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wishluc · 2 years ago

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What do you think about multiple yanderes (like, an entire casts worth) after the same person? Word vomit ahead. Written with TWST and Obey Me in mind.

As chaotic as the idea seems, eventually they'd learn to work together towards this common goal of theirs. The beginning is sure to be the worst, but also the most crucial. If you play your cards right, perhaps you can walk away the victor?

Imagine: the strong, the powerful, the influential, all wrapped around your finger, all sitting by your feet. With that kind of power backing you, there's no telling what you could be capable of. There would be nothing you couldn't do. Nowhere you cannot go.

This power, however, is an unstable one, it is a fight against the tide, where one wrong move could have you swallowing seawater. Your suitors are as insatiable as they are numerous, and jealousy is an inevitably. If a fight were to break out, you'd plummet to the very bottom of the food chain. No longer the crown, you would instead be nothing but a spoil of war.

Not that harmony is any less dangerous, mind you. Borrowed strength can become shackles in the blink of an eye. With no power of your own, using others is all you can do to survive. You can only hope, then, that your only salvation will not become your downfall.

This balancing act, this tightrope on which you walk is so very lonely. But, with enough perseverance, perhaps you can carve out a place for yourself.

It is unfortunate, then, that any place from which you carve, will never be anything but a hollow hideaway.

Anon, you have a very lovely way of weaving words together. This was a joy to read (and to think about)! I'm sorry I couldn't reply immediately :( I've discussed a OM! brothers sharing a darling (w/ mention of the others) here, but if you want a TWST version let me know!

You'd think, with the avatars being brothers, that they could work together if the situation called for it.

It only takes about a week of trying to get used to your new arrangement for you to realize just how wrong you were. Even among themselves, you realize, the brothers have their own alliances of sorts. While it's understandable that the twins want to spend time with you and each other, you're still caught off guard by some of the others. It's easy enough to figure out some of their dynamics; Satan and Belphie squeeze closer to you when Lucifer tries to approach, Levi and Mammon, despite their constant arguments, whisk you away from the others to play video games, Asmo is constantly by your side when Lucifer is, clearly fascinated by something you're not aware of.

They don't show the same cooperation when they're all together, and it takes a toll on you. it gets exhausting to be the constant center, to know that everything you did could be taken in different ways. Asmo scowls when you reassure Mammon that he'll always be first in your heart, Lucifer's silent rage rolls off him in waves when you laugh at Satan's plan, Levi refuses to hear out your reasons when you're a few minutes late after being held back by another demon—it feels like you have to constantly think about the possible repercussions of every small action, or suffer the punishment.

At first thought, involving the others, like Solomon or Lord Diavolo, doesn't feel like a good idea. More suitors means more internal competition and more complications for you. But ultimately, it helps out your predicament. There's no denying that all of them are selfish, even Simeon, but they're more level-headed than the brothers at least, and can recognize that this shared arrangement is their best attempt at having you. And nobody would dare refute Barbatos whenever he declares that you've been summoned to spend the weekend at the castle instead; Lord Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon and SImeon make for far better company than the brothers together.

Trying to manipulate anyone, whether it be to take some semblance of control back or find a way to get out of a situation you don't like, will likely be fruitless. In fact, it comes across as so pathetic and desperate that your lovers will be amused—a far better reaction than the anger that will boil over should they ever feel insulted that you thought you could control them—at the thought of a regular human trying to exploit them, and maybe even play along. Lord Diavolo, in particular, always receives your pitiful attempts with a laugh—though he does remind you that he much prefers if you say what you want from him outright. Mammon and Levi are easier to take advantage of as long as you say the right words in the right way, but if any of the demons are in a bad mood, your efforts will be received with thinly veiled rage and sharp words.

It might occur to you that coaxing just one person to your side, to suffer at the side of one, would be a much better fate than your current one; Solomon, Simeon, or Lord Diavolo being your most likely targets. Even if the brothers wanted to defy them, it would be complicated when considering their powers and status. You can try, acting coy and sweet with Solomon, who finds your coquettish smiles and teasing remarks endearing, and confiding in him your fears about the brothers and their tempers, or you could play into Lord Diavolo's fondness for you, with lingering gazes and disheartened expressions when he had to leave, turning him away with a dejected glance and words about how the brothers wanted you to spend the night at HoL instead, knowing how little opportunities he had to be with you. Simeon, too, was weak to your fond treatment, indulging in the warm smiles and heartfelt conversations you offer and your honeyed voice when you call out his name, consoling you after you get caught up in yet another argument between the brothers. Despite all your efforts, the result is unfavorable. You still have to cozy up to the dangerous figures keeping you here, still have to hide your plot from the brothers, which is hard when Lucifer always seems to know just where you were all day.

Any solace you find in the quiet moments—in Belphie's arms during a nap, in Satan's lap as he reads, lying against Levi and watching the brightly colored screen, resting your head on Lucifer's shoulder, letting Asmo paint your nails, sitting on the cold kitchen floor while Beel rummages through for a late night snack, and holding Mammon close to you, missing the days when it was only you and him together—is fleeting and harder to come by now that they've decided they all want a piece of you.

all works © wishluc. do not copy, steal or repost my works on other platforms. (including translations)

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panelshowsource · 5 months ago

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now that s17 is over, how did you like it? it feels like most people either thought it was mild or weak, which makes me sad, so i stopped going to the discussion threads about it :""( i also don't see much anticipation for s18...

aww anon well, first, if you had a good time then that's what matters! so i hope series 17 brought you a little joy each week, that's what panel shows are for in my humble opinion 😚

because i know i'm about to word vomit some word salad, i'll throw out some s17 reactions + s18 thoughts below the cut! that way anyone who is sick of my nonsense doesn't have to scroll past it lmaooo

series 17 was a decent one! i don't think it's in the hall of fame, but it's definitely nowhere near the couple of "unwatchables" as they're (pretty unfairly) called. i've talked before about one of the downfalls of a season is when a group doesn't harness their dynamic and take control of the show — when they're in the studio and just sit quietly, waiting for greg to give them permission to speak, things flow well for the editors but the experience lacks. this is why s1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, even 12 are so silly and chaotic: the contestants were constantly fighting, interrupting or pausing judging, trying to convince or gaslight or challenge greg, just...speaking! talking! interacting! if that doesn't happen, taskmaster can just feel like show and tell, which is not when it's at its best

ultimately, this is why too many polite and well-behaved people in a single series is a pleasant watch but doesn't hit very hard. this series was exceptionally nice, we have to admit. joanne followed by steve may have been the "hang on a second ☝️" contestants of the series, but not by a lot, meanwhile nick and sophie were the loveliest, pretty quiet people and john was dead silent most of the time. actually, that was something that ended up surprising me — john was so focused on the tasks, so focused on winning, most of the time he didn't pause to give significant, funny commentary while filming, didn't give us *nearly* the banter with alex i anticipated, and was particularly quiet in the studio. i knew he'd be in it to win it, don't get me wrong, but he approached taskmaster more as a richard herring than an ed gamble, if you know what i mean. it was very funny to me when he was on the tm podcast and was more or less like "i know i didn't prioritise being entertaining" lmao that earnestness can be sweet, because i do like to watch the show imagining how i would do each task, but his ~no nonsense~ approach was turned up to 11 for a lot more of the series than i anticipated. i almost wish john had leaned a little more into his self-aware neuroticism and competitiveness just because that's generally a good character on taskmaster — and this series was definitely missing that

(you know, talking about this really reinforces my belief that kerry godliman is perhaps the most perfect taskmaster contestant...ever. competitive, no nonsense and full of nonsense, top bantz, stands up for herself and tears down others but fights without being genuinely angry or butthurt, doesn't know enough to try and figure out a workaround for every single task, loves and bullies alex in equal measure... just love the woman. love her. fuck it, same for jess knappett. i miss my girls😭 this is ALSO why i think rosie is a great fit for tm)

anywayz i haven't read mucho mucho discourse about series 17, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's the vague "criticism" people: just more lowkey vibes than other series. but some people prefer that, so..!!!

i think, too, too many people look back at series 1–...7? at least and want to see the same greg–alex dynamic, approach to the prize tasks, approach to scoring, lil tricks, what have you — and that is not gonna happen again. ever. for example, greg and alex have talked too many times about how hard they try to score things "fairly" because that's become such a big point of conversation for the viewers at home and, atp, even the contestants. personally, i don't prefer that. fuck fair! this is not a real competition it's an entertainment show!! when greg was throwing out points willy nilly, bonus points for eating hair, giving 5 points to a prize just bc it's his personal sense of humour and ranking another contestant's prize low every week just bc that's a funny recurring joke/dynamic, whatever. i do not care. give phil wang 1 point every time. points schmoints. but that cannot happen anymore because the viewers starting taking the points so darn seriously. (not to mention the opportunity to do coc is now pretty coveted for its $$$ and exposure, too, i'd imagine.) the same goes for greg leaning into his dictator role, the master/slave relationship between him and alex, alex being super stoic and quiet — not only does tm think those characters and dynamics are played out, but in some ways the audience has evolved beyond all that

my point is that people get caught up in the Old Gen Taskmaster that hooked them and can't accept the ways in which the show has evolved — even if it's in their opinion for worse. do i think it would kill taskmaster to go back to slightly less convoluted tasks and commit to the 1–5 point system instead of constant ties (or "this was a 3-point effort")? no. i would like to see that lmao but i don't view the series through the lens of a series 1 fan anymore, either. a reality check would help a lot of complainers

i did read one thing i thought was interesting — that with the huge number of series we're at with tm uk, and now the accessibility of other countries' spin-offs, there is a bigger and bigger pool of God Tier Taskmaster to compare each new series to. it used to be "hmm does this new series stack up against series 4, one of the all-time greats?" but now we're stacking new series up against the top ~6 of tm uk, tm nz s2, a couple of the tm belgiums, tm aus s1, and so on. competition is stiff!! not many series can be The Very Best Of All Time, so with each new tm uk that isn't, people start to feel like the show has gone downhill when it probably is stagnant at worst. does that make sense?

i don't wanna sound like every criticism of tm can be explained away or comes from a bad place. as i've mentioned above, i have my qualms. this series, one of my major qualms and seriously unpopular opinions was that i didn't like that steve wasn't actually bringing in prizes half the time. like, he was doing bits and they were funny bits, but greg was scoring him mad high for the effort he put into his bits instead of the actual prizes he brought in for entry. i stand by that opinion, but the thing is i didn't let that ruin my experience of the show. but, maybe, it just comes down to the fact i want to like it...so i do ^^

maybe i talked way too much about criticism and negativity hahah some things i really enjoyed from this series:

nick is probably the second person following john kearns who i actively disliked before taskmaster specifically because i had only ever seen their comedy characters doing dictionary corner or a bit of standup — and i really didn't like them. (still never seen ted lasso!) lo and behold, they go on taskmaster and are S Tier Sweethearts and i see them both in totally new lights! in fact john's last standup show is being released shortly and i cannot wait to watch it — which me of the past would never believe i'm saying lmao so i'm so grateful the show opened my eyes to what a funny, sweet person nick is!! and may i say his and john's styles in the studio are massively underrated. they are both incredibly snazzy dressers!

steve and nick were a sweet little team weren't they! i think it would have been funnier to have john x sophie (the best and the worst, in their own ways) vs. the more harmonious steve x nick x sophie, but regardless it was very cute stuff

the location was great! i fucking love a big open field, i fucking love a river

greg has had some really strong intro "speeches" the last few series and i loved his this time around. they're just equal parts stupid and weird + his authoritative, classic greg delivery always makes me laugh heh

some of the strongest live tasks in a while!! catching the little monsters, passing the loo through the tube, bouncing the ball on the bar — all felt like quintessential uncomplicated classic taskmaster parlour games and they were good fun

TONS out outtakes content!

and gosh it's wonderful to have a new little hour of pleasantness to have each week :)

regarding s18... it's an interesting lineup! in a good way!! i think rosie's character is more or less a perfect fit for the taskmaster format. obviously she is one of the biggest female comedians in the uk right now, but i didn't bet on her doing tm because i didn't think the show could commit to accommodating her disability for 10 episodes. and, frankly, they may not — and i guarantee she is completely okay with that. she was born from the rhod gilbert school of showing up to fuck around, and i sleep soundly knowing she will do just that. i really like jack dee and i'm happy for alex to have made it work with him. it typically wouldn't be my choice to have two senior comedian white men on one series, and (unpopularly?) i'm not really a zaltzman person, but i have no doubt he'll be quite charming. emma sidi is part of the alex horne bubble of friends i have mentioned a few times before, but i actually don't know much about her. babatunde feels like a sensible fresh pick since he's been doing more variety/panel shows; i don't watch him on googlebox (which i love) because i don't like mo gilligan (very unsorry about this opinion heh), but what i've seen of him i've enjoyed! i don't think the group's dynamic is obvious just from their list of names, but the fact they're all comedians is VERY promising and makes me supersupersuper happy — all comedian lineups are historically the strongest. so yay!! but can you imagine who will be on a team?? god imagine a jack x rosie team lmfaoooooooooooo i live for the thought

hope that made sense and if it didn't whoops! don't mind me heheh

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luverofralts · 20 days ago

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Arkhelios Adventures

"All in a day's work. The living realm is always so responsive to its ruler."

