#i'm losing it i have so many of these now

[baurutruffle]

Let's go!

1. I'm a therian.

2. Crocodile, torn between Mugger crocodile and Siamese crocodile.

3. The most common shifts are mental and phantom shifts. My phantom shifts include tail, snout, the "horns" (which basically are ears), hands/feet, belly and the general flat shape when laying down on my belly. My mental shits often mean the urge to bask in the sun with my mouth open, do the death roll or make sounds like hissing or the like. Occasionally, I have the urge to turn around and snap or slide back into water, too. My oddest cameo shift? Wings. They make no sense but they're funny and feel nice.

4. I sometimes imagine my body to be a crocodile on two legs, interacting with other animals rather than humans. Sometimes, I'm just constantly tired and need to recharge by simply laying around or sitting in the sun. Sunlight is extremely important. Despite me being a mammal - a human - in this life, I sometimes feel like I depend on the warmth and the UV light of the sun more than anyone else. When I choose my meal, it gotta include good meat and veggies (yes, crocs eat veggies and fruits). While most women (and many men) see a sharp jawline as crucial for beauty, I like a slight double chin which I think might come from my crocodile self where we all have a kind of a double chin. A good trait of my body is the robust build. I'm not chunky or something but on a healthy side with small stubby hands which resemble my crocodile hands. And this makes me feel very comfy at times. Guess I had some luck there to look a bit crocodilian in my human body. c;

Though, what makes me feel weird at times are my boobies. They're... big. As a reptile, I often look down and think: "Wth, what's this? Oh, yea... right." Reptiles don't have such. The same goes with other things which I won't talk about here for the safety of the minors on this platform.

When someone's annoying the hell outta me, I have the urge to either retreat in a water body or chomp them or hiss at them. Usually, I'm very disciplined and can avoid following my urges in a social setting but sometimes a deep rumble leaves my throat either way.

Those are just a few slight insights. But I'll happily talk about more of my experiences in my everyday life, if you're interested.

5. I've been part of the community for over a decade. It should be 16 years soon. Over the years, I witnessed a lot. I really like the side where we all peacefully talk about our experiences and discuss about terms and the usage of those etc. The downside on the other hand looks way deeper. Gatekeeping, unwanted grilling, excluding young alterhumans, hate and more. After all, I think if we focus on the positive sides of the community, it's a fairly nice one. We should build up some more of the neutral, peaceful side. We're all sitting in the same boat - nonhumans living a human life and trying to make the best of it. Following the construct of self-care to not lose our minds in-between all these humans where a big part still sees us with despise and hatred. The community has its potential for the good and the bad.

6. Inclusion. I'm most euphoric to be able to say that I'm not alone and not mentally ill simply for identifying as something nonhuman. For believing in having been a crocodile in my past life and still carrying this part of me with me. I am a crocodile and that's completely valid. As a rational person (by law) who grew up not showing too many emotions and letting go of feelings and the like, I tried to find a reason for all these experiences and thought I was just mentally ill for seeing myself as a crocodile. I read plenty of books, went to a couple psychologists and tried to "treat" away this side of me. But the community took me back on the ground and helped me understand what was actually happening. Now I'm 29, have two jobs (social worker and firefighter), pay taxes and all these weird human things and I can still say I'm myself. I gained so much self-confidence and became more self-conscious over the years. I did have my downfalls in the community as well but it still caught me and helped me back up on my feet. Now I can say out proudly that I'm a crocodile. Thank you for that, dear alterhumans!

7. I experience species dysphoria a lot after all. While most four-legged mammals can simply walk on all fours and feel at ease doing so, it doesn't feel that right for me. I can't do this slumber walk and have a heavy tail being dragged over the ground. I can't eat like a crocodile with this weak human mouth and this weirdly shaped face. If a tooth is broken, it won't just fall out and grow back but has to be repaired and treated carefully afterwards. My boobies, which I mentioned above. I have no scales and can't swim like a crocodile. I don't have a third eyelid. My claws are weak and soft.

Many many things make me feel species dysphoria. Though, it's fine. I accept those feelings and do my best with that. I got to the nail manufacturer and let them make me grey relatively pointy nails. I have the possibility to get tattoos. I can swim and dive as a human just as fine. You name it.

8. Don't rush it! I made this mistake which left me in an identity crisis for 11 years! Let it go, live your life, embrace your existence. If you're like me, a journal can help as well. Keep track of your experiences. And don't compare yourself to others. You might not know what you are right now and it might take years to find out for sure but this is what you have in advance. You're able to learn so much about yourself and educate yourself more on many levels which those who know what they are since they can think don't most of the time. Take the part where you have to read about so many animals and dive into zoology so hard that you can consider yourself a little nerd (lovingly). Take the patience that you need. Or maybe learning about many facettes and their correlation to your nonhumanity. Of course, those who know their true self since the very beginning can learn about these as well but you still do it on an absolutely different level. Enjoy it! And if you need help, don't hesitate to ask for help.

9. I don't have any gear yet but would love to have some. Though, I wouldn't know what I could get. Maybe you have some ideas.

10. Theoretically, such experiences and self-portraying as animals or other nonhuman creatures takes us back to the first humans with the spiritual and religious side. We have evidence of humans from the Paleolithic time to self-portray as animals, that's been about 40,000 years ago. Zoologic art has been found that may represent the earliest known form of anthropomorphism. I like to see that as the beginning of nonhuman identities. And maybe humans were identifying as nonhuman even before that or at least have very special connections to animals which could be seen as otherhearted or even as an identity already. Several religions, thelogies and spiritual beliefs practice animal related rituals and the like way before civilization. I think we could root alterhumanity there already.

11. I don't tag individuals but let everyone decide for themselves, if they want to partake in such fun things or not. So, go ahead!

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[manytoonepoet13]

I can't keep silent any longer: Shipping, having headcanons, and having your own interpretations about a character is absolutely alright... so long as it doesn't compromise the true essence of a character. If not, you are creating a new character of your own, much like how Disney is remaking its classics with, more often than not, unnecessary and unwanted changes that disrespect the original intent of the source material.

To be fair, there's certainly nothing wrong with shipping characters; it's fun. I ship characters myself. But what ticks me off is when they're too blinded by their own delusions and headcanons for this ship that that is the only thing they focus on instead of the incredible story this character has been given by the writers. Shipping is good; mischaracterizing characters for fun is not. That is where I'm throwing hands. And this applies to both Aventurine and Veritas as well. Aventurine is NOT the submissive bottom gae man who's extremely helpless and dependent in your ships. And, no, Veritas is NOT the big boy dominant daddy or whatever the heck that is in your ships. (I'm aware that they're not the only case, but given that I'm within the HSR fandom, I believe this is the best example I can go with as of now.) Every single turn, I see posts saying, "Aventurine is soo gae, man." "He's gae for Ratio, and he's not even hiding it." "He's gae and a masochist," and it is incredibly frustrating because Aventurine's character is so much more than being the submissive gae man for their ships. And what's worse is that whenever they get called out or reprimanded by it, they begin throwing slurs and labels all around like they own it. (Yes, I've indeed blocked all of the accounts with the posts I see that I don't like, but there's only so much that blocking can do.)

I've not been in this fandom for long, but I can tell that the majority of its people only care about which ship is better and who's gay and whatnot. For once, can we just enjoy and learn about a character instead of focusing on who's gay for whom and who's not? The writers certainly did not spend their time painstakingly writing stories for these characters only for them to be thrown out to the wind like it's nothing just because they're too focused on their sexuality.

And must we forget what Aventurine has to go through?

(I found both of these on Pinterest, credits to the original owner of these posts.)

