#i'm sorry the system sucks. i am. i really really really am. i hate it more than you can imagine | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lucky-clover-gazette · 3 months ago

Text

captive prince short stories highlights & annotations

pet

(takes place during book 1: captive prince)

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Ancel was a virgin the first twelve times he had sex. The thirteenth time, it lacked all plausibility.

‘You could buy out my contract.’ ‘How much?’ He made up a figure. There was no Lord Arten. Ancel landed his first contract that day: three months of his time, signed over to the merchant’s son.

‘I’ve never done it in public before,’ said Ancel. ‘You’d be my first.’

ancel leveraging subcategories of his virginity. smart

‘You’re not going to take him away from me, you slut,’ said the boy sweetly, murmuring the words too quietly for anyone else to hear. ‘Too late,’ said Ancel.

vere sucks. but i think ancel is playing the system more effectively than like anyone else there

Was this how men felt fucking him? No wonder they paid a fortune for it.

Fucking Lord Rouart, fucking every lord here. Being watched by everyone while he did it was like a blinding white light.

veretian society fucks ancel, ancel fucks veretian society harder

The room exploded in approval, cheers, calls of his name. He could hear shouts of suggestions, ribald calls to Lord Rouart in the thick excitement of the crowd.

there have to be at least a few people in vere who are not into this, but just kind of playing along to keep their—wait isn’t that the other guy in this short story

He was going to meet his new owner, and his new owner was going to fuck him.

ancel does not understand how cs pacat writes sex and power dynamics. nobody ever gets what they think they’re going to get

‘So, you saw me in the ring, and decided that you just had to have me,’ said Ancel. Berenger looked up. ‘No. I hate the ring.’ The words were matter-of-fact. ‘Parsins, hand me my jacket.’

i think i am going to really like berenger.

‘How old are you?’ As if Ancel hadn’t spoken. ‘Sixteen.’ Berenger gave him a flat look. ‘Twenty,’ said Ancel, the truth coming out with a flash of annoyance that he had to work hard to keep out of his voice.

He tried to recover. ‘And you?’ said Ancel, in his most velvet voice. ‘Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?’ ‘I’m riding to Ladehors.’ Berenger was walking right past him, he was—was he leaving?

most normal guy in vere

Ancel had seen with his own eyes that Berenger owned six identical copies of the same brown jacket.

oh i love this character

He was dressed in a loose shirt of simple white linen and plain trousers, his red hair tied back in a casual tail with a single leather tie. He looked up when he heard footsteps, and then stood quickly, closing the book. An unaffected young man, rising startled to greet his friend. ‘My lord,’ said Ancel. ‘I’m sorry, I—you took me by surprise.’

this is so funny. ancel pretending to be what he thinks berenger wants him to be, which is just like another normal guy

'Oh this?’ A hand to his mussily tied back hair. ‘I wasn’t expecting you back so early. I can change into something more—’ ‘No. You look handsome.’ Berenger stopped and shook his head. ‘That is, when we’re not at functions, you should feel free to wear whatever you like.’ ‘Thank you, my lord,’ said Ancel. It was Berenger who took a step forward. ‘You’re reading Isagoras?’ Berenger was looking at the discarded book with its scrollwork pages. He looked up at Ancel in surprise. ‘What do you think of him?’

i like how ancel is doing a reversal of the makeover trope. he was hot and glamorous before, and now he’s trying to make himself look like a boring nerd

Ancel couldn’t read, but he had planned all this from the moment Parsins had pointed the book out to him.

LMAOOOOOO

Ancel ate the plain food with the good manners of a merchant’s son, and none of the teasing flirtation that marked his own profession.

what are you talking about, there’s never been a mention of homoerotic bread eating in this series before

It happened in the library one night several weeks later, as Berenger was talking about politics. Ancel nodded and half listened while Berenger said—blah blah the Prince, blah blah the alliance with Akielos—

‘In the end, aren’t we all looking for someone to be loyal to?’ said Ancel, softly.

ancel really just went down the checklist of things he was told berenger likes (loyalty in friendship in this case)

also, a note from post-reading the entire story sam: YES YOU ARE, ANCEL.

‘Is that what you want?’ said Berenger. ‘It’s what I never thought I’d find,’ said Ancel, ‘until I met you,’ and it was happening, finally, it was finally happening, the two of them drawing closer in the firelight, Ancel’s arms sliding around Berenger’s neck, leaning in to— ‘Ancel—no.’

‘You may have made assumptions,’ Berenger spoke first, not looking at him, ‘after I bid for you in the ring, but I—’ For a moment, Ancel didn’t understand. And then suddenly the rejections and the refusals made sense. ‘It doesn’t have to be like it was in the ring,’ Ancel said in rush, relieved to have discovered the root of the problem. He hastened to reassure Berenger. ‘I don’t have to be the one who does that.’

ancel i don’t think this is a top/bottom thing, i think berenger isn’t drinking whatever horny flouride they have in the water in vere and is just disinterested in the pet stuff

He waited for Berenger to get it. Berenger didn’t seem to get it.

because that’s not what berenger meant!! this dynamic is very fun. extremely self-assured and aspirational guy who only knows how to leverage sex and schmooze, vs chill-ass guy who is not really trying to get anything out of anyone and therefore not thinking or trying too hard

‘You can fuck me,’ Ancel explained. Berenger’s eyes went wide. Was that the wrong thing to say? ‘I’ve always done it that way before. It’s what I’m good at.’ That was the wrong thing to say, too. ‘I mean, I want you.’ That was better. He should have said that first. ‘I want you.’ He moved a step closer, made it personal. ‘The way you want me.’ ‘Ancel, you don’t have to—’ ‘I want you to fuck me.’ ‘That isn’t what I want.’ ‘Then what do you want?’ Ancel said, in pure frustration.

world’s first reverse beard has been invented

‘In six weeks,’ began Berenger, ‘I’m attending court. As a single man, I need a pet to attend dinners and functions with me. For propriety’s sake. That is all. I don’t expect intimacy in private. In fact I prefer in private that you—that you and I—’ ‘Court?’ Like a flower inclining towards sunlight, Ancel’s whole attention swung to the thought. He barely heard the rest. ‘You’re taking me to court?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘The royal court. At Arles.’ ‘Yes.’

such a fun premise for this story. ancel has a reason to stay (social climbing), berenger has a reason to need ancel (appearing to follow customs). surely they can help each other accomplish their goals while keeping this impersonal and professional, with no eventual mutual understanding or friendship or romance.

‘Well, I’m going to need a lot more jewels,’ Ancel said, his annoyance returning with a snap. ‘I know you like boring young men in cotton shirts, but I can’t wander around the palace looking like this.’ Berenger was staring at him again, like Ancel was a stranger he was meeting for the first time. Ancel lifted his chin. ‘What? I intend to make the most of our time at court. I am incredibly good at my chosen profession. Not that you’d know that.’ ‘It’s possible I didn’t realise how good until now.’ Berenger was still gazing at him with that new look in his eyes. After a long moment, ‘Do you even like horses?’ ‘I can’t read,’ said Ancel. ‘I see,’ said Berenger.

okay yeah i LOVE this. mask off for ancel, meanwhile berenger hadn’t even bothered to pretend in the first place. i mean he’s pretending in front of the court, but not ancel. it’s just nice that they’re on the same team, unlike SOME PEOPLE i’ve read about during this rough period of time in vere

The next morning, Ancel threw away the plain white shirt and the simple leather hair tie, and came down to breakfast in the clothes that he liked: exquisite silks and velvets that felt good against his skin, wearing his hair pampered and long and out. Berenger didn’t say, ‘I see,’ but the implication was there in the heavy weight of his regard as he looked at Ancel across the table. Ancel lifted his chin, ignoring all the uninspired foods that Berenger liked and biting into a fruit tart.

this story has done a great job of making me like ancel and berenger in a short amount of time. strong moments of characterization (the fruit tart, the jackets, etc), more simple and less subtle than damen and laurent, but still very fun to notice and appreciate

‘The horse I chose for you has arrived,’ said Berenger. ‘She’s a strawberry roan named Ruby. I wonder if you’ll like her.’

berenger and ancel’s first official date is a chappell roan concert. red hair and horses.

For his part, Ancel stopped trying to seduce Berenger, and started enjoying himself.

Perhaps Berenger preferred women.

i don’t think this is where the story goes, but i would actually kinda like if they were just friends, and that was in fact the case. or even better, ancel assumes berenger is straight and that’s why he’s not interested, but berenger is eventually like “no i like men, i’m just not attracted to you” or "i don't like my partners being 10 years younger than i am"

Every commoner in the province had a story about Lord Berenger: Berenger had remembered the name of their child; Berenger had stayed with them through the birth of their prize colt; Berenger had helped them with the purchase of equipment when they had none, saving the harvest.

berenger could not have been involved in the main series. i think he’d break the reader’s brain compared to laurent because he’s just like. a normal and decent person despite the horrors, and not trying to hide it beneath a million layers of complicated bullshit

‘No. I meant that the court has changed,’ said Berenger, shaking his head, ‘since the King died. The Regent’s influence—’

hate that guy

‘What?’ said Ancel. ‘Luxury suits you,’ remarked Berenger.

god i wish this could stay platonic. THAT would be the true subversion!

note from post-reading the entire story sam: with the full image we eventually get of ancel, i actually think it's even better that berenger admits that he desires him. it would feel kind of like a cop-out for the answer to ancel's unspoken question of "would anyone like me for who i am, if my attractiveness was not a factor?" to be "yeah this guy does, but he never would have been into you in the first place." it's even more effective, and even more a subversion of what ancel thinks of himself, for berenger to find ALL of him attractive—his ambition and talent and intelligence, in addition to his looks and performance—and not want to reduce ancel to the sex object that he (ancel) thinks he has to be.

Who was the new pet? How had he come to serve Berenger?

i’m getting the impression that the previous king of vere had not required people like berenger to have pets, but the regent does. which is why berenger hired ancel

Berenger then knelt for the Prince, who was standing to the left of the throne, a severe young man in harsh clothing.

GOD i hope i get to see a little bit of laurent being a withdrawn dryly comedic sitcom side character before damen arrives and it sends him into joker mode

Lady Egere had a horse program Berenger was interested in, so Ancel made her feel like the most important person in the world.

berenger not beating the normal person allegations. like yeah, that is what people do at dinner parties. they talk to other people about shared interests. good job, berenger.

And when everyone was talking about the Prince, and the conversation swerved uncomfortably towards the new Akielon alliance, Ancel stepped in and told the whole table a risqué story he’d heard about Akielon bed practices, diverting attention.

laurent sighs and makes a mental note to be slightly less hostile to ancel for that accidental favor

Even Berenger laughed when he got to the punchline.

‘I love them,’ said Ancel. ‘I’d sleep with you right now. I might even enjoy it for once.’ He stopped. ‘High praise,’ said Berenger, dryly. ‘Of course, with you, I’d—’ ‘Oh, of course,’ said Berenger.

oh NICE moment. ancel admitting that he doesn’t actually like any of this shit he’s doing. and berenger implying that he’s always understood that.

Another day, another brown jacket.

i love the brown jacket as a means of characterization and comedy

‘In blue or red, you could look quite handsome.’ It was something Ancel had noticed on the third morning, in the early light from the window. Berenger had a strong profile, good bone structure, and warm eyes. His waist, where Ancel was lacing, was trim, his body fit from riding. ‘Let me pick your jacket.’ Berenger sounded amused. ‘You don’t like my jacket?’

you don’t like his jacket????

He didn’t let Ancel pick his jacket.

good to know he has his hard limits

They had a good system in which Ancel filched the delicious confectionaries and special sweets and left Berenger all the plain stuff he preferred.

i love this for them!!!

