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mari-lair · 5 months ago

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Let's talk about Natsukane, my favorite rarepair. They barely have anything in canon, so this will be less of an analysis and more of me going disproportionately insane about a ship between two characters with no screen time together. Buckle up.

To start: They are opposite sides of the same coin.

During an official quiz to see what character best matches your personality (full quiz here) Akane and Natsuhiko's results are side by side, following the same path, so they have a lot in common.

Both are the extroverted and passionate kind of people who confess first, both like to exercise, and both have secrets, only differing on the question "Are you stubborn?" which makes sense, since Natsuhiko is usually pretty laidback while Akane is stubbornness incarnated.

Despite all these similarities, the results and 'advice' for each result are very different.

Akane is "Do your best to help your loved ones. Life can be unfair, but keep working hard." vs Natsuhiko's "People trust you. Make connections, they will help you in the future."

Give and take.

Akane is selfless to the point of concern for his loved ones, putting other needs above his own. Take Aoi for exemple: He wants a lot from Aoi, her attention, her love, her hand in marriage, but above it all, he wants her to be happy, always doing what he believes she will appreciate even when he personally doesn't enjoy it, cause if she is happy, so is he.

Aoi drives this impulsive and passionate boy crazy, but when Akane learns that she likes him back, and their kiss gets interupted, the only thing he demands of her is for Aoi to be in his life. His priority is for her to feel loved and safe, not to be her boyfriend.

Natsuhiko is also extremely down bad, but he is more selfish: Most of what he does has the goal to steal Sakura's heart, and he approaches her doing things that he likes (love songs, dramatic film-like dates, etc) not things that Sakura has personally ever shown any interest in. I don't think he even realizes he does that because Natsuhiko genuinely values Sakura and is in awe of her, we see him doing whatever she asks, we see him make tea for her, ask Mei to fix her elephant cup, be willing to 'become a woman' when Sakura gets a male body, and shows his devotion to her many times.

He genuinely pays attention to her. He is trying his best.

We don't have much to work with Natsu and Sakura, so this is more speculation, but it feels like he expects to be loved back, becoming more selfish when he is particularly desperate: Like trying to touch her whenever he can even after being consistently reprimanded for it, and going as far as to try to give Sakura a love potion that would force her to love him back for a day, prioritizing being loved.

Akane is old-fashioned when it comes to love, he'll date expecting it to end in marriage and push away all else, being open about his affection and lack of interest alike. A relationship is a lifelong commitment to Akane, no fooling around!

Natsuhiko also takes romance seriously, but he is no loverboy, he is a playboy.

We don't know if he ever dated or kissed a girl before Sakura, but we do know his love for Sakura doesn't stop him from flirting around. He was even down to kiss Nene for no real reason besides 'cute girl', claiming that being hit is a normal reaction, so he tried to kiss more people before (I'm assuming Sakura is the one rejecting his kisses, but there could be other cute girls he tried to kiss before, who knows?)

Akane doesn't like that.

One of the few times they are in the same panel shows Natsuhiko basking in the attention of many girls while Akane looks done with him.

I am pretty sure Akane has not seen Natsuhiko before this point, so Akane took one look at him and went 'the vibes are off, fuck this guy'. Meanwhile, I doubt Natsuhiko spared Akane any thought, he doesn't care about Akane as a person.

Natsuhiko is a friendly guy but he is detached from his peers, he can find charm in people easily and discards them just as easily: Wanting to kiss Nene, going 'oh well' about her lifespan. Doting on Mitsuba, hurting him when Mitsuba still had no Yorishiro. Not hanging out with anyone from his class, or mentioning a family. He is so detached from people, and supernaturals alike, that he is fine with destroying the world for Sakura.

Meanwhile, Akane judges people easily and grows attached to them just as easily. Reprimanding Nene for being too soft on Hanako, but consistently helping her out, and showing care for her. Forgiving Teru's consistent bullying after he is helped and even growing a reluctant fondness for the clock keepers that ruined his life.

Akane is described as a good person by his peers, and Natsuhiko is a self-proclaimed bad guy. Akane has a belief human lives are fragile and precious ever since he was 12 and nearly lost Aoi during his orientation day. Natsuhiko can't die, and he doesn't care when people die.

They are on opposite sides in every sense of the word but they have a lot in common.

Both are seem as easy to take advantage of: predictable fools who love their crush, but they are smart people who can read others well, and know how to weaponize what they have available.

They haven't interacted with each other all that much so they seem to have this 'predictable fool' view of each other too. Or at least, Natsuhiko does.

Both have brown/red hair.

Both have no self-preservation, and easily forgive or brush off when others physically hurt them. They don't fear death.

They are shields, the guards.

Both are pawns of someone else, Akane's boss is the clock keepers and Natsuhiko's is Sakura, their goals come second to their boss's orders most of the time. They have no interest in each other personally but they work for supernaturals whose main obstacle are each other.

I doubt they'll have more interactions, but what we have is enough to have fun.

The broadcasting club clearly considers Akane the weak link of the clock keepers, so imagine Natsuhiko was tasked to get Akane's trust, coach him into destroying the yorishiro, playing the long game, similar to how he and Sakura were chill waiting for Mitsuba to find a Yorishiro.

Akane is the most stubborn of the two, and he sees Natsuhiko as untrustworthy, so I can't see him falling for his 'reliable and kind senpai✨' charade, but I can see him being arrogant enough to fall for the 'this guy is a dumbass' vibe Natsuhiko emanates in waves. Akane has the disadvantage of caring too much too fast, people show him kindness and he is unconsciously inclined to reply in kind, people are insensitive to others and he gets angry, so he isn't that hard to approach or drag around if you learn to ignore his complaints. They can have a lot of 'bonding time' regardless if Akane actually vibes with him.

I think Natsuhiko would have a detached respect for Akane. Cause while Natsuhiko isn't a kind person, I do believe he appreciates kindness.

Take Mitsuba's surprise party for example: The party was clearly Sakura's idea. Natsuhiko is more interested in pleasing Sakura throught it than in cheering up Mitsuba, using the party planning as a way to bond and celebrate with Sakura.

But despite having no blush, no comment, no spark in his eyes when he looks at Mitsuba being happy, he does seem to feel a hint of something that makes him ask Tsukasa to chill.

So kindness is possible it simply doesn't come easy for him, is not something that has a big sway on his decision. He likes being a bastard way more, look at how happy he is to do Sakura's evil schemes!

So Akane would be a pain in the ass for him. Maybe even pluzzling but mostly an annoyance that's prone to getting violent when Natsuhiko says 'the wrong thing', be it verbal violence or a punch in the face.

And Natsuhiko would absolutely say the wrong thing.

He is a decent liar, very disarming, and hard to read. But he is also careless, he may be able to make someone like Kou lower his guard even when the young exorcist's instincts go "You are sooo suspicious" but Akane isn't dismissive of these things. (compare how Kou was able to dismiss Hanako's murder after seeing the ghost do a good deed in chapter 9 while Akane still eyes Hanako harshly to this day)

Will Natsuhiko put effort into looking like he is Akane's buddy? Will he take him on friendly hang-outs at the broadcasting club? Yes. Will he stop being dismissive about other people? Will he stop flirting with many girls? No. Even if Natsuhiko gets swept by Akane's passion and genuinely tries to help, like offering Akane a love potion so he can 'get' Aoi or taking him to have a 'glow up' in the mall, it wouldn't work, cause their approach is too different. Who he is and the 'kind and reliable senpai' image he wants to sell clash.

So we have a lack of trust that doesn't go away, for every nice thing Natsu shows, he has an equally bad trait. Either Akane doesn't drop the 'yo you suck' attitude or he finds himself relaxing, only to be slapped in the face the next day at the reminder Natsuhiko may be able to disarm him with idol songs, bad love advice, asking Akane for his assistance, but he is still not a good person.

Speaking of disarming, here is a tiny tangent: Natsuhiko is the only character who gets a comment on how he smells, not even Ao-chan and Teru, who are complemented in every way possible get comments on their smell. This means Natsuhiko must either wear supernatural perfume or have a natural smell that attracts supernaturals.

And I do think it's only supernaturals that he attracts since cats, who are heavily associated with yokai in Japan, love Natsuhiko, and Tsukasa says he smells 'yummy'.

Plus when he is walking with Nene, a delicious Kannagi, every monster has its eyes on Natsuhiko. They want to bite him, not Nene.

Assuming any supernatural finds his smell appealing, it would confuse Akane to think Natsuhiko smells real nice when no one else does, cause he hates the guy? What do you mean he is not wearing a strong fancy perfume and only Akane thinks he smells nice? What is going on? If he directly asks wtf is Natsuhiko's problem, he would not be helpful "Another victim, fallen for my irresistible wise senpai charm-"

They are a walking headache to each other.

The plan to get Akane's trust won't work in the end, no matter how much information on supernaturals Natsuhiko shares, or how many tea parties they attend to, so the inevitable betrayal would end in violence. Threaten Aoi, create a trap, make Akane be in serious danger so the other keepers are forced to show up and save him.

Perhaps, when Akane is dying and Natsuhiko looks down as he bleeds and resists and fights he realizes he does feel something more than apathy and frustration for Akane. But alas, it is not worth figuring out if is respect, admiration, care, or whatever, it's a bother regardless but still worthless since it would always end like this.

Now, let's slap a crush into this mess.

Natsuhiko's type is calm and quiet, harsh on the outside and kind on the inside. A beauty that feels unapproachable.

Which is both the complete opposite of Akane (Akane is loud and stressed 24/7) and spot on (Akane is harsh in his bluntness but kind at heart + he is a popular boy that others naturally orbit towards)

Natsuhiko getting a little crush on Akane would be a nightmare because he would not notice he has a crush. He has a strong belief boys can't like other boys, needing to 'become a girl' to excuse still having feelings for Sakura after she gets a male body.

So he wouldn't notice whatever positive feeling he got is a crush, but he would still be unbearable. Probably call him Akane-chan cause that's a feminine name. Cute.

Akane wants him dead and it has nothing to do with his bad guy vibes, it's mostly cause Natsuhiko flirts a lot. He insists it's nothing but he got that flirty vibe that is very punchable, like calling him 'kitten' and adding 'no homo' if Akane bluntly rejects him. Respecting his space when Akane is on edge but trying to test his luck and be touchy the second Akane shows any signs of lowering his guard, casual bro stuff like noggies. He will need a character arc cause Akane is sure he is either unbearable by nature or his ulterior motive is to go on a few dates with him and discard him after ike the playboy Natsuhiko is. He doesn't take his 'fondness' seriously at all but being harsh is pretty attractive to Natsuhiko, makes the rare signs that Akane cares appear all the more soft.

Imagine Akane saving Natsuhiko in a panic when he 'sacrifices' himself to a big beast (akane doesn't accept others pulling the 'I will die for you' card on him, not even other supernaturals), only to kick Natsuhiko back into danger the second this immortal and sturdy guy starts to swoon about how "Akane-chan is so kind, worried about me <3 " . That's the vibe.

Natsuhiko pays more attention and is more influenced by the people he like, so he would actually make an effort to figure out why Akane is so hardworking, and tries to be kind, to do little things to help him, which serves to confuse Akane but make him a bit more willing to accept his company. They are still a headache to each other but there is care, and way more confusion involved, since Natsuhiko may have to experience a lot of trial and error but his attempts to get closer to Akane and make him happy are genuine. Akane is way more indulgent than Sakura, so while he won't drink any suspicious love potion and things of sorts, he can be dragged to Karaoke and easily manipulated with a pathetic 'Akane-chan, I need your help pls :(' cause he has a helping complex. (Unless is after he catches Natsuhiko doing something morally reprehensible, in that case, Akane will not tolerate even breathing the same air as him and go full judgement more.)

Akane doesn't know how his life has been spiraling but he blames Natsuhiko.

Their difference in morals will always be cause for complications, but if it's in a canon universe it's worse, cause Natsuhiko will have to betray Akane, and hurt this strange new love that keeps him at arm's length but has shown signs of believing he can be 'less of an asshole' becomes an actual dilemma. Something he isn't used to.

Akane being the one to fall in love would be a completely different vibe, easier to imagine in a messier part of his life, when the clock keepers contract is still new and everything is more confusing, maybe he hasn't figured out that the accident with Aoi was staged to recruit him, so he isn't as wary and hateful of the supernatural world yet, relieved to see another fellow human familiar with supernaturals, since Teru is someone worthy of respect but still very violent and closed off.

Akane would also have a crisis and push aside the idea of being intrigued by this strange upperclassman, who smells nice and hides many secrets, cause the idea of falling for someone who isn't Aoi will destroy him. He is extremely stubborn and loyal. He will snuff the crush out by force, avoid him at all costs, be more susceptible to manipulation, althought not noticibly at first..

What if Aoi doesn't exist, what if is just Natsu?

Then he can be openly devoted, and the appeal is to ask the question "What would happen if Akane fell in love with a bad person?" How much is he willing to forgive, and change himself. What made him fall in love? What is a line he can't cross (ex murder) and how does he deal with Natsuhiko crossing it?

Akane is selfless and prioritizes making him happy, so Natsuhiko would feel kind of bad. He is so used to being ignored, that he says whatever, and being treated with respect or awe is so out of the norm?? He does have a conscience.

Natsuhiko admires love, and it is convenient that Akane will sacrifice his happiness for him and ask for nothing in return, but it leaves a heavy vibe you know? Like, it's cute that he'll blush if he casually puts his arm around Akane's shoulders and drags him close, as he does with his kouhais, but Natsuhiko is not a fan of the soft longing stares. He will make him do tasks though, if Akane is so happy to help, he can buy him sodas and sing his praises.

Let's light up a bit with simple mutual pining, no other crushes, no supernaturals.

They are both too bold and hopeless for pining, a confession happens one week during this scenario and any issue is solved with the power of love. Natsuhiko is having a crisis about liking a boy? No worries, Akane is more than comfortable with cross-dressing, I will never get over how he got offended they didn't let him crossdress if it would let him stay by Aoi's side in a volume cover, and Natsuhiko is easily swayed, this much devotion would make him accept Akane with or without a skirt. Is hopeless romantic to hopeless romantic communication.

As an established couple they are unbearable. They call each other "my boyfriend <3" and giggle about it like losers, and every daydream Natsuhiko has become true. Does Natsu want to be missed? Akane will mention how he wishes they lived together and how he longs for him in class and if asked he will write a song about how much he loves him. Does he like romantic dates? After taking Akane to three of those, Akane is already the one surprising him by preparing a candlelight dinner. Any gifts they give each other are well taken care of. There are hearts permanently floating by their head. Outsiders are horrified.

Natsuhiko wanted so bad to be the knight in shining armor, the reliable senpai, but Akane was built to be a worrier who doesn't vibe with asking for help, he is the one taking care of Natsu 90% of the time.

Imagine Natsuhiko daydreaming of having Akane run into his arms scared of an approaching storm, only to be startled by thunder and instinctively jump into Akane's already extended arms. That's the vibe.

Akane would find it cute too.

Marriage may scare Natsuhiko, or at the very least make him uncomfortable, a forever is a bit reckless right? Let's just enjoy the moment, haha. So Akane drops the proposals, but he still daydreams about it. His fear of marriage can make Akane possessive when Natsuhiko winks at any cute girl, but he knows Natsuhiko has fun with it, and that he loves Akane the most, so he is very forgiving.

Bonus: Their height difference is pretty nice. Natsu is a full stair step taller than Akane.

#there is a chunk with no images cause i hit tumblr image limit??? help me??#this nation is small but i have the back of all 5 natsukaners out there #come get your meal i got diferent flavors today #akane aoi #aoi akane #hyuuga natsuhiko #natsuhiko hyuuga #natsukane #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun

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dollarstoreartsupplies · 4 months ago

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okay so i keep thinking about this post that i made about a polywagon soulmates au where they have eachother's birthdays on their arms (including hermie's like... three years ago and 1912) and im not gonna write it but i AM gonna think about how differently the teens would handle it

Taylor:

taylor would be SO thrilled, he thinks it makes him extra like an anime protaganist to have not only four soulmates, but also one long dead soul mate (perhaps the SAME soulmate, thats been reincarnated to the youngest soulmate, god thats such an ANIME PLOTLINE--)

he shows them off, and knows at the very least about normal from when they hung out as little kids, but anytime someone asks if he knows who they are he just mysteriously goes 'heh'

hangs out with normal a lot more pre-canon, considers him his main "sidekick"

when he was little his mom tried to explain that the two weird dates were sort of common, and that sometimes soulmates can be platonic, sometimes they don't cross paths time-wise, etc, but he literally could not give less of a shit he thinks it's COOL

Normal:

normal is so excited!! he has FOUR soulmates!! four!! so many people are destined to love him as foretold by the UNIVERSE!!

lark 100% has tried to disillusion him on the whole thing (the other kiddads know about link, especially after their kids were born with a soulmark dating back to the TITANIC and grant had to come clean) but it didn't really work

he knows about taylor from when they were little kids, and he ABSOLUTLEY hunted down a school directory with everyone's birthdays to try and find everyone else, so he knows about scary, he's just waiting for her to bring it up first

very clingy to taylor pre-canon and definitly annoys scary trying to get her to hang out with them

he's a firm believer in being able to have More Soulmates than just your soulmark, so from pretty early on he's really trying to manifest hermie and link into also being his soulmates (and is SO EXCITED to find out he's right)

Link:

sad boy :( he thinks that taylor and normal are HIS soul mates but he isn't either of theirs :(

his dads definitely just chose the day they found him to be his birthday since they don't know exactly when he was born, so not only does the year of the 1912 soulmark not match, but his birthday doesn't even either

grant is REALLY worried about link getting found out as a Titantic Baby/trying to keep him safe that he actually actively decides to go the most upsetting approach by telling link basically that sometimes it happens where soulmates don't match up perfectly

marco isn't really for THAT, and tries to push nontraditional soul-matches and platonic soulmate things but it's not really effective

it's part of why link is So clingy to his dads and doesn't like the idea of siblings/pets, he already is predisposed to the idea of there not being enough love to go around

he's really happy but also SO MAD after the titanic discovery

i'm trying to decide if it's funnier if hermie is his soulmate or if link is the only person who ISN'T soulmates with hermie

hermie's soul-date is replaced by fuckinnnn chris from the simulation's birthday for link hfjdkl

Scary:

when she was little she was so so so so so so so excited about soulmates, especially having FOUR

she was super sad about her presumably dead 1912 soulmate, and really hopes that they had other soulmates too that matched up with them better

kind of hopes the much younger soulmate IS a platonic soulmate so she doesn't have to wait longer to meet them

she 100% threw secret birthday parties for her soulmates when she was little

her parents weren't soulmates, but her mom and terry jr are, which just adds to her hurt and confusion when they get together

once she becomes emo TM she starts one wearing long sleeves to hide her soulmarks and claims that she doesn't HAVE any to sound edgy (even though a lot of people know that she does because like,,, a year ago she wouldn't shut up about them)

tries to deny for a really long time that her and the other teens are soulmates but when she gets doodlerized doodle-scary exposes her and shes UPSET about it

hermie:

kind of refused to acknowlege the teens are his soulmates, no matter how obvious it is

baffled when it becomes clear HIS birthday is the one on everyone elses arms but just from like,,, three years ago becuase that's not??? when he was born???

he's half convinced his soulmarks are part of some scam instead of being real and... honestly so am i

build-a-bear hermie either has no soulmarks or they're in a different place from regular hermie's, like they're not exactly... real?? and it makes it even sadder/more confusing from everyone emotionally after everything (except taylor, whose like 'idk still hermie')

bonus d00d:

idk i just want them to be included :) maybe everyone has like a random string of numbers somewhere exceedingly non traditional like their ankle that mean nothing to them until woah eldritch monstronisty yeah that would do it

they dont have soulmarks but they make themselves look like they do becuase really what is a soulmate if not the friends we made along the way

#polywagon #dungeons and daddies #dndads #taylor swift dndads #normal oak #normal oak swallows garcia #lincoln li wilson #scary marlowe #hermie the unworthy #d00d #soulmate au

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saintsenara · 10 months ago

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I mean I feel like every person on the planet would still be obsessing over schoolboy experiences and unable to hold a civil tongue as an adult if one of those experiences was some thug setting them up to get murdered by a werewolf and getting away with it scot-free! Sometimes I kinda feel like JKR went a tiny bit too hard in Snape’s Worst Memory.

an eminently reasonable point, anon - in response to this, on whether sirius and snape could work as a couple if james was still alive.

the werewolf incident and the bullying we see in snape's worst memory are pretty bonkers - and, while they're great for character work [snape seeing himself as a victim targeted for his obvious poverty by the posh and beloved, who the rest of the school will always side with, is a really key aspect of his radicalisation], and while the fact that the marauders basically get away with everything is crucial for the plot [since both james and sirius need that swaggering conviction that they're invincible for the idiotic secret keeper plan to work], they aren't helping dumbledore beat the "hogwarts is a safeguarding nightmare" allegations...