Lukas grinned, looking back at their husband. They hadn't needed to stop by and watch their plan unfold, but sometimes it was rewarding to see it all come together. Izanami had needed to take a walk anyway to settle his stomach. Even when he abstained from eating mortal food, Izanami still suffered fits of vomiting up unmentionable items, though it was starting to slow down. Yesterday, there hadn't even been one incident and the twins had forced him to eat an omelet they had made. Lukas saw this as progress. Maybe whatever was happening was beginning to go away like a bad flu.

"The mortals never do stand a chance against you," Izanami sighed. The skin of his physical incarnation was beginning to feel cold despite the summer sun. He had agreed to a quick walk, not a stake out to ensure that the mortals complied with Lukas' every whim. "Now that you and Destiny have your ball back, can we return home? It's unpleasant to linger here."

"Yeah, of course. Thanks for being a good sport. Your daughter and her friends are going to love you for this. I'm going to love you for this. Those suits I ordered are going to blow the competition away. The ghost investigation will be good too, especially if the mortals do all the work for me. I'm going to have to pay that Strangetown demigod a visit if the Strangetown king really means to investigate. Jasone, was it? She was always nice to me. It's been forever since I've spoken to a demigod."

"Probably for the best, I think," Izanami muttered. "The last thing we need is for you to end up in the same room as Hailee. The afterlife burned the last time you spoke."

Lukas frowned, not enjoying where this conversation was leading. The less they thought about their ex-mistress, the happier they were.

"I'll have you know that she hasn't...."

Lukas trailed off, suddenly feeling slightly nauseous themselves. Something wasn't right. Something was very much not right.

White mist escaped from their mouth, just as it did with Izanami. Their stomach was churning into knots and a darkness gripped the deity, crushing their chest until they couldn't draw breath.

"Lukas?"

A familiar feeling washed over Lukas, one so powerful that even they could not stand against it. Their legs buckled. White hot pain seared itself into their mind. A voice as dark and cold as the sea murmured something they couldn't make out. Fear and pain and memory flowed from the deity so quickly Lukas was forced to wonder if they truly could die and this was finally their end.

They wrapped their arms tightly around their chest and took a shallow breath. They had done this before twice now. Lukas was reincarnating.

"Izanami, help! I'm reincarnating again! I can't! I'll miss the children growing up! I can't go through regaining my memories again, of remembering you again! I can't-"

The feeling faded as quickly as it had come on, but Lukas didn't dare release their arms. They stood frozen, arms wrapped tightly against their chest. At some point, they had started hyperventilating and now that they had noticed, it seemed impossible to stop.

"Lukas!"

Izanami was at his spouse's side in an instant, covering them with his own corporal form to protect them. Lukas' previous reincarnations had been triggered by fatal injuries or dark magic, but Izanami saw nothing like that. There were no injuries, no blood, just....

Izanami stared curiously at their frightened spouse. They didn't look like they were dying. They looked like they always did, but with brown hair. There hadn't been a reincarnation at all, not that Izanami could see. All the commotion had been for a simple change in his spouse's hair colour, not a violent end. Izanami was grateful beyond words to have his Lukas still with him, but was still baffled. What the hell was going on?

"Vrai, you worthless mortal, call my son! He'll answer if you're calling during work hours and he needs to be here to help his mother!"

Vrai snapped out of his daydreaming at the sound of Death’s voice. He didn't work for Death, but he was sleeping with Death’s son, which motivated him to stay on Death’s good side.

Vrai began to dial, but Lukas held up a shaky hand to stop him.

"Wait, let me try this first. I think I can...."

Lukas erupted into a brilliant beam of light, far too bright to stare at for very long. From what Vrai could make out with his hand still shielding his eyes, Lukas was shifting. Parts of them were rearranging, swirling around the light and then snapping into place.

"How's this?"

The light died down, revealing Lukas exactly as they had been two minutes ago.

"Your hair's different, but everything else looks normal," Vrai replied. "You really went through all of that just to dye your hair brown?"

Despite already being the palest person Vrai had ever seen, Lukas seemed to pale three more shades at these words.

"Still the brown hair?" they whispered in horror. "No. No. I'll try this."

The brilliant light shielded Lukas from sight once more. When it receded, Lukas was in their usual female form, except their hair remained brown instead of its usual black.

"Dammit! God dammit!" the deity swore when they looked at their long locks of brown hair. "This isn't happening! Izanami, tell me how to change this!"

If Vrai didn't know any better, he could almost swear that there was legitimate fear in Lukas' eyes. Their breaths were quick and shallow and they stated at their husband in a look Vrai could only describe as panicked.

"It's just a hair colour," Vrai offered kindly. "It looks good on you. You can always dye it back to black if you hate it that much."

Lukas ignored their employee's kind gesture, worriedly searching their mind for a solution to whatever was happening to them.

"Izanami, you know what this means, right?"

Izanami nodded, looking equally as lost.

"You haven't reincarnated," he said quietly. "You have access to your second and third reincarnations, but not your first. This is troubling."

"Troubling isn't the right word," Lukas insisted. "Horrifying is much closer. Catastrophic even."

"Forget calling Gee, I'll go drag him here myself," Izanami declared. "And the angels too. Someone has to know what's going on here. How hard can they be to find?"

"Considering Lukas almost burned them to ash along with the rest of us, I'd imagine the angels won't be helping any time soon," Vrai remarked, still unsure if this was an elaborate prank the deities were pulling on him. "And Gee knows nothing about Lukas or how they function. Apparently the training he's relieved from his predecessor was rather...incomplete. I doubt he'd be able to help here."

Izanami broke his concentration on his spouse to give Vrai a withering look that spoke volumes about how little he cared to train his son to replace him.

"A good reaper finds his feet on his own. Instinct takes over when you give yourself to the power. Others have done it quicker than he has, with more success. His ignorance is no excuse. He is my son."

"And this is why you never get invited to family dinner," Vrai chided. Gee would never ask him to defend him to his father, but Vrai felt like he had to.

His words only made Izanami's glower darker and more threatening.

"I get invited to family dinner all the time," he assured his irritating son in law. "It is a kindness that I show you to decline the invitation. Pray I never accept it. You would not like what happens."

Vrai tried not to gulp in fear. It was one thing to see the Grim Reaper without his cloak, it was something else completely to see the dark side of Death.

"Go find the angels," Lukas interrupted, giving Vrai the chance to escape from his conversation. "Vrai's right. Gee doesn't know anything; we need someone who does. What about Evalla? As much as I like to ignore her existence, she has channeled my powers before. Maybe she can feel what's changed now. She's the only one who has touched my power and remained alive. All the rest are gone."

Izanami nodded quickly. The idea made sense, and a single sim in the afterlife was far easier to find than four easily pissed off angels.

"I'll be back shortly, Dearest," he vowed, kissing his spouse's head before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

As soon as Izanami was out of sight, Lukas collapsed to the ground, barely holding back tears.

"I guess I'm supposed to babysit you or something?" Vrai sighed, staring at the deity currently on the ground, making pitiful sobbing noises. Vrai had honestly never seen Lukas like this over the several decades they had known them. Usually, the deity was the one pulling the strings on every occasion in the living world, indifferent to the feelings of others.

Whatever was happening, Lukas really did seem to be terrified. They and Vrai had had a complicated relationship over the years, but they could sort of count as friends if Vrai was being charitable. Dating their stepson and technically existing to serve Life counted as a friendship, right? He wasn’t getting rid of the deity any time soon either way.

"Your grand scheme about the ball is completing itself over there," Vrai pointed out, hoping to appeal to the more confident, mildly narcissistic side of the deity. Flattery might go a long way. "It looks like the Harvest Moon Ball is saved, all because of you. My brother even supports your scheme and you know how pissed off he gets when you steal our mother's tiara."

Lukas sighed, trying to compose themselves but failing. It wouldn't make sense to Vrai why they were so upset. No mortal could understand. Their hair colour had changed, and to them, what was so frightening about that?

"Vrai...You don't understand. Sit down. You'll draw less attention."

Vrai couldn't ignore a request that strange. If he didn't know better, he might have thought that the deity was actually opening up to him.

"Somethings wrong with Izanami," Lukas admitted, their voice barely above a whisper. "He's sick somehow, vomiting up things you'd see in your nightmares. And now this, whatever this is. There's got to be something bad happening here if we're both experiencing...changes. I don't know what this means for the universe; I really don't. It can't be good though."

Vrai frowned. He wasn't accustomed to Lukas doing anything but harping on him to obey their every whim. It was an unsettling change.

"You look fine enough though," he replied, hoping it was the right thing to say. "Your hair is just different. Compared to vomiting up nightmares, that sounds pretty okay."

Lukas signed heavily, wiping their eyes with their sleeves and hoping that Vrai didn't notice.

"I had a son once."

Lukas paused long enough for Vrai to question whether they were waiting for him to respond.

"Okay. You had a son," he coaxed. "You have a few sons from the family tree Gee drew up for me. I mean, there's Davis, obviously. I think Greg was mentioned once, unless I'm misremembering. There were a few more, right? And you have daughters too. There's one with dark hair and purple eyes that hangs around the afterlife offices I think."

Lukas shrugged.

"I guess. I don't really think about them much," they admitted. "I only married their mother to get back at Izanami. She was one of his reapers, and he broke up with me when I...no, it doesn't matter. I'm not talking about those children. I'm talking about him."

Vrai froze, unable to believe this conversation was happening. Every employee of the supernatural realm knew about him. Luke Jr, the one who stole Lukas' abilities and kept his father comatose for centuries. The damage he had caused both the living and the dead realms was incalculable. It was worse in Strangetown, where he grew up and began learning his father's powers. Vrai was the direct descendant of that suffering; there was no way he couldn't have known all about Lukas' infamous son.

Apparently, he had paused for too long. Lukas was already speaking, seemingly uninterested in hearing Vrai's reply.

"Has Gee ever told you about the world he grew up in?"

"Huh? No, not really. He said it wasn't as nice as things were now, but he loved growing up in Strangetown."

What the hell does that have to do with your son?

"That figures," Lukas sighed. "He's far too sentimental to be honest about the past. Things were different then. So different, you couldn't even comprehend it. My parents were born into a war that consumed their entire lives. It was endless, spanning across decades. I arrived in the world just after Strangetown fell to ruin, and then war became all I knew as well. We only created the teams of reapers because Izanami couldn't keep up with the number of souls about to die. Entire countries fell overnight, only to build a new foundation that also crumbled soon after. People were different back then. I was different back then. I didn't know half of what I know now about myself and what I can do. The Ocean has always been cryptic, and Izanami can't understand my domain. I've had to learn so much by myself over the years and when I first lost my corporal form and reincarnated, I thought my existence was over."

"That does sound frightening," Vrai said softly. "But you survived. You got a new incarnation. Things worked out in the end."

Lukas stared at the ground, trying to regain their composure, but the tears kept rolling down their cheek anyway.

"I normally wouldn't tell anyone this, but if I am reincarnating again and Izanami is falling apart, you may have to tell my new reincarnation this one day until I can remember it for myself. Last time, it took years to remember who I was. I can't go through that again. Not when my children need me to be there for them."

