucker for) and overall just an amazing live performance.

Haunted I'll admit was one of the Taylor tracks I'm not too big of a fan for but will hype it up as much as I can because I enjoy all of her songs. Even if I don't at first, I'll make myself enjoy them until it becomes genuine because I don't want to ever miss out on a good track. Like going out to a party and hearing a track and you're like 'wow who's this, this is such a good song' and you find out it's one of Taylor's songs that you rejected. Yeah, wouldn't sit right with me either. I think because it's such an eerily track and anything scares me haha but it's the good kind of scary.

Last Kiss, I remember hearing the first beat and knew instantly I was going to love it. My best friend that I mentioned earlier, heard me play it over the phone and was like 'what song is that!?' and I sent the video link over to her. A new friend of mine always ask me for sad soft songs and this track would fit right there. Last Kiss makes you feel almost hopeful but also you know it's the last moment for you and this other person. A thing I never realized until this year that the last line was 'just like our last' because you assumed she was going to say last kiss but she never did and it's just like...we stan a lyrical genius.

Long Live, wow she really made a song for us. Sh-She really did that. As you can see, I'm still in shock. I always loved the line 'please tell them my name' like woman, how else can I explain to my children's confusion of why their names are Taylor Allison Swift #1 and Taylor Allison Swift #2. Taylor, you always been there for me and I'll always be there for you, NO MATTER WHAT. I'll be 65 years old still being trash for you.

[itsnebulous]

BOND THROUGH BANDS

Well I know when you're around ‘cause I know the sound I know the sound, of your heart... bzzz bzz bzz

I woke up by the annoying vibration of my alarm, I checked the time and good lord my alarm has been buzzing for about half an hour now! I don't remember snoozing it off but damn my train for London leaves in 20 minutes. My earphones are tangled all over my neck. I could literally hear my mum inside my head saying “You should not sleep with your earphones on Bailee!” I'm sorry mum but your loving daughter just did. I must have fallen asleep again while on my phone last night. It has become my habit now to pass out while scrolling through my socials, I mean that's just pure talent. Music is my thing but not in the way that I'm great at instruments. It's just that I love listening to bands.

As I hurry to the bathroom to take a shower, I tripped over my sketchbooks. I don't remember my flat being this messy. Dirty clothes are piling on the chair beside my disastrous closet, books are everywhere on the dusty carpet. The only thing in order are my shelves of books and music albums which is also now getting dusty. Surprisingly the kitchen area is clean, maybe because I am always out at the city to eat out with my classmates after school. I got out of the shower with ten minutes to spare. I have no time for my indecisiveness on what clothes to wear so I pulled off my go-to outfit. I tucked my favourite yellow sweater on my jeans and put on my worn out Converse then grabbed my coat that is hung on the back of my door before sprinting to the elevator.

As I got out on the streets, tourists are everywhere, typical for Brighton though even if it's freezing cold. But today is warmer, the sun is actually out which is very unusual for December. I'm almost near at the station when Lily texted me:

“BAILEE WHERE ARE U?!”

But before I can even type my answer, she called

“Sis the train is about to leave in two minutes” I can imagine with her tone how pissed she is at me.

“I’m almost there. I’m like twenty steps away”

“That better be not a lie”

“I swear it's not- and oh she already hang up”.

We made it to London without having a fight. She is already used to my shenanigans on my morning routines which always make me late. Lily is just pressed that I missed breakfast with her at the cafe.

“Why on Earth are you late this time my beloved friend? Bet you had your concert again while in the shower”, she said sarcastically.

“Oh stop it, you know I can't miss my singing ritual whilst in the shower”, I teased her.

“Also, I'm not late duh I made it exactly at 8 am”. Lily has always been the early bird kind of friend during meet ups and I am most certainly the buzzer beater type.

Roaming around the city of London is always my favourite. I have lived here three years ago when I first came to England yet every time I walk along its streets and pass by its shops, I keep falling in love like it's the first time. The telephone booths are still class even though no one uses it. Everything about this city is so aesthetic. Lily and I spent half of the day going through some of the places London is known for as if we are tourists.

“It's ridiculous that I've lived in London most of my life but still haven't ridden this until now". We are now inside a carriage on top of the London eye.

“ I can't say the same. I mean I lived here only a few years back and I even barely go out then but it's never too late to be a tourist you know”.

The view on top is amazing, cityscape and sunset is picture perfect. I just wish that I am seeing this with Matty right now if he hadn't left me. I guess this is it again, I have fallen on my whirlpool of grief that keeps dragging me down. It's been years but why didn't I learn to handle the pain.

2 years ago...