[the older i get, the more sympathy i have with the opposition to dumbledore as headmaster. i'm team lucius malfoy, i fear. cut that hippogriff's head off...]

but one thing i think is really interesting is that - despite the intensity of the bullying and the weakness of the school's response - snape's beef with sirius in adulthood is a petty obsession over schoolboy drama, rather than a visceral response to trauma that he can be forgiven for being unable to control.

snape and sirius interact by behaving like children. they squabble constantly, go out of their way to make little digs about each other both to each other's faces and behind each other's backs, act like shaking hands is going to kill them, remember everything the other has ever said and done, and so on...

their aim is evidently to "win" their interactions in the eyes of others, by forcing those others to side unequivocally with them - even the "sirius black showed he was capable of murder at the age of sixteen" point in prisoner of azkaban is fundamentally snape trying to get dumbledore to acknowledge that he's the best little boy in the room. unsuccessfully.

but they also both clearly enjoy this way of interacting - and i think it's always worth emphasising that, while i think snape does sincerely believe that sirius intended to kill him by sending him to the shack, he is never shown in canon to be afraid of him.

[even when sirius is threatening him with his wand during the occlumency discussion, snape is too busy reading him to care.]

and the very fact that they spend so much time being childish towards each other proves this. because it's very striking - especially in prisoner of azkaban - that snape is afraid of lupin.

and this fear manifests itself not in confrontation, but in avoidance. snape goes out of his way to never be alone with lupin, he makes his efforts to undermine him [setting the essay which outs him as a werewolf, reminding dumbledore that he thinks he's helping sirius enter the castle] when he is guaranteed to be indisposed, and - after lupin leaves his teaching job - we literally never see the two interact.

i think you can make, then, a pretty plausible case for the idea that snape focuses his trauma over nearly being eaten by a werewolf onto... the werewolf himself. snape certainly thinks lupin was in on the plan to lure him to the shack - and he evidently regards the adult lupin as someone who approaches the management of his lycanthropy recklessly, which massively endangers others.

[remember, we only have lupin's word for the claim that snape forces him to leave his job because of his rage over his lost order of merlin... and not because lupin's failure to take his wolfsbane might have killed any number of the children who live in the school he appears to have been hired at to teach without any safeguarding measures being put in place.]

[although - before i make snape sound like an ofsted hero - obviously the main reason he forces lupin out is because he thinks he conspired with dumbledore and harry to free the man who murdered his beloved lily, and lupin is the only one of those people who he can feasibly get revenge on.]

lupin also functions - i think - as the living person on whom snape can focus his fury over james. and, in particular, over the hagiographical way james is remembered - which harry draws attention to in order of the phoenix by pointing out that nobody but snape has ever told him that his father was anything less than wonderful. snape's loathing of james' postmortem reputation - which connects to a belief he has while at school that james is two-faced, obsessed with his public image, and nowhere near as charming in private as he likes to make himself seem before a crowd [which is, of course, the only reason he thinks james intervened before lupin could kill him] - seems to me to be the clearest way in which his trauma over being bullied and never receiving any acknowledgement of that fact manifests itself.

[after all, the fact that everyone is agreed that james was perfect and noble and clever and loyal and funny and brave and benignly cheeky must make him feel... pretty gaslit...]

lupin is the character who expresses this hagiographical view of james most explicitly - he is literally incapable of ever criticising him [i.e. him telling harry that snape thinks james was a bully because he was jealous that james was so talented and popular... instead of because he was a bully...], hence him becoming the focus of snape's lingering trauma over what the "perfect" james did to him.

in contrast, snape clearly regards sirius as more honest - by which i don't mean that he regards him as more admirable, but that he believes with sirius that what you see is what you get. as bizarre as it sounds, i think he actually rates sirius for his role in the werewolf trick, because the callous disregard for his life sirius displays is something which confirms snape's belief that he's a cruel, crude, murderous cunt who doesn't deserve an ounce of the praise he gets, and he's clearly pleased that sirius appears to agree with this assessment. james and lupin - both of whom he clearly thinks whitewash their roles in the scheme in order to seem heroic [james] and a poor innocent [lupin] - upset him much more because he knows they're awful, violent liars but nobody else can see it.

this is an extremely perverse way of respecting someone, but it is respecting someone nonetheless... and i do think, as i said in the ask which inspired this one, that this would set up a way for snape and sirius to grow beyond the schoolboy sniping in time, in a world where james and lily lived and snape and sirius weren't forced by their grief into a state of arrested development - perpetually twenty-one, each using his teenage relationship with the other as a way of self-soothing his agony by regressing to a dynamic they had when their lost loves were still alive...

#asks answered #sirius black #severus snape

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myfandomrealitea · 9 months ago

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I really wanted to ask you about this:

Do you have any advice of how to develop critical thinking and media literacy?

There are many, many ways you can practice critical thinking, evaluation and media literacy. At its most basic, you can access student resources for lower levels of education like earlier high school years and look at the examples and guidance given there. Rehashing this will often give you a good foundation to build off of and apply.

One of the main aspects of critical thinking involves discerning what is fact and what is opinion. A good portion of media analytics is opinion. What is 'bad' by one person's standards is 'sub-par' or even 'great' by another's. Similarly, the majority of fandom space is opinion-based. The main pitfall of fandom spaces is that everyone wants their opinion to be taken as fact, which is where critical thinking and even basic communication begin to fall away.

"I'm right and you're wrong" and "this is the way it should be, if you do it or think differently, you're wrong" are common roadblocks people run into when engaging with things like media analysis and even basic fandom activities like fanfiction.

'Mischaracterisation' is fanfiction is one popular topic, especially here on Tumblr. What people often fail to recognize is the true creative depth of fanfiction and using someone else's pre-existing characters. Characters as they are in the source material may not make the choices or behave in the ways necessary to activate or validate certain plot material or author intentions in fanfiction. Which is, inherently, one of the main points of fanfiction. Exploring the alternate.

While you might immediately recoil and say "he'd never do that!" you then have to sit back and recognise that that's exactly the point. That this iteration of that character is not meant to directly reflect the source material. Its a re-imagining, a re-interpretation. That doesn't mean its bad. Its simply different.

'Mischaracterisation' is only actually applicable in fandom spaces when someone is trying to insist as a blanket fact that a character would do something or behave in a way that blatantly contradicts their canon behavior, opinions, morals and perspective or deliberately interpreting an action in biased bad faith. It is not actually applicable to fanfiction where creative liberty dictates you can do whatever the fuck you want with a character because you're not trying to claim it as part of the source content.

Questions To Ask Yourself

Am I reacting to [media] emotionally instead of rationally? Is my emotional response to [media] blinding me to the rational or critical approach(es)?

Am I allowing my expectations to get in the way of me understanding [media] fully? Am I forming a biased negative opinion of [media] because it isn't meeting my expectations?

Even if I disagree with [media], do I actually understand it? Can I recognise the reasoning behind choices made or actions even if I don't agree with them?

Am I searching too hard to hidden meaning or purpose in absolutely everything? Can I recognise what is simply passive information/detail and what is active information/detail? (E.g; English tutors saying a character's curtains are blue because they're depressed when throughout the literature its passively reinforced that blue is the character's favorite color.)

Even though I disagree with the statement or opinion shown, is it necessary to argue against it? Is there any benefit to making my counter-opinion known or is it simply a no-end argument? Am I just using arguing as a means of release/fulfilment? Am I treating this person poorly because of their opinion/statement?

Resources

Critical Thinking Exercises & Explanations #1 The Critical Thinking Activity Workbook Early Stage Critical Thinking Games Five Media Literacy Activities Six Media Literacy Ideas

#myfandomrealitea #sephiroth speaks #fandom #reality #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fic #literature #media literacy #critical thinking #education #fandom culture #activities #games #fiction #ao3

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ilikekidsshows · 12 days ago

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Let's be real, what weight does being called a salter by most Marinette stans even hold anymore? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm serious. What does that even mean anymore?

Marinette stans are more often than not very transparent with their priority being defending their made up version of Marinette. So their arguments barely ever hold up when put to the test because they don't care for what actually happens in Canon.

So why should I be offended by being called a salter and awful person by people who switch the moral approach of their argument on a dime flip every time a new episode drops? One day prior they chew you out for saying that Marinette will act jealous and sabotaging again because she never learned shit, and next day with the new information they turn around bending over backwards to justify why Marinette still acting that way is actually totally realistic and no problem at all.

Excuse me? How am I supposed to take you serious after that?

Or the way Marinette stans before Kwamis Choice swore and yelled from their self claimed moral high horse that Ladynoir will totally get fixed in season 5 and that Cat Noir was only sidelined so much because now season 5 will have Marinette dedicated to making it up to him and returning the partnership to one of equals again as Ladynoir becomes canon as pay off. Only for that to NOT have happened at all, so suddenly Marinette stans pulled a 180° and suddenly go on bout how there was nothing to fix anyway, and that accountability shouldn't always require immediate communication and effort to fix the unfair treatment. It's fine if that only happens in season 8 or 9, that's "realistic" and its what makes Adrien's support so "great". Because he understands that redeeming oneself shouldn't need to include... accountability... though of course only when it MARINETTE. Everyone else and Adrien in particular taking all accountability is just him being mature and fair to her uniquely stressful and soul crushing circumstances that make it unbearable for her to do the same in return.

She cries about being awful once or twice so no need for her to apologise or acknowledge or fix what she did wrong if she isn't comfortable with it yet. Don't you see how awful and cruel you are for saying that redeeming yourself needs of you to redeem yourself now? Dont you see that Adrien understands that Ladybug can't give anything right now and that his love language is selflessly serving her and wants nothing in return because that's the right thing to do in his position? She still loves and respects him so much, he just understands that she shouldn't need to show it if she needs to heal first through Adrien taking care of her.

Do you even understand the beautiful DEPTHS of redemption? And how long it takes sometimes to do so for a broken complex individual like Marinette? Seriously, in my made up season 10 all of that will have played out in a way where non of that will ever have been a problem, just stfu you don't GET it like I do 😒

This is an actual paraphrased conversation I had with a person who's opinion I once respected a lot and I wished my paraphrasing made it worse but honestly, that's exactly what they said. And I'm still taken aback that they said that. But they sure weren't the only Marinette stan I found saying things like that.

What the FUCK am I supposed to take from that besides the revelation that they just do not apply any kind of moral baseline to Marinette's character? What is there for me to respect?

Marinette stans say they are against bullying until Marinette does it or benefits from it. Then they openly romanticise and defend it with the only argument being "that wasn't bullying, Marinette wouldn't do that!" as if that changed what happened on screen. All it reveals is that Marinette stans' words don't mean anything, their moral standards are entirely dependent on who is doing it and benefiting from it. Thats not a moral standard, that's a biase you don't owe up to.

Marinette stans say they are against violence and abuse of power until Marinette does it or benefits from it. Then they will defend hypocrisy with whatever random excuse they come up with in that moment that more often than not is either "that doesn't count cuz I said so" or "it's fine that Marinette benefits from sexist double standards and a clear main character biase bc it is her show". Once again showing that they don't actually draw any kind of line moral wise for Marinette's actions and the writing, their opinion of said morality entirely depends on what works best for Marinette. And then they get angry when that gets called out.

I won't lie, I do think that some people in this collective therapy group here ARE to harsh sometime, but I can definitely respect that alot of them make it clear where they simply draw the morality line and they won't budge on their core beliefs the show is shitting on.

There is a massive difference between simply salting Marinette and angrily speaking up against something you think is genuinely morally wrong or harmful in a kid's show like this.

Alot of people I see around here say that they wished they could go back to liking the show, Marinette (or whatever character) the way they were once used to but simply can't because the show keeps on making whatever problems they had worse.

I don't necessarily always share the points of no return but I can fuck with the reasoning because it's a consistent angle they always stand by that goes beyond the complaint that their fav is simply not getting the special treatment or has hurt feelings. I can trust most Adrien stans I see who dislike or salt on Marinette to form a proper argument and a whole pov that stays consistent when you bring up other parts of the show.

I can't say that I've had the same experience with Marinette stans and for me it's obvious why. Marinette stans were never forced by the show to take a step back and lay down their core principles they won't budge on because Marinette always gets put first and that's what they care about the most.

They can say however they like that they don't support bullying, ableism and abuse, they are absolutely doing so with full chest voice for their Marinette biase, they are just not willing to reflect on that bc that would reveal to them that their made up Marinette isn't real.

They have no coherent moral baseline in their arguments, they're proudly hypocritical, and then get angry when you call them out for going back and forth on their moral "standards" in a discussion about moral principles.

What is there to respect anymore? Being called a salter by them has long started feeling like a compliment because for me it became synonymous with "isn't changing their option on a fucking whim the second a new episode dropped". And if that makes me a salter, then so be it. I'm not throwing my moral principles out of the window for a cuddled protagonist who's became the poster girl for harmful white feminism on kids tv.

---

The irony, when I went to my inbox to read this message I saw that a Marinette stan had also sent me an ableist insult. Some Marinette stans have no convictions or moral standards even for their own behavior, and the extreme individuals in the Marinette fandom never fail to prove the criticisms of them correct in a single harassing message. Like, of course they’re gonna excuse Marinette bullying people, they themselves would most likely do the same for petty reasons. I can be petty too, but my pettiness takes the form of me feeling immense moral superiority whenever I delete one of these little hate messages. Like, I might be a jerk about a fictional character, but at least I’m not a pathetic anonymous troll in someone’s inbox.

Marinette stans lie when they say they don't support bullying, because they excuse it when Marinette does it as well as when they themselves do it. Like, I’m not saying they’re all like this, I get these messages so rarely that there’s no way the entire Marinette fandom is full of assholes. Still, this isn’t the first time I got an anonymous message from some random hater right after I posted something spicy about Marinette and it isn’t the first time such a message included at least one example of ableism. It's just a fact that a lot of Marinette stans are hateful liars who spout ableism as soon as they can do it anonymously, so, like, why should we take anything they have to say seriously anyway? Every time a Marinette stan says: “I don't support bullying or harassment” there’s a high chance they actually mean: “until someone says something spicy about the flawless queen Marinette, then I’ll use bullying and harassment without hesitation”. We really shouldn’t care one bit what these people have to say, because they’ll say whatever suits their agenda of the day.

When I say I don’t support bullying or harassment, I mean it and I live by it. I don’t do it, because I don’t think anything can be solved by sending people hate mail, nor would I get any satisfaction from it. I don’t even want to encourage anyone else to do so. That’s part of the reason I invite people to send their gripes to me; this blog is already a Miraculous-negative space, so here people can put their grievances into words without anyone who’s just minding their business getting harassing messages, even when people send me stuff clearly inspired by a specific person or group. Like, Marinette stans can make a fuss about how we’re terrible people for discussing our gripes amongst ourselves, but we aren’t the ones harassing other people here.

Although, since I’m being honest here, I have to say I do agree on the harshness. I don't always agree with everything the anons who message me say 100%, but I try to focus on the parts I do agree with or have something to add to. I’ll even admit I sometimes look over a response draft and wonder if I’m being too harsh, but often I’m just not motivated to watch my tone. I know from past experiences that Marinette stans don’t care how you’re wording your criticisms, just the act of criticising Marinette makes you the bad guy.

#ml fandom salt #dats chats

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jesncin · 3 months ago

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Hi! Thanks for answering my other ask! I also haven't seen a lot of criticism for Lonely City aside from a few tumblr posts that saw the same issues with it that I did, so I made sure to read the comic again just to ensure that my criticism is accurate (that's why this reply took a few days). I'm sorry for how long this ask is, but I hope it makes sense 😅

Basically my main issue with it is the ableism present in the comic as well as certain racist or colorist writing choices. There are other issues regarding queer rep that don't fit into these categories, too, but those might be more of a personal interpretation so I'll summarize them at the end.

I'll try not to focus too much on complaints about characterisation in this ask, since that can be a matter of personal taste, unless the differences in characterisation play into the other problems I see in the comic. Also just in advance: this is my personal opinion, which may ofc be off, but that's why I wanted to ask for a second opinion in the first place.

These first two problems are unfortunately pretty common in DC comics in general, so it's not like Lonely City is unique in doing this, but since the comic spends a lot of time promoting itself as progressive they left a particular sour taste in my mouth. It felt disappointing to me to see a comic claim progressiveness and add OCs of color while still running into the same bigoted writing choices as other DC comics.

