#i'm not sure if this is for me (who owns the blog) or for the people/characters i roleplay for lmao
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why do you want money for updating someone else's pictures to a tumblr blog?
Try doing it every day across many platforms, answering questions, getting permissions for new scans and soliciting museum content as well as research on quotes, books and materials I have buy with my own money to create scans and information for the blog and my own writing and projects that everyone who liked Rothko might benefit from if I was allowed the time to work on them. I have communicate with museum people on scan and authenticity and legal issues. Many of the pictures I post were not on the internet before I put them there.
I have done this every day for ten years, it takes a minimum of two hours a day for just the basics and longer to deal with specific questions. I chase down people who steal pictures form the people that entrust me with their own work, as they always do it without credit. Rothko's work is copyrighted and I have to take those credits stay in tact.
I have more then 350,000 followers across social media platforms, I get 30 questions a day just on instagram. All of this takes time, money and effort.
I don't ask for money from anyone that can't afford it and donations to me are tax deductible, so many people stand to lose nothing but my non-profit status is another thing I have pay for every month.
Lots of people on tumblr ask for money for food or rent, do you send messages to them? Because this is the same thing, me trying to pay for the basics while I do a bunch of work, work that I have done every day for ten years and it's because of that length of time and attention to these details that people come to me with the aforementioned materials and permissions.
It's like having a patreon but I don't want to put anything behind a paywall because people depend on getting it without that, and so I do this instead. If I had a lot of money I wouldn't bother but it's not the case for me right now, but I don't *Expect* anyone to give me anything.
Note: I'll just add someone else wrote anon to say I should give it up if I was expecting anything out of it. I'm not sure why people have the temerity to offer anyone advice when they didn't ask for it, but I'll add that I just started asking for donations, I did this 9 years without.
My blog hurts no one and I am not saying I deserve credit for this, but lots of people write me with appreciation and tell me that they discovered the art through my blog, so I would say you give it up and stop following me, if it offends you.
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2024 fic wrapped
I was tagged by @cursedhaglette to do this tag-game, but I found the focus on stats made me a little uncomfortable! (also, no one needs to know how many words I wrote while having multiple breakdowns last year, truly).
But, I didn't want to ignore Mia's tag! so instead, I'm going to take @cinnamontails-ff wrapped tag-game, just bc I sympathise with the logic and I like this set of questions a lot more!
Thank you Cin for coming up with questions that don't focus so much on productivity. And thank you again, Mia, for including me in the original game :) hopefully this is an acceptable substitute!
What's been your biggest learning point this past year?
I guess, what it feels like to be a 'popular' author - and the answer is, 'both good and bad, in fact, extremely mixed'. Obviously, many parts of it are wonderful: more people interacted with my work in the height of the BG3 fandom than I've ever had before, I felt like my writing mattered and I enjoyed every conversation I had about it. I also felt under a lot more scrutiny, very hyperaware of how I acted in 'public' (ie. on this blog), and aware of the people I'd disappoint with the directions I took my stories and what I chose to include. I also had to watch the baffling half-life of modern fandom! BG3's 6 month peak and 1yr trough was wild to me, as someone who joined dragon age 8yrs after the game was released. But I've decided I actually really like the middle-road of interaction, with much less noise and dedicated, recurring readers who I recognise and who make me smile and laugh every single time they comment or tag my work. I'll probably never experience whatever the fuck Pieces was ever again, and I'm honestly... ok with that, currently? Not to sound awful, but I'm not sure I liked it lmao.
In terms of my writing, my biggest learning point was "you're good at this, actually". Chanting this to myself in the mirror while I white-knuckle the sink.
How has your writing developed this past year?
I'm genuinely not certain. Pieces was certainly my most ambitious story yet, but a lot of the outlining of that took place in 2023 so it feels like the development happened then... though I suppose landing the dismount was something I worked very hard to do. I guess the main development this year was that a lot of what I wrote was extremely, extremely angsty. I wrote Pieces, I wrote This Is Not A Love Story. and I gave Rosalie to Orin :))))) this doesn't necessarily surprise me, given the way my writing often reflects things I'm dealing with in my life, and I've been trying to both recover from - and desparately stave off a relapse into - depression. I think that I can see why I keep making characters into the worst versions of themselves (this goes for Astarion, Rosalie - bc Pieces Rosalie is NOT in a good place, Gale and my Durge) and then watching them claw their way back to happiness in the hope of proving to myself that that's possible.
But jfc, it all got a little heavy. I've decided that 2025 is the Year of the Rom Com™.
Good writing habits?
Committing myself exclusively to what I want to read and sticking to my guns - which means I actually finish the thing, rather than getting into my own head about it.
Stretching my comfort zone a little (writing something vaguely smutty, writing something very different in style, switching genres for a bit) without losing my own voice.
Not falling into any jealousy/existential crises about my own writing, which I guess is much easier when you're experiencing a bout of 'success', but I've managed to keep it up even after the success began tailing off :)
I wrote a lot of words last year. I'm not putting the stat down but god. It was a lot.
Bad writing habits?
Overwriting everything. Everything. All the time. Party Favours was so short!!! I used to write novellas!!! Why are my chapters so fucking long now?????