"Tell me what?"

Lukas sighed heavily, taking a long pause before continuing.

"When my sister died, our family died with her. Metaphorically speaking, I suppose, though it feels literal. I was cheating on the wife I married to make Izanami jealous with a demigod, also to show Izanami how over him I was. I was so cocky back then. We knew there had been attacks on reapers, but that wasn't my department. There were reports of demon activity that I ignored. All I could think about was myself and being as petty as I could. I didn't love my mistress, but she made me feel good about myself. And then it all fell apart."

Vrai nodded. History remembered some of what he believed Lukas was describing, and Gee had filled in some of the missing details over the years. Even he knew that tragedy and the birth of Luke Jr had devastated Lukas and the demigod Hailee Evans, and now the two loathed each other with every fiber of their being. Even while trying to be truthful, Lukas still refused to refer to her by name. None of this related to Lukas' reaction to their hair change, though Vrai was genuinely curious about where this conversation was going. The deity seemed to be babbling instead of coherently telling Vrai information they needed him to know.

"Demons killed your predecessors while I was with her. My champions, who I had protected and relied on for centuries were gone. It was my job to keep them alive until they had a child to replace their function in the universe. The last one died as a teenager with no heir. They were just suddenly gone and it was my fault. She lost her mother in the same attack that took my sister. Maybe it killed her family the same way it killed mine; I don't care enough to ask."

"What about this am I supposed to help you remember if you reincarnate?" Vrai interrupted. "That you don't get along well with your exes? That you need to stop being petty? I already could have told you that."

The tears stopped just long enough to glare at Vrai.

"No. I need to remember that this is a message. A threat."

Vrai shook his head.

"I don't follow. How is hair a threat?"

"My fathers were soldiers. It was all they knew and the wars are still deeply ingrained in them. You can see the deep scars they carry within them to this day written all over their souls. They're violent and broken and thrive in conflict. Linus is a self righteous asshole who clings to his principles, even when they hurt people. My father...well, Luke was raised in the darkness, groomed to be a weapon against everything good. When my sister died, they both blamed me for not protecting her. Even my little brother agreed with them that I was guilty of abandoning her. Then, I disappeared too, as my powers were stripped away by unworthy demons who couldn't handle them. My parents lost it when I vanished. Linus became unhinged in his search for his children, while my father...he reverted to his old ways in his desperation. The demons manipulated him, and he used his power to escape the afterlife to hunt the demons who had taken me. He killed a lot of people. A lot. If Izanami hadn't retired decades before this, he would have been livid over having to do paperwork on a dead soul killing the living."

Even while consumed by terror, Lukas had to smile at the idea. "I first began my reign with black hair like Linus. I'm pale like my father, and they both have blue eyes, so having Linus' dark hair made me feel like I belonged to both of them. It's stupid, but it always made me feel better somehow. Like I belonged just like any other child. When I reincarnated for the first time, I drew from my parents' power and created a new corporal form for myself. Everything was the same as my last form, except that my hair had changed. It made me look just like my father. That was the first thing absolutely everyone noticed. I couldn't look in a mirror without seeing the spitting image of my father staring back at me. My father had done unspeakable things to try to get his children back, and that was all I could see when I looked into a mirror. Failure. Darkness. The guilt I felt for returning without Riley. Every time I looked at myself, all of these feelings would overwhelm me to the point that I just dyed my hair black to block out the memories. And now, I conveniently get stuck in my second incarnation, with brown hair even in my female form? This is a message. I never thought I could reincarnate before I did. I lost my body for the first time because my guard was down and I was weak. I regained a body afterward that only reminded me of the darkness and pain surrounding my family. I get the message loud and clear."

"And that message is?" Vrai sounded doubtful that any of this made sense, but didn't want to spook the deity when they were already upset.

"That I may be forced to reincarnate again if I'm not careful, and maybe that I'm not worthy of it with the darkness within me," Lukas insisted. "Maybe one day I will go join Riley wherever she is as punishment for losing her. I'm capable of the same darkness as my father and my son, and maybe the universe is just sick of dealing with me."

"Uh...huh. Well, that is one interpretation," Vrai said carefully. It would take time to process this confession and Gee would be thrilled if Vrai shared this insight about his stepmother with him. This seemed private, though. Gee didn't really need to know this, Lukas was opening up solely out of fear. "Are you sure that it's not just a reversion genetically? One form degrading until it snaps out of place? It could be something as simple as that. You do shift a lot, maybe something's just stuck?"

Lukas shook their head vehemently.

"With Izanami being sick, this is too coincidental to happen by accident. It's a warning. 'I know what you're capable of and where you come from. Watch out or you're gone again, though maybe this time, I'll take your husband too."

"Who could possibly be warning you? You're a god. You're the embodiment of life contained in an irritating package. Who are you afraid of?"

Lukas looked baffled at the question.

"The Ocean, of course! Don't you listen to anything I say to you? Doesn't Gee ever tell you what happened to the last two demonic sovereigns? They're gone! They sank into his depths and are gone. Forever."

"And that's not a metaphor?" Vrai replied skeptically. "The ocean, the thing I have a yacht docked in, is threatening you?"

Lukas' demeanor changed in an instant.

"What? How can your son understand this completely while you act like this is the first time you've heard of it? Yes, that ocean. Of course, that ocean. It connects to every part of our world, right down to the core. It built this world, it's reflected in every drop of water in our bodies. We belong to it, and it's not always merciful. He has a physical form now, powerful enough to contain his essence and conduct his business in person. If you think that I'm powerful, then you can't even imagine what he can do. We serve him and try to stay out of his way. You'd better do the same if he ever takes an interest in you."

"So if Leo is right about his religion, does that mean my brother is wrong about his? Should I tell him? The Old Ways seem to comfort him, but if it's wrong-"

"Demigods are real, I have a child with one. You already knew that. Yes, they have their own powers and limitations and listen to their faithful. I had brunch with Jasone a decade or so back, and she seems to really like your brother. So, no, don't brush off your family's religions because you're narrow-minded. Demigods have nothing close to my power, but they're strong enough."

Vrai's mind raced with questions. Lukas was being vulnerable by some miracle while also confirming that Vrai needed to maybe listen more when Charley rambled on about demigods. Between this and the political drama happening in the royal garden behind him, it had been a wild day so far.

"Lukas! Evalla says that she can sense the currents of your power and that it's stable. There's nothing like what she experienced when you last reincarnated, so we're probably okay. I don't know what this all means, but you're not about to leave us and that's all that matters."

Izanami appeared out of nowhere, running to his spouse's side in an instant and dragging them off the ground into his arms.

"Did you find the angels?" Lukas asked breathlessly. "Evalla's just one person, and she could be completely wrong. Plus, everything that's been happening to you...this feels like a message. You know as well as I do who's behind this. What does he want with us?"

"Hold out your hand," Izanami said quietly, extending his own hand to cup his spouse's.

"Why? Will it help? Can it change me back? I can't see this form every time i look in a mirror. Not again."

"Remember the first piece of magic I taught you the day we first met? The declaration of identity? Try that now. If you can cast it, then you're probably fine. If you can't, well, that's something we'll think about if it happens. Go on, I'm right here with you. I'll do it too."

Lukas closed their eyes and concentrated on their outstretched hand. It was an easy enough use of their abilities. Demonic children and young witches could all cast it without a struggle. The magic gathered in the palm of a caster's hand, emitting energy that revealed information about the caster. It was the magical equivalent to wearing a name tag, hence why it was so popular with students. Children could use the magic to introduce themselves in class or when greeting new people. It could be used to identify lost children who hadn't memorized their full name and home address. The very first day of Lukas' existence, an extremely confused Izanami had taught them this, hoping that it would reveal the identity of the handsome stranger with powers he hadn't seen in anyone in decades. If they weren't currently so unsettled, Lukas would have had to stifle a laugh at the memory of Izanami's baffled face when the only thing the magic had revealed that day was "To Izanami, His name is Lukas."

With their eyes squeezed shut, Lukas could feel the magic within them begin to gather in their hand. They didn't dare look until the process was finished. It would be one thing to fail this simple test and fall apart worrying about what that meant, and something even worse to have to watch it happen.

A warm feeling rushed through their hand, and Lukas opened one eye to see if the magic was working. There, in their palm, was a familiar green glow. Green that represented plants and energy and vast jungles filled with vibrant creatures. All of nature sang in harmony within the magic in their hand. There could be no denying that the person generating such a sight was life incarnate.

There was a second energy brushing against the edges of Lukas' magic, equal in strength, but opposite in nature. A sickly yellow red glow had pooled in Izanami's hand, evoking thoughts of fire and sickness and decay. A force that ended whatever Life began. Lukas had known that energy for millenia and cherished it as intensely as their own. That was unmistakably Death.

They released the breath that they hadn't realized they'd been holding. Everything was okay. Their energy was stable, and Izanami's was as strong as it had ever been. They weren't reincarnating, and whatever had come over them earlier had to be just a fluke. Everything was fine. Opening up to Vrai had turned out to be unnecessary, but the experience seemed to have changed some of his opinions, so it hadn't been a complete waste. They were just thinking about how to force Vrai to never speak of what they'd discussed when Izanami cleared his throat.

"Dearest, something's wrong. Your...your declaration is wrong."

Lukas snapped to attention, their previous worries now banished from their mind. Since learning how to control their abilities in their first incarnation, the declaration magic should announce them as "Lukas Lane, god of life." Whatever it said now, they hadn't changed it.

"What does it say? I haven't changed it in millenia."

Izanami frowned, studying the magic before him like it was some kind of threat.

"It says, 'To Lukas Lane, enjoy this stroll down memory lane while it lasts."

Lukas froze in place, unable to process a single thought. Their suspicions were right, as they always were. This sudden transformation had been a warning, though for what, they couldn't currently understand. With dread, Lukas turned to read the energy in Izanami's palm, knowing that it was likely just as cryptically altered as their own.

"To Izanami, she's coming. She's coming soon."

Lukas met Izanami's frightened state with one of their own.

"What the hell does that mean?" they demanded. "Who's coming? When?"

Izanami nudged his spouse's hand with his own.

"Look," he insisted, still holding their hands together. "Watch where the declarations overlap. When they're touching, you can see something else. It looks like-"

"Don't mourn for Riley. She'll have plenty of company soon, unless you can stop them," Lukas read, their voice shaking audibly now.

"What does that mean?" Vrai asked, choosing to remind the two deities that he was still awkwardly standing beside them rather than escaping to the safety of the conversation of the monarchs behind him. "You said that your sister is dead and lost to us, isn't she? Is she coming back somehow?"

Lukas shook their head solemnly. Riley was never coming home. Of that, they were certain.

"It means that very shortly, unless we can stop it, more reapers are going to die."

#sims 2 #arkhelios adventures #lukas lane #izanami lane #vrai toyonaga

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imzsuzsis-blog · 6 months ago

Text

"Dude, how much do you eat a day?"

A couple of them smiled at me when I got out of the car with Loki, this time I didn't come by plane but by car, it may have been a long journey, but with my mobile phone switched off, I never talked so much and so much about everything with anyone in my life, it's true that I had to turn it on a couple of times to pay because my card is on it, but whatever there was no shortage of the usual iPhone ringtone to keep ringing and calling me for all kinds of shit.

"I don't eat as much with it as I used to."

"Nana Lando."

"Hey, Loki, at least not now, please."

"Puppy eyes are still effective."

"Loki, stop, I really should have gone to DR Yin today, but I couldn't."

"Your little baby is so cute, my heart is good for you, your pregnancy is happier."

"Who is pregnant?"

"My cousin."

"Yes, I understand, but did I see that you were with a guy? This will be the bombshell news, Lando Norris is secretly dating a guy."

"Shut up Zak, your love life is also crap, you f2 fool."

"Blah, it's still bad, you f1 bastard, if it comes out and who gets it, because this is Italy and it's the hotbed of gossip magazines, so you'll be on the front pages everywhere, not just here, Marca and all over England."

,,Go to hell!!!!!!!"

Crying, I got back into the car, closed the door on myself and started shaking while lying on my side.

"Come out, he's gone."