The first writing choice I has issues with in this regard is the depiction of Catwoman herself. Catwoman's mother Maria Kyle has been depicted as afro-cuban since the 90s, but despite that fact comics almost exclusively portray Selina as a pale blue eyed woman who gets treated as white by the narrative and other characters in the universe, completely ignoring her mother's race. Lonely City goes out of its way to show that Selina is half cuban - which is great! - however, since the artist still decided to draw her as a pale blue eyed woman and the comic doesn't make any reference to her mother being black whatsoever this just rubs me wrong. It's not like the author simply wasn't aware of Selina being canonically half afro-cuban, since her cuban heritage keeps getting referenced, so it can be assumed that the author must be aware of her mother being a black woman as well. To me this makes it stand out even more that she is drawn and treated as a white(-passing) cuban woman, instead of a black one. It's unclear if this was the author's decision or a requirement by DC editors (though Selina is drawn as black in Absolute Batman and iirc in one of DC's highschool AU comics so it doesn't seem to be a publisher mandate), but either way it means that despite being fully aware of Selina being half afro-cuban, the comic completely ignores her mother's (and by association Selina's) canonical blackness.

The second issue to me is the depiction of Waylon Jones/ Killer Croc. Waylon has been coded as a black man fairly often throughout his appearances in DC comics, with at least one comic directly drawing him with brown skin instead of the usual crocodile green and the new Absolute Batman directly depicting him as a black man without the crocodilian traits the character usually has. Now, presumably in part due to this DC has been changing their approach to the character from writing him as an animalistic cannibal monster to more sympathetic characterisations as a regular human man with a skin condition who got ostracized, treated as a monster or assumed to be a violent and aggressive perpetrator due to the way his skin looks even before having to get into crime because it was the only career path available to him (which ofc also plays into an interpretation of him as a poc or at least as an allegory for racism). All of this is presumably something the author of Lonely City would be aware of, so the choice to depict Waylon not as a regular human with a skin condition but as someone more visually animalistic (given that Waylon is drawn with a snout and animal eyes), as well as having other characters directly refer to him as an animal, insinuate that he would just urinate on the floor and generally writing him as 'unhygienic' (stating that he doesn't care to flush after defecating etc) feels ...not great. Of course it is debatable wether the author wants Waylon to be read as black in Lonely City (his outfit design does seem to potentially point to him being coded as an older black man though), but even if that isn't the case the writer still would likely be aware of the character being coded as black or as a racism allegory in other works, which makes the choice to depict him as gross and animalistic a problem.

Now these next two cases include one of the most glaring problems I saw with the comic's writing. The writing, at least to me, seems pretty ableist. Of course ableism in regards to mental health is a problem with DC and especially Batman comics in general, but before reading Lonely City for the first time I genuinely thought it wouldn't be an issue here, since the comic markets itself as progressive and even goes back to depicting Barbara Gordon as a wheelchair user, which current comics have unfortunately moved away from.

The ableism in Lonely City imo particularly shows in the writing of Riddler and TwoFace, so they're going to be the characters I'll talk about here. Their cases basically represent opposite problems with the way DC tends to portray mental illness: in Riddler's case Lonely City decides to completely erase his mental health problems, while in TwoFace's case they use his mental illness to portray him as more evil.

I'll talk about Riddler's portrayal first, since TwoFace's is the arguably more offensive one. The Riddler as a character has pretty consistently been portrayed as struggling with his mental health, mainly with ocd and some variant of bpd. He's also usually portrayed to have low empathy, either due to npd or general neurodivergence. These are core character traits that usually still persist even when the character gets 'reformed' in canon and aids the 'good guys' (like in his arc as a P.I. in comics in the late 2000s or in Batman Unburied/Secrets in the Dark), which, if handled well enough, helps balance out the portrayal of mental illness in the character's appearances by essentially stating that it's not his mental health issues that made him a villain and that they aren't an inherently bad or evil trait.

Now Lonely City essentially does the inverse of this: not only does the comic write its version of Riddler as a mentally stable, fairly well adjusted and empathetic man that seems to lack pretty much every single one of his usual mental health issues, they also ascribe his mental illness (as well as his usual flamboyance and queer-coding) to him having been a cocaine addict that has been 'cured' by the time the comic's plot takes place. There's no issue with giving the character an addiction ofc, if handled well enough, and Lonely City isn't the first comic doing that either; the problem, to me, lies in the comic specifically pointing out that Riddler's usual characterisation - and everything that comes with it regarding his mental health - was not something inherent to him as a person but instead was caused by drug abuse. By doing this, as well as by portraying him as well adjusted and neurotypical after his rehab, the comic essentially posits that the ocd/bpd/npd/general neurodivergence associated with his usual characterisation were 'weird' negative traits exclusively caused by him doing cocaine and that he needed to be 'cured' of them in order to be able to reform and become a better person. It essentially states that he used to be weird, ridiculous, villainous and "crazy" because of drugs, but now that he went to rehab and got "cured" he is normal, well adjusted and a good man that is fit to be a romantic option for Catwoman. And while the comic states that even as a villain he never seriously hurt anyone, it still makes the suggestion that he got cured of mental illness along with his drug problem, and that he had to be cured of both of it in order to reform.

Now, it could be argued that this negative portrayal of mental illness as something caused by addiction or something to be cured of wasn't the intention of the comic - and maybe it really wasn't - but that's where the second problem comes in: Throughout the entire comic there are only two direct portrayals of mental illness we get to see: the first is Riddler's short flashback to his "embarassing" pre-rehab self, the second, more direct, portrayal of mental illness is TwoFace. There are further mentions of characters with mental health problems, but those are only short and offhand, though not without their own problems, which I'll get to during this argument.

I've already discussed the problem I see with the way Riddler's mental health is handled, but the portrayal of TwoFace is ...worse, imo, to say the least. In Lonely City TwoFace is characterised as a far-right fascist politician, trying to force his bigoted and classist policies onto Gotham via police brutality and propaganda. He is also the only character in the entire comic that is consistently shown to struggle with his mental health: Every other character (including post-rehab Riddler) is shown to be well-adjusted and mentally healthy, their problems mainly stemming from grief or circumstance, not mental illness. Meanwhile only TwoFace exhibits behavior linked to his mental health on panel: in closeups he is shown to have ocd tics, like having to rhythmically tap on his desk when agitated or struggling with the thought of needing to use his coin, his behavior is often erratic, other characters treat him as off-kilter and ultimately when he is defeated it is said he will be interred at Arkham again. Arkham, specifically, where at the point of the story only the "truly evil" and mentally ill villains like Scarecrow are still being held, as the comic makes sure to point out. By doing this, by showing only TwoFace to struggle with his mental health, by mentioning that only the irredeemable villains are still at the mental health hospital, by showing all the reformed rogues to be mentally healthy and stable - the comic directly associates mental illness with being a bad person.

More than that, by not only making TwoFace a bigoted fascist but by specifically revealing that his bigotry and fascism was caused by his "evil alter" after all at the end, the comic directly links being far-right with being mentally ill. Seeing the comic handle things like that and especially the "evil alter" reveal at the end was a genuine shock and huge disappointment for me, especially after how much Lonely City seems to flaunt its supposed progressiveness throughout the story. Writing TwoFace as an evil racist bigot and Trump-allegory not (just) because he is a privileged white man in power, but specifically as someone that is a far-right populist because he is "crazy" and mentally ill is just so...hurtful. Add to this that throughout the story TwoFace's fascist policies are consistently portrayed as the actions of one single mentally ill "maniac" that others only go along with out of fear or sense of duty instead of being a systemic issue (the police commissioner keeps telling TwoFace off about his fascist policies, his financial backers stop supporting him once his right wing ideology becomes too overt, whenever TwoFace issues commands for police brutality police officers voice their concerns with those actions and only go along because they are scared of Harvey and then ultimately abandon him as well). And in the end, fascism in Lonely City is defeated not by thorough systemic reform but by simply throwing the Trump-analogue into a jail for mentally ill people "where he belongs". It's extremely frustrating to me, as you probably can tell, and it just feels so disappointing to see a comic presenting itself as progressive and anti-fascist while falling into the exact same ableist tropes as every single other comic that portrays mental illness as something evil that needs curing to even have a chance at becoming a good person, and fascism and bigotry as something caused by mental illness instead of a sytemic issue (and specifically having the police 'only following orders' while actually disagreeing with fascism, when far right ideologies infamously thrive in the police system irl).

Like I said at the beginning of my ask, there are other issues I have with the comic as well, but those might be more based on personal opinion, so I'll summarize them here: Another thing that irks me about the comic is that despite showing pride flags in the background multiple times the queer rep in it is, imo, flimsy at best. Harley and Ivy are mentioned to have been a couple, but Harley has been fridged before the events of the story while Ivy gets killed during it, making the comic essentially commit a double "bury your gays" with the only two explicitly queer characters in it. Yes there is the implication that Barbara Gordon might be in a queer relationship with her campaign manager, but as far as I could tell during my second read through it's never actually made explicit that they are a couple or that either of them are actually queer, it's only ever implied. And while Catwoman has been canonically bisexual for over two decades, there hasn't been a single mention of her queerness (that I noticed) throughout this entire comic either. Of course her ending up in a relationship with a man wouldn't erase her bisexuality (nor Riddler's for that matter, who had been confirmed as canonically bi prior to Lonely City's release), however since there aren't even any allusions to Catwoman being romantically interested in women whatsover in the entire comic (as far as I could tell, maybe I missed something if so feel free to correct me), personally speaking I can't really count this as bi representation, since for all it matters if a reader that isn't aware of Selina (and Eddie) being canonically bi in other comics reads Lonely City they would most likely read her and Riddler as a heterosexual couple (particularly since as previously mentioned the comic imo does erase Riddler's usual queercoding as well by ascribing his flamboyance to his cocaine addiction and by having the 'clean' version dress and behave in a very heteronormative way, for example by dressing mainly in beige and muted colors instead of his usual bright greens and pinks and by otherwise acting like the stereotypical "dad" character in a sitcom). Having Catwoman end up in a relationship with a man wouldn't be an issue otherwise, but in combination with other queer rep being either only alluded to (Barbara) or being killed off (Harley and Ivy) the fact that Selina's bisexuality is never even hinted at and her "happy end" in a comic that set out to write a story about Catwoman being her own character separate from her relationship with a man (Batman), that she so often gets defined by, being that Selina ends up in a by all accounts "heterosexual" relationship as the (step) mom of a teenager just leaves a bad taste, imo. It really wouldn't have been hard to make her (or Barbaras) queerness explicit, but the comic didn't do that.

Either way though, I'm sorry that this ask has gotten so incredibly long and seems so negative, but like I said I only saw a handful of people make the points I did here about Lonely City with everyone else treating it as perfectly progressive and it really made me doubt if my criticism and disappointment in the comic (I really wanted to like it!) has any ground at all. And since you seemed to have the same issue with the MAWS fandom and generally always have thoughtful commentary about representation I thought I might as well ask you for a second opinion.

Please don't stress about answering btw., and if you disagree with any (or all) of my points here I'd also love to hear why you think I'm wrong, after all that's why I'm sending this in the first place. Either way though, I hope you have a nice day and thanks again for letting me talk to you about this!

Hwoof! Okay this is a lot! I'm gonna put this under a read more so that it won't be a super long scroll. But my takeaway is that this kind of fixation on continuity and details is detrimental for engaging with larger themes and an elseworld interpretation of these characters. Media crit thoughts below! Spoilers for Catwoman: Lonely City.

I know it might seem redundant, but being aware of the premise and parameters for this story can help us better understand the decisions that went into it so:

Catwoman Lonely City is an Elseworlds miniseries (4 long issues) under Black Label; an imprint publisher of DC. It follows a much older Selina Kyle, recently released from jail following the death of Batman from a massacre orchestrated by the Joker (known as Fool's Night) 10 years ago. During the time she was in prison, Gotham had changed. Costumed heroism and villainy is heavily outlawed, resulting in what seems like a safer albeit less free Gotham under the rule of Mayor (reformed) Harvey Dent. Catwoman has one final score in mind; to break into the Batcave and find out what "Orpheus" is. The last message Batman gave her before he died.

The entirety of Lonely City is written, drawn, colored and even LETTERED by Cliff Chiang. Which is nuts.

This story is tightly written with an expansive cast system. The main themes are about grief and aging. There's so much emphasis placed on how a lot of these characters feel like they're past their prime. We see Selina struggle doing the acrobatics she was once used to. The theme of needing to "let go" of the past is paralleled with the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice "Don't look back". Ultimately it asks what the point of all that costumed heroism was for and why it's worth chasing those glory days.

So keep all this in mind as I respond to each of the points you brought up!

Catwoman

So talking about a character's race like that of Selina's is tricky. I try to avoid using words like whitewashing in cases like this since she's not a character that started out that way like say- Sunspot from X Men. Instead when I'm criticizing things like Caped Crusader I'm looking at it from an angle of narrative opportunity. If Selina's going to be white again (and rich) what story does it tell? And my conclusion for Caped Crusader is that its commentary on classicism would've been stronger if Selina was portrayed like she was in Reeve's The Batman. To me, she doesn't offer much the way she was re-imagined in Caped Crusader.

I don't personally feel that's the case for Lonely City. Despite being an elseworld, Lonely City is very holistic in its application of Selina's history. The writer recognizes she's a white passing Hispanic woman in this story. In a flashback to her youth, Selina is portrayed as looking exactly like Julie Newmar (as opposed to Eartha Kitt) did as Catwoman in the 60's Batman show.

In terms of how her whiteness is integrated into her character, there's a flashback sequence that goes back to Selina's time in jail. She meets an Asian woman named Yoona who's dealing with racist harassment from the other inmates. Selina tries to train her to stand up for herself, but it backfires. Yoona's not as good at fighting, ultimately saying "guess we can't all be Catwoman". Selina tries to stand up to Yoona's bullies herself-but the big criminals of the place decide to fight back by killing Yoona and placing her corpse in Selina's cell. This causes Selina to close up, feeling guilt for putting someone vulnerable in danger.

Narratively we see this as one of Selina's arcs in this story. She can't break into the Batcave alone, so she recruits a handful of new friends and former rogues to help her. But the whole time she's worried she's putting them all in danger for her own goals. She's hesitant about training the Riddler's daughter Edie to help out on the heist, she later loses Killer Croc, and then Selina gets so paranoid she cuts Edie and the Riddler off the team. Part of Selina's growth in this story is to accept help and support. She can't do any of this alone.

The whole point is that the story ends with exactly what you're asking for in your criticism. Selina lets go of her past in some way and lets someone new take on the Catwoman mantle; Edie, The Riddler's afro latina daughter. It's a story about Selina letting go of her pride and guilt so that she can trust the newer generation to take the role. Yes things will be harder for this girl, but Selina's got to have hope; because some other girls can be Catwoman after all. Meta-textually this combines the differing histories of Catwoman into a conversation about legacy. Selina's whiteness plays a role in this elseworld story, so it justifies itself in my eyes instead of being an uncreative default.

Killer Croc Waylon Jones

I'm not an expert on Killer Croc history but from my brief brushes with him throughout being a Batman fan, I say there's 2 Waylons; 1. a guy with a skin condition 2. a guy who is a crocodile man. There's merits for either take, each with varying levels of sympathetic portrayals. He's also been white, coded as Black or straight up re-imagined as a Black man.

While I think there's a conversation to be had about dehumanization and treating a Black character as animalistic- I know at the end of the day the reason some writers pick the Crocodile variant of Waylon Jones is just because they want Batman to fight a gator guy. So he literally is just that, a gator. Not much malicious intent behind that, he's just an animorph gator. I think it's unfair to treat the "skin condition" variant of Killer Croc as the more progressive version of his character. Sometimes I'm playing Arkham Asylum and I wanna see a big croc instead of a guy with a skin condition running at me in the sewers. Either version is fine, I say with respect to furries and monster-boinkers.

At most, we see Waylon being a part of that arc where Selina's worried about putting vulnerable people in danger. Waylon dies in one of their heists and it causes Selina to close up again. I think it's fair that jokes made about him peeing on plants from Ivy/Eddie can be read in bad taste considering his history, but this take really is just the Animal Guy version of the character. I think going in too deep about the allegory of his marginalization would've lost the focus of this story in the short time frame that it had.

The Riddler Eddie Nygma

I think interpreting the way Eddie Nygma talks about his past and recovery as a broad "mental illness is evil" is reductive to the story. When he says "Hey, I was doing a lot of coke then." during his flirty catch-up date with Selina, I don't think he's saying "the substance abuse made me evil, Selina." The point of change/redemption for Eddie isn't necessarily "rehab". Eddie explicitly states that when his wife/partner Lorena died, it made him question what he was doing and put his life together. That included getting into recovery. He mentions he wasn't always there for his daughter Edie, but that he is now-he's no longer just thinking about himself. That's a conscious decision on his part.

I personally try not to get caught up in concepts like "the core of a character" because that can be subjective and people can choose to shift the pieces of a character and focus on something else. Reeves' Batman for example is a very untraditional Riddler take, he's a serial killer, and not a dapper guy at all. I'm more concerned with the concept of "through-lines" in characters, because it reveals what's resonant about them to be worth revisiting.

I get that Eddie's perceptive + genius mind and egomaniac tendencies is a huge part of his character. But I don't really know what (in your words) a "balanced out" take on Redeemed Riddler's mental health/neurodivergence in a story like this should look like. He joins Catwoman's heist team, he offers his expertise and says some quips. Is there something else he should be doing to demonstrate mental illness isn't evil or what? I know there's other redeemed Riddler takes where he still has his ego, but I don't think that fits for what story Lonely City wants to tell with him. He's narratively a humbled character in this. Lonely City wants to explore that kind of Riddler.

I'm gonna group your later queer criticisms here since I want to keep this categorized by character. But your argument about Riddler's queer coding erasure and acting like a heteronormative dad is missing the bigger cultural picture. The Gotham Rogues are heavily queer coded because- they're villains. It didn't start out as earnest representation because these were the un-questioned historical short-hands to how villains where characterized and designed. Sure as time goes on, some of that characterization will be reclaimed and canonized as queerness, but to read representation solely on historical coding is a misleading approach to analysis. Because it relies on signifiers over narrative.

Again, one of the main themes of Lonely City is about how these characters have aged passed their primes. They're tired and nostalgic for their colorful pasts, but are trying to move on in their own ways. The Riddler now looks unflamboyant and toned down to reinforce that theme. Eddie's tired now, he's wants to be a better dad, he has experienced the long prophesized twink death that comes for us all and has to embrace his new silver fox status. To hyper-focus on the details where he must perform a certain type of queerness is greatly limiting to queer representation.

John Constantine is one of DC's most prominent queer characters. He was coded and then canonized as queer early in his original Hellblazer run. In his backstory he used to be this over-the-top non-conforming punk young man, but then he was sent to a mental facility after accidentally banishing a little girl to Hell. He came out of that traumatizing experience looking,,, like how you describe Eddie Nygma looking like in Lonely City. Gone is John's colorful non-conformity, and all that's left if this beige coat wearing homeless guy. But that's the point and tragedy of his story. He's still queer even when he's not performing what people stereotypically associate as being visibly queer. So if you want to read Riddler as queer in Lonely City, nothing is really stopping you. I don't know how else to end this point other than saying there's nothing homophobic about mellowing out into your silver fox era.

