#i'm so fucking exhausted y'all
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My mom: I don't believe that sex and love are inherent to each other.
Me, asexual: Really? Me too! That's-
Mom: Which is another reason that homosexuality is wrong.
Me: Wait, wha-
Mom: Because two men can have sex, but they can never truly love each other.
Me: ...but that's not-
Mom: Also, asexuals don't really exist, they just haven't met the right person yet. :)
Me:
#i thought we might be making some progress there for a second#silly me#i'm so fucking exhausted y'all#lgbtqia#asexual#asexuality#tw homophobia#tw acephobia#tw aphobia#somethin personnel kid
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The universe decided that I have too much smut left to write, and spared my miserable existence. Thank you to everyone who reached out to check on me both here and on discord, and even in ao3 comments. I made it 🩷🖤
I got an emergency appendectomy. I am miserable and hate everyone. Don't look at me. My updates are coming as soon as I can.
#when i tell you i am so fucking sore#they also told me walking will help aid my recovery and I'm like... drop dead jan#but I'm home now and gods above i am going to bed#no update yet as i am just... exhausted#I'm trying very hard to not feel like a failure 🥲#i don't deserve y'all
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Something I need people to understand, especially able-bodied people but I've gotten this from other disabled folk as well, is that yeah I could be doing more, but oftentimes I have to choose between doing what's required of me and what's good for me.
Yeah, I probably could get all of my schoolwork done no problem, but I'm so exhausted after just going to school that doing anything more than lying in bed for a few hours would cost me. Can I physically get up? Yeah, I do when my parents demand it of me, but it's not good for me.
I've tried doing more, I've tried pushing myself to do the things that I need to get done, it just doesn't work. I'll just be even more exhausted, I'll just be in more pain, and it's not fair.
Please stop reminding me of my "potential". Please stop telling me that I'm "not trying my hardest". I know that. Sometimes my hardest is hard on me.
#actually disabled#disability#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#disabilties#i am so tired y'all#i took a several hour nap#then had to go to the store#now I'm doing homework#the nap didn't help by the way#i still need to shower ugh#if one more person tells me i could be trying harder#i'm gonna lose my shit#I KNOW THAT#IT'S EXHAUSTING AS IT IS#FUCK OFF
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Hey, so I find it hard to believe that I have to say this, but it's become a massive problem for me recently and continues to repeat. If I have blocked you in the past and you have hurt me (which you have come to now realize), do not reach out to me, dude. Do not reach out even just to apologize. I don't want to hear from you, and it's extremely upsetting to be continuously receiving asks from people I've specifically cut out from my life because they know I run this blog. It's shitty, it's sometimes triggering, and it's invasive of my boundaries, so stop. Leave me be, and go on your merry way. I've had to restrict who can message me, and STILL people choose to reach out to me through my asks now! I've had to turn them off temporarily because the problem is getting so ridiculous. It's nice that you want to apologize, but some of you have deeply traumatized me in ways I am still reconciling. Please, just leave me be. Stop reaching out on your other/new accounts; you will be immediately blocked the second I find out it's you.
If I've blocked you, Do. Not. Reach. Out. To. Me. If I wanted to talk to you, I would. Move on with your life, please, and respect my boundaries if you truly care.
#blog post#personal#I'm very frustrated with this issue#had someone recently do this in a really triggering manner#i think i may have to take a tumblr break#my life is already so crazy and busy right now; the last thing i need is all these people swarming back into my life#it's great that y'all want to apologize for doing something wrong#that's very nice#but it's triggering as hell for me most of the time#some of you who are trying to reach out#have deeply hurt and traumatized me#you do not have the right fo hurt me so deeply#and just invade my boundaries by reaching out through this blog#because you know that I run it#stop. it's fucking exhausting. i am done with you people.
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yo what a terrible day to be alive on this miserable fucking planet
#you always think shit can't get worse. then society laughs and punches you square in the face.#my thoughts are with all you americans today. i'm fucking livid yet oh so exhausted and wishing I was more surprised#if i could bring y'all here to canada and hide you under my bed i would#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#politics cw
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I completely forgot who Alastor was for a second and was so fucking confused as to why someone's fox Jack Skellington OC was dominating the #aromantic tag.
#dreamer talks#aromantic#alastor#radio demon#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel#y'all I'm so fucking tired#leave me alone#I'm exhausted#in my defense#i havent touched hazbin hotel in ages#might delete later
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the silly urge to try and draw doai characters in jhonen vasquez type art style
#doai#what would happen#if I combined my two autism's#and made the ultimate autism#like how cool would it be to see alex williams but like jthm type style#that is my brain RN#the grind never stops#even when I am so fucking exhausted I can feel my brain pulsing#i'm sorry#should I let the autism win y'all#should I#kaoticviridium
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I'm usually at the office early in the morning so having to sit here well after 3 p.m. bc of the Christmas party (that is only starting at 6!!!!) has me close to a breakdown URGH.
I'm tired my social batteries are already drained and I can't focus for shit. I have nothing to do HELP
#only two more days after today I can do this 😩😭#these people are so.... weird? why are normies so weird???#now that I'm better mentally I notice all the parasocial games and manipulation and underhanded tactics and#....jfc people y'all need hobbies.#staying aware of all this is exhausting as fuck
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Being a new Robin and Zoro fan is killing me when all the figures I can find of them are just Male Gaze Robin and Male Power Fantasy Zoro. I know a lot of it has to do with their post timeskip design changes that I haven't gotten to in the show yet but some of these figures still have the ugliest sexual dimorphism I've ever seen like
Robin vs Robin Figures
Zoro vs Zoro Figures
Zoro protecting Robin vs Zoro protecting Robin Figure
Please let lesbians and bisexuals design their figures I can't take it anymore
#i don't even ship robin and zoro but if i did i would still think that last figure is terrible. y'all deserve better#so far i've only found one (1) zoro figure i like and it's a non-canon cowboy AU zoro with a rifle and no swords#and i only like it because it's the only figure that 1. keeps his leaner physique 2. keeps his tan and 3. doesn't fuck up his face#and i'm STILL on the lookout for a robin figure i like#so far i've only found a few i could tolerate but they still sexualize and whitewash her too much#this is exhausting. zoro and robin they'll never love you like i love you#anyways how funny would it be to have one zoro figure and it has none of his defining swords but instead a weapon he doesn't use in canon#anna watches one piece
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the mental state i'm experiencing right now is something i haven't felt in a Long Time........
#sunrise thoughts#dual fucking wielding two very different yet similar things at once#my brain is losing its fucking shit#and i'm supposed to keep masking it???? oh it's exhausting it's so fucking exhausting.#i'm glad my filters function. most of the time. because Wow.#w o w.#fun fact for y'all: the life series is truly getting to me#i was once a Casual Fan.#now i'm afraid the illness is Getting Way Worse Than I Fucking Expected .#OH WELL!!!!!#we stay silly!!!!!!!!#and little bonus: i'm a martyn guy. y e a h.#hahahaaaahahahahahaaaaaaa#cough#goodbye!!!!! ^-^
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Not gonna lie, seeing every other marginalized group not only being granted solidarity but demanding it from Jews, while simultaneously refusing to combat or even acknowledge antisemitism in their own groups, is absolutely exhausting
#I'm just tired of Jews constantly being the only ones talking about antisemitism#I'm tired of feeling unsafe#it's exhausting#and so fucking alienating#I'm thinking about that one post where it's like 'white South Africans got assimilated into the new anti-apartheid society!'#when we can't even be fully assimilated into places like the US and France where most Jews outside of Israel live#and some of y'all won't even admit that there's a problem#or see us as humans
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soooo. that new big time rush album huh
#how we feeling today rushers (。•̀ᴗ-)✧#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk#anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING#i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out#also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3#is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå#btr#big time rush#another life#album#stop it forever#lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk
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****
Motherfucker, y'all got me writing again, what the fuck?
