#i'm planning to try to go back to my roots! where i often really only ever posted when i uploaded fics and then i'd disappear again

[causenessus]

hi! i'll keep this short

i came to the realization everytime i've disappeared from tumblr to "take a break" i never really have because of other things going on in my life (which, duh, this isn't my whole life) but! i also realized that if i never actually take the time to recover and rest and think about things i should be writing i'll never feel better. so! i'm (once again)(but now more formally) going on hiatus until maybe may! i might pop in for spring break or earlier if i feel like it, but until then, not really any writing from me! with that being said, i'll still be around, doting on my moots (i.e. like, dorothea <3 wyr <3 and bug <3) because i love them so much and i will probably also post chapters of present ever so often! the reason being (i'm going to try to make this make sense but it may only make sense to me but i'm aware of how contradicting i am to me five seconds ago when i said i need to take a break from writing) present is a very personal fic for me that i've worked on for years at this point. what i'm posting now are chapters i wrote months ago after I've read over and edited them (or in the case of the upcoming chapter, i did randomly add it in and had to write it from the ground up last week lmao) but if it isn't obvious, present is a work i'm very passionate about and am just posting in case anyone else enjoys it but it feels like it's a work that is very individualized just for me and it doesn't cause me any stress or anxiety. on the topic of individualization, although i am of course so so thankful for all of the support and people that follow me, i do sort of miss when my blog and world were a lot smaller. it's something i feel like i only get when i get to reply to people in comments, but other than that, all the numbers and people on my feed give me a lot of anxiety. the hq (smau fandom especially) fandom or at least how much i'm (was) involved in it has grown exponentially and of course i'm happy about that but it's a bit too much for me. i'll be taking a huge step back from the fandom and any hq works i've written at least in the meantime, but that's not to say they'll never be finished! but i either need to grow to handle the bigger audience that now reads my works or wait for things to grow a little smaller again :) i hope to still be able to read my moots works but forgive me if it takes me a bit or i never get to them! i think at the least i'll still like them to show my support <3 thank you if you read my long ramble! i love you all <3

oh also i'll probably post self ship moodboards and the beginning of my reading list (thank you again dorothea for the idea <3)! but again, I think you get the idea by now; I want to go back to doing this for me! so this is a tiny little goodbye now i'm leaving for you all with forehead kisses and flowers and love notes and mwah <3 i'll see you around!

[heich0e]

the suna where he asks if you'd have a baby with him

ask game: a christmas drabble from an established AU AU: wouldn't it be nice?

you've never been particularly good at giving people presents.

not for lack of trying, or lack of care—you want to be good at gift giving, but somehow you've just never quite mastered the skill. you're too indecisive to pick just one thing, so you always end up with a strange mismatched array of little gifts when the time comes, none of which have any particular connection to the other.

and that's to say nothing of your absolutely horrendous gift wrapping abilities.

before you started dating rintarou, christmas was always a real point of stress in your life. from picking out the gift, to tracking the item down, to trying (and ultimately failing) to wrap it in a way that didn't give the impression that a child had done it one-handedly. the stress that built up around the holiday often overshadowed any of the actual enjoyment you were meant to derive from it. and though none of your exes had ever explicitly called you out on being a god-awful gift giver, you knew that it was true.

thankfully, in that way that only rintarou seems to be able to do, that problem just... disappeared when the two of you started dating.

maybe disappeared is the wrong word, but that anxiety that you always used to feel cresting as the holidays drew near just never seemed to swell to the same point of misery as it used to. you never felt the same pressure to pick the perfect thing. to wrap it beautifully. to get it right.

because rintarou has this way of... reassuring you. of sensing when you're struggling and making things... easier. all without ever having to ask.

"i'm not big on gifts," he'd said to you, a full three weeks before your first christmas together. "wanna just go somewhere for the holiday, instead of buying presents? i've got some time off and have been thinking about going to kyoto."

and that settled it.

each christmas since then has passed similarly. either rintarou makes a plan, or very explicitly tells you what he'd like to get as a gift, and when the time comes, any of that stress that used to build up around the day just never even has the chance to take root.

but this year, there's a different sort of nervousness you feel about the holiday.

"my mom sent us a card," rintarou says, coming around the corner of your living room with a little red envelope in his hands. "she invited us to visit for the new year, too."

you shift in your seat under the kotatsu, looking up as he stands over you. "do you want to go?"

he sighs, slumping down onto the sofa behind you. "not really."

"we don't have to, then, if you really don't want to," you assure him, leaning back against the sofa so you're a little nearer to him. he inches forward on the couch cushions to close the gap even further. "but it might be nice to see your family."

rintarou isn't particularly close to his parents, who divorced when he was young. of his family members, the nearest to him is his little sister—and their relationship had largely been built once they both reached adulthood.

"last time we went to see my family my grandma tried to take you to a shaman to get you pregnant," rintarou replies dryly. "you sure you wanna go through that again?"

"i don't think the shaman was the one who was supposed to knock me up," you point out, and rintarou huffs out a laugh. you turn away from him a little. rintarou's grandmother was tired of waiting for great grand children and had tried to use shamanism to speed the process along—it had ended in an argument over a family dinner. "you two really are related, huh?"

"what was that?"

you peek at him over your shoulder.

"i think we should go to see them."

rintarou's brow quirks slightly at your words, and you lean forward so your elbows are resting on the edge of the couch cushion.

his eyes are always so green when you're this close to him, lined with those dark wispy lashes. so pretty. delicate and effortless in a way that would upset you if he wasn't already yours.

"you really wanna go?" he asks you quietly, and you can feel the warmth of his breath on your lips when he speaks. you nod a little, and your lips brush because of the proximity—not quite a kiss, but enough to make him lean forward in search of one.

you pull away before he gets what he's looking for.

"and you can tell grandma that we won't need the shaman this year."

because she's already gotten what she wanted.

he blinks at you, and then his eyes widen, and before you know it he's sitting bolt upright on the sofa with a look of utter disbelief on his pretty face.

just like always, rintarou made gift giving easy this year.

only this time, the present is something you'll both cherish equally, because it's something you've been wanting, too.

[plussizefantasia]

Troubled Hearts

Read parts One and Two here: Fluttering Hearts Unsure Hearts

Warnings: guy being creepy, threats of violence, drinking (not reader) we're getting into the angst here guys sorry

a/n: hi, hello, I'm alive sorry for falling off the face of the planet. When I went to go grab the link for part two I realized that I hadn't updated this story since JANUARY!?!?! here is my formal apology: sorry. My goal is to have parts four and five up sometime this month so I can be ready to jump into CozyTober when it starts. Anyway, much love I hope y'all are still interested in the story if not I understand.

Kili Durin x Human!Soulmate!reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Kili must hate himself, there is no other reason for why he’s putting himself through this. Months have passed since you had kind of sort of opened up to him and he couldn’t get you to do it again. He’d been spending his nights the same way, a constant presence at the bar. No matter the weather, the dwarf prince would be posted up on a stool. He slowly sipped the same pint throughout the entire evening and his eyes followed you like a hawk. 

You would have thought that his attentions would have waned by now, you’ve been busy with the bar, Brant unable to keep up in his old age. You figure that he was letting you take control. You never really planned to set down roots in Dale, it was supposed to simply be a stop on your journey. 

You had stumbled into the town late one evening and needed a place to stay, despite the tavern not being an inn and not technically having an extra room, Brant was kind enough to let you stay for the night, as long as you worked it off the next day. One night turned into a week, turned into a month and you realized just how much you enjoyed working at the tavern.

You enjoyed feeling needed, even if it was just to refill someone’s glass. You enjoyed putting in effort and watching yourself get better at all the different skills necessary for a place like this, and you enjoyed the subtle anonymity of it all. Nobody really knew why you were there and nobody had really asked either. Your past didn’t follow you and if you were lucky it never would. You had worked hard and carved out a little life for yourself here, a life that you loved.

Well, a life that you loved most of the time. Up until those nights when every man was just a little too drunk, every woman glared just a little too much and your skin felt just a little too wrong on your body. You did your best to let it all fall off your back, to push through and let yourself be lost in your work but you didn’t always succeed.

You were not sure what hour of the night it was, it seemed that within these four walls, time flew and stood still all at once. What you did know however was that you were getting sick of Roland’s jeers and jibes. You were sure that it was his way of flirting, but you had never really ascribed to the type of flirting where you tore the other person down in the hopes that they begged you to build them back up. Roland was a dick. It was as simple as that and if he thought he had a chance with you he was sorely mistaken.

He had yet to get that through his thick skull though. You balanced a tray of pints above your head with one hand and a tray of food in the other. You expertly wove in between patrons, making your way to the back where Roland and his men often gathered.

“Ah, here she is. Lovely lady with a body to match.” He didn’t wait for you to place the tray down on the tabletop next to him. He just reached his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him. His hand digging into the flesh there and making you move towards him to try and get away.

“What do you think lads? Don’t we make a pretty picture?” There were slight nods from the men around you, most of them had eyes only for the ale you were still holding. You noticed that this was often the case. Roland spoke and told stories, he was loud but nobody ever really listened to him.

“I think… that I have more work to do so if you would kindly remove your arm from my waist…” You looked at him, arching an eyebrow. “Before I have to remove it for you.” 

He chuckled deeply in his throat but followed your instruction and released you.

“Alright Gents, here are your pints and your pies, anything else for tonight?” Nobody spoke up, except for a few mutters of thanks. “Well, you know where to find me if that changes.”

You made your way back up to the front of house, sliding behind your bar and releasing a deep breath.

“I don’t understand how you do it.” You look up and into the eyes of the dwarf who just spoke.

“Do what Kili?”

“How you let him treat you like… that like you belong to him.”

You bristle at this. “I belong to nobody but myself Your Highness.”

“I know this, and you know this, but the brute doesn't seem to get it.”

“The brute is manageable Kili, he and his friends give this place far too much business for me to be anything less than civil with them.”

“Civil is fine, I just don’t wish to see you get hurt.”

“I appreciate that Kee, but I can handle myself.” 

“I never thought you couldn’t, I just want you to know that you don’t have to handle everything on your own.”

“I’ve been on my own for a long time, it's not easy to give that up.” You see a customer flag you down a few tables away. “Know this, my dwarf prince, should I need protecting… you’re the one I’d ask.” You smile at Kili and pass him offering him a small smile as you get back to work.

The night continues much the same, people come and go. The group in the back gets steadily more rowdy and you glance at the clock every once in a while hoping that the hands will have moved further than they have.

You serve food and drink to several patrons throughout the night, most kind some not as much. You were being truthful with Kili when you had told him you’d come to him. You just didn't think you’d ever need to. Your past wasn't the nicest and you’d quickly learned to take care of yourself because the people who are supposed to take care of you won’t always be there when you need them to be.

The time flew by faster than you’d thought, you’d apparently been lost inside your head for most of the night. The only light was that of the candles on each table and the fireplace next to the kitchen which was miraculously still lit. You’re not sure how, it's your job to keep it going and you know that you hadn’t stoked it all night. 

The darkness outside creeps into the space and more and more people begin their journey home. All your regulars settle with you or get glared at for their insistence that they’ll pay up next time. Eventually the space empties… mostly. Roland and his friends have settled a little but they still sit vigil in the back of the space, you lost count of how many rounds they’ve had but none of them are belligerent so it couldn’t have been more than eight. 

“Y/N, Another!” One of his comrades yells toward you. You forget his name, Roland’s never-ending cycle of yes men made it difficult to learn names, so at some point, you’d stopped trying.

“I don’t know if you Gent’s noticed, but we’re closed. Go home, I’m sure your wives are wondering where you are.”

“What the old lady doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” The same man yelled out, his remark setting off a burst of laughter from his buddies.

“Come Y/N, one more round and we’ll leave when we’re done.” Roland turned his body to face you and what you imagine to be his attempt at a suave smirk graced his face. 

“Sorry boys, but closed means closed, settle your tabs and go home.” You roll your eyes at the grumbling and whining that come from the group of grown men but do not sway in your decision. One by one they come and hand you some coin, some thank you and some say nothing but all of them leave as they were told.

Roland is the last to come up, as he so often is. “I don’t know why you spend so much time here, if you were mine you’d not have to work one more day in this place.”

“Well, I’m not yours and I like working here.” You place your hand on your hips and cock one out to the side. 

“Yet.” Roland leans over the bar and licks his lips. You lean back in order to put distance between your face and his. 

“Not ever.” You firmly reply. “I am your barmaid nothing more, the sooner you get that the sooner you can move on wooing the other ladies this wonderful town has to offer.”

“Ah, but none of these other ladies stir me as much as you do.” His grin becomes sharper and he moves even closer to you. 

The space behind the bar isn’t very large, big enough for one person really, and with how far he’s leaning you can feel your back brushing against the shelves behind you. 

“The only thing I want from you Roland is payment for your tab and for you to leave.” Your voice carried the weariness that was creeping into your heart, men like Roland rarely took no for an answer. You didn’t want to have to hurt him, it would be hard to explain. 

“Such harsh words darling, I promise I’m not nearly as bad as you think I am.” He reached forward and grasped your wrist. You pulled away instinctively and his grip hardened. “I think you might even like it.” Your face screwed up and you bared your teeth ready to rip out of his hold.