"He's not a dick!"

"Come on, it's okay, it's really not here."

"Even then, I'm not afraid of gossip and the fact that half the field will gossip about me, that is, about us."

"It's stupid, Lando they don't do it, they're not like that."

I caressed him face, he still trembles, no matter how quickly I looked for a bag and her breakfast came out immediately, I kissed him, the doctor worriedly told me to keep an eye on him, he doesn't have any sudden vomiting again.

"I can't stand it if a scumbag kid from nowhere tells me when I'm coming out, let them all die!!!!"

Screaming and sobbing, sitting on the seat, he buried his face in his hands, I knelt down in front of him and caressed his back and I could still vomit, he had quite a panic attack, it happened a few days ago at the competition, I could hardly stand him, finally his brother was there and he called the mother, who is him neurologist, and within a few hours we knew what the situation was and what needed to be done. They said to somehow avoid the unwanted elements, take them to a quiet place and then secretly take them home and lay them down to sleep.

"Calm down, calm down, you're just having a panic attack." Air in and out great.”

I've seen worse from him, but again I grabbed the back of his neck from behind, we pressed our foreheads together, his eyes were wide and he was still shaking, he clenched his hands together with his lower arms in front of him into fists, I knew he was afraid at this time, he just needed to calm down.

"The monster boy is already gone, look."

,,No!!!! The monster boy is still here!!! I am afraid of him!!!!"

"Kids, Lando is gone, haven't you seen him?"

,,No!"

"Paul, that wasn't funny."

"It's good in the parking lot, you fight with Zak, but Zak didn't know the truth, he said that the newspaper would be full of rumors about Lando, but that's not the case."

"How can someone be such a big dick."

"I don't know, Zak isn't like that, especially if they talk back to him saying that his love life is crap, which isn't true, his partner just won't bring him out here."

"Thanks for telling me, I'll go out to the parking lot and look for him and Loki."

I cut off my bag in front of the headquarters and ran out to where Lando was burping, shaking on Loki's shoulder, maybe he should have used harsher words, Zak terrorized him and is going to pack up because of a guy he saw next to him, Loki is no more than Martin and we know that, and Lando is very it's better with Martin, all the little secrets are told to him by his good friends.

"Loki, this was mental terror that the guy did, he wants and will spit for good money, but then they forget."

"To hell with them all."

"Lando, Lando, look at me, the bastard is terrorizing you, don't leave yourself anywhere you can, talk back to him in the press."

"No, it won't work, I'm sorry, in the latter years, many people will tell me because my belly is growing, but not kindly, but rudely,"

Kika began. I collapsed between the two of them, trembling, and we started walking.

,,She continued after I told her that I was gay, she laughed at me even more and said that a Formula 1 driver only likes girls and my boyfriend shows it, well here I saw that he and Pierre were on the verge of breaking up, I called Pierre over and I told him everything and I can only hope that he will tolerate this homo and transphobic girl."

"Just one sentence, you don't smell like cigarettes."

"DR Yin spoke to me."

,,Jesus! Lando!”

No matter how many boyfriends I had, I rushed over to help and took over from Loki.

"Leave it to me."

"Mental terror is the work of a dick."

"There you go? Oscar, I can't believe this, he's a Formula 3 guy who wants to be a star."

"He's in Formula 2 and he just wanted to start with a big one."

"But he's a bastard."

,,Puppy!!!"'

,,Lando don't..."

,,Our name is Leo."

Charles smiled at us and let him pet him. Lando also seemed to be a little happier.

"Lando, call Charles Pope Charles and Pope Leo."

,,Pope."

We held our foreheads with our palms, Lando was so hot now, instead of coming into his box with us, he wanted a dog.

"He was a dog, but he was still a dog."

He moaned and meowed along beside us, he had to see Leo's dog.

"When... Let's go... One of the pilots wants a dog."

"Lando, stop it, you'll have a dog or some other kind of pet or animal that your child wants."

"Stop, stop child? who is pregnant?”

I froze in a minute, I was hoping that it was just a permanent reception, Lando boy.

"Me, what's wrong?"

"But you're a boy, aren't you?"

He shook his head and licked his mouth.

"Technically, I'm a girl and I have a boy, I have a uterus and a vagina, but I was born a girl..."

"Please don't continue, I've solved it, you're intersex and a transsexual man."

He was still licking the corner of his mouth.

,,I am gay."

"How the hell is that... Do you have a boyfriend, I mean, someone you go out with"

"Did Loki?"

"Nothing, nothing but have you told your bosses yet?"

He looked down then slowly looked up and shook his head.

"Not yet, but you should."

"Lando, can we talk?"

,,Yes?"

I turned around and realized I was in a pickle. I didn't say anything about being pregnant or gay, but I completely left out the fact that I'm an intersex and transgender man.

"What is this belly?"

I knew I had to tell the truth that I don't go to restaurants as much as the photos attest that I eat properly.

"The point is that you can't hide or pretend any longer, I'm pregnant, a formula 2 boy slipped in, that's it."

I sat down and sipped my decaffeinated latte and started crying again.

"No, that's not what it's about if you're here with a guy, if you're not always seen with Magui. Now what, are you bisexual?”

I even froze the whipped cream and spat it at Stella in shock.

"It's not bullshit, I don't date her and I heard her name from another boy for the first time in my life, I'm gay, the one you see is my boyfriend, we've been dating at the same time and we've even moved in together."

"Isn't it too early to do this with your WAG?"

I thought about it, shook myself, and realized that because of the little guy, he doesn't care, his father can't interfere, and I won't get into another fucking adoption fight, he's mine, whether it's a girl or a boy.

"My answer about adaptation is no."

"You can skip races."

"And the little one is more important than racing, I'm sorry, but that's my fucking opinion."

I stood up angrily and grabbed him.

"Everyone shut up!!!"

I ran everywhere until Logan slapped me.

"Stop!" hysterics!!!!”

"Not a stupid American!!!"

"Did he call you stupid?"

"Take Daniel with you and make a date."

"Yes, during the period when everyone wanted sex, he should be glad that he didn't get pregnant then."

I went over and kicked Danny so hard what he was saying was not true.

"Kill me, but yes, I just miscarried, not because of the team, but because our daughter died of her own accord!!!!"

I got down on my knees, pushed him apart, started hitting the ground with my fists and looked up at the sky with tears in my eyes.

"Greta, I wish you were alive!!!!"

"Who is Greta?"

"Supposedly miscarried."

"Who made him pregnant?"

"Daniel, George."

"Well, this is the most unexpected prediction of all."

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screwdriver-and-souffle · 11 months ago

Note

I don't think Vale hates having the end of his career defined by MM. Like after all those years when asked about 2015,he still answers so full of emotions and details. Vale is very smart, he knows all eyes are on him, he knows how to perform for the gaze that always follows him. There is no reason to highlight 2015, he can say so many things about his career about Max, Sete, even Stoner.

He doesn't have to forgive Marc, he just has to pretend to ignore him for the media. And he has the academy boys to vomit all his hate. I think he chooses to not letting go of that attachment

I do agree Vale is choosing to not let go of that attachment but i think he does resent him being defined in part by Marc (hate is such a strong word i hope they are both past hate at this point) exactly because Vale is still full of emotions and he doesn't ignore Marc where he has the power to veto questions that's not really him usually (for example, i'm thinking about Biaggi and Vale where they are the literally meme Biaggi: i think you're a terrible little man Vale: i don't think about you at all, it's hilarious i love Vale terrorizing the paddock)

So i do think for Vale it goes deeper that just the lost of his ten title even if it's a huge part and part of it and i think for someone as indipendent as vale it smarts that he can't escape Marc (also, he liked Mark before that, he said himself Marc was the younger, newer model and that's no fun for a competitive athlete who is getting older)

I also disagree with the vr46 boys hating Marc, minus Bez the others are pretty chill with him, pecco and Morbidelli disagreements with him as far as i remember were strictly about what happened between them during their racing, Marc said him and Luca have a good rship, the only one is really Bez. (interesting how Bez who doesn't really know Marc before the disaster is the one with the most fraught rship with him)

#ask #motogp

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pencil-urchin · 1 year ago

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Doodle of my Mirialan OC, Iria. She's a scholar--Peofessor of Cultural Anthropology/Archaeology, with a minor in Art History: all centered on what she calls "The Culture of Warfare" and how it defines and shapes those cultures which engage in war.

She also put herself through school as an exotic dancer in a not-very-nice place, like you do.

(Hold on because I'm about to word vomit)

***

She has a list of other skills and knowledges, but I don't want anyone crying "Mary Sue!" so a quick note:

All but a handful of her knowledge and abilities are skills I currently have or had at one point, and I promise I am not anyone's idea of a "Mary Sue."

These skills and achievements include:

-Multiple Advanced Degrees (I have an Associate's, a Bachelor's, and 3 Master's degrees)

-Art (I am a professional artist, and although I have a long way to go and a lot of room to improve, I have worked hard to get where I am, and obtained both an MA in Visual Development and an MFA in Concept Art in the process)

-Martial Arts (I stopped one test shy of a black belt when I was 17 because I started college)

-Fencing (I started fencing when I was 21, which is how I met my husband; we were both competitive until and somewhat during grad school, but now we mostly just coach)

-Music (clarinet and vocal primarily, then violin and piano for a short time)

-Writing (creative and academic, my second degree was in Literary Studies)

-Multilingual (I have studied Spanish, French, Latin, and Russian)

-Organization schemes/data analysis and curation (my first Masters was in Library Science, and I was a librarian for over ten years)

-Handling of rare/historic artifacts (I studied special collections, collection management, and rare books in my MLS)

-Cooking (my husband and I love cooking together)

-Fashion (as part of my MLS I worked in a designer and historic fashion archive)

-Metalwork (I have taken metalsmithing classes, worked as a jeweler's apprentice, and even got to try blacksmithing once upon a time)

-First Aid (through my first two years of grad school I was Healthcare Provider certified to offer assistance with CPR, use of a defibrillator, assisting with someone choking, etc)

-Emergency Response (for a while in my late teens, I participated in a program meant to prepare young adults for Firefighter I training, which included a rigorous exercise routine, specialized training in the use of emergency equipment, and learning the most basic foundations of Fire Science)

-Acting (listen I don't think I'm good, but I was in Improv as a kid, love to RP at the game table , and was even a mime once)

-Field Ecology (loved this class, caught so many snakes, frogs, turtles, and lizards: I do not do spiders or insects, and therefore neither do my characters)

Skills I ABSOLUTELY do not have that my OC has:

-social grace (I'm an awkward weirdo)

-physical grace (despite all I have done, I am so clumsy)

-beauty (I am a swamp witch without the swamp)

-confidence (see above)

-dancing (I did dance and drill team when I was in junior high, did swing choir in high school, did the "shimmy" belly dance workout, and took a pole-dance workout class once which was an absolute blast, but JFC I am NOT a dancer, I promise)

***

I'm sure there's more, but you get the idea. A multifaceted character with a collection of experiences that seem disparate isn't different from what we are IRL when we break ourselves down into a list like this. In addition to all the positives, I'm also old (35), neurodivergent and mentally-Ill.

So yeah, not a "Mary Sue."

#art #digitalart #artist #concept artist #digital painting #original character #original art #oc #mirialan #star wars #multifaceted #not a mary sue #art by a woman

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creativepawsworld · 2 years ago

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Everything But You - Part 7

Pairing = Cillian Murphy x OC

Summary = It time for Brie to defend her All Ireland Championship. Aoife takes matters into her own hands when it comes to Cillian.

Warnings = Language, Grammar, 90s Cillian, Insults...

Word Count = 2747

Note = I cannot apologise enough for the lateness of this chapter! I have made it slightly longer than the past chapter to apologise. Hope you all enjoy and it helps with the Monday Blues I know I have.

I felt myself overcome with nerves as I stood with my back to the main dance floor. I was resting my back against one of the walls by the long corridor, reserved solely for the dancers.

I was currently listening to a mixed tape Billy had made me for my 18th birthday, filled with kick-ass, female, empowering women. Pat Benatar's – Love is a Battlefield -flooded through the soft headphones as I tried to control my nerves.