London street is busy as ever yet the holiday spirit is very alive. Every one on the city is on their layered coats as it is freezing cold. It's two more weeks until Christmas and the shops are all packed with those who are gift shopping. I am probably the most loneliest person in London because I actually have no one to celebrate Christmas with as I just moved. I have Lily and our friends but they’re all going home for the holidays.

Today is the last day of school before our Christmas break so we planned a night out at Winter Wonderland.

“Here's the thing Bailee, a Christmas holiday of a typical London resident wouldn't be complete without a night here", Millie said as we walk toward the entrance of the giant Christmas carnival. Millie is my street smart friend who always got my back the first time I got in London.

“Really?”, and as I ask this I confirmed what Millie just said, the place is crowded and sparkly with its lights. The people are in their high spirits as they are in queue for the rides. I could never be that person who is excited for the rides. Before I even know it, my friends are already in line calling me to join them.

“BAILEE AREN'T YOU GOING TO JOIN US?”, Josh screamed.

“ I'D RATHER WATCH YOU FROM HERE. I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS.”, I answered. The music is getting loud now from what I hear from the people passing by is from the beer tent.

“ARE YOU SURE???” asked Lily looking concerned.

“YEAHHHH, MEET YOU AT THE BEER TENT MAYBE?”

I barely heard their answer but I'm sure I heard Millie say “oh she'll do just fine, she can manage now". Thanks Millie for your confidence but I am actually anxious going alone inside the beer tent. But I am eager to see what's going on in there because I can hear a band playing.

There's a reason why I never returned your calls I wish I could forget it all But I never returned your calls ‘Cause I'd fall again.

“Holy cow they are singing a Blossoms' song" , I whispered to myself out of excitement.

I made my way in front of the crowd. The people inside the tent are all chattery and loud but I could only hear the song playing, my favourite song. I caught the vocalist' attention maybe because of my aggressiveness to get in front. I got lost on his gaze, his deep blue eyes melted me, the curls of his hair is so soft. It is their last song to play. After they played, he went to sit beside me which is weird because we don't even know each other.

“Hi” he said shyly.

A cute band vocalist who is a stranger just talked to me, how am I supposed to reply. “Hello?”

“You sound so confused" he said giggling.

“Uhmmm yes? I am confused because a stranger who just sung my favourite song is talking to me out of context”, I blurted out.

“Oh I actually approached you because of your reaction while we were playing ‘your favourite song’ "

“Why so?”

“Because it's so obvious that you really like the song and you were the only one here who seems to appreciate it. Does it remind you of someone?”

“Honestly no, I just really love it. The tune, its lyrics is just perfect for me.”

“Guess we are the same then".

After my weird moment with that guy, my friends finally came to have a beer. Mr. Stranger was about to leave when I asked his name.

“It's Matty”

That's how Matty and I started. After that night, he invited me to watch shows and gigs. The drive back home is always my favourite. We take detours just to spend more time talking about each other with good music on the background.

“Cityscapes are just beautiful, aren't they?” I said while looking out the window.

“Not as beautiful and bright as you”

“Stop being so cute please”, that's the only reaction I could do with his smooth cheesy lines.

As months of hanging out together goes by, we fall deeper and deeper with each other. Matty gave my room a make over. Ever since I moved in London my flat doesn't look like home so he gave it an artistic touch. He painted the walls, built me a desk and shelves. We also hung posters of our favourite bands. After redecorating my room, it now feels home and cosy. He stayed until midnight so that we could listen to the new album of the 1975 together.

“I guess this could be our new jam then" he said with enthusiasm in his eyes.

“I love the idea", I answered.

I knew he was already sleepy when he said goodnight before driving back home. I didn't want him to drive anymore because it's already late but he insisted because he's worried about his sister so I let him.

“Call me when you get home ok? Drive safely”

“Ok I love you” he said.

I don't recall the next months after. It is as blurry as when my tears won't stop falling for him. Matty have left me. Matty never returned my calls not because he's scared of falling again for me. He never returned my calls because he's gone. How I wish we could've said our goodbyes. I should've said I love you too while I still can. But it is all too late now.

Matty is the reason why I moved to Brighton. Everything about London reminds me of him especially at this time. He once asked me to ride the London eye with him but I refused because I was scared and anxious.. What I did not know is could never see this view with him anymore. I should have said yes back then but my anxiety ate me. Up until now his memory still haunts me even in Brighton. I never had the courage to clean up my room because I keep remembering when he decorated my room. Now I can finally say that ‘There's a Reason Why (I Never Returned Your Calls) by Blossoms reminds me of someone.

Before I even get drowned by my whirlpool of grief, Lily brought me back to reality.

“Bailee are you alright?”

“Yeah I think I am"

I still find parts of you. In the corners of my bedroom. Someday comes too soon. The radio plays our favourite tune again.