Having multiple fic wips when I promised myself I'd wind down fanfic and start writing original work again :')
I wrote a lot of words last year. I think I did this bc I was extremely unhappy, and productivity is how I define myself. when I feel bad, I write and post bc it makes me feel good. And I felt very bad this year. So anyway, I think my wordcount is both a good thing and also a wee cry for help :'))))
Favorite thing you wrote?
Chapter Twenty-Three of Pieces (Mephistopheles consultation and my Ascended!Astarion meta-reveal)
Chapter Four of Cooler Than Me (putting the blorbos in a formal-wear situation)
I also liked my sex scene in Pieces :') it was tame but it was written for me specifically x
Favorite reads?
for fic!
long summer days can lead to lazy vices by @pouroverpaloma
eyes like fire by demonsbanebard
only once by @bearhugsandshrugs
and of course stitched into your sleeve by the bestie (@violacae)!!! my first ever gift fic!!!
for literature!
The Scholar and the Last Faerie Door by HG Parry
Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan
Deeplight by Frances Hardinge
Biggest win?
god. I'm endlessly grateful for my gift fic and for my fanart, but... it's got to be bookbindings. I used to daydream, about somebody ever wanting to have my fic bound, but I thought it was impossible and would never happen! I now know of 3 copies of my work that exist in the world :D and the ones I've seen were fucking gorgeous, like oh my fucking god.
I am also very proud I finished Pieces! It was my most ambitious project, and writing the ending presented even more challenges than I expected - as I discovered how much you write yourself into a corner when you resoul Astarion. I still haven't managed to read the completed work in full yet, but I'm proud it exists :)
Goals for the new year?
finish outstanding wips, and then see where my writing takes me next. I want to write original work, but I also don't want to make it a resolution. As long as I continue to enjoy writing, that's what matters most to me!
Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?
I think I use '[x character] froze' a lot, but rather than focusing on my repetitions I want to focus on some of my favourite turns of phrase that I managed to pull from the ether! :)
'before her brief courtship with death threatened to become a commitment' - from the risk and the reward
'We can all still be butchered. We cut away the parts of ourselves to make us fit' - from this is a love story.
"He played an androgynous, morally-grey vampire, of indeterminate gender! In a nice coat! Anyone who had two working eyes and a relevant Kinsey Score read the porn, back in the day!” - from cooler than me
What are you excited for in the new year?
act 3 astarion characterisation for honest lie! the first big romance moment in cooler than me! and then just romcoms! 2025 is the year of the romcom! I want to write exclusively happy things!!!!
tagging: @cursedhaglette (as it's a different set of questions lmao), @imscissorbladez, @violacae, @eraserspiral, @scaryanneee, @sitting-in-the-sink, @pricemarshfield, @pouroverpaloma and anyone else who wants to give this a whirl. anyone is welcome, and if you tag me in it I'll share x
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Would love to hear your thought on meowrails break up and who they end up with?! Especially interested in Hal <> Nepeta!
Ok! Just a disclaimer before anything: this is not at all saying you shouldnt ship the meowrails, this is just a canon discussion blog and I have noticed... some stuff... but ship whatever you want, I literally don't care, all HCs are valid, etc. etc.
"Everyone has an important job to do." This is a phrase that gets repeated in Hivebent a few times, which makes it important, as Homestuck often uses repetition to build up an "internal lexicon" and deliberately highlight when situations have similar connotations (Hussie discusses this on their Formspring). So what's the context for this specific phrase? Well, it shows up three times, and for at least two of those times, it's associated with failed moirallegiances.
GA: But It Just Means Theres Got To Be Someone Around To Keep An Eye On Them GA: And If Not Me Then Who GA: Everyone Has An Important Job To Do AG: Ok, so you're spying on me. Kind of creepy! Man, m8y8e you should get a l8fe.
And
CC: I will need to connect after my goofball moirail does so I can keep my goggles on )(is nefarious escapades. CC: Its a toug)( job but its important! Everyone )(as an important job to do.
So, okay, apparently the context of this phrase is "this person is in a moirallegiance that will NOT work out"... well, here's the third time it pops up (though it's the first time chronologically):
Your best pal of all is A LITTLE BOSSY, and people wonder why you even bother with him. But someone has to keep him pacified. If not you, then who? Everyone has an important job to do.
So... hm. This isn't the only thing I have to say about meowrails breakup, but it is the most prominent one, and maybe the most damning, depending on how much weight you put into Homestuck's oft-deliberate use of parallels.
Maybe something a bit more damning is the way Hussie speaks about them in the book commentary? Pretty much every time they turn up, he has some comment to make about how Equius doesn't really "need" Nepeta, and about how he tends to talk over her and usurp her agency, like so many shitty boyfriends IRL.
We don't know much about Equius yet, but we get an awful lot of info about him with this excerpt. He's racist, a huge snob, doesn't like swearing, is stern and controlling, has a patronizing fondness for Nepeta, and thinks archery is cool because of its association with nobility. Combine this with the snapshot of his room we'll see soon, and suddenly we have an extensive character portrait. This was all important to establish quickly, because it helps us understand in record time that Equius is in fact one of the greatest characters ever created.
