#i'm really trying my hardest not to get tempted

[t-lostinworlds]

does anyone wanna spare me $11 to spend on a game skskkskskssk kidding

[inexplicifics]

Hiii! So your newest story got me binging your A/B/O fics (again) and got me wondering…

If AWAU was set in A/B/O, what dynamics would the main characters be? And would it have changed anything?

Ooooh what an interesting question. Alright, let's see how I'd make the AWAU omegaverse. I'm not going to do everyone, but I'll try to hit the main characters and relationships.

Jaskier: The obvious play is to go omega, but I think that's wrong. I think he's a beta, and therefore assumed he wouldn't be vulnerable to the "send off a less-valued child as tribute" ploy. This also explains why he was allowed to go to Oxenfurt and be a bit wild while there, as an omega might not - and why he's not higher in the line of succession for the county, as an alpha son might be.

Geralt: Again, the obvious choice is alpha, due to the whole Warlord of the North thing. But he didn't do that on purpose, after all, and part of the evolution of his relationship with Jaskier is Jaskier seeing past the Warlord-of-the-North mystique to the person beneath. Also, I'm going to assume that Witchers in the omegaverse AWAU have a method of concealing their scents, so as to mitigate issues with outsiders. So I think the feared and fearsome Warlord, who everyone assumes must be alpha among alphas, dominant and terrible, is an omega.

Eskel: Alpha. Of the "care for my pack" variety, specifically - he'll work himself to the bone looking out for the people who are his. And, occasionally, go avenge them on their enemies in dramatic and extremely violent fashion. And having a demisexual alpha pleases me.

Lambert: Again, very tempting to go alpha, with that temper. But I'm going to go beta, actually. He's just bad-tempered by nature and nurture - and getting less so as his life gets better. And the fact that he wasn't an alpha is part of why his father was so willing to sell him off.

Milena: Oooh, I'm not sure where to go here. Let's go with omega, because her parents do expect her to be a nice obedient pawn for them to move around and marry off as they please. And also it gives Lambert something else to be insecure about, the poor lad. (No, she does not want an alpha. She's very happy with him. Yes, even in her heats.)

Marika: Beta. Cool-headed and calm and rational, by stereotype and nature both. She's going to be a very good queen.

Griffin: Also a beta. Has never particularly wanted to be an alpha. Is genuinely glad that he doesn't have to deal with heat or rut; they seem deeply inconvenient.

Marta: She's an alpha, which explains why their parents were so willing to cut her so much slack and indulge her in so many things. I'm not sure how inheritance rules work in this variant of omegaverse, but she may even be heir to the duchy, right up until she kidnaps Jaskier and Eskel and Milena and experiences Consequences for possibly the first time ever.

Aiden: Alpha, because it makes his preference for bottoming even more scandalous to anyone outside the Witcher society. He's a cocky, charming, dangerous man and he knows it. He does have a bit of a temper but he's good at controlling it, and it blows over quickly.

Aleksander: Also alpha, because it makes him even more like his despised grandfather and he hates it. He doesn't want to be that sort of swaggering monster. Aiden's cheerful arrogance confuses him at first, the flirtation really baffles him, and eventually he's going to settle on Eskel as his role model, because that style of looking after His People makes sense to Sasha.

Livi: Omega - Duke Velen had strong preferences. Which probably means all the Mantikittens are omegas, too. Zia is going to surprise some people.

Dragonfly: Alpha, and has recently discovered her doting instincts.

Yennefer: Null, because she's a mage; their dynamics are removed during the ascension process. That said, I think she was an omega prior to that.

Triss: Also null, because she's a mage. Probably a beta before that.

and finally, Ciri: Oooh, this is the hardest one. But I think she's an alpha. And if she takes after her Papa in ferocity and her Uncle Eskel in protectiveness, she's going to be magnificent.

That's the best I've got - anyone else got thoughts?

[delqcate]

-–— AUTUMN CHILL : FLUFFTOBER DAY 2

day two is finally here!! just a small sort of disclaimer, i have never experienced autumn/fall before but i am a lover of the season and aesthetic so this is just my idea based off of photos and films. also i'm back to my roots i love that for me 🫶 | flufftober | navigation

p.s. i appreciate your guy's love for the first fic. jellydoger liking my fic was definitely a small fangirl moment for me

summary: a game of hide and seek in the forbidden forest ends with worry over your cold hands

warnings/cw: no use of y/n , lots of descriptions , lmk if there's more

word count: 0.7k

paring: draco malfoy x you

Hogwarts always had a special charm to it when the chilly seasons came. The castle was already decorated with pumpkins and the air had never felt better, oh, and the leaves. The crunch as you step on them, how beautiful they look on or off the trees. Autumn in Hogwarts was definitely something worth experiencing.

Which is how you were able to trick Draco into a small game of hide and seek with you after some drinks in The Three Broomsticks. "I know you're here somewhere, darling. The leaves aren't really your best friend today." He calls out in a teasing manner while you were trying your hardest to not step on said leaves, no matter how crunchy they seemed.

The closer he got, the more you started to rethink your hiding spot. There weren't many places to hide in the forbidden forest besides trees, trees, and more trees— and as tempting as hiding in the leaves would be, that would be too much work— so you had to act fast and quick.

You quickly found a clear path but Draco was always close behind, staying still and silent to find you quicker. As you continued to run, you were definitely running out of breath, so as soon as you found a big enough tree to hide behind, you sat there and scanned your eyes all over the forest. Shades of orange and red fill your vision.

He felt close by as if he was right behind you. You weren't too tense since besides harmless creatures frolicking around, it was just the both of you, but you still had to keep your guard up. Something did catch your eye though: a leaf in the shape of a heart. Some parts of it were bent, but it also seemed natural.

A smile grew on your face as you continued to look at it, carefully pocketing it with the worry of getting it crushed. What you didn't realize, was that Draco—

"Boo!" He quickly taps your shoulders and yells, laughing as you flinch and slap his arm instinctively. "Draco!" Your breath was heavy, but you couldn't help but let out a laugh as well. He crouches beside you, your back pressed up against the tree and your legs curled up to your chest.

He had a soft smile on his face, perfect gray-blue eyes, and beautiful, kissable lips. He was perfect in your eyes, you were perfect in his. He leans in and gives your lips a soft peck before taking your hands in his.

"Your hands are freezing, love. I told you, you should've worn your gloves." He frowns, slipping off his own. "It's fine, I promise. I don't need yours, don't worry." She takes his hands to stop him, but he gently nudges them away, slipping one of his gloves on your hand.

"If you won't take both, at least take one. Mother made them..." He smiles, admiring the black gloves with the signature 'M' embroidered on the top with silver.

You look at the glove with a smile, it didn't fit properly, but it felt like it did too. Your eyes meet his and you let out a soft giggle as you noticed his face, his nose was pink, as well as his cheeks. You gave a soft kiss on all three spots, his cheeks seemingly getting more pink.

"The autumn chill hasn't been too kind to you now, hasn't it?" You tilt your head to the side a little to admire his face a little more, a small smile on your face. He chuckles and shakes his head, his blonde hair moving along.

"Maybe, maybe not. How about we warm up in the castle? The others are probably there as well anyways." He stands up and offers a hand to you, taking it graciously. "Sure. Oh, I wanna show you something I found!" You say as your smile grows wide, pulling out the leaf you found.

"Isn't it beautiful?" There was a sparkle in your eye, he loved that about you. He nods and smiles wide, wrapping an arm around you as if to warm you up from the cold weather. "Mhm, just like you." He kisses your head as both of you walk back to the warmth of the castle.

[petitelepus]

hi! may i have yandere transformers matchup? decepticon please. also i would be a human! <3

i’m kind-hearted, compassionate and caring, but also elegant and ladylike. i'm calm, delicate and sweet, i treat everyone politely and with respect. i'm cheerful, optimistic, friendly and bright. i'm very caring and loving, especially when it comes to family. i'm energetic, bubbly and happy-go-lucky, but i can be very mature when the time comes. i have also very strong sense of duty. i don't take any nonsense and i'm not afraid to stand up to anyone who gets on my bad side. i'm very ambitious, enthusiastic and i like making friends. i find satisfaction in life's simplest gifts. i love adventures, exploring and enjoying the nature. i have morbid, dark and sharp sense of humor. i can be stubborn and overwork myself a lot. i love children. i always related to disney’s miss bianca, maid marian and duchess.

my love languages: when it comes to giving, it's all five of them because i'm full of love and i like showing my feelings in different ways when it comes to recieving... i have no idea

thank you so much for even reading this! have a wonderful day <3

Blitzwing is Yandere for you!

You were a hostage at first, a civilian in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's how it all began between you and Blitzwing.

A little thing to hold on to, to ensure his safe escap-! Successful departure! He is a mighty Decepticon, he doesn't escape from a fight, unlike a certain screamer…!

My, what a sweet kind hearted little human you turn out to be! It would be a shame if someone would use that kindness of yours for their own selfish gains, now wouldn't it?

Blitzwing may think he can gain the location of AllSpark fragments through you but when you prove to be clueless about the fragments, and well, there goes that plan down the drains.

Yet he still doesn't let you go. No, his sense says that he should get rid of you… But he was never really sane, to begin with.

It doesn't help that you try your hardest to befriend the giant evil robot. You're like a space barnacle, once you get stuck you don't let go… And so, every aspect of Blitzwing starts to like you.

Icy may try to deny it but he can't erase his feelings for you. You're so mature, elegant, beautiful, and kind, but there is this royalty in you also, much like in Megatron and he likes it more than he dares to sometimes say.

This is a new thing, but if Icy got to decide, he would get you a beautiful and elegant mermaid dress to highlight your royal appearance.

Hothead loves your fierceness and how you take no bullshit from anyone and you aren't afraid to stand up for what you believe in. It takes real courage to stand up against a Decepticon like him and he respects that in you.

Hothead would like to see you in summer dress, light and so fair, and cute…

Random loves how kind you are even to a Decepticon like him and how you don't seem to realize that he is the evil and unstable giant robot who could eat you up! But don't worry, he understands that if he did so then he wouldn't be able to hear your dark jokes, which make him cackle like the madman he is.

Random, this maniac won't stop pestering you unless you agree to wear the black and purple ball gown dress he stole. He will laugh at how cute you look in the huge dress and how he is tempted to take a little nibble!

You're a multitasker when it comes to showing your love and you learn that Blitzwing and all his three different personalities have their own favorites and their own ways of showing love back to you.

Icy prefers acts of service. You went and got him some oil? An energon treat? How did you even manage to do that!? You just smile and tell him you have your way to make him happy. No one ever does that to him…

His way of showing his love towards you with words of affirmation. He will let you know that he appreciates your efforts to make him feel special.

Hothead is weak towards words of affirmation and he gets really flustered and all tsunderish when you give him honest and kind praises.

His way of showing love towards you would be with gifts. He is blushing and as soon as you smile and ask what's up, he gets flustered and pushes the gift to you.

Random loves and will take any form of affection you may show to him and he will shower you with them also.

Nothing is too much for him, he will sing for his fellow Decepticons how sweet his little human is and he praises you to the moon and back. Hell, if you let him, he will take you to the moon!

[cuteskunkz]

╭──────────.★..─╮

One Night With You

~ Part Two ~

╰─..★.──────────╯

(Mike Schmidt x Reader)

Summary~ After getting your number, Mike takes you out on a date to get to know you better. Read part one here.

Tags~ fluff, Mike is a gentleman aww, surprisingly no smut this time, reader is conflicted on their feelings, character building, Older Mike (Mike is 28 and reader is 20)

Note~ I've had a mean case of writers block lately, apologies for the well overdue update. Shorter fic tbh!!! My attention span is crying for help... This entire thing is pretty much me practicing my dialogue skills. Chapter 3 will definitely have smut, I just really want to build up before we get there ;)

⊱✿⊰

You drive home with Mike on your mind. It's been hard for you to connect with men lately due to your occupation, generalizing them to being horny and emotionally unavailable creatures. Something in you feels... different about Mike though.

As you reach your apartment you take a deep breath, feeling anxious. You walk in, dropping your bags at the door, and pop in the shower hoping to calm yourself down with a little pampering. After an hour of self care you get a call from Mike. You answer after a few rings, hoping to scope out his vibe a bit more before going out to drink with a random guy you just met.

After the 4th ring he speaks nervously, "H-hey! You got home safe?" He stares up at the ceiling, trying his hardest to speak confidently.

"Yeah! I have to say your bar suggestion sounds awfully tempting right now... you're not one of those dudes right? Yknow the 'I get girls drunk to make them more agreeable' type? Cause I swear to god I'll-"

He cuts you off, "I promise.... I just wanna take you out as a treat after the day you had... we don't even have to drink if you don't want to!" He hopes his words provide a bit of comfort to you. He couldn't imagine how tiring it must be to be a woman in the dating world, having to constantly stay vigilant about the dangers men can pose.

You sigh feeling embarrassed for accusing him of such a terrible thing. "I'm down to hang out now if you're not busy or anything! Which bar were you thinking?" You try to hide the excitement in your voice but the butterflies in your stomach are making it very challenging.

"There's this place not too far from me... I could scoop you and drive us down there, yeah?" He throws his head back and bites his lip to fight back the smile creeping up on his face. Mike can't get the mental image of your beauty off of his mind while talking.

You begin to blush from his raspy voice and reply, "Sounds good!! I'll see you soon then!!!"

"Text me your address and I'll be there asap, okay?"

"Yeah of course! I'm sending it now... lemme know when you get it." You text him your address with adrenaline running through body. Your heart feels like it's going to skip a beat from just talking to him.

"Yeah I got it...I'm on my way, I'll call when I'm outside... can't wait to see you..." Mike says, his voice dripping with elation. He hangs up and starts making his way to your house.

You run to your closet and begin picking outfit options, practically tearing it apart. After finally making your mind up, you apply some makeup and spray your most enticing perfume. You stare at yourself in the mirror, making note of the little details and suddenly feel a little confused on your giddiness. You don't know this guy, he could be some murderer on the prowl for a fresh kill for all you know.

The doorbell rings, you shake your mind of all of your anxious thoughts and make your way down to meet him. He greets you with a smile and presents you with a small bouquet of roses.

"I wasn't s-sure If you liked roses, but I wanted to bring you something as a thank you for even considering me" he mumbles, looking down at his feet. it was adorable seeing someone this shy because of you.

"They're very nice Mike... Thank you. I'm gonna go put these in a vase and then we can head out, hm?" After putting the flowers away you run back to the door, "Ready?"

"Extremely." Mike chuckles. He walks you out to his car, opening the passenger door for you. He gets it and connects his phone to play some music. "Hope you like Nirvana...it's like the only thing I listen to, not to sound like some rock elitist or something!"

You giggle and poke his arm, "Nirvana's fine, but I'm gonna have to put you on to something other than dad rock!" you tease. You watch his hands as he steers the car in the direction of the bar. They're callous and strong, his veins becoming more apparent as he gripped the wheel harder during turns. It's embarrassing to admit you got so turned on from staring his hands, Imagining what they would look like wrapped around your waist or better, your throat.

He pulls into a parking spot and pats your leg, "You're so beautiful, you know that?"

You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and turn away from him to hide your rosy cheeks. "You mean it? Not just saying that to get into my pants Mike?"

"I would never... I definitely mean it, sweetheart"

He opens the door and guides you both into the bar. You hold onto him, arm locked around his bicep. It's a quaint little bar. Dimly lit and cozy, perfect for getting to know each other with the help of a couple shots.

"So... what's your drink of choice? I'm a tequila guy myself, especially with some salt and a lime"

You think for a second, "Hmmmm... I gotta go with Jager! Tastes like cough syrup a bit but the aftertaste isn't too bad"

"Bet." He walks up to the bar and orders the shots, bringing them back to the booth. "I got you a soda too y'know...in case you need a chaser"

"How thoughtful of you Mikey" you say sarcastically. What, does he think you can't take the shot like a big girl? 

He scoffs at the nickname. "I'm just looking out for you! I nearly died from fucking up a shot dude! It came out of my nose and everything." Mike laughs and rubs his nose as if he's having war flashbacks.

You laugh with him and pick up your glass and clink it on his. "Don't let it happen again!" You both tap your shot glasses on the table before knocking them back and sharing a drink of soda.

After a few minutes of small talk, asking the important questions like favorite colors and such, you start to feel the buzz. 

"Much better this time... my nose will live to see another day... or I guess... sniff another day? I don't fuckin' know anymore" He giggles and stares at you.

"S-something on my face?" you slur. A double shot wouldn't usually get you drunk this fast but you hadn't eaten all day, allowing the liquor to hit you harder than normal.

He shakes his head in defense, "Nah... you're just unbelievably hot." It's very clear the alcohol had made him lose his inhabitations.

"I could say the same about you y'know." you flirt back. "One more shot? Or are you scared it'll pour out of somewhere else?" You couldn't help but to snort and giggle at your own joke.

"Very funny little girl... One more won't hurt."

⊱✿⊰

*Read part 3 here*

Not gonna lie...self inserted twice here lmfao (I just turned 20 and JagerMeister is literally the best alcohol on earth).

@honey-eyed-munson this one's for you bbg, I wrote this today because your comment gave me so much inspiration :,)

[velvetvexations]

I'm going to try answering multiple asks in one posts to cut down on hitting my limit and declutter lol

I believe they were hyping themselves up for being a transfem ally who got to clapback to transmisogyny in a way that was totally epic and cool and they want us to fuck them so bad

What annoys me even more about this is that they still call baeddel a slur even though it was brought back for the first time since literally the Middle Ages by a group most agree were completely fucked up, and it's like, hey, shouldn't other people be able to use baeddel in that retaliatory way then? Why can't they have their justice slur?

We understand. One of us identifies as as cis woman and another as a cis man, although funnily enough, while the trans woman and two non-binary members also have physical dysphoria, the cis man is is probably the one who feels it the hardest including wanting giant knockers. We're a strange bunch. It's okay for systems to have a complicated relationship with their body.

We love you, all of you, and we hope she feels the solidarity. <3

Honestly I'm really tempted to next time I shave just because of how good I've been feeling about my butchness lately because of Velvet Nation, and also wanting to triple dog dare transradfems to say I don't look feminine enough to be a trans woman.

tpwrtrmnky 🤝 JK Rowling

creating a series beloved by queer people only to unfortunately have your brain poisoned into obsessively perpetuating transphobia

huge W for trans women though because she speedran that shit

I still don't think we need to be questioning her claims about being ostracized and I'd seriously prefer we stop doing that. It is, however, extremely weird she's still ranting about this like a week or two later, it's pretty clear she bare minimum has a problem with melodrama and should probably limit her engagement with the internet until she can get herself together to not collapse like this when people gently point out something she said not vibing.

Sometimes it feels like transradfems who act like egg jokes are vitally necessary to liberation have the exact same mindset as cis lesbians obsessed with "losing" AFAB people to being trans.

yeah, well, maybe so, but looking like a woman is a privilege and you're a gender traitor

I literally quit Reddit and came back to Tumblr because it drove me fucking insane that the D20 fandom kept calling a high schooler a nepo baby because her dad was a real estate agent.

High fashion, honestly.

Yes.

the thing you have to understand is that being a masculine man is bad but so is being a feminine man, being a man is just bad, that's why trans women are transitioning out of it

I'm so cool and sexy

Thank you anon!

Radical feminism, trans or trans exclusive, is in fact a cult, including frequently attempting to isolate minors away from outside support networks. TERFs and transradfems are the most miserable and sickening mirrors of each other.

[sams-whumping-ground]

I got a little caught up drawing this to draw the prompt (or was I feeling the Glitch/Axton love that hard? Who knows?). Whoops. Ah, well. To make up for the simple one of yesterday, I guess. I also don't write much and I know my dyslexic ass has made some mistakes somewhere.

Glitch. A well known villain in both the physical and digital world thanks to their ability of technomancy. No one truly knows who they are. Helmet, voice changer, costume. All of it was to ensure their anonymity. They voiced many times before that they liked their privacy after all.

After spending the day operating online, they decide to complete their daily routine by heading out into the night. They hop onto their motorbike and ride off into the city.

Bustling like usual. The night life here would be perfect if it wasn't for the heroes here. Making a mess of everyone's daily lives, their homes, with no regard for their safety, just to get away with it. These were supposed to be the people they swore to protect from the 'villains'. The way Glitch saw it, the heroes were the true villains.

The ride yielded its usual sights. A fight in the centre between a ‘hero’ and their nemesis. Standard. People getting mugged in alleys. Typical. Racers. Gangs. Terf wars. Kidnappings. Armoured vehicles tailing a limo. A tempting notion, but not tonight. Glitch tails the vehicles for a while before they pass the convoy after it stops at a high-end hotel. Likely a party of some sort.

"Pull over, Glitch." someone called from the vehicle beside them.

"No. I haven't done anything." retorted Glitch through their voice changer.

"Yet. Pull over before we make you."

"Not with that attitude."

This was typical. As far as anyone was concerned they were out for a night ride, but some 'hero' had to go ahead and ruin that.

Glitch makes their escape. They glide through the traffic being careful of the other road users. Hero? Charging through the traffic with the same lack of regard as usual.

Glitch leads Hero and Sidekick off the main road to somewhere less crowded. Hero's car rams the side of their motorbike sending them careening. The sudden sound of metal scraping along the tarmac. The grating of Kevlar. The bollard to Glitch's back.

Pulling themselves to their knees, the shoes of Hero came into view. Then Sidekick's a little behind them. Glitch is pulled up by the collar of their jacket.

"Told you we'd make you pull over." the hero scoffed. "What do you have planned for tonight? Going to rob some poor old woman? Bully some upstarts?"

"You’ve got me confused for someone else. I don't do those things." Glitch replied.

"Oh. So you don't steal anything or bully new heroes?" chimed the sidekick.

"I never said that. I only said I don't rob innocent old people and upstarts can mean anything." countered Glitch. "Who said I had something planned anyway?"

"You're a villain. You always have something planned."

"Not this time, Hero. Who are you calling a 'villain' anyway? As far as I'm concerned, that's your title. You all just call yourselves 'heroes' just so you can sleep at night. Has he told you how many casualties he's had during his term, Sidekick? How about the number of coverups? No? Not surprising really. What kind of 'hero' would he be to you if you knew?"

Hero had enough of Glitch. In the split second that he let go of them and they were still in the air, Hero punches Glitch clean in the abdomen. Sent flying through the air and into a building a little further down the road.

Before Glitch can recover, Hero was on top of them and had punched them through the wall into the next. This repeated again, and again, and again.

When they could finally recover, Glitch managed to sit up in the bed of rubble they were in. They were hurting. Not that anyone could really tell. Under the helmet, they were coughing up blood, wincing, and trying their hardest to keep their composure.

"Playing nice or are you just showing off?" hissed Glitch.

"I'm just getting started, you waste of space." Hero assured them as his knuckles cracked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~Taglist~~ [If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know]

@theninjabozo @confirmedcannibal @the-sinkmire-symphony @bestlittlesnek

[blu3-ja3]

Last one in the series! Woo Price! This will be a bit more backstory heavy for O'Connor. After this I've got like 6 little shorts so I can clear out my drafts to start working on the story!

!TRIGGER WARNING! Suicidal Ideations, Grief, Domestic Abuse

1) Coffee: Black with Two Sugar

I knew it was going to be a long day as soon as I walked into the mess. Usually the smell of coffee being brewed is the first thing you smell but not today. I walk towards Soap and Gaz who are currently at a table with the coffee machine gutted, electrics scattered across the table.

"What did you do to it?"

"I'm trying to fix it Doc, before Price walks in."

"What the hell happened to it?"

"Don't know, trying to figure that out." I shake my head and hope I can get into the kitchen.

They don't let me into the kitchen and refuse to brew just one cup of coffee. I'm heavily tempted to pull rank just to brew Price a cup of coffee, the man becomes a monster to work with if he doesn't get his coffee. And most days on base I'm the one who interacted with him the most. I step out to see the man himself standing next to the table with Gaz and Soap, Roach has joined them trying to fix the machine.

"Here." Ghost appears next to me, handing me a mug of black coffee.

"How di-"

"I know the Captain is a bloody bastard without his morning coffee."

"But how did you get into the mess?"

"My specialty is infiltration Doc... And I really don't want to deal with Price without his fix."

I thank the lieutenant and quickly make my way towards Prince. I can tell he's getting antsy already so I hand over the cup of coffee. I see the tension leave his body and I feel the men around me relax. Everyone has their creature comforts and for John Price it's a cup of black coffee with two sugars first thing in the morning.

2) What's Next?

I'm laying in bed as two people enter the room. These dumb feckin doctors have me positioned so that the side that was bandaged and basically blind was towards the door. I can't see who just entered my room. I hated this, I've asked them multiple times to change my rooms but they refuse. I can't really turn my head to look at who came in either so I just lay and hope they'll move to where I can see them.

I recognize my former CO instantly, he has more facial hair but I'd recognize that buckets hat anywhere. The woman I remember meeting a few times, Laswell, I never really interacted with her too much but she seemed nice enough. I don't understand why they're here but I'm sure I'm about to find out. Price leans over and whispers something to her before Laswell leaves the room.

"Hello Maevis... Would you like to talk?"

"I'm surprised you asked, most just coming in and start blabbing..." I see him nod before moving the chair to my right to a place on my left.

"Tell me, and be honest with me Maevis, how are you holding up?"

I bite the inside of my cheek as I felt tears well up. I've not seen this man for about a decade, not since I finished my divorce and was transferred to another team. Will was 8 when we last saw Price. But the first thing he does is check in, making sure I'm okay... He's still the same man who helped me through one of the hardest moments of my life. And here he is again. I let the tears fall as I speak.

"It's been hell, you know about Will? About what happened at Piccadilly," he nods sullenly.

"Yeah, know about it a little too well. Sorry I missed the funeral, I told you what I could, about where I was." I nodded remembering the note I received on my desk two days before the funeral.

"I held Will's funeral, Oliver and Da made it their personal mission to guilt me for everything they could think of. Had the nerve to demand that I not cremate him, demanded he be buried with Da's family. I told them about his tombstone that would be placed next to Ma's in Ireland." I reached up and held the green glass four leaf clover charm around my neck.

"After that I couldn't stay home, had to go, anywhere would do. So they sent me and my team to assist with refugees, they needed medical care and I was more than happy to help..." I couldn't look at Price, I knew there was pity on his face. I can't handle seeing that look anymore. So I look out the window, I'm not looking at anything in particular but it's better than seeing that look.

"Our tent was burned down, they attacked just us, going after the sick and injured. I survived, no one else did, a part of me wishes I didn't. I can't stand to sleep, every time I close my eyes I'm there again. And then the higher ups have to gall to promote me!"

"Really?"

"Yes sir! I'm Captain feckin' Maevis O'Connor! What a load of gobshite!" I felt bitter and sick when calling myself a captain. I don't feel like a captain, I couldn't protect myself, let alone those under me.

"They come to me asking a million questions and want me to retire. Don't want me anymore..."

"Do you want to retire?"

"Honestly? No, as soon as I'm on my own I know I'd eat a bullet. I know it's not healthy, but I didn't join this career because it was healthy..."

"I have an offer, I'm putting together a team and I need a second in command. I trust you Maevis, got a good head on your shoulders when you're in the field. And you're one hell of a doctor, I need a good doctor to keep these muppets alive."

"When do we start?"

"As soon as you're given the all clear, which will be in a few days yeah?" I nod

"Good Laswell will be here, she'll help with the paperwork of having you transferred and she'll debrief you on your team..."

"Can't wait Captain!"

Relief flooding my system. I'm going to be useful again, I can help again. And I'll be with an old friend. This will be good... The very thing I've hoped for but thought was impossible with everything going on around me. I have hope again.

3) Barefoot and Pregnant

I don't know where we're going, I'm just letting John drive. I'm in his truck, soaking wet and barely clothed. My face throbbed from where Oliver punched me, it wasn't the first time he'd laid his hands on me but something finally snapped. Maybe it was learning that he's been having an affair with my sister Bridget, maybe it was Da being right there when Oliver struck me and him doing nothing, maybe I finally realized that I'd end up like Ma if I stayed.

I walked to my office grabbed my phone and the divorce papers John helped me draft up and put together. I shoved them into Oliver's chest and left, walking out in nothing but my nightgown. I was so relieved when John picked up. He came right away, didn't ask any questions just helped me into his truck and drove.

"Whe-"

"Are you leaving him?" I nod in response.

"Maevis I need to hear you say it..."

"I'm leaving him John, I can't do it. I can't bring my baby boy into a world where I'm being beat by his father... I can't be my mother. I love her, rest her soul but I can't do what she did... If that makes me a coward so be it..."

"You're braver than she was, we're going to my place... I'll pop by the shop to get you something to wear for tonight. Tomorrow we're going to get some of yours and the babys things from Oliver... For now we're saying you're staying with Kinsey, I'm sure she'll be okay with that."

"Saying? Will I not actually be there?"

"No you bloody won't, you'll be staying with me."

"Lieutenant I can't I don't want to impo-"

"That's an order Sergeant. I don't want you out of my sight, Oliver is a violent man. And you're 8 months pregnant Maevis, you won't be imposing I've got a spare room and an office I don't use."

"What about-"

"I'm owed some leave I'm sure Kate won't mind."

"Thank you John."

"You're repaying me by leaving him Maevis."

"I am, I gave him the papers as I left."

4) A Comforting Talk

My leg is bouncing rapidly as John drives me to the cemetery. He told me to get into his truck and we had a day. He took me to get a bouquet of hydrangeas and forget me nots and then we drove towards Galway.

We stopped just outside the gates of the cemetery and he let me lead the way. It has been a bit since I was last here but I knew where to find his tombstone by heart.

I slowed a bit as I spotted the squared topped tombstone, my hands are sweating as I walked up, crouched down and sat on my knees in front of his tombstone. I can hear John walk up to me before standing next to me. Price sets something on top of Will's grave, I look to see a plane replica.

"Got you something Will, thought you'd like it. You always talked about flying that one."

Price stepped back standing behind me. He reaches down and pats my shoulder. I realized I'm crying slightly before I turned back to Will.

"We got you some flowers as well darling, talked to Jennifer and asked her what we should get you. She um said to get forget-me-nots... The um... florist said hydrangeas would go well so..." I swallow because it feels like my heart in throat.

We stayed for a bit while I talked to Will, about Jennifer his ex-girlfriend, about how his friends are doing, about everything I'm doing. Once I started I couldn't stop, it was cathartic. Eventually I said goodbye and walked back with John.

"Thank you"

"Anytime Maeve, it was nice to hear you were just chatting. Maybe next time we can bring the boys, I'm sure they'd like to visit." I smile and nod.

5) Paternal

"Go ask your mother, I will not give you the all clear if she doesn't..." I hear Price's smile as I walk into the rec room.

"What am I being asked?" I see the three younger 141 soldiers turn around towards me, all three giving their best puppy dog eyes. Price is standing next to Ghost who has his shaking head in his hand. I let out a deep sigh before gesturing for them to go ahead and ask.

"There's 3 extra rolls of duct tape from the move, we want to try something!" Roach is the one to ask... There's so much that could go wrong but it's been quite around here so I'm curious.

"And what is it that you're planning to do?"

"They're going to try and pin me 3 v 1, if they win I let them..." I hear Ghost take a deep sigh looking towards Soap.

"I let them duct tape me to their chosen surface... BUT IF I WIN!" All three look towards him as though they've not heard this part.

"If you win Ghost?" Gaz seems to be teasing the man with the prompt.

"If I win I'm duct taping all three of you and leaving you. You'll have to figure out how to get yourselves out."

"Deal!"

"Sounds Fair!"

"That's easy!"

All the men look towards me. I let out an exasperated sigh before saying yes. Immediately all three boys run over towards the ring with Ghost trailing quietly behind them. I walk over to one of the nearby folding chairs to watch, Price comes to sit down next to me.

The four immediately started fighting, and unsurprisingly Ghost was holding his own very well. The three younger soldiers aren't coordinating together just yet so Ghost isn't struggling.

"Why did I let you convince me to have kids?"

"To be fair I didn't think we'd have so many..."

"How did we end up as a married couple with 4 kids?"

"I don't know you're the one who had a kid first and was actually married..."

"To be fair my marriage was nothing compared to this one, at least we're both consenting to sleeping with others."

"What do you mean I've never slept with anyone else."

I actually laughed at how fake offended John sounded at that sentence. I watched as Gaz and Soap started using Roach as a distraction against Ghost, good strategy.

"John you forget, I'm the one who provides the whole base with condoms and lube. It's not hard to connect the dots when you come to my office and go to the drawer then Gaz is limping the next morning..."

I laughed even harder as John pulled his bucket hat down to cover his eye and cheeks with shadows. Ghost has picked up on the boy's strategy and has decided to go after Gaz and Soap.

"At least I knew I was gay and didn't deny it for years."

"I have no idea what you're talking about John!"

"Mhm, and I didn't have to watch you oggle every lady we interacted with for years!"

"I'm no better than a man!"

"Remember the first time you saw Kate in tactical gear?"

" I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS MARRIED! No one told me until after I started a hole in her shirt!"

"I'm almost positive if you asked her out Kate and Sarah would absolutely go on a date with you..."

"Kate has to deal with enough paperwork regarding internal fraternization I doubt she'd like more."

"She has more complaints about us being together than anyone else."

"Really?"

"Yes, some new private keep pestering her with complaints."

"I'm sure she's handling."

I look up to see all three of the younger soldiers finally pin Ghost. They all hop up and start celebrating as me and Price start walking over.

"Cheaters, you used Soap against me"

"All's fair in love and war LT!"

They all drag Ghost out of the ring and Soap kisses him on the cheek.

Don't ask me how but eventually, using all the duct tape, the boys manage to have Simon duct taped to the wall. He was so high up that his head was rubbing against the roof.

"Ghost do you mind getting the cobwebs in the corners?"

"I would if I could move my bloody arms Doc!"

He seemed very much stuck as he was wiggling like crazy. All three were laughing up a storm, Roach was rolling on the floor and Gaz was nearly crying. I smiled softly at the group that surrounded me. How lucky I am to have these people around me.

COD Master List

[seangelfish]

Matching keychains

Ramuda Amemura x Reader

Genre/s: Angst (no comfort)

Word count: 2,788

Plot/Summary: This feeling has always been lingering in the back of his mind, but he knew that this can't last forever. Despite loving you for so long, he finally decides to let you go.

A/N: I recommend you listen to the instrumental of Buster Bros' Re:start whilst reading this as I was listening to it whilst writing this and honestly, it made the angst 10x worse! I might continue this fic because I actually really like it, and I love Ramuda so why not?

[I love Hypmic so much and I've always wanted to write fics surrounding the franchise, but I'm still pretty new to it, so please bare with me on how I portray these characters. I'm trying my hardest to make these accurate to the character as possible. Thank you for understanding and I hope you enjoy reading!]

There was something important that you needed to get done today and it involved you visiting the most popular toy shop in Shibuya. This city was known for its shopping let alone its vast entertainment, fashion, and restaurants, so this task was bound to be easy for you!

You stepped inside the building in awe at the wide range of plushies. They ranged from big to small, from animals to people to even little accessories for them as well! You were already tempted to get something for yourself, but that wasn't the reason why you were here.

You wondered around the shop trying to find a specific item in stock. It was extremely crowded, so you ended up bumping into a lot of other customers.

Hmm, where could it be? you thought to yourself, already overwhelmed. It should be here...!

Thankfully, a shop assistant caught your eye and helped you find the item that you were looking for. Once you were shown the selection of plushie keychains, your worries disappeared just like that. You thanked the worker profusely.

You giggled to yourself as you picked up the two matching bunny keychains. One was pink whilst the other one was white. Both bunnies were wearing bows of the other's colour. It was so cute!

"Ramuda would love this!" you chirped.

Yes, the sole reason you came to this particular area was to buy a little gift for your boyfriend, Ramuda. You saw the two plushies advertised on your Twitter feed and instantly thought of him. You thought it would be so cute to have matching keychains with the love of your life!

You exited the store happily with the plushies you just bought. You can't wait to surprise Ramuda with them, and it was a perfect day to do so because he had asked you to meet up with him this evening.

"I wonder what he has planned for us tonight~" you wondered excitedly.

In his shop, Ramuda was anxiously scribbling in his sketchbook, thinking of ideas on what new clothes to design but to no avail because all he could think about was you.

The page he was currently working on was now filled with messy, indescribable pencil scratches. Whatever he was doodling wasn't pretty and he knew of it. He just wanted to rip everything out, destroy everything until these feelings of his were no more.

"Are you okay?" asked Gentarou, looking at Ramuda's sketches from behind his shoulder.

And as on cue, Ramuda immediately slammed his sketchbook shut and answered cheerfully, "I'm A-OK! I'm just having art block at the moment! Nothing too serious. I'll try again later~!"

Gentarou didn't believe a second of it, but shrugged it off.

"Just so you know," Gentarou began. "You can always tell–"

Ramuda cut him off. "I'm alright," he said slowly.

He jumped up from his seat to give his usual little twirl.

"Well, I'm off to see (Y/N) now~!" he exclaimed. "She's waiting for me, so I have to be there quick! I'll be back, so you don't need to close the shop. See you later~!"

Gentarou watched his friend skip out of the shop hurriedly. Once he was gone, Dice entered.

"I just saw Ramuda run out," he stated. "He wasn't looking too good. Is he okay?"

Gentarou merely shook his head.

You idled around the park, taking in the cool breeze and the amber sunset above. It truly was a beautiful evening and you couldn't wait to spend it with Ramuda.

A thought popped into your head. You should take a picture of the plushies you bought today with the sunset in the background!

You placed the two bunnies down on one of the park's benches, positioning them together as if they were holding hands. You giggled to yourself at how embarrassing this was, but it was such a cute idea! You were thankful that the park was empty at this time.

You quickly snapped a picture and to your satisfaction, it was the most beautiful picture of a sunset you have ever taken. You couldn't wait to post this on your Instagram page with your lover tagged!

"(Y/N)!"

You could hear faint footsteps running towards you. Shoving the plushies back into your bag before Ramuda could see them, you turned around to greet your boyfriend with the brightest smile on your face.

His pace slowed down as he stopped a few metres away from you. Seeing you smile at him like that made his heart ache. He would usually match your expression, but this time, he returned your smile with a look of such emptiness that it just wasn’t hard to miss.

Your smile faded away quickly.

"Ramuda... are you okay...?"

The distance between you two was unbearable, but you knew that you weren’t permitted to cross the invisible barrier Ramuda was holding up. So, you stayed stuck to your spot, and he did too.

“(Y/N),” he repeated, but with sadness to his tone. “Remember when you asked me where my parents were… or what my childhood was like?”

You didn’t know where he was going with this.

He continued, “…or which high school I attended? Who I was before I became a fashion designer? Before The Dirty Dawg? …But I didn’t answer any of it?”

You stared at him. He wasn't the Ramuda you were used to seeing everyday. His demeanour was completely different, but it wasn't too much of a surprise to you. Sometimes, you'd catch glimpses of this other personality, but you doubt he'd ever catch you noticing it.

“…I had none of what you had, none of what the average person has had in their lives. You could even say that I did not even have a life before any of this. You may not believe me, (Y/N), but what I’m going to tell you from this point on is the truth. Unfortunately, I can’t give you too many details as it’s not in my right.”

He watched your expression, the confusion and worry on your face. You wanted to ask him why he was bringing this up now, but you continued to stay in your spot, awaiting his explanation.

As he stated before, he didn’t bring up too many details. Though, he confessed that the personality he presented to others including you was all made up – a lie. He mentioned that he wasn’t the ‘real Ramuda’ and that he could never be the real one. He told you that he merely exists for someone else, not himself, and if he were to disobey them, he would be killed. He described himself as ‘defective’ as if he was a product. He revealed why he was a massive sweet tooth as the lollipops helped him to continue living.

“And that’s why… we should break up,” he said finally. “I’m just going to cause you trouble if I continue to be with you.”

You were speechless. It was so much to take in. He had finally told you about his background, but now he was suggesting that you two should break up. You didn’t know what to say, but all you wanted to do in that moment was to touch him.

“So please–” he began.

You pulled him in, letting his chin rest on your shoulder as your other hand held his head gently. It was getting hard to breathe as tears streamed down your face. Ramuda was frozen, his eyes showing nothing but perplexity.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that all on your own," you whispered. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t too attentive or if I wasn’t there for you.”

Ramuda chuckled with some sort of annoyance.

“It’s not your fault, (Y/N). You were always there for me; I just never made those feelings known. But we need to end things now. You can never truly be happy with me for who I am and what I will have to deal with in the future. Things will get too complicated and not only will it hurt you but me as well.”

Even when he was saying all of that, his arms couldn’t help but hug you back. He couldn’t stop himself from shedding a few tears. Why did you believe him so easily? Why did you trust him so much? Why do you still care about him even after confessing that his whole character was fake?

And as if you were reading his mind, you replied, “I don’t want to end things with you. I don’t care about who you were, I just care about who you are right now… even… even if it’s a lie. I don’t care. I know how kind and passionate you are. We can easily overcome these obstacles, can we not?"

Ramuda was silent, pulling away from your embrace. He shook his head and looked at you sadly.

“(Y/N), I’m going to let you go, and so should you. This is my final decision.”

"Ramuda!"

He smirked. “I’m not going to lie though, I really do love you, and it sucks because I’m going to keep loving you.”

"Then–"

He shook his head, interrupting you. “But we can’t keep doing this. I can’t risk you getting involved and I can’t keep you from being in a better relationship. You can’t be happy with me. So, go find yourself a better man; someone that will always make you feel safe and happy… like Ichiro or something.”

Before you started dating Ramuda, you were close friends with Ichiro. This was during The Dirty Dawg days where the leaders of each division were grouped together. Your friendship with Ichiro was genuine and he was so lovely towards you. You would always laugh with him and shared each other’s stories. People often caught you together by the lake watching the sunset.

Ramuda always felt guilty that he robbed you off a beautiful relationship with Ichiro. But despite knowing your mutual feelings, he still shoved his way through the bubble you and Ichiro had together. He did all he can to pop that little bubble of yours, he’d butt into your conversations whenever he got the chance. He didn’t care whether you liked Ichiro or if Ichiro liked you back, he just wanted you to be his. He liked you too after all! And eventually, with all his attempts of breaking you two up, he succeeded.

“What?! Why are you saying that?!” you cried. "Why would you tell me to go find another lover when all I want is you?! My feelings for Ichiro are in the past now! I don't want him, I just want YOU. Why is this so difficult to understand that I don't care about who you are?!"

“(Y/N), stop!” he shouted. “I’m not going to change my mind!”

He was crying. He was crying as much as you now.

“If I didn’t get in between you two, you would’ve been in a happier relationship. You wouldn’t need to worry about me or the troubles I will cause. You wouldn’t need to worry about where he is or what he’s doing unlike me! He’s genuine and he’s real. He’s probably everything you’ve been looking for in me!” he said as he choked on his words. “I’m sorry for doing that to you two. I should’ve ignored you back then so you wouldn’t need to hear me say all this stuff now.”

The tears in your eyes wouldn't stop flowing, but you were also getting fed up with him. You just wanted to reason with him. You didn’t want to end things like this, not now and not ever.

“I said I don’t care!” you yelled. “Ramuda, I just want to be with you! I will only ever love you!”

Ramuda was stunned at your words, but he laughed even with the tears gushing down his face. He cupped your face with both of his hands and kissed you softly – his last kiss to you.

“Ah, (Y/N), I’m really going to miss you,” he croaked. “I… I really am going to m-miss you…”

"Ramuda, please..."

"It's time for you to forget me, okay?"

How did such a beautiful day turn into something so sad? You just wanted to give him your matching keychains…

He whipped out some sort of device – a hypnosis mic? – and sang something. There was no time to react as everything became a blur. You tried calling out his name once again, but the last image you had of him was of him smiling at you with the glassiest eyes you have ever seen.

A few months from now...

There would be times you would feel some sense of melancholy in the air. That feeling would happen whenever you'd enter a particular shop or area, but you never knew why you felt that way.

Ramuda lived his life as usual. Before he took you home, he erased everything of his existence from your phone, computer, and physical photo albums – anything he could get his hands on. It pained him that he had to do this, but he wanted you to start anew. He hoped that you were still able to fall in love with Ichiro again even if it will hurt him.

"And done!" said Ramuda, finishing off his sketches. "It's perfect. The ladies would love this collection~!"

"Oh, you’re finally done?” Dice said as he munched on his lunch Gentarou paid for. “That was fast.”

Ramuda giggled. He was proud of himself for completing such a task. He couldn't wait to see how the final product will turn out.

"Oh, by the way," he started. "We're going to participate in the Division Rap Battle next week, so be ready~!"

You were convinced by your co-workers to watch the DRB with them after work, so you decided to clean your photo storage. You liked taking pictures whenever you’d attend concerts after all!

As you were going through all your photos, you stumbled upon a photo you didn’t remember taking. It was a photo of two bunny plushies sitting on a bench in front of a beautiful amber sunset; a pink and white bunny who looked like they were holding hands.

"I didn't know I had plushies like that..." you said slowly.

You got up and looked around your room for those plushies. As a result, you made a huge mess, but you were just happy you found one of them. It was the pink bunny with a white bow. However, you couldn’t find the white bunny anywhere, and you searched everywhere for it.

"Weird," you commented, looking at the pink bunny. "When did I buy this again?"

It was fluffy and soft, and the feeling of melancholy washed over you once again. You still didn’t understand why you keep getting that feeling. You shrugged it off like you always did.

Attaching the pink bunny keychain to your bag, you left the house to meet up with your co-workers to get to the stadium.

The stadium was packed. The girls around you were squealing over a particular figure, Ramuda Amemura, who was currently rapping against Matenro.

You haven’t seen Ramuda in a while despite living in the same city. You were good friends with him when The Dirty Dawg was still around, but after they disbanded, you two never kept in touch. He slowly became distant with you which kind of annoyed you because you had heard from the others how he still kept in touch with Ichiro and Samatoki.

You would see him a lot on social media though. He was super popular with the girls, and he had the best fashion sense that was to your taste. You even purchased some of his pieces online.

He was now active in Fling Posse and his raps were as brilliant as they were before. He seemed more energetic too.

You watched him from the seats attentively as the girls around you cheered him on. But you were extremely confused because as Fling Posse lost against Matenro and was ushered to leave the stage, you spotted it – the white bunny keychain, the same one in the picture that matched your pink bunny keychain you currently had hung on your bag. Ramuda had the bunny attached to his hoodie.

And yet you still didn’t understand why this sense of melancholy came back to you, tugging on your heart strings even more than ever. Even when your eyes locked with Ramuda’s for just a second, even when your eyes began to water, you still didn’t understand why you were feeling this way.

For some reason, you just wanted to chase after him and hold him tight, but all you could really do was watch him smile at the crowd and walk away.

Intro page | Hypnosis Mic masterlist | Requests rules

[beansnpeets]

Jon and I have spent a lot of time talking since I still have to keep living at the house we have been renting for now. He tried very hard to get me to reconsider. He even started doing some reading online on relationship issues and suggested after some time apart that we start over and try dating again. He insists that he has changed and he understands now and he can do better. He just wants me to give him a chance. I told him I don't have romantic feelings for him anymore and that I just can't do it. I told him all the reasons why and all the things I struggled with and he seemed to understand. He is taking it better now, but he has convinced himself that there is still a chance we will get back together down the road. I haven't told him I have feelings for someone else and I don't plan to, but it's hard. I'd like for him to let me go. I do still care about him a lot and we do get along super well as friends and I want him to remain a part of my life, but I cannot guarantee that I will ever want to actually get back together. I am torn, though, because we DO get on well and have a lot of similar interests and those things are always nice. He has been realizing more and more that he needs to work less so he can prioritize happiness and he was making all these plans for stuff we were going to do all summer and snowmobiling next winter and I was actually really glad to hear he had been thinking of those things because I had tried for YEARS to get him to take more time off to go do stuff with me, but all he cared about was work. It sucks that he came to this realization so late. It would have been nice 2 years ago. So I am almost tempted to try again with him because of those things, but then I cannot deny my feelings for sled dog guy. That crush has been festering for quite a while and I had been looking forward to perhaps pursuing that at some point after I take some time for myself. And I have my doubts either of them would agree to a poly situation. It sucks. I'm not really doing very well so far. This is possibly the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Plus I am worried about my job because of Boss's health and also how expensive my hydro bills are going to be at the house. I may have to get a second job, which I super do not have the energy or time for, but I might not have a choice. OR rent out the spare room and have a roommate, which I also don't want. I am just really stressed out and upset. This is such a mess.

[tamrielf]

i hope you’re okay!!!!

honestly i'm not. i'm waiting to be transported STILL to mclean. i came to the emergency room cause i felt unsafe & i was tempted to hurt myself. i've been struggling with my mental health for a while now. my doctor started me on new meds for manic depression. i stopped taking the antidepressant because it gave me serious side affects. so i was already feeling bad. & then on top of that still being harassed by my stalker continually just pushed me over the edge. every day i feel like i'm struggling just to wake up in the morning and then i get bombarded with unwanted harassment despite begging them to leave me alone. its been going on for years now & despite trying my hardest ignore it, it really affects me when i'm already feeling so low. i'm tired of feeling this way and i'm tired of having constant anxiety bc ppl can't just leave me alone or stop watching my every move. i'm sure i'll get harassed or made fun of just for even saying how i feel in this post. i will talk about how badly its affecting me and they always dispute it or deny even doing anything or flip it around on me and say i'm doing it to myself. i just feel so helpless. i feel so horrible about myself as it is bc of manic depression and having a rare illness that makes me sick 24/7 to the point where i can barely function. and maybe autism has something to do with my inability to cope (idk because i just recently got diagnosed and i'm still learning about living with autism) but feeling like shit about myself already sucks & then everything i say or do gets made fun of or picked apart by someone i've never met and all their friends. i just cannot take it anymore. the internet is what i use to express myself and it used to be a safe space for me to do that. autism makes me feel like a scared little girl most of the time. i feel like that all the time and now i have that feeling every time i use social media too. and this isn't me blaming anyone for wanting to hurt myself. i was already having a really hard time mentally. but the harassment just significantly added to the stress and anxiety. i'm at my breaking point. i sought professional help at the emergency room yesterday and i'm still waiting to be taken to mclean. I've been there before and i had a horrific experience and i begged them not to send me😭😭 im praying it will be better this time since i have no choice now. i'm under section 12 which means i can't leave willingly until i've been cleared by a doctor saying i'm not a threat to myself. i guess i'll just have to have hope that my experience at mclean won't make me feel worse than i already do now. all i want is fucking peace. my thoughts make me want to vomit and just being alive is exhausting. i want to get better for myself and my kids. and i'm hoping whatever therapist/psychiatrist they make me see will give me ways to cope with ppl attacking me because i literally cannot handle it the way i am right now. and hopefully maybe get on medication for depression and impulse control that actually works because i came so close to self harm relapsing multiple times yesterday. im glad i at least got to the hospital before that happened. i don't want anymore scars.

[lady-of-the-spirit]

Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

tagged by the lovely @goldheartedchaoticdisaster

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

when I was a little kid I was daydreaming/writing little stories for the things I liked back then. Then I started reading the Harry Potter series and somehow? ended up finding out about fanfiction through that. I don't know how that happened, but either way, I was like !!! THIS IS A THING OTHER PEOPLE DO??? and it went on from there.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Only counting published fics rn because I can't go through my drafts to give an accurate answer. 25.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

If we're only going by PUBLISHED fics, 12 years. Otherwise, the answer is either 17 or 13 years.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Definitely read more. It's easier to read than to write.

5. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

I think I've gotten better with dialogue! no two people talk exactly the same and I've started really liking how to get into their speech patterns. and that impacts how their inner dialogue works too.

6. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hm. I don't think it's weird exactly but I got very thorough in my research in Romanian history for writing Joan. I also did reading on grief and losing children which is not exactly a normal topic for a single childless person to be reading about.

7. What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

definitely any "I reread this so many times" type of comment! like!!! they liked it enough to come back!!!

8. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I mean I write/am going to write fics about hallmark movies and tv series so.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Probably romance. Like explicit romance anyway - I can definitely handle flirting, or writing friendships in a way that can make people go "are they just friends???" But then we get to actual romance and it's suddenly much harder even though there doesn't have to be any difference?? idk

10. What is the easiest type?

hurt/comfort, definitely. or fluff. either of those are so easy.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I use google drive mostly, plus the occasional notes app fic, and I used word doc when I still had my school account. Tempted to subscibe just because I'm annoyed at it. I published all of my fics on ao3. I also write a few there as well, much to everyone's horror.

I was a fanfiction.net girl in the beginning! I still update Ethereal on there but overall have let it go, though I still have a Avatar fic there I want to keep working on... despite clearly not making any progress on that since finishing the first in a trilogy several years ago now. I also have Ethereal on wattpad as well and I'd say that's the fics "main" platform despite being on both ao3 and ffn.

12. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

very long, intense/dramatic fics. I'm a oneshot girl. I struggle with longer fics. and when those longer fics are intense I get nervous.

13. What made you choose your username?

the year was 2012, I finally decided to make a fanfiction.net account, and knew nothing except I wanted my username to be Lady of Something. but most of the cooler things I thought of were taken, until I landed on Spirit and that simply stuck.

tagging @dani-luminae @strangelock221b @sighonaraa @vinatintasupernovita @altschmerzes @flowerflamestars @apinchofm and anyone who sees this and wants to try!!!!

[pure-garbage]

Not-So-Quick Thought Dump

I'm currently working on a handful of chapters that are actually incredibly important to me. I've been a victim of domestic abuse in the past, so it's an unbelievably difficult topic for me to write about. As much as writing can provide therapy and catharsis, I'm still only human and I get triggered sometimes trying to work through trauma I've personally experienced. I'm sure I'll end up hiding all the pain under a few layers of comedy, which is also fine. That's valid as an art form(I think).

That being said, I'm very pleased with the way I present the situation playing out roughly through chapters 123, likely to around 127. Character aspects like the ones explored here are a huge part of the reason I love the straw hat women so much, especially Robin(Lots of love for Nami too, but she is significantly younger and I head canon her as less experienced/wise).

Robin is the friend I always wanted but never had when I was dealing with my own struggles. She's centered, she's grounding, she's practical, and she can be amazingly fierce when it come to protecting/advocating for the people she cares about.

Going through my own experiences, I never had anyone who told me what I was going through was not okay. It can be incredibly confusing to be victimized by someone you have strong feelings for, whether that's romantic or familial. One of the hardest things in the world to realize is that two things can be true simultaneously: you can love someone and still not be okay with the way they treat you. You can create boundaries, have tough discussions and try to change behaviors. If change isn't possible, it becomes necessary to walk away, which is a separate challenge in and of itself.

Also the concept that someone can hurt you without meaning to and that's still not acceptable. It's easy to make excuses for the people who hurt us instead of holding them to account. Justifying the actions of someone you love is a hell of a lot easier than communicating with them. It's a lot easier than telling them you aren't okay with what they did. It's a lot easier than asking them not to do it again. Especially if they don't realize or don't want to admit that they hurt you. Maybe they were just playing. Maybe they thought you could handle it. If you're tempted to make excuses for them, you'd better believe that if you try to have a conversation about what happened, they'll likely make excuses for themselves.

This point cuts extra deep, at least for me, because it goes both ways. We can hurt the people around us without that being our intention. Hurting someone doesn't automatically make you the bad guy. Every fight in a relationship doesn't necessarily have a 'right' or 'wrong' side. It's fine to have a little self-forgiveness, but it has to be paired with caution. Don't make excuses for yourself instead of taking responsibility. The only thing you can really do to wrong another person is violate the boundaries they set knowing that you're doing so.

Whatever happened, even if it was a little thing, a petty thing, a 'stupid' thing: if you didn't like it, that's enough reason for it to never happen again. That's called setting a boundary and anyone who cares about you will respect the lines you draw in the sand and go out of their way not to cross those lines again. Which probably sounds super basic, like it should 'go without saying', but some of us were raised in dysfunctional households. For us, this really basic knowledge is a completely alien concept that we learn about later on. It's a life-changing epiphany if you're lucky enough to realize it consciously.

So if there's one lesson I can impart with this little arc, I hope that it is this: love and respect go hand in hand and they have to be mutual. Put the work in, be considerate, but don't forget to demand the same effort and consideration in return.

And walking away from a bad situation never makes you a bad person.

[coraniaid]

For the fic ask game, 5, 10, 20 please!

Fanfiction author ask game

5) The fic you’re most proud of writing?

I think the answer has to be Coexist, my season 3 rewrite.

It was the first fic I started writing in the Buffy fandom; it's the (completed) fic that took me the longest to finish [the first chapter was posted in February 2021, but I'd been planning it and drafting it for a while before then, and the last chapter wasn't posted until April 2023]; it's (by some distance) the longest single fic I've written [it's a bit over a quarter of a million words long].

And, now that I've had some time to think about it, I think it holds up pretty well? There are certainly a few sections I'd be tempted to rewrite slightly, and probably some bits which I should have just edited away, and (because I hadn't quite planned things out in as much detail as I thought I had) there's a few moments where the wider timeline doesn't quite work [secondary characters will say things that are meant to be cryptic references to events that I later decided hadn't happened yet], but overall I think I did a pretty good job capturing the story I'd been daydreaming about for a while. I'm still really pleased with the chapters The Price, Reactions and Undertow in particular, and I think the overall story is surprisingly coherent, both structurally and thematically, for something I spent more than two years writing.

10) Best/funniest comment you’ve ever gotten on a fic?

It still kind of amazes me whenever I get ... well, any comments at all, really, but especially comments that take the story I've written seriously as something worth engaging with and analyzing? I'm especially grateful to anybody whose leaves detailed comments or reviews on each chapter as they go, or who leave additional comments to point out things they noticed or enjoyed on a reread (not naming any names but you know who you are). Not to be sappy, but those are the types of comments that I go back and reread when I'm struggling with writing something new and trying to motivate myself to finish a difficult section.

Funniest comments, in hindsight, are the reactions to ... well, there is a certain chapter about a third of the way into Coexist where a Thing happens. I remember being really nervous about posting that one, and I still feel a little guilty if anyone really did stop reading at that point, but looking back the reactions (which included repeated variants on things like "damn" and "what the fuck?" and "I'm so angry right now" and "... ow :(" and "this is some real game of thrones shit") are exactly what I was going for.

20) Hardest character to write/get the characterization correct for?

I think Jenny Calendar is basically impossible to write 'correctly' because she just doesn't have a consistent characterisation in canon (is she a capable practicing technopagan who has a perspective on the supernatural that challenges Giles' own assumptions, or is she Giles' cool teacher girlfriend who helps with research in the library but is hurt and betrayed when the magical side of Giles' past endagers her safety, or is she a walking racist stereotype who [sort-of, somehow] betrayed Giles and Buffy [in ways that never quite make sense] and who has the bad luck to be written by a group of writers who ... well, let's just say that Angel doesn't ever attribute his soul to a Romani curse).

I don't think you can really reconcile those three contrasting versions of the character -- at least not in a way that I personally find satisfying -- so you just have to pick one to be the 'real' version and gloss over the other stuff as best you can. (And I think my summary above makes it clear which version of Jenny Calendar I like.)

[void-botanist]

Thoughts on bg3 honor mode so far

It remains to see how bad I can mess up the first big boss of bg3 but I have so far made it through acts 1 and 2 in honor mode first try. I have had several close calls where my entire party almost died (that list and some other thoughts under the cut for act 1 and 2 spoilers):

gnolls, specifically the ones near the carts and hyenas. everyone else died and Lae'zel got away with literally 1 hp

Auntie Ethel, because I brought spellcasters which is a massive liability with her legendary action

fire mephits on the walk down to the forge

githyanki at the bridge in act 1 (came back and AoE'd them from where they ended up)

githyanki at the bridge in act 2, because I got too tempted to bring a fourth party member into the fight

I'm nearing level 10 as I go into the Ketheric fight. I have been abusing the hell out of Withers' functionally free rezzes (you can just pickpocket him! and my Astarion is built for sleight of hand!) and I have savescummed a handful of times, which is technically not supposed to be possible, but if you stop the game in Steam or end the process in task manager you can jump back to your most recent save (quitting the game normally causes it to save where you are). I know some people are very against doing that in honor mode but I don't care, and I especially don't care if it's to prevent a major issue like Shadowheart killing Nightsong. I only do it if it's important to, though, because I understand that the idea behind honor mode is that you have to live with your choices, but there are a few choices that I simply do not want the consequences of at all.

In fact, I learned last night that I really need to focus on cleaning up the skeletons in the Ketheric fight part 1 because otherwise Ketheric can trigger an ability that lets him kill my party even faster. It is a shame though that Aylin has such awful health for level 11 (85hp), and no boosted AC to mitigate it (18 is good! but if she can have heavy armor why is her AC not at least 19??? I know the answer is probably "we can't make her too invincible, especially in the hardest game mode" but sigh).

It has been fun being generally a little overleveled and also trying to play the game without sinking all my feats into getting the light and medium armor companions into heavy armor ASAP. I love high AC, but I do get cooler effects if I'm a little more flexible. Also being a moon druid is great. [vine boom sound effect] OWLBEAR

(owlbear is OP because you get functionally three attacks per turn, where the first is a jump that lets you also potentially knock people prone)

bg3 taglist: @multi-lefaiye @theskeletonprior @kk7-rbs

[wolfstargazer]

For the writing ask game: 17, 23, 43?

Thanks @nogenrealldrama for the asks.

Do I have a writing routine?

I once was lucky enough to get some writing advice from Philip Pullman, who is one of my favourite authors. His advice was write a little every day so I try and do that. Even if it's just a sentence or two.

I both handwrite and type my work. I also use the notes function on my phone. The most important thing is to get things down before I forget.

I find I cannot write to music with lyrics so I listen to a lot of classical or instrumental music when I write.

I also drink tea whilst writing or, when editing and it's late at night, wine.

Is the beginning, middle or end hardest to write?

It depends. Often I find the beginning easiest. I really enjoy writing the openings to stories and often find myself getting quite strong ideas about this. I think the middle can be tough as you can find yourself getting lost in the weeds of the narrative if you're not careful. I think a strong ending is really difficult to do, but really rewarding when you get it right. I think the best endings offer some sort of catharsis. And knowing when to end a story is a skill in itself. Some stories can be told in less words than you may feel tempted to write. I think it takes discipline to know when enough is enough.

Is there a trope or idea you'd like to write but haven't yet?

Oh so many! But I'll stick to one.

Since coming back and writing in the fandom again I cannot shake an idea for a story. I never have been tempted to write a fix-it fic before but I have had such a strong idea about a story where Remus tries to discover how to bring Sirius back from beyond the veil. I have a really firm idea of the story arc and some original characters who work at the Ministry. This appeals to me because it will allow me to explore some of the things that are interesting to me e.g. grief, older Wolfstar, the Department of Mysteries, the Ministry of Magic.

I think it might be some time before this is written, but I'm very keen and the characters keep whispering at me to tell the story.