These are only a few examples of what he had to go through. This is barely scraping the surface of what he had gone through, yet a lot of people only care about his sexuality, whom he could be gae for, how good he could be in bed, and so on and so forth. But what about his resilience? His perseverance? His bravery? His intelligence? His thought process? His strategy? Time and time again, he loses a part of himself, yet he continuously picks himself up even if he is ripping at the seams, even if he doesn't have the will to live. He lost his family, his friends, his home, his kind, the light in his eyes, the ability to see himself as anything more than a product, a weapon, the ability to believe he is deserving of love, companionship, the ability to believe he is worth more than those 60 Tanba, and many more. Aventurine should be a source of inspiration for us, not this; this is too much. And if one continues to view Aventurine, Kakavasha, as such, then I must tell you this: You are no better than his abusers, assaulters, the IPC.

[blairxbear]

Your final moments in their arms...

UA Part 1 / UA Part 2 / Pro Heroes / Villains

Warnings: These drabbles depict readers death and may contain heavy emotional themes. Mentions of blood, while nothing is graphic please be aware before reading

Featuring: Katsuki Bakugo, Tamaki Amajiki, Hitoshi Shinso, Eijiro Kirishima, Mezo Shoji, Fumikage Tokoyami, Rikido Sato, Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Katsuki Bakugo

"Damn it, stay awake!" Bakugo barked desperately, voice hoarse from shouting as he cradled your body tightly. Anguish filled his crimson eyes, but anger masked his fear. Blood dripped steadily from your side, staining his shaking hands.

"…Katsuki," you whispered weakly, reaching slowly for his face.

"Don't you dare!" He choked on his own words, furious tears clouding his vision. "You're not allowed to leave me, you hear? You’re gonna keep fighting!"

Your fingers softly brushed his cheek, your thumb catching a tear he hadn't realized escaped. "I'm sorry... I couldn't—"

"No," he interrupted, voice cracking painfully. His facade broke entirely as he clutched you desperately, burying his face against your hair. "Please… I need you. Damn it—I love you!"

But your breathing had already stilled, leaving him gripping your lifeless form, screams of grief and fury echoing into the empty sky.

Tamaki Amajiki

Tamaki knelt on the ground, trembling violently as he held your fragile form, eyes wide with helpless fear. "N-no, please, please don't—" His voice was barely audible, quivering with panic as tears streamed down his pale face.

Your eyes met his gently, sadness filling them as you offered a faint smile. "Tamaki… please don't cry."

He shook his head frantically, softly sobbing. "I… I can't do this without you. You're my strength—I can't lose you…"

Weakly, you raised your hand, gently cupping his tear-streaked face. "You’re stronger than you think, Tama… I'll always… believe in you."

His heart shattered as your eyes slowly slipped closed, your hand dropping limply from his cheek. Tamaki desperately tried to hold onto you, his voice breaking with grief as he whispered, "Please come back… I can't bear this world without you."

Hitoshi Shinso

Shinso’s grip on you tightened, panic surging behind his usually calm expression. His violet eyes were wild with fear, voice tense and pleading. "Stay awake for me, alright? Talk to me, just—keep your eyes open."

You weakly smiled, feeling his heartbeat racing beneath your fingertips. "I'm sorry, toshi… I messed up."

"No, don't apologize," he murmured desperately, his voice trembling despite his efforts to remain calm. "You didn't mess up. You never mess up. Just hold on a bit longer, okay?"

Your vision blurred as you whispered softly, "I love you."

His breath caught, the words he'd wanted to hear so many times now slicing through him painfully. "I—I love you too," he choked out, tears streaming down his face, dripping onto your fading features as your breath stilled. He sat there numbly, clutching you close, feeling a part of himself disappear alongside you.

Eijiro Kirishima

Kirishima knelt beside you, holding you protectively against his chest, eyes wide with frantic disbelief. "Hey, c'mon, you’re stronger than this!" His voice wavered as his usual optimism crumbled under the weight of grief. "Stay tough—you're gonna be alright!"

Weakly, you managed a smile, your fingertips gently brushing his jaw. "Eiji… thank you for always believing in me."

His heart clenched painfully, tears filling his crimson eyes. "Of course I believe in you—always have, always will. So just stay with me!"

"I'm sorry… I couldn’t…" Your voice faded softly, eyes slipping closed.

"Eiji?" you whispered softly one last time, as your hand slipped from his grasp.

Kirishima froze, the silence suddenly deafening. "No—wait, please, just one more second!" He shook uncontrollably, tears streaming freely down his cheeks as he held you tightly, unable to accept the harsh reality that you'd already left him behind.

Mezo Shoji

Shoji knelt beside you, his arms gently cradling your weakening body, desperately shielding you from further harm. His normally stoic demeanor shattered, replaced by visible anguish in his eyes.

"Hold on," his deep voice pleaded softly, barely above a whisper. "Help will be here soon. Just hold on."

You weakly grasped one of his trembling hands, meeting his gaze lovingly. "Mezo… I'm glad I got to love you."

His eyes filled with sorrow, shaking his head slowly. "Please don't speak as though you're saying goodbye… I can't lose you."

You smiled faintly, your grip loosening. "Thank you for protecting me, always…"

Shoji’s heart shattered, grief carving deep into his chest as your eyes slipped closed. He held you tightly, murmuring broken apologies into the silence, unable to accept he'd failed the one person he loved most.

Fumikage Tokoyami

Tokoyami cradled you gently, desperately trying to remain composed, but his breathing trembled as tears threatened his dark eyes. Dark Shadow hovered anxiously, quiet and somber, sensing Tokoyami’s profound grief.

"Stay with me," he whispered urgently, brushing hair gently from your face. "You cannot be overtaken by darkness… not like this."

You looked up at him weakly, your gaze filled with tender reassurance. "It’s okay Fumi, I'm not afraid… you're here."

His composure faltered, tears finally escaping. "But I am afraid—afraid of losing you. Don't leave me in the dark."

Your fingers brushed his cheek gently, eyes slowly fluttering closed. "You were always my brightest light…"

He trembled violently as your breathing stilled, Dark Shadow letting out a mournful cry as Tokoyami clutched you desperately, quietly sobbing into the encroaching darkness that now felt emptier than ever.

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Tetsutetsu clung to you desperately, his usually fearless expression replaced by raw fear and panic. "Hey! C'mon, toughen up! You can't leave like this!" he shouted, voice trembling despite his attempt to sound strong.

Your eyes slowly opened, filled with gentle warmth as you weakly smiled up at him. "Tetsu… you're always so brave. I'm glad you’re here."

He choked back a sob, shaking his head frantically. "I'm not brave—I’m terrified of losing you. Please… just hold on."

Your fingertips gently touched his face, voice growing weaker. "I'm sorry… guess I wasn't strong enough."

"No, no—you're stronger than anyone I know," he pleaded desperately, but your eyes had already drifted closed, breathing fading away gently.

Tetsutetsu screamed in grief, clutching your lifeless form tightly against his chest, unable to stop the flood of tears as he realized he'd lost the one strength he needed most.

Ko-fi / Masterlist

blairxbear © 2024. do not copy, modify, or translate my work. you do not have permission to share my work outside of tumblr!

[stray-cat-with-internet-access]

Nighttime visitor

simon "ghost" riley x reader tags: fem reader, medical/wounds descriptions, brief mention of period, burns, he´s scary but nice, fluff kinda, english is not my first language

this is inspired by a personal experience in one of my many stays in hospitals, enjoy

For the tenth time, you check your phone.

12:15am, is not that late.

Sleep is determined to elude you, the plastic covers over the thin mattress scratch the skin on your back and the distant beeps are about to make you lose what little sanity you have left. There´s no TV to not disturb the rest of the patients so that isn´t an option either.

“This is stupid”

Kicking off the covers, you stuffed your feet into your Crocs and grabbed your hoodie from the corner of the bed, almost knocking over the IV pole and pausing for a few seconds to mutter a curse.

This is so stupid

You spent a day and a half in observation, “perks” of being admitted on a weekend. Yes, you fainted at work, no, it's no big deal, you just burned yourself out as usual, but combined with the lack of sleep and the surprise arrival of your period, your brain decided that it had enough of your shit and just turned off the lights in the middle of your office.

