#i'm proud of myself for actually getting the help that i've needed for a fucking decade and a half lmao...the thing that i think kinda sucks

[itz-pandora]

Thank you guys for dealing with me

[elprupneerg]

its hard to feel like anything i'm doing in class is something that people would wanna hire me for. like, its literally stuff people want out of employees. but why would they hire some weirdo disabled queer who's able to do this stuff when they can get someone who's physically capable of doing too much stuff on too little sleep and then emotionally capable of joking With The Guys(TM) or With The Girls(TM)? like, sure i've got some of the skills, but i don't meet the Engineer Mold (TM) and i'm terrible at interviews. which means i *also* don't have any relevant experience in my field. and even if i *do* find a job that would want someone like me, they're not anywhere near public transit, or they're looking for someone like me who studied a different field, or they're looking for someone like me who's cis.

[ao3commentoftheday]

I am having issues being nice to people in my ao3 comments. Most of the time people are perfectly lovely and I love having interactions with them. It's really important to me that when I'm on my writer tumblr instead of my main and on my ao3, I foster a kind and gentle community. I feel like that starts with me and that is the sort of environment I want to create.

Now, the problem is this fic I wrote. It's for a pretry big fandom and it got a lot of traction (like first page when sorting by hits while there are tens of thousands of fics) and it's been wild. Mostly great... except this one arc I wrote where character A, who is mentally ill and gets triggered into a spiral acts mentally ill, which negatively impacts people around him, including character B (it's a ship fic), who while not responsible is making it worse and making the active choice to stay, because he also has his own issues. The fic explores the aftermath of that as well, but for a few chapters it's just the downward spiral. And while it isn't all condoned, I give character A understanding due to the situation as well as a healing journey, wherein he apologizes and does better and makes up for it.

Sadly for me, character B is the fandom's favorite white boy, who is always the hurt victim in every situation and has no responsibility ever. So me also stating how character B is in part responsible forthe situation ending up getting as bad is a no go and people are very angry at me. On top of that, I based a lot of character A's struggles on my own, which makes it even less pleasant to get detailed comments about how he deserves to be beaten up for his actions and left by all his friends and family to stew in the guilt for the rest of forever all alone, less than fun.

I don't want to have to tell people about my own personal struggles and I am tired of explaining that it is a character arc and a nuanced and complex situation wherein multiple parties are at fault. And I have chronic have to reply even when I know ignoring it is better syndrome. At what point does it become acceptable to just be a fucking bitch to people?

First of all, lemme give you a hug 💗 It's never fun when people misunderstand your message and it's even worse when there's a personal element to it as well.

The way I see it, your comments section belongs to you. It's an extension of your fic and it's a place where every message left gets dropped into your inbox. If there's something you don't want to see in your comments section? Delete it. If there's someone who won't stop misinterpreting you/your characterization or someone who is being an asshat? Block them. Then delete their comment.

I know people get hung up on whether or not they should do that, but I'm here to tell you that if I didn't delete hate and block haters, this blog would have shut down in 2020, if not earlier. You need to take care of yourself, and if that means removing that part of your comments then so be it.

I also prefer to lead with empathy and understanding. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. I work very hard at taking the best interpretation possible of scenarios that people write me about. But that doesn't mean I need to put up with hate or with willful ignorance or with snarky "ironic" dystopian takes on my attempts to be sincere and helpful. Those things all make it harder for me to continue this hobby I love, and therefore I delete and I block and I move on in the direction I'm going.

I definitely understand the desire to be a heinous bitch in response. I've even given into it a few times. But I also remember those times because I'm not proud of myself for losing my temper. I look back on them and wish that I hadn't chosen a good burn over my principles.

Don't share anything that you don't actually want to share with strangers on the internet. Don't keep comments around that make you feel bad. Put an author's note at the bottom of the chapter explaining what you're going for and letting readers know that you don't want comments like the ones you describe here - and delete them if they come in despite that.

Sometimes you just have to clean house, anon, and get rid of some of the cruft.

[kyri45]

Kyri!!

I am fucking vibrating!

In my FanFic serious The Westward Sun.

(Still a WIP so it's not posted)

MK finds out he's Macaque and Wukong's son by, and lets run through the list here:

1: accidentally manipulating his shadow, 2: finding a second pair of ears while washing dust out of his mane after training his monkey form, and 3: realising that practically speed running through the training that THE Sun Wukong spent literal years learning isn't really possible if you don't already possess the magic.

So he confronts Nüwa.

(Haven't figured out how, again, still a WIP)

And, after quite literally screaming at her for answers, she goes on to explain the nature of Order and Chaos.

(Because he definitely needs a culture/ history lesson whilst in the middle of an existential crisis.)

One can not exist without the other.

To have true Chaos, you must maintain a semblance Order. To have true Order, you must maintain a semblance of Chaos.

There must be a Method to the Madness and a sense of Madness within the Method.

It's the Balance of the Universe, so to speak.

So, to create a true Harbinger of Chaos. She'd have to combine the two elements of that balance.

The nature of Order and Chaos is:

Energetic and Calm.

Impulsive and Rational.

Open and Reserved.

Bold and Soft.

Careless and Cautious.

Optimistic and Pessimistic.

Abrasive and Gentle.

Like the Sun and the Moon

Now, after that explaination, MK points out that, since she doesn't need exsisting life to make new life, she easily could've done all of that combining the elements thing without actually using the energies of two monkey men with the biggest "divorced couple" vibe in the Universe.

So why?

(Actual exerpt from the chapter below)

~~~

She hummed at the question, raising a hand and tapping at her chin, just under her bottom lip, with her index knuckle as a thoughtful expression graced her face. Her eyes, curious and gentle, examined the little monkey before her, studying him in a way that, for some fucking reason entirely unbeknownst to him, could only be described as sympathetic.

After what seemed like years, her eyebrows flew to the nonexistent ceiling above them, as if she had reqched an unexpected epiphany. Eventually, a chuckle left her, followed by another, then another, and more until Nüwa's voice had disolved into pleasant laughter. It was warm and sweet, wafting through the empty air like the scent of fresh bread.

MK felt his shoulders relax, feeling at ease with the sudden change in atmosphere as the Goddess' laughter increased, every giggle and snort bouncing against the nonexistent walls surrounding them.

"You know-" She paused, allowing a bubble of laughter to pass her lips "-it's the funniest thing!" Another giggle.

She placed a hand on her chest, smiling at him.

"I... I don't really know myself!" She didn't even try to bite back the giggle escaping her, eyes once again studying him, this time with care.

"It just felt right."

Mk went to respond, mouth opening and closing in confusion, like a fish.

Only to find himself back in his room in the blink of an eye.

Literally.

"Holy shit... Mei's gonna flip."

~~~

I've been working on The Westward Sun ever since S3 came out and did a whole lot of rewriting after S4 & 5, so I was super proud of that idea.

And then I got distracted, and a little overwhelmed, and worried that it might've been a bit of a stretch.

You have no fucking idea how excited I got when reading this and the previous chapter! I was vibrating!

Like:

"Yes! I'm not the only one who had this idea! It's not as far-fetched as I was worrying it was! I'm so fucking excited!"

And now here I am.

Also, just reading the comic has helped me improve my drawing skills. Do you have any idea how easy it is to draw clothing wrinkles now? I used to have so much trouble getting wrinkles to look nice, and failing because they ended looking too detailed, then I experimented with the way you draw them (which I assume is roughly inspired by Studio Ghibli films)

And it's fucking easy now!?