“Get your hand off her.”

Your head whipped to the voice. Kili. Why was he still here? How long had he been here? How much had he seen?

“Piss off runt, this is between me and the lady.” Roland didn’t move his eyes away from you.

“Remove your hand from my One or lose it, you oaf.” Kili growled from the corner of the room. The sharp sound of metal reverberated from the space and if you thought the rage on Kili’s face was intense, it was even more striking with a sword in his grip.

Both you and Roland were looking at the dwarf now. Your lips had parted and your eyes widened. Not only because you were sure blood would be spilled tonight but because of what Kili said. A thousand thoughts ran through your head all in the same second. You had to shake yourself back to the present.

Roland’s grip on your wrist slacked a bit and you took the opportunity to bring your arm to your chest. Your eyes bounced between the two men. You looked around behind the counter, searching desperately for something you could use. You let out a breath when you caught sight of the wooden handle resting on top of a wet rag.

“Pay the lady and leave, like she asked.” Kili took a step closer to the brute his posture reminding you of a coiled snake, muscles tight underneath his skin and ready to strike. 

“I do not take orders from dwarves.” Roland’s voice had deepened, his frustration bleeding through into every syllable. His hand reached out towards the axe holstered on his belt.

“You will either leave here with your dignity, or you will not leave at all. That I can be sure of.”

“Mighty words for an imp.” Roland pulled his axe from his belt and took a step towards Kili. As much as you might like to see the two fight, and you really did.  You needed to stop this before it started. 

You grasped the knife that had been lying on the towel and firmly drove it into the counter in front of you. The noise stopped both men in their tracks and they turned their heads to you, not yet dropping their battle stances.

“Enough. I will not be cleaning any blood off these walls tonight. Roland, you're drunk and daft-  a combination no woman in her right mind would want. Leave and don’t show your face here again. There are plenty of other places to drink, choose one.” You look into his eyes as you rip the knife from the wood, pointing it towards him and gesturing towards the door. 

He grumbles but holsters his axe and begins to leave.

“Oaf, you forget something?” Kili called out to him. You cut your eyes to the dark-haired prince narrowing your gaze on him. “Or are you the type of man to run out on his debt?” 

Roland turns slowly and his hand flexes by his side. He takes a large breath before grabbing a small leather bundle from his coat pocket and throwing it up on the counter. Kili smirks and nods his head. 

Roland lets out a low growl but continues on his path, pushing past the doors and onto the street. You don’t move until he turns the corner. At which point you deflate. Your head falls forward like a puppet without strings and you take a deep breath to soothe your racing heart.

“What was that?” Your question, head still bowed.

“What?” Kili takes a step toward you and you shoot up.

“What was that Kili!?” Your chest heaves with every breath you take. “I had it handled, I don’t need you coming in here and threatening people!”

“He put his hands on you!” Kili shouts.

“So you pull your sword?! I do not need a bodyguard Kili let alone one with a temper as bad as yours.” You throw your hand up and drag one across your forehead. “Know this, Your Highness, I have no intention of being claimed by you.” Kili’s eyes grow wide and he opens his mouth to speak, “Do not think I don’t know what a One is, I have traveled these lands for a very long time.” You interrupt him. “I have been claimed by far too many men far too many times, I told you, I belong to nobody but myself now. Do you understand?” You look into his eyes, waiting for a response.

“I have no intention of claiming you, I simply wish to share my life with you.” 

“That is very sweet Kili, but you don’t me. You cannot possibly wish to spend your life with me.”

“Then let me get to know you.” He pleads, “I have never felt like this before.” He takes several steps towards you, pulling your hand into his own and looking up into your eyes. “They say that being with your One is the greatest joy a dwarrow can know. I have had a taste now, being in your space, speaking with you, hearing your laugh, and seeing you smile. It has made me feel more alive than any battle and made my heart more full than it has ever been. I will not force you into anything, I care for you too much for that but I will plead with you. Please amralime, give me a chance to make you as happy as you make me. Let me stay by your side and know you not just as a friend but as a partner, through all things.”

His words steal the breath from your lungs and the beat from your heart. They make you feel like you're flying and sinking all at the same time. There is a part of you, deep down that is screaming for you to give in, to let him love you. 

“Kili I-” You pause, “I am tired. Tired of a great many things. I-I I think you should go.” You turn from him and blink back the tears that flood your eyes. You hear him sigh followed by the creek of the floorboard he stands on as he shifts his weight. He does not speak though, simply drops his arm from where it had been holding your hand and makes his way to the door. 

You hear it open and your shoulders tense, the chill air floods into the room and nips at your skin. Then the door shuts and you're alone. Not for the first time, you question if this really is all for the best.

Next: Hesitant Hearts

taglist: @bunnybabe-babydoll @kokochanel111 @shiinata-library @oneiratxxia10 @targaryenteam @sunnysidesidra @shadowrose13-blog1-blog1

[acindra]

Dan and Phil dressed in Kuromi and My Melody themed outfits

If you'd like to see more Dan and Phil dolls, I recently made Sister Daniel and Devil!Phil from Halloween Baking Slime and Sadness Cinnamon Rolls (plus some bonus flirty pics here)

I also made dolls of My Melody and Kuromi way back in 2012.

Check out more of my creations here!

Notes under the cut

After making the Halloween Baking dolls I wanted to make more dnp dolls but had no concrete outfit ideas until I saw @danrifics 's meet and greet pics of them with Kuromi and My Melody headbands. The idea of making them in themed outfits would not leave my head so I caved and here we are.

I wanted the dolls to be a good balance of reflective and opposing of each other so they'd still look like a matching pair while being unique to their own styles, allowing for Phil's outfit to be relatively simple whilst Dan's has a lot of little embellishments. This also let Phil have a bolder light pink whilst Dan's is a very pale almost white (though both of the lighter pinks are a bit pale in the pics compared to the actual dolls, sorry about that).

Often when My Melody has head decoration she gets lop ears and I thought that'd be cute for Phil, especially because I wanted to give him a crown (give! Phil! a grape!). This is partially due to his 2024 Birthday Stream's outfit being inspiration for the doll's outfit (and a happy belated birthday to him!) in place of the cape My Melody normally has. The lop ears also reads very puppy-ish in contrast to Dan/Kuromi's kitty-ish appearance (even though both of them are rabbits).

I was originally going to give him a black heart decal where My Melody usually has a flower but it distracted from the crown so I put it on his shirt because he does like graphic tees and it gives him an additional black accessory (which was helpful because the black belt I was going to give him looked awful).

Dan has a similar heart decal in pink in place of the skull decal Kuromi normally has- I did try making the hood have the point at the top of the face but it made his curls look weird. I considered adding a pink bow as well but it looked excessive.

I had planned to give Dan fingerless gloves but they looked weird with the sleeves so instead I gave him a black bracelet opposite his earring and eventually gave Phil one on his opposing hand to match. Coincidentally those are their dominant hands.

Kuromi already has a devil tail so instead of My Melody's bunny tail I gave Phil (precious baby) angel wings. Their top half outfits are both technically removable but Dan's head is too big to actually do so. Their underwear is the other's primary colour, just for fun (though that's only visible in the wip pics)

I'm really pleased with how the hair turned out- I got Dan's fringe to listen to me this time because I used a less stiff yarn so it swoops better and Phil's got his roots visible slightly from the back. And also the only reason why Phil's doll was completed at all was thanks to @yharnamsnewslug 's suggestion I use a darker pink for the shorts instead of the same light pink as the overshirt because I definitely would've run out of yarn. I really lucked out finding the dark pink in my scrap yarn, it was just barely enough for the shorts.

I technically made these to celebrate Phil's birthday and the end of the Terrible Influence Tour but managed to finish them and take the pics just as the sun set on Feb 13 which also feels very appropriate considering all of the pink and hearts, so Happy Valentine's Day!

In honor of Valentine's Day I've included a bonus pic of them about to smooch :3

(listen it's so hard to position dolls that are weird shapes and aren't exactly stable enough to stand on their own in a kissing position i tried so hard but i only have 2 hands and i needed them both to take the picture i tried i'm sorry this is why the sister daniel and devil phil ones ended up lying down i tried i promise you i did try)

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Personality Types Part 5: Kyo Sohma

Gosh, Kyo is such a wonderful character, isn't he? Seeing him find happiness in the end was genuinely healing for me.

Kyo Sohma's Enneagram

Wound: Oof. Where to start? Kyo's father was shown to be verbally abusive and is strongly implied to be physically abusive. His mother kept him hidden away, and Kyo felt like she didn't accept all of him. He was called a monster from the time he was born, and then he was blamed for his mother's death.

Wounding message: You will only ever hurt the ones you love.

Core desire: For his loved ones to be safe

Core fear: Hurting the people he loves

Defense mechanism: hypervigilance, projecting blame onto others, pushing people away

Strengths: resilience, sensitive to others' needs and feelings, hard worker, loyal, diligent, responsible, loving, warm

Challenges: self-defeating, extremely low opinion of self, resigned, judgmental, hypervigilant

When healthy: kind, warm, relaxed

When unhealthy: aggressive, competitive, out of touch with feelings

Here's what connects when I go back to the Enneagram post:

Wound: could be 1, 6, or 8

Wounding message: 6, maybe 5

Core desire: 6

Core fear: 1, 2, 6, or 9

Defense mechanism: 6 or 8

Strengths: 1, 2, 3, 6, 8

Challenges: 5, 6, or 8

When healthy: 1, 3, 6, or 8

When unhealthy: 2, 6, 7, 8, or 9

I've written before that I see Kyo as an 8, but I was wrong! Kyo is clearly an Enneagram 6.

Sixes are a bit unique in that they have two different ways they show up: Phobic and Counter-Phobic. From Truity:

Phobic Sixes deliberately move away from the source(s) of fear, and tend to fly under the radar. They’re open and expressive about their vulnerabilities and weaknesses, so others can understand their situation and line of thought. This is their prime defense mechanism to avoid being manipulated. Counter-Phobic Sixes, on the other hand, possess a high-strung, irrational fear of fear itself — which may paradoxically translate to rule-breaking. They try to keep up an image of independence on the surface: a tough exterior to shield their persistent internal uncertainty.

Kyo is clearly Counter-Phobic, putting on a tough front to mask how scared he really is.

This excerpt, also from Truity, is such a good description of Kyo, I'm just going to include it in full:

As a child, the Six may have grown up in an unsafe environment, had overprotective guardians, or experienced a traumatic event that shaped their worldview. This type sees the world as a place of danger — anything or anyone outside of the Six’s circle of trust is a potential threat. Sixes are extremely logical types. They are constantly strategizing and planning for future events and how to protect themselves and their loved ones from harm. When you think of the stereotypical “survivalist,” you are likely imagining someone with several Enneagram Six characteristics. The Enneagram Six is part of the “head-based” triad, along with Type Five and Type Seven. Each of these types deal with fear as a core emotion, but no type tackles fear as head-on as the Six does. A healthy Six is a person you want to have on your side — they are loyal, trustworthy, honest, and protective. When less healthy, the Six can get in the habit of fear-based decision-making and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

I wrote a bit in my series on Kyo's relationship with Momiji that Kyo's main focus from the beginning is on protecting Tohru, and he's often scolding her when she's in situations that put her at risk of harm.

It's typical of Kyo to get stuck in his head and become self-defeating. When I think of the "self-fulfilling prophecies," I think of his reactions in the True Form arc, or when Tohru confessed her love to him.

Sixes are in the Head center, and they tend to overexpress fear. This shows up for Kyo not only in his hypervigilance and attentiveness to Tohru's safety, but even in the way he's easily startled. Those moments are quite funny in the series, but it's kind of sad knowing the root of his jumpiness.

Wing

Sixes will tend to lean more towards some aspects of Fives or Sevens.

The Enneagram Institute refers to 6w5s as "The Defender," and 6w7s as "The Buddy." "The Defender" sounds more like Kyo to me.

EnneaApp describes 6w5 like this:

Seeks security by investing in strong beliefs and aligning with a group.

More inclined to delve deeply into a hobby or specific area of interest.

Can be aggressive for a cause; strong focus on fairness and loyalty

Skeptical; reactive to sources of authority that seems unjust or unfair

More introverted than 6w7; serious; very focused and self-controlled

This is such a good description of Kyo!

Subtype

Since Kyo tends to be more focused on 1:1 connections (particularly his connection with Tohru), I think he's a SE or SX 6. Here's what Enneagram Explained has to say about SX 6:

SX 6s are the Countertype of type 6 as they react in an opposite way with their vice (fear), this is the subtype that is usually referred to as a “counterphobic 6” They may even be unaware of their fear as they tend to take on a “the best defense is a good offense” mentality.

They go on to say that SX 6s can sometimes be mistaken for type 8s.

Tritype

Kyo's Tritype probably includes both 6 and 8, and his Heart type is probably either 2 or 3. After reading the descriptions of those types on Katherine Fauvre's website, I think Kyo fits 3-6-8 (the "Justice Fighter") the best:

If you are a 368, you are ambitious, inquisitive, and protective. You want to be accomplished, loyal, and straightforward. Verbally adept and a good reader of people and situations, you have the ability to identify unjust authority, rebel against tyranny, and verbally spar against it. You seek people and situations that share your values and work hard to achieve your goals. You want to get along with others but can struggle with being too direct and outspoken.

