#i'm so terrified of losing her
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since there's an impressionist royal portrait in the zeitgeist right now, do you wanna hear about one of my fav norwegian oil painters........ his name is håkon gullvåg and he's painted portraits of the norwegian king and queen and they look like this
which were pretty controversial at the time (the year 2000), but i was too baby to know anything about it!
(the headline says "UNDIGNIFIED!")
i first heard of him when he was on the news for a completely different controversy around the years 2008/2009 - his exhibition titled 'the holy land'/'terra sancta' which was a series of paintings he had painted in a wild unstoppable rage over the injustices he had seen palestinians suffer. at one of the exhibitions in syra, two of the paintings got removed by the french embassy, and i think never returned to him? i'm finding it surprisingly difficult to hunt down the story without knowing exactly what to look for, but i did dig up this article. i was still a young teen at the time so i didn't know much about the context, but in recent times i've been thinking about these paintings a lot. i'll add the Controversial Paintings under the cut:
#current events /#he's from my hometown and i went to see the terra sancta exhibition with my parents back then#and ever since he's been one of my favourite contemporary painters. his style is so raw#i also remember vividly a time in high school when i was crying under a desk because i was going to turn 18#and i was terrified of losing hold of my childlike wonder and creativity#and my drama teacher found me and said that her partner håkon gullvåg is much older than me and he has never felt so creatively charged#and i was like WELL IF MY FAVOURITE PAINTER FEELS THAT WAY I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE ALSO
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"We're old moms, we can't wait to stop breastfeeding so we can get [very excited, shrill even] botooooox!!!"
We are never making it out of the patriarchy.
#every time i open instagram i see videos promoting botox for the moment you turn 20 and face lifts and plastic surgery#and skincare regimens that are not care at all but just fifty products to torture your skin (and spend money!!)#the ties between the patriarchy and capitalism that support one another are terrifying.#but not even that . i feel like i'm going insane#how did we in this day and age normalise so much of this shit#what happened to feminism... why am i seeing a man who works as a plastic surgeon#talking about ''when a client walks in and i know EXACTLY what she needs to change so i am able to get her to#sign up for four more procedures asides from the one she came here for ^_^'' i'm going to kill you.#beat you with rocks. do you guys know botox is a bacteria? do you guys know about botulism?#you throw away a can of food because it's slightly dented so you don't die from botulism#but you inject it straight into your forehead because someone told you signs you#lived a long life full of expressing your emotions guilt-free was what made you ugly#the way i see influencers who will call themselves feminists talk about those wrinkle-free straws... don't sleep on your side#don't breathe wrong don't crease your eyebrows don't smile don't cry don't drink from straws#you're all fucking insane. and wrinkles are caused by your skin losing elasticity. you will STILL have wrinkles#if you live long enough that is (<- can you see why it's a blessing?)
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After very little research into the other writings of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane, my hypothesis about the Little House authorship question is that the writing is mostly Rose's, but the heart is Laura's.
In Laura's newspaper columns, the parts that sound most like Little House mostly come from the extracts she shares from Rose's letters (incidentally, it's kind of adorable how proud she is of Rose: "My daughter's in France!", "My daughter's in Albania!", etc.) The prose of Old Home Town, Rose's inspired-by-my-childhood-home novel, has some of the same concise descriptive prose that I've come to associate with the Little House style (I could hear passages in the voice of the Little House audiobook narrator).
Yet the Little House soul is all over Laura's columns. She's fascinated by the simple tasks of life, believes in home and family and hard work, believes in holding onto the goodness of childhood and looking forward with hope toward the future. There's an optimism, almost a romanticism, about life. The children's series that bears her name clearly comes from the same woman.
Rose, by contrast, is much more pessimistic. When writing about childhood, she's almost cynical about the life of a small town. She highlights the dark stories underlying the wholesome exterior, is extremely sensitive to the pitfalls of the social scene around her. Part of the difference is that Rose is writing for adults, but there does seem to be an essential difference in the personality behind the pen, despite the stylistic similarities to Little House.