Is this a cry for help from your body? Maybe, you've decided that's a conversation for another time, right now you're sick of this damn hospital.

You leave your room as casually as possible. The nurse at the end of the corridor hasn't seen you, or has simply decided to ignore you.

Right now there is only one place in your mind: the open space with a view of greenery in the middle of the visitors' area.

However, as soon as you walk down the stairs to the second wing of the hospitalization area, something catches your attention.

Is that music?

The area seems deserted, so a room with a soft glow coming from the gap between double doors and the big NO VISITORS sign stands out.

Curiosity won and you changed course to take a peek. There was a man in bed. One of his legs was propped up by some sort of medical pillow, and bandages covered some parts of his body. There was a laptop on the overbed table, and there seemed to be a film playing.

You were so engrossed in trying to figure him out that you almost jumped out of your skin when his voice reached you.

"You're not staff"

His voice is a deep baritone. He sounds relaxed and not at all scared of your presence. His eyes are sharp even in the dim light and the room feels small for him.

"Ah shit, I'm sorry!" You try to talk in a low voice, poking your head through the door. "No no, I'm from the third wing, I'm just stretching my legs, sorry to bother you"

Pausing whatever he is seeing in the laptop he assessed at you for a moment.

"Come closer"

Despite being in such a vulnerable position, his voice is commanding and it feels that the only reason he is asking you to come is because he can't do it himself in his state.

An accent colours his words. British?

You entered the room with measured steps, the smell of alcohol and cleaning products is particulary strong. Stopping at the end of his bed you can get a better look at him: huge, menacing, like a wounded lion, no matter how battered it still send chills down your spine. One of his arms is in a sling, there´s some cuts and abrasions in almost every part of his body and his good arm, covered in tattoos, is wrapped with the IV and the blood pressure cuff. But his leg is the worst. The wound is extensive, the skin is angry red and swollen at the edges.

He notices your staring immediately.

"It's burned. Needs to be kept raw for it to heal and isolated to avoid infection"

His tone sounds bored and unimpressed while he shifts on his pillows, trying to get some comfort in his seated position.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I heard your laptop... I thought we couldn't keep stuff like that here"

There´s a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"They don't like to confine me with other patients, I make them nervous, so they let me have some privileges"

“How…?”

He suddenly extended his good arm to loudly drag closer a chair, interrupting your question and making you flinch at the sound.

"You can stay if you keep silent"

He pressed play on his laptop, repositioned himself in bed and his eyes glued to the screen again, as if you weren't there at all.

The hairs in the back of your neck stands up in alert, but something in his voice tells you that comply with him will always be the best option, so you moved closer to him and sat down next to his bed, tucking your legs.

The first minutes passed with you stiff in the chair, but time went on sliding in a comfortable silence, actually enjoying some of the movie.

By the time you started to doze off it was almost 2am, his cold fingers on your neck what woke you up, making you gasp softly.

He laughs hoarsely, definitely enjoying every time he can get a scare out of you “Movie´s over birdie, go to your room”

You blink the sleep off, getting up abruptly and remembering that you willingly secluded yourself with a stranger in the middle of the night just because you were bored.

“Yes, you must be tired, I´ll go” You grab the chair to returned it to its previous position when his hand closes tightly around your wrist.

“Ask for Riley”

“What?”

“From now on, at visiting hours ask for Riley, they´ll bring you to me”

He doesn't let go, he waits for your answer and your mouth dries up with fear, you don't know this man, he's scary, hell, you'll be fired soon. But once again something urges you to say yes.

“I though you didn´t want visitors”

“I changed my mind”

THANK YOU FOR READING dividers are from @thecutestgrotto

[paint-the-world-you-need-to-see]

I appreciate OP drawing attention to this news story, but I want to scratch at the implication that Israel has done nothing wrong ever. I also take serious issue with the claim that the global Pro-Palestine demonstrations of the past year were... not in solidarity with Palestinians..?? when all the protests were demanding a ceasefire?? to try to stop the 50,000-100,000+ Gazans who were killed?? by Israeli military actions??

YES, Gazans protesting to get rid of Hamas is an amazing thing, and it needs to happen, AND it doesn't absolve Israel (or the U.S.) of its genocidal war. The entirety of Gaza was razed, its people blown up and starved of food and medicine, and thousands upon thousands of children killed. October 7th was an atrocity committed by the militaristic governing power of Gaza, and every death since then has been Israel's choice.

I think about Hamas and other "terrorist orgs" as essentially gangs. Gangs and Police are two sides of the same coin: they come about usually out of desperation to protect "their own." In the case of gangs, it's often due to poverty, systemic oppression such as racism or resource theft that limits a community's opportunities. Some gangs provide a veneer of safety such as the Narcos in Mexico who have given groceries to the communities they dominate. Police protect white people and white property. All business legal or illegal use violence to regulate., and legality or illegality is the only thing that determines whether something is considered violent.

There are places all over the world where everyday people are ruled and mistreated by militaristic powers/"gangs". Those people don't just "get rid of" their gangs because those gangs probably originally came up out of desperation (and also now have lots and lots of weapons). Hamas exists because Israel has been taking land, houses, and lives from Palestinians since 1948. Netanyahu propped up Hamas up because he was threatened by the alternative: electoral communist, socialist, secular, democratic Palestinian parties. It's much easier to wage war on a people and steal their land if they're all "terrorists."

Doesn't mean Gazans want them. Honestly, I'm not Gazan so I'm not gonna speak for them (but I will quote a lot of them down below).

But if kids (remember the population of Gaza is very young because people are constantly being arrested, disappeared or killed) grow up under military (Israeli) rule with soldiers that are trained to arrest, humiliate, assault, beat, steal from, and murder them... AND their only permitted form of government is a gang, then yeah that might be why Hamas still exists.

Just don't frame this as Palestinians being oppressed ONLY by Hamas. Hamas fucked this up, but Israel blew it sky high. We can Yes, AND it folks.

“We are oppressed by the occupation army (Israel) and we are oppressed by Hamas,” Abu Zaid

"Participants at Wednesday’s events told CNN they blamed both Israel and Hamas for the devastation to the enclave."

"“Our message is to the Israeli army to stop the bloodshed and the war that has drained our energy and caused us to lose all our loved ones and friends,” said Mahmoud Haj Ahmad, a surgeon at Kamal Adwan Hospital who attended the Beit Lahia protest. “Our final message is to Hamas: Enough is enough. You have ruled long enough; give others a chance, and let others come.”

Mohammed Attalah, said, “Our message to the free world is that we are living in oppressive conditions and forced displacement.”

“Our demand is that Hamas does not represent the Palestinian people. This chaos that they have created is enough.”

Many Palestinians who don’t support Hamas often refrain from criticizing it publicly, fearing social ostracization, as the militant group is seen by some as the only party actively resisting Israel’s occupation of Palestinian land. Others hide their support for the group, wary of being targeted by Israel.

there’s only one free palestine movement worth mentioning. it’s the only one with the real potential to actually free palestine from the actual demon holding it captive. today, unlike all the pathetic, attention seeking at most, worldwide demonstrations, the people of gaza found the bravery to actually protest publicly and unmasked, in an attempt to free gaza, their gaza. it was one of those moments that will go down in the history books, that you just know you’re watching history being made. unlike all of the so called “pro palestine” demonstrations worldwide, when the people of gaza risked their lives today to have a voice, they mentioned that who they need to be freed from was actually hamas. their brave protest on the streets of gaza, was very loud and very clear and very much against hamas. not israel, not the IDF, not the west, not the US, not anyone, just Hamas. hamas for ruining their lives, abusing them, tormenting them, constantly risking their lives and holding it captive.

reports say that the protest was possible due to the israeli military presence. hamas’ people didn’t go to terrorize and shut it (and freedom of speech) down, its own people into submission since they were afraid to be spotted by the IDF and eliminated.

yet for some reason so very few have discussed it here. haven’t seen one person that identifies from the “pro palestine” movement mention it. why? because it clashes against that narrative of the palestinian people being those miserable z class people who need their patronizing western saviors to speak for them and save them. i can only imagine how discouraging it can be when you’ve been protesting for so long and BAM they find a voice and direct the blame to literally their own people, their so called ”government”, than simply the jews again.