Equius says he appreciates that Nepeta's angry. I guess meaning that he respects an angry disposition, like his own. Especially early on in his characterization, it's suggested he has anger issues (like him taking his rage out on robot dummy combatants). But I'm not sure this trait holds up. Over time, he seems to show a lot more passion about his weird stuff, his passion for archery and muscular horse men, his submissive obsessions, his deference toward those higher on the hemospectrum and fetish-like indulgence in depraved attraction toward those lower. Ultimately he comes off more as a ridiculous nerd, with a soft spot for a lot of silly and creepy shit. My view on this is, it's not that the text lost track of the fact that he was supposed to be angry. It's more that this was his initial state of mind early on, and the more he started blowing off steam with his various indulgences (Aradiabot, etc.) the less he had to be mad about. We just meet him at a really high-strung point in his life. I think it's more accurate to say his "anger" is a form of hyperintense focus on being stern, aloof, proper, and averse to nonsense, which is a facade serving to cover up his inner personality, which is barely in control at all. Like Nepeta suggests, deep down he wants to play the kinds of silly games she plays. He wants to let go completely, and indulge every ludicrous and depraved whim he has. His arc tends to be more about caving to these indulgences, and all the mixed consequences that follow, than resisting them.
Here's [S] Equius: Seek the highbl00d, another playable RPG game. [...] But Christ, why am I talking about that garbage when we are about to review some truly choice material focusing exclusively on your favorite meowrails. It is a great illustration of their tragic dynamic; deeply committed and caring partners in the diamonds quadrant, and yet compromised by Equius and his stubborn class-driven faults, his pathological reverence for his superiors, his forced and probably not genuinely felt sense of disdain for lower bloods like Nepeta, and ultimately his failure to rise above these flaws when presented with a real test of character and friendship. A test imposed, of course, by a boorish murderclown, who from this point onward just ruins fucking everything, constantly.
Hussie is an unreliable narrator (of the "he's deliberately playing a character who's biased, opinionated, and sometimes wrong, because a major theme of Homestuck is that you have to question who's telling the story and if they can be trusted" variety), so it's difficult to parse exactly what he's saying is salient, especially since he talks so damn much. But even so, he constantly goes out of his way to highlight how the meowrails DON'T work out - which is even pretty canon in the comic.
In Hivebent, the two are established as working along this dynamic: Nepeta soothes Equius's anger issues, while Equius keeps Nepeta from recklessly endangering herself (for example, prohibiting her from LARPing). But as Hussie says, Equius's anger problems become basically nonexistent by the time Murderstuck rolls around, and his actual problem is his overindulgence in his fetishes; meanwhile, his bossy, controlling attitude to Nepeta was always kind of suspect, but it actively becomes a source of frustration to her that she can't wait to shirk (he bans her from talking to the humans, and she goes behind his back to do it anyways - even celebrates when Karkat gives her express permission).
In the end, they die for their failures as a moirallegiance - despite being fresh off a feelings jam in a pile, and so, supposedly at their least likely to hurt themselves or others, Equius's horny gets him killed (Hussie has always maintained across multiple platforms that Equius could've easily overpowered Gamzee, he just chose not to because Hot), and Nepeta doesn't listen to his orders to stay put. In later conversations with ARquiussprite, Equius is always framed as the one here who was wrong - who failed to keep Nepeta safe and has something to apologize for. I think it's also pretty important to notice that in the bubbles, Equius is never seen doing so - but IS seen being really weird to Aradias - fully implying that he's actually been avoiding taking accountability to Nepeta in favor of indulging in his fetish shit, out of shame and guilt.
As Hussie says, the meowrails are an important relationship, and when I say they don't work out, I don't mean they shouldn't have been together in the first place. On the contrary; I think they actually were good for each other, way back on Alternia. Nepeta DID keep Equius's frustrations in check, and Equius DID keep Nepeta out of trouble. But as time went on, Equius just got really comfortable with treating Nepeta like an object he owned - something convenient, which he can use when he's feeling sad, and ignore otherwise - and Nepeta started growing frustrated with his increasingly petty control. They grew as people, their needs changed, and they stopped being good for each other, but they stayed together - out of inertia and sunk cost fallacy on Nepeta's end, and on Equius's end, because it was convenient and pleasant (for him) and useful (for him) so why would he throw it away?
While this is something I think could potentially be worked out with relationship therapy, the thing with Homestuck is that it's big into the idea of soulmates, especially in the pale quadrant (which is described with that exact term). Its ultimate thesis on romance is that, while you have to do a lot of personal work in order to be the kind of person who can BE in a soul mates relationship, ultimately a relationship SHOULD have an element of just... easy compatability, idiosyncracies clicking together in just the right way to bring out the best in both parties. It's idealized, and there's criticism to be made about that, but that's still ultimately how romance kind of functions in Homestuck. The perfect match is out there for you, and while you have some growing to do in order to be ready for it, it's supposed to be easy once you get there. Consider how Eridan can calm Karkat down literally just by talking to him normally, or how Sollux regularly outright professes that Feferi's just fucking amazing - these are relationships where the involved parties don't need to tell themselves "everyone has an important job to do" with grit teeth to justify keeping the relationship going.