Two Face Harvey Dent

To fully understand the portrayal of Two Face in Lonely City, we need to talk about what role he plays in the narrative. Because it's broader than you think.

Two Face exists as an allegory for Gotham itself in this story. After Batman died and costumed heroism/villainy is strictly outlawed, Gotham seems like a better, safer city. But in reality, it's a heavily policed city, where only the richest are doing better off. It's got the appearance of progress, but really it has same systemic problems still bubbling within. That's Harvey Dent's character in Lonely City. He promises people he's reformed, but really we just see his classic standard downfall happen again when challenged.

Much like with what I talked about queer coding villains, Two Face never started out as earnest representation of DID. The horror surrounding his premise is often really reliant on the vilification of DID. And once again, much like Waylon, sometimes we get sympathetic treatments of that part of him.

But I think the trouble with Two Face as DID rep is that as long as that "darkness bubbling within him" is represented through an alter, he's going to struggle with how his premise is tied to the vilification of DID. There are some takes of Harvey where this part of him is removed completely like in The Dark Knight, where his descent is a straightforward story about a good guy getting corrupted rather than an alter showing up. On one hand you can see that as erasure, and on another hand maybe it's refreshing to have a take that doesn't rely on an evil alter. Your mileage will vary. Tons of people with DID love Harvey, it's complicated!

Calling Harvey a Trump-like bigoted fascist is reductive of the narrative allegory he represents. I notice there's a tendency in media analysis to label any remotely bigoted or rich villain character as being a stand in for Trump or Elon Musk and that's a superficial reading. I've seen many fictionalized stand ins for Trump in media, and Lonely City's Harvey Dent doesn't feel specific enough to be a commentary on the guy.

Trump is a blatant bigot, spouting explicitly racist rhetoric and mocking disabled people. Harvey in Lonely City is performative about his justice. When talking about Barbara Gordon, he says "she's not the only one with a disability" as he touches his disfigured face. He's shown saving a brown boy from a fire. Things Donald Trump would never do. We don't see the usual fictional Trump-isms like allusions to building a wall or tweeting about celebrities.

Harvey's not evil because he's mentally ill, his alter isn't what motivates his actions. That reading ignores how Harvey genuinely believes what he's doing is good for Gotham. You say that the police in this story only go along with what they do because they're scared of Harvey, "and specifically having the police 'only following orders' while actually disagreeing with fascism, when far right ideologies infamously thrive in the police system irl" but that ignores scenes like this:

Where the police have no problem enacting prejudice and threatening violence without Harvey's supervision. When the police commissioner is frustrated with Harvey, it's not because he's some good guy being forced to be bad by the Mayor. Whenever something goes wrong, Harvey uses the commissioner as a scapegoat so that he can keep his own reputation intact. When the commissioner advises Harvey that it's bad to attack protesters, it's not because he disagrees with bigotry- it's because it looks bad on Harvey as a candidate. When one of the bat cops abandons Harvey in the climax (only to get shot by him), that's not him disavowing bigotry, it's him being fed up with being bossed around.

You say that "in the end, fascism in Lonely City is defeated not by thorough systemic reform but by simply throwing the Trump-analogue into a jail for mentally ill people "where he belongs". But that reading ignores scenes like this one:

Where after Barbara Gordon gets elected as Mayor, she's still criticized even after the protesters had her back earlier. Despite Barbara starting out the story begging Catwoman to leave vigilantism behind to become a respectable member of society, she ultimately learns that doing things from within the system isn't enough. That corruption still exists in Gotham and she's going to have to play dirty to fight it. That's an awareness of systemic problems, not a story where all the problems are solved when the antagonist gets punished.

Then there's your reading of mental illness in this story. Much like how your queer analysis relies on signifiers like performance of queerness in order to be read as queer at all, you do the same thing with mental illness. If you're willing to read Harvey tapping his fingers during his debate with Barbara as OCD tics, -even though it's a classic visual short hand for portraying nervousness or impatience- or his attachment to the coin as OCD -even though Harvey's obsession with duality and chance being a theme to his character- and confidently claim that "only Two Face exhibits behavior linked to his mental health" then you're willfully ignoring another strong candidate for a mental illness reading: Selina Kyle herself.

We see her taking meds after she's released from jail. We see her immediately remembering Bruce's death when meeting the Bat-police. We see her obsess over Bruce's final words to her, unable to let the past go. We see her struggling to open up and accept help after Yoona and Waylon die, she even acts out in paranoia. We see her thinking she's protecting others by pushing them away. We see her getting so focused on Bruce's final message for her, it seems like there's nothing else she has planned after the finding out what it is.

When asked about this, she continues to justify that she's protecting others "No one else is going to get hurt." She's self-destructive, not looking out for herself anymore. When she finally makes it to the batcave and watches it self destruct, she's willing to just sit there and go down with it. "Life after Batman is a dream, he said. I should have believed him. And life after Catwoman? Maybe I could've figured it out...with enough time."

I don't know about you, but that's not reflective of what you described "Every other character (including post-rehab Riddler) is shown to be well-adjusted and mentally healthy, their problems mainly stemming from grief or circumstance, not mental illness." Sometimes grief can result in self destructive mental illness, it's not any less because it's stemmed from a tragic circumstance. Our main hero character, is struggling with how her grief and love is consuming her. It may not look like classic vilification of mentally ill villains, but it's still explicitly there.

To bring this back to Harvey, no, I don't think the end is supposed to be some kind of twist that everything bad was his evil alter's doing. Harvey wasn't lying when he said he embraced his alter and made a compromise with him instead of running away from that part of himself. This is the classic Two Face descent, everything seems fine on the surface but then his inner darkness resurfaces. Harvey explicitly says "we had a deal, do things my way-" before being interrupted by his alter who says "-Fuck the deal, Harvey!" They both agreed to be doing things Harvey's way for a while, but his alter's tired of all the pushback and finally decides to take control in this moment.

There's a lot to critique at the core of Batman's mythos, the inherit copaganda in a rich man's goals to eliminate crime, the vilification of mental illness for its horror elements among many things. It would take a much bigger shake up of the status quo to see these things challenged outside of a "there's a lot we still gotta fix" ending. I think criticisms where people say "Batman beats up mentally ill poor people" is pretty disingenuous. It ignores that many of his rogues are well off and powerful, but it also infantilizes them as villains. Batman's rogues aren't clueless mentally ill people, they choose to do bad things. Some of them are mentally ill as they commit crimes, but they make a choice. Harvey Dent isn't bad because he's mentally ill, he's bad because of his flawed beliefs.

I don't think Harvey being sent away to Arkham in Lonely City is supposed to send the message that he'll only be good if he's a cured, neurotypical guy. We see how the jail system treated Selina during her 10 years behind bars, the whole system's broken and the comic is aware of that.

Queerness: Barbara Gordon, Harley Quinn + Poison Ivy and Catwoman (+ Riddler)

"Bury your gays" does not refer to when queer characters die, it is to talk about how they're treated as more disposable/expendable than their non-queer counterparts. A character being "fridged" is not about them dying, it's about how they're treated as disposable for the development of another character.

Harley Quinn is just as much a "fridged" character in Lonely City as Batman is. Both Selina and Pamela are grieving over the loss of their loved ones, but they react in opposite ways. Pamela's moved on to the point of leaving Gotham, while Selina's fixated on Bruce's final message to her. I don't know how we're supposed to have a story about grief without someone dying? So I don't really know what this kind of criticism is asking for.

Sure, Ivy dies in the story. But she goes out in a defiant stance against Harvey's vision for the city. She's comes full circle in recognizing that Gotham wasn't all awful; it nurtured her and taught her to accept herself. She dies because the story has stakes and consequences to its actions. Again, I don't think being queer means the characters should be invulnerable and immortal. Ivy has the same narrative weight to her death as Waylon did.

I agree that Barbara's queerness is subtle in Lonely City. But I don't think that's a bad thing. My impression is that she recognizes she's in a very dangerous position in Gotham, hence she keeps her relationship with her campaign manager Josie very private. But when you look into it, there's really no denying it or reading it any other way. In these finale panels, what business does Barbara have to be in Josie's son's room? Even more so, why is he named Wayne?

The comic even bothers making Selina pause upon hearing that name. Barbara named him after Bruce, so wait- how come she has a say in naming Josie's son? When Wayne tells Selina "Are you here for mama? She's in the back." Selina goes to the office to see only Barbara in there. Josie shows up in the room way later. Hence, Barbara is also Wayne's mom. If we genderbent Josie, the nature of their relationship wouldn't be up for debate.

I get that it would be cool to have a queer Barbara story, but this is a detail in Catwoman: Lonely City. It implies something interesting about Barbara still hiding a part of her identity even though she's not a costumed vigilante anymore, but that's it. Normally I'd like for these things to be expanded, but I'm aware this is Selina's story's first and foremost. And it's a miniseries. At most, this relationship is an interesting characterization detail.

Ignoring the fact that Selina's silver fox futch game is on fire in this series, I think the queer Catwoman criticism falls into the same problem with relying on queer signifiers and performance for representation. I get that an elseworld needs to re-establish its take on these characters since I don't know if they're queer in this iteration or not. But for a tight story like Lonely City, what exactly do I stand to gain from Catwoman turning to the camera and telling me she's bi again this time?

Lonely City is about Selina's grief over Batman turning into an obsession. When Bruce was alive, Selina would ask him if he ever considered retiring from his mission and settling down with her. Bruce would lead her on, saying that a life like that is just a dream for him "but when I do let myself dream Selina...in that life? I'm with you". So she clings on to that, hoping that the final message he left her, "Orpheus" could maybe be some kind of recognition of their love. But in the end, she discovers "Orpheus" is a lazarus pit meant to temporarily revive someone from dying. Bruce was asking Selina to revive him. "The cape came first [...] nothing else mattered, nobody else mattered...not even me."

Her relationship with Eddie is meant to show that a part of her does want to move on from Bruce and find love elsewhere. But she's caught between her self destructive quest and having to think about what life after Catwoman looks like. Ultimately she learns she can move on without sacrificing who she is as Catwoman by passing that mantle on to someone new. For a tightly written 4-issue miniseries, I don't see how having Selina hitting on a woman or saying she finds a woman hot, or Eddie doing that for men really adds anything to that story. Maybe if it was a longer series we could've gotten something about queer solidarity? But I'm content with Lonely City the way it is right now.

I've written in my comic essays before about how I don't want "show not tell" to dictate how queer characters have to have very specific relationships (bi person must always be with man and woman) or display specific attractions (bi woman must show interest in woman at some point) or express themselves in a specific way (queer man has to be flamboyant) to be considered queer. But I also don't want the verbal confirmation of queerness to be mandated in every story with queer characters. Taking either points to an extreme would result in really formulaic queer stories.

Maybe Selina and Eddie at the end of Lonely City are a bi couple who are happily mellowing out into their old age, judged by on-lookers as a straight couple because they're not performing bombastic queerness hard enough or something, I hear that's a very bi thing.

Also "Selina ends up in a by all accounts "heterosexual" relationship as the (step) mom of a teenager just leaves a bad taste, imo." Man, what you got against step moms? :((((((((( The teenager is robbing rich people too, it's not that domestic.

haha but I hope this doesn't come off as mean spirited in any way! I think Catwoman Lonely City is a rich text to discuss so I'm interested in people's interpretations of it.

When I talk about performatively progressive things like My Adventures with Superman, it's that media like that wants the clout of looking like it deals with serious topics (like Superman's immigrant allegory), but it'll be squeamish about tackling that in any serious manner. It's a show that has surface level diversity but is unwilling to discuss how that diversity informs its world. MAWS shows us an endearingly girlfailure Lois Lane who needs the help of men to get hired as a journalist because it believes that's far more relatable than being a jaded successful career woman. The show loves rebutting Superman discourse about red undies and being a nice guy who saves cats from trees, but it can never show us what its version of Superman's ideals are. It's a show that fails to say anything of substance.

Meanwhile Catwoman Lonely City is a story about loss and what a Gotham trying to move on from its costumed past looks like. It's wrapped up in issues of class disparity and racism, but in the end of the day it's a really personal story about grief and aging. Its characters' identities inform the way they navigate its political world. Lonely City takes advantage of the Batman mythos' history to tell its remixed story.

At times, that means working within its limitations. Two Face is a character that would require a really big re-imagining to separate his premise from the vilification of DID (which I was hoping Caped Crusader would do, but alas), and this elseworld version plays him pretty straight and standard to tell a story about repeating cycles and facades. It has the bad guy sent to Arkham, as is the usual for Batman stories.

My main concern when reading Lonely City was that the characters telling Selina to "let go" of her costumed vigilante past was going to lead to an ending where Selina has to settle down and be a respectable member of society. But that didn't happen! Barbara recognizes that working within the system isn't enough. Instead of Selina getting assimilated into the government like an honorary cop, she's still a vigilante robbing the rich.

Catwoman Lonely City ends with the recognition and hope that things could be better, that its problems don't end in the final page. And that's way more substance than anything MAWS could pretend to have.

#askjesncin #LONG POST #jesncin dc meta #media criticism #i don't know who's going to read this uhh #you can check it out if you want a huge analysis on Catwoman Lonely City

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50calmadeuce · 8 months ago

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Ch. 25 Home Between the Holidays

Warning: Mention of miscarriage. Some chapters have sex.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)

You and Jake returned to your home in Wisconsin early on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. True to his nature, Jake insisted on handling all the heavy lifting himself, ensuring you remained comfortable. While he brought in your luggage, you strolled into the kitchen.

Your cell phone buzzed, and you saw that it was Dr. Colson calling. You answered with a casual, "Hey, Jason."

"Y/N, I was just calling to follow up on the Wyoming study," Jason said, diving straight into business.

You let out a sigh, feeling the weight of the conversation. You still hadn't broached the subject with Jake, and you knew how he'd react. Heading towards the office for some privacy, you replied, "I reviewed what you sent, and you're right. It doesn't add up. But, Jason, I can't go to Wyoming right now. Jake's home, and I need to talk to him about it."

Jason's voice was sympathetic. "I understand, Y/N. Family comes first. Just keep me posted on when you can make it out there. We need to get to the bottom of this."

"Of course," you replied, grateful for his understanding. "I'll talk to Jake tonight and let you know as soon as possible."

After ending the call, you took a deep breath, resting your head in your hands, you were lost in thought when you heard Jake's voice.

"Darlin', you alright?"

Startled, you lifted your head and turned to see Jake standing in the doorway of the office, concern etched on his face.

You managed a small smile, trying to mask your inner turmoil. "Yeah, I'm fine," you replied, hoping he wouldn't see through the facade.

Jake stepped into the room, his concern deepening as he approached you. "You sure? You seem a bit off."

You hesitated, debating whether to confide in him about the Wyoming study. But you knew you couldn't keep it from him any longer. Taking a deep breath, you decided to be honest. "Actually, Jake, there's something we need to talk about." You slowly walked over to him. "Before Thanksgiving, Jason asked if I would travel to Wyoming," you began, meeting Jake's gaze. "Apparently, Stryker's info isn't making any sense. Even the information he sent me isn't adding up."

Jake listened quietly as you spoke, his expression becoming more serious with each word. When you finished, he remained silent for a moment, processing the information.

Finally, he spoke, his voice calm but firm. "You know how I feel about Stryker," Jake said with a hint of frustration.

"I do," you replied softly.

He walked over to you, his hands gently finding their place on your slightly swollen tummy. "And you know how I feel about the pregnancy."

You placed your hand on his, the connection between you grounding and reassuring. The two of you locked eyes, sharing an unspoken understanding. "I do." Feeling the weight of his words, you took a deep breath, the reality of the situation settling in. Despite the challenges and uncertainties, you found solace in the unwavering support and love you shared with Jake.

"I just want to protect you and our baby," Jake said, his voice filled with emotion.

"I know, Jake," you replied, your voice gentle yet resolute. "And I appreciate that more than you'll ever know, but I still have a job to do."

"A job you said you didn't want, that's why you took the one here," Jake stated, his tone tinged with a mixture of concern and apprehension.

You nodded, acknowledging his concern. "I know, Jake. But this isn't about what I want anymore. It's about doing what's necessary to ensure our family's future, especially with the baby on the way."

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just don't want you putting yourself in danger, especially now."

"I'll be careful, Jake. And I won't do anything without talking to you first," you assured him, your voice soft but determined. "But right now, we need to figure out what's going on with Stryker and the Wyoming study."

Jake looked at you, his expression softening as he realized the weight of your words. "Alright," he said finally, a hint of resignation in his voice. "But I'm going with."

You looked at him, incredulous. "Seriously?"

He met your gaze with a firm nod. "Seriously."

"I'll call Jason and let him know then," you said, determination in your voice.

"And Chuck is coming too," Jake added, confirming the decision.

"Okay," you replied, a bit surprised by the sudden addition but trusting Jake's judgment. "I'll let him know."

With the decision made, you felt a sense of relief wash over you.

"I'll call work and talk with them to see when we can leave," you said, already heading over to the desk.

"I'll finish bringing in the luggage," Jake offered.

"Just leave it in the mudroom," you instructed, already dialing John Andrysiak's number.

Jake nodded and exited the room, leaving you to make your call. As he left, Chuck entered the kitchen.

"Lieutenant. Welcome home. I have to say, I was shocked when Doc texted me that you were home," Chuck greeted, his surprise evident in his tone.

Jake looked at Chuck with a serious expression. "Chuck, what do you know about this Doctor Stryker?"

Chuck's surprise was evident as he considered the question. "I'm not a fan of his, that's for sure. Why do you ask?"

"Y/N has to go to Wyoming to fix something he screwed up," Jake explained, his frustration evident. "I want you to go with us."

Chuck nodded without hesitation. "Of course. I'll make sure everything is taken care of before we leave," Chuck assured.

"I'd appreciate it," Jake said, acknowledging Chuck's words, just as you walked out of the hallway from the office.

"It's all set. We leave Wednesday," you announced, glancing at Chuck. "Did he tell you?"

Chuck nodded. "Yes, Ma'am. I'll make sure everything is squared away by then."

"Thank you, Chuck," you replied gratefully, then turned back to Jake. "I'm going to go check on some emails."

"That's fine, darlin'. I'll take care of things here," Jake assured you with a reassuring smile.

You turned back around and headed towards the office.

You sat at your desk, your eyes fixed on the numbers displayed on the computer screen. You were trying to decipher what Stryker had done differently compared to the first time you went to Wyoming. While you understood that circumstances could change, the magnitude of the discrepancies suggested something more was at play. It was clear to you that there was more to this situation than initially met the eye.

There was a gentle knock on the door and you looked up and saw Jake.

"You looked so lost in thought that I didn't want to startle you," Jake said softly as he walked into the room.

You smiled warmly at him. "I don't think there's ever been a time when you've startled me, Jake. Surprised me, yes. Startled, no."

He approached you, his concern evident in his eyes. "Darlin', why don't you come eat dinner and get some rest? It's been a long day."

