#i'm not tagging all of them individually this time sorry babes

[aurinn-n]

AAJJWNHJANJHNAJNWJHNDNHWJNH <3 <3 <3

Malisa, Elize, Catrina, Lum, Jace, Pati, Shado, Galven, and Rue (C) @aurinn-n

[curlyfriesgalore]

headcanons of a

hibiscus-loving boy ♡

☆ requested by anon — my daisuke headcanons.

★ a long sfw & nsfw headcanons list with one-shot segments of solo! daisuke scenarios to start off the new year 🥳.

☆ gen tags: fem! reader but reader isn't in his life (yet). the sfw takes place on earth and the tulpar, while all the nsfw is on the tulpar. before the crash (except it is mentioned in one headcanon). daisuke & his relationship with his parents. daisuke is single but very much wishes he could mingle. bits of silly stuff because it is daisuke, after all. someone please date him already... swansea is so sick of listening to him rave about "hot babes."

★ nsfw tags MDNI: malesub. dry humping objects. semi-public masturbation. daisuke uses a vibrator & flesh-light individually. mommy kink (as expected) and puppy kink (only mentioned though). lots of yearning for his dream girl and fantasies of women in general. (could it be you? 🫣)

[anon, thank you so much and i hope you liked this! on another note, i'm working on a long fluffy daisuke x reader oneshot, so you guys will get that wholesome content eventually. also, i forgot that daisuke was probably canonically bunking with swansea but... for the sake of this and daisuke's dignity, he gets his own room lol. —iris🌠]

sfw.

★ earth.

this isn't a set headcanon of mine, but i like to think that daisuke is a japanese and filipino man who grew up in hawaii but doesn't go home to his respective countries often. when he does, it's always a long catch-up with his large extended family, whom he misses dearly.

he gives off the energy of a single child solely raised by his first-generation immigrant parents, both of whom want the best for daisuke's future but struggle to show that in a constructive manner.

he has a relatively solid relationship with them, and their arguments are still within the realm of what is expected of families. however, there's a degree of emotional distance between him and his parents, especially with his mom who's a bit firmer on daisuke's education than his dad, who still cares about it just as much, but he's more reserved compared to his wife—the outspoken of the two.

with how they both work full-time and how he grew up with a vastly different upbringing from them, daisuke doesn't feel as close to his parents as he thinks he should. sometimes, they don't understand him, like his incessant love for thrifting and doodle-drawing, and sometimes, he can't understand them, like their insistence on getting him into an ivy league college when a public university works just fine (according to him).

daisuke is much more fluent in tagalog than he is in japanese, which his mom pesters him to study more, fearing that he'll struggle to pass down his knowledge of her lineage to his future kids properly.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

"tch, and how will they know how to speak to their obaachan, hah? it's not that hard to practice every morning, dai-dai." his mom sighs, one hand clutching the strap of her kinkachu bag while the other held a bottle of olive oil.

daisuke withheld a groan, grumbling to himself before responding, "i knowww, ma, i know. i'm just busy, okay?" his forearms fold over the trolley's handle, bringing his chin to rest on top of them.

she glares, "busy playing with your gameboy? you call that busy?"

without consciously intending to, he rolls his eyes, then swiftly snaps them back in place. cringing at himself as he purses his lips, a pathetic whisper of sorry leaves his clenching teeth.

before he knows it, his mom is scoffing. she squints at him with her brows furrowed, her gaping mouth quirking to one corner, and shakes her head in disbelief, bee-lining to the next thing on their grocery list.

"eh?! mama, i didn't mean to!" daisuke quickly splurges a cacophony of apologies as he pushes the cart, trying to keep up with his mom.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

other than that, his parents genuinely love him, as much as they begrudgingly listen to his endless rambles which they barely understand because of how all over the place his retellings can be.

daisuke always finds ways to interject his current story with another story that relates to the initial story, which he must explain in excruciating detail, or else they won't get the references he'll make when he continues the first story! so they just sigh and nod their head. (it's even worse for his dad when daisuke starts using english slang that's far too modern for his head to translate in real-time).

his parents have considered a second child. however, the financial burden, emotional weight, and physical pain from vaginal burns or cesarean scars that they'd have to repeat were too much. one sugar-charged chatterbox of a kid was enough for their lifetime.

daisuke wasn't always sure about what he wanted to do in life. his mind had always been glued to his dreams of traveling beaches around the world, flirting with pretty girls with a piña colada in hand, sifting through vintage pieces, and finding a girlfriend who loves him enough to want to do the same! but even then, he didn't know how to get to that point. of course, the simple answer was money, but how he'll get that money was what spun at the forefront and lingered at the back of his mind.

though, this is daisuke we're talking about, he's sure this'll work out one way or another!

"girls like smart guys, right?" he'd ask himself as he browsed through a leaflet listing all the STEM subjects his mom had circled in neon red ink. daisuke's eyes drift to the arts and humanities page, wincing at the sheer lack of majors highlighted on that side—it was next to none. save for architecture, which his mom suggested he should try because of his drawing hobby, but, truth be told, it was just a hobby for him.

he loved the freedom of art, especially doodling. it was a space for him to explore whatever wacky design popped into his mind. he'd look at a simple object, darting his eyes to several others, and merge it all into a story of sorts. whether it be a turtle-pig fishing for sentient crackers on a wooden boat or an intergalactic wasteland where sweets colonized spices, it was his favorite pasttime. so, the possibility of having that be ruined by conforming to another person's rules and regulations wasn't for him.

he once suggested studying fashion. assorting clothing pieces, designing looks, and learning its history was a genuine passion of his, but one look at his parents' faces was enough for him to quickly drop it.

daisuke has fixed cars in the past—not fully, but he's helped his dad and a couple of neighbors for some extra dough, and has managed to learn a thing or two.

he was pretty good at math and physics, preferring the latter of the two because he actually got to apply that math into scenarios much more interesting than 'find the radius of a hemisphere of volume 80 cm^3.'

so, when daisuke's mom learns of pony express' last-minute aerospace mechanic internship, she's ecstatic, excitedly telling him to prepare his resume because her son is going to space! after all, her boy got the brains for it.

daisuke genuinely looked forward to this opportunity as well. however, funnily enough, he was terrified of outer space. though he was weirdly okay with the unknown depths of the ocean, the galaxy? that was a different story. at least, if he were drowning in the sea, there was a higher chance of him surviving than choking out in space. he shivered at the thought.

nonetheless, daisuke focused on the positives. "holy shit, what if there are alien beaches with hot ALIEN babes?!"

however, his cv wasn't all that impressive by pony express' standards. so, out of sheer desperation, his mom used a couple of her connections to secure that spot for him, but daisuke doesn't know about this. he thinks his smarts alone got him the job.

she's so adamant about his education because she fears for him, like any parent would. she doesn't want daisuke to suffer financially the same way her and her husband did growing up—it was her nightmare, actually. so, hopefully, with enough prayer and preparation, this will benefit him greatly. (oh... if only she knew).

before his space trip, daisuke's dad treated them all to a 5-day family holiday out in california, letting daisuke choose most of the activities, aka revel in his inner child via arcades and amusement parks. he actually made 2 friends, both in separate places, who'd accompany him whenever his parents got too tired from walking or couldn't bare the insane waiting lines (which was 90% of the time).

his dad had been secretly saving for this ever since daisuke was a kid, wanting to give his son the best birthday an 18-year-old could ever want.

while they've gotten richer over the years, his dad constantly struggled to feel secure in their wealth, feeling as though they could lose it at any time like his family had back then.

★ the tulpar.

upon arriving, daisuke didn't realize that he was a very late addition to the team. he noticed a slight hesitancy in everyone, which made him feel awkward, but in classic daisuke fashion, he shrugged it off and tried his best to get on everyone's good side.

(he definitely vomitted in his mouth soon after take-off).

daisuke quickly befriended everyone. the easiest was curly. he was the captain, after all, and the friendliest and handsomemest boss he'd ever met. even though it was pretty obvious that curly initially tensed at the lack of proper planning from pony express' end, he soon forgot it when daisuke eased into the crew just fine, impressed with how optimistic he'd been.

then, it was anya, who was a little quiet at first, but when she got used to his chipper nature, she had no trouble giggling with daisuke. she's glad to have someone other than curly to have fun with during their game nights, and even curly wasn't the easiest to play with because of how frequently he'd doze off in between turns, drool already dripping down his light beard. so, daisuke was a massively fresh change. he was energized and dramatic, passionately involving himself in the game and sneakily cheating whenever anya was getting a little too close to winning.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

curly called out for anya, asking where she had put his sleeping medication. anya lifted her view off of the board, her finger still holding her chin, and turned to curly, whom she gave instructions to.

daisuke and anya sat on the ground in front of the lounge couch, which swansea sprawled himself on—arms folded over his belly—as he dozed to sleep, his quiet snore growing louder by the minute. daisuke looked at anya, who was now bantering back and forth with their captain, and a mischievous grin inched up his cheeks.

with a very "inconspicuous" whistle, daisuke swiftly switched the positions of her queen and his bishop, shifting his eyes everywhere to ensure no one had seen the evil he'd done.

as anya's laugh died down and brought her focus back to the game, she moved her knight to somewhere on the board, not noticing the changes. then, as ego fueled his chest, daisuke took out her king.

"check and mate, anya." he proudly smiled, flipping his hair. he flicked open his fingers and spread his arms away from the table, figuratively dropping an explosive as he mouthed a boom.

"WHAT?!" anya exclaimed, her brows knit up her forehead as she scrutinized the chess pieces.

swansea snorted awake, startled by the sudden noise. "hah?! oh, what...? wh-what happened, where were we?"

bemusement painted her face when she realized what had happened. she pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes at the cheater and pointed at daisuke, wagging her finger, "you did something, didn't you?"

daisuke stifled his laugh, remaining nonchalant and poker-faced as he shrugged. "i have no idea what you're talking about."

anya and daisuke just "argued." anya flailed her arms at the monochrome pieces, while daisuke found it increasingly hard not to burst into chuckles.

swansea lifted his back off the sofa, his spine resounding with a loud pop. in his neutral grumble, he said, "looks like daisuke won fair and square to me." then he went back to napping, flopping his neck onto the headrest.

anya was gagged, feeling like she'd gone crazy, so, daisuke finally cracked and cackled, falling to his side as he smacked the floor with tears in his eyes.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

surprisingly enough, it was jimmy with whom he got on good terms with next. well, good enough terms with. they rarely ever talked. their conversations were limited to offhand encounters if they were the only ones near each other, where daisuke asked simple things about his life, followed by jimmy's cold hum.

so, as to not make things awkward, majority of what they discussed related to the tulpar and its workings. (jimmy secretly enjoyed it, though, feeling like he was more important than curly because daisuke would go to him for these types of questions, besides swansea. even though, the reality was that daisuke liked curly way more for how much he could joke around and still found room for professionalism.)

then, there was swansea. daisuke's favorite person, and his one and only mentor!

it felt nice for him to hang out with someone like his parents, except he was more wrinkly, irritable, and meaner than them. sometimes swansea's jabs can sting, but daisuke knows he means well. (then again, daisuke feels that way about everyone, and he's not sure whether that's a good or bad thing.)

despite his clumsiness and how often his mind drifts off to fantasies of breathing in tropical air with bikini-clad ladies surrounding him, he's learned so much from swansea.

it's not just about mechanics, but about life, his experiences and what all the good, bad, and ugly mean to him. without giving too much away about what he's been through, daisuke still managed to infer a couple of things.

albeit, he can be hard to understand. while swansea's advice is straightforward, he is in a descriptively convoulted way. so daisuke could only fully process it when he's lounging on the couch with swansea, taking in every word and, for once in his life, shutting up—which has only happened a couple of times, but hey, who says daisuke can't maneuver his way for more?

he hopes swansea will write him an extensive letter of recommendation and not mention all the times he's given him the wrong wrench, that one foam incident, or his ramblings of how he lowkey highkey wants to be a model, to which swansea would slowly blink at him for.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

"you want to be a model? for what?" swansea inquires, standing with crossed arms as he watches over daisuke adjusting a screw.

"well, you know, for fashion! getting all dressed up n' stuff, my picture being taken as i pose for the camera." daisuke momentarily stopped twisting the bolt and posed for swansea, smoldering as he folded his arms, definitely not imitating the old man.

swansea just rolled his eyes and told him to get back to work, putting his hands in his pockets instead. "so why'd you pick fixing metal junk instead?"

daisuke paused, ruminating on his following words. "i dunno, my parents want me to be an engineer, which is, like, super cool and all! and i do want to be one... it's just, it'd be nice to try other things i'm good at and see where they'll go, you know? you get me, right, swansea?" he went back to fidgeting with the pipe.

swansea stood there, softly nodding to himself. "i mean, they have a point—torx, kid, not hex," swansea pointed at the other screwdriver in the toolbox next to daisuke, "they don't want you risking unstable work and have no means of supporting yourself."

daisuke ate his lips, and swansea could see him grow smaller by the second. he sighed, "but, i'm not saying that you can't pursue that. you should, at some point, but my daughter's done it before, and she says it's not an easy world—"

"she's done whAT?!" daisuke brightened, nearly dropping the screw in his hand.

"did you even hear a thing i said?" swansea frowned, instinctively crouching down to cup his hand under where the bolt almost slipped.

daisuke nodded, "yeah, yeah, i know, but that is so cool! omg, can she hook me onto some agencies? does she know any? please, swan—!"

"slow down, kid..." swansea unintentionally chuckled, pulling the tool in daisuke's hand back to the pipe. he shook his head and actually smiled, albeit small. it nearly made daisuke even more happy than he was about the news.

"look, like she said, it's not all fun and games but it is possible to be successful. you've just got to be serious, like you should be..." he taps on the metal, "...here."

"okayyyy..." daisuke heaved, defeated by the present realities.

there was a beat of silence. swansea stretched his neck from shoulder to shoulder and spoke, "...but when we get back to earth, i'll try talking to her, 'kay? now, finish up; you've already been taking long as it is."

daisuke excitedly bobbed his head, saluted him, and returned to his task.