I was asked to return to the All-Ireland Irish Dancing Championships as the current Champion. But despite the amount I had practised throughout the weeks, I didn't feel up to the standard I should have been.

Muttering along to the words, I glanced down at the black, tightly wound pin curled wig with a long, drawn-out sigh.

Things had become a lot more difficult in my life since joining college. Everything I had known about others and myself had drastically changed in a space of a few months. I had found myself chasing after a guy I had no chance with.

On days like today, I found myself missing the communication I would receive from Andrew. He was a shitty boyfriend, but he was someone I could message and he would respond instantly - distracting me from my thoughts while I waited to compete.

Although thinking back, it would have been nice for him to show up to these competitions at least once.

Biting the sides of my lips I considered going out into the stands where I did have support. My father was here, but he was constantly taking phone calls – appearing and then disappearing to hear whoever was on the other end.

He had a huge court case defending a well-known businessman tomorrow but it was to be kept quiet. The hearing had already been brought forward to try and avoid the media circus that ensued as soon as the story of his arrest leaked.

Something about the world loved a good embezzlement case, especially against the rich.

Then there was my best friend Aoife, she managed to make the journey but not with my father and me. No, she travelled with her boyfriend Calvin, who as nice as he appeared to be – I didn't trust.

I didn't buy into his story that Andrew had been following the band to see me act. Andrew barely had time for me when we were together. There was no way he would travel up and down Ireland to watch a band I knew he didn't like just to see me. He didn't care that much, no matter how wounded his pride might be.

As for Billy, he developed the stomach flu from Marion. The pair were vomiting all week and the last thing I needed was for them to give it to me, so I warned them to stay as far as possible.

"Why are you hiding out here?" Aoife chuckled, rounding the corner. Her bright eyes stared into mine, a supportive smile on her face as I pushed the headphones around my neck. "You are going to sweat off your fake tan and makeup if you don't relax." She scolded, blotting my face gently with a clean tissue.

"Yeah well… I don't…" I struggled over my words before finally admitting my true feelings. "I don't think I am ready, I haven't been putting in the work I used to."

"Because you are studying for a law degree Brie, it's not easy keeping the two things going. You might have to look at choosing which is more important if this is how it's going to impact you."

"You don't think I can do both?"

"I'm sure you can but what about your other extra curriculum activities?" She trailed off, biting at her bottom lip. "Like a certain blue-eyed lead guitarist."

"Cillian and I are just friends." I rolled my eyes, turning away from her to check the time on my watch. I still had thirty minutes before I had to perform.

"I've seen the looks you give him, I'm not stupid."

After the night at the bar, our relationship had well and truly been fractured. I felt so stupid sleeping with him again. Yes we had both agreed it was 'just sex' but I had feelings, I was human and I felt something he didn't. At least not for me.

During the last few weeks in class, I moved seats to get my head together. I had to move to the other side of the classroom, just to get away for him. It was hard to do, seeing the hurt in his eyes when he noticed almost killed me. But he wasn't lonely for long, Emer was more than quick to jump in and take my spot.

Anytime he tried to talk to me, I had an excuse ready. I was due to meet someone in the library to go over our case study or Billy needed my help with his latest fashion project.

I simply felt like I couldn't be around him.

"It was a stress reliever"

It soon became obvious to my friends what was going on. Although they got the clip notes version from Billy, after our night in the bar they didn't buy for one second that I was okay.

They knew sex wasn't just sex for me.

"Right. A stress reliever that has you in your feels Brie what were you thinking?" Aoife asked with a sad smile, her hand coming up to gently squeeze my shoulder. "You have to talk to him, this isn't healthy for either of you."

"He doesn't care for me. He is only after getting his next…fuck. He wants a carefree life, with no responsibilities. He has told me several times."

"It might have been what he wanted but he surely didn't get that." Aoife laughed, folding her arms over her chest. "He feels…"

"I can't deal with this right now Eefs. Can we drop it?" I asked pulling the headphones from around my neck, wrapping them around my Walkman and stuffing it into my bag.

"I don't think we can."

"Why not?" I huffed out. Not giving the woman in front of me my full attention, I took the black wig into my hands, fondling the edges before pulling it over my naturally brown hair which was already pinned into place.

"Because I may have told him what today was and how important it was for you and he kind of showed up." She spoke so fast that it took me a few seconds to catch up on her words.

"Why would you do that?" I spat turning to face her, the wig almost falling from my head since I didn't have any clips to hold it in place.

"Well, he is our friend as well as yours. You can't expect us to go to all these concerts and not make connections Brie. The guys in the band are top fellas." Aoife scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Besides he wants to support you. Which is more than Andrew ever did."

"Why do you keep doing this? Bringing him around when I don't want to be anywhere near him." I growled, reaching up to place the black wig on my head properly once more.

"You have been different since you stopped spending time with him. You've been uptight, tense and honestly so fucking difficult to be around. You both need to sort out your shit and get it together." She scolded bending down and taking my purse of clips into her hands.

"I, I haven't been that bad."

"You've been unbearable" She chuckled, taking a handful of clips and placing some in her mouth before starting to pin the wig into place. "We still love you but please talk to him." She nodded, adding a few more clips. Her eyes cast off to the side with a slight nod.

Looking over my shoulder, Cillian stood awkwardly by the bleachers, a sad smile on his face as he looked in our direction. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, Aoife gently brushed her hand off, handing me the remaining clips before walking past Cillian, brushing a hand against his shoulder as she turned the corner.

"I can leave if you want?" Cillian breathed out the minute he reached me. The dark circles under his eyes are prominent as he stands before me. It was obvious, he wasn't sleeping well.

"No, I don't want that." I sighed, bouncing back and forth between the balls of my feet and my heels. "Thank you for coming, I know I've been a bitch the last few weeks, but I…"

"I deserved it." Cillian stopped me mid-sentence, one of his hands coming up to brush the longer pieces of his hair back away from his eyes. "I should have never invited Emer to that gig, I knew it was a bad idea but I went and did it anyway."

"No, no you should have invited her. You like her. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. It is just sex between us after all." I shrugged, the words felt like they were burning my tongue as they left my mouth. "How are things for you both? I hope I didn't ruin anything."

"Nothing to ruin." Cillian quickly corrected a soft pout on his lips. "Emer's a lovely girl but she isn't who I want. She isn't for me."

"Oh, oh okay. I didn't know, sorry. But she is out there somewhere Cill, you'll meet her one day." I encouraged, unsure of where the words came from. The thought of Cillian with someone else felt like a hard punch in the gut.

"I've already met her, I just keep fucking things up with her." He responded, a cheeky twinkle returning to his blue eyes, drawing me to him. There was something magical about those eyes.

"Why do you do that?" I whispered, taking a baby step forward towards him. Cillian followed in my lead, stepping forward until he was a few centimetres away from me. I could feel the body heat radiating from him.

"I'm a twat."

Nodding my head, my eyes travelled from his, down towards his lips before they returned to his eyes which now held a knowing look, the infamous cocky smirk growing on his face.

"Nice wig," Cillian smirked, his left hand coming up from his side to caress my cheek.

Leaning into his touch, I felt a calmness washing over my once anxious-ridden body, my heartbeat quickened when I noticed his tongue dart out from his lips to moisten them before his head began its descent towards my lips.

"Wait, are you sure about this?" I asked stopping the kiss from happening. He was mere inches from my lips, I could feel his breath brushing against my face. "What happened to living without responsibility? Letting go and being carefree?"

"I want to let go of Everything but You." He whispered, lips ghosting over my lips.

Pushing myself forward, I pushed my lips against his, allowing him to take the lead. Within seconds our tongues began to fight for dominance, I felt Cillian's fingers try and run through my wig but it was too tightly bound.

Pulling away with a laugh, he shook his head – hands still trying to penetrate the synthetic material. Reaching up, I brushed my thumb across his lips trying my hardest to remove the red lipstick that had transferred.

Smiling down at me, he leaned back down capturing my lips in one of the sweetest kisses I had ever experienced in my life. It was soft, and delicate like if he pushed too hard I would break but it had an overwhelming feeling of want rushing through my veins.

"For fuck sake couldn't you wait until after you performed to suck face?" Aoife's voice suddenly appeared next to me with a growl.

Pulling away from Cillian, my cheeks flushed red as she took my chin into her hand, pulling it in her direction to assess the damage.

"Can you fix it?" I asked as she moved my head in all directions under the awful corridor lighting, getting a good view of all angles.

"It's not that bad actually." Aoife nodded with a smile, tossing me a wink before looking over at Cillian. "Red lipstick is certainly not your colour." She laughed, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a clean tissue, handing it over.

*****

Throughout my performance, my eyes would fall on Cillian. He stood next to Aoife who stood next to my father, the three of them watched on with proud looks on their faces before erupting into the loudest cheers in the place when I had finished.

Taking the bottle of water Aoife had outstretched in her hands, I scurried over to them – grateful the whole thing was over. Inhaling through my nose, I allowed her to pull me into a hug, whispering in my ear how good I was before passing me off to my father.

"Your mother would be so proud of you Brie." He grinned, pulling me tightly against his chest. Upon pulling away his hands gripped onto my shoulders holding me in place as he cast an eye over towards Cillian who was engrossed in a conversation with Aoife and Calvin. "Does he treat you right?"

"Excuse me?... What?... Cillian and I are just friends." I laughed awkwardly with a shake of my head, my vision dropping to my feet.

"Ahhhh right, friends." My father trailed off with a playful eyeroll. "Your mother and I were just friends when I came to her first show as well." He laughed, gently pushing against my shoulder.

"Stop" I whined, drawing Cillian's attention towards me and my father. I instantly panicked when I noticed him make his way over towards us. My father had no filter, he would say it how it was – embarrassing not only me but also Cillian.

"You were brilliant" Cillian announced, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder as soon as he reached me. "Hello, Sir."

"Mr Murphy." My father nodded in response, looking between the two of us before excusing himself. Cillian and I stood next to each other, in an awkward yet comforting silence.

"Do you…" "How is…" Cillian and I started at the same time, both stopping after the second word with a laugh. "You go first." I allowed, gesturing towards him with my hand.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat after you win?" He asked, the cocky smile growing on his face, reaching his eyes. "But you have to wear the wig."

"Such an ass." I chuckled playfully slapping my hand against his chest. "I would love to but my dad's my lift home, if I left with you I would have no way home."

"A date?" I processed, eyes widening at the words. We never had a date before. Cillian never even mention the possibility of it happening, then again our entire relationship was based on friendship and sex.

My words confused him. Shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, he glanced over to the side thinking over what I had just said.

"So you don't want to go on a date with me?" He asked turning back around for clarification. "Have I fucked this up again?"

"Yeah?" Cillian squinted, eyebrows falling causing frown lines to form on his forehead. "Look if that's not…"

"No, I would love to." I almost screamed out, forgetting where I was. "I mean, yeah we can go on a date. That would be nice."

"Nice recovery." Cillian joked, a deep shade of red filling my already pink-blushed cheeks.

"But wait what about getting home?"

"I'm sure we can miss one day of college Brie…" Cillian rolled his eyes, taking one hand from his pocket to take my hand into his, his thumb gently gliding over my knuckles. "But if it's such a big deal I have my father's car parked out front."

"You drive?" I asked with a louder gasp than I would have liked.

"No, I fly." He chuckled, his face pulled straight as he shook his head in my direction. "Of course, I drive, I just don't have a car."

"How did I not know that?" I questioned tilting my head to the side, a soft smile gracing my face.

Taglist

"You were more interested in getting into my pants than finding anything out about me."

Part 8

@stars-of-scorpio @lovemissyhoneybee @peakyscillian @cillmequick @forgottenpeakywriter @lyarr24 @brummiereader

#cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy #cillian fluff #cillianmurphyxoc #cillian murphy x oc #90 #90s Cillian #90's Cillian Murphy #irishdancing #competition

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lastbluetardis · 7 months ago

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Oooh hunger games fan, yes okay!(Spoilers FOR THE FIRST BOOK/MOVIE) What are your thoughts on the Peta and Katniss win in the first book and their ship in general? (I hated it. You're telling me, in all 74 years no one tried to unalive themselves together, or the capital couldn't have let Peta die the plane) I could go on—and have on multiple occasions—about the headcanon's I have for this series, but I digress and have you read the prequel? And if so what are your thoughts on them. Sorry didn't mean to word-vomit at you.