"You're right," you admitted, realizing just how exhausted you felt after the day's events. "Dinner and rest sound perfect." You slowly stood up, neatly organizing the papers into a pile and shutting down your computer.

Jake couldn't help but notice the weariness etched on your face. "Y/N, don't you think you're overdoing things?" he asked, his concern evident in his tone.

You paused, considering Jake's words. His concern was always genuine, and you appreciated his attentiveness to your well-being.

"I might be," you admitted with a soft sigh, feeling the weight of the day's responsibilities settling on your shoulders. "But this is my life, Jake. Just like being a fighter pilot is yours, this is mine," you explained, a hint of frustration in your voice. You wobbled slightly, feeling the strain of the day, and Jake rushed to your side.

"How about you go and take a bath, and I'll bring dinner to you?" Jake suggested gently, his concern evident in his voice. "Y/N, I know this is your life, and I still struggle with it, but you're wearing yourself out."

You paused, considering Jake's suggestion. His caring tone softened your frustration, and you realized he was right—you were pushing yourself too hard. Taking a deep breath, you nodded in agreement.

"Okay," you conceded, giving Jake a grateful smile. "A bath sounds heavenly right now."

Jake's concern melted into a gentle smile of his own. "I'll get everything ready for you," he promised, guiding you towards the bathroom with a supportive arm around your waist.

In the bathroom, Jake started running the bathwater as you began to undress, feeling the warmth of the steam from the water already soothing your tired muscles. You reached for a hair clip, quickly securing your hair into a loose bun to keep it from getting wet.

As you settled into the warm water, you let out a contented sigh, feeling the tension slowly melting away. The soothing aroma of lavender filled the air, calming your mind and easing your tired muscles. It was like stepping into a sanctuary, a moment of tranquility amidst the chaos of your day.

Jake kissed your forehead tenderly, his gesture filled with love and care, before quietly leaving you to relax and unwind in the comforting warmth of the bath.

With each passing minute, you could feel yourself unwinding, the weight of responsibility lifting from your shoulders. Jake's thoughtful gesture brought a sense of comfort and relief, reminding you that you didn't have to face life's challenges alone.

As you soaked in the bath, your thoughts began to wander, despite your earlier hesitations about Jake re-entering your life after four years. You couldn't help but imagine what it might have been like if you had chosen a different path, if you had quit your job and embraced the life of a Navy pilot's wife.

You imagined a life where you and Jake navigated the challenges of military life together, supporting each other through deployments and homecomings, sharing the joys and sorrows of a life intertwined with the Navy. You envisioned quiet moments at home, curled up together on the couch, sharing stories and dreams as the world outside seemed to fade away. Would you have had more than one child by now?

But alongside those idyllic visions, doubts and uncertainties lingered. Would you have been content living in the shadow of Jake's career, sacrificing your own aspirations for the sake of his? Would you have felt fulfilled without the sense of purpose and accomplishment that came from your work?

As the water began to cool, you found yourself torn between the familiarity of the life you had built for yourself and the allure of the possibilities that might have been. But amidst the swirling currents of doubt and longing, one thing remained clear: whatever path you had chosen, Jake would always be an integral part of your life, a constant source of love and support, guiding you through the twists and turns of fate. You loved him and he loved you even without each other for four years.

You sighed as you thought about your husband's handsome face and your hand gently touched your stomach. Would this child be more like you, more like Jake or a mix of the both of you?

After a while, Jake gently knocked on the bathroom door, his voice warm and reassuring. "Dinner's ready, darlin'. Whenever you're ready to come out. Just come to the bedroom."

"Okay," you replied softly as you reached for the drain, allowing the water to begin its slow descent.

Carefully, you stepped out of the bathtub, the cool air enveloping your skin as you grabbed a plush towel and began to dry yourself off, feeling the tension slowly dissipating with each gentle stroke.

The softness of the towel against your skin was soothing, and you relished the simple comfort it offered as you dried yourself off. With each stroke, you felt the tension of the day melting away, leaving behind a sense of calm and relaxation.

As you wrapped the towel around yourself and stepped out of the bathroom, you were greeted by the familiar warmth of your bedroom. The soft glow of lamplight cast a gentle ambiance, inviting you to unwind and let go of the stresses of the day.

You walked over to your dresser, selecting a pair of comfortable lounge pants and a tank top. Just as you were about to dress, Jake walked in, closing the door behind him. He paused, his gaze fixed on you, clad only in a towel.

Slowly, he approached you, his steps measured. Coming up from behind, he enveloped you in his arms, gently placing his hands on your swollen tummy, a gesture filled with tenderness and warmth.

He kissed the back of your neck, his breath warm against your skin. "You are so beautiful," he whispered softly.

You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to be enveloped by his touch. The towel slipped to the floor, forgotten, as Jake's hands gently cradled your swollen belly, the moment filled with tenderness and love.

You turned towards him, your eyes meeting briefly before your lips touched in a gentle, loving kiss.

The kiss was tender and reassuring, a moment of connection that reaffirmed the bond between you. As your lips parted, you felt a sense of calm and comfort wash over you, knowing that despite the challenges and uncertainties, you had each other to lean on.

Jake's hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb softly caressing your skin. "I love you, Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity and warmth.

"I love you too, Jake," you replied, your voice equally soft but firm with conviction.

He pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you in a protective embrace.

Tags: @buckysteveloki-me @bellyliveslife @tgmreader @callsign-barbell @86laura11 @dizzybee03 @kmc1989 @guacam011y @nerdgirljen @hookslove1592 @dempy @djs8891

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin x you #glen powell #hangman #hangman top gun #top gun maverick hangman #hangman fanfic #top gun fanfic #jake hangman x reader #hangman x reader #hangman fic #jake hangman seresin fic #jake seresin #jake seresin fic #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun

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bugsbenefit · 2 years ago

Text

attraction in ST

or. oh god stop stripping the show of it's themes no please no it needs those, stopppp

actually making this post now bc i'm sick of people claiming anything remotely sexual or even kissing happening to the party (an opinion that often pops up in the context of byler) in s5 would be horrible, sexualising, or out of character for the show

ST has always had a realistic approach to kids growing into their sexualities. the show's never shied away from directly addressing sex and sexual feelings so i'm honestly amazed by the extremely puritan interpretation of the show. i'm assuming, in good faith, that a big part of it is coming from people not having seen the actual show in ages and are just forgetting how explicitly the show handles sexuality. instead of just assuming it's from culturally raised christian people, who feel uncomfortable seeing any portrayal of sexuality, no matter how tasteful or realistic

i'm also saying all this as an ace person myself, i get not being into sex and not wanting to see it. however, refusing to acknowledge entire themes of a fictional show just because i don't experience them is bizarre to me. sexuality is vitally important to a lot of the characters and isn't just there to be fun(gross). essentially, ST is the opposite of porn without plot

so just as a little reminder what's actually IN Stranger Things. canonically.

sorry i had this sc for ages and wanted to include it Somewhere, so here you go. at a little starter... dorry

also this is an old draft seeing the light of day now, if anything's worded weird it's bc i didn't read all of it over again so oops, grammar hard?

TLDR: the show has never shied away from explicitly addressing sexuality. buying into the puritan fanon version of the show is going to make your s5 viewing experience worse because that show doesn't exist

season 1

we're starting the show off with Stancy, which is very sexually charged in general. (even in s4 Nancy still experiences physical attraction to Steve despite them having unchanged compatibility) the plot surrounding them in s1 explicitly focuses on Nancy having sex with Steve and later regretting that choice. the scene that everyone remembers, is of course, the "explicit" (not really, because ST is really tasteful with how it shows these teens explore themselves) sex scene

they're in sophomore and junior year of highschool here. around 15 and 16 years old - yet the show doesn't shy away from letting them figure things out. and it's not like this sexual theme is contained in only that scene. it keeps coming back the whole season as Nancy tries to sort her feelings out and deals with the aftermath of that night

also sidenote here while still at Steve and his party: even Steve's friends are very casual with their sexualities. and yes, they can even explicitly mention sex and specific sexual acts, no holding back here

Nancy's character conflict in s1 very much hinges on her sexuality and sexual themes. and it's not like there is a magic you need to be at least this old rule to know what sex is on the show like so many people seem to believe, because even 12 year old Mike seems to very much know what his sister and Steve are up to. he even goes out of his way to use it against her

iconic line! but i've seen insane takes trying to spin this into something not alluding to something sexual. i'm sorry to say if he doesn't think they're full on having sex he at least thinks they're getting very intimate with each other regardless

so not even the youngest characters on the show are "innocent and pure" the way fandom likes to claim when it comes to sexuality. and of course they aren't. real 12 year olds know what sex is, they're young not oblivious

and the following seasons make that even more obvious

season 2

as of s2 the kids are getting more involved with the sexual jokes, not just making them about other people but even being directly involved with those themes themselves. which is also realistic. with 13 sexuality starts to get thrown your way by every possible form of media. lots of them start developing crushes, have no idea how relationships work, etc. it's messy, typical teens thrown into the dating game. (i say all of this from a developmental media psychology perspective thanks uni and not personal experience sorry lmao, i'm a bit too ace to have my own input here)

s2 features comedic and awkward mentions of sex(ual activity) towards Lucas and Max,

older peers giving their 13 year old friends well meant advice on how relationships work,

and has even younger characters play around with attraction/kissing/love as well, which is incredibly normal for kids to do at that age

they're all young and the show treats growing up realistically. while the theme of attraction or sexuality gets more relevant for them (in scenes that are often received with awkwardness by the characters themselves) the show offers them safe territory to stand on. none of them are directly confronted with sexuality and are instead offered people to seek advice from for example

meanwhile the sexuality theme for the older kids is still very much explicit. just as Nancy's arc is still heavily tied to her romance and sexuality (which ties into her non conformity themes - she's an ambition driven person trying to escape the culdesac life first and foremost)

not only do we get another sex scene (this time with a cut away), there's also explicit jokes about it after

sexuality on the show is continuously awkward and messy. Jonathan and Nancy are only 16-17 here - no one really knows what they're doing or what the right way to go ahead is and Jonathan rightfully almost does a spittake here. out of pocket Murray

sexuality. is. awkward. (we get is s2 thanks)

season 3

s3 gets even more explicit with it's awkward puberty sexuality themes

from Dustin talking about how much he likes kissing Suzie (and her liking him not having teeth for it?) which weirds Steve out to the repeating, awkwardly received, "happy screams joke" (which gets a callback in later scene)

sexuality is still awkward for them. it's a realistic approach to what 14 year olds act like and know. they're actively dating by now, they're kissing people And have messy relationship situations. all while still acknowledging knowing what sex and attraction is, duh, of course they know that. but i'm explicitly pointing it out because i see obscene amounts of people claiming the characters are completely sheltered and even implying that they know what sex is would be gross. to that i say, do you not remember being 14???

and while i'm at s3, also let it be mentioned that even the adults are suffering at the hands of the sexuality theme here. Hopper's hookups with random women are focused on in s1, but now that he's getting closer with Joyce they get very explicitly told to just have sex. literally

not putting the whole dialogue in here, i already have too many images because there's so many sex mentions in this show and he really just tells them their mating ritual is painful and they should tear their clothes off and fuck right now

thanks Murray, always insightful

season 4

and s4 has stopped just confronting the kids with the existence of sexuality, but is tentatively starting to explore mature themes more directly - which allows them to tentatively start exploring their own sexualities instead of just having to acknowledge the general concept of sexuality

Max gets to ogle shirtless Steve

Lucas has something under his bed that's never confirmed as anything except "100/10 gross" but had 90% of the audience i saw immediately assume something sexual (magazines or the like)

and has a bunch more direct nudges, from the kids "experimenting sexually" as Murray says

to Argyle explicitly telling Jonathan he needs to have sex with Nancy again

to Hopper and Joyce's escalating make out in a church while shirtless

to visual innuendos (i'm looking at you hose scene. this one wouldn't be such a big deal if there wasn't a genuine moral panic about it last year. which was crazy. people literally had to pretend the scene didn't exist to escape the witchhunting mobs, except instead of being killed for magic it'd be for looking at a canon scene and acknowledging it. crazy times - aside from that there's also more visuals you can take as innuendos in s4e1 which there's already posts about out there so i'm not getting into them here, i'm more focused on the overt textual references)

to Yuir extensively talking about pleasing women and making them cum (I'm sparing you from that, the sc in at the top was already enough)

to explicit graffities all over the place, like here as an example "give me head until i'm dead" which is in frame for the whole phone call and Steve talking about his bitchlesness. and is also some of the only easily legible text (i hope this is readable, most of my screenshots kind of died a bit so maybe you need to look at an actual clip to see the text)

that is aside from the "DRUGS" poster which touches on another point s4 makes. the show doesn't just explore sexuality, it also puts the kids into more mature situations in general (not talking about the deaths, this is a horror show), specifically drugs

Jonathan uses weed as a coping mechanism the whole season and Eddie even sells the stuff in full bags (insane weed selling practices btw, even i know that). Chrissy (17-18) wants to do weed and ketamine. and we also see Lucas (14) hungover after drinking at a party for the first time

the show does not shy away from portraying realistic teen experiences

Murray called s4 very well, the kids pound some bears, smoke some ganja, play nintendo, and experiment sexually

literally. you have drinking, weed, and confusing queer sexualities. they took this list step by step

and all of those pretty normal things teens tend to explore. and i say that as someone who was decidedly not into those things. the ace experience is a bit different, but i can still acknowledge how that period was like for my allo friends and people in general

there is an extreme push in this fandom to reject any form of sexual jokes or references in the show, made mostly by people being uncomfortable with portrayals of sexuality. however, the themes not only still exist, they're also very prominent throughout all 4 seasons and are important to a lot of the characters directly

and it's also noteworthy here to see how ST approaches it's sexuality theme. it grows with the characters. starting out as jokes and being received with awkwardness to slowly letting them figure things out on their own time and turns. an extremely realistic progression and very common for coming of age narratives such as ST. it's a far cry from shows exploring sexuality or sexual themes for the sake of the viewers enjoyment like Euph0ria (don't want it to show up in tags)

based on what we currently know s5 could very well be taking place in 1988 or later which would place the party at around 16-17 years old. going into the season with the fanon version of the show that is completely clean and non sexual will 100% set you up for disaster

ST is very realistic and non exploitative with it's exploration of teen sexuality so there is obviously nothing to worry about in the sexualization department, that's just puritan fear mongering. however, it's very likely that we're going to get more than holding hands or pecks on the lips from the characters that are now older than characters we've explicitly seen hook up before. there could be more intimate scenes or making out, yes. but there's also at least one basically guaranteed vulgar joke in there, all seasons have them

there's no real theorizing or speculation about s5 here, anything could happen and i'm not placing bets, i want the characters narratives to be wrapped up well first and foremost and trust the writers to do it well. however, going into s5 with some of the mindsets i've seen circulating on here and expecting the show to be "clean" and cater to a version of it that's never existed outside of purified fandom could genuinely make you feel blindsided by the shows canon themes

not targeted at anyone or anything specifically, just using this as a bit of a reality check of what the show is actually like after recently rewatching all of it in one go

#stranger things #you see people here get attacked for harmless kissing fics bc it's 'too sexual' meanwhile the canon show has teens explicitly having sex #the contrast is just crazy #lets not pretend half the show doesn't exist just bc it makes you uncomfortable #byler #because it's Relevant in that tag lmao #finally posting this older one (i'm even tagging it bc i'm so brave) since we're finally starting to be able to talk about the show like #you'd talk about any other show normally #and we're ignoring the puritans #sure why not talk more about the canon show

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flightfoot · 3 months ago

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got any fic focusing on marinette's trauma? all i can find are adrien trama fics

That makes sense. All Hawk Moth related trauma is stuff that Adrien would also have, and who it would be ten times worse for. Still, I'll see what I can do. I'm gonna stick to ones where the trauma Marinette suffers is derived at least somewhat from canon, and not like, from being captured and tortured, or having a fatal illness, or her mom dying, or anything like that. I'm assuming you want ones that are at least close-ish to canon, instead of just "Marinette angst" fics.

---

A Small but Stubborn Fire by @cardiac-agreste

What if you were the parent of a teenage superhero, but didn't know they were? All you know is the nightmares, the panic attacks, and the bruises. She's missing school, she's disappearing on you, and she's not telling you anything. So you assume the worst: Assault. Depression. A permanent rift in the family. And what do you do when you realize you weren't thinking dark enough? Because your fourteen-year old daughter is the hero who flirts with death on the nightly news. -- Come inside and read about one mother's struggles to raise her daughter in a dangerous world while avoiding the mistakes her own mother made with her.

This is a more serious take on the consequences of Hawk Moth's war on Paris, with actual bloody, painful deaths as a consequence of many akumas, and Parisians developing PTSD because of what they've gone through. Ladybug can fix all the physical scars, but not the mental ones, including her own.

I love the focus on Sabine here. She's not just presented as being a mom - though of course that IS an important role she has. But she's explored as a character in her own right, one with a lot of emotional baggage as a result of her abusive mother, and trying to not fall into her mistakes, but sometimes doing so anyway out of fear for Marinette's safety. She's a really fleshed out, humanly flawed character, sometimes admitting that she would do something selfish if it means protecting the people she cares most about, like her daughter, even if its at others expense. She grows and changes a lot throughout the course of the story, her perspective on many matters changing multiple times as a result of getting new information or seeing the consequences of her previous approaches, and adjusting as a result.

If you want a fic that more realistically explores the dark consequences of Miraculous's setting, that fleshes out Sabine, or just develops a character in a complex way, then I highly recommend you check "A Small but Stubborn Fire" out!

---

In Pursuit of the Uneatable by @nemaliwrites

Who do you trust when your own reflection becomes a stranger? In a Paris where Lila weaves tales that blind the city, Marinette stands accused, isolated. Her parents' trust is shattered, her friends distant, and in battle, illusions blur the line between ally and enemy. As the shadows and uncertainty threaten to close in, Marinette finds herself turning to the last person who claims to be on her side: a boy in a white mask who calls himself a fox hunter.

THIS IS NOT A BASHING FIC. Well, Lila bashing, I guess, but even then she gets a lot more consideration than usual. Anyway, there's no animosity towards Marinette's friends and family here. Instead, the fic has more of this melancholy, contemplative tone, with Marinette feeling boxed in by Lila, and trying to figure out how to navigate her circumstances, especially being around Lila. Even when there isn't any particular threat against her, just having Lila around, knowing that she could pull something else to make Marinette's life worse, and thinking that there's no way to counter her, that she always wins... you can feel how suffocating it is. But she does have a way out, a mysterious boy who she's seen around, who completely has her back as far as Lila's concerned... but she might not want him to, to the extent that he goes.

By the way, this IS a Lovesquare fic, the thing with the boy... well, that'll make sense once you read the fic. But it's not romantic, I can tell you that.

Anyway, it's this interesting psychological, low-key sort of fic. If you want a look at the more emotional consequences of Lila's brand of bullying and isolation WITHOUT any sort of demonization or bashing towards anyone else, but just exploring the effects on Marinette and how to respond to it, then this fic is worth a look.