(At the risk of pop psychoanalyzing people long dead, Rose seems much more neurotic and introverted and sensitive than her mother. In her writings and in the books about her childhood in Missouri, she comes across as child of a fairly comfortable modern life, with all the modern anxieties, in contrast to a woman who grew up starving on the prairie and knows that there are much worse things to endure than small-town gossip).
It's not much of a thesis, but I'm just fascinated by the fact that the Little House series can share so many stylistic similarities with Rose's writings, yet feel so much more like Laura.
#little house#laura ingalls wilder#rose wilder lane#i did not finish old home town because it came uncomfortably close to deal-breaking swearing and i don't feel like dealing with that#but the book was interesting in its way#rose clearly has an agenda about women's rights#but in focusing so heavily on social justice it loses a lot of heart#if the mother is supposed to be based in any way on laura she's a bit harsh as a mother#though more open-minded than her neighbors#(always standing up for the gossiped-about women)#rose's stand-in (i'm going to assume it's a stand-in because cranford has trained me to assume#(that any first-person narrator in a book based on the author's childhood hometown is a self-insert)#kind of disappears into the background#and it's very tempting to consider how the woman who made her living as a ghostwriter disappeared behind others' stories#(also this book unfortunately seems to confirm that almanzo was a mason)#(sorry mom)#(seeing the freemason symbol on pa's grave was my most terrifying moment as a catholic little house fan)#(i'm pretty sure my mom threw holy water on it)#(took me a few years to get over that)#(now i've just accepted that american history is full of freemasons)#(and as long as she's not spouting anti-catholic propaganda her books are fair game)
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i'm so fucking stressed out
#dude my dog had acl repair surgery in march#she's healed fine with that but developed stomach issues#so she's been back and forth to the vet with that#and now when i was at work she just randomly started walking weird as fuck. she kicks her leg that was operated on backwards as she walks#and sometimes looses balance in both legs#and then when i pick her up she acts like it hurts her spine or something#i'm gonna wake up in 4 hours to call the vet and see if they can see us today and pray that this isn't something that she'll need surgery#for again#i also am supposed to work tomorrow and then friday we have a rehearsal dinner and then saturday the wedding which is two hours away.#vets closed on sunday so if she can't get seen tomorrow it'll be a whole new fiasco trying to get her helped somewhere else#this dog is my lifeline like it#ruins me#seeing her like this#genuinely if i didn't have her i wouldnt be here#it's so hard to watch her not even be able to walk#but it's so fuckinf weird bc my mom said she was just laying in her bedroom and she came back out doing it? there's nothing she could've#gotten into it just makes no fuckinf sense#like it's possible either her kneecap or her acl implant thing popped out of place but#she stiffens her entire body when i pick her up#and she acts like she's losing balance#it's so fucking weird#i'm also terrified that i'm about to get told she has some kind of onset of neurological problems and she'll have to get put down#or something along those lines#it's just too much rn#pls keep my doggy in ur thoughts#we just spent 3k on her surgery in march if she has to get operated on again first of all the recovery process all over again sounds like#a nightmare#but just the cost alone#i'm gonna FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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Eddie dating Marisol and Buck dating Marisol's brother 👀
listen i live for the shenanigans and this idea came to me last night as a "fix-it" and I cannot begin to tell you how hilarious it is in my head, the amount of dumb-fuckery going on would be through the roof
#jealous pining buck sulking and going out with her brother to 'move on'#confused and jealous eddie feeling like he's been replaced in buck's life not realizing that 'place' is a romantic partners'#buck terrified of losing christopher too in the process and the family they've built??#marisol AND eddie both jealous because buck and the brother take over renovations at the brother's house#because marisol is too busy dating eddie to keep helping him with them and eddie feels so BETRAYED and doesn't know why#buddie#911 fox#i'm just getting ready to have fun with this when the finale disappoints me
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.... I just really want her to be real. I want it more today than I did yesterday, and I'll want it even more tomorrow. And I worry about it, but I also have such a strong gut feeling. I just, I really want her to be real.
