#i'm not exactly a stranger to it

[warriorend-2]

ok ok since i can't be stupid and gay all the time (<- college student)

putting this shit under a cut bc while it's mostly just me rambling it's. spoiler heavy. & also wound up being 1600 words. sorry

1: possibly the most glaring thing, which makes me doubt the Phantom being a lot of otherwise-possible candidates, is that they would have to be very good at infiltration

-I presume Roxana didn't put the medal in her computer herself, which means whoever did put it there had to get in after she left, get into the computer without waking up Robutler, modify it to put it there, & put everything back (mostly) the way it was & leave a combination. granted maybe they just gave the medal to Roxana to put in there, but like. why

-getting it into that spot in the mines wouldn't have been too hard i don't think, just. knowing where the mine is and then sneaking in during off-duty hours (...assuming those happen)

-tbh the one in blind spot is probably the easiest to place given that it's just behind a license plate, & cars do have to stop sometimes even if it's not often

-i'm. not sure how they got the medal into hot water though. i'm guessing they snuck it in among the materials? (the other option here is that Zor had a hand in getting it there, which opens up a whole other can of worms so i'm not gonna. think about that one too hard)

-the one in cold shoulder is also not too hard to see it getting there. i would laugh if they had to make a mold of that little compartment & then make a block of ice for it though.

-the one in kboom is where i'm like. OK this facility is presumably not super new but it's also not super old given its current purpose. it may have been repurposed but still. how did they get the medal where it is and then also tag the bucket. the volcano doesn't look like it's horribly far away from shore (in the ending credits) but (also i'm aware the medal shouldn't even be able to be where it is but. yknow.)

and odds are that it doesn't matter that much, i'm just. they had a little safe set up in the control point already, they had access to the pneumatic tubes, etc. if the locations have any bearing and aren't just "here's somewhere to stick this puzzle that would be hard to figure out", then that implies some Shit about the phantom (& possibly also their allies. if they have any. if they do I highly doubt they're Agency-related.). given where the phantom gets to i am somewhat leaning towards the idea it may be V. Vitti (also the. insignia), given that we've seen the sort of places Agent Phoenix gets into (...seat of power) & so

2: Zor's goals feel a lot more on a personal bent this game, not just irt destroying the Agency but also. destroying the kinesium & anything that uses it. so whatever their reason, it seems to be a lot more personal (+ they actively Address the player more often, which could be Phoenix's infamy but also in the other games they were barely present, both in terms of voicelines & actual like. Story Push. they were a very passive supervillain in the other games, is what i'm saying)

which leads me up to like. we all know characters can lie, & in this series it's kinda expected, but. idk. i keep circling back to the shield generator. & the lava generators being accessible from Phoenix's cabin, but not the one Roxana was in. & Phoenix's cabin seemingly having all this shit that the others didn't have, & it could have been a tactical choice on Phoenix's part, but.

i mean. Zor does definitely say they want you dead, but they don't say it directly a whole lot (iirc they say "kill you and Prism" but otherwise they don't directly address the player in death threats, it's usually just. agents, plural. or "whatever end you meet" which is also a threat but is vague)

which just. why is Agent Phoenix still alive? Game design aside, of course. It wouldn't be much of a game if the villain kills you in the first level, after all.

But it feels, to me, like the weaknesses are far too glaring to be just missed over, especially in 3, because. if they want you dead that badly, why. why leave things so safe?

Hot Water is one i wind up on a lot, because you could chalk things up to being deathtraps, but Ollie knew about the gas and the grenade trap, & seemed completely unfazed by them (& kinda implied that's just How It Is for new folks), so they're not necessarily targeted, it's just standard practice. Putting aside the fact that even if they were intended to be deathtraps, they're so. Mild. to put it bluntly. Zor knows Phoenix by this point, knows the shit they've pulled & survived, a gas trap & a grenade in a vending machine feel very. yknow. that's like throwing a rock at the back of someone's head, comparatively

and then the KBOOM demo & the shield generator, both explicitly left for you to see. & it's a pretty 1-to-1 comparison for how the actual KBOOM mission goes, except for the telekinesis save at the end. the squid gets involved, but for the most part, considering it's a lab Zor loosely implies they were at, the security is very. lax. & everything is accessible to the "new hire", popsicle-ID necessity aside. (also apparently Ollie has been down there a while, given he doesn't seem to. know about the whole "world domination" thing. which is Eerie because if that's the case then how long exactly has the whole Kinesium thing been a plan?)

to me. & it has felt like this since the end of the second game. When Zor says they want you dead, there's a whole host of unstated conditions to that, which they would be good at given the whole CEO thing.