#nah it's cool#i just banged out 1200 words one night then made myself cry with my own writing the next night#good. great. awesome. love that for me.#i haven't written fic in 10 years#what the actual fucking fuck#also#i'm just out here trying to get to the one scene i wanted to write that started this whole mess but now there's fucking PLOT?#i'm 2900 words in and it's gonna take at least twice that long to get where i wanna go#maybe#if i'm lucky#and why does a bitch need to understand fake science from a fictional world?#fucking hell#i refuse to deal with reya and the holy war#i am not taking it that far#that entire prospect is fucking exhausting and many better writers than me have already gone there#i mean fuck i'm already worried that i've read so much WN fic that i'm subconsciously cribbing story elements#y'all do this for fun? on the regular?#props to the fic writers#i was already a fan but damn i had forgotten how hard this shit is#warrior nun#fanfic
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I think if there's one thing that truly, truly exhausts me about fandom now is when people very vehemently and passionately take sides and hate certain characters over others and dedicate entire blogs just to how much they hate those characters
it's not even in a "be nice, let people enjoy things" kind of way, like that's whatever, I don't need anyone's permission to enjoy anything.
it's more that it's just exhausting. it's just so much work to hate a character like that, especially if you're the type of blog to seek out empirical evidence to back up your viewpoints.
it's one thing to dislike a character and to talk about it. it's another thing to start like, a full-blown campaign trying to get other people on your side. aren't you tired?? don't you have like, actual real life things to do? go clean your room.
#the discourse I'm dodgin' lmao#but literally every fandom I'm 'in' right now has this issue#every fandom has always had this issue#hotd fandom is full of bickering about Ali and Nyra#and how TB sucks and TG is perfect or vice versa#Legacies fandom CONSTANTLY pitted the twins against each other which I found esp ironic#given that the twins themselves were more ride or die for each other than anyone else#YJ has all of the arguing about whether Ja or Sh was the better/worse friend#people starting Je hate blogs just b/c they don't understand and/or like some jokes about him being a malewife#just. so much. bickering.#and meanwhile I'm the type to be like 'they're all messy fuckers and I love them for that' in every situation#so I just can't quite grasp having fun doing it the other way#to each their own and everything but damn#I'm exhausted just thinking about putting that much effort into being angry about fictional people lmfao#also obvi I'm not the fandom police y'all can do whatever the fuck you want#I just can't relate
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those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again
#i'm so exhausted i just have to rant even tho nobody will care#i have some trouble sleeping because i'm either waiting for another attack to happen#or reading the news about dozens of missiles flying at my country#or hiding in the bathroom while listening to explosions because it's supposed to be the safest place in our appartment#and then i open social media and see all the destruction and casualties and deaths that happened overnight#and at the same time i see people adoring and praising and defending russians and their culture and language#and creaming themselves because of their “mysterious russian soul”#and telling ukrainians that they are stupid and toxic and that what they feel about their killers and occupiers is wrong#well newsflash y'all#russian culture is nothing but blood and death#russian language is nothing but blood and death#it's not just fucking putin doing all of this shit#he wasn't there when ukrainian nation and culture and language were oppressed for literal fucking centuries#did russia invent human cloning for putin to be all those soldiers at the frontline and all those people building drones and missiles?#open your fucking eyes and think for a fucking second#i go to sleep every night fearing that i may not wake up#and then in the morning i see people admiring russians and foaming at the mouths defending them#and then also fucking michael sheen of all people sending his love to them#and i become so insanely pissed#get a fucking reality check#i'm so sick of people excusing russia and its actions#once again guess i'm a walking big bad angry ukrainian stereotype#well that's what war does to you#i won't wish for anyone to experience this but also it may be the only thing that makes some people aware of what a rotten thing russia is#i'm so done and i don't want to feel all of this and i don't want to be a human and i don't want to have thoughts#maybe it's for the best if a missile flies into my room so i won't have to be here any longer and witness all of this shit#(it's a thought i've been having lately and ngl it kinda scares me)#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#btw i've just discovered there's a limit of 30 tags
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byan will be carded well into their thirties whenever they try to buy alcohol or weed, i fear
#speaking as someone who has to regularly show two pieces of id when trying to buy either despite being thirty-fucking-one#(and the legal age for both here is 19 btw so APPARENTLY i still look like a fucking baby)#you can't tell me byan hasn't got chronic baby face#as much as they'll love that first year of being able to wave their id and not have anyone stop them#they'll become exhausted with it FAST#biggest fuckin eyeroll you've ever seen as they drag their wallet out#hand their card to the cashier in the sassiest fuckin way imaginable#(it's very annoying. can you tell that it annoys me.)#idk. silly fuckin headcanon based on personal experience bc i do not envy you americans today#i'm anxious as a canadian (bc we unfortunately tend to follow your trends) so i cannot fathom what it must be like for y'all tonight#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
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