#[ ooc. ] wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains…#[ /makes all of the dramatic hand gestures. ]#[ i've been going crazy and i'm losing my mind. i feel like monica geller walking into a messy house. ]#[ and the messy house is genshin's lore scattered all over the place. ]#[ it's terrifying to look at because it's so much and it's everywhere; but it's also so very riveting to unravel in every possible way. ]#[ and i'm losing my mind but i'm also having the best time and i just really adore her to the moon (haha) and back. ]#[ i'm also getting really tired of so much (all) of the fanart making her out to look so very young. stop it. look at her /here/. ]#[ does she look /young/? ]#[ ok but back to me losing my mind: /LOSING/ my mind. help me. i need to just-- dive into a hole where i write her. ]#[ instead of diving into the mariana trench of endless lore pits that has sea creatures in it that we've never seen before. ]#[ but also guys. GUYS. ALCHEMY!!! /ALCHEMY/ FINALLY. ]#[ and natlan is coming. and the resurrection arc/plot. and and and and. /shakes the air around her manically. ]
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Help... sols making me cry again...
#me when i'm#Shes just the world's most maladaptive thinker.... She is convinced that any affection towards her will be revoked immediately if#She fucks up and that everyone she's terrified of losing will leave her.#So she lives constantly on edge and that caution gets worse whenever things start going wrong.
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Not to indulge the BG3 " brain rot " but.... can we see what your tav looks like? Maybe hear a little bit about them? Sorry I'm just also on a BG3 kick right now
sure! don't apologize for that <3
this is my first tav, for my only currently completed playthrough. named her seraphina, she was a wild magic sorcerer elf and she romanced astarion, and she was 100% a goody two shoes. not to flex or anything. always gonna hold a special place in my heart. kinda sad i don't have more screenshots of her. also, i went through this playthrough without any mods!
and then my current playthrough is actually my first durge! i've made a couple so far (my bad), but this is going to be a redeemed/resisting the urges playthrough. her name is aruna, and she's also romancing astarion (what a shocker). she's a storm sorcerer elf you can tell i have a preferred class and race huh. i also caught the wonderful lil sideye exchanged during the gur encounter between her and astarion which i laughed at for a good five minutes. so far, this playthrough has been 100x more chaotic, and is definitely giving her and astarion sharing a brain cell (the blood of lathander quest is still a sensitive topic for our dear pale elf womp womp). she's simply bhaal's god's favorite princess with her crew of scary dog privilege while she fights the voices. (and yes, this playthrough i am using mods. sue me.)
i also have two bard durge playthroughs (one as a tiefling, one as a half-elf), and one of them in a multiplayer campaign with my friend in which uh.... we're gonna do full on evil ! wish me luck !
#terrified of the full on evil playthrough and losing karlach and wyll#gonna have to fight for my life to keep gale as he's been assigned as my stray cat in our playthrough#also at this point just assume all my tavs romance astarion lmao#i keep saying i'll romance gale or shadowheart and then DON'T#he just gives me those puppy dog eyes and i'm back in the house ya know#my first playthrough had a lil chaos but nothing compared to the durge one so far dear lord lmao#i did end my first one with telling gale to just fuck off and ascend to godhood if he really wanted to because i was so tired of him asking#like bro you're not my problem anymore stop#I ALSO KILLED SHADOWHEART ON MY FIRST ONE I'M TRAUMATIZED#HOW DO I SAVE HER??? HELP????#also i didn't get to keep halsin in my first playthrough because i didn't notice the quest for him#AND I LOST THE LAST LIGHT INN SO NO JAHEIRA BC SHE DIED IN BATTLE#I WENT FUCKING THROUGH IT Y'ALL#thank u ily#ghost plays bg3#<- that'll be my tag for bg3 stuff#also yes seraphina is the one who fucked the mindflayer my bad my bad
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Pesselle is this close to chaining him to the cot so he can't get himself into stupidly dangerous situations.