Kyo Sohma's MBTI

I already wrote a bit about how I see Kyo as ESFJ in my MBTI overview post, but here's a breakdown of why:

E vs. I: I think Kyo falls near the middle of these, but he tends to focus on the external world and on other people, so I'd lean toward Extroverted.

S vs. N: I see Kyo as strongly Sensing.

T vs. F: I see Kyo near the middle of these two again, but with a tendency toward Feeling.

J vs. P: I see Kyo as strongly Judging.

Type Dynamics: Here's how I explained Kyo's Type Dynamics in the MBTI post:

Fe- Kyo wears his heart on his sleeve and is highly attuned to the needs of others.

Si - Kyo prefers routine and predictability. He remembers details about the past which inform his understanding of the present.

Ne - since Kyo is still young, this process is probably not very developed for him, but he may tend to brainstorm aloud. He sees possibilities in the outside world and shares the connections he makes with others.

Ti - this process is probably more developed for Kyo than in most teens, since he's experienced so much trauma. Kyo possesses a strong internal framework and can sometimes make harsh judgments, especially about himself.

There are examples of each of these in canon, even Ne. Things like when he suddenly suggested pancakes at the beach house, or how he talked through his thoughts on the future with Kazuma might be examples of how he brainstorms aloud and shares the possibilities he sees in the outside world with others.

Here's the description for ESFJ:

ESFJ: Warmhearted, conscientious, and cooperative. Want harmony in their environment, work with determination to establish it. Like to work with others to complete tasks accurately and on time. Loyal, follow through even in small matters. Notice what others need in their day-to-day lives and try to provide it. Want to be appreciated for who they are and for what they contribute.

Wow, that fits him perfectly!

So, to summarize:

Enneagram: SE CP 6w5 (The Loyalist/The Defender)

Tritype: 3-6-8 (The Justice Fighter)

MBTI: ESFJ (The Provider)

What do you think? Did I get it right or wrong? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Next up: Yuki!

Fruits Basket Personality Types Series: Enneagram | MBTI | Tohru | Akito | Yuki | Haru | Kisa | Momiji | Hatori | Ayame | Rin | Hiro | Ritsu | Kureno | Shigure | Kagura | Kazuma | Saki | Arisa | Machi | Kakeru | The Hondas | Kaibara Students

[desertfangs]

What do you think of Armand and Marius's reunion at the end of Blood Communion? Armand opens his heart back up to Marius according to the text. It felt as if Rice was reconnecting both Lestat/Louis and Marius/Armand in that novel.

I'm sorry if this sounds invasive. I don't like so-called ship wars because these vampires are polyamorous in nature but why do so many Devil's Minion's fans here write about Armand and Daniel as if they are endgame when it doesn't exactly seem so? It seems many ignore the contents of Blood Communion.

Anon, I love that it seems Armand's heart is no longer shut against Marius! Armand thought he had lost him which is bound to make anyone take stock, and I really hope that's the catalyst of them healing their relationship and coming to an understanding. I am rooting for them!! And I think Daniel is also rooting for them, paying mediator and translator as needed, and wanting them to settle things so they can all be happy and cuddle on the couch together.

I do think BC2 was Anne trying to reconnect Louis and Lestat and bring everyone to a place of like... We're Getting Along Now and Court is A Happy Place and Everyone Is Fine. There's Marius and Armand, plus Armand and Lestat share that look at the end seems to imply they've come to a better understanding or at least are going to try.

You don't sound invasive and I sure hope I didn't sound like I was trying to encourage any ship fighting because I am not about that life. If I had my way, they'd all hang out together all the time like one big polycule on a giant sectional sofa at TG watching movies and having make outs. Eternity is a long time, you're not going to get everything from one person. Armand also loves Louis deeply, and we know he loves Lestat. Obviously he loves Marius! I don't think Daniel can be or wants to be everything to Armand, and while I think some jealousy is fun for delicious drama, I don't think it's the ruling factor in most of their relationships, either.

Now the big question: Why do Devil's Minion fans write about Armand and Daniel as if they're endgame? I mean, by virtue of being DM fans, we are heavily invested in their relationship. A/D are my OTP and while that's not true for all DM fans, gun to my head if I had to pick one couple who earned their happy ending, I'd say it's them. They had a rough road. Daniel getting The Blood was beautiful moment of victory and Armand seemed so happy with him in QotD, despite any misgivings he may have had. It's great!

And then... stuff falls apart but we only get tidbits for the rest of the series. We know they split, we know Armand almost died, we know Daniel went mad, and then we know they come back together in PL and go hunting. We know they shack up in PLROA and plan to go back to Trinity Gate together. We're given crumbs but the trail does lead to them getting that happy ending after all.

I don't think anything in BC2 discounts that. Daniel isn't mentioned at all so we don't know where he is but we also don't get any indication that things went south between Armand and Daniel since they left for TG. Armand's love for Marius and Lestat and Louis doesn't change his love for Daniel. He loves all of them desperately and that's why he's so intent on trying to help protect them and so frustrated that he is often dismissed at Court.

So I can't speak for all DM fans but I don't think the intention of us taking that happy ending and holding it tight is meant to dismiss or discount those other relationships. We're just very happy we got anything given how little of them we got in the latter half of the series.

I hope that makes sense!

[dzthenerd490]

I have some complaints about certain things in the SCP:HMF. In your au, you explained to me that there were “foundationist” basically immortal fascists of the foundation. I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t like the “foundationists”. Like it is so strange to have the staff being immortal and being huge jerks against regular humans, it feels so out of place, it feels like they belong in a different canon of your AU. I also don't like how it is achieve so easily, yes there probably is a SCP that easily do it but I don't like how 05 just easily does it like you said they really don't care but they should because there is literally a canon where the foundation realizes that death is a necessary part of life. The cannon is called “The End of Death” if you are wondering. 

This brings me to my second problem, which is the portrayal of the global occult coalition. Like you portray the GOC as just typical genocidal maniacs that want to kill all anomalies in the world. Like the foundations are supposed to be the protagonist of the HMFverse, however because of the Foundationist thing of them wanting to recreate a SCP-5000, like how can I root for them? I support the GOC more because of those “facists”.

I don’t blame you for just portraying the GOC as “KILL ALL ANOMALIES” it's that how they were written back in the early days of the SCP wiki. Nowadays, GOC should be a professional, elite organization as the anomalous wing of the UN and essentially a global organization with the governments of world powers supporting it and should be as powerful and well equipped (if not moreso) than the Foundation. 

 The GOC are anomalous themselves (literally made up of 108 paranormal organisations, religions, and other groups), their leader is D. C. al Fine, a shapeshifter, thaumaturgist, and ontokinetic. Heck in the canon UNFOUNDED (basically a canon where the SCP Foundation doesn’t exist and the GOC are the protagonist) she is a grown up version of Sigurros.  

And to the extent of which they destroy anomalies. In most cases when said anomalies are inherently dangerous and can't be reasoned with. As a matter of fact they are pretty cool with people with powers living normally as long as they don’t use said power to hurt people.

Woah! Okay let's get to work I'm going to chop down your main points to answer them but please be aware I am in no way disregarding any of the details of your points I'm just organizing my answers.

Your Point on Foundationists - I actually forgot about the "End of Death" Scenario when I was coming up with the immortality thing. I just didn't want time to be a hinderance since I do have a timeline in SCP: HMF and figured it was stupid that the Foundation had so many ways to strengthen and rejuvenate the vitality of its employees, yet it was only ever reserved for the O5. That was mainly my own frustration in manifest.

HOWEVER, I also have other things planned for the Foundationists which is why I won't be getting rid of them or the immortality concept, sorry.

But you made a good point though, and it has got me thinking about how I should potray the Foundationist's form here on out. I'll keep it in mind. Thanks!

Your Point about the GOC - ... Okay I have a confession to make I don't like the GOC. I know you're a GOC fan, but I don't like them I actually hate them. since there with the UN I think of them as politicians and Bureaucrats that waist time, not focusing on the real issue, and often make things worse for everyone even themselves.

Yeah, I know the GOC has anomalies within it, I've made it a rule that they make exceptions for SOME anomalies (mostly more human looking ones). I've been trying to find something or think of an OC SCP that could possibly work with being allies with the GOC instead of the SCP Foundation, but I haven't got much except for some Resident Evil characters (minor spoiler, though I won't say who).

The main reason I made the SCP Foundation describe the GOC as a bunch of gun nuts is because in the Foundation's eyes they destroy opportunity. YES, the GOC doesn't destroy every anomaly the come across but for those they DO destroy the SCP Foundation feels as though it's a loss in potential anomalous science. In the eyes of the O5 even dangerous anomalies can be useful, therefore they want to contain everything anomalous. That's why the GOC calls them Egg heads that send good soldiers to die for suicidal science... or they call them SCP Fucks like everyone else.

I haven't made this clear as of late, that's my fault and your right. I'll try to make more tales in the future where the GOC and the Foundation can have actual conversations and talk about their organization's philosophy to each other rather than just insulting each other.

My overall Response - The Foundationists and the Global Occult Coalition. These are problems I actually already had planned to deal with; HOWEVER, that is not an excuse. I thank you for giving this criticism because one you have actually pointed out a few flaws I didn't consider like the immortality problem which I'll be sure to make a few more tales that will be specifically about that issue. two, now I'm sure to which tales and files to put a rush on after my break. Though I still have the queue so it will take a while... sorry.

But seriously though, thank you so much for your criticism. I know everyone wants to be told their writing is flawless and amazing which I'm guilty of that too but that's just now how it works. For creativity to thrive it must go through new experiences and criticism is quite possibly one of the best experiences as it helps it grow the strongest under criticism. Also being told what works best, that works too... actually I think both works great together. I'll be sure to use yours to make my writing better. Again, thanks!

[narendur]

So I'm kiiiind of hesitant to add to this chain tbh because executive dysfunction issues isn't really what this post was originally about but I think I might have something useful to say so here goes.

My biggest adhd symptom is really bad executive dysfunction. For most of my life I have dealt with it using a maladaptive coping mechanism of bullying myself into panic attacks to get to appointments and accomplish tasks, because positive motivation is so unpredictable.

Now this is an effective coping mechanism when used in moderation, but it always comes at the price of your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing, and when used too much the panic will push you over into freezing up and not doing the thing anyway. For me, it got so bad with specifically getting to work on time that I'd pass out from anxiety on the way out the door. It is not a sustainable coping mechanism.

So then what is an almost always effective mechanism? And the answer is nothing, unfortunately. All the standard suggestions - alarms, calendars, routines, task chaining, buddy systems, meds, turning your phone off, etc. - are somewhat effective and the effects stack, but ultimately there will be times when they fail and the only thing I've found that helps is accepting that I'm going to forget things and be late and everything else, and make sure I have some prep for that. It sucks and it makes holding down a normal job really difficult, but so does driving myself with fear.

So what does accepting and preparing for failing to meet your expectations look like? For me, it often looks like setting boundaries, especially to give myself buffer time: telling friends not to expect me to check my phone right away, taking on part time or flexible work when I can (to leave days where my one task is housework or play), planning for activity prep to take twice as long as I actually think it will, informing employers that I will not be arriving 15 minutes before start time, and otherwise stating or negotiating what expectations others are allowed to hold me to as well as lowering my personal expectations.

Sometimes it also looks like asking for help. Buddy pacts (with no shame for failure), having each friend organize a meal once a week/month, making explicit agreements with roommates and partners about housework, gentle reminders BEFORE something gets to a frustrating point, and making minimum versions of tasks to meet basic needs are all really good ways to support other people and receive support yourself. For example, dishes are my job and I need the kitchen clean to cook, but if it doesn't get done for a bit then my partner will bug me and he needs a pan, a spatula, and 2 spoons cleaned, which is usually doable for me by task chaining. If it's not, we check in and chat about it.

And then ultimately, when you do drop the ball, asking Okay, What do I do now? No shame, no judgement. What are the consequences, what can I learn, what do I do to try to pick the ball back up. I had a project due at work today and remembered when my boss messaged me asking for it - shit. Okay, where is it at, what needs to be done, how long will it take? And then communicate that I've dropped the ball and what I'm doing about it.

Because jobs actually have managers (often) and are usually the most rigid part of our lives, it's even more important imo to create space to rest, to fail to meet our goals, and to half ass things at home and with friends. There are still times when I have to use fear as a motivator and manager, but the more I can save it for actual survival things, the more I thrive. A plant vining everywhere will die if it never roots or finds sunlight, but you can support a lot off of just a few leaves (food/sleep/etc) and a taproot (friends and family who invite you over for dinner/have housework parties/infodump process your work projects together).

kill the shift manager in your brain

[timeoverload]

I know I have been very unpredictable lately but that is simply because I have reached my breaking point. I know I said I wasn't going to talk to you until summer was over but I think I should clarify why I feel the way I do.

I don't want to spend every night on tumblr anymore. I used to enjoy it but I really need a break because I am burned out. I am too tired for this. I want to do other things sometimes but I'm always on here.