"I want you dead if you aren't good enough at your job to survive" sort of deal. which also lines in nicely with how they seem to be as an Actual Boss. of course, they never say the second part out loud, but. short of them just being Really Smart in a lot of cases (failsafe in Juniper's mask, leading Roxana along long enough to get her research & then trying to kill her, etc) but Really Dumb in others (leaving the shield generator, making the squid the only real danger to Phoenix down there, not having any failsafes to make sure the missiles launch at the end of 2 even if the briefcase is compromised (or just not using them), etc), it's like. the ways their plans get foiled at the end of 2 & 3 feels intentional.

plus you could make the argument that Roxana was also being used to lead Phoenix along until they were where Zor wanted them, at which point both of what they were using her for (Kinesium research, kite Phoenix around until they're in position, even if that second one wasn't in the deal) was done & they could get rid of her without feeling bad.

would stopping KBOOM have been possible without Roxana's help? Dunno. Not the way it's presented in-game, because in-game she was also instrumental to stopping it.

i'm also going to briefly play semantics for a second. i'm not sure i consider "even the great Agent Phoenix will eventually burn out" to be a threat because. that's what phoenixes do. They burn, and then they come back. Sometimes it takes a while, but. if i'm not just thinking about semantics Way Too Hard, the wording of "burn out" suggests something far different than "die". combining that with Zor talking about the Agency like That, & the Phantom (at least vaguely) implying prior experience with the Agency, & realizing that their involvement would cost them their life, makes me think. maybe "burn out" isn't a threat of death, but a threat of something about Phoenix changing soon. Maybe as a result of almost dying. "burn out" is also used for like. becoming exhausted, stopping trying, & maybe that too. who knows. i don't, i'm not on the dev team, i'm just some 21 year old chewing on semantics.

at the end of the day, my current standing on Theories is. hard to sum up but i will do my best. o7

-The phantom is probably one of a very small handful of candidates, & I'm leaning towards it being V. Vitti or maybe possibly Zor in a funny hat.

-Zor is trying to kill Phoenix, but not inescapably. maybe they're testing Phoenix, maybe they're just trying to almost-kill Phoenix enough times they get tired of the Agency and fuck off so Zor can do the whole "world domination" thing (which i am not. wholly convinced they actually are after.)

-summing those two up made me think of something else. perhaps the Phantom was also testing Phoenix in a roundabout way, by seeing if they could survive everything else, because they only show up in the third game. Their note opening with "it seems you're as good as they say" indicates they are at least familiar with Phoenix & their reputation, albeit maybe not directly (if it is Vitti, i doubt she would have access to Agency knowledge, but post-Rising Phoenix, once the rumors started getting out...)

-this is a silly theory i like to throw around in my head, but i'm very fond of it, so: the "death room" you go to after dying in a mission may not necessarily always indicate Actual Death. in some cases, yes, but in other cases. idk. i've always gotten more the vibe of having been captured as opposed to outright killed (although being able to respawn does throw a wrench in there, but oh well. game has to be a game & all)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

How much longer 'til your luck runs out?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[vaguely-concerned]

the barista lady in the treviso café fucking giggles every time you buy the fancy coffee lucanis likes from her btw. can't believe the game is calling out rook and me like this

[mikesbasementbeets]

Surface Things 2

[inklessletter]

I have that fear in the back of my mind that in s5 they are going to hint stancy again to keep the love triangle dynamic and they're going to resolve it with the oldest trick of the book (by killing the wrong choice for Nancy, which is Steve) because even they know stancy was created to give game but not to be endgame (and also Steve was originally conceived to be killed), and they're going to have a last moment that is supposed to be emotional but it is going to cringe our bones, probably something like:

Nancy (holding a badly hurt Steve after he sacrifices his life for the mission): "You're an idiot, Steve Harrington."

Steve (with his last breath and smiling painfully): "You're beautiful, Nancy Wheeler." *dies*

And then tumblr is going to be filled with gif sets pointing the parallels between s1 stancy and s5 stancy and I'm already sighing in dispair and then steddie will come back stronger than ever even if it never left

[stardust-moth]

In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.

Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.

1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.

Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.

He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.

He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.

2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.

In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.

Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.

For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.

He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.

3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.

The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.

She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.

Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.

4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.

On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.

He's helpless to save her, again.

4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...

El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.

Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...

Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...

There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.

Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.

She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.

He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.

She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.

Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.

The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.

He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.

And it works. It's music to her ears.

[thefreakandthehair]

A Steddie fanfiction written for the @steddiebang with art by @sungods-healingg and @oriarts. 55k. Rated E.

Chapter One coming soon to ao3 on November 25, 2023! Sneak peek included below!

“Give it, hey! Give me the check,” Eddie argues, trying to pry it from Steve’s hands. “I’m not letting you pay, c’mon.” 

“I—” Steve starts grappling and tries to maintain some degree of subtly in the still bustling diner. “I’m paying, give it.” 

“Not a chance, I don’t want stories going around that I’m some kept boyfriend who uses Steve Harrington for his money.” Eddie’s lips purse and his eyes narrow. “Hand it over.”

With a final tug, Eddie celebrates internally as he yanks the envelope from Steve. He realizes belatedly that he only won that battle because Steve freezes. It takes a few seconds, maybe a moment as he slips his credit card into the little pocket and flags down their waitress again, to figure out why. 

Boyfriend. 

Presumptuous at best and enough to scare Steve off at worst. The silence is hard to read so Eddie simply hands over the check and stares with wide eyes, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“Or-- you know, just, someone who uses Steve Harrington for his money. Big baseball contract and all that?” He tries to brush it off and deflect with humor, something that usually works well enough but apparently, not on Steve. 

“You said boyfriend.” He says simply, ignoring Eddie’s attempts entirely. 

Suddenly, Eddie regrets that sweet dessert for dinner because his stomach is tumbling in a dangerous way. He rubs the back of his neck and pulls at a strand of loose hair.

“I uh, yeah, I guess I did. Do you… have thoughts? On that?” 

Steve blinks at him, three times in quick succession, before the right corner of his mouth quirks up. “I do, actually. But I think I’d rather show you and I’d probably lose that big baseball contract if I did that here.” 

“Oh?” Eddie teases, pausing to grab the check back from the waitress to sign and slide his credit card back into it wallet. When she’s far enough away that Eddie’s sure she won’t hear, he reminds Steve of their location. “My apartment’s just like, two blocks over. If uh, if you’d like to show me in a more private spot?” 

The first time Eddie massaged Steve, he felt called back to the dangerous adrenaline rushes of his youth, all impulsivity and carelessness, and he feels it again as he invites Steve back to his apartment. Or maybe, it never even left. Maybe it’s just been slowly eroding his resolve for the past two months.

Whatever the case, his body trembles when Steve says Yes. 

tagging people who've asked, expressed interest to me or in tags, etc. and some pals: @hbyrde36 @steddieasitgoes @sidekick-hero @dryptid @sharpbutsoft @cuoredimuschio @kkpwnall @starryeyedjanai @scarcrossdlvrs @marvel-ous-m @pearynice @judasofsuburbia @corrodedbisexual @shares-a-vest @hellion-child @pumpkinspicestevie @delta-piscium @perseus-notjackson @thisapplepielife @withacapitalp @nostalgicbones @hereforanepilogue @stevethehairington @nostalgicbones @t-boyeddie @theheadlessphilosopher @stobinesque @imfinereallyy @hexiewrites @maxineholtzmann @starrystevie @steddieas-shegoes @daysarestranger @goodolefashionedloverboi

[after-the-end-times]

omg I love this by @steddieas-shegoes, but for some reason that scene from Ted Lasso immediately popped into my head when I was reading it? Thus, this:

It's not long after Steve and Eddie finally slept together for the first time that Eddie walks into the house to Steve holding a baby, a baby with curls and big amber eyes.

And he doesn't want to assume, but it is dressed in a pink onesie, so he's gonna go ahead and say she's a girl baby. And Eddie definitely knows there's normal things to ask about a surprise baby, like what's her name or who's is she or, even, where'd she come from, but nope.

"Is- Is she mine?" he says, eyes widening and a hand drifting up to his chest.

Steve just looks at him, a bemused smile spreading across his face,

"Eddie, we had sex, like, a week ago."