Transcription of the text:
First part:
text, pointing to his right arm: (broken arm)
"It is fine"
"It is not as bad as it looks"
"Really"
"I am fine"
Second part:
text, pointing to Pesselle: (will be a cold day in Hell before she ever believes him)
#subway boss emmet#pesselle#pokemon#submas#wtst#cw blood#cw injury#cw broken bones#eggin creatin'#I have a huge amount of respect for nurses really#I'm just very amused at the idea of Pesselle being absolutely terrifying sometimes#Emmet is waiting for her to tie him to a bed and make him take two months off from surveying#everyone else is waiting for that too honestly#and Pesselle is. very worried. and she will wrap him head to toe in bandages#this man attracts injuries and danger like a freaking balloon attracting dust#she's waiting for him to lose a limb or something#and then she'll feel horrible for him#so yeh she's worried#and fusses over him a lot#the fact that he can't go a month without ending up in her clinic isn't helping at all
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Crazy to me that people think Barry is a show about a hit-man trying to become an actor, but unable to stop killing, when really, it's a beautiful gay star-crossed romance between a Chechen mob boss and a Bolivian mob boss, prioritizing their passionate love over their torn allegiances, withstanding the bleakest of odds, to show that true love really does conquer all.
Like seriously, I think everybody's watching a different show than me, lol.
#i just binges Barry a couple of days ago#honestly i feel like they could've ended with the 3rd season.#not that i don't like the show. I'm just terrified of losing No-Ho Hank. he sincerely means the world to me.#i love him so much. and his romance with Cristobal is so sweet and really moving. that whole scene with elena in the finale wrecked me.#i was screaming at the bitch. i w as so happy to see hank shoot her. poor cristobal.#I'm not normal about them. I need them to stay happy.#am I wrong? they have so many truly tender moments. hank saved his life. cristobal refused to kill him to save himself.#now who here is going to tell me that isn’t true fucking love?! i won't hear it!!!#Barry#noho hank#cristobal sifuentes
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I do think it could be potentially telling in more than one way that Holly, who is consistently shown to be the calmest, most centered of the team, is described as frantic when Kipps is stabbed.
#she doesn't want to lose anyone else....#deeply emotional to think that I'm closer in age to the older two than to the main kiddos#like... on some level I do relate a lot to Lucy. but also thinking about kipps and holly as characters from the perspective#of someone who's in that slightly older age group?? it makes me Feel Things ok#like. sweet calm organized Holly being TERRIFIED to lose people again because she's been a sole survivor as well#but she carries that so differently from Lucy. for Lucy that's what drives her to continue#at least at first. for Holly it's at least part of what Makes her so chill and organized. bc that's how she coped#in the aftermath. Lucy coped with the trauma by continuing to fight and holly did it by dropping out of the fight#and finding a different way to help people.#and then we have quill kipps king of the quarter life crisis feeling like his#entire purpose is over and having to relearn how to look at the world.#yeah. I'm emotional.#lol this started as ''I'm gonna look for any tiny scraps in order to ship kipps and holly'' and ended up as character analysis#I feel like that says something about me tbh#Lu rambles#L&c
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By the way I haven't seen the final episode but I watched episodes 1-4 of young royals and lost my mind and then today I watched episode 5 and I am unwell thank you
#I can't#I can't with them#honestly though the closest I've been to crying was when sara came home after her driving test#not okay over that in the slightest#but I'm also not remotely okay over literally anything in this season or the entirety of this ever so ┐( ∵ )┌#also as soon as I started to hear the lyrics in episode five I was like (after I was freaking out enough that I thought it was another love#at first) 'they are not playing losing game right now. THEY ARE NOT PLAYING LOSING GAME RIGHT NOW HOHHH MY GOSH DON'T YOU#DARE'#I could not remember the actual title but I was pretty sure it had another one and as I was typing that I remembered it is arcade lol#anyway xD#yeah so that's how that's going lol#how I'm feeling and all that xD#help lol#young royals#yr#oasis's young royals chatter#oasis's yr chatter#I don't talk about them/it often because I'm not really in any circles for it fandom wise lol but also because I don't think I could#take it lol xd#like thinking about it right now I'm like 'I think it's because I have never been okay over them once ever'#so anyway there's that lol#xD have a nice night y'all lol#even though I know you must not be after watching episode 6 xd#excited and terrified to watch it some time soon lol#gosh I need the abbott I'm gonna try and catch up on tonight lol#bye y'all <333 I have tissues if you need them xdd 🧻❤️#best of luck lol#love you