Oh, also, this is rated M, though I'm honestly not sure why. Marinette's not in the best headspace, but it's not a "this isn't appropriate for teens" headspace, there's nothing sexual, and the most that is present in the story as far as violence and gore goes are some bruises that were acquired under indeterminate (though probably abusive) circumstances, and the breaking of an arm and being bludgeoned in the head, and neither of them are described particularly graphically. So long as you're 13+, this fic's probably fine.

---

Stop Time by @liiinerle

— she put her hand on the page, blocking it so the words wouldn’t scream so loudly at her. They had screamed more than enough already. Gritting her teeth, she pulled her fingers together, crumpling the paper slightly — just enough that it didn’t look so pristine and mocking. It needed to be full of despair, in every possible way. “Marinette —” started Mullo. “No! Never again. Marinette is… gone, forever.” She let go of the paper. Now it lay alone in the light, as the last thing she could ever tell them. That she loved them, that she’d miss them, that she would never talk to them again. A suicide note. Of sorts. ----- Fu accidentally names Marinette as the new guardian, and not Ladybug. She's forced to fake her own death and go into hiding in order to get away from Hawk Moth. She finds a hiding spot in the Louvre, but there she's forced to face the effects of her going away by a very unexpected source: her friend Alix.

Definitely mind the tags on this one! But if it ain't triggering to you, then I highly recommend reading it. You can really feel Marinette's struggles here, with basically making herself homeless, unable to reach out to her friends and family, needing to steal just to feed herself and the kwamis, and then dealing with everyone in her life grieving... and then moving on. Except for a few people who don't...

It's just... it's really good, really heart-wrenching.

---

Bend the World Around It by @kasienda

“Tell me it was real." She can’t look at him. She can barely stand the pain in his voice. She definitely can’t face it. “It wasn’t.” He shakes his head, and turns to her - his eyes swirling in their intensity. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Tell me that you were there. We were there together, having the same dream.” She squeezes her eyes shut. She wants to lie to him. She needs to lie to him. But she can’t. Lying would be like it never happened. But it did happen. And if it’s all they get to have, she wants him to know it. “I think we were having the same dream,” she whispers, unable to meet his eyes.

So this is an adorable Jubilation aftermath fic, with Ladybug and Chat Noir both mourning the loss of what only they remember, of a dream that never was. And them deciding that screw it, it may not have been real to anyone else, but it was real to them. They remember those years together, and they want to live together, if only during the times when they can afford to be missing from home. They remember being happily married, and crave that life.

---

I (Wish I) Knew You by @buggachat

University has been hard on Marinette. Making new friends and maintaining her grades is a lot easier said than done when she has to disappear at odd times to fight akumas. She's struggling, and with Alya away with family and Adrien painfully out of reach, she's never felt lonelier.

If only she could talk to someone who really understood her struggles... but it's not like Chat Noir would know anything about loneliness. Right?

Nice aged-up Ladynoir fic here! Marinette’s struggling with losing friends and lovers because of her flakiness due to her superhero activities, until at last she breaks down. Thankfully, Chat Noir’s there at least - and it soon turns out he’s got problems of his own that he’s been hiding.

There’s some fluff and angst, it’s mostly just the two of them navigating life, dealing with their feelings and talking things out.

---

Accidents Are Also Miracles by @liiinerle

After a few turbulent days where four new people discover her secret identity, Marinette loses faith in her ability to keep the secret hidden. Wracked with doubts and insecurities, she pleads with Alya to take over as Scarabella, but she still can't let those worries go. Especially not once Monarch starts taking a particular, and personal, interest in her.

Along the way, she also starts to date Kagami, and has to deal with changing feelings about herself, Adrien, Alya, Kagami, and the idea of being Ladybug. At the same time, Alya works to uncover Monarch's secret identity, while Kagami struggles against a controlling parent, and a girlfriend who seems bent on destroying herself - with or without Monarch's involvement.

Fantastic Marigami fic here! You’ve got three major POVs in this fic: Marinette, Kagami, and to my delight, Alya. I loved getting to see Alya cope with taking over as Scarabella especially.

But of course, this fic centers more around Marinette and Kagami, with Marinette struggling with Monarch targeting her, and Kagami struggling against her abusive parent, as well as both of them trying to navigate their relationship together when they know that not everyone will approve.

There’s also some other plots going on in here, like Sabrina breaking away from Chloe and becoming more independent (and closer to Adrien in fact), as well as a Lila takedown plot, though thankfully not one that involves demonizing other characters. While there are conversations about people believing Lila and siding with her, no one’s actually attacked for it except for Lila herself.

Oh yeah, and while this fic may not have much focus on Adrien, he’s still treated fairly and with respect, even when he messes up. He can make mistakes, but people understand where he’s coming from, and are still kind to him and want things to be okay, and to help him escape his abusive circumstances.

#ask #ml fanfic rec #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng

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horizon-verizon · 28 days ago

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"...we just hate the way Emma talk about this character feels like a mockery" Isn’t that just most of the cast, though? Most of them don’t bother to read the source material. Then they show up to interviews without a real understanding of their character arcs or endings and just throw out headcanons. Annoying? Yes. But it happens. It was annoying when Tom said Aegon was an empath (and his fans went wild, claiming he’s the only one who "gets him"). Emma, for the most part, provides a fairly neutral take on Rhaenyra. Sure, they’ve had moments where they veer into headcanon territory, but it’s not the worst I’ve seen. Then again, who wouldn’t start slipping after being asked the same question a thousand times: “What do you think your character felt when…?” 🙄 Out of the whole cast, Matthew Needham is one of the few who actually seems to understand his character. He doesn’t mock the role, try to justify actions, or force “good” qualities over the bad ones; he just presents his character as it is.

Anon talks about this post.

I haven't watched any interviews after the puppy one, that one with the black backdrop where Fabien and Matt were uncontrollably laughing, and one group one where Matt said he'd protect Emma in a different time period. And I haven't gone back for S1 interviews, so I wouldn't know about Emma's patterns there too well. But I have had the impression from clips on TikTok that it is as you describe, to the point that some people thought that they were a little wishy-washy to please the actor of Alicent (forgot her name) bc they were in their begiining of their friendship and we were all still in the midst of the show's pushing antiDaemonism/pro-Alicentism for Rhaenyra's popularity, which...never made any sense.

Important to note some things that other anon said:

[...] we just hate the way Emma talk about this character feels like a mockery If Emma hates girlie stuff and thinking wore a skirt is their highest achivement? Its fine. But their fans had use the book to justifying that they are right while this character were nothing like in the book, it's better for them to throw fire and blood and embraced that their character love their stepmother.

there's a lot of queer/minority actors in hollywood did all of them act like Emma? Emma didnt look like how George describe the character and didnt acting and behave like her, this one is older than her stepmom, the question is is this really the character? It is so understandable that Ryan and Miguel chose Emma through audition in Zoom meeting at the pandemic and it shows.

I forgot about the [bold] line above in the first quote or my eyes skipped it, but this presents as approaching transphobia/enbyphobia bc I'm not sure how Emma's supposed hatred feminine socially-coded feminine clothing impacted how the costumers created the clothes or how the writers decided to write a lot of show!Rhaenyra's subpar approaches to the war preparations. And Emma not looking like how GRRM describes Rhaenyra should really only refer to her (Rhaenyra's) clothing, bc acting is a priority over looks when considering fancasting. The person can be the "perfect" mirror of the official small-mouthed, plump Rhaenyra but if they can't act or portray Rhaenyra's character it's been a complete waste, esp when it's the MC. Makes the whole thing far less enjoyable or plain intolerable. And in general, fancasting/casting is not going to be perfect in terms of looks fitting those either detailed to T in the original text OR imagined so by one set of the audience from some deatils of the text anyway. It's not ever going to fit everyone's perfect idea of what the character looks like OR, again, fit the exact truely detailed accout from the text itself. No one looks like a "canon" Targ except maybe an albino, and even then we know Targs typically had "gold" (yellow/blonde) AND "silver" (white, NOT gray!) hair tendrils or has purple eyes (not dark blue that could pass as such, true purple).

So again, what we should consider is how the actor acts, what is written for them to base such acting on, and finally how the costumers/producers decided how this character dresses.

So there appears to be just some more possible transphobia here.

#asoiaf asks to me #emma d'arcy #hotd actors #hotd comment #hotd #asoiaf

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cushfuddled · 6 months ago

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Thank you so much for speaking up about Sherlock & Co because I very nearly got tricked by the "sooooooo canon!!" buzz. I guess it's been long enough for tumblr to get amnesia about TJLC. As Holmes-inspired stuff goes, back to my toxic yaoi House/Wilson rewatch I guess. That might be bait but what a tasty bucket of chum.

Thanks for the ask! Hope you don't mind a rant haha! This got me all fired up because AUGH, the memories!

I think the thing that frustrates me most is that from my brief stint in the Sherlock & Co tag, it looks like we're STILL at the point as a fandom (and a culture, I guess) where it's socially acceptable to claim it's MORE progressive for Sherlock and John to NOT be gay.

I was on the Sherlock BBC train by the winter of 2010, and I watched this argument evolve in real time from the don't-ask-don't-tell "being gay is fine but don't shove it in my face" fish into the faux-progressive "our culture is so oversexualized that modeling healthy, intimate male friendships is more important than canon gay rep" land mammal abomination. The fact that both these arguments land queer fans and creators in the same gilded cage kinda gives the game away: Queer relationships are fine...so long as they stay out of sight and out of mind. A gay side character can be forgiven, but the main characters must remain staunchly platonic lest the Gay Sex Stuff poison an otherwise pure, healthy, and culturally aspirational friendship.

Even queerplatonic relationships are seen as deviant. Other erroneous character details are sprinkled around for flavor, but any clarification on ace or aro relationships are treated as unnecessary at best and burdensome at worst—like a detour which would weigh down the story. It's the "ew gay cooties" fire poker approach in a utilitarian hat: If people can't label the queer content regressive in some way, then it's framed as extraneous to the narrative. Suddenly the plot becomes a perfect crystal, compounded and polished until all but the most vital story beats remain. Of course silly relationship details wouldn't penetrate this barrier of Pure Plot.

Except that's a total fabrication. These stories always make time for extraneous gags and flings and miscellaneous side quests. They nurture long-form friendships and rivalries under short-form plots. And creators are happy to play jump rope with the canon material right up until queerness enters the chat. They play it off like their hands are tied re: canonicity and relevance when really they just...don't want to make their characters queer. Which is perfectly fucking fine. I just wish more fans and creators were able to go "eh, I like these two as best friends and nothing else, so that's what I wrote" rather than make value judgements on people who WOULD prefer a canon queer relationship.

I haven't seen any kind of hand-wringing bullshit from the Sherlock and Co. creators as of yet, which gives me hope they'll just be honest about their preferences when the time comes (rather than try and spin their adaptation as something revolutionary in its platonic approach).

Like you said...It's also hard to watch a new round of fans rally their hopes around a Sherlock Holmes adaptation. My gut has absolutely led me astray before, but as far as I'm concerned, the Sherlock and Co. vibes are a world away from canon Jonklock. It's a great podcast and I'm sure it'll continue to accumulate fans. But it's not gonna be Gay. And I would loveeee to see people take that at face value I guess.

#RANT OVER #CAN YOU TELL I'M SAD #sherlock and co #no shade to anyone who's made these arguments about rep in the past #and it's totally okay to prefer one type of rep over another #just...when will we escape the bullshit...

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gammaray-13 · 2 months ago

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My first and perhaps final post!

So I'm an avid Levihan fan and any art materials that have Levi and Hange will definitely make me happy, regardless of it being official or fanart. Heck, in my mind I do believe that Levihan CANON!!!

However, if let's just say someone disagrees with levihan being canon, I won't force the person to trust and believe me. Instead I'll just subtly repost some facts/posts that could be intrigued because personally, approaching and influencing someone need to be in the most unexpected and create some curiousity way, not forcing others to get into it. Let things flow in its way.

It may seem odd of me to post this but I've seen enough of this person who I don't know what's with their head. When someone disagrees with their idea, specifically on 'Levihan not canon', they immediately go on to the mode of being the most toxic person ever. This person is too manipulative to the max, and bullying others like chill dude what's with that attitude?!! You're tarnishing the fandom's name! What a shame..

In the process of proving your points, you also mischaracterized both Levi and Hange's personality like dude you're not the author. Like okay fine, we get it, we can be creative with the materials but to push your headcanon to be canon and want others to believe your 'canon' sounds very... nahh, you're mischaracterizing the characters. I hate it so much. If you claim the work as yours, then maybe it's a little acceptable but to say it's from the official materials/author when it's actually not, damn you're so f**ked up..

Another thing to take note, isym don't even confirm any of Levi or Hange love experience/life so let that sink in alright (well, we do know Hange had a crush on Keith..). So, shouldn't it be a good thing for us where we can ship Levi or Hange with someone we like/prefer or even based on their relationship to others (not a minor fan btw)

Just please, stop being toxic. Try to accept people's opinions. Try to act nice if someone disagrees with you. The mute/block button is always there if you can't cope with other opinions. You don't have to post and brag to your fans about your fights online because it's really frustrating and you're embarrassing yourself and damaging the fandom's reputation. Don't take things too seriously. It's just 2D characters, let everyone enjoy what they want!

#levihan #hange zoe #levi ackerman #levi x hange #rant #frustrated #don't attack me #personal thoughts #sorry for bad english

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freshlyrage · 1 year ago

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Running Like Water

Chapter 17

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 9.7k

a/n: Hi sweethearts, its here... part 1 of New Orleans. Enjoy and happy Kinktober.

CW: Mentions of past poor relationship with eating

Masterlist

Javier is a smooth operator, you'll give him that. He slips out of your house without disturbing your mothers tranquil slumber. You were no good either, awoken by a chaste kiss, “Call me.” he whispers at 4 in the morning before disappearing out your window. You stir, still convinced you were dreaming. You wake with an attempt at nuzzling into his chest but instead you're met with the ghost of his warmth and the sound of your mother calling your name from the kitchen.

Eyes squinted you rise from bed and immediately sit back down. Your eyes widen and flash at your bare lower half, the soreness was a bit much. You know Javier would power trip if he saw the way your legs gave out. You wince as you waddle over to grab some pants.

You walk down your stairs into your kitchen with a warm flush on your face. You last saw your mother when she practically said you weren’t welcome in your house any more and now she has a narrowed eyed glare at you when you stumble down the stairs. Two eggs cracked, both for her. Her plate ready with tomato’s right where Javier bent you over and fucked you just 15 hours prior. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

“Good morning.” You croak with a yawn, passing her to open the fridge for some water. Her eyes follow you the whole time, trying to read your every move. Judging bit by bit.

Your eyes drag down to the counter where the house phone goes unhooked and stretched laid flat. She must have just gotten off the phone. You ignore it, you felt like your mother was always on the phone. Always stressed about the boutique.

“You’re sleeping with Javier.”

She says it matter-of-fact. Despite being prepared for the accusation you feel your stomach flipping. You had scripted this approach and prepared yourself before you dozed off after actually being fucked by Javier Peña (for the second time).

You flare your nostrils and widen your eyes in the best acting you’ve done in years and you deliver it so perfectly, “Xavier?”

You almost want to giggle, and your mother gasps—a mixture of relief and concern. Her eyes dart to the phone and you follow her gaze. “You’re back together?” She lowers the stove heat and crosses her arms, this is her dream. Marry you off to the soldier, the well off soldier. But her reaction is less expressive, maybe I should ask who she was just calling.

Later, you think, crush her twisted dreams now, “Oh you were talking about Javi!” You laugh as if her accusation was nothing short of ridiculous. “C’mon mami.. Why would you—oh the car?” You roll your neck, let go of all the knots and cracks.

Your mothers shoulders fall, probably upset that you aren't trying to work things out with your very awful ex. You wish she knew, how horrible he was, she’d still side with him.

You never described your mother as cruel, not even when you went away to Miami, when you could’ve rewritten your story. Your mother hadn’t beat you, she never called you names and she rarely ever yelled. And she wasn’t always cold. She could be kind to you, friendly, but she could also be mean—too straight up, afraid of white lies. She never loved you much, you knew people you met in college who showed you more love than your mother had. You spent all your life alone in your own home but at a certain point you made family with others.

Yet you ached for that affection from your biological family.

You hadn't given up completely and you reached an age where you could form a relationship with your brother. Finally, he wasn’t an extension of your mother, he could form his own opinions. You could distract yourself from the cast of sadness when she stares at you too long, when she’s reminded of how you came to be. When she looks at you and sees your father.

But through her frowns and sighs you at least had Frankie. Your brother was yours just as much as he was your mothers. He took care of you, you cared for him, he was mean, he was rude, but he loved you so much he never knew what to do with it. He struggled to protect you from certain things but he tried his best. God, he isnt good at showing it but he cares. He’s trying his best, you don’t think anyone loves you as much, and he doesn’t even love you all that much so it’s a bit sad and embarrassing when you think of it.

Your mother and Frankie found common ground on most things, it was just a quirk they developed from sharing so much time together. You and your mother have never agreed on anything in your life.

There were few things the two differed. Frankie was a cowboys fan and your mother favored the Texans. She hated his long hair, Frankie promised to never cut it. Frankie would kill Javier if he found what the two of you do, your mother will kill you instead.

Frankie saw it as a situation of respect, you were his baby sister for crying out loud. He thought your crush was a nuisance at worst, but he had seen how distant you got when he left. He wanted to kill Javier when he found out he kissed you before he went away, shit he wanted to kill you too.

And your mother, she thought your crush was child’s play. She saw Lorraine and Javier, she told you once that that, the romance between two teens, deciding to start their lives together, that was a display of true love. Your mom smiled over her food as she gushed over Javier and his girlfriend. You struggled to keep your food down when you entered the bathroom.

You don’t know when she made that decision because she seemed to be very indifferent to Javier’s personal life before he left. You guessed it was when she started having dinner with Lorraine's mother twice a week. It was also paired with her not considering you good enough for the son of Don Chucho. Makes more sense now that you know she slept with him too.

In her head it was Javier and Lorraine forever, so even if you admitted right now that you were sleeping with him she would find some way to talk you out of it for the sake of Lorraine.

You explain the bar lie and she believes you without batting an eye.

Between flickered glances at the phone and at you she presses some questions about his job and if he’ll speak to Lorraine before he leaves.

Mrs. Smith is convinced Lorraine and Javier will get married soon. You try not to audibly sigh as you go on about not being sure. She nods and serves her plate of eggs, you were meaning to ask why she came home early but the bubbling anxiety of mentioning Louisiana took over.

“Javier is driving me to Baton Rouge.” You drop nonchalantly. Pushing your sex and bed head out of your face as you sit on the stool. Her fork clatters and she coughs.