Meowrails lacks that inherent compatability, according to the evidence, but of course, that brings up the question of who they SHOULD date in pale instead. Hey, did you ever notice that Dirk (and by extension, Hal) are EXTREMELY Equius-coded?
So here's the thing. Hal's favorite alpha kid is Roxy, who is also pretty Nepeta-themed, being a cat-associated Rogue. They regularly flirtLARP with each other, but when we get a glimpse of this so called flirtLARPing, it's actually Roxy almost, but not quite, getting Hal to admit that he's actually not really that into Jake, he just feels obligated, as an extension of Dirk, to make DirkJake happen. They almost, but not quite, have a feelings jam.
Meanwhile, Hal outright calls his conversation with Dirk, as Dirk grapples with whether or not he should kill Hal, a "feelings jam", and Dirk also has a convo with Caliborn about how maybe he should consider the merits of selfcest.
What these interactions hint at, to me, is Nepeta <> Hal, and Equius <> Dirk... and I think if you consider it from the standpoint of their personalities, it works, too?
Nepeta is pretty consistently shown to have a knack for knowing how other people actually feel. Her shipping charts are incorrect in terms of compatability, but she's got a scary knack for reading intentions and desires - as befits a non-destructive Heart player. She's able to pinpoint that Eridan's advances on her are insincere, but he's not that bad a guy; she notices that Karkat is a big softie who loves his friends so much; she correctly reads that Equius is a big ol' goofball who loves to play games. Hal, as a Mind player, and even more as originally being a Dirk splinter and an AI, is deeply distressed by his lack of "self"-hood; it's Roxy who calls out first and most blatantly that he's clearly his own guy with his own real feelings, which seems to be why he gravitates toward her. Nepeta would do this even harder, since it's kind of her entire Thing, and I think Hal would really appreciate that, since Hal is at his worst when he thinks he's acting in someone else's best interest (Sylph lol).
Meanwhile, what Nepeta really needs IS an enabler. She's a rebellious soul with radical ideas about how the hemospectrum is stupid and dumb, and she's RIGHT and she should SAY IT. Hal's amazing at giving people what they "want", pulling strings to ensure DirkJake happens, while also framing it as something that Jake would want - this bombastic, action hero kiss-in-front-of-a-volcano. Nepeta's clearly attracted to characters with Equius-esque qualities, but after spending so long with Equius, who does nothing but push her down with a patronizing "hush, greenblood, it's for your own good," I think she would do well with an insane partner in crime who instead goes "fuck yeah girl, let's make this shit happen." Especially since her personal insecurities are that other people will find her dumb and silly (an impression that Equius certainly didn't HELP with...) - having Hal in her corner going "uhhh you're literally my favorite and I will engineer situations to fall directly in your favor?" would be a huge help to her.
I'm actually not entirely sold on equius <> dirk - they're maybe too similar? - i have in my notes here john <> dirk and equius <> jake. idk. the shipping web starts to get complicated
#equius zahhak#nepeta leijon#hal strider#dirk strider#equidirk#nephal#again please dont come at me bc i lowkey dont care about shipping#like i just think story-wise it's interesting#that nepeta and equius seem set up to fail#but then these new characters are introduced who are suspiciously nepeta/equius coded#who echo their relationships in interesting ways#and homestuck's ending is bad on purpose as a dare to the audience to figure out the actual happy ending#as argued before multiple times homestuck can't have a happy ending unless everyone is alive and god tiered (minus caliborn)#(who made his choices and loves the outcome he got)#so like roxy and dirk/hal don't have those parallels JUST because nepeta and equius are dead and need replacements#and i think the reason is because... of dating
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This has been stewing in my drafts for awhile as I try to get my thoughts together, but, this post has given me a lot of peace. (This kind of turned into a personal essay under your post... my apologies).
I'm in an unusual position as a (mostly) interpreted-singlet who spent a number of years as interpreted-plural. Though I'd wager it's slightly less unusual than it seems, and most people with similar experiences simply abandoned or deleted the blogs/spaces where they previously talked about being plural. Anecdotally, I've seen at least one other person openly discuss an experience similar to mine.
In my teenage years, I was psychologically disintegrating from a variety of pressures on me, and I suppose I do mean that rather literally. I never experienced the very sharp discontinuity characteristic of DID, but I was some level of dissociated near constantly for years. I was desperately lonely and very suicidal. Without my alters, I do believe I wouldn't have survived.
I never "made up" being a system. Interpreting my experiences that way made the most sense to me at the time. As I began to heal, I dissociated less and became less fixated on my inner-world and sense of self. I never discussed it openly here, because I felt ashamed, and worried that I'd be accused of either faking or suppressing my alters. But I quietly stopped talking about them, quietly retired (most of) their sideblogs, and quietly used my "system tag" less and less.
But - if you go look at my "system tag" - you'll notice I still use it occasionally. I do still sometimes have experiences that are at the very least system-adjacent. I still dissociate sometimes; now and then I'll get the phantom physical sensations I always associated with Naph; sporadically, my thoughts will take the form of back-and-forth chatter that sounds like a conversation, or default to "us/we"; I'll seem to hold multiple conflicting opinions on the same topic. A few months ago, Ada (our caretaker) talked me down from an anxiety attack while I drove home, and that was an experience so distinct I can't really refer to it any other way.