"Riiiight right right, sorry, yeah bad math" Eddie says, huffing out a laugh. 'Cause yeah, it's the math that's the issue.

Steve turns to head back into the kitchen, blithely adding as he goes,

"And if memory serves, you finished on my-"

"Woooah nonono!. Steve! You can't- That's not-" Eddie says rushing after him, stopping in front of Steve and the baby.

The baby who looks up at him with giant eyes and fingers in her mouth and looks so much like SteveandEddie that Eddie's brain is still trying to work out some sort of science or magic that would explain this situation because he suddenly wants it to be-

And Steve's just looking at him with the most gentle half smile and crinkly eyes, but Eddie just shakes his head to clear his thoughts, gently covers the baby's ears, and says in the most scandalized tone he didn't even know he had in him,

"There's no reason to get into the science of it all in front of the baby, Steve!"

Steve smiles wide at that and he heads to the sink, patting Eddie on the shoulder as he goes,

"Well, why don't we get her a bottle and then we can discuss the science of it all while she naps, hm?"

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

WHAT IN THE MAG160 WAS THAT

[lighthouseas]

au where poor writer mike wheeler who can't seem to get a story published jumps at the chance to buy a weirdly cheap house in a nice neighborhood near a good publishing company because he doesn't have the money for anything else.

however, upon entering said house, he quickly realizes that it is not all that it seems - the wifi glitches constantly, the doors lock and unlock on their own, he hears footsteps at all times of the night, and he's starting to think that the really cute bowlcut-adorned apparition haunting his dreams isn't just something his constantly sleep deprived brain is making up. he would move out - except for the fact that he doesn't have the money to live anywhere else, so, after a while, he learns to live with said apparition. it's good inspiration for his books, anyway.

and so, when ghost!will eventually realizes that his haunting efforts are fruitless, he decides - against all ghost laws - that he should appear to mike. unfortunately, mike is very cute, and throws will off immediately. and even more unfortunately, mike doesn't find will scary at all.

cue lots of gay ghost pining. and also mike thinking he's hallucinating because he's so sleep deprived

[spotaus]

Me frfr ^

I've been reading a fic today as a treat for finally being on vacation, and when I say I've just been entranced I mean it. (Also. The fic in question is @ancientschampionau 's well, Ancients & Champions fic lol! It's captivated me >:])

[turtlecleric]

You are doing your best to be better. To be honest to Leo about your feelings. Though to be quiet honest, trying to hide what you are feeling from Leo is about as difficult as it sounds. He just knows, he always just knows when something is up. And when necessary he will give you space, but tonight is not one of those nights.

he sits next to you on your bed his hand wrapped around yours offering a comforting squeeze as he just sits and listens. The window he climbed through to get into your room wide open. a cool breeze caressing you head to toe, ruffling your curtains. Calming you both as you try to find the words. The right words to let him know how you feel but not worry him at the same time.

“It’s never a feeling as deep as hatred” you finally manage. “ I just, really, really, don’t like myself sometimes. I am supposed to be more than what I currently am, I am supposed to be in a different place. I feel like I am constantly falling behind, unable to catch up. Like I’m drowning in myself. Like I’m constantly disappointing everyone.”

You don’t look at Leo as you speak. One part terrified of what you will see and another disappointed that’s he has to come comfort you at all. But then he takes you by your chin. Gently maneuvering it so you are facing him. You look at his mouth. Still too scared to look him in the eye. To nervous of what you will see.

“Mi preciosa . Please look at me.”

His voice is low and soft. More like a coo than anything. You can feel the affection in it, the care he has for you. You pinch your eyes closed a moment. Steeling yourself, before you slowly open them and look him in the eye. And it’s then it’s all laid bare. There is no pity, there is no resentment or sadness. He looks at you with deep understanding. Like one would the other half of their soul. Like he’s looking in a mirror. Like he can see you fully and clearly what you are. You feel naked and exposed and raw. His gaze exploring every piece of doubt you have ever harbored.

and then he kisses you. Deep and wanting. But a delicate thing all the same. You try to pull away but he holds you there. Entrancing you to continue. So you do. You stay there with him as he moves to kiss the corner of your mouth, to your neck. Sliding your shirt to the side so he can have access to your collarbone and shoulder. Peppering them with longing.