[vampirewrites]

Needing you.

Spencer Reid x GF Reader

Summary: Spencer's been gone too long to make it to bed.

Warnings: None really, fuff, 18+, smut duh,

I'm lying on the couch scrolling through TikTok, trying not to think of Spencer. He has been gone for almost a week now, he has only been able to call me twice so far. The last time I heard from him, he said it would be another week before he could get home to me. I could hear how tired he was over the phone. I've been doing everything I can to distract myself such as doom-scrolling on TikTok and binge-watching Doctor Who but right as I go to get more popcorn I hear keys in the door, he walks in and before he can look up Im running into his arms he chuckles softly letting his briefcase fall to the floor wrapping his arms around my waist ‘y/n’ he whispers “I've missed you” he pulls me in tighter, I nuzzle my head into his neck I've missed you soo much! I whine, he closes the door and locks it, his hands never leaving me. He pulls me into a passionate, heated kiss. I whine softly, “Did you miss me that much, baby?” he groans between kisses. I nod, blushing, “Good.” he picks me up, my legs going around his waist. My Arms are going around his neck. Moving us to the couch, he kisses my neck as he sits me on his lap. I moan out as he leaves sloppy kisses all over my neck! Hearing me moaning for him only makes him want to leave little marks all over you! he pulls me back as I whine, “You little tease!” he groans as I grind down, feeling his rigid member against me. Please I beg he moves his hands touching everywhere he can as we sit there making out and dry humping like teenagers. Breathing heavily, he mumbles praises as his hands rest on my hips, helping me grind down on him. It's been so long we can't wait any longer, he moves one of his hands off my hip down to let his manhood free. taking in a sharp breath as the cold air hits his red twitching cock my hand goes to wrap around it but he stops me “I can't baby it's been too long I won't last” he says a light blush on his chest and face. I smile, going to take off my baggy t-shirt, leaving me in nothing but my panties. fuck he groans out “your so beautiful baby” I bite my lip removing my panties slowly for him. “Baby, please, no more teasing.” It's not often he begs, so I give in, going back to sitting on his lap, slowly sinking into him Ooo-Ah_fuUck Spencer! I moan as I take him all that way, feeling so full “shit baby you're always so tight, my good girl” he groans smacking your ass and rubbing it “Ride me my sweet girl” I blush at the sweet nicknames. I slowly start to ride him, whining at how big he is, no matter how many times I take him, he always stretches me to the point it almost hurts. Ooo you're so big! he groans, his hands going to my hip, moving me, making me take him faster. “I know, baby, but you can take it right, you can be my good girl, right?” Yes! I whine I can take it! he loses all cotrol at my word “fuck” he flips us over so I'm now laying on my back fucking into me like an animal ooOoOo fuck YES!! I moan. “You're mine! MINE!! he groans loud pounding into me “god I missed you so much y/n” his hand moving down to rub my clit I feel myself clench around him oooh I missed you too!! “Fuck y/n Im going to cum baby! Do you want that? you want my cum, don't you?! I can feel you clenching! cum with me!” oooh yes!! I feel myself starting to cum at his dirty words. he keeps pounding into me fucking me through my high “oooooh fuck! take it” groaning in my ear, cumming deep inside me thrusting hard a few more times before he falls on top of me out of breath. I run my hands through his hair, still buzzing from my high. I missed you so much, I say softly. he moved so he could look down at me “I missed you too y/n you have no idea” he held me close playing with my hair. “all I thought of was you, my love, you are the only thing that gets me through my day knowin I get to come home to you”. I love you, Spencer, I whisper, smiling softly, “I love you too.” We fall asleep like that, smiling in each other's arms.

[cymae-mesa]

you trigger my unskippable cutscene

Guys Divorcesteal is really good in a way that's destroying my sleep schedule!

Divorcesteal is a Minecraft SMP made by fans of the Lifesteal SMP (including a couple of my friends) with similar mechanics and more gay divorce.

On the server killing another player takes a heart from their healthbar and gives it to you. Which means you can only lose so many fights in a row before you're on zero and get banned. So you need to spend a bunch of resources either crafting new hearts or reviving dead players.

But unlike Lifesteal these aren't some of the best and sweatiest Minecraft PvPers in the world, they're… tumblr fandom dweebs. Which means there are fun fights, but mostly there's psychosexual torment, angst, and queerbaiting. Roleplay is king with everyone playing at least a heightened version of themselves, and so falling in love getting married and having an angry divorce is often a more significant kind of plotline than the combat.

But the really fun things from a viewer pov is the roleplay is just as competitive as the combat. Characters in the story keep secrets to advance their agendas, which means the players keep secrets from the other players. Because many people livestream their perspective or record it for youtube this means strict no stream-sniping rules. Players can't watch streams/videos marked :3 without permission and fans are told not to leak what they see.

Which is great!!! Because it means i get to talk to my good friend Will and say I'm so excited to see the next stream! And tell everyone else that I'm excited because :3 I know that next stream the person she trusts most on the server is going to murder her, which Will doesn't know!

^ Actually happened on Tuesday it was fucked up and beautiful!

The macro scale plot atm is the season ends in 2 weeks and various teams are firing off their endgame plans. Pathogen are building monumental architecture for obscure and sinister purposes. 1000 Suns formed with the plan of escaping to the End dimension and blocking access to it using advanced chunk banning tech so they could be safe. Pathogen found out by misc sneaky shit and they moved first. So now the server has no End portals at all and the whole dimension is inaccessible.

I'm currently fixated on Will's smaller team/polycule called Elysium, with Angel and ChipsEclipse. Will had secretly planned to join 1000 Suns in the End, but due to a combination of irl timing issues and personal (in character) beef it wasn't clear if Chips would be welcome. The plan became impossible due to not having an End to run away to, at which point Chips found out, felt hurt and abandoned, and decided to betray the team by joining pathogen and killing Will and Angel. Hence the :3 situation on Tuesday.

But of course being fucked up tumblr/ao3 kids everyone has decided to yes-and this situation to produce even more heartbreak and angst. Especially from the pov of Angel who wasn't involved in the murdering but was in the polycule and remains in love with both of them!

If you want to join me in experiencing this the tumblr tag is pretty active. There's lots of streams on these acounts:

https://www.twitch.tv/sundialseraph

https://www.twitch.tv/chipseclipse

https://www.twitch.tv/bettyisbaffled

https://www.twitch.tv/arceoptryx

https://www.twitch.tv/ravathedemondragon

https://www.twitch.tv/marshmarrowed

https://www.twitch.tv/leoonine

https://www.twitch.tv/gaysetokaiba

https://twitch.tv/vacillantvoid

But there's vods channels and other stuff I'm forgetting.

[friend-shaped-but]

Yugandhar liveblog part 3

I broke my record today, for the past two parts I was only able to read 6-7 pages in one sitting, but today I read 18 pages in one sitting, and I'm super happy about it!!

It's so idk how to describe it, but the descriptions of olden style kitchen utensils reminded me of my grandmother's kitchen. I realized then that I do know a lot of the words, I had just forgotten them after moving out and us getting a new kitchen setup which didn't contain a lot of traditional utensils.

The names Yashoda uses for Krishna, "Chhakulya", "Sonya" are nicknames I was called as a kid. My cousin had told me that the first section was going to be very cute and I had not counted on it being THIS cute... or nostalgic, more like.

I noticed a similarity with Mrityunjay here... Radha tells Karna to not play by the river much, and Yashoda also tells Krishna to not play by the yamuna that much. Now. They're both little shits who disobeyed that thing but ig that's another similarity.