You're a beautiful human being.

Have a nice day.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

This is an absolutely beautiful explaination on how Chaos can work!! I wanna steal that (joking, I wont of course) but I'll definetely tag you and link this post if anyone ask me how chaos magic work because you describe it beautifully!

[thebibliosphere]

In case you were wondering how deep down the Batfam fixation hole I am, it's something I've actually been talking about in therapy a lot.

Not like, in a worried way, more just when my therapist asks me what I'm doing in my downtime, my answer always used to be either "sleeping" or "I don't have downtime. I have too much work to do."

Now my answer is "playing my Batman game" or "watching Batman show/reading comics/writing unhinged Batman x Muppet fanfic."

And my therapist is delighted. She's fucking ecstatic. She's like, "You have interests again!" and I'm like !!!! Because here's the thing.

Almost dying in 2019 kinda irrevocably fucked up my brain, like, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I've been grieving over that for the last few years as well as recovering from the physical aspects of it. And to cope with it, I threw myself into work even though I wasn't physically or mentally well enough, and that made everything worse, and well, if you've been here, you know.

My brain has not been kind to me for a long time. It still isn't. But I do the work. I do multiple types of therapy a week. I piece myself back together on the daily and try to remember what it means to be human and not just this numb static void that sometimes sounds like shrieking if you listen too closely.

And then randomly, a few months ago a friend bought me Gotham Knights on Steam, and it was like a light turned back on. The engine that'd been refusing to turn over for years suddenly sputtered back to life, and something in my brain went, "Hey, I remember this... this is fun?"

And then I started tentatively searching the tags here on Tumblr, and yeah, actually. I remember this. I remember enjoying this. I can dip my toes into this. This is safe. This is a childhood interest from Before the almost-dying-trauma. And besides, it won't get in the way of my work. This isn't going to consume me. Nothing consumes me like it used to. I'm too broken for that.

Except, haha, jokes on me because, for some fucking reason, Brucie fucking Wayne and his gaggle of chaotic crime-fighting children is what reached into my brain, picked up my trauma, and started shaking it loose like a category 7 earthquake.

I actually laughed about that with my therapist a few weeks ago. Of all characters, of all pieces of media, it's Batman that's helping me process a significant chunk of my emotional trauma in a healthy way.

The most emotionally constipated vigilante in superhero existence, and I'm weeping like a child every time I get an achievement in Gotham Knights, and it says some bullshit like this:

ID: a purple steam achievement icon that says: He'd Be So Proud Of You. Reach the maximum level as any member of the Batman Family. 6.3% of players have this achievement. /end ID.

(for context, Batman is dead in this game, and you are playing as his emotionally devastated children trying to keep it together. Wailing, gnashing, crying, throwing up etc, etc.)

And my therapist, who has sat with me through EMDR sessions and a multitude of other shit designed to rewire your brain, just shrugs and says, "Sometimes we need to externalize our emotions through safe media. For you, right now, that safety is Batman having a relationship with the Muppets."

And like... okay, yeah. I'll take the win on that one.

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

dear sex witch,

i'm really sorry if this question is inappropriate and too long, please delete if necessary. i am a 17-year-old cis girl who grew up in a sexually conservative culture/religion but stumbled into extremely taboo nsfw fanfiction (and later nsfw fanart once or twice) really young (probably about 12) without even registering that what i was doing was masterbation/looking at porn. i no longer think those things are objectively bad or sinful as i was taught when i was younger, and i consider myself probably more sex-positive than a lot of my peers irl, but i feel a lot of shame about specific things that i've read and i still consider immoral although obviously none of the content i consumed involved real people doing sexual acts, and i started experiencing a lot of taboo and guilt-inducing intrusive thoughts two years ago.

if it's possible would you be able to give some advice about how to move forward? i've avoided pornographic material for more than a year but i don't actually know if that's healthy or helpful. the shame around previous porn use and the intrusive thoughts have also led me to become very afraid to disclose my sexual orientation (i realised i was a lesbian last year) because i'm worried i'll be bad representation and that if people realise what my past experiences were it would reinforce their homophobic beliefs about homosexuality being perverse.

again i apologise if this isn't the sort of thing you are able or willing to deal with at all, or if i sound too reactionary regarding sex and kink: i have been trying to educate myself but i obviously still have a long way to go. thank you for the work that you do and i hope you have a wonderful day.

hi anon,

okay, so, first thing I need to say, right out of the gate: it's not possible for you to be "bad representation." you're not representation. you're a real human person who, like every other human, will make mistakes and have regrets and sometimes do things that you're not very proud of. the burden of ending bigotry is not on queer people; don't have to be upstanding paragons of morality in the hopes that people will stop being meaners to us. if someone is homophobic, that's not something that you can change personally by being the most perfect lesbian in the world. they're still going to be homophobic unless they personally decide not to be, a choice that you can't force anyone to make. please, p l e a s e do not put that kind of pressure on yourself.

also: you actually don't have to disclose your sexual orientation to anyone whose reaction you're worried about. if someone is a homophobe, they don't need to know that you're homo! I know a lot of importance is placed on the idea of being out in every aspect of your life, but that is fucking DANGEROUS for a lot of people - especially young people who are dependent on families that won't support them. being out to your family is never, never, NEVER more important than you being safe; don't get it twisted.

re: avoiding porn, it's none of my business if you want to look at or read or listen to porn. I do know in many cases that learning how to just look at a thing as it is, without judging yourself for doing so, is the most effective way to stop feeling so scared and worried about it. I have no idea how much you pay attention to my blog, but I've had numerous people telling me that watching me joke so much about an incestuous relationship about two brothers in a bad Marvel movie has helped reduce the anxiety they feel about fictional incest. if you feel able to do so, it might be really good for you to experience enjoying some porn and masturbating about it without anything bad happening.

it doesn't even have to be watching porn; any kind of content centered around sex in a positive manner can really help to make it feel more natural and less scary. I always recommend the channel Sexplanations on YouTube, which is quite frank about bodies and pleasure while also being lighthearted and education, and I think you in particular might really benefit from the podcast Sexvangelicals, which is hosted by two sex therapists who do a lot of work specifically targeted at helping individuals who come from high control religious groups unlearn shame about sex.

[v1rtualsalvat10n]

𓆩♡𓆪 for the first time

― luigi thinks of you in his cell. that's it that's the fic.

notes :: thank you for all the support to show my appreciation i would like to throw a rusty screwdriver into your hearts i love u guys!!

The thing they don't tell you about prison is that it's really cold.

No, seriously. It's really fucking cold, even here in NYC where it's already cold to begin with - it's like you're in the back of a deep freezer in a shitty jumpsuit, because you kind of are. It's cold enough that I have to curl up into a ball on my "bed", knees to my chest in order to try and stay warm.

And because I have nothing to do, I find myself staring at the white, emotionless wall, and doing that sort of thing is kind of a surefire way to get your mind to wander. One of the tried and true methods, if you will.

It's lonely here. Sure, the inmates like me, they're nice, but I mean... I'm not really in the mood to socialize with anyone. This whole ordeal has sucked the energy out of me. I've been being thrown around the country for days, ever since they found me.

I don't even want to think about what's happening outside of this place, either. I'm sure people have lots of thoughts and things to say about what I did.

I wonder if she saw it.