I also feel very hurt when you choose not to talk to me. I don't like how the only way we can talk is through tumblr posts. It causes so many unnecessary misunderstandings. Communication is extremely important to me if you haven't noticed by now. I would message you myself but I don't know if you are going to try to push me away again or not so I'm not planning on it. When I get ignored for an extended period of time, it makes me feel unwanted and I shut down. It's hard to believe that you are listening sometimes but I know you are. I'm getting sick of repeating myself but it doesn't do any good to do that. I have tried to meet up with you so many times but nothing ever happens. I feel like I can't get through to you.

Why do you get so upset when I run away if you don't want to commit to me? It doesn't make sense. I'm not sure how much freedom I need to give you. I'm getting a lot of mixed signals. On Saturday you posted something that lead me to believe that you are content where you are at and you don't want anything to change. You would rather sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. That isn't going to fix anything. I felt like you were trying to push me away so I backed off and gave you as much space as I could. It seems like you are emotionally unavailable due to your fears.

Sometimes I think you try to sabotage our relationship by ignoring me. I don't think it's always on purpose necessarily. You don't believe you deserve love and happiness so you push it away. You do deserve it whether you think so or not.

I know that intimacy and commitment are scary. I know that creates a lot of anxiety for you. It scares me too but I'm not going to let that hold me back. I already know that you are the one for me.

I think you need to think about the things you say to yourself. I can tell that you have a negative perception of yourself. You should be nicer to yourself. I know it's hard to reframe your thoughts but I think you need to try. I know I need to try to do that more often too. Affirmations sound silly but they do help. You should start paying attention to your good qualities more because you have a lot of good qualities. You are such an amazing person and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Please don't beat yourself up about things that happened in the past because that isn't constructive.

I know that you had a tough upbringing and whoever raised you didn't show you enough affection. I think that they taught you that you aren't supposed to show any emotions and that you have to be tough all the time. You are very self-reliant for a reason. It's ok to need people around and express emotions! You don't think you need anybody around because you spent a lot of your life alone. You have a hard time being vulnerable and talking about the way you feel.

I am sorry that your family was so cruel to you. I understand that you have a lot of trauma and you are afraid to talk about it. I know you didn't have good role models when you were growing up. I think that's why you have trouble being in a healthy relationship because you weren't exposed to that when you were young. I think that is the root of a lot of your issues.

I can relate to you because I had similar experiences. I know it sucks but I think it's important to learn from those negative memories in order to prevent perpetuating the cycle in the future. You shouldn't let your past dictate you forever. You can create the happy life that you didn't get to have when you were a kid. You are free now.

I am not trying to make you feel bad about anything. I am just trying to understand you.

I don't know how much space I should give you because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want to trigger you. I shouldn't have said that I needed you earlier because that is just going to send you running. I am independent but I know I'm not as self-reliant as you are. I need a little more help doing things than you do and I think that scares you too. I don't want to rely on you for everything.

I don't want to be needy but I could really use some support. I think you are also concerned about the state of my health. I think you might be afraid that I'm going to die and you'll end up alone. I think I would live a lot longer if you would let me be a part of your life. You could help encourage me to eat better because it seems like you know a lot about food. You could help me try new things and I could be healthy again. I can't guarantee I will like everything but I'm willing to try. I know I would like to be more active outside of work too. I know you like to go do stuff outside so we could go for walks sometimes. I could help you with a lot of things. I can be your emotional support. We could work on moving past our insecurities together. We can help each other.

I know you are worried that I will take you away from the things you enjoy but I'm not going to do that. We don't have to spend every second together. I like having alone time too because I'm very introverted. I don't care if you go and hang out with your friends. I might not have people to hang out with but it's ok. I can sit at home by myself and I'm not going to blow up your phone unless I have something nice to say or if there is an emergency. All I ask is that you make some time for me. I'm not here to control you, I am here to be your companion.

I'm not sure how much space I need to give you. I don't want to scare you away by trying to be affectionate. I want to be respectful of your boundaries but I'm not sure what they are exactly.

Honestly, I am a very touchy person and I don't want to bother you by being that way. I love hugs and holding hands. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I have to restrain myself every time I see you because I really want to hug you.

I definitely need some more stability and security in my life. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster for years. I don't want to live like this anymore. I am ready to settle down. I want to be happy and healthy.

I'm not sure what to do right now. If I sit here and continue to complain, it isn't going to do any good. I know you want to know what I'm doing all of the time but this isn't fair to me anymore. You will continue to be complacent if I keep sharing everything with you. You will never commit if I allow you to have free access to my thoughts. I'm not giving you room to grow if I keep doing that. If you really want to be with me, you will make an effort to reach out or communicate with me in another way. I know it's scary. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack the last time I tried to send you a message but I still did it anyway. I know you can do it too. If you can take that first step, your anxiety will decrease from that point. Wouldn't it be better to know what I'm doing in real time so I don't have to write an essay at the end of the day? You wouldn't have to check my blog constantly to figure out what is going on. Aren't you getting tired of that?

I am going to remind you that I would never reject you. You already know I would say yes. If you came to me to talk, I would forgive you for everything immediately. I won't get angry with you about anything as long as you are loyal and respectful to me. What are you so afraid of?

Generally I'm pretty laid back despite my anxiety. You might not get that vibe from me considering so many of my posts have been dramatic. I'm usually very timid and quiet. I'm typically well behaved and I have good manners. I know I get upset sometimes and I have been trying to work on that but it has been tough lately. I just cannot forget to take my medication or else the demons come out. I don't like feeling like that and I don't miss feeling that way every day. I used to be awful without medication and I don't think I can live without it now. I'm not going to go back to the person I used to be and I don't miss having horrible intrusive thoughts. I am trying so hard to be a better person. I don't want you to be afraid of me.

I really think it would be best if I stay quiet for a while. I want to give you some time to work through some of your issues. I want you to get better. I don't want you to focus on me constantly because you are neglecting yourself. I want to see you happy and smiling. You have a nice smile. Just because I'm not posting things on here doesn't mean I'm ignoring you. I am still listening to you. You did the same thing for me for a long time. I am glad you listened to me.

You are allowed to contact me whenever you are comfortable doing so. You have all of my contact information already so you know how to get a hold of me. You have my permission and I have to keep reminding you that. I would love to talk to you.

There is never a "right time" to do anything so you don't need to wait for that. I don't want to wait until July but that is your decision and I can't make it for you. I am not trying to be mean or hurt you. I want to push you out of your comfort zone because I know you can do it! I want you to believe in yourself. You are capable of doing good things. You are in control of your life.

I really need to focus on taking care of myself too. If you saw the state of my bedroom, you would understand. It is absolutely unacceptable. I would not feel comfortable letting you see it. I don't know how I am supposed to tackle this mess I have made for myself. I don't think I have ever gotten this low before and I thought I had hit rock bottom a while ago. I wish it wasn't so hard for me to balance work with everything else. I remember that this happened when I was younger and in school. My room was always a disaster during the school year and it was difficult to manage my responsibilities at home simultaneously. During summer break I would deep clean my room and get organized but it would get messy again as soon as I went back to school. Going to school and work has always taken a lot out of me and it's hard to focus on other things. I have a difficult time finding a balance. I think that's just the way my brain works. It doesn't make it ok but normal people don't have this problem. I also have a lot of chronic conditions that started appearing when I was a kid and that has made living a normal life a challenge. It has gotten a lot worse as time has passed. I first started having symptoms of arthritis when I was in second grade and I thought it was normal for a long time. It wasn't just growing pains. I wish I wouldn't have been born so early either. I wonder how I would have turned out to be otherwise but I will never experience that. I need to try to love myself the way I am. I am just a little special but that's ok. I need to be grateful that I have been alive for 30 years because I didn't think I would make it this far. I have put my body through a lot. My life hasn't been easy but I'm pretty tough. I have to focus on surviving right now though. I can't be tough much longer. I thought I was going to have another episode today but I calmed myself down. I thought about taking medical leave for my mental health but I keep putting it off because it has been so busy and I don't want to screw anyone over. I need to stop worrying about work but it consumes my life and it sucks. I wish I could just fix myself. I am so tired and I hurt so bad. I can't do anything. I hate it. I haven't been eating or sleeping enough so I feel like a zombie. I am shaky even though I ate. I have been having more heart palpitations recently but that could just be a side effect of the supplements I'm taking or the muscle relaxers. I haven't been taking the muscle relaxers every day and I'm not addicted to them. I have been prescribed them for a longer period of time than what is usually recommended though so I need to be careful. I can't rely on them all the time unfortunately. I wish I didn't have so many issues. I feel like a burden sometimes. I am just a mess and I don't want to be a mess. I need to eat more and go to bed earlier if I want to feel any better. I do love my computer but I need a break from it because I spend the majority my free time using it. It can be a distraction sometimes. I need to give my eyes a break. I understand that you don't want to deal with my problems and I need to do what I can on my own. I need to work on nourishing myself and taking care of my responsibilities as much as I can.

I am also stressed about my mom and she has been a nightmare to try to deal with. I love her but she makes me so mad sometimes. I know that she doesn't understand what she is saying but she was being so mean to me earlier. She called me a slut and was making threatening comments because I said the wrong thing and triggered her. I had to mute the conversation again because it was too much. My grandma told me that my mom was pulling the staples out of her head the other day so that was concerning. She is going to get an infection or something. She can't plan anything and she is more forgetful than she was before. She can't make up her mind about what she wants to do. I want to help her but I am also afraid of her. She might be more prone to having outbursts now. It's hard to say because I haven't seen her in a long time. I don't think she is ever going to get help. I can't look at her messages right now because they make me upset. The nurse from the hospital called me to ask for my mom's number so I gave it to them. I doubt she will show up to any of her follow-up appointments. I hope she is ok.

I am just so worried about so many things. I don't have a lot of control over what is going on in my life at the moment. I am completely overwhelmed and I feel like shit. It has been a long day and I need to go to bed soon.

I am sorry I have to take a break from tumblr. I promise I'm not doing it to hurt you. I seriously don't have the energy right now. I have been writing for hours and I can't do this again for a while.

I am still around and you can still talk to me if you ever feel like it. I don't want you to think I'm fighting with you or ghosting you because I'm not. I just need to rest because I have been getting my ass kicked recently and I am very sick. I think you need to rest too. I hope that you will start feeling better. I hope that you will be kind to yourself.

Maxwell, I love you with all of my heart. I am always thinking of you. I also love everyone else that reads my posts without judgement. Thank you all for listening to me because it has helped me a lot. I truly hope everything gets better soon. I will return when I am able to.

💖💖💖

[thespectrespecss]

BRAVE [09.13.2023]

Back in elementary, we always had someone assigned to pray before the class. It's funny to remember how most of us if not all, would automatically answer "ba't ako" whenever the teacher pointed at us-- complete with an alarmed and panicked expression. Looking back, I realize how sometimes we're so quick to question why we are chosen to do certain tasks and roles, or even getting chosen by anyone for anything. It makes it hard to just obey for certain reasons: One is that we are just too busy doing what we're currently doing that we wouldn't want to start doing something that somebody else is making us do; we don't want to be uncomfortable just when we've started to be comfortable with what we're already doing. Another is that we tend to think that somebody else can do it, someone who still has room on their plate. In my case, I would usually ask, "Why me?" because I would always see myself as unfit for the things people are trying to make me do. I would always feel like I wasn't ready. I would always feel like I was still so unequipped to do it that I would immediately disqualify myself, thinking someone could be better and more deserving of whatever was being handed to me. Fear would always creep in, trying to intimidate you with the shame you'll get if you fail. It's always that fear of not being good enough. My tendency would always be to withdraw, run away, and miss the opportunity completely--- comforting myself with the thought that if it's for me, the opportunity will come again once I'm ready and completely equipped. But with how I used to see myself, I would really see myself unfit.

We watched Moana in Kids Sunday Service, particularly the part where she gave up the heart of Te Fiti and saying "I'm not the right person." Well, we know how the movie ends… She WAS the right person; she was just scared to go on because everything that's happening around her was not how she has planned it to be.

How often do we trust more on how our circumstances than trusting that God called us to do something because he knows WE CAN do it? It's just so easy to withdraw completely when everything we're seeing is not going the way we want, and even the people surrounding us are telling us that we CAN'T. It's just recently in my life that I got to meet people who reminded me that God never roots for us to fail. He places us in settings with the complete belief and trust that we are going to win.

I would always tell myself that I'm not READY when I'm actually scared. I used to not like going into things I do not see what the end result will be. It's nerve-wracking. I would always wait for the right sign, the right moment, before I completely get myself into it. And that was me only holding on to certainty.

We used to do dance concerts back in college. The moments before the show started were the worst. All our legs were shaking, tummy was aching out of agitation, sweats were breaking, and someone (probably me) was crying in the corner ready to back out of it. Then, the stage manager starts the countdown. With every number, the tension gets higher but then we'd always shout "To God be the Glory" and we'll brave it out when the stage managers shout, "---one!! READY!" We weren't ready, not with all the shaking and cold sweats. But we went out there. And in every dance sequence, until the very last of it, I would always think, "That wasn't bad after all."

A few weeks ago, I was just journaling some thoughts addressed to God, and I found myself writing,

"I love the way you love, God; with the exuberance of making me look forward to even the unknown."