I was reminded of @sambhavami's fortune teller scene when I read that same scene in this and then I checked when Shri Krishna serial was released, was a solid 6 years before this book got published. That scene has(possibly) inspired so many people, damn. I feel like I need to watch that. But yeah, that monologue went on for 3-ish pages and I had to work REALLY hard to not lose track or get bored.

We're BACK to framing Krishna as a thinker/philosopher in this and I am eating that shit up.

We're deifying Krishna from the time he's a baby and I am NAWT here from it. I'd have loved it more if it was gradual.

SANKUDADA. that's it that's the next bullet point

EKANANGA REP MY BELOVED. 3 MENTIONS OF HER IN A SINGLE PAGE. was the author thinking, "surhut can have eka scenes. as a treat." before I was even born?? This shit is so cute mannnnn, lemme quote the lines "I began to turn, but stopped when I felt someone- a little kid- grab my leg. That was my little sister, about two years old, the sister who called me kutnadada and whom I loved more than life, Ekananga- ekaa. She never used to leave my side. She smiled so sweetly that I couldn't help but pick her up. I kissed her forehead and ruffled her hair and handed her off to dada."

Hmm I don't like the part about names in mathura seeming familiar to him or him having spidey senses for Devaki. idk man it's weird

Ok I have now acquired lots of inspo for Gopaverse and ohot and my other wip about Sutasoma as well. I'm so glad

The friends' overreverance also reads very weird. Dude don't start that shit so soon, wait until he's killed a few monsters... But I have a feeling that isn't going to be included in this. Issok valid but it still feels a bit rushed. Then again our working assumption is that he is telling this while on his deathbed so I can forgive the pacing ig.

The radha scenes either feel awkward or I am too aroace for this shit

ANOTHER similarity btwn Mrityunjay and Yugandhar: The DELICIOUS internal conflict. The barrage of questions they get about themselves their identity and their place in the world.

FINALLY the wrestling scenes are starting thank you sir for giving me excellent worldbuilding I love this. I've tabbed this for both worldbuilding AND character(Bheem, Vishoka, Panchalya, Sutasoma) building.

"I felt like the entirety of Gokul was my home now.

ok stopping for now, will continue later. It's also finals month in April so next post will be late

Part 1 Prev

Obligatory song rec: halla dhoom dhadakka- Pandavaas

[karmacharmeleon18]

I just saw a tiktok where someone said "Isn't it crazy that we have to wait for male idols to go to the military to finally seem them be a healthy weight?" and it got me thinking

First of all how fucked up that is of course

But also do you think idols feel some sort of relief when it's time to enlist? Because they get to be away from the cameras?

Or is the negative impact enlistment can have on their career just too scary for them to look forward to it?

I know as a fandom we see enlistment as a catastrophe because FUCK THE MILITARY but I'm really trying to look for positives and maybe idols being able to EAT is one of them... the bar is in hell.

I remember that back in 2022/Guerrilla on the official Ateez website Mingi's weight was listed as 60kg. Yeosang who is 10cm shorter than him was listed as 57kg. That sounds crazy to me

I am 165cm, 20cm shorter than Mingi, and I weight the SAME as him 🙃 part of my weight is muscles bc I'm a swimmer, but Mingi is muscular too? He's a damn athlete

It's absolutely insane that my healthiest weight is the same of that of a muscular adult man that's 20cm taller than me 🙃

So many fans look at idols in the military and are like "omg he's gotten huge" and I'm like?? that's an average muscular man, he's just getting FED 😭

I asked someone else and they were absolutely horrid in their answer, it turned out they're a bootlicker who loves the military lmao I hope I'm not still in enemy territory. "patriotic" people are terrifying.

Yo, anon, you were very lucky I saw this. Tumblr keeps eating my asks, I receive notifications but can't see them when I check my ask box, or I can see them but my answers don't upload 🔪🔪 if you see this, it means you got REALLY lucky lol

But excuse me, 60kg? Song Mingi? The Song Mingi that can pick up Yunho and Jongho and everyone in Ateez? Who practices for 3-4 extra hours on top of regular practice with all the members? Who absolutely owns the stage? That Song Mingi?

And... I'm the same weight as gym rat Kang Yeosang???????

Well, damn 🙃 I don't know what to do with this information.

As a fandom we talk over and over about how concerning this is, especially when Wooyoung and Seonghwa stress about their weight too much (Wooyoung eating one meal a day to lose weight?? Seonghwa not drinking water for fear of bloating before certain events?? Hongjoong and Mingi having to reassure him that he looks great?? Mingi taking care of all of his meals and making sure he eats?? And at the same time dieting himself for the Calvin Klein photoshoot?? What a mess. What a huge fucking mess. And Ateez is one of those groups that love food and enthusiastically eat in front of the camera. I wonder how many sacrifices they make off camera, afterwards. I really don't know what else to say about this. It enrages and concerns and frustrates me)

Now, I, as a European, cannot find any "relief", or any other positive emotion, in the idea of joining the military. Even if I try to put myself in the shoes of a Korean idol, I just can't.

Europe is currently setting plans in motion in order to rearm, and some countries are even talking about reinstating forced conscription. And the general feeling is as you said: fuck the military.

I think there is no universe where I would join the military of my own volition. Theoretically I understand wanting to protect your own land from an invasion (let's say Russia? Or the damn United States trying to steal parts of Denmark), but in general, the military in the West is not used as a defensive tool. It is used worldwide to oppress, torture, kill people (specifically brown and black people) in countries very rich in resources so we can steal them. We use our militaries to exploit other countries and people. So if we put it in these terms, absolutely fuck the military.

And yes, patriots are not seen in a good light. "Patriotic" tends to be a code word for violent, racist bigot who thinks people of color are destroying "European values", sooo... yeah, let's not go there. No patriots on this blog, don't worry.

Now, do I think that idols, who grew up in a country were conscription is the norm, and seen as good and something to be proud of (I assume?), might feel differently? A country, may I add, that is still at war? Because in 1953 North and South Korea firmed an armistice/ceasefire, not a peace treaty? Do people who grew up in this environment think differently than I do? Seems very likely to me lol

They might feel pride in it, because they're doing their duty.

I still don't think "relief" is the right word, though. I mean of course finally eating actual food instead of being terrified of gaining one gram of weight is good. Great, even. But it comes at a cost, you know? Your freedom is still severely limited, just in a different way compared to being an idol. Sure, you're not on camera every minute of every day, but you are still being watched. You know what I mean? You superiors are watching, your fellow men are watching and, above all, kpop fans are STILL watching. And haters too, are STILL waiting for you to make a mistake. The entirety of South Korea is, metaphorically speaking, watching. Just doing it in a less direct way, with less access to the idols (until the idols make the news for whatever mistake they made, whether huge or tiny *cough* Suga *cough* and get hated for it)

What I'm saying is that I think idols still feel the weight of the gaze, the expectations, the judgment of the people.

And on top of that, add the threat, the pressure of being part of an active military still involved in a war.

You know what I mean?

Being able to eat, rest, become a healthy weight, having people monitoring your health to ensure that you are, indeed, healthy, and not sweeping issues under the rug for the sake of a comeback, are of course positives. Don't get me wrong. I understand where you're coming from. But I don't think they make up for what the idols lose when they join the army. They have to put their whole career on hold for years. The career they sacrificed their whole childhood for. Blood, sweat and tears. The industry is so fickle, you can lose popularity in an instant. Peopls say even BTS will struggle to bounce back.

And how you join the military might affect your popularity too.

Like, when Suga was deemed unfit for combat training and became a social service worker instead, he got hate for it.

Or let's talk about Ateez. I've seen people (specifically from other fandoms and Ateez haters) speculate about how some members might not be eligible for military service, namely Jongho (leg injuries), Mingi (chronic back pain + a lot of ableist comments about his anxiety) and Wooyoung (autoimmune skin disease triggered by intense sweating).

