#i'm not a day late nothing to see here
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Oh, what? These? These aren't tears It's just the rain that wasn't brave enough to fall
Inkpot Gods, The Amazing Devil
#i'm not a day late nothing to see here#john laurens#amrev#historical john laurens#lams#historical lams#my art#the amazing devil
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simself college fits
#nothing will ever seperate me from the giò ferrari jumper i found in a charity shop#these past few days have been tough as fuck but i'm going to treat myself next weekend by going to a record fair#and i'm going to buy a carhartt patchwork jacket i've had my eye on for months#hope everyones keeping well i haven't been around here much#my friends and i started a minecraft server which we've been obsessively playing#so i haven't really played any sims..#inspiration to do anything at all has been sparse lately i won't lie#side effect of doing a creative course i guess..#college starts up again today.. getting up at 6am was a joy 😐😐#see ya simblr
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I don't know especially with the lastest chapter (ch 265) this just feels so much like Yuuji.
Like especially in the first season people kept asking why he is doing all this, why he wants to save people, why he's beating himself up so much over people he barely knows. People kept wanting to know Yuuji's why and he couldn't explain it he was holding unto the promise he made to his granfther as an explanation but that wasnt really is.
And then you have Mahito who tried to force his own defintion of who yuuji was unto him and beat him down until Yuuji believed it too. He's just a machine killing curses because thats his nature vs Mahito killing humans cause thats his nature. They are beings of instinct slaves to their nature, cogs in the machine. And Yuuji internalizes that so much it weighs so heavily on him the idea that his job isnt to save people but kill curses doesn't sit right with him.
but then at what should be his lowest point he stares his biggest tormentor in the face and said you know what I don't particulalry care what you or anyone else thinks about my reasons. I don't think you have to have grand or innate reasons to do something. Sometimes you just do! and what yuuji wants, more than anything; more than killing curses more than keeping the "weak" safe, is to save his friends. And it's too late for a lot of them, Yuuji was too late but goddam it he won't be late for this. So fuck Sukuna he's bringing Megumi home.
#It's been a while since i did these because I've been off lately but hopefully will fall back into the rhytm of it or atleast once a week#It's also like you can see he has really interalized alot of the advice and love offered to him by Nanami and Higuruma#He'a not trying to kill himself in this fight#quoteoftheday#hell his plans seem to revolve around him making it out alive#Yuuji is finally learning that his life is worth saving and nothing not even Sukuna is worth throwing it away for.#Not when living means he can stick around and keep loving his friends#I mean I'm not even a#itafushi#shipper like that but I can't deny that they won that chapter#Megumi really bros last chance to prove that he can do more than put his friends in danger#Crazy that Yuuji literally started the culling game arc with megumi asking him to start by saving him and here he is starting#really about to be the only person yuuji saves how is that not a win#this latest chapter just relaly got to me it's been a while since I was geniunely excited for JJK.#the bi/weekly schedule really does not do these past final arc fights any favors#quote of the day#itadori yuuji#jjk yuuji#yuuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#fushiguro megumi#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu sorcerer#sukuna#ryoumen sukuna#ch 265#jjk manga#jjk#dark academia
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Not a bad get from work's sample sale the other day tbh 😌
#ore no kao#also ending up with <6hrs of sleep tonight after sleeping in this weekends 😩#fun hang for a friend's bday; watched some older good snl/onion vids before HOTD (which i don't really watch but i'm here for camaraderie)#and now work in the morn 😴#(also cute friend from wed's date thanked me for holding his umbrella for next time and said he had a great time#but hasnt replied to my texts thursday saying i liked exploring our chemistry and that i was thinking of kissing him again#or from yday hoping he's had a good few days and that i feel bad for still having his umbrella given how it's poured this weekend#[he'd left it in our bathtub to dry as we fooled around but the roomie was in there as it got late and he left lol]#he's working two jobs and has 12-hr shifts fridays and sats so i'm hoping it's nothing but a little surprising for how well wed night went#and it would be nice to see him more so i guess we'll see)#(for dates and also getting to suck him again 😩)
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.