She’s silent for a moment, her dark brown eyes half lidded, her nostrils flaring slightly. Just like you, you got that from her… that small tick when you’re frustrated. She only urges an e por que?

You keep it cool, you know she’ll be upset regardless. “I’ll be staying with my grandmother for the weekend. Javier has a work trip in New Orleans, I’ll catch a ride.”

She lets out an overdrawn sigh, “señor dame fuerza,” she mutters her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Always so dramatic, your eyes flash to the clock, shouldn’t she be in church? You’d bring it up but you know if you do she’d throw that fork at you. “¿Sabes qué? No puedo detenerte.”

Your brows raise in shock.You let a silence beat before you reply, “No, you can’t.”

She sighs, “You know I’m just trying to protect you.”

And you don’t know what has gotten into you but— “Too late for that.”

Your mothers aging eyes widen, her mouth parting slightly in shock. For a split second you feel a pang in your chest, the guilt for that second is unbearable. But who had been there when you cried so much you’d choke? Had she felt guilty when she passed your room when you cried for her affection when you were just six. Had she felt guilty then?

Her gaze falls to the plate and you twist the knife further. “I’ll be apartment hunting there too, for this coming winter.” It comes to you on the spot, you never had the intention to do so but after her “move out” suggestion the idea came naturally. Maybe it was a mixture of hope, hoping the family in Baton Rouge would open their arms to you and never make you feel unwelcome.

Her brows raise a bit and with her smallest stutter she whispers, “Bien.”

“Good.” You snap, crossing your arms.

Her eyes widened again, appalled at your audacity. “Well–I’m going to work. I called your brother about you and Javier so you might want to clear the air.”

Your mother dramatically exits like she had two days ago when she dropped the first bomb of the week. An unbearable panic explodes in your chest, you physically recoil the second she leaves. Hand over your chest, you try to bite back tears.

No–not yet. No, not this time.

Avoidant, often you call yourself that. You avoided the things that made you feel anything other than a sense of security. You’d have 7 blow up arguments with your mother a year, in reality you should have an argument a day but you often avoided that too. You avoided all things Javier when he was gone, avoided breaking up with Xavier until the very last minute.

It was just in your nature, so after a few shed tears and a coughing up the milk you chugged from your wrecked nerves, you avoided the thought of being confronted by your older brother. You avoided the idea of having to lie to his face and then somehow convince him that despite your mothers claims you were indeed not fucking his best friend but you are also heading on a completely platonic mini vacation together in just a few days.

The trait was probably your fathers. Your mother never avoided a confrontation, she’d follow you up the stairs before you physically create a barrier between you two. Frankie had been the same way, stern and a bit mean but always in search to solve the problem the second it started. The second he found out you had kissed Javier from some girl who stopped by the hair salon he drove straight to the house to talk to you about it. That was them and like most things ‘mom and son’ you just couldn't be on that same level.

With that when your mom left you alone after that bomb you had locked yourself into your room and planned your lessons for the week, completely (sort of) shutting out all thoughts of this morning.

Until 2 pm when you had gotten hungry after only drinking milk that you spat up like an infant. Your brain splitting in two when you’re met with the back of your big brother's head. Somehow feeling some more of that bile lingering and coming back up.

“Frankie…” You whispered turning the corner and into the kitchen where he sat at the island stool. His hair still long and curly, Genie had a love-hate thing with it, on one hand he had beautiful healthy curls and on the other he looked a bit shaggy with it. It was a bit 1975 of him, the denim and mustache. Him and Javier being best friends just made sense, their style never evolved.

You see his face now, in his hands is a book and his eyes aren't as angry as you feared. That scared you the most, so you began, “Gordo–” His eyes flashed to yours again, maybe calling him by your childhood nickname was a bit much. “Mami is mistaken, you have to believe me– me and Javi never-we haven’t-god, we’re not even.”

But Frankie cuts, “Did you take a psychology course at Miami.”

Um…

Your brows pull tightly, afraid of where this is going. Is he just going to ignore the whole– “Yes-yeah I did, childhood and adolescent development and psychology.”

“Did you ever read Julian Ridden, anything from him?” Frankie taps his book and places it on the counter ignorant of him, his hand splayed on the cover and then slowly retreated. Words upside down, cover a pale palm out open.

You shake your head, “No– it was more like Piaget and Freud, what does this have to do with anything? I want to talk to you Frankie!”

Well so much for being avoidant. Now that he’s here you want none of whatever he’s trying to do now, no mind games, just let me lie to you dammit.

“Ridden came up with the Being and Knowing theory about parents who grew up with out a father of their own. He says that men who never had a father figure in their life often overcompensate in the lives of their children, they know what's it like to not have a father so they become what they wished for.”

Your brows soften for a moment, the tightness in your chest shifting from the possibility of being caught to concern for your brother. You take a step closer, pulling the book towards you and flipping it. “Frankie…are you alright, I know–well I don't but I figure the idea of being a father feels scary.”

“I’m sorry for not being there for you when you were little.” His head drops and you hurry to his side, slinging your arm over his shoulders. He shook his head in disagreement. It’s okay, you murmur into his shoulder. “It isn't okay, upu had no one, not even mami. I see it now. And I know it wasn't my responsibility to play the role of your father but I could’ve been a better example of what a man should be.”

Your heart splits in two and suddenly every worry you built until now washes away, a few tears fall at the sound of something so unfortunately true. You just hated that he realized how it’s been for you, that now he’s hurt too, you only wished that this would only pain you. “It’s okay you did your best, I’m better now.”

Frankie pinches the bridge of his nose and shrugs you off, startled you wipe your own tears afraid of what outburst is coming from this, “You looked for that in Javi–I know me, your dad and even fucking Xavier didn't treat you well, Javier was there for you and I feel like I prosecuted you for that–it's fucked up.”

There it is, taking the back of your palm you wipe your brow and land your hands on your hips. “What…”

“Listen, I was too hard on you about Javier. I know that now, I get it. He left and I blamed you internally, and sure some of it was your fault but I don’t know why I lacked sympathy for you all I thought about was myself.”

You cross your arms, now he’s entering waters unknown. When Javi left your brother distanced, you had taken the educated guess that it was because he was starting his life with his girlfriend not much else. Blame me? What was my fault? For what? You bite the inside of your lip, staring down the profile of your brother's face. “What do you mean?”

His brows screw, still his gaze fixed on nothing ahead of him. “You made shit awkward, Javier never called and when he did all he wanted to talk about was you.”

Your face flushes, “I’m sorry what– Javier doing Javier shit has nothing to do with me. He’s a famously known flaker, he leaves.. Often and when he does he like chooses to not exist in our lives. That's not my fault!”

Frankie closes his eyes and exhales a frustrated one. “Obviously some shit happened before he left which I know now was him fucking kissing you, god you should’ve never let that happen Andrea.”

You mirror his angry exhale and your tears have since dried. “Oh give me a break, I was fucking sixteen and in love with him, god forbid we share a kiss. Jesus christ, it wasn't that serious, he left and stopped calling. He's here now!”

Frankie’s head snaps to you in disbelief, “Wasn't that serious? He left and you didn't fucking eat, you were never home and when you started to be healthy again you started dating that–that prick, that called you fat on your birthday dinner. You leave for Miami and you never call, you come home and you work out until you’re sick and now Javier’s home and all of a sudden you're easy going and healthy and fine. That is a big deal!”

You stood frozen in front of him feeling like an open wound. Everything you hid, all the habits you tried to keep under wraps. How you skipped the meals your mother made, when you cried embarrassed when Genie found you on the side of the road after nearly fainting from a run. You had blocked it out, avoidant, Xavier had asked if you really wanted dessert on your eighteenth birthday, in front of your brother. He sat and watched. You were at a loss of words for once, you couldn't muster up anything to say. All things were true, he was right but you couldn’t face the connection.

“I…” You swallow the lump in your throat, “Yes, Frankie, yes I struggled. But it is what it is, it’s in the past!” You just accepted that idea 4 days ago but you couldn't tell him that, no.

He stands abruptly, the chair scraping tile, “I can sympathize with you now, we’re grown up but you complicated shit and I lost my best friend! You need to take responsibility.”

“I didn't do anything wrong!”

He scoffs, “Oh please! I wasn't the best brother to you but you knew Javier would do anything for you, you knew he was with Lorraine and you still had to have him! You never saw it this way, how could you? All you think about is yourself, but he was my friend first! He was my only fucking friend Andrea and-” His finger is pointed in your face. You're so angry you could slap him but that wouldn't end well, you and your brother were never above rough-housing. The optics arent the same now that the two of you are adults. “And imagine how I feel… after all this time, all this distance to get a call from mami saying regardless of it being my only boundary you're still seeing him? Please tell me I’m mistaken, nena. I’ll fucking kill him you have to understand me–he’s my family but you’re my little sister and I’m not letting him hurt you again, I cant watch it again. ” His finger falls.

Your skin feels a size too tight at that, the nickname he gave you when he first held you in his own chubby toddler arms. The burn of little sister, his stare blown and frantic you couldn't even tell exactly what he was mad about but it seemed to all boil over. Those six years of resentment you never knew he held. Standing in the kitchen where you had the man he’s begging you to be away from, below the bathroom where he asked you to go away with him and now with wild embers in the deep brown irises of your big brother, he pleads.

He is pleading, please don’t lie to me any longer, please don’t, not Javier, anyone else.

And you feel it, the guilt, the sick twisting storm throughout your body. You feel everything at once, you feel the paternal look in Frankie's eyes, his newfound fatherhood giving him perspective on how it must have been for you. You feel the resentment in how you acted after Javi left, how you never considered how his best friend leaving burned him too.

But so selfishly you’re brought back to the feeling of being in his arms. You hate that your brain is proving Frankie's point. Javier makes you feel stable, safe and maybe it’s unhealthy but it’s the greatest comfort you’ve ever felt.

You hadn’t known warmth until then.

Come november he’ll be gone and if you're careful no one gets hurt, he leaves and your secret is kept. Frankie is your family, he has hurt you 4 times over, he passed your room when you wept and rubbed in your face the relationship he had with your mother. You loved him to death but your feelings for Javier belong to you. You’re so tired of being told how to behave.

You lie.

“I am not sleeping with Javier.” Frankie’s tense shoulders drop, and you drag on the falsehood. “Mom got the wrong idea but I told her he had dropped his car off here so he could head to the bar and I’m so sorry for fucking shit up but its…me and him are different now. He’s my…” Your eyes drop, not having the heart to look at him as you fabricate all he knows. “He’s my best friend too, he knows about my grandma, he’s taking me to see her so we’ve been spending time together.” Half true, you hadn't even brought up your grandmother to Javier but you hoped to soon. You flick your gaze upward and your brother is stone face, internalizing all that you laid out, all the deception, you feel the trust between you two chipping piece by piece.

Your grandma, he whispers to himself and instantly frowns. He pulls you close to him tightly. You stay in the embrace for long, beginning to cry in shame. Feeling sick to lie to him this way, sob while he believes it’s because of your paternal trauma.

He’ll never forgive me.

Your brother leaves and it takes a few hours of complete isolation for you to feel anything at all. Sitting with your legs crossed in your bedroom, reliving all the good and bad in your story. Trying to pin-point all the wrong Frankie has done to justify lying to him the way you did. It’s radio silence in your room as you numbly pack, each corner tucked and rolled is a reminder of all the relationships you’re ruining. You think of your mother as you pack, you think of every time you packed a bag or lack thereof.

There were few things your mother did for you. By fourteen you were made to make your own dinner, pay for your own hair cuts, and keep up with your dentist appointments. But the one thing you could always rely on with your mother was her packing skills. She’d watch you struggle and let out an exasperated sigh before shoving you out the way and taking matters in her own hands.

Now at 9 pm you feel your mothers presence at the doorway while you struggle. It’s slight, the breeze surrounding her body, you feel the narrowed eyes peeled to the back of your head, the room pulsing with anticipation.

Will you be my mother again?

The weak part of you pleads.

But she closes the door for you without another word. And it's so silly but you begin to tear up, it's done once and for all.

You try your best to sleep that night but you find it impossible. You arrive at your class 10 minutes late with the students shaking their heads when they observe the cup of coffee in your hand. Class goes as good as it could be considering it was antsy eighth graders who had failed their algebra final. Two more weeks of summer school, one more month until you make a decision on your classroom. It makes you giggle a bit being called Ms. Diaz.

Javier doesn't call you Monday night but you know it's for the better. You know once you hear his voice you’ll miss him and you shouldn't do any more secret rendezvous until your family quits the speculation. You’ll have him all weekend, you'll have him in a few days.

On Tuesday you come home from work to a stranger taking care of your baby sister. Slowly your mother cuts off your purpose in her home. Hiring a nanny named Florencia, you still pick up Sol and give the nanny a break. Rolling your R’s in her face and watching as she attempts to mock you, she gets fed up. She smiles and pulls on your hair.

You’ll miss her the most you think, sometimes she makes you believe maybe you’ll be a good mother.

Wednesday ebbs and flows, you see Javier at the market. He stops in his tracks at the end of the aisle, strangely reminiscent of when he saw you for the first time after his year away. You in your bikini top and him in his dark jacket in 7/11. This time Javier looks around for on lookers and you do the same before he stalks you down the aisle, pushing your cart away before grabbing at your cheeks for a quick kiss that has your chest heating.

He steps away from you, creating distance in case a customer comes by. No one would know how had just kissed her.

You blush profusely and before you could tease him a worker passes you with a cart and begins stocking right next to the two of you.

“My dad is waiting in the truck.” Javier blurts, you take this moment to appreciate his attire. You want to ask if he dresses up this nice every time he goes for errands, you on the other hand… how funny would that kiss look to onlookers? A fully suited Javier pressing his lips to you in an oversized flannel and denim shorts.

You nod, “Okay…”

Javier looks over at the nosy employee, the two of you knew who the worker was, he was in Genie’s graduating class. Javier rolls his tongue in his cheek annoyed with their interaction being startled and it would be far too obvious to take the conversation elsewhere. Tilting his head to the ceiling and that familiar Peña sass you're so used to. He narrows his eyes at the worker again and shakes his head. Your cheeks hurt from the active attempt to not laugh.

“I’ll see you around Andrea, you look great.” He teases, his hand squeezing our shoulder. The worker stops his stocking at that and Javier doesn't give you the opportunity to pinch him because he's walking away.

Thursday you attempt to finish packing, stomach flipping at the thought of being on the road with Javier at 5 am the next day. Ten hours on the road and 3 nights alone. You stuff your birth control in between your towel and going out dress.

Right before bed, Javier calls your home phone. You aren't given the time to say hello.

“Are you okay?” He urges beyond the line. Your brows pull tight, your eyes dart to your packed back on the floor and to your clock, 10 pm.

“Yeah…are you okay?” You laugh and to your surprise he doesn't laugh back.

“Frankie came to my house today.”

Your heart skips a beat and you sit up in bed. Fuck. “O-okay what did he say?”

“I dont know… I just, I’m so sorry. I apologized to him for writing him off but you never told me about you eating or your grandmother I’m so-”

Your ears run hot, “Oh god he told you! I’m going to fucking kill him, jesus christ Frankie”

“Andrea let me see you, I can't wait until the morning. I need you to know.”

“Javi… please. My struggle was my business and it wasn't you or whatever, I was going through a lot more than you leaving at that time. I-” Your voice dies for a moment but you continue before Javier could cut you off. “I would rather talk about this tomorrow, please Javi.”

He’s silent for a moment, a beat, in that silence your brain clicks, Oh my god I haven't even told him about my grandmother.

“My grandmother”

“Your grandma” You both say in sync but you allow him to continue. “Your fathers mother contacted you, why didn't you tell me?” He says softly.

It wasn't intentional, at least you don't think it was. You're not sure when was the appropriate time to bring it up without it seeming like you accepted this weekend trip for a free ride. “She wants to meet me, she lives in Baton Rouge. I just didn't want to feel like I was just using you for a ride.” You sigh, afraid to admit. The thoughts of maybe being accepted by your father or a grandmother or an aunt, anyone. Your breath shudders. “I know… I know it's stupid but I’m so desperate for a family Javi.” You whisper.

He lapses into another silence. In those seconds you grew embarrassed with yourself, with your desperation. You felt a pang of ungratefulness, you saying this to someone who watched his mother walk out. You think of the people who have no one. You think of your own mother whose parents passed while she was a teen. Why did I say that?

“We’ll go see her on our way back home.”

Your brows pull together “What?” You frown.

“You should never feel like you're using me, I’ll take you Sunday to meet your grandmother.” You're silent again in a space between disbelief and expectation until he pushes you over the edge. “And… I am your family, you will always have me. But I think you know that.”

Your breath dies again, your chin quivering out of control.

I love you. How desperately you want to tell him, Javi, I love you so much.

Your mother is awake when you load your bags into Javier’s truck. You hear her rattling in the bathroom when you tie your shoes, you know she’ll watch from the window in her robe when you buckle in so when Javier grabs your bags you distance yourself, avoiding whatever affection he itches to show you.

You exhale when he settles in. He looks awfully handsome today, already dressed in conference attire. A lovely fitted mustard button down and black pants, his eyes flitting down to the glittering watch on his left wrist. And he tries to lean in again and you turn your head towards the window, and he gets the message. Still mutters curses regardless and pulls out of your street.

It takes 30 seconds to be on an empty dirt road and hes dangerously leaning to bite on your exposed shoulder, “Missed you querida, taste so sweet.” He grits and your redden straight down to your chest before letting out a ticklish giggle. You wiggle your hand around his head and tug his head off of you by the root of his hair. He looks at you with wet parted desperate lips and good god, you want him to pull over but–

“Eyes on the road agente.”

His eyes narrow and he shakes away his urge and continues down the road. You roll your neck, what an awful night of sleep you've had. You kick off your sandals and bring your knees to your chest. Leaning your cheek on your knee and you admire the man next to you. Sunrise splitting the pretty green trees, creating a lovely canary colored cast on the strong of his nose and eyes. His eyes, your stomach jumps, what lovely lashes on a man. You're envious.

It's silent until you're out of town and heading in the direction of George West, his eyes side glancing at you and double takes. His right palm covers your knee and pats, “Don't sit like that, it's dangerous.” Your lip quirks and you comply, remembering when he had said the same thing on your way to Liandra’s quince six years ago. He smirks at how quickly you obey, his calloused hand inching slowly up your leg and under your dress.

Your lip is between your teeth instantly and you part your legs. Hands at the end hem of your pearl colored dress.

Eyes still on the road he drags his fingers against your thin panties, your breath hitches as your buck your hips to give him more space, instead he slips his fingers in the space below, cupping you. The bumpy road jerks your core against his palm, you gasp and he chuckles.

“Javi…” You rub yourself on his palm, your free hand gripping his wrist. Your eyes fluttering closed, feeling the ball of his palm create the most necessary friction on your clit. Your panties ruined already, he must love the feel of the wetness seeping through.