The news, I mean. Of course she saw it, who didn't? I bet her and all my old classmates and friends are probably talking about it, about me, what I'd done - right now. Trying to pick apart my motive, maybe grieving about the life I'd thrown away. Guess I had a lot ahead of me.

Can't help but wonder what she's thinking. I wonder if she's disappointed in me. Or maybe proud. Why am I thinking so much about what she thinks of me? It was one fling, from ages ago, I can't even remember when... at one of countless parties, and yet I still see how she looked underneath me so clearly.

It wasn't really just a fling. I talked to her about it - about how the system was falling apart (if it was ever together to begin with) and I felt the need to put all this privilege I'd been granted to good use. How I felt like I had to do something. She told me about herself, too, how she'd been fucked over time and time again and how she knew countless others who felt the same way.

Actually, yeah, we spent a lot of time together, thinking back on it. She'd come over on those cold winter nights I remember so fondly and we'd keep warm together, whatever way we could find. She was kind of... below me, I guess. Lower class. Not that I cared that much, though. Didn't make her any less of a lover.

And then I went radio silent. Then I figured out exactly what that thing I had to do was, and I put all my effort towards it. I didn't have time for love anymore. I had to take the chance I'd been given and fix things.

So I started leaving her on seen, stopped answering my door, even when she'd yell that she knew I was there, stopped showing up at the places I'd loved before, I stopped everything. Dropped off the map and left nothing but a ghost in my place.

She probably hates me.

I'd like to think that maybe this brings her solace... that maybe the idea that "it wasn't because you did something wrong" made her feel better, but I doubt it does.

When I get out of here, if I even do, she'll probably have forgotten all about me, because everybody forgets. I'll be old news by the time that day comes, and everything we did, everything we wanted to do - would just be a hazy memory.

I still remember seeing her for the first time. I remember the way her eyes pierced through my soul, and I remember how it made me feel inside.

I wonder if she remembers that too.

[ellequarius]

How I Manifested $50k USD

Hi!!! I'm gonna tell you guys how i manifested $50,000 for my dad. So basically my dad had a bunch of credit card debt because he wasn't getting paid very well at his job. This had been going on for a couple months and he had racked up at least $7,000 on his credit card. He brought it up a lot and we'd have to start budgeting and stuff. Anyways a few days ago i wanted my hair done and my dad said we couldn't afford it. This deeply annoyed me for like two days but then i was like "wait, I could just manifest him some money." I've never really manifested large amounts of money like this purely because of limiting beliefs that i've had. Anyways i picked the first number that came into mind, $50k. I was in class at the time and was bored out of my mind and i was just like "fuck it." So i affirmed 3 times that my dad has received 50k and went on about my day, i affirmed any chance i remembered too and i think on the 3rd or 2nd day I woke up one morning and i heard my dad cheering and practically jumping for joy. Now mind you it was like 5am and i had only gotten like 5 hours of sleep (it was midterms week) and I was a little tired and i wondered why he was so happy and i thought to myself "oh must be the money i manifested him". Since then there's been no mention of the credit card debt, and when i asked him to bring me to get my hair done he said yes with no other comments! (im actually getting my hair done as i write this!) I saw his Bank of america transactions and that he received the exact amount that i affirmed for! Now idk if taxes is gonna take some of that money away but I am very proud of myself.

Sorry if this post was really long, I haven't posted on this blog for awhile but i promise i will be more active!! I also listened to adambjas "I am in control" tape a lot and this one https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yeGwSoOmOt4fUIG-wAzXJSBOcCoTLQvd/view?pli=1 , which I think helped a lot.

I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION that i deleted tumblr off my phone cause i was overconsuming info and i was just getting stressed tf out. I think deleting tumblr was the last push i really needed.

[fearfics]

no one but you.

skye riley x fem!reader

friends to lovers, mutual pining, slight?? angst??; skye has a long day of work and the only thing that can help is you :3

warnings: skye's hair pulling is the only thing i think but if there's anything else that might need a warning, lmk!

a/n: heyyy finally posting smth and like i've said before...i wouldn't call myself a writer i'm just a girl who imagines scenarios in her head and needs to write them out sometimes SO if it's quite cheesy and cliche, shhh i know this is just for fun!!! this is in bullet format just because it's an easier way for me to separate my thoughts so sorry if it's hard to read...

also, just like fun fact and im rambling but the main idea i had for this was watching the piano scene and thinking...okay but what if she plays a song for you for the first time...and boom. and the title is taken from no one noticed by the marias :] anyways, if you read this far, i’m kinda proud of this so i hope you enjoy and ty for reading <3

• skye has a rougher than usual day of work leaving her distressed and completely exhausted :(

• she collapses on her bed, her mind racing from the events today but the thoughts all lead back to you. for skye, being around or thinking of you is one of the few things that can help her relax.

• of course, she’d never admit that to anybody because she thinks she sounds crazy but it’s true!

• she runs her hands over her face and sighs before pulling out her phone. clicking your conversation, her thumb hovers over the text box.

• as her eyes move across the screen, she rereads your message from this morning – "good luck in the studio today girl 💗 oh here are the pics from the other night btw 😙" – she smiles softly at the emojis, thinking about the casual dinner you guys had with some friends.

• she swipes through the pictures, mostly silly and cute posing with your food and kissy faces…she can't help but zoom in on the two of you, remembering how pretty she thought you looked with your hair loose and makeup slightly smudged and -

• OKAY so maybe she’s incredibly down bad and that’s why just the thought of you is so calming for her!

• BUT she doesn’t want to bother youuuu. while you’re not living the same hectic lifestyle she is, you could still be busy, you know. you have your own life and things to do and take care of. she glances at the time noticing it’s later than she thought. you could already be sleeping…

• she can feel her hand rising, fingers reaching for That Spot in her hair as she begins to overthink even messaging you at all.

• *DING* she shifts her eyes back to her phone, locking onto the blue text bubble – “skyeee you haven’t said anything all dayyyy like not even the usual picture of your lunch i was visually starving girl”

• she lets out a deep breath, palm falling flat on her head. oh, thank god you texted something first..wait that means you were thinking about her…and so late at night too…which could mean nothing…

• she thinks for a second before replying – “sorry it was just super busy today..had to spend extra time in the booth im exhaustedd” sent.

• she places her acrylic nail between her teeth, biting out some nervous energy.. should i just ask? oh, fuck it i’ll just ask.

• “actually um could you possibly come over to my place? i could really use someone to talk to rn… i can send a car or whatever you know but if it’s too late you don’t have to that’s totally fine” sent.

• she continues chewing her nail as she watches the three dots pop up indicating you’re typing. – “oh skye :( don’t worry about it! ofc it’s not too late. you know i’ll come over any time. i’ll be there soon <3”

• <3. <3!!!!

• okay, she’s normal about you. she’s fine...just smiling too hard at her phone before replying with her own “<33”

• while she waits for the driver to bring you to her place, she takes a hot shower, letting the heat relax her body and ease her mind for as long as she needs. after getting into comfier clothes, she heads to the kitchen to grab a water. a sigh escapes her as she places her hands on the counter. the nerves course through her body once more as she thinks about you on your way over. she takes a breath before unscrewing the water and gulping down half the liquid. the bottle makes a loud *thunk* as she sets it down on the counter. she still can’t believe she’s gotten used to doing that.

• she reaches to replace the cap when she hears a knock on her door. you’re here. the exhaustion in her body replaces itself with…excitement? anxiety? she doesn’t know. she’s just happy that you’re here.