If ineligible, they'd have to do alternative service like joining the police force or social services, places where they would not have to physically train so intensively. But they would not get to slack off in any way, and would still have to put their careers on hold.

And yet these people act like they'd be "dodging" the draft. Like they'd be cowards and criminals.

Conveniently ignoring the fact that the military has specific criteria you need to meet in order to join, and certain health issues might be a hard no. And that most idols don't have the connections certain rich, corrupt men have to fake ailments and actually dodge the draft (*cough* Trump *cough* for 5 times *cough* because as he told his advisors he was "just not going" *cough*)

You see how much pressure surrounds the whole issue of enlistment?

Some fans hate the idea because fuck the military, some hate it because omg I can't see my fave for two years, and some hate it because omg this idol is a crook and a coward for doing social services instead of learning to hold a rifle!!

See?

Now, my very personal, very biased opinion is that the vast majority of idols see enlistment as a necessary evil. It's something they have to do. So why lose sleep over it? It's coming, whether you like it or not. And it's what's expected of you, training to defend your country, so you might even feel proud.

Maybe you are right that they might feel some sort if relief? Like: finally I'm getting this over with and I'm not disappointing anyone, I also get food and sleep and health checkups as added bonuses.

I really don't know, I'm just saying shit lol but maybe you are right and I'm just too biased to see it.

It's my understanding that many Korean men enlist right out of high school, so they can get the whole issue "out of the way" before going to uni, starting a career, starting a family. Military service ends, and their life starts.

Most idols can't do that because right out of high school is the perfect time to debut, when they look young and innocent and approachable.

(Ateez is already hated enough in Korea for being scary/alternative/punkish, imagine if they had debuted buff and with a buzz cut 🙃 "Will you be my friend?" and people would be running for the hills)

But maybe when they day comes, relief might play a tiny part, because they can finally get military service out of the way and get a semblance of normal life for the average Korean man.

But still, in my opinion the cons far outweigh the pros.

As you said, the fear or losing your career must be overwhelming. Compounded by the fact that they are joining an active military.

Anyway, I sincerely hope no idol wants/is looking forward to joining the army specifically because they idolize power, violence, learning to shoot people, you know? People like that just unnerve me on a fundamental level. I understand it's my European bias speaking, I come from an environment where enthusiasm for the military means you're a violent asshole. Things are different in South Korea, a country that is still technically at war. But yeah, seeing the army as a necessary evil is very different that seeing it as something you just cannot wait to join.

I hope this makes sense lol it's 1AM here and my brain is fried because of uni and this damn exam I'm studying for. But this was a nice break, so thank you for you ask ❤

[vaguely-concerned]

listen I just... this path of harding's loyalty mission with this specific party. the disrupted self squad. the trauma has made me a stranger to myself Have You Seen Me I can't find my way back union. team fractured reality and I'm piecing it and myself back together as best I can (will you keep me company in the meantime?). the echoes and the implications. as above so below, as in you so in me, large cosmic scale to painfully small personal psychological scale. pain from the distant past still alive and snarling to be known in the now, and pain right now and ongoing but forgotten and unseen, supressed by means natural and unnatural (what's a little blood magic to help denial and dissociation along between frenemies huh solas). the extra meaning 'spite' takes on as a phrasing here (because it's all IN THERE this is all in the big text of the game!!! the themes echo back on themselves everywhere you listen for them!!!!). rook who once more doesn't even know that they don't KNOW they're also speaking to themselves as well as harding in this scene, to their own broken self and mind partially mirrored in someone they love (broken by the same perpetrator, even, in this case!!!!!!!!! hello solas once more), harding who doesn't quite know she's also speaking to them as well as to herself, to the dwarves, the titans, the world; everything and everyone that has ever been hurt, but whose stubborn kindness still has room for it all. (even for solas. hello again. we cannot escape you it seems mr dread wolf it's almost like you and your plethora of fuckery are thematically central or something (grudgingly affectionate).) even without perfect understanding of the full picture, the simple intention to be kind matters.

(forgive me for my sentimental nature and everpresent rookanis bias for a moment but ALSO lucanis looking over at rook Like That in this context, while those words are being spoken!!! spite's role in urging him towards escaping, living, thriving, instead of merely numbly surviving, and how it ties in with harding's revelation and decision here. and rook who opens doors and stays to walk through them with you, at the end being found and helped through a door of their own, and lucanis himself being one of the people to do that. do you. do you get me. I feel strange and wild.)

most of all harding just. saying the whole thing. summing the whole game up. 'we're different, but we're not gone. we will thrive -- in spite of you'. I was RIGHT about it all the way back in november actually and I should say it!!!!! the game is saying this on purpose. 'and then... everyone was there. and that's when I knew we'd be okay. that I'd... that I'd be okay'. my friend lace harding might be the only person who really gets it huh. and what a legacy for varric to leave behind in the narrative (and what a common da2 W, the little team that couldn't does it again better than anyone's ever done it by doing it the worst anyone's ever done it, hawke can't stop winning by always losing). no salvation but each other but my god that is plenty. my god. that is enough. once more

my head is in my hands I love this game desperately, it rewards really sitting with and taking in the themes so much. i'm so sorry for dropping a bunch of my own metas in there like that but I'm finding it so hard to say what I need to say all in one go, it's just -- it's so big! it's so much! I have so many thoughts to express about my unified theory of veilguard and only my poor battered neurons to do it with, please look upon me with clemency and, perhaps, forbearance. and it's so interesting that you can bring another companion along with rook and harding in this scene and have it mean just as much with slightly different nuances, have it resonate just as much with the overall meaning the game is trying to get across, because they're truly all tied in with each other that way; they're all part of a larger truth. you think it's one theme after another but the damn things overlap etc.

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

ok. so this is about to be a hot fuckin mess. so. I deeply apologize in advance.

one. JESUS CHRIST!! HOLY FUCK!! HEY MAN WHAT THE HELL!! so absolutely not a one of you was gonna gimme a heads up!! I just had to watch that shit n lose my goddamn MIND huh!! (kiddin kiddin love yall dearly) watchin this was real reminiscent of when I read the book for the first time which was an INSANE feelin to recapture OUGH!!

ok I DO have a few negative thoughts that im gonna get outta the way early cause I have a LOT good to say!!

I do unfortunately think the musical suffers a lot from poor pacin. so many of the songs are back to back to back with almost no dialouge or pause between which gives the story this half rushed feelin. which is a shame (even tho I love all the songs!!)

I veer back n forth between darrys characterization. I think his actor does SUCH a good time with him MOST of the time. n fact the only time I was like. hm. is when he's singin runs in the family rep n gets physical with Soda. that did not feel. right to me.

OK. enough bad!!

the narrative weavin is AOUGH SO well done good LORD I could talk FOREVER about how FASCINATIN n well done that was AOUGHHH everytime pony talks to the audience it is such a profound moment

the use of LIGHT in this show is SOO. GOD. MAN. it is SO well done.

dallas winston is. Jesus hell on wheels. he is one of the back bones of this story in a way he ain't necessarily in other iterations (ABSOLUTELY not sayin one is better then the other. after all I was a book fan first!!) but we get more context for him that we don't see in the book n movie cause those are told strictly from ponys pov. hell man. the scene where dallas finds Johnny outside n gives him the knife adds this whole new level of anguish to his suicide. he put that knife in Johnny's hands. n without him Johnny never would have killed. holy hell.