Haha! No worries Nonnie.

I actually loved Peeta/Katniss. I'm a really big fan of soft male characters, and Peeta is the epitome of that character archetype. It's one of those moments of alliance by necessity grows into a true and genuine friendship which eventually grew into a true and genuine love. Even when Katniss is romantically uninterested in Peeta, she loves him enough as a human being to be willing to sacrifice everything for him.

I think their ruse with the berries was really clever, but I do see your point. I have read the prequel, and I'll get to my thoughts on that in just a sec, but I think the prequel kind of supports my thoughts here.

The prequel showed that many of the tributes of the earlier Hunger Games weren't willing participants, and a lot of them died due to other factors. So there really wouldn't have been many instances of two tributes threatening to kill themselves to end the Games. Usually the winner would have been on their last leg because they were simply able to outlast the competition. Plus, for those first 20-ish Games, there really weren't stakes, because nobody really watched the Games or rooted for them.

But gradually, the Games grew into a fierce competition, especially with the Districts that sent their Career tributes into the arena. We the readers have been told countless times that those Career tributes were ruthless and would basically hunt down the other Districts' weaklings while also turning on each other, so it doesn't surprise me that none of those Tributes thought of a double-suicide to try to pull one over on the Gamemakers.

And so I think that the stunt with the berries was likely the first time anything like that had been attempted. And even if it wasn't, the Gamemakers likely would have put a stop to a stunt like that in any previous Games. However, in this specific Game, they were marketing the starcrossed lovers angle for the Games in order to draw more people into it and to make the folks in the Capitol more invested in the Games, so the Gamemakers had to tread carefully to keep the romance alive long enough to appease the audience.

But overall, I really love Katniss and Peeta. I think they're excellent complements to each other and work well with each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Back to the prequel, I just read it this past winter and really liked it. I was a little wary of it, hoping that the author wouldn't be trying to pull one of those "oh, Snow is actually a good guy, he was just misunderstood". Thankfully that wasn't the case. Sure, he was charming at times, but we already knew this. Only a charming, charismatic person could rise to power as quickly and completely as Snow did.

The author had me sympathizing with him at times, but also raising lots of red flags about him as well, showing the snake beneath the man so well. And I think it was a beautiful way to highlight the fact that every villain doesn't come out of the womb completely "evil". It's usually a gradual progression.

Anyways, now I'm the one apologizing for word vomiting 😂 Thanks for this ask, Nonnie. It's been a hot minute since I've gone on one of my analytical ramblings, and it was quite fun 🤓

#nonnie #ash answers #the hunger games

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servin-up-surveys · 8 months ago

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survey #201

Do you like meatball subs? I really don't, they just make the bread soggy, which I cannot tolerate texturally.

What is your favorite smell on earth? Fresh baked goods. Cinnamon rolls are the best.

If you have a sib, do you call him/her “brother” or “sister” sometimes? I call Ashley "big sis" quite a bit, and sometimes "little sis" for Nicole.

Did you ever collect stickers? I did in my childhood for a very long time! My original dresser ended up completely covered in stickers because that's where I kept my collection of them.

Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? I was as a baby.

Do you love the smell of sunblock? I don't.

What was the last upsetting thing that happened to you? An asthma flare-up. Since my actual attack at the very end of January, I've now had FOUR more instances where my oxygen levels were on the very, very brink of "I need to go to the ER." One time I literally would've gone again if Mom hadn't told me not yet (she didn't want me waiting for hours because my oxygen wasn't low enough to be attended to immediately). I'm very stressed out about it; I'm not supposed to see a pulmonologist until June, but Mom and I are praying that there's a cancellation I can slide into.

What was the last thing you ordered from Starbucks? I've never gone there because I hate coffee. Oh wait, I have gotten a treat from there, but I can't recall what it was, this was years ago.

Do you trust your doctor? I trust my primary doctor and therapist. My current psychiatrist is an absolute fucking joke and after my last appointment, I refuse to go again. We're gonna try and set me up with a psychiatrist where my therapist is.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? God no, I know me and my siblings are her world.

What is missing in your life? Fun. Adventure.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Nachos, zeeeeero competition.

What is the worst medication side effect you’ve ever had? As far as the most truly unenjoyable, vomiting. Scariest, bodily spasms and the constant state of feeling like I was on the very precipice of a seizure. What I'm assuming was probably the most dangerous, hypomania.

What is your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? Fiesta potatoes.

What church do you go to? I don't go to church.

Do you take risks often? I really don't. I need to be more willing to. Not stupid ones of course, but sometimes risks are necessary for growth and success.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? My mom made these sorta cheesecake bars to bring to Girt's the other day, because he was obsessed with them when Mom made them last, so his family got to try it and were also hooked, haha. I can't remember everything in it, but I know it included a sugar cookie base, chocolate chips (I think?), toffee bits, pecans (which you really couldn't taste, it was mostly a texture thing), and caramel.

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? Vanilla.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Probably "V.A.N." by Bad Omens and Poppy, at least for right now. It's not my favorite song ever, but it's newer so more enjoyable to listen to lately.

What is one thing you have too much of? fat lmao

What type of fruit do you eat the most? Apples.

Would you rather eat strawberries or watermelon? Strawberries. Watermelon is too watery to me, I don't enjoy it.

Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? Burgers.

How far away do you live from the place where you were born? The hospital I was born at is barely five minutes away.

If you buried a time capsule, what would you put in it? Oh I have no idea.

Describe your clothing style in three words: Comfortable. Lazy. Dark.

What’s something you want to do more often? Be outside.

Who is your favorite YouTuber? Of all-time, Markiplier. I don't really have a favorite these days, just a few I enjoy a lot. Some of these are Game Grumps, Snake Discovery, NKFherping, John Wolfe, Shane Dawson, Woolie VS, and Gab Smolders.

Do you believe in soulmates? No.

What band or artist do you think is overrated? I just really don't care, let people enjoy the shit they like. Just because I don't enjoy an artist doesn't mean other people can't.

What’s something untrue that you believed for a long time? Uhhhh maybe that slit pupils on a snake always meant it was venomous. I've known that's incorrect for years, but I did think that was a universal rule when I was younger.

Did you skateboard when you were younger? No. I kinda passively wanted to, but was never too interested to actually learn.

Have you ever won a contest? A few, mostly related to writing ability.

What’s something weird you’ve eaten? An orange yogurt-flavored treat for guinea pigs lmao

Who is someone you would like to get to know better? An acquaintance from high school named Courtlyn. We're Facebook friends and interact sometimes, but I'd love to get to know her better.

When’s that last time you saw snow? It's been like two years. :/

Who are the 3 people you love the most? Mom, Girt, and then I'm not sure who would be #3. There's a collection of people that come to mind, not just a single one.

Last person you slept in the same bed with? Girt.

Have you recently been sick? No.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah.

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? I think this would vary from person to person. For me, it was infinitely worse. I never would've anticipated the pain I went through.

Last reason you went to the ER? I had an asthma attack.

What facial cleanser do you use? I don't use one anymore.

Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? I've never cheated on a significant other, period.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? They both love him and have loved him since we were teenagers.

What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple.

Does the last person whose house you were at like anyone? Me, I'm his girlfriend.

Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? No, I literally hate talking on the phone. Primarily because over the phone, my auditory processing issues are worse, but also because I dislike not being able to see body language/expressions and it's just annoying to hold a phone and talk to someone and stop what I'm doing when you could just message me.

What turns you on the most? do not touch my boobies ok

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes.

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Not seriously. I can ponder the possibility of Jason having had something going on with the girl he dated after me with how quickly they got together (over Facebook, anyway), but I genuinely do doubt this. If anything, he was over it/open to someone else quick.

Ever get caught doing something naughty with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes and we never addressed it and I'm thrilled about that lmfao

Do you use q-tips to clean your ears? Only occasionally, and I'm very careful when I do because overuse/going too deep with them before caused wax to dry and adhere to both of my eardrums and I had to have it suctioned out by a specialty doctor. The doc was very serious about q-tips being an awful idea for internal cleaning, but I can't stand NEVER doing it.

Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I'd like to.

If you/your gf became pregnant accidentally, would you consider abortion? I would get an abortion. It'd be the better option for everyone involved; yes, including the potential baby.

What was the last candy you ate? Peach rings.

Do you like zombie movies? Indifferent.

What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? Blood completely covering the underside of the seat.

Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? No to both.

How do you feel about runny egg yolks? The concept of that going in my mouth makes me want to fucking hurl.

Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No.

Who was the worst friend you ever had? Colleen, when it boils down to it.

When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person? A couple days ago, at least loosely. Girt and I are gonna hang out here this weekend. Dunno what day yet.

Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer? No; yes.

While on the road, do you play any road games? No.

Have you ever picked apples before? Not really, like at an orchard or something, but I have picked a wild apple out of a tree (it was on a friend's property; we all did it, with the owner) and it was the best apple I ever had.

Are you scared of semi-trucks? Especially when you’re driving next to one? I'm terrified of them. I get tense when I'm in a car where the driver is near one.

Do you have a fence? Along the back and one side of the house, we do.

If you have any pets, do you talk to them in a baby voice? uh, duh

Who was the last person to comfort you? My mom during one of those bad asthmatic episodes.

Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? Not necessarily, no. This sadly doesn't happen to everyone. Some people just live a shitty story with no pleasant resolution, no matter what they do.

What was the last thing you swallowed? Flavored water.

Do you like cats? I adore cats. I'm glad Girt's an obsessed cat dad now too because that means more cats in our future, haha.

On a scale of one to ten how much do looks matter to you? In a potential partner? Probably like... 2 or 3.

What are you listening to? "The Death of Peace of Mind" by Bad Omens.

What’s the closest pink object to you? There's pastel pink on the tumbler my sister gave me that I use for my flavored waters.

Are you afraid of thunderstorms? So, yes, but I can also enjoy them. I only get scared when there's a tornado risk.

Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No. But I know historically, I've been happier when with a partner.

How much effort did you put into your last relationship? Before my current one? I put my all into it. I mean, at the time, I thought I was in love with this person. And when I feel like that, I go all in.

Do you have impulse control? Yes, at least to a degree. I can tell you I'm not the best at controlling my mouth when I'm hurt, but I'm definitely better than I was as a teen.

Would you do anything on a dare? Nope. I don't even go along with dares, I'll do what I want to and not do what I don't want to.

#survey #surveys #personal questions #personal survey #random questions #random survey #questionnaire

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void-botanist · 1 year ago

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15 Questions: Horatio

AOM 15 questions continues! Tag: #aom 15 questions

1 - Are you named after anyone? Uh… [He scratches the side of his jaw and smiles.] I don't know. I'm adopted.

2 - When was the last time you cried? Hm. I don't know that either, actually. I just don't cry very much.

3 - Do you have kids? [He shakes his head, still smiling.] No, I don't really want kids.

4 - Do you use sarcasm? Not really. That's more…well, the rest of my family's thing.

5 - What’s the first thing you notice about people? What they're wearing. But I also look out for people who wear watches. I know that two-timers usually don't actually wear two watches, but it's cool, and one day I'm going to see someone doing it.

6 - What’s your eye color? Brown.

7 - Scary stories or happy endings? Hm…happy endings. But how you get to the ending doesn't have to be.

8 - Any special talents? Keeping Winter Band plants alive here in the Summer Band. It's both easier and harder than it seems. I also know all the words to Peregrine because it's my dad's favorite play. That might not be a "talent" though.

9 - Where were you born? Imni, in Kiun.

10 - What are your hobbies? I like going to concerts, and going to the theatre with my dad. Sometimes we'll go up to see performances at the University where Sorian builds sets. I also surf with my sister sometimes. I don't read a lot of books, but I do have subscriptions to a few architecture and travel magazines. Oh, and I have sort of a whiskey trade setup with—well, he's not my brother-in-law, but he kind of is. He lives on Ofain, and we send whiskeys back and forth to try.

11 - Do you have any pets? I have a pet rock that lives with my mothweed in the kitchen, but I'm not sure that's what you were looking for.