His eyes stay on the road the whole time, “Hurry up, two more minutes and we hit a town.” He keeps his cool while you unravel next to him, inching towards an orgasm at dawn. And you let go of his wrist and run your hand up over your dress, needing as much touch as possible. You grip at your breast and hump his palm faster. This, this is quite the sight because despite your shut eyes you can feel Javier’s distracted gaze. “Christ, yeah baby let me see you.” Shamelessly you pull the top of your dress down, exposing your pretty peaked nipple and thats it.

Javier is moving his hand from under you and swerving the car off road. Thankfully these backroads won't see anyone but long haul truckers at this time because you're still so disoriented from the neared climax you don't think to fix yourself up but from the way Javier puts the car in park you know you wont need to fix anything. You're unbuckling and slipping your panties off instantaneously and he follows.

Unbuckling, unzipping and pulling out his erection. And to hell with thinking twice because the sight of him aching and twitching against his shirt has you scrambling on top of him.

His hands steading you as your hand slips between you, grabbing ahold of him with his tip prodding your entrance. You sink down, you moan softly but Javi is letting out a throaty rasp. Still you aren't used to the stretch of him especially from this angle. Your dress pools around the two of you, blocking any view of your bodies connecting.

No time to get used to this position, immediately he's driving his hips into you and you're bouncing, riding Javier. His hands gripping your ass, the windows fogging as the car fills with no sounds but grunts, whimpers and slaps. His mouth open and sucking at any inch of skin, finally his mouth suctioning your breast. Your hands tugs at his hair as you make a mess on his lap, the zipper of his pants will leave a mark you just know it. And you feel it, the pit, the dizziness, he feels you clench around him.

“C’mon Andrea, make a mess on me.” He grits, and you comply once again squeezing him tightly, leaking onto his lap. You're crying in pure pleasure and at your final call of his name he’s spilling into you, warm and just as messy.

He holds you tighter as the two of you float, still blurry eyed and dazed. You catch your breath together.

Like always you're so limp and fucked out that he takes it upon himself to disconnect the two of you and adjusts your dress. Planting sweet kisses in your hair, feeling empty and gaping you find it hard to move but he does it for you once again, guiding you back to your seat, buckling you in.

And like that you sleep for the next 3 hours of the drive

“Six more hours querida… We’re in Inez… according to the map.”

You wake to his right hand tangled in your hair, supporting your neck. You take a few seconds to realize that you're curled up in the passenger's seat of Javier’s truck. Squeezing your eyes tightly adjusting to the full blown daylight, eyes darting to the time, 8:40 am.

“Oh my god, do you want to switch?” You panic, you hadn't even offered splitting the labor. The ride was nine and a half hours at the very least and even harder navigating with a map. You had never driven for longer than two hours but it seems Javier is used to this sort of commute.

His face screws in disapproval and his fingers scratch at your head. “Todo bien, you can take the last hour. We should arrive by 2, the social lunch is at 3 but we can skip that.”

You nod, rubbing your eyes letting out an annoyed noise when his hand slides away from its place in your hair. Back to both hands on the wheel, your eyes flash down to the skirt of your dress and you feel clean? Your eyes dart to Javier’s lap and he's changed into a brown formal pant. “Did you–?”

His eyes follow yours and land back on the rolling roads, he nods. “Yeah, I cleaned you up when you were asleep and I changed… not sure how I would explain to Agent Messina what the wet spot on my pants was.”

Your brows shoot high and you laugh, “Fair point…” A fleeting feeling of uncertainty brushes you at the reference to another agent. You were alright in social settings but you're a school teacher for crying out loud, you have no idea what sort of people you’re about to encounter. In your head you see yourself walking into a dining hall full of suited men whispering and beating around the bush when asked questions of their career. You picture Javier in that setting, how you've rarely ever seen that ultra serious demeanor and disinterested aura. Rarely, but you have seen it, you remember just how cold he can be when you think of him shouldering Xavier out of his way nearly a month ago. You think of how stern he can be with you at times. Why does the thought of him working such a dangerous job scare and turn you on at the same time.

“So…” You drag in between the silence, “What should I expect this weekend.”

“Well, today there's the DEA social lunch thing, they're holding it so the bell hops could take our things up.”

You wiggle your brows, “Fancy…”

“Yeah, well after that we can settle in but from 7 to 9 I have a mandatory conference with my new co-workers, Colombia co workers.” He clarifies and you nod. “Then we have the night to ourselves. The guys will probably want to get drinks but we do whatever you want.”

Your chest heats, you almost want to roll your eyes at him. “Whatever… Okay and Saturday?”

“I have my long conference, 10:30 am until 2:30 pm.”

You let out a low whistle, “Four hours, jeez. Is it top secret?”

He rolls his eyes, “Probably. Don't take it personally, you knowing I’m leaving because of Pablo Escobar is enough.”

“Yeah, yeah… and after that?”

“Right, it’ll be time just for us. French quarters maybe?”

You beam, “Yeah maybe. Are any of your office friends going away to Colombia?” The question leaves you before you can form a purpose for it. Sure you'd love to meet the friends he might've made in Houston but a small part of you worries some people there will be aware of the existence of Lorraine and they will be aware of you, not being her. Afraid of a possible awkward conversation, oh god who are you to Javi? How will he introduce you–

“I think two guys from my section should be coming along. Felipe, he’s likable and polite. Dominican guy, but there's also Julian… not a fan.” His hand goes for the cup holder, fishing out a cigarette and you narrow your eyes at him. “Will you light me?” He asks.

Still with a scalding glare you grab his light and wait for him to slip the stick between his lips. “I’m just being helpful but I don't approve.” You strike the flame with your thumb and light him up. He mumbles a thank you and continues.

“Julian is in his mid thirties, kind of upset about my age and all that. He also got into it with Lorraine at a Christmas party a few years back.”

“Oh… what happened?”

Confirmed, you're going to die. His co-workers have met his long term girlfriend and now he's bringing you… his… oh god, are they going to think you’re in some ménage à trois? You hear stories from your college friends about white collared men and their wandering hands.

Javier taps his cigarette on the window, his face wondering how to start this story. But he starts with all of it, “When I got moved to train and work with the DEA me and Lorraine were in a trying to make it work phase.” Drag, “You know she’s very outgoing but she can get real defensive when she has a drink in her system. Anyway we had argued the night before so tensions were high when I decided to bring her to our christmas party.”

Your brain flashes briefly an image of Lorraine holding your arms telling you you’re beautiful on New Year’s eve, guilt and shame bolt through you, you tune out a small portion of his story thinking of Lorraine and her kindness towards you.

“…Julian decided to comment on Lorraine’s outfit choice. I mean you know how she was, very conservative being pastors daughter but when she wanted to dress up she… you remember what she wore to New Years?"

Your eyes widen, “How can I forget!” Custom made orange jumpsuit, you could’ve dropped dead from jealousy that night.

“Well he made a comment about me letting her leave the house in her outfit.”

You scoff, “Well whatever he had coming he deserved it.” You murmur, you hated that. You know that it was typical for women to comply with what their partners want them to wear but not for your generation. That was the time of your parents, every girl now wants to dress like Madonna and it’s great.

Javier laughs, “Yeah he did… Lorraine straight up called him… and I quote, 'a lonely short man with the complex of a man who’s 6 foot'. And slapped his drink from his hand, got all over his suit.”

You burst out into a fit of laughter, imagining the face on this stranger. The two of you laugh together at the image, but once the laughs died you fell into that familiar space of trepidation. You bask in the light silence while your brain ticks off the uncomfortable feeling of missing her as a friend. The strange sting that maybe she’ll never want to speak to you again.

“Hey…” Javi calls, ashing his cigarette in the cup holder. “¿Todo chido?”

You frown, “I don’t know… it’s stupid.” Your gaze averts out the window, passing a mall and some rest stop. His hand reaches out to your knee giving it a squeeze of encouragement. Whatever, “I kind of feel guilty? I know you two aren’t together but there’s a part of me that still wants her in my life. I liked being her friend that year.” You find it embarrassing to admit but most things are out in the open now with you and Javi, you have no time to keep these little feelings to yourselves, it’s what tore you apart for so long.

Javier’s grip loosens and your frown deepens as he retrieves it entirely. You look to him this time and his eye twitches slightly, you know it does that when he’s keeping something hidden. No time for that. “What Javi.” You say sternly.

His head darts to you and back to the road, “Nothing…”

“Javi.”

“Alright. With Lorraine… don’t feel guilty. She had your mind made up about you once she started college. I think her friends opened up to what was right in front of her.”

You lips twitch in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Javier sighs, his hands gripping the steering wheel tight now. “Well… I suppose they made her realize that you were a part of our relationship failing.”

“Me?” You had no part in that, he told you they had problems before the two of you kissed, before. The whole time it was all you, your crushing and whatever. You now know Javi had feelings for you then but you thought it was a back burner issue, from the stories you’ve heard it seemed like Lorraine and him were just too hot headed to be together.

“Well me more-so but it’s easier to fester dislike for someone you don’t have to face every night, so ever since then she’s kinda built a dislike for you.”

Oh.

Your heart is stuck somewhere again, this time between relieved and sad. Sad that after all these years of being jealous you still craved being her friend, yet it didn’t go both ways you suppose. And relieved that she already disliked you instead of possibly dropping the, hi I know we were close while you dated Javier but now I’m fucking him!

“Never mind then…” You drag, “Well I’m sure giving her a reason to hate me.”

Javier shrugs, “Everyone hates us.”

You giggle although the thought is absolutely terrifying to you, “Yeah… that’s true.”

“We should talk about Frankie.” Javi pitches after your two hours of talking about everything and nothing. You groan and pull his hand to your mouth. Shaking your head you mumble into his palm.

“Can’t talk sorry.” He scoffs at your attempt and removes his hand, whatever… you murmur. “Okay… okay. You first, mine is too much.” And it was, you’d have to detail the side of your mother he may not know, tell him about how it used to be between you and Frankie and you’d have to tell him about the accusation from your mother.

Javi can tell it's eating you alive because he intertwined his fingers with yours the second the crease between your brows deepened. “He showed up to the house, I was scared shitless when he started the conversation with your name. The conversation… it didn't go the way I was expecting.” His voice is low for that last part, you comfort him this time, placing your free on top of the hold you two had. “I guess I hadn't realized how much of a bad friend I turned into once I left. I think I lost my way when I was in Houston, I pushed everyone to the side and I think the only person left without an apology was your brother.”

You recall the face your brother made the night Lorraine broke the Houston news. Despite being wrapped in your own panic your first instinct was to look at Frankie. Frankie stared off into the distance with the same face of worry he had when mama would yell at them, disassociating for a moment before Genie beams with excitement. He imitated a smile when squeezing Javier's shoulders in congratulations. When you really think about it, Javier had been your brother's only friend.

“He loves you a lot, you're his family. But we are all selfish, he deserved an apology but you cant torture yourself over being oblivious.”

And you swear you see Javier’s eyes welling, you want to lean over the console and comfort him but you leave him to it. You leave him to process, letting go of his hand. He reaches for another cigarette and you light it.

With the wrist of his smoking hand he rubs his eyes, “Okay… your turn.” He chuckles through a rasp of emotion.

You tell him all, about your father and how your mother only ever loved him and how your existence has always been a reminder of the heartache she felt that day. Javier holds onto your hand again when you tell him that Frankie was cruel to you until middle school, that he’d never comforted you, that Frankie softened up to you when Javi got in the picture. Javi couldn't believe that, it was true, no one had ever shown you kindness and Frankie attempted to follow suit. Instead it manifested in overprotection and control.

It ended with your grandmother, with your mother cutting you off and your crushing ache for– “I’ve never truly felt loved by my family, it always felt conditional. I guess I’m reaching out to my fathers side in hopes they’ll welcome me there.”

Javier stops at a red light and looks over to you. His mouth twitching in hesitation, “Regardless of what happens you will always have a family, no matter where we stand or if we hate each other in the next few months, you will never need to look for a family as long as I’m around.”

Valet, fancy.

You itch to comment when the bell hop takes your bags. You explore the lobby a bit while Javier is a few feet away from you getting directions to the lunch they were both craving so badly. You hoped you were properly dressed, it was a favorite dress of yours, it’s pearl color and your sandals had a wedge.

The lobby was lavish, mosaic tiles, gilded pillars and beautiful bouquets of flowers at every turn. And it couldn’t get any better. You look up and are met with beautiful ceiling paintings and glistening chandeliers. Jesus.

“Andrea!” Javi calls from across the room and you make your way toward him. The man he spoke to was moving away to handle business elsewhere. “Everyone’s down this hall, apparently it’s more so a cocktail hour.” You groan, hungry as could be. He takes hold of your hand, in a public space, you stomach grumbles and you can’t tell if it’s from lack of food or the idea of being like this with him. He laughs, bringing a hand to squeeze your stomach. “It’s alright, I’ll call up room service later we’re just going to show face.”

Show face indeed, the room is packed. And you're a bit underdressed, dressed for lunch while everyone in the room were suited and in cocktail dresses. Your brows raising at the sight of men with guns in their holsters. Sure you're from Texas but open carry wasn't as common near you. Then again you're walking into a room of DEA agents. Javi squeezes your hand, “My co-workers are over there.”

Through the room Javier is given nods and smiles. You are too, men and women alike smiling and nodding at you too. Ahead of you was a tall woman in her 40s with shoulder length black hair, the only woman in the room with a suit. Messina, you assume, next to him is a tall dark skinned man with short buzzed hair in a gray suit. Upon arrival Javier’s face splits into a smile and he lets your hand go to hug his coworker. Felipe, you assume.

You're left smiling and saying hello to Messina. “You look good, Vaquero.” He squeezes Javier’s waist as they part. “Missing your cowboy hat.” He jutts his chin towards Javier’s cowboy boots. Javier shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever Yank.” Northerner, funny. For a moment you feel out of place, standing at Javier’s side without a name or acknowledgement until Felipe extends a hand out to you.

“Pardon me, I’m from New York but I do have manners. What's your name sweetheart,”

Your brows raise at the sudden attention, you take his hand and he shakes it. Instinctually Javier steps closer to you. “Andrea, nice to meet you.”

“Beautiful name.” He smiles and looks back to Javier with raised brows. Javier squinted in distaste and snaked his around your waist to pull you into him. You smile down at your feet with a blush from both the compliment and also the way Javier’s hand felt so large splayed on your waist. “So…” He wiggles his brows and Javier scoffs at his co-workers nosiness.

Javier looks at you briefly, “So…” He mocks, “This is my girlfriend Andrea.”

Oh.

It's disarming the label coming from his lips, you feel a heat rise from your belly straight to your ears and cheeks. A small part of you is kicking yourself for reacting to such a label but its beautiful to the ears.

So you were his girlfriend, huh.

“Well she’s beautiful, right Messina?”

Messina smiles, “Indeed, you can call me Claudia.” She reaches out and you take her hand, cold and soft, reminding you of the hands of your mother.

“Can I call you Claudia?” Felipe beams.

“No.” She cuts and Javier stifles a laugh. You lean into Javier giggling at the interaction.

“Where’s your girlfriend Felipe, the receptionist?” Javi teases but Felipe seems to be equally as amused.

Felipe smiles, “Fiancé, she's around somewhere.”

You look up at Javier who looks absolutely stunned at the announcement, “No mames…” He drags and Felipe shakes his head. He was definitely not kidding, “Congrats, wow.” Javi blinks, his eyes scanning the room.

“This is perfect, you two could get to know each other during our meeting.” Felipe waves his finger around the air. Quickly his smile fades, “Good god… Julian coming your way. Have fun, lets go Messina, we've had enough of him today.”

And like that the two of them sip their cocktails and leave you and Javi stranded. “Fucking assholes.” Javi chuckles before Julian comes into view and Lorraine was right. He was a short man, shorter than you. His suit hung loose on his body but he was awfully handsome and muscular. Although it looked a bit silly with his stature, you smile at him.

“Javier Peña, who’s this?” He says in a far grosser and irritating way, no way near the way Felipe asked. He stood with a glass in his hand. Javier’s face falls into that face he rarely shows you, his stone cold agent face.

You speak before he can for you, “I’m Andrea, his girlfriend.” You offer your hand and he laughs condescendingly as he shakes it. Clammy.

“Girlfriend?” He looks at Javier, “This one has a far better dress, a bit underdressed but at the very least not indecent.” He elbows Javier’s side, referring to Lorraine, thinking you aren't aware of whatever unfunny joke he’s attempting to make. Javier’s nostrils flare and before he says anything he’ll regret, you cut in.

“Well you might need to head to the tailor for the pants. And the jacket lacks… a stain of booze.” You tease right back. His face drops entirely. Javier’s head snaps towards you and his mouth splits into a smile.

He grabs your arm, “Alright, she’s had a few too many, we're going to our room.” He begins to drag you away and you giggle.

“I haven't had a drop!” You exclaim and he laughs, leaving Julian in the dust as he walks you through the room.

“You're crazy.” He shakes his head concealing his chuckle as you two exit the room. The air conditioning hits you hard once you leave the bustling room. In an instant he’s hauled you over his shoulder in the hotel hall, “Alright let's go have sex.”

You shriek from being off ground as he runs in the hall towards the elevator with you dangling over his shoulder.

Back in Laredo Lorraine calls Genie apologizing about not being able to attend her bachelorette party. Genie and Lorraine had stayed in contact all 6 years, close enough that Genie had Lorraine’s name down as a possible bridesmaid.

“It really is fine, i’ll be a dud anyway I can’t drink.” Genie jokes, she told Lorraine that she’s trying to get pregnant but not that she’s actually carrying. She excuses her new dry lifestyle on not wanting to gain weight before the wedding. In reality all she’s been doing is gaining weight.

“Yeah, yeah. Alright, how’s the wedding planning going? Almost a week, are you ready?” She beams, sitting on the counter top of the apartment her and Javi shared. She had half her things packed to come home for the wedding.

Genie chuckles, “Girl, that’s none of my business. That’s all Andrea and Ms. Diaz.”

Lorraine bites the inside of her cheek at the sound of your name. She wonders if you and Javier have seen each other since he went home or if you still held that fiery personality and kept distance.

“Andrea… How’s she doing?” Lorraine closes her eyes, a bit fearful of how it sounded.

“Oh Andrea? She’s good, teaching school and all that. She’s on a little weekend trip with Javier though. She deserves a break.”

Lorraine feels her cheeks heat in jealousy.

“Are they—? You know, together?”

She doesn’t care now, she feels it’s her right to know. Genie is silent for a moment and each second that passes Lorraine is angrier.

“No, they aren’t. You know they’ve always been close.”

“Well she’s always had a crush on him though, knowing Javier they’re probably fucking somewhere… that fucking man…”

“Alright, no need to speculate.” Genie interrupts. “It’s their business, but I’m highly doubtful.”

Lorraine scoffs and looks down at her growing belly. Her brows furrowing and a sudden wave of hope.

“Right…” She flattens her hand there, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

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