“Leo, what are you doing?” You whisper as a slow building heat begins to envelop you.

Leo looks up at you. His expression bare, no sign of his usual mask as he looks at you with a softness that makes you what to cry. “I love you.”

His honestly makes you laugh rather than cry. But a part of you breaks at the words. A part of you not ready to stop hiding you reinforce your walls. “I know Leo.”

Leo gently pushes forward his chin rubbing along your neck, in the familiar gesture of him senting you. Again he repeats. “I love you.”

A small sigh leaves you. “I-I know. Leo I know what you are trying to do. It won’t… I’m not.”

His hands fall to your sides both his thumb peaking under your shirt as he ducks his head low to the underside of your chin and kisses you where you’re soft. “I love you.” The words practically purring against you.

you feel yourself sputter. To find words to ground yourself to.

“I love you.” “Leo.”

“I love you”

you feel yourself start to break.

“I love you.” your voice becomes warped with emotion. As you give in to it. “ say it again.”

he complies as easily as breathing. “ I love you.”

“again.”

“I love you.”

you feel yourself begin to tremble. “Again.”

“I love you.”

He has you on your back now. Kissing away the tears streaking your face. You can’t stop crying. It feels so silly. And yet he repeats its again and again his voice steady with the same honestly and longing he’s had for you sense the beginning.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

His hands slide down you slowly, giving you enough time to regret him. You don’t. gently he unbuttons your pants. Slipping you out of them as he kisses your shoulder. Your shirt is next piece to be removed and so on and so on until you are completely bare in front of him. He looks at you with softness. With kindness. With a desire for you now more then ever to be soft with you. So you let him.

He bends down and kisses your tummy. His hands delicately caressing your sides as he dose. “ I love you here.”

He moves down further to the crook of your knee and kisses you there too. “I love you here too.”

your thighs your legs your feet. He kisses them all like he can’t get enough. Your shoulders your sides your breasts. His hands explore you in a reverence, that you swear should be reserved for gods alone. But he touches you in that delicate piety all the same. Like he can’t imagine a world where he isn’t touching you. Like your body is all he will ever need. Like you are the concept of life itself, he worships you fully.

finally he leans over to your ear and presses a kiss to your temple. His hands touching and pinching at your nipples as he dose. “ Will you let me take you Hermosa? Mi preciosa, Mi amor. Can I have you? Please can I have you.”

Deep heat unfurls in you as he begs for you, over and over. With a Desperation, like he hasn’t been the one rendering you to stardust by his caresses. He begs for you, like you have been the one leading him to worship this whole time. Like you had been the one to entrance him. you wrap your arms around his neck and sigh as his hands dip lower. Ghosting his fingers on your hips.

“Take me.” You mumble into his shoulder.

and he all but devours you. His mouth is in your pulse and the quick dull pain of teeth meet you on your throat. As one of his hands explores your seam and folds like he’s doing it for the first time. Worshiping your cunt with his hand. meanwhile his moth babbles on and on.

“Mi preciosa, my Hermosa, mi princesa, me amore. I love you.”

He curls one of his fingers inside you and you arch your back into him. He presses his face to your chest, scenting you and he works you open. His mouth continuing to babble “ fuck I love you, I love you. I need you, I need you. I need you. I want you, every second of every day I want you. I want my cock in you. I want to hang off of you. I want to live inside your skin I can’t get enough of you. If I could I would live the rest of my life buried inside of you. Fucking and filling you until we both are unable to tell where we are. I need you, I love you. I want to worship you.”

He presses another finger into you and your fingers curl and bite into his shoulder. He dosent need anymore to start pumping them inside you. Taking them out only to spread your slick up to your clit before pressing his palm to it. You kick your head back like you’re seeing stars.

“Don’t make me come. Don’t make me come. Get me to the edge and then stop.” You beg as he pulls the pleasure out of you. “ I wanna come with you in me. Please please please.”