★ extras.

daisuke secretly holds 'runway shows' in his room, walking from one end to the other as he stuns his imaginary audience with all of his hawaiian tees.

no one knows this, but he often draws himself with his dream girl (aka you, heehee). there are so, so many pretty portraits of her. you can truly see the effort he's put in these with every graphite stroke and his smudged fingerprint dented into the paper.

brought so many rings and earrings on board, only to wear the same ones every day 💀.

he enjoys a lot of music genres but predominantly loves pop. i like to think that the game takes place in the retrofuturistic 1990s, so daisuke listens to a lot of sir mix-a-lot and backstreet boys. he probably plays 'livin' la vida loca' on repeat when he's cleaning up foam with swansea.

would not be surprised if he has played every pokemon game on his gameboy.

his sleeping quarters are near swansea's, so... you can imagine how quiet he needs to be when he "relieves" himself (which makes the nsfw section even more embarrassing for daisuke, lmfao).

nsfw.

when daisuke finally realized that he would be alone.. in a room... in a spaceship... for a year... with no parents there to barge in, he tried so fucking hard to hold back the devilish smile crawling up his mouth (think knee surgery grinch). oooof course, he was going to abuse the living shit out of this freedom.

as told by swansea, daisuke "only thinks with his downstairs longnose." so, it's safe to say that he frequently masturbates, to no one's surprise 💀.

however, he needs the physical visual of something to really get off. he can still cum without it. but, as much as daisuke enjoys his fantasies of paradise, it takes an excruciatingly long time, and it never feels as good when he orgasms.

(if mouthwashing took place in our year, he definitely gets super turned on by nsfw audios. stuff like 'F4M gentle mommy praises you' would absolutely be his go-to genre.)

so he brought a portable tv and vhs player, secretly stashing all his favorite porn mags and cassette tapes, along with some new ones he's been dying to watch. the majority are vanilla, with a few bordering on bdsm, a couple of threesomes (it didn't really matter to him if they were FFM or MMF), and solo girls touching themselves as they tell him to follow their instructions, but a lot of them had an overt femdom feel, save for a few.

he tends to jerk off really fast and struggles to pace himself in a way where he doesn't greedily let himself reach his high, so closing his eyes as he listens to porn helps him extend that to a little close to 20 minutes. otherwise, this guy is done in maybe under 4—7 if he's lucky.

(unsurprisingly, he once came in less than 30 seconds from just teasing his tip. he got so embarrassed that he hid himself under the covers, shoving his face into the pillow, for being so pathetically easy).

even then, he can go so many rounds. when there's nothing much to do on the ship, and everyone was too involved in their own business to pay attention to him, he's had a few times where he used 3 of his 5 resting hours just jerking off back-to-back.

no matter how he toys with his dick, he'd always end up an adorable whimpering mess. he was naturally sensitive; pools of pre-cum would easily drip out of his tip after a few strokes, and his thighs would involuntarily shudder with each pump. however, that meant his moans would become so unbelievably loud that his whines could carry through the thickest of walls—unsurprisingly, very in-character for daisuke.

so he's grown used to muffling his mouth moments before he cums. either his palm pressed over his panting parted lips, or he'd resort to smushing his face into his pillows whenever it overwhelmed every inch of his body.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

daisuke lay on his side. with one hand tucked under his cheek, gripping strands of his hair, and the other vigorously milking his cock from base to tip, his half-naked body trembled on his bed. the patterned covers sprawled away from the beaded sweat rolling off his inner thighs, and all that filled the air were daisuke's desperate, high-pitched gasps.

a rising heat inched within his abdomen, and his wrist spasmed as every jerk reached speeds unbeknownst to him. daisuke pathetically attempted to smother whatever incoherent mewls escaped his throat, biting down on the skin of his lightly chapped lips, but it was futile. he was starting to lose it.

so, he rolls. he rolls his face into his pillow and props his knees on the mattress, brandishing his ass in the air with his back arched towards the tulpar's metal ceiling.

hoping he's suppressed himself enough, daisuke began whimpering out loud, cushioning his cries as he touched himself as fast as his slippery penis would let him. a list of curses fled his lips as he tried visualizing someone hover over him, grabbing hold of his drenched dick, pinning his head further into the pillow, and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

after a couple of twists of his tip, he finally spilled all over the bed, his drool following suit. his cock twitched upwards, lathering bits of his cum all over his stomach, and with one final huff, daisuke dropped himself onto the mattress, sighing into its warmth—too dazed to notice the subdued thumping of footsteps beyond his door.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

he hasn't gotten the opportunity to have sex yet, nor has he charmed anyone enough to get his dick sucked or touched, but he was very close to it!

once, at a party, daisuke got to make out with a girl from his last year in high school, but this guy would not stop talking after each kiss. all that came out of his mouth were the awkwardest of one-liners and rambles full of compliments. while he thought it was cute, the girl quickly got annoyed. after a few more heated swaps of spit, she left the closet they were in, and daisuke just stood there, embarrassed, stuffing his face in some random person's sweater.

though it was only one failed (but he likes to think it was successful) make-out sesh, he loves the act of it so much. the feeling of a girl pressing him up against the wall, no matter how tall or short she was, clutching onto his shirt as their tongues deepened. the thought of their crotches sliding against one another got him all hot and bothered.

but, admittedly, daisuke wished she stayed (not necessarily the same girl in particular) because he loved the idea of him yapping continuously about something as she touched him more and more, latching her teeth onto his neck as her fingers rubbed circles on his bulge. he'd falter, his words blending into an incoherent whimpery mush as she lifted up his shirt and made her way down his collarbone.

oh, how he fantasizes about receiving and giving hickeys. he'll abide by how his dream girl would want to be bitten down, but he wanted to be marked.

daisuke's always been super into teethy indentations on his stomach and darkened spots scattered all over his chest. so he's practiced on his forearm, watching his saliva coat his bite, imagining how prickly it'd feel on his neck. but what he loves most is its meaning, how it symbolizes that he belonged to a girl and she belonged to him. it always made him feel warm and gushy inside.

lowkey feel like he enjoys dry-humping objects. if he sees a soft enough edge with ridges all over or a pillow that's looking softer than it should, he's rutting his clothed dick against it. but because of that, he gets incredibly horny when he starts focusing a little too much on the corner of any table.

anya once had to snap him back into reality after he intently watched jimmy put his back against a particular part of the kitchen counter. daisuke's face flushed, remembering last night.

he had to take his time thrusting his wet bulge against it. standing on his tip-toes, swaying his hips like a seesaw, as he grips the bottom of the counter for stability, for he was losing it. the way his cum would build up was so different from jerking off. it felt like rushing water pushing against a dam, but it was slow, like waves on a shore inching closer to his feet. this would make him cry, and he'd constantly moan in hiccups, short bursts of suppressed whimpers because of how much effort this took. however, he makes sure his mess stays in his pants. so, when he does cum, it would only paint a large stroke over his boxers as his semen dripped all the way down to his knee.

daisuke brought a vibrator and fleshlight on board, which he bought using some of his earnings from the cars he fixed back on earth.

he fucks his fleshlight like a rabbit when topping, depriving himself from all thought as he picks up the pace. but when he's bottoming, he starts lifting his legs off the ground and spreads them in the air, sending his brain over the moon.

when he tried the vibrator for the first time, it's like he entered a whole new realm. he fantasizes being on his stomach, arching his back with his ass in the air, his dick dangling in between his thighs as a girl mercilessly presses a vibrator up against his parts—cumming a messy puddle into his sheets. even though he could still do it on his own, the thought of anyone on laundry duty questioning the large wet stain was too embarrassing to bear.

it's ironic, considering how much he's into risky semi-public quickies. when he gets so pent up in the middle of organizing tool boxes and listening to swansea's rants, he will excuse himself to go to the bathroom. swansea would just roll his eyes and go, "yeah, yeah. do whatever you want, kid. just don't take forever." whether or not swansea actually knew what he was really doing, daisuke will never know—and, frankly, he'd much rather not.

he'd play with himself, alone. running to the tools closet with his back against the door, hand shoved into his boxers, his slick coating his palm as he clutched his shirt, using it as a fabric muffle for his shakey moans, revealing his heaving chest and hardened nipples. his eyes squeeze shut as his eyebrows knit in ecstasy.

(when the crash happens and he's forced to sleep in the lounge, he often scurries away to empty areas around the tulpar when swansea is too drunk out of his mind to notice daisuke's random disappearances.)

while he's not exactly sure where his mommy thing came from (don't look into that too deeply), he really indulges himself in it. he likes to re-enact his sexual scenarios when he touches himself, saying his lines out loud as if the person he was imagining were with him. he'd whine for mommy to let him cum, and when he got real close, he'd call himself a good boy like it were a mantra.

do you guys think he might like being called 'puppy'? i think it's very likely. he reads as the type of person who thrives off praise and massively enjoys any petname a person could give him.

i think he fantasizes about a bunch of women using him instead of him using women, which is what horny guys his age probably think of more often. but no, daisuke finds it so fucking hot to be used like a toy by more than one person, not knowing what pleasure he'll feel next.

but he's unsure if he would actually like that to happen in real life. sure, it gets his gears going, but he knows he'd be good with his one and only (hypothetical and future) girlfriend doing whatever she wants to him.

[i'm not sure if anyone could tell, but i got pretty lazy towards the end 🫠 if there are any scenarios that you want me to expand into single one-shots then feel free to request! so far, i have two other reqs and 3 original works, so it might take a while, especially because i have irl things to work on. —iris🌠]

[haesunflower]

xdinary heroes reaction to receiving flowers

genre: fluff

pairing: reader (mostly gn) x all members

about/tags: xdh reacts to you buying or giving them flowers

established relationship, bullet point reactions, lowercase is intentional, this is my first work for xdinary heroes, afab for gunil's, i had to google what each flower represented, sorry for inaccuracies, dedicated to requester @snowflakemoon3

⠀⠀ gunil ⠀⠀

gunil is a whiner

so one day when he complains that "don't you think it's kinda misandrist that only women get flowers most of the time"

you think that's a direct jab at you because he does in fact, get you flowers all the time

on your next date you order sunflowers for him

it arrives via delivery and when he opens the door, he kinda smirks

"finally, i'm being appreciated around here" (jokingly)

he places the flowers in the vase you usually use

later on you find out he saved the petals of the sunflower in a ziploc bag

you teach him how to press and dry flowers for preservation

when he sees your collection of dried flowers from all those times he gifted you, he's so touched

looks at you like you're his whole world as you continue to demonstrate how to do it

⠀⠀ jungsu ⠀⠀

jungsu talks about getting plants for his room all the time but never actually does

so you bought him a pretty orchid to place on his windowsill

he loves it and takes care of it really well

he once read that plants have feelings

so he spoke to the orchid every night, pretending like the both of you were its parents

one day you caught him singing to it

"since when did you start giving private concerts to the plant, jungsu?"

"shut up. water your child, it's dying"

and you're just like??? but you do it anyways

taking care of orchids together become your shared hobby

years down the line, jungsu makes sure the flowers at your wedding are orchids

⠀⠀ gaon ⠀⠀

you were on a picnic date at a meadow

gaon made all this effort to set the date up, even making (which you start to suspect that he actually just bought) all the food you were currently eating

you felt kinda bad, as you didn't prepare anything (well to be fair this date was a surprise)

so while he was setting up the picnic basket earlier, you took the liberty to venture

you found a small wildflower bed full of marigolds and daises

you gathered the brightest and prettiest ones, the ones that best resemble gaon

so when you tell him "close your eyes I have a surprise for you"

and he opens them he's genuinely surprised that it's flowers

his heart goes like awwwww

but ngl he thought you were gonna plant a kiss on his lips

"I can do that as well, jiseok"

he got the kisses and the flowers, it's a happy day for him

⠀⠀ o.de ⠀⠀

"are those flowers?"

he stares at the meal your prepared him, edible flowers prettily arranged on top

you spent the whole day cooking for your date and bought edible flowers to decorate the salads

he's in awe because he's never tried it before

neither have you, so you're hoping it tastes okay

when you both sit down and take your first bites

seungmin says "babe is it me or it just tastes like plants"

"i sure hope so, because it is indeed, a plant"

"right".

you both just sorta stare at each other then laugh

he reaches for your hand across the table to bring it to his lips

"thank you for the meal babe, i love it"

he kisses your hand with such sincerity you want to cry

⠀⠀ junhan ⠀⠀

there was an old lady selling the last of her roses for the day by your university

they weren't anything particularly special, but they were individually wrapped so prettily you couldn't resist

she told you they'd wilt soon, so she's giving them at half the price to students

you decided to buy a red rose to give to junhan

as you stopped by his dorms, you found him strumming on his guitar

you jokingly threw the flower at him and said "bravo, encore encore!"

he picks up the flower and puts it in between his lips and bows, going along with the bit

you both laugh at each others' antics

junhan is goofier since you came along

⠀⠀ jooyeon ⠀⠀

jooyeon has received flowers from someone he personally knew in his life exactly 3 times

when he graduated high school, his debut showcase, and his first concert (all came from his parents btw)

so when you visit him in the inkigayo green room with a bouquet of brightly colored carnations he doesn't even think that those are for him

"huh, who gave those to you?"

"it's for you, jooyeon...."

and he's all confused like "what, why?"

and you're also confused as to why he's confused like? "congrats on your comeback and new mini-album?"

jooyeon takes the bouquet and smiles at the message you wrote

"to my favorite rockstar, jooyeon"

every time he made a comeback or released a new single, you would send him different flowers

in return, he places a kiss on your forehead

A/N: when i got this request i knew i just had to use the gaon flower pictures!!

btw to those that don't know, i take requests for other groups including nct, svt, xdh and of course zb1

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

✎ mobile masterlist

✉︎ request

[pharawee]

Hi Jane! Thank you for answering my question :D Unfortunately, I now have MORE questions and as the one cursed with the knowledge of this omegaverse, you're the only one I can ask *nervous laughter* sorry

Do they explain the levels of Charlie's absorption powers and how they work in the novel? We know that he absorbs powers through touch and is able to siphon more the closer his is to someone. And you said in the tags that he somehow changed Babe's DNA (that's crazy btw???). Can he change the DNA of everyone he absorbs powers from or just those he is intimate with?

Oh that's okay. I aim to spread this cursed knowledge to everyone who will listen. But also the worldbuilding in the novel is actually really fascinating and I'm having a lot of fun with it (for someone who knew nothing about omegaverse before).

The novel goes into a lot of detail with Charlie's powers and some of it is spoilery for stuff that is yet to happen in the series. But basically Charlie inherited his powers from his mother who was also an alpha (no word on his father). She must have had somewhat different powers though because they only noticed when Charlie stole her powers. Those powers later vanished when she died.