12 - What sports do you play/have played? I've played a lot of different sports—not really competitively, but I was on my high school soccer team for a couple of years. I also was my sister's volleyball assistant, so I could probably handle myself in a casual game. And her surfing buddy, like I said. Every time she gets into something new, she drags me along for the ride.

13 - How tall are you? 6' 3".

14 - Favorite subject in school? I would say biology except I only really liked the botany parts. The dissecting-a-frog parts made me want to vomit. No, I think it was actually art. I'm not any good, but I enjoyed it a lot.

15 - Dream job? Exactly what I'm doing right now, running my own live floristry. If I couldn't do this, I'd probably try for a research-related position. Or maybe an admin position with the Aephar branch of the Botanist's Guild.

* two-timers is slang for expat shifters. Their canid transformation cycles are tied to the moon(s) of their home planets.

** surf time

#Horatio @ Allison: please. please let me buy you another watch. please wear the watches #don't ask me about Peregrine it doesn't have any specific meaning other than I needed a name for a play #I should make a post about 'the theatre' hmm #c: Horatio #wip: aom #15 questions #vomit mention #aom 15 questions

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onbearfeet · 2 years ago

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So I just reblogged a thing about how fat people are treated in sports, and this seems as good a place as any to tell a PE trauma story.

Disclaimer: I'm not what most people think of when they say "fat woman". I've been told all my life that I'm too large to exist, of course, as nearly every woman in the English-speaking world has, but I'm on the upper end of the size range for most clothing companies that market to "standard size" women in my age range. So calling myself fat seems a bit like stolen valor (stolen trauma?), but if I had to describe myself in one of my books, I'd use words like "stout" or maybe "pudgy", mostly because I'm slightly shorter but no narrower than my personality leads people to expect. Someone being creepy might write phrases like "soft curves" or "acres of creamy skin". Me, I think it's more helpful to say I'm about 5'5", I've got what my mother insists on calling "childbearing hips", and I was 12 years old the first time strange men in public screamed at me to show them my boobs.

There's a fair bit of me, but if I'm the largest woman in the room I've usually taken a wrong turn.

Anyway, I've more or less always been a very slightly upsized human for my age, and that was also true in high-school PE class. I refused to dodge PE despite the MANY remarks made about my body because I'm pretty sure I have "fuck you, haters" engraved on my bones, but one person who was extra hard to get around was the actual teacher. Because she was somehow convinced that I "wasn't trying" when I ran the mile, because my times didn't improve.

Now, I am a dogshit runner. Always have been. Even when I was doing it for fun for several years, I was total crap. I have a long waist and therefore less leg than usually goes with my meager height, and while I am descended from people who walked across vast steppes, carrying their children and their lives on their backs to escape the wrath of tsars, none of them fucking ran while they were doing it. You don't usually escape a tsar by running, because running makes you tired before you get to the edge of his territory. You escape a tsar by walking and walking and walking and refusing to fucking stop until you're somewhere where no one recognizes your language or has heard of whatever the fuck a tsar is. I can walk for days, but I cannot run for shit, whether I try or not.

So my teacher telling my straight-A ass that my "low effort" on the mile was why I'd be getting the first B of my overachieving life? That was a PROBLEM.

(Also, my parents would kill me. An A was the only passing grade in my family.)

Luckily for me, that was when we hit the weight-training unit.

Most of the girls in the class didn't even want to HAVE weight training, because something something femininity, but I shut up and hit the bench press because I hated most of PE equally and, again, "fuck you, haters" was inscribed on my bones.

Except this time, unlike every other time I shut up and tried harder in PE, something happened.

I started getting stronger. I started upping my weights. I added plates to my bench while half the other girls were still pressing the bar and complaining about it. By the time we finished the unit, I had one of the highest maximum bench-presses in the class, just behind a really hard-core competitive swimmer who had been weight training for years. They wrote my name and maximum on the gym wall in ballpoint, right under hers.

I was doing all the same exercises as most of the other girls in the class ... but I ended up able to pick any one of them up and walk away with her after a few weeks.

After that, the PE teacher pulled me aside with a shocked expression and asked, "Are you really trying as hard on the mile as you are in the weight room?"

"Yes," I snapped back. "It's just that it only works in here."

The next time we ran the mile, I pushed myself so hard I collapsed and vomited at the finish line. It was the fastest I've ever run a mile in my life, and the time was a wildly unremarkable 10 minutes, 47 seconds. I'd shaved maybe ten seconds off my usual time, which hovered around 11 minutes.

The teacher apparently put together the name on the weight-room wall and the puke on the grass and gave me my goddamn A. It didn't stop her from giving me shit the following year, but at least after that my murderous glare was slightly more effective.

Point is, the lesson I learned that my teacher clearly did not is: different bodies are built for different things, and not nearly enough people understand that. Nothing is going to give me the body type of an Olympic sprinter or a WNBA star. I have about the same body shape my mother and grandmother had at my age, and I routinely surprise grocery clerks with my ability to pile all my groceries into one reinforced bag, sling it onto my shoulder like a beach tote, and stroll out of the store. I will never win a marathon or a 100-meter dash, but if you need someone to walk until I'm beyond the reach of the tsar, and carry my worldly goods with me, I'm your gal.

Unless my knee gives out. Fucking middle age.

#body positivity?#idk body acceptance #my meatsuit is my meatsuit #there are no trade-ins #i take care of my meatsuit but overall fuck the haters #the bears can eat them too #also fuck that one PE teacher in particular #i should not have had to puke to prove i was trying #give me a knee brace and i will walk the ring to mordor #bitching all the way #life post #kat's weird family #kat's weird childhood

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douhavesomethingagainstdogs · 10 days ago

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sorry guys i need to go insane over shizuragi and akigetsu parallels(/contrasts?) for a second

so obviously both shizusumi and ugetsu try to push away the guys they're in love with. whether subconsciously or consciously or both.

shizu tries to push hiiragi away by making it seem like hiiragi would have to lower and debase himself to be able to love shizusumi. to be able to be his equal. like he'll stain hiiragi if hiiragi reciprocates.

ugetsu on the other hand, makes akihiko feel bad about himself. i'm talking about after the breakup, about that weird limbo where akihiko is still living with him. ugetsu's behavior is almost meant to convey "look how much better i am than you. look how much i treat you like shit. you're below me, and you can't be happy being with me. you can't keep up with me, and you can't keep up because i'm holding you down." all because he can't bear to be the one to cut akihiko off forever, he needs aki to do it.

at the end, one of the reasons why i think shizuragi worked out while akigetsu didn't is because shizu tried to push hiiragi away by making it seem like he was the one who would fuck things up if they got together. that way hiiragi could say "wait. you're better than that. i see you, and you're better than you act like you are and i believe we can do this". while with akigetsu there was no such healthy option.

what could akihiko do? he couldn't really say that they were on the same level, because ugetsu was undeniably better than him (talking about playing the violin. because that was the thing that made things start to die and fester between them). he also couldn't in good conscience mirror ugetsu's behavior, nor would that have solved anything. we know akihiko is lowkey a coward (<- you can fight me on that.). ugetsu doesn't know how to communicate his feelings cause they overwhelm him. also because he has problems with being vulnerable. and before you go and say "he was vulnerable with mafuyu!" mafuyu is the one exception. ugh i could rant about their friendship but that's not what this is about. ugetsu makes akihiko resent him so he'll end things for good. on the other hand, he can't stand it when akihiko gives any indication he wants to end things. (remember the scene where ugetsu gets angry because aki doesn't put as much of his soul into the violin anymore. that's tantamount to betrayal for ugetsu.)

another thing is that shizu doesn't believe he deserves good things and therefore just doesn't chase them. he needs to believe someone will 100% choose him and see him before he will even TRY to be with them, no matter how much he wants them. remember the golden origami sheet. shizu doesn't even try to chase.

ugetsu has a similar but different problem. he chases things, but then can't let himself have them. he can't be comfortable having what he wants because there's always an exchange, something that makes it not wholly good. his love for aki is making aki suffer because of their competition with playing the violin. so ugetsu doubles down on it, "yeah actually i AM better than you are." i don't think he thinks like that but it's the only way he knows how to deal with it.

something else is that ugetsu cannot choose aki over the violin no matter how much it hurts. the violin is more important, but there's a big aspect of decision paralysis, and ugetsu can't rip off the bandaid. but shizusumi would choose hiiragi over literally anything or anyone else. hell, shizu thought hiiragi had a crush on yuki and still stayed to him as close as he could.

so in short ugetsu can't bear to end or continue things, and because of it he pushes akihiko away by treating him badly, hoping aki will deal the coup de grâce. meanwhile shizu can't chase. he can stay close to hiiragi, be his friend, but he can't let himself confess without any prompting. and because of that he decides to make himself seem undesirable so that it'll hurt less.

does this make any sense at all i feel like i'm just word vomiting atp

#i won't accept any criticism on this because i am literally ugetsu irl (/j)

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panelshowsource · 1 year ago

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ok i finally listened and i watched taskmaster nz series 2...8 times

and i'm ready to offer my reaction & thoughts but please understand this is over 3000 words (which means it is too long to proofread) and it is so bc i do not know how to be concise but also bc i decided to a PROPER brain dump so if you like reading this kind of thing enjoy and if you don't do not click keep reading!!!

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WORD VOMIT INCOMING

i KNOW what i said. i KNOW i said i'd kinda watched s1 of taskmaster nz and it was okay and jeremy and paul were okay and guy william's outfit scarred me for life but all in all it was okay, and i can't say nz humour (which, and i stand by this, is a bit monotonous) is my fave, and i wasn't that excited about watching international taskmasters in general so i wasn't prioritising it. i know what i said!!!!!!!!!

but

i did what i was told incessantly to do and i watched taskmaster nz series 2. it's...it is. it is what everyone said it is. it's fucking hilarious. it's so good. it's one of it not the example of a perfect cast with perfect energy and synergy and banter and friendship and competition. everyone tried so hard and succeeded and failed in their own hilarious ways. the tasks are half-original, kinda-inspired (if not appropriated), simple even when they're cerebral, and very core-of-taskmaster-y. CHEF'S KISS — by tm nz standards

i watched the entire series...8 times? i have A LOT of opinions and i wasn't gonna get into all of them because i don't love to debate and am scared of being roasted lmao, but i'm being brave!!

BUCKLE UP FOR MY BRAIN

➜ imo there is no standout contestant, it's a matter of taste and they're GREAT, but all in all i think the season wouldn't have a single chance of being what it was — in its total chaos, moments of innocence, moments of genuine friendship — without david correos, who was more or less the heart of the season. it's very obvious and very cute he is friends with paul, laura, and guy irl (guy mentioned their team is actually in an improv group together he's very close to laura and presumably david), and real-life friendships bring out a series panel's comfortable dynamic much faster than if they're meeting for the first time. and on that note —

➜ as much as i enjoy non-comedians on the show, especially when they're people i really like, the cold hard truth is that the very very very best series of taskmaster are comedian-only lineups. pls do not come into my inbox rn with your recency bias and yell about s16 this is a dead serious, studied fact: series 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9 (i am excluding recent-ish series because legacy takes time to establish itself but imo 12–14 were very strong) being the epitome of tm, it's not a coincidence these lineups are more or less ALL standup comedians (richard osman gets a pass for producing cats does countdown and being, arguably, the ultimate comedy superfan). a big reason for this is that non-comedians — and they almost always admit this, in interviews or on the podcast — are very aware that they're out of their element, are the odd ones out, feel the additional responsibility of having to find their place and suss out the dynamic and be funny and fit in. sometimes they're not really that funny and it is what it is (and it's the show's job to edit them and encourage them in a way that will = entertainment; they know what they're signing up for, or the risk of them not fitting in well, when they cast these people). other times, it's not that they're not funny or capable, but that these overwhelming feelings hold them back: they don't pipe up, they don't speak when it's not their turn, they don't challenge greg or the other contestants, they don't fight, they don't tease. yes, when it's their turns to speak, they're often silly and fun, and when they do the tasks, they're often silly and fun, but they just don't hit their comedic potential — because they don't know how or they don't let themselves try. very understandable! it's very intimidating being on TASKMASTER with PROFESSIONAL FUNNY PEOPLE including GREG AND ALEX who are LEGENDS. but the best thing about comedian contestants other than their comedy is that they want spotlight and they want to be the centres of attention and they will take risks, so they (usually) make the most of their time, whether it's the recorded tasks or in the studio. THE POINT, IF I MAY BRING IT BACK, BEING TASKMASTER NZ SERIES 2 — matt heath not being a standup but being 1) an extrovert, 2) your standard entertainment industry attention seeker, and 3) very good friends with jeremy means we didn't get these obstacles from him. if anything, he was more relaxed and game than everyone else in the room at the start of episode 1 because he is already in the accepted graces of the literal taskmaster. he tried really hard, he fought hard, he teased hard, he laughed a lot. i get that being a funny guy radio dj may not seem that different to being a comedian, but it is, and he was SO good! —and every contestant who is a friend of a taskmaster is always good, that's another studied conclusion

➜ why was david naked all the time lmfaooo body positive KING his haircut is also adorable. speaking of a lack of clothes guy's shorts length was lovely for the eyes

➜ momentary disgression: i'm SO interested in the story david told on the podcast about russell howard going to one of his shows and then, like, immediately leaving as fast as possible when it was over because he cringed to death or was scandalised or something—imo it wasn't very clear just what david was implying russell said/felt and i'm really curious. if anyone has insight into this pls send it to me

➜ i don't think jeremy or paul get much better than season 1 and ultimately they're both just okay, and they will always be what holds tm nz back from reaching tm uk-levels of god-tier tm. i know a lot of people will like paul because he's attractive and he is friends with rose (and others) and from time to time he is amusing. sometimes that's all it takes, and if that's all it takes for you, that is well and nice. but...personally...i can't get over how QUIET paul is...alex isn't half as quiet as paul, very often asking questions throughout the tasks and making little passive-aggressive comments at someone's effort or even just looking at the camera...paul is so often just there doing and saying absolutely nothing, EVEN when he's involved in the task, and a healthy 60% of the time he's asked a question he does a very forced deadpan "okay" that just...like it's not funny — it doesn't hit that comedic beat — after the first hundred times. he may just not be a lightning quick improv kinda guy, and i think the inherent one-dimensionalness of his character hinders him, but idk he could offer SO much more during the tasks, especially when he already has a good irl dynamic with so many of them. there are times, during the tasks, he could just not be there. i also don't necessarily understand his character in that during the tasks he's exceptionally shy/reserved to the point of being mostly silent but then in the studio will pipe up and act "normal" in a way that seems like the real paul and not the character paul. idk. i just think...why isn't he more present and also more consistent. (and i'm gonna say something controversial here but i also watched guy mont spelling bee and paul was not very funny on that — again, quiet — and i think the truth is he might be a little boring at times. i said it. im sorry to everyone :() i think this is a common criticism of jeremy but i will agree that, while i do like him especially when he actually lets himself be silly and banter-y, it is BEYOND ME how he just flies through the prize tasks and the scoring. the prize task is practically show and tell with no comment at all from jeremy instead of a dialogue between the contestants and the taskmaster, and then half the time jeremy doesn't explain his scoring for anything. often i'm left thinking "how could someone show up with this bone-shakingly good prize and jeremy just nods and smiles and goes 'okay who's next'?" and maybe it's not jeremy, maybe it's the editors, but it drives me INSANE when that happens. greg would spend the whole hour going over the prize tasks if he could, just cuz he loves the banter and ragging on people — and the show is noticeably weaker when the banter is lost. hence my issue with, to bring it back around, banter-avoidant paul. (also sorry if it's annoying when i compare taksmaster uk and taskmaster nz, i don't mean to do it tooooo much but it's unavoidable at times, pls understand...) (also, i'm saying all of this without even commenting on the actual dynamic between the taskmaster and his assistant, but i'm not gonna touch that — despite the fact the greg/alex dynamic is the heart of tm and what every single contestant ever praises most about the show.) SO i do think the series having matt for jeremy and david (at least) for paul did help encourage them in being funnier than they may have been otherwise. (was guy williams being on series 1 why paul was..idk...like he was...on series 1? i also recently learned a lot of people don't like guy williams lmao very interesting...)

➜ it's hilarious to me that jeremy is OBSESSED with sports and greg LOATHES sports (except the darts lmfao)

➜ ngl i have always wondered why taskmaster uk didn't use their increased budget to do, like, 10% more landscaping — i get not wanting to make the place look TOO manicured but would it really kill them to just fix the cracks in the driveway? idk — but then i watch nz and do feel like it's a little too much of a set hahahah but i like the outdoors they really have a nice big yard to play in (the sewage ("legally it's not ☝️") pond is a choice tho...)

➜ i read about 100 reddit threads about te reo māori, how prevalent it is in school and culture, how many people speak it or even want to speak it, its roots, its appropriations — and the majority of new zealanders said they don't really care about it, it's not actual practical in the way chinese or german or whatever is, they don't think it should be mandatory in schools over other languages, etc. i found these reactions 1) mildly suspicious but idk how conservative the nz sub is but also 2) really surprising! BECAUSE there is WAY more te reo in the every day language of, at least, the new zealand convo i have witnessed on a few nz panel shows than i think they realise. the ones i've heard the most are a few different greeting lines to open episodes, pākehā, whanau, and kai, but there are TONS of te reo words and phrases sprinkled into everyday language and i felt like i was googling so much (even if the meanings were relatively obvious from the contexts). very interesting! off the back of that i had absolutely no idea people in new zealand said "en zed" to refer to nz in any capacity but it makes sense i just never thought about it before

➜ something i adored about the series — that we see less and less of each series from series 1 of tm uk — is editing in reactions from the panel in the studio while they're watching the task vt. it's HILARIOUS watching, say, tm uk s1 and seeing romesh smacking tim on the back, josh pointing fingers, roisin with her hands in her head, etc in real time as they're watching the tasks for the first time. editing this way also helps express the group friendship and harmony, which is so important to a successful season. tm uk NEVER does this anymore and it's one of my biggest criticisms of the show — but this series of tm nz did it so much and it was HILARIOUS watching the panel falling all over each other laughing at everything. they're so goofy

➜ the fake paul with the moustache was, in fact, a dish, whoever he is congrats on being hot

➜ very random moments i liked:

"you think she's doing great things for women in those boots? 🤨💅"

it was so underrated that guy's idea to transform a room was to turn it into a farm and he had people in animal costumes being sheep or whatever that shit was HILARIOUS

matt ziptying a brush to a helmet to look like an ancient roman cracked me up so hard "husband to a murdered child" ??? smh

when laura was trying to rope the cameramen into american pie-ing her wedding cake and paul went "don't ask them...because one of them WILL do it"

"a tongue kiss with an extra 10%? i'm not sure—" "10% extra, maybe thumb up bum" ????

matt forgetting his hometown and saying "i was born in oxford in england! i forgot… that was fucking ages ago!"

"because david eats something doesn't make it food :|"

"this reminds me of my mother's music group ...i hated every one of those bitches" like?? LMAO i NEED the story behind this comment

"one is south african, one is filipino...but they both like their balls...swiss"

"i'm fairly certain i'm not gonna crush this challenge, but i know at some point you and i are gonna box and/or wrestle, and i'm gonna crush that one"

matt being so serious that his dream animal is a horse

"i probably won’t even need the other food colouring but how good is it not to have paul in the room?"

why was jeremy so into those urinal cakes?? like okay jeremy hmm

every time jeremy and urzila flirted

when paul was convincing laura to go through with the sabotage and they agreed david probably wouldn't fuck over his team but guy definitely would lmfao

"tell me a little about yourself" "i'm paul" "...interesting. i love that about you"

it's hard to top david and guy being actually naked for the tie task but i actually think guy's farmer's tan stole the show

when guy was looking for paul in the rain and said "the irony is if paul was here we could talk about this weather, he loves that sort of shit" LMAO

urzila being the ghost of abe lincoln was actually genius and she deserved more flowers for that lateral thinking

♪im gonna gonna drown you / in your own blood♪ why is that so catchy?? "matt matt run him over like a cat" "david you shouldnt run over cats" but fr during the diss track task when matt said he was gonna eat their asses and also while they were dissing guy matt went "he's good looking though" 💀

in the secret shoelace task david said "i take solace in knowing that everyone else has go through this as well" was like a fucking mirror of the time josh widdicombe did a secret task and was like "i'm not the one who has to watch this five times" hahahaha also when they had so much time to kill paul was just reading the entire story of rumpelstiltskin please

when guy realised, during the milk/microwave task, that he should have listened to paul and like angrily laughed "i'm furious! i'm furious with everyone! this is a disaster!" you don't see that side of him often and it was so funny

➜ regardless of whether these yielded funny results (they did anyways of course), these were most of my favourite ideas for tasks:

transform this room when the lights go out

shoot a chocolate fish into the fishbowl and say the name of a different animal with each shot, most powerful animal wins

create a diss track about the members of the other team

the fucking abe lincoln one

the milk/microwave task (hilarious on both tm nz and tm uk)

also i personally want to play the celebrity name game from that one live task

➜ all in all the series had quite a few very simple tasks — build a tower of onions, squirt the sunscreen, fly, make the loudest noise — and that's something i really cherish and appreciate and feel is at the heart of what taskmaster is all about. i'd say tm nz, being in its baby era, is able to get away with having a lot more simple, straightforward tasks, which are far superior to some of the incredibly convoluted ones we see on tm uk. i see people say alllllll the timeeeeeee "it's not the tasks that matter it's how to contestants react to them + the editing" but i do not agree — plenty of tasks are duds because they are duds and not because everyone else failed to find the entertainment value in them. i would love to see tm uk work harder to bring the tasks back down in scale and convolution bc tm nz has been able to come up with quite a few that have never been done before so i know they can too

➜ something else this series does VERY well is little morsels on top of the established format: laura's sabotage, the brussell sprouts that kept floating throughout other tasks and then appear in another task!!!, paul and david's trip to christchurch, laura rounding up their girlfriends, the shoelace secret task, paul lying and fucking with the magnet, the crew "accidentally" (though i do believe it was an accident idk if we'll ever know) turning the lights off on david, even the abe lincoln task that took place outside of the taskmaster ranch — all of these things contributed to the format being more than just task/score, task/score, task/score. they felt like little cherries on top, extra content, at times extra suspense. felt like every episode had something a little extra funny in this way. very impressed by this stuff!

➜ task complaints:

alex has talked before about one of the central concerns of post-production being the ordering of the tasks and particularly choosing the very first task they show, which sets the stage for the panel. i actually feel like this series didn't do a good job in choosing their very first task, which surprises me bc that seems like an easy thing to get right with this series' group + task lineup. not a big deal but something to consider!

in the live task when they had to choose a weapon and half something (which i LOVE the idea of), it bothered me that they didn't measure by percentage and instead by actual kilo

is it just me or does tm nz feel like it sends a LOT of balloons into the air? have they ever specifically confirmed they retrieve all of the balloons they let go? ngl the amount of balloons they send off + the amount of food waste can sometimes be distracting

the piggy bank live task was totally fucked like the length of time it look paul to get the pictures of the piggies to jeremy was ridiculous and heavily disadvantaged everyone — and they didn't even show us all the piggie drawings????? HELLO I WANNA SEE THE PIGGIES??

jeremy giving guy's new zealand pillow 3 points was the worst scoring decision of the series

frankly it was GROSS when david sucked all of the room temperature tomato juice cans. but one thing i've noticed is — it may be a me problem? maybe an american problem bc we don't eat beans the way brits do? do nzers eat beans on toast? anyways — when it comes to people licking/eating cold/room temp canned goods. because i can name 10 different times i've seen contestants lick baked bean juice or spaghetti hoop sauce off their fingers and i just cannot imagine eating those things in any amount not heated up. cold bean juice? BLEGH

okay i'll wrap this up now because i wrote an incoherent outline of a thesis on this series but it was FUN as HECK and i'm so happy that funny people get to enjoy the legacy of a fan favourite series (on the tm podcast, guy seemed to take a lot of pride in this when ed mentioned it<3) and i like them all and i wish they would come back and do another 10 episodes. paul if ur reading this make it happen

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