I ain't gonna talk about it again cause I already did here but. Jesus christ. soda. my baby. the way that when Johnny dies he tries to grab onto pony n pony keeps movin away? I couldn't focus on nothin else is was a HEARTWRENCHIN moment. also how he grabs darry at the end of throwin in the towel n says I need you. it's one of the only times we see soda desperate enough he reminds his brothers he's still there. he still needs to feel loved n cared for n seen.

sobbed my way through little brother n stay gold n the finale. nothin to say. no shame. next.

the set up between darry n dallas is SO intriguin to me. I was SO sat for it. I think the decision to have dallas just rolled into town a couple years ago as opposed to born n raised in tusla has so much impact on his character n how the others view him that is. just so fuckin important. darry who has always been in ponys life. who's the one who breaks his back for him. who sacrificed his dreams for his kid brother. vs dallas who rolled into town n pony immediately looked at like he hung the stars. (another delightful parallel is the idolization of Paul Newman n cool hand Luke to dallas) at the root of darrys dislike is JEALOUSY!! that he was once the one pony looked at like that!! a lot of what dallas says to darry durin there fight pricks at the fact that Dallas has been able to be all the things darry once was. aough.

sky lakota-lynch. my god. he takes such good care of johnnys character. he's so. God. man. what do I even say. how he's always rockin himself to calm down. he's got such a visceral jumpy cagey-ness to him. he's cares so fuckin much about pony man. the imagery of him n pony holdin hands n the knife between them? yeah. cool. HE WAS JUST TOO DAMN GOOD FOR GROWIN OLD. hey! I was sobbin over my laptop! rude!

MID RUMBLE WHERE PONY GOES TO HIT SOMEONE N ITS JOHNNY. OHHH. OK. KILL ME ALREADY. STUNNIN metaphor for the entire thesis of the show. right there. God.

the image at the very end of Johnny goin up to meet dallas n dallas leanin against the post. I'm SICK. good GOD. I'm gonna lose my fuckin mind.

now. a collection of lines. 'I got one of their hubcabs!!" 'do I look like Julie Andrews >:(' '544 FUCKIN PAGES' 'when you close your eyes do you see lightnin?' 'only God n the devil know what I was up to when I was 14' 'it's goldilocks n her ugly sister!!'

[tozettastone]

🔥 exercise/fitness?

For the "Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion" ask meme.

--

SURE. I'VE GOT ONE OF THOSE. (Heads up for "weightloss" culture commentary below.)

The apparently unavoidable entanglement of "working out" with "losing weight" annoys and wearies me.

Exercise isn't a very good weightloss tool and I'm tired of everyone IRL acting like it ought to be.

It is unutterably stupid to me to reduce every single workout to "but how many CALORIES did you burn?" Calories? I don't know. I don't care. I didn't ask anyone, and even if I had, it's almost impossible to accurately measure such a thing outside of a laboratory setting. Frankly, I did my time in the ED trenches in my 20s. I've won the right to never think about this again.

It's good to exercise for your cardiovascular health, or your bone density, or your mental state, or because it feels good to stretch, or because you want to hoist your girlfriend over your shoulder and carry her up the stairs, or because you want to crush a watermelon between your thighs.

But it is a small, stupid, petty thing, to work so hard and only focus on how if you're super duper lucky and stick with it real good, you may one day be able to take up less space. One day we will all be dead and then we will all take up less space. But for now, most of us have all the usual collection of senses and all the usual array of limbs to move and we should probably attempt to get some joy out of them while we still have them.

I think this would not be so unpopular among my own tumblr followers, but it's impossible to divorce exercise from weightloss in real life conversations, and I've found this is an opinion that engenders dubious looks and "uh, well, sure, but you know, people should lose weight for their health..." with absolutely zero recognition that exercising more is a shitty way to even do that.

(NB: if anyone should comment about weight management on this post I will block them without further discussion. This is absolutely the wrong place to share advice.)

[sophieinwonderland]

You talk like you’re the token liberal character in a conservative “comedy” show on the Daily Wire.

I don't know what this means. Specific examples would probably help your case instead of vague insults.

If my views come off as extreme or like a caricature in some way though, I would advise people consider where we are right now. I ran across this post on Reddit (from Bluesky) that really sums up the state of the country.

The enemy is disappearing people who speak out against them. All while being recklessly incompetent and endangering the lives of our troops. And they're getting away with it.

And importantly, Democrats have let them shift the overton window. They're afraid of calling the enemy evil. They're afraid of calling them Nazis. They're afraid of standing up for what's right.

If you think I'm coming off as a caricature sometimes, it's because I have a simple philosophy I follow in discourse.

Never. Mince. Words.

Don't concern yourself with respecting the enemy. Don't worry about decorum. Normalize calling out evil and monster for what they is.

This is the tactic I've taken in syscourse. And it's the tactic I've taken in politics. The goal isn't to convince everyone to your side. It's to be as radical as possible to help shift the overton window to the Left. Remember that many people are inclined to seek centrism, wanting to believe both sides have merit or to try to please everyone. The more you concede ground to the enemy, the more rightward the middle ground appears.

So I say be loud. Call out the Trump Regime's Concentration Camps. Call out Fuhrer Musk's Nazi salutes.

Do not let up even for a moment. Do not let the enemy convince you that you should tone down your rhetoric. Do not ever let them make you apologize for standing firmly against evil and calling it out as such.

And if you are a compassionate person, know that the enemy has compassion for no one, but they WILL try to exploit yours. Save your compassion and empathy for those who deserve it. The civil servants losing their jobs because of their commitment to diversity. For the people of Ukraine and Gaza who are being thrown to the wolves by Genocide Don. And for the US residents who have been illegally abducted by Gestapo Ice thugs and sent to foreign concentration camps, deprived of all human rights!

[longlivethewildernessyet]

Working on a bigger analysis looking at all the references to blood in Sleep Token songs, here's what I've got so far.

“We still know how to bleed” from Sugar:

We still know how to hurt. We still know how to live. We still know how to give. We still know how to feel.  We're still human. Still hurting, living, feeling, bleeding human, after it all. Blood can represent so much— pain, death, life, sex. Embedded in sensuality, it springs forth a visceral reminder of what we are underneath the pretences. It is liquid heart, the very core of us, running in our very bones. It's living as knowledge— it's something that you can lose, sometimes, if you don't make the effort to keep it. Or if someone takes it from you.  It's hurting as knowledge— as something to be remembered, to be cherished. A reminder of what you are. Something that feels something.  It's giving as knowledge. A muscle you work over and over and over. Have more of me, drink from me, take all you can from me. We still know how to bleed. The knowledge was never lost. It runs, hot.

“Everything we touch turns water into blood” from When The Bough Breaks:

Corruption— turning something pure and holy into something else. Something not dirty, not necessarily impure, but inherently different and earthly. Blood is human, blood is animal, blood is injury, blood is sex, blood is nourishment but only when nothing else can be eaten, blood is wrong, blood shouldn't be seen outside of the body, blood is death, blood is life. You drink water as an act of cleansing, of thirst, of health, of nourishment that is acceptable. Water is safe. Water is normal. You drink blood as an act of subversion, of hunger, of desire, of consumption. Blood is Not Safe, but that's why you drink it. And everything you touch turns water to blood. That feeling of dirtying everything you touch. That feeling of being so corrupted that you corrupt everything around you. You're tainted, you're infectious, you're no better than what corrupted you in the end. (Also going to go into more detail on the water into wine parallel but!!! It's there!!! Vessel my guy stop putting religious symbolism everywhere I can't keep up (joking)).

“Til the sweat turns to blood” from Say That You Will:

This one caught my attention immediately. One of the biblical stories of Jesus is that, prior to his sacrifice and death, he spent the night praying, begging his Father to take this burden away from him; he was so distressed by the prospect of dying in such a horrific manner that his sweat turned to blood*. Vessel frequently plays with biblical imagery but this comparison is so extreme. The singer is saying that they are approaching something that they must do but cannot, and is begging a higher power to take this from them. A great sacrifice. Pain, torture, separation from the one they love most in order to save the one they love most.  Now, I was brought up in a church, so this was naturally the first thing I thought of, but it is medically recognised. Hematohidrosis. Sweating blood when you are stressed beyond what your body can handle. Say That You Will has never been a romantic song for me, but this only cements that the relationship that is depicted in the lyrics is pushing the singer beyond what a human being can physically handle.  They are so, so swept up in this relationship that even as their body submits to the stress that they are under, they are begging for the recipient to make promises the singer knows they won't keep. Their body is failing. They are at the point of no return. Their physical self is wasting away. And yet— and yet the song sweeps, Vessel croons, to the ear it is a love ballad; but the singer is sweating blood. The singer is deeply in love, and they are sweating blood. (*like many many many bible verses, this one is up to interpretation, I'm just using it this way for the sake of analysis and comparison) (after writing this I'd finally got round to listening to the Sleep Study Podcast and The Host mentions this connection in the episode on Say That You Will, so check it out!!! Really recommend the podcast, it's so complex and well thought out.)