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for creative writing class we had to draft a text whilst on a tram to be inspired and my friend and i Both Independently took that opportunity to write a homoerotic piece, great
#bonus: our lecturer is a lesbian as well so she WILL pick up the sapphic subtext i'm sure#comparing our pieces and going like....#great. we are both very gay#hers is like. the sweet innocent moment of touching knees with the girl next to you on the tram <3#mine is an imaginary moment where the queen of our country who died ninety years ago takes me by the hand to guide me#as i am terrified of the crowded metro where i lose myself#fruit imagery etc etc#how does one get that from a tram ride#be gay
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i killed my fucking dog, van. my wife is in the hospital. i'm losing my fucking mind and i'm terrified! like all the way. like i haven't been since . . . i can't ask you for your help, 'cause i don't want to hurt any more of the people i love!
#lines spinning in my head constantly for the last few days#her delivery in all of this was just WHEWW#i'm losing my fucking mind and i'm terrified like all the way!#the 'like i havent been since....' the way she KEEPS bringing this up but NEVER FINISHING... she did something So Bad.#anyway if you sent me a v/an meme weeks ago im about to be annoying probably <3#dog death /
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If people don't get themselves together, it's gonna force me to become a Makima stan, and trust me, that is not a world anyone wants to live in.
#if she loses. to HIM. of all fucking people. I will never know peace. and neither will anyone else probably. because I'm never gonna shut up#about it#listen. when a female character is so terrifying that even /I/ can't find it in my heart to make jokes about women's wrongs...you know#how effective of an Antagonist™ she must be#if we can get her to defeat. that guy. who I hate more than any character ever probably. I will never...okay I'm not going to say 'I'll#never ask you all for anything ever again' because I am absolutely going to keep being like this but. I'll do. something. idk. think of#celebratory ideas/activities. we can do it I believe in us.#In the Vents#'it's not that deep mel' I mean yeah probably not but have you considered that. I am tired.#above all else and in every possible way I am so so tired
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I’m gonna kill someone!! I really fuckin am at this rate!!
#oh my god. can she just treat me with respect. like I'm a fucking person.#if that plant dies because she put those hose fittings there and let mould grow when I was too busy to check it... I will probably do#something very drastic#these plants have actually fucking been helpful in keeping me sane#she actually wants me to get into gardening mostly so she can use me to upkeep her garden#which is. mostly stuff I'm allergic to or at this point weeds because she expects us to do it and won't hire a gardener#we can't do it! we don't have TIME to do it! and she can't do it anymore so she either has to get a gardener or get rid of it#but oh no as soon as I want to start growing plants they're attacked by her#she's beginning to threaten to pull them out now. because it's 'too cold'. I can actually either move them inside or cover them#so they don't die over winter but NO she's gardened for longer even though she's never grown chillis and doesn't even know when plants#are alive (binned my kale because the leaves were dying but the roots were fine and that's what matters)#I'm at the end of my rope man. I'm so reliant on random things to keep me alive and I'm terrified I'm gonna lose one#I keep nearly crying whenever I smell coffee too.#the dog's behaviour is triggering me and so's the stuff my body's doing#oh and don't forget uni! that's hell! I can't even check my emails!
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