Previously I would have obsessively interrogated these experiences, trying frantically to fit them into a cohesive picture of self or selves. Now I really just let them happen as they happen. Overall, for me, personally, I think it's healthier to interpret everything as part of one very fluid identity. But when something seems to challenge that, I don't worry about it too much, either. It's a sort of radical self acceptance, I suppose.
For the most part, I don't "miss" my alters, and I also don't "regret" having identified as a system. I'm very grateful to my alters and everything they did for me, but for the most part I now view their strengths as my own. I still have sideblogs for a few of them, but I see them more as places to express distinct facets of myself. I still don't feel like I have a strong, central identity - a lot of facts I hold about myself come with a question mark. I suppose I could call us a median system, if I wanted to... I'm just not sure I feel the need for labels anymore.
I very rarely see the grey area acknowledged and I don't think I've ever seen it put so succinctly as "interpreted-singlets" and "interpreted-plurals". Other than the one other person I mentioned before, I'm not sure I've ever seen it suggested that it could be reasonable for some people to migrate between or be able to interpret themselves either way. This honestly helped me come to terms with it more, to the point I felt like I could talk about it publicly like this.
So, sincerely, thank you.
Hey uh, not sure if there's anything to elaborate on wrt the "wanting to be plural is a symptom of being plural" post, but is that true? Because I've been avoiding that possibility, if only because I've been so sure that it isn't a possibility. I don't really know what I'm saying here it's just, could that post really be true?
So we thought we were the only ones selling this kind of perspective to people, but recently pluralrespect on neocities (which we already liked re: intrasys relationships) started including something similar, but with more structure.
It breaks down like this: Singlets choose to interpret their personal experiences as being one person. It gets privileged as the default because that's how we're socialised, but a (usually unconscious) choice is being made to view all their experiences - including kinda plural-coded stuff like code switching, masking, genderfluidity, weird dreams, varying vibes day-on-day, internal conflict, etc - as representing a singular identity.
There are also a lot of people who's experiences can't realistically be interpreted singletwise - folks that experience switches with totally separate memory is an extreme example. The plural explanation is the only thing that makes any sense of it at all.
This creates this big grey area that encompasses all those interpreted-singlets with kinda-plural experiences, and those interpreted-plurals who could reasonably interpret themselves as singlets (again) if they wanted to. Within this grey area, you have the wiggle room to observe your personal experiences, and conceptualise your identity one way, or the other way.
One of those ways might feel more "right" to you, more sensical, more comfortable, safer - so in that sense, yeah. wanting to be plural is a symptom of being plural. Fantasising about what it would be like to understand yourself in the other way is probably a sign that you should try it - see how thinking of yourself that way feels, just for a day or whatever. If it's too weird, go back. If not, keep going.
Now, letting yourself have an open mind may invite experiences that make a singlet interpretation less sensible - so only test the waters if both possible conclusions are safe for you to have. Outside of that, you can always change your mind - so, give it a shot.
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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I think what a lot of j&h adaptations get wrong, is that ultimately, Jekyll is, at heart. A Cunt. Lots of adaptations like to write him as an innocent scientist, who got more than he bargained for when he drank the potion, and unleashed a monster, but in the novella, the only thing the potion really does, is change Jekyll's appearance. He created Hyde, and I think he had the opportunity to make Hyde into something good, but, because he's a cunt, he chose to use his alter ego as a force for evil and chaos. "Edward Hyde was alone in the ranks of evil"- of course he was, you never allowed him to be anything else. And Jekyll is fully aware of what he does as Hyde, he says it himself in his full statement, and he feels no remorse. He didn't create Hyde accidentally, he made Hyde because he wanted to do bad things and get away with it, without damaging his reputation.
Fuck Dr Jekyll, all my homies hate Dr Jekyll.
#my random stuff#jekyll and hyde#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde#henry jekyll#edward hyde#i was tempted to tag tumblr user jekyll-hatepage on this post but I'm sure they'll find it of their own accord#anyway this is kind of why my blog title is edward hyde apologist. jekyll could've chosen to just; not do terrible things and he didn't#this post was inspired by me reading TGS last night#don't get me wrong; i love it so much#but tgs jekyll definitely falls into the innocent scientist who got more than he bargained for category#and tgs is good; it's so so good#but j&h is very sacred to me and most variants of jekyll are not My Jekyll#idk if any of this makes sense
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This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.
HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.
You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you
#part of me thinks the 'we don't have time to care about everything all the time' has set us back a bit because it gets used as an excuse#bc most of the time no one is like asking you to become a hardcore advocate for every cause ever they're just saying like#hey reblog this donation post. and like I'm going to be real how much possible emotional energy is that really taking from you#compared to the actual activism the statement was meant for and such. like come on#surely less than complaining about people having the gull to ask you to give a shit right?#you can still have sympathy for multiple things without necessarily devoting a lot of your energy to said things you know?#doesn't mean you have to surround yourself with them to become the perfect most progressive activist or whatever#but you can like. idk. express sympathy or condolences in passing every now and then. like people normally do. idk#instead of being like 'how dare you ask me to care! there's issues in my own country i have to blog about!' are you for fucking real#but yeah enough time has passed that i can think more rationally about this and now know that that was a careless response#exactly the type of people you were afraid of being the representatives of the worlds apathy in your greif etc#but there are also people who do care is the thing#and obviously for the record I'm not mutuals w the former anymore bc like Christ
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right, so
i'm an artist myself — all of the art i post on this account is my own. i haven't reblogged/reposted any art that doesn't belong to me. HOWEVER ! my art has been reblogged in the past my roleplay accounts (different fandom!) from my main account.
me, personally, i don't mind. i think its silly. most of the friends i have that art artists feel the same. sure, sometimes its cringe, but who cares as long as nobody is getting hurt?
now, if it had been art getting reposted w/o credit, i'd be right pissed. but i haven't seen that happen, and i don't think it will with the circle that has been curated. if any artist does have a specific warning on their profile to avoid reblogs from roleplay accounts/blogs, then i imagine that would be respected.
but to be completely honest — if a post is big enough (i.e., over a thousand notes) most artists/posters will turn notifications off. they dont even SEE the reblogs. so they more than likely do not care.
ok rant over have a good day fellas ily
— edit: sorry, let me add: if anyone was shitting on art, or plans to, you can block me right now i dont want to be around you. if i catch someone doing that, ill be blocking. but i haven't, nor do i think i will.
I dunno I just think you guys should leave creators out of it :/ seems like a fuck ass thing to do when role playing the character and seemingly shitting on the creator :/ you guys can hate all you want but if I was the creator and people roleplaying the characters shared my content and dogged on it like that I’d be pissed. Like y’all the “roleplayers” knew immediately how people would react to these accounts. Seems like you genuinely made them to make fun of COD creators just like everyone else does.
Again. role play. role. play. ITS FAKE. We dont hate on the creators, im pretty sure we all have main accounts that make similar content. (god knows i do) We are simply taking things that are public on tumblr and using that.
The whole point of this role play is that its Call Of Duty characters introduced to tumblr. The media is there for everyone to see and use. if anything we are boostinf the content by reblogging. Politely piss off, anon.
anything to add @ghost-askblog @ask-phillip-graves @ask-gaz @ask-mactavish @ask-soapmactavish ??
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would u allow ppl to private message you on here?
Hm. Good question. Well, perhaps, if asked nicely.
#nicholas alexander chavez#nicholas chavez#grotesquerie#father charlie mayhew#father charlie#roleplay#guys I CANT break character it'll ruin the fun / flow#i'm not sure if this is for me (who owns the blog) or for the people/characters i roleplay for lmao#No - I don't do private rp. My apologies but this page takes quite some time already and I dont have time to do privates on top of it#I'm open to have collaborators who do that kind of thing though - check the web version of the blog and press “navigate - admin”
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my biological peer reviewer (sibling) called this theory “fun” and said i should send it, so here goes
my personal theory is the feds ((”federation”)) created the eggs because they decided the best way to enforce “you can never leave” was to give the people something they couldn’t lose, like in the post by tumblr user alexaloraetheris (no relation to the smp) where their friend who might be a deity had said,
"When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter."
i’m thinkin that on egg D-Day, at the end of the countdown, the feds weren’t gonna give the eggs back. they were just gonna hide them forever, or do something else, anything else, just keep them away from their surrogate parents, because then the people would just be STUCK, because people could theoretically take their eggs and leave, but if the eggs are missing, gone without a trace, then the residents CAN’T LEAVE, because presumably the eggs are STILL THERE, SOMEWHERE, IN NEED OF HELP AND RESCUE, if only the residents could find them ON THE ISLAND. if they leave the island while the eggs are missing, they are abandoning these things that have become their children.
but then in came the brazilians. and shit went south. because see, the spenglish (spanish / english) streamers were INVITED, but the brazilians CRASHED; the feds didn’t INVITE THEM, they weren’t EXPECTING THEM, but they can’t let these guys leave either, so they PANIC, and they scramble to give the brazilians the same thing--something to lose. the new egg had a brazilian jersey, homie was TAILOR MADE for them to pack bond with. the feds didn’t have time to send out multiple eggs, it was all or nothing, so they picked something they could reasonably assume all five of them would find endearing because they don’t know shit about these guys--they had a week to observe the OG batch, but all they know about these newbies is the brazilian flag on their boat--and so they sent the little egg out to become THEIR THING, the thing they couldn’t afford to lose.
it leaves open why the eggs are cracked too, bc idk what’s going on there lol, either 1: the eggs cracked because they’re hatching and the feds picked that date bc they wanted to yoink the eggs before they got Too Powerful, or 2: the feds were the ones to crack the eggs as an excuse for why they vanished--returning the eggs untouched would open too many questions the feds don’t want them asking; this way, instead of being concerned specifically with “why were the eggs missing”, the residents presume they know the answer--the cracks.
but yea i’m just gonna add as an aside that personally i think cucurucho / osito bimbo / the white fucker is way more active again because the feds are still scrambling to keep up with the brazilians (which, again, the feds weren’t expecting), and the binary fuckwad came in to put the fear of god into the newbies--maybe so they didn’t get too focused on the morse code transmissions; iirc max was theorizing that both osito and binary were part of the federation ? and if so it does make sense that the binary entity went to fuck with cellbit immediately after cellbit was introduced to the conspiracies of the island, yknow, a warning shot. i think they want them to be focused on the eggs.
BUT THAT’S JUST A THEOr
#i'm spitballing into the void bc i'm losing my mind lol if you read this send me some luck thank you#qsmp#someone send me to a nice farm with plenty of space to run i have lived too long#can't wait until someone smarter than me cracks the code#data and network security tried to teach me cryptography but HOO BOY it didn't do shit to help me here#i popped some of the words into a brute force caesar cipher#and also a tool that could roughly check for substitution ciphers#and yeah didn't find shit so uh#im gonna leave it to the one who's an ARG master yknow i think he's got it handled#(i thought about using an online tool to translate this but then realized i Do Not trust translators i can't verify)#(like i've definitely used google translate on my french assignments but the thing is i speak enough french to verify that)#(duolingo spanish + english/french cognates doesn't leave me confident and im not asking my unconnected spanish speaking friend to check it)#((i refuse to admit to her face that i've sunk so deeply into this hell-))#(like spanish is such a common language for english speakers to learn that i'm sure they've honed the eng/span trans pretty well BUT)#(i don't trust it lol and id just prefer not to put something on my blog that i can't verify)#(so apologies and uh translate at your own risk k love you byeee)#shut up vic
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hello everyone, I hope you're all doing great! just passing by to say i'm officially going to be a librarian :) follow your dreams kids
#took me a while but i got there! all on my own#quit my masters bc i had health issues and had an existential crisis moved out of my parents' to live with my sister#i didn't know what to do so i applied to volunteer in a retirement home i was paid a little and it literally saved my life#i found meaning and purpose again met incredible people and i still go there every sunday :)#but most importantly i met the director of the town's museum who recommended me to the library for a summer job#i got it and i loved it just like i imagined one of the librarian was retiring and she told me i should apply to replace her#so i did and after months of not knowing for sure if they would hire me i finally got the email! i'm starting in February#in the meantime i worked at a bookshop in paris which was also a cool experience#but i can't wait to start for real at the library#also did i mention the town i moved in (and where the library is ) is the town of my dreams?#it's calm there's a river and small shops and i also got an apartment with a balcony#2 years ago i thought my life was over i didn't think i would ever make it out#so if i can give a little hope to someone things do get better#i'd love to post again on this blog btw but i keep saying that and never do it 😭
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Hullo! Long time reader, first time commenter! I greatly admire your skill, especially how you characterize everyone. They feel so real and consistent regardless of what world or scenario you put them in. Very impressive! Recently though I've been branching out in my reading and was curious if you had any recommendations? Any authors/fanfics you like? In return, I recommend Bloodboon by Anchestor. You two write very similar techno vibes! I think you'd like it <3
Hihi! How nice of you to drop by Anon, I'm glad you're enjoying the fics :D
I've vaguely heard of Bloodboon, but I'm afraid it's not really my cup of tea. I stray far away from most stuff that has dark!Techno, possessive!Techno, or protective!Techno and this specific emduo dynamic just sounds like it doesn't appeal to me. Now if the roles were reversed and it was Techno as a slave you know I'd be on the first row lmao-
ANYWAY, I don't really read a lot of fics in the fandom anymore. The only ones I consistently try to keep up with are those by Lenn and Florist, I highly recommend them!
#asks#I'm so sorry and nothing personal against Bloodboon#I'm sure that it's very good written and other people who follow my blog might enjoy it!#for me just reading the premise triggered my very intense dislike for that kind of techno dynamic#if it has techno owning or enslaving phil I'm out man#it also kind of has those Strong Stoic Techno vibes which I generally do not hold much interest for#to each their own!
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#this isn't the yandere fantasy i was looking for#i at least wanted him to be hot#or interesting#not some ugly loser ass misogynistic homophobe with no money#basically theres this weird dude that I see all the time at the dispensary I frequent#and I was just warned by the owners that for the past couple of weeks that he keeps asking them about me whenever im not there#and bringing me up to other customers (who I haven't met)#and telling them about me and talking about me when I'm not there#and I'm apparently the only person he does that about/to#and he keeps lying to me about things like living on his own#and having a job#and having siblings??#like just lying about anything and everything for no reason#unfortunately he does know where I live because he had to pick something up from me at some point#so I'm going to have to try and resolve it very carefully#hoping to confront him today#vent post#personal#honestly its not that deep I find it more funny then anything else#but it just seems ironic considering I just made this blog a few days ago and just wrote my first yandere fanfic#makes me feel like i manifested it#the monkeys paw sure did fuck me over on this one
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speaking of things working as intended... tumblr as per usual isn't.
#yeah‚ sure‚ whatever‚ this might as well happen.#i don't even have to delete my own stuff anymore#tumlr does it for me#the horror blog is whatever honestly i'm more upset about my archive#posts from like 5 accounts ago... years and years of lovely comments...#from people who don't interact with me anymore even...#i can still see the posts in mass post editor so maybe not all is lost#but maybe it's better if it is#if i can't let go of the things i know i don't deserve some divine intervention might just be what i need
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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i'm so sorry to see that you're being vagueposted about for your sylki takes. it may be true that how you see sylki is a bit different than a certain section of the fandom, but that doesn't at ALL mean that you shouldn't be allowed to have your own takes! fwiw, i followed you bc i actually agree with and really enjoy ur perspective on sylki. i was getting frustrated with how many people seem to view this ship in a super heteronormative way and want sylvie to basically become a housewife, and i was so glad to find a blog that felt the same way. this fandom has become tiring tbh with how many people are now freaking out that sylvie hasn't immediately started having lokis babies in s2, and i really wish that people would at least leave room for others to have their own opinions!
this! that section of sylki shippers do not leave any room for you to have your opinions! they act like a fanon police controlling what you say in your posts on your blog!
and god forbid that what you say opposes their own hcs and takes, if you commit this unforgivable sin of having a take that is different from theirs, you better be ready for some good old online group harassment! they will make you feel like you are not welcome in this fandom, they will make sure that you are hurt, they will alienate you and force you out!
but no, you are the bad guy for jokingly calling a fandom in general "vanilla" and saying (after several disclaimers that it's your personal opinion) that when it comes to canon, you don't think that sylvie should be all about being loki's housewife.
at this point i honestly hate this fandom. there are some decent sylkis out there and i love the ship itself, but a big portion of the fandom has simply sucked all the joy for the series out of me. i wonder if they realize what the consequences of their behavior could be? back when i said (in my blog) that i don't think sylvie having babies is a compelling completion of her story in canon, and this bunch came to my blog to harass me for my takes, i was in a very *very* bad place already, and the space that was supposed to be my escape pretty much turned on me and added up to an already depressing state i was in.
and bfr anyone says that it's just a fandom wank, let me tell you that these people know how to be really cruel, whether they realize it or not, their behavior is simply cruel. they don't just argue in favor of their opinion, they shit on you personally, get aggressive towards you personally, make you feel like you "can't sit with them", ect. it gets really creepy and ugly.
and the thing is, i never addressed anyone specific in my posts, i never said *this* person and *that* person have shitty hcs/takes, i never even vaguely hinted at a distaste towards the hcs/takes of someone specific, but they accuse me of pointing fingers. when i said that i didn't think canon sylvie having babies would work, i never said anything about sylki babies in fanfiction, yet people accused me of pointing fingers at the fic writers. and they would come to my blog, harass me in the replies and asks, and talk about how despicable i am in their own blogs, and it went on and on for a while.
thanks for your nice words, anon, they are uplifting. and to those who can't stand me so much, don't worry, i'm going to leave this fandom once the series is finished. i hope you are satisfied that being a shitty, gatekeeping, narrow-minded, egocentric person worked for you! but don't ever feel entitled to complain about how lokius shippers treat you.
#asks#sylki#sylvie laufeydottir#loki#i regret ever getting invested in this fandom i really really regret it#learn from my mistakes my friends#unfortunately a lot of your mutuals aren't actually your friends#they are going to turn your time in the fandom into hell if you dare to voice your unpopular opinion/hc on your own blog!#i had mutuals harass me and ppl i thought as friends not come to my aid bc of nonexistent sylki babies lmao#anyways anyways#you win! good job at forcing the last sylki who has unpopular takes/hcs out of the fandom!#you could have just muted or blocked me but i guess it was your duty to make sure it was clear that sylki fandom hates me!#oh & thank you for destroying my desire to ever read a sylki fic vanilla or not bc i can't be sure that it's not written by someone who#felt so insecure bc of my hcs that they decided to ruin the fandom experience for me!#mf i never insulted your fic i'm sure i have never even read it i was simply ranting about what i would like to read in case there was#someone wondering if there would be an audience for that sort of thing#and i never told you not to hc sylki/sylvie a certain way when i ranted on my blog how i don't think housewife!sylvie would work in canon!#but deep down you know that you just don't want anyone to have a different hc/take#again don't worry! you won! hope you are happy!#actually you managed to destroy my desire to be in any fandom ever! i should replace fandom with grass-touching bc maybe the lack of said#grass-touching is the reason some of you think everything is about you and targets you and your precious hcs#god i just cant stop thinking regretful i am for getting invested in this fandom when so many shippers turned out so hypocritical bad peopl#maybe one good thing that may come out of this is some poor soul reading it and getting a reality check regarding twitter/tumblr fandoms#DON'T GET ATTACHED THESE PPL WILL HARASS YOU AND HURT YOU OVER MADE-UP BABIES#it's not worth it! prioritize your mental health!#i have wasted so much of my time defending sylkis from the antis here & on twt only to have the majority of them turn on me#i want my time back god i really want all that wasted time back#why are you mfs sending me angry asks i told u that u won i'm leaving this fandom what more do u want from me?!#im not wasting my life in the fandom where the mfs would harass a real person bc of their parasocial relationship with hc babies#be content with hurting and forcing a person out of the fandom bc u took smtng that wasn't targeted at u too personally
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