Charlie needs to be close to someone to absorb their power. Babe mistakingly believes that it's through sex but Charlie probably does it through touch alone because by the time he meets Babe he already has a lot of powers (and he's a virgin so things don't add up otherwise lmao). I'm not sure I remember them all but he can change his scent, detect lies, put people to sleep, cause hallucinations, slow his own heartbeat... and then he also absorbs Babe's super senses.

There's no talk about genes or dna at all but something within Babe must change after Charlie absorbs his powers so he becomes worthless for Tony's breeding program. That or Tony is just really stupid. 🤡

It's later said that powers are directly linked to who people are (both as an individual and as their secondary gender) so taking away their powers somehow changes them fundamentally. It usually can't be done and will kill them. Even with Charlie it's more like stealing (e.g. if Charlie dies the powers return to their original owner; and if the original owner dies Charlie no longer possesses their power either).

[athousandbyeol]

tagged by @itsmelb thank you so much for this <3

(i'm sorry but this will be quite long…)

Favorite Thai BL:

♡ 1000 stars ♡ bad buddy ♡ history 2: crossing the line ♡ history 3: trapped ♡ history 3: make our days count ♡ vice versa ♡ never let me go ♡ moonlight chicken ♡ 180 degrees longitude passes through us ♡ a boss and a babe ♡ the new employee ♡ cherry magic jpn & th ♡ old-fashioned cupcake ♡ be my favourite ♡ last twilight ♡ love for love's sake ♡ the on1y one

Favorite Pairing:

♡ forcebook ♡ jimmysea ♡ earthmix ♡ pondphuwin ♡ williamest

Most underrated actor:

♡ book kasidet I think p'book has great control over his characters. he adds variety and little details to his characters, especially in their mannerisms and voice projection. his acting is dynamic and compliments p'force's subtleness the best. i think p'book is a wonderful actor that hasn't unleashed his fullest potential. i love him as cher because he did the character justice without overdoing it. he found the balance and became the perfect cher in my opinion. but I have a good feeling about him as botphleng for his upcoming series (melody of secrets). i think he'll surprise many of us as botphleng <3

♡ force jiratchapong p'force is really unique. i think people often overlook his dedication to making the characters his own. i never see p'force in his characters—all I see is they're existing as separate individuals. p'force really thrives at microexpressions. it's such a gem to witness the twists and turns of his expressions. i adore him as top tanin. it's still his best performance yet (in my opinion). p'force is also good at voice projection and its dynamics. I'm also so excited to see how he portrays tankhun in MOS. i know by heart he'll be amazing.

♡ earth pirapat I've seen p'earth for the longest of time and I'm honestly a bit saddened of how underrated he is still as an actor :( he aces in telling stories through his eyes. it gets me every time T_T I love the tenderness of his acting style. and his voice is really heavenly :( but I have high hopes that we'll be seeing another side of him in only friends: dream on. it's going to be another pleasant surprise for us.

♡ est supha I know est is still new, but this guy! he acts with his eyes and I'm always, always, a goner for actors like him! i have only seen him in thamepo, so I'm not qualified to judge his acting skill as a whole. but from what I see, est is very eloquent at expressing his emotions through expression and gestures. i saw so many wonderful things in his acting as po pawat—ep 1 and ep 4 are some of his best performances yet. and est is such a method actor, in my opinion! he embodied po's mannerisms so well that I genuinely believe no one could be the perfect po but est. po pawat wouldn't be the same if est supha isn't the actor :(

♡ gawin caskey my man!!! his range! everything about gawin's acting… i honestly can explain just how much I adore this all-rounder! i especially love his chemistry with first in not me. it was explosive! i still have hopes to see them in a series together… he's just so good T_T he's like a sponge. he absorbs his co-stars' energy so well, but still shine on his own!

♡ jimmy jitaraphol p'jim, another actor who acts with their eyes. i personally love p'jim's voice control the most. and he also compliments sea so much in all aspects. they're really a perfect partner. i just adore p'jim's dedication to acting. and I want to applaud him for his performance as mork in last twilight. he really embodied the selfless, gentle, kind and understanding mork so, so well. he deserves a lot more praise for his acting really :(

Favorite Character:

♡ phupha viriyanon ♡ pat napat ♡ akk itsara ♡ palm pannakorn ♡ li ming loetphong ♡ cher saran ♡ gungawin ♡ mork (last twilight) ♡ tae myungha ♡ phoom (peaceful property ep 7) ♡ jiang tian ♡ po pawat

Favorite Side Character:

♡ jack, thi, zo, tub (a boss and a babe) ♡ phojai (last twilight) ♡ gao tianyang (the on1y one) ♡ po and sand (perfect 10 liners)

Favorite Scene in a BL:

there's too many T_T i don't think I can list them all.....

Favorite line in a BL:

oh my God… i have so many T_T but some that I can vividly recall: ♡ "you're back?" / "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for so long." (phoomvicha/peaceful property ep 7) ♡ "just leave it to the future. right now I just… i want you to be sure that I'll make you happy." (topmew/only friends) ♡ "i don't think you'd remember me." / "that's because you were different from others." (thamepo) ♡ "can i kiss you? kiss you as your enchanté? kiss you as someone who likes you." (akktheo/enchante) ♡ "so, do you think i'm invading your world right now, or are you invading mine?" (tianwang/the on1y one) ♡ "cher, from now onward, don't let anyone else ruin our relationship. the only thing allowed to change us is that you no longer love me." (guncher/abaab)

Most anticipated BL (& why):

♡ goddess bless you from death (pavelpooh) I fell in love at first sight and I knew by heart this would be an interesting drama! also, because I'm a fan of horror and mystery (with a dash of romance) this is very flavourful to me ;) can't wait for this!

♡ melody of secrets (forcebook) I've been manifesting for forcebook to be in an aged-up and mature setting for as long as I can remember. i can't believe I'm getting psychological thriller, mystery and romance with forcebook this year! i can't wait for this really T_T so excited to see forcebook's acting from another spectrum \o/

♡ ticket to heaven a p'aof x geminifourth comeback!!! i just know this will be deliciously painful and beautiful! i can't wait to see gemfourth because I miss watching them so much (my last drama with them was mlc…) can't wait!

Healthiest relationship in a BL:

in my opinion, it's gun and cher (abaab) and thame and po (thamepo) <3

Most toxic relationship in a BL:

oh… i hate topboston with all my life (even though I know they aren't exactly a pair… but I just hate them together so so much T_T). vegaspete…? very morally ambiguous…

Guilty pleasure series:

♡ a boss and a babe (I watch it whenever I miss forcebook and want some comfort t_t) ♡ peaceful property ep 7 (I love making myself sad when I think of phoomvicha) ♡ dangerous romance (I watch it sometimes whenever I miss perthchimon…) ♡ semantic error - animated version (this version is quite spicier than the live version hahahaha) ♡ lovely writer (I sometimes miss gene and nubsib… hehe)

i'm tagging @treasurebook and @tipsyjaehyun because i also am curious about their favourite shows hehehe (but it's ok if you don't do this). thanks again for the tag! <3

[mooncello]

What a fun Sunday so far. ⚡ thank you for the tags @bookish-bogwitch (LOVE seeing some of your writing process), @shrekgogurt (still haven't recovered from ch 13 of ikabikam in the best way possible), @emeryhall (happy anniversary!) & @you-remind-me-of-the-babe (anguished Baz is such a vibe fr).

For today's update:

Enter Niall & Dev.

Truly one of the most unexpected delights of writing this fic has been the insistence of Niall and Dev to show up and take a prominent role in the story. I adore them. I adore them as individual characters, and I love who they are for Baz.

Here's a little from chapter 2 of lost boys. This chapter will publish next week! I'm traveling this week, so I'll post once I'm back.

Under the cut because of length. It's a 30+ sentence Sunday, y'all.

Baz POV, 16 yo, year 12 (school).

Towards the end of lunch, I hear a familiar booming laugh across the canteen. I figure I have two minutes until impact. I tuck my sketchbook and pencils away and twist the lid back onto my thermos of tea. “Just a head’s up,” I say to Niall, who is still contently working away, “we’re about to be interrupted by the demon of chaos hims—” “Bazza!” There’s the solid thump of a hand against my shoulder and the dramatic collapse of tall, muscular limbs into the seat beside me. “My favourite nerd. How’s it going, cuz?” Dev flashes his white, perfect teeth at me before snatching my remaining bourbon biscuit. His fingernails are painted turquoise today, his dark hair is swept away from his face, and he’s wearing eyeliner. The bastard looks amazing. Despite being cousins, we never really hung out as kids. Always kept to different social circles. Which is to say Dev constantly had a roving pack of friends, and I had nobody (save for the lost boys in my dreams). But when I got outed this past spring, Dev decided to take a more active presence in my life. He even convinced me to join the football team with him. He’s charismatic and popular in his own way, and so unabashedly and loudly himself that even the nastiest bullies don’t bother him. It's been nice, having Dev in my life. Even though it means I now deal with his chaotic, abrasive personality all the goddamn time. “Dev, this is Niall.” I make a small sweeping motion to the boy across from us. Dev raises his chin in greeting. “New kid. Hey.” Niall smiles faintly. He looks rather disoriented. Possibly awestruck. I don’t blame him. Dev tends to have that effect on people. I’m almost envious of it. Another smack hits my upper arm. “Did’ya hear about practice this afternoon? Thirty minutes later than usual.” “Yes, I received the same team-wide notification, Dev, thank you.” Dev is now peering at Niall’s drawing tablet without shame, while continuing to talk to me. “A bunch of us are getting ice cream after the match on Friday. Wanna join?” “That’s a very solid maybe,” I tell him in a tone that communicates I’d rather eat grass laced with slug poison. I like playing on the pitch, but I’m not about to huff dairy with a bunch of footballer lads. “Great.” Dev stands, all six feet of him, and squeezes my top knot. I sigh and bat his hand away. Clearly I need to have another conversation with him about acceptable physical contact. “See you at practice then. Nice meeting you, Niall.” He’s off in a swirl of flair and overpriced body spray. “Sorry about him,” I murmur to Niall. I really hope he’s not scared off.

hellos & tags! xoxo

@thewholelemon, @best--dress, @facewithoutheart, @cutestkilla, @whatevertheweather, @artsyunderstudy, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @fatalfangirl, @youarenevertooold, @raenestee, @orange-peony, @ileadacharmedlife, @nightimedreamersworld, @rimeswithpurple, @iamamythologicalcreature, @shemakesmeforget & @arthurkko (your merwolves ... still thinking about your merwolves)

[lunarnights95]

okay, what. the. fuck??? LITERALLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? This shit irks me so bad. Hang on, I'm about to go on a tangent.

first of all, Sarah, you are an incredible person and a fabulous writer, and you have a wonderful life to take care of outside this app. this person clearly doesn't understand that they should be GREATFUL for the fact that you're spending even a MOMENT of your time in your already hectic and demanding life to write stories. so don't listen to this twit, and I'm sorry for all the shit and low-key harassment you've been receiving. You don't deserve this at all, babes.

secondly, people who write fanfics are not doing it for OTHERS. They are doing it for THEMSELVES. for many, this platform is an outlet, a way to express oneself with others who understand you. for example, the group SAS regarding Loki? that's an outlet for many, including myself. writing fics is another outlet to be used in multiple ways. it can be to clear ones thoughts that are simply too jumbled or incoherent with so many ideas, allowing them to focus on other aspects of life. it can also be a way to allow ones creativity to flow freely with no feelings of shame or guilt with what they feel or think. whether it be surrounding a character, an emotion, a situation, a desire, or anything.

thirdly, when an author or fic writer or even any type of content creator becomes too consumed in the constant need and desperation of wanting to make their readers/viewers happy rather than themselves, it results in them to burn out and no longer want to continue forward. you watch as a once amazing creator go from a passionate and bright individual to a mentally exhausted and drained person who no longer wants to continue what makes them happy. how would I know such a thing? because I used to write all the time, I used to write fics that I was happy about and proud to be a part of a community that appreciated them. then the demand came around, and the sudden desire to constantly be approved and adored for such hard work became a necessity. after a short time of this, i stopped doing this for me and started doing it for others, which resulted in me swiftly dropping the hobby entirely. my creative outlet was now a burden, which left me reeling with the constant buzzing in my skull of ideas making damn near impossible to think. as well as being forced to face reality 24/7 with no breaks or sense of relief. no one should have to witness or experience their passion die right in front of their eyes because of other people.

fourth, this is to ALL the creators out there when it comes to people like this? don't even waste your breath, honey. you being happy with your work and what you're putting out is what matters, not what other people think or like, no no. if YOU are happy, then that's the greatest achievement. everyone on this platform who writes, draws, films, sings, or anything at all, don't listen to the negative voices in the crowd. I know it may seem easier to let those voices taint everything you've worked for, making it tempting to give up. just take a step back, breath, and relax. you're doing amazing, your work is perfect just the way it is, and there are true supporters out there standing with you.

just in case this person tries to go to other accounts associated with Sarah, I'm gonna tag some writers or creators I adore so they're wary of these people.

@muddyorbsblr @maple-seed @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @michelleleewise @vbecker10 @fictive-sl0th @anonymousfiction211 @trickster-maiden

(These are only some. Feel free to add on more if the desired)

Why can’t you write more faster? If others can write so soon why can’t you?

What is in the fucking water this week I swear to god.

Anon, I’m currently working 2 jobs. Not to mention my mental health is always at risk of taking a wobble and I have to keep a close watch on it.

But even if none of those things were happening I don’t owe anyone an unending stream of fics. I write when I can and when I’m in the mood, and strangely enough I don’t have the time or the desire to sit at my laptop for endless hours writing fanfic. My life doesn’t revolve around this site. Jesus

[tsunderedoctor]

okay hehehehehe

so I'm in need of comfort bc college is ass and I just want to lie in the arms of some massive man while I do my homework BUT THATS IRRELEVANT.

Could I request Crocodile, Shanks and Aokiji (if you only want to do one its alright) with an s/o (fem pronouns) who overworks herself a lot to achieve her life goals? But at the same time gets very stressed very easily and takes critique very harshly :((((

I get pretty easily overwhelmed with work but I just can't stop bc idk anxiety or something

Tysm baby!!! Sorry if its bad and tell me if you don't want to write something :) have a great day and remember I'm so proud of you 💖💖

Ace!! I am so sorry for the wait on this, don't hate me😭😭 But I hope things are going better for you, and know I love you and will always support you!! Remember, you are amazing! Even in our most tiring times! 💖💖

Babes Below~!