He nods taking hold of one of your hands and leading it down to where he’s wet and wanting. You press your fingers into him and he moans loud and wounded. His eyes fluttering closed as he bites into your shoulder once more. The both of you fucking onto each others hands. Leo biting you harder when you feel your climax coming sooner the. You would like. Letting out a sob when he removes his hand. kissing your cheeks apologetically. His voice almost as wounded as yours as he speaks. “ you said you wanted to come on my cock remember, forgive me. Mi preciosa, not yet not yet.”

you fuck your fingers into him harder as pay back. Technically yes he’s doing what you wanted but still, the infuriation of you being denied your pleasure when you are all but begging for him makes you want to be a little mean. Not that Leo is in anyway complaining. He rolls the both of you so you’re in top of him. Giving you a better angle to finger fuck him. He’s close. You can tell with the way he quivers against your hand. His cock head kiss your fingers from where they are pressed deep inside him. He holds your hips like he dose when you ride him. God you want to ride him stupid.

“come on baby, drop for me. Drop for me. I know you want it. I know you need it. You can do it. You are being so good for me. Such a good boy.” He makes a wounded noise at your praise before dropping. Your hand taking hold of him as you lean down and kiss his cock pressing it to your cheek. Leo moans at the sight.

“Fuck me, Hermosa, please, please, fuck me.” He begs as you press on more kiss to him before sheathing him inside. The way he stretches you out will never feel out of place. You love how his cock feels like it was made for you to take. And with the way Leo’s eyes roll to the back of his head every time you allow him the honer to press inside. You feel like he agrees.

still a bit miffed that you were denied your orgasm you start to ride him almost immediately. Not giving either of you time to adjust. Leo’s hands pressing into you in a way that you know will leave pretty bruises behind. More reminders that he wants and claims you as his.

“Hermosa, hermosa, hermosa.” Hé keens out his mouth open and continuing to babble on. “I’m gonna come amore, I’m gonna come slow down. I’m gonna come.” You barel passed his pleas for you to slow down. You are too focused on your own pleasure to care, you fuck him through his orgasm. Hot threads filling you and dripping on to his cloaca and cock as you continue to fuck him. Making him immediately hard again. He teeters on the edge broken hiccuping sobs leaving him as he looks up at you with complete adoration for what you are doing to him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He repeats. “I’m gonna come again, I’m gonna come again forgive me, forgive me.”

“come for me baby. Make me proud come for me again.” You say nuzzling into his neck. He dose. More hot threads of come fill you up right as you hit your own climax. Clenching around him taking everything. God you want his baby’s. God you want it to stick. You clench around him again at the thought and he praises you through it.

“good job Hermosa. That’s it, come on me, that’s it’s thank you, fuck thank you. You feel so good. So good. Good job.”

you both breath there for a moment. The two of you spent. Leo leans up and kisses you. Passionate and fiercely. Like he has ent already shown how much adoration he has for you already.

“Again?” You whimper against him when he dares to part his mouth from yours.

“I love you, mi amor”

(-stranger)

Oh my g od

[reinedeslys-central]

when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again

and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing

but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder

and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it

smh this has to be the fourth time yet

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

I think I might get into the thriller/mystery genre. I've always been a huge fantasy fan, but I've recently run into three problems.

I used to read fantasy books where Sapphic (I'd say 'lesbian' but let's be so fr) romance was the focal point/end game. However, they are often so damn disappointing and I'm honestly really tired of feeling that way. I love lesbian books but they're either actually bi books or like. Memoirs. Or, worse, depressing/don't end how I'd like.

I can't take straight romance seriously at all so that's a no go.

Fantasy without romance often doesn't catch my eye. I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy such a book, but just that none have really jumped out to me as a must read.

It's been a while since I read anything, and I miss it quite a bit but I don't feel like the "well-written fantastical lesbian romance" genre is a long list (believe me, I looked) and straight romances are corny. I'd be willing to read a no-romance fantasy book but ones that suit me are so hard to find.

All that to say that I think I might like the mystery/thriller genre? I'm actually currently making my way through "the girl on the train" audiobook and I like it a fair amount. This may be the right direction to go in to get back into reading.

[dsntwrk]

help me i've gotten so deep into the steddie rabbit hole i haven't gotten this stuck on something since destiel

this really isn't good for my health

THESE ARE THE FICS THAT I SUBSCRIBED TO / LIKED READING (I'VE BASICALLY READ 1/5 WORTH OF STEDDIE FICS COMPARED TO DESTIEL FICS - I GOT INTO DESTIEL 4 YRS AGO, I ONLY STARTED READING STEDDIE FICS SOME TIME LAST MONTH WTF)

tbf, i have taken breaks from destiel to read other fandoms/fics so, ig the timing works out? if you think about it?

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently