#i'm really very fucking sick of a lot of these men if i'm honest

[navree]

as you may have guessed, i'm the last tumblr girlie to watch the terror, and i know he's the antagonist and i don't particularly like him, but imma be real, if i were hickey, i would have killed and eaten a lot of these fuckers too. wouldn't even need to be starving, i'd just do it.

[how-very-superbat]

Lengthy Superbat Fics!

I'm not sure how to really define 'lengthy' so I'm going for 20k+ (and Superman x Batman of course)

I just looked at how many I have and oh my god this is going to be very long. I will put a *** next to my favourites

From This Day Forward by Mithen (29k) When Kal-El of the House of El must marry a wealthy Terran for diplomatic reasons, Krypton will never be the same.

Action and Re-Action by Mithen (24k) In the first issue of Justice League after the reboot, Batman told Green Lantern he had never met Superman before. This story takes that statement at face value--but what if Bruce Wayne had met him before?

Stranger in a Strange Land by Mithen (27k) (Literally how does Mithen have time for all this) Kal-El of Krypton arrives on Earth as an adult. To the Justice League's surprise, Batman volunteers to introduce him to human ways. There's an immediate bond between the two men, but cultural differences and miscommunication complicate their relationship.

"Did you all have to get sick at the same time?" by Writer_loves_tropes (25k) Alfred is away on a well deserved vacation and Bruce is left to take care of the three Bat boys by himself. He's pretty sure he can easily take care of an eight year old, an eleven year old, and a twelve year old without having to call Alfred for backup. He's Batman. Batman can handle anything, right?

An Honest Conversation by frozenpotions (60k)*** “So Bruce’s longtime best friend had suddenly decided to start eye-fucking him at random. So what? Bruce was used to being the object of this kind of attention. It didn’t bother him. It was—should have been fine. The issue was that it was Clark, and Bruce had enough trouble remaining rational about him at the best of times.” or Bruce and Clark go from friends to lovers the long, long, long way round. Featuring a number of revelations, a well-meaning but nosy son (Dick) and, most prominently, two adult men being completely and utterly useless.

as to which may be the true by susiecarter (53k) It isn't difficult to go on in the wake of Superman's death. His resurrection, though, poses a problem—especially when it turns out there's no such thing as the right moment to explain that Martha Kent's obnoxious billionaire friend? Is also the man who tried really hard to shove a kryptonite spear through Clark's face.

all each riddles, when unknown by susiecarter (52k) Clark, struggling to deal with the events of Black Zero Day, is assigned a straightforward human-interest piece—on Wayne Enterprises. Then Batman catches Superman's attention, Clark Kent starts investigating Batman, Bruce Wayne spends a lot of time arguing with hitting on Clark Kent, and Bruce's best efforts to find a way to hurt Superman start to bear fruit. And then things get complicated.

and if the sun comes by susiecarter (30k) Steppenwolf isn't interested in accepting defeat and walking away. Superman's proven that he's the key to conquering Earth, and Steppenwolf returns with a plan for how to deal with him. A plan that Bruce is able to throw a wrench into—but not without certain unintended consequences.

Only Human by saltedpin (23k) Clark temporarily loses his powers, and while it's initially jarring, he gradually adjusts and tries to go about on a somewhat normal routine after telling his inner circle (which can also include the League since they're building themselves up). Problem is that he is somehow an even bigger danger magnet than Lois in this state.

Loading and Aspect Ratio byJUBE154 (45k) It had started out as a simple design, black everything with black outlines and black hood. It got a little more intense as the world went on, got wind of his ghost on the streets, and became scared of The Bat. So Bruce got a little more creative with it, Alfred and him had a good laugh over the name, the scare. So now the suit had a visible bat-theme, an insignia to drape in the shadows and to paint across the streets of Gotham: “The Batman can fly, you know, I’ve seen his wings.” (A world where nobody has wings, but people think they do, and that changes everything.)

Whoever Falls First by liodain (34k) "There's more kryptonite out there. When the Superman returns, there's going to be an all-star battle royale in the criminal underworld. Every megalomaniacal freak will want a piece of it so they can get a piece of you. And some of them will manage. They'll weaponize it and won't hesitate to use it against you, and when that happens I will not have you flailing around like an idiot." aka: Bruce teaches Clark how to fight.

Repeat Your Favourite Mistakes And Love Them All Again by watchingthestars13 (160k)*** "Oh dear," came Alfred's surprised voice from the stairs, and all of them turned to look at him. His face was a little pale as he stared at all the boys, Jason's huge t-shirt, Tim's dress, Damian wrapped in a spare cape that was in the batmobile. At least Dick was able to fit into Tim's Red Robin pants, and Jason in Damian's Robin pants. Had Bruce been a lesser man, he would've said 'dear god, help'. All it took now was for their eyes to meet before Alfred composed himself.

Opposites Eventually Attract by Pandamomochan (34k) When an accident forces Clark and Bruce to be no more than ten feet apart from each other at all times, both heroes are forced to evaluate what their relationship really means to each other.

The Long Hangover by CoffioCake (55k)*** Clark knows he should take a break: His powers are on the fritz, he feels like shit, and Batman’s treating him like a liability. But Gotham's villains seem to have it in for Metropolis' Big Blue Boy Scout and Clark won't just wait around for answers. Batman might be the world’s greatest detective, but Clark Kent is one of the Daily Planet’s most tenacious reporters. This is definitely a job for Superman.

Conflated by PamiGami (31k) “Are you sure you’re feeling quite all right, sir? I was but fairly sure the head hadn't been impacted.” “No… no, please. Listen. I’m in his body, but I’m not him. I can prove it.” Ill at ease, Clark rubbed at the back of his head, not stopping to think about the weird sensation of feeling not his own curls, but somebody else’s hair. The man continued to stare at him with piercing and scolding eyes. “I believe you.” He nodded. “Mister Wayne doesn’t say please this early in the morning.”

the cost of being a good dad by Mawiiish (96k)*** Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian are all tired of watching Bruce struggle with the stress of trying to handle the newly formed Justice League. He needs an outlet, he needs to relax, he needs to get out of the house, he needs... he needs to start dating. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

Get Over It by rotasha (32k) Bruce needs to get over his inconvenient feelings for Superman and he meets an attractive reporter who he thinks can help him do just that. Little does he know...

[octuscle]

My latino boyfriend is always making fun of me about how uncultured I am and I'll admit, I come from a pretty basic white family. But while my boyfriend seems playful about it, I think his family judges me a lot for it. And from the little spanish I know, I could pick up that they don't really seem to like me too much. So I was pretty surprised when his mother invited me to their family gathering. But when I got there, my boyfriend wasn't there, but everyone has been treating me really nice- saying I'll fit right into the family. Seems odd to me though, maybe I misread them?

Even though everyone is very nice to you, you feel extremely uncomfortable. Yes, compared to your friend's family, pretty much everyone is uncultured. The townhouse looks like it was just photographed in Architectural Digest. Whereas your friend's Argentine mother would never allow such vulgarity. Incredibly, the family is only here a few weeks a year…. But such a luxury….

They all speak English as if they were born in Oxford. Okay, most of them studied there. But as soon as they want you to miss something, they immediately switch to French. That you understand and speak a little Spanish, they have already noticed. The risk that you could understand them when they speak Spanish is too great.

The mother asks you to take a seat at the coffee table. You sit down and take a cupcake. The butler asks you what he can bring you to drink. You actually want to say, "A tea, please". But without being able to control it, you reply, "A beer, mate." What the hell was that? You didn't say that. You look around in fear. But instead of looking reprimanded, everyone smiles at each other in satisfaction. Fuck, how are you sitting here at the table? You've slid down with your legs wide apart and are lying on the Louis Quinze sofa more than you're sitting. The butler brings a bottle of beer and a crystal glass. You take the bottle, drink a big gulp and burp. "Hehehe, that was a good one" you say laughing with your mouth full after eating half a cupcake in one sitting.

"Tell me Steven, are you a native of London?" asks your friend's brother. "You be' your ass, pal," comes out of your mouth. "Bawn an' raised in Tottenham. An' call me Steve, mate" Fuck, you're from a village in Sussex. Why would you say something like that? "Interesting. But tell me Steve, how do you know my son?" asks the father. You'd like to say that he should actually know that you two play soccer together. But instead you say that you take care of the lawn mowing and stuff like that on their son's soccer team. "How interesting, we are looking for a new gardener for our house in the country. Would you be interested?" "You bet I would, ma'am. Anything's better than this crappy job. I'm getting sick and tired of this damn town, too." The brother of the guy who plays in the soccer club pulls out a piece of paper. "Here's our proposal. Could you start tomorrow?". All you see is the salary. Fuck, that's a lot of fucking money for a little lawn mowing and weeding. You don't think twice and sign it with your scrawly handwriting.

Can you remember that yesterday you were 22 years old, a hard-working student and a promising soccer player? Now you're tending the vegetable garden in a run-down country house in the middle of nowhere. None of the staff has ever seen the gentry here. And somehow no one here can really remember what they did before they started working here as a game warden, mechanic or janitor. Fuck, never mind. All hot men here with an irrepressible urge for hard, good and honest sex. Whatever you were doing before you came here, it must have been worse by far.

[0lshadyl0]

Do you think asl would work well together or would it end up as disaster? ( can it be Yandere please )

I'll assume darling is female since you didn't specify

Are you really asking this question? With Ace, Sabo, and Luffy? Let's be honest, they have the best sibling relationship without sharing blood ties in the entire series (and other series... I don't know, it's not like I can afford to watch other animes, besides the rest of my free time I spend playing Genshin Impact), so if what you are looking for is a polyamorous relationship, either platonic or romantic (in the latter rule out Luffy because he can only be yandere platonic, I don't see in my head how this guy could feel romantic desires for someone, no, just not), ASL is your best bet

Now if we go to the dynamics of how the relationship would work, it will depend a lot on how it is formed and in what sense, for example, if it is a healthy platonic relationship between siblings (and in the specific case that it was formed when they were all children being slaughtered by Garp and his fists of love), then we would be seeing that they will treat you the same as Luffy, or in case you are younger than them, (Ace and Sabo), they will be a little more overprotective of you, if you are even younger than Luffy (or if you are female), in the beginning of your adventurous years you will not be alone, at least you will be in a pirate group under the command of Ace or Luffy, (Sabo does not count because we will presume him dead at that time), girls cannot go outside unsupervised sea, not with all those perverts sailing the seas in search of beautiful young and fertile girls (I see you Shanks, Mihwak, caesar, DOFLAMINGO) and all those old bastards who didn't get married in time and feel lonely and misunderstood since their children ignore them (kaido)

Now going to the field where the beautiful stops being so beautiful and love becomes sick:

Yandere ASL Platonic Polyamorous Relationship

• In this situation, I assure you that it is 100% Luffy's fault and his ability to make other platonic yanderes

• Any chance of forming a romantic relationship with Ace or Sabo dies if the first of these three you meet is Luffy.

• Because, if he says that you are brothers, my dear, you are family

• And no, they are not the type of family where the brothers want to marry each other (disgustingly cool in fiction but fucking disgusting if it is in real life, say no to incest, there are many fish in the sea and many 2D men/women to simp (Nico Robin, my love))

• Get ready to always be accompanied by one of them, privacy? what is that? is it eaten?

• Also keep in mind that you are Ace's emotional support every time he has his attacks of “I'm Roger's son, everyone hates me, I hate myself too”, I think, out of the three, it's him that you will spend more time

• Until Luffy comes to steal you because he found a new island with very cool animals and he wants to go on an adventure with you.

• Really the one who has to manage everything in the relationship and be 'the older brother' is Sabo

• Poor him, considering all the extra work he has as a revolutionary, now he also has to deal with the fact that his brothers don't want to share (Luffy is the most possessive of the three and the one who starts the fights)

• So when you get frustrated go with Sabo, you will have time for yourself while you are watched by the piercing eyes of the revolutionary

I will not speak more about this dynamic because the post will be longer than it already is, besides that it looks like another request that they made to me, I will delve into it more calmly in that future post

Yandere AS, Romantic Polyamorous relationship Platonic with L

• The way in which this relationship occurs, is by following certain rules that, first of all, is doing the opposite of the platonic relationship, in what sense? you may be asking me

• Simple, Luffy shouldn't meet you first.

• If you meet Luffy first it's game over, from now on you have three brothers, live with it

• You can have the opportunity to be Sabo's darling, be part of the revolutionaries, or he saving you from some injustice (he has a hero complex, it increases if you are a woman)

• With Ace you can find him on Whitebeard's ship (maybe being his daughter? A nurse? Marco's apprentice? (I would be, I don't hesitate) are you stupid or ridiculously strong enough to face the yonkou?, I don't know, you tell me) or literally on any random island that he visited while looking for Teach (or you guys met in Wano, the possibilities are limitless)

• Or in an invented scenario where we are all happy, Ace did not die in marineford and was reunited with his brother who he presumed dead in a tragicomic scene with many tears, emotions, and heartbreaking flashbacks

• In any case, the second rule is that Sabo and Ace must discover you at the same time, note that this is important because although neither of them is possessive, Sabo is a jealous person and although he would never do anything to hurt Ace, if he chooses you first, he won't share you, what Sabo will do is manipulate Ace into looking the other way while he stays with you

• Let's remember, Sabo is a manipulative and protective yandere, Ace is another protective yandere, but he is also delusional and that is what puts him at a disadvantage compared to Sabo who thinks with a cooler head

• So if you stick to these rules, congratulations, you now have two very hot boyfriends and an annoying brother-to-be who is going to irritate his older siblings because he wants to hang out with his brothers's girlfriend.

• Basically this relationship is based on Sabo having control of the dynamics between the four of you (distracting Luffy, keeping Ace stable and his delusions, keeping an eye on you, you know, everything a manipulator can control)

[mewos-laptop]

I wanna talk abt smth that rlly bothers me, so I'm gonna put it under the cut bc as per usual I'm going to be VERY OPINIONATED and will absolutely not word this kindly. This is my space to be as angry as I want and I will not tolerate anyone telling me I'm being too mean abt this.