#hello friends hope you all are doing well. my words have been abandoning me lately.#I talk a lot and feel like I say nothing. it is truly frustrating.#meanwhile I am doing a bible word study and realizing that all the things I have realized in the past might be valid#(namely the way that a lot of people in my church tradition try to reduce biblical concepts of 'peace' to a sort of inward emotional state#and that's not actually a great way to interpret the biblical concept of shalom. like at all. and massively cheats a lot of communities out#of the actual practical real-life extension of the kingdom and how it's supposed to function)#also I had a minor crisis a few days ago when I looked at a boy who I know only vaguely and thought 'oh. shoot. he's cute.'#I am not used to having these sorts of thoughts or at least not to acknowledging them to myself#not sure why I'm telling tumblr this but I have no one else to tell it to and I feel like I should get it out of my system lol :')#ok logging off again gotta eat some noodles and finish this assignment with is already late#I will see you guys at a later date#(probably not too much later tho bc it is spring break and I am unfortunately stuck at college and there are very few other people here :')#gurt says stuff
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x
#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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I mean this in the most affectionate way possible, of course.
But hey, that's okay! Somebody has to keep the people in Geneva busy😂
#nothing to see here folks#just America's psychotic hat doing what they do best😂#anybody remember those ''99 Things I am Not Allowed to Do'' lists that were popular back in the day?#well this is Canada's#proposed alternate title for the Geneva conventions: List of Things Canada isn't Allowed to do Anymore#maybe they're born with it maybe they're a war criminal🤣#(I had to modify it but shoutout to anna-pineappel for the original one with the word 'she')#to quote HLC: ''When the sorry stops the war crimes start.''#can you imagine if it didn't tho?#just imagine brutally stabbing someone and then being like ''Oh sorry.''#that would be awkward lol#side note: I'm so glad I saved this as a draft first instead of posting it right away#bc I was making my tags VERY late at night#and when I opened this one of my words was spelled wrong#I also had put something I don't even remember typing🤦🏻♀️#this is why the combination of late nights exhaustion and writing do not pair well together#sorry for the tag rant#as always it will happen again😂#spongebob squarepants#spongebob meme#my ramblings#random fun
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FUCK YEAH YOU WON'T SEE ME GETTING OUT OF A DAY AT WORK WITHOUT A SUCCESSFUL DEALLL
#blah blah blah.#my tw*tter is DOWN DOWN right now guys so YOU 🫵 will now see me screaming about my new job here#4 days at it and I'm NEVER going home without a paid deal 😁😁😁 which I thought would be impossible but look at us!!!#the daily goal is still 5 paid deals a day but deadass no one manages that except this one fucking guy.#so I'm doing surprisingly fine????? at my first real week working????#crazy#I thought I would hate it and suck at it but it's not that bad#considering all the nightmare jobs I had in kitchens and restaurants and all that#I've had men 4x my size screaming at my face for 10 min late orders. being yelled at by old people with credit card dept is NOTHING!
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man.
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#gonna say I'm venting a bit (kinda of a lot)#but I may seem selfish from this and let me say now ik everyone was putting themselves first (which is a very good thing)#but having three mutuals deactivate their accounts within I think two months or so??#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here#so I'm still unsure if I'll even stick to that) bc of how negative I've been lately#I just don't want to keep venting and putting that on everyone so#but yeah I just. It makes me sad to see old/new mutuals go#I never thought I'd have to like#witness it#Idk#I've cried over losing them all and it feels rlly silly but I mean idk#I (try to — my feelings with crying are iffy and I hate admitting I do cry) not cry over everything but I just can't word stuff rn#might be posting less/not posting at all for the next few days or so#I'm gonna be busy in July anyways so it's probably better to just say that now#sorry guys I'm just dealing with some stuff mentally lately (an example being gender dysphoria but I can't even word the stuff going on#not to sound like I'm overexaggerating bc I rlly don't wanna seem like I am. It's nothing too serious so don't#be worried at all pls I'm ok enough I won't just disappear)#I just wish I could have alone time in my room with my cats without my family bugging me for a few days#It's tiring atp#I wanna lock myself up just to recooperate and figure out how to deal with certain things the best I can#anyways yap fest over I'm gonna go play wuwa and build Jinshi more#sorry for venting again 🫡🫡
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☆ Nathaniel Wilson ☆
I Really Like Nathaniel because the guy embodies Hope and Positivity without forcing it down the gullets of everyone around him.