It reminded me of what kind of God that I have. He never roots for me to fail at what he's putting me in. He didn't call me because of what I could do, but because of what he could do. I shouldn't be living on my own strength because that's limited, but instead, I should be living by the grace that he just endlessly pours out to me. I may not see where this is going, but with the grace he's given me to even be handed something I don't think I deserve; it would make me believe that I actually was made for such a time as this. No matter how unprepared or unfit I may be, God equips me because he has called me.

He has saved me and called me to live this holy life. It's just right that I respond in complete surrender. No matter how hard I'm shaking, how scared I am, and how much I say I'm not ready, I'll brave it out and obey when God says it's time for me to do it.

A lot of circumstances have already proven to me how much my God sustains me despite my own self being very limited, and so no matter how much the unknown may look like, I trust that he is bigger than whatever lies ahead.

I remember talking about Psalms 23 with my friend, particularly the verse,

Even though walk the shadows of the valley of death I will fear no evil for you are with me

And I could imagine how dark it would have been in the valley for it to be described as a shadow of death. But the confidence was anchored in the fact that LIGHT was with me despite the darkness. He lit up the path I would walk on so I could walk without fear. Jesus said in John 8:12, I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

No matter how dark and uncertain what's ahead may be, when Jesus is with me, my path will be well lit and I can walk bravely into any abyss. I will go shaking, I will go scared, I will even go screaming if I have to, but his grace will always be the one that's going to give me comfort and light knowing I'm striding this journey with him ahead of me. I don't have to know what's beyond that darkness. If he's the one leading me there, then I'm all in. I don't have to be completely ready. I don't have to be completely perfect to go. When he tells me to go, I'll go.

[v3nusxsky]

May I request a platonic Lady Lesso x Student Reader? Where instead of Sophie, Rafal chose to use Reader instead. Then he decided to mind control them and Lesso tried her best to snap Reader out of it. Once Reader comes back, they feel extremely guilty because they accidentally hurt Lesso but Lesso's like "It's fine, sweetheart. I'm okay." Basically just hurt/comfort. I live for soft and motherly Lesso <333

I also just want to say that I really admire you. You're very talented and I love all your stories, they bring me so much comfort. Thank you, and I hope you're doing well!! :DD

-🦝

Hello my lovely 🦝anon, I really appreciate your kind words darling.I’m so glad my work brings you comfort.

I didn't mean to

*Authors note ~ My darling anons I must say I'm loving all of your requests and hearing from you all, thank you for making my life that little bit better with all your love and support*

Trigger warning~ manipulation mind control accidental violence

Prompt ~see ask ^^^^^

Rafal was truly a piece of work, you knew that. What you didn't know is why he wanted you. He could've picked any other Never student, yet he picked you to do his bidding. For a Never you were pretty well behaved, but ever since Rafal appeared you'd been doing things without thought, without a rhyme of reason.

At first people let it slip, maybe thinking you were just finally embracing your Never roots. But after a month or so, you began to take it too far. By now you had no control, your head hurt more often than not and you felt like another person entirely. Your heart hurt as you battled with yourself, why couldn't you feel in control of your own body and mind? Simply, it was because you were not in any form of control. Rafal had a plan and you were nothing more than a pawn to him in his very complicated chess match.

Leonora was fed up with this behaviour and she set out to put a stop to it. She had ordered you to be sent to the Doom Room, hoping she could scare you into stopping this or maybe even telling her why you were all of a sudden interested in mayhem. When she saw you strapped to the chair her heart ached, truly you were her good dove, she'd never thought you'd be here like this. "You, you, you" she purred prowling towards you. That was all it took for Rafal to enter your mind, only this time he allowed his voice to speak through you. "Leonora" he growled and she felt the colour drain from her face, "Rafal" she spat back watching as you some how managed to break through the restraints, well he did.

"Let her go Rafal, your problem is with me not her" she kept her tone harsh and firm showing she meant business yet all he did was cackle. "Your perfect soulmate hmm! Tell me why i shouldn't kill you and make her watch for fun and then kill her too." He taunted waiting for the reaction she gave instantly and instinctively coming towards your body, "fucking try me you bastard, you won't hurt her like you did me"

"Oh... but I already have" and with that your hand made contact with Leonora's face. Over and over again before tossing her body to the ground, your foot coming to press on her right knee that coincidently was injured by Rafal a few years previous. Very un Leonora like she let out a pained whimper and that seemed to awaken you from Rafal. You fought mentally to push him away and get to Lesso, after a few minutes successfully riding yourself from his clutches, his final words to Leonora being a reminder that he will be back, you'll both never be free of him.

You're head hurt, the room was spinning and your vision blurred at the corners of your eyes. What on earth had happened? You were trying to make out the blurry lump that lay on the floor in front of where you stood. When had you been let out? Your heart broke when you realised it was Lesso on the ground whimpering in pain, you quickly scanned the room realising no one else was here, you must have hurt her. But why would you do that to someone you love?

"I'm sorry I'm so so sorry Nora, I'm sorry I'm so so sorry" you apologised over and over coming to kneel down by her head. "It's fine, sweetheart. I'm okay." She all but whimpered out. "You're in pain! Because of me! I hurt you" you sobbed as the reality sunk in. "Sweetheart, listen to me. You didn't hurt me not you. You're such a good little one, it was Rafal, I'm so sorry I didn't protect you sweetheart but I promise that will change now. I'll protect you from him" at the promise you threw yourself into her arms.

You both sat on the floor, you whispering apologises and Leonora trying to tell you it wasn't your fault and Rafal was manipulating you based on the fact Leonora had feelings for you. You were are part to play in his idea of hurting her. It broke your heart and you only wished you could've been stronger. That you could've fought him harder. But here and now you had each other and you'd fight Rafal together, never leaving each others sides.

Word count ~ 900

[dootznbootz]

MY HOMIES ALWAYS HAVE MY BACK!! I LOVE YOU ALL (PLATONICALLY)

It's about Odysseus' Boar scar >:D and it's very stupid.

I'm just going to come out front and say I've actually SEEN some "goring scars" (farm/woods stuff) and they are NOT pretty. There's a reason why when calves are young their horns are usually cauterized. As cows usually can't tell how strong they are and shove each other and can straight-up stab each other. :'D Infections and other stuff take root very quickly in these situations and the same with tusks on pigs.

I don't know much about pigs but my mom grew up with them, so I'm basing a lot of what I know from what she knows and some research on wild pigs on my own.

I personally love imagining the boar Odysseus took down in his youth to be about the size of the regular boars in Princess Mononoke. (The leaders like Nago and Okkoto being the size of the Calydonian Boar) . And even though it sounds like a regular boar in the Odyssey, I guess you could say that I love the idea from Epic: The Musical where it's a challenge from Athena at a young age. So therefore it's bigger. Plus everything in Greek Myths are already "larger than life" so why not go with it!

(best photo I could find at the moment, sorry. But just look at Tiny Ashitaka compared to the boars. Tiny 13-14 year old Odysseus. Itty bitty baby boy.)

And for how he got the boar scar, I personally love imagining him somehow getting tossed up in the air from the boar. Animals when "charging" have their head down usually and then toss UP at whatever they're attacking. These animals specifically are big so he would most likely be almost completely sitting on the boar's snout. I like imagining him doing the "final blow" during that. Yes, he got hurt but doing the risky thing is what allowed him to beat it.

I imagine the tusk first striking his knee, (if he were pressed up against a wall or something, it would've been SOO bad. like snapping leg backwards bad 😭) Then goes up inside his thigh and then welp, takes a nut 😔 😂 Odysseus nearly blacked out from pain before stabbing it in the shoulder, and he kind of slid off the snout a bit, in which it goes upward. and ends on his tummy.

Closeup of Said tummy scar by my dear friend thehelplessmortals :3

Like teen him wakes up after taking it down and passing out and he's in pain and panicking a bit but grandpa Autolycus is like "kid, it was barely not your femoral artery and you're lucky to have your intestines. this was the best possible outcome"

I also plan for basically the only reason why Odysseus survived this is because Athena helped him out like the gods do during the Iliad. Magic Healing. Why he can still run well despite the injury. (although I plan for it to cause some stiffness for the old man later on. Water Wife helps with joint and scar pain! :D )

~~~~

This causes Odysseus some *ahem* fertility issues later on. (he's a half-eunich now) I like imagining it took OdyPen a while to have Telemachus. Why it's even more tragic he wasn't able to spend a lot of time raising him. Plus GOOD genuine love is forged through SOME hardship. Having the strain of possible infertility on your marriage yet still loving one another? And fighting for one another??? GOOD ANGST FOR FUTURE FICS!!! >:D I also kind of find it funny for Odysseus to blame his asexualness/demisexualness on it. "This is why I don't feel sexual attraction! This is why I'm not 'normal' like others!" No buddy, you're just like that. Good try though! You fucking love your wife!

That's all, folks! :P

If this gets 5 likes, I'll say one of my silliest Odysseus headcanons. Not just say it, either. NO. I'll write a full-on essay on why I have this headcanon just to say the stupidest (and simplest) conclusion at the end.

[xbadgerbearx]

i guess they are pretty funky

word count: 1.5k

Can’t Sleep: [2] … [4]

Your team prepared themselves as you started your journey to your new destination. You and Abner were talking about random things as you walked.

"You really like the dots?" Abner timidly asked.

"Are you kidding? Of course! You're so colorful," you said quietly with a smile.

Abner smiled to himself before motioning to your outfit. "I like your uniform too, it suits you. It makes your eyes stand out."

"Thank you! Ya know, I always thought you had a really nice nose- whoa, Abner, are you doing alright?" You cut yourself as you faced Abner for the first time during this walking session. He had those glowing dots on his face again.

"Oh! Those?" He was nervously covering his face. "Don't worry about-" splat. Abner tripped over a rogue tree root and fell face first into the mud. As you went to help pick him up, Flag turned around.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Everyone turned around to look at you two, well, minus Cleo, but she was sitting on a fallen tree almost asleep.

"We're tired, Colonel. We need a rest," she whined.

"Goddamn hobbyists," muttered Chris.

Soria turned to Flag, "We cannot stop. We need to hurry if you're going to help my people."

"Hey," DuBois intervened. "We're not here to help your people. But she's right, we gotta keep moving."

"I carry friend?"

"It's okay, Nanaue," Cleo said before turning to Abner. "It's happening to his face again."

"It's nothing, I tripped," he brushed off.

"Hey," Peacemaker said as he shoved Abner back. "Norman Bates, if that shit's contagious, we need to know."

"It's not," Abner tried moving forward before he was pushed again.

"What is it?"

"What's your deal, Chris? Stop pushing people around before I turn into something you're really not gonna like. And what's up with the obscure references?" You were getting fed up with Chris' bullshit.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"I don't know, how about your dead father? The one that killed himself in front of you when you were a kid?"

"How do you-"

"You'd be surprised how much your mom loved recording all your childhood achievements. Your fifth birthday—ring a bell?" Peacemaker had an unreadable expression on his face as you got in his face and lowered your voice. "You wouldn't believe how much information you can get on your hands if you're able to disguise yourself as a high ranking employee in Belle Reve."

Before any of you could make the situation worse, Abner cleared the tension with a sigh.

"It's a... it's an interdimensional virus."

"Fuck is that?" Peacemaker asked after seemingly forgetting what just happened. You think he was trying to not think about it.

"My mother was a scientist at S.T.A.R Labs, and she was obsessed with turning me and my brother and sisters into superheroes."

"Oh, Abner," you softly said as you placed a hand on his arm. Peacemaker looked between the two of you with a hard expression.

"She infected me. Now, if I don't expel the dots twice a day..."

DuBois asked, "Then what?"

Abner made a face that was hard to read as he said, "They'll eat me alive." He then chuckled dryly as if he himself couldn't believe it.

"What happened to your brother and sisters?" Flag questioned.

"Some lived. Some... died."

Cleo, now standing, asked, "And your mom, where is she now?"

Abner looked to you before turning to his team.

"Almost everywhere."

Everyone just looked at Krill for a few moments.

"Okay," Flag turned around. "Let's move out."

"Come on, we must hurry, or we'll be late to meet my contact," Soria ushered.

Sooner or later, well, later, you made your way to this blockade where a driver in a large van was being investigated. During your trip Abner had to expel the dots, and although he was embarrassed about the situation, you and Cleo tried keeping his mind off it. The soldiers surrounded the van after a minute and started banging on the door. That was your cue.

Peacemaker started taking people out with a silenced pistol, Bloodsport shot with his arm crossbow, and King Shark ate a guy. The rest of the team moved from their hiding spots once the soldiers were dealt with. Success.

Bloodsport banged on the van's window before asking, "Are you Milton?"

The driver choked out a tearful "Si."

After Soria directed him to a nearby pull off spot, you started looking at the contents in the boxes that were pulled out.

"Milton will drive you through town and to La Gatita Amable. There are clothes in the boxes for all of you so you can blend in." Cleo started putting on a random pair of sunglasses as you pulled out a fedora. Soria continued, "That said, the walking tiburon is gonna have to stay out of sight."

"I wear disguise," Nanaue said.

"Ohhh," Cleo drawled. "You're going to wear a disguise?"

"Si."

"Hey, he's learnin' Spanish," Peacemaker said offhandedly.

"And what kind of disguise?"

"Fake mustache," he said smugly.

"Yeah," DuBois interrupted as he moved more boxes. "Fake mustache isn't gonna cut it, mate."

"Aww come on," you cooed. "What if he wears a hat?" The fedora you picked up earlier was now sitting on the King of the Ocean's head.

"You still look exactly like yourself."

"That's the worst fake mustache I've ever seen," Chris added.

"And if you had fooled us, we'd have to kill you, shark-shaped bloke with a mustache creepin' up on us like that."

"FUCK!" Nanaue yelled as he stomped off. You snickered before turning to Abner with some clothes in your hand.

"What do you think?"

"Hmm? Oh, those look nice, although I saw something in another box that I thought you might like. Let me go get it."

As he walked away towards another box, you dropped the clothes you were holding as your face softened. Someone saw something and thought of you? That hasn't happened for a very long time. You started sifting thoughtfully through a nearby box when he came back.

"Here," he showed you the clothes. "I hope you like it." It was sweet how anxious he was getting over this. He must not socialize often.

Taking the clothes from him, you observed the material. It was... actually really good. It was something you would've loved to wear if you weren't forced to wear that stupid prison outfit, and it looked like it'd fit.

"Abner, this is great! It's a lot better than what I was originally going with," you laughed. "Oh! Here, I saw these pants and thought it would match the shirt you picked up."

"Thank you," he said shyly.

"I'm gonna change over there. Stand watch, please?"

How could he say no to you? "Of course," he said while respectfully turning around. As he waited, Peacemaker appeared.

"(L/n) around?"

"Huh?" Abner said, startled from Chris's sudden presence. "Uh, yeah, they went over there to change into their disguise. I'm looking out for them."

"Oh, you're looking out for them? Well look out for this, Patrick Bateman," Peacemaker wasn't looking so peaceful as he leaned in towards Abner. Dropping his voice, he continued. "I don't know what you think is going on between you two, but leave it, you understand me? Why would The Mimic want to go for someone as lame as you? You throw polka dots at people?" Peacemaker scoffed before finishing, "Quit getting in my way, or else."

Stay away from you? There was no way he could do that. You were seemingly the only person who liked him, and now he would have to end that? Fuck that.

Abner, admittedly with a little less confidence than what he hoped for, challenged him. "Or else what?"

Gosh, three words and his heart was already pumping.

"Excuse me?" Chris raised a brow.

Luckily before anything could be done, you emerged oblivious from the jungle while dawning your new attire. Your uniform was neatly folded and tucked under your arm. Both men looked at you and... wow. Abner was speechless. Literally. For the second time within you knowing him, you made his breath hitch.

"You look stunning," Peacemaker quickly said before Abner had a chance. That wouldn't really matter since your response was quite the cockblocker.

"Thanks! Abner picked it out for me," you smiled. You even gave a twirl to show off the outfit to your teammates. Abner just looked at you with such affection in his eyes.

"Anyways, your turn," you ordered as you took Krill's watching place so he could change. Peacemaker tried making some move on you, but you were clueless. Instead, you went into Mission Mode™ and discussed some tactics and strategies you could implement. Sighing, Chris humored you and joined your planning. Not too long later, Abner walked out with his disguise on.

"I'm not sure about this," he said while standing awkwardly.

"You look like an idio-"

"You look great!" you voiced over Peacemaker. "I love those pants on you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," you laughed. "They're funky."

"I-" Krill let out a laugh of his own. "Yeah, I guess they are pretty funky."

"Alright, well, we've gotta get back to the van," you announced while walking away. Abner blindly followed you with a dumb little smile on his face while leaving Chris just standing there in disbelief.

[brianvan]

The year-end personal recap concept is OPPRESSIVE to me. I think it's healthy to occasionally check-in with yourself every once in a while but... why do I have to participate in a public ceremony? Why NOW, the one week of the year I'm the most sleepy and listless from all the parties and the holiday food and the laying-around? When nothing is going on NOW to brag about, and it's the longest distance in time from lots of things I do productively? And why do most people have lots of big changes to brag about and I'm usually fishing for stuff to brag about out of my totally-fine life because none of it is status-seeking or photogenic? Just for theoretical purposes, does the angst get any easier if you have a year that makes for an easy and beautiful year end post? Probably not.

Anyway.

2022 didn't feel special while I was living it - it felt like a year where nothing major happened, where there was just a lot of work/planning to do and it was not worth bragging about.

But, uh, holy shit:

Celebrated 10 years of marriage!

I basically started a new career (but, caveat, the position started in November 2021 - yet by New Year's, after something like 5 total weeks of real work, I had no real idea if it would take root. But root it did)

Relating to the second-longest thing going in my life (other than the marriage), my service on the Community Board, a pretty seismic change - I resigned my position as Treasurer (a real piece-of-cake assignment that lets me nose in on the whole board's business) so that I could take the role of Transportation Committee chair, which is a huge upgrade in visibility, control and direct involvement in the issues I've been taking up for years.

Moved into a much nicer apartment, one that isn't a nexus of maintenance crises. More room! All new furniture! A much nicer shower/bathtub!

We have a financial advisor now!

Not only did I have a good biking year...

...and a pretty damn good camping year...

But I bike-camped across THE WHOLE STATE OF IOWA, 462 miles in seven days. First time traveling with the bike!

I went to 10-12 concerts, which is about 9-10 more than I go to in any given year, and they all were at least pretty good!

I went to something like 12 baseball games because I dove in with a CitiField ticket package, and I think it worked out pretty good! (Plus a Yankees game and a Rangers game)

A scenic trip to the Finger Lakes!

Got to do Delaware River rafting again!

I finally read THE POWER BROKER!

I managed to get a short trip to San Francisco, my second time!

Legal weed!

New Peloton bike at home! I'm actually using it!

... and couple other things I'm not going to divulge or air out here!

Anyway, I was very surprised to take a glance at some records and see all of these very big (often long-delayed) things happened all in a short time. Yes, there were *absolutely bad* things that happened too, but the trend seems to be "change and growth" in big ways at once, rather than just ordinary things passing in time and space.

But, the year felt like A LOT. Another theme through most of the year was "don't overcommit yourself!" and that's easier-said-than-done sometimes (especially in a year where seasonal/annual things that were paused for 1-2 years came roaring back all at once). And also "stop wasting time on various maladaptive habits!" (which is less "using social media" and more "reflexively checking social media as much as one blinks") So, from an attention/stimulation standpoint I've really been flying by the seat of my pants and I'm certainly not going to try to ever plan to one-up a year like this one. I am hoping for a relatively calm 2023, already committing to several attention cutbacks.

Every once in a while I get posed the question "where do you see yourself in 5 years" and at one point I thought I could get insight on that by looking at the past 10 years. And from that I saw that the answer was "there is absolutely no telling where you will be in 5 years or what you want to see happen, all you know is that you'll have significantly pulled yourself forward and you won't be where you are now." Because in any 5 year timeframe, that has been the story of the last 20+ years. Recently, I've learned and experienced so much, and have grown so much. And there is so much more opportunity for learning and growth. Life is an experience of taking those opportunities continually. And it's great.

Ironically, the idea of personal growth/progress is a concern where I'm deeply anxious, and fearful of failure. I am going to spend some time unpacking that in 2023. (That's been part of the growth, BTW: insight into bad thinking!) What ties all of this together is that it's a fairly good idea to gut-check that anxiety by looking at an actual recap of events and achievements. Enough happened this year that I should forgive myself if I want to chill out for the next 2 years! If I just did many of the events from this past year all over again in this coming year (like a routine), it'll be fantastic! If there's anything I'm unhappy with now, or anything I'm worried where I don't control whether it goes good or bad... there's literally nothing to worry about because even among setbacks I come out very strongly ahead overall, even in a bad year! (Other than "you shouldn't worry" as a separate but still meaningful lesson)

It is very difficult to remember all of this so I figure it's good for me to jot this down in private. As it turns out, I've got many years of recaps in Tumblr already that are public, so here's another one for the pile. I'm keeping the streak going. Now I don't need to worry about being the guy without a rosy year-end recap.

[bnhaobservation]

You raise interesting points which are likely rooted in flaws in Horikoshi's writing.

Enji's murder-suicide plan is difficult for me to read as a father moment, because it's the only way he can try to save the by-standers from Touya's destruction. So if Touya is a random villain (or just think back to Hood or WHM bomb), Endeavor's solution as a hero would have been the same. Go up with him where he can't hurt others.

I think (mind you, I'm not Horikoshi nor Japanese so I might be wrong) in Horikoshi's intentions we're meant to read it as a father-son moment due to what Enji said and did first. He accepts the dance, he remarks atoning to Touya was something he especially needed to do right by and then tells him he won't let him die alone.

Saving the people comes after. In his monologue he's doing this FIRST for Touya and THEN for the people. He's prioritizing his son.

Of course your complain is fair, we can all ask Enji 'okay, genius, if you had decided to save the people without dying with Touya, which would have been the plan? Did you have such option?' and it can very well be that there was no option. That he would have to do just the same. Horikoshi doesn't think the answer is important because he had Enji say all that to imply he's prioriting his son and doesn't want Touya to die alone.

That we should just accept his intentions.

It's... kind of a flaw in Horikoshi's writing how fundamentally he's placing our acceptance of that scene in our ability to trust in Enji. It's the same for how Enji says in chap 426 he'll protect his kids and we aren't shown how.

Of course this can be exactly the point.

Umineko put it better so forgive me if I'm going to show some screenshoots from it.

This often happens when analyzing a character too. That's why fandom discourses are born, we're all given the same information but we interpret them differently, often according to our liking of the character.

In my case though, the manga has come to an end and, as this is a litterary work, it's not so much that there's 'love' but that there's faith Horikoshi is trying to sell us Enji's atonement arc as him truly feeling sorry for his family and truly wanting to make good to them so of course all Enji says is meant to be taken in good faith.

Horikoshi has no more time to prove Enji lied or that he still has to learn so he's messing up and, with the sentence he had Natsuo saying at the end, he's clearly trying to sell us the fact that Enji's intentions are genuine.

And the same goes for Uraraka's counseling plan or Shouji's actions and so on. We're asked to have blind faith.

I'm not really fond of Horikoshi pressuring me to believe without proof, because I think in many spots of his story he just didn't build up the situation enough to make it credible, more than my love he's begging for my suspension of disbelief. Authors do that and it's fine when it's here and there or in an organized setting. I'm not... really happy with them when they abuse with the requests for suspension of disbelief.

I'm a strong believed of the 'show, don't tell' and Horikoshi way too often prefers 'tell'. I guess it's personal preference.

On the other side his choice might be because he's actually bad at depicting such moments. Uraraka's speech stopping the people from kicking Midoriya out and that random Heteromorph's speech stopping the people from continuing rioting for me DIDN'T WORK AT ALL and in Uraraka's case I did have love for her and wanted Midoriya to be accepted but I just couldn't believe such words would work.

So my stance is that I'm sure that, since this is Horikoshi's manga, in the BNHA world Shouji is doing AMAZING in stopping discrimination even if there's no proof whatsoever, that Uraraka's consueling program is great even if she doesn't have a degree in psychology or anything and that's just how things go. I complain on how it's written, I don't doubt it happened.

So back to what you've said yes, this moment would have worked much, much better, if Horikoshi had made clear Enji had the option to solely protect the people and not die with Touya. That he didn't ask us to just believe him. But Endeavor is a popular character in Japan, there's plenty of love for him, so I guess he thought he could push for asking for blind trust. Ironically he's not equally popular in the west so this comes out as mostly Enji only saying just words and never proving things... when it's actually Horikoshi that's never proving things.

I think even if we accept that he's atoning to Touya by taking his sins on, and to Fuyumi and Natsuo by building that house we don't know if it even exists anymore after the war, and let's say we accept Rei's responsibility as a co-parent, to me there is still nothing that Endeavor has done regarding Shouto. Their relationship was the most important axis of the Todoroki family plotline until Act 3, but in the end it gets no closure whatsoever.

He does things for Shouto... which for us are totally unimportant but that in contest are meaningful because he doesn't have to. He doesn't have to compromise. He's the family head, which means he had absolute authority over his family and doesn't have to compromise, that's why it's so important for Fuyumi that now he's doing this.

He didn't want to take Midoriya and Bakugou as interns but he does because Shouto asked him to (the Hero Public Safety Commission didn't tell him to take at least 3 kids, just to train his interns well).

He accepts Shouto wants to be trained not as a son but as an intern (even though he made clear he wanted to train him as a father... whatever that meant to him)... and this time he doesn't put him or the others through abusive training.

He believes he's protecting Shouto when he doesn't involve him in the mission with Midoriya.

He wanted to face touya but let Shouto persuade him to face All for One.

He apologized to Shouto which, again, is big.

Is this enough?

In the west this is not even the bare minimum. I SURELY WOULDN'T FORGIVE HIM. But Horikoshi clearly sees them as him trying, setting aside the power he has over his family and trying to make up for what he did.

Shouto is not impressed because, even if it's something, it's likely not enough.

I think that maybe the bigger thing Enji does for Shouto is to stop trying to force him to be the Hero he wanted him to be and let him to be the Hero Shouto wants to be.

Which again to us seems little but forcing your son to follow your footsteps had been a perfectly reasonable option in the past and was considered a child's duty.

I also don't buy Enji being able to catch the flames, not for Shouto who we learn has been working day and night for a decade doing good but only just now starting to leave behind the labels of the family scandal.

There are many things to say about this so I'll hope it's okay if I'll split it in parts.

The first thing I want to say is for part of this the answer is the same as above, Horikoshi wants us to believe Enji will do all he can, without having to prove to us he did. He's asking us an act of faith because he's writing an atonement arc and the manga is ended so it'll make sense Enji is sincere.

The second thing is that Enji doing all he can doesn't mean he would surely suceed. Actually I wouldn't even expect it to be possible.

Japan has plenty of people, someone who'll refuse not to see Shouto as tied to the family scandal will always exist.

Enji can go around with a shining sign above his head with on it written 'it's all my fault, my kids tried to stop me but couldn't, please beat me!' and someone still will hold his children also accountable in virtue of them being part of the family.

Japan is big on group responsibility and blood responsibility.

If Enji tried all he could and failed because it couldn't be done this doesn't take away from his act of atonement.

We know that just because a person put in something a lot of effort, it doesn't mean he suceed, especially in this manga, otherwise plenty of things would have gone differently, starting from Touya who would have gotten his father to come see him on Sekoto Peak.

The third is that the family's scandal is actually not Endeavor... it's Dabi. Dabi is the criminal that should have been sentenced to death or at least to life inprisonment. And it's because Enji is the father of such criminal and accepted responsibility for him that he ended up in troubles.

Horikoshi hardly discussed the backlash of the revelation but here there's a bit that's meaningful. I'll report it in the anime extended version (the bit the anime added is in brackets) because it makes it more clear.

Satō Rikidō ‘ENDEAVOR-tachi wa U.A. hairanai no kana.’ 砂藤力道「エンデヴァー達は雄英入らないのかな。」 Satō Rikidō “I wonder if Endeavor and the others will join U.A.”

Todoroki Shōto ‘Itazura ni hitomae ni dere nē yo. (Oyaji o miru to) Dabi no kage ga CHIRAtsukukarana. Konkai no kun de hinan shiteru hito-tachi zenin ga zenin ichiyō ni mikata ga kawatta WAKE demo neE daroushi.’ 轟焦凍「徒に人前に出れねぇよ。(親父を見ると)荼毘の影がチラつくからな。今回の件で避難してる人たち全員が全員一様に見方が変わったワケでもねぇだろうし。」 Todoroki Shōto “He can’t just go out in public for no reason. (When they see my father,) they can see in him the flickering of Dabi’s shadow. It’s not like all the people who evacuated have changed their views because of this incident.”

Todoroki Shōto ‘Dabi no kyōdai, ENDEAVOR no musuko, naishinde wa kitto ore no sonzai mo imada fuandarou.’ 轟焦凍「荼毘の兄弟、エンデヴァーの息子、内心ではきっと俺の存在も未だ不安だろう。」 Todoroki Shōto “Dabi’s brother, Endeavor’s son, deep down they’re probably still unsettled/uneasy/uncomfortable also about my presence.”

Enji can't show up in public because the people blame him for Dabi, not for what he has done to his family. So Shouto who's related to both Dabi and Endeavor also gets blamed... because in this sort of mindsetting relatives of criminals are blamed for merely sharing blood with them.

That's why Hawks had to hide about his family. That's why people was still uneasy with him. Him killing Twice wasn't unlawful by Japanese law, the police can shoot an escaping criminal if it's suspected on sufficient grounds of having committed, a violent and dangerous crime which is subject to the death penalty or life imprisonment. It's just exceedingly rare so when it happens it makes it to national tv.

Heroes had this reputation that they wouldn't CHOOSE to kill (the original test say choose, not that they can't) so Hawks doing so impressed the audience. But there's no crime, Twice was a well known dangerous Villain, the most the police would have to investigate is to make sure the one Hawks killed was Twice.

All this to say... Aizawa's sentence about people not mentioning he's Endeavor’s son feels confusing. The main concern should be about him being DABI'S BROTHER. It's bad that Shouto is Endeavor's son because Endeavor is Dabi's father. If he hadn't been Dabi's father people would have had little problems with him.

If it's to blame Shouto in theory people should blame him for both relations.

So it can even be that Enji managed to stop the fiery fallout and redeem himself in the eyes of society and now Shouto is seen as his father's son not because his father is Dabi's father but because they compare the two like they did at the start, as two Heroes.

It's unclear but the point is that while the western fandom blamed Enji a lot for what he did to his family, BNHA society blamed him a lot for how he failed to stop the Villains and how his son burned people. They never tossed against him wife abuser or child abuser, they told him he was a bad omen, that Dabi's victims were still grieving.

Do you see someone blame him for what he did to Rei? To his kids? It's all about his failure to stop Villains and being related to Dabi. So it's weird Aizawa is not mentioning Dabi... but it might be Horikoshi wanted to keep the dialogue short.

Honestly I don't know what's the truth, if the family scandal finally was put to rest or all the family is still suffering for it.

Realistically they should because, as I said, no matter what Enji does, there's no escape.

Credits when it's due though, I think Shouto working day and night would have happened even if the Todoroki were to be a happy family with no scandal touching them... because this was one of the few good traits Enji had, his effort, and one both Touya and Shouto inherited. Enji was the man who solved more cases in history, even more than All Might... and I expect Shouto will become the next to do so... but it's not a bad thing he inherited one of his father's few good traits!

Shouto is just that amazing and he deserves to be the Hero he wants to be and reach the top.

LOL, maybe I'm watching Shouto with too much love now... :P

Japanese expectations are changing a lot.

Women are protesting for their right to divorce without bearing the shame for it, laws regarding abuse of women and children are changing and athletes, who aren't protected by laws against abuse, are protesting against it, which is relevant because all the abuse Shouto suffered during training basically means nothing as in Japan there's no law protecting you from being abused during training (I discussed a bit about Japanese laws here). Homeless people is slowly getting more visible, Japan is being pressured to so something in many things.

The fact that the law to forbid people to leave alone kids below 8 was rejected isn't encouraging but the fact that the law was proposed in response to the abuse said kids received is a step forward. At least they're thinking something must be done in that regard.

The fact that things are changing makes hard for us in the west to judge where exactly Japan is standing.

We read about it, but we aren't there to listen to the people and laws that are valid one year might not be anymore the year after so although I read a lot I'm always vary my knowledge and my understanding might be very flawed.

Add to this that, despite Japanese culture being more pro group thinking than ours, people deep down are always people in all the culture. Different people think and experience things differently. So in a situation in which things are chaning is hard to figure where the wind is blowing.

Manga are often both proressive and regressive.

BNHA give a pass to some kinds of abuse and instead denunces others. Horikoshi clearly didn't paint what Enji did as good but he likely didn't feel like he could go at it too strongly. He's more raising awareness and that's important as well.

Shouto becomes a great Hero but Enji's method of training him, which was so praised in past, is wrong and what Enji did to his family doesn't get shrugged off but has serious long lasting consequences. Shouto's decision to become someone different from his father is validated as good and even better. Shouto is a better Hero than Enji.

Said al this... Horikoshi might have written Enji's arc with the best intentions but it felt very far from how an atonement arc should be FOR ME. I'm totally with you with him needing to show more, with him needing to give us more concrete evidence.

I'll be mean and also add that I don't think he paid to the Todoroki plotline the appropriate care because he changed track too many times and, I fear, when he wrote chap 31-39 was unhappy with his choice and did all he could to go back with... dubious results.

On another note yes, Shouto suppressing his emotions the best he can in the final arc might also be due to the fact he's now related to a criminal so he felt he wasn't allowed to.

Shouto too felt he had to take responsibility for what Dabi did, calling him the family's sin and saying facing Dabi was punishment.

If you want to get a better grasp on how families of criminals are handled "Theseus no Fune" digs in it quite a bit and is a very good story... but it's one for adults because it touches rather disgusting crimes against children so it can feel hard to read.

I don't know if "Theseus no Fune" is a 100% accurate portrayal with real life but from what I read it seems close enough and matches with other portrayals in fictional stories so it's a good idea to get some background since Horikoshi mostly skipped showing things.

Did Enji atone to Touya (and his family) and stepped up on his role as a father?

Boku no Hero Academia has a grave 'flaw'. The fact that's strongly tied to Japanese culture and Buddhism makes it a very interesting work but also makes it a hardly international work because way too many cultural things are left unexplained because they're assumed to be a given. Only they're not when the work is read by foreign readers. And this lead to confusion.

The Todoroki plotline is an example of this.

In the west many feel Enji did nothing for Touya or did too little because the little he did is a given in the west. The point is... it's not a given in Japan. In Japan is a BIG DEAL. So let's go though it.

First, the fact that he doesn't want to kill Touya even though he's a criminal

Todoroki Enji ‘Ore wa ikinobite mo... ENDEAVOR wa shinda. Tairyō satsujinsha (read: musuko) to tatakaenai.’ 轟炎司「俺は生き延びても...エンデヴァーは死んだ。大量殺人者（むすこ）と戦えない。」 Todoroki Enji “Even if I survived... Endeavor is dead. I can't fight against a mass murderer (read: my son).”

Let's compare it to these two scenes of "Death Note" and see how Yagami Soichiro, a policeman, is taking the idea his son might be a killer and how, although Misa protests, the story doesn't present it as him being crazy but as it being his duty.

That's why Hawks doesn't want to send Enji, who's on an atonement path, to face Dabi, because Enji might end up in a situation in which he would have to kill his son and he would refuse... which is more or less what happens.

Second, Enji acknowledges that what Touya said is true, Touya is his son and Enji did what he did. In such a situation many would lie. Dabi's video proves nothing. He is a Villain, they had a doctor in the team who could create Nomu, the paternity test could be fake, even if Dabi were to provide a sample of his blood or skin they could insist that's fake.

Society didn't want the truth, they don't want Enji to confess, they wanted him to reassure them, they even commented he should have lied because yes, that's what's done often.

Basically he put his honor on the chopping block. A public apology like this one is a BIG DEAL in Japan. It's much more serious than in western countries and he does it when he could have spared himself and say Dabi lied but that would have meant to deny his son.

Third, it connects to the first in a way. While Enji is unwilling to kill Touya, he's willing to die with him. It's ‘shinjū’ (心中 Lit. “Mind/heart center/inside” but more likely means “oneness of hearts”, probably reflecting a psychological link between the participants) and it’s a word used in common parlance to refer to any group suicide of two or more individuals bound by love, typically lovers, parents and children, and even whole families. People who commit shinjū believe that they would be united again in heaven, a view supported by feudal teaching in Edo period Japan, which taught that the bond between loved ones would continue into the next world, and by the teaching of Pure Land Buddhism wherein it is believed that through shinjū, one can approach rebirth in the Pure Land. By volunteering to die with him, Enji is basically agreeing to remain with him in their next reincarnation.

For us it's crazy, it's Enji giving up on saving him. In Japan it sounds like 'I love you and I want to be with you'.

Forth, he'll apologize to Touya. As said before it's a BIG DEAL, especially since Enji is the family head and, although for us most of what he did is wrong, in Japan most of what he did is well within what he can do. Marrying a woman you don't love in a combined marriage to expect the child who'll be born from it will fulfill your ambitions and not really bothering to raise it because that's a mother job, well, things are changing in Japan but none of the above is a crime. In a not so distant past it was actually the norm. Yet Enji apologizes even though normally a family head wouldn't.

Fifth it's a bit in the first point and in the second but it'll drag on through all the story, Enji won't reject Touya. He's the only one (except Fuyumi who however doesn't get to say much) who never calls him Dabi after the reveal, and he won't strike him out of the family register but will keep on considering him his son.

Look at the Tobitas instead and at how they kick their son out.

Don't think Hawks is cutting strings with his parents solely because they were abusive, the Tobitas show us how you should just cut strings with a criminal. Same as the Togas.

Have "Theseus no fune" in which a man accused to be a murderer, send a birthday gift to his son and watch the reaction of his wife.