• screwing the cap back on as fast as she can, she takes quick footsteps over to the door, sliding a little as her sock covered feet don’t leave the ground. catching herself on the wall, she steadies herself, fixing the hair that fell in her face. god, she’s mess.

• she reaches for the knob while tip toeing up to take a peek through the peep hole. she couldn’t help but crack a smile at your hello kitty pjs before opening the door.

• you wear an empathetic smile as you hold up your bag, “i brought candy.”

• skyes let’s out a breath of relief, smiling back and relaxing her shoulders, “you. are amazing. get in here.” she grabs your arm, pulls you in and locks the door back up while you let out a small laugh.

• “i know, i know." you reply removing your coat and shoes. “so,” you start to speak as skye follows slowly behind, smile still lingering on her lips. you jog over to the couch plopping yourself into the seat, “you get first pick as always.” you hold the bag open, shaking the sides as you usher her over to take a seat next to you.

• skye tilts her head, jokingly rolling her eyes as she hovers her hamd over the bag. “i’ll take…oo these! thank you very much.” she pulls out a blue bag and sits herself to the right to you. you knew that blue bag all too well.

• “not the gummy wormsss! you know those are my favorite!” “we can share! we always share.” "right, right..."

• the conversation continues while you empty the rest of bag on the table. you take turns sharing candies, telling skye a story about the cutest cat you saw outside the shop and how you almost brought him with you.

• there was a moment of silence before you spoke up “did you want to talk about today?”

• skye glances down at her fingers staying quiet for a moment “uh…yeah, no, i mean...it’s just…” she takes air in through her nose and runs a hand through her hair, breathing out.

• you watched her facial expression change. there was nothing more you wanted than to just hold her in your arms and caress and kiss her troubles away. you never knew how far you could go without it feeling weird. what if she didn’t reciprocate?

• you always settled for holding her hand. it kept her from teasing with her hair and suppressed the urge to pull at the blonde locks and instead play with your fingers.

• “we were um…working on recording this new song. i’d played it for them a little while ago and they really liked it.” she glances at your face, your full attention on her, arm resting on the back of the couch with your chin sitting in the palm of your hand. god, you were so pretty…

• you smile softly, “of course they did. you make great music, duh.” she returns the smile at your compliment. her eyes begin to dart around the room, the stress making it’s way back into her head. you rub your thumb over the back of her hand that was still sitting in yours.

• “while we- while we were recording, it was fine but um…there’s this one part in the song i wanted to be sung a certain way but..they didn’t agree. told me to sing it the way they wanted. 'cause it ‘sounded better’. ‘tracks would’ve been faster to mix’. or some shit. i tried to argue it but…it just started something bigger and my mom was there. god, my mother…she’s no help. just wants me to follow along like usual…”

• you felt a tug at your heart as skye spoke. “oh, skye…i know how passionate you are about your music. it's awful when there’s assholes like that who just wanna make something quick and easy. it’s hard for people like you who actually care about the quality of their work. i don’t see where you did anything wrong."

• skye wipes away a couple of tears. “hey,” you reach for her other hand, interlocking both your fingers, “i know for a fact that the way you wanted your song, mind you, your song...that you wrote …i know it sounded beautiful, okay? and perfect while we’re at it.”

• skye chuckles, speaking softly “please, how could you say that if you haven’t even heard it?”

• “show me.” your volume matches hers but your words catch her attention, eyes shifting to your face. silence. “if you’re up for it, you know.”

• skyes heart races as she feels a mixture of anxiety and vulnerability. it’s not like she hasn’t sung in front of you before but right now it feels much more intimate.

• she hesitates for a moment “okay…yeah.” you smile in excitement. you were basically her number 1 fan. and she would do anything for you. this is a win-win situation.

• skye stands up to go to the piano, a rush of butterflies in her stomach as you follow behind. she adjusts the bench a little before sitting down and you stand to the side of the large instrument, elbow making contact with the top as your chin rests in your palm again.

• skye fiddles with her journal trying to find the correct page. she nervously flips onto the page titled ‘just my name’ and looks over at you before placing her fingers on the keys.

• ‘i’ve got thick skin but i’m hollow…made up of broken parts...’ from the the first line you’re mesmerized (as usual) by her voice. you listen on, paying attention to the lyrics and how relaxed skye begins to look after focusing on the melody, ‘is this how my story’s told? i get higher 'til my worlds on fire and i'm ice cold…’ seeing the raw emotion in her facial expressions as she closes her eyes, almost like she’s reliving her memories. you can tell how much this song and the lyrics really mean to skye and her experience. oh, your sweet skye…

• the final notes echo through the room. skye removes her hands from the piano, waiting for you to say something, ANYTHING…

• but your response doesn’t come. you instead take a few steps over and wrap your arms around her shoulders. her head finds its place in your neck and her arms take place under yours as you sit down beside her. you sit together like this for a moment before speaking. “that was beautiful, skye. just like i said it would be.” you whisper, your thumb caressing the back of her head, her breath felt on your neck.

• “mmm you’re just being nice 'cause you’re my friend.” she deflects. “skye, c'mon.” you pull away leaving your hands on her shoulders and look her in her eyes, “i wouldn’t lie to you. especially, especially, about your music. i know how much it means to you.”

• skye can’t help the blush that creeps up on her cheeks becoming hyperaware of the close proximity between you two. theres a flutter in your stomach at the slight nudge of her hand against your thigh.

• she clears her throat before speaking “thank you, y/n. for everything, really. i'm so so so grateful to have you in my life. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

• okay, you actually need to kiss skye so bad. her eyes glossy from the tears, the beauty mark by her lips that were soft and pouted. if the look she was giving you wasn’t enough alone, everything she just confessed solidified the feelings you couldn’t deny any longer.

• skye’s breath gets caught in her throat as she feels your hand softly take place on her cheek. the heat of the moment seems to last forever as you both stare into each other's eyes, your faces just inches apart. the unspoken feelings have been building up for so long neither of you can fathom the situation that’s unfolding. your heart is beating so loudly that you can hear it in your ears as you both sit there, hoping hers was doing just the same.

• your eyes flicker across her soft features taking one last look at her lips before returning to her eyes. “would it be like kinda crazy if we just, you know…kissed right now? i mean like if you wanted to. because i definitely want to and it would be nice but if-“

• skye lets out a puff of laughter and you’re left with a slightly amused yet confused look on your face. “god, y/n, i thought i was bad at this.” your hand falls back to her shoulder, “um what exactly is that supposed to mean?” “nothing, nothing...”

• you smirk at the casual banter, “okay, okay…so…” “oh, come here.” skyes confidence boosts as she takes your face in her hands and your lips finally touch. your eyes flutter closed and skye can feel the smirk still resting on your lips as you respond to the kiss.

• it starts out soft and slow, the gentle press of your lips against each other. but as the initial kiss sparks something between the two of you, it quickly deepens. your mouths moving hungrily against each other, the taste of the fruity candy lingering on your tongues, skyes hands running through your hair as your hands have found themselves just above her chest, toying with her necklace.

• as you two lose yourself in the moment, falling into each other, you lean a little too far, elbow landing on the piano keys. the loud, earsplitting chord jolts you back to reality, breaking the kiss. your breathing is heavy and faces are flushed with surprise and the realization of what just happened. you both can’t help but burst into giggles, the tension from before fades into a light hearted moment.

• as the giggles subside, you look at skye, “maybe.. we should take this somewhere else or something…” skye sucks her teeth, a few butterflies lingering at the bottom of her stomach, “oh is that so?”