He looks like he'd be a pleasant individual to actually be around at 7 am. Even before his coffee. [ Sera should be too, she doesn't seem like an unbearable person to be around in La Matinée ( the Morning ) . But still, she is alot grumpier than her other half. ]
With that said. Insert Happy music here. Nujabes or Smth.
Submitted by @mettamorphoses!
Love the way you drew Nate here! such a clean style and serious face :> He's my favorite little quadfocal guy... friendly, polite, and a good conversationalist! You're absolutely right, he's one of the easiest people to get along with. It's almost like he knows exactly what to say to people.
Sera isn't grumpy so much as she is disinterested and dismissive. She heads to work without bothering to make small talk besides a basic "Hello." if she passes you by. Not the worst outcome, really, if silence doesn't bother you.
#submission#yeah. i'm in Tags too. wassup witchu#Aight but seriously i wonder how literally anyone would be like at 7 am.#Deva's tags start here =>#If he's home for the day he will always be a good conversationalist and offer breakfast or coffee on a morning#This is literally so cool#queued post#As for people at 7 am...#Sera is up by 4 AM unless Nate doesn't have work. By 7 she has already had breakfast and gotten ready to work on her projects.#If you catch her it is likely after she returns from a morning flight. She'll be civil but it can easily come off the wrong way. aw.#Nate takes a lot of long shifts that stretch into the night. Due to this he and Sera have very contrasting schedules.#If you see him in the morning it is usually only because of the weekend or whatever other days he takes off. He is a very tired guy#Vincent has a very erratic schedule and he is always out and about doing things that fancy him#He is also a HEAVY sleeper. Nothing can really wake him except for a very specific noise#Said sound makes him wake up in a horrendous mood. Most mornings are thankfully safe from this sort of temper.#It is hard to say what new bizarre thing he will get himself into next. Like doomcrying while hidden on the roof of a religious congregatio#Sonia is not up by 7 AM without a good reason to be. She is down at the kitchen in a bathrobe by 9 to eat some breakfast.#Which made her the unknowing first victim of Vincent's newly founded pyramid scheme#Amon is a late riser since he is still used to his old schedule from his time at the Ricciardi mafia. Sleeps late? wakes late!#If it's a weekday he will always be up at 6 AM regardless of the amount he slept to take Adra to school.#Eric tends to wake up early but often gets caught up in personal projects. He loves music and editing his tracks but it really eats his tim#So Eric will be going to sleep at 4 and see Sera making herself coffee whilst Nate is also coming home from work and crashing on the couch.#Not even Amon heads in that late. Maybe Vincent does though. If he's “Traversing the night.” Like he says he does.#Vince can't see very well at night anymore. And the sun is almost blinding now. But it's nothing to an immortal like him! ha! bow before hi
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I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)
I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏
#seriously though I'm sorry for just up and disappearing like that#wanna talk to people and interact with them so bad lately but I just can't bring myself to do it#so the best i can manage is blabbing in the tags like always#i don't know wtf is going on but over the past few days I've just felt like i don't deserve to talk to anyone#tried to reblog posts from mutuals several times but something in my head keeps saying;#'yeah they don't actually care for your input at all and you're being a bother for even trying etc etc'#and i know deep down that's probably not true (i hope) but i can't reason it away you know#and i know the best solution to this is to just talk to someone#let it be known that i *did* make an attempt to#i tried texting someone (and succeeded) but i couldn't keep doing it and I'm back at square one (and now feel worse lmao)#i'm not really putting this here for anybody to see it as much as i am for myself#but i know that (hypothetically) this could be seen by a real human so it still kinda feels like I'm reaching out in a way which feels nice#makes me feel less like I'm shriveling up in my own self imposed solitude#so uh hello person who might be reading the tags (there's six of you guys here now which is crazy cause i post nothing but junk here lol)#((but thanks anyway for following and even more thanks for reading this if you did))#i'll make my way around all the posts i missed soon enough don't worry#i'm sorry i'm really not meaning to ignore anybody#i have drafted quite a few posts from moots that i couldn't finish leaving comments on but i have seen them#everyone here is super cool and talented as always <3 whether that be through art or writing or just finding neat posts to share#this wall of text is long enough and i'm very eeby so thank you again for reading this#tldr; not dead and i'll be okay eventually :)#not rb#hey look i didn't post a picture of my dog this time (a crime)#i'll make sure to share one the next time i get a good one