‘I can’t believe you’ve never visited the coupling gardens. Do you feel no desires at all? Come on.’ ‘Ancel, I don’t think that—’ ‘Look, it’s those flowers from that boring poem that you like,’ Ancel announced proudly. He stood in front of the spray of white flowers. Berenger had stopped. The flowers were night blooming, filling the air with a delicate scent.

ancel please don’t talk about poetry in the mindfuck blowjob garden

‘You’re right,’ said Berenger. ‘They’re very beautiful. And rare. In the poem, the lover is given only a single flower.’ ‘What a terrible gift. I’d much rather have jewellery,’ said Ancel, wrinkling his nose. ‘Or clothes. Even the horse was better.’ Berenger’s mouth quirked, his eyes shifting from the flowers, amused and warm. ‘Yes, you’re a little more expensive.’

THEY SHOULD STAY FRIENDSSSS please!!! i want to see their odd couple not a couple adventures as neither of them actually falls in love bc they’re married to the grind (literally for ancel, figuratively for berenger). then again, we know that ancel doesn’t actually like being a pet, so i can see how this ends up a romance that works. but STILL

'I like feeling—’ Like part of it. Like the master of it. Like he had power over the men, like if they wanted him they had to pay a fortune for it. Like he was more valuable than the wine goblet Berenger held, or the silver pitcher a servant had poured from. Like he mattered.

ancel understands exactly how this stronger man/weaker man thing works, in that the weakest man is the one who forces others to the bottom so he can be on top. but berenger doesn’t do that, except for appearances. and he’s very clear that he knows it’s all bullshit too.

‘Perhaps I ought to think of it more like that.’ ‘How do you think of it?’ ‘I think,’ said Berenger, ‘that the only person in this place who shows me their real face is you.’

berenger: i’d probably be happier if i just allowed myself to enjoy the luxury and debauchery ancel: wait so what do you think instead berenger: that this is all fake and stupid as hell, and you’re the only one with the awareness to understand that and use it

‘I can make everyone look at me.’ There was the familiar frown, like an old friend. ‘Ancel, I told you I don’t want—’

“like an old friend” because he IS your friend, because he appreciates you for who you are, not for the ways you can perform

Gasps as they burst into flame, and Ancel tossed the stick high, a spinning wheel of dangerous light.

how did he like. learn how to do this. this isn’t something you can just do on a whim. although i guess it does suit ancel to play with fire

That was part of the thrill, sensuality and danger. He had everyone’s attention now. He tossed and twirled, and it was easy, all of it coming back to him, his childhood days before his profession had changed, before the escalating series of favours, until the moment he had finally agreed to it. You have to pay me extra. It’s my first time.

very effective way to give backstory: he was a performer, and then someone propositioned him for sex, and then he realized the possibilities of going into that kind of work full-time. it put the power in his hands, and people did in fact pay him more when he asked.

‘You’re full of talents, aren’t you,’ said a boy’s voice, and Ancel turned. The boy was very lovely and very young, with huge blue eyes and a tumble of brown curls.

my heart hurts

‘Since you like to play with fire,’ said Nicaise.

extremely bittersweet to have nicaise say one of my own thoughts

‘I’ve heard that Berenger likes women, and that he disappears sometimes from court, so that he can—’ Ancel flushed. He left the main hall and made straight for Berenger, who was sitting in an adjoining antechamber, on one of the long reclining couches, amid a handful of acquaintances, talking in small relaxed groups. ‘Kiss me,’ said Ancel as he settled, one knee on the couch on either side of Berenger’s thighs, his hands linked behind Berenger’s neck. ‘What?’ said Berenger. ‘On the mouth,’ said Ancel.

yeah they invented reverse bearding

Berenger was beginning to frown. Ancel thought, with a burst of irritation, I know you don’t want to, but can’t you just pretend? How hard was it? Ancel pretended all the time. Berenger had a reputation to maintain. But if Ancel said that, Berenger would probably reply with something idiotic like his own reputation didn’t matter to him.

ancel is so perceptive, compared to damen it’s like. jarring

It didn’t feel impersonal. He was instead extremely conscious that it was Berenger that he was kissing.

uh oh

His lips were tingling from kissing Berenger, and that didn’t seem to make sense.

UH OH

‘Like you mean it,’ said Ancel, and kissed him again.

UH OH!!!!

‘My lord,’ he said, and he sounded turned on, which was how he was supposed to sound. ‘Berenger.’

love ancel being in denial about having feelings

Ancel closed his eyes. He could imagine exactly what Berenger liked, lovemaking in the dark with a young man in a plain shirt. If they ever—Ancel would have to feign at least a degree of innocence, physically experienced but emotionally unprepared, looking up at Berenger and saying it’s never been like this before. He imagined that: imagined Berenger kissing him in private. A strange shaky feeling grew in him. Berenger would kiss with the same seriousness as he was now, he probably fucked like that too, strong and steady. Berenger’s voice in his ear, roughened. ‘You’re so good at faking it.’ ‘I know,’ Ancel said. ‘I know I’m good.’

ancel is down BAD for this brown jacket man, holy shit

‘How long do we have to stay here?’ Berenger said. ‘What?’ said Ancel. ‘How long do you normally take?’ said Berenger.

wait. so ancel in the garden scene. was half trying to make berenger jealous and half trying to convince himself that he’s better off doing what anyone else but berenger would ask him to do. and failing to convince himself entirely. LOVE that alternate perspective, so cool!!

It took a moment before he understood the words, and their meaning. But the way Berenger was standing off from him, like a man who has had his evening interrupted for a charade in which he has little interest, made everything clear. Ancel pushed down the feelings in his chest, closing his eyes briefly.

ouch

‘All right,’ said Berenger, and stood there, awkwardly. Ancel heard himself say, ‘Unless, do you want—’ Me. Do you want me.

i love how free will continues to be a theme in this series, even when we’re not discussing damen and laurent. specifically regarding desire and attachment, romantic and sexual. ancel doesn’t actually want to be the person he pretends he is, lowering himself beneath his masters and helping them get off on the power they have over him; he wants to be understood and wanted for his whole self. and berenger is like the only person he’s ever met who has wished to see him as something other than a sex object or performance piece, the only person who doesn’t wish to intimately possess or control him. berenger seems to want to experience love on even footing, which in vere is highly unusual. no wonder ancel is desperate for his interest, when his interest is actually REAL.

He thought, he could make Berenger like it.

free will theme again! he made berenger like it, it wouldn’t be real. and ancel wouldn’t like it either.

‘I think we both know this isn’t working,’ Berenger said in a low voice. ‘This,’ said Ancel. Berenger wasn’t looking at him. ‘I’ll pay out your time in full. We can separate after you perform for the Patran delegation. You can tell people your contract simply came to the end of its time.’ ‘You’re ending our contract,’ said Ancel.

BRUTAL. and the thing is, berenger is being kind and selfless here. ancel has told him with words and actions that he only cares about upward social mobility, and has made it seem like berenger is holding him back. berenger is putting himself at a huge disadvantage in the regent’s court by letting ancel find another employer, but probably feels like this is the best way he can genuinely honor ancel’s stated wishes. sad little miscommunication moment, although i don’t think it’s fully that trope because ancel only subconsciously realized how he feels like five minutes ago

‘Everyone will want you after your performance. You won’t have trouble finding men to bid for you—’ ‘I know,’ said Ancel. ‘I’m the best pet at this court.’

ancel does his fire dance to “my kink is karma” by chappell roan as he desperately tries to repress his feelings

He didn’t know why, but the next day when Ancel saw Berenger talking in a low voice to Lord Droet’s pet, it made him angry, and he stalked out of the stuffy, overlit rooms, into the cool shade of the gardens.

oh, captive prince chapter 5 dubcon (and that’s generous) scene that damen took way less seriously than myself or even laurent because he (damen) grew up with sex slaves so this is kinda normal to him. oh, captive prince chapter 5 dubcon scene that, despite its problematic nature, was and still is extremely compelling to me, by which i mean unfairly hot

It was the Ambassador to Vask, her face familiar to him from a dozen evening entertainments. Ancel knew her sculptured style of dress well, the Vaskian elements she incorporated into her clothing. She had the straight-backed posture and poise of a woman used to power.

VANNES HIIIII VANNES

Vannes spoke. ‘You and Berenger are utterly mismatched. And you’re clearly ambitious. I hope you won’t hurt him too badly when you move on.’

she sees the version of ancel that he knows is wrong for himself, but he’s leaning into it because berenger’s kinda-rejection hurt so bad

Everyone would think what Vannes thought, that Berenger couldn’t hold Ancel and Ancel was moving on to someone better.

i like how this is so high stakes to ancel, for good reason, but we know that there are way higher stakes batshit insane things happening with damen and laurent right now. but ancel doesn’t care about damen and laurent. he cares about himself and berenger. just a really cool way of showing another pov for the same story!

Ancel thought of the impossible. For pets, it was epitomised by one man. The Prince. The Prince, who had never taken a pet. The Prince, who had never taken anyone, or been taken, so they said. They said he was frigid, that he had ice in his veins, that pets failed to interest him. But there was one person who had the Prince’s complete attention.

YHRWYOEGRUYWEGRUYWERHBFSDF

By the time Berenger and the others arrived, Ancel knew exactly what he was going to do.

i LOVE having this context, wow! it doesn’t really change the nature of the original scene, but adds dimension in a super satisfying way. i also really like how this works with the general vibe of book 1—it feels so isolated and depraved to read, you’re wondering “holy shit is everyone here besides damen just a terrible person?” and that’s the point, but with this addition from another perspective it’s like, hey, berenger was there the whole time. normal nice decent guy, caught up in the same shit as everyone else. who had only been trying to be kind to ancel and give him what he wanted, and most certainly did not want him to do what he does here. it reminds me of loyse, and the way she’s incorporated into the main series—so much of damen and laurent’s experiences early on are defined by struggling alone, but they’re both less alone than they thought, both in terms of sympathetic company and people dealing with the same problems they have. this is seen both in the way they are with each other, especially with the slow burn of 'Laurent is Not As Bad As Damen Thought He Was With More Context,' and the way people like loyse are slowly revealed by the narrative. it's just neat. if i ever re-read captive prince, i’ll be like, “oh it’s berenger!!!” and the scene will, in some small way, feel less isolated.

Physically imposing, and dripping with disdainful pride, he looked as though he could break any handlers in half.

love this description of damen as having “disdainful pride,” because so much of his internal narrative is considering himself a victim, which he is. but also, he is very disdainful towards this society, and prideful about his own. damen himself admits that he had prejudices and misjudgments towards vere and blind spots regarding his own society at the end of king’s rising, and it’s cool to see ancel get that impression immediately.

The younger blond slave pressed his forehead submissively to the floor, a pose that seemed designed to make you want to step on his head. Ancel found himself unaccountably irritated by the passivity.

obviously both systems are bad, but if you read my main series annotations you know i’m very much in agreement with ancel here

Berenger was frowning.

normal! reaction!

He looked scornful and unimpressed when his eyes passed briefly over Ancel, Berenger and Vannes. His only movement was to shift slightly, a rearrangement of muscle.

i looooove seeing damen from the outside, wow

Arriving in the bower, the Prince of Vere was instantly commanding, with nothing soft or yielding in him. A young man with golden hair, cold blue eyes and an arresting profile, he had a pet’s looks and a Prince’s bearing, laced up tighter than Berenger, in dark, severe clothing. He looked capable of mastering the slave through force of will, as though the slave’s discomfort was his pleasure.

good to see, in this case, that laurent is very much perceived exactly how he is trying to be perceived. we know that this is for his own safety, and it isn’t harming ancel at all. unlike in captive prince book 1, where damen is being directly harmed by laurent and his rancid vibes, albeit for stronger reasons (he knows who damen is) than either damen or the reader understand.

‘Ancel, no. He could hurt you.’ Ancel ignored Berenger, and spoke to the shoulders and back of the Prince.

this is so cool. when i read the original scene, it seemed like berenger said this out of like, petty distate for akelions and maybe jealousy. but now we know it’s because berenger thinks that this is all fucked up, and doesn’t want ancel to get hurt by his own ambition

‘Would you like that?’ Berenger frowned. ‘No. I wouldn’t.’