They don't want to keep contact with a criminal. It's scary because they'll be mistreated if they are discovered to be related to him.

And, in this vein, the fact he wants to go see him, that he'll keep on seeing him till the end instead than turning his back on him, is seen as important. It's seen as him being his father.

To many of us it seems as if he's forcing his presence upon Touya. Actually, from a Japanese perspective he's instead not abandoning him like many others would.

And since Touya is dying, very likely the talking will be the talking that's done in a Buddhist culture when someone is dying. Death should occur in a calm and peaceful environment, with close friends and family in attendance. Together they should reflect on the good deeds the dying person has done throughout their life, in the hopes it will help them in their next reincarnation. Additionally, family and friends can perform good deeds on behalf of them, which they believe will be of merit to the deceased.

So, since Touya is dying he won't get a scolding like Chisaki, they'll all only tell him nice and soothing things so he'll die peacefully.

Now... in the west all this is absolutely way too little, and in some points even feels wrong. Dying together instead than insisting in trying to save him? Deciding unilaterally to show up every day? Not out thing...

We can totally say 'thanks, I hate it' because we grew up with Darth Vader who instead gave his life to SAVE his son. All this accepting that Touya instead is going to die so Enji can at best die with him or keep him company until he does... well, it's mostly not our cup of cultural tea.

In in Japan though, all Enji does is important. Enji is doing something for Touya as a father, something important many fathers wouln't do for their sons.

Does it would satisfy a Japanese audience? They'll get the message better than us... but things are changing and anyway it can still feel too little. "Death Note" is dated 2005/2006 and back in it Misa was already questioning the idea of a father killing his son and then killing himself. BNHA is more innovative as Enji doesn't think to kill Touya but he still goes for the 'let's die together' route... and Horikoshi subtly criticizes it by having the rest of the family decising they'll try to stop the fire before just giving up. They're willing to die, but not before trying.

Enji represents plenty of old theories after all, which Horikoshi acknowledges were moved out of wrong beliefs, not moved by mean intents... which, is possible, would still not be enough for Japanese readers either because among teenagers, the target audience, there's an increasing number of teen who, in Japan, are forced to leave home (the Toyoko Kids) and often ends up committing crimes to survive and the league seems to be based on all the kind of homeless people Japan has.

While for a kid at home with a loving family being told that your father will die with him if he messes up instead than just dumping him might be comforting... for a kid that was abused and forced to leave home this might feel not enough.

People want to be saved, being told it's too late to save them, might be a lesson for those who hadn't done anything wrong yet so that they won't do it, but it's surely not a hopeful message for who instead got himself into troubles.

But well, that's something for the Japanese audience to ponder.

There's also to point out that, even though the message is not hopeful, Horikoshi is seeing the homeless people and acknowledging they should be helped.

Japan in regard to the Toyoko kids is mostly like the old woman who pretended not to see Tenko but that, in the end, helps that new boy.

I think Horikoshi's message desperately wants to be hopeful even for them, that he wants BNHA be like Midoriya's final stand, something that will push people to acknowledge they exist and reach out to help them.

It just that... it gets lost in what I'll call the 'litteral translation'.

No one explains us how we should jusge the scenes and, since we lack the cultural background, to us they are perceived differently because to us things work differently.

And, personally, even when I think I figured out the author's intent and can see the positivity of it, the cultural filter is still too tick and the picture gets blurried.

It's like being beginner at speaking a foreign language and having to constantly translate it in your head. The message loses its natural beauty, get simplified and not fully grasped.

I think I understand how Enji's atonement work in regard to Touya... it still doesn't feel fulfilling to me. But enough about Touya.

'Now,' you might rightfully say, 'fine, I'll bite, let's assume what Enji has is an atonement arc for Touya. It doesn't work at all in the west but let's give it a pass. What about his other kids?'

Natsuo and Fuyumi's wishes are in conflict.

Fuyumi wants the five of them to be a family (at the time she doesn't know Touya is alive), Natsuo doesn't want to be part of a family with Enji.

Enji's solution is giving Fuyumi a house in which she can welcome her mother and live with Natsuo (and Shouto when he comes home), while he removes himself from the equation. The solution fulfills Natsuo's wish of not seeing Enji because it makes him feel bad. It only partly fulfil Fuyumi's wish because it'll allow her to have her mother back (Rei couldn't bear meeting Enji either) and to stay with her siblings... but Enji takes responsibility for it, he doesn't tell her it's due to Natsuo that he can't live with them, so, in theory, it won't be Natsuo the one who's stressed to be at home when Enji is there and the one who has to leave home because he can't stand the sight of Enji.

There are many things I can say on how this is not a good solution (it doesn't make Natsuo feel better, it just stops him from feeling worse), but there are two points to consider. The first is that Enji is getting old and it would be his children's duty, due to filial pity, to take care of him, instead he's basically giving them the means to leave and take his wife with them.

Actually, since Natsuo is now the oldest MALE, it should fall on him specifically. Yes, Enji always intended to have Shouto inherit his mantle but this doesn't free Natsuo from his duties. Instead Enji is letting all his children free.

Even with Shouto, he doesn't insist anymore for Shouto to learn Flashfire Fist as his heir but just as an intern.

I take this is big in Japan.

Here again, not so much, especially in the countries in the west that think kids should leave their parents' home as soon as possible and we don't think our children are obliged to inherit our mantles.

Note how the story implies that this was meant to be the end for the Natsuo/Enji arc.

Natsuo made clear he didn't want to meet Enji again, he does it solely because they've to stop Touya and, once they've stopped Touya, he makes clear he doesn't want to see him again.

If we want though, the fact he's leaving the family can be seen as a concession in a way.

Since apparently Rei wants to stay with Enji (and likely their old house was devasted because that's what happens to relative of criminals) Enji can now move with Fuyumi and Rei and Natsuo won't have to see him because he'll leave home... to make his own home.

As for Shouto... Horikoshi answered his request by basically showing him Enji being a father for Touya and then promising he would protect them from the fiery fallout, which Horikoshi doesn't show at all because it's another thing that's a given in Japanese culture, it'll be hell for Enji to protect them, but not for us.

Just to get an idea of the fiery fallout here are some images from "Theseus no fune" again showing you how bad is this sort of thing.

Back to Enji, Horikoshi gives us verbal confirmation that Enji is now being a father by being willing to do this, by having Natsuo, who never called him as such, calling him father for the first time.

For Horikoshi that's Enji being a father.

Again, we've no idea of which hell Enji will suffer because that's not part of our culture. I've posted above screencaps of "Theseus no fune", that's how the fallout should be so not pretty at all.

So the fact that Enji will try to protect them from it is, again, BIG.

So yeah, Enji did do BIG things to atone and keeps on doing them and if he'll ultimately get forgiven by Natsuo (the rest of his family wanted to forgive him way before he were to do something), that's up to Natsuo... Horikoshi likely left this as open ending because he wanted to let it up to readers so as not to make them feel they were forced to forgive Enji.

In the general hopeful theme of the manga and with Natsuo acknowledging him as a cool father I guess his idea is that Natsuo too will eventually forgive him because he's kind.

I don't want to say that Natsuo forgiving Enji would be a culture clash because there's people even here that forgive their horrible parents and that's valid. Forgiving is a personal choice and one has the right to make it even if said horrible parent did nothing to deserve it.

It's up to you.

But sure is, if again we take the story at face value and not in its cultural contest, we can't see what Enji does to atone, because for us is nothing big.

It's even made worse by how Horikoshi doesn't show at all the hell Enji will go through (as for him is a given) so for us IT DOESN'T EXIST. We see Enji as having it easy, talking big but not having to face anything at all.

Honestly though... I think this is a bit of a flaw of the manga as a whole.

Way too often it prefers to focus on the good than on the bad so that the bad gets sidelined to much to the point people forget it.

There were horrible Heroes who committed crimes and had no intention to repent or stop... and we never met them. Nagant killed them off but we never met them.

Mountain Lady, who became a Hero for money and fame, then sticks to the job even when it's bad. Desugoro, who left the job when it turned bad, then came back to help. Enji is on an atonement path and, anyway, on work he was always a good Hero.

In the same way Horikoshi prefers not to show Enji's hardship but focus on how he'll have the support of his sidekicks, driver and Hawks... partly also because it ties in so well with the general message of everyone reaching out.

The result is that the Midoriya plotline of everyone reaching out becomes more important of the Enji atonement arc and overshadows it.

Enji's atonement arc ends in 426, chap 430 doesn't feel the need to tell us if Enji is keeping up with it despite the hardship, nor how his family is doing. It feels the need to reassure us that people will reach out for him even if he's in hell, that even if he had to give up on his family, he now as a new found family.

It's thematically consistent with the theme of reaching out but... the fact it overwrites the atonement arc honestly FOR ME doesn't work so great.

I think it's an overall problem of the 'reaching out message'.

While in itself is beautiful... it saves nothing I was lead to care about.

In Enji's case I was interested in his atonement arc, in how he could help his kids. I wanted more of that, partly because his atonement arc is so far from my culture, partly because it touched characters I cared about, I wanted to be reassured he would keep on working on it and that his family would be well.

Yes, he should be in hell, but the story didn't really work hard on trying to make me worry for him as it established already a support network for him. The story made me worry for the kids, for Touya, who was dying, for Fuyumi, who wanted back her family and won't have it, for Natsuo, who's marrying an unknown character so young, for Shouto, who has to cope with the loss of the brother with whom he wanted to connect.

I don't really care Burnin, Onima, Kido and Hawks are willing to continue to protect Enji, to reach out to help him, I knew they would, I wanted to be reassured Enji's kids are safe, well and protected. I wanted to see ENJI reach out and help them.

In this vein I don't really care the old grandmother saved a nameless abused kid, or, at least, not as much as I cared for Tomura to be saved. It's nice she saved him, it's nice he gets to live the life Tomura was denied but honestly, he's a mob character with a super tragic backstory created deliberately to force us to emotionally connect to him.

The message he now will be saved is good but my emotional investment to him is too little.

The same applies to Uraraka's Quirk counsueling program, we knew next to nothing about the Quirk consueling previous program beyond that it didn't work (a real problem in Japan as they have a school consueling program that didn't work... and changes are in progress) and that now it supposedly does.

To how Shouji now solves peacefully plenty of conflicts caused by Heteromorph discrimination, which Horikoshi tossed in later and never really showed how to solve (and, don't take me wrong, it's not solved even by Shouji, he just solves peacefully the conflicts, how is up to everyone's speculation).

Long story short, I think Horikoshi worked really hard for BNHA to have an optimist, hopeful message... but part of it goes lost in cultural differences and part of it goes lost in how the story didn't try to get me invested in the things it's now saving.

So yeah, I'm still sad for this little panel in chap 430

I guess I'll eventually get over it. Today though, it's not that day.

On a positive note... if we count the pages of all the chapters that should go in vol 42 they're only 132. The chapters that were meant to go into Vol 39 had 165 (which yes, Horikoshi further expanded once the volume was released).

So yeah, unless Vol 42 will be slimmer than usual or that he'll add to it some sidestory or extra story, it's possible we'll get more plot in terms of epilogue. We'll see.

(also yes, I'm not touching Rei in this post. Rei is another can of worm entirely and one, I fear, Horikoshi doesn't care about. The poor woman doesn't even get a profile while Ikoma Komari does. And really, I do think Rei is much more important than Ikoma Komari)

[weabooweedwitch]

Oml, no matter how many rebooking or whatnot you have to make, do not touch your motel money! You do not want to be stranded in a foreign country with no stay whatsoever, not only for your own safety and health, but also for border control!

Please know and understand though that these things are out of your control. None of this mess is your fault. In fact, you’ve tried your utmost best to try to solve all these issues and that’s already a lot! You were and still are fighting for it!

This probably doesn’t mean much, coming from an unknown person hiding behind a grey blob, but I am genuinely wishing you all the best for trip and that things will still work out in the end. ;-;

Oh, well first it always makes me feel good when people are concerned and care and I often feel a lot of guilt for how I worry people sometimes and im glad you're rooting for me :) sometimes I do recognize that I really overshare a lot but its often because I don't trust my own judgments and opinions and im trying to bounce ideas off of people which, actually shit those are the symptoms my old therapist described when she diagnosed me with dependent personality disorder

For my motel, all of that is already paid for and has been for a couple weeks so no worries there! This time was purely, I accidentally fucked up my bus ticket via canceling it over a misunderstanding on where the drop off point was, got a new one, that new one was not what I really wanted and could have potentially cost me my motel stay altogether by missing the check-in deadline so it was actually an objectively worse one than before, lost some money with having to cancel that first trip, but I actually managed to cancel the second wrong one and since the wrong bus booking was canceled immediately, they gave me a full voucher coupon thing for another trip worth like $20 which I then used to book basically the original booking that had been right all along for like $5

BUT, ALSO, i had totally completely forgotten until about yesterday or sometime today, but my work has like a service for getting your paycheck early and since I have no shifts from now until I get back from Canada, I went ahead and did it and got over $400 instantly, fee transfer too, so that helps immensely. I hadn't thought of it before since I've never got an early paycheck before, but this came just in time

So. I hit more obstacles, some of which I caused accidentally, and immediately found a solution :) and I also managed to check in with delta over my baggage being shuttled for me from flight to flight and also double checked that I can take my friend his soup (because I know its stupid, its just soup right, but he asked me to bring it and he's gonna cook and part of me is like, aw he has a recipe he wants to share with me, thats really wholesome, I wanna share that experience 🥺)

So. Really the biggest final obstacles now are: when is my voided transaction going through, IF IT IS which it sounds like it should be, and also, fndjfjjf what if I embarass myself and be awkward and cringe. but, there's no time for psyching myself out for that right now. I'm focusing all my energy into making sure i pack everything I need and vigorously studying the arrivals and departures and gates of all my trips so I can have full confidence in what I'm doing

Since it's been such a big event, I will try to keep you guys posted the day of! My first flight is 6am on Saturday to Detroit and then to Buffalo and then after like literally 5 hours of being stuck in the airport, then my bus comes at 5pmish to take me over the border and i have to then decide how to travel to mt hotel to get there before check in ends at 10pm. One thing that sucks is I have to buy an international plan to even use my phone and data in Canada but as long as that refund bullshit doesn't take too long, which by my standards would be Jan 4th onwards, its not too bad to pay for it, and also I will definitely need my phone in Canada because I mean. Its being alone in another country lol, and I'll definitely need it just for checking rides and if I need to make any calls or my mom wants to check in and just using my mobile data when im out and about