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯\_(ツ)_/¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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Anyway Tubehell Challenge... I still have cool ideas for that it's a real shame I'm on a low stint right now
#listen. brain. of the problem is a lack of nutrients caused by meds making me require more.#then... and hear me out here...#the best way to combat that... would be to give me the ability to go get food? and not daydream all day?#like... buddy there's nothing but BENEFITS to getting food...#come on brain pspspspspsps#I'm going to bed but the reason I'm doing so this late is for the same god damn reasons#like... if it's fucking protein and shit I'm gonna be so mad because the reason I'm not getting enough#is literally being caused by not getting enough#DO YOU SEE THE FUCKING PROBLEM HERE#anyway I'm. maybe fine i dunno we'll see goodnight I'm exhausted#pop rox talks
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Muse I got rid of ( for now ):
Cocoa Cookie ( CRK ) Mirielle ( GBF ) Shizuku Osaka ( LLNiji ) Horo ( PTN ) Blue ( GBF OC )
I'm still gonna add my HSR muses ( I already added Stelle to the OC list hehe~ ), but this was a 3am thought and I am. So sleepy.
#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc )#( the only one(s) i could see me adding back in the future are the gbf ones#because absolute brain rot#and if they give me mirielle and risette in any holiday / event i WILL explode#and if they mention blue again one day (copium)#my other thought while looking over my muse list was: lmao what if milky way cookie handshake emoji pompom#and like i'm so right in having this thought#thursday will be a big chore day.........mayhaps a big writing day too!!!!!!!! if i can handle it#i've been overly bummed and lowkey anxious lately BUT NOTHING LIKE LAST WEEK#each day i feel weird i remind myself that i literally felt 10x worse before earth day; then i feel sane again#moving around on driveup has!!!!!!!! also helped a lot#con: maybe my ankle / knee owie; pro: literally forget all nonsense and just vibe and walk fast#BUT ANYWAYS yeah activity is as weird as ever~ will be here and diantha for Actual stuff eventually~ )
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whatever you imagine happened during and after this scene is 1000% better than what happened in the actual show
#shrimp thoughts#(nothing. nothing happened)#(i thought fei lian would have a role in defeating him. yknow as the good friend who hates seeing yu huan Evil and Heartless#(what yh tells him here is LITERALLY that he has no heart anymore lol) and would rather kill him than see this great man like this!#but uhhh no literally nothing of that sort happened and yh was Magic Attacked into disintegrating because that's how villains go now ig#anyway as i must have said back then i am imagining the tense drama-filled au in which fl goes something like. what will it take to stop#you? i'll do Everything and there's a flicker of red in yh's eyes because i think that's very cool and also sexy#and this is how fl becomes yh's concubine and they rule with an iron fist etcetc i didn't watch the show#also i didn't watch the show SO i don't know what's up with mr grandpa and yh but i think it would be good FOR ME if yh needed to#get rid of that evil energy once in a while. lbh style#and fl lies awake at night having just been fucked into next thursday. yh is dead asleep next to him and he does his best not to look at his#face because he knows he's going to see his old friend and he's going to be overwhelmed with stupid fondness and the urge to tease him#about his stupid little frown even when he's asleep! loosen up dude or there won't be a mrs yu huan in the future!#and he's going to forget that every day he doesn't slit yh's throat in his bed is another day of suffering for innocent people#every day he spends wondering at what point can he start gently pushing yh towards relaxing that iron fist; towards maybe making things#better for people who don't deseve to live in pain -- is a day those people spend living in pain because of his inactivity#he should kill this man. as soon as possible to avoid sentiment muddling his morality. he should do it before it's too late#(but he knows that it has been too late when he agreed.)#THIS IS WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. IN MY HEART. I AM FINE IF YOU WANT TO KNOW
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