“would you like that [i get hurt]?” oh ancel :( and you know that he thinks berenger would, or at least wouldn’t care either way. because ancel is just 20 and emotionally undeveloped and seems not to have been truly cared for in his life

again, i assumed originally in this scene that unnamed berenger said “no i wouldn’t” because of jealousy. but that isn’t true! berenger already told ancel that he can leave! he just actually cares about ancel!

The Prince turned, and Ancel found himself the sole subject of the Prince’s attention.

i like that we know he isn’t, because the only living people capable of completely hijacking and consuming laurent’s large capacity for thought are the regent and damen

‘I think your master would prefer you intact,’ said the Prince.

in captive prince, it adds, “said laurent, dryly.” but it’s not dry to ancel, he doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that laurent is deeply unamused

‘You could tie the slave up.’ He saw the moment the Prince took in the idea. There was something more in the Prince’s eyes, something private, though it was only there for a moment, before the Prince’s expression hardened.

well yeah, but he’s not thinking about you, ancel.

Ancel looked Berenger right in the eyes. ‘Tell me how you want me to fuck him.’ ‘I don’t want you to fuck him,’ said Berenger. ‘I do,’ said Ancel. ‘I want to do it with you watching.’

new dialogue, things damen didn’t hear! i think i kinda explored what’s going on here in previous annotations

You mean with the Prince watching, Berenger didn’t say.

this is strange. at first it seems like uncharacteristic pov head jumping, but then it’s like no, this is what ancel THINKS berenger isn’t saying. ancel cannot imagine that berenger’s reluctance here could be for any other reason than, like, petty jealousy of the prince. when in reality berenger just cares about ancel and doesn’t want him to get caught up with insane terrible people

Instead, Berenger frowned in that way that he had, turned to the handlers, and gave some instructions about safety.

so they DO have safe words in vere. although maybe berenger just invented them, that sounds like something he would do

Drawn by the rarity of the spectacle, a few other courtiers had drifted over, and then a few more, a small audience gathering.

love the mention of rarity, since damen assumes that this is totally normal

Ancel didn’t need Berenger. He was going to do it with the Prince’s slave, in front of everyone. No other pet had ever won the Prince’s attention.

ancel i know you were just dumped for the first time but this is not the slay you think it is

The slave’s eyes lifted to meet Ancel’s for a moment, radiating fury, before he turned the full force of it on the Prince, who just stared back at him coldly.

don’t worry about it. they’re fine

He wasn’t a court pet, or a brothel client. He was an Akielon, named for the Akielon prince-killer.

oh my god. imagine ancel’s reaction when he learns that he had unknowingly given the future king of akielos a bj

Ancel could see, as he put his hands on those thighs, that the slave disliked him. That was irritating. Did he think Ancel was salivating to suck his cock? Pets had to do things they didn’t like all the time.

obsessed with the way ancel is projecting berenger onto this. a really neat subversion of the way he intentionally and performatively projected that other guy in order to win his favor. also fun because in the scene from damen’s perspective, ancel is very literally a projection of laurent. neither ancel nor damen are imagining this with the person actually doing it with them. is this what the “mutually unrequited sex” ao3 tag is for

It had been a long time since Ancel had given head, thanks to Berenger’s prudery. It was disconcerting, uncomfortable at first, like he didn’t want to be this close, or put his mouth on it. He pushed past the feeling. He was good at this. He knew what to do and how to do it. The uncomfortable feeling grew. The slave was too stupid to realise he was supposed to be performing.

the way it’s almost a good thing that ancel is uncomfortable right now, because it means that he’s in some small way breaking out of the fucked-up mentality he’s grown up with

love damen and ancel as foils, in terms of pride. ancel takes pride in his willingness to get his hands dirty and perform submission for social clout, damen takes pride in his unwillingness to get his hands dirty (compromise his morals) and give his submission to those who don’t deserve it. but while damen's pride is held up by honor and integrity, ancel's is held up by his own degradation.

How had he ever achieved a court position, with skills this poor? Wasn’t he trying at all?

if you really think about it, damen was a nepo hire

Ancel felt the slave jerk, his cock hardening as the Prince settled himself on the bower seat alongside them.

well, damen, i guess someone noticed how you feel about laurent

i don’t even think laurent fully notices how down bad damen is for him at this point. i think laurent just believes damen is a depraved pervert ruled by his base urges who uses sex slaves and finds him hot just like everyone else and also KILLED HIS BROTHER

‘Like this?’ The wait was deliberate, to make the Prince say it. ‘Like that.’

5d three-way dirty talk happening here. it’s not four ways because berenger definitely has clocked out by now

‘Take it all the way down,’ said the Prince, and Ancel took it deep into his throat.

i like how laurent’s dialogue is slightly different between the two scenes, and damen doesn’t register some of it, and ancel doesn’t register some of it. cool way of writing the different perspectives and showing the things that are distracting both of them, causing them to think about things other than laurent’s words. ancel is mostly thinking about how he can do this in a way that gets him noticed and hired, while damen is mostly thinking about how absurdly turned on he is by laurent being insane

Ancel half expected the Prince’s hand on his head, pushing him down the last inch, but when he glanced up, neither of the men were paying him any attention, their eyes locked on one another.

sorry ancel, they gaze a lot. it’s kind of their thing

He came up without coughing or needing a breath, a cultivated skill that was often admired.

not by damen or laurent, at the moment

It didn’t matter that the Prince didn’t seem pay him any attention, or that he was only a conduit. The slave wasn’t even looking at him. It was what he wanted.

ancel when he lies

The two of them were locked together, Ancel utterly forgotten as he rose unsteadily to his feet.

god that sucks ancel but it’s also so fucking funny (as i said in the capri chapter 5 notes, i am not taking the dubcon as seriously as i could because the book doesn’t take it seriously in this scene. damen’s rage isn’t at the lack of consent, because this is actually pretty normal to him, and not seen as demeaning in his society for a slave to do. i think more than anything else he’s mad at himself for being into this, which means that he’s mad at laurent and ancel for making him confront the fact that he’s into this)

Courtiers crowded around with accolades, comments, and congratulations. ‘You really are the perfect pet,’ and ‘I’ve never seen anyone take it like that,’ and, ‘I’d pay a fortune for you.’

but it doesn’t matter, because they’re not berenger

Berenger had a hand on his shoulder and was staring into his face. Ancel lifted his chin. ‘Did he hurt you?’ The words were short.

😭 😭 😭 😭

‘I liked it,’ said Ancel. ‘I like sucking cock. I’m a pet.’

ancel when he continues to lie

Torveld, Prince of Patras

oh i hate that guy

It was the blond slave from the bower. The insipid, spineless creature who made you want to pinch his skin, or shake him to wake up. Like a useless doe in a forest. Expecting someone else to help him. With looks like that, the blond slave could have owned this court if he’d put any work into it. Instead he was trembling and helpless and waiting for a rescue that was never going to come. It was irritating.

yeah. if not for my distance from both of these worlds, and the fact that i can afford to be more empathetic and thoughtful than ancel, this is about where i’d land too re: akelion slaves. (if you read my previous annotations of the series, i probably don’t have to tell you that.) i just like how strongly and disdainfully this is written, while still within itself being flawed. like he’s right, but it’s a sad kind of right. it’s pointing out the problem but disinterested in a solution. but it isn’t ancel’s job to have a solution, it’s the narrative’s job. and we see that happen, in a very careful slow burn from damen’s pov, during the main series.

i can’t believe people think that this series is slavery apologism. 99% of the time, this series is DETERMINED to hold itself painfully and uncomfortably responsible for the problematic content it contains. and that 1% is different for every person who reads it, based on their personal tastes and values. and that’s good, because even our favorite fiction should be something we engage with critically, rather than passively accept.

‘A whole night with the Regent?’ Ancel twirled the stick. ‘Aren’t you jealous?’ ‘I’m not jealous,’ said Nicaise. ‘You’re old.’

‘Then the Regent will call you to attend him. Everyone will see you sitting with him. That’s what you want, isn’t it? The bids for your contract will go up.’

i’m going to try to remember why this is happening. i know it’s some elaborate and probably petty bullshit. i think it’s something like 1) laurent got his ethics called into question by the guy who killed his brother and then 2) decided to do what damen asked and help the akelion slaves because he knew it was the right thing even though he hated damen so bad, therefore 3) laurent needed to create circumstances that would cause torveld to “save” them from the regent without his (laurent's) direct intervention so 4) laurent antagonized nicaise into making a bet that his (laurent’s) plan to get torveld to take the slaves wouldn’t work and then loudly talked about that plan in front of nicaise, prompting 5) nicaise to arrange a sadistic performance of slaves for the regent so the sadistic regent would want to keep the slaves, therefore winning nicaise the bet against laurent 6) which laurent knew would literally backfire because the fire would frighten the slaves and then prompt to torveld take them out of sympathy and pity. yeah i think that's it

It made Ancel angry. This mewling creature who had been brought to court and lavished with every opportunity that Ancel had worked for, was doing nothing to advance his own career, even now. But in the next moment Prince Torveld was calling the slave over, and—rather than booting him out of the hall—was fussing over him, talking to him, stroking his tousled blond head. Ancel gaped. Prince Torveld was taking the slave into his household? For what? For being too weak to survive at court? The unfairness was terrible. If Ancel had wanly lain down and waited for a rescuer, he would have died in the street.

i really like this short story. i like ancel’s character, and what the story is trying to say. it fits very nicely with the overall series themes about weakness/strength, submission/domination, and free will. also intimacy and trust, although that’s almost by omission.

‘Tell me about your master,’ the Regent said. ‘Lord Berenger.’ ‘He’s boring,’ said Ancel. ‘Serious. Loyal.’ ‘Loyal to my nephew,’ said the Regent. He spoke pleasantly, tweaking Ancel’s hair as he did so. The sharp tug hurt.

WOAH THIS IS COOL. we hardly got to see any of the regent’s private contributions to the complicated vere court nonsense in captive prince (there was that scene where he talked to damen alone, but that might have been it?)

‘Loyal to the throne.’ Ancel’s heart had started beating faster.

i like how the regent equates his nephew with the throne. so different from how he talks to laurent in front of the council. clearly, out of earshot of anyone who actually matters politically, the regent is threatened by his nephew.

‘I’ve heard he’s met with my nephew, several times. What was discussed?’ ‘I couldn’t say. I wasn’t there for the meetings.’ He kept his tone light. ‘So there were meetings.’

berenger you’re so real for that

His mouth felt dry suddenly, and it was hard to swallow. He thought of Berenger in the hall somewhere behind him, wondered if Berenger was looking at him, thought he probably wasn’t. ‘No. I mean that I don’t know—I don’t know what meetings he’s taken.’

ancel can tell that berenger is in danger, and even though he thinks berenger wants nothing to do with him, he tries to protect him

‘Oh dear.’ The tone was disappointed. ‘I thought you were clever.’ The Regent shifted, forcing Ancel to reposition, awkwardly. He was motioning for one of the servants to approach, looking past Ancel as though he was done with him. ‘I am.’ Ancel’s heart was pounding. ‘You just haven’t asked the right question.’ ‘And what’s that,’ said the Regent. ‘If I’m loyal,’ said Ancel.

and here’s the temptation of ancel finally getting what he’s always said he wanted, he just has to throw berenger under the bus. he tries to avoid this by making berenger irrelevant and putting the attention on himself, but we know that the regent does not give a shit about ancel, politically or sexually.

Ancel watched him turn away, watched him enter the darkened part of the rooms that held his bed, beginning to unlace his own jacket. ‘I didn’t tell him anything.’ The words were a blurt, delivered to the back of Berenger’s shoulders. Berenger’s movement came to a halt.

i really like ancel.

‘About you and the Prince. That you’ve been meeting secretly each night. That you’re taking his side, that you’ve offered him funding and passage through Varenne, I didn’t tell him any of that, I thought that you—’

oh shit it’s that deep!!! fuck yeah berenger! wait does that mean that berenger had been loyal to laurent and thinking he was an admirable person for months/years only to see laurent in full sadistic kinky joker mode with a person who he doesn't know is laurent's brother's killer? do you think he was like "oh great, he's actually a freak too. fuck my life"

Berenger turned. Berenger was across the room, his hands on Ancel’s arms, gripping him tightly, his eyes boring into Ancel’s. ‘Stop it. You’re spoiling my clothes. I didn’t tell him. I told you. I didn’t tell him anything.’

oh, ancel immediately thinks he’s going to be punished and stripped of the nice things he’s been given. that’s so fucking sad :(

‘How do you know about any of that?’ ‘Just because I like nice things, and don’t read the boring books you like, doesn’t mean I’m stup—’ ‘This isn’t a game, Ancel.’

most! normal! man! in! this! series!

‘I’m trying to secure my future! I need to go somewhere. After you—after you end my contract.'

true, and explains some of the desperation ancel typically chooses not to acknowledge because of his pride

‘So that’s it. You want gifts?’ Berenger said, in a flat, deadly voice, ‘Are you trying to blackmail me for money?’ Ancel felt his mouth turn to sand. ‘No.’

ancel doesn’t want gifts! he wants a friend!!! i love this story, especially in this shitty world!!!!

‘I don’t want—I told you, I didn’t tell him anything. I wouldn’t. I was your pet, I thought we—I don’t want your money like that—’

going to be HUGE when ancel learns how healthy friendships and relationships work. people just do nice things for each other, and are loyal to each other, because they care and it’s what they want to do

‘You must hate me.’ ‘Hate you?’ said Berenger. ‘Why would I hate you? You’ve always been honest with me. You never tried to hide what you were.’ ‘A whore,’ said Ancel.

oh fuck.

really, really good choice of a word there. it’s easy to get caught up in the insane gimmicks of the veretian court, the slight dark humor to it, the way pets act like they’re playing the game willingly because this is a way for them to be treated well and showered with praise. but deep down, this system exists so they can be perceived as whores, belonging and submissive to people whose power rests on their degradation. and deep down, that’s how they feel about themselves.

goddamn, it is cool to see the worldbuilding expanded upon from this perspective.

‘So what if I am? I’m not ashamed of it. I’m good at it. I can make men want me.’ His voice felt raw. ‘It just doesn’t work on you.’

FREE WILL, POWER, AND TRUST THEMES DING DING DING

Berenger would be just one more owner, one more man from his past, one more name on a list. There was a hard pressure in his chest that he had to ignore. He would turn and walk away from it, he would move on to the next man, and the next. ‘It works on me,’ said Berenger.

okay, i like it being romantic, i think. because just like damen and laurent, their friendship and romance are deeply connected. and i’m glad that these two characters can find each other and be REAL in the midst of the fake nonsense

The words, in Berenger’s honest voice, at first didn’t make sense.

ancel can’t accept praise if he knows the person giving it is being honest, understands who he truly is, and expects nothing in return. girl same

‘You’ve never—’ ‘You never wanted me to.’ ‘Is that what you think?’ said Ancel. ‘Yes,’ said Berenger, steadily.

berenger clocked that ancel didn’t really want to be any of this long before ancel did, and has always respected that. i’m glad that he exists in this world.

‘If the Regent prevails, I won’t have money or lands. You should be with someone who can give you the luxuries you deserve, not someone who’ll embroil you in—’ ‘That’s why?’ said Ancel. ‘That’s why you decided to break my contract?’ He made sense of that much. And he clung to it. He wanted to ask, Does that mean you’re not giving me up because you don’t want me? He didn’t know how to ask that. He was usually so good at asking for what he wanted.

this is so fucking good. oh my god, this short story has been like a masterclass of creating a contained and intimate plot that develops a character individually and in relation to another character, while using the world around them to synthesize relevant and gratifying thematic development. it just comes together so perfectly, and simultaneously feels laser-focused and extremely wide in scope. SO good.

‘Can you honestly tell me that you’d want to stay with me if it meant risking your position?’ Berenger said. ‘If I had no money?’ ‘I’ve never fucked anyone without it being for money.’ The words came out differently than he’d intended. The painfully straightforward way that Berenger had asked him that question meant that Ancel had given an honest answer.

they’re matching each other’s freak, if "freak" means “honest person moving towards a healthier state of mind.” meanwhile, damen and laurent—

It was Berenger who spoke. ‘When I saw you in the ring, I thought you were incredible. You were fearless, powerful. You took on every lord in the room, and beat them. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.’

oh i go crazy for “i want to possess you because i am compelled by your unique and attractive qualities and i want to keep you by my side, not because i want to degrade and reduce you until you’re beneath me.” which is probably why i really like the captive prince series by cs pacat, but not like 80% of fiction with similar kink-related premises

‘I don’t care what might happen.’ He was moving forward, because Berenger wanted him.

oh.

those two sentences didn’t quite get me to tear up, but uhhhh they came pretty close

‘If he fails,’ said Ancel. He was stepping into Berenger’s space. He put his hand on the laces of Berenger’s jacket, and Berenger didn’t move away. ‘But if he wins?’

:’) the metatextual conversation this story has been having with the reader the entire time, tied in perfectly with the events at the forefront. really, really well done.

final notes:

not going to lie, i think i liked this short story more than 40-60% of king’s rising. damn.

honestly, i kind of hope ancel and berenger don’t end up together immediately. berenger is still 10 years older than ancel, and is like the first person in ancel’s life to show him respect. what rings truest to me is the idea of them being close friends and allies especially during the turbulent wartimes, and hooking up a few times and enjoying it, but a much more confident ancel eventually considering other partners and at least making more friends. either ancel doesn’t end up romantically with berenger because there’s someone even better suited for him romantically and sexually, or he decides that he truly does want berenger because even though there are other people who would love him for who he is, none of them are berenger. either way, they’re close friends the entire time and it’s very sweet. i like them a lot.

#capri #sam reads capri #captive prince #cs pacat #captive prince pet #berenger #ancel #i don't know their ship name

75 notes · View notes

kingkat12 · 2 months ago

Text

so... this is the deleted original ending to the first chapter of seven minutes in heaven. made centuries ago. enjoy!!

(it sorta starts in the middle of the closet scene, so here goes nothing)

WARNINGS: SMUT! SMUT! ROMAN BEING AN ASSHOLE! mind control powers being used for BAD bad bad BAD things!! implied mind control during sex so is it dub-con?, dark!Roman, not-so-happy-ending

word count: 1,811

a/n: there was a reason this version was scrapped... it felt too dark and not fun and urgh i'm simply posting this as an ancient artifact lol. it might suck as i wrote this back in august, but oh well!!!

(Roman is NOT a feminist in this one, so... irony<333 generalizing cunt)

"And I reckon this is your first time playing?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, no longer meeting his gaze. I couldn't look at him, not right not, not when we were this close and alone.

"So..." Roman ran his fingers through his hair, the usual smirk returning. "You know what usually happens in here, or...?"

I rolled my eyes; "I'm not an idiot,"

"I know," Roman's voice got lower, breathier, and he took a step closer. There wasn't much room for more steps, actually— it was getting rather cramped up at this point. "But if there's anything you've wanted to try out, now's the time."

My breath hitched, hoping the thumping of my heart wasn't audible to him.

It was almost as though Roman could sense how nervous I was; he bent down a little, getting on my level before he whispered; "I won't tell Letha,"

Feeling his hot breath against my skin, how dangerously close he was, was almost too much for me. The way he said it made me even more conscious of what was happening; I hadn't even told Letha how crazy I was about Roman, and I knew she'd be against it.

However... I was being served my biggest dream on a platter. Maybe if I got this bit over with, my feelings would subside and go back to being purely hateful again?

I mustered up the courage, letting out a shaky breath before I opened my mouth to speak; "Could you maybe... kiss me?" My words came out barely louder than a whisper. "I've just had a really shitty night."

Roman's expression remained unchanged. "I'm sorry to hear that,"

"... No, you're not,"

"Okay, you might be right," He let out a soft laugh against my lips, and my eyes quickly darted down to his hands to check if he wasn't holding a needle or no. That was when I knew my anxiety was through the roof. "So... you want a kiss? That's all?"

This was too nerve-wracking. I kept imagining that he would say no, that he would reject me somehow and make me the only girl at school he wouldn't want to do anything with— that would definitely make me hate him even more. In a flash moment of weakness (which I later blamed the alcohol for), I sighed; "Just... could you? Or am I asking for too much?"

Something about Roman's expression changed— he seemed to realize what it was that I was actually asking of him. Not to make out, not to drown in one another, but the simplest of all things romance; affection. Something gentle, something sweet, just to check if he had a sliver of anything resembling that in his system.

"You like me, don't you?" Roman whispered, nudging his nose against mine, eyes rounding out as he heard my breath hitch at the simple gesture. "This is what all of this has been about?"

I closed my eyes, revelling in the feeling. It was the smallest thing, yet it was a comfort in the midst of the conversation. "All of what?"

"Your anger," Roman let out a sigh, connecting our foreheads, closing his eyes as well. "You can't stand that you like me, can you?"

For some reason, I felt the urge to cry overcome me— I spent a few seconds pressing down the stream of tears that threatened to surface. Having someone say it out loud felt like a desperately needed release. "It's been a nightmare,"

Roman stilled, eventually letting out a hum which sent a shiver down my spine. "You know nothing about nightmares," he breathed against my lips. "If I tell Letha we fucked in here, you'll be living through your worst one."

I shouldn't have been so shocked— I should've expected this. I should've known that Roman would spin this around on me. I definitely knew he wouldn't reciprocate, but this? What was it, revenge?

"I could make your every waking moment a living hell," he continued, his cold hands suddenly travelling up my body, gripping my waist with a grip I was afraid would bruise. "Letha would take my side, of course... Who else do you have but her, hm?"

I wanted to break out into tears, now grabbing at his hands. Almost panicked, I tried to get him off of me, but to no avail. "I'll leave you alone," I pleaded, finding his eyes.

"Nah, that's not what I want," I could see the sadistic satisfaction overcome him— I saw how he broke out into a wide grin at the sight of my glossy eyes. "How about we make a deal?"

Making a deal with the devil reincarnated? Very smart move, on my part. Fucking genius. "Okay?"

Roman hummed, his harsh grip around my waist releasing, allowing me to finally suck in a heave of air. Catching me off guard, he suddenly pressed his lips against my forehead with the softest touch I had ever felt— was he trying to throw me off course?

"Start being nice..." Roman murmured, his now hands drawing soothing circles onto my back. "And I will reward you."

I let out a shaky breath; I was thankful that the agreement didn't involve any needles. "... That's all?"

"That's all," Roman echoed, pulling away to watch my expression. "You and your mouth have been making my life hell, do you know that? So if you can calm the fuck down, we could both get what we want. How does that sounds?"

I wasn't completely sold. "And what is it that you think I want?"

Roman's eyes darkened; he knew he had won. "Me,"

Oh, how I hated him. I hated him, and I knew I always would. But as his lips ghosted over mine, seconds away from touching, I didn't stand a chance anymore when the following words sounded past his plush lips; "I have a feeling I might have to put you in your place a little, hm? Maybe you'd even want that? Because honestly, I know girls like you... You fight until your last breath, then you're completely in denial, and then you'll fall apart the minute you get what you've always wanted,"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was this... me?

"And you've always wanted to be one of my girls, haven't you?" Roman leaned down, pressing a deadly soft kiss against my cheek which nearly took my breath away; I could feel him smirk against my skin. "Or maybe... the only one?"

At this point, I felt so broken down that I gave in to a nod.

Roman's hand slowly ghosted up my body until his fingers gently wrapped around my neck, holding me in place, almost as though he feared I would run; "I can arrange that, y'know?"

This conversation had unlocked a deep, dark part of me that I didn't know I had— like this, completely at his mercy, I had a feeling I was made to be his. Brainwashed. That I was put on this earth to find him and be with him, and that we were destined to be together. It made me feel so weak and pathetic that my lower lip eventually gave in to a quiver, feeling a sob build.

Roman let go of my neck, stroking his fingers through my hair. "Shh, no need for that... You're fine, you're okay. It's just me."

Just me. Just Roman. He who that had haunted my dreams for months, the only one I could think of when I got myself off, and the one I had been longing for from afar for so long that it turned into burning hate.

Roman must've felt like he was done torturing me, finally meeting my lips with the most gentle kiss I had ever shared. This was all I had ever wanted— he was right. My heart beat hard in my chest as I let myself melt against his dangerously soft lips.

I wanted to be his, no matter the cost. No matter what happened or what I had to sacrifice.

I loved Roman Godfrey.

... and I was sure of it now.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Yes— This was right.

Of course.

I loved him.

I loved him, I loved him, God, how I loved him. With every fibre of my being, I loved him.

I loved the feeling of his body against mine, corrupting my mind until I was nothing but mindless. A small part of me also loved that it was our little secret, and ours only.

Letha didn't have a clue, of course— I had kept my act up quite well when I was around her. I had kept it up around everyone else as well, but the anger that was ravaging through my system, the hate that was burning me up from inside was currently being mended by one thing and one thing only;

"A-Aah—"

My fingers tangled into Roman's hair, feeling his bruising grip around my hips tighten as he fucked me into my mattress. I let out a small cry, feeling my legs starting to go numb after how long they had been thrown over his broad shoulders. Deep down, I didn't care— nothing could put out the angry fire in my soul like Roman did. Nothing was a better remedy than feeling his cock inside me, no matter what, when, or where.

I let out a gasp as Roman shifted, pulling me into his lap with ease. I couldn't feel my legs now, and I had a sense that he knew— he barely had to put any strength into moving me around, especially with how he was towering over me in general.

I let out a gasp as he sunk me down on his length, and I gripped his shoulders with a short squeak for support. Heavy breaths escaped my parted lips as I clung to him, whimpering at the feeling of his thick cock stroking my insides.

Roman seemed beyond content, gazing up at me with half-lidded eyes. He revelled in the sight of how ruined I was before he attached his soft lips to my collarbone to bring forth a hickey, humming. That was the one place we both knew Letha wouldn't see it, after all.

It was impossible not to submit to the devil reincarnated when sex could feel this good with him. It didn't matter that I had practically sold my soul for this, because every second, every stroke of his cock, was worth it.

"You're heaven," he murmured, lifting my hips and pushing himself further into me, taking more control. "You feel so... shit, this is heaven—"

Ironic.

And just as I felt my climax approaching, flashes of thoughts I had suppressed came crashing forward. No matter how nice all of this felt, I couldn't help but wonder how I had even agreed to any of this in the first place. But it wasn't like he had mind control powers, right? It wasn't like this was some sadistic ploy to seek revenge against all the times I had been a complete and utter bitch to him.

No— it couldn't be. Don't be ridiculous.

... Right?

#roman godfrey #hemlock grove #bill skarsgård #fanfiction #oneshot #roman godfrey x reader #bill skarsgard #fanfic #x reader #let's just say i'm happy i stuck w the original ending lol #i wrote this in the back of a car during a roadtrip and i felt angsty #that is so funny actually

82 notes · View notes

projectbluearcadia · 6 months ago

Text

[ NSFW | Minors DNI ]

Wordcount - 806

The Price for Cuddles

Con: Men are ready for sex at the drop of a hat.

Pro: Men are ready for sex at the drop of a hat.

CW: Slightly implied somno, some light thigh smacking

Coming into his room with a pillow in hand, the whites of my eyes lined with telltale red threads, my hair rumpled and messy from tossing around.

"Again?" is the question on his lips, a playful smile written on his face. "Can't you sleep without me for one night?"

"Apparently not," I grumble, and Lucifer beckons me closer to him as he flaps his blanket up as an offering. Only too happily, I accept such an offer and settle next to him, where he kisses my cheek.

"And what position would the spoiled princess like tonight?" he teases, and I glare at him for the stupid nickname.

"Just spoon me, Dickus." He chuckles before he humors me, laying down on his side and patting the spot next to him, reaching his other arm out. I smile a little at the sight before I settle myself into his arms, and Lucifer hugs me tight to his body, kissing the back of my head.

"Better?" he murmurs, and I close my eyes as I lean into the touch.

"Better," I agree, and I start to drift in and out of consciousness as his warmth and security leaks into my system, telling it to relax and shut down.

Lucifer's system, however, disagrees.

His lips tickle my neck, and I already know what's coming as he plants lazy kisses on the skin, one of his hands drifting to wrap around my breast. Something behind me steadily gets harder against my lower back, and I softly groan.

"What?" he whispers in amusement. "Go to sleep, darling." Even as he's saying that, his other hand slips into my pajamas, his fingers rubbing me over my panties.

"You expect me to sleep when that thing is poking at me?" I snort, and Lucifer lightly bites my ear.

"Yes; it's just something hard pressing against you, honey," he chuckles, even as he grinds against me. "Something that might slip between your legs in a few minutes." His fingers drift inside my underwear, and I let out a soft moan.

"Why are you always horny when I want to cuddle?" I half-complain.

"Oh, please, like you're some kind of saint. You're already getting soaked."

"Am not," I object, only for Lucifer to bring his shiny fingers up to eye level.

"Oh really?" I mewl as his fingers push their way into my mouth. "And I suppose this is just water? Why don't you suck it off my fingers and tell me how it tastes?" Despite the fact that I hate the taste, I close my lips around his fingers and suck them wantonly, squeezing my legs together eagerly as he obligingly thrusts them back and forth before taking them out. "Well?"

"Blegh. Is the taste."

"That's what I thought." Lucifer pecked my neck, slowly grinding his hard-on against me. "Now would you like to take back what you said?"

"Fine..."

"No, I want you to say, 'I'm sorry, sir; I'm horny and I need you.'"

"You're a little shit," I manage to groan before I gasp as his hand lightly smacks my thigh. "I'm sorry, sir." He has me trained way too well, I swear to...

"Mhm. And?" He lightly teethes my neck, his other hand straying under my button-down pajamas to palm my breast, gently squeezing it like a ripe peach he was trying to separate from the pit. Pleasant prickles flicker through the skin, leaving me sighing.

"Fuck me," I whine, and he smacks my thigh a little harder. "I'm sorry."

"No, honey, that's not what I told you to say."

"You enjoy this way too much," I groan, which of course earns me another light smack. "I'm sorry, sir."

"Mm..." Lucifer kisses the back of my ear, and I softly yelp as he flicks my nipple. "You're adorable." He nips my earlobe. "You know I'll give you exactly what you want if you're good."

"I'm horny, and I need you inside me," I groan in defeat, and Lucifer chuckles, licking up my neck.

"That's right, you do need it," he rasps, and I can feel him smirking against my skin as his hand eagerly pulls down my waistband. Frickin' hell, him and his way of getting sex out of me... I'm not complaining, but it's sooo unfair...

"I'm going to be sore again," I grumble as I turn around and finish taking off my pants for him, and Lucifer grins before he kisses me. "You're such a dick; you know I have to walk around town with Simeon tomorrow."

"If I'm such a dick," he whispers against my lips, "then why don't you tell me to stop like I fucking taught you?"

"You tempted me!" I protest, and he kisses me again, his fingers briefly circling my sensitive bud before opening me up.

And, of course, his smug reply: "That's not my problem."

#cuddles and sex go hand in hand with this man #change my mind #obey me lucifer #obey me shall we date #fanfiction #obey me!#shameless self indulgence #lucifer brainrot #obey me lucifer smut #lucifer x mc #obey me lucifer fluff

142 notes · View notes

diabolicalworldwriter · 7 months ago

Text

Jesus, I just got to the point in Words of Radiance where Kal is in prison and Dalinar basically says "You're not going to end racism by being radical and acting upset about it. You can't just expect us to treat you like an equal because you're not one. Play nice and maybe the racists will grow to respect you"

Buddy what the fuck

In general I think I've found that I'm... Not as fond of Dalinar as I used to be. Don't get me wrong, he does some great things and he's constantly trying to improve and I appreciate that. Flawed characters make stories interesting and I think Brandon does a fantastic job of writing him. However, he is overly strict and judgemental (Still not forgiving him for hating on Adolin for trying to express himself a bit more through style in ROW; let my boy dress up a bit if he wants), he struggles to accept other ways of doing things (we could look to Adolin again, being "too friendly" with those he commands and Dalinar going "noooo they might respect you less if they think you see them as an equal individual"), and while he talks about how he wants to change how everything works, if someone tries to defy convention in a way he doesn't approve of he shuts them down. (Kaladin pointing out very fair issues with how dark eyes are punished severely and light eyes get away with everything only to be talked down at until he shut up and fell in line, for example.) He wants change and has power to bring it about but won't do anything too radical for it, I guess, and that frustrates me. He tends to support systems as long as they work for his own goals, even if they're still exploitative and deeply unjust, while also complaining that everyone else is being exploitative and unjust. I dislike that he acts like he's doing Kaladin such a favor by treating him as almost an equal. "I'm sticking my neck out by treating you like a human, act civil and don't try to speak too loudly about the injustices yet, you might make the others uncomfortable." Dalinar isn't like other light eyes, he's so quirky and different and sometimes acts a bit less classist and racist!!! Aren't we lucky!! Idk maybe I'm stating my point a bit too strongly but damn. He's giving "yeah I'm a stubborn old man but really I'm quite progressive, I don't even go out of my way to hate crime people"

Words of Radiance, while I enjoy it, is rather difficult to get through because it's just so many main characters who I generally appreciate being awful to/supporting or ignoring awful behavior towards Kaladin and if he reacts they're like ":0000 how dare he attack first" (I appreciate Zahel chewing out Adolin for antagonizing and then fighting Kal in shardplate because goddamn Adolin I love you but that sucked.)

I'm finding Elhokar a lot more unlikeable on this reread as well. He's meant to be unlikeable of course, so good job on that, but Jesus he can be the worst. Honestly standing beside my past thoughts that what Moash did wrong was not in turning on the system that oppresses him and all the dark eyes, but just that he knowingly hurt Kaladin and other people who cared about him repeatedly and severely to do so.

I'm on board with killing horrible leaders (especially if it seems the only way to remove them and stop them from causing harm: people shouldn't have to suffer and die as part of a leader's learning curve and character growth, and going "they're working on it" when people are actively suffering is garbage. I'm still sad at Elhokar's death but I'm not sad that he's no longer king) but I draw the line at abusing and killing one's friends and I am just hoping he comes to terms with what he has done wrong and improves in book five.

Anyways that was long and scattered I'm sorry lmao you should have heard my rant to my poor cousin, I was rambling for like half an hour.

#words of radiance #stormlight archive #kaladin stormblessed #dalinar kholin #elhokar kholin #moash #rhythm of war #rhythm of war spoilers #words of radiance spoilers #adolin kholin #words or radiance reread

98 notes · View notes

notmorbid · 4 months ago

Text

the vanishers.

dialogue prompts from the vanishers by heidi julavitz.

what happened to me could never happen to you. tell yourself that.

they told me it was all in my head.

you were a mother to me when no one else wanted the job.

why be fair? nobody's been fair to me.

you are all subtlety and whispers.

we were all in some form of love with ____.

in other words, i made shit up.

you really do look kind of dead.

i heard you'd been sick for a long time.

there's nothing you could tell me about yourself that i don't already know.

i recognize you now.

it might be good for you. a disruption to the given system.

according to ___, i'm pathologically territorial.

anything can appear meaningful, at a backward glance.

we are not that sort of people.

most meaningful sentiments are cheapened by articulation.

how would i know, if you never told me?

i am, though. sorry.

i don't hide things from you on purpose.

i practice a no attachment policy. i am all business.

it's no big deal to be used by strangers. it's when you're used by people you know that life becomes unfathomable.

don't worry. your life is about to get better.

when you're ready to fight, give me a call.

what was your authorial intent?

i don't know if i'd call it a career. more of an inspired hobby.

we could be of mutual use to one another.

anything you divulge can be used against you.

i don't go where i'm not invited.

everyone has vulnerabilities. everyone has a weak spot.

when will you stare your sad life in the face?

revenge is not a compelling therapeutic goal.

hate is a form of emotional attachment.

maybe that's your problem. thinking it can be understood.

to forget is to respect the past.

you must have missed yourself.

your good intentions mean nothing.

the past is not past if it is always present.

memory is an act of murder.

i'm an expert at ruining people's lives. it's the one talent i possess.

you might learn things you wish you hadn't.

in some cases, a lie can be more valuable than the truth.

people can be remarkably thoughtless.

tell me why you don't love me.

you are such a parasite.

anything i have of my mother's, i've had to steal.

i know better than to ask anything of you.

what does someone have to do for you to classify them as a monster?

your emotions are like water. they pour onto the people around you.

i tried to say i was sorry.

you're doomed to fail because you're too scared to try.

disappearing isn't very hard when no one is looking for you.

there's no need to be sorry. that's why i don't tell people.

to think i've been afraid of this. to think i've been afraid of you.

come. i'm not going to hurt you.

do you believe i saw a ____?

you really do look like shit.

were you trying not to be found?

i should lie to you, but i don't know you well enough.

to heal is to entomb forever the sickness.

i'm going home, wherever that is.

what good has running away ever done?

there is no knowing the truth from ____.

some people have no taste.

you deserve to have every ounce of marrow sucked from your bones by a hummingbird.

i am not too scared to try.

i want, more than anything, not to be alone.

i'm glad you understand. maybe you can make me understand.

you think i need a massage therapist? what i need is a gun.

it's important to remember that those commit murder are not making smart choices.

i am my mother's daughter. you should be worried.

we don't want people to talk more than they're already going to.

winter in new england is always coming.

sometimes you can resolve the unresolvable by accepting it as unresolvable.

so you're not looking to get better?

reasons are for the survivors. they do the dead no good.

'good health' means being unaware of one's health.

i'm sorry. i can't ever seem to tell you what you want to hear.

don't worry about what i want to hear. tell me what you want me to know.

what you want a person to know is often the last thing you want a person to know.

there's so much i can't tell you. no matter how much i want to.

people overestimate the value of expression.

blame is the cord you can never sever.

#rp meme #rp memes #ask memes #inbox memes #sentence starters #rp prompts #ask meme #families #magical realism #fantasy meme

34 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 11 months ago

Note

I would never defend them - at least not the ones who actually harass people - but I do wonder if there's some antis out there who genuinely come from good intentions.

Super serious and genuinely shameful confession: I'm an ex-radfem. I went into those circles in the first place bc I liked some of Dworkin's works. And while I obviously do not recommend anyone ever get into radical feminism, I will say this: If haven’t been down that very specific rabbit hole of ideology yourself - especially in online settings - you cannot even begin to imagine how fucking INSANELY pervasive the ideas are. Even if you've been a victim of radfem hate, if you haven't been a radfem yourself, I'm truly inclined to think you have no idea what those spaces are actually like. Sorta like how if you've been a victim of fundie hate, that is awful and it fucking sucks, but if you haven't been raised fundie yourself, you really don't know what it's like to be IN those circles, just a VICTIM of those circles.

I hate to throw around words like “hivemind” or “groupthink” but it is that. I went into radfem spaces thinking that I was above believing certain things that they believed but I clearly wasnt, it is so fucking toxic and that’s why i’ll never believe that “TIRF” (trans inclusionary radfem - something I tried and failed to be) can be a real thing. And then these same people have the audacity to call trans rights a cult, but you know, it's whatever.

Obviously terfs are more serious in the "real world" than antis are, but there are some parallels in the way that both groups feel about kink/porn discourse. (No, I'm not saying that antis "believe TERF ideology" or anything, but I do think in the specific context of sex stuff, there ARE alot of parallels.)

I am not defending radfems either, but I will say that I got into it because I was genuinely worried about things such as: PH and how they just steal content from sex workers, the abuse going on in the sex work industry, the phenomenon of young girls who are waiting to turn 18 so they can start an OF account, romance novels that were not marketed as dark but should've been considering they straight up romanticized abuse and rape.

I really do think that most antis are of a similar mindset -- people, typically young traumatized people (not trying to pull the neurodivergent minor card, it's just that statistically speaking, that label CAN describe most antis) who are truly worried that, like, idk, some young girl is gonna watch Twilight or read Reylo fic and think that an overly possessive bf is #goals. Again, I'm NOT trying to defend this ideology or line of thinking at all, I'm just saying that i DO think most of them really don't realize the harm that they're doing, and actually think they're doing good.

I actually kinda feel bad for them, but like my earlier comparisons, I feel bad for them in the same way I feel bad for fundies or evangelicals. I feel bad that they hold such an awful ideology while thinking they're doing good things, but I stop feeling bad once they start ACTUALLY hurting people and I'll always feel worse for the people who they harass and harm.

And like I'd never want to be a radfem again and I hate that I was one once but, between myself and your ~10k (ballpark estimate lol) followers, I think that my time spend in that belief system gave me some really good insight to cult mindsets, which was something I didn't understand before or have much sympathy towards, and I've emerged with a lot of empathy for people who ARE stuck in bad ideologies. I could've been born into a hate group. I could've been preyed on by alt-right people and sucked in that way. Instead, it was reading radblr during quarantine that got me. Before I fell into it, I just mindlessly hated everyone in that group, and now I just feel sorry for them (still without justifying any of their actions).

It's honestly a really, really, complicated thing to try to grapple with. Anyone, yes including you reading this, can be brainwashed into hate. The second you think you're too good for that, you've lost.

This was more of a vent than a discourse ask. I guess my tl;dr is: I hate antis, terfs, fundamentalists, etc, as much as the next guy, but I also recognize that some of those people truly truly do think they're on the right side of history, and some of those people have been sucked into an ideology they never would've believed otherwise if not for xyz factors. While hate groups will never deserve pity, there are some vulnerable people in hate groups who for some reason believe they're doing good, and I wish I could help all of those people.

Yeah, I assume many antis are perfectly sincere in their desire to protect people. They're just wrong about what will work.

76 notes · View notes

woetoy · 5 months ago

Note

i think you need to understand the difference between hating men (people) and hating men (oppressive power system). i'm sorry they hurt your feelings but women are allowed to hate the oppressive system they have been under for centuries and you need to understand this...? would you get mad at black people for saying they hate white people around their white friends? please reconsider this line of thought, i really respect you as a person but this is teetering towards a misogyny hole that i see a lot of other trans dudes fall towards that needs to be recognized.

they were not talking about the oppressive systems of the patriarchy. if they were, i would agree. but a dude was a bit of a dick nearby and that sparked the "all men suck" bit. my god. are we even talking about the same thing anymore? who are you? who am i? where are we????

#woetxt

48 notes · View notes

chaifootsteps · 7 months ago

Note

I once had an argument or debate(?) with a friend or two on discord about the whole Stolitz issue because I mentioned I didn't finish Apology Tour because of how much I hated Stolas.

And, like, they were acting like Blitzø sucks in the relationship as much as Stolas? Which, yeah, Blitzø is the best person, but in the relationship, that's a whole other thing.

Like, the first person said "am I the only one to think Stolas is as bad as Blitz?"

So I said, "I think in the relationship context, Stolas is far worse than Blitzø, and Blitzø doesn't owe shit except *maybe* an apology for, like, trying to steal the book in the first place or whatever"

Then someone else came up and said, "blitzø was shitty to stolas, he kept ignoring and dismissing stolas' romantic advances in the worst way. stolas was shitty to blitzø, he DID act like he was above him."

While I'm glad they acknowledged the whole being above him thing, it frustrated me that they said Blitzø was shitty because... he dismissed Stolas's romantic advances in the worst way possible? How else do you expect someone to react when a person who coerced them in a sexual deal suddenly turns romantic? While still having the exploitive deal?

So I mentioned that, and they said, "no blitzø was right to refuse him. However, he HAS hurt stolas and a bunch of other ppl. stolas owes blitzø an apology as much as blitzø owes him one." Like??? Huh?

The first person came back up and essentially backed me up but said a couple of things I didn't quite agree with, and I soon said, "People forget a lot of this happened," and listed about only 5 things Stolas did that's horrible but isn't discussed or people usually explain away or ignore.

And no one said anything else after that lol. But it really pissed me off that Blitzø is expected to play nice to this shitty fucking manipulative bird bc "he made stolas sad :(". Like, yeah, Stolas has gone through shit, not denying that, but it gives him absolutely no right to exploit someone (especially someone already exploited by the class system that STOLAS BENEFITS FROM) just to act like it's all cute and romantic when it's clearly not.

Sorry for the long rant, I just get so frustrated when people frame Blitzø as being wrong for rejecting it bluntly (as someone who's gone through something similar but not to the same extent.)

Big fat yikes. If your defense of a ship is literally indistinguishable from something pulled from the gutters of an incel forum ("She denied his romantic advances in the worst way, she's as bad as he is and deserved what she got"), then you need to pause your entire life and take a good long look at yourself.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #stolitz critical #vivziepop fandom #actual blog post

33 notes · View notes

dearweirdme · 28 days ago

Note

I'm still honestly surprised Tae was "allowed" to be in AYS. I'm still so used to the separation of taekook over the years. The thing that always gets me is that jikook are paired together often and also given a show together. But I can never picture taekook having the same luxury. And that's still a big reason why I've never understood the jikook perspective (and am still a taekooker)

It's so interesting that jikookers and taekookers have such a different narrative. Jikookers seem to think the company is totally fine with their supposed romantic relationship and also is willing to put it into the light and have it be out in the open. Same goes for the whole military buddy system thing (that would be so risky if they were actually dating).

Whereas taekookers have the opposite belief (and in my obviously slightly biased opinion, the more realistic belief) of the fact that taekook aren't able to be out in the open. They've been hidden and separated. They can't be 100% authentic. They can hint every so often, but shine too much light on it? Then it becomes risky for all involved.

While South Korea is slowly becoming more accepting, it's still extremely risky to promote a pairing that is dating behind the scenes. We've seen how other gay celebrities get treated. Fan's would crap themselves over it and become feral and hateful. It just wouldn't work.

Hence the closeting. I can relate to it personally and it sucks. But hopefully it keeps taekook safe for the time being.

Hi anon!

Ah, Hybe wasn’t against making money out of something anon. Tae’s presence in AYS meant more episodes, more fans watching, and more fans buying the photobook. It’s all about money. And I think they’re less strict these days anyway.

I think at some point Bh/Hybe started to ease things up (I think the ITS talk was meant to level the field.. a new start for tkk kinda). Tae and Jk aren’t unpredictable teenagers anymore, and I think they themselves are probably on some level on board with keeping their relationship hidden (privacy issues). For BH, having to limit two of their members’s (two of the most popular ones) interactions also came with a toll. They weren’t able to profit off Tae and Jk’s ship the way they do of Jkk. Just imagine pairing Tae and Jk up the same way. I don’t even want that for them to be honest. I am absolutely sure Jkk as a ship wouldn’t have had a change to take root if they let Jk and Tae continue on the way they had.

Jkkrs are as big as they are because they literally get stuff fed to them and because they are in a competition with Tkkrs. The way they see Jk and Jm doesn’t make sense. Not when you also accept SK as homophobic, not when you also accept the music industry as homophobic, nit when you realize that idols aren’t even really allowed to date when they’re straight.

I am sorry you yourself can relate to closeting. I very much wish for a better world for you 💜.

#taekook #straws

15 notes · View notes

happy-beeeps · 2 months ago

Text

Grease Lightning

A @cloneficgiftexchange special for @bad-batch-pretty-boy !!!! SO sorry this is a day late I'm an idiot who had the 15th in my brain. I hope you love it!!! This was my first time writing a male reader, so I really hope I did it justice. Enjoy!

Pairing: m!reader x Fox

WC: 1.3k

Summary: As a speeder mechanic for the Senate staff, you've known Fox for a while. But when a difficult fix starts to put a strain on your holiday season, he comes in with the best gift of all.

CW: none :) slightly raunchy humor

Not to be cliche, but you’ve always hated the holidays.

It’s not for the same reasons as most others—you have fond memories of celebrating with loved ones, you’ve always enjoyed the spirit and the food. It’s simply the plain carelessness that comes in with the season.

Every year there’s a cluster of holidays—Life Day, Solstice, and a handful of others that blur together among the festive spirit. And every year, Coruscant drops the temperature for a few rotations, schedules snow, and people go crazy.

And when people go crazy, they wreck their speeders, Senate staff included.

Rushing through the shopping district trying to buy last minute gifts, cold batteries that cause speeders to freeze up in midair, even just gaper’s delay from all the ornamental light displays. Every Senator brings their families in from their home system if they haven’t returned, and nearly every Senator causes some kind of wreck. This of course means more work for you, chief mechanic of the Republic Senate.

You’ve always loved working with your hands, but never wanted the travel that a starship mechanic required. When a buddy from the academy mentioned the position, you jumped at the opportunity.

Of course, this means you’re now elbows deep in the shiny red speeder of a Senator from Pantora. Not to mention your other, much more pressing, project perched in the center of the garage.

As if on cue, Mas Amedda stalks in, hands clasped together. “How is the progress on Chancellor Palpatine’s senate pod?”

You sigh, rubbing your arm across your forehead. You’re certain there’s grease there now. “Same as yesterday Ambassador Amedda. The problem hasn’t been able to be resolved.”

“A shame,” he tuts, circling you slowly. You’ve always hated the feeling he gave you, like he was analyzing not just your work, but you. “We’d hate for his annual holiday speech to be delayed.”

“Yes, we would,” you grit out, “rest assured, I am working on it as best I can. Most of my staff went home for the holiday season, so I’m doing the best with what I can.”

“See to it that your best increases, you’ve been a great addition to the Senate team,” he smiles but it does not reach his eyes. “I’m sending an… ambassador of sorts to keep up to date on your progress. Consider him an extra set of hands.”

You hate the way your heart flutters when Fox strides in from the lift as Amedda leaves. You’ve met the man a handful of times, and you’re embarrassed to admit you like him. Sure, you like him, he’s easy to talk to and incredibly knowledgeable on all things Senatorial and Coruscanti. But no, you like him.

He’d taken his kriffing helmet off once, and the site of salt and peppered black hair and strong brown eyes had seared themselves in your brain forever. Not that you’d ever tell him this, of course.

“Hey…man.” You offer in way of a greeting. Why are you treating him like a buddy from the mech academy? This is unbearable.

“Hey yourself,” you can hear the ghost of a smile in his voice when he removes his helmet. “Sorry for,” he thumbs towards the direction of the elevator, “you know.”

You snort in response. “He’s a prick. I’m used to it.” You gesture to the Chancellor’s senate pod in front of you, “Here’s the cause of all my issues.”

He sucks in a sound through his teeth and bends down to take a look, “Would you believe me if I said I had no idea what was wrong with this? I don’t know shit about these things.”

“Aren’t you the commander of the Corries?”

“And?”

“Fair enough,” you unclip your light from your belt and point it into the inner workings of the machine, “Rotator busted. Can’t rotate, can’t generate enough power to hover smoothly. Needs a new belt which, of course, is out of stock for the Holidays.”

Fox laughs and kneels down beside you, “Kriff. Palpatine’ll chew my head off for this.”

“Your head?”

“Would you rather it be yours?”

You hold your hands up in a sign of surrender and Fox laughs, a hearty, warm sound that settles nicely between your ribs and rattles around in your chest. “Thanks for working on this any way. Nice to have a guy down here who knows what he’s doing.”

“I’m very capable,” you shrug, and only after the beat of silence do you catch the blush painted across Fox’s face. You cough after a moment too long, and Fox breaks the silence. “Well. Anything else I can do for you?”

You could grab my face, throw my against the side of this pod, and kiss me. “Nah, unless you happen to find a catalytic hover belt within the next day.”

“Then I leave it in your very capable hands.”

The next time you see Fox is two days later, and you don’t doubt that he’s been lying about Palpatine chewing his head off. You’ve gotten three reminders in two days that the Chancellor needs this pod to make his Life Day address. Jaya, the Twi’lek who works as your apprentice occasionally, had asked why he couldn’t use someone else's. Because he’s a prick didn’t feel like the right answer, so you had settled with a shrug.

It’s late when Fox arrives in the garage, holding a brown paper bag with the hallmark grease patterns of Dex’s on the front, and another box, wrapped in red and green.

“Is that a bantha burger?”

“Or what? I’m just happy to see you?”

You laugh, it’s the kind of joke your buddies would make, but because it’s Fox a flush streaks across your skin.

“Here,” he passes you the red box, “Happy Life Day. Sort of.”

“Fox, I can’t, what?”

“Don’t mention it.”

“But–”

“Just open the kriffing box.”

Inside, wrapped in some kind of news flimsi you’ve seen in the lower levels, is a nearly pristine catalytic hover belt. The oil markings and slightly worn belt show that it might have been used, but you’re willing to overlook that.

“How did you…”

He’s leaning against the side of a speeder, beaming. “One of my shinies knows a guy who hangs out at 79’s who knows a guy who owed him a favor who…finds things in speeders in the lower levels.

Stolen, figured. But it’ll play. “Fox, this shouldn’t be your responsibility. The Republic should be figuring this out.”

He shrugs, “Palpatine was getting irritated. I like having you around.”

“Still, the cost… at least let me pay you back, I’ll add it to my supplies bill.”

“Well,” he takes a step towards you, and you become suddenly aware of the fact that you probably smell like fuel, and that you haven’t shaved in a few days. “Kisses are great for appreciation.”

There’s a beat where you can see the genuine fear in his eyes, if he’s misread this whole situation, but no. You reach up and grab the plastoid around his chest and pull him towards you, capturing him in a kiss. He’s warm against your lips, and his breath tastes delightfully like burnt caf and fries, he’s snuck a few from the bag. He responds quickly, threading his fingers through your hair and pulling you close, and for a minute you kiss him like he’s the oxygen you breathe.

When you finally pull away you rest your foreheads against each other, eyes screwed shut, too scared to chase the moment away. “But seriously, I’ll invoice the Republic.”

“Oh, I expect it. And then you owe me dinner.”

You laugh against his lips, mutter the word deal, and his lips are on you again. The best Life Day gift you could’ve asked for.

#fox tcw #commander fox #commander fox x reader #tcw fic #tcw m!reader #lde24

17 notes · View notes

letsgetrowdy43 · 1 year ago

Note

maybe sunny doesnt tell adam that somebody kissed her? and luca is the one to let it slip. like it happens when adams not communicating with her so she doesnt immediately reach out

Au Masterlist!!

Omg yes!!

I haven't decided who the guy is because a lot of people want him to be a football player, but Ik nothing about their team so I'm researching (I only know of Jj McCarthy)

Anyways… she gets kissed, she immediately shuts it down and us like “???” “this is meant to be platonic,” “sorry that I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not over my ex, and I can't do this”.

So she takes a step away from that friendship, cause that is just not something she needs for herself (2024 is the year of self-realization!!)

But now the guilt is eating her alive, she can't tell Adam cause he won't talk to her, and she can’t tell her brother (Luke) cause she feels he'd get mad. So she tells Rut and his girlfriend, the two of them now being her closest friends, and Rut has a big mouth so he accidentally lets it slip to Luca!!

Luca thinks this whole break thing is bullshit, he thinks Sunny and Adam are meant to be together, and he hates to see the two of them hurting when in reality getting back together and forming a healthy support system would've been a better option.

So he tells his brother!!

Adam immediately sees red, he's confused and mad that she didn't reach out to tell him.

He calls her, and she know the second she hears his voice that he found out, so he starts going on a tangent, and immediately she's like “I will hang up if you don't lower your voice”

He's GAGGED.

“Let's start by communicating properly, you have not talked to me in nearly three months, so let's try this again.”

He's stunned.

And then they talk about it properly, she gets to explain her side of the story, and he perceives it really well and starts profusely apologizing for going at her like that.

He also is sitting in his room all cheesed and smiling at the fact that she basically confessed to him that she was never going to be over him.

He's still mad that said friend of his Kissed his Sunny.

And although the situation sucks and created some drama among the group, this whole moment opened the lines of communication between them and gets them talking again so ultimately they are really happy at the end of the day

#tinydancerau!!#adam fantilli blurb #adam fantilli imagine #adam fantilli

102 notes · View notes

ed-recovery-affirmations · 23 days ago

Note

I got posted to a subreddit dedicated to bullying overweight people. They're claiming that I'm faking being anorexic, that I'm glamourizing the disorder, and that I actually have BED. All because I said fat people can have anorexia

Now I just want to get worse. I read through half of the comments before I couldn't stomach anymore.

How can I want to recover when this is the reaction to the way I am now?

God, that sucks! I'm so so sorry anon. That's really painful.

Everything you said is true. I've absolutely known fat people who restricted heavily and remained fat, or who lost some weight but never reached a "straight size" no matter how much they starved. It's truly fucked up to see how differently a visibly thin person is treated when they restrict dangerously versus how fat people are treated when they do the very same thing. I'm sorry you've struggled this way unseen, I'm sorry it's so hard to get people to take it seriously, and I'm so so sorry that people suck so bad in the way they react to hearing things they don't like about your body type.

Honestly, some corners of the Internet - especially Reddit - are just toxic as hell. As an example, when I was first researching disability rights, I came across somebody who posted about their life with multiple medical conditions. In spite of this person being a genuine ray of light in the lives of those who knew them, they were posted to a subreddit called "IllnessFakers" where people post about others that they suspect have Munchausen Syndrome. This person was a frequent subject of discussion on this sub. Now, as it turns out, this person wasn't faking it - in fact, a few years back, they actually did succumb to health complications from these medical issues (complicated by heavy failings of the system) and do you think anyone on the subreddit apologized? Nope, someone posted jokingly that this person's tombstone should read "I told you I was sick!"

I realize that's a fucked up thing to share, but I hope it makes you feel better to know you're not alone. The world is a fucked up place sometimes. What I recommend you do now is to just block and avoid all internet spaces like that one. Seriously, you're not gonna stop these people from being shitheads and it sounds like you're not getting any benefit from hearing about what they're saying. I hope that one day you are able to find others in your close personal life who listen, hear you, and treat you as a person of worth. I hope you're able to find the peace and healing to think of yourself that way, too - to listen to your own opinion of yourself rather than the opinions of the multiple assholes with whom we must, for better or worse, share a planet. I'm sorry that so many people are going to give you the devastating experience of not believing you when you try to talk about the experience of being fat with a restrictive ED. I wish I could take that pain and frustration away. But for right now, all I can tell you is to avoid the worst of the Internet cesspools, seek those who want to hear you, and know that these kinds of people are not who you want to base your self-worth off of. If you hate yourself, they win. Don't let them win. Rebel with love for yourself.

#ed recovery #cyberbullying #reddit #internet bullying #fatphobia #long post

10 notes · View notes

my-castles-crumbling · 8 days ago

Text

Anon Advice Asks - January 29th

Kate Anon (new), best friend anon (new), torn anon (new), shy anon, ouroboros anon (new), thoughts anon, intrusive thoughts anon

______________________

Kate Anon

Hi Cas! Hope you're doing good!

Just here to rant!