Sir Crocodile

He watched her from the corner of his eye, as he took another sip from his wine glass, she had been staring at that god-awful book long enough, he began to wonder if she was in some trance. Finally giving the woman his full attention, he cleared his throat, breaking her from her thoughts and looking up at him in confusion. 

Raising his hand, he ushered her to come see him, getting up off the office chair felt relieving in its own right as she made her way to stand before him.

“You know, work isn’t quality if you aren’t giving it your all, take a break, we can worry about that another time, it won’t do you or I any good if you can’t concentrate.”

Sighing, feeling defeated by his words and her emotional turmoil, he eyed her one last time before grabbing her wrist and sitting him next to him. 

“A break doesn’t mean nitpicking yourself, either. Stop thinking those thoughts before I give you something to actually worry about.”

Deciding it must be his attempt of comfort, she nodded and leaned back in the cushion of his loveseat, perhaps a break is really all she needs.

“Red Hair” Shanks

Relaxation surprisingly ran in the ginger’s veins, catnaps were a usual must, along with sun bathing and other self-care fortes. He was always surprised in how much work she put into things, but figured it was an issue he had as a laid back individual, not her for being a hard worker.

Walking into her office was always a quiet ordeal, she was either reading manuscripts or writing something down, today however, he had found the woman fast asleep at her desk. 

Looking at the work presented on her desk, he skimmed it a bit, before nodding and grabbing a pen. He decided since he was the usual one to relax, maybe it was time she did as well, besides what could go wrong with giving it a try!

it was apparently a bad idea in of itself, as you woke up with a stressed Shanks staring at the paper, finally turning to you with tears in his eyes from frustration.

“How do you do this everyday?”

Admiral “Aokiji” Kuzan

Kuzan is another more laid back individual, unlike Shanks however, he knows when enough is enough. He tore the pages from her hands and placed the on top of the filing cabinets, far away she couldn’t reach them without any help. 

Hearing her ask for it back and slowly becoming annoyed with him ignoring her, she tried getting it herself. He watched her struggle for a bit, before picking her up and putting her on the bed. 

“Relax, will you? It will be there tomorrow, it won’t kill you to take a single break, you haven’t even eaten yet today.”

Listening to his words, she had realized he was right, her stomach growling in agreement. Ignoring her embarrassed blush, he had her promise him she would stay put while he made her some food, maybe after a meal she would start thinking properly again.

Tag List: @chloe-nanami @musical-apple @luxiditea @macdonaldsmanager @onepieceya @undercoverweeeb @pebbsie @athenaportgas @nephytale and whoever else wants to join in!

[mcwriting]

the press junket

based on this request by @i-dont-need-anymore (won't let me tag sadly)

takes place after the shower scene and the premiere

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1546

Warnings: seggsual innuendos lol

❖

"Babe come on, what are you doing?" you called to Tom across the hotel suite. "We're going to be late and that will look quite bad considering the news."

"Coming! Coming," Tom exclaimed as he rushed into the living room, hopping as he tried to pull on a shoe. "Sorry, couldn't find my good socks."

"I told you I put them by the sink."

"Yeah, but sometimes I'm dumb and don't listen," he said slyly, standing to kiss you and make it all better.

You rolled your eyes and gave him a shove.

"If that ain't the truth... Now let's go, we need to figure out a game plan for answering questions now that everyone and their mom has seen those pictures of us."

You both rushed out the door towards the elevator to find the right floor, where the film's PR team had set up shop for journalists to come, interview, and go.

"What do you mean a game plan? Why not just tell the truth?"

Despite your impending tardiness, you stopped in your tracks.

"Thomas. We cannot go down there and tell that bunch of hungry sharks that we got together after filming the scene that has everyone talking. No, we're going to keep it simple. Tell them we started dating after filming wrapped and somehow kept it secret until last weekend, right?"

You started walking again, pressing the elevator button and tapping your toes while you waited.

"Darling, I just don't think that's a good idea. You know how I am with keeping regular secrets. I kept ours for so long that I don't think I can physically lie about it anymore."

"Well let's just hope that have us in a room together so I can do all the talking," you smirked as the doors dinged and opened, revealing a bustling hall full of agents, assistants, talent, and journalists as they prepared for the long day of interviews.

Immediately you were both swept into a break room to talk to your teams before getting started, quickly learning that you and Tom would be spending half a day apart and the other half together.

Great.

"So the truth it is?" Tom whispered, giving you a look.

You sighed and rolled your eyes.

"And it shall set us free, I guess."

It wasn't long before you go whisked away to individual rooms, finding that next to you the entire time would be a blown up poster of you.

Time passed quickly as you completed your individual interviews. Of course, you got asked plenty about you and Tom, but most of the journalists were required to keep movie details secret, so they didn't attribute it to your scene.

Finally, though, you were able to get up, stretch your legs, and have lunch while you waited for Tom to finish up.

"How'd it go?" you asked as soon as he got in to the green room, barely giving him time to get his bearings.

"Usual. Plenty of questions about you but nothing too terrible. And you? They ask you anything too weird or personal? Do I need to threaten anyone?"

"First of all, if either of us would do any threatening, it would be me. Everyone knows you're too precious for that," you explained, giving Tom a pat on the cheek and a quick kiss. "And second, no, nothing happened. Just the same recycled questions every ten minutes."

Tom smiled and kissed your head.

"I guess I can agree on the threatening part. At least we'll be in the same room the rest of the day. Apparently we're going to read thirst tweets. That should be fun!"

Your jaw dropped slightly as you pulled away and looked Tom in the eyes to see that he was being serious.

"Are you... You actually want to read thirst tweets? You can barely handle people on instagram live asking you to marry them."

"Yeah, but, at least you'll be there."

You shook your head and laughed, mentally preparing for an uncomfortable afternoon.

❖

"Hi I'm Tom Holland."

"And I'm y/n y/l/n."

"And you're watching thirst tweets," you said in unison, followed with a laugh.

You had gotten through another round of regular interviews with Tom and were happy to be taking a break from normal interrogation, now moving on to the media companies that opted for the "fun" kinds of interviews to finish out the day.

"So now that the world knows we're dating, stan twitter has been going crazy, so it only seemed right to read some of our most recent and thirstiest tweets," you explained.

"I'm interested to see what we get. I haven't read any comments since those pictures got out, so I'm a bit nervous. They were already pretty crazy before."

"So do you want to start or should I?" you asked, holding up the large plastic jug containing your printed tweets.

"Ladies first, I suppose," Tom offered, giving you the floor. You shook your head and dipped a hand into the cup, fishing out a small strip of paper. You quickly scanned it and let out a chuckle before reading aloud.

"Okay, this one says 'Y/n could run me over with a truck and I'd still say thank you.'" You folded the paper and looked up. "I'm not really a truck person, so is Tom's Audi okay? I want to do it in style. Kidding, kidding. I'm too good a driver to run over anyone."

You looked to Tom to signal him to go.

"Like I'd let you run over someone in my car anyways," he muttered, digging into his own jar. "Here we are: 'I'm not sure who's finer, y/n y/l/n or Tom Holland. Either way, they're both winning.' Let's be real, y/n is the luckiest girl in the world to be dating a specimen like myself."

Tom gave a smug look to the camera and pretended to flip his hair. You shoved him and rolled your eyes.

"Uh huh, at least he's humble, everybody."

"Just read your next one," he said flatly.

You stuck out your tongue at the Brit and continued on.

"Oh you're gonna love this one, Tom. 'Tom Holland and y/n y/l/n should tag team me. I mean in wrestling of course.'"

Tom groaned at the thought and shook his head.

"Sorry, y'all. We only wrestle each other. It's pretty exclusive," you fake bragged as Tom's face reddened in embarrassment.

"God, babe, why are yours so violent?" he started, then paused when he pulled out his next tweet. "Guess I spoke too soon. 'I would let Tom Holland use me as a golf ball for driving practice.' That's nice but Titleist just sent me a whole box of Pro-v1's, so I should be set for a while."

"Yeah. Thanks to Titleist I'll get to spend even less time with my boyfriend than I already do," you said sarcastically.

"You know you're always welcome to golf with us."

"The problem with that is that you're actually good at golf. I slice the ball every time. But anyways, for the last tweet, we're going to play rock paper scissors and the loser has to read theirs, alright?"

You and Tom shifted to face each other and put out your hands to play. You were pleased to beat Tom's scissors with rock and cause him to have to read.

"Alright fine," he sighed, digging around the cup. "Let's see here: 'Wishing I was y/n y/l/n just to have Tom Holland's ass at my disposal.'"

You started laughing uncontrollably as Tom sat with brows furrowed in confusion.

"What does- what does that even mean?" he asked with concern.

You wiped tears from your eyes as you tried to answer.

"Come on babe, you do have a nice ass," you then addressed the camera. "And for those wondering, it is as firm as it is plump. I don't blame anyone for wanting a handful."

You sent a wink forward and again had Tom groaning, slumping against the table in total embarrassment.

"Well it looks like I've officially broken my boyfriend, so I guess I'll do the outro. Make sure you go check out our new film and follow us on social media! I might just start a 'thirst tweet Thursday' from now on."

"Please no," Tom cried as he sat up, giving you a look. You kissed him on the cheek, then turned to the camera again.

"This has been Tom Holland and y/n y/l/n, signing off. Stay thirsty my friends."

You sent a final wink to the camera and a salute before the media director called cut and thanked you both for participating, then getting the production team to clean up.

You turned to Tom, who still had the remnants of a blush on his cheeks.

"Was it everything you imagined and more?" you asked Tom, knowing he was regretting he previous enthusiasm.

"'And more' would be a sufficient answer."

You chuckled, still amused at his reaction.

"I cannot wait to read the comments when that interview gets posted. Now come on, babe. I think you need a snack."

"What kind of snack?"

"Depends on how much time and privacy we've got."

Tom's brows shot upwards.

"I think we can manage," he said quickly, getting up and dragging you away to the nearest bathroom.

❖

A/N: ahhhh sorry it's taken me so long to finish this but I'm obsessed! I wanted to add more tweet ideas but didn't want this to be too long haha. I hope y'all enjoyed!

Permanent Tag List

Send a message or ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent or series taglists so I can verify you’ve been added!

@jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @agentnataliahofferson, @spider-babe, @justafangirlduh, @hollandswife

[boysbeloving]

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 tags

tagged by @ahdriking thanks babe! Sorry this is super late!

okay....i might not hit 10? lol but i've also cheated twice 🙃

the following list is in no particular order

Supernatural: Castiel

Yes, yes yes...SPN...sorry...but Cas really is VERY close to my heart...the journey this angel goes through...learning about humanity...learning with humanity...and everything Cas experiences on earth with and without the Winchesters (Misha's portrayal of Cas definitely adds to why Cas is my fav)

2. Queer As Folk: Brian Kinney

This bitch istg...so i watched QAF after it ended and it was during a very difficult/tumultuous/uncertain time of my life...and then having Brian enter my life made it worse 🙃 (in the best possible ways)...He's so annoying, so rude, so slutty, so hurt, so alone...and i just...want to tell him that it's okay to love...okay to feel hurt...okay to reach out...okay to ask for help...no one will think any less of him...'you'll always be young, you'll always be beautiful, you're brian kinney for fuck's sake' okay i'm gonna go cry brb

3. Spirited Away: Haku

He dragon

4. Howl's Moving Castle: Howl and Sophie

They are BRILLIANT!!! as individuals and as a couple...love them so so much...their combined badassery is unparalleled...Howl will be a dramatic bitch and Sophie would be like 'i gotta go save my dramatic bitch'...also..Howl SO gets pegged by Sophie (i know she told me)

5. Kuroshitsuji: Sebastian Michaelis

uuuufffffff.....he's the devil....what more can i say....

6. Goblin: Goblin

okay when eun tak writes 'he has a sad smile' and they ACTUALLY run a montage of his sad smiles...bestie i died....i cried SO MUCH during THAT scene (no spoilers)...he's immortal, he's so done with your shit, he's hurt, he's in pain, he's burdened with life and all you want to do is hold this immortal being and rock him back and forth (also Gong Yoo ssi is just phenomenal...if you haven't watched it then please watch this kdrama)

7. Moon Lovers: Wang So

another hurt man....wow i have a type don't i...it's the 'i can fix/fuck/accept/love him' trope...he was never accepted for who he was, never loved, and it's this lack of familial love in the formative years of his life that fill him with unimaginable rage...and how he still simply moves forward...he achieves a lot later in life (but at what cost uuuffff)...i love the angst....right up my alley...(Lee Joon Gi the actor you are...again please watch this kdrama if you haven't already)

8. Kinnporsche: Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakul

*waves hand* this entire blog is effectively dedicated to the man...just check my pinned post lol

9. The Untamed: Lan Wangji and Xue Yang

okay...wow...Lan-zhan <333 (i know i'm not supposed to call him that, only one person has the right hehehee)....his stoicism, his no-nonsense persona, his pride, his sophisticated rebellion, his loud and proud declaration of love (and it's not words....it's his actions), his hair, just everything <33 (and the absolute gremlin Wang Yibo portrays him in the live action....boyo!!! it's whiplash y'all hheeehehe...and yibo is my baby btw)

AND Xue Yang...he's one of the villains....he appeared on screen and i was like 'this one....i'm gonna take this one'

so ya...i like one of the heroes and one of the villains...i got range y'all...i got range...hhheehehe

okay now to tag others...do i even talk to 10 people here? hahhahaha i'm not sure lol....but here we go (as always please do this only if you feel like doing it!)

@sereinartemishan @discluded @rainbowcolored7 @aayuthaezhuthu @skamskada @domsaysstuff @mickolo @deliciouswastelandgoddess @matan4il @nattaphum

and anyone else who wants to do this!

[bookofmirth]

As an elriel shipper I find it really sad that the two sides can't just get along and make this "ship-war" more fun. Like why can't we make this fun and just laugh about how we all see these characters going in different directions and joke around I don't get it. Why can't we just be like "5 bucks on elriel!" "I'll raise you ten!". Why you gotta be so serious all the time it's literally a book about fake creatures fucking.

Honestly. Sorry but I'm using this as an opportunity to rant about this fandom because it's so embarrassing, I am so tired of it.

I used to have so many elriel mutuals. I didn't care that they posted about it for years because I had the tag blocked so I got to see their other content still and interact with them. Funny how a bunch of them unfollowed me after acosf though, when I started posting content they didn't like and they couldn't extend me the same courtesy of blocking the tags so we could still interact regardless. I think I still have some but they just might not be as active, idk.

People are way too invested in being right. And they are way too invested in the idea that canon = the only thing you can like.

That's the whole reason fandom exists! To play with canon! To change it in ways that we prefer! Yes fandom exists to get more content about our faves, but that content is inherently not canon. Literally, anything that any of us say about these books, unless it's a direct quote from something that sjm has published, is not canon. People need to get the fuck over it and start to have fun, maybe. Even fanfic that agrees with canon can be tagged on AO3 as "canon compliant". That should tell you something. It's not fucking canon, no matter how close to the books it is.

(Screw canon. Y'all all need to take a giant step back from canon because it's getting mangled in your desperate grasp at this point.)

This whole thing with the character/ship weeks is just another example of how this fandom cannot have nice things. We can't even appreciate the same characters without people making it into a dick measuring contest, what the fuck! And I get anons who get mad at me for pointing out when people say shady shit about Elain, like babes, mes amis, besties, we both like Elain and I am defending her by saying don't reduce her entire personality to bread and roses, why are you mad at me?!

I haven't participated in any events since acosf (except for one elucien hc post that I did last minute) because the events have been tainted. It wasn't just this last week, it was way before this. The events have felt like a contest rather than a genuine enthusiastic "yay, this thing!". And now not only that, but certain people are trying to make events into a contest for territory or "I'm better at liking this character than you are". Gross. And sorry but the timing of the event pages is fucking sus! The fact that people have saved a whole bunch of Elain week event blog titles that they will never use just so that Sue (and others) can't access them, is fucking ridiculous and childish. And the fact that people were being snide about Sue in the comments of the one announcement? And those comments were just treated like those people weren't making pointed, dickhead comments? So much for your neutral, drama-free event. LMAO

And people treat fan art/artists that way as well, like if someone draws elucien it's a checkmark in the elucien column? We can't just enjoy that art? Or if it's an artist who has drawn elriel/elucien/gwynriel, then people get pissed off that the artist they thought was on "their" side has betrayed them? It's so immature.

But I also wonder if the ship war ending will make it any better. Right now I'm seeing a lot of pro/anti Nesta content and I am sighing and pinching the bridge of my nose. If you don't like what someone says about Nesta, just block that person or the tags. It's not enough to have a ship war? We need to be pro/anti individual characters, too?

That frustrates me because how can we have conversations with one another? What's the point of being in the fandom if it's just "I think x" and then all we hear in return is a chorus of "so true bestie".

Fandom is supposed to be fun. People are sucking all the joy out of it.

[kojinnie]

Something About Pain | Reiner Braun

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader (she/her pronoun)

Summary: You ran away from home and your boyfriend Reiner Braun is desperate to bring you home. When the two of you meet, you share a conversation about how pain inflicts the two of you differently.

Tags & Warning: Angst, (eventual) fluff, (mild) hurt/comfort, slow burn, major miscommunication problem, past trauma, abandonment issue, mention of anxiety, Reiner is a grumpy, hurt individual yet delicate inside | SFW

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: Based on the request by @okubean for Twisted Match-Up! I hope you like it, boo! (More A/N at the end of the fic)

.::My Masterlist::.

Twisted Match-Up (x Reader): Zeke | Hange | Jean 

There was a vivid look of worry on the face of Reiner Braun as he drove through the empty neighborhood streets. His right hand on the steering wheel, the other one tapping anxiously on the phone, dialing the same number over and over again to no avail.

All of his calls had gone straight to your mailbox, and his text messages were no longer delivered. Reiner came to realize that you've blocked him. "Idiot," he muttered to himself, cursing this whole modern affinity to accommodate people running from their problems easier. Reiner thought the feature was the stupidest thing ever created by humankind, he was pissed, but more annoyed. He realized how tired he was, and if he could, he'd rather be in bed right now. Not roaming your friend's neighborhood at ungodly hour.

"Where... the fuck... are you..." he was pissed, evident from the grunt as he tried one final desperate attempt to call you. It went straight to your mailbox. Your cheery voice didn't make him feel any better, if any, Reiner wished he could tell the mailbox-you to shut the hell up.

Reiner finally hit the brake, sighing annoyed. His black SUV stopped underneath the streetlamp, at a random neighborhood he could only vaguely remember. He had been here before, when he picked you up from your bestfriend's house after one of your "night out" with your friends from college, but he could barely remember which one of these identical suburban houses did she live.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel, racking his brain trying to remember the house number. Is this even the correct cul-de-sac? There are tens others. Who the fuck came up with the concept of suburban housing? Strips and strips of uniformed houses. And even worse, who the fuck thought that it was such a great idea to live in one? Like some Stepford Wives nightmare. Reiner couldn't believe some people would save up money for all their lives to pay off their mortgage to live in complete conformity, like a communist utopia with capitalist credit system. Were these people right in the head or had their brains fucked over by the boring 9 to 5 jobs they've had for decades?

That's beside the point. Reiner sighed. He ranted a lot when frustrated.

He knew you'd be there, in one of these houses, curled up crying in your bestfriend's bed, perhaps pouring your heart out on how much of a bad boyfriend Reiner was. He knew because you've passed the micro-aggression millionth times, muttering under your breath, saying that you'd be fine if Reiner kicks you out because your bestfriend would take you. What kind of fuckery was all that? Why would he ever kick you out? Reiner thought. He was clueless. Why were you so adamant that he would leave you eventually? Reiner could feel his annoyance grew while reminiscing your antics. He began to think, maybe he had never understood you to begin with.

But Reiner was wrong, because he was right about a lot of things about you. You were exactly in your bestfriend's house, curled up in her bed, ranting how hard it was being with Reiner. Although the tears had dried since hours ago. You were in your PJs and drinking the hot coco your friend had made you, comfortable in the bliss of obliviousness upon the fact that your boyfriend of one year was now driving aimlessly trying to locate your position. You were adamant that he was going to leave you anyway, you thought he wouldn't exert an ounce of energy trying to plea you home.

It was 4 AM in the morning and you hadn't come home. The trace of you had gone completely from Reiner's apartment since early morning. Reiner knew that this was bound to happen, had he done anything differently - would you stay? He thought of you and the state that the two of you had been tangled in. All the unresolved tension, or the persistent insinuations coming from you that you always shrugged off in the end, saying "Nothing." as if it did not matter, each time Reiner shot them with, "What did you say?"

You sipped your hot coco and let a troubled whimper as you told your bestfriend what was happening. It's the culmination of small things, your feeling of inadequacy and the anxiety of waking up every morning, being convinced that each day would be the day that Reiner finally leaves you. Every day you’d be mentally preparing yourself for the ultimate fate until Reiner returns home with his big, warm hug until your anxiety caves in. And that the anxiety would appear again in the next morning.

The idea of him leaving became incessant and you could never bug it off. You wondered why, maybe because you believed that you were inherently flawed. Maybe it's the way Reiner made that small "Tsk," when he came home to see the garbage piled up, "Babe, didn't I tell you to put out the garbage?"; or the deep, annoyed and condescending sighs he made when he missed his favorite show because you forgot to pay the cable bills while he was out at the office.

Maybe it's the way you couldn't match his sharp memory and reliability with you constantly forgetting things and your seeming inattentiveness despite the abundant reminders, notes and alarms you've made to keep yourself alerted. At times, your mind just wandered, and you needed him to rope you back in, but he never got the gist.

So, you were adamant that you had grown to be nothing but inconvenience for him, hence when he spent the night over at his office due to what he called "Shit load of work" over the phone, you were certain he wouldn't come back at all. You knew that the pain of being abandoned would haunt you to myriad of miseries, so you'd rather leave first. You knew it would be the end you both needed, because you knew Reiner did not care about you enough to tolerate your shit any longer. He was always quiet, there was hardly ever any expression on his face, God knows what he was thinking underneath. Each of your "Reiner, I'm sorry." would only be met by a singular hum or a quick, "It's okay." that left you wondering, did he ever mean it at all?

So that morning you left. While he was still at the office, because you knew there was no feelings strong enough for Reiner to keep him from leaving you eventually. You left first.

Your bestfriend nodded in reassurance, "You gotta do what you gotta do." she said pulling you into a warmly hug, but your attention was suddenly caught by the pile of plastics and packages from your take-outs at the corner of your friend's room. It just bothered your mind, and you got up to take it out. A small token of atonement to what you wish you had done to Reiner.

Your bestfriend immediately scrambled and took the garbage away from you. Insisting for you to stay in bed and let her take care of it. You nodded and retreated to the pillow fortress. You felt bad for her because the temperature was dropping, and there was no necessity to take the garbage out right now, but your impulse was often hard to subside, and your friend had grown to acknowledge and take sympathy over that. Unlike Reiner, you thought.

Maybe it's because Reiner never shown anyone openly about what he felt, but what you did not know, sometimes he wish he had. Sometimes he wished he'd opened up about how hard it is for him to breathe when unfortunate things occur that he did not have the answer to. Sometime he wished he could share his fear, worry, anger and disappointment, but he was always thought that a man got to suck it up, and perseverance was the only way he knew how to survive.

Sometimes he wished he had told somebody that the constant worrying about his loved ones consumed him too, to the point it became hard for him to let his guard down even when things are okay. He was always on alert, and sometimes it got exhausting too for him. He wished he had told all that, so in times like these he did not have to assume the heartbreak alone while trying to find the solution to it. Sometimes he wished people knew that he cared too, he loved too, he knew too when someone he loved was struggling, but he never learned how to show it. Reiner knew your mind often raced hundreds of miles per hour, Reiner knew your state of agitation, but he never had anyone to teach him how affection should look like, other than be of service, which he tried his best at being. It was no wonder that Reiner was left clueless when you chose to leave without warning.

He was pissed because he knew how daft he was, yet none of it was ever intentional. He cursed himself for not knowing what went wrong, for not being more observant, for not being open with his feelings, for not telling you how much he had grown to love you and how much his apartment immediately grew cold at your absence. But mostly, at this moment, he cursed himself because he wasn't attentive enough to know you friend's house number.

The air was crisp when your bestfriend stepped out of her porch. She made quick steps to the garbage can when she saw bright headlights coming in from the end of the street. She grunted, wondering what was her neighbor doing, cruising around with dramatically low speed. It seemed odd.

She put her fingers above her eyes, trying to recognize the plate number or the driver, but the black SUV lights were dispersing her sight.

She closed the garbage can and tried to immediately return inside but the car cruised closer and pulled over in front of her. The window rolled open.

"Hey," There was an immediate look of surprise from the person that Reiner barely recognized. But he was sure enough that it was her, judging from her body language; all tensed and alerted, "This is Reiner."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence between Reiner and your bestfriend. She was considering carefully on what to say next.

"Uhm yeah, I know." Your bestfriend finally spoke, her voice creaked, caught by surprise. "What do you want?"

Reiner spoke your name, "I want to meet my girlfriend." Reiner could hear the desperation in his own voice, but your friend jeered in response.

"My girlfriend." she passingly mocked the way Reiner spoke, she came to dislike what she thought was possessiveness in Reiner's nature of speaking, "She's not available. I suggest you to scram. Before my neighbors complain."

Reiner furrowed his brows in dismay, couldn't seem to understand the hostility presented by your friend, "I need to talk to her."

She stood unyielding. Reiner opened the door and climbed off of the car, sighing as he walked closer, propelling your friend to keep her distance away even further. "Please, let me talk to her."

"Not a chance." She turned around and scurried back into the house. Reiner was quick to yell, to her expected dismissal. Without thinking further, Reiner got back to behind the wheel and moved his car forward on to the curb, proceeding to close off the exit way for her small city car in the driveway.

Reiner jumped off the car as your besfriend realized what he had done, "I'm not moving the car until she comes down."

She let out a restraint shrieked, "What the fuck?! I got a dentist appointment tomorrow morning!"

"Then please, tell her to come down and talk to me," Reiner said, sounding almost apologetic. He threw a glance at a lonely swing set in the small park across the street, "there."

The occurrence happening before your eyes was unexpected to say the least. You closed the small slit from your bestfriend's window fold, trying to manage your heartbeat that had become almost deafening. At the same time your bestfriend appeared from the door, face red with flustered, "I think he really wants to see you."

Thousands of thoughts made a commotion in your head. It did not make any sense. You made it easier for Reiner by walking away with clean slate, you were sure this was what he had hoped secretly.

Your friend shuffled inside and shot you a deep stare, she sighed heavily and told you that whether you liked it or not, you had to face him. Reiner looked genuinely worried, she said, twisting your guts even further.

You sat in her bed for a moment, trying to relive every waking moment with Reiner. Sure there were moments when your own thoughts chased you into a deep corner and you wished Reiner had seen it. Sometimes you wished he’d hold you tight, kiss you with reassurance and told you how meaningful you were to him. Sure, sometimes being with Reiner could feel lonely, but he had never treated you back nor was he ever intentionally mean to you. What do I want? The question hung heavy in your mind.

I want him to say that he wants me, the voice within the nook of your brain said, I want him to say that he loves me.

You nodded, finally ceasing from running away further.

             Reiner never thought that at his 20-something he would sit miserably on a random swing-set at a random neighborhood just an hour before the dusk cracked. Reiner was a big man, but even with his figure and the aid of his tailored suit and shirt, wrinkled after gruesome hours at work trying to keep his company afloat on the thin ice of his personal relationship with you – Reiner was tired, and miserable, and desperate. Even more, he was cold as the temperature continued to drop down.

He hung his head low, trying to fight the shivers. It was quiet, too quiet, only the faint sound of the wind and the creaking sound of the swing-set holding off to its dear life under Reiner’s massive weight. The man sighed, never he thought that the sight of you coming out of someone’s house in the dead of a  night would be a spectacle he looked forward to the most.

He closed his eyes, shutting himself off from any sound and thought. Thinking that maybe in the bleakness of his sense, the time would pass faster and your heart would soften.

In the nothingness Reiner could feel a sudden warmth crept from the tips of his fingers, he opened his eyes to see you standing before his eyes, towering him who was sitting like a pathetic boy on the swing. You were wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, hiding your PJs underneath. In your hands were two cups of scalding tea, you shoved one into his hand, “You came.” You stated.