• you roll your eyes before standing up. taking skyes hands, you pull her up with you. “well...yes. don’t ask stupid questions.” skye chuckles as she’s dragged along, her heart racing with anticipation and excitement to finally be able to kiss you the way she’s always wanted.

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Blurbs: Drive My Car

————————————————————————-

Summary: You still haven't learned your lesson… and are back with a Joe prank! Now it's calling your poor husband to tell him about your discovery of “Christmas gas”.

Warnings: Fluff, slight illusion to smut

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine universe: Into The Mystic

————————————————————————-

December 12th, 2023

I still don't know how Joe isn't tired of me and my tricks yet. After all of the pranks I've pulled on him I just keep finding more.

Bored in bed since Joe was gone, I found a prank I could do on him over the phone and immediately got down to business.

He was at his parent's house helping his mom build a new dresser like the amazing son he is while I stayed at home with Tyson and Miles. They weren't awake yet so I could put Joe on speaker while recording with his iPad.

After making my hair look decent I pulled Joe’s contact up and called him.

In usual amazing husband fashion, he answered in less than two rings.

“Hey Joey.” - you

“Hey, Mama. What's up? Do I need to step outside for this.” - Joe

Even though I loved Robin with my whole heart, I really didn't want her to think I was a ditz who thought diesel was “Christmas gas”.

“Uhm, yes.” - you

“Okay gimme a sec.” - Joe

A few moments later you could hear the back sliding door shut and Joe told you to keep going.

“Okay so the other day I saw this TikTok about this thing called Christmas gas and I wanted to try it. So I did. Now my car barely even got home and it was making a weird sound.” - you

“Baby… what? What the fuck is Christmas gas and where did you get it?” - Joe

“The gas station we always go to! It's just gas that's supposed to smell like pine wood for the holidays.” - you

I had to mute myself because I was dying laughing. Joe sighed and groaned out of pure annoyance before clearing his throat to speak.

“You actually put it in your car?” - Joe

“Mhm. Should I have not of?” - you

“I don't know, y/n! I've never heard of damn Santa gas or whatever the hell!” - Joe

“Christmas gas! It’s a limited edition!” - you

“Limited edition… baby why would they have limited edition gas?” - Joe

“I don't know. It was like three more dollars a gallon though and didn't even smell like pine wood.” - you

“Oh my god. y/n, was it coming from the green nozzle?” - Joe

“Yes! You have heard of it!” - you

“y/n, that's diesel babe! Did you put diesel in your car?” - Joe

“No, I put the Christmas gas in.” - you

“The green nozzle is diesel, y/n. That's why it was 3 more dollars than the regular gas, and why your car isn't working, because you put diesel in your gas car!” - Joe

“Are you sure? The gas station was decorated for Christmas and the green pump even had lights on it.” - you

“Yes, I'm sure! I'm gonna have to call the mechanic and take your car in when I get home later. Hopefully, your engine isn't ruined.” - Joe

“Is my car going to be ruined, Joey?” - you

“I don't know baby. You have to stop doing those stupid TikTok trends, y/n.” - Joe

“I’m sorry Joe. If my car’s ruined don't feel like you have to get it fixed.” - you

“That's BS. Imma get your damn car fixed. Just promise you won't do stuff like that till you run it by me because it might be a scam.” - Joe

“Okay, baby. I love you.” - you

“I love you too, just don't use your car till I get home. If you need to go somewhere before I do just take one of mine.” - Joe

“Thank you, just one more thing to tell you before you go.” - you

“Please tell me you didn't get your oil changed with reindeer piss.” - Joe

I busted out laughing and Joe giggled along with me, proud of how he was quick enough to make a funny joke.

“No! But… this was a prank.” - you

“Oh my god y/n! So your car is fine?” - Joe

“Yes. I haven't even left the house… or even the bed yet today.” - you

“Shit babe, you had me worried for a minute. Well, I'm gonna go. I love you.” - Joe

“I love you too! Kinda sad I won't get to see you play sexy mechanic though.” - you

“Pregnancy hormones?” - Joe chuckled

“They’re through the roof.” - you giggled

“I’ll help when I get home.” - Joe

I could practically hear his smirk in his lust-laced promise.

“Bye, Joey.” - you

“Bye, Mama. Don’t be buyin’ any gasoline from elves ya hear?” - Joe

“Yes, sir.” - you laughed and Joe hung up

That gorgeous man is a saint for putting up with me.

————————————————————————-

Authors note: this is my favorite thing ever?! Saw this request in my inbox and IMMEDIATELY started writing.

Request for this fic;

[dvilsdesire]

Blog Changes:

// I'm making some changes to my blog. They're pretty minor, so it shouldn't affect a lot of people, but just in case!

After my mother passed, it's just put a lot of things into perspective for me. I want to be here to enjoy my hobbies, not think about negative things, not push myself if I can't write, not make the things I love turn into chores one way or another, so these things will just help me feel less limited (not that anyone should feel that they have MADE me feel limited--please don't think that! I just need to do this for me right now, and this could change after my mourning process).

For one, I'm dropping some threads. Please don't feel like I'm dropping them because I don't like you or don't want to write with you. I do! We can start something new. I just need a fresh start to reset my mind in this difficult time. Right now, my tracker is a MESS, so I will simply be replying to things as they come, and if other things have faded out, then that is alright (I still have some threads I owe, but those are pretty active within the last month). Everything else... entirely no idea atm, and I will likely reply to them if I get a notif.

I will hopefully clean this up given a bit of time.

I am no longer having mains or exclusives. This doesn't mean I won't favour people and interactions (I'm human). Anyone I write with, I consider a "main" so I've never really understood the concept of this and shouldn't have added it to my blog to begin with. Haarlep is a ho and wants to interact with EVERYONE, and I also want to interact with everyone.

Being away from tumblr through some of this has actually put a LOT into perspective, and honestly... I think most people who step away feel the same thing (it's healthy to do so, so please remember to take care of yourselves when you become overwhelmed). I'm not leaving, I'm just making changes, because they will improve my mental health. I love each and every one of you and everyone who has followed me, interacted with me, etc. You've all been so supportive, especially writing a gremlin like Haarlep (and Raphael).

This has been a difficult time for me, and I am still going to be slow, but I am going to focus on what makes me happy. My mum only ever wanted her children to be happy, and so I will do that for her.

Something else I also want to point out, is that my mum was an exceptionally forgiving person. Even those that had wronged her, she may have been upset, but she hadn't a hateful bone in her body, and I think that speaks volumes of the person she was. Like me, she didn't have the energy to hold onto that negativity, so I will not be dragged into any dash drama or this person said that and whatever. I want to interact with people, make friends and enjoy my time here. So long as you treat me with respect, I will do the same. If you feel the need to unfollow me or block me, then that is your right if I interact with someone you don't get along with or agree with. But I am here for a positive experience and to share my love and joy for Haarlep, Raphael, and BG3 in general, along with my creativity.

My mum was a beautiful person. We all have flaws, and nobody is perfect, but I want her kindness and forgiveness to shine through me as well, even if at times I am cranky and blunt (she loved how blunt I was, because I told her the things she needed to hear, not what she always wanted to). I will keep being a teacher and a guide for those that need it, and I will put my foot down in a gentle but stern manner.

This blog has been nothing but a positive experience for me, and for that I thank you all so much, and so I will continue that way <3 Life's just too fucking short, guys... Please, go out spend your energy on the things that truly matter! Kiss your loved ones, tell them you're proud of them, and love life, because you never know when it will be taken from you.

[atopvisenyashill]

that bit about joffrey is FASCINATING have you ever written about this in depth? I've always loved his character but I would never be able to like. Describe why exactly he is the way he is so I really appreciate your analysis of him loving BOTH parents and incorporating only their flaws - I always just assumed that he hates his dad and is annoyed by cersei (still loves her) but then the way we sexually humiliates and abuses sansa etc is so robert-coded like of course he emulates the bevavior of his father.

Also slightly off topic but i always forget that Joffrey is like canonically so good at all the proper princely things (thinking of that scene at Sansa and Tyrion's wedding when she's so upset that a monster like Joff could be so good at dancing) and - not to go on about GOT again - but I wish we had actually gotten to see that and him being charming etc. Huge props to the show for giving Joff the perfect wardrobe (the only thing they did right) but also f them for waiting all that potential

yes, they really said joff gets to have all the swag and then the moment he died they put cersei in that fuck ass bob and no one in the lannisters was allowed to serve again smh. and thank youuu i actually had to stop myself from rambling over him before haha, but i'll go into more detail here! so this was the comment from the other post-

joffrey is a kid just ruled by his first, most base instinct. his instincts, his core emotions, tell him to love and trust both robert and cersei, and imo he twists himself into a MONSTER to try to appeal to both of them. no one else matters - not his siblings, not his uncle, not his grandfather, not the realm. he needs to be the sort of vicious person they could both be proud of, he needs to be better than them both at violence, so he absorbs all of their faults and none of their virtues.

i definitely do see very often that people feel he only loves one or the other parent and while I do understand that reading, I don't think it's quite how Joffrey operates. I think he does love them both, and holds them both in high esteem. I do agree that he's annoyed by Cersei but that doesn't mean he doesn't value her opinion (as much as Joffrey puts value on anyone else's opinion, I mean).

Joffrey and Cersei

Joffrey relies on his mother more than almost any other male character we see in the series. We see him call for Cersei basically every time he's hurt, in trouble, or wanting to whine about something. Not only that, but you have everyone from Robert to Renly to Tywin himself saying that Joffrey is doted upon and inseparable from his mother. A few choice quotes:

"Fear is better than love, Mother says." Joffrey pointed at Sansa. "She fears me."

He takes Cersei's lessons to heart, however flawed they are. Her opinion matters to him, he wants her to see him as strong.

Nine cases out of ten seemed to bore him; those he allowed his council to handle, squirming restlessly while Lord Baelish, Grand Maester Pycelle, or Queen Cersei resolved the matter. When he did choose to make a ruling, though, not even his queen mother could sway him.

It's Cersei he listens to the most. We know that if a little King, even with his mother as Regent, doesn't want to deal with her, he can simply ignore her - that's what Jaehaerys does with Alyssa, after all. But Joffrey doesn't do this; he'll fight with her, he'll insult her, and he's not shy about doing it in public but he never disregards her out of hand.

Joffrey lurched to his feet. "I'm king! Kill him! Kill him now! I command it." He chopped down with his hand, a furious, angry gesture . . . and screeched in pain when his arm brushed against one of the sharp metal fangs that surrounded him. The bright crimson samite of his sleeve turned a darker shade of red as his blood soaked through it. "Mother!" he wailed.

His instinct, every time, is to turn to her for help. He loves her. He adores her. She's the only person around who tells him he's strong and smart and will be a good king. He leans on her for guidance, for comfort, he talks to her about fucking whores. He shares everything with her because he doesn't have a single friend. She models anger and violence for him constantly, she excuses his disturbing proclivities, so he molds himself to be the person she wants him to be, the king she wants him to be. People - including Tyrion and Tywin! - are always wondering why Cersei is blind to his cruelty, but the reality is she knew he was cruel and loved him for it.

Tommen did as he was bid. His meekness troubled her. A king had to be strong. Joffrey would have argued. He was never easy to cow.

For Cersei, cruelty is strength and in her eyes, Joffrey is as strong as they come. This isn't by accident; just like his constant cries for her are reinforced by her rushing to coddle him, his cruelty is reinforced by a mother who sees it as strength. It's almost like what Coldhands says to Bran - Joffrey is a monster, yes, but in Cersei's eyes, Joffrey is her monster.

Joffrey and Robert

Joffrey had never had a close friend of his own age, that she recalled. The poor boy was always alone. I had Jaime when I was a child . . . and Melara, until she fell into the well. Joff had been fond of the Hound, to be sure, but that was not friendship. He was looking for the father he never found in Robert.

From Cersei's point of view, I think she knows very well that Joffrey is searching for love, acceptance, and himself in Robert. She doesn't like it, but she seems to accept that it's natural for Joffrey to search for some sort of father figure, and doesn't seem to begrudge him that - imo, I think because she knows Robert is always going to reject Joffrey for his cruelty.

“Why would he [care]? Robert ignored him. He would have beat him if I’d allowed it. That brute you made me marry once hit the boy so hard he knocked out two of his baby teeth, over some mischief with a cat. I told him I’d kill him in his sleep if he ever did it again, and he never did, but sometimes he would say things…”

Whenever they interact, the few times they do, there's violence. People always take this as Cersei not allowing Robert to "teach" or "properly discipline" Joffrey but, well...does the above seem like helpful discipline? Knocking out your child because he freaked you out? Punishing extreme violence with more extreme violence? And it's not just Cersei that this moment sticks with, because Stannis brings it up as well-

"Joffrey . . . I remember once, this kitchen cat . . . the cooks were wont to feed her scraps and fish heads. One told the boy that she had kittens in her belly, thinking he might want one. Joffrey opened up the poor thing with a dagger to see if it were true. When he found the kittens, he brought them to show to his father. Robert hit the boy so hard I thought he'd killed him."

Since Cersei says Robert would "say things" and we see him threatening Cersei (the "or I'll honor you again" line), I don't think it's a stretch to say that Robert threatened to beat Joffrey nearly to death several times over.

And yet...Joffrey compliments his father, especially in comparison to his other relatives.

He wrenched free of her. "Why should I? Everyone knows it's true. My father won all the battles. He killed Prince Rhaegar and took the crown, while your father was hiding under Casterly Rock." The boy gave his grandfather a defiant look. "A strong king acts boldly, he doesn't just talk."

And Cersei believes this came from Robert-

"Father, I am sorry," Cersei said, when the door was shut. "Joff has always been willful, I did warn you . . ." "There is a long league's worth of difference between willful and stupid. 'A strong king acts boldly?' Who told him that?" "Not me, I promise you," said Cersei. "Most like it was something he heard Robert say . . ."

And of course, Jaime is the one who pieces together why Joffrey sent the catspaw-

“Yes, I hoped the boy would die. So did you. Even Robert thought that would have been for the best. ‘We kill our horses when they break a leg, and our dogs when they go blind, but we are too weak to give the same mercy to crippled children’ he told me. He was blind himself at the time, from drink.” Robert? Jaime had guarded the king long enough to know that Robert Baratheon said things in his cups that he would have denied angrily the next day. “Were you alone when Robert said this?” “You don’t think he said it to Ned Stark, I hope? Of course we were alone. Us and the children.” Cersei removed her hairnet and draped it over a bedpost, then shook out her golden curls. “Perhaps Myrcella sent this man with the dagger, do you think so?” It was meant as mockery, but she’d cut right to the heart of it, Jaime saw at once. “Not Myrcella. Joffrey.” Cersei frowned. “Joffrey had no love for Robb Stark, but the younger boy was nothing to him. He was only a child himself .” “A child hungry for a pat on the head from that sot you let him believe was his father.”

When you put it all together, you have a child who is ignored by his father unless he's being threatened with a beating, who is constantly calling him a monster, who watches his father harm and humiliate his mother day in and day out, who has no other paternal figure around but this violent, angry man who he is supposed to model himself off of, and a mother who encourages his cruelty because she believes it's the only way to protect herself, to protect her son. He's not just emulating his mother's cruelty, he's emulating Robert's violence specifically when he humilates Sansa at court, when he openly talks shit about Cersei - it's what he's seen modeled for him as kingly behavior!

The Abuse And Jaime Of It All

King Joffrey's face hardened. "My mother tells me that it isn't fitting that a king should strike his wife. Ser Meryn."

He knows Robert is abusing Cersei and he takes her dislike of it seriously even as he doesn't make the connection that she means he shouldn't be striking his wife period. Whether it's because Cersei directly told him (which could make sense; she's purposefully hiding it from Jaime but perhaps she confided in Joffrey) or because he witnessed it himself, he's aware of the abuse enough that he takes his mother's comments about not personally striking Sansa to heart.

"No," [Robert] thundered in a voice that drowned out all other speech. Sansa was shocked to see the king on his feet, red of face, reeling. He had a goblet of wine in one hand, and he was drunk as a man could be. "You do not tell me what to do, woman," he screamed at Queen Cersei. "I am king here, do you understand? I rule here, and if I say that I will fight tomorrow, I will fight!" Everyone was staring. Sansa saw Ser Barristan, and the king's brother Renly, and the short man who had talked to her so oddly and touched her hair, but no one made a move to interfere. The queen's face was a mask, so bloodless that it might have been sculpted from snow. She rose from the table, gathered her skirts around her, and stormed off in silence, servants trailing behind. Jaime Lannister put a hand on the king's shoulder, but the king shoved him away hard. Lannister stumbled and fell. The king guffawed. "The great knight. I can still knock you in the dirt. Remember that, Kingslayer." He slapped his chest with the jeweled goblet, splashing wine all over his satin tunic. "Give me my hammer and not a man in the realm can stand before me!" Jaime Lannister rose and brushed himself off. "As you say, Your Grace." His voice was stiff. Lord Renly came forward, smiling. "You've spilled your wine, Robert. Let me bring you a fresh goblet." Sansa started as Joffrey laid his hand on her arm. "It grows late," the prince said. He had a queer look on his face, as if he were not seeing her at all. "Do you need an escort back to the castle?"

I think it's pretty clear that Joffrey is dissociating here which also explains his very detached way of looking at Robert's abuse of Cersei. It freaks him out enough that he uses Sansa as an excuse to leave (giving her the Hound, then running off himself) but he doesn't show it. He's not even particularly upset during this scene, not throwing a tantrum or making whiny remarks like he does when he's usually upset. He only has a "queer look" - the stress of trying to reconcile his adoration of Robert and his love of Cersei just makes him fully shut down instead of confronting it.

Joffrey gave a petulant shrug. "Your brother defeated my uncle Jaime. My mother says it was treachery and deceit. She wept when she heard. Women are all weak, even her, though she pretends she isn't. She says we need to stay in King's Landing in case my other uncles attack, but I don't care. After my name day feast, I'm going to raise a host and kill your brother myself. That's what I'll give you, Lady Sansa. Your brother's head."

I think people often take his comments about how women are weak to mean he doesn't view his mother as a competent advisor. But you notice a pattern here - he gets shitty with her when it's about Jaime specifically.

"A great many people are sorry for that," Tyrion replied, "and before I am done, some may be a deal sorrier . . . yet I thank you for the sentiment. Joffrey, where might I find your mother?" "She's with my council," the king answered. "Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles."

"She's with my council" he says, because he sees no reason to not let Cersei run things without him, something Robert never lets her do. But "your brother Jaime" not "my uncle Jaime" which is a shift because he doesn't stop calling Renly or Stannis his uncles even after they rebel. He knows, he suspects, and what he resents is not Cersei fucking Jaime but Jaime fucking Cersei.

My read on this is that Joffrey sees his mother as weak for allowing herself to be seduced by Jaime, and sees Jaime as a lecherous seducer who is the cause of all his problems. If only Jaime hadn't seduced his mother, maybe his parents wouldn't hate each other. His claim wouldn't be under question. His mother should have just taken the abuse and bided her time instead of putting herself in danger and having bastards.

He loves his mother. He loves his father. And that's the human heart in conflict with itself that resides in Joffrey. Does he honor his mother, the only parent he has, or does he honor Robert, the patriarch he is supposed to emulate? If he has no other example of what strength looks like, is he even capable of figuring out a different path for himself?

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY IRON BULL  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition, updated version

hey, don't top from the bottom.

next time you're free, why don't you come grab a drink?

didn't figure you were the kind to bed your way to power.

love is all starlight and gentle blushes. passion leaves your fingers sore from clawing the sheets.

do you want your silky underthings back, or did you leave those like a token?

you're the toughest, wisest, most beautiful person i've ever met.

these big muscled hands could tear those robes off you while you struggled, helpless in my grip.

i will never hurt you without your permission. you will always be safe.

you don't need to be afraid... unless you want to.

you see us as this forbidden, terrible thing, and you're inclined to do the forbidden...

you want to watch, don't you?

make sure you undress him with your eyes... respectfully.

i'd offer to help you get rid of that frustration but, you know... i'm in a committed relationship.

next time we're alone, i'm going to pin you down and do things your body won't believe.

all that crap made sense to you?

i can't tell you how proud i'm gonna be, watching you out there, addressing them... with this big, old love bite on your neck.

wait, i'll flex a little for you. make it easier.

that staff's in pretty good shape. do you spend a lot of time polishing it?

i can see you don't want to talk about it. bet you looked good doing it, though.

how do you manage that while staring up at everyone's ass the whole time?

you and i are fine as long as you don't do any weird crap.

i'd pin you down, and as you gripped me, i... would... conquer... you.

oh, for shit's sake.

good. i like that energy. stoke those fires, big guy.

all i'm saying is... you ever want to explore that, my door's always open.

worked that out on your own, did you?

you're not as flashy as most mages.

wait, did you "forget" them so you'd have an excuse to come back? you sly dog.

i didn't say it was healthy.

you don't actually like thinking about hurting people, do you?

if you do that, everyone knows you're a spy.

still waiting for me to do something sneaky and spy-like?

we probably won't try down to burn down a city this time.

really not sad i missed that one.

you're lucky then. it was awful.

you only lack the will to get more blood on your hands?

enjoying the great outdoors?

this area's low on dancing girls, sadly.

i've always liked fighting.

i'm not sure you know what you're asking. not sure if you're ready for it.

well, that's a fucking relief.

i'm fine. hurt myself worse than this fooling around in bed.

so, you going to let me have it, [name]? or do i get to wait and wonder?

you really kicked the crap outta that guy.

it's pretty hot where we're from.

it's not a secret. it's just too big for a quit chat.

you get that thing i asked about?

maybe you should stand in front of me.

you ever get the asses mixed up?

you're a damn fine marksman.

i fell on a guy who tried to stab me in the gut.

all right, now you're just making it weird.

nobody fights well when their clothes are on fire.

i... didn't mean to offend you.

that hurts, [name]. that's hurtful.

i may have done it a couple of times on purpose.

i cold 'cause it freezes them, and then they break into little bits when i chop them in half.

with the magic, do you prefer fire, or lightning, or cold, or what?

you don't need to worry. i have no intention of trying to leash anyone.

are you gonna write me into one of your stories?

it's just daring somebody to try to attack it.

when that breaks, you fix it. like we're doing now.

in theory, they're no different from anyone else.

anyone who takes that burden and lives a good life with it has many respect.

you're pretty tall for a human.

the bloodstains are good for scaring enemies.

could you make it sound angrier? "love" is a bit soft.

tell me more about the coat.

i don't need a book to remind me that the world is full of horrible crap.

you're really good with that bow.

it's just friendly. i won't step in your business.

what i'm saying is, please stop stealing my kills.

we should get shirts. probably need different sizes.

i think you're confusing. how can you just pick and choose what parts you believe in?

you know, i really like hitting things.

who has sex smelling like roses?

hey, i don't hate you. you and me? we're good.

hey, no-pants fridays is a cause.

it's a difficult thing you've done, turning your back on one life to live another.

[voparwave69]

Ok I'm back, and I wrote a very long post about what I've been up to but there was a character limit that I hit so I'm going to cut things down to the basics. It sounds bad at first but it's actually good shit. My landlord gave us an eviction notice last month, and I genuinely have hated every second of living here so I was kind of like, alright man, what the fuck ever. I got her to extend it slightly -- I couldn't for my mom and her now ex (and I really hope he just goes to fucking hell because he has been a complete nightmare to live with) -- but she is letting me stay long enough for my boyfriend to come home and help me pack and she said in that time she'll take me to go wherever I need to go in the area to get groceries and shit like that. He'll be home in 8 days, and there's a cheap but fairly safe hotel that allows pets that we can stay at for a moment while we're working on what we're doing (which I'll get to in a second). My mom is going to stay with her friend for now and her ex is going to his mom's house and they're leaving tonight. And so for my good news -- one, I am ENGAGED! We've actually been engaged for a little while now, but I was keeping it a secret. :o) So now I will be calling him my fiance :o3 Two, WE ARE BUYING A HOUSE! Unfortunately, my mom is also helping with that, but that's just the reality of how expensive things are -- we need as much income pooled together as we can get, but we'll all be on the mortgage -- you'll just have to take my word for it that I've got a handle on all of it. My mom hates doing things herself so I've been the one setting everything up which works for me because I have control over everything instead of her. And the house is genuinely everything I want -- it's well below our budget, it's just the right size, it's even got a big beautiful sun room that would be so perfect for so many different things, it's in the exact area I wanted to live in, and it's got a HUGE back yard that faces a SWAMP! Like pretty sizeable wild swamp! I've missed that so fucking much. There also isn't hardly anyone else looking at the house so we don't really have any competition, and we've toured the house multiple times and there's not anything wrong with it other than some cosmetic issues (which works in our favor because the realtor said we could get the price lowered because of that -- you really DONT want to buy houses that have all the cosmetics perfect and trendy because that's just shit they do to the house that costs them like 500 bucks but then they use the stupid fucking chandeliers and fake marble counters to add 10k to the price), I think the lack of competition is that it's just one of those things where it's perfect for specifically me but other people are not as keen on it (they have no taste). I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want it to fall through and look like a moron, but I figure I'd just let yall know what it is that's going on with me and why exactly it is that I've been so busy. So yeah, I'm engaged, and I'm working on buying a house, and it's all going as it should and we could be in it within a month. :o) My fiance, when I talked to him over the phone, he said he was so proud of me and that I'm handling everything amazingly, and I realized that I just needed to hear that so bad, because everyone else is acting like it doesn't count because I'm not buying it solely by myself. But fuck man. I'm working my ass off in every single way imaginable and I feel like I've got 8 fucking arms with everything I'm pulling off all at once from playing 8 dimensional chess with people to get them to fall into the right place while also doing all the legal and financial stuff that comes with purchasing a house. I'm working my ass off.

[chock-and-bates]

(trying to distract myself from The Horrors)

I am curious to hear more about the phone sex fic if you would like to share some details? is it tied to one you've already told about?

(i get it, this is a nightmare 😭)

i actually don't think i've talked about the phone sex fic, so i'm happy to share more. i've wanted to write phone sex for awhile, and i felt inspired recently. it's also a nice, easy fic to keep up with my writing while the rest of my life is such a mess lol. it's basic but filthy, very fun to write.

Premise: During a race weekend, Charles gets a late night call from Max. His boyfriend is frustrated, not only because he can't sleep, but also because Charles can't be in bed next to him. When Max suggests phone sex, Charles finds that he isn't that opposed to the idea 👀

should be out next weekend!

snippet under the cut (mildly spicy 🌶️)

“I said, I sleep better when you’re next to me,” Max says, a little testily, but Charles thinks he can practically hear his embarrassed blush through the phone.

The warm feeling from a moment ago returns ten-fold, and Charles has to smother his dumb little grin into his pillow, grateful that Max can’t see him. Five months together and he’s still bashful about the butterflies Max gives him.

“I’ll try to stay with you tomorrow night, mon amour,” Charles promises, hoping he doesn’t sound as lovesick as he so truly is.

“That’s lovely, baby, but it won’t help me tonight,” Max grouses, “Fuck, you’re sure you can’t come over? We haven’t been together in-”

“Five days,” Charles says, maybe a bit too quickly, giving himself away.

It’s just- it’s been a very long five days, and though Charles is too proud to admit, he’s missed his boyfriend quite a bit. Their relationship had bloomed in the offseason, and though there were plenty of days spent apart, it’s been pitifully hard ever since the season started to have Max so close but so untouchable.

Charles may have been going a little crazy. But Max didn't need to know that.

“Five shitty days,” Max sounds so agitated, something rustling on his end like he’s tossing and turning in his bed.

“We have been apart for longer,” Charles half-heartedly defends, “Remember in December, for the holidays? We didn’t see each other for two weeks until I surprised you back in Monaco.”

Max is quiet for a moment, “Back when you knocked on my door in the middle of the night?”

“Yes. I am just saying if we survived that-”

“Charles,” Max cuts him off, his voice suddenly raspier, “If you want me to think about being inside you, you could have just said so.”

Charles' breath hitches, startled, “What?”

“The sofa,” Max replies, “That night you surprised me.”

And Charles had even been thinking of that aspect of their reunion, but it comes back to him quickly- how Max had looked so surprised when he’d opened the door before breaking out into the cutest smile. He’d pulled Charles in for a kiss hello that had rapidly deepened, their time apart making them so hungry. They hadn’t even made it to the bedroom… instead stumbling over to the sofa, where Max had bent Charles over the arm, pressing him down, his big cock splitting him open-

Even as the memory makes his blood run hot, Charles eyes narrow down at the phone, realization suddenly dawning on him.

“Are you horny,” Charles hisses, accusatory, “Is that why you are trying to get me to come over?”

There’s another vague shuffling sound as Max snickers, “Can you blame me? You looked so good today. Had to hold myself back from smacking your ass when you walked by in the paddock… And so what if I am also missing the other stuff we do in bed besides sleeping.”

Charles groans, “I cannot believe you woke me for sex.”