[crimsonkingart]

A short analysis, not complete, but still

I'm a history fucker and I did a little research yesterday, the saint on the funeral card is Saint Ivo of Brittany (1253-1303), and he is the patron saint of lawyers, judges, orphans and poor. His feast day is May 19th, the day of his death and canonization.

Matt in this scene is not only praying to the saint, but he is praying both, the saint and Foggy, because Matt is asking for their help to do the right thing, the right decision, to not lose his way in a moment of deep pain for him.

Matt is filled with anger, so much anger, that in the fourth episode he turns to Punisher for permission and absolution, because he wanted to be justified in embracing his anger.

Matt didn't need to look for Frank for the bullet, he already knew it wasn't him.

Matt is on a path that is taking him down, to embrace his anger, he will probably get revenge on Bullseye. He might even kill him.

The proof is the fact that when he calls the police for help he then hangs up saying "Fuck it".

Because just like Angela and many other people who are victims of injustice Matt is TIRED of laws that are no longer in step with society and of a state that wants us poor and ignorant.

Matt is literally taking a road similar to that of Orpheus or Dante, but there is no return from Hell, there is no love at the end of the road, there is no return for Foggy to the world of the living, there are no stars waiting for him if in the end Matt chooses to kill Bullseye.

Because justice does not mean revenge and it should never mean that.

Matt is tormented by guilt, but anger is destroying him, because the more the series goes on, the more it is obvious that he will lose control...

Just look at how he attacked the police in the second episode, with the Irish mobster and then with Muse.

Muse did not die hanging only because Matt had the goal of saving Angela, but when the fight between him and Bullseye comes, there will be nothing to hold him back.

And I would like to conclude with "the things we do for love" and it is not necessarily romantic or sexual love, think about the things you have done for friendship, for your family, for the people you care about.

Matt feels lost and the things he will do for love and compassion might not please us, and that is why he prays, he prays not to lose his humanity.

And it is very interesting because there is also a parallel with Fisk, who is holding Adam prisoner.

There is literally a parallel between Fisk/Adam and Matt/Muse, (and also with Fisk/Vanessa and Matt/Foggy) with Adam locked in a basement, an underground environment, like the subway tunnels where Muse took his victims.

Furthermore, Fisk is already something inhuman, he is a mobster, he is a piece of shit and he will do out of jealousy what all violent men do, torture his victim, in this case Adam.

Fisk, as a parallel and at the same time as a mirror of Matt, has already lost his humanity, he has a mask of a human, a good man.

And when Vanessa discovers the truth, because she probably will, will she still think that Fisk is not dangerous for her life? I doubt it.

Daredevil right now, among its subplots, doesn't just talk to us about fighting crime, about fighting men, but it talks about Matt and his heart full of love, and that love is killing him, because he lost Foggy, who was his best friend, his only constant, part of his life.

And yes, interpret it however you want, but it's still about love.

And to quote Frank: It's all about him.

P.S.: yes I ship mattfoggy, OBVIOUSLY, I shouldn't even have to justify myself, but hey, I can love cocks and write great reviews at the same time.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hey, does William and Kate's charities have similar problems: The Royal Foundation, United For Wildlife, Earthshot, Homewards, Early Childhood Center?

I don't know. We don't hear about their organizations missing deadlines for reports, paperwork, and filings, so I'm inclined to say no - the Waleses don't have a recordkeeping or a documentation problem the way the Sussexes do.

So we can really only look at what the charities are doing and producing. And what I found is that the way William and Kate have set everything up, these are not separate charities; the Royal Foundation is the charity and United for Wildlife, Earthshot, Homewards, and the Early Childhood Center are programs operated by the Royal Foundation. That's a perfectly normal set-up.

But what that means is there's only one annual report to look at for the financials: the annual report for the Royal Foundation.

This is their worksheet:

For the Royal Foundation, they report £2 million decrease from 2022 donations to 2023 donations, and they also report a similar decrease in expenses from 2022 to 2023.

Where the Royal Foundation's report differs from the Sentebale report is that they actually discuss the £2 million loss in donations; it's because the Royal Foundation received a restricted £2 million gift in 2022 specifically for Earthshot. Restricted gifts are tracked a little differently year-to-year.

(Really quick: a restricted gift means the donor directs where the money goes. An unrestricted gift means the organization decides where the money goes.)

It is interesting that their expenses dropped that much too from 2022 to 2023. The annual report discusses how a significant portion of the 2022 expenses were part of the Earthshot spin-up, and that those costs have stabilized beginning 2023.

For me, I need to see the 2024 report to tell if the Royal Foundation is losing donors like many other charities are. I suspect they are, and the Royal Foundation's report even has the same "going concern" statement where they talk about economic downturn affecting the donations and fundraising. But at the same time, I don't think the loss in income for the Royal Foundation is as consequential as other charities' because it's William and Kate.

It will also be interesting to see what happens to their expenditures too. Do they continue to decline? If so, then I would say that's a strategic choice by the Foundation and good financial stewardship with declining donations and fundraising. But if they reverse and expenditures go up, then I would say that's likely due to inflation and rising costs, and if it's paired with declining donations, then the Foundation could eventually be in trouble.

(But I think the difference there is William has plenty of his own cash that he could inject his own savings to help the Foundation balance its books, the same way that others do. But the problem there is that it's not a viable long-term solution. (I do think it's offset by the fact that the Royal Foundation is William and Kate and as William inches closer to the crown, it'll be easier to find new donors, whether it's big millionaires and billionaires making one-time donations (like the 2022 Earthshot donation) or whether it's many, many more donors making smaller donations (like what happened with their Wedding Fund).

Now if you wanted to dig into the financials for each of the programs, then you absolutely can. The Royal Foundation annual report does talk about the financials for each one, but in high-level nuts-and-bolts summaries. There are no separate worksheets or ledger accounts where you can track line by line.

For me, the differences between the Royal Foundation and SussexRoyal/MWX/Archewell is for two reasons.

The Royal Foundation seems to be more professionally managed and led, with William and Kate letting experts run the show day-to-day while they advise and do their thing while it seems like Meghan runs the show day-to-day for the Sussexes while the experts advise.

There's more scrutiny on the Sussexes' foundation. The Royal Foundation also has a lot of scrutiny, but they're also flying a bit more under the radar, and I attribute that to the Sussexes being here in the US where there's a little more transparency in the paperwork and filing processes because of disclosure laws, whereas in the UK, the Royal Foundation is very much under the BRF umbrella and that protects them from some scrutiny.

Also, don't get me wrong - Earthshot, United for Wildlife, Homewards, the Center are producing reports about their works and activities. You can find these reports on their individual websites. They just don't have their own separate financials because it all comes through the Royal Foundation.

I think that's a good way to have set things up. It limits how many people are touching the money, and usually the more hands that are in the pot, the more potential for fraud and theft. It also means that when these programs launch specific projects - like the Early Childhood Center's pilot for the distress alarm - then there has to be a strong proposal with solid justification for the Royal Foundation to disburse the money. So it's like an extra check and they're just not giving money willy-nilly to pet projects.

Here is the Royal Foundation's most recent annual report, for calendar year 2023:

Also a big congratulations to Amy Pickerill, who had a baby in 2023! The annual report cites that she was on maternity leave for most of the year.