Reiner let out a deep sigh of relief as he saw you safe and sound. He felt warmth travelled across his body, he did not know whether it was the tea in his hand or simply the sight of you that made him felt so. His eyes latched on to you as you sat on the swing next to him, “Hey. What are you doing?” Reiner asked.

“Running away.”

“Why?”

Reiner looked at you intently, and the guilt started to consume you. You gazed afar, softly shook your head, “Dunno.”

“I see.”

Yet another silence ensued.

“How’s work?”

Reiner sighed again; the heavy breath seemed to be the only way the two of you communicated. Just two troubled minds pouring their burden at each other, “Bertholdt abruptly resigned—fuck, it’s been a nightmare, but—” Reiner pressured his thumb over his brows, trying to ease his sharp migraine that suddenly came, “—that doesn’t matter now. Will you come home?”

He looked at you again, you were still gazing to god-knows-what, everything other than his eyes. Reiner grew antsy on his seat, the swing creaked again. Please look at me. Please look at me. The words resonated incessantly in Reiner’s head but nothing came out of his mouth. Just a stoic, to-the-point question.

Don’t you wanna know the problem, Reiner? Is that all? I said I don’t know and you didn’t even try to dig in deeper? You came all the way here and you just straight up asking me to go home with you? Your mind was nowhere better. It’s in uproar but there was only silence coming out of your mouth. But he came, he didn’t leave. Contradiction danced inside your mind like an unwanted guest.

The silence grew heavier. You saw the lights from your bestfriend’s bedroom lit off, she had got to be tired eventually. Suddenly, you felt so alone. Just the two of you in this odd morning.

“It’s hard, right?” Reiner broke the silence, he looked at you again, this time he was desperate for you to look into his eyes. Little did he know, you were refusing to do so because you could feel your fragility forming in your eyes. You swore not to cry.

“What?” Just a depthless answer you uttered.

“Growing up.” Reiner muttered. The man sounded almost contemplative in his defeat. He sighed again and shook his head, “I thought I’d be someone better by this time in my life.”

The answer surprised you. You thought he would say something like ‘Relationship is hard’ or some jargons he picked up from one of the movies he watched without you. You felt bad for undermining him just because you were upset with him. Does it really mirror your true perception of him? Maybe you really hadn’t known him that well.

You had no resolve to his statement, so you just nodded, allowing him to pour out his thoughts.

“I thought I’d be better with my job, with myself, and most importantly,” he shifted to lurch towards you on his seat, the wire strings of the swing twisted to your direction, “with the people I love. But obviously, I still… suck.”

“And here I am. 4 AM. A fucking adult on a fucking neighborhood swing-set.”

You could feel the air suctioned out of your lungs, as you felt guilt loomed bigger inside you. He came and he felt bad – what more could I ask for? But then you remembered the nights of loneliness despite having Reiner sleeping next to you. You had a bad day, but you were too prideful to come clean. You wanted him to be intuitive, but he never did. Being with Reiner, you had mastered the art of crying in silence while sharing the bed with him. It’s exhausting. Yeah, Rei, maybe you’re bad at this.

Despite that, you stayed silent.

“Will you hate me if I say I don’t know what’s wrong?” Reiner knew how daft he sounded, “God. I’m pushing my luck coming clean at you.”

You were at loss for words. You had so many things to say, but too few of a courage.

Reiner called your name. He reached over and tried to tangle one of your fingers with his. From your periphery sight, you could see him forcing a smile, “I—”

He sighed again. Reiner’s chest was filled with words and all he wanted was to vomit it out, but he never knew how to properly addressed the feelings he had—he couldn’t even describe what he felt. All he knew was one thing: he wanted you home, back in his arms, “I am a stupid man. I really don’t know what’s happening between us. You.. just.. gone. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not smart enough for all these..”

There was almost a childish plea in Reiner’s words, and you couldn’t help but to threw a faint smile. You chuckled, “What did you say? You’re—what?”

He scoffed at himself, “I am stupid.”

You finally caved in because you realized there was an undeniable genuineness in the way he spoke. And the sentiment was mutual, you felt stupid as well for you had not realized how completely, utterly, truly clueless Reiner was.

Eventually, you looked at him. His hardened face quickly turned wary to finally see how puffy your eyes were from crying earlier, you forced a smile, but it was clear you were pretending, “You make me feel so lonely sometimes.”

The words came out of your mouth like a canonball that had been stuck in your chest for too long. You felt relief, but on the other side, Reiner could feel his heart broke. A pain from a man realizing too late of the damage he had caused.

You thought of everything that had made you feel so. The way Reiner rolled over in bed away from you, drowsy and unaware, when you called him in the dead night as your anxiety kicked in; when his hand let you go as you tried to hold his hands in public; the complete non-existing mention of you in his social media; the take-outs that he mindlessly brought home when you had cooked dinner; his easiness in dropping a problem after he said sorry without checking up with you further.

It was the absent of his intuition that made you felt invisible – but you realized too late that maybe he was truly oblivious, evident as he said, “But how?”

“You really don’t know?”

“Babe,” he further tangled your fingers into his grasp. Your hand and his, they hung in the middle of the two swing seats, “I swear on my mother’s grave.”

“I’ve always thought you wanted to leave me but never got the right moment to it. The affection—I hardly ever got it from you. Not the affirming words, not the reassurance. Hell, maybe I want that public kiss and hugs that you thought was stupid, Rei. Just—”

You could feel the tears forming, choking you mercilessly, “—just to feel loved. To feel wanted. For once.”

You finally let your tears dropped. And Reiner was slapped with realities that both of you were in. He let go of your hand and stared down at the pavement, “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“You never asked.”

“But I never knew. How am I supposed to know that I should ask when I didn’t know I should ask on the first place? I’ve always thought you wanted to be left alone when all your crazy thoughts come in—but you—”

“—you—"

Reiner groaned, obviously frustrated. He rested the blabber, “Maybe we’re just not good at this.”

Like a train, you could feel the ending coming to hit you. This is it. This is it. You thought to yourself, picturing how Reiner would finally leave you. You secretly wished Reiner wouldn’t give in, you wish he’d put up more fight, so at least you’d know that you carried a weight in his heart. But you knew this was bound to happen, so why were you so upset?

“Maybe.” You wiped your tears dry, “That’s okay, Reiner. I know that’s what I am.”

“What?”

“I’m just an embarkation point, right? Everyone will leave me eventually. That’s why I left, because I know eventually, we’ll be talking about this. So I’d better leave first.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Reiner grew even more frustrated with the way you danced around your words.

“It’s okay if you want to leave me. That’s what all people do to me.”

“You left because you think I was planning to leave you all along?” Reiner asked, sounding painfully offended as he finally got to gather what you were insinuating, “So that is the problem?”

“Yeah, so I better leave first, right? Before I get hurt again? Before you leave me like other people and—”

“Fuck other people!” Reiner raised his voice, which he immediately regretted. He ran his fingers over his hair irritated, turning it into a complete blond mess, “Are you trying to avenge your revenge for other people—those exes you’ve had—on me?”

Tears welled up again in your eyes, as you looked away from him. But he called on your name again, this time there was a deep sternness in his call that you couldn’t help but to face him. Reiner was glad that you finally gained courage to speak the truth, when he had not, “So you want reassurance, yeah? How about the times I told you how beautiful, how smart, how great you are – only for you to tell yourself the opposite immediately.”

Reiner looked directly into your eyes, “I can’t make you something you’re not. What you are is who you think you are.”

“You can never matter – if you don’t think you do.”

An expressionless, soundless tear fell onto your cheek. A heart broke to your dismay. Reiner finally said the truth and there was no way you could delude yourself into thinking that he was wrong, “Then… why don’t you just leave me, Rei? Why don’t you get rid of me a long time ago?”

“Because I’m giving you something that I never received in my entire life, ever. I’m staying for you.” There was a palpable pain in the way Reiner spoke. He landed his finger on to your heart and you could feel it pierced through your skin with heavy realization, “I’m staying. Like no one ever did in my life. Not my ex-girlfriends, not my friends, and certainly not my father. That’s what makes us different. I have more faith in you than you have in me.”

Reiner was a man with heavy heart. He had been through a lot of things in his life, learned how to fend on for himself since very young, and dreamed of the day when he could finally put his hair down with someone he cared for. And what you hadn’t realize, was how essentially similar you were to him. How both of you longed for someone to let go of your inhibitions and fear? Just two broken people finding refuge in each other’s longing for the same thing. And that’s what you failed to see. He understood you, just in a way you didn’t understand.

And that’s the thing about pain, they are inherently personal. No matter how much you have shared yourself to others.

The two of you went dead silent for a moment. In the horizon, the sun rays were starting to emerge, the morning had arrived.  Your tears cascaded painfully slow; Reiner was looking at his feet trying to sip his tea that had gone cold. His hands were trembling with both sadness and anger that were beginning to secede.

Reiner finally called your name, this time it was delicate, “I’m sorry, alright?”

You looked at him with tears in your eyes as you nodded, “Alright.”

“Will you come home, now?”

“Yes,” you muttered, “I think I will.”

The two of you got up and Reiner immediately drew you into his chest, holding you the tightest you had ever been held, reconnecting all the broken pieces scattered inside you. You buried your face into his strong chest as you sobbed once more, while he kissed the top of your head with affection more vivid than thousands of words of affirmations.

“What do we do with these hearts, Rei?” You asked as you felt your chest throbbing with pain and love.

The man loosened his embrace and smiled, “Persevere.”

A/N:

First of all thank you so much to @okubean for giving me a hellish prompt! This one really made me faced my own abandonment issue and poured it into a writing. I tried to touch about the absent-mindedness as the implication of ADHD but I’m really worried that it doesn’t really do it justice. So hereby my sincere apologies! 😭🙏

Nonetheless, I really hope that you may enjoy this piece and I’m so sorry if it comes off as boring!

I literally drafted this on the metro, and got really carried away with it!

Did I enjoy it? (Yes)

Did this turn out longer than I expected? (Yes)

Am I worried this will bore people? (Yes)

[passingthetime]

I was tagged by @slunecny-hrob, thank you!! 🌟

Who was your first favourite artist?

Emil.RuleZ! I would say. Especially their song Bölcsidal because the chorus was about hot cocoa with whipped cream.

Who are your current favourite artists?

Blue Öyster Cult, Judas Priest and Deep Purple are my top three

Are you into musicals? Which ones?/Why not?

Eh, I can appreciate a good musical, but I don't care much for the genre as a whole. I really love Hair, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely?

The only songs I listen to deliberately rarely are songs I think are good but are overplayed, like Don't Fear the Reaper or Riders on the Storm - I hear them plenty anyways, why would I pick them whene choosing music to listen to?

What’s your preferred way of listening to music? (time of day, medium, situation)

Any time I'm not supposed to be talking to people or not watching something... Generally when I don't need my hearing ability. I listen to music at work, on public transport, to sleep, while drawing, while browsing the net... Constantly. At home I listen on my mini hi-fi system otherwise I recently got wireless earbuds and I'm very pleased with them. I usually listen on Spotify, unless it's not available there, in which case I use YouTube or music downloaded on my phone.

What would you say is the most niche music you listen to?

Edge of the World by Wolf, probably. If you search Wolf, some 90s band comes up on Google, you have to type something like "Wolf NWOBHM" to find them or just search for the album, so I suppose they aren't very well known.

What’s your favourite music related movie/TV show that’s not a musical?

Velvet Goldmine!!!

Albums or playlists?

Albums for sure. Most of my playlists are just albums placed after one another with occasionally songs I would skip removed haha

Favourite albums?

Fire of Unknown Origin by BÖC, Gun by The Gun, Killing Machine by Judas Priest, Point of Entry by Judas Priest, Edge of the World by Wolf aaand The Piper at the Gates of Dawn by Pink Floyd

Is there an artist you’re trying to get into?

Not really, unless like post-Fire of Unknown Origin Blue Öyster Cult counts. I'm slowly chewing through the albums I've dismissed before.

Whose music do you find overhyped?

I'm sorry, so many of you will hate me for this but oh well, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Maneskin. Their music might be nice if you are into like modern day pop-rock, but they aren't bringing rock 'n' roll back any more than idk, Imagine Dragons (which I was also told was supposed to be rock?)

What’s an underrated song?

Cheater by Judas Priest, it's hands down the best song on Rocka Rolla, and yet it barely gets listens on Spotify.

What’s a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time?

I hope I'm explaining this right: when they switch around between being all melancholic and going hard such as in Babe I'm Gonna Leave You by Led Zeppelin or Beyond the Realms of Death by Judas Priest.

What song is better acoustic?

I dunno, I never really listen to acoustic covers...

What’s the worst song of all time?

I don't know, I don't go out of my way searching for songs I hate.

Do you put individual songs on repeat? If so, for how long and how often?

I have Spotify on repeat in general (god forbid the music ever stop, I'd rather listen to the same thing over and over), which is fine for albums/playlists, but I'll sometimes search for a song and listen to it, and it goes on repeat and I forget to switch songs...

Do you make your own playlists? If so, what’s your most entertaining playlist title?

Sometimes. But I don't really give entertaining titles... Maybe just "sex" is the most entertaining? xD

Headphones or earbuds?

Earbuds! They are small and easy to carry around.

Do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? If you harmonize, do you ever invent your own harmony?

I don't even know how to harmonize... I either sing lead vocal or just yell the guitar riff haha

A music confession

I used to listen to Vocaloid noise music, like Watashinokoko. I was really proud of how niche that was, and honestly I still look back at some songs fondly.

I tag @psihokracija, @jiangwanyin, @0mmadawn and @green-tinted-sixties-mind if you wanna! 🍄

[themangolorian]

Hi babe! I hope your having an amazing day. I'm not sure if you are doing requests and if you are writing for Poe. If you are I would like to request a little one shot where Poe thinks he is to old for the reader when he sees her with a younger pilot.

Fabiola, my love! Thank you so much for this request and for jump-starting me on my journey to writing for Poe, which I’d never done before this! I hope it’s everything you’d been wanting and more in terms of your request! It was such a good prompt, and I had so much fun writing this!

It’s Only You

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: No warnings. Smidge of jealousy. Just Poe’s reaction to a small insecurity of his, quickly quashed after a meaningful, telling moment.

Words: 1.5k

“Nice flying.” You shot over at Nooban, a relatively new recruit to the Resistance.

He blushed from beneath his hair, matted as it was against his face after just having removed his flight helmet. “Not as good as you, Captain.”

You laughed. Of course not. You weren’t being arrogant. You’d just been taught by the best. You looked over to the command center where your mentor stood intently studying a data pad. Poe Dameron. He was the best. You heart grew within your chest without your permission and you felt your own cheeks warm.

“You’ll get there,” you finally replied, looking over to Nooban with a wide smile that he returned.

He was your age but green where it mattered, and you wanted to ensure you gave him all the encouragement you’d been given by your flight instructor. Poe had been strict when he needed to, but no one sang your praises higher when you did well.

“Thanks.” And there was such hope and joy in Nooban’s eyes that it brought you a sense of fulfillment.

You’d been leading drills since Poe had recommended you to the General and you’d been promoted. You fought the temptation to look over at his handsome, stoic face again. You weren’t yet sure what was brewing between you but you knew it was something and whatever it was, you knew it best no one else picked up on it for now. So you dived jovially instead back into conversation with Nooban as he tossed question after question your way, clearly beside himself at your encouragement.

                            ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Poe wasn’t fuming. He hadn’t looked up to see you, as you’d climbed out of the cockpit, bright eyes lit up in excitement, your beautiful smile wide as always after getting back from a drill or mission. He certainly hadn’t noticed the way you’d been animatedly complimenting and talking to Nooban, the new young pretty boy.

A muscle in Poe’s cheek twitched. Okay, lying to himself wouldn’t work, he’d certainly noticed all that and more.

He noticed Nooban’s cheeks flushed with heat at the way you were drowning Nooban with compliments. More than anything he noticed how seamless your interaction with Nooban was. You and Nooban looked almost a couple from this distance, young and in love.

Poe resisted the urge to roll his eyes at himself. Only a few years your senior, he wondered if it was his experience, long as it was with the Resistance - he hadn’t been much more than a child when he’d began piloting - that made him feel older than his years. Or whether it was Nooban’s greenery that made him feel so outdated. Either way, reasonable or not, Poe felt inadequate for you next to Nooban’s clear charm and easy smiles.

Poe outwardly shook his head at himself now as he attempted to read the same line on the data pad in front of him for the third time. He was being silly. There was nothing going on between you and himself anyway; sometimes wayward longing looks and smiles were just that, nothing more. He didn’t get a chance to finish his thought or reading the line because suddenly a finger was poking him teasingly in the side.

                           ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Finally, finally, Nooban had taken his leave to go wash up before it was time for supper. Leaving you alone in the hangar with the object of your affection: Poe. Who had been too distracted with his work to notice you. He jumped when you poked his side, looking almost irritated as he glanced sideways. For a moment, his gaze softened when his deep brown eyes saw that it was just you. Then something hardened the corners of his eyes and mouth again as he looked away from you.

“Status update on the new pilots?” Poe’s tone now was standard only for when others were around. This was his work voice. His Wing Commander voice.

You glanced around wonderingly, looking for anything indicating the two of you were not alone as you’d thought. When you realized you were indeed alone, you couldn’t help the hurt that rushed to the features of your face as it fell. What had happened, you wondered.

When you didn’t respond, Poe finally tore his gaze away from the data pad to look at you again, and whatever he saw on your face seemed to crumble his resolve, whatever its root.

The data pad clattered as he placed it down on the workspace; he turned to you. His own features had softened again and he raised his hand as if to take your wrist but thought better of it and took the tracking data pod gently out of your hand instead.

“How did it go?” He asked finally, his voice much softer than before, but you could no longer meet his gaze.

You cleared your throat. “All cadets passed Drills One through Three. Cadet Bwel failed Drills Four and Five; I sent him to Snap for individualized training.” You spoke succinctly and though you tried to keep emotion from your voice, you knew it quavered anyway.

You’d been so happy to be back, excited at the prospect of Poe’s reaction to your training. This was the first training session of yours he’d been able to sit all the way through on, tracking your progress and the progress of your cadets.

You hoped your dejection did not show. But suddenly, a warm finger was at your chin, and you let him lift your face so you were looking back up into his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, genuine regret running deep in his words and in his eyes. His thumb came up to rub just beneath your lips and then he was dropping his hand.

You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it, and there was warmth in his gaze as he spoke, his words rushed with excitement.

“You did great, better than any of them projected! I told them.” The way he was gazing down at you proudly made your heart nearly burst, though a pinprick of worry still found its way into your head. “General Leia told them too,” he promised you suddenly, and his mouth broke into that wide, easy grin that always made you fall apart, made you weak at the knees. “I can’t wait to tell her.”

His smile was infectious; you smiled widely back. “I-…”

You wondered what it was that had him so troubled. You knew him better than he must have thought you did. Despite his grin and his warmth and the clear affection in his eyes, you could see the slight pinch of his brow, the barely there tilt of his head, that told you something was still off.

“Thank you,” you finally managed, reaching a hand out before you could stop it to grasp his, squeezing it warmly.

He seemed to falter but squeezed back. Both of you seemed frozen in the moment, as if unsure whether to release your grips or tighten them.

“What’s wrong-“ You started at the same time that he began to ask ���Was Nooban alright back there-“

Interrupting each other worked only to cause a lull in the conversation again, and you felt his hand beginning to slip out of yours. But at that moment, everything seemed to click into place for you. Your smile, wide and bright, was unperturbed by dark thoughts this time as you tightened your grip around his hand so he could not escape your hold.

Nooban. You thought the name almost gleefully. Why an actual legend of a pilot should be intimidated in any way by a brand new recruit was beyond you, but you exhaled in relief as you tugged Poe’s hand so he had no choice but to fall towards you, clearly not expecting the pull.

You released his hand so you could melt into him as your arms wound their way around his waist. You’d never hugged him so brazenly in a public space before where any one could happen upon you, but now that you knew why he’d been grumpy and still high on the success of your training, you couldn’t help yourself.

At first, Poe was stiff as you wrapped your arms around him, but slowly, almost hesitantly, and seemingly without choice, he began to melt into you too, as he rested his chin on the top of your head and wrapped his arms tentatively around you.

“It’s you.” You murmured into his flight jacket. His whole body tensed, then- his grip around you tightened. “It’s only you.” You supplied the words easily. Never had you said something so heartfelt.

You felt him kiss the top of your head almost roughly and closed your eyes in pleasure. No, you didn’t fully yet know what was building precariously between you and Commander Dameron, but it was higher already than you cared to climb down from, not that you would ever want to. And no green pilot who’d barely just passed his drills was going to get between that.

                           ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Poe breathed in your scent, reveling in the softness of you between his arms. He could be so stupid sometimes. Hard-headed, as you’d taken to calling him at times. It’s only you, you’d said. How you seemed to always read his mind he never knew. What he did know was that he wouldn’t…couldn’t...trade you for anything…not even the whole galaxy.

Forever Tag List (please let me know if you’d like to be added/removed): @lesqui @beskars @rosetophighlander @dyn-djarin @keeper0fthestars @mrsparknuts @hiscyarika @watsonwise @scarlettwitcher @murdermewithbooks @adlerorzel-blog @tiffdawg @starwarsiscooliguess @opheliaelysia @ezraslittlebirdie @luphers @madadlorian @beyoncesdragon @theocatkov @benedrylcumbersnatch @love-of-fandoms @thea-cartier @crazy-kat-in-the-hat

masterlist

[christowhore]

PLEASE READ THIS! PLEASE READ THIS!..

P. S::this is NOT hate, I just want my voice to be heard because I am a victim and feel highly triggered by these posts. I understand that you have warnings for it but it doesn't make what you're doing any better. Even if you don't answer this ask and keep it in your inbox or most likely, delete it, I just want you to read it and try to understand where I'm coming from, you're a grown woman and should come to terms with your problems

ACTUAL ASK BELOW

Hey, could you explain to me why you write about rape/noncon. I'm sure as hell that it doesn't help readers who have been through rape come to terms with it, reading a psychopath Steve forcing his dick in you doesn't help anything. And no rape victim would want to remember a time in their life when they were forced to have sex against their will. It is so utterly disgusting to watch people send likes and comment gross stuff under those posts. Obviously, they find pleasure and thrill in it, if those posts where for the sake of rape victims they wouldn't be written like that or, they wouldn't even be there. Y'all are the same people that preach about giving victim's justice and bla bla bla but here u r disrespecting and violating them more than anyone else. DO BETTER!

hello natalie, i’m just gonna assume you meant to send this ask anonymously but forgot to click it since that’s what you did last night when you sent it in to a bunch of other writers. i truly think it’s wild how you’re telling dark fics writers what they should and shouldn’t be writing when you are coming on here typing this. don’t you think you should be practicing what you preach babe?

YOU are the one that’s being demanding. nobody is holding a gun to your head to read what we write. i can’t think of a single writer on this platform who writes dubcon/noncon works that don’t tag their works. most of the time it’s in big and bold letters TELLING you what the theme is as well as telling you to read at your own risk. YOU are the curator behind your reading consumption. YOU choose what YOU want to read. you don’t want to read it? move tf along !

look i’m sorry that you have gone through a traumatic event, and i wish i could take that pain away from you. i’m truly sorry that you have gone through it. but a lot of people have as well, including myself. it’s been a known thing, numerous articles have been made about it, that some individuals find a bit of relief when it comes to reading and writing dark materials like dubcon/noncon. it’s a way to help them cope. it might not be the best way to handle the situation for yourself, but it is for other people. you cannot under any circumstances tell people how to process their own trauma.

yes i am a grown woman, and yes i’ve come to terms with my own “problems”. and i’ve been able to handle the things that occurred in my past the best way FOR MYSELF, by reading and writing dark fics. you do not like it, i have a easy solution for you. go to general settings, click on filtering, and put in that you don’t want to see dark fics (ex: dark!steve, dark!bucky etc.) it’s that simple. the filtering on this hell hole app is one of the best.

if you want more information in regards to dark content, here is a wonderful post made including some articles on why writers write about the subject.

as a gentle reminder for people about my account: you are responsible for your own media consumption. i will mark all of my works with their respective warnings. viewer discretion is advised.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Five

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Four

View chapter on wattpad here

Word Count: 4k

A/N: Happy birthday to Nikki Sixx who is aging like wine. I'm so proud of how far he has come and here's to another 61 years and an eternity more🖤

Warning(s): Explicit language, Mentions of drug abuse, Abuse

Tag List: @girlnight-terror @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @xpoisonousrosesx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @triplehaitches @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Alright, assholes, shut up and listen for two minutes." Doc tells us in the airport we wait in line at customs. "We're gonna be here in Japan for a week. Japan is not like it is back home. You can't act like you don't have any sense. They will lock your asses up in a heart beat. Do you understand?" He warns Tommy, Nikki, Vince and Mick. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Daddy." Nikki sarcastically lets out, smacking his gum.

"Hey, wise ass, I don't need your comments, alright? I'm being serious, guys." Doc tells them.

"We got it, Doc. You don't have to worry about anything, bud." Tommy assures him, sincerely.

It was our first time in Japan and I've got to say, it's personally my favorite place ever.

The fans were extremely polite, and all of them had enthusiastic, wide smiles...my favorite part was that the girls actually respected the fact that Nikki's wife was with him, and didn't try to screw him in front of me like audacious rats in other places tried to.

They would just smile shyly and introduce themselves to us, and then get a picture with the guys.

If I had a dime for every time Fred has had to keep me from assaulting someone for grabbing Nikki's crotch in front of me, trying to shove their tongues down his throat, give them hotel room numbers to meet them in, etc. I would have been rich enough to afford Nikki's $3,500 a day on heroin.

Groupies were insane.

And I don't mean I saw these girls attempt this stuff from a distance.

I mean, I'd be standing right next to him, the girls would introduce themselves to me, then go on to grope Nikki before he could say a word about how it was nice to meet them.

In the midst of trying to get me on the ground before I could throw a punch, the girls would run off, and Nikki would always say "sorry, babe" and mean it.

He stopped apologizing when he stopped caring.

"...And we need blow." Tommy says to Sparkie, who's about to go on the hunt for a drug dealer in town for the guys, and I roll my eyes.

"Doc told you guys to behave because they don't tolerate bull crap here." I remind him and he and Sparkie look at me, and Nikki's grabbing at my waist and pulling me to sit on his leg before taking a swig of Jack, his striped outfit and bright, over the top makeup is the complete opposite of their Shout at the Devil era.

"What Doc doesn't know won't hurt him, Viv." Tommy says it like it's common sense. "Hey, Vinny, what do you want from a dealer?" Tommy asks him, a sharpness to his voice, and Nikki laughs.

I don't find their bullshit funny.

Vince just rolls his eyes and drinks his water with no reply.

Vince was on court mandated sobriety. And was being tortured by Nikki and even Tommy. They would offer him things they knew he couldn't have and then would play it off like they forgot.

They would have him pass them their drugs, pour them their drinks and count out how many pills they had left.

It ticked me off seeing Tommy go that fucking low all because he and Nikki were so close.

He even started being a little disrespectful to me whenever Nikki was.

Nikki's leg is shaking a little, despite him throwing back alcohol and I look over my shoulder at him.

"Are you okay?" I mouth so the others won't hear it, and Nikki nods, but I know he's full of it.

"On in five, guys, c'mon!" Doc calls out from the other side of the door and I pat Nikki's other leg and stand up, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

We step out and head to the stage, and Nikki's turning to give me one last kiss before going on.

When he pulls away, my hands are quickly taking my crucifix off and reaching up to fasten it around his neck and it ironically overlaps with his pentagram necklace.

"For good luck." I explain and he gives me a little closed mouth smile and gives me a quick peck on the lips before following Tommy, Vince and Mick.

By the time they got off stage, Nikki was growing pale, and sweating, and not just because he was running around on stage.

Nikki had gone over 48 hours without heroin. Alcohol could keep his tremors to mere, barely noticeable shakes, but didn't do very much for his sweating and sickness.

The guys didn't know he was that deep into heroin, yet, so he didn't want to tell them it was making him that ill without it or they would realize he was further down the hole than they expected.

So, what did I do? I covered for him.

"He thinks he might have food poisoning." I explain to Tommy and Vince as they stand outside of mine and Nikki's room.

"Well, is he alright?" Tommy asks me.

"He'll be okay. He just doesn't feel like going out." I assure him.

"Alright, we gotta go." Vince nudges him.

"Tell him I hope he feels better." Tommy says.

"I will. You guys be careful."

"We will, goodnight."

"Goodnight." I reply and shut the door, hearing Nikki groaning in the bathroom.

The door's locked, and I sigh out in frustration.

"Nikki, open the door." I tell him calmly.

"Fuck off, Viv." He tells me for the hundredth time tonight.

"Open the door or I'm telling Doc." I threaten him, even though it's a complete lie.

"Tell him I want a divorce while you're at it." He snaps.

I don't say anything for a moment, and hear him sigh out, before he unlocks the door.

I step in, seeing him soaked in sweat, pale, the smell of vomit is potent and I try to keep a calm demeanor as he grips the side of the tub to help himself stand up. 

He nearly falls, tremors spazzing through his body, but I'm quick to nestle under his arm and help him stay up.

"I just need some Jack." He tells me. "It'll help."

He doesn't sound like Nikki.

He sounds like a defeated child.

"Nikki, I don't think—"

"Okay, Viv, now isn't the time for your bullshit. Get me some Jack." He orders desperately, nearly pleading.

I get him on the bed, starting to tug his boots off, before pulling his shirt over his head, and unbuckling his belt.

"Never thought...I'd ever say this...but the last thing...on my mind right...now is...fucking around." He takes heavy breaths, squeezing his eyes closed and groaning when I get his pants off.

"Yes, because seeing my husband in so much pain really turns me on." I sarcastically let out.

"I'm cold." He tells me, his hand gripping mine.

I pull the bed covers over his naked body, glancing at my necklace he's still wearing.

"I'll get you some Jack." I say, stepping to the phone on the bedside table and ordering his necessity.

I turn back to face him once I'm done, and he's curled up and shivering, and he's kicked the blankets off of him.

"Nikki?" I ask, furrowing my brows.

"I'm hot." He cracks out, shot eyes looking at me, teeth chattering together despite his tight jaw and wet, black hair clings to his soaked skin that seems to be turning transparent.

That moment I realized I was married to a junkie, and Nikki realized he had become the very thing he had been in denial of becoming.

Neither of us said a word to one another about our revelations.

The alcohol and pills they managed to score kept Nikki's roaring withdrawals at bay and allowed him to play his illness off as the flu throughout the rest of the Japan tour, and the second we got home, he was phoning every dealer he could get a hold of.

One I had never met before, Jason, was the first one to come to his aid and it didn't take me long to come to the conclusion I would inevitably have to kill that motherfucker to keep him away from my husband.

He just wanted our money, laying out an elaborate display of everything from cheap tar to clean China White, cocaine, and a pharmacy of prescription pills.

I always left to "go to the store" anytime Jason came over.

Once I was practically having a full on emotional affair, I would go find Duff but before any feelings for him emerged, I would just drive my car around the corner of the street going by the house, pull into the driveway of a half-way burnt down house, and cry. 

My husband, my Nikki, was destroying himself from the inside out, and the more I tried to do help him get better, the worse he got.

Every time I prayed for him, his demons would hold tighter to his legs and keep him shackled in place with a needle and lies that weighed him down and made him feel the need to do the only thing that made him happy, even if only temporarily.

By the end of '87, I was exhausted. I had been screaming, crying, pleading, for years for someone to do something, for someone to threaten the band, threaten them individually, get them off the road, at least try to start a conversation addressing their obvious addictions...

But they were making everyone above them money. That's all that mattered.

I was screaming into a void, and nobody could hear me. Well, they could...they were just ignoring me which was even worse.

I don't know how the hell I managed to face the same thing with Duff and his band years later.

I step into the house once Jason is gone, seeing Nikki by the fireplace, laying on the carpet, and I go to lay beside him.

We've been back from Japan a few days, and they're suppose to be preparing for their U.S. tour starting in a couple weeks.

Nikki's been in heroin land ever since we have gotten home.

And I've been in my own personal hell, being that I just added a third picture to my dead baby drawer as of yesterday.

I would go to a doctor to see if there's something wrong with me to prompt not ever making it past week twelve, but Nikki would find out somehow, someway. I've already risked enough as it is by going to the obstetrician.

"Babe," I nudge him and he opens his eyes just enough to show his pinpointed pupils, and he hums a little. "I gotta go get Tansy from the airport."

"Mmkay." He mumbles, and I force myself not to cry, remembering how miserable he was in Japan, and now we've gotten back and he's back to square one. 

Was it really square one if he never wanted to move to square two in the first place?

Tansy gets into my car, wearing what I'm assuming she wore when they taped her interview with David Letterman hours ago, while a security guard puts her stuff in the trunk.

"Well." I say, looking at her as she lays her head against the back of her seat and looks at me from behind her sunglasses. "How did the interview go?" I ask and she tugs off her heels.

"I don't know." She tells me and I furrow my brows. "The bits and pieces I remember were great." She sounds like she's about to cry.

"Were you...?" I trail off and she moves her fingers under the blacked out lenses and sniffles. "Babe, it's not anything to cry about."

I grab at her hand as she starts crying even more.

"I bombed it, Viv." She says with certainty.

"Tansy, if you don't even remember it, how do you know for sure you did a bad job?"

"You know how I act when I'm fucked up."

"I also know, by the grace of God, somehow, someway, you manage to differentiate between a setting you need to be more composed in, and a setting you can be wild in. Even when you are stoned out of your mind. I have seen you do it." I assure her. "It's really freaking creepy."

My comment has her chuckling a little and she wipes at her tears again. 

"It will be okay. I am sure you did great. And if you didn't you can just do what I do when I'm not acting normal and blame it on Mötley Crüe." 

None of us, not even Tansy herself, knew why or how she scored an interview with David Letterman, but we were all proud of her nonetheless, even if she couldn't remember much of it.

"Sparkie said Japan went good." Tansy says after we're driving for a couple minutes.

"Yeah."

"Thank you for letting him go. I know you aren't the biggest fan of him." She adds.

"I didn't let him go. The guys insisted he went because they needed someone to find them drugs." I state.

"Point is, he went. And he had fun. So thank you." She replies.

"I only tolerate him because I love you." I tell her.

"I know, and I—" she presses a quick kiss to the back of my hand. "—love you, too."

I rub my lips together and get an idea.

"Would you be up for a girl's night?" I ask.

"What do you have in mind?" She asks and I raise my brows. 

In hindsight, it was probably a bad decision to introduce Tansy to Guns N' Roses while she was still addicted to drugs and alcohol, because all it did was create toxic friendships that thrived on the struggles of everyone involved.

Tansy was very easily influenced by other people, but I figured if she had survived that long being friends with Nikki, Tommy and Vince, she would be just fine around Duff, Axl, Izzy, Steven and Slash.

Tansy and I make our way through the crowd, hand in hand, lacing through people and eager groupies.

She's heard me talk about them every now and then but now she has the opportunity to see what the hype is about.

The Troubadour is packed out, and a sense of pride swells in my chest.

"They must be good." Tansy comments, glancing around. 

Normally at least one person would have already asked for her autograph or a picture of her, but everyone is too distracted by the anticipation of the band that's been tearing up and down the strip ever since Nikki, Tommy, Vince and Mick set the bar so high. 

They're not even onstage yet, before all lights in the place shut down, and  Axl let's out one of his infamous screams that somehow mimics a melodic siren. 

The crowd goes quiet for a split second before realizing it's him, then they start screaming, clapping, stomping their feet. 

The lights come back on to reveal Axl, Duff, Izzy, Slash and Steven, picking up into the fast paced rhythm of "Anything Goes." 

With teased hair, heavy glam-rock influenced outfits and makeup, mixed with their sound, it's safe to say there isn't one dry vagina around...including Tansy, who's eyes don't leave the singing red head for the rest of the night.

Back stage is crowded, but Tansy and I manage to be the first females in their dressing room by the time their set is completely finished.

She's already broken into their Jack and Vodka stash, guzzling from both bottles simultaneously, and I look at her like she's crazy because I know it's got to hurt her throat.

"What?" She asks me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"You are a crazy person." I state just as the door opens, revealing Slash and Steven first, girls under each arm.

"Hey, Viv!" Steven pipes, smiling widely and Slash looks confused for a moment before realizing the blur standing before him is indeed Vivian.

"Hey, Viv." He repeats what Steven said.

Steven does a double-take really quick, seeing Tansy, his hand patting at Slash as he stands, starstruck. It's a domino effect.

First Steven, second Slash, third Duff, then Izzy and lastly, Axl.

Except Steven, Slash, Duff and Axl are frozen because Tansy Lyn is standing before them. I'm sure Izzy appreciates her beauty and participation in Playboy for the last four years, but he's more worried about her breaking into their alcohol. 

"Man, that's Tansy Lyn." Steven states.

"Drinking our booze." Izzy adds and Tansy guiltily puts it back where she got it, smiling.

"Hi." She says to them, and they immediately pretend they weren't just remembering what her naked body looks like.

Steven, as always, is the first to make himself known to a beautiful girl, extending his hand to her. 

"I'm Steven." He tells her.

Slash is shyly hiding behind his curly hair the best he can as Steven puts an arm around him.

"This is Slash." He adds. 

"The grubby fingered alcoholic is Izzy." I tell her as he lights a cigarette. 

"Read this grubby finger, Viv." Izzy states blankly, flipping me off and I hold back a laugh.

"I'm Duff." Duff introduces himself next, and Tansy has to look up so high, her head is tipped completely back before shaking his hand.

Axl doesn't introduce himself, he just stands and stares at her for a moment, black sunglasses blocking our eyes from his.

"Axl." Is all he says before grabbing the bottle of Jack, grabbing one of the girls Steven and Slash walked in with, and leaving.

"He's not an asshole seventy-five percent of the time." I try to defend him against her as she looks like her feelings have been hurt slightly. 

"But when he is an asshole, just avoid him for a few hours and stay out of his way." Duff scoffs out, grabbing the bottle of vodka.

They all knew that piece of advice too well.

Not entirely sure how we ended up back at mine and Nikki's house, but Nikki wasn't home, and probably wasn't going to be home until early morning, so Duff, Steven and Tansy were all in my house.

"If you break a mirror, you buy it!" I call out to Steven and Tansy as Duff and I have our legs dangling in the pool water, hearing something breaking inside the house through the open french doors that lead into the kitchen.

Duff blows smoke out of his nose, laughing at Tansy and Steven calling back, "We didn't!" 

"Jesus." I mumble, grinning to myself and Duff joins in with me, laughing harder at me as "Get Down Tonight" starts blaring through the speakers in the house.

Tansy has officially met her match. 

"I'm glad they get along." Duff says smoothly.

"They both like weed and the same music taste. Seems like a beautiful friendship to me." I shrug and he smiles. 

There's a pause in the air, and he keeps looking at me. 

"What?"

"There's dancing trophies in your house." He tells me and I raise my brows, remembering the day Nikki had demanded my hard earned proof of years dedicated to such a difficult art form, be put on display on a shelf right next to his awards for Gold and Platinum records.

"Yeah? I told you I use to be a dancer." I reply.

"I thought you meant you were a stripper." He confesses and I widen my eyes, elbowing him gently.

"No!" 

"Well, I'm sorry! You're married to a rock guy, you said you use to be a dancer, rockers and strippers go hand-in-hand. It's, like, written in stone or whatever." He tells me. 

"Oh my gosh, Duff." I rub my face and he finishes his cigarette before pulling out another one. 

"So, why don't you do it anymore?" He asks and I think for a second and lick my lips.

"It just wasn't really..." I trail off and he furrows his brows. "...I guess after over a decade of dancing, after graduating, it just  wasn't my thing anymore. I just moved onto bigger and better stuff." 

"What's your thing now, then?" It's obvious he doesn't buy my explanation.

"Being Nikki Sixx's wife." I admit and an odd silence falls over us. 

"You gave up school--Julliard--and dance, only to be known as somebody's wife?" 

"Well, damn, Duff, when you say it like that..." I try not to be hurt because I know he doesn't mean any ill will from it and he immediately starts apologizing. 

"I didn't mean it like that." He tells me. "It's just a waste of talent if you never utilize it anymore. You can't just be dependent on being Nikki's wife, Viv. You need your own thing." 

I wanted to tell him I couldn't afford to be anything but Nikki's wife, or else I'd lose everything.

Nikki's home sooner than I expect as I get ready for bed.

Steven, Tansy and Duff are all asleep on the living room floor, and Nikki comes into our bathroom to splash water on his face.

"The fuck is in our house?" He asks me and I raise my brows.

"Why're you home this early?"

"Jason's coming over." He tells me. "And he's bringing his girlfriend."

"Umm, baby, it would be nice for my friends not to wake up and be met with a drug dealer naming off poisons like an auctioneer."

"Tell them to fuck off." He mumbles, digging through his pockets of the clothes he was wearing yesterday. "Have you seen the check?" He asks me and I raise my brows.

"The check from the label for the Japan tour?" I ask and he nods. "You asked me to cash it yesterday and I did."

"Okay, so where did you put it?"

I step to my top drawer and hand him the stack of cash and he starts thumbing through it, his brows furrowing when he stops halfway through.

"The check was for $150,000, Viv. Where's the rest?" He snaps and I cross my arms.

"You said put 20% in savings and told me I could give 10% to tithes." I remind him, and he looks like he is going to murder me.

"You gave fifteen fucking thousand dollars to a church?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!" He seeths, his face twisting angrily.

"You told me I could Nikki." I try not to get upset. "I asked you and you said—"

"—I said 'yes' because I was fucked up and wasn't thinking, Viv!" He yells, throwing the pile of cash across the room, causing bills to fly everywhere. "And that's exactly why you waited until you knew I couldn't pay attention to care enough about what you were saying because you knew I would laugh in your face if I were sober!" He accuses me.

"Is it so bad if your money goes to something other than drugs?" I stupidly ask him.

He's lunging at me, grabbing my wrists, and pinning me to the bed while screaming in my face.

"That's my fucking money! Mine! How I want to spend it is my fucking business, Vivian!" He shakes me, and I can no longer hold back tears. "You're gonna go tomorrow to that fucking shit hole and tell those fallacious bastards you need that $15,000 back!"

"Nikki, I already told them it was their's." I try to explain, shaking my head a little, sobbing so thickly I'm not even sure he can understand me.

"You'll get my fucking money back or I'll give you something to fucking whine about." He threatens darkly.

He shoves himself off of me and storms out of the house, slamming the front door.

I go to make sure he didn't wake Tans, Stevie, or Duff up, but to my horror, Tansy and Steven are sound asleep while I hear the door slam a second time and realize Duff followed Nikki out.