Okay, so first some backstory. Last summer I went to a camping were you do all sorts of courses like dancing, art, theater, and more. There were not a lot of people my age, but I befriended this girl, lets call her Kate. Kate and I started hanging out, she was super nice and honestly very pretty. We talked a bit and found out we lived very close to each other, and she was moving even closer to my house after the summer. We even found out we knew the same people, and I did theater at the place she danced. So it were all crazy coincedences. We alse befriended some other cool people, but they were a bit crazy, and Kate turned out to be just like them. They would vape and smoke and drink late at night at a campfire. Kate offered me multiple times to sneak me out of my tent and to take me to the campfire. She was super nice about it, respecting that I didnt want to drink or smoke or anything like that. But we did become more distant because of that. At that camp I also met another girl, lets call her Anne. Anne is a year younger then me but super sweet. Anne also lived super close to me and lived in the street Kate was going to move to!

After the summer me and Anne stayed friends, while me and Kate just said hi when we saw each other, but thats it.

But today, like ten minutes ago Anne texted me asking if I had Kate's number. I said I didn't and asked why, turns out Kate's mother passed last week and was burried yesterday. I dont know how she passed but I think it must have been an accedent, bc shes divorced and she just moved. Even thought its not my place I am very worried about Kate, knowing her drinking habits. We havnt spoken since that week in the summer, so the worst I could do is start bothering her now when she only needs close friends. But I feel terrible for her because she did not deserve to lose her mom, no one does. She has just moved, with these plans of decorating her new room, she just started living in this new chapter, and now her moms dead. I can't do anything to help, because this really isnt my place. But I hate not knowing anything and worrying she's going to do something stupid and overdose on drugs or alcohol. It's weird, bc in one week we did a lot and shared a lot about our lives, and I really want to help, but I shouldnt and I feel so powerless, bc for some reason I keep on feeling that there must be something I could do for her, but I can't.

Sorry for the long rant, hope you have a nice day.

Hi <3

Ugh this is awful, I feel so bad for Kate. Honestly, if you have her number, I don't think there's anything wrong with texting her and saying you heard what happened and you're there if she ever needs to talk. Like...showing support isn't a bad think, I think?

But yeah it sucks when these things happen and there's not much you can do. I hope that she has a support system in place that can look out for her.

___________________________

Best Friend Anon

my best friend is dating a toxic person and i feel bad because they seem to really like eachother and i don't have the heart to confront my best friend about that girl behaviour because of how happy she makes her. I'm lost at this point.

Hi <3

So...as someone who has been the person dating the toxic person...I think it's so hard because like...you don't want to push your best friend away by being like "wow your partner is an asshole" but also you don't want to keep letting it go on.

Honestly I think the best thing to do is ask questions, and remind her that you're there for her. Ask questions like "Oh, is saw your gf did x. How did you feel about that?" Like...don't let it slide but don't be confrontational or judgy. And then when she says whatever she says, just remind her that you're there for her, no matter what. Heavy on the no matter what.

_____________________

Torn Anon

hey cas I’m scared of politics. and illiteracy. and history repeating itself. and propaganda. and I kind of just want to hole myself in and ignore all of it. what should I do? I’m just focusing on studying and doing better at school and talking to my friends but gods am I scared of what’s happening. (no need for an anon name! love your stuff<3) I’m happy personally. I’ve called the people I love recently. I’m trying out new things. I don’t know. I feel torn.

Sorry with this new system I had to give you a name!

I think you're right to be nervous, but it sounds like you're doing what you can- you're studying, you have a support system, you're staying educated. There has to be a balance between knowing what is happening, and putting yourself and your growth as a priority. It's okay to prioritize you, your mental health, your growth and education. Do what you can to stay in the know and use your voice, but also don't overwhelm yourself. I think that becomes a problem when you don't do what you NEED to do- like vote, if you are able. But there are going to be some times in your life when you just don't have the stamina to give all of your energy toward changing the world, and that's okay. YOU matter, too.

________________

Shy Anon

Hey cas!

These past few months have been hectic I'm ngl. My parents had a huge fight resulting in them almost getting divorced my sister's mental health has been declining and my other sister is diagnosed with a health condition and my finding out my brother has a speech impediment!

I just really wanted to vent to someone because I don't have a therapist because I'm underage and my parents don't believe in mental health kind of therapy and say I'm completely fine

But other than that life has been okay I guess

I'm just worried I might be coping in anyway that could affect me years later

Do you have any healthy coping techniques you wouldn't mind telling me?

All the Hugs And Kisses

XOXO

- Shy Anon

Holy shit, that is a LOT! Honestly, the way of coping that works best for me is creative expression- writing, singing, drawing, painting, etc. But I know some people do better with talking or getting exercise! I think the idea is to just get the emotions OUT in a way that doesn't harm you. If you haven't tried any of these, maybe try each one by one and see what feels right to you?

______________________

Ouroboros anon

Hi <3

I'm not gonna copy your ask here because if the topic but I think you'll know it's you. First, I'm so sorry this happened, and I hope you're still enjoying your vacation!

As far as tumblr, please keep blocking- both the tags and the people. Block AND report because that shit isn't okay.

As far as you, I know you already know this but I'm going to say it anyway. The things you are describing are a VERY slippery slope. Yes, you say you'll just do it for a little while, but you and I both know that the likelihood of 'a little while' turning into a deadly problem is VERY high.

Trust me, I absolutely know how hard it is. I've been struggling with my body image my entire life. But please please understand that the 'solution' you are describing is NOT a solution, because it doesn't fix the fact that YOU are hurting. And you do not deserve to treat yourself that way.

Please know I care about you, and I know you can make the right choices. I also think it might be a good idea to talk to a school guidance counselor or doctor about this- you deserve to feel happy with yourself.

Sending love <3

______________

Thoughts Anon

Thoughts anon here.

CAS MONA LISA IS A DUDE.

Did you know that? I did not know that (before today that is).

So we all know da Vinci right? He's our fave Italian artist he served cunt he made a painting of our beloved babygirl Mona Lisa...

But! Scientists analysed Mona Lisa's face and found that she bore STRIKING resemblance to one Gian Giacomo Caprotti da Oreno, better known as Salaì, our OTHER fave Italian artist who served cunt and was also da Vinci's favourite student.

He was also da Vinci's muse AND lover but no one can prove it and it's irrelevantttttttt...

Okay I lied it's very relevant.

So da Vinci drew a LOT of... Ah, EXPLICIT sketches of Salaì (18+ who?). I just think that this proves that Salaì was da Vinci's muse at the very least (if not a lover) but idk that might just be me...

And ALSO. 'Mona Lisa' is an anagram for 'MON SALAÌ' which literally translates to 'MY SALAÌ' if it wasn't obvious SO SEDATE ME CASSSSSS

Literally what the fuck this shit is true love if I've ever seen it even though nobody can prove it but who CARES we live in delulu land all the time da Vinci x Salaì is CANON and the art is PROOF because when you fall in love with an artist you can never truly die and UGH.

Anyway, all this to say...

Me 🤝 shipping dead gay wizards from the seventies 🤝 shipping dead gay Italian artists from the 15th and 16th centuries

(Also no trauma dumping whaaaaaaaattt?)

Idk I just missed you so I thought I'd bombard you with this piece of info you may or may not already know

Okay I had a lowkey obsession with DaVinci a while back and I thought they decided Mona Lisa was a self portrait? But honestly, this is a MUCH more fun explanation.

Canon ✅

__________________

Intrusive Thoughts Anon

hi, its intrusive thoughts anon

its funny how the way my gender gets the most affirmed by my friends just saying the weirdest things to me?

like ny friends and i were discussing man buns (i think ive told you this before) and my friends insisted they look terrible, but i said one could pull it off sometimes and one of them said yeah, you do.

like giggling squealing kicking my feat.

and then last week or so, ny friends were over and i was making cinnamon rolls (fucking hate that shit). when i had to roll out the dough, i rolled up the sleeves of sweater and then ny button down and my friend said you know you look like an actual fuck boy right now.

like, i would never play like that but🫣🫣🫣

also once my bsf and i were just talking and we'd just been talking about religion and stuff and she said, i know its wrong for ne to say so, because god created everyone perfect but sometimes i genuinely believe you were born the wrong gender.

like tehe.

i swear nothing gets me happy emoting like these little comments do. and i unfortunately very rarely happy emote.

ALSO mind you this is a cousin who is not very um... ally like. like shes not homophobic but also not. sometimes i think she's bi and shes trying to divert attention off that by saying homophobic stuff (ive caught her litr just drawing the bi flag ON MY LEG MIND YOU, and we also actively simp over women when we watch stuff together. but she has also been now, half way unrequited inlove with a guy for tue past year and he recently said her name during a game and she lowkey went "i didnt even know he knew my name😍😍" LIKE WOMAN GET UPPPPP but thats all besides the point)

so basically i was changing right (not fully just my outer layer) so at this moment, i was in sweats and a tank top and i was about to put a sweatshit on top to sleep. and she said you know you look like those masc lesbians on tiktok. at first i took the compliment but then at night i was like wait.... WHAT ARE MASC LESVIANS DOING ON HER FYP??? but yk what, she should do her and i hope she comes out to me cz i can come out to her cz im too scared to do it first.

but yeah, these little compliments give me sm gender euphoria.

also once a guest came over and i was sitting eating breakfast and watching ny phone, after i was done my grandmother called ne to greet th guest and she literally goes like oh this is [my birthname], i thought this was [my brothers name] LIKE LMFAO YOU THOUGHT MY 5'3" ASS WAS MY 6'2" BROTHER???? LMAO WOMAN L. M. A. O.

yeah its times like these that i feel like hmmm maybe im not as far into the closet as i think.

also when ny friends were over, my mothers friends (my TEACHERS) were also over and they were all so surprised that i have short hair. and that was the lingest my hair had been for like 2 years lol. and one of them said that she thought i had extremely long hair and ny History teacher just shook her head.

i feel like my history teacher sometimes sees me more than my other teachers cz once ny mother showed pictures of my photoshoot i did eith ny two plushies (iconic photoshoot if you ask me) and my physics teacher said that shed never have thought that i liked those things... or coukd smile that big and was that playful (it was a very unserious photoshoot) and my history teacher said that no, its pretty apparent because nobody else would lie doen on the floor just to cut some paper, and that i just have clear boundaries.

SPEAKING OF WHICH!!! one of the teachers at my school told my mother that sometimes when they try to joke with me they feel embarrassed because i just look at them confused like why sre you joking with me? we're not that frank?

and i was like its not even that, im genuinely just confused because i dont know what the appropriate way to respond is?? like if its an actual joke id laugh, but i cant with subtle shit??? its so hard to figure out what to do. kike pls dont talk to ne if you dont know me.

like this teacher (the one said that) once when i was filling my water bottle told me that she saw a girl on a scooter in the morning and thought that ut was me. she laughed a little and smiled and i just stared at her because i was genuinely having an internal meltdown about wtf to say.

when i came home, i told my parents and ny mother said that i couldve laughed a little or smiled, but ny dad said i was 100% right in ny reaction because genuinely how the fuck did she expect ne to react. like thank you for once dad.

also this one teacher told my mother that when she looks at me she thinks i was to kill her??? like no. shes actually one of the two teachers i actually like.

either these teachers are hella dramatic or i actually need to work on my resting face.

anyways this is so rambky, i dont even know where this started but i just wanted to rant to somebody and i dont have anyone physically or otherwise whod actually listen (like besides you) and i was going to start to become a mad man if i continued talking to myself.

good bye and tysm for reading all this. and do please lmk if youre team cinnamon or team i fucking hate cinnamon because in the latter which is a disappointment because everybody ik adores my cinnamon rolls (im virtually sending you some)

tysm!!

idk if i mentioned but its intrusive thoughts anon and its 11pm and i just had coffee which may explain why im rambling...

Hahahaha I feel like sometimes people can just tell without even knowing themselves, you know? And then other times, people can tell, but they either don't know if YOU've realized yet, or they're trying to be tactful.

But I am team cinnamon. I am so sorry, I am a slut for cinnamon buns and I am not ashamed.

#ask #asks #ask cas #kate anon #best friend anon #torn anon #shy anon #ouroboros anon #thoughts anon #intrusive thoughts anon

13 notes · View notes