Tw for discussion of transmasc erasure and my own experiences with it, mentions of trauma, romance and dating, and me venting.

TERFS and transmasc exclusionists FUCK OFF. I will not hesitate to say VILE SHIT abt you if you comment bullshit on this. /srs

So, I'm transmasc, but generally use the term transmasc and trans man interchangeably for myself irl, bc describing myself as a boy is far easier.

I used to be dating this girl, and she was. A real piece of work /neg, but that's a whole other story. While we were dating she wld CONSTANTLY talk abt how "I wld NEVERRR date a cis man, cis men are SOOOOO GROSSSSS and traumatizing, oh but dw I still think trans men are men", and mind you, she was AWARE that I am a boy. After we broke up, she came out as a lesbian.

If I'm gonna be 100% honest, I see shit like this ALL THE TIME in the queer community at large as well, and it REALLY feels misgendering to me.

Whenever I see sum1 talking abt how gross and disgusting and traumatizing cis men are, but double back and then say "oh well not trans men tho" it makes me feel like less of a boy if that makes sense.

I know that people have been fear-mongered into never trusting cis men specifically, but I just can't help but feel like they're downplaying MY identity as a boy, and saying that I'm "less of a boy" compared to cis guys.

"Oh yeah I only hang out w/ girls and trans men" why are you grouping me in with people who I clearly have expressed I am not a part of ? And why do you express disgust at masculine features *I* want to have ?

Is it because you actually don't think I'm a boy, and you think you're allowed to just disregard my identity because I don't look like a boy ? Because if so, you're a real fucking awful trans ally.

I'm so fucking sick of seeing this mentality expressed within the queer community and within MY OWN RELATIONSHIPS. I'm not a fucking commodity for you, I'm not "less of a guy", I'm not a they/them user.

I'm really fucking tired of being feminized by my OWN COMMUNITY, a lot of the time by OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, for the sake of THEIR OWN FEELINGS.

I'm gonna be honest rn, if you decide you can change my identity as a boy for your feelings, then I don't give a shit abt your feelings. If you decide that you can make me into "girl who wants to pretend to be a boy" then I'm going to tell you that your trauma is getting in the fucking way of your relationships and either YOU need to deal with it, or you need to get out of my life.

I don't care abt your trauma with men if it means you're going to decide I'M not a boy.

[bredforloyalty]

Hii would you like to share your favourite fics?? In any fandoms tbh i just trust your taste a lot 🫣

oh i am an animal i don't think i have good taste i have the taste of someone who's always horny and a teeeeny tiny bit fucked in the head jcsgbhy but i'm honored you asked and i'll share<33 you said you don't care if it's more smut or more plot so i didn't worry too much about that 👍

first off, a warning: most of these are explicit, involve incest, rape, child sexual abuse, and more!!! also most of them are on the shorter side + all are male slash! you'll be able to tell based on the pairing and the concept (i'll describe them a little) so just go by common sense and, idk. beware ahaha i'll go from some pairings to assorted and then the rick and morty ones will be under the read more (i feel like i can't leave them out because some of them genuinely made me insane and changed me as a person or allowed me catharsis like very very few fics before and even though it's repulsive to most others i can't deny that. there are big favorites in there. favorites of all time if i'm being fully honest). let's go..

gcest:

ghost dancer - by the lovely and talented rye @ supersonic1994!!!! noel overdoses on coke. i looove the image of kissing your brother when you think you're about to lose him forever,, does that make sense? love is love is love when one is desperate and if it's deep then it can transcend taboos and boundaries of self and all that shit. you know

things we never see - told through jill furmanovsky, their photographer, noel comes back (after they had almost broken up and he went to san fran without telling anyone). when it comes to them i do love an outsider pov. speaking of outsider pov,

you never notice you are blind - five times alan mcgee thinks he catches something between them and one time he definitely does. it is what it is

i don't really want to know - Nawt consensual, made me a bit sad hehe liam is not sick like him

some that are like, unhealthy jealousy possessiveness dubcon angst and so on: sins like scarlet, fishhook, what am i gonna dream now

samdean:

hungry til well fed - by the wonderful bug @ deanjohn (and mandymovie)!!! iconic cannibalism fic, just so them

brighter wound - wound blood pain codependency babeyyy

take the things you love - hathfrozen is iconic also.. i loved the heaven fic (you'll find it. if you want) but i want to share this because i like how conflicted sam is about their relationship and about the way dean treats him. smutty though

manhattan for beads - what i wrote down is this is the one where they try and it doesn't work and it's heartbreaking. so yeah candle_beck can be trusted w spn, iconic too

serpent round your heart - one of the first ones i read haha ^^

deanjohn:

where the evening splits in half - bug fic also!! all of bug's fics are great do check them out if you're interested in this pairing or dadson at all, seriously.. "Sam says, "I know how you felt about the man." No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t know that Dad was a pig. He has no idea how far down Dean was in the mud with him. How dirty they both were, how much Dad ruined him."

midnight midnight - first time, dean hooks up with men so john can take blackmail pics and he gets jealous and yeah, hooray

and you learn how to settle for what you get - sex again but they're fucked up so it's always fucked up. dean never asked for it

waltjesse:

like i'm underwater - by the amazing @ kuleaxoxo!! yayyy power imbalance!! "Mister White's showing him off, isn't he?"

monaco - jesse gifts walt the watch. dubcon

i'm asking you to - rape roleplay, ignored safeword

others:

countercontrol - terence fletcher/andrew neiman, "Andrew leaves; but he always comes back. He likes to think that it’s of his own accord. But then he thinks of those paintings of staircases with the optical illusion of the stairs going nowhere except winding into each other, going the same place again and again, and ultimately going nowhere."

beach fag - roman roy/jeryd mencken, "Roman wishes he was a kid with an adult boyfriend."

the serpent under it - aaron stampler/martin vail, look i fucking love primal fear this is post-canon they get together etc. important to me

simple pleasures - edward nygma/bruce wayne, this is a big favorite i can't leave it out because when this was um coming out i was fucking obsessed. it's long i don't even read long fics

there's a head in the refrigerator - michael afton/william afton, this one's sort of self-explanatory..... i felt we needed necrophilia representation here

rick and morty:

bitter and begging - FAVE.. after the jealousy and possessiveness in vindicators 3 (the episode with the avengers copies that morty is enamoured with. who rick slaughters when he's off his shit and then covertly confesses how much he loves morty basically). this one really got me i think i cried because it's all so sad but um. full of love

that's my boy - this is the first of a series, i like that it's the start of.. the sexual abuse and they're still uncertain like i enjoy the in-betweens and when lines are crossed

love is a solitary thing - this one i love so much, it's about morty's fantasies and unrequited feelings for rick

safe - gen, morty starts talking with another morty whose rick rescues mortys from abusive ricks. i always really liked how the multiverse is like a prism? you can explore the different facets of their relationship and the possibilities and the extremes through it, you can have your characters meet their worst and their best versions, i just think selves from different dimensions are a great tool. in storytelling. and eliciting emotions. anyway rovingotter is fucking solid here

hands - a favorite.. the atmosphere... "He wonders if he'll still be sitting here in ten years, handing Rick his screwdrivers, feeling that hot instinctive rush of pleasure at knowing what Rick is going to ask from him before he even asks: bred for it."

the shape you made me - morty's stream of consciousness. i usually don't give stuff like this a chance but when i tell you that this affected me. because fuck it did affect me

the damage has been done - um..... internal cardiac massage fic 🥴

repurposed - "Is it ethical to leave the horrors of the universe at a boy's fingertips?"

and last but NOT least there's this series that i haven't read in full, just a little bit broken, that fucking killed me. tbh! i sobbed at some parts legitimately. maybe that's just on me i don't know maybe it isn't. the first 5 are crazy. admittedly alcoholism runs in my family too (lol!) and their relationship is so tragic.... this fic is about when rick quite literally stole the kid's dreams, concocted an entire plan to erode morty's love of heists and make him stop writing his heist movie script (and having any aspirations or plans outside of rick). when i watched that episode these are exactly the emotions i wanted more of.. it's madness......

[ceasarslegion]

Ive made my stance on oppenheimer discourse very clear but one detail of it that really bothers me is the "movies about sad white men are always bad" attitude, and i didnt really know why until i was able to sit down and parse it out.

Here's the thing. I have a film degree, I've spent more time in movie theaters than I have sleeping and I've easily seen more films and shows than all of my peers combined. Which isn't a flex btw, I'm a little hermit who prefers the warm embrace of a cinema seat to human connection and is the most annoying mfer imaginable during family movie night; don't be like me.

But I know hollywood, I know cinema history, and I know the legitimate frustration this attitude comes from. Hollywood doesn't like to take risks, they have to historically be dragged kicking and screaming into any territory that isn't a guaranteed profit, which usually means that we get periods of stagnation where every film is the same goddamn formula over and over again until audiences get sick of it and stop buying tickets en masse. Hollywood also tends to reflect the dominant culture and the sociopolitical issues of the time, but not SOOO much that you'd rock the boat. As an exec, you wanna hit that sweet spot where audiences relate to your films without them being so blatant that they'd cause them to question things that weren't acceptable to question. Noir was a picture-perfect example of that.

And in the modern day, that DOES tend to translate into the weird genre of Sad White Man Who Regrets Killing Foreigners movies. Like American Sniper. But I've seen American Sniper, so I can speak on how lowkey disturbing I found it, and the history it's based in and the goals it had as an art piece were to make you sympathize with a system of corruption. And here's my unpopular opinion: if done RIGHT, those films still have a place within the cinematic sphere of influence, like if you made a film exploring the psyche and experiences of what leads a man to willingly participate in a system like that, but that's not really what it was.

Now let's move onto Oppenheimer and other films like it. I don't think these films are at ALL equivalent to films like American Sniper, even if they follow a sad white man who regrets killing foreigners. You are looking at the bare bones surface level of it and assuming its contents both real world and dramatized and judging it based on that instead of the, well, actual film.

One of the biggest differences here is that Oppenheimer WAS an important historical figure just, objectively. Even removing all western racial influence from the equation, you can not look me in the eyes and tell me that the man who invented the atomic bomb in the middle of the largest world war of modern history was not an important historical figure. If you try to make THAT argument just based on the sad white man-ness of him, I'm sorry but your point is already moot, because it's not based in historical fact anymore but your own personal subjective feelings. He IS an important historical figure, he's not soldier number 648 in the middle of a massive battlefield who followed other peoples orders.

And also to be completely honest, you are a huge fucking liar if you try to claim that people like Dr. Oppenheimer are not interesting. Flawed people who make flawed decisions with complicated variables are what make for good fiction, so when one exists in the historical record, of course they are going to interest people. They are going to be studied and interviewed if they're still alive and have their entire lives and every word they said picked apart and analyzed because they are interesting. You are straight up lying if you try to act like these people arent interesting enough on their own to have media made about them, regardless of what identity they had that fits into the opposing side of the 21st centure culture wars. This attitude reminds me a lot of the people who claim that the only reason anybody could find true crime interesting is because they MUST want to fuck jeffrey dahmer or whatever. The argument just doesnt hold up because all it takes is one person going "thats not what i find interesting about them" to collapse that entire absolutist argument.

So yes, hollywood absolutely has a racism and war glorification issue. But I take issue when these accusations are just made blindly against any historical dramatization based on nothing but the poster. If you're going to talk about hollywoods sad white men issue, at least make sure the films youre citing actually fit that bill AND that you actually understand whats WRONG with those sad white men movies, because its not just the presence of a sad white male protagonist, its a conglomerate of various sociopolitical issues that must be present within those characters and what they represent.

[jessjad]

Unexpected

Chapter 15 - Epiloge

Summary: After a Halloweenparty Y/N actually didn't want to got to, her life seems to be turned around. The reason is a very stubborn Supe that seems to have her in his visier. Is it just a coincidance or more?

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

Word Count: 881

Warnings: none really, again some medical freedom

A/N: Here we are. The last chapter. Do we still remember the little secret Y/N had? Well, here comes the answer to that. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy!

My Masterlist Series Masterlist

5 Months later...

"You really don't need to come with me." Y/N said for the third time while she was putting on her coat.

She turned around to look back into her living space just to see Ben already standing there, waiting for her. He was wearing some black jeans, a dark green Henley, his most favorite boots and a very stubborn and determinate look on his face.

"I'm coming with." was all he said, his arms crossed infront of his chest.

One thing Y/N had learned in the last months was that the supe who didn't left her side anymore was a lot more work than she had thought. It was tough for him to get used to the new world he had woken up in. The technology, the new worldview of men and women. Y/N knew that he had felt lost.

After everything that has happened with Homelander on school side, mankind screamed for a change and the overthrow of Vought. Most people didn't want to be around supes anymore and they questioned if it was still necessary to have superhuman people on the loose. The discussion did not end, especially with recurring footage that the world should never have seen. Bloody, horrific splatter that showed how much the supes just did not care.

Everything Ben had lived for, worked for, was now the worst thing of all and he did not know what to do with it. The once most loved man had lost his worth and he just couldn't handle it. This drove even her to despair sometimes.

"Okay, okay." Y/N gave in.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting in Doctor Field's consulting room, waiting. Doctor Field was a specialist in DNA research and nuclear medicine. He was recommended to Y/N after she explained her new situation to her previous doctor. While Y/N sat quietly in one of the chairs, Ben paced around the room.

"Ben, can you please sit down?"

"Where the fuck is this mountebank?" Ben said, ignoring her question. "Back in my day they never left me fucking waiting."

He sounded annoyed, but Y/N heared that he was a little on edge too. And she could not blame him. She hadn't felt any different when she first told Ben about her appointment with Doctor Field. Of course he immediately wanted to know why. But she found it difficult to find the right words. By now, Y/N knew that he had an abandonment problem and it was difficult for her to know how he would react to this news.

So she explained to him that they had Alzheimer's in the family. After her grandma showed the first signs, Y/N's mum had herself tested, but nothing was found in her case. So Y/N had dared to take the test too, but her test came back positive. She had inherited the ApoE4 gene twice. Which meant she would most likely get sick. Ben then disappeared for three days.

"Sorry I kept you waiting." the door opened all of a sudden and startled both of them. "But now I'm here. So let's not waste any more time."

The doctor sat down behind his desk and opend up Y/N's file. Now Ben also sat down next to his woman. Eventhough he looked normal he couldn't deny that he was a little worried now. But only minimally.

"So? What are my results?" Y/N asked nervously, but doctor Field did not answer right away.

"To be honest, I've never seen anything like this before." Well, that did not really help. "Your original test results were several years ago now. So we repeated the tests using today's standards. Normally the results should not have changed much. But still... it's different in this case."

Y/N and Ben saw how his eyes drifted from one to the other.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ben wanted to know.

Ben had asked Y/N almost the same question after he came back three days later. The argument that had ensued afterward because he had simply left Y/N alone and then acted as if it had never happened had ended in wild, hot sex and his word that he just had to get out, getting high and brake a few things. And Y/N believed him.

"The ApoE4 gene has... changed. There is a certain blueprint for every gene, but for you it looks different now. It has changed. The radioactive radiation you've been exposed to for so long seems to be affecting the gene."

"How?" Y/N asked surprised.

Did that mean, that there was still hope? With one quick look to Ben, she saw that he seemed to think the same thing.

"To fully determine that we need to make further tests." But now doctor Field was looking at Ben, not Y/N.

"No fucking way." Ben stared back.

"To fully understand what has happened here, we need to find out how the radioactive radiation affects you. You're a supe."

"Fuck off!" he shouted. "I'm not gonna let you do some tests on me like I'm a fucking lab rat."

"Ben..." Y/N tried to calm him down, but she knew it was uselss.

"No fucking way!"

And as the discussion continued, Y/N had to grin. No matter how this turned out, she wouldn't have it any other way.

A/N: This is it. I really liked these two. 🥹 Aaaand I left the ending open on purpose. Maybe I'll come back to them. 😊

Thanks to everyone who gave this story a try, reblogged or commented on it. It really meant a lot to me! 💜 And maybe we'll see eachother on my next story. 🤗

@lyarr24 @k-slla @leigh70 @deadlydivergentgirl @deans-spinster-witch

@chriszgirl92 @bitchykittenconnoisseur

[ninelivesastrology]

Single non-BIWOC who can't decenter men are so quick to tell you to break up with your boyfriend/husband because misery loves company. They know the rules are different for BIWOC because of perceived desirability/value.

They're so quick to say you're being used or that your partner doesn't love you when they're still playing Casting Couch on the first date and they're almost 40. No shade, I wouldn't care otherwise, but I've been judged by them, too.

tw: misogynoir, toxic friendships, ED, body dysmorphia, racial politics, astrologizing negative things, dogwhistling, racial fetishization, infidelity, fatphobia, anti-Blackness

They tell you to leave your partner because in my case, it would boost their self-esteem that I'm a BIWOC single mother. Whole time, their mom is a single mother. But this is the shit that insecure women wish on other women, they want the cycle to repeat, for someone's child to be as lost and miserable as they are. Damn, "fuck them kids," I guess.

I hate to test my friendships like that, but as I get older, the more I lose my non-BIWOC friends. Like if they're not (fully) Black or Indigenous, they're not safe for me because they need to unlearn and the truth is, they may never unlearn. That's not my problem.

The dating climate is shit anyway. It's been poisoned by incel rhetoric.

And it's not me, it's them. I tried to figure out what it is astrologically and to be honest, I have a very good idea. I think it's really compelling that women feel threatened by my appearance. Sometimes I feel like with my Venus in the 1H, I'm just a magnet for women who were attacked in some way or form by physical misogyny, such as being the "fat friend"—Mind you, early 2000s gave us all restrictive EDs—or being the "ugly friend" or being the "invisible friend" because you're friends with the popular girl or the "poor friend" or the "cheated on friend," then they enter this cycle where they need to feel superior to the people they're friends with in adulthood. Years of internalized misogyny.

But it's so different when you're BIWOC and especially different being categorized into those friendship hierarchies has a lot to do with being BIWOC and desirability politics. It's really sick. I have noticed a pattern of non-BIWOC starting friendships with me and it's all about them using me to feel better about themselves, but then they feel like I can have whoever I want over my looks and they're angry about it. Instead of me fulfilling the stereotype that I'm jealous of them, they're jealous of me. Every stereotype is really a projection.

I wasn't really socialized to define myself by my looks either, the body dysmorphia was rampant for years. At one point, I was the "ugly friend."

I just think back to that one Tiktoker that pissed everyone off, the one that said, "Yet every morning, you're looking at yourself in your full length IKEA mirror going, 'You're so hot, you're the prettiest girl in the world.' Okay, and? And even if that were true and let's be honest—*doubtful and shady white girl expression*—Who cares? Spell "Pharaoh." Tell me what the FTC does..." Yeah, she kind of cooked, because she was right, who cares? She subtly called out the people who use empty affirmations over their physical appearance to quell insecurity. I'm still crying, why was the spelling bee word pharaoh?

I think it's very important to mention age is a deeper part of this because the older certain types of women get, the more resentful they become and they need to take out their anger on someone. I wasn't socialized to date, let alone care about doing shit before a certain age. My face is not going to melt at 30.

And while men preach about women "hitting the wall" at 25, 22, 19 (the age is getting lower and lower, goal posts keep moving), that is not my problem. That is an entirely different problem that justifies harm towards a very impressional and powerless group of people.

Women are competing with teens for men in their age group. These are not men I would personally let near me with a 50 ft pole, but because women have been socialized to compete, they're falling for it. I 100% bet 7/10 30-40 year old men have their dating ranges from 18-29 and that 29 is GENEROUS.

The women were socialized to believe they would be married at 25 by the man of their dreams who lets them run their credit card up and lets them act like a baby who needs to be taken care of. It doesn't matter if they know how to cook or clean or not because the results are mixed for me. Usually the ones that can't cook or clean are looking for a replacement father figure. The ones that cook and clean have this conviction that it will keep their man. I don't know what to say besides "decenter men."

When they see a BIWOC woman with their boyfriend, husband, fiance and they have a kid, whether married or not, it eats them up, man.

Women look at my husband different because my husband is a dad. I got the Evil Eye on the train by a white woman because my husband was playing with our dumpling.

Can't gaslight me and tell me it's not because... My husband told me this story about his egg donor's friend having a meltdown at his egg donor's birthday party because her ex husband was there with a Black woman. My husband said based off this, he should've known that Xanny the Nanny would treat me the way she did (like a side-bitch to her man whole time she's playing the role of a side-bitch).

There are expectations non-BIWOC have for their lives and when they don't get their happy ending before a certain age, they lay ruin to everyone else's relationship.

And you know what's absolutely damning about 70% of the non-BIWOC friends I've had in the past 6 years? At one point or another, they've rubbed in it in my face about how Black men want them. Who knows if they're telling the truth? But it's a dogwhistle. It's like, "I can have access to your men anytime I want," and a threat because if I was with a Black man or because they think I want Black men, they'd want me to be paranoid. Oooh, scary, steal your man!!!! Jungle fever!!!

But this is the truth that's projected onto us.

Deep down, non-BIWOC women fear having their men stolen by BIWOC. They fear the light or dark BIWOC that has the privilege of desirability across all races. To some people, we're all the same.

I argue that men are men, but I have a track record of Asian, Black, white, Mixed, Latino men approaching me. White women, Latina women, but I never really got into the wlw scene, I was too pussy to go to a gay bar.

This is the consequence of painting master-slave relationships as forbidden romances and Pocahontas' trafficking as a love story. Every fucking BIWOC dating outside her race is smeared as a raceplayer who hates themselves. And there's a bunch of women lined up to make them hate themselves. Chaos is a fucking ladder and that's the racial hierarchy. And it's usually not even white women unless they have some really shitty self-esteem issue, usually revolving around their weight. The skinny white girls never breathe down my neck, but the big white girls have been my biggest bullies because they're lower in their own hierarchy.

And I don't hate non-BIWOC, I'm really indifferent towards them until they start trying to humble me and make me hate myself and compare myself to them. I wanna look like me, not you. 🤣 What a projection.

[thevtuberconfessional]

Oh I get you, I try to keep away from Nijisanji as much as possible as well. The only streamers I actively watch are Zali and occasionally Sonny (if there's anything bad about them, pls lmk 😭)

But about Kyrio, I really didn't know anything about him so I went in without any prejudices and still immediately picked up on his manipulative behavior.

In one of his first streams he went on a long rant about how there are so many people that keep away from him without ever having talked to him before. He painted it as everyone was wrong and he's so misunderstood and ofc his chat ate it up. But to me this whole rant was just so strange because... sure, there are exceptions, but everyone knows that you can easily manipulate the narrative in a private conversation and that it's better to listen to the majority than to go the "but he was nice to ME" route.

He also often went into long monologues on how much he missed and loves his chat. At first I was like mmm well it's a bit excessive, but pretty much every cc says that nowadays. But since then, it has become just extreme. There is absolutely NO reason for any cc to remember viewers names, not simply usernames but actually preferred NICKNAMES, and single them out and SPECIFICALLY tell that one individual that "I care! I love you! I think you're beautiful! And I am here for you!!" NO. NEVER EVERRR. That's so fucking unhealthy. Luckily I am an adult with friends and family and the ccs I usually watch all set healthy boundaries so I know very well what line is strange to cross. But for anyone in a bad mental state and more vulnerable position, this is so incredibly dangerous. The way whenever new chatters come in he specifically singles them out and asks personal questions and wants to know more. Having nicknames with regular viewers. Saying "don't trauma dump" but every time someone says they have a hard time, he spends minutes telling them that he cares and is here for them. It's sick.

Also, this is a bit more petty, but why tf does he act like he goes through hardship just because he has a deep voice. Like even for men, men with deeper voice have it easier in life. There are so many ccs I can name on top of my head that went viral or popped off PURELY because they have a deep voice, there is a reason so many amab streamers purposely lower their voice when they get started. Sorry Iris but he mentions this so often, it pisses me off every time 😂 YOU'RE LIVING LIFE IN EASY MODE, JUST APPRECIATE IT DUDE 😭😭😂

Hey, no problem. No need to apologize, this is a confession blog-- this blog is BUILT for this stuff! But anyway, yeah. Reading through this ask was the first time I got fully acquainted with the Kyrio drama and WOW, this was a lot worse than I thought. It's really not right. It just feels...scummy. To be honest, this feels like some big issues on his part--I'm not sure if he's doing this on purpose or not, but regardless, he's reaching ALL NEW levels of parasocial. Literally-- I've been in a lot of streamer Fandoms, and this is genuinely insane. I really hope he calms down soon somehow, because this is getting concerning.

Also, yeah, I totally get the last one--while you can mention disliking having a cheap voice a few times [I completely understand having insecurities about your voice and sometimes having genuine difficulty with them], after mentioning it so many times it definitely sounds like attention seeking/fishing for compliments. I try to give the benefit of the doubt in that aspect, usually, but let's be honest, it's getting weird...

Again, no prob, Anon. I like reading your thoughts! Have a good rest of your day or night ~ .

~ Mod Iris

[donnerpartyofone]

7, 17, 27, 37, 47, 57

Woah, thanks for all the numbers! I did 7 in the previous post, but let's see:

17. "opinion on insecurities" hahaha, I didn't even read all of these before I reblogged that thing! My most immediate reaction is that sometimes when you're trying to have an honest reckoning with your flaws and handicaps, people tell you you're just being insecure, and this is one of the central frustrations of my entire existence. If you're forced to constantly pretend that you're awesome and capable of anything, it makes it a lot harder to come to terms with what isn't working. But everyone has insecurities I think, they're probably unavoidable. I guess some people base their entire personality around an insecurity and that's not great, but I think the only thing to do is to try to be honest and lucid about your weaknesses. That's the only point you can proceed from.

27. If I gave you a real accounting of all the things I hate, you would regret it! It's a lot of things, TOO MANY things. I'll just pick one for now: I hate movies about characters who are sort of reclusive, where other characters mob up on them and force them to participate in society as if this is a great gift, as if all human beings want the same thing and that thing is extreme amounts of attention and activity, as if no human being could possibly just enjoy their own company and some peace and quiet. There are a lot of variations on this theme but a good example is THE STATION AGENT. I was like, what the fuck, leave that guy alone!

37. Hmm I also have a lot of favorite actors since I spend most of my time watching movies. Last night I rewatched the incredible THE WORLD'S GREATEST SINNER and I was thinking about how Timothy Carey is like Nicolas Cage before Nicolas Cage, like they're descended from the same stock somehow. They even look alike to me. And then I was thinking about how Michael Moriarty has that same kind of manic, improvisational energy, and all three men are tall. Actually Nic Cage isn't as tall as I always think he is, but Moriarty is 6'3" and Carey was a little over. So Timothy Carey and Nicolas Cage have more similar faces, but Michael Moriarty and Timothy Carey are more the same height. I do not know what this is meant to prove.

47. "Turn ons," eh? I'm prejudicially inclined toward people who are really smart and articulate, but I also like it when people are strangely naive and sweet. I like hairy, vascular forearms and hands, and glasses, and widow's peaks. I like people who have obsessions. I'm totally straight but I'm fascinated by tough, androgynous women and tomboys. I like men who look like weird movie villains. I am attracted to basically all weird movie villains.

But now I want to volunteer one "turn off" from #48, which is that I have zero tolerance for people who are really into deliriously dysfunctional sadomasochistic relationships. Which is what most media will tell you is "true love" or something, and it does look pretty good from the outside, I mean who doesn't want to dissolve into a morbid, swooning obsession? But having experienced a couple of those things, it became very clear to me that they are essentially infantile, ugly, and stupid, and people who insist on that dynamic are like a baby who cries over their shitty diaper and pisses in your face when you try to change it for them. I almost miss being able to enjoy that type of libidinous delirium, but the whole thought of it just makes me sick now. People who pretend to be vampires are never as cool as they want you to think they are.

57. My favorite animal is all reptiles. I like a lot of animals, but reptiles and amphibians more than anything. Right now I'm doing this study of Italian cannibal movies which I knew were full of animal cruelty, but somehow I managed to forget that reptiles seem to get the worst of it. :(

[reinvent-and-believe]

do you think roy always knew he was into men or was he repressed until he realized he was into jamie?

oh anon. i started to answer this, then got inspired and started writing a fic in answer to it instead, then the fic turned into a bigger fic that's going to take me months to finish so i think it's best if i just answer the question. 😅

so thanks for asking, anon, i DO have some thoughts!!!! they are scattered and messy but i'll give it a go.

i don't know that roy has always known he's into men, but i think he's known quite a while. maybe not when he was younger - he might have known in the back of his mind that he liked boys, but he knew he wasn't gay because he definitely liked women, so that's that, no need to think about it past that, it's squared away. even if intellectually he knew about the existence of bisexual people growing up, he wouldn't have considered it an option for himself (and to be honest, i don't think it's a given that he did know it was really a thing. it was the 90s. bisexuality wasn't widely talked about. if you liked men, you were gay, and roy wasn't gay).

roy was born in 1982; he was in the academy and going through puberty and trying to figure out who he was in the 90s. things were not great for us in the 80s and 90s. i'm 8 years younger than roy kent would be, and the way i learned about the existence of gay people was aids and the rhetoric surrounding aids. and that was formative for me; it provided the only frame of reference i had as a kid of what gay people were. that was how i internalized that my queerness—the queerness i couldn't even articulate or understand—made me sick, dangerous, unclean. obviously that's not a universal experience, but it's also not a particularly uncommon one for our generation, and it takes a shit ton of work to unlearn. it would have been worse at roy's age, and i can see it being something that would shape his perception of what it means to be a queer man.

listening to roy talk about himself is fucking devastating and so telling. "sometimes i get concerned that i've been infecting you with the worst parts of me," he tells phoebe. infecting is a pretty loaded word, and it speaks to the deeply rooted shame that roy carries at the very core of his identity. we see over and over throughout the show that there's something about roy that he seems to truly believe is...rotten, repulsive. unlovable, maybe. a lot of people read roy as completely lacking self-awareness, and i get where that comes from, but i don't really read him that way. i think roy's sometimes plagued with self-awareness when he doesn't want to look, and he loathes the things he sees. he knows how he is. he knows the parts he hates about himself. and i think his queerness plays right into that.

ted lasso is, among other things, a show about masculinity, and roy's character arc throughout the show is, among other things, an arc about masculinity, so i think it only makes sense that his sexuality is tied up in that. because in his world, what could be more fundamental to your masculinity than heterosexuality? there's a shit ton of homophobia in football, and it certainly wouldn't have been any better during roy's formative years.

there's a lot you could say about La Locker Room Aux Folles and roy kent's sexuality, and i won't because this is already stupid long, but seriously, have you watched 3x09 while considering that the episode is about roy's repression as much as it is colin's? that it might be colin's coming out episode, but it's roy that functions as the episode's protagonist? that the message colin understands at the end when george hearn croons "i am what i am" is one roy can't let himself embrace by the end of the episode, not even by the end of the season ("i'm still...me"/"wait, did you want to be someone else?"/"yeah. someone better")? that colin may have escaped la cage by the end of the episode but roy's still in there?

the last thing that roy kent wants is to be what he is, and that kind of fundamental, foundational shame reads as very queer to me, feels very queer to me.

so, anyway, i do headcanon that roy sleeps with guys sometimes, at least by the time he gets to chelsea. i don't think it's particularly frequent and i don't think it's particularly healthy and i don't think he lets himself develop anything like a genuine connection, but i think it's what he's allowed himself. i think that's basically where he starts the show, occasionally sleeping with men, refusing to acknowledge it says anything about him. (i could also see him not having fucked a guy, although i like that less. regardless, i do think he recognizes he's attracted to men, even if he doesn't necessarily accept it.)

i definitely think that, when they finally get together, jamie would be his first boyfriend.

anyway, dear anon, you didn't ask for a 1000-word response to your 20-word question, but thank you for coming to my ridiculously rambling and likely incoherent TED talk about roy kent's internalized homophobia 😂

[pearldog30]

Rodolfo (Rudy) Parra head Cannon

Since my last HC in my personal opinion did well. I was not expecting to get any hearts or anything (which I really appreciate it, and thank you all so much. people don't realize how much it really means to new writing like myself.) I'm making another one, and I'm making it on a character that I don't feel like gets enough credit our boy Rudy love him so much! This is also on the more realistic side I try with all my HCS to make them realistic.

Master list

Warnings| none that I know of, and as always let me know if I got the tags right.

1,000% his love song (if the link doesn't work cuz I know sometimes it doesn't it's all of me by John legend slow and reverb)

I feel like out of all the cod men he would be like the least "abusive" one. he would actually go out of his way and take precautionary measures to deal with his trauma/PTSD and all the shit he has to see cuz let's be honest. not a lot of people can handle what he sees on the daily.

He's also insecure about the scars on his body, from fights. not only do they bring bad memories, but he also doesn't want to scare you with them.

Concentrated to popular belief. he's not that emotional since he's always going to therapy, and dealing with his emotions, he's very much mentally drained. (but in a good way. And that's why you're there to give him a warm hug, and just let him lay there and soak in the moment to gather his thoughts.) he would also love it if you went with him, just so he can prove to you he's actually doing very good in therapy and making a difference.

he's also the most easy to earn his trust, and get to know him and get to be a part of his life. (but if you backstab him. or any of the people he loves, and mistreat his trust, there will be hell to pay you don't fuck with him. or his loves ones people learned that the hard way.) but don't be mistaken there's still that little wall he has up due to his job.

Also I feel like there'd be barely any fights, but if there are (because let's be honest no relationship is perfect) he straight up ignores you, and gives you the silent treatment. until y'all can go your separate ways, clear your heads and then have a conversation and talk it through, he wholeheartedly believes on communication is key.

He's also high key the most patient one, and level-headed out of all the guy's. despite him being Hispanic.

With him being so patient he's the one you need the most when you need to vent/rant/etc. and he'll help you through it rather it be giving you ways to deal with it, or just listening to you, he's there. (you will keep putting him in a trance because he's so in love)

I feel like he's also gotten taken advantage of in past relationships so he's clingy as hell.(he's low-key got abandonment issues and has a terrible anxiety about you leaving him because he isn't "good enough")

Also high key A MAMA'S BOY! (you cannot tell me otherwise.) and with him being a mama's boy he treats you so goddamn well, Straight up Queen treatment. Accidentally got you the wrong thing at the store, oh he'll make it his mission like the world's coming to an end. and will go back and get you the right one even if you beg him not because it was just a misunderstanding mistake.

With him being a mama's boy if you earn her trust, (if you thought earning his trust was hard, OH BABY. you have no idea how hard it is earning his mama's with his job she's always low-key looking out for him rather it be partners/job/day to day life.) and if she falls in love with you. OH HELL YOU BETTER WATCH OUT he ain't ever letting you go.

He's also an amazing cook. like man's straight up grew up in the kitchen with his grandma, and Mama. (cooking is like a sad, but good memory for him. since his grandma passed away it's a way for him to honor her.) oh you want some soup💥 BAM💥 it's right there in front of you. you don't even have to be sick just you alone mentioning you're hungry and he's right there on it.

He lowkey sometimes smokes after a rough mission. (nobody knows about it other than the guys, not even you he doesn't want you worrying about his health.)

Love language, words of affirmation, physical touch.

If you read all this thank you so much! I'm sorry this one wasn't a long one. But I hope it was good I tried my hardest. Reblogs and comments are always much appreciated 🖤

[type-three-djinni]

March in media

📚 readings

Ron Kamonohashi - Deranged Detective (vol. 3 to 8): not sure exactly how I feel about how the story deals with bloodlines and this "sickness" but I am having fun with the character dynamic so we'll see where this is going 3,5/5

Sanji's food wars: my pretty wife using Zoro's sword??? Being successful and pretty? 5/5

Hanako-kun vol 18: the hananene/mitsukou parallels truly be paralleling in these chapters 4/5

Spy x family vol 12: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ENDING WHAT THE FUCK 4/5

Daughter of the moon goddess: I have to be honest, I didn't finish this book during March despite my new year commitment because I had to study for some tests, but I was missing only the last few chapters and I finished it on april 1st so I'm counting it. Anyways, I really liked it! And a lot of stuff happens, but without feeling too much, I had a lot of fun 4/5

🍿 movies

When Harry met Sally: romcoms are my Achille's heel, and the insane sweater game of this movie makes up for the sheer stupidity of "men and women cant be friends" 4/5

Catherine Called Birdy: the cast is effervescent, and, while it sways a bit in terms of tone, it was a fun watch 3,5/5

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind: one of those movies that leaves you feeling emptied out, but in the good way. 4,5/5

Red, white and royal blue: their banter is so fucking cute that I almost forgot how much of a nightmare they must have been for their security detail 4/5

Spirit, stallion of the Cimarron: when I was a kid, this movie rewrote my entire dna. Now that I am an adult I can also marvel about the dark magic they must have done to make horse faces emote and communicate without words 10/5

Colorful: the main character is so irritating good lord 2/5

Lilo and Stitch: I missed this movie so much 5/5

Madagascar: oh the good old classics of my youth 🥩/5

📺 series

Overlord (season 1): the premise is very interesting and yet. I was so bored. 2/5

[thingsiwantestosaybutneverdid]

TW.

Block don't report.

Mention of self-sexualisation (as minor)

Mention of sexual topics (r4p3 included)

Mention of self-harm

Mention of molestation

Don't even know why I made this blog. I keep trying to do shit that 'might help me' then lose all motivation in that.

Anyway.

I used to have one of those NSFW accounts on here to get attention from grown men. Was really into DDLG. I doubt I won't go back to that account when I feel low again.

Just the praise and the attention, you know?

Sometimes it feels gross and pathetic. I'm 14, after all. Sometimes I just don't care, and I like it. Sometimes it makes me sob.

The hardest part for me was the rape kink thing. Obviously, I know it isn't normal. I keep thinking about my brother. Sometimes I think I liked it. Other times, I know it's my mind trying to cope with the trauma that's making me feel like I liked it. Either way, I still feel it.

I think that — no, I know that no one will care about me unless I show signs, physical signs, that I'm doing bad. Let's be honest about that. You tell someone you're doing bad and they do nothing. But they catch sight of your scars and suddenly, suddenly they care?

I'm backtracking. Err...

Right. Rape kink.

I saw a post on Quora once, by a girl whose name I'm not saying. She was molested by her brother for many years as a child, too. She said that sometimes she wishes she was raped, so she could have the "justification". I get that. I feel the same way.

She talked about seeking for some things to continue.

I want that. Maybe I want my brother to come back. He left so abruptly, and I can't have any closure now. None. He gave me zero closure, and I just... I don't know what I want anymore.

I think the molestation made me very hypersexual in some sick way. It happened almost every day, and it was the only sort of 'love' that I experienced, from my big brother, who I looked up at.

I started sexualizing myself a lot. Still do. Thinking of myself as a whore, slut, bitch, whatever you could fucking think of. I think that's some kind of self-harm.

I wouldn't be surprised.

I want therapy. I need therapy. But I can't tell anyone what my brother did. I've been hiding it for so long, and I'm scared of what my parents will say. Of what my brother will do.

Maybe my parents will try to justify it. My brother is 3 years older than me. I was 7 when he started molesting me and he was 10. Maybe that justifies it. Maybe he was curious. Maybe he didn't mean it like that.

But the number of times he dry-humped me and cuffed me to my bed, and made me touch those parts of me, and made me watch porn with him...

Maybe he isn't the smartest, but he knew what he was doing. I think. Am I overreacting?

But he was 16 the last time he did it. I was 13. He made me sit on his face, and by then it had been 2 months since I'd last seen him, and I just panicked and somehow found the bravery to crawl away and then he went to juvy for some shit.

But he knew. He knew he knew he knew.

And I hope it's killing him. I hope he thinks of what he did to me.

But I know he probably isn't.

I'm struggling alone on this. He doesn't care. He never cared. I'm beginning to doubt he ever loved me. I'm beginning to doubt everything.

[immortalled]

open to any muses who might intervene

          "—oh, yeah, real mature! Really, really mature!" Nathan's voice carried sharply across the carpark. There was nothing unusual about that, he made famous little effort to use normal volume in any given situation, except that this time the upset in his tone wasn't bluster.

          "You know, you've hit a lot of lows in your time," he went on, throat tight, "but this is a new one, Dad. Even for you."

          He was really, very upset.

          "I'm being honest, Nathan." Mike stood near what must have been his car. In the face of Nathan's animated arm-waving and stiff posture, he looked... drooped. Tired. Already exhausted with this conversation and badly wishing that it would simply end. "Why would I lie to you about something like that?"

          "I don't know, you tell me!" Nathan snipped. "Maybe 'cos you're always looking for someone else to blame for your shit? 'Cos you want mum to look bad?"

          "Nathan, quiet down. You're making a scene," Mike said firmly. "I do not want to make your mother 'look bad', and I'm not blaming her for anything she didn't do. I saw other people because she stepped around on me fir—"

          Nathan would not let him finish. Couldn't stand to hear him finish. His fist met his dad's cheek with little skill but enough force to make Mike stagger backward, off-guard, into the side of his car. The mirror popped.

          "No! No, fuck you!" Nathan screamed. "Stop lying! Stop lying for once in your life! I'm so sick of it!"

          A white flash of pain shot between Nathan's eyes. His head snapped back and blood filled his mouth. Mike, frowning first at the red spot on his cardigan sleeve then at Nathan for putting it there, had punched him squarely in the nose.

          Nathan should let it go. If he'd learnt anything from dealing with his useless prick dad, it was that it was better to just let it fucking go. Some things weren't worth the effort. But this wasn't over a missed birthday, or spotting him with some tipsy slag on a Friday night when he was meant to be at a work meeting... this was insulting Mum. The lowest of the low. And Nathan couldn't believe the balls his dad had to call her a cheat when he was the King Cheat of them all. It made his blood boil. It made...

          It made Nathan go for him again.

          His leaner body hit Mike's at